/lit/ - Literature

What was the last book you alluded to in your writing?

>>20608165
I don't know if the Project Emily anon is here but I'm going to read it now. I'll post a review later.
>>20608178
Zappfe's the Last Messiah.

>>20608178
mine is loosely based on Randall Carlson's theories on the younger dryas humans. so I guess magicians of the gods by graham handcock but I've never read it

>>20608187
Ostra stood on a path between two oceans. A storm threatened to suck him out to sea. He felt like he had been to this place. Rain pelted his face but he could not wipe his eyes. He held a lidded pot. He could not let it go nor set it down because it would cause him anguish. The sun burst through the storm scattering the clouds.
Ostra jumped awake looking about. He saw Tsiqui sleeping with her long hair tied back and the back of her thumb on her lips. He brushed back the loose strains from her face and then got up rushing toward the mouth of the cave.
Tsiqui woke and looked about Ostra had gone. She wrapped one of the furs about herself feeling the cool air where he kept her warm. She wondered why she liked him. Yesterday she could not stop thinking about how much she adored him, but now she felt like he was rash and immature. “How could he just rush off without me?”
She chided herself realizing that she was just being like the fussy redbirds who sometimes become overwhelmed in their mating rituals. Since she was raised by Wakipam her knowledge of just being human lacked, let alone what experiences females should have. She would need to talk with Ostra maybe he could explain her feelings.
“Tsiqui!”
She looked up seeing only the darkness of the cave.
“Tsiqui!”
She heard the sound of feet running on stone. By the faint glow of the moss, she saw Ostra bounding toward her.
“Ostra we really need-”
“Tsiqui you must come.”
Before she could continue Ostra pulled her to her feet. Sighing, she followed him with gritted teeth. He took her to the entrance and she folded her arms.
“What?”
He looked at her with a tilt of his head. His long hair resting on his shoulders like a mane upon the mustangs. His olive skin looked so smooth and radiant. His white teeth were barely visible in his slightly parted mouth. He pointed.
Tsiqui’s eyes dilated and she gasped. Looking up through the entrance poured golden light. They had no torches no moss yet they could see each other. She looked at Ostra and all her doubts melted away.
“I love you…”
She whispered it realizing this truth with her whole heart for the first time. He smiled showing that amazing smile of his.
“You love me?”
“Yes, I always have…”
“Then that must make us husband and wife for I love you more than this sunlight.”
She kissed him with tears rolling down her cheeks. She kissed his whole face from his forehead to his brow to each of his cheeks to his lips. She pulled back.
“You must not ever leave me again.”
“Very well, come.”
Ostra held out his hand and lead her out into the new sky.

Have any of you actually received valuable feedback in these threads? Near as I can tell, most of you are mouth-breathing retards who just want to discourage others.
So if someone ever did get useful feedback, please share it. I know I never did.

>>20608196
First attempt I got noting. Second attempt a drunk guy gave me some vague feedback.

>>20608196
My horse fucker story had a seanigger telling me I should have my incel protagonist talking about pussy at the gym.
Others gave some nice compliments on my prose, which surprised me, but never any real critique.

>>20608196
ive gotten great feedback. if you stick through the harsh critics and actually attempt to write something worth reading then you will get praise. I think I've really improved thanks to these threads

>>20608193
fug im just noticing that i repeated certain words too many times

>>20608184
I read Ligotti's Conspiracy Against the Human Race earlier this year, how much would I get out of reading Zapffe? One of the characters in my story is a pessimist but he never outright explains his feelings since he has an agenda. Long story short he is one of many AI created by a pessimist to encourage humans to end consciousness before the big dumb thing happens. By the time the story starts it's already happened so our pessimist friend is quite upset that it might be too late to "save the world."

>>20608196
Just wait for my reviews. I'm super helpful.
You just have to be able to deal with being called a bitch and not get too upset about it.

>>20608251
But you are a tripfag

>>20608251
Okay, nigger fag.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/436962/a-hero-among-monsters/
Tell me how to write a better first chapter.

>>20608295
Have you considered coming up with your own language for your goblin things? I don't know, just feels so unnatural without one.

>>20608295
Begining of first chapter, no glaring red flags so far. I'll get a review posted for you some time tomorrow.

>>20608165
Exceptionally fucking amazing tastes for OP image. It's literally my phone lock screen background.
Who are some impressionist writers? Henry James?

>>20608321
I appreciate it. Multiple people have told me that it’s a bad first chapter because it fails to intrigue them or promise anything beyond bog-standard fantasy cliches. Although I suspect those people just wanted to insult it for being genre fic in the first place.

>story is about people being summoned to be used as slaves
>one of my protagonists is to be sent to help administer a brothel
>remember that it's in the best interest of their captors to keep a tight control of their slave population
>this means that he'll have to be castrated because they only tolerate him due to the potential they saw in him for performing that job and don't want him to have any kids running around
>don't actually want to do this to him
What do?

>>20608363
He's allowed to keep his since he's such a good boy. Others in his position are not so lucky.

>>20608363
there's an ancient chinese trick to where you shove your balls back into your body so that it appears you don't have balls. this was for defensive reasons. iirc, you have to practice this from a young age

>>20608363
Make him a bull I guess

Is it okay if I possibly maybe perhaps think about considering posting my story idea here but I don’t want to give too many details about it for fear it might be stolen but I do need help could you help me with it I tell you really vague abstractions of my idea which I’ve been world building for a decade?

>>20608196
I've received helpful feedback and also given feedback that anons have found helpful
The trick is actually being open to critique and listening when multiple anons tell you about your weak points
I don't recommend asking for critique if you aren't prepared to process it with some maturity and humility rather than going on the defensive
>>20608390
Just post it

>>20608363
This makes me think how in the Ottoman empire the only people that could come close to the Sultan were Christians, blacks, women, children and eunuchs. The Christians being that the Muslim Sultan saw them as pacifists, and blacks as laborers not interested in ruling, but any other man that could bear children was a potential usurper. Perhaps take that angle when dealing with the speculation from the brothel.

Not that you should change the background, but perhaps the character claims he's a monk and vowed celibacy or maybe one character believes this without him saying anything and just tells everyone oh yeah, that guy is a monk. No need to make him a eunuch.

>>20608390
Someone post the seether image, please.

How do I edit?

>>20608235
If you, like me, don't speak Norwegian, then the most you'll get out of Zappfe is the short essay "The Last Messiah." It's a good essay, and Zappfe's perspective on consciousness and life is pretty different from most other authors. I would definitely say go for it. It's only 10 or so pages. Helped me cope a lot.

>>20608363
make him a woman
>summoned to brothel
sucks for you, bitch

>>20608423
The problem is you assholes think calling someone an autistic retard and shitting on them for writing sci-fi or fantasy is valuable feedback which should be wholly accepted, otherwise it’s defensive sperging.

>>20608455
I have not done that and I was speaking with that rape anon in mind

>>20608390
Either its too good for us or its not, if you want our help then you gotta put your ideas out there. I have zero interest in writing someone else's story

>>20608455
If someone is writing a Japanese style light novel with guilds and skill trees I'm going to shit on that idea just like I shit on people who make noise and drone music in /mu/

>>20608208
>Thursday night and the feeling's right
>pour myself a gin & tonic, log into 4channel.org/lit/wg
>immediately see reference my last drunken posting session

I may have a problem. Whatever I told you anon, I meant it genuinely. Post again if you want more feedback - just ask for Neolithic fic anon and I'll prioritize you.

>>20608196
I've gotten some fantastic feedback from these threads. You just have to realize it's a crapshoot and sometimes you'll get no replies, one retarded reply, or a dozen replies including a legit editor.

>>20608386
He doesn't have the physique for that, but I do wanted him to be the one to introduce pornography to that world.

>>20608371
>>20608424
He's a really belligerent person and that's not information that he'll have easily available on his first days when he would be getting snipped, but he is also perceptive and a quick thinker so there might be a way out here.
Thanks, anons.

>>20608446
Not a bad idea haha, but being a guy was kind of important for him.

>>20608390
>I don’t want to give too many details about it for fear it might be stolen
Does this ever happen? I swear I've gotten ideas stolen through the ether more often than through the internet.

>>20608512
>I've gotten some fantastic feedback from these threads. You just have to realize it's a crapshoot and sometimes you'll get no replies, one retarded reply, or a dozen replies including a legit editor.
This

My book is satire and racist.
I take 0 responsibility for representing minorities accurately.

>>20608512
https://litter.catbox.moe/sh2m9w.pdf

Please read my Chinaman story, I'm desperate for some feedback. you can just skip to whatever chapter you want. I really need a beta reader from someone.

I also learned a lot of people HATE historical fiction and want Fantasy.

>>20608184
please be nice.

>>20608535
>fantasy party's lancer is an al-aqsa tv-tier jewish caricature
oh oh we're in trouble

>>20608363
>story is about people being summoned to be used as slaves
>one of my protagonists is to be sent to help administer a brothel
I'm just going to say having a man sent as a slave to help administer a brother - not as a bouncer or something - makes no sense. Really it makes no sense to have a slave brought in to help administer anything. A woman may work but only if she was sold as a prostitute initially, but then she demonstrates the ability to read and write and do math and so she's spared the role of prostitute and becomes the owner's sort of higher class slave.

https://litter.catbox.moe/fl8170.pdf

Can someone give me ANY reason to not drop my Adah story completely and press the delete button on my drive? I know it's shit, but I have a lingering attachment to it after all these months. I think it's because I wrote 50 pages of it... Is it salvageable?

>>20608571
delet ur life lmao gottem
but seriously deleting shit is retarded]/spoiler]

>>20608165
okay retards, help me out. Story about a pilot going down in the countryside of enemy country, being helped by a village girl, in the end everything works out. setting is 1930s and it is short as fuck, plus it's meant for children. What name would be good enough? As of the moment it is The aviator and the girl, but it sounds terrible

>>20608571
>"Fine… Darius, you win," Adah replied, "I'll let you taste me."
you know, only big writers can write about their sexual fantasies without looking like retards

>>20608570
It's honestly so he can have a starting point to do the sort of shady businesses that will help him get out of that situation and because he is good at keeping books and with logistics. I could always change it to something else, but I also need him there so he can meet with another character that gets dropped there some time later.

>>20608615
Could you post the story?

>>20608615
Titles need to reflect the feel of the story. Usually something small reference like "Crashing in Tulips"

>>20608634
Even then its awful look at you clive barker.

>>20608634
oh c'mon at least get to the part where she bashes his head in.

>>20608165
I'm trying to design a fantasy setting for my stories, but I'm kind of stumped on the matter of the gods, especially since I want them to actually exist in the world rather than just being mythical beings. What should I make sure to keep in mind for this, and are there any mistakes that you see writers making with their gods that one should avoid at all costs?

>>20608512
>>20608165
Thanks. Here it is again. Made a decently sized update to one chapter.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1MTDr2HHL-gdg834ffPrzwzPEcFZSSFOc?usp=sharing

Would like feed back from more anons if possible.

>>20608537
You will never get a single beta reader for this tome. It's over 90 pages. Nobody will ever finish it. Just give up and pay some indian on fivver to fuck it up

>>20608424
>the only people that could come close to the Sultan were Christians, blacks, women, children and eunuchs
Were all his personal guards eunuchs as well?

>>20608537
After I do the first chapter of that one anons goblin story I'll do the same for you.
If I happen to like it enough to finish then I'll finish it.

>>20608537
Only a few pages in and interested. Synopsis?

>>20608726
I don't think so, they had a specific job to do but the people in the court that helped with political and matters and general living were the groups I described. This also made the Sultan generally ignorant of his Muslim constituency because he was too afraid to know what they cared about or get involved in it.

>>20608671
nah, it is in Portuguese, besides it's on paper. I like to read to kids in school on my free time, way better than writing high fantasy to strangers who couldn't care less about it.
>>20608672
"Crashing in Tulips", I like that. The name of the plane is mosquito, so I was thinking something like "Fly on the web" but something about the setting and what happened is way better. "The flier who couldn't walk" or "The plane which fell from a tree" may work because it is silly and it will make them want to understand it, but yours is safer option, thank you.
>>20608680
>>20608571
you either write for yourself or others. I would recommend start with 30 pages stories to others, taking feedback and writing more while writing a story for yourself, no correction or editing, just writing your ideas. When you become better you can just revisit the idea and write in full about it.

>>20608726
they were sons of poor Christians with no blood relations to "nobles" or anyone with power, though that made them their own power, they even killed sultans and appointed others to the job

>>20608745
Three men from different parts of America come together to achieve the American Dream during a post-Gold Rush California. The men grapple with racism, social class, political issues, and Reconstruction policy. I'm seriously thinking of rewriting it a bit to include a 4th guy, or making the Dixie into some random German immigrant.

>>20608431
No, please don't... >>20608390 is clearly just trolling.

>>20608860
Might be better to overlap when possible, but didn't most Germans migrate north to Yankee territory?

>>20608958
Yea, but there's always one or two. That's why I need a beta reader, it's only about 50k words right now, but I also feel the Dixie more or less takes care of unwanted white people. If anything there should probably be an old Spanish remnant living in the mission. But I only can think of a single chapter with the character and they're more situated in Southern California.

>>20608672
Dont' do this. Everyone will be thinking it's Tulip Mania.

>>20608691
>The halls of the Bellview apartment block were quiet excepting the only sound that could be heard. A sound of gently whistling wind from beyond the aged brick and plaster. Even the opening of the front door when Clarissa Marchetti silently stepped inside was so quiet that no one within touching distance could have heard her. She turns her head and sees that the reception desk was closed. A sight providing her with great relief and a sizeable helping of confidence. Enough to dispel any shaking she felt in her thoughts and emotions. Though the shaking was already minimal. All she had to do was think of Alex and his new relationship and, especially, the other woman involved in it. Just that thought alone was more than enough to bring her here and to keep her moving through the foyer before she reached the stairs and slowly ascend them in steps as silent as the dark.

Sorry anon, you need to make this way more readable with grammar fixes before I can continue. This sounds like a draft from someone that has read nothing but books their High School Teacher assigned and did not pay any attention to any of them

>>20608987
Wordcount is higher than I thought. Have an email I can send you thoughts?

>>20608691
>Attached some thoughts on the opening, mostly just commenting on the need for Specificity. Need clear/flavorful visuals even it it slows down the story. Watch some of the ShaelinWrites tutorials on Youtube for enjoyable tips which help me too.
>My other issue is regarding the POV: it's very confusing to me as it feels very floaty and not grounded in the MC who I believe to be the man but it's just not clear. It has a 3rd omniscient elements (foreshadowing dialogue at the start) yet I didn't feel a strong 'voice of the narrator' was telling the story. I'd suggest committing harder to 3rd omnicient with a really clear narrator voice or more towards 3rd limited bound tightly to his view in the moment, the time jumping yet feeling like 3rd limited just wasn't working for me here.

>>20608615
>Down, Not Out
>Two Between
>Falling Heroes

>>20609062
just pastebin your thoughts and i'll read it off there.

>>20609104
At 90 pages, might be a few days. I do other things in addition to being a beta reading whore.

>>20609113
that's fine. Thanks a million anon. I was really close to paying some fivver pajeet, but after RC Walden's fiasco I'm hesitant to go with fivver.

ESL writers, do you think of your character dialogue initially in English or in your own language? If I develop it in English, the process is considerably slower and sometimes I miss out on more specific expressions and slangs that could add further characterization since I wanna play it safe when it comes to my understanding on their frequency and variation usage in english, but when I develop it in my own language I must go through the hurdle of translating it to english and recalibrating the word choice to give the writing the exact same vibes. I'm parted between these methods.

>>20609136
OK, just ctrl+f "chinaman" in /wg/ and I'll try to use that word in the review. Might be a few days.

>>20609178
I've been using the anglo-web for so long that my thoughts in general are in english like a good 3/4 of the time.

>>20609195
My thoughts are mostly in english too, but my dreams and nightmares are exclusively portuguese-voiced and sometimes when I unconsciously speak to myself the phrase comes off in varying languages. It's as if I was one of those ambidextrous kids with motor complications.

>>20608165
I'm trying to come up with some cool magic that can manipulate Space, what are some good secondary powers/kinds of magic that you've seen or can come up with besides creating portals/teleporting, summoning, Gravity manipulation, and the like? Someone else suggested mini-black holes, but that seems a bit OP.

>>20608860
>The men grapple with racism

>>20609262
Space-temporal distortions is where you should be aiming at

>>20609262
Manipulating quantum states of particles could allow one to access spontaneous reactions by inserting some degree of instability into space by adjusting its probabilities. In essence you are manipulating the paths of electrons and changing what they are likely to do.

Putting together the query package and low key want to die
please God i've worked like a madman, just let me find success

>>20609446
If I get digits you're GMI.

>>20609446
If digits you end up as a gay furry smut writer

>>20609446
If I get digits you'll get published

>>20609446
If I get digits WAGMI

>>20609446
if I get digits you'll achieve success and renown but only posthumously, after spending a lifetime toiling unknown and unseen

Lol you guys stop this. You can't even get a dub, and you think you'll get to see any success as a writer in your pitiful, pathetic life?

You know what a running theme in my story is? The grounded being able to equal the abstract. The characters all have incredible powers, but some just sound very simple or even useless on paper, but are fucking OP in practice. For example
>Guy who's power is that he's a plant
VS
>Guy who's basically a flesh-beast that can cause mutations in people
The plant guy wins. How? Simple, he just massively turns up the C02 absorption and gives the other guy oxygen poisoning. Shit like that.

>>20608334
I’m generally someone who hates fantasy. The opening chapter of your story however, was pretty tolerable. Tad is instantly relatable which is what makes this work for me and what fantasy writers usually fail to do. So props to you there.
Your prose is generally good, giving a decent impression of what everything is while keeping a quick pace.
I got a little lost during the orc fight, maybe due to not really knowing what the dreadlord is and why they were fighting about it, or the fact that (another issue I have with fantasy) the weird names kind of blended together in my mind, so I had a little trouble keeping track of who was in the fight and which of the weird names I was suppose to care more about. I did get that Tad recognized the one and was fan-boying over him.
All in all not a bad first chapter. The criticism that it “fails to promise anything beyond bog-standard fantasy cliches” is certainly unwarranted. I’m getting the idea of a fantasy world being explored through the eyes of a tiny fanboy, which could turn out to be amusing. I’m sure he’ll get put on some cliche quest and blablabla, but you know, he is a likable character so I might not mind the usual fantasy quest through his eyes.
So good job, bitch. You get the Sange stamp of approval.

>>20609446
If digits only I make it and no one else does

if digits, I will rewrite, revise, and post, my fantasy book starting tomorrow.

Had a dream about people in the future being able to travel to the past, and vice versa, with disasterous consequences

Anyone know of any books like this?
I.e. people in the present or future, interacting and mingling with people of the past or the ancient past?

>>20609773
butterfly effect books.

>>20608571
Just put it in a folder and forget about it. Years later, when you (hopefully) have more skill, you can revisit it and see what can be salvaged.

>The feeling that the work is magnificent, and the feeling that it is abominable, are both mosquitoes to be repelled, ignored, or killed, but not indulged

>>20608178
Wrote this last night. Isekei novel. The MC Wyatt is attacked by a wraith, sent to fetch him from across a dimensional barrier, and now he's in a fantasy world. The guy who summoned him is filling him in, explaining what's happened. Which provokes this reaction:
>Wyatt nodded, his expression sage. “So, this is a hallucination, right? The guy in the black hoodie is choking me out and my dying brain has gone all An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge. Like any moment I'm going to snap to and realize I'm dead.”

>>20609317
I was thinking that space and time magics would be different, but do go on please. How would I do these distortions beyond shit like random wormholes?

>>20609324
So basically it would force random chance into being less random? Cool. Have anything else? What about shit like this for Time-based magic?

>>20608196
>Have any of you actually received valuable feedback in these threads?
Plenty of times. Often when I'm stuck on some bit of phrasing, I'll post a sentence here and get some really good ideas. Often there's some really obvious solution I can't see because of my perspective, and some anon will be like "why not just do X?" and I'm like "Brilliant."

> Near as I can tell, most of you are mouth-breathing retards who just want to discourage others.
coughSangecough

>>20608483
Hey fuck you, buddy. Nobody in that thread was giving me useful critique. Mostly it was just Sange being a bucket of shit. The only reasonable, informed comments in that whole discussion were from the anons pointing out that none of you chucklefucks understand or apply "show, not tell" correctly.

Remember, most of that thread was Sange claiming my story and writing were absolute shit without any explanation after also claiming he only read the first sentence and was basing his entire opinion on my use of the phrase "half-naked," and he couldn't even explain his issue with it.

Sange is a stupid, moronic fucking cockroach, and if you think I should have listened to his idiotic drivel, then you're as stupid as he is.

Also, open invitation to the cowardly piece of shit to post his own writing. We all know he won't because he's a fucking terrible writer with a clumsy, immature grasp of language and grammar. He's a fucking poseur, he knows it, we know it, everybody knows it.

>>20609990
You seem to be a little upset.
Sorry about that.

Day 19
Locked down another chapter
Still discovering incoherent sentences.
I fear I may always be a literary potato.

>>20610015
I am upset. I could really use a laugh. Hey, I know, why don't you post some of your writing?

>>20610030
>I am upset. I could really use a laugh. Hey, I know, why don't you post some of your writing?
Heh, I see what you did there.

This is going to fly over your head a bit, but I really would get nothing out of doing that. I already have a group I work with so I don't need /lit/ anons critiquing my shit.
I also tend not to give my work proper editing until I'm at a point with a project that I wish to publish it. Furthermore, I don't want my professional persona intermingled with my Sange persona so any of my main projects that have either been published or had proper editing in anticipation of publishing I am not posting here.

I have some writings I'm pretty sure I'll never publish that I COULD post here, but if I end up changing my mind I will no longer be able to publish them, so why would I take that risk?

You are this emotional hours after I shit on a fic that I didn't even bother to read, so what does that say about you? Why would I care to prove anything to you? And don't you think there is a little irony that you point out I haven't read it and yet you are still this upset?

Get a grip, and get into some more wholesome fetishes. I recommend yuri ear cleaning. That's wholesome as shit.

>>20610023
Its like that bro. Find some good beta readers and keep grinding. You'll get there.

>>20610053
>This is going to fly over your head a bit, but I really would get nothing out of doing that.
Oh, I'm sure you have plenty of great excuse, but we all know it's because you're a shit writer and posting your own material would make that painfully obvious to everyone. You're not a professional, published author. You're a lying poseur and a fraud. Your attempts at subterfuge and deception are a lot clumiser than you realize.

>You are this emotional hours after I shit on a fic that I didn't even bother to read, so what does that say about you?
That I have an intense dislike of disingenuous shitbags. You just explained why I hate you, and why everyone should hate you. You shit all over my story that you admit you didn't even read.

You are a pathetic fucking joke, and if you had an ounce of decency in your entire worm body, you would kill yourself in shame. You are fucking subhuman. Dumb animals are better people than you, you festering bag of horse shit.

>>20610076
>You are a pathetic fucking joke, and if you had an ounce of decency in your entire worm body, you would kill yourself in shame. You are fucking subhuman. Dumb animals are better people than you, you festering bag of horse shit.
Anon, you're trying to hard again.

>>20610053
>I have some writings I'm pretty sure I'll never publish that I COULD post here, but if I end up changing my mind I will no longer be able to publish them, so why would I take that risk?
Also, this is total bullshit. Posting a snippet of a work in progress won't prevent you from being able to publish things later.

You could post 500 words from anything you wrote and it wouldn't prevent you from publishing -- which you would already know if you weren't a lying fraud poseur -- but you won't, because your dumb ass can't even manage to string three sentences together in a coherent manner, as you demonstrated by your pathetic (and widely mocked) attempts to "improve" my writing by adding basic grammar errors and superfluous, purple description.

You're a coward and a fraud. That, and only that, is why you won't post your writing. Actual writing talent cannot be faked as part of a trolling effort, which is why you will never show us your writing. It would instantly reveal you as the ignorant, talentless hack you are.

>>20610089
Sange, I'm a writer (unlike you). Florid insults don't actually require any effort on my part. I just open the tap and it flows out. That's what happens when you're an actual writer, and not a lying hack fraud.

I wrote a 194-word sentence.

>>20610097
>You could post 500 words from anything you wrote and it wouldn't prevent you from publishing -- which you would already know if you weren't a lying fraud poseur
>I don't want my professional persona intermingled with my Sange persona

Remember when I said it was going to fly over your head?


But who knows, stick around for a while and I might eventually post something here. Maybe.

>Florid insults don't actually require any effort on my part.
>He actually thinks that was well written.

>>20610101
The record in English is 1,287 words.

>>20610113
>Remember when I said it was going to fly over your head?
Yes, that was bluster to hide your cowardice. Yellow motherfuckers always got an excuse why they can't put up.

>He actually thinks that was well written.
So now we add "florid" to the list of words about writing that Sange, the writing expert, doesn't know the definition of. Hint: When someone describes their own writing as florid, they aren't saying it is well-written. Moron.

>TFW you've been laying down the details for your plot but haven't been able to think of how the opening would grab the reader until now
Now to write it and see how it goes, the sentence I have in mind sounds weird as fuck.

>>20610114
I can't do that.

How do you guys come up with a striking opening sentence anyway?

>>20610157
Matter of fact delivery of something odd. See 100 Years of Solitude.

>>20610162
Will check it out, thanks. The idea I want to convey is that people begin the day celebrating the hundredth anniversary of an evil being's defeat as they've done every year, but it carries the implication that someone who shows up at the end changes the way things are forever.

>>20610176
>>20610176
So you are attempting to give the reader an impression of the scenario while also foreshadowing? There's probably something related to a particular event in the celebration. Like, point out 100 candles that would not be getting lit that evening, or something like that.

>>20610200
The idea I'm going with is that the song sung to open the celebration is different from the one everyone remembers, which makes sense because the character doing this is a central figure. This is my approach to counter a problem that seems to prevail in a lot of opening aspiring fantasy stories which is giving out too much info at once in a stiff way instead of letting the reader notice instantly that something's bound to happen when the celebration ends.

>>20609446
If this post gets a 333, then you will end up reading Among Us Fanfiction against your will.

>>20609057
> The halls of the Bellview apartment block were quiet, except for the only sound that any person who resided in the apartments could hear: gently whistling wind from beyond the aged brick and plaster. Even the front door's opening when Clarissa Marchetti silently stepped inside was so quiet that no one within touching distance could have heard her. She turned her head and saw that the reception desk was closed.
The sight provided her with great relief and a sizeable helping of confidence, dispelling any shaking she felt in her thoughts and emotions. However, the vibration affecting them was already minimal. All she had to do was think of Alex and his new relationship, especially the other woman involved. Just that thought alone was enough to bring her here and keep her moving through the foyer, with her instinctual alertness being the most active that it could be. She reached the stairs and slowly ascended them in steps as silent as the dark.
>>20609069
Thanks, anon. I described Bart because I thought it would help pant a clearer picture for the reader.

I like protagonists who are completely evil. Not the cartoonishly fun sort of evil, but a facsimile of true evil, the kind that burrows into the soul, leaving even a completely unrelated person feeing hollow upon hearing of its work. My question is, is this sort of protagonist too niche for any reader to want to continue reading on?

>>20610358
Depends, what is the rest of your story about? Personally something like this might be too tiring or otherwise unsatisfying to read so I'd like to know what you mean by true evil in your execution.

>try writing erotic literature
>spend several minutes editing a line so that it gets my dick in just the right way
>the line is perfected
>instantly coom
>can't work on it for the rest of the day
how do I solve this?

>>20610373
No fap.

>>20610358
The only book I've ever read that I liked, thought the writing was great, and yet did not finish was Joyce Carol Oates' "Zombie."

"Zombie" is a fictionalized account of the Jeffery Dahlmer story, told entirely from the perspective of Dahlmer. He's a creepy gay dude who wants to turn some other dude into his mindless sex slave through chemical lobotimization.

The book was absolutely riveting, couldn't put it down. Main character was loathsome and disgusting, absolute vile...and kind of sad and pathetic. But Oates really made you feel how important his brainless sex slave was to him, and it was impossible to not get invested in the story.

So...why didn't I finish it? Because I got almost to the end, 5 pages left to read, and I put it down. Because I didn't know if he was going to get away with his crimes or not, and the idea that he might get away disturbed me so much that I decided that the last five pages depict the police busting down his door and riddling him with bullets. Because that way I can sleep at night.

>>20610380
I'm sold.
Thanks, anon.

>>20610389
Go fuck yourself, Sange. A hack fraud like you won't be able to appreciate it.

>>20609952
I like the Bierce reference but the wording feels clunky. Maybe there's another way you can refer to that story, or perhaps shorten the term to "Owl Creek Bridge" or even coin your own term to describe it like a "gallows delusion."

>>20608165
>It's better to be simple and condensed instead of overcomplicating things
Do you agree with this?

>>20610396
https://youtu.be/ToQVoyWWluQ

Stop highjacking the thread, rape-anon.

>>20610379
why would I write erotica then?

>>20610444
Because I write it and I haven't coomed since March.

>>20610440
Stop responding to my comments, asshole. Everytime you respond to one of my comments, I'm going to tell you to get fucked. Then I'm going to remind everyone you're a dishonest piece of shit who can't write. And then I'm going to remind everyone that you're a pathetic coward who is so terrified of being exposed for the fraud you are that, despite being a name-fagging attention whore, you won't post any of your writing.

Because everyone, yourself included, know you can't write, because you're a fucking deluded, self-important, namefagging fraud and poseur and you are incapable of writing so much as an interesting paragraph.

Now do us all a favor and fellate a lit stick of dynamite, you fucking spoiled diaper golem.

>>20609773
>>20609786
A Sound of Thunder, by Ray Bradbury. Classic example of this.

>>20610453
Never knew calling someones shit rape fic shit could make someone so mad.

>>20610413
>perhaps shorten the term to "Owl Creek Bridge"
That's probably a good idea, I think I'll do just that.

>>20610459
Again, it's not that you called it shit, it's that you didn't bother to read it before you called it shit. Which means you weren't even trying to offer a critique, you were just trying to hurt my feelings.

That's cool. But I wasn't put on this planet to be your punching bag, you insecure, pathetic, anti-social fucking degenerate. I, like all people, deserve to be treated better than to be attacked and insulted just so you can puff up your fragile, delicate ego.

You want to treat people like that? Then don''t be surprised when they fucking hate you. You don't want to afford me even the most basic respect and dignity? You want to treat me like your own personal doormat?

Well fuck you, you sack of dogshit., I will fucking murder you for that. Cowards like you only exist on the internet, because in real life if you acted like you do here, you would be hospitalized every other week. Because you're fucking piece of shit,

Now do the world a favor and kill yourself, you worthless, useless pile of human-shaped crap.

>>20610466
Jesus dude, alright I'm sorry I tried to hurt you. Seriously though it's the internet, you gotta learn to roll with the punches a little better than that.

>>20610494
Fuck you. No. I don't have to learn to put up with your abusive personality, you fucking pile of dog shit. You do not have ANY right to treat other people that way. No one on this planet exists so that you can make them feel like shit about themselves for your amusement.

You have the mentality of an abusive narcisist. You think other people are in the wrong when they don't smile and take your abuse. They're not. You're in the wrong. You're a shitstain, and if you're not willing to better yourself (and you are clearly too fucking arrogant and self-involved to do any such thing), then -- and I am 100% serious when I say this -- you should do the rest of us a favor and KILL YOURSELF.

If the only way you can function in society is if other people agree to tolerate you abusing them, then you are fucking garbage and we don't need you. If you can't or won't fix yourself, then for the love of humanity, kill yourself.

This guy still at it?

>>20610522
>Gives a lecture on abusive behavior.
>Uses abusive language.
>Fantasies about rape, an abusive sex act.

>>20610609
It's not abuse when you hitting back at someone who is attacking you.

Also, while Sange -- who admits to not reading past the first line -- characterizes my story as a rape fic, that would be a mischaracterization. No actual rape occurs in the story. Sange would have known that had he bothered to actually read what he was criticizing, but he's an arrogant piece of shit completely in love with his own opinions, so naturally he thinks it's fair and reasonable to categorize and criticize things he refuses to read.

It would be more accurate to describe it as a story about a rape victim who, having lost the will to live, discovers new purpose when her rapist attempts to humiliate and demean her by forcing her to have sex with an animal. His agenda is thwarted when instead of being psychically destroyed, she finds love and rediscovers her will to live.

>>20610076
Out of curiousity, are you the anon who was seething about the scholarship for brown people going to white women?

>>20610712
Nope. That is a topic I have no opinion on or interest in.

>>20610632
>It would be more accurate to describe it as a story about a rape victim who, having lost the will to live, discovers new purpose
>>20610632
>Dude, c'mon. It's a four-page story about a girl having sex with an owlbear.
>It's a four-page story about a girl having sex with an owlbear.
>It's a story about a girl having sex with an owlbear.
>a girl having sex with an owlbear.
>having sex with an owlbear.
>sex with an owlbear.
>sex with an owlbear.
>sex with an owlbear.
>owlbear.

>>20610632
>It would be more accurate to describe it as a story about a rape victim who, having lost the will to live, discovers new purpose
>>20604592
>Dude, c'mon. It's a four-page story about a girl having sex with an owlbear.
>It's a four-page story about a girl having sex with an owlbear.
>It's a story about a girl having sex with an owlbear.
>a girl having sex with an owlbear.
>having sex with an owlbear.
>sex with an owlbear.
>sex with an owlbear.
>sex with an owlbear.
>owlbear.

>>20610735
Well, yeah. It's a story about a rape victim who, having lost the will to live, discovers new purpose...when she has sex with an owlbear.

I mean, I'm not saying it's not an absurd and ridiculous premise, I'm just saying it's not a story about a rape.

In fact, one of the things that pissed me off about last nights Sange-lead dogpile is that a few chowderheads who don't understand "show, don't tell" went into histrionics because I included some summarizing telling of the backstory in the opening paragraphs, which is NOT a problem with the story, and absolutely NOBODY had anything to say about the actual meat of the story, which is where my actual concerns are.

Did I successfully convey Olivia's transition from a frightened victim to an enthusiastic participant? I'm quite open to the idea that I didn't and that I could improve on that section. But instead, I got Sange throwing a temper tantrum and lashing out at me because the word "half-naked" causes him some sort of existential crisis.

>>20610751
>I got Sange throwing a temper tantrum
>glaces up thread.
Uuuuhhh... me?

But no, that's not quite accurate. I laid into you a bit deep with my initial post, sure, but I also gave alternatives because I think you could have done better than 'half-naked girl'. I may have been nicer if you did not already reject everyone else who tried to review your work, which you continue to do. I'm guessing you won't be satisfied until someone deeply analyzes your bestiality rape scene, which is grossly obnoxious behavior, yet you don't see that and will continue to blame everyone else for behaving poorly.

You mischaracterized the suggestions I did give by saying I said you should focus solely on cracked lips. Which was entirely inaccurate, that's not even close to what I said.

I admitted my view on 'half-naked girl' sucking was subjective and you could have left it at that, but you are now nearly twenty-four hours into raging about it. I even admitted I didn't put much effort into reading your story, it didn't interest me (I'm not interested in rape, whether it leads to a soul-searching journey or no), so it was lazy critique. You could have left it at that, but you continue to drag this on.
You then made this into some kind of pistols-at-dawn challenge demanding that I show some of my writing, which I have no interest in doing just to satisfy you. If I post something on this site it's because I want feedback, not because I'm answering some stupid challenge.

However, I did do a quick rewrite of your opening paragraphs, so if you want a sample of my writing there you go, tear into it. There is a typo in there and it's probably not that great, but I do believe it's better than what you had. If you disagree, fine. You can take it or leave it, that's up to you.

>>20610795
Nicely done, but the title is actually "L'Amante Dell'Orsogufo"

>>20610875
I take it you're unfamiliar with the original?

>>20610896
>A Canadian best seller
There you go, rape-anon, all you have to do is market it in Canada. Apparently there is a market for this kind of thing over there.

>>20610814
>But no, that's not quite accurate.
Dude, you're an admitted liar who has demonstrated a clear willingness to twist facts and lie to bolster your position. What you think is "accurate" is irrelevant. You're a disgusting, disreputable and dishonest shit acting in bad faith.

You have nothing of value to contribute to this forum. You have made your absolute lack of integrity and honesty apparent to everyone.

Shut up. Nobody gives a shit what a lying poseur like you have to say. Your word is worthless.

>However, I did do a quick rewrite of your opening paragraphs,
And I and several other anons told you that your efforts made the text worse and you were embarrassing yourself. Because you're a shit writer, and you have no talent.

Seriously, you're a waste of time and space. The only productive contribution you can make to human society is to kill yourself.

So get it to, shitpile. Remember, cut up and down along the wrist, only pussies cut across.

https://pastebin.com/FzqkgVkd
Feedback is appreciated, of course.

>>20610727
>>20610735
>>20610751
>>20610795
>>20610814
>>20610915
Go make a discord to fag out in. It's been 24 hours of you both spamming the same shit flinging at each other.

>>20610917
Same issues as almost every other poster - need more concrete language/specificity. Too many damn ellipses and stutters.

>>20610751
Look, if you have a chapter about a woman being kidnapped by rapist ninjas who grab her from the front door you can’t just open with some shitting telling like “Marilyn crossed the room to answer a knock at the door.” You need to expound on that action for paragraphs on end. Is it a wood floor:? Carpeted? Are there stains? What does Marilyn think about the stains? What’s the story behind them? Is there a dark splotch where her former husband (now living with his boyfriend) puked up after drinking on New Year’s Eve where he became peculiarly randy with a young man and so now every time she notes it she feels a bit of revulsion? How does the light coming in through the window hit the floor? Is it barred as if through Venetian blinds or tinted red because of the thin curtain she inherited from her mother and its shade reminds her of the rouge that a young woman she experiment with in college used to wear?
How does she cross the room? Quick, light, barefooted steps or plodding with thick slippers on as though the door symbolizes the oppression of the patriarchy and every time she opens it she’s figuratively, literally being raped as though opening her legs wide for all of the world to penetrate her. which is ironic considering that she is about to taken into sex slavery by evil ninjas from the orient.
Of course, you must do all of this without every referring to the floor or curtains or even her memories because that would be “telling” and not showing. A good writer who has mastered “show, don’t tell” can turn “Marilyn crossed the room the answer the door” into a 10,000 word treatise about anything and everything EXCEPT crossing the room to answer the door.
And we haven’t even gotten to the rape, yet. But that’s the rest of Chapter 1.

>>20609700
Well, thank you. Maybe it was just assholes being assholes or something. Entirely possible. This IS the internet after all.
I’ll try to clean up the orc fight. Maybe make Tad more involved in it (at least call out something like “billy bob is sneaking up on you!” At some point.)
I was also advised by someone to drive up the stakes for Tad and Glum at the start by making his poorly received story cause them to be ostracized by the community .

>>20610917
>Worry was all THE RULER could feel
This is telling, but my real issue is "the ruler." Whose POV are we in? If we're in the ruler's POV, then he knows his own name and should use it. If it's an omniscent POV, then the narrator should know the character's name.
This is a very common mistake I see in new writers, hiding the identity of the protagonist. It's almost never a good idea and rarely makes sense

>his thumping heart and heavy breath being noticed by himself.
This is very awkward phrasing and creates more POV confusion. Consider something like:
>As Vexkamu looked out over the village of Veringtl from the parapets of his castle, rubbing at the knot of tension in the back of his neck. It was quiet now, the drab and dirty streets empty under a dreary gray sky. Soon the people of the village, his people, would rise and go about their business. They would look up to his castle. Would they feel the same anxiety? Were they jealous of him? Did they fear him? Did they want him back?
>A thousand small concerns danced about in his head; something he hadn’t expected. He wasn't one to worry, but, as much as he wished otherwise; he couldn’t keep the thoughts from his mind. He let out a frustrated sigh.

Then I would just deleted lines 18 and 20 as superfluous, you're belaboring the point and throwing a few too many questions at the reader.

>The master looked over his spiked armored shoulder, and saw his small butler holding a plate of tea. His body poking out of the door.

This can be tightened:
>Vexkamus glanced past the spiked pauldrons of his armor. His butler stood in the doorway, holding a plate of tea and trying to make himself look small.
Even better would be to name the butler. You don't really need to tell us he's a butler, the use of "master" and the delivery of tea already makes it clear he's a servant.

>Hearing and seeing it there, he walked over to him like a silent ghost.
This is unnecessary detail. You don't need to describe people seeing and hearing a drink you've already established exists. We assume he sees it because it's been described. Also, what does a cup of tea SOUND like? What is he hearing?

There's a LOT of unnecessary detail that is crippling your pacing. Way too much looking at things, thinking things. Like all of this is cruft:
>Alone at the sight, the ruler looked down on the town again, zooming his eyes on all of the houses, shops, and the jail.
>Though, as he was looking down: A thought came into mind. A thought that was a reminder. A reminder that, now: this was all his. The town, its people: all under him.

This could be two sentences:
>Veckamus turned back to the town. This was all his. The town, the people, all under his rule.

>shouted back lightly
...what?

It's not bad, it just needs a lot of editing and tightening.

eeeeeverybody's gettin' raped

>>20611024
>Look, if you have a chapter about a woman being kidnapped by rapist ninjas who grab her from the front door you can’t just open with some shitting telling like “Marilyn crossed the room to answer a knock at the door.”
You almost got me. I almost responded to this without reading the rest.

>>20611050
Thank you for all of this. Especially the edited line you considered. I very much appreciate it.

Just because my own typo is driving me crazy, it should be:

>Vexkamu looked out over the village of Veringtl from the parapets of his castle, rubbing the knot of tension at the back of his neck. It was quiet now, the drab and dirty streets empty under a dreary gray sky. Soon the people of the village, his people, would rise and go about their business. They would look up to his castle. Would they feel the same anxiety? Were they jealous of him? Did they fear him? Did they want him back?

>>20611070
This general goes through phases. Some rapier than others. We’ll swing back around to discussing the literary merits of harem isekais soon.

>four days straight of nothing to do but read and write
I hope I make good progress this. I've been staying up 6 hours a day at my computer after work and I expect to have almost every bit of intertextuality placed where I want it. I hope it's not too obvious what I've done but I hope readers notice. If anything I hope people see the Eggplant reference, some of the themes of Nesmer's book aligned with my own but I turned them on their head.

>>20611201
Will we ever get to trying to be the next great western novel?

>post on Royal Road
>have decent rating
>some fag gives you 4/5
>fall literally 1000 ranks
I never understood why authors on that site got so fucking salty about people giving non-5-star ratings until I started paying attention to the rating on my own story. Holy fucking shit, this is about the most toxic rating system I could possibly come up with. Literally any rating that is not five star actively damages your story. Not only that, they actively damage your story for the entire lifetime of the story, and you need many more five-star reviews than non five star reviews to make up for the damage they do.
I don't know what actual retard came up with this, but they should be bludgeoned with a heavy object.

>>20611237
Are any anons even going to try? Only one of the first four novels I had planned could be categorized as such and I doubt it will have the gravity that I am aiming for. I want to give voice to what I think is an anti-modern westerner, a kind of story looking at the next generation after the current generation loses its grip and explore how people see their life and future after it. To me itd seem like a project burning out, going back to one's one interests and then being drawn back to the next stage of history.

I just finished The Emily Project. Go ahead and ask me anything.

>>20611226
Same here. I slacked off hard this week because life got me too busy to stay focused on reading. I'm a chapter and a half behind on Ulysses and only on chapter 9 of The Business of Being a Writer.

>>20611393
You should make a new cover, looks like ass desu.

>>20611401
I'm not the author.

>>20611393
>>20611418
>I just finished The Emily Project
>I'm not the author.
?

>>20611426
I just finished reading the Emily Project.

>>20611393
Give us a five word review. The first and last words must rhyme.

>>20611393
Does she have a womb? Are her internals described in explicit detail? Please support your answer with excerpts from the text.

>>20611462
Wonderful ending also very Soulful

>>20611393
What the fuck is the emily project?

>>20611466
No. She's a robot.
"Why does she have that anyways?" exclaimed Caleb.
"It's the most requested feature," Jason answered, "marketing found we made 50% less sales without it."

>>20611509
/lit/ anon book. Not as good as Gardner, but who honestly is?

>>20611393
would you say this is an accurate description of the book? what would you change?

What happened to the guy reviewing Boswell's book? I was looking forward to that cringe kino.

>>20611555
Pretty accurate. I didn't notice the grammar issues. But it's a simply written book that touches a lot on themes that could be expanded in another story.

What I do like about it, is it doesn't follow the convention of killer robots, sentient robots or any other current sci-fi tropes popular today.

If anything, it reminds me a lot more like 90's anime of Chobits and Mahoromatic.

>>20611555
It also has an uncanny ability to make you keep reading.

>>20611596
Honestly this. The first third of it is provocative enough to hook me and the rest was mostly feels. I wish it had better prose to really drive home the emotions but I liked it anyways.

>>20611555
>>20611393
>>20611586

is there a list of good books written by anons anywhere?

>>20611555
I would not say it's a romance story. It's a coming of age story.
>>20611635
I think the prose is fine for the book. It works since it doesn't bog down the flow. There could be more metaphors or another chapter near the end that dealt with Caleb and Emily's relationship, but it works. I also wouldn't mind more hints toward the Epilogue of the ending.

>>20611696
There's only like 3 completed books that are competently written by /lit/ anons that are WILLING to be posted and shared on here. Everyone else either gives up, writes crap, and refuses to post on here in fears of being associated with 4chan.

They post on reddit freely though

>>20611729
>coming of age
I agree with this. Emily is hot but honestly it's not about her, it's her trying to help Caleb.

>>20611696
the /wg/ pastebin is in the OP, it has everything written by anons who dont mind being associated with 4chan. Everything else posted here is scraps and stuff that never gets finished.

>>20611226
>Eggplant reference
Can you elaborate on this? What are the themes of the book?
Haven’t read it but I’d really like to know if it also aligns with my books themes so I can avoid looking like I’m just copying the two of you

>>20611696

>>20611772
>>20611729
>associated with 4chan
Does it even matter anymore? We all know Twitter, Reddit, 4chan, Instagram, Tik-Tok are all the same people. hence why memes, recommendations, news on here get shared on the other platforms and vice versa. Elon Musk and Taylor Swift posted on here before.

I remember some anime talked on 4chan, immediately got 3 articles and a trending on tik tok only a day after.

>>20611795
There's 2 more. Woolston's short stories, and the Savage Green by someone I can't remember.

Also Mike Ma's /pol/ ramblings.

>>20611802
Tbh I think the original version of that pic had something other than cotc (possibly one of those two) but Frank made this one. I could be wrong tho.

>>20611795
Which ones are trad published?

>>20611787
This is just my take on the cover and title because the book itself doesnt say this but a big theme in Eggplant is continuous lines and the feeling of being trapped or doomed. The idea of non-continuous lines, waves, things that change color (cuttlefish) represent a freedom, a will to power that defies fate.
I already had something in my own story that changed color and I had squids also but for a very different reason. I was exploring mankind's desire to change or recover from the Fall from a biblical standpoint but I wouldn't mind making a nod to Eggplant and in essence Moby-Dick, since sperm whales eat cuttlefish and squid.

>>20611888
Zero because trade pub helps you market minimally

>>20611802
Have you read Remembering the Dead yet or has anyone ITT? I liked the first collection he did.

>>20611888
As far as i know Woolston is the only /lit/ writer to be trad published.

>>20612591
Yeah i've read it, i thought it was really good, a bit more varied than the first collection in terms of themes but still a similar vibe.
If you like his first book it's a safe bet you'll like Remembering the Dead

How's a story premise where warriors from the west tapping into powers of the western zodiac battle against warriors of the east tapping into powers of the Chinese Zodiac?

First draft, this is about 35k words into the story itself. Human names are kind of just placeholders . Goliath and Eve will probably stay. idk about Homer.

Need some help.

I'm good with writing. I'd say above average. I have a fairly vivid imagination. I very much enjoy writing. However, I cannot get over the hurdle of mere plot. I'll think of an interesting character, an idea, curious places, yet whenever I "look" at the image I've conjured there's rarely anything that moves. I can spend dozens of pages describing things vividly, elaborate and expound on ideas, yet it's as if something just hasn't clicked yet in terms of movement and plot.

I understand there needs to be conflict. That's what I'm told and what I try to follow. Yet when I look at a character I've made and ask what he's likely up to, I think to myself he's likely taking a shit or drinking coffee or something other mundane, because that's what people do. I've thought to myself to write about the most interesting day in that person's life, but I feel like that is inadequate. I've also looked at story scaffolding like the hero's journey, but I derive no joy from deliberately coloring in a formula.

How do you give your stories movement?

>>20612738
Looks like you might know this but in case you don't, here you go anyways.
Literary fiction doesn't follow a strict plot. It gives characters a basis to work in and lets their decisions and personalities create what would be considered the plot of the book. Core to the conflict can be mismatch in values, internal angst, the desire to reject or accept an ideal, etc.
Commercial/Genre fiction follows a formulaic plot of which books have been written. Hero's journey is most common, but there are others, such as negative progression arcs. These are not strictly better or worse than a literary fiction story plot. Just different.
That out of the way, what you're struggling with sounds like the ability to lens down and magnify what matters to the character. In his mundane life, what does he value? What is it he's yearning for or yearning to do? Does he want a slice of pie from that diner? Or maybe a big promotion? A new toy/hobby tool or collectable item?
Finding out what the character cares about sets up immediate pathways to conflict. If he wants that pie, make something hinder or prevent him from getting it, even if it's a traffic jam. The big promotion is competitive and one of his worst enemies (or best friends) in the office wants it too, and they're very competent at their job.
The ability to wax poetic is good to have and sounds like you have confidence that you have. Now you need to apply it to the character. Starting with "What does he want" and "Why" can then be followed with "What stops or prevents him from getting it, and what happens next?" And then you have a plot.

>>20612791
Thank you for the thoughtful response. I'll meditate a bit on what you said and see if I can come up with any "what does he want" plots that interest me over the following days. My greatest fear is that I'll find it too mundane. Most of the stories I truly enjoy seem difficult to attribute to such a question.

I think, regardless, your idea is great for micro-level movement. Desires and their obstacles. I think what I'm ultimately struggling with is constructing a plot that is simply not mundane on the grander level. One heuristic I've been slightly toying with is the question of "what is the worst possible thing that could happen?" I think I may be able to get something out of that. I'm also trying to analyze the idea of transformation, which seems present and integral to every good story.

bros I'm writing

Is four fakeout deaths too many? They're all the major "deaths" in the story.

Should I show a couple of them to the audience but keep the characters in the dark to make it more tolerable?

>>20608165
Hey, I need some advice. I'm working on a setting where there are several magical forces, and each have some personality traits associated with them. The ones I'm having trouble with are a chaotic force of creation, and an orderly force of destruction, winnowing away and 'editing' the other force's creations so that the universe isn't cluttered with them. The thing is, I'm having trouble coming up with good personality traits that can go with the destructive force, since I have something else lined up to be the 'evil' force, so I want it to be at least neutral from a moral perspective, but I can't think of any non-evil personality traits for the destructive force beyond maybe being a bit OCD, any suggestions please? The creative one I'm doing better on, but I'd still having trouble thinking of good traits for them besides being artistic and spontaneous. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

>>20613090
Keep it up.

>>20613138
IMHO 1 fakeout death is all you get, each subsequent one just makes the stakes feel fake. Of course anything can be done well theoretically.

>>20613154
>I'm working on a setting
Stopped reading right there

>>20613154
>my le heckin primordial forces of creation and destruction are personified entities
You're really having trouble with the orderly destructive force personality? Make him a souless bureaucrat, court clerk or accountant type personality.

>>20613199
>Make him a souless bureaucrat,
Okay, you remember that I wanted the traits to be at least morally neutral, and some outright positive ones would be good too, right? The court clerk/accountant idea isn't bad though. What about the creative force then?

>having trouble keeping the protagonist interesting but rational and relatable at the same time
>add a deuteragonist to be the voice of reason so the protagonist can be a raving lunatic

Man this writing shit is easy

>>20613090
I'm cooming personally. To my writing of course.
>>20613363
This but
>want the main protagonist to be an ambitious piece of shit who wants it all
>make him an ambitious piece of shit who gets some of it all

>>20613246
soulless bureaucrat isn't evil, it's just doing everything very regimented by the book.
Your chaotic creative force persona? Flower child, caffeinated Bob Ross with paint brush, Beethoven with a giant organ.

How do I come up with some time constraint for a grounded romantic story? Like, in Beauty and the Beast, the Beast must find love before the last petal of the rose falls off or something like that. I need something like that to give urgency to my story, but without any fantasy elements. Any ideas?

Okay, so I rewrote and rewrote the transition between the end of this conversation and the next scene and the result was just fucking tedious. So I deleted the transition and...
>“This is so fucking weird,” he said, as much to himself as Thorne. “I think...I think I need some time to process.”
>Thorne raised an eyebrow. “Process?”
>“Take it all in, get used to the idea. This is just a lot of a lot.”
>“Of course, my lord. Your chamber has already been prepared. Get some rest and in the morning we will begin planning for your return to power.”
>Wyatt's chamber was a room, about twenty feet to a side, with a single round window. The walls were covered...
...and I think that actually works. Does it? I kind of feel like I'm cheating.

>>20613446
Nuclear bomb countdown

>>20613363
Any character can act as a foil to the protagonist and I think showing off their differences can really shape characters as we see them change in some aspects but not all.

>>20613446
A little more context than "a grounded romantic story" would help, but...
>...one of the characters is moving away in X days/weeks/months.
>...both characters are only in their current location temporarily and will go home later.
>...one of the characters is facing a trial and possible jail sentence.
>...one of the characters has a fatal disease and will be dead in X months.

Anyone else feel like fantasy and sci-fi have rotted your brain? Right now I find it difficult to come up with plots or plot points without any fantastical element.

>>20613446
>no catfishin gf

>>20613467
>>...both characters are only in their current location temporarily and will go home later.
this one is actually good enough. Thanks.

>>20613474
Read more literary fiction, after 6 months you may be able to see things differently. I grew up reading golden age scifi, weird fiction and horror, playing video games and watching anime and only read a couple classic lit novels as an adult. I dropped practically all of that besides select genre fiction titles and now read mostly literary fiction and non-fiction and it has helped me immensely. It's not too late, anon.

>>20613474
Try writing magical realism, fantasy doesn’t have to be window dressing.

>>20613446
People do not like the beast, so the beast must do X to survive. X involves the Beauty, he gets a hard on in his heart. Dat what I did.

How can I have a heist go horribly wrong without there being any actual consequences?

>>20614168
The thing they're trying to steal ends up not being there, or being worthless, so even though they pulled it off flawlessly, they gained nothing.

>>20614168
Lose the mcguffin they are after, I guess. Mcguffins dont truly matter they just compel chars to act
>without consequences
but why? Don't you want to raise the stakes at all since it's a heist? Think of it like "no, the heist fails and one chatacter's face gets exposed." That could raise a very interesting conflict in the next scene where the characters have given a lead unless they betray the member who was exposed. If you want no real consequences, they stick together, however they are getting followed and they have that problem to fix. Just an idea, but try to think about your themes and what kind of disaster highlights that thing.

>>20611393
Thanks for reading it anon! Hope you liked it!

>>20614197
>one day anons might read my work too
I'm getting closer. I just want to move people honestly.

Why don't authors format their dialogue with the names of a character beside what they say? i.e:

>Sarah: Hello
>John: Bitch

Cust curious cuz i might.

>>20611426
I thought thats what he meant too.

>>20614196
The heist is the opening scene. The team thinks it went wrong because of bad intel, but the leader in reality their leader lied about what to expect so he could achieve a personal goal. I'm using it to foreshadow his ulterior motives and can't have it go too bad because he needs to still be able to convince himself he's not really hurting the crew by doing this.

>>20614282
Because that's a screenplay.

>>20609192
Chinaman / Chinamen
Thoughts:
First glance - writing appearsadequate, grammar and sentence-structurewise.
Maybe it's just because Ifinished Sot-Weed Factor,but I'm getting "mis-voyage toAmerica" vibes.
Why do you introduce so many people in the into to chapter 3?
3 kindadrags whenintroducingMontgomery then Horace. Feels like we've had enough intros.
Maybe slow down and space out.
Chapter 4 starts - Finally, some tension and char moments
You don't need more characters, you need more moments (cooking chicken / fights) with the characters you already have.
Call to Kansas? I'm from Kansas and I haven't heard that one.
Too big a discount for buying a dozen eggs. 33% off?
Pacing is a bit frantic, always a new scene, new character.
Liked theriot.
What race is montgomery?
So much on the chicken plot after the first few chapters raced through different locations. Would like to slow down more.
Chicken farming is just something I cannot identitywith or relate to, except when they are cooking or eating chicken.
Some of the characters disclosures seem too intimatefor new acquaintances(such as Madame Toy's)
Did Hutch give money or just fan out?
Hope we find outwhat's going on with Mongomery and Liz
A countryof individuals. That’s America, - I truly like this line. So quotable. Damn good.
What was the paper? So damn cryptic sometimes.
Christian unity at the end was uplifting.

>>20614330
Formatting issues on the copy+paste. Ohwell.

>>20614282
Honestly
>", he said.
>", she said.
Is soooooo fucking rote and obnoxious I would be okay with this. And it's not like whipping out your dictionary for substitutes is any better. Then you just look like a tryhard fag on top of it.

>>20614168
After being surrounded and apprehended by the police the scene around them pixilates and changes to a blue room. The heisters now wearing their spandex simulation suits and their master scolds their failure over the speakerbox.

>>20614168
After being surrounded and apprehended by the police the scene around them pixilates and changes to a blue room. The heisters now wearing their spandex simulation suits and their master scolds their failure over the speakerbox.

>>20614297
No, this is a screenplay.
>>>/b/881232421

>>20614282
It's one of the most amateurish things one could do next to forcing tension with onomatopoeia, ellipses, one-liners, etc. I'd really advise against that.

>>20614379
Oh "Its just amateurish, it just is okay". What happens if I do it anyway, some people think its dumb or stupid. If it works then it works. I'd like to focus more on story and what gets my ideas across best.

Does anyone else thing that they write like a caveman? Whenever I read something from the past, I notice how they write so much more poetically and high class-ly, so I feel like a retard.

Is the query letter the final boss of writing?
>nice manuscript you have there
>it would be a shame if Karen sends the form rejection after reading 5 words of your query because you didn't personalize it to feature her favorite color of gemstone

>>20614379
>>20614440
Perhaps I went a tad bit far, but I personally find the style extremely immersion-breaking. Like that other anon said, it comes off as a script. Different tastes, I guess.

>>20614448
I'm at 66 rejections from agents. Doing a rewrite.

>>20614495
claim to be trans

>>20608615
unbearably cringe

>>20614330
holy crap you read all of it that quickly? Thanks! I'll slow it down in the beginning and add more tension between a few of the characters.

Now for the questions, I'll put in the edits to explain the historical stuff. There's a lot. I'll blame it on my assumption everyone knows the History, when people don't.

>What race is montgomery?
He's supposed to be hinted at being Irish-American. Antelmann is his last name. Is there a more obvious last name I can use?

>Some of the characters disclosures seem too intimatefor new acquaintances(such as Madame Toy's)
>Did Hutch give money or just fan out?
That entire scene was supposed to be Hutch is easy to sell to or talk to, even to complete strangers. I'll rewrite earlier scenes to address this.

>Hope we find outwhat's going on with Mongomery and Liz
I don't really plan on giving them a intimate scene together, but if you think it's needed I can add it in.

>>20614521
Here's the answer the Call to Kansas. And many of the characters are just references to Historical figures. From George Boham (Gov. of Hong Kong to Captain Perry, to Barnum and Bailey, to Denis Kearney, Bryant, Sun Mang, etc.

They're mostly throwaways, but I do see how people can get lost. Thanks a million, you've been so very helpful.

>>20614504
My novel has a homeless priest shouting against trans.

>>20614521
>Antelmann is his last name. Is there a more obvious last name I can use?
How about O'Riley (or anything starting with O')

>>20614495
But look at the shit that gets representation
>Meyer recasts Cinderella as a cyborg, putting a dystopian twist on the classic fairytale.
https://thejohnfox.com/2021/05/100-query-letter-examples-that-got-authors-an-agent/

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

>>20614542
Then it's stunning and brave for you to write about that, baring your soul to publicize what being trans is really like!

>>20614535
Oh Call to Kansas song is this one I dug out

http://www.calonsong.org/KansasSongs/calltokansas.htm

another dead and forgotten historical song

>>20614521
Slowing down is the main thing I'd do. So many scenes are rushing. After that, there's a few people that you seem to introduce, only to never really meet again.

Good opening:
>Chinatown. The smell of stagnant water puddled into the same ditches, nooks, and crannies that have become distinctive of the city. Open air vegetable sellers lined the streets, as men of all different shades of colored beards entered and exited a building named the Flower House.
Would like similar descriptions of market, their house, their day to day activities that allow for more character reveal.

Antelmann is a German family name. I thought Hutch was supposed to be Irish, but then you made him Baptist IIRC?

Not an intimate scene, but the way it's obviously happening in the background, and only in the background gives it nice tension. Wondering what the resolution will be.

>>20614592
>http://www.calonsong.org/KansasSongs/calltokansas.htm
Seems like a freestater song. Would that be appropriate for California?

>>20614584
Lol. Plenty of straight white men get published. Need 2 git gud.

>>20614606
You can get published, then decide you're not trans anymore.
You'll just be another "crossover" act, like Belle & Sebastian.

What is your piece of writing that people have liked the most? For me, it's a particular poem I wrote after a girl said yes to going out with me, then later texted me with a rejection because "she didn't want to embarrass me"

>>20614658
Damn, that's rough. For me it was an interactive fiction piece about an alchemist who buys an elf slave assistant, slowly healing her of her former abuse with kindness and handholding. Pretty cringe, but I put a lot of effort into it.

>>20614658
>then later texted me with a rejection because "she didn't want to embarrass me"
b-based?

>>20614658
A depressing story about a couple in Hell.
The wife had been leaving her husband (for her drug dealer) on a daily basis for over a century, but only he realized it.
Then he wishes her "happy anniversary".

Maybe I should just write sad stuff exclusively.

>>20614658
>other people have ever read anything he's written
Judging by agent responses I've never written anything at all enjoyable and should go shovel out ditches for a living instead.

>on rewrite #3
>must have 40 collective rejections by now
>sent the first new query
senpai please for the love of God notice me

>>20614596
>Slowing down is the main thing I'd do. So many scenes are rushing. After that, there's a few people that you seem to introduce, only to never really meet again.
I kind of tried to frame it like the show Rome, where they're pretty much observers and they're just minor characters in a larger scene around them. All the historical figures they meet are pretty much throwaway characters that appear for one chapter. Guess it's not really working.

>Good opening:
>Chinatown. The smell of stagnant water puddled into the same ditches, nooks, and crannies that have become distinctive of the city. Open air vegetable sellers lined the streets, as men of all different shades of colored beards entered and exited a building named the Flower House.
>Would like similar descriptions of market, their house, their day to day activities that allow for more character reveal.
Got it. Thanks.
>Antelmann is a German family name. I thought Hutch was supposed to be Irish, but then you made him Baptist IIRC?
I thought it was Irish... according to Google it's a British/Irish last name. I'll change it. Hutch is a South Carolinian Dixie. He's American from Antebellum South.

>>20614603
California is a free state during that time.

Thanks for the betaread anon, these are the issues I needed to address. Insanely helpful.

>>20614764
If digits, then YGMI

>>20614799
https://www.google.com/search?q=antelmann&tbm=isch

Don't forget to shill when you make it.

>>20614827
https://www.ancestry.com/name-origin?surname=antelmann

that's what I used. It's in my citations. Oh yea, better to have footnotes or just a bibliography page? It's not historically accurate, so i don't know if I want to add foot/end notes.

Hey /lit/, I normally browse /k/ and have a very /k/ visual novel idea; I came here for advice. I tried writing a story and had a lot of passion for a while but due to self-doubt I got writer’s block and abandoned it. However I can’t stop thinking about my story and imagining scenes for different parts. I want to write again but I have no idea how to execute it.

The premise is the hero and his elite unit are fighting in a contemporary conventional war. While they are reinforcing a position via helicopter they get caught in a magical storm that transports them to an early modern fantasy world. They have to survive and their stated goal is to find a way back to Earth.

As this involves the military I never served I’m having a lot of trouble writing in a way that would be true to them. I feel like I’m too inexperienced as a civilian and as a writer to do it justice. Is this a retarded idea by a madman with no literary experience beyond high school or does it actually have potential? Are there any books that could help that aren’t written by charlatans or stuck-up pricks?

>>20614853
https://forebears.io/surnames/antelmann

I like bib page, but ultimately your choice.

You really should change that name.

>>20614855
>visual novel
Graphic novel?

>>20609446
digits and WAGMI

>>20614764
digits and YAGMI

>>20614866
No a Visual Novel, it’s a slightly interactive digital format endemic to Japan.

>write scumbag character to be amoral protagonist's wingman
>scumbag wingman is a good contrast to amoral MC because even though he's a piece of shit he still has some lines he won't cross
>traumatize the absolute fuck out of scumbag wingman
>he turns into a PTSD-ridden wreck
>arguably becomes a better person because now half the scummy shit he used to do gives him flashbacks, nightmares, and other psychological issues
>meanwhile, MC is even worse than before because he's a fucking psychopath
>scumbag goes from following MC around out of convenience to being terrified of him and following him because it's best to be friends with the scariest person you know
>MC only puts up with him because he's still "useful" for certain skills, MC actively puts him in situations that fuck him up more and doesn't care
>scumbag eventually leaves, giving bullshit reasons, to go back to his home estate and sort himself out
>literal crime family that scumbag descends from now appears like moral, good people to him in comparison to MC, in contrast to when he left them because he was disgusted with them for murdering people
Is this character development?

Here's what I got from writing the first paragraphs of my chapter.

The intent here is to showcase Torkild's pilgrimage towards the eternal land of youth to take revenge against the All-Mother for biting his right ear off. He's accompanied by Andreas, A young druid and I want to know how to communicate how much Torkild is willing to sacrifice by going into such a cursed land as the eternal land of youth.

here it is

An oak tree, chiseled branches towards the river westward, was embroiled in a mysterious flame.

From under the lowest branch, was a snake, unable to move or contemplate as it remained tethered to the center of the tree; It's flesh eroding in mere minutes. Eventually, it exhumed a sizzling odor; A sign that the ritual had run its course.

Andreas drew his wooden staff with his left hand and planted the hilt right Infront of the snake into the dirt. shutting his eyes, he chanted.

"Mother of all, impart Thy strength; And in strength, power to suffer; And to suffer for the truth; And in the truth, all light; And in light, gwynvyd; And in gwynfyd, love; And in love, queen of queens; And in queen of queens, all goodness"

Ye, the wind quieted in the presence of the child, the wildlife stood in awe of the spectacle, and even the river froze in fear.

"May this offering please the all-mother, I believe we will soon reach the eternal paradise, Andreas..."

Andreas opened his eyes and looked solemnly at Torkild.
"I'm grateful to be in your service my lord. but this pilgrimage sickens my soul." replied Andreas, his head faced slightly towards the offering.

"Sickening as this cursed land may be, I have little wealth or gold to my name after I've been exiled from my own kingdom. We may never return from Ireland, and we may even become nothing more than bone marrow for the banshees to feast on, but I'll grasp her with my own hands." Torkild mused with a slight chuckle.
He spoke with a sweet but unnerving drawl, sporting a red uniform, along with a feathered cape.
“You’re referring to the All-Mother, aren’t you?”
“Of course, Andreas.” Torkild reached behind to his left ear. It was covered in loose bandages, but you couldn’t feel an actual ear if you searched intensely.


Feedback is greatly appreciated

>>20615031
>From under (...) was
>It's flesh
>a sizzling odor
Three strikes, batter out

>>20614764
You'll make it faggot

>>20615031
>An oak tree, chiseled branches towards the river westward, was embroiled in a mysterious flame.
You really need to work on your grammar, diction and vocabulary. I don't want to be mean, but this sentence is so bad that I have no desire to keep reading. Here's what you just wrote:

"An oak tree, [incomprehensible], was deeply involved in a conflict with a fire that was impossible to understand or identify."

I literally cannot make any sense out of the embedded clause ("chiseled branches towards the river westward"). Chiseled could be an adjective or a verb and it's entirely unclear which you meant. Are the branches shaped with a chisel or is the oak tree chiseling branches towards the river? Not that either option makes a lot of sense. If its "branches shaped by a chisel," then the verb "toward" is extremely confusing. "Branches towards the river westward" isn't a clear image. This whole clause is just a mess.

Luckily the rest of the sentence is at least readable, though describing a tree on fire as "embroiled in a flame" is painfully awkward wording. I mean, okay, I guess that the tree is in some kind of metaphorical conflict with fire if you anthropomorphize both, but it really comes across as an amateur writer trying way too hard to sound writerly, using words he doesn't really understand the meaning of.

>>20615031
Your punctuations need serious work. Regarding semicolons, I rather you limit them (or don't use them at all).

I just tried active imagination yesterday and it was pretty cool. I talked to a being that really touched me and resurfaced a lot of old memories and sensations I had repressed or forgotten from my childhood.
Is using these beings from your subconscious as a basis for characters for your writing a good or bad idea do you think?

Have you included your fetishes in your writing? How subtle have you been about it?

Day 20 editing
Another chapter done
I'm starting to wonder if my themes might be too complex for my prospective readers

>>20608537
Alright, I'll post my review of The Emily Project here. BTW I'm also >>/lit/thread/S20185837#p20188818 from way back when. I was wanting to read the book since this post and I'll say right off the bat that I'm not disappointed. Now for the review:

I will reddit-space to make it easier for you and other anons to read.

The blurb suggests sci-fi + comedy + romance. The tags on Amazon say it's a coming of age book but the main character is thirty-plus (although I suppose you can say he took a while to become an adult, perhaps?). The premise (Wizard gets to test an early-access Fembot for his job and she changes his life) is good and filled with potential, especially considering that Wizards + Fembots are going to be a common pairing in the future, but the story itself surprised me a lot.


First of all, Emily is an AI Robot designed to keep her master happy, and that's how she's treated troughout the story: like the Fembot that she is, both by the author (No cliche "develops feelings midway trough" and no twist comes out of the author's ass) and by the characters: the ones who don't know she's a robot are weirded out by her personality, treating her either like a child, a fake slut, or a potential cocksleeve, while the ones who do know that she's a robot handle her with a lot of care.

Now, the secondary characters have their unique personality, which makes the book an easy read. They are no more fleshed out than they need to be, and that is obviously good. But sometimes they speak and act in ways that are pretty non-humanlike, so to speak, and the dialogue in some parts comes off as unnatural. This applies to Caleb, Emily, and Kate as well.

The prose itself is the biggest problem in the book, in my opinion. As one Amazon reviewer said, it's serviceable. It's not bad enough to make you stop reading, nor is it bad enough to break your immersion, especially in the moments where the plot is going strong. It does feel robotic in some ways, and I feel that a big chunk of the book is just statements of what the characters are doing, as you would see, say, in a movie script.

(1/2)

>>20608537
>>20615654

And the plot is the strongest point in the whole book: it's what holds the story and it's what made me want to read it until the end. It's a surprisingly light-hearted wholesome plot, and although I don't know if the story was plotted or pantsed, I have to congratulate Wgon for it.

Caleb gets Emily in an unintentional way, and is initially reluctant to the idea. But she does manage to help him: first by breaking his favourite childhood toy (it's an obvious symbolism, but you don't lose points for that and it adds to the story), and then by changing his routine, his diet, his habits, planting him a garden, and also by giving him warmth and sexual release every now and then. He's also forced to go on dates with Emily, as part of his job. His life gets a lot better, he meets Kate (his human love interest) and now has a social life. There are problems along the way, of course, but they were only really felt and tangible (at least for me) near the ending of the book, with the beach scenes in Emily's POV. Now the ending itself, before the epilogue, is great, and makes concludes very nicely the rest of the book, especially because (anons that are not Wgon, don't read the following if you don't want to get spoiled) it was very nice that Caleb saw Emily as a friend, and not as a cocksleeve. It was also nice that he did not "choose" to fall in love with her and end pathetically with a waifu, although it would make sense for him to break and do exactly this after what happened in the beach. Furthermore, the fact that a lot of the good things that happened didn't happen directly because of Emily, and could have happened without her (Caleb going to the birthday, meeting Kate, going to the gym, eating healthy, cleaning the house) saved the story from being a wish fulfilment fantasy, and turned it instead into something concrete, solid, plausible

A final note: my name is also Guilherme (like the one in Guilherme's Seafood Bar), and in portuguese we have the adjective "verossímil", that is normally used to denote pieces of literature that have the "appearance of truth," and that give the reader the feeling that what's written could really exist and happen. I would definitely say that The Emily Project is very verossímil.

I will give you four stars here due to the prose, but I left you a 5 star rating on Amazon. Congratulations and WAGMI.

(2/2)

Writing is bottlenecking my life right now
I have to finish a few chapters for my book to give myself some piece of mind and move on to other things but I haven't been in the mood to write for weeks now and it's a real slog. Hours go by with barely anything written

>>20615708
>piece of mind
I hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

I pasted the first paragraph of my short story into DALL·E

>>20615732
eerie

>>20615738
This looks badass

>figure I only need to write 9 more chapters to finish my book
>write 2
>realize they're both 1000 words longer than the previous chapters
Hahaha, it's just going to keep ballooning, isn't it? Your appetite grows as you eat and shit

>>20608165
Which one is better? For context, this is an excerpt from the first draft of a YA thing. I personally prefer the first one because it isn't as creepy, and the male gaze isn't as pronounced

>I fasten the holster on my right thigh. The sensation of harsh nylon straps on bare skin is.. less than ideal. If I knew this was going to happen, I wouldn't have worn the academy's uniform pleated skirt and jacket. Stupid

Or

>I fasten the holster over my right thigh. The sensation of harsh nylon straps against bare skin is less than ideal. And the holster must be buckled tight enough until it's almost choking the fat around my thigh or it'll sag off while I'm running for my life. I'll just have to suck it up. Dying a dog's death out there is infinitely less ideal.
>Still, I wish I had changed out of my uniform when I had the chance. Among the articles of clothing that makes up the academy uniform is a pleated skirt. Meaning I'd have to lift my skirt in order to access my gun. Damn. My only saving grace is that there aren't any boys around, and I wasn't stupid enough to forget to wear spats

>>20614634
>not being three men pretending to be one woman
ngmi

62 followers on Royalroad in 6 months. Is it time to cut my losses?

>>20614764
Have you considered self-publishing?

>>20615803
that's not bad

>>20615824
People keep saying that, and I keep getting 5/5 reviews, but didn't I miss the chance at Rising Stars?

>>20611802
The author of Savage Green is Zulu Alitspa. His work is pretty solid I would recommend checking him out.

>>20615654
>>20615660
Thanks anon! I'm glad you gave my book a chance and hope you enjoyed it.

>>20614855
A writer needs three things, experience, observation, and imagination, any two of which, at times any one of which, can supply the lack of the others.

Any writing advice here for forming a screenplay?

>>20615430
Ahhh

My apologies Anon. To be frank I had trouble describing these paragraphs due to my visual memory not really having the proper words to describe the ritual.

I still got a long way to go through since my main problems seem to be my grammar, vocabulary, and diction.

Hopefully I'll be able to resolve this issue soon enough by reading the trivium and most importantly give you guy's my best here eem.

>>20614855
there are forums for veterans
lurk there and pick up the language
pay some vet to read your story and make suggestions

>>20615772
>I fasten the holster on my right thigh. The sensation of harsh nylon straps on bare skin is.. less than ideal. If I knew this was going to happen, I wouldn't have worn the academy's uniform pleated skirt and jacket. Stupid
This is better. Brevity is almost always the way to go.

Even better:
>I got my gun. The nylon straps of the holster bit into my thigh. Less than ideal. Wearing the academy uniform, with its pleated skirt, was looking like a bad idea.

>There's nothing wrong with your story
>But I don't like it
Sadge

>>20616418
there's a lot of screenplay videos on youtube
novel writing and screenplay writing are different enough that novel writers rarely write screen plays

>>20616418
Learn the format. Format is insanely important in screenplay writing. It basically doesn't matter how good of a script you write, if it's formatted improperly it won't even get read.

>browsing agents
>find one guy who won't accept email or digital submissions
>wants you to mail him a physical paper query
>check calendar, it's 2022
no one in my generation even knows how to post a letter. how do these people exist?

>>20616657
Would be writers are desperate enough to do anything agents ask of them.

>>20616657
>doesn't know how to print
>buy a manilla envelope
>go to the post office
>buy stamps
>write the address in the middle
>your own address on the top left side
>Pay money
It's honestly not that hard.

>>20616657
it might be the agent's way to screen out prospective clients

>>20616585
>refuses to elaborate further

>>20616657
filtered

>>20616708
Frankly I don't disagree with his approach. Only someone serious about getting their work sold will send a paper query and synopsis.

Somebody should start a new thread.

>>20616915
OK, I'm on it.

New thread
>>20616933