/lit/ - Literature

Post your story

>>20506844
Once upon a time, there was a turtle.
His name was Furdle Lurdle.
He had to face several hurdles.
Then some stuff happened, and eventually he died.
The end.

>>20506844
no.

>>20506902
This board summed up

>>20506902
Then you're in the wrong place, pal.

>>20506844
Girl meets boy
Girl falls in love
Girl is a carrier of a strange alien bug parasite
Girl infects boy
Boy dies.
Girl meets boy. . .

One of the protagonists / PoVs of my story is a hyper anxious young man that constantly needs to drink in order to be sociable / confident. He is shunted into a role that requires him to be social, thus necessitating that he constantly be drunk or tipsy. It's a very central part of his character and a lot of scenes are motivated by either him looking for or being unable to get a drink, characters noticing that he's pretty much never sober and that causes more conflict etc. I wanted to ask for your guys's opinion concerning a specific gimick I had in mind; I want to make the prose more flowery and descriptions more vivid and inner dialogue more confident when he's washed, but to make everything seem faded, give terser descriptions and focus on inner stuff like his monologue being him constantly second guessing everything he says and does, bodily sensations like itching, crawling skin, nausea and focusing on how others speak and trying to find double meanings to their words etc when he's sober.

I can handle the inner dialogue being different since I'm in essence writing two different characters that share a head more or less. Only thing I am worried about is that it might either come off as jarring to have sudden shifts in prose and that the constant mentioning of him discretely drinking or suffering the consequences thereof might get repetitive.

Thoughts?

Hey guys, I put down my pen for about a year because of lack of drive. Can you guys help me out here? What gets you back in the groove?

I have aspergers and that gives me issues concentrating, if that's relevant.

>>20508468
read books
write books
stop playing vidya gaymes

>>20506838
giwtwm

>>20508000
Just go for it but do it confidently. What might be jarring for one person could be really interesting for another.

>>20506838
cute

>>20509417
stop smoking dope
stop fapping

and believe it or not...
make your bedroom smell good
https://www.nbcnews.com/health/body-odd/bad-smells-can-give-you-nightmares-flna1C9926317
this fixed my sleep problems, and a week later...my muse came back for the first time in years.

Hans plays with Lottie
Lottie plays with Hans
Hans doesn't give a damn
and Give A Damn doesn't Hans

>>20510323
so what are you using to make your bedroom smell good?
>inb4 I used ammonia to clean for the first time in forever

>>20508468
stimulants and lots of em. How do you think people could just shit out entire books?

Just do a good job of editing afterwards

>>20508000
>Might be jarring
T-B-H it should be kinda jarring in some scenarios, like one moment he is piss drunk and passes out, and the next he is sober. Stuff like this should be jarring to accentuate how shit his mental health and lifestyle is.

But when he starts to drink, have a slow shift in prose from his normal miserable self to his bubbly drunk self

I'd also suggest him doing some other drugs, like once or twice, and have a REALLY dramatic shift in prose. Benadryl, datura or some other deliriant would really work with this

>>20510959
In my case, incense.
I put a few cones on my headboard and let them do their thing.
When one has been out for a while, I'll burn it, and rotate in a fresh one.
And I wash my sheets more often than I used to.
Sounds dumb, but it made all the difference in the world.

Is it better to write fantasy or LitRPG ?

>>20511230
Follow your heart

>>20511230
from what I've seen people say here: fantasy if you want to try to get trad published, lit rpg if you want patreon pay pigs

>>20511492
is the lit rpg actually going to make us money though. Like how many people here actually make money from it. I get that the big guys make thousands, but is that not 1/1000?

>>20511506
1/1000 is pretty good odds. Regular authors is something like 1/10 million

>>20511506
It's not just chance. If you go into thinking it's easy, you'll fail. You have to read the genre and figure out why people like it and what makes it good. You can't slap numbers on the Hobbit and expect to auto win.

Romance is a big selling genre, but if you were to just have a female character who fucks, your story probably won't do very well.

>4chan no longer has self serve ads

Does this mean F Gardner will forever be the most famous writer from /wg/? I didn’t think it would end like this bros.....

>>20511603
Probably. Call of the Crocodile has been the reigning champ for years. Everyone here at least knows of that memebook.

>>20511506
lit rpgs is so low effort desu I think that if you just write a normal fantasy and fail at getting trad published you can just turn your fantasy into a lit rpg by adding tables and a prologue where your mc gets hit by a bus. thats what i plan on doing. people who like lit rpgs are simpletons they won't notice

>>20511639
too obvious

If you're being held captive by pirates, are you a prisoner, a hostage, a slave, or a captive? Which is the preferred nomenclature? Anyone know?

Fantasy/erotic/rpg writers here, why don't you just settle for writing Light Novels? That shit seems like easy money and once you get the style down they're easy to write

Catcher in the weeds. part 2
https://pastebin.com/ifWHxhps

>>20511655
how is it obvious? ok maybe dont use a literal bus in the prologue

>>20511669
>hostage
likely a ransom/exchange is involved, depenends on what the pirates goal is with this person

>prisoner
>captive
generic term, pretty interchangable. basically describes that one is there against their will, and that they were aquired via force

>slave
Unwilling labourer, signoficantly differnent from the other 3

>>20511669
Pirates have to feed their prisoners, so I would imagine they'd become slaves pretty quick, in order to pay back their host's generosity.

>>20511655
Too obvious to who...the typical LitRPG reader?
I think it's safe to say they won't notice. LOL

>>20511680
I'm not japanese. I dont' have the legitimacy. If my last name was Watanashi and I'm a Nii-si then it would be possible, but my last name is Millerson.

>>20508000
It sounds like a fantastic idea, though in order to make it work and seem authentic you have to transition in and out of it gradually. If you just do it from one sentence to the next it'll be jarring like you said.

>>20511703
All of these captives were rescued from escape pods. The pirates goal is to get the captives to a slave market and sell them before the emergency rations from their pods run out.

>>20511685
Prisoner to me implies that you're being punished for wrongdoing. When I did my rough draft, I kept using "prisoners" and "guards," but the more I think about it the more I feel that implicitly validates the pirates, as if they had some right to blow people's ships up, kidnap them, and sell them into slavery.

I guess I'll just use "captives." I kind of like the ring of "hostage," but you're right that they aren't being held for ransom -- I even have a scene where the pirates make it explicit that they have no interest in ransoms.

>>20511708
Use a Japanese pen name?
It's my understanding that we're not only allowed to identify as whatever we want these days, but we have the RIGHT to.
Otherwise, they're oppressing our actuality, or something.

>>20511683
Ah, excellent. I was looking forward to more of this.
>Stink Whistle manured his crops himself.
Human waste contains parasite eggs that are very hard to kill, and end up infecting any crops grown in them.
Are you dealing with this, or just hand-waving it?
Can't wait to see where this goes.

Why would anyone seek trad publishing?
Give ONE good reason.
(I’ll refute every dumb one)

can I get a quick critique?
https://litter.catbox.moe/p6szu5.pdf

>>20511832
easier to land a tv or movie deal.

>>20511843
Yeah that’s realistic.
That’ll happen for about 0.000001% of authors and is therefore basically irrelevant.

>>20511852
so you're saying there's a chance?

>>20511852
>0.000001%
The way things are going...that's a greater chance that my 401k will be worth anything, with all the regularly-scheduled market crashes...or that Social Security will be there when I need it.

>>20511843
what fucking moron plays a 10, Ace, same suit to the River?

>>20511832
i'm more interested in writing than marketing and don't care about money (i have a dayjob and am not poor)

>>20511708
You don't need to be japanse lmao, just use a pen name. Publishers don't give a shit who you are or what you believe provided you get them money

alright, posting more of mine

>Screaming rancor and fury, Victor charged at the would-be kidnapper and set off what he had prepared. Black flame erupted from the back of his elbow and his fist rocketed forward with inhuman force, pulling him with it as it crashed straight into its target’s face and caved it in. The remaining fuel kept burning, pushing the man down and Victor on top of him.

>Vic felt the man’s face crumple inward under his fist as he thrashed about in utter panic, his whip flailing about and cutting bark off of trees with Victor’s axe. Teeth and pieces of facial bones erupted through ruptured muscle and eyes burst from their sockets, from which blood and pulverized brain matter then gushed. There were ribbons of yellow amongst the red. Once the flame sputtered out he pulled his fist back and the devilbone gauntlet fell to pieces altogether, crumbling from the front. His elbow and wrist both screamed in pain.

>As he looked over what he’d just done and the realization sunk in, Victor felt… Relief. Where he expected some sort of dread change to come over him, or at least the sudden upsurge of vomit that was so prevalent in pulp novels when a character killed someone for the first time, there only came relief and a sense of satisfaction.

Critique my horse fucker story.
Posted in last thread but didn't get anything.
https://files.catbox.moe/89tq3b.pdf

>>20512039
>horse fucker
Is that what it was?
I didn't make it to the bottom of the 1st page.
The subject matter was not to my liking.
Maybe other anons will get into it, but not me.

Is there any erotica that deals with one or more characters having a slight oddness to their appearance?
Say theres a pretty girl with moderate acne or a handsome guy with a Lazy eye. Brown-paper-bag over your head style erotica?

>>20512039
This is just schizoid rambling. Good prose though. But I lost interest and began skimming just because it became well apparent this is a long giant shitpost.

You even went away from how a horse's ass works to back to your mom after telling the reader the answer to how a centaur shits.

>>20512057
I intended that to be a hard cut for comedic effect.
The schizoid ranting about being the next great in the scientific community into an immediate realization that he needs his mother to take him to the closest farm.
His relationship with his mother is also one of the core aspects to the ending so it is important.

>>20512074
Then you're going to have to tighten it up to make it sound less schizo posting and more literary. Have him walk around, post a shit post on reddit, talk about going to the gym and the idea of a centaurs ass came to him from looking at the asshole of a hot woman.

It needs breaks instead of constant dialogue and rambling

>reread 1984
>those last two chapters
Guess I'm not writing that romantic section tonight, I will write the painful one instead.

>>20511603
It cracks me up every time I hear some anon proclaim themself as the next Hemingway. Because we’re all closer to being F Gardner considering Call of the Crocodile is this board’s greatest accomplishment.

>>20512104
Just reread the chapters where Julia gives him a blowjob

>>20506838
How do I translate my ideas into text? Are there any guides or books about this?

>>20512125
Maybe they're saying they plan to lose their mind to alcohol & then shoot themselves in the head.

>>20511832
I have a day job that I love almost as much as writing. I know some multipronged marketing techniques I can employ on my own but I'd like to have professionals helping me because that's how work typically is for me. I'd rather reach more readers, than money isn't as important to me because I already have that.
>>20511902
Same.
>>20511852
Honestly I dunno if I would even want a movie deal unless the manuscript was a good fit for the silver screen. At worst it would lead to "the book was better," right? I did meet a screen writer though, friend of a friend who he is helping right now. Maybe one day.

>>20512132
Er...the OP of this thread contains several references on that subject.

>>20512136
>I dunno if I would even want a movie deal
They pay MILLIONS for the movie/TV rights.
They could take my literary fiction and turn it into hardcore porno for that much money.

>>20512137
Which ones?

>>20512132
Read the books listed in OP retard. Though you probably won't manage that

>>20512144
See >>20512141

>>20512099
I'm not so sure about that. Tightening up is one thing, but what you're suggesting seems to be the opposite. The story is already a linear series of events over the course of one day, each one playing its own part in the overall theme. Interspersing flashbacks to random reddit posts or experiences at the gym seems like bad advice, especially considering, that if I'm reading your suggestions correctly, you believe those should not be 50 word cutaway gags, but actual 500-1.5k word scenes. As of right now, the entire short story is looking to be about 6k words so your ideas are not overly compatible. It feels as though you really did skim considering that you think placing this MC in a gym is appropriate.

>It needs breaks instead of constant dialogue and rambling
I'm attempting to emulate Kaufman's style with that. Extremely narcissistic man performing overly passionate monologues about his aspirations and failings all while looking down on everyone else around him. The story coming from dialogue and the MC's monologuing of events around him.

>>20512139
I thought it was less, yeah that's a pretty big deal. An offer you can't refuse. I think the second story I was doing might interest people because of the sex appeal mingled with delusion.

>>20512149
You should have said you wanted a short story. I thought you wanted a full length novel. Nonetheless I feel it needs to slow down. It feels like a giant shit post, not a story.

Then don't use the gym, the whole point is to slow it down with some exposition. If that's not what you want it's not bad advice it's just not fitting your vision. It's your vision and story, write what you want. I don't know what your plans are.

>>20512132
first make up a character
imagine yourself as this character
what does he see?
what does he say?
you use this character to convey your ideas into text

Jon saw the dog. "Here boy. Come here fella."
The dog ran off, going around the corner.
Damn it, thought Jon as he pursued the dog.

>>20512052
maybe
i'd be willing to bet they're all stunningly beautiful though.

>>20511832
free stuff
they give you an advance that's anywhere from $5,000 to millions if you're really famous
you get a world class editor to go over your manuscript
you get a cover artist
they do some marketing for you, but not as much as the old days. things like book tours or interviews on radio

>>20506838
>Romance Edition: What tropes do you find romantic?
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DaddysLittleVillain

>>20512206
>you get a cover artist
Not gonna lie I would drop $500 on good cover art because from what I've learned it's really a big driver in getting people to even find out what the story even is.

>>20512220
I'd say you only really need like 200-300 if you shop around

>>20512191
That's the idea but I want to make my writing less plain and boring without making it sound embarrassing. I also struggle with structuring it properly

>>20512226
Yeah I know, I'm just saying that out of most marketing things the book itself has a big impact on whether readers feel it is for them.

>>20512132
If you are a complete novice, I suggest you pick up the following books:
>The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing, Evan Marshall
>20 Master Plots and How To Build Them, Ronald Tobias
>Plot & Structure, James Scott Bell
>Description & Setting, Ron Rozelle
>Characters, Emotion & Viewpoint, Nancy Kress
>Revision & Self-Editing, James Scott Bell
>Dialogue, Gloria Kempton
These will give you the basic tools to write a novel. I'd also recommend:
>The Emotion Thesaurus, Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi
>The Negative Trait Thesaurus, Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi
>The Positive Trait Thesaurus, Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi
>The Conflict Thesaurus, Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi
>Fiction Writer's Phrase Book, Jackson Dean Chase (there are 8 books in this series, this one is the most generic. if you know you're going to write in a specific genre, get one of the more specific books, like the Horror Writer's Phrase Book)

>>20512125
I'm volunteering to fight in Ukraine to be more like my favorite cool guy authors. Hoping to mine the misery of war for cool guy author points, "real life experience" and social media clout. I'm exactly like Hemingway.

>>20512125
I'm going to be the next Hemingway, just not that Hemingway. I'm going to be the next Frank Hemingway. You've never heard of him, just like you'll never hear of me.

>>20512263
Thank you very much!

>>20512272
If you only pick up one book from that list, get the Marshall Plan. Evan Marshall's approach is VERY rigid and can feel a bit formulaic and artificial, but he really breaks down the literal How Tos of actually writing a novel in a way that is beautifully autistic. He even explains how to correctly write a paragraph and I use his FAD (Feeling > Action > Dialogue) method whenever I'm in doubt.

The other books go into much greater depth on their respective topics, though most of them have enough general writing advice that you'll find them repeating each other.

The last five books are reference works that are extremely useful for when you get stuck wondering how to describe actions and show emotions (rather than tell). I'd also add Val Kovalin's "How to Write Descriptions of Eyes and Faces" and "How to Write Descriptions of Hair and Skin," which are absurdly useful if you ever find yourself having to describe three different blondes in the same scene and need three different ways of saying "a blonde chick." That happens to me a lot.

>brandon sanderson wrote 13 books before he sold one
Is it even worth writing?

>>20512410
Brando Sando is actually a bad writer with boring versed and good grammar.
His claim to fame was finishing Wheel of Time but his own books are boring.
Don’t believe me? Read samples of his books. He pumps put volume, but it’s not good, it’s just graced by his name which is still riding on Robert Jordan’s coattails.

>>20512410
Ask yourself that on Monday when you resume slaving away at your thankless day job.

>>20512470
>be teacher
>summers off
>work ends at 2:30
>zoomies dont' like to learn
>rather do worksheets and watch videos
It's thankless, but I have time to write.

>>20512492
>zoomies dont' like to learn
And you do nothing about it?
Teachers were a lot different in my day.
No wonder they're importing guest workers by the truckload.

>>20512410
It's not about selling books, anon. It's about writing what you want to see in the world, writing what you want to read.

>>20512526
burger school is glorified daycare at best and ZOG indoctrination camp at worst

>>20512536
Sigh. Guess I can't argue with that.
Besides, the currency's gonna hit hyperinflation soon & we'll all be starving in no time.

>>20512533
Uuuugh hello, if you want professional writers and not people who write 1 book (the 1st book is always the worst) and leave writing forever, then you do want to incentivize writing.

>>20512526
nothing to do. You can give them lecture notes, analyze trends, read primary documents, compare and contrast different philosophies and ideologies, run games and simulations, and even have prizes. Their choice?
>Go on their cell phones and watch videos
>TAKE THEIR CELLPHONES AWAY
>Okay.jpg
Sit crossed armed and seething with rage that you took away their toy. Complain to parents, you get reprimanded for having no classroom management.
>okay.jpg
Still learn nothing, then start to take a metal pen tip and scratch up the desk.
>okay go to office.jpg
Administration calls.
>3 day suspension
>okay now he learns nothing those 3 days.
>returns
>does the same thing so he can get another 3 days off

Go ahead, tell me what I'm doing wrong. There's a reason why companies are firing kids after 2 weeks on the job.

>>20512556
>professional writers
Those people who just sit in a room and type shit on a word processor? It's hardly a profession, and art shouldn't be turned into careerism. Most people also see writing as something they'd do in retirement, you know, because it isn't a job.

>>20512557
Its the instant gratification that a phone brings. Its such a fucking plague

>>20512557
Flunk them?
Expel them?
Send them to 2nd-chance school?
Send them to juvenile hall?
Just spitballing...there's probably some lame reason those aren't options.

>>20506844
I finally started uploading the story I'd been writing for a while. It's no LitRPG but it's nice to finally get something out there.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/55012/almas-dreams-are-default

>>20512568
>>20512557
Just to show one of my lessons. We are to study the Prince and Humanism. We are breaking it down, talking about Christian faith and how it related to the Divine Right of Kings. Furthermore, how the development of the "Philosopher King"' set an idealized version of the ruler. The next week they would be analyzing Martin Luther's 95 thesis, and demonstrate how Kings used Martin Luther's criticisms of the Church to declare themselves of higher moral authority than the Church, and thus spur on Protestantism.

https://litter.catbox.moe/w4vr47.pdf

Nobody cared. They still think Martin Luther is Martin Luther King Jr.

>>20512586
That's pretty dry.
Who is that targeted towards...12th graders in the honors program?
You might need to hit them closer to where they live...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rStL7niR7gs
Feel free to ignore me...I clearly don't know what you go through.

>>20512573
>Flunk them?
I will have to offer afterschool tutoring, and parent/teacher conference with administrators that I am not doing enough to assist said student with enough time or one on one assistance.
>Expel them?
No can do. that's a district thing.
>Send them to 2nd-chance school?
Out of my jurisdiction. That's a district thing.
>Send them to juvenile hall?
Not a crime to not do assignments and try to better themselves.

>>20512602
Okay here's something sort of fun then. Medieval poetry and development of western culture.
>Nah this shit sucks Mr. Anon. We like da Cardi B. WAP Shit.
>I don't even know what they saying. This shit is whack!
>This shit ain't music. European music sucks shit, where's da RAP at?

https://litter.catbox.moe/8sobir.pdf

>>20512586
I once joked with my old gov teacher, who ran Mock Trial, that he should require all members of Mock Trial to read The Prince.

>>20512617
anyone that's remotely interested in Western thought and ideology needs to read The Prince.

>>20512427
I agree with this. I heard he's a nice person, but his books are simply not good. I read one and a half and dropped it. it's very generic and bland, and the prose is mediocre. it's uninspired. and that's after writing 13 other books before getting accepted, so imagine how bad the first ones were.

i feel like most mainstream contemporary writers are actually pretty trash. our education standards are low and people are being molded into being generic consoomers with no unique experiences. so they write the same bland trash as everyone else.

he's not horrible, just bland and functional. which is all he needs to be as he's a fantasy writer catering to neckbeards.

bears and snakes would make for great vampires, unless they could only drink the blood of their own

>>20512604
Maybe a nice novel about how much being a teacher these days sucks?
Then it gets made into a movie, we all get shocked, and public sentiment turns toward beating the living shit out of these reprobates?
At least you have time to write it now, and it'll probably be cathartic.

>>20512557
the problem is parents are lazy and stupid and don't raise their kids properly. most american children act like demons, and parents here think it's normal. then they grow up in a fagged up dumbed down school system catering to future welfare recipients, and wonder why the school with a teacher who has an IQ of 93 and doesn't "get" dostoevsky is failing to turn their spittle-mouthed hellspawn into albert einstein. we call those kids zoomers.

gen y, of course, are all products of child abuse, where gen z are all kids who were raised on ipads. gen alpha will be cave-crawling technological troglodytes with an average IQ of 83.

>>20512631
True. I originally said it as a joke, and he laughed and said it wasn't a half-bad idea, but I'm not sure he ever seriously considered it. The idea of turning a band of largely apolitical high schoolers into calculating Machiavellians just seemed funny to me.

>>20512638
I'll say this though. Students which are probably a lot of anons on 4chan, that have a drive to learn, and absorb knowledge are a joy to teach. There's always a good 5 of them that will critically analyze primary documents like the Prince, and reach real strong conclusions.

I played games all day today bros. Forgive me. But while I was watching, I did watch Stephen King give a neat lecture I remembered liking. His advice for aspiring writers? "Read more books".
https://youtu.be/gNvw0BcO_FM

>>20512651
>There's always a good 5 of them that will critically analyze primary documents like the Prince, and reach real strong conclusions.
Sounds about right. My HS classes, especially in econ, government, and US history, typically had the 3 or 4 who were extremely serious and motivated, dominating all the discussion, while the other 25-30 students watched.

>>20512613
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAus7TJSPYA

I like this song.

>>20512658
>dominating all the discussion, while the other 25-30 students watched.
I was one of those kids. My teacher regularly looked directly at me to let me know I'd been seen, but then he'd turn and directly ask someone else what they thought instead. He knew I knew the answers and would have a lot to add to the conversation, but if it was just going to be me and him, what was the point of the class? I respected him a lot in hindsight for dragging the other kids kicking and screaming into critical analysis.

>>20512651
Yep...and some of us get pseud teachers that get mad at us when we don't reach the establishment-approved conclusions.
Back in high school, I remember consistently having the highest grade in the class, and being the most disruptive kid in the class.
But this was high-level intellectual disruption, not stupid punk-ass behavior.

>>20512656
>Read more books.
This shouldn’t be exclusive to just aspiring writers, really everyone should follow this, regardless of hobbies or profession.

>>20512686
Yep. One part of the grade in Government for my class was to bring in a piece of news to discuss at the start of class. I ended up maxing out the point requirement and then started stacking extra credit as I kept going. Eventually, the teacher refused to call on me or the others who had maxed out and started picking people who didn't volunteer because they were hurting their own grades. I was holding like a 107% in the class at one point, so I totally supported him doing so. It was funny watching clearly unprepared people have to try and remember something they might've heard in passing on the local news their parents were watching the night before. Some actually started coming to me before class and asking for news, just in case they were called lol. Good times.

>>20512765
there's some redundancies and I do not like the first sentence introducing the proper noun "Library of Arena". We have zero context on what the Library of Arena is. Is it a Library or is it an Arena? Then the dust of the books make it sound like a dungeon, so we're leaning toward "Old ass battle colosseum", but then suddenly I was subverted with an old robot at the help desk. Don't use Antediluvian. It's too biblical, and not "Old". Sometimes you have to put away the thesaurus and use a nice simple word to help readers get absorbed into the world. Even something like
>Brennus's power suit released steam with every step. He ironically cleaned the floorboards that have not seen a mop for over a thousand years.

>>20512809
>Is it a Library or is it an Arena?
It means Library of Sand. Arena is the Latin word for Sand.
>Put away the thesaurus
I didn’t use a thesaurus. I know these words from reading people like Balzac.

>>20512822
Yea, then that's just showing my almond sized brain with your word choice. now make a decision do you wish to write to a level that will satisfy your literary merits or do you want to lower the bar and make the book more accessible for idiots such as myself?

>>20506838
Hello, this is the first poem I have ever written and I don't think it makes much sense, but I wrote what sounded good in my head. I would appreciate your criticism:

Fate, late at night her quiet makes
The seventh heaven spin in its spindle.
Little lights that rise, fall, and dwindle
into nothingness only make the eyes that
Gaze upon your beauty brighter, kindled.

My eye is the eye of heaven, my gaze
Is light itself. Beauty, above what is beautiful; Beauty, its likeness unto you.
Let light cast its shadow, so that I may gaze
And touch, upon a visage most perfect:
Your grace, and elegance, none in surfeit.

What are some other ways of making a genuinely malicious main protagonist more palatable to an audience than simply making them beautiful/handsome or charismatic?

>>20512854
someone can be malicious without coming across a villain
Conan was malicious towards Tulsa Doom

>>20506838
Tolstoy is REALLY making me enjoy third omniscient.
>>20512854
Make his malice a function of his values which are hard to find fault in. Or turn his malice toward someone more reprehensible than him, relative to the story.

>>20512857
i probably should have made it more clear. i aim for the main protagonist to be at least somewhat comparable to Judge Holden in terms of sheer maliciousness.

>>20512828
Well, I'll just try to be minimalist for the rest of it. It will probably bring out the absurdism and humour more. I guess the style wasn't coming off in an engaging way.

>>20512854
by writing like a mature human being instead of being a teenage edgefag

>>20512125
What if I unironically want to be the next F Gardner?

>>20512875
Why are we getting such awful critique lately?

Why are we getting such awful critique lately?

>>20512888
What critiques have been awful and what do you not like about them?

>>20512888
Nobody even gives critiques. Hell I didn't get a single reply to my chapter yet.

>>20511843

>>20512912
If you want a guaranteed critique, join a writing group, even an online one.

>>20512919
My group meets once a month and they're way too nice or claim it's "so good" when I know it's not.

That said their writing is pretty shit and I get bored reading all the ummms, wahhhs, and ughs, with flaming swords of darkness that only can penetrate the light. For some reason there has been a trend in my group to make good buys bad and bad guys good. So all the evil powers are there to save humanity.

I probably joined the wrong group. They like writing fantasy and mine is historical fiction

>>20512899
Look at this shit.
>>20512828
>>20512809
>>20512602
>>20512163
>>20512099
>>20511896
Almost every single story posted in this thread has a critique from someone who has literally no clue what they are talking about.
>dumb it down for me
>I don't know what I'm talking about, you can ignore me. here's an unrelated youtube video
>you should have your horse fucker incel go to the gym and talk about pussy. I'm not relating to it if you don't.
>that's not how poker works!
At least horseanon pushed back against the awful critique.

>>20512912
I don't know anon. I feel like you need to redo that entire poker scene after that biting critique.

>>20512927
>I probably joined the wrong group. They like writing fantasy and mine is historical fiction
I’m the same but I just tell them to read better authors. I don’t think it gets through to them. I got pretty dissuaded from historical fiction because they don’t believe stuff that really happened… they keep thinking I made stuff up or my voice isn’t genuine. I was almost tempted to put this Twain quote as an epigram:
>Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.

>>20512934
Since you called me out. I am dumbing down anon. It's a legitimate critique. If the reader isn't understanding what's going on, it's a problem. Unless you're looking for a highly specific reader base, morons like myself will be turned off. Readbility is important.

Why don't you critique something then.

>>20512957
Like you said.
>now make a decision do you wish to write to a level that will satisfy your literary merits or do you want to lower the bar and make the book more accessible for idiots such as myself?
He's obviously chosen not to write for someone with a grade 8 reading level. You're a retard for suggesting he do otherwise.

>>20512962
Then that's his decision. But if you're going to post something and say critique this shit. Then I will critique it. And I doubt that since it's a sci-fi fantasy book about a dude going into s library to check out s book to gain power.

That premise is made for 8th graders. The problem is you. You didn't even read his work and just attacked my critique. You're the retard here.

>>20512969
What kind of retard are you? State your nationality and race.

>>20512975
>Another autism retard that won't admit he's wrong
>Goes race baiting
Fuck off back to /pol/

>>20512981
You dumb gorilla nigger retard. You're going to sit there and tell me that every piece of writing here should be dumbed down a primary school reading level because you're an ESL with an IQ below room temperature? Unironically kill yourself.

>>20512854
Make him rape women. Other women will eat that shit up.

What's with these unemployed losers demanding more than $10,000 advances? Books barely make money in the same way as music, so her comparison is nonsensical. If I were the head of a publishing house, I'd probably be much more strict about who I accepted and how many books they owed me.

>>20512998
>Still hasn't critiqued anyone

Does anyone have any tips on how to get around anxiety when you write? It's so hard for me not to over scrutinize my ideas before I've even had a chance to develop them into a rough draft. I feel like a retard.

>>20513060
To draft, simply just go ahead and let your subconscious work everything out. There's no need to find an original or best idea. Don't overthink it at all. You will figure it all out without even reflecting on it much consciously.
There's also tools you can use so you don't see what you've written. I think the best way is to use pen and paper or a typewriter if you can find one cheap. Just draft. Edit later. The thing with drafting is that you never have to settle for the first rendition, second rendition, third rendition, ... ad. inf. You can just keep drafting until you've got a huge amount of writing. Don't worry about it being perfect or even efficient, just get the story and ideas out there.

I want to have a finished manuscript by August 28th because reasons. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

How long does something need to be for it to be considered a novel/book instead of a short story? The horror story im writing is starting to get long, and I'm only at the beginning of it, so I wanted to know.

also im tipsy so im sorry if this doesn't make much sense

>>20513156
60k words is usually the cut off for a novella to be a novel.

>>20506844
My idea is very bad but it's more a tool to get me writing as I'm just beginning as a writer. Girl's grandmother dies, leaving her in charge of the apothecary business. She then goes on cosy errands where she fetches ingredients for potions for clients.
To give myself a bit of extra writing practice I'm also just going to have random vignettes of other interesting characters as they appear.
It's heavily inspired by/ripped off from a story called Mater Tennenbaum by Pilar Pedraza.

Setting up the scene fastest and nicest? I hate it when there’s the narrator’s voice but the stage has no lights on. I go to do better but I do the same thing when I write. Rambling but no lights.

>>20512039
i want to keep up with this story.
I genuinely like it.
your writing is good anon, how do i follow you?

>>20513456
I don't have any social media. I'll post the remaining 2k words within the next month or so.
I'm glad you like it though. If you want something with a similar style that does a far better job go read Antkind. That might hold you over until I'm done autisming Path of Exile.

>>20513472
ohh thanks for the recommend. its going on my list.
Keep writing anon, your style is good. The writing was a little "rough around the edges" towards the latter half but I know you're still working on it so all's forgiven.
Genuinely lol'd I'm going to read it to some friends.

>>20513497
Can you point out the things you feel are rough around the edges? I'm still quite new to writing, only having been at this for a couple months now, so rough around the edges doesn't give me much to go off of.
Are you talking about the accented dialogue? I know some people here have issues with that after seeing China anon's story.

Is it a cop-out to have magic in my story happen without any kind of 'spellcasting'? Do you think it needs telegraphed with some kind of action or speech? I was going to have it essentially happen as an act of will - the character thinks it, and it happens, without the thinking being explicitly stated.

>>20513514
no

>>20513514
This kind of magic system is pretty broken and turns easily against the author. How to justify where the magic starts and where it ends? Eddings' Belgariad has this kind of magic and how do the wizards fight? Well, they just sort of magically sense what the other guy is doing and somehow respond in time. It's vague and cheap and oftentimes too convenient for the plot

>>20510153
>>20510995
>>20511733
Kind of a late reply but thank you for the feedback, means a lot when people actually like what I come up with.The way I've got it set up right now is that the first chapter taking place from his PoV shows what he's like and how he thinks while sober. It's all very tense, he rarely speaks, fidgets with his hands and gives very short, very awkward sounding responses to people, while in the second chapter he starts to loosen up and everything slowly becomes more colorful, both people and surroundings.

I'm also trying to set up a dynamic where other PoV characters, namely his brother, are pretty oblivious to his drinking at the start and assume that he's just a bubbly, social guy, but over time he starts to drink more and more as he becomes desensitized and conflict ensues.

>>20513514
It can work, but I suggest you think about adding some sort of unique way of telegraphing to your system. Spitballing here, but you can maybe have your magic duels or whatever be kind of like fencing. Two opponents look at sublte cues in the way their opponent is acting and try to catch a slip up or crack in their guard / timing to exploit. I've always been a fan of magic systems that aren't so much a battle of raw power but a battle of wit. Of course, it's your story and you can take it wherever you want, but it might be a cool way to have your peeps become stronger not just by becoming physically more powerful, but learning how to think in the moment and learning how to read their opponent.

>>20513600
Nice, I'm looking forward to your progress with it

>>20513077
not a cop out, thats like how psionics work, or general psychic abilities

also reminds me of psykers in 40K

>>20513565
Yeah I understand what you mean, there are no real limits.
>>20513600
I'll have to think of some way of telegraphing it that isn't too cumbersome or that will become repetitive.
>But it might be a cool way to have your peeps become stronger
I was initially thinking of having the system be emotion-based and less controllable at the start, but eventually they learn how to channel it somehow.

I'm 12k words into my first novel-length story. It feels nice, even though it's not very good - I'm just using it as a tool to get better at writing, and because it's genuinely fun to write it.
Just wanted to share my happiness with you all.

>>20513736
I'm 66k words in and it isn't getting any better. Feels bad, man.

>>20513755
It doesn't need to get better. Perhaps if you thought it was better, you'd be too afraid to write it for fear of messing it up.
The next one you write will be better because of this one. Keep at it, anon.

>>20513759
But how many do I need to get good enough to be published?

>>20513763
A lot, apparently.

>>20513818
I already have 100 rejections over 24 months of sending stuff out. From what I know of genre fic markets, which I haven't tried much, they also want everything sent to them to not be considered anywhere else.

>>20513763
Who knows. I don't think you need to be 'good' enough to be published, look at how many shitty writers get published for stories that cover the big YA trends. I don't think you need to be 'good' enough, so much as you need to be lucky.

>>20513830
I can't improve luck, that stat is set at character creation

>>20513830
That YA stuff sells, which is why it's taken up. It's a no-brainer what publishers are after. They are trying to meet the costs of printing, designing, layout, editing, paying authors, and marketing.

Any books on how to write written by actual good writers? King's book doesn't count (I've read it anyway). What about actual canonical writers?

>>20513902
>Any books on how to write written by actual good writers?
Listen, you're going about it all wrong if you're looking for guidebooks or manuals or top ten tips and tricks or anything like that. Just read. Read the greats. Then write. Practice writing every day. Read every day.

>>20513902
>canonical writers?
What does this even mean? Bestsellers? Award winners?

Are you aiming to get published? Then read the newest releases. Do you want to win the Nobel Peace Prize in literature? There's no help for that.

>>20513824
>I already have 100 rejections over 24 months of sending stuff out.
How far have you gotten in the process? Have you gotten any bites on your queries and they pass once they read the material?

>>20513953
> Nobel Peace Prize in literature?

>>20513976
Shit. This whole time I've thought the award was called Nobel Peace. Turns out it's just Nobel and peace is one of the categories. Anyway, you guys should check out the winners of the Nobel Prize in literature.

added more paragraph breaks
https://docs.google.com/document/d/17lyhWQgkKEI5SO9g4D6gtJSXAxjpsyHsZTdB9VZQkrQ/edit?usp=sharing

>>20513995
I have. I don't like most of them.

>>20514001
>Red light shimmered in the morning mist the sun’s rays broke over the jagged horizon
If your first sentence is a grammatical mess why would anyone bother reading the rest?

>>20513818

Publishing is retarded. It favors perseverance above all else. Agents and editors have no real clue what's good if they're rejecting shit like Harry Potter a hundred times before someone decides to give it a shot.

There's no good reason for publishers to exist in the age of the internet. Authors can throw out their stories to the public and let the good ones will rise to the top. Even if they don't, the system will be no worse than what exists today.

>>20513824
Dude. Stop. Genre fic has been fully amateurized. Self publish on Amazon like a sane person.

>>20513832
Exactly, so may as well forget about it and just write. No harm in trying to get things published but I don't think it should be the alpha and omega for a writer.

>>20513841
It's strange how people age out of reading somehow, as if adults think that reading fiction is for teenagers.

>>20514044
>It's strange how people age out of reading somehow
I think when people settle down into their soulsucking wagie jobs there's simply no energy left at the end of the day for literature. They just want to zone out on the couch and watch Netflix or scroll Twitter while they inebriate themselves.

>>20514044
I don't understand the reason behind elitism in literature. Muh fantasy is for children muh lotr is a kids book muh literary fiction muh bla bla bla. It's legitimately asinine to discredit a whole genre of literature just like that. For every shit fantasy writer there's an equally shitty realism writer. Oh, and arbitrary divisions like genre and litfic are reductive and cancer.

>>20514097
>I don't understand the reason behind elitism in literature
Maybe because literary fiction is primarily concerned with the beauty of language and what life means and fantasy is concerned with goblins and wizards.

>>20513019
They're expecting to be the next billion sale author and they really don't realize that market is pretty much closed and done with. Traditionally published authors took years to ramp up their fan bases and it really wasn't until the internet when fans could connect across long distances and talk about the stories they love with other people. I mean, think about it. Who are the biggest authors in the English world right now? King, Rowling, and airport novelists like Grisham, Patterson, Steele, etc. All of them really got their kickstart before the internet and then the internet allowed them to hugely expand what was already a stable reader base.
I think their expectations are simply too high. You can't expect $10,000 advances for an unestablished author to try to plant a flag. The sales margin is too small. If you really want to make money, I'd think you'd have a better shot self publishing.

Isn't the best way to make money now is to be a web novelist?

>>20512561
>look at me guys! I added ism onto career and therefore it’s a bad thing like all the other isms I hate.
Cringe. Also most people do not see writing as something they do in retirement. You just pulled that out of your ass. I call it an assism.

>>20514130
I'll let you know if/when I make any money on my webnovels.

>>20514130
If you can write, with passable quality, 10,000 words a day. Yes.

>watch YouTube authors
>Large following
>Thousands of fans
>Most of their books get shit on and generally bad
>Maybe one or two are good
How come YouTubers that give tips to write are usually shit? And why won't big publishers pick them up to edit it. It's a lot of money there

>>20514001
Spend more time doing more thoughtful edits before reposting. You don't owe us updates and nobody wants to reread 4 versions of the same thing over like 3 days. Take your time senpai it's not a race and you'll get more/higher quality feedback from people like me.

>>20514130
People spam this meme as some sort of pyramid scheme but I've seen no data supporting you're proportionally more likely to make money writing webshit. One group wants to be the next King/Brando Sando, the other group all thinks they'll be StinkyPiratePussy or Will Wight. At least the trad pubbers realize they're likely only making a pittance in most cases though.

>>20514238
Because YouTube is free advertising. Some are decent though like Shaelin.

>>20514238
Those who cannot do, teach.

Is Walden a good resource to emulate since he's a up and coming contemporary writer?

>>20514153
>You just pulled that out of your ass. I call it an assism.
I met university professors in my studies who wanted to write fiction in retirement. Most of the people in my writing group are over 50. Maybe go outside.

>>20512854
>making a genuinely malicious main protagonist more palatable
make him funny. sarcasm is good
make him competent. he's an expert with explosives
write him so that his evil plans make a short of crazy sense, like thanos
show him being kind to kids and pets

>>20513060
just power through your rough draft
it's not uncommon for authors to more than 5 drafts, so you will improve the work on the second draft, third, etc
it's important to get the 1st draft written

>>20514241
Those who cannot do or teach, seethe.

>>20512617
>>20512631
>>20512645
Perhaps they'd enjoy a book that's something of an updated version of "The Prince".
I know I enjoyed it quite a bit.

>>20513902
writingexcuses.com
howard sucks but the other 3 are good

>>20513995
/lit/ everyone.

>>20514345
To be fair, it used to just be the nobel peace prize. All the other prizes came after the fact

>>20513019
and the best thing is they almost all write derivative genrefiction and YA, indistinguishable from the rest of the titles flooding the genres, formulaic, mediocre logs pinched off and paraded as if they're the best thing ever written. none has humility or scope of perspective. the worst writers are the most entitled.

>off to Starbucks to write another chapter of my book
Why is it so hard for me to write are home?

>>20514304
>I met these very specific cases and can’t contemplate my cognitive biases
Wew lad, full of assisms.

>>20514240
>>20514017
i put it into grammarly to help with my grammar. I see that there were several mistakes I just glossed over

>>20514384
>are
your dyslexia

>>20513995
>This whole time I've thought the award was called Nobel Peace

>>20514435
Hopefully it pointed out all the missing punctuation, too.
You'll get more useful critiques if you don't assault your reader with clear evidence of your lack of craftsmanship.

You’re never going to get published and you’ll never be a world famous author so why waste your time writing? Why not do something that actually benefits you like getting fit or having a hobby that allows you to socialize with others?

>>20514384
there is a park where i would write in a notebook and that was great but now I'm typing more. Im thinking about getting a table for my apartment balcony

>>20514450
yea knowing when to use commas is a challenge for me when it relates to prepositional phrases and apostrophes for 'It"

>>20514454
better than your hobby of being a demoralization fag on a Chinese cartoon board

>>20514454
>Go to gym
>Nobody talks to me
>Go play recreation basketball
>Too shit nobody wants to team
>Always on the bench
>Go play magic the gathering
>Nerds even more awkward than me don't talk
>Go fishing
>Nobody talks
>Go do pottery
>Nobody talks to me

I'm just a friendless loser that can only find comfort through my own musings

He then began by slicing around the knees to loose the skin
or
He then began by slicing around the knees to loosen the skin

I like the way the first sounds it feels more artistic. Sound I be extremely formal or can I be creative when it comes to the rules of grammar?

>>20514454
Your demotivational seething will continue to fall on deaf ears.
Why waste your time doing it, knowing you're only trying to fill that gaping void in your soul where your self-esteem should be?

>>20514454
To spite you.

>>20514502
He began slicing around the knee to loosen the skin

>>20512492
>>20512536
>>20512557
>>20512604
>>20512613
Here's something I wrote for our thread's exasperated educators.
Tell me if I should bother to continue.
-----
The teacher opened the door to his classroom and sighed. Most of his students were staring blankly at their cell phones, watching videos or posting on social media. Relatively fewer were engaged in animated conversations, punctuated with mild acts of fraternal violence. One couple in the back of the classroom immersed themselves in heavy kissing; his hand was under her blouse, visibly moving near her chest.
He walked calmly to his desk, grabbing a heavy textbook. In an instant, he brought it down on the table; a loud report ripped through the classroom. Most of the students jumped, their eyes suddenly focused on the front of the room. A few didn't react, continuing to gaze at their screens. An indignant feminine voice floated from the back: "Ow! You bit my tongue, you jerk!" Scattered giggles flitted across the desks.
The teacher smiled at his charges like a shark stalking its lunch. "I have a special treat for you reprobates. A good friend of mine has agreed to speak to all of you! Won't *that* be nice?"
"Will this be on the test?" asked one self-satisfied voice.
The teacher focused on the speaker. "Yes, but not in the way you're expecting." That was met with a confused stare.
The door resounded with a light knock; it opened to reveal the face of a nerdy, middle-aged man with thick glasses. "Carl!" the teacher cried out. "So glad you could come." He swept his hand over the classroom. "They're waiting for you."
"Thank you!" he replied, his smile beaming.
"Whoa...get a load of the nerd," a young voice rang out, followed by several mocking giggles.
Carl caught the upstart's eye. "I have a joke for you. What will you call a nerd in ten years?"
"I dunno," burbled the young man. "Nerd?" That provoked another swarm of snickering.
Carl leaned in. "No...*boss*." The laughter suddenly stopped.

>>20514510
what are your thoughts on formality though? I am trying to see it from the reader's perspective because for me using "loose" feels like I'm immersing the reader whereas "loosen" feels like I'm telling not showing

>>20514454
Why would I want to spend time around other people when I'm not getting paid for it?

>>20514104
Thanks for proving my point.

>>20514515
The teacher addressed his class. "I've brought Mr. Russell in here today to talk about your future. He has a lot of life experience, and you'd do well to learn from him." He turned to look at his guest. "They're all yours."
Carl perused his audience; many unsettled eyes returned his gaze. His glance fell on one particular student, attention still locked on his cell phone. He walked up to the young man and stared at him; there was no reaction. He took the screen out of his hand and looked at it.
"Hey!" the teen whined. "That's mine! Give it back!"
Carl watched a video of a teen trying to pull a stunt on his skateboard, failing badly, and injuring himself, as his friends silently mocked the disappointing outcome. He handed the phone back; his reward was a sullen glare and the return of eyes to screen.
"What's your name, son?" Carl asked. There was no response.
Carl turned around. "Hey, teach...this kid doesn't know his name. Do you have it?" Some light chortling erupted; the video fan looked up briefly, his lips pursed in an angry expression.
"That would be Caleb," the teacher revealed. "Good luck."
Carl turned back to Caleb; he had resumed staring at his screen. "You like watching videos, huh, Caleb?" There was no answer; Carl smirked. "Well, I think you should enjoy them as much as possible, right now, and with any time you can spare." Caleb looked up momentarily with an irritated expression, then resumed his viewing. A few quiet conversations filled the silence with light twittering.
Carl leaned in. "Because this is as good as your life is going to get. This is the *peak*. It's all downhill from here."
The chittering stopped; Caleb looked up sullenly. "You don't know *nothin'*, old man."
"Oh, don't I?" Carl replied, a thin smile on his lips. "Your childhood is the one chance you get to prepare for the rest of your life, and here you are, squandering that with stupid distractions."

>>20514454
>You’re never going to get published and you’ll never be a world famous author so why waste your time writing? Why not do something that actually benefits you like getting fit or having a hobby that allows you to socialize with others?

Why waste time getting fit if I'll never be a gold medal Olympian? Why bother socializing if I'll never be a celebrity?

>>20514534
Carl knelt down, bringing his head in line with Caleb's. "What do you plan to do after leaving high school?"
"I dunno," Caleb shot back. "Keep watching videos."
"And who's going to pay for that?" Carl asked. "You think your parents are going to let you continue to slack off?" There was no answer.
Carl stood up again. "I have a story for you, Caleb. I heard it from someone I used to work with. You know what his dad told him on his 18th birthday?" He switched to a more gravelly voice. "Well, son, you're 18 today. You can come over on Sundays for dinner, but you have to call first." He paused a moment and resumed his normal voice. "And with that, they shoved him out the door."
Caleb looked up. "My parents would never do that to me."
Carl snickered. "In other words, you're going to be just as surprised." Caleb continued to glare at him. "So what are *you* going to do if that happens to you? Couch surf?" He adopted a dazed, burnt-out voice. "Thanks for letting me crash on your couch, man." He punctuated that with a short cough; a few cackles escaped from the audience. "Or will you just go straight to being homeless? The big guys will take your phone from you within ten minutes, and if you resist them, you'll be rewarded with a jagged, rusty hunk of metal shoved into your belly." The mocking laughter increased.
"Dude, why're you picking on me?" Caleb snarled.
Carl looked up; his eyes swept over the room. "Oh, this goes for most of the rest of you. So you shouldn't laugh." The room suddenly went silent, except for a few straight-laced types near the front of the room, who took a few more moments to quiet down.
Carl fixed his gaze on Caleb once more. "I chose you because you didn't even have the courtesy to pay attention. You just kept watching your mind-numbing videos. So you have no one to blame but yourself."
Caleb seethed wordlessly, then pressed a button on the side of his phone and set it down. The screen went blank.
-----
Should I bother to continue?

>>20514502
Loosen. Loose is letting something go, such as an arrow from a bow or a dog off its chain.

Also get rid of 'began'. 99% of the time 'started' and 'began' can get axed.

>>20514515
>>20514534
You've hooked me. Keep it going!

"Relatively fewer" i think that would sound better as "few"

>He walked calmly to his desk
He strode to his desk

remove all "suddenly"s

>The door resounded with a light knock;
I don't care for the word resounded being used with light knock

other than that it sounds good, however, every zoomer has heard the nerd-to-boss speech before because of this meme

>>20514552
>Should I bother to continue?
Put it in pastebin or catbox

>>20514556
>started
>began
are those state of being verbs?

>>20514556
I used "loose" in that way to create a sense of drama as the skin and tendons are cut. The skin is being released

>>20514552
Not realistic enough.
>I dunno," Caleb shot back. "Keep watching videos."
"And who's going to pay for that?" Carl asked. "You think your parents are going to let you continue to slack off?" There was no answer.

This isn't the response, the response is to have some elaborate idea in fixing cars or owning their business, or working for their parents, or some other fantastical shit. Then claim they'll make more money than the other guy.

Or say they have 10k viewers on tik tok and when they turn 18, gonna get sponsored.

>>20514552
outside the adverbs it was very engaging and well written

>>20514591
>state of being verbs
What? What the hell is that? I don't think they're stative verbs, if that's what you mean.

>>20514630
state-of-being verb identifies who or what a noun is, was, or will be.

>>20514607
How is that more dramatic? It just weird to me. If you want to use it like that, you should say "He loosed the skin from the bone" or something.

>>20514608
This 100%, most zoomers are like this. They also say youtube, twitch or some podacast and act like those are remotely viable careers

>>20514640
i suppose it is. I would like a second opinion by another anon just to confirm that it is weird

>>20514521
If you're going to show them you're going to have to use a different sentence.
>Blood coated his knife as it sliced past the skin and into the flesh around his thighs

>>20514649
Also with today's inflation you're seeing 16 year olds make $20 /hour so why do they need education?

>>20514662

He sliced into the skin around the knees to free the flesh. His strokes were smooth and sharp. No blood appeared on his knife nor from the incision. He pulled open the slit relieved the blood had drained.

>>20514694
They are shit with money. I got out of highschool a few years back, not a single person I know from then was remotely competent with money and they would constantly overcharge their debit cards. this was despite them working a job. Teenagers waste money waaaay too easily for them to be able to rely on wageslave shit

I have to rewrite 4 chapters
this is pain

>>20514742
Much better but you don't need the second sentence now. The bloodless implies surgical precision

>>20514552
Setting his phone down Caleb stared at this pathetic shell of a man projecting his own failures on a child.
"I am afraid you have severely underestimated my power level sensei".
Caleb placed his palms together and formed a level 3 ball lightning.
Carl immediately knew he was doomed, he had not assigned any level 3 lightning counter spells to his spell slots that day.
Out of the ruins of the school Caleb and his gang of weeb sorcerers created a kingdom that would last a thousand years and make a trillion funny and epic youtube videos.

>>20514783
good catch thanks

>>20514788
check em

>>20514578
Thanks!
>>20514590
Sure...if/when it becomes longer.
>>20514608
That comes later, when Carl addresses a different student.
>>20514742
So they're not still making $20/hr. when they're 34?
>>20514788
Good point...I should totally have one of the kids pretend he has anime powers, only to get shut down for being out of touch with reality.

OK, back to morning errands.

>>20514788
Now this is a story

>>20514814
i would like to know what the story is about because it feels like a made-up story for motivational speakers. l

>>20514334
I thought it went "those who cannot teach, teach gym."

Do any of you draw or represent your characters other than writing them?

>>20515002
no, i have in the past but now i try to give my characters as little form as possible to stimulate the reader's imagination

>>20515002
No I just tell my readers my female characters have B sized breasts and a rounded butt made for molestation and sexual harassment

>>20506844
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/436962/a-hero-among-monsters/

>>20514505
Why would I be any more pathetic than when you tried to demotivate me?

Your honor, my client has not been procrastinating all day. True, he has not written a single word into the document containing his manuscript, but this is only a quantitative measure of his output. What we should concern ourselves with is the qualitative.
My client read a Michael Crichton book today, from cover to cover. Eaters of the Dead, it's called. Perhaps you know the story better by the name of the movie based on it, the 13th Warrior? Starring Antonio Banderas? No?
At any rate this book deals with some of the same themes my client's work touches on. People of different cultural, ethnic and religious backgrounds meeting, mingling and befriending one another. Is not reading one of the masters exactly what a would-be writer should do? Is it not always decried that /wg/ does not read?
I put it to you, your honor, that my client has spent this day conducting research, not procrastinating.
Now he has, having finished the book, mostly watched youtube videos and lurked 4chan. That is very true. But do ideas not require time to percolate in the brain? Is it not taught to us in school that what we study only truly imprints into our minds after good night's sleep?
Your honor, my client is perfectly productive on this fine Sunday. Claims that he should spend one of his free days to write, say, 1k words, are purely born out of ignorance. Ignorance of the creative process. Pseuds and crabs, meerkats and anime writers. These are ill names to call anyone, and my client does not count himself among their number. It is not by the number of words that a work is truly made, but by their quality.
I believe, firmly, that tomorrow he will make up for the lack of apparent progress today, that tomorrow we will see 2k words, easily.

>writing a sci-fi story set in an area of space that has had no contact with Earth, meaning no one has any concept of the imperial or metric systems or any familiar measurements of time
I didn't think through how much of an issue this would become. For the first draft I'm just ignoring it, but it'll be a nightmare when I get to editing and have to figure out how to say a character's age or height, or have someone report how long it'll take to travel somewhere.

>>20515106
kek

>>20515106
All those words could have been used on your draft instead of a shit post

>>20515145
Same goes for your post, hypocrite that you are.

>>20515106
>the 13th Warrior? Starring Antonio Banderas?
Hell yeah, a great movie

>>20515145
If we all put as many words into shitposts as we did our drafts, the world would be a better place.

>>20515106
>My client read a Michael Crichton book today, from cover to cover. Eaters of the Dead, it's called. Perhaps you know the story better by the name of the movie based on it, the 13th Warrior? Starring Antonio Banderas? No?
I just got recommended this book on Friday. Who are you? Stay out of my head

>>20515134
you really dont want to go down the distance and time shit in space travel. keep it simple most readers nor authors are gonna want to have to explain advanced physics

>>20515156
If you dumb niggers responded as much to people’s actual writing instead of shit posts maybe they’d put as much effort into their writing.

>>20515165
I'm not worried at all about that. When it gets into the sci-fi measurements it's easy to handwave, but the practical day to day descriptions are a hurdle. The only thing that translates intuitively are days, which can be explained with a standard wake/sleep cycle.

Ayo my brother in Christ, you writin somethin that's gonna change how we think about shit. That's the word on God bruh, no cap. Get to work my man. Write somethin that's bussin af.

>>20515158
There are actually only about six dozen books in the entire world. It looks like more from the outside, but those will never be opened by you so they don’t need to be written.

>>20515170
A little levity goes a long way towards lifting men's spirits. But a shitpost? Your honor I was following the precedent of medieval tradition! Was it not the prerogative of the court jester, no, their very duty, in fact, to point out the folly of the high and mighty? To poke fun and through satire show the underlying truths that others feared to speak out?
It's true that we put overmuch stock in the number of words written. It's true that we take ourselves too seriously, when our pursuit should be a joyous one, our camaraderie merry and upbeat.
It is also a fact, that people fixate on content, content, content, while forgetting the other con, that is context. What is the context of their work? Whom do they follow in style and substance? Do they even have either, or are their words mere mechanical typing, a flood of characters in the document that exist to see an arbitrary number go up, perhaps in some vain hope that they'll fix it in editing, when they have no idea how to do so?
Far from a shitpost, I believe I am in fact providing an effortpost.

>>20515184
Ayo fr fr no cap on god we bussin on sum philosophy shit rn.

>>20511683
I love this. I don’t really write so I don’t have much to offer that would be considered useful to you. You keep writing it and I’ll keep reading it.

>>20515042
The writing is digestible and inoffensive. Only saw a few mistakes, but I also didn't scrutinize it.
>Tad figured her could shield Glum from harm
>was said he conducted cruel experimented on orcs and trolls
It flows fine. Some dialogue tags felt unnecessary/amateurish. Minor complaints considering it's SH/RR genre fiction--general audience won't be bothered.

That said, since you didn't specify what advice you wanted, I'm going to offer some that you might not care about.

The assumption I'm making is that you want an audience. With that in mind, though the writing quality isn't impressive, it's better or equal to most popular stories on RR and SH, so that isn't your issue. These are:
> milquetoast summary (along with the cover, this is your best shot to pull someone in ... why is it so bland?)
> a premise that isn't popular in RR/SH circles
> inconsistent schedule
> lying in summary about release frequency (loses reader trust)

Output and consistency is a big deal for making it in RR and SH. A trendy premise is too, but there are plenty of exceptions if the writing is good enough--and the story picks up steam (luck always plays a part).

As for bigger picture stuff ... the premise is uninteresting to me, so I won't be reading further, and can't offer critique there. That's a taste thing, so don't worry over it.

I wish you luck, anon. Keep it up.

>>20514833
As I said, it's something I wrote for our thread's exasperated educators.

>>20515049
I never demotivate anyone on this thread.

>>20514924
I've long said "those who can't teach, administrate".

>>20514828
There's no end of isekai/anime/weeabo/whatever identical to this.

Do you think your writing matters?

>sell me video games to someone so I can write more
>start talking about books
>Oh you'd like my brother he was a ghost writer for Orson Scott Card
>we're LDS
Bros, I got the Mormon mafia on my side now. I cant believe this.

>>20515348
I'll write stuff that matters once I'm successful enough to write for a living.
Until then, all that matters is writing popular stuff that sells.

>>20515358
Nice. Mormons will promote your book. Join their church, they'll assist you in your career and you can breed with a cute girl and have 10 babies with her.

What do you guys think about using vocal tics like "uh," or "like," in dialogue?
I talk out dialogue while writing it, so it sounds good and natural to me, but I realize for people who read silently in their head it may read more as roadbumps than a naturally flowing conversation.
At the same time, it adds a certain realism I like.
But is this a "kill your darlings" situation where just because I like the feel of something, it doesn't mean I should include it?
What're your guys' thoughts?

>>20514515
>>20514534
>>20514552
Here's my vague sketch for how the rest will go.
I didn't repeat the ideas mentioned by others, e.g. a jock who thinks he's going to play football professionally, the one with the elaborate idea of fixing cars or owning their business (or working for their parents), the wannabe TikTok/YouTube/Twitch/etc. star, and my personal favorite, the weeabo that thinks anime powers are real. (Kids be like that? Rly?)

He even takes the nerds down a notch.
He impresses upon them that merely learning facts isn't sufficient.
Carl points out that he works in R&D, where creativity and vision are just as important as having a firm grounding in science and engineering.

It finally comes down to one student, one that appears to meet Carl's standards.
He's creative and intelligent, but the teacher says he can be disruptive.
Carl points out that, back in high school, he not only had the highest grade in the class, but was also the most disruptive.
The teacher cautions Carl; he was invited here to back up the teacher!
Carl says he was invited here to talk to the students, and that's what he's doing. So even the teacher isn't safe from Carl.
Carl tells the kid he'll make things tougher on himself by constantly challenging authority, but if he can strike a balance, then good fortune willing, he has a long and happy life ahead of him.

Finally, Carl looks over the class, and says he's done, for he no longer sees a single self-satisfied smirk.
He wraps it up and leaves.
The students are silent for a moment.
The student from the beginning once again pipes up, and asks if this is going to be on the test.
The teacher says that the test is how they live their lives, and how successful they are in the future, and whether they succumb to the obvious pitfalls that Carl pointed out to them.

>>20515405
sheesh

>>20515425
The teacher says that, after lunch, they'll resume their lesson on the philosophy of rulers, and discuss The Prince by Machiavelli.
One student asks what relevance that has in their lives; none of them are princes.
The teacher explains that it applies to rulers of all kinds, and it's important for the ruled-over to understand it, so they know when they're being manipulated.
Someone complains that The Prince was too difficult to understand.
The teacher points out that's because they neglected their education up to this point, and there's nothing he can do about that.
If they want to fill the gaps they left in their own education, they'll have to learn things outside of school.
In reply to the sea of whines, he points out that the longer they wait, the more far behind they'll fall, and that it's up to them to decide when to stop digging themselves into the hole.

The lunch bell rings; instead of leaping up, screaming, and cheering as usual, they slowly get out of their seats, shuffle to the door, and throw the teacher a bunch of haunted looks.
The last one closes the door as they leave; the teacher lets out a happy sigh, and says "Now *that's* education."

>>20515405
I remove it unless it's important at relaying something.

Does the speech invoke nationalism for you? Or does it sound too stupid?

Quick question.

Do I add a page break with three asterisks like that to signify a shift in perspective, or can I just start a new paragraph without it?

>>20515436
>and it all falls on deaf ears
>wondering if they want to get coffee at starbucks or Dutch bros
>check out my new fortnight character
>genshin impact and roblox is so fun!
>damn check out the titties on that teacher
>Fuck Donald Trump!
>LETS GO BRANDON!
>Ugh, I have a math test
>History is so boring
>I want to suck Mr. Anon's cock
>EEWWWWW

>>20515461
This isn't litRPG or fantasy. I don't understand why are you wasting time writing this.

>>20515405
I think it has a place, but can easily be overdone or make different characters sound the same. Use it sparingly when you wan to make a particular line different from the others.

>>20515461
>A man stood at the podium. He was met with cheers and applause. He scanned the field, analyzing the audience that will soon hear his words.
This sounds stunted and slow, here's how I would've done it:
>A man stood at the podium, the audience showering him with cheers and applause as he looked over them, scanning the folks that would soon hear his speech.

>His jaw mewed, loosening it for the speech he prepared.
A: I don't think you're using "mewed" right.
B: It sounds bad anyways. Maybe replace it with "clicked" or "cracked."

>The man lowered his hands and in a loud solemn tone, he started his speech.
My alternative:
>The man lowered his hands and, in a loud, solemn tone, began his speech.

The rest of this is fine, I guess, but some of the dialouge sounds too clean, too clear for what natural speaking sounds like. You have some typos. It's not bad, it's not terrible, but it needs improvement. Keep at it.

today I wrote about 10 lines of text
most of the day I spent losing my mind and erasing paragraphs of notes

>>20515472
>>I want to suck Mr. Anon's cock
You're more than welcome to do that Ms. Adams, but since you failed to demonstrate the link between Machiavelli's personal and political goals through his writing of The Prince, I'm afraid your paper will still be receiving an F.

You guys aren’t actually writing anything besides a comedy in this clown world environment, are you?

>>20515555
comedy is the one genre I never plan on doing
I just don't think it has a point
satire maybe, but more deadpan

>>20515396
I hope so, some mormon anon said this one older girl would certainly be desperate enough to marry me but I'm still trying to butter her up. Having pro allies would be cool but sometimes doubt that.

>>20515555
Nobody read my Diamond Dozen story. Nobody wants to read comedy.

https://litter.catbox.moe/p6szu5.pdf

>>20515555
sorry chinaman anon wrong link.

https://litter.catbox.moe/r1bpfk.pdf

>>20515555
For now. Once I'm done with my horse story I'm back to monster girl rape.

>>20515577
>>20515583
I'm looking forward to the Chinaman + Diamond Dozen cinematic universe.

>>20515472
That's perfectly OK...but they're in for a big shock when they turn 18.
And they won't be able to feign surprise.
I'm hoping our teacher-anons chime in with their opinion.

>>20515555
True that. I find it impossible to write anything BUT parody and satire.
All I do is read the news, and my cup truly doth runneth over...th.

>>20515472
Thank you, anon. You've inspired yet another addition to my guest-speaker story.
Carl will say he used to have two kids...now he has one.
His first one was a self-absorbed handful, like the one you greentexted.
Carl tells him he's paid to send him to a gamer's conference or something else that shallow.
The problem child is all excited to go, but finds out too late (like, when the plane lands) that he's been sent to live in a poor pueblo in Mexico.
Carl hears from him for a few months, then he never hears from him again.
The last news is that he joined up with a local cartel and ended up in prison.

>>20515483
It's porno.
Did you miss the part where the Chinaman seduces some mature spinster, gains her trust, then robs her blind?
It's the feel-good story of the decade!

That's 300. I'll make the new thread.
No sense two of us doing it again.

>>20515629
Nnooo the spinster tricks the Chinaman's friend to impregnate her so she can now have dominion over all the Chinamen on the chicken farm

>>20515623
The character of Carl is a good way to get the reader on the side of the spoiled kids.

New thread >>20515652
Although this thread still has some life left...

>>20515650
Only if the reader is a spoiled child.
The beleaguered grownups, and the hapless teachers, should find it cathartic.

>>20515649
Then the spinster has a Down's Syndrome baby, like, 'cause she's old and stuff.

>>20515301
You’re not smart enough to lie to me.

>>20514515
>Carl leaned in. "No...*boss*." The laughter suddenly stopped
Ooooooooooooooh
#roasted #epicallyroasted #roastedepically #epicroastsinstagrampage #mostepicroastsofalltimeinstagrampage #epicnerdroastsinstagrampage #nerdbeatsjock #nerdgetsrevenge #nerdbeatsbully #beinganerdiscool

>>20515674
She's 25 anon.

>>20515688
You missed >>20515425
>He even takes the nerds down a notch.

>>20515704
I was talking about a different spinster.
She's closer to 45.

>>20515513
>podium
you mean lectern

>>20515723
>you mean lectern
THANK YOU!!! THATS THE WORD I WANTED!!!

>>20515661
>listen to me, the abusive depressed nihilist that raised and abandoned a violent gang member berate you "for your own good" like I did to my now insane and murderous son.

>>20515758
Remember lectern - lecture
And you stand (on) a podium

>>20515461
>the chinese questions
come now, anon
we all know chinks aren't the biggest problem america has

>>20515774
Carl didn't make his son a violent gang member.
His son chose that all on his own.

>>20515405
You have to remove it. Good dialogue should never be that realistic that you are includings ums and likes and wells and all the other fillers that people use in real life talk.

>>20515461
Stopped reading where you used the n word. This is the 21st century, anon. Nobody's putting up with that anymore.

got the martial arts wizard twink art finished, posting some relevant stuff that won't be published for a good while

context is that Von Wickten, the knight-captain, is a rapist slaver and tried to have Victor (picrel) kidnapped to replace one of his slaves because... well, look at him.

>“Please… I- I am sorry, truly I am!” the knight-captain pleaded.
>All present sneered at the display. Jorfr spat in his face.
>“Victor, do you think he truly is sorry?” Zelsys turned to the young man.
>Staring down at the broken dragon, Vic only found disgust for his overacted prostrations. He heard the >knight->captain pleading with him, too, but the words didn’t truly reach his ears.
>“Yeah, I do,” he said. A brief look of relief flashed over Von Wickten’s face, soon to be replaced by rage and >horror. “Sorry that he got caught. Not for anything he’s done.”
>Von Wickten’s screams overpowered even the howling of the Broken Butcher’s sawteeth. One after the other, his >ribs were severed from his spine.

>>20516522
ah shid i fucked up the formatting
whatever

>>20516015
Mind-numbing.