/lit/ - Literature

No one writes in /wg/

I'm glad all my shilling finally got Egri a spot on the OP.

Reposting a link to Chapter One of Slave Girls On A Death Moon.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1o8-LI7icw0xBpN0hm6E1PMQnrbmaOow1/view?usp=sharing

Excellent...a LitRPG-oriented thread!
And I just posted my 12th chapter:
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/54832/leave-bad-enough-alone

>>20490618
Good job!

DID YOU JUST MAKE A NEW GENERAL WITHOUT THE OLD ONE REACHING PAGE 10?!?!?!?!?

Thank you for posting a decent thread, based anon.

>>20490510
Cope and seethe. Enjoy your new Writing General

>>20490594

fiiine, another excerpt from mine

1/2

She felt no need to showboat, instead choosing to just stretch in place, allowing her own physique to speak for itself. As she did this, she took a moment to explain something:

“First among the manners in which I hobbled myself: I did not use Engine Breathing.”

A mental switch flipped, shifting the respiratory neural circuit to an altered state. One lung expanded, the other contracted. As slowly as she was doing it now, it looked downright unsettling. The heretofore subtle silver lines under her skin took on a milky-white glow, spreading out across her entire body as she exhaled serpents of silver Fog.

“Second was the fact I did not use my full strength in any capacity. I did not control my heart rate or blood pressure…”

Her heart visibly sped up, pounding in her chest as veins bulged and muscles subtly swelled under her skin. Though few actually recognized the importance of this detail, the silver conduits under her skin took on a metallic sheen as Zelsys used her monologue to draw Metallum from deep in the earth, burning up the iron pill in the process to magnify the quantity she dredged up, and evenly distributing it throughout the exposed parts of her skin. The knight captain’s anger was downright palpable, his fury at being upstaged culminating in him sucking in a deep breath and flooding the pit with flames, engulfing Zelsys… Just as she’d expected.

Flame was overwhelmed by a sudden cloud of kicked-up sand. The sound of a sword striking metal followed, and when the sand settled, there was Zelsys, unburned, holding the knight captain’s sword in her armored left hand, while her right was about half a meter away from his chestplate.

“...Should’ve let me finish, wouldn’t have made this mistake,” she smugged at him.

>>20490671
2/2

Von Wickten put on a strained grin to hide the disbelieving anger in his face, hissing through gritted teeth: “Is that so?”

“I did not use my Core of Earthly Iron until now, by whose power I render my own flesh as Iron. Flame doesn’t melt Iron - rather, yours certainly doesn’t,” she continued, yet again monologuing to buy herself time, suffusing her right fist with what Metallum she’d saved whilst channeling yet more and saving it in her second stomach. Moreover, she saturated the muscles she knew would be involved in a right-handed punch with several times her lung capacity worth of Pneuma. She could’ve just used those breaths to generate Fulgur, to coat her hand in lightning and very possibly put a hole straight through Von Wickten’s armor, but she didn’t want to do that. Zelsys wanted to turn his own armor into a walking coffin, to make it suffocate him.

Then, surprising even her, Von Wickten marshaled the strength to rip his blade free, its edge struggling through her palm as it scraped against the trigger-lever of her gun, cutting through the glove’s Fog-infused fabric and the skin of her palm alike.

She reflexively unleashed her punch, her fist imprinting itself in the enchanted armor with a sound akin to a gong. Von Wickten emitted a pained grunt as she leapt backwards, but remained upright, taking up a proper, low swordsman’s guard. Glancing at her hand, she half-mockingly remarked at the staggering mutant: “My, you truly are strong!”

Her smile widened to a grin, exposing razor-sharp teeth as the rest of her facial features grew harsh, the soft blue glow in her eyes replaced by a nearly white, bestial shine.

“...But I’ve killed stronger.”

I posted a start of a story a while back, and have since tweaked it based on some feedback and my own feelings. I haven't really progressed past a brief prologue and first chapter yet, I'm going to try to get into the habit of writing more constantly before tackling this story proper, but I wanted to know what people think about this anyway, just as an idea of where my writing is at.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ngGWfNWZ_ykPezuDyEcoPjFr2vcNSLYXYdqBH-VVUKs/edit?usp=sharing

>>20490631
This image is vile. Absolutely abhorrent

>>20490678
that's the idea yes
picrel example

>>20490684
This one got me good

>>20490631
Yeah...that trend started a few days ago, when some shitposter made a shitty thread, way before the limit was even reached.
Cope. Seethe.

>>20488193
And then there are people like me who just make minor wording changes, and fix spelling/grammatical/punctuation errors...then send it out into the world!
>>20489964
The movie "Falling Down"?

>>20490639
>hits F5 continously
>It's at 300 posts!!!!
>MAKES NEW THREAD
>goes through
Which one are you?

>>20490703
LitRPG is good for the soul. Have some "I died and was reincarnated as your mother's slimy cock"

>>20490712
LitRPG is *easy* for forever-GMs like me.
I'm just taking one of my old scenarios, and mentally "playing" some characters through it.
I could do that all day long.
I can't believe LitRPG is a popular genre.
I must have died and gone to Heaven!

>>20490594
Checkmate! Is it any good though? Probably not - I'm going to re-write the whole thing tomorrow; but I would appreciate feedback on what was done well and poorly in this rendition.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/19X1b0PJ2v0IXi9s4TTGxrZ9uN510lhsHTv-9J07g2Rk/edit?usp=sharing

Jeanne is based off a real person

>>20490594
No one *reads, especially not other people's writing

>>20490736
>Is it any good though? Probably not
So tired of people posting these quaint little shields before sharing their writing. Oh, it's not any good? Thanks for the heads up, I won't read it then.

>>20490812
Artists be the sensitive type often.
It's one reason why an anonymous forum like this has a purpose...one Reddit can't serve.

>>20490589
Give me your best litrpg and a short description of why it's good.

>>20490851
No.

>>20490851
Ask in >>20490025

>>20490851
I gave you my only one here >>20490618 .
Good? That's up to the reader.
What I can claim, however, is that it's unique.
It's not grimdark; practically every RPG scenario made since the beginning of time has ancient evils and dark forces, with the fate of the world hanging in the balance.
My bad guys are an insane guild of bards and illusionists, using compulsion magic to force people to watch their terrible work, and to force actors to follow the script.
In other words, the sort of auteurs whose work ends up on the Elvira show, or Mystery Science Theater 3000.
If the PCs fail their mission...the other bards will just have to get day jobs or something.
Just goofy fun.

>>20490867
why exactly can't this story take place in the modern day with magic without cringe words like "guild"?

>>20490879
>AIIIIIEEEE NOT THE G WORD NOOOO YOU USED THE GUILD WORD I'M GOING INSANEEEEE
Grow up.

>>20490589
>Anime Writing (^･o･^)
>A higher form of Literary Fiction
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4on26mKakgs
>https://www.wikihow.com/Create-an-Anime-Story

I can't tell if this part of the OP is satire. On the one hand, I read and watched the links provided and they're hilariously shit and so misguided their only comments is 12 year olds sharing the world they've been brewing in their heads all their lives. On the other, there's the things people actually post in these threads, so I can't tell.

>>20490884
Can you answer the question?

>>20490879
Technically there are still actor's guilds today

>>20490889
/wg/ is going through its rebellious isekai phase. We'll get back to literary fiction soon. Yeah, hahaha...

>>20490879
Er, because it's a LitRPG?
Based on a Pathfinder 1e scenario?

Go watch Humans And Households, if you want something set in modern times.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGVC6-Bohqk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-etR1_TWts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djAuUD2KTjQ

>>20490904
>Er, because it's a LitRPG?
Yeah, but why are you purposefully degrading the quality of your story?

Not the writer, but I'm enjoying the story so far. Generic fantasy revenge thing is slowly turning into some weird blood sacrifice story.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/54622/the-kill-list

>>20490892
Because the cringe, and the lack of modernity, in "guilds", is all in your mind.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guild

>>20490912
You aren't the author. Why are you answering a question not directed at you?

>>20490908
I'm not following you.
It's a LitRPG.
It's set in a role-playing-game universe.
Most of those are medieval themed.
Where am I purposefully degrading the quality of my story?
Are you sore because my LitRPG isn't Ivanhoe?
It's not supposed to be.
Talk to me, Goose!

>>20490916
"It's a LitRPG" is not a reason. I'm asking why you're making it that, something that gives you a handicap in quality right off the bat, instead of writing what you know: the world around you.
>Most of those are medieval themed.
Weren't you claiming to be unique? Now you're doing things because others do?

Though not a full guild member Gil was fastly rising up the guild ranks of the guild. His guild master was pleased with his work at the guild and the regional guild manager awarded him the guild medal for his exceptional work at the guild. It was no ordinary day at the guild, the regional guild manager would be coming in person for a guild inspection of the guild headquarters.

>>20490924
10/10 I love it

>>20490920
>noo don't write fantasy
>write what I want you to write!

>>20490929
I'm asking questions. If you're confident in what you're writing you should be able to answer them

>>20490932
i'm not that anon i'm just making fun of your unhelpful retarded pestering

>>20490929
I don't think he has a problem with fantasy. I think he has a problem with a tried and over-used trope. Also, LitRPG is incredibly autistic

>>20490929
He wants you to write a LitFic.
So go on. Get litFicked

>>20490914
But I am.
>>20490920
So, you're complaining about the LitRPG, on the basis that it's a LitRPG?
That's kind of schizo.
The simple truth is that LitRPG is a popular genre these days, and people like them.
>unique
In the context I described, i.e. not grimdark.
What am I going to do, turn a Pathfinder 1e scenario into Remembrance Of Things Past?

The Dark Lord has risen and the Guildmaster Moweth has called upon the heroes around the world to fight! One such adventurer was bored living their mundane life in a small hut! It would be scary and dangerous, but the hero joined the guild for some adventure! The hero's name?

YOU!

>>20490936
who cares what he has a problem with

>>20490936
If he were complaining about an Adventurer's Guild or something, sure, but a union of actors and musicians is a viable usage of the word "guild".

>>20490938
I'm not sure you can read, but my original post directed at you solved this "conundrum": why not make a story about manipulative magic artists or whatever set in modern times? What exactly would be the difference or the quality lost?
>What am I going to do, turn a Pathfinder 1e scenario into Remembrance Of Things Past?
You could... write? Instead of using scenarios as crutches and popularity trends as excuses?

Since we're putting out Fantasy work. Here's mine!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11q39jdlnZxvZe5jRuz8bpfESLQikJDOnV5ixJSht7uE/edit?usp=sharing

>>20490938
So you replied several times to the same post? Are you autistic?

>>20490950
You people are so fucking greedy. Adahfag, you've posted your crap a dozen fucking times and been told it's shit every time. How many more do you need?

>>20490950
>not waking up to a sunny day
>not complaining about being bored
>nothing about joining an adventure guild
>no skillset
Shit

>>20490950
50 fucking pages long. I dare someone to read this.

>>20490961
I didn't tell you to read it. I just posted it because other people are posting their shit. So I may as well join the shitty Fantasy dump.

>>20490949
So you're opposed to LitRPGs in principle.
That's fine. You don't have to like every genre out there.
But hating on my LitRPG, on the basis that it's a LitRPG, is kind of nutty.
It's not claiming to be anything else, and it's not representative of what I normally write.
And what's with your fixation on "modern times"?
Is modernity some sort of unalloyed boon?

Besides, you're not grasping my master plan.
I will write some books in popular genres, make my fame and fortune, then spend the rest of my career writing weird, experimental stuff that baffles the normies.
I plan to pull a full Todd Rundgren.
But you can't see past the end of your own nose.

>>20490950
I'm glad you're not dead Adahfag. I thought you were for some reason.

>>20490961
>>20490972
I'll be honest with you, it's pretty much dropped. Just hanging onto it for times like this. I'm working on something else. maybe one day I'll get back to it and edit it to be better.

>>20490978
There are multiple people here telling you LitRPGs are ass. You're responding to multiple people, silly anon.

>>20490956
I replied once.
Your attempts at flaming are falling flat on their face.
I miss the competent seething pseuds this thread used to have.

>>20490978
I never said I hated anything. I asked by now like five times why you made a creative choice over another and given how you keep dodging any self-reflection and keep implying it's all due to popularity trends and chasing money I'm just gonna call you a shit writer.

>>20490971
We have newfag. I'm at the point where she was masturbating to her brother. I haven't read anything since, but that's where I left it at.

>>20490988
I don't care if anyone here thinks LitRPGs are ass.
It's still a popular genre.
I didn't make it popular; I'm just trying to write something in a popular genre.
Your pointless gatekeeping does not impress me.

Besides, >>20490851 asked for some LitRPGs.

>>20490998
>I'm at the point where she was masturbating to her brother.
Picked up

>>20490991
So? Why should I care what your opinion is?
Who died and made you Queen Bitch?
Post some of your own writing, so that we can all bask in the glory of your superior mind.
Oh, you don't write, and don't have anything to post?
This is my surprised face. :-|

>You can write whatever you want
>You write LitRPG
> NO! NOT like THAT

>>20490999
Best is Konosuba. Can you write something better?

>>20491010
>You can write whatever you want
Source?

>>20491008
You can read my writing in The Lit Quarterly issues 2 and 4

>>20490594
F Gardner alone has written 11 books and he’s from /wg./

Evening everyone.

https://pastebin.com/At5SHTCi

Thanks to anyone that takes a steaming piss on me. I doubt I'll complete whatever this idea is, but any feedback would be nice. A couple threads ago someone said it was unfocused and definitely get that when I read the first two paragraphs and then the rest.

>>20491021
>I doubt I'll complete whatever this idea is
Thanks for giving us a heads up not to read it. God, how I wish somebody would post their writing without wimpy ass excuses.

>>20491011
I wasn't claiming to be better than anyone.
Yours is just another strawman argument, trying to force the discussion in a direction of your own choosing, in a weak attempt to seethe.
Also, I'm not an anime fan.
>>20491014
No, you can post your work for free here, like we do.

>>20491029
I already told you how to read me. Don't expect publishedchads to lower themselves to the standards of webwriter commoners.

>>20490985
>I'll get back to it and edit it to be better.
Do it. Why waste 20k words?

If anyone is interested in writing Pulp Fiction, I will read this and report what I've learned:

https://www.amazon.com/Write-Pulp-Fiction-James-Scott-ebook/dp/B0771SP274/ref=sr_1_4?crid=19JEJBVCV05FT&keywords=how+to+write+noir&qid=1654657021&s=books&sprefix=how+to+write+noir%2Cstripbooks%2C105&sr=1-4#customerReviews

>>20491039
I didn't go to James Scott school. I went to Pulp Fiction novels.

>>20491035
You are SUCH a LARPer.
And if the quality of your rhetoric, as displayed here, is indicative of the quality of your writing...then you're not worth reading.

>>20491035
You got tradpublished?
Does that mean you're gay/black/female/trans/Jewish/Mormon?
I think it does.

>>20491047
LARPer means Live Action roleplaying, as opposed to the roleplaying done online. By definition, it can't happen online. If your knowledge of acronyms is indicative of your tendecy to regurgitate whatever's popular around you, then you won't ever be successful.

>>20491053
>Massive superiority complex
Definitely Jewish

>>20491014
>Lit Quarterly
>Pagemaster Publishing
That's a vanity press.
>>20491035
>publishedchads
Getting your work printed by a vanity press does NOT make your a publishedchad.

>>20491057
Jesus christ, the newfaggotry stinks off you. Lit Quarterly was a 4chan press, and it paid its writers handsomely.

>>20491057
>That's a vanity press.
Doesn't matter. I'm in it and you're not.

>>20491054
There's more than definition 1 from the snooty dictionary, you know.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Larper
But you're too autistic to consider that, aren't you.

>>20491066
Tell me, what do you think the "LA" part of LARP means as opposed to just saying "roleplayer"? This should be good.

>>20491062
>4chan press
>tradpubbed
lolololololololol

>>20491072
>tradpubbed
Quote where I said this?

>>20491064
And did it make you a big star or something?
Now you feel qualified to talk down to others?
Your mouth is writing checks that your ass can't cash.

>>20491024
What a based fucking young god you are. I'll screen cap that and look at it when I start to quit on this idea. LMAO

>>20490971
Wait... You think 50 pages is long for a book?
We really don't read

>>20491014
So you're Martin Porro?
That's the only two authors that Goodreads shows being in both volumes 2 and 4, but not in any other one.
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/20002860.Martin_Porro

>>20491106
id rather read 500 pages of a good book than 2 pages of /wg/ garbage

>>20491109
Yep

>>20491110
Why are you even in here?

CHEESE IT BOYS THE FEDS ARE ONTO US

>>20491118
What a letdown.

>>20491141
You totally bought an issue and read it, I'm sure

>>20490909
thought this was shilling, but was pleasantly surprised. Chapter 3 in particular was good.

>>20491143
Oh, yeah, really high on my list of priorities now.
Wow...an unknown author, acting like a snotty big shot in front of other unknown authors.
Still, it's a step up from the Seething Schizo Samefagging Pseud, who has never written a line of prose in his life.

>>20491156
Still seething because you've been using LARP all this time without even knowing what it stood for?

>>20491147
>>20490909
>Chapter 3 in particular was good
I personally enjoyed the mirroring in Chapter 4. Pic related, from last thread

>>20491162
stop gardner maxxing

>>20491158
Play nice, Martin.
You're not superior.
And I was using the world "LARPer" in the figurative sense, not the strict autistic sense.
I would have expected a writer to figure that out.

>>20491202
>And I was using the world "LARPer" in the figurative sense, not the strict autistic sense.
If only we had a word like that. Like LARP, but without the Live Action part. Something like... roleplaying?

>>20490920
>I'm asking why you're making it that, something that gives you a handicap in quality right off the bat, instead of writing what you know: the world around you.
You go right ahead. I'll do what I do.

Get 'em Boswell.

>>20491215
I wasn't talking to you schizo

>>20490589
What Lovecraft stories should I read if I want to write a story about humanity fighting cosmic horrors by making something potentially worse? The idea I have so far is humanity pouring all of its resources into a machine to kill Cthulhu or similar entity at the cost of most of human civilization.
I'm looking for stories that go more into detail on the creatures beyond "I saw a space squid and now I'm CuRaHzY!" I've already read Shadow out of Time and I'm currently listening to the audio book version of Call of Cthulhu. I'm still on the fence if I want to set in the actual Mythos or just something Mythos inspired, so recommendations outside of Lovecraft would also be appreciated.

https://pastebin.com/TaEh6GMJ
welcome to psychotic writing
to the tune of the high arcana of the tarot
>>20491021
Cut down those first two paragraphs. You can combine damn the two of them and you wouldn't lose a damn thing. Also, watch the fluff. You're writing a simple story, you don't need to try and dress it up, that just makes reading it a slog in my retarded opinion.
example of just a quick edit
https://pastebin.com/88nw5J21

>>20491206
Except you're doing it here, on a public forum, making it live action role playing, from a wholly defensible point of view.
It was artistic license.
What's next? Are you going to fault Hemingway for claiming the sun also rises, when it's obvious the planet rotates on its axis and it's only an apparency that the sun is moving? Will you now call Hemingway a hack?
In any case, I figured out why you don't care for fantasy...after listening to your cocksure seething about your supposedly superior writing cred...it's clear you already have a rich fantasy life, and no room for any more.

>>20491251
Hemingway's choices stem from knowledge. Yours from ignorance, from copying the vernacular of 4channers around you not knowing what they meant. Not a single critical thought bouncing around in your head. Just follow what's trendy. The profile of a litRPG writer.

>>20491216
Ugh.
I can't believe I wasted the evening dealing with this pseud.
I only wrote a few paragraphs of the next chapter of my LitRPG.
Oh well...there's always tomorrow, and I'm several chapters ahead anyway.

>>20491264
I wasn't talking about you. creepy

>>20491264
Go for the kill. We want a show.

>>20491261
I'm writing a LitRPG.
Therefore, you think I'm only capable of writing LitRPGs.
That's an unbounded-middle fallacy.
I can't imagine your weak grasp on basic logic leads to any literary results worth crowing about the way you do.
More like a live demonstration of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

>>20491274
Are you seriously criticising my deduction skills after you pulled out your projector and made up my life story and genre preferences?
>you think I'm only capable of writing LitRPGs
Quote where I said this?

>>20491269
But I need to crash.
Day-jobbery and all that.
You anons need to tag in.
I would expect writers to be better at verbal dueling than what I see here.
So demonstrate it already!

>>20491282
shut the fuck up boswell

>>20491064
kek look at this just look at it

>>20491282
>Quote where I said this?
Here.
>>20491261
>The profile of a litRPG writer
At least your banal attempts at discourse are doing a good job of putting me to sleep.

>>20491120
What do you mean? Don't you know? No one in /wg/ reads

>>20491296
I don't see "you're only capable of writing one thing" anywhere there.

>>20491292
that's a different anon retard. fucking newfags don't even know what lit quarterly is. go back to redit

>>20491230
https://pastebin.com/88nw5J21
full edit
Honestly this is to my personal taste and is kinda rude as hell to do this to your snippet but really, this ain't a bad start with some minor tweaking. You really picked it up towards the end for me at least.

I am quite happy with how this board turned out. All of which is the results of my machinations.

>>20491287
Great argument. Real convincing.
After all, ad hominem attacks are the gold standard, aren't they.

See you all tomorrow.

>>20491310
why are you butting in on my conversation? stop the falseflags

>>20491308
You had nothing to do with it and you know it, phony.

>>20491311
Indeed. Martin has bored me into submission.

>>20491315
Who do you think made this board anon.
It was I, harbinger of the LitRPG authors

>>20490589
I am gonna shitpost and keep shilling RR and self-publishing schemes so that the literary anons get demoralised. This is not because I write any of that filth; on the contrary, I just don't want competition in the trad publishing world within the literary fiction market.

>>20491356
You sound fat

>tfw I can't stop thinking about moneywhile writing.
What should I do?

>>20491366
Submit your writing somewhere, realise you won't get accepted anyway, and stop thinking you can make money.

>>20491356
Ah yes, traditional publishing in the modern era! Home to such magnificent high-brow authors such as... as...

>>20491375
Tao Lin. You'd know that if you were here longer than 2 years, newfag.

>>20490671
>she smugged at him.
I skimmed the absolute trash you posted but this immediately jumped out.
The fuck is a "smugged" and why the fuck do you choose to write this fucking garbage

>>20491380
I actually haven't been to this board in almost 10 years.
I don't really read a lot of modern authors, hence the old timey schizophrenia.

>>20491356
You think /lit/ is so verbose and prolific that they’ll compete with you in the grad publishing space? This place is nothing but dragon cock and people who want to shout nigger while calling it “fiction.” You’ll never have that problem and your shitposting is of the lowest quality. The bait is rotting. You’ll never be as good as >>20490594

>>20491395
>shitposting is of the lowest quality
Redundant.
>>20491392
Where'd you go in the meantime?

>>20491402
Did a lot of drugs, went to jail, went to the psych ward for a couple days, I think 2013 was the year I almost shot myself. I'm crazy and lead a retarded life.
Hence I keep my bullshit off the record. Normally I browse /k/ (OMG GUIZE HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS HIDDEN GEM CALLED STORM OF STEEL?!?!?) but between the recent shootings bringing in tourists and /pol/troon raids I'm basically calling it a lost cause at this point.
But thats enough of that. I'm here to try and channel my shithouse craziness into... something.

>>20490671
>All those comma splices.
>the shitty anime dialogue

>>20491422
>I'm crazy and lead a retarded life.
Hey same here, anon. I'm scared my paranoid schizophrenia fucks up my language abilities but I've written poetry/stories since I could remember, so it's hard to let go of it as a form of expression. You sound like a fun guy and your writing must be interesting. I hope you can find a place to publish it one day, in whatever route that takes.

>>20491441
My writing is rambling dogshit and only through sheer force of absorption am I able to even type english.
Paranoid schizophrenia sucks, but I haven't really heard of it screwing with language abilities unless its a manic episode but I am also about 11 years removed from my psych 101 course. My schizophrenic friend has trouble expressing concepts and telling a coherent thought for example, but his language itself is fine. If that makes a lick of sense.
>>20491230
see example for the kind of writing I shit out.

>>20490736
I know I'm tired and mean as hell as a rule but oh my fuck my dude why is this so fucking repetitive
If you want me to fucking read your vent writing about your bullshit hole you lost at the very least be straightforward instead of this dogshit pseud ~wavery~ crap.
This is bullshit- shit from a bull. Why do you write like this?

Has there been even 1 decent book or piece of writing posted on here?

>>20491514
Call of the Crocodile

>>20491514
Burgerpunk

>>20491531
It’s surreal to think that CotC is the most well known book to come from here. On an entire board dedicated to literature.

>>20491546
Advertising works.
Culture and communities fail.
A decade plus of /lit/ is gone forever, remaining wistfully in the deep recesses of half a dozen anons’ minds.
But gardner can continue pumping money into ads. He doesn’t require quality or qualia. He needs not a hook or a symbol to represent a group or event.
He just pays for it.
And everyone forgets the rest.

The reason nothing gets published from this board is because all you anons do is consume, and regurgitate.
If you even bother to read at all.
Fuck's sake nobody bothers to read or critique shit in the general the fuck makes you think they can read an actual book let alone digest it critically

>>20491514
This motivates me to finish a damn book.

Today instead of writing the damn book I'm supposed to be writing, I'm writing a treatment for a story about a teenage girl who gets bonded to an extradimensional tentacle monster that wants to rape her. Together, they fight crime. But also its an allegory for female sexual awakening.

>>20491588
> I'm writing a treatment for a story about a teenage girl who gets bonded to an extradimensional tentacle monster that wants to rape her. Together, they fight crime. But also its an allegory for female sexual awakening.
The most dragon cock and niggers post I think I’ve seen in a while.

>>20491601
Is that good or bad?

>>20491514
Emily project is decent

>>20490589
Well since we got the SAO OP here I was wondering if anyone's heard of Honeyfeed? It's for OELN and seems to be run by MAL. So, you know. If you're into anime, seems like a good self-publishing place. Might even get my story up on there.

>>20491604
It is good in that it’s funny, it’s bad in that I am laughing at you, not with you. The second level beyond the premise being funny, the part where you engage eagerly with the material with enough seriousness to use words like treatment, is almost that Kafka kind of so-sad-it’s-funny. It’s like the guys who write a fantasy novel that ends up being 800,000 words and they refuse to cut it into parts and only think trad publishing will work. Or the people who use /pol/ ideology as a subtext in “fiction” and complain about how all the agents are women and can’t stand that sprinkling faggot into every sentence is free speech. Like, I get how spite for coc is a good motivator, but if anyone were to have done it, it would have been done already. These threads have been going on for a while now.

>>20491514
I'll post mine in a bit. That should count.

>>20491227
None, thats not the point of his stories. You aren't able to genuinely "fight" cosmic horrors because their phyical forms are the equivalent to your character in skyrim, nothing that happens to them in the physical can actually hurt them, only slightly annoy/amuse them.

I guess Dunwitch Horror or the Horror in the Museum, but those aren't really man-made, more along the lines of human interference.

I think better examples of "humanity fucked up and made a monster worse than what they were dealing with" are better found elsewhere. Pic rel came to mind. Another example, although kinda dumb sounding, is mecha-godzilla or mecha-ghidora.

I present to you the opening to my magnum opus.

https://files.catbox.moe/gh1sdy.pdf

>>20491640
>the part where you engage eagerly with the material with enough seriousness to use words like treatment
I got my start with writing screenplays, so I always think of a basic outline of a story as a "treatment." Because that's what they're called in screenwriting.

Also, I'm quite a bit more self-aware than you're giving me credit for. And I get the sense you're unaware of the existence of bizarro as a genre.
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bizarro_fiction
I'm mildly offended by the suggestion I'm unaware of how offensive and absurd the premise is. That's what makes it fun.

>>20491690
On the one hand, you're a good writer. On the other hand, I fucking hate you. But seriously, the quality of your prose is solid. You got me to read an entire paragraph about how a horse shits and you did it with solid pacing, strong word choices, humor, and either solid research or amazing imagination, because I totally believed every word of it.

If only you would use your powers for good and not evil, you obnoxious fucking twerp.

>>20491732
>either solid research or amazing imagination
I based it on an old /tg/ thread. I do believe that the anon made the entire thing up as I wasn't able to find any information on it from a cursory google search.
I also didn't like his description of it so I changed the mechanics of the shitting. His explanation was a little too dense and by the end, even with multiple readthroughs, I wasn't able to picture exactly how it works.
This new shitting procedure also plays far better into the main event, as you will eventually see.

How do I become funny?

>>20491566
Damn. Based Gardner.

>>20491808
I feel like humor is one thing that can't be taught. No matter how much you edit your humor or practice your delivery it will always come back to your own tastes.

Look at Brenden Schaub. The man is best friends with Joe Rogan, is one of the inner circle at the Comedy Store and has so obligations to anything outside of writing material.
You'd be surprised to learn just how terrible he is despite all of these crutches. He's in fact so bad that his newest special currently has a lower rating than Amy Schumer's old Netflix special, the one that caused Netflix to remove the old review system. It's so bad that his sponsor offered a 50% off coupon with no upper limit on orders if you enclosed a screencap of your 5* review of his special.
Shaub is living proof that comedy cannot be learned.

How many words have you wrote today, anons?

>>20491943
2000 and going strong.

>>20491943
Cut me some slack I'm just doing my morning lurk, writing time is in the afternoon

I want to post my work but im afraid someoen will steal it before it is done. what do I do

>>20491690
Very good. I look forward to seeing more of this despite knowing exactly where it’s going.

>>20491943
I edited 4500 words. Wrote 0. Made this.

>>20491995
Post an excerpt of her being raped by tentacles. I know you have one ready to go.

>>20492003
I do not. I'm surprised too. I did sketch out a scene in my head where the tentacle horror explodes out of her with appropriate clothing damage and then murders a whole subway platform full of goombas while also raping her. That would clearly be the big payoff scene for the whole premise.

If I can think up six or seven other really good gags, I may actually have a story. Also, I'm still pretty vague on why they fight crime and what her motives are. Need to work that out.

>>20491943
5600 plus

>>20486967
Posting this again in the hope that I squeeze out a little more critique.

>>20490613
I like how this chapter starts, feels engaging from the start and the sci-fi language you use is intriguing and obviously sci-fi but without being obtuse.
>When Mia reached her quarters her bunkmate, Samantha Wheeler, was already halfway into her
suit but struggling with its complex fittings.
Feels like a slightly forced way to get the character's name in here. You could probably just remove the name from this sentence, as you follow it up by introducing her again in the next sentence.
From the paragraph that begins:
>The problem with drills on a training vessel...
It feels like the voice of the narrator has just changed. It went from being a very traditional narrator to a colloquial one, now narrating as if they're telling a story rather than stating actions. It switches back a few paragraphs later. I think the less colloquial style fits much better here.
>“Sorry,” Sam's voice crackled in her ear. “I was saying, that is I was asking you what you think that means?”
>“What means?”
Confusing. Think you need to rewrite this exchange.
>“TNS Odyssey Six. You can look it up in the ship's library after this is over. Whole crew turned to monkeys.”
Throwing detail like this in is cool. Feels like interesting worldbuilding, all of a sudden the universe seems bigger.
>...with Sam on the verge of a breakdown
Sam seemed to have calmed down when they were talking earlier. Maybe you need to play up her mental state in that conversation somehow.
>who was pale as a ghost,
Could probably find a more interesting way of describing this. You've used a cliché.
The part where Scotty explains why it has to be pirates is really well thought out and it's another nice bit of worldbuilding. The sci-fi specifics of your story seem to be the strongest points.

>accidentally turned my fantasy novel about a man struggling with alcoholism and crippling anxiety into a harem again
God fucking damnit. Is this the consequence of having lived among women my whole life? Ever since 2nd year of high school, I've never been part of a class that has more than one other guy in it. I'm in uni now studying psychology, and lo and behold I'm in a class of 20 women and 2 other men. How do I avoid having a disproportionate amount of female characters in my story when its literally what my life is like?

>>20492172
I had a similar experience to one of the previous critiques you received, stopping about 1/3rd of the way through. I can tell you exactly what caused it too.
There’s no tension, no hook. I had created my own hook, perhaps out of a lack of reading comprehension, that being “What is Otto?”. Is it a scorpion? Is it a spider? Is he about to unleash havoc on his small classroom?
As soon as I read “Boy and his fish.” I lost a large amount of my interest. There was no hook anymore.
I liked a lot of your writing. The comment about another student’s mother being a bag lady made me laugh, but I still felt this feeling of meh. There was just nothing holding me to the page.

>>20492172
>as you follow it up by introducing her again in the next sentence.
Excellent point.
>Confusing. Think you need to rewrite this exchange.
Oh, that's Grammarly's fault. Mia's line is supposed to be "What what means?" because Sam's line doesn't and isn't supposed to make sense, because Sam is an idiot. Grammarly must have detected it as a repeated word and fixed it. Thanks for catching that.
>Sam seemed to have calmed down when they were talking earlier. Maybe you need to play up her mental state in that conversation somehow.
Thank you! This is exactly the sort of criticism that really helps.
>You've used a cliché.
I will rewrite that then.
>...another nice bit of worldbuilding. The sci-fi specifics of your story seem to be the strongest points.
Danke.

>>20491995
This better have gratuitous tits and ass or it's gonna be shit. Also there's a typo in your synopsis already.

>>20492193
I'm like 30 chapters into my novel and I have like 10 females and only 2 males.

>>20492267
>This better have gratuitous tits and ass or it's gonna be shit.
If it gets written, I'm writing it, so that's pretty much assured.

>Also there's a typo in your synopsis already.
Thanks for pointing it out so I can fix it. Oh wait!

>>20492223
I understand what you mean about the hook. I guess I was hoping that the defacto-hook would be wanting some emotional resolve for the boy, but I don't think my writing is strong enough for that kind of thing yet. I'm glad that you and another poster have said the writing was generally good though, as improving that is a bit more important than the ideas at this stage for me.

>>20492233
>Sam's line doesn't and isn't supposed to make sense
I had a feeling that Sam's wasn't supposed to, but then when I read the next line I wasn't sure anymore. Maybe now that Mia's response is fixed Sam's line not making sense will seem more deliberate, especially when you add in some more details about her near-breakdown.

>>20492233
>Grammarly

>>20492310
>Scotty started to protest but followed Wade's gaze to Sam, who was as white as a Ymirian snowcat, and understanding dawned on his face.
Fixed the cliche and added more worldbuilding in the process. There's a conversation in chapter 2 that mentions Ymir is an ice world, and the repetition helps create that sense of a larger world beyond the story.

>>20492332
It's a grammar checker. It's free. I'm cheap.

>>20492337
>grammar checker
How do you ever expect to be sufficiently adept with language to write well if you're relying on a business-focused grammar automaton?

>>20492345
Fine tuning grammar is a $3 an hour pajeet job. If I can replace this with a browser extension, I will.

>>20490589
Bros Sao was 10 years ago and it still makes me cringe at some of the lines.

>>20492359
It's also part of what gives you, as a writer, your voice. If you WANT to sound like a "$3/hr pajeet," then sure, automate away everything that makes you a unique and individual voice in a sea of automated voices.

>>20492363
You’re right, forgetting to add a comma is the very definition of SOVL.

>>20490613
I wanted to give specific examples, but since you're a giant gaybaby afraid of someone stealing your work, I can't even screenshot. There's way too much verbing adverbly. It's a really basic and amateurish sign when an author makes every character verb adverbly, especially WRT dialogue tags. It's pretty lazy, and it's often used as a shortcut to good writing (in the brain of the adverbly verber), in that rather than writing a line of dialogue such that the only possible interpretation is that the character verbed it adverbly, the author explicitly tells the reader the adverbly manner in which the characters verbed. It gets as tiring for many readers as it probably gets for you to read my message, in which I'm constantly adverbly verbing your characters' overused adverbly verbs.

>>20492388
>I wanted to give specific examples, but since you're a giant gaybaby afraid of someone stealing your work, I can't even screenshot.
...I didn't know google drive prevented that. Sorry? It wasn't intentional.

>There's way too much verbing adverbly.
Okay. I'll keep an eye out for that on future editing passes. I do tend to hate the word "said" and I know I have a problem with adverbly verbing.

>>20492382
Try not to get bogged down in the detail, little guy. The point is that you're giving up control of your writing to an automated program. It is the philosophy behind the decision I'm trying to speak to. If you're not just being disingenuous, you can probably understand that.

>>20492395
The simple absence of dialogue tags is fine. A discussion between two characters:
>"I hate niggers," he said.
>"I'm a nigger nosh aficionado," she said.
>"You burn the coal, you pay the toll."
>"I'm a huge fan of big nigger dicks and there is no toll to pay."
It's pretty easy to follow who's saying what here.

>>20491976
It's not good enough to be stolen, so post it.

>>20491976
If it's not done, what the big deal? They won't be able to finish it before you. What? You afraid they'll write a better ending?

>>20492363
>It's also part of what gives you, as a writer, your voice.
You're talking to a different anon, but I'm the anon you first criticized for using Grammarly, and I disagree with you that my tendency to forget to add "-ed" to verbs and mixing up their, there and they're is really my "voice." They're just bad habits I have as a typist.

Following your logic, I should spell embarrassment "embarasment" because I habitually misspell it, but that would be embarrassing, not artistry.

>>20492421
No, following my logic you would slow down to the point where you're actively considering the way your words come out to the point where verb conjugations and the way commas direct and focus the flow of a sentence are active and operative factors in your writing process. You're so caught up in what you think I'm saying that you can't for a second consider what I'm actually saying.

>MC is so traumatized he creates an imaginary person out of his guilt
>said imaginary person urges him to run wild every time something bad happens
>now everyone is divided on thinking MC is a legit hero or a nutcase
yay or nah?

Anyone here write on paper?

>>20492438
Could be good if you write it well. Could be terrible if you write it poorly. Same as anything else. If you like it, write it. But write it well, or it'll suck. Nothing else really matters.

>>20492442
just my journal. i hold my pencil in some retarded way that cramps my hand

>>20492442
I can’t read my own penmanship.

>>20492437
That's some idiotic nonsense, my friend. Slowing down to edit as you write is a good way to kill your creative momentum. That's why you do a rough draft and then edit. Your argument could just as easily be used against any form of copy editing, at which point you must be arguing that a "good" writer should never need proofreading. Which is a load of horse shit.

>>20492438
Why would anyone think the MC is a hero?

>>20492465
because he is a "chosen one" lol

>>20492442
Only when I'm at work, if I have a spare moment waiting for someone I pull out a notepad and start writing. I wrote about 800 words that way yesterday.

>>20492461
That's not editing, retard. It's writing. The opposite of breakneck drivel-spouting is not editing. It's writing. If your creative momentum results in something that needs to be heavily edited for quality in the editing phase, what you're doing isn't oriented towards writing. It's getting The Ideas out on paper. It's why your writing is generic. This focus on content over quality is what's wrong with writing in current year, and your approach to the craft is so axiomatic and your reference to the common groupthink so firmly ingrained that you immediately think anything contrary is idiotic nonsense.

For the record, I don't think your ideas are idiotic nonsense. I think they're conventional ergo philistine. I think you're just spouting off the same shit to which everyone always refers. It's one of those groupthink darlings completely beyond reproach. Engage brain.

>>20492475
>There is a prophecy which marks the protagonist as the Chosen One.
>The protagonist is so traumatized he hallucinates an imaginary person.
>This imaginary person urges him to run wild every time something bad happens.
>A group of people invested in the prophecy are divided on whether the Chosen One is a legit hero or a nutcase.
This is the seed of an interesting premise. Now define "run wild." Also, Chosen to do what?

>>20492545
In all sincerity, eat shit and die you pretentious fucking cockroach.

>>20492545
Pseud drivel.

>>20492564
Good luck with your science fiction or fantasy novella, or whatever!

>>20492573
Shitpost.

>>20492559
>run wild
literal bloodcrazed rampage. men, women, children does not matter when he snaps.
>chosen to do what
to be a goddess' lapdog and crusade the entire "holy land" from the barbarians (the natives) amd spread more of her influence under the guise of a heroic quest.

>>20492438
ima be real with you, this doesnt stand out, but i can see it going either way depending on how you do

>>20492581
>A prophecy which marks the protagonist as the Chosen One to carry the Goddess's crusade to reclaim the Holy Land from the heathen barbarians.
>Unfortunately, the protagonist is so traumatized he hallucinates an imaginary person.
>Every time something bad happens, this imaginary person urges him into a bloodcrazed rampage. Men, women, and children, it does not matter when he snaps, he kills them all.
>The Goddess's followers are divided on whether the Chosen One is a zealous champion of the faith or a bloodthirsty psychopath.
Okay, sounds like so far the protagonist has only snapped and killed "everyone" when "everyone" was the barbarians, and has avoided killing his own allies.

What's the nature of the trauma? Where do you want to go with this story? Do you want this to have anything resembling mainstream appeal?

>what, you're trying to tell me i should try to write well?
>pfft that's pseud drivel
>what do you mean i shouldn't use a program designed to help teenagers write coherent sentences to shape the stylism of my fiction?
>what a bunch of idiotic nonsense, you fucking cockroach

>>20490589
Would it be better to self-pub three 25-30k stories in one "collection", or individually? They share no connection, besides all three being first-person character-driven stories.

>>20492610
Your existence is a pointless waste of time and a mild annoyance to others. Do better or kill yourself.

>>20492608
>What's the nature of the trauma
I'm still rethinking it but the main idea is that MC is an ISIS child soldier from Earth and one time got forced to bomb a city park where innocent lives got killed. Couple that with the religious teachings made MC develop a mental illness.

As for the story, I wanted it to be MC's atonement story while escaping the influence of the corrupt goddess.

>LitRPG Is Better Than Literary Fiction
Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t people just take the positive qualities of literary fiction (formal experimentation, philosophical depth, political awareness, etc) and apply them to other genres of writing?
I’m surprised that “literary genre fiction” isn’t a bigger movement. Taking the plots and tropes that make genre fiction exciting and then supercharging them with the best innovations from the avant garde. Or maybe it is a thing and I just don’t know about it?

>Your existence is a pointless waste of time and a mild annoyance to others. Do better or kill yourself.
Imagine being so offended by a difference in philosophy that you write something like this to a perfect stranger.

Tell me something nice you achieved this week on your book progress so I can warm my soul and start writing

>>20492646
I finished my first novella, after only getting into writing late last year. Feelsgoodman.

>>20492610
Did their comments bother you that much?
To think, if you hadn’t abandoned your Bucksneed story due to it being an irreparable pile of shit you might be able place him in just the right zany situation to own the libs bothering you right now. Maybe Bucksneed find himself in an Indian call centre. He has to pay back the debts he accrued in that wacky court case and has decided earn some cash by editing others work through a discount over the phone editing service. He of course charges $3.50 since he’s so much better than everyone else who does the same job.

>>20492649
outstanding if true

>>20492646
I reached 64k words, that's okay, right?

>>20492640
The problem is that genre fiction precludes any real experimentation. It's explicitly formulated to exclude many of the things that make truly great fiction. Genre fiction is simply-worded. It's self-referential, and draws from and upon its own internal catalogue of tropes and narrative structures. More to the point, its readers EXPECT these things of the genre (genre is, incidentally, a purely economic distinction cooked up by for-profit publishing houses) and by that mechanism they prevent good genre fiction from ever actually materializing. Genre fiction is, roughly, cartoonified. In the same way that comic-book art will never have all that much real artistic integrity due to the constraints of what its fans already expect, genre fiction will never transcend its own self-imposed limitations. Many of the things that make LITERATURE (which must be held separate from genre fiction at this point) distinct from genre fiction preclude their enjoyment by genre fans. Importantly, these fans are most likely fans of the genre before they are fans of the medium. It just doesn't make any sense to cater to them.

>>20492633
>an ISIS child soldier from Earth
Nope, don't like that at all. That opens a whole can of worms. Did this just become a crossworlds story?

>As for the story, I wanted it to be MC's atonement story while escaping the influence of the corrupt goddess.
Honestly, your MC sounds like he would make a better antagonist. And that this imaginary person should be the influence of the corrupt goddess.


>>20492630
Are they in the same genre?

>>20492646
I went back and edited my second chapter.

>>20492650
What are you even talking about? You're unhinged. Get some help!

>>20492663
Apparently that makes you a bad writer.

>>20492670
That makes me the worst writer ever made

>>20492669
Don’t get hostile. I’m trying to help.

>>20492673
I'm editing my second chapter right now, thus I am the worstest writer. Grammarly says I should fix "worstest" but I am leaving it be to maintain the purity of my author's voice.

>>20492679

Speaking of editing, which reads better:
>Drayton hadn't survived his rebellion, nor had most of his fleet. There were survivors though, and those who escaped had turned to piracy.
>Drayton hadn't survived his rebellion, nor had most of his fleet, and those who escaped had turned to piracy.
>Drayton hadn't survived his rebellion, nor had most of his fleet, but those who escaped had turned to piracy.

>>20492679
I’m currently making mistakes on purpose. I’m going out of my way to defy the automaton overlords that puppet around every other author around here. These mistakes are mine and mine alone.

>>20492646
my short story made it to the final selections for a magazine
i was ultimately rejected though

>>20492686
>Drayton had not survived his rebellion, nor had most of his fleet - the few who did had turned to piracy.

>>20492689
Let's see Paul Allen's submission

>>20492690
Oh, I like that.

Please rec a good book on how to write good stories specifically meant for narration/radio.
I want to work on an audio drama

>>20490589
>go to sleep as we're just starting a fight over litRPG
>now we've got two named people (not quite namefags) fighting over pointless semantics and half the thread egging them on or complaining
>a little hating, baiting, shitposting on the side
We're finally a real 4chan general. God dammit. I'm happy and let down at the same time.
>>20492646
I finished editing my novel and it's ready to go to advance readers for the next 6 weeks before publication, during which I will be running pre-order advertisements.

>>20492442
I tried that before and it was fun. My handwritting sucks though

When did it become a faux pas here to hold people to a higher standard? Is it genuinely so bad to push for something better? I don't get it. I'll never get it. I disagree with a lot of you, it's true. Our philosophies are different. It's just genuinely confusing to me that in the writing forum, we don't actually discuss philosophies towards writing. A conversation can't get more than two replies deep without people's egos getting involved. It feels like most of you have really thin skin and can't tolerate dissent. It's like the people who genuinely wanted to work on serious fiction all left around 2020. The replacements we've gotten are thin-skinned babies. Nobody wants to actually discuss anything in good faith anymore, unless it's to help people talk through their litRPG storylines and alert everyone to the number of words they've committed to a text document.

>>20492715
Can you help me out here mate >>20492699

the fuck is litRPG
I only know narou

>>20492715
If you meet an asshole then you met an asshole.
If everyone you meet is an asshole, you may be the asshole.

>>20492702
Half of our authors being doxed already prevents us from reaching the upper limits of shitty generals. I do miss the absolute chaos of old Classic WoW General though.

>>20492715
No one likes being lectured by someone who has proven time and time again that he is an awful writer with awful opinions.

>>20492723
Not really, I don't know much about that. Sorry. I don't really listen to podcasts or radio stories very often. I'd imagine that the flow becomes much more important when you're writing explicitly for a recitation, but... that would depend (probably, again, I don't know) on things common with regular old written-to-be-read literature. I think the question's maybe a little too broad.

Do you recommended him, /wg/?

>>20492715
>Nobody wants to actually discuss anything in good faith anymore

>>20492735
if you want to get brain rot

>>20492732
>No one likes being lectured by someone who has proven time and time again that he is an awful writer with awful opinions.
Easy to toss stones from anonymity. This kind of attack on authority, of which I ultimately claim none, is just farcical. It's a disagreement we have. You are the one who frames it as lecturing or attempts to establish authority. If my opinions are terrible and if they're so easily dispatched with that they're worthy of derision, why not try having an actual discussion? I really don't get it.

>>20491943
>How many words have you wrote
isn't it "written"?

i learned english almost entirely through the internet so i always wonder if my grasp on the language is good enough for writing. or if i just picked up tons of bad habits and mistakes that nobody bothered to correct.

>>20492751
Go work on your writing. I’m not interested in playing debate with you.
Produce something of substance and I’ll considering listening to your next bout of unsolicited advice.

>>20492765
I don't even know anymore.

>>20492765
>isn't it "written"?
Yes.

>>20492766
>I’m not interested in playing debate with you.
t. man who will write tons of posts to try to make you feel bad about what you say but magically becomes too busy for substantive discussion the moment he's asked to say something that's actually worth a shit. literal narcissist/sociopath behavior.

>>20492686
Drayton and his fleet were not seen again after the battle of Gaylordia. The few that escaped the slaughter turned to piracy to survive.
It's some huge drama reduced to a detached technical description where the word "hadn't" does most of the work.
>Juliet hadn't survived the poison

>>20492697
a little embarrassing sharing a failed story but here you go
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZMY1KumDL6evV73sGmea7i8MhakEJ5LyvWFpvCu4jZg/edit?usp=sharing

>>20492787
Didn’t say I was too busy, I just consider this phase of your whining to be boring.
Go spend the time I’m saving you right now on your writing. I want to see another Bucksneed when I wake up. A real crowd pleaser this time.

>>20492788
>It's some huge drama reduced to a detached technical description
That's actually intentional. The context is the MC, Mia, has been captured by pirates and just learned the name of their ship, the Drayton's Revenge. So that the reader can understand her reaction to the name, I have a paragraph of context exposition, and since we're in Mia's head, the narration reflects her dismissive attitude of Drayton (she's an Authority loyalist). Here's the full paragraph as currently revised:
>Mia's surprised expression hid her delight. That name could only mean one thing. Vance Drayton had been an Authority admiral during the Scorn Wars, often called the hero of New Germany. When Terra had accepted the Orion negotiated peace settlement, Drayton had been one of the most prominent critics of the treaty. His objections had turned to threats of mutiny and he'd been driven from service. Thousands of veterans, angry at what they saw as Terra bowing to alien interlopers, had deserted and followed him into a mad crusade to claim Terra. Drayton hadn't survived his rebellion, nor had most of his fleet. The few who did had turned to piracy.

>>20492686
Drayton the One-Legged and his Mistseeker Fleet were thoroughly eradicated after the Battle of the Remoria.

The proud admiral underestimated the capabailities of Ascalus the Dreadmaw and his legion of warmonger sea elves. According to survivors, the battle only lasted for mere 10 minutes as the sea elves brandished the newset piece of their naval innovation, the beam cannon.

To this day, sailors who used the Remoria Strait as a travel route claimed to hear the distant melody of sirens recounting the tragic massacre through their bittersweet songs.

>>20492800
No, you just have a grudge against me for some reason. You're enjoying trying to shake my confidence, aren't you? It might work intermittently, I'm not gonna lie. Feel free to tell me what it was I originally said to you or about your writing, and we can hash this out like adults instead of creating yet another general full of cowardly insults.

>>20492715
>thin-skinned babies
>says the retard boohooing because no one will 1v1 him in the halls of debate

>>20492820
>debate
This is so tiresome. Not everything needs to be a debate.

>>20492819
You haven’t reviewed my work. It’s in this thread though, if you’d like to.

>>20492832
Sure, I'll give it a shot. Which one?

>>20492839
I’m going to leave that open to interpretation. Everyone here deserves an extra review.

>>20492845
You're such a fucking coward lmao. I've given multiple critiques in this thread already. I want to see YOURS.

>>20492660
Strawman argument.
You define "genre fiction" as something that limits what can happen, then complain that it's limited.

Jesus, were these threads always like this?

>>20492848
Fine, since you’re asking so nicely.
>>20491690

now post your work

>>20492856
It's good. I have no suggestions other than some minor copyediting garbage. Better than most shit that gets posted here.

>>20492858
I did, nobody likes it. That said, I went on reddit and the weekly self promotion thread, only 1 person has a draft longer than 10k words. I'm surprised. How many people actually finish a novel?

>>20492806
Fuck Mia. Drayton was based and redpilled.
>The evil racist bigots were crushed by the multicultural gay rainbow fleet #standwithterra. The few racists that survived turned to piracy against minorities.

>>20492732
More ad hominem attacks, without evidence.
Typical.

>>20492868
Thank you.

>>20492849
It would probably be closer to begging the question than a strawman, anon. But yes, that is roughly what I'm saying. Genre fiction is simple, it's self-referential to the tropes and convention of its genre, and yes, it does preclude surpassing its own self-restricted, sales/editor-enforced commercialism.

>>20490589
I'm thinking of giving up on writing a real novel and going for a shitty VN instead. That seems more realistic. Anyone has any experience with that?

>>20491499
Thank you for the feedback, I'll put it to use in the re-write.

>>20492869
Is it true? Even though there are millions of books out there are tens of millions of unfinished ones?

>>20492887
if you know an artist and composer go for it

>>20492870
Drayton was an idiot. Humanity was losing the Scorn Wars. Drayton's victory at the Battle of New Germany was just the Tet Offensive redux. Good for moral, but it broke the Terran resistance. The Scorn were months from victory and with it the total eradication of the "Terran pests." Everyone knows the Orion's deal was a Faustian bargain, but humanity survived. That can't ve understated. We survived. Some day we'll have the technology to face the Scorn on even footing and we can tell the Orions to take their mandates and shove them up their asses, if the little gray bastards even have asses, but this is not that day, and until that day we need them. Even if they are arrogant pricks with all their "Terrans are a primitive species unprepared for the realities of galactic civilization" bullshit.

Only 6 more posts until someone snipes the OP again.

>>20492887
I made one before, back when I was a big weeb. I used renpy and used a bunch of placeholder images when "coding" it. For the most basic novel, you basically just need to copy the syntax shown in the tutorial programs, you don't really need to learn any programming. If you want to do any effects, like elongated music fades or flashing effects, you can just google those functions. I had a friend who said they wanted to do the art, but they are lazy and never got around to it, so I stopped around 50% through through it.
I also made a meme one back in the day for /jp/

>>20492986
Okay, but was it a porn?

>>20492988
Neither were, no

>>20492990
What a shame.

>>20492920
https://youtu.be/93JArmMY3n4

>>20493002
Holy shit, I love this album so much. I thought I was the only person on Earth aware of its existence.

Go ahead and make the next thread. I'm going to shill my adah book. Edit it and re share it to make sure one of you fuckers read it

evaluate my writing based on zero context

>>20493011
It's the best. Mom had it on vinyl when I was a kid.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJrbz0wiT28&t=3068s

>>20493028
Not bad. I liked "sunkissed and blanketed with forest."

>>20493021
I almost want to steal the idea of an infographic giving a personal synopsis of every single /wg/ writers work, but that would be a lot of work just to make fun of the cover of Eggplant by superimposing a picture of Vaush's wife over it.

>>20493028
Needs an edit for flow and word economy. Must the mountain be kissed AND blanketed? Remove "out" from out through, remove comma from first line and make it "without turning back". Commas on 3rd and 5th sentence in particular make for an awkward flow IMHO. Be sure to read it aloud while editing.

>>20493028
I think the sentences can be rearranged. The day was setting I feel should be the first sentence. Then it goes from the four men exiting the tent to princes of calemor then people resting.

Now it feels like it's all over the place.

>>20493065
Eggplants cover is just Amazon's own auto generated cover

>>20492732
>I do miss the absolute chaos of old Classic WoW General though
For me, it was the Starcraft II generals. A suddenly dead general then active with hundreds of replies to nothing in particular. No one replying to anyone else, but having coherent arguments still the same. I'm convinced half of it was Koreans trying out their English.

>>20493075
I genuinely didn't know that. I haven't read Eggplant and just figured it had something to do with an obese woman.

>>20493070
soulless advice
>>20493071
it's because the paragraph is in the middle of the chapter so it's nonsense without the context

>>20493070
Scratch my kissed comment, didn't notice it said "sunkissed" so actually like it now

>>20493081
Even then.
I would even be okay with
>Cedril left the meeting, the sun was setting now.
Then blah blah blah. Unless you want the sun set as they ride back home. In that case I probably would make a new paragraph. But what do I know

>>20493091
New Thread
Discuss Pulpy Fiction writing

>>20491943
>>20492765
>>20492772
>>20492774
Wrote is past simple (already completed) and therefore shouldn't work in the context of the sentence since "have" with a past participle creates a perfect tense of a sentence.
Written is past perfect (completed before another action) tense and the past participle of "write" and is therefore the correct choice.
>>20492855
Not always. Generals always go through this kind of thing though. It'll clear up in a while.

>>20493081
That's a funny way of saying "thank your for reading my stuff and providing feedback I asked for".

Call me soulless and tell the other guy he's wrong. Fuck off

>>20493127
thank you for fucking me off :)

so random but when you guys are writing do you find it hard sticking to a certain perspective e.g. first person past, first person present, third person etc...

>>20493028
i liked the tents carts and soldiers part. My problem is there's a lot going on, but it is specifically out of context and perhaps this is in the middle of the original work. The word choice is good but as others have said the flow is a bit awkward at times.

>>20492660
>The problem is that genre fiction precludes any real experimentation.
No it doesn't. Sci fi includes plenty of strange stuff.
> Genre fiction is, roughly, cartoonified. In the same way that comic-book art will never have all that much real artistic integrity due to the constraints of what its fans already expect,
Oh. You're an idiot. Never mind then.

>>20491654
>thats not the point of his stories
I get that, but I think you could have just as much if not more impact if the story follows humanity doing everything they can to push back against the darkness only for it to not matter in the end. One aspect of Lovecraft that I've always rolled my eyes at is how much of a bitch a lot of the protagonists are. If the Mythos was real, you can bet your ass there'd be hundreds of high ranking military officials dumping tax money into futile wonder weapons