/lit/ - Literature

"I want you to visualize something. Imagine if there was always someone telling you the the right choices to make. Someone who knows you better than you could ever know yourself. Someone who cares about you more than anyone else does. Where you need to go for chance encounters, whether you can trust someone, the ideal decision to make in any situation. Imagine, hypothetically, there’s this voice coming from behind you whispering these things in your ear, but when you turn around there’s nobody there. Can you imagine what your life would look like? There would be no anxiety, no fear of the unknown, no reason to wonder “what if?”. You will always make the right decision. If something is difficult, it’s because it was meant to be, but in the end, you know your life will turn out alright. But now wonder for a moment. What would happen if a person like this lost that voice. If, one day, that voice just went quiet. What would that do to a person?"

- My prologue to a gothic urban fiction novel I'm starting. Does this sound interesting?

>>20458580
A little rambly, but potentially? Ideas aren't worth much, the execution matters moreso. The idea is only worth much for the hook, and the hook is "guardian angel suddenly leaves protagonist who's always had it" as I understand, so you have a pretty clear character arc from there (gaining independence, learning the value of making bad decisions, etc.) but the plot could be anything.

>>20458580
Beautiful. Unfortunately, the answer at the end spills you back into reality. Not sure why it introduces fictional elements just to take them away. I suppose the idea is that this person or people are unpredictable agents even in the faces of these voices.

>>20458477
Attached is two sample pages of an outline from one of my stories. Each section represents a complete scene in the story.

The header tells me what the scene is, which plotline it focuses on, who it features, and what kind of scene it is (action or reaction). For example:
> 3. MAIN PLOT #3: ESCAPE ATTEMPT (action/DEVO)
This would be the third scene critical to the main plot. It's an action scene, and the POV character is Devo.

Other sections get highlighted in red if their from the antagonists POV and blue if their relevant to the love story subplot.

Action sections are broken down into a Beginning, Middle and End, while Reaction sections are broken into Analysis and Resolution. Then there is a paragraph of description for each section that tells me roughly want should happen.

>>20458361
>Is there any fictional written work which is truly transcendent and meaningful
literary fiction is that way "The Corrections" by Jonathan Franzen is one example.
even the worst sff will have a theme of some kind

>>20458594
Because the story is about the main character who loses The Voice he's always listened to all his life. A guy following directions and always making the perfect decisions would be boring to watch so the story starts with him waking up in the hospital realizing the voice is gone.

Previously, he used The Voice to start a private investigator business and help people with his power, but when he loses it, he's forced to tackle a riddler style serial killer case by himself and the sister of one of the victims.

>>20458610
>from one of my stories
Is it a Star Wars fan fiction?

>>20458593
Yeah, I'm just asking how good of a hook is it

>>20458623
More pastiche than fan-fiction. It's basically Star Wars if the Jedi worked for the Empire and the Sith ran the rebellion and everyone is an asshole. But yeah, all the Star Wars tropes -- laserswords, droids, psychic warriors, spaceships, pulp adventure -- are all there.

No one writes in /wg/.

im writing from a brutally tortured character's pov but have no idea how losing fingers, nose, ear and so on feels like. guess im just gonna make shit up

>>20458654
I was just taking the piss. I wasn't the anon you're replying to. Just kind of skimming the threads to see what anons are up to since I'm >>20458271

>>20458656
Wrong. F Gardner is from /wg/ and he has authored numerous novels.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RSHL5rD8R-WmAPJwoGNoBu4AdamOkQY4xrwNbysBNa4/edit?usp=sharing

Hell-Anon here. Only going to post the first three chapters. I've been wondering if the beginning is too punchy and sudden, and if perhaps it would benefit by adding another chapter leading up to the moment the protagonist dies. I am a fan of plunging right in, but I also worry that the reader might not really empathize with the protagonist's situation.

>>20458631
Decent, though I generally withold a decision of further reading on a book to at least a few pages, so an opening line/paragraph alone isn't usually enough to hook me. Just the initial pace and writing style of the first pages are what can get me interested.

>>20458670
Hey man, those pages contain a dude named "Grendel Starwise" who uses telekinesis and a lasersword. It was a fair question.

Wrote some more to the LitRPG/Isekai story I'm planning to serialize. Let me know what you think?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tzxgbG_oTGbb1PQ2cQXSpfsQgAARhJvFWuewiJ4cfOo/

>>20458656
Sounds like you’ve never heard of F Gardner.

>>20458693
Newfag here, I keep thinking you guys are talking about Gardener F. Fox and getting excited and then let down.

>>20458557
/wg/ Authors and Flash Fiction Pastebin
>https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
After I finish writing what I'm working on I'm thinking about going through all the books in the pastebin and making a chart like pic rel to ease anons in to reading each others works and to get some of you to actually make a finished story instead of posting pastebins that are forgotten after 5 seconds. I won't be including myself on the chart though because I don't want to be too biased or harsh on myself.

>>20458716
Do it. I'm curious to see which books are any good.

>>20458716
>25 books
>Only 5 of them are on Amazon
>Rest are royal road shtick

I wonder how many people dropped their projects or are afraid of being associated with 4chan?

>>20458770
I'm still working. It's going to be by far the best project directly associated with 4chan, whether you like it or not.

>>20458777
Trips confirm.

>>20458770
>are afraid of being associated with 4chan
This. No chance I'll ever link my stuff here. It's too sincere. And feminine.

>>20458770
>Rest are royal road shtick
I want to get rid of this attitude specifically since publishing is so pozzed from what I hear and self publishing is difficult if you don't know what you're doing. /wg/ has been getting pretty bad recently and I don't want this place is end up like /ic/ where everyone is constantly attacking and going outside the box is seen as a bad thing.

>>20458733
Thank you for reading. I like writing in that tense, but I know it’s going to be limiting. It’s just very necessary for what I’m doing with this character and his psychosis.
I’ll work on getting rid of the I’s. That is an issue that really exposes me for someone who doesn’t know how to write.

>>20458832
>since publishing is so pozzed
it has much less to do with publishing than it does the quality that's still at least slightly associated with it. the average RR fiction is poorly edited, tangential, insubstantial, and written like YA. it really is. what's on RR is just YA for men, so in your head when anyone shits on RR, you can just substitute it for YA because the same criticism will (at least) apply. the difference is that published YA fiction will be free from grammatical error. it will appear as if someone has edited it.

>>20458580
Too long.

>>20458852
useless critique

>>20458832
I do think there's merit to RR, but the minute I see chapter #204, I avoid it. I'm reading a book, not a tome

>>20458860
RR series are more akin to long series that you could split up. Some try to properly split these up into arcs which'd be when one book would end and another begins, some don't bother. So chapter 204 isn't chapter 204 of a single book, it's more likely chapter 204 in total of a 2-3 book series.

>>20458675
>if perhaps it would benefit by adding another chapter leading up to the moment the protagonist dies.
No. Not unless you have vital information about the protagonist that will affect the rest of the story.

>>20458615
Having the intention of doing that doesn't mean it succeeds, though

>>20458858
brevity is the soul of being an asshole

>>20458683
I can't get into it. The sentence structure just feels really odd to me. Furthermore it's a comedy but it's not funny. I will say I did picture an anime in my brain, so the imagery is good

>>20458716
You should find tht anon that already read Emily Project and Eggplant. Split the reading duties and save some time, especially cause I’ve heard this idea mentioned by others as well

>>20458865
I need it finished or I'm not touching it.

>>20458580
Two bits of advice - never have a prologue and never address the reader.

>>20458271
>>20458670
Well, since no one responded, here's kind of the idea for a setting that will mesh okay with the dream/scene:

>AU Free State of Deseret
>Government based in Salt Lake City, territory comprised of Southern Idaho, Utah, North East Nevada, West Colorado and Wyoming
>Because of the diverse nature of the region, government is pretty loose
>Major factions include LDS, unsavory types such as cartels, gilded age style corporate entities, and the government itself
>MC is a member of a group known as the Rangers.
>Rangers work as intermediaries between factions within Deseret, have pretty much free rein inside Deseret within reason, and are almost Judge Dredd types
>Rangers can be hired by factions to investigate or execute members of other factions
>takes place in semi-modern AU
>technology is a bit different, i.e. no internet but land line telephones exist
>cars went the way of the dodo due to lack of oil and Elon Musk didn't shill for electric so most travel is done by coal train or horseback

Thoughts?

>>20458894
That's fair. Can you expand on the 'sentence structure is odd' feeling? It's a hard piece of advice to do anything with unless examples are provided.

>>20458865
>RR series are more akin to long series that you could split up.
Yeah, ignoring the fact that books are written to be standalone and almost always have a self-contained story within them, with the largest overarching plot being what continues. There is something called pacing, and if you have 2,000 pages without any full stops, it's going to be done poorly. The only web novel that I know of which actually properly does this is Worm. Most just use the term "Arc" to generally cut off when a certain event happens, there is no actual closure or wrapping up. If you go a year before reading the next "Arc" you'll be lost because they write it as one consistent thing.

>>20458912
dumb overgeneralized advice

>>20458928
Sounds interesting so far as a setting. You may want to consider making it post-apocalypse, with a very soft apocalypse (I mean you have global oil shortage right there already!).

But settings don't move stories. What's your plot? You've got an MC, and the nature of your MC implies his allies and confidants, but who is your antagonist? Is there going to be a love interest? If so, who is she? How does she figure into the plot?

>>20458868
Okay got it, thank you anon.

>>20458967
Name one classic novel that utilizes both of those amateurish conventions.

Are there any good books about someone surviving in the wilderness? I’ve already read Hatchet and Maroo of the Winter Caves in my youth.

I want to write a survival story like that, but I’ve only gone camping. Never had to hunt or gather my own food in the wild.

>>20458994
Literally everything pre-modernism addresses the reader.

>>20458994
Name a few classic novels so I even know what the fuck your subjective opinion of a classic novel is

>>20459003
Not who you're responding to, but Lolita from 1955 addresses the readers in the Foreward. I don't know if it's considered a classic, but Lolita is a high bar.

>>20458968
>post apocalypse
I thought about it, but post-apocalypse is kind of played out, no? I figure it would be some kind of embargo against what's essentially modern day Wild West.

>What's your plot?
So that's where the dream ties in, which I figure will show up in the latter part of the first act:
>MC gets side contracts from the owner of a local brothel/calzone shop named Sarah
>it's not really against the law, but it's frowned upon and may cause trouble if discovered
>MC calls in an orders a prostitute to his apartment, language is coded as if ordering a calzone
>Sarah says she might not have all the ingredients, despite knowing who MC is asking for, i.e. he orders this girl semi-often, but she'll have deliver something close enough soon
>a bit later, MC opens door and a girl is there, not his usual girl
>She asks if it's him and he says yeah, walking away from the open door
>She lets herself in, closes the door and sits on the couch
>He offers her a drink only to turn around to find a gun on him
>She asks if he killed so and so
>He replies "I take it you're not with Sarah" and drinks his drink
>She stands up and goes on and on about how he killed this guy
>He shifts around her and she shifts too
>he steps forward and she steps back
>repeat til her back is to the wall
>He snatches the pistol and says "You have to take the safety off."
>She looks like she's gonna cry and he starts going on and on about how the guy was a wife beater, drug dealers, general scumbag
>She slaps the shit out of him, her ring cuts his cheek pretty deeply
>he notices the bruises on her arms and around her temple, suddenly it all makes sense
>She notices the blood, but surprise she's hemophobic and passes the fuck out
>He catches her and carries her back to the couch
>Pats her down looking for a wire, but doesn't find one
>Rips the hem of her dress, pours his drink on it, then uses it as a bandage
>Suddenly knock at door
>He opens to find his usual girl, Aguila, holding a calzone box
>She starts kind of looking in the door, spotting the girl and looking at his new cut, asking if he's gonna let her in, but MC's blocking it
>He says her services aren't needed tonight, but pays her anyway
>She hands him the box and they exchange goodbyes
>He opens the box and it's payment for killing the now widow's husband

The room was dirty and full of moisture. Arki noticed small, rectangular patches of different colors on the walls, places where paintings used to hang. No windows could be seen. The marble tiles on the floor were in a poor condition. Only a small, simple table sat across him, a fat man with a pointy beard was engulfed in a large stack of papers.

“I hope that you like my makeshift office, Nekiz. What will you drink?” said the man that faced him, still absorbedly reading his lodger.

“Your man doesn’t trust me”, said Arki, dodging the question. “He growls like a dog.”

“Hah, that’s his job!” he said maniacally. Sashke passed Arki an empty cup, but he refused with a gesture of his hand.

“You’re too paranoid”, he said. “There, I’ll pour some for myself”. And so he did, gulping down a cup full of red wine in one go.

“I didn’t know this place belonged to you”, Arki said.

“Who said it does?” said Sashke jokingly.

“Oh, I presume you just enjoy the company, then”. Arki chuckled.

Sashke laughed loudly. “We all know a wolf prefers the company of sheep more than the company of wolves.” he said with a smile. “In truth, there’s no document of this establishment that features my name. The rats of the council are rather blind, you see.” he said.

Arki knew about members of the Society hiding behind forged documents and intermediaries, but a place frequented by so many Elyrian officials... He was surprised by Sashke’s moves. He wondered whether he would call that foolishness or boldness. Regardless, Arki knew that he’d have to calculate his next actions with unprecedented caution.

“Enough about business, now. Tell me, did you find this place easily?” asked Sashke.

“Quite so. I was fortunate that I wasn’t the prey by a man-eating sewer beast, though” said Arki, serious as ever.

Setting the thick lodger and the stack of papers aside, Sashke quickly changed his tone. “It was a risk we had to take. Our goals can only be achieved by being as discreet as possible, and, meanwhile-“

“In order for the Society to achieve its goals, you first and foremost have to be thorough with its agents.” Arki said. Sashke’s eyes were fixated on him. It seemed as if everything in their conversation was going as expected for the fat man. "He’s testing me", he thought

A brief silence ensued. “It was a necessity; you understand” he said apologetically while stroking his beard. “Privacy has… a steep price, I did not lie about that. After we started spreading those stories, the tunnels and the sewers under Kadesh were ours to use, freely. No one bothers us now, and it’s gotten the Guard busy chasing ghosts.”

>>20459035
Also for overarching plot, I'm thinking opening is him hunting and killing this guy, kind of explaining the setting, then that scene, things getting turned upside down because his side contracts catch notice and multiple factions, including the rangers have it out for him, love interest is the widow. Like I said, I'm not a writer. I feel like it'd be better as a TV show, but I don't know how to do that either.

>>20459035
>post-apocalypse is kind of played out, no?
That's why I suggested a soft apocalypse. If everyone has regressed back to horses because a lack of oil has made cars unfeasible, then you're basically already in a soft apocalypse. What I'm suggesting is that rather than set in an alternate universe, just set it 50 years in the future, say "by the time the politicians admitted there was a problem, it was too late to do anything. Without oil, the economy crashed and took civilization with it."

But you don't want to go full Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. More Mad Max, the first one, where there's still police and shit. And you certainly don't want to go The Road. Just be like "out here is Deserret country, the collapse of civilization didn't affect us all that much. We'd never had much use for it anyways." I mean, the part of the world you're focusing on would hold together pretty well in a catastrophe. Might make some glib mentions about the liberal coasts degenerating to cannibalism and barbarianism.

>local brothel/calzone shop
I love it.

So what you've written here isn't a plot, it's an outline for a single scene. It's not bad, has real potential, always like a hysterical woman with a gun.

So your plot seems to be:
>MC Ranger hunts down and kills Bad Man.
>MC Ranger heads home and orders a lady of the night.
>Bad Man's Widow arrives at his door, wanting to shoot him, but can't do the deed.

So the obvious direction to go with this is to have the Widow reveal that the Bad Man was, in fact, a Good Man and that MC Ranger was used as a tool to kill this Good Man in furtherance of some plot by one of his employers, who is the actual Bad Man. This leads MC Ranger to investigate, which both confirms Widow's story and alerts Bad Man that MC Ranger knows too much and has become a liability. The Bad Man then covertly sells MC Ranger out to his criminal enemies. This blows up in their faces, because one of those criminals sees a potential ally in MC Ranger and helps him put together the puzzle and supplies him with resources.

Later, when MC Ranger thinks he's gathered the evidence to expose Bad Men, you reveal the whole organization is corrupt and all pretense is dropped as the Cabal of Bad Men send MC Ranger's former allies, the Rangers, after him in a last ditch effort to prevent their corruption from being revealed.

>book cover is in after rounds of revisions with the designer
>now I get to write a full blurb
>and prepare ideas to tell my friends, family, and blog followers
Tonight, I sign up for BookSirens. Today is a good fucking day, bros. I love writing.

>>20459181
Nevermind the friends and family, how big is your blog bro?

>>20459186
110 followers! Only a few engagements on my weekly flash fictions but I'm counting on BookSirens to help me out a lot.

>>20459173
>So what you've written here isn't a plot, it's an outline for a single scene
I know. I'm building on it into something that makes sense. Like I said, I dreamt it.
>Direction
What about >>20459053? It's kind of what you wrote, but lines up better. I kind of envision the Rangers are a neutral entity that do what the factions can't openly get away with. I do think the Rangers coming after MC is a good idea and was kind of where I was going with it. I think the main "moral of the story" or whatever is that morality and justice don't always line up. Is that cliché?

>>20459181
>book cover is in after rounds of revisions with the designer
I found a nobody online with really nice art and asked if they'd do an art commission I could use on a book cover. I sent them a shitty sketch and we worked together and it turned out amazing. Messaged them a year later for another cover and sent them my poor sketch. It looked good at first, then it turned out worse and worse the more they worked on it but I couldn't outright say that, so I gave a bunch of things I wanted changed over the course of the emails but nothing fixed it, so I just said it was good and accepted it. Feels bad. Now I'm wondering if I can salvage it when I'm designing the actual cover or if I need to pay someone else to make some art I can use.

>>20459217
An artist friend of mine told me that there's some "unspoken code" about not redo-ing another artist's work among artists. Maybe something like you wouldn't write someone else's story. But I don't see any reason to not pass it off as a piece of demo art and ask for a reimagining.

>>20459223
>about not redo-ing another artist's work
Yeah, I lost a friend that way in college. I asked her to do a cover for me, she stalled halfway through, two months passed and she didn't work on it despite my weekly reminders saying I had a personal publishing deadline. Ended up asking someone else to draw it for me, looked way better, then that girl blocked me and literally wouldn't even look at me in college. I guess I should make this commission work.

>>20459245
That seems like her problem for not being able to meet a deadline, desu. If she took it personally that seems to be, again, her problem. Not saying it doesn't suck, but when you get asked to do something for someone else and finish it by a deadline, it damn well better be done.

>>20459195
>I think the main "moral of the story" or whatever is that morality and justice don't always line up. Is that cliché?
No, and don't worry about cliche. Beginning writers always worry too much about cliche. Cliches are more about boring, overused turns of phrase, not so much about plot lines and morals. I mean, have their been stories told about the difference between what's right and what's the law? Of course, and probably better than you'll ever tell. But if you're writing genre fiction, then you're not writing to edify and expand the mind of your reader. You're not writing a philosophical treaty, and your reader is going to care more about plot, character, and wow factor. They aren't going to care if the moral of the story is old hat. The moral is only going to be an issue if your story is premises on a moral truth that no sane reader agrees with and you present it as old hat, which will lead people to think you're nuts. This is rarely a problem and you don't come across as that brand of insane.

>What about >>20459053? It's kind of what you wrote, but lines up better
What you've laid out is a first act. I'm just taking what you've written and extrapolating out to a middle and third act and giving you a sense of a structure and focus. That's why I included the suggestion of the Rangers coming after him, because you suggested it. :)

Mocked up a cover for the novel I'm working on. I'll have to commission different art, naturally, but this piece definitely captures the vibe I'm going for.

>>20459249
She was very artsy-fartsy-tumblr-wiccan but she was good at art. She stopped aspiring to be an artist though, so I don't think she was cut out for it in a professional sense. I don't think I did anything wrong either, but I still feel bad about it.

>>20459262
Fair enough. Should I draw up an outline and bring here for critique? Is that a thing you guys do or is it just the Star Wars guy

>>20459287
I know a lot of people from that age of the internet who didn't make it. A girl I used to collab writing with no longer does any writing. We had a whole writer's group from that age when Twitter was young and everyone used FictionPress. I get a small sense of pride in being the last man standing.
>>20459278
Nice text. Very erotica, pulpy feeling if that's what you wanted.

>>20459194
… I don’t want to squash your dreams but you need to revisit this more realistically.

On the topic of covers, I want something decent-looking for when I eventually put it up online on RR or some such. Anybody know where I'd look for somebody to commission?

>>20459303
Please, explain.

>>20459297
I'm the Star Wars guy. :) And yeah, I highly recommend outlining. Some people prefer pantsing, but I think if you're approaching writing from a more technical standpoint and are more interested in creating a finished project than the "experience" of writing, then outlining is best practices. Outlining does suck some (less than you'd think) of the joy of discovery out of the actual writing, but it's much, much easier to spot and fix plot holes and pacing issues in the outline stage and helps avoid that crushing despair one feels when you realize you've written yourself into a corner and have to do a page one rewrite.

>>20459301
Thanks, and it's exactly what I intended.

Write about being cheated on in your best prose.

>>20459320
How long should an outline be? Ballpark

>>20459037
You don't need to describe an action with every bit of dialog. It's like reading a pantomime.

>>20459037
>still absorbedly reading his lodger
Couldn't you just say "still absorbed in his lodger"?

>>20459305
>Anybody know where I'd look for somebody to commission?
Here on 4chan, deviantart, and fiver, if you're on a budget. If you can afford to spend real money, google "commission illustrator" and you'll find some of the more high-end sites and individual artist's webpages. It takes a lot of time searching and sorting the wheat from the chaff, but there are plenty of good artists out there whose work can be had for cheap, especially in the third world.

>>20459344
I actually don't really know what sort of budget is reasonable. For something I'm planning on doing mostly as a side-project that I just would like to see do well, there's probably some amount I could justify spending (I do have disposable income, it's just a matter of justifying it), but I'm guessing a reasonable price range for something of high quality is like $100-200?

>>20459324
>I sought, indeed, felt, that deep within my heart--that frail, fragile thing, which beats whether your spirit is dead or alive--that someone, a rival, perhaps, or a friend from university, whom, feeling slighted that I had not recognized him at the grocer, decided to carry out a vicious scheme, that I had been duped or made to feel a fool. I thought to myself, assured, that such a thing could only be a result of immature folly, a prank; even, perhaps, a slightly cruel jest meant to humble, but not humiliate, and I told myself in the way most blind men do that I did not care that I had been made a cuckold of by my two best friends. And yet, the more I convinced myself that I did not care, the more numb I became, like a man slowly turning to stone who realizes that his legs can no longer move. What, in my heart, I wondered, truly, could I do? What rage could I feel that would undo this transfixion? What hatred would melt this stone and give me the energy to lash out, viciously, vindictively, at those who wronged me? These I wondered, yet, in the time it took me to process all that I had been told, my heart had turned to stone, and all that I wanted to feel died at the edge of my mind.

>>20459324
I wrote 4k words after getting off work today for a novel in which a man is manipulated by a con artist pretending to be a hooker pretending to be a model. Close enough? It's all rough draft and mostly dialogue of dramatic arguments and sexually suggestive behavior. I have done a few character intros but since I havent ironed them out.
Big thing is watching the protag go from an empty hedonist (his current gf's fetish changed his conception of women completely) into a hopeless romantic.

>>20459324
Fingers pale around tool unclean
She taunts her every exploit
I swelled with green
Thrust the steel into her void

>>20459324
>"We need to talk..." she said quietly, her eyes avoiding my gaze
>The words rang in my ears as my gut tied itself into knots, twisting and worming almost strangling my sinking heart.
>I've heard those four words a thousand times from a hundred different girls. Sometimes it's good news, but usually it's the worst things you can tell a person.
>I sat across from her in the diner booth as she took my hands in her own "There's something I need to tell you" she mumbled, still looking away.
>I remained quiet, it was going to be bad. On the outside, I remained stony and inquisitive. On the inside, I was shaking like an epileptic dog covered in fleas at the disco.
>"Remember a week ago, when I said I was working late.... I was actually out with Dani and her friend Rob. We went to a concert and... and I met somebody. We danced and sang our hearts out. And then...." she paused, "he kissed me. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it's because we've been so distant, maybe I just wanted it. I kissed him back."
>My face contorted in rage. "You did wh-" I started to shout before she put her hand over my mouth.
>"And then he took me home. I let him stay. He fucked me and I let him do that too."
>My heart was puree at this point. Blended in rage, disgust, tears and every emotion a man could feel in that moment. Stuck in my throat like a peanut butter smoothie. I couldn't speak anymore.
>"Worse yet, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every second of it..." she trailed off and finally looked me in the eyes, "We're through. I'll send Rob to get my things out of the apartment." I sat there like a hospital patient that was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. She stood up and I couldn't even look at her. Not that it mattered, even if I could look at her I couldn't see anything at this point regardless. Nothing seemed real. 8 years of my life gone up in the flames of one night of passion. She walked away as I just sat there, my thousand yard stare burning a hole into the upholstery across from me. I vomited on the table but remained the lifeless husk, another zombie in a burned out town.

>>20459316
113 unique visitors a month after several months of effort is not a good sign anon.

Previous thread >>20454085
Since OP is an idiot
How about removing the F Gardner vandalism next time?

>>20459431
Maybe he just wants to sell one book

>>20459324
Nice prompt, might as well write it now as it is part of my autobiography

>>20458999
my side of the mountain.
into the wild.

>>20459452
Sorry to hear that anon

>>20459448
No he doesn’t.

>>20459394
You know as many girls that have disappointed or ignored me, I've never been cheated on by any gf Ive had before. To my knowledge of course. I had to dump all of them myself for different reasons.

>>20459324
>Now that a disclosure of the whole thing was hanging over him he wished for nothing so much as for her to reply to him just as mockingly as before by saying that his suspicions were ridiculous and baseless. What he knew was so dreadful that now he was ready to believe anything. But the expression on her sullen, frightened face now no longer promised even deception.
>"I may be mistaken," he said. "In that case I beg you to forgive me."
>"No, you're not mistaken," she said slowly, looking in desperation at his cold face. "You are not mistaken. I was in despair and I cannot help being in despair. I'm listening to you and thinking about him. I love him, I'm his mistress, I can't bear it, I'm afraid--I hate you... You can do whatever you like with me!"

>>20459394
I like the vibe of this one

>>20459467
I wish I could say the same.

>>20459483
It's a true story desu.

>>20454761
>>20456039
I think I'm just getting lucky with the trending.
The referrer links never seem to show external sites.
>>20454887
"Fill background color" won't get the inside of letters with gaps, e.g. A, O, etc.
>>20455406
Glad to help.
>>20455693
Communism...always one execution away from utopia.

>>20458365
Here's a recent taste of his schizotronics.

>>20459358
Higher. Furries drop thousands on portraits.

>>20459358
Ignore the retard, artists are starved for money so 100-200 is a good price for quality. I'd go more around the 200 end

>>20459512
That was actually me getting buttblasted about retarded faggots asking questions instead of just posting their stories

>>20459394
>"Worse yet, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every second of it..."
Too much. This crosses over from a cheating story to straight up NTR doujin

>>20459003
"We" by Yevgeny Zamyatin addresses the reader frequently.
>>20459305
Consider using nightcafe.studio to have an AI generate a cover image based on your text suggestions.
I've been having surprisingly good luck with it.

>>20459324
condoms for sale, never worn

>>20459553
>>20459491

>>20459553
If it's really a true story like anon says then that's one sadistic bitch. Any decent girl would just say they want to end the relationship and itd be fine but girls want to make guys feel inadequate so they wont feel guilty. It's a coping mechanism that is totally pathetic, nonetheless interesting for writing chars who delude themselves.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/54446/the-mystery-of-the-real-live-dead-person

new chapter posted

>>20459330
That depends on a lot of different factors. Attached is the Novelmaster chart from The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing by Evan Marshall, which I find a very useful resource for planning my attack on a story (though I rarely use his precise structure). You want to set a word goal -- I'd suggest 50k to 80k for your first attempt, which is also about the right length for a paperback Western novella, like Louie Lamour wrote (and is basically what you're writing -- also my preferred length as reader and writer).

That means you'll probably want about 40 to 60 sections (which is not the same thing as chapters, you might have three or more sections to a chapter), and your outline should reflect that. However, I wouldn't try to jump straight to that level of outline. I do several pre-outlines, starting with three acts, then breaking down each act into sections (Campbell's Hero's Journey is very useful at this stage), until I have an outline that is basically just the headers from my master outline. Then I flesh each of those sections out.

So first outline is three lines, second is usually about twelve, third is 40+, final outline will be five or six times the size of the third outline. Like if you look at the full outline for Xanthari's Rogue (my "Star Wars" story), which I wrote for Nanowrimo (i.e. 50k words), it's 16 pages with 35 sections (19 Main Plot, 8 Oppostion, 8 Romantic Subplot, with 22 MC POV sections and 13 other POV sections).

And then, of course, as you develop your outline you'll discover what characters your story needs and can develop them alongside your plot.

>>20459507
>"Fill background color" won't get the inside of letters with gaps, e.g. A, O, etc.
If that's an issue, you can just do Select > Remove Holes first.

>>20459358
>I'm guessing a reasonable price range for something of high quality is like $100-200?
You'll get something acceptable but unextraordinary for $200. High quality will run you $500+ unless you really luck out and catch an artist right when they're at that stage where they're doing high quality work but haven't realized their own worth yet.

>>20459612
>Attached is the Novelmaster chart from The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing by Evan Marshall
no?

>>20459571
>If it's really a true story like anon says then that's one sadistic bitch
It is and she is. She later pulled the "I don't want to lose you as a friend" bullshit card which means "I want the benefit of having you as a boyfriend without you getting any of the benefits of me as a girlfriend." Last I heard, she's still with guys.

>>20459624
Or you can just scribble. I like scribbling.

>>20459431
No no, it's 110 subscribers to my blog. 110 people who have signed up for my mailing list. Unique monthly visitors is like, maybe 40. We're struggling out in these streets.

I needed a break from my books and did a bit of flash fiction today using the bald posting as a prompt. Cheers to:
>>20454944
>>20454998

>Mald Against the Dying of my Love Life
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ULki1Tj76fehp4Zk4U9eM6EzELhLybJ6qiLmo6FkQec/edit?usp=sharing

I've finally come back to my half-finished novel after a couple of months of tinkering with other projects, a host of work and uni issues that have kept my busy, and writer's block that has kept me from knowing where the fuck to take this story next.

I've come back to it and re-read that last bit I wrote and it's fucking terrible. Shockingly bad to the point where I think I must have suffered brain damage.

How do I finish it? Do I need to spend all my time rewriting this last chunk to make it palatable? Do I just push on, ignoring the shittiness and hoping to fix it later?

All I know is that I really can't abandon this novel, but the shittiness of what I wrote last is so disheartening that I'm at a loss.

What do I do?

>>20459727
Consider putting off publishing until you have an audience then.
Reevaluate your approach.
6 months should do the trick.

if I read the best books in my genre, will I absorb their essence and write as well as those books?

>>20459873
Yes osmosis is why you read in the first place

>>20459873
Be sure to read some not-so-best books too.
I find such books inspiring, because I'm sure I can do better, and THEY somehow got published, so why can't I?

>>20459972
Isn't that a paraphrase of Gayman or some shit

>>20459972
I went from someone who wrote solely for D&D purposes -- character backgrounds, setting write-ups, that sort of thing -- until the Legend of the Seeker show premiered. I liked it, but someone online was like "The book is way better."

So I bought a copy of Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind. And it inspired me to try my hand at writing a novel, because if that untalented hack and his absolutely shit writing can sell a million copies, how hard can it really be? Holy fuck is he bad.

>>20459541
Well, take it down a notch next time!

I gave up on my previous story idea because it was retarded.
I'm out of ideas now.

>>20460026
You'll come up with another, better one soon enough

>>20458580
>>20458622
I like the concept anon,i don't like your writing style but thats just a personal thing anyways you should introduce character driven things like what the character did with those powers or at least imply the nature of the main characters personality by saying you could rob banks or save starving child, maybe he was a robin hood type. You have set the mood for a paranormal setting but you have not establish the feeling in the air and thus the direction of the novel. I understand the events but not the intentions behind why they should happen.

>>20459976
Is it? It's just something I believe.
Watching a lot of bad TV is what finally inspired me to begin work on my most recent novel.

>>20460002
Have you considered using your characters/scenarios/etc. as inspiration for a LitRPG?
That's what I'm doing right now.
It seems like a really low bar; any genre whose works can span hundreds of chapters on RoyalRoad can't be that difficult to write.

>>20460026
I don't understand this.
How can you *possibly* run out of ideas?
I have more ideas than I'll ever be able to write, and new ones occurring to me all the time.
I only run out of time and energy.

>>20460060
It was Alan Moore, close enough
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCOmkrwQdFc

>>20460067
I have a few old ideas on my notebook but I wasn't very interested in them in the first place. They're all pretty much retellings of stories I already like.

>>20460026
Despite having the most retarded idea ever, I'm still going to write it, self publish it, and laugh at the sheer idiocy of it and laugh that someone in the world likes it

>>20458557
Kaijuanon here.
I need to give more focus to the other non-antagonistic characters. Let me try. Just so you get an idea of who's in this scene
>A primal, gorilla like beast who is nonetheless capable of restraint despite his rage issues.
>A bigass tiger monster who's constantly on the hunt
NOTE: One thing I (At least try to) do is give characters different styles of narration. The ape-guy has a somewhat small vocabulary and intentionally poor prose, for example. This is more an approximation of his thoughts/actions.
>As I sit near the falling water, I close my eyes and let the sound and smell drown out everything else. The sounds and smells from far away, the ones that hurt me, are not there anymore. And with them, the anger subsides. I should do this more often, shouldn't I?
>I hear a noise that is not the falling water,. It is a low sound that goes up my back. I am alert, and the feeling the sound brings gets worse. I curl my hand around a stone as slowly as I can. As I do, the feeling on my back stops. I wait for a long time
>It bursts from behind the water, and all I can tell is that it's bright and has fangs and claws. I strike back on instinct and knock it to one side. Before I know what's happening, I am on my feet and screaming for my life at this attacker. As I stand up, the sounds and smells from far away start again. And it makes me angry. It took my resting space, so it will pay.
>We both lunge at each other, but I am stronger, so I am the one that wins in the struggle. We come tumbling out from behind the wall of water, and each quickly try to stand up when we hit the ground. It rushes at me before I can stand up fully, and bites my arm. It hurts, and so I attack back. I am grabbing and pulling on every part of my opponent's body. Grabbing it, striking it, and trying with all my strength to hurt it. It does not want to let go, so I will make it.
>It's claws are scratching my leg, and it hurts even more. It is harder to stand the more it slashes my leg. I must finish this soon. I use all my effort to slam it against the rocky ground we are fighting on. I feel it come off as I do so, and so pull my arm back as fast as I can. I scream as hard as I can at it, as I want it to leave me alone.
>It's mouth is bleeding, and as I look down I see several of it's fangs lodged in my arm. I am angry, and so I stand as tall as I can and scream at it one last time. And as I do, it backs away into the green.
>I must find another resting spot to heal and sleep away from the sound and smell that angers me so much.
Whatever, I know

>>20460064
I've considered it, but never very seriously. I have this vague idea for a system loosely based on World of Darkness and some ideas on a set-up and a villain, but I don't really have characters or a plot in mind.

My biggest problem with writing LitRPG is I never know when to invoke the System and how to deal with the protagonists awareness of it. But I'm also not a fan of how many of them lean towards blatant power fantasy.

>>20460146
I don't intend to evoke The System in mine, just make self-referential jokes about the clichéd patterns that show up in RPG play.
Right now I'm writing an argument between a ninja and a barbarian regarding their respective clichés.
The source is a Pathfinder 1e scenario I wrote a long time ago, so I'm not coming up with custom mechanics or anything. No need to strain myself.
After all, I'm just giving it away for free on RoyalRoad.

>>20460067
I've had at least four ideas for stories today. I just hit act 2 of my novel and I don't have a clear idea of what happens next (because, like a dumbass, I didn't outline), so my brain is helpfully supplying all kinds of idea I could develop instead of the story I'm working on.

But, honestly, I'm stuck on my novel because my heart is telling me that my heroines should be captured and raped by lizardmen, and my brain is saying "Noooo, you can't. That's wrong. What's wrong with you?" instead of providing a better idea.

How do you cope with the fact that the most vital part of selling your novel, like any other business, comes down to industry connections

After years of neglecting to read and years of not stretching my creativity. I have found my writing skills are absolutely in the gutter. It's a lot of work to become better again I guess.

>>20460220
The only thing I read are JRPGs and VNs. Thus my writing reflects that.

>>20460227
I mean, if you want to write JRPGs and VNs, I guess that is fine.

>>20460230
Nope. I write YA fantasy and Erotica. Which fits perfectly with my hentai VNs and JRPG fantasy settings.

What's better than having a DBZ styled magic system in a post-apocalyptic world styled as a Middle age setting mixed with both European and Japanese influences?

>>20460238
As long as you add a mopey, blank-slate female character being fought over by two hot guys way out of her league, you've got a surefire hit!

>>20460157
If anyone wants to read my LitRPG, it's here:
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/54832/leave-bad-enough-alone
The bad guys are the sort of bards whose work would end up on Mystery Science Theater 3000.
6 chapters posted, 14 written so far.

>>20460260
Erotica is a big market and horny guys are always willing to pay.

I used to write erotica for a niche genre (Transformation/Transgender, usually with Race Change elements). I was making good money for writing trash.

However, I had someone trying to dox me and so I needed to end it or my my job (teaching) would have been destroyed.

Help I don't understand

>The man yelled at the seagull eating the condom on the floor.
>The man yelled at the seagull that ate the condom on the floor

WHich one do I use!? The first one sounds better for me, but I am supposed to avoid -ing verbs?

>>20460220
Well, you watch movies or tv shows right? Scriptwriting is a thing too.

Any good exercises to get yourself into a flow state? I know it's cringe but I started writing little treatises on random things within my setting with the aim of telling a paragraph long story.

>>20460294
I usually just have to read the last bit I wrote, then I get back into the swing of things & keep writing.

>>20460304
Personally I read the last thing I wrote, cringe, despair and then give up. But that is just me.

>>20460294
i ust type gibberish until my fingers get back into the flow. literally just 'ahsgehenrnflfldmsnsnwbdhrnwodmcbdjdndoxndnshe went to the store'

and just go with whatever prompt my mind sends

>>20460280
Both
>The man yelled at the seagull that was eating a condom off the floor.

>>20460280
Gardner style:

The man, yelled, at the seagull, who was eating, the condom, lying on the floor as it picked it up in its mouth.

>>20460146
What do you mean by 'invoke the system'?

>>20460294
>Any good exercises to get yourself into a flow state?
Walking is man's first movement and it is good for this purpose. Walk in an area that you can let your guard down and not worry about directions or other people. Walk in 1/4 mile circles on dirt.

>>20460276
>I used to write erotica for a niche genre (Transformation/Transgender, usually with Race Change elements). I was making good money for writing trash.

What's all included in transformation? Is it only transgender stuff? I was wondering if there was a niche for 'fleshcrafting' stories. As in remolding other people's bodies.

>>20460356
To make reference to the metatextual game mechanics that underlie the RPG that makes it a LitRPG story. Examples would be include:
>The protagonist examines his own character sheet.
>The protagonist is aware that he has gained Experience Point after defeating an enemy.
>The protagonist makes a conscious decision to spend XP on increasing an ability.
>The protagonist displays awareness of his own health meter or Hit Points.
>The protagonist intentionally exploits the game mechanics to achieve an impossible effect.
>Any character makes reference to another character's Class, Level, or similar game mechanic trait.
>etc.

What are 5 good books written the past 3 years to read so I am able to write YA fantasy?

>>20460280
First one. You can't avoid all ing verbs. The real problem is overusing participle clauses. 'the seagull flew, flapping its wings.' Too many of those gets annoying fast.

>>20460372
Got ya.
I did a few things to scale back the blue boxes. For one, I split up the character sheet into subsections. When a character looks at their stats, let's say, it won't show anything else such as their skills, traits, or whatever. This is important if you think your story might ever become an audiobook. Reading a whole character sheet out loud is torture.
Second, I put the system on a physical device the characters have to manipulate. So it won't just pop up at random times. I hate random dings and messages. The characters have to stop and consciously use it outside of combat. This also adds a potential complication of losing the device.

Part of litRPG is gaming the system. There sort of has to be sections where the characters sit around and ponder their choices. That probably sounds tedious to non-fans, but it's a big part of the fun for people who enjoy the genre.

Is it even remotely possible to stay anonymous anymore if you publish?

>>20460592
LMAO how many writers do you think get recognized in public?

>>20460605
It's not public recognition that worries anyone

>>20460176
Perhaps the rape is not needed, maybe you like the idea of capture and torment or you are looking for something that makes them weak and vulnerable such as being defeated and watching a close friend die.

>>20460627
I've decided to chase them with a comically determined allosaurus instead. For now.

>>20460647
>lizardmen
>dinosaurs
What is this, Land of the Lost?

https://www.dropbox.com/s/29lcreyh7wq38l8/2.pdf?dl=0
Hey all, going to try sharing this again since I didn't end up getting any replies last time. It's the first bit (4k words) of a novel I'm working on. It's a story about a man who lives on a Jupiter floating city, and his best friend is a covert operative trying to infiltrate it.
If you want to share your own work and do a review swap, I'd be down for that. And if you only want to read the first page or two and give feedback on the introduction, that's also quite helpful since the hook is everything.

Also, what are some good places you like to get feedback on your writing from? This general is just gardner shitposting and people crying about capitalist practices (publishers).

>>20459612
I doubt you're still around, but I typed up a setting synopsis with major characters, factions, what things kind of look like politically, etc. and here's kind of a really bare bones outline of how I want to story to go with a lot of details left out. Thoughts? Just keep expanding from here then start writing? Sorry for being a retard.

>>20460675
Sure, if Land of the Lost had space pirates, cyborg jungle girls, and lesbians.

>>20460839
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if it had any of those things

>>20460840
Man, Land of the Lost didn't even have a normal jungle girl. The only female character is like 12. That show sucks. Don't even know how you can do a lost world setting and not have a jungle girl.

https://pastebin.com/CmQHVesR

These are the first couple of pages i have written so far, i am a very shit writer so i apologise if its unreadable, these ideas and world were taken from a dream well a series of dreams i had.Reading back over it i can already see all the editing i have to do.

>>20460876
reads like the diary of an esl

>>20460879
haha well sadly my only language is english.

>>20460887
no offense but if you ever want to become a competent writer you need to learn how to form a coherent sentence

>>20460890
Well the thing is that when i read it back over it all makes sense to me. I even read it out loud at times and it all make sense to me but i have always had this issue when it comes to writing. Were i write and then re write something and show it to people then they would say it makes no sense.

>>20460901
i think you may need to pursue a different hobby, or at least begin by reading at least 20 different books (ages 18+)

>>20458580
Are you writing a fiction based on the bicameral mind?

>>20460910
I have read book before mate, and yes it was not harry potter or other books for kids. Maybe i need to read more but i don't see how that will help, i understand the logic but i don't think its that simple. Also writing is my not main hobby so don't worry.

>>20458770
>associated with 4chan
You'd honestly have to be pretty stupid to associate yourself with this place publicly

>>20458716
Well, maybe then I'll try to get back to writing. And give ASRS the rewrite it deserves, add to first ten chapters and cut some fluff from the second set of ten.

>>20460959

It's funny that you say that. You're doing it right now.

>>20460876
Honestly, I think you should post this after you've edited it. You're only setting yourself up for criticism that will knock your confidence in the idea before you've really started. Alternatively, you're shielding yourself from criticism of giving yourself the 'out' of "well it's not finished yet". In either case, wait and post when it's edited.

>>20460806
Okay, I think you should start at 1B, with James having already accepted the contract to kill Wallace and tracking him down to a hideout outside of town. Then he's confronted by Dani and she insists Wallace never cheated on her and didn't work for the Escalante, which sends him back to Sarah, who admits she was paid to lie to James by the Escalante.

Rather than working for the Escalante, Wallace worked for Russell. He disappeared three days ago after making a trip out to the Escalante ranch. There Wallace snooped around and discovered stolen cattle from different ranches that corresponded to purchases Wallace helped Russell make, which proved his suspicion that Russell was using the Escalante as enforcers.

I'd also use the Escalante as the goons in Act II, with Russell sending them after James. You can have James send a message to the Rangers only for it to lead the Escalantes directly to him, tipping him off there is a mole in the Rangers. Save the corrupt Rangers for the climax of Act III.

Everything falls apart for me in Act III C. Suddenly, the hero is rendered passive and someone else solves the problem. Don't like that. I'd rather James finds the evidence he needs by retracing Wallace's steps -- maybe an old farmhand on the Escalante ranch divulges what Wallace was doing out there and James realizes the proof he needed was in Wallace's paperwork all along.

Then he contacts his most trusted friend in the Rangers and tells him that he's going to ride out to Russell's ranch and arrest him and needs backup due to the Escalantes. His Ranger buddy promises him they'll be there.

But then it turns out his buddy is corrupt, and so instead the Escalantes kidnap Dani and set-up an ambush at Russell's, leading to an epic shoot-out with James taking on the surviving Escalante lead by three corrupt Rangers. Then, after he kills his buddy, James lets Dani shoot Russell in revenge for Wallace's murder.

The reasons for these changes:
>James getting a job is boring, skip it and introduce Sarah when they have something to fight about.
>Making Wallace a good guy gives James great motivation to make things right, creates awesome conflict with Dani, and makes the reader care if Russell faces justice.
>The hero should always play an active role in resolving the story and the bad guy should get his.

>>20458580
Eh, kinda.

>>20460981

>>20459512
Phew. I was just about make a post asking if it was okay for me to post my new story.

>>20459512
What a cocksucker

>>20458557
>Artful Sentences: Syntax as Style, Tufte
Is it better not to read stuff like this so you develop your own style?

>>20461074
Yeah, in fact don't read any books at all

Why is dialogue so hard to get right bros???

>>20461077
Because you don't hang out in public and listen to people talk.

>>20461077
Because you need to use more idioms and dead metaphors then make them talk about the same old mundane bullshit 24/7

>>20461076
Doing good so far. I'm a book virgin unexplored.

>>20461074
You develop your own style by reading widely, not by reading nothing.

>>20461093
Then why did you tell me to not read at all? You're just copying enough people so that your style is unintelligible from any one individual's

>>20461101
I'm the one who said that. That's a different guy you replied to

Meant it sarcastically

>>20461101
I didn't tell you not to read.

>You're just copying enough people so that your style is unintelligible from any one individual's
You mean like... having your own style?

>>20461111
Quads of truth

Hello. I'm totally new to writing and this is my first story ever. I want to become a mangaka so I'm practicing storytelling together with drawing.
What do you think of the list of scenes in this short story I'm writing? Keep in mind I'm mostly doing this to better my craft, not to be successfull at first try.
The name of this story is Super Robot Spitfire: The First Super Robot.

>>20461105
>>20461111
I apologize, your styles are similar.
That's not your own style but an amalgamation. The only way to authenticity is to think and write outside of any creative inputs which is my life's purpose

>>20460876
Intro starts with characters talking, but it includes no direct dialog. "He cursed at me" is not at interesting as just having the cursing. There are times when it's fine to condense things that way, but probably not in the opening paragraphs.

Do you draft the whole story first, or do you draft individual scenes from beginning to end?

>>20461126
It's impossible not to be influenced by anyone else. Your life's purpose is unachievable and you will be doomed to fail.

>>20461132
I write whichever scene I feel like writing at any given time. When I get sick of one I move to another, jumping around.

>>20461137
Authenticity is not impossible and I will not let anything stop me

>>20461126
Can't escape every influence unfortunately. You can get close, but ultimately you'll always have subtle remnants of someone else's style or viewpoints

Anyway, yeah. The books in the OP are good for beginners. Other than that, reading a lot of fiction and non-fiction helps

>>20461122
That's a lot of short story. Cool premise, could be fun. Sort of confused why James Smith is introduced and then never seen again.

>>20461126
>How can I become a great painter? I keep cutting my fingers on the cave walls.
Maybe you should try these tools others painters have developed, such as brushes, stretched canvas, and paints not made from human feces.
>No. A true painter accepts nothing that might corrupt his style!

>>20461150
Correct, using established methods makes you a phantom of the first

>>20461147
Got it, I will implement Smith's character better.
I was thinking of having three named character in RRR because Roberts and Turner are too absorbed in their own worlds, that of war and of inventions respectively, so I wanted to give Spitfire a "pilot" who is also the one that understands him better than anybody else.
He will also serve the purpose in the last line Roberts says about war to give his more optimistic perspective about it but I guess I might have forgotten to add that.

>>20459826
Not sure if this anon is still here, but I'll link the story anyway.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/54529/sturmblitz-kunst-becoming-a-dissident-for-martial

>>20460876
Claim this is written by a schizo and I'd read it.

>>20461076
What if I only read manga and comics and light novels?

Have you ever had to scrap a character entirely because they didn't really fit into the story?

>>20461150
Not him but I try very hard not to let all the manga I read influence my writing too hard.

>>20461164
Refute this

Give me some good expressions to describe someone starting to cry

>>20461400
>writes in English, doesn't invent own unique language
Pfft. How unoriginal, plagarist.

Can this be turned down further while keeping the original thought? I felt nauseous.

"The Clump got a hold of the group's mage and ripped her in half, blood gushing out from the upper torso as it munched onto it. A knight tried to attack it from behind only to be thrown into the ceiling and decapitated as soon as they landed. The remaining members, who were a thief and a healer, ran as fast as their legs would allow them, but the multi-limbed monster still catched up and bashed their skulls into the floor until it was covered in blood."

Goood Mooorning Chaat

>>20461009
Yea thinking back about it i honestly used that as a shield and should learn not to do that and just fucking edit it until i am comfortable with it or at least be more honest about my writing skills.
>>20461127
The intro was me describing what it felt like, the dialogue was a internal one.
>>20461375
Who wrote it does not matter. No one is gonna read this and be like wow i wounder who wrote this garbage they'd probably discard it.

>>20460876
Jesus wept

>>20461406
My silent study of her face stayed, convinced of what secret her starward-turned eyes stored in their shimmering solid. In our silence, springs surfaced in her eyebeds. You, substance salt — you are more grounded than groundwater.

>>20460276
>However, I had someone trying to dox me
Fucking why do people do this? Especially to writers who are clearly providing a service they care about. "Hmm I like this book. Who the fuck is this person IRL?"

>>20461411
We are discussing writing, not language. I concede that authenticity is impossible outside of art

>>20461406
>Jason Compson makes multiple non-sequiturs where he's trying to look to tough and wrest control of the conversation
>adults ignore him
Then Jason began to cry.

>>20461536
Schizos are everywhere. Look at all those onlyfans fuckers that stalk the girl thinking she'll be their girlfriend. Like that one dumb moderator that went crazy finding out the girl had a husband

>>20461653
I have an outline for a schizo story. It's bizarre because 10 years ago I knew people were obsessed with attention but now the sophistication, if you can call it that, is staggering. The lengths people go to for acknowledgement is very sad. I just wanna grill honestly.

>>20459778
Maybe people don't like gdocs, here is first 1/2

>>20461698
2/3 actually

>>20461717
3/3

Do you make your characters swear? Why/why not?

>>20461839
When appropriate

>>20461839
Nope. I just don't.

>>20461839
when the situation calls for it.

>>20461839
Usually no. I have one character say "shit" once and another uses epithets in his head a few times but I don't spread cursewords through the entire story because frankly overuse of it gets on my nerves.

>>20461698
This reads very poorly. There's such a lack of feeling in it. Just rambling around wearing stuff etc. Where's the feeling of panic? The lies? The insecurities of being bald? As a 20 year old balder let me tell you , you do everything to try and "own" it, but it'll never work. You're always insecure but shows up in other ways like rubbing your head or speaking terribly to others. You overcompensate and your piece doesn't have me relate

>>20461839
Not repetitively or when something screws up.
>Fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck
Those are the worst to illicit anger. At the very least have some diversity to the swears. If you used fuck I don't want to see it again for another 30 pages

>>20461724
Not bad, some of it is filler. The humidity and AC in the car don't seem relevant.
Is this a genre of short story? A hairlet's tale? I'd read it unironically.

>>20460210
i'm trying to think of a trad published author who has industry connections but am coming up blank
do you know such an author?

>>20460379
you could use amazon search to find that out

>>20461077
watch a terrantino movie
nobody talks like that in real life
same with a josh wheden movie
dialogue is nothing like natural speech
dialogue is much mort to the point

>>20461132
i'm drafting a bit about each scene
once i've been doing this for years, i might just go with a rough outline
experiment and figure out what's best for you

>>20461698
>>20461970
>>20462002
So are we starting a new genre or does it already exist? If so where should I start reading? Or should I just write with the assumption we three will pioneer hairlit. (I'm open to other names)

>>20461378
yes, i've had characters that are very similar to another character
so i deleted one.

>>20460210
Oh my god is this your first job ever? You aren't going to build your network and reputation overnight you have to work your ass off for years. Even with a STEM degree and management skills I got a nice job but I wasn't entrusted with larger projects until I demonstrated I could perform and have people work with and for me to exert influence. Nothing in life is gonna come easy.

>>20461406
her eyes turned glassy in the moonlight
she frowned then sniffed
i hugged her
and she cried, letting out sob after sob that shook her whole body

>>20461839
you don't find a lot of swearing in published works
most don't have any swearing
in fantasy, they'll have a made-up word that's a swear word

>>20459844
push on, rewrite the stuff you dislike later from scratch
godspeed anon

>>20461839
I do. I need to cut down on the sheer volume, I am cutting down on it as I edit, but some characters just have saltier personalities than others and they swear.

3 followers on my new RR Upload. Its a start at least.

>>20461839
Yes, but I've kind or reduced it as of late. I have one character in particular that's a gambling addicted tomboy who keeps swearing like a sailor and I really need to rework some of her older dialog.

>>20461839
Sometimes. When characters speak otherwise cleanly and formally, a well timed F bomb feels that much more effective.

>>20461970
It is revealed in dialogue that he had a profile picture from before he was bald, and he lies that he just shaved it despite admitting to the reader he's been bald for 2 years.

I respectfully disagree the shirt stuff as it's a single sentence and it establishes his overall sense of himself. But sounds like maybe you wanted more internal anxiety/physical displays of anxiety to connect which I appreciate and will incorporate.

Thank you for reading and my condolences on your hair loss.

>>20462002
Thank you for reading, I agree with your point about the car AC but if your point extended to the overall humidity of the world contrasting the otherwordly beauty/coolness of the modern dating scene in the bar it is intentional and I personally like the effect there.

Genre/theme-wise it is 'Baldness as Tragedy'

>>20462099
>a new genre
I might call it Bald Confessionals but am open to other genre titles

>>20458580
I think the temporal tenses are inconsistent and I don't like it. That said, neat idea.

>>20462329
>Genre/theme-wise it is 'Baldness as Tragedy'
Any prominent authors yet? Would we get rich making anthologies of short stories in this? I have a quite a few in memory, not on paper yet.

Just learnt of authors writing 50+ pages in a week without breaking a sweat and finding time to do other things. As someone who spent 2.5 solid months writing 30 pages; how do they do it? Is their linguistic prowess unmatched or is there obvious corner cutting? For example take Mistborn writer Brandon Sanderson who admitted to being in this category of super human. Please someone shed some light on this, I feel pathetic (well, more than I usually do)

>>20462329
Stop making up genres. It's contemporary fiction.

>>20462413
No idea but I only can write 4 pages every 2-3 days. Stop comparing yourself to others

>>20459512
lol i'm the one he was replying to

>>20462413
It took Tolkein 12 years to finish The Lord of the Rings. His work stands over all other authors in the fantasy genre. Take your time and enjoy the process.

>>20462440
Can you recommend a book with this theme?

>>20462448
>>20462472
Thank you anons, this is motivating

>>20458716
Neat. I’ve read all of Gardner so I can suggest the ones I thought were worthwhile if you want.

Call of the Arcade, Call of the Cherokee, Jigoku, Reptilian Odyssey and Ouroboros being the best. Call of the Crocodile honestly isn’t his best work but it’s obviously the most known (Sorry Gardner. No offense intended)

>>20462473
A sad lonely guy? Her, things we never said, Hamlet,

Stop can you just post about the dog and alien meme instead

>>20462507
He can't even stick to one tense consistently though

>>20462342
I'm down to collab if you're interested and can write decently - gimme a sample. Maybe 3 bald stories each or so and indie publish it? Might get some sales from the novelty of it we can split.

>>20462440
No. The baldness is a mere physical manifestation of the deeper issues.

>>20462576

>>20462413
brandosando said in an interview that he considers 6,000 words a day a good day
they're probably really good words though, that don't need a lot of editing or revision
there some authors, self published types mostly, that write 10K words a day
i've never read them.

>>20462631
brandosando just word vomits and has his ghostwriters/editors turn it into "The Sanderson Style"

>>20462413
>how do they do it?
With sheer lack of inhibitions and any critical thinking

>>20462413
My tip to you is put yourself into the mind of a character, force an emotional breakdown then bleed all over the keyboard. I still have to be methodical and measure my words and ideas in later drafts but in a first draft I liken it to getting clay setup to do a sculpture. You need to think and speak/write and just go wild and if you know jack about anything you will surprise yourself and can develop it later even if not all the details and scenes are there yet.

>>20461839
Depends on the story.
I do avoid the Hollywood thing of using swearing to indicate evil characters or extreme anger. That's not how people really swear. It's more of a casual thing. "I'm gonna eat the fuck out of this sandwich."

>>20460051
Thanks, that's a good idea. I'll add it to the foreword. The writing style doesn't stand out because It's just my thoughts on the matter. I didn't write it with any particularly interesting prose. I'll try to rewrite it in an interesting way.

>>20460915
No. The protagonist lived his life hearing a voice behind him always giving him the right decisions and one day he loses that and the story is about how he deals with losing that guiding voice. he seeks out different answers to how to live his life from now on. its a metaphor for losing one's religion. Gothic novels tend to play on a fear of people in the current society so I'm trying to do something like that.

>>20459560
Thank god I'm an incel so I never have to worry about getting an STD

>>20459324
It was a dark and stormy night. The gales of the storm blew hard against the window of the bedroom where my wife also blew hard. I sat in the living room reading literature.

>>20463133
>he doesn't know about public toilet seats
oh no no no

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_was_a_dark_and_stormy_night

Why is this phrase considered bad writing and purple prose?

"It was a dark and stormy night" seems to directly sets up the state of the weather without being overly elaborate. Sure it's overused now but when it was used in Paul Clifford it seems like just normal prose. Why so much flack?

>>20463174
To add on to this,

"Writer's Digest described this sentence as "the literary posterchild for bad story starters".[4] On the other hand, the American Book Review ranked it as No. 22 on its "Best first lines from novels" list.[5] "

It's memorable for sure, since everyone knows this line, but why do some people consider it bad and other consider it good?

>>20463174
Because it's generic. And uh....yeah that's about it.

>>20463174
It's fine. In fact its a good enough start to an opening chapter that it gained traction and became a cliche. I wouldn't use it because of how well known it is.

Dissecting the phrase:

IT WAS

Past tense set up.

A DARK

Sets the tone.

AND

A key phonetic word here. 'And' is a word that has a phonetic punch to it. The sound of speaking the word 'and' aloud gives the feeling of 'leaping', it's a literary springboard and obviously 'and' is used so often in the English language because of its practicality and means of keeping a sentence engaging.

NIGHT

Sets the time of day. Also adds to the mood. Creates a visual of night time, which mixes with 'Stormy' well too.

In essence the whole phrase works really well to engage the reader. Other than it being cliche there's obvious good in it.

>>20463207
sure the "It was a dark and stormy night" part is cliche now, but most people don't know the full sentence.

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

In this context, it's not just a cliche, I find the prose quite nice actually. The only problem is the entirety of that is one sentence and needs to be broken up into multiple sentences.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/54100/wish-mountain-adventure-drama-fantasy-tragedy

Sharing my story. Currently up to chapter six published on RR and scibblehub.

It's a real nightmare trying to create a synopsis for the story that captures the feel of what I want to get across.

>>20463215
>(for it is in London that our scene lies)
this is a truly dreadful addition to the sentence

>>20463236
Why? Can you elaborate?

>>20463251
It's not an aside yet it is presented as an aside.
It breaks the 4th wall.
It presents a detail that could easily be added within scene in the next sentence.

>>20463174
>Why so much flack?
>It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents—except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

>>20463225
Is this Escape to Witch Mountain fan fiction?

In the beginning, there was darkness. And then there was light. A bright light. For my eyes opened only to immediately close. The light blinded me. Where was I? I reached for my crucifix and felt nothing there. I asked my question to The Voice anyways.

“Where am I?” I asked.

Rate my opening sentence.

>>20463290
It's neat, I like it. Doesn't really feel too wordy or anything like that.

>>20463284
Yes

>>20463290
Cliche and uninspired

Do you have personal grievances that help you feel pain and relate to characters that have to suffer in your stories?
I havent beem through that much but I've seen a lot of people destroy their lives and personally Ive wasted way over 5 years doing nothing but the school of hard knocks and despite success love still seems impossible. Im usually even keel but I notice sometimes I slip when anxiety mounts and the level of anger of feel is so much that I frighten myself when I do something unprecedented. I dont think Im going insane or anything, but that theme of getting too close to breaking I have been exploring. I have felt ups and downs to feel confident writing a dynamic character with lots of range in how they interact with the world.

>>20463417
You're right, so I fixed it. Tell me how it is.

"It was as if an occult hand had summoned me from the darkness and into the light. A bright light. For my eyes opened only to immediately close. The light blinded me. Where was I? I reached for my crucifix and felt nothing there. I asked my question to The Voice anyways.

'Where am I?' I asked."

>>20463598
For one, get rid of the "I asked". It's redundant after the prior sentence.

>>20463614
Done, how is it without it?

>>20463618
Not that guy but I personally hate "I woke up and opened my eyes and there was a bright white light" type openings, seen it too many times. iirc this takes place in a hospital? Try describing some smells instead, maybe his eyes are bandaged over or something and he can't see

>>20463618
It feels clunky to read. The first sentence is hooking, but there's no follow-through. The imagery of a hand isn't really useful there. Instead focus on the sudden arrival of light, instead of the character feeling like they're getting pulled into it, I'd say. You probably don't need the brightness clarification if you're mentioning how it's blinding just after, too. It also just reads a little blandly to say "the light blinded me". Describe the effects of the light moreso, I'd say.

>>20463598
>"It was as if an occult hand had summoned me from darkness into light. My eyes opened only to immediately close. Blinded. I reached for my crucifix and felt nothing, so I asked my question to The Voice.
>"Where am I"

>>20463196
>...but why do some people consider it bad and other consider it good?
First of all, and I don't care if you sneak "and stormy" in there hoping I won't notice, saying it was a dark night is stupid. As opposed to what? A bright, sunny night? Night is always dark, that's essentially what it means to say it's night -- that it's dark out!

Second, starting your novel with a weather report is lazy writing. It's usually done to set tone and mood, but this verges on astrology -- as if the weather were the root cause of the action that unfolds. It's a dark and stormy night, therefore nefarious things must be afoot? Because nefarious things don't happen on sunny days? Because rain causes evil deeds?

Worse, authors often open with a weather report and then the weather never plays a role again. It doesn't remain a character in the story, which begs the question why it deserves mention in the first line of the story.

The only time I've ever seen it done well is in William Gibson's Neuromancer ("The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel."). That instance works because it's not WHAT is being described that sets the tone, it's HOW it's being described that sets the tone.

>>20463663
I think you can focus on the weather as a tone setter, but you should usually start from the character and move to the weather, or focus on the effects of the weather itself (rain on the window, wind shaking the house, etc.) rather than just stating the weather.

>>20463663
>Night is always dark, that's essentially what it means to say it's night
A night with a clear sky and a full moon isn't dark.

>>20463290
>In the beginning, there was darkness. And then there was light.
Dude, no. What are you doing? You're going to reference Genesis in your opening line? Stop that. Do you have any idea how pretentious that is?

Also, I fucking hate first person present.

>>20463674
That's not first person present, though?

>>20463155
not him but
>using public toilets
but more importantly
>shitting anywhere but home

>>20463663
> Second, starting your novel with a weather report is lazy writing. It's usually done to set tone and mood, but this verges on astrology -- as if the weather were the root cause of the action that unfolds. It's a dark and stormy night, therefore nefarious things must be afoot? Because nefarious things don't happen on sunny days? Because rain causes evil deeds?

But that line comes from a gothic fiction and gothic stories often do use the weather to imply bad things will happen. And in gothic fiction, the weather is more than just part of the setting, it's its own character.

>>20463290
Don't start a story with a person waking up or getting out of bed.

>>20463674
To be fair, I referenced genesis, because this scene is more than just the main character waking up in a hospital, it's him coming back to life after dying.

>>20463679
Well whatever this is:
>For my eyes opened only to immediately close. The light blinded me. Where was I? I reached for my crucifix and felt nothing there.
I hate it. I don't like first person in general, but this sort of extremely close, immediate perspective is really off-putting. It also really drags out the action. You've basically got five sentences to say "I woke to a blinding light."

>>20463719
That has even less connection to Genesis. You should reference Jesus or something if you wanna make that connection, Genesis is just about beginnings.

>>20463722
Apparently gothic is often written in first person? Dracula is written in first person. Jane Eyre is first person. he Castle of Otranto is written in third (and that's the original Gothic novel)

Also, gothic fiction often has protagonists going mad, so it makes sense to want to get in their heads.

>I hate it. I don't like first person in general, but this sort of extremely close, immediate perspective is really off-putting. It also really drags out the action. You've basically got five sentences to say "I woke to a blinding light."

Yeah I plan on changing the line so it doesn't focus on what he sees. I might actually make it so that he sees nothing at all and instead uses his other senses.

>>20463747
>Apparently gothic is often written in first person?
Yes, but gothic literature is also generally consider pap, and "but 200 years ago authors used these shitty techniques" as an excuse to use shitty techniques.

>Dracula is written in first person.
Dracula is written in the epistolary style, which is quite possibly the most obnoxious way to write a story.

>Also, gothic fiction often has protagonists going mad, so it makes sense to want to get in their heads.
Sure, when they're going mad. But save it for important moments. If you start with that intense of a perspective, it's hard to back off, which makes it less impactful when you're close in.

>>20463776
>and "but 200 years ago authors used these shitty techniques" as an excuse to use shitty techniques.
That should read:
>and "but 200 years ago authors used these shitty techniques" is a poor excuse to use shitty techniques.
I'm too stoned to be giving advice.

>>20459778
>>20462608
Yeah this is a good idea. I will work on my three stories, I'll try and polish them a little and post them here. Baldcore / Hairlet / cringecore I don't know. The audience is there for it, I guess let them work out which is the best name after they read it.

Some of the opening lines from my (unfinished) novels:

>Slave Girls On A Death Moon
"Technician First Class Mia Paterno was replacing a fitting in nutrient tank three when the general quarters alarm screamed, shattering the tranquil quiet of TNS Mercatur's hydropondics bay."

>Off Road Warrior
"The rock crawler was belching clouds of blue smoke as it limped into the junker's garage on the edge of Mossyrock."

>Xanthari's Rogue
"As ways to die go, molecular disintegration at least had the advantage of being quick and painless, though that did little to comfort Devo as he was lead to the execution chamber."

>>20463776
So, if my first chapter is about the main character having nervous breakdowns because he can no longer hear the voice in the back of his head, then the story should start in first person?

How much realism is too much realism regarding fantasy stories?

>>20463853
>tranquil quiet
redundant

>>20463924
If you feel the need to write protracted sequences of characters suffering from dysentery, you've gone too far with the realism.

>>20463853
Third one's the only one that really works for me. As I've always said when this topic comes up, though, first lines aren't nearly as important as first few paragraphs. First one is just a boilerplate opening line, second one doesn't really give much to work with.

>>20463935
I want to write the next sunset found her.

>>20461698
no people don't like gdocs, but they like center-aligned text even less.

the writing voice has too much 'attitude.' the risk of that is that you often sound cringey. there's a reason that they are always warning about 'purple prose' as it wears thin very quickly. hence, the strong preference on the part of critics, editors and publishers for a very 'neutral' or 'new yorker' style of prose.

the statement "I'm fucking bald" also is to put it bluntly, stupid.

you're not going to find five people out of a hundred people, who are going to say, oh my god, he's bald! oh my god, i wonder what will happen next! he's bald! can you believe that? whoa! he's bald!

>>20458580
I think the problem with it is that you're the reader to imagine two different things in succession. I would leave out the last part, about the voice going quiet. Even if the story is about that, it has to come later

Alright you god damn Bong shill, whoever you are. The Self Publishing Show is a little bit of a good watch

>>20463966
>you're not going to find five people out of a hundred people
I'm am asking with complete sincerity, have you ever taken a quantitative methods course? Did you think you understood it?

>>20461698
>All his problems is him balding
This is already fucking stupid. I don't care how metaphysical or symbolic balding is to other issues. This is just fucking dumb. It's not even set up well for anyone or him to give a shit about him balding

>>20461724
>>20461717
For a guy that's supposed to be insecure he sure comes off as a guy full of himself.

And what's with the center font?

Bro I'm telling you Baldcore is going to be fucking huge.
Sure, the guy needs polishing, but I see it.

>>20464071
>lies on his profile picture
>entire date is small talk
>he runs through the small talk like a checklist
>she calls him a "nice guy"
Do you really think him being bald is really the problem? The guy is a textbook passive aggressive sneaky beta.

>>20464114
>>lies on his profile picture
gee what would ever motivate someone to do that?
you are a natural female correct?

The haters of baldcore will seethe and there is nothing they can do about it.

Thanks to a good doujin I read and some King Arthur lore, I will now be adding to my story a son with major daddy issues which manifest in his doomed rebellion

>>20464114
Then I completely missed it and it needs to be written with more clarity. Look if you don't want criticism than don't bother posting

>>20464136
women seem to be much more likely to lie on their profile picture. granted I don't date men so I don't necessarily have a frame of reference for that comment
>oh that was twenty, thirty, forty pounds ago, tee hee
I have a confession: I'm not a complete cueball, but I'm bald. Women are attracted to men, and a decent percentage of men are bald. But maybe you're right, surely it wasn't his personality.
>I told her about my double ear plug technique while sleeping and she seemed impressed
He's a real Casanova, it's a shame he's lacking the hair to seal the deal.

>>20464147
It's not mine. If you can't read the obvious, and I mean obvious, cues in the story, that's on you.

>>20464167
>surely it wasn't his personality.
What you are missing is that the baldness itself is what makes the personality flaws. At least in my conception of this micro-sub-genre of contemporary literature.

>>20464188
I don't disagree. He seems incredibly self conscious and defensive about it, and it probably ended up warping his personality.

>>20464141
I've gotten some really good story beat ideas from reading porn comics. I guess being a filthy coom fiend paid off in the end. Now you'll have to excuse me, I have to go and add bunny girls and slime people to my novel.

>>20464210
>and it probably ended up warping his personality.
>>20463966
>you're not going to find five people out of a hundred people
how many people out of a hundred do you think have, in general terms, a warped personality?

Look, all I'm saying is there is some fertile ground here for a new kind of (micro-genre) lit. "From a new perspective" is both marketable and innovative at the same time. The nuance is understood only by premature baldmen.

As a premature baldman myself, I found the most interesting Seinfeld episode to be the one where one of Elaine's boyfriends realizes he is loosing his hair (at mid 30's).

>First line of story
>"For some years past, in the garden of the Tuileries, is seen, daily, a man of middle height, with a respectable and roundness of figure, thick mustaches, and beard slightly gray and bushy, who, as soon as he appears in one of the walks bordering the terrace of the water, is surrounded by a numerous brood of pigeons."
Why do people hate long, unique sentences like this these days? It hooked me immediately.

>"It was a dark and stormy night, explained Moscow weatherman Sergei Ivanovitch Nabokov, or Sergei Invanovich, fondly called Seryozha by some and Seryozhenka by his family, but don’t bother memorizing that as Sergei won’t appear again until the end of this book, when his weather forecast is heard in the background as we learn that the main character, Alexei Dmitriovich Makarov, or Alexei Dmitriovich, also known as Alyosha, Alyoshka, or Alyoshenka ( or simply Alexei M.) has shockingly died."

Rate this opening

stupid and dumb repost for the millionth time/10

>>20464293
I would like this if it were lyrics set to a high IQ music composition. But as a first paragraph in a story I'm exhausted already and stop happily.

>>20464172
That's not obvious, it's only obvious due to confirmation bias through your interactions on 4chan. By literature standards, it is complete bunk with nothing but sentences and words. He goes off and describes the woman, then suddenly says
>I am fucking bald
Literature wise, being bald has nothing to do with the woman. There's no indication in the literature at that point that baldness is considered ugly and undesirable. That is what literature needs to do, you have to treat each reader as complete morons that have no idea what's going on as a blank slate. It's a story, not an essay.

If i put down
>Damn that's a nice big ass sword. Fits so well mechanically.

With zero context, we won't know it's for a giant robot.

>>20464082
>For a guy that's supposed to be insecure he sure comes off as a guy full of himself.
This is essentially the heart of the matter with micro-sub-genre-baldcore. The normie doesn't understand baldness as a concept, and must therefore learn from starting principles.
The cue here is the word "over-confidence" and then ask the question what is the source of confidence itself?

>>20464335
>you have to treat each reader as complete morons
wow now I figured out why I don't like any of your posts. Thanks for clarifying your position.

Is it time for a new thread?

>>20464372
yeah, additionally anon should do what OP did this thread and write a preamble about how and why this thread should not be pruned or deleted.

>>20464372
make sure to fix the OP if you make the thread

>>20464335
>you have to treat each reader as complete morons that have no idea what's going on as a blank slate. It's a story, not an essay.

This has to be the worst advice I'd ever heard

>>20464378
I'm too much a newfag to even know what's wrong with the OP, so I won't be creating a new thread. I just figure someone who knows what they are doing should do it.

>>20464404
Alright I'll make one. . . 5 mins wait please.
Any special requests?

>>20464423
Do not use an anime picture. Let's pretend we have standards.

>>20464423
Make the cover Lolita by vladmir nabakov. My favorite novel.

>>20464423
Include a good thread question that invites people to share their work.

>>20464335
The cues are many and obvious. Deadass obvious. It was, by basically every objective measure, a shitty date, which was 2 drinks at a bar. That was the date, 2 drinks at a bar. They don't click at all. They engage in small talk. They talk about the weather. They finish up talking about politics. Yikes. She ends up kissing him because she's had some drinks - he should have splurged on another, he may have gotten lucky.
>I am fucking bald.
I'll agree with you on that. 'I'm bald' would be a better sentence. The profanity spoils it.

>>20464423
>>20464434
Here, use this

>>20464423
make sure the author pastebin is readded

>>20464439
link?

>>20464447
>>20458716

c'mon...hurry up

>>20464471
>>20464451
>>20464476

New thread >>20464487

NEW THREAD
>>20464476
>>20464476
>>20464476
>>20464476

>>20464482
>>20464489
Aw, crap.

>>20464489
bruh
>>20464423

>>20464491
>>20464495
>>20464496
It be like that sometimes.

>>20464437
>The cues are many and obvious. Deadass obvious. It was, by basically every objective measure, a shitty date, which was 2 drinks at a bar. That was the date, 2 drinks at a bar. They don't click at all. They engage in small talk. They talk about the weather. They finish up talking about politics. Yikes. She ends up kissing him because she's had some drinks - he should have splurged on another, he may have gotten lucky.
No stupid. Because all that happens AFTERWARDS before the line of
>I'm fucking bald.

This is exactly what I mean about readers being dumbasses. You can't even comprehend it without the writing afterwards.

>>20464787
gud poast

>>20464302
This better be a parody.