/lit/ - Literature

>>20305558
>Write sentence
>It sucks
>It's actually fucking awful
>Feel shame that I even considered writing that down
Shit sucks sometimes.

>The wan light casts no shadow across the cunny of my soul.
Would you help going? Would you close the book in disgust? It comes a paragraph or two after I drop an "occult hand" line.

>>20305609
You just gotta laugh it off and keep going. Besides, in the grand scale of things, no book is a sentence.

>>20305558
>I would say to people thinking about a career in the creative field, to be aware of that you have to be very critical of your own work. You have to be of a completely divided mind. You have to be your biggest fan and your biggest critic simultaneously because there are too many people who are their own biggest fans and can see absolutely nothing wrong with their work. It's a balancing act which you have to apply to yourself to. To distill it: If you're a creative person, think of the body of work. What do you leave behind? At what point do you change from being at that level, as far as most of your audience in concerned, and peter off or go into completely commercialized aspects of whatever you were doing, just playing off your name? It's very difficult, because you keep yourself in a prison. It's very much like a hermitage. Where does enlightenment come from? The moment you strip everything else away until there's just you, the odds are better that you're going to have it. I think creative people have to realize that is is the essence of it. The urge to companionship, which is a universal human condition, is very bad for creativity because it has to come out of you. It has to be what you feel inside, what it is that you want to say, and how you want it to come out on paper. Even communication with other artists, - although I understand the fraternity idea, the idea of bringing a number of creative people together - most of the time you're avoiding your own creativity. Most of the time you spend discussing art, your creativity, discussing what you want to do or what someone else did inadequately, is time that would be better spent in front of your typewriter
Dave Sim, 1993

Should I expect my readers to understand a reference to the ides of march?
My protagonist gets betrayed big time and I want another character top warn him beforehand. I almost feel retarded asking this but I want to make sure,

>>20305729
Yes. Shakespeare is mainstream.

Are ESLs allowed to participate in /wg/?

>>20305744
If your English is good enough to converse in, sure.

>>20305744
Just post your shit and worry about correcting grammar issues after you get feedback. No need to ask for permission kek

So do I read Son of Suns, Call of the Crocodile, Seeds of Doubt, The Emily Project, Eggplant, or a Catalog of Haunted Houses?

Which anon has the best story?

Ok, this is the first poem I've ever written. It's a love poem.

Poison Ivy

My remains of the inside remain on the inside;
I am not dead.
Yet,
I see a little light,
A little prick that traverses across the real sky
When the blue has grown up tired of its illusion and even the green grass goes dark
Let Apollo rest!
An arrow as straight as Cupid's!
Let it all rest.
Let my blue-green eyes rest for they are sick of the sights
I will chase you inside and outside a palace, Its foundations being thought
Which dance around precariously
I trap them wantonly
I want only you

How do you write characters who aren’t like you? Do you read articles or blogs to research their lifestyles so the writing for that character is more authentic? Do you seek out sensitivity readers afterwards?

>>20305823
Just be a sociopath and imagine what everyone else is like. I can play all of their roles, however small.

>>20305823
I just write people who live someplace else, hold beliefs I don't and do things I've never done and that's about it

>>20305823
>sensitivity readers
Yas kween ofc on god u betta be sensetive or we comin for dat ass

>>20305823
A decent way to do it is to have them only have a small similarity to you, but then you extrapolate an entirely different character from that similarity. You're still limited that way, but it is at least more easy to do than making characters completely unlike yourself.

>>20305823
It might sound vague and useless, but I suggest you just let the characters be. I simply allow my characters to do or say things without really thinking about it too hard, as you do this more and more the character will become more and more fleshed out. It won't work if you think too hard about if a character is too much like you or too much like something else, then the alterations you make to the character could feel overly forced or artificial. I've never written a good character by setting out a blueprint for them.
A good exercise for character building is writing short pieces about the character. These can be anything, a synopsis of who they are, a poem about them, a dialogue between them and someone else, a short piece of fiction about that character that could take place before the beginning of whatever story you're writing, doing these kinds of things help you realise who a character really is.

If I want to write a successful romance story, should I make it appeal to the male fantasy or the female fantasy?

The market for female oriented romances seem saturated, so perhaps a male oriented romance would do better?

>>20305830
It’s sociopathic to think you can understand people?

If I vaguely describe a female girl of fourteen years of age masturbating, will Amazon fuck me in the ass? Does it counts as Child Pornography or something like that? To put it into context, this female girl is in love with an older man who fucks her mother. She regularly peeps (much like the guy in The Sailor who Fell From Grace with the Sea). I don't describe a lot, since it's not the focus: just that "she slipped her hands inside her panties." or "She imagined herself in the place of her mother" or simply "She masturbated." Nothing flowery.
>>20305823
Do what >>20305830 says. Also, try to understand what you have that they lack (so that they act and think differently from you). A good way to do this is to think about a set of traits and then, in every situation that these characters are in, think to yourself: "How would someone with this set of traits react to this?"
Let's suppose that you're a shy guy, for instance, but you're writing a social butterfly guy
If a girl flirted with you (or a character like you), you would probably know by heart what you would do: blush, fard and shid. If a girl flirted with the social butterfly guy, however, he would act different. Think about how he would act different.
>>20305912
A male oriented romance wouldn't necessairily do better. You have to consider that female oriented romance is saturated in much the same way that male oriented pornography is saturated: there's a lot out there and there's a lot being produced, but it doesn't cease to be lucrative. There's literotica where they can read it for free, there's wattpad and similar sites where people post their romances for free, and yet still they buy new stories.
If this is your first story, don't make it too long. Test the waters with something shorter first.

>>20305912
Men don't read romance novels, only women do.

>>20305919
I'm being a bit over the top to be fair, but not by much. Maybe it's a personality type thing, but I think in order to successfully write a spread/cast of characters you have to be able to understand how people operate, ranging from the grandiose to a complete simpleton. This also includes creating flawed characters or people who act irrationally. Stupid or simple people generally have a hard time imagining how even people close to them think or see the world, let along imagining a fictional person and coming up with experiences and motives and defining traits for them that offer explanations for why they are the way they or what they want or what their place in a story is. You have to have some kind of ego to write characters successfully because you're sort of asserting that you can not only craft all the dolls but play their parts all to perfection yourself. So sure, maybe not "sociopathic", but egotistical. Maybe egotistical to a flaw. It's the same reason why people find themselves disappointed with love/dating. It's easy to fill in the blanks of an attractive person's personality before you've started actually turning the pages and disappointed yourself with the reality that's actually there.

>>20305949
>will Amazon fuck me in the ass?
No, but I will, milady.

>>20305912
I don't think that's what you should be thinking about. I think you should just write your story and make it the best it can be.

YWNBAW

How do I pass off my weird fetish story as a legitimate book?

>>20305653
>>You have to be your biggest fan and your biggest critic simultaneously because there are too many people who are their own biggest fans and can see absolutely nothing wrong with their work. It's a balancing act which you have to apply to yourself to.
I said this idea in dissimilar words to my mom yesterday, that I am my own worst critic and number one fan. But there's no other way to be if you really want to reach the top.
>>20305787
Eggplant > Emily Project > Son of the Sun = Seeds of Doubt > Catalog > Crocodile

>>20306014
What? You never had a woman masturbate herself over you?

>>20306027
You will never be a writer... if you quit.
You will be a writer when you try every day to do better than the last.
You will be a writer when you accept nothing but the best.
You will be a writer when you rip apart your story to its bones and build it up again.
You will be a writer... if you never give up.
You will make it.

>>20305558
>check OP
>shitload of resources

Any of you went through all of this? I thought about writing as a hobby, nothing more, because writing my journal helped me to relax. I eventually stopped because no one (not even me) wants to read the ramblings and military like situation reports of a sperg.

How would you anons rate this dialogue? Context is this is a story about an incestuous relationship between two siblings. This dialogue takes place the day after the two siblings confess their love for each other and make love, they’re going for a walk by a river not too far from a small town, recollecting on a past memory from their childhood.
The brothers name is Frans (Francis) and the girls name is Anna (Anastasia) The story is set somewhere in England, sometime in the 18th-19h century.

>>20306177
>this is a story about an incestuous relationship between two siblings.
but why?

>>20306047
Well my mom just pulled the rug out from under me today.
>she liked my first manuscript
>give her 4 chapters of my second manuscript
>she starts saying how "I need to find something I can keep writing. People want to read more similar things from the author after the first book. Like, when I read a detective novel, I except the next one to be as good"
So she basically said the new book sucks and I should just write the first book again like all her favorite detective novel authors do every year
I'm down to 0 fans

>>20305953
Hah! They said I’d NEVER be a woman!

>>20305949
>If I vaguely describe a female girl of fourteen years of age masturbating, will Amazon fuck me in the ass?

>We don’t sell certain content including content that we determine is hate speech, promotes the abuse or sexual exploitation of children, contains pornography, glorifies rape or pedophilia, advocates terrorism, or other material we deem inappropriate or offensive.

>>20305949
I don't know, man. That's a close shave. They'd probably let it slide, but you never know. Some asshole could get offended and make a big scene about it.

I know I won't be publishing my story about a bunch of kids stuck on island after an apocalypse and have to repopulate the world.

Okay, how about this in the near future the government decides that as reparations for slavery they’ll set aside a tract of land where blacks can settle and live independent of the rest of the nation (it’s sort of like Native American tribes, however blacks are grouped under the banner of Diasporic Tribes of Africa). It’s colloquially known as Wakanda 4 Realz. Lots of celebrities, athletes, and billionaires contribute to the effort.
It’s a massive failure.
50 years later it’s basically Madmax inside the area. Education is nonexistent, crime is everywhere, and brutality is the only currency of value. However one young man, calling himself King Imhotep, rises to power by being the smartest black person in Wakanda4Realz (he can read, write, do math, etc.). His right hand man, Caesar, is looking to betray him because he knows Imhotep is actually working with the outside government (he’s rising to power with their help, since he’s the first person in 30 years who knew how to get in touch with the outside world.) But it’s a moral issue for Caesar. Is it better to kill the man brining some semblance of order to the place if it means not letting whitey take over? Maybe they just need to accept that they couldn’t run their own nation and instead integrate with the outside world.
Also … niggers.

>>20306294
Write it. Ideas are a diamond dozen.

>>20306294
I also had an idea for a post apocalyptic novella. The MC is a strong, independent female, wandering through the ruins of civilization. The ruins are haunted by the mahd'q, creatures with dark skin, long, apelike arms, protruding jaws and violent temperaments. The mahdq'q get their name from the sound they make whenever humans try to communicate with them.
Mostly they break things and dance around fires, playing drums. They scavenge and hunt their food and fear water, for water will douse their fires and they don't know how to make more.
Some of them attack the MC with clear intent to rape her, but after she fights them off with martial arts and sorcery (a taser and a pepper spray) they cry out their call of fear and submission "dindu, dindu!"
Don't know where to go from here though. Where is she going? What does she hope to accomplish in this dismal world?

>>20306190
It is not a pro incest story. The end of the story is the two sibling agreeing that their incestuous relationship is bad for them, and they learn to temper their love for each other.

can i dump a chapter of a scifi novel i stopped making? (i only stopped because i was fired from my job and had to reorganize my life then i started something new)

>>20306346
I'm sure you can. Perhaps you were asking permission? Then you should ask "May I dump a chapter", but that would be stupid because you don't need permission.
Probably won't read something the author admits to abandoning though.

>>20305787
Has anyone actually bought a copy of another anons book?

>>20306317
Isn‘t the saying „a dime a dozen“?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DRlv01MC7xhMr06IDZ-Y1BBDQkuc7cdsb34GJe5JFwU/edit?usp=sharing

Hell-Anon here. I've finally finished writing the smut scene, and introduced a sizeable time skip forward. Next will come the real conflict. I also desperately need to go back and improve/elevate the quality of the earlier sections to match what it feels like I've been writing as I've gotten further in.

>>20306355
well this is the first chapter and its pretty solid (i think). I planned to go back to it which is why i wanted to dump it here

>>20306359
Not bought but downloaded, yes

>>20306172
How Fiction Works, the Butler playlist, Garner, and Aristotle are my favorites. I also want to add Book 3 of Artistotle's Rhetoric.
>>20306177
Learn how to format dialogue properly. I'll read it when that's done.
>>20306192
I am going to guess you're the Emily Project anon in which case I suggest you disregard her advice until you're doing a series.
>>20306346
Stop asking stupid questions like this. It wastes a post. Post your chapter or don't.

>>20306364
Don't be a missus boat in this doggy dog world

>>20306377
>Emily Project
I don't even know what that is, so you guessed wrong.

>>20306364
Yes, but people mishear a bunch of common idioms and those spread so now you have competing versions of idioms because people don't know what words are.

>>20306385
Pls stop
>>20306388
This triggers my urge to correct people

“Move Move Move!” bellowed the First Sergeant.
It’s not like I can’t hear the blaring siren or see the red strobe lights. Private Leer thought as he scrambled to the SAMS Staging Platform. It was the Private’s first jump as an official Spacebourne Trooper. Leer was perplexed on why he was shaking so hard. It was a much rougher time in boot plus he had done multiple training jumps throughout the Sun System. Is it because this was in a completely different star system? Is it because it would potentially be a combat mission? Leer shook his head and tried to keep his thoughts on the mission objectives and focus on the Jump. He was hustled with twenty-one other soldiers, fifteen privates, three corporals, two sergeants, and one lieutenant. The private assembled with the other units in a large bay next to the docking platforms. The door sealed behind them as the troops all lined up on the SAMS Staging Platform and stood spread eagle. A neon blue biometric scanner ran from the top of the head to the bottom of the feet, flashed a green confirmation light, and correctly identified the Private as Mark Leer. SAMS stands for “Spacebourne Advanced Mechanical Suit” which a complex piece of battle armor that is designed for High Altitude Jumps and Extractions.
“Clank!” a hydraulic press clamped a pair of armored boots to the feet of Private Leer locking him into the staging platform. Leer’s aerogel interlink jumpsuit allowed the pieces of the SAMS to match up for assembly. Next, the gauntlets were added, then suit, and plate armor. The pieces extended and sealed seamlessly to prevent the suit from compromising in a Jump. The SAMS’s Neurolink, an artificial nerve core, connected to the interlink jumpsuit which linked to the neurolink inside the Trooper’s nervous system. Along with some bioengineering, this system allowed the soldier to operate the mechanical suit as if it were an extension of his body. This engineering made them much stronger physically and more resilient to stressors on the body. Now in the SAMS devastating traumas to the body such as high-velocity impacts were greatly reduced. Leer felt volts of electricity running through his nervous system as the digital combat system activated. A series of small probes and tubes were injected into his body converting his organic body to his cybernetic body that artificially ran his organs and muscles while the SAMS operated. The pumps and circuits would keep his body alive and prevent any unwanted natural reactions from occurring that would put the mission at risk. Things such as g-LOC would be a catastrophe during a mission so the body is run artificially. Leer was concerned about how that would affect his health until he went through MEPS and found out that they would be engineering his body to handle all this. The civilians typically don’t have this done and just stick to the embryonic DNA manipulation in their infancy.

>>20306399
Leer felt his face droop and a string of drool ran down his chin as his body shut down. This was not the most elegant part of the assembly and was also the reason for the urethra tube. The early researchers of this product realized that it was imperative to mission success for the operators to drink a laxative the night before a mission.
Just as everything was going dark a zap surged through his basal ganglia. “Neuroplug active,’ Leer stated out loud to make sure his motor skills were functional. Then the endorphins released and he felt like he was on top of the world…. Well, he was in this case because suddenly the platform disappeared and he was falling. There was nothing under him except his fellow Spacebourne and the large cloudy red sphere known as Factorium.
“Shape up!” the call from the sergeant instinctively triggered the private to snap into focus and he rotated head down into a headlong dive. Just as the group entered space they hit a magnet accelerator which launched them into Factorium ’s thermosphere. Here this one second was the best part of the Jump the weightless wonder and beauty of the black space backdrop right before sheer terror. The binary star system split the darkness with refracted light giving the approach a radiant gleam of immense beauty. The twenty-one troops guided themselves into a spearhead formation and the second sergeant navigated the patrol into the re-entry corridor. The SAMS radar system kept the units evenly distributed so that they would not collide and then “CRACK!” the atmosphere began to tear apart. A sonic shock blasted in front of the divers as they reached speeds of over 25,000 mph. “This is insane!” Leer thought then everything went red as they shredded Factorium’s high pressure atmosphere. It was easily hundreds of earth atmospheres and really put the SAMS to the test. Well, not really for the suits were made of composite materials that were light but as durable as titanium and beryllium. In the seals were mesh made of baron nitrate so even with the charged plasma encasing the suit it held fast. “I can’t see shit!” one of the private’s comm’d. “Switch to instrument readings if your optics aren’t adjusting.” Leer could only see red and orange tearing apart the sky around him until his optics filtered out that color. Now it was mostly white and yellow in the clouds below but there were black outlines of the plasma swirling part him. He could now see the other soldiers in front of him. His placement was on the rear starboard side of the grouping perfectly aligned. “This suit is truly a piece of wonder!” Private Leer thought as he glided through the amber sky.

>>20306405
As they entered Factorium ’s troposphere a thick blanket of cloud coated the landing zone. The optical filters shifted to a simulated rendering of the landing based on microwave data. Though the optics didn’t fully cut out the sulfuric clouds and the occasional lightning which would cause the rendering to pixelate for a split second. This was just a part of the microwave radar interference; the SAMS system had plenty of other metrics to assess the landing if the simulation cut out completely. A motto in the Engineering Corp was “For every sensor have three to back it up.”
“Break!” the Leautinet’s first command was sent over the comm. Private Leer stayed on his path the only person who had to do anything was the squad leader who would send out a neural command to the interlink. This link would allow the suit to automatically set up the formation sequence. It took about five seconds and the spearhead formation turned into three arrowhead formations. As soon as they made the change they broke through the clouds and they were about five thousand feet above a maze of pipelines, massive electricity cords, slag heaps, building equipment, cranes, etc. There was no visible dirt and the only liquid was a chasm of molten steel.
“On me!” Private Leer’s squad leader called out rolling right. In the briefing, the Captain discussed how the Jump would split up and each squad would go to the different landing pads in what is referred to as Drainage City. On Leer’s landing sim they were about a dozen miles from the landing zone. “Engage shoulder thrusters!” Squad Leader Sergeant Soloman shouted and Leer sent the command via neurolink. A second later everyone’s shoulder mounted thrusters engaged, firing an intense blast of supersonic gas flow. The squad shot up between two massive thousand meter radio towers. Then they rotated from a head first dive to a standard landing position with feet down head up. The thrusters slowed their descent toward the ground until about fifty feet up. They cut off and the suits fell to the ground all seven landing on their feet. Though the landing strip was made for much larger crafts and made of strengthened concrete it still cracked a great deal from the landing showing a lack of upkeep.

>>20306408
The sergeant accessed the area while the privates checked each other’s suits for possible damage. Private Leer was checking Private Angelo’s shoulder pad which seemed to have a slight discoloration from the entry plasma. A small crab-like creature skittered by its carapace was made of iron.
“Alright listen up while our suits run diagnostics and sensors augment to Factorium ’s planetary specs. Let’s go over our mission objects and potential hazards!” Sergeant Solomon lectured as corporal Locknar patted Private Leer and Angelo on the shoulders gently gently guiding them toward the conversation. Leer knew Locknar well enough to know he had a toothy grin under his visor.
‘The major focus of our section of the mission is to recover the HyperTech Crate numbered A-84 in the materials warehouse about a dozen klicks north of this location. That’s our primary objective. Our two secondary objectives will be the focus of the two other squads. We will contribute to them as needed but not over the primary objective. Private Macintosh what were the other two objectives?
Private Macintosh was the only female in D-Squad and one of three females in the whole company. Macintosh was the paragon of the tomboy concept that men have worshipped for millennia. Private Leer’s sophomoric crush on Macintosh started when he signed up for the Space Force after graduation. He was walking out of the recruiters office when she appeared like something out of a movie. She wore a white sundress that was accented by her dark tan skin that was lighter around her well exercised shoulders and neck. This was probably from where she wore her team swimsuit during practice. She had long choppy black hair and large oval olive eyes that seemed to radiate wonder. She did not normally smile but had sort of a permanent smirk which told the world that she could not be beaten. Private Leer remembered holding the door open for an abnormal amount of time as she made her way over to him. “Thank you, Leer!” she said with a surprisingly sincere smile and walked inside. The next time Leer saw her was in bootcamp with military regulation hair and beating him in the push-up drills. Any hopes dashed for a relationship because of strict rules against dating within units.

>>20306408
“Sarge the two other objectives are to make sure all the droids and robots working in the area are under Horizon’s default settings and the second is to seize any potential jailbreaking software outlined in the interlink rolodex.’
“Well stated. Corporal what are we to avoid on this mission?”
“Well Sarge it would be a mission failure if we were to expose ourselves to high rad zones, any sort of liquid body on this planet will immobilize and likely kill us, oh! And we definitely need to avoid any of those pesky rebels!’
“Right this isn’t a firefight it's a recovery and operational integrity mission. Also if your Geiger Counter goes off backtrack immediately.”
“Sarge?” Private Cosca inquired.
“Yes Private, make it snappy we need to move out.”
“Sarge aren’t our suits immune to radiation?”
The Sergeant sighed like he had been asked an extremely stupid question.
“Oh damn,” Private Leer thought to himself.
“You are lucky we are on a time budget Private. Private Leer, explain why it is important that you backtrack if your GC goes off.”
“Yes Sarge!”
The Squad began walking north toward the material warehouse. Private Leer jogged up beside Private Cosca.
“Cos, did you forget that if the GC goes off it means the rads are getting inside the SAMS?”
“Ah my bad Textbook, I realized how dumb my question was as soon as I asked.” Cosca laughed with mild self-depreciation.
Textbook was Private Leer’s nickname; he earned it because he was well-versed in the textbooks provided for the SAMS systems. Often he would explain the functionality of the suit better than the instructors and was an asset for Sergeant Soloman who preferred other people explaining the finer details.
Thus the squad continued north on the two mile long landing platform following a quite faded white line about two strides thick. The area in front of them was a sprawling city of warehouses and assembly factories. Factorium has an extremely low number of non-robotic sentient life due to it being a massive planetary resource manufacturer.The robots and droids here are self-sufficient, able to conduct troubleshooting and repairs themselves. Technically they do receive an orbital cargo loader once a day at one of their six space elevators. The ship was typically a Massive B Class model that is upwards to five hundred kilometers long and a series of conveyors bring trains of storage containers to the space elevator to where the containers are lifted and loaded onto the cargo loader. Private Leer gauged his surroundings and noticed a large conveyor belt running fifty to a hundred foot containers northwest in the direction of the closest elevator.

>got home from work
>slept 4 hours last night
>plopped myself down on computer
>started writing
weird asf that this happened to me, usually it takes at least an hour of mindless actions and a great force of will to start writing

>>20306399
I personally hate rhetorical questions in a story. It feels like filler to me and there's always better ways to show inner thoughts, even speaking to himself in a mirror. There's some odd info dumps that take me out of it like the SAMS. It's a suit that does this. Well okay, set up a scene if the suit is so important. Slow it down a bit. This reads like it an instruction manual

>>20306412
“Sarge the two other objectives are to make sure all the droids and robots working in the area are under Horizon’s default settings and the second is to seize any potential jailbreaking software outlined in the interlink rolodex.’
“Well stated. Corporal what are we to avoid on this mission?”
“Well Sarge it would be a mission failure if we were to expose ourselves to high rad zones, any sort of liquid body on this planet will immobilize and likely kill us, oh! And we definitely need to avoid any of those pesky rebels!’
“Right this isn’t a firefight it's a recovery and operational integrity mission. Also if your Geiger Counter goes off backtrack immediately.”
“Sarge?” Private Cosca inquired.
“Yes Private, make it snappy we need to move out.”
“Sarge aren’t our suits immune to radiation?”
The Sergeant sighed like he had been asked an extremely stupid question.
“Oh damn,” Private Leer thought to himself.
“You are lucky we are on a time budget Private. Private Leer, explain why it is important that you backtrack if your GC goes off.”
“Yes Sarge!”
The Squad began walking north toward the material warehouse. Private Leer jogged up beside Private Cosca.
“Cos, did you forget that if the GC goes off it means the rads are getting inside the SAMS?”
“Ah my bad Textbook, I realized how dumb my question was as soon as I asked.” Cosca laughed with mild self-depreciation.
Textbook was Private Leer’s nickname; he earned it because he was well-versed in the textbooks provided for the SAMS systems. Often he would explain the functionality of the suit better than the instructors and was an asset for Sergeant Soloman who preferred other people explaining the finer details.
Thus the squad continued north on the two mile long landing platform following a quite faded white line about two strides thick. The area in front of them was a sprawling city of warehouses and assembly factories. Factorium has an extremely low number of non-robotic sentient life due to it being a massive planetary resource manufacturer.The robots and droids here are self-sufficient, able to conduct troubleshooting and repairs themselves. Technically they do receive an orbital cargo loader once a day at one of their six space elevators. The ship was typically a Massive B Class model that is upwards to five hundred kilometers long and a series of conveyors bring trains of storage containers to the space elevator to where the containers are lifted and loaded onto the cargo loader. Private Leer gauged his surroundings and noticed a large conveyor belt running fifty to a hundred foot containers northwest in the direction of the closest elevator.

>>20306428
The squad had reached the end of the landing platform. Sarge and the corporal were arguing over whether to walk along the conveyor or to traverse on the large pipe system. Naturally, there were no roads, hell, roads on highly populated planets are becoming obsolete. Robots do not need to travel outside their designated area of work and droids have the ability to levitate. The agreement between the Sarge and Corporal was to take the high ground on the industrial pipeway instead of the conveyor so we could maintain a better visual. After some quick reconnoitering Private Angelo found some pegs that could be used to climb up to the pipes. “Wow that's unexpected,” PFC Smart comm’d from the top. “There is a walkway up here.” Private Leer struggled to place Smart’s unique accent. It was probably a martian dialect because the “r” sounds modulated in an inflection.
“Man, a tube would be peachy right about now.” Macintosh remarked as she got to the top of the rudimentary ladder. “Technically we are using a tube eh Textbook?” Cosca reached out to pull Leer up jovially.
“Oh you’ve been studying, Cosca?” Leer grabbed his hand and clambered up onto the steel gangway.
The Sarge trudged back toward the assembling squad. “What are you ladies jabbering about?”
“Sarge, what do you mean by ladies? I take it as a great insult to my gender to have these chuds representative of my people.” Macintosh was clearly being facetious to let the Sarge know the privates were bullshitting.
“Oh I’m sorry is the First Sergeant too offensive? We are known for our polite and mild mannered behavior, please don't report me to the CO.” Sarge’s gravelly voice made his sarcasm sound more like a threat.
“Oi, Cakes leave the Sarge be. You’ll trigger him.” Corporal Lockner chided. “Cakes” was Macintosh’s nickname she earned when they found a slice of cake in her duffel during inspection. The squad shaped up and began heading toward the objective walking along the pipelines. After about twenty minutes of walking they passed a brick factory with dirty translucent glass. Private Leer, who had a tendency to become over involved with studying his environment looked a little more carefully into the dirty window. “Hey Sarge, There appear to be robots in here should I take a closer look?” The Sarge came over and Leer pointed down at the robots moving to and forth in their stations.

>>20306364
>german
>not understating humor
checks out

>>20306399
>errors in the second word
Stopped reading there.

>>20306433
“Yes PFC Smart and Private Macintosh go with Private Leer. Meet us at the primary objective at 1300 hrs.”
Leer squatted down in the suit, the dirt crunching below his boots. With a quick motion he punched through the window and pushed the jagged glass edges out to create an opening. The bits of glass fell twinkling, showering the storage lockers below. The Sarge and the rest of the squad continued on north following the pipes. Leer hopped through the new entry and landed about twenty five feet later followed by Smart and Macintosh. Leer stood up properly and surveyed the scene and what he saw caused his eyes to widen. “What is it?” Smart asked, concerned as he watched Leer look around frantically. Leer leaped over a stack of metal rod and hit a button mounted on the wall. It was the emergency shut down button. “What are you doing?” demanded Smart.
“This is a munitions factory they are building ion charged railguns!”
Smart stood up right and looked around more carefully. Those metal rods Leer had leaped over were actually barrels and the large chamber toward the back glowed with a neon light with the Danger Charged Particles label on the sealed vault door.
“This is a violation of the Local Group weapons ordinance under the MUR (Monoplane Universal Regulations). No non-MUR compliant factories are allowed to produce ion weapons, period. This is exactly what the briefing told us to find and report on.”
“Hold up how do you know all this? You are just a green private fresh out of BCT.” Macintosh, interested more in the robots in the room walked over and began inspecting their profiles and avoided the increasingly tease conversation.
“My father is a banned weapons legal expert at the Federal University on Earth. It’s just an area I am extremely familiar with.”
“Well I guess I am a bit impressed to be honest just surprised. Just consult me before you rush into doing something in the future.”
“Hey guys you might want to come look at this…”
Smart looked over to Macintosh who was pointing at one of the robots. It was a standard robot for this side of the galaxy a MD-69 due to their ability to move and act at one hundred percent efficiency under many stressful planetary conditions. It can function at up to -250C and as hot as a million degrees celsius. So it can work in almost any temperature except on stars and deep space.
“This says it was manufactured by Horizon… look”

>>20306436
Sure enough in bright orange and brown slanted block text the Horizon Logo was on the inside manifold of the profile cage. Macintosh pushed the grey button under the micro monitor. A series of coded letters and numbers filled the screen.
Status: Deactivated
Operational Specs: Default
Model Number: MD-69v12062020
“None of the readings indicate that this robot has been tampered with,” Macintosh stated, patting the top of her helmet.
“Horizon is implicated…” Smart muttered. “Shit wait are we not allowed to manufacture our own weapons? Isn’t that part of The Sun Sovereignty Bill to protect against existential threats?”
“Somewhat, we can manufacture weapons under the direct supervision of the Sun system’s General Assembly… but manufacturing weapons in a ungoverned resource development and mineral extraction zone is a major violation of the Milky Way’s Sedition Act and Galactic Ordnance as well as a sanctionable offense under the Monoplane Universal Crime Act.”
“I would love for you gentlemen to continue your discussion on Local Group politics and policies but we're E-2’s and E-3’s. We need to report this and get back to the primary objective.”
“D-2 to D-1?”
“ Go for D-1.”
“Hey we located a weapons factory with Hor-”
A deep intense rumble shook the ground. “What the fuck was that?” Macintosh shouted.
“D-1 to D-2 regroup immediately. Repeat regroup immediately.”
“10-4”
“Alright Cakes, Textbook, we need to regroup.”
The trio burst through the exit door closest to them and ran out into the load platform. The sky had dense black clouds swirling violent like a torrent between stones.
Leer looked at his doppler radar. “Doppler says there was a major pressure shift so dark cloud cover is to be expected…. But my local atmospheric chemical scanner is not giving proper reads due to all the air pollution.”
“Fuck it, Let’s use the conveyors and skate to the warehouse. It's a clear shot to the warehouse.”
Smart jumped down onto the large belt system followed by the two subordinates. As they fell two dual titanium and silica wheels extended from recesses in the lower leg of the SAMS.
They made their way down the track until the massive warehouse appeared.
“Delta-1, this is Delta-2 we are closing in your location what are your exact coordinates.”
‘Delta-1 do you copy?”
Another massive rumble came from the west. There was clear smoke rising from the Alpha Squad’s coordinates.
“Are we under attack?” Macintosh asked frantically as they jumped from the conveyor to the warehouse staging platform.
“I don’t know…”

>>20306441
Leer had a terrible foreboding and activated his service rifle. Smart nodded and activated his as well followed by Macintosh. It was a SAMS issue 20mm rifle with an ion accelerator in the barrel that allowed the projectiles to be fired at an insane velocity. The SAMS rifle is much more compact than the standard issue because the recoil is absorbed by the suit versus the shoulder. The small group breached the front entrance following the Sarge’s tracking blip. “It looks like they are in the back, Delta-2 to all units radio check.”
No response.
“What the fuck?” Smart said as he led the group toward the back.
“Delta-2 to Control”
“Control reads you loud and clear. Send your traffic.”
A bright red glow flashed then Smart dropped to the ground. Before Macintosh or Leer could register what happened another red flash caused Macintosh to crumple. Leer dove behind a stack of crates. “Control to Delta-2 state your traffic.”
“Delta-2 is under attack, repeat we are under attack. Two down.”
“Control to Delta-2 abort mission repeat abort mission. Major signal breaches we are unable to determine……”
The comm went to static.
More red flashes lit the dim warehouse causing it to glow red. Leer shot a smoke grenade from his forearm launcher and let it fill the area with smoke then he scrambled over to his two colleagues. He felt sick as he saw that Smart had been shot in the head and Macintosh was shot in the throat. He pushed their retrieval beacons and manually activated their abort sequence.

>>20306443
Then Leer made a break for the closest wall. He burst through like a juggernaut but was tripped up by something. He fell face first nearly being hit by the red laser beam. He rolled sideways and used the wall as temporary cover. He studied his surroundings for a means to escape. Two loud crashes rang out and then a horrible shriek. The automatic abort launch sequence had activated and his two fallen comrades ascended to the Battle cruiser EFA Eisenhower. He watched their SAMS move and operable automatically creating an ephemeral sense of anxiety as two more laser shots were fired off toward the fleeing bodies.
“Fuuuuuck,” Leer felt then a surge of emotional turbulence inside him bubbling. He was isolated in a hostile world. It would be pretty reckless to just abort here, but I am pinned down. Leer looked around but his eyes focused on a metal box right where he had fallen. “A-84” was embossed on the side with large bold print and was painted in yellow. “Sometimes things just fall into place….” Leer lounged for the box with a revived understanding of what exactly he must do. It was a very simple plan, one without a lot of thought, but when it came down to it there was any other choice. Grabbing the box he pressed his launch button and started running. The hip thruster spat out a stream of flaming chemicals shooting him up violently. The red came from behind like he expected and he was able to avoid it but the one in front of him did not miss. It shot straight through the box and into the Private’s chest. It was not a laser that hit him that’s all he could process. The dual trapezius scramjets shrieked as they engaged. Leer’s mind was getting foggy, but he was not feeling pain due to the neural plugs controlling his pain reception. The right side of his suit began to malfunction and his hand released the eight hundred pound box causing it to swing out. Both fortunately and unfortunately his left hand never released the crate. Unfortunately because this caused Leer to start spinning like a spade drill bit. The dual scramjet mitigated the speed at which he spun, which was slightly more fortunate, but then his body regulation system began failing and everything went black.


end chapter

Why do people have this weird thought that dialogue can ignore proper grammar and be written in a completely different ruleset than narration?

>>20306447
anon, have you ever heard of google docs or pastebin?

I’m just gonna dump here, ‘kay?

>>20306426
dialogue and inner dialogue i struggle to put to paper any tips? the info dumps ill trim.
>>20306435
whats wrong with it?

>>20306453
Ruleset? Who’s “ruleset”? Some nigger on 4chan?

>>20306456
doesnt google docs have a lock on it?

>>20306462
Capitalization.

>>20305558
>/wg/ Authors and Flash Fiction Pastebin
>https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
So hundreds of posters that posted shit these past 10 years or so and only 6 of them actually had something finished and for sale?

How do i market and find fans in my writing?

How do I find my niche?

>>20306486
Just bee urself

>>20306471
yea im noticing a bit too much capitalization as well thanks

>>20306483
what did you expect? Writing is a great idea but sitting down and pushing out 1000k words a day is torture for most peopl

>>20306377
>Learn how to format dialogue properly. I'll read it when that's done.
Shut the fuck up you fucking dunce. Read the fucking writing and tell me if it's good or bad and why, I don't fucking care if it's not "formatted properly", I care if it's well written. I can concern myself with nonsense like formatting once the thing is done. Right now I want to know if the writing is good or fucking bad, and you, you useless cunt, are refusing to do so because you're a lazy, snarky faggot. This is what I get for going to fucking /lit/, what I get for asking dumb motherfuckers what they think of writing. Don't ask internet people for critiques of your writing, they'll only give you useless bullshit in response, be it positive or negative. Just stick to reading the old masters, they'll teach you more than anything these dumb fucks have to say.

>>20306462
My first advice is to split this chapter into 3 separate ones.

1. Introduce and set up the characters
2. The machines used
3. The action

You cans order them however you want and each chapter should sprinkle information about the other 2 chapters in some dialogue or description.

Remember I don't have your brain or vision, especially in a fantasy novel, so it has to be reader friendly without all the acronyms and technical mumbo jumbo

>>20306516
Bad formatting is bad writing.

>>20306486
I've been giving this a lot of passing thought, and I've realized that most of the things that people write/market either fall into two different camps.
Same but different = the same story but told in a different setting or different tone or something that sets it apart
These get by because people like x so when they see yours and remind people about x they'll be like, 'oh i liked x so let me see what this is about'
It can however lead to bad stories that people drop/aren't attached to because they just like x not your story

Completely unique = Stories with little to no basis in whats popular or trendy right now
This can be huge because it essentially creates a new market, instead of making a novel that follows a trend, if the novel is good enough and lucky enough, you can essentially make your own market.
The downside is that if nobody is interested in it your going to get fewer views/sales then if you just follow the market.

finding your market is essentially writing to either whats popular or what might be popular. Just write, publish, and adjust. After 10+ stories you are bound to hit something.

>>20306516
if I saw your wall of text I would instantly drop your novel

>>20306516
It's important to have readbility before you start shitting out your rough draft for us. I went through the same thing and quickly learned nobody is going to read your shit if you can't even give enough shits to indent dialogue and properly put quotes

Why should the reader give a shit if you don't?

>>20298538
Novel writers can still cash in if they sell the TV/movie rights.

>>20306483
No, only 6 of them were joiners enough to add to the pastebin.
4chan isn't exactly crawling with joiners.

Is this shitty and gay?

>>20306536
makes sense, i wanted to do the action right away to draw the reader in. however i need to revise the overall format of the story so ill keep your point in mind

>>20306564
>writing Dishonored fanfiction
Shame on you.

>>20306564
its a good hook with an interesting structure to the paragraphs

>>20306572
That was entirely unintentional. I will change the name of the town.

>>20306516
Your dialogue is honestly terrible, it reads like GI Joe fan fiction. I mean, really, you’re opening your chapter with “Move Move Move?”
Also:
“Reads you loud and clear” or “[…] repeat […]” or “we are closing in on your location.”

All of the dialogue is a cliche. It’s impressive that you’ve managed to jam so many of them into a single chapter.

>Pastebin’s SMART filters have detected potentially offensive or questionable content in your paste.
The content you are trying to publish has been deemed potentially offensive or questionable by our filters, because of this you’re receiving this warning.
This paste can only be published with the visibility set to "Private".

>>20306366
Just read the new section.
Oh, good, you're getting back to the Hell aspect.
Looking forward to more of that!

>>20306399
>>20306594
The "move move move" thing you see in movies all the time makes no sense either, no operator would ever shout like that. A drill sergeant will yell that at recruits at boot camp but in a real situation it would never happen.

>>20306597
Proud contrarian, huh?

>>20306594
(Im the anon that dropped his chapter not the one you are responding to)
thats a fair point, dialogue is my worst attribute.

>>20306612
i thought my stuff was vanilla... its practically YA fantasy

>>20306622
Yeah, with some rape, pedophilia, racism and sexism sprinkled in, huh?

>>20306608
any real military SOP advice is appreciated thank you.

Is this interesting enough? What does it say about the character?

>>20306628
no, just violence

>>20306616
Think of it this way:
New artists always get told to sketch what they actually see and to resist falling prey to “symbol drawing.”
Dialogue is that same thing. Imagine how people speak, imagine the little idiosyncrasies that creep into dialogue, and question *why* a character would say something. Are they under duress, who are they speaking to, etc. Like>>20306608 points out, they wouldn’t say “Move, move, move!” in this context.

>>20306644
ill try to do google docs
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lsl-82zU-Nhi6DMw0L7c-k6QdBd7KWMR7StrqM_Oebc/edit?usp=sharing

>>20306325
She wants to find a gated white community, as we all should as well.

>>20306632
That he‘s a rapist who needs to be told to stop twice and considers going on despite being told to stop just because „he likes it“. And that he likes being humiliated.

>>20306653
so i wrote this in 2020 would you say that >>20306657 is an improvement?

>>20306630
Okay, I served as a conscript so here's something fun.
>the squad of operators doesn't use verbal commands at all as this would give the enemy warning of their approach
>instead the last person in the squad squeezes the shoulder of the one before them to signal they're ready to move
>once the point man feels this squeeze, they move
Obviously this type of move doesn't apply to what's happening in your chapter, but that shouting and bravado is for training exercises, for building up confidence in recruits only and has no place in a professional setting.

>>20306677
Put it in pastebin I don’t really want to associate my email with your doc, no offense. Otherwise just post a sample of it here

>>20306177
it's just boring. nobody cares about some random people going to a store. i read the first few sentences and that's it. holy shit; be more ambitious. also, sibling sex has been done before by ian mcewan.
write about aliens or something.
or if that's too unoriginal, then how about a twist in which a super taboo situation turns out to be normal. in other words, later they learn that they are not biological siblings. and maybe the guy fucks a dog. but later it turns out it was a woman in a convincing dog costume. then he tries to fuck in public, which is illegal, but it turns out that the park he is in is private property that he unknowingly owns the deed to. he constantly tries to have taboo sex only for it to turn out to be completely vanilla.
it took me zero seconds to think of this and it has never been done before. it's not that difficult to be original.

>>20306294
Dangerously based.

>>20306685
pastebin is saying it can only be set as private

>>20306699
Just post some here then

>>20306325
I would read this

>>20306685
https://pastebin.com/0fmDYLx2
see if it works

>>20306715
Doesn't

>>20306668
I was going for a pathetic mc so i guess that works out

>>20306732
Yeah you nailed it. Now we all hope he‘s got no autobiographical basis.

>>20306724
idk what to do, pastebin wont let me make it public

>>20306746
>>20306705

>>20306735
I don't have a license so i can't really write about cars or anything like that

>>20306747
“That is absolutely mad!” Elder Tamor cried to his fellow members of the High Council. “We can not permit this, hell even considering it would turn the Kingdom against us!”
“What do you propose we do then?” Elder Blackamore retorted. “The Oracle was clear that we are to find the Marked Ones.”
“Yes, but there can be no disputing that the Oracle is clearly referring to the Princess, his only child and heir to the throne!”
Elder Blackamore pursed his lips in thought.
“Elder’s please we just received the information, let us hear the transcription from the High Priest once more before we deliberate,” Head Elder Linom mediated. “If the High Priest could restate the Oracle’s message once more for the council, you may start now.”
“Ehem, I, High Priest Zaphin of the House of Prophecy and Scribe Principle, do attest that these words are exactly spoken by the Oracle. I was a primary witness in the Chamber of the Monolith when Oracle spoke to the Supreme Bishop. What was stated and I quote, ‘On the Eve of the Libal Moon ten and seven cycles past, the Marked were born here at last. The Tricael altering, the borders seeping, darkness from the other realms are leaking. Astra’s trials and tribulations will shake the future of The Jacom nation. Darkness bleeds in the North Seas and from the south your enemy leads. As Astra and Liber collide, you must throw the marked ones into the divide.”
“It wouldn’t be prudent if the Oracle just gave us the information in plain Jaconian,” snorted Elder Patyr stroking his long gray beard
Head Elder Linom held his hand up for silence. “Thank you High Priest Zaphin you may wait in the hall, and if the need arises you will be summoned again. Our servants will tend to any requests you may have, and enjoy your stay.”
The skinny bifocaled man bowed respectfully and departed the room.
The High Council consisted of seven elders hailing from different regions of the Jacom Kingdom. The silence held by the Head Elder was deafening; it was clear at least two of the seven elders were in a state of suspended animation.
“First things first,” the Elder mused. “We need to decipher this message. I am sure that is clear, but it is important that we review our records prior to any snap decisions. Please, and mind you one at a time, clearly your immediate concerns if you have any.”
There was a pause, and when no one spoke, Elder Timor cleared his throat, “A marked one is someone who possesses a sigil of unknown origin typically at birth. They are practically unheard of though there are factions of the Order of Liber Nile who tattoo such symbols to their persons. However again the markings the Marked ones have are reported to have no known origin and are certainly not tattoos. The only known marked one in the kingdom IS the princess not only that she was born seventeen cycles ago just like the passage stated. -

>>20306768
-So unless there are more Marked Ones the oracle is solely referring to her.”
Elder Ann, the only female member, wrote down the divination and pondered the implications of the words, “Are you certain there are no other marked ones?”
Elder Timor scratched his head, “I cannot say yes, but I of all people would know as the Master of the Archives.”
Elder Ann tapped her quill in a light tip tap as she looked at Elder Mako, Master at Arms. “Could you have them look into it?”
Elder Blackmore spluttered you most certainly can not expect the High Council to rely on those witches. Elder Ann expected no less from the newly appointed Elder Blackmore, the Ambassador of the Church of Lum. She was surprised he waited so long to interject after his short dispute with Elder Timor. “Elder Blackmore, I understand your concern, but they are not witches nor are they affiliated with the Order. They do things in ways that are opposed to our tenets..”
“They practice open sorcery and occult rituals; they are just as demonic as the Liber Nile!” Elder Blackmore shouted.
“Elder Blackmore, I do not like your hostility toward a fellow councilor,” Head Elder Linom stated with an air of impending doom around his rather nonchalant demeanor.
Elder Mako simply nodded and in a gruff voice, “I’ll see what’s what with the matter.”
“I heard a rumor when I was overseeing the recent construction of a new bridge at the Verglaskeep in the Azuth Mountains. There was gossip among the troops that there had been a boy who would come to the keep with gold to buy supplies such as herbs or food. According to the men there, not only did he bear strange face markings but he was trained by Myō'ō in the spear.”

>>20306763
But do you have a license to write about prostitutes and rapists?

>>20306772
“I am sorry my men came up with such a fanciful tale. It’s pure fantasy, the remote nature and being so high in the mountains makes them come up with all sorts of wild stories,’ Elder Mako said, shaking his head in embarrassment.
“Elder Mako,” Head Elder Linom mused, “You will have a Stitch look into this rumor.”
“But Elde..”
“No buts, we have no leads as of now of any other marked ones.”
“I should mention that the men would trade with the boy solely out of fear that he was a spirit. They claimed he had a sort of what I could only assume is a type of spiral mandala marking.”
The Head Elder nodded and then looked at Elder Mako.
“I will have The Stitch look into the matter as soon as possible.”
“If anyone else has any leads on marked ones you have full authority to pursue further info, refrain from overt hostility. As we all have heard about the murders in the south,” Head Elder Linom pressed his finger on his orbital in concern. “Reports of horrific attacks on people who stay out too late and even a few reports that some occurred within a township. Since these murders are cropping up all over the region of Gillian I will be imploring King Jacom to send a division of the army to assist in the protection of the citizens. Elder Timor, being the Master of the Archives and Arcane, I expect you to create a task force to study the occult origins of these murders.”

>>20306399
I'm not really into military fiction, so I'm probably not the best anon to respond to this, but I read the whole damn thing, so what the heck.
I would have appreciated attention to basic spelling, grammar, and punctuation; I had to fight through that to understand what you were talking about.
The opening reminds me entirely too much of the premise behind the video game "Quake 2".
Your inaccurate word choices had the same effect:
* "The sergeant accessed the area": accessed -> assessed, I assume?
* "mission objects" -> "mission objectives"
* The noun form of "reconnoiter" is "reconnaissance", not "reconnoitering".
* Galactic Ordnance -> Galactic Ordinance
Plot wise:
* Why did they land 12 km from their objective? That's a long walk for no apparent reason, especially if there are no roads.
>>20306594
>GI Joe fan fiction
This...sorry to say.
>>20306630
>any real military SOP advice is appreciated thank you.
Ugh...do your own research.

>>20306768
>>20306772
>>20306795
thats all im gonna post i dont want to take up the whole thread again

>>20306773
Nobody is more qualified then me. I just received my license, After a 2 year apprenticeship, as my villages rapist and pimp.

>>20306811
Well then you‘re the man for the job as it seems. Proceed.

>>20306768
It’s better but it’s also hard to say because this is so different. That said, I think you should avoid putting too much exposition in your dialogue—it can feel unnatural. For example:
>”Yes, but there can be no disputing that the Oracle is clearly referring to the Princess, his only child and heir to the throne!”
Ostensibly, everyone there knows that the princess is his only child and heir to the throne. You need to convey that information in a more subtle way or through narration.

>>20306797
They landed on a landing strip because they need to have reinforced ground due to the density of the suits as they fall from the sky

>>20306607
Thank you anon! I hope I won't disappoint.

https://www.scribd.com/document/551280851/Unfiltered

Anything you think I should fix after page 47? I appreciate all the feedback

>>20306630
>have characters do everything in the dumbest most inefficient way possible
Actually accurate.

>>20306819
hmmm would it be better if i made it sound more sarcastic because i want to let the reader know that she is an only child.
”Yes, but there can be no disputing that the Oracle is clearly referring to the Princess, if I could so graciously remind you that she's his only child and heir to the throne!”

>>20306821
I assume their suits are capable of slowing down before landing?
Or are they inherently so heavy that they couldn't land anywhere else?
If the latter...then wouldn't anything they walk on also crumble under their weight?

>>20306768
>the silence was deafening
Oh no no no!

Cliches aside just way too dialogue heavy (floating heads). I'm assuming this is the intro but regardless we're getting hit with too much info out of the blue - the Zazagaga Mountains, Xietarth Army Regiment 5, High Councilors 1 through 7.

A lot of this information could be related to us with some descriptive paragraphs full of telling so the broader has context. As an extension of this the voice of the narrator/POV is not cominght through clear enough.

Scene framing can also help: e.g. add earlier scene where someone is preparing to address the council or have them present to just one council member to make it less overwhelming.

>>20306848
That’s better yes

>>20306886
>Cliches aside just way too dialogue heavy (floating heads).
By the way, feel free to disregard anyone who says things like this. Entire novels have been written exclusively through dialogue.

>>20306831
Please read a comic.

>>20306872
its a free fall because having reverse thrusters like the elon rockets would waste too much fuel that they would need for abortion launches. They do use other thrusters to slow them down after they enter the atmosphere and when they rotate for landing but the landing is a free fall

>>20306898
Not that anon but unless that’s your project, it’s a good idea to break up dialogue with motion or description of only to give the reader a sense of place. I mean, yeah, Gaddis wrote 600 pages of exclusively dialogue but he also structured his novel around that idea.

>>20306886
if i were to post the whole chapter i feel like the lack of context and introduction would make more sense. The things you dont know are pretty irrelevant but are mentioned sort of like a "loaded gun" but for world-building.

>>20306918
thats good advice. i see where you are coming from

>>20306907
I have a hard time believing any biological system could survive that impact, whether encased in a suit, nanoaugmented, or otherwise.
Perhaps that's part of the suspension of disbelief, but that's asking for a lot.
And if the suit could survive that...couldn't it fend off a simple laser weapon?

>>20306918
>exclusively
You sure? I'm no Gaddis scholar, but I have read J R and while dialogue dramatically outweighs exposition, maybe on the order of 600:1, there definitely are some brilliantly written descriptive sections.

>>20306768
I think the real fantasy here is that the government is thoughtful, organized, and decisive.

>>20305791
I like this poem a lot, and though it hasn't to do with the syntax and more your play with meter and the simplicity of your chosen words, there is something about it that reminds me of Mallarmé's faun.
Please keep writing poetry, and post it!

>>20306940
i mean it's hard to make scientific pseudoscience
>>20306947
outside the dogmatic conflict i really dont want to get too bogged down with the politics.

>>20306944
There are sometimes super brief transitions between the dialogue but, yeah, as far as I recall, the novel is 99% dialogue. Maybe not exclusive but it’s damn close.

The Recognitions has stunning descriptions though

>>20306978
>it's hard to make scientific pseudoscience
Still, it needs to be logically consistent.
Perhaps a more thorough grounding in science, engineering, AND military practice would help the quality of your work.
Write what you know.

I tried going to a local writing meetup. They were all still wearing masks. Most of them had some kind of Pride stuff on them (one "woman" had a trans colored mask, actually). Even though nobody was a teenager, probably a third were writing some kind of high school drama shit.
Is it OK to be a writer who hates most writers? Am I being unfair in thinking these people were representative of writers?

>>20307011
>meetup
You've encountered a subset of writers who are also joiners.
They, like all joiners, can be discounted.

>>20307011
>They were all still wearing masks. Most of them had some kind of Pride stuff on them (one "woman" had a trans colored mask, actually)
Relevance?

>>20307023
They're a bunch of faggots. See? This is the problem with showing and not telling; your readers are probably too stupid to fill in the blanks on their own.

>>20307032
>They're a bunch of faggots
Like Shakespeare?

>>20306898
>Entire novels have been written exclusively through dialogue.
Feel free to disregard anyone who says things like this. No shit it's possible but it's exceedingly unusual so unless it's a stylistic choice it's something he should be mindful of.

This is also not lit fic with people milling about modern houses/offices- it's fantasy. So a reader often needs context of what a Council Chamber, Marked One, Zippy Spell Lantern looks like.

>>20306924
Possibly, it just feels like a bit of a firehose of info and I'm not grounded in any character.

>>20307011
Writers are unbearable

>>20307011
Sounds fake

>>20307032
lel
based
captcha: JYYYY (quadruples!)

>>20307011
Why do you think Cormac can't stand other writers

>>20306906
but I AM a comic

>>20307011
>I tried going to a local writing meetup
no you didn't

>>20307082
I guess that's true. I didn't TRY to go. I DID go, which was why I was appalled at what I saw.

>>20307096
it sounds fake to me, sorry anon. im sure there are meet-ups like youve described but my intuition tells me that you just want to complain about something. the trans mask was overkill. subtlety will go a long way in making people believe you

>>20307011
I believe you, anon.
>>20307082
>>20307108
pseuds

Thought about writing a story wherein a knight is fighting a dragon, but then they both get teleported to modern day where they see how dull, gray, and soulless everything has become; realizing how much more different they are from everyone else than they are from each other, they become friends through reenchanting the world.

>>20307146
sounds like a pretty funny premise. go for it.

>>20305609
Isn't that part of the process? Feeling awful about it just wastes time

Does anyone have good exercises for dialogue writing? That and writing scenery descriptions are the only two things I'm ass at right now.

>>20307317
watch the movie list in robert mckee's story

>>20307329
I'll do that, but there have to be some exercises I could do too.

>>20307011
>They were all still wearing masks.
What's wrong with wearing masks? I always wear one when I'm outside.

>>20307346
fuck off 77th

>>20307354
>77th
What are you talking about?

>>20307365
the 77th brigade of interdimensional homosexuals who are all going to hell when they die

>>20307370
I'm no "interdimensional homosexuals who are all going to hell when they die"

>>20307376
don't tell me, tell god

>>20307376
That’s exactly what I’d expect an interdimensional homosexual who are all going to hell when they die to say!

>>20307033
More like Capote.

>>20305823
Eat mushrooms
Acquire schizophrenia
???
Profit!

>>20306029
Publish it under a black woman's name

>>20306325
>Where is she going? What does she hope to accomplish in this dismal world?
Get her impregnated with the halfbreed king and he will conquer Israel-that-was.

>spent most of the day reading a book on Critical Stylistics
>already familiar with most of the concepts

I wanted to do something unique with the primary (Active) antagonistic figure. He's a sort of neutral force who just kind of beats the ever-loving shit out of anyone he deems powerful. Except this is used to the protagonist's benefit during a certain story beat, as he BTFO's a huge threat.

What are the biggest problems with timeloop stories? And what are some of your favorites?

>>20306294
I never understood how the people in Mad Max found enough food to survive. Cannibals develop prion diseases.
I have the same question about Tatooine, with the added complications of large animals like banthas and krayt dragons.

>>20306325
Obviously, she's there to "help" them...kind of like how the Democrats do.
But she demands everyone cede their free will and personal sovereignty to her in exchange...again, kind of like how the Democrats do.
You could probably write it as a parable of how white Democrats try to keep black voters on the "plantation".

>>20307528
That's not really that unique. Also, why bring it up here? Just do it.

What would you consider a truly intimidating name for a villain?
See, the villain here is a signal/frequency from an unknown place that's basically an eldritch horror. I can't just call it "The Signal" as that's not memorable. Any suggestions?

What software are you using for writing?
Guys who work from different places and not available to always use the same computer, how do you synchronize your work? Is there anything better than docs.google?

>>20307578
There's nothing wrong with The Signal as a name, assuming it's more used to describe it rather than it being its "real" name, if it even has one.

>>20307581
I write all my fiction in Markdown format, and use pandoc to convert it to something that can be formatted as an e-book/paper-book.
I use git for version control.

>>20307581
scrivner + dropbox
dropbox only if you just want to synchronize stuff

>>20307588
I feel I need to make it feel really god damn ominous. How does "The Pi Frequency" sound?

>>20307528
So, the Elevator Killer from Steve Martin's "The Man With Two Brains"?

>>20307601
I liked "The Signal".
"The Pi Frequency" sounds forced. Who's afraid of pi?
Remember, H.P. Lovecraft wrote a whole story about an evil color.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Colour_Out_of_Space

>>20307611
Sort of? Basically
>Protagonist is getting BTFO'd
>He shows up and is just "Hey, I heard you didn't invite me to this party"

>>20307618
I guess?

>>20307601
That sounds just off. If it's an eldritch thing, it should be flat-out unknowable, so describing it only broadly as The Signal or something similar works better than a more specific title.

>>20307598
I considered Scrivener when I started writing my first novel, but I saw too many reports of it crashing and taking the user's data with it.
I decided I couldn't take that risk.
It's difficult to screw up text files, especially when backed up by git & then backing up the git repo several places.
I guess you haven't had this problem with Scrivener?

>>20307628
I mean, it's a radio signal from what might be the 4th dimension.

>>20307637
I think calling it "The Signal" is fine.
I personally think it's memorable enough.
Also, since they don't know anything else about it...it's an apt description.
I'd like to see more Lovecraft-style horror...I'm sick of schizo loners and inbred Southerners.

>>20307531
The origin point. The genesis of the loop is hard to get correct

How to get a good title for my litprg webserial patreon scam?

>>20307666
It has to be literal. Like
>I became a neet loser in another world
Or
>Baking fresh bread with magic in another world

>>20307649
Oh, and there's this thing I do where the horror is shown to be more canny than we thought. What it does is make people worship the stars by dancing. And it, itself, seems to have nothing but reverence for the stars.

>>20307578
The Omega Equation

>>20307631
I have like 100k+ words (over many many projects) and still haven't lost any of them. My biggest being ~60K
I don't know, maybe over time it will, but I have it all backed up and set to back itself up every 30 mins

>>20307695
Nah, sounds too much like this gayness.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Omega_Code

>>20307598
Literally me.

>>20307581
MS Word, OneDrive, and my laptop

>>20307798
>uses Winbloze unironically
total cuck
verification not required

How much information do I need to share with my readers if I'm writing in the first person? If it's supposed to be a big twist that the main character is wealthy, for example, should I indicate that to them and have it only be a secret to other characters?

I'm somewhat inspired by Starship Troopers, admittedly.

>>20307866
Just drop it in casually in a very matter-of-fact way. Have somebody else in the story ask why the hell they didn't bring this up and then it's just "You didn't ask". Something to that effect.

>>20307581
Google Docs only

>>20305609
>>20307221
what this anon said. having written down one bad sentence is not the end of the world. There will be times when you just aren't in the right mindset for writing and that's okay. Just continue writing like the words written previously do not exist; like a car on a dark road, only illuminating what is right in front of it. There is always editing and who knows, maybe when you look back at it your sentence wasn't all that terrible :)

1.5k words today lads. Absolutely burnt out, gonna take a nap. We’re all gonna make it

How creative do you get in your writing and concepts? I once did a thing where I wrote from the perspective of a character who experiences time in all places at once

>>20307976
I wrote a couple pages recently about what it would be like to only experience sound and no other senses. The time thing sounds cool—was it really abstract?

>>20307976
So, "The Egg" by Andy Weir?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Egg_(Weir_short_story)

>>20307976
I've considered writing a story entirely from the perspective of an autonomous survey drone, writing it like logs of the daily activities interspersed with recordings of notable events.

>>20307976
how do you begin to comprehend experiencing time in an omnipresent way? I find it a really interesting idea but can not wrap my head around it.

>How creative do you get in your writing and concepts?

Depends on how creative I need to be, with an emphasis on "need": the story always comes first. Often times an abstract concept can spark up scenes which in turn can inspire me to find an answer to its puzzle, thus creating the beats for a narrative. I can however only be as creative as I influence my mind: a well read mind can reach further when it comes to abstraction.

>>20306177
It's horrible anon. All that back and forth. Have you ever read fiction that was just going back and forth one line at a time with nothing said at all?

Look at some examples of dialogue. Writers have to condense dialogue. Short back and forth should not happen more than 3 or 4 lines at a time. The rst must be where each character says the whole damn thing of whatever it is that they're going to say even if takes them a whole page or two pages to say it.

Bros, Im checking if the premise of this fantasy story that I'm currently constructing sounds interesting. Basically: would you read a story about...
A dragon that was since hatching deformed, but finds out that by getting actual good, fresh food (eating animals on the spot instead of carcasses because he can't hunt very well since he's deformed).
As time goes on he also finds out that he may or may not have a second soul within him that is driving him insane. He repeats himself, starts hallucinating and overal begins feeling less and less control over his already weak body.
He also starts getting memories that can't be from him.
Basically a schizo dragon going through a giant identity crisis that is trying to undo the years he was living as a deformed cripple living off scraps.

>>20308085
>but finds out that by getting actual good, fresh food
But finds out what? The second soul stuff also sounds just weird and doesn't link up at all with the first thing. You'd need to meld those things together in SOME way otherwise it's just two disparate things with no correlation.

>>20306564
It's fine anon, but there's no reason to spread it out into 3 paragraphs when it could be one.

>>20306632
The dialogue is completly pointless anon. Write it withotu the dialogu and don't ptu everything in terms of what 'I' did. You don't ahv to look at her skin. If the lights lit her body a dangerous sahde of red, then obviously you were looking at it right?

>>20307597
i second git but no reason to use markdown. stick with text.

>>20308091
Oh sorry for not completing that sentence.
He finds out that due to him being a dragon he needs very fresh and warm food in order to grow, which he hasn't because he was born a deformed creature. It's fantasy dragon biology, so I still need to flesh it out more, because as he grows more developed, he also gains more abilities like gaining a conscience of the magic in the world (which he founds out is dying off, which makes him more dpressed.)
As for the soul stuff.
Basically: Once upon a time there was a dashing, bold, but arrogant wizard that was experimenting on becoming famous, powerfull and rich. He also had a wife who he started abusing due to his rising narcism. Eventually to gain more insight into magic he decides to slay a dragon (first he observed it, but found that not good enough) and study dragon organs. The dragon also had a partner and she takes revenge by killing him. The wife of the wizard, who, due to abuse and general wizardry fuckery also has gone crazy. She learns some of his spells, however incompletely, and curses the only egg of the dragon.
Because she didn't know what sjhe was doing she put a part of her dead husbands soul within the dragon egg. Year later, the egg hatches and the dragon comes out deformed.
Sorry if it is confusing.

>>20308066
I played around with tense and perspective

Werewolf anon from last night here. I've thrown the first 800 words into pastebin for review. Please do let me know what works and what doesn't.
https://pastebin.com/kCKFLs8w

>>20308138
I mean, sure, it's a premise, but where does it go? A premise is only as useful as how interesting it sounds, and that's a messy premise so you have to have a grander concept to really hook somebody.

>>20308169
Well, when the dragon realises that there are essentially 3 voices in his head. 1st, the one he thinks is his own. 2nd is his 'instinct' that forces him to live and the 3rd is other/wizard voice which gives him ambitions.
Due to the wizards view of dragons, mighty, tyrannical and all-powerfull creatures that can take whatever treasury they can find, everything the wizard longed to be, his remnants of his soul give the dragon a fractured future of what he really wants, which is a happy life.
So it begins with the dragon becoming a better hunter to actually grow into a correct dragon shape, instead of small, useless wings and walking with a limp.
He also of course meets other characters, who serve to contest his ambitious, dark, greedy nature.
By the way the story isn't big and the backstory with the wizard leads to the dragon having massive issues when it comes to figuring out not only what he truly wants, but also how he views himself. What makes a dragon?
Somewhere in the middle of the story, the dragon begins to get the idea that maybe the wizard part of him is th reason he has a personality and that a dragon is only a animalistic beast bound by instincts.

>>20308166
>That format
I'd drop your story immediately

>>20308263
??? Because I put it in pastebin? Or because it's 1st person POV? I'd get the latter but the former makes zero sense. You can't format shit on pastebin, and I'm not going to post a Google doc.

>>20308282
bruh moment

>>20308282
>>20308282
Your paragraphs are too big. I'm emulating a modern reader who has a short attention span. Try again

>>20307317
Bumping.

Also, I fucking love alliterations, and I never try to force them. Are they still bad? Someone one shared a list of writing tips that said I should avoid them. Apparently, even the subtlest alliterations can be distracting. Surely there's someone out there who shares my love for alliteration.

> "God is Divine Person"
> "Personhood itself is divine" (Read Feuerbach)

But is Personhood divine? Behind almost every mistake, every tragedy, every sorrow, pain, suffering, sadness and despair is a Person. No People, no problem. No People, no Fall. The Genesis narrative only says that Creation-in-itself (i.e. ecosystem before the breathing of spirit into the dust that became Adam) was Good. It explicitly says nothing about humans being good. Far from it, .

The only suggestion that humans are even capable of the Platonic Good is from an assertion of spiritual substances, - untestable, unmathematical. Saying that Evil has substantial Being, we may even say the Form of Personhood is identical to the Form of the Evil.

And "Imago Dei" isn't even coherent. Graven images are denounced as the greatest evil throughout the Bible. Yet none have dared apply this to "Imago Dei" or considered that Adam was an engraving onto the Good Dust. Could it be that Personhood, in respect of God Himself, is His own selfish idolatry? Is not then, the Incarnation, the escalation, the metastasizing and universalizing of Personhood's cancer-of-cancers?

If you had a gun pointed at the Form of Personhood, would you pull the Platonic trigger?

>>20308166
Changes I'd make to your first paragraph.
>The blood coating everything in the laundromat wasn’t my fault. That's just how the nightly news decided to present the story. SPIN CYCLE RAMPAGE, I think was the tagline. The common perception, misconception actually, is that people with superpowers are blessed. That's usually not true, as anyone with powers will tell you, they’re generally more of a curse than anything, especially when everyone’s first instinct is to whip out their phones and start recording rather than care about their own safety when shit starts to go down. The clips in the news made it look like I was to blame for the carnage rather than the actual culprits responsible for shooting up the place. And, to be fair, I guess the robbers’ blood was kinda my fault, and certainly a good bit of it was my own, too. But at least ninety percent of that red mess wasn’t me. Well, maybe closer to seventy five.

And having people rob a laundromat is weird. I'd make it clear that they were junkies - call them tweakers, or something - and I'd say that there was a pawn shop right next door and that the robbers most like went in the wrong door.

And I would not give him ice powers.

>>20308320
If I wanted the "modern reader" that has TikTok-level attention span then all I would write is:
>TITS COOM SEX FUCKING ASS COOM PUSSY
And repeat that for 50k words.

>>20308356
I'd read that fr fr

>>20308166
eh. Not interesting at all. But that's just me. I don't care for werewolves, nor the way you set up the first scene.
>"FREEZE~!
>I know you want to know what put me in this situation
>BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
Too many superhero movies for you.

>>20308356
I'd read that too

>>20308356
/b/ is <<<< that way

>>20308107
you are right about the look at her skin part, but the dialogue I feel shows him to be even more pathetic, which is why I like it.

How do I steal something I like from a story?

>>20308456
You write it in your own story without crediting the original writer.

>>20308456
this >>20308458
I'm doing it and it rules

>>20308458
>>20308472
Is it really that easy? Can you just... reach and out and take it? Like taking candy from a baby?

>>20308478
That it is. Sweeter than candy, too.

>>20308478
>Like taking candy from a baby?
You just stole that from someone and didn't burst into flames. Idea is looking good so far.

>>20308166

Well, it's kind of boring, anon. If the story is an action story I don't think you want to start with this boring rumination about what he thinks about his superpowers or whose fault this is. It just starts out with a kind of boring defensive rambling.

This is not how to grab attention and make the reader want more. And the rumination is nothing interesting or insightful. At no point here does th reader say yeah, I have to keep reading, I have to find out what happens next to this wolffag.

Apparently there is some kind of action happening here but it's all hidden away behind some boring dork's too self-aware ruminations. He sounds like a sad sap, which is not really somebody whose POV we want to inhabit for 300 pages.

I suggest you bring the story out. What's the story? Put the story out there, not what the guy thinks of it. If you want to ruminate, do it in another chapter, only after the reader cares enough to know who he is or what his problem is.

At this point, it's just like yeah yeah yeah whatever. Whoever you are, just get off of my screen.

Don't mean to be harsh, but bring the story forward. This is a werewolf story. Tell it. If something is hapening in a laundry mat, tell it. Don't hide it behind some kind of rant.

Spent the day writing, editing, polishing, reformatting, and brainstorming. How are you guys doing?

>>20308513
wrote/edited my word count for the day
feel good but at the same time like I should write more

>>20308337
Bumping based bread.

>>20308407
I suppose it's not so much what is said but how it's written. That kind of dialogue, with short back and forth is very grating. Good writers rarely ever have anything like that. They would paraphrase.

"She told him to stop, and he meekly obliged."

Something like that. Not a short back and forth that smacks of high school creative writing.

"Stop!"
"Ok!"

That's just a child's way of writing.

>>20308118
Markdown lets me specify where italics go, and also heading 1 (i.e. lines starting with "#") and heading 2 (i.e. lines starting with "##") can be used for chapters and sub-chapters. Very handy.

>>20308515
I don't worry about word count. To me it feels arbitrary and I'd rather focus on quality and knowing that I'm focused on putting something out I like for the day. Some days I'm only doing revisions. Keep it up. We're going to make it.

>>20307877
Hope you never violate any of Google's "terms and conditions".
You may find yourself locked out of all the content you generated.

>>20308547
>Good writers rarely ever have anything like that
I don't really care
I find that my writing always comes out more dialogue heavy the first time, but I prefer that to one sentence that introduces nothing about the characters.
I mean you can tell that she doesn't like him through the dialogue

>>20308509
This anon is spot on.
>If something is happening in a laundry mat, tell it.
You should have your intro paragraph giving a quick overview to set the scene telling the reader what happened and then you should actually relive the scene. What you currently have is telling, telling, telling. There's a time and a place for telling, and an entire opening scene ain't it. I want to hear the dialogue of the robber coming in and demanding money. I want to see people hiding behind washing machines. I want to hear the gunshots. And then, of course, I want to live the change and experience the rampage as the werewolf.

>>20308513
Salvaged a good idea from yesterday's false start, put in 2K words. Up to almost 33K. We're all gonna make it, bros.

>>20308337
>a list of writing tips that said I should avoid them
That list of writing tips is complete and utter trash. Ignore that horrid advice.

whats your avg word count per week? what are you aiming for?

>>20308560
This.
>gendered language now violates ToS as of whenever the fuck xhe/xir/xippity doo dah says
>"Oh, what's that? You had a 100,000 word manuscript in there, chud? I guess you should have educated yourself to be in line with our arbitrarily shifting standards!"
>dabs in 41%

>>20307877
I once kept my docs on google drive, but then I tried looking for them and couldn't find them. I would always have a file saved in a local storage somewhere.

>>20307923
>>20308563
Good energy today

Okay, I think I have a plan.
>write novel
>edit
>upload chapter by chapter on Royal Road
>build audience
>Patreon money
>release short stories to fend off backers
>eventually drop 12 shorter length novels of a series one a month for a year

Would this give me enough of a foundation to make enough money so I can breath again?

>>20308166
I disagree with the other anons.
Your story is fine.
I'm interested in finding out how the gunshots didn't injure him, e.g. if he becomes a werewolf again, will he have bullet holes in him?

>>20308596
why not just plan out a novel that you can juice out long enough to build an audience?

>>20308563
Ayyy nice, I too am at just around the same word count.

>>20308602
I figure you can't juice without luring them in with some sugar. Also, I hate the idea of writing serially. I need to be able to go back and change things once it's all written.

1.2k words drafted today to finish up this chapter. Now only 3 chapters to go until the final climax of the book, and I know exactly what's going to happen in each of those. Really looking forward to getting to the last, last event and ending the book with a lot of craziness and a bang. I've been thinking about the ending sequence of events for about a year now and I'm almost there. Shit's going to be great. Hope everyone is doing well.

>>20308609
in a way its freeing, everything is set in stone so all you have to worry about is writing yourself into a corner

>>20308604
Good deal, man. That seems to be a sweet spot for getting quality work done without it being too little, or devolving into trash past the 3K mark.
I float between 1200~2400. Yesterday I was blown out from a day out with the family, and I couldn't concentrate for shit.

>>20308560
I use an account strictly for Google Docs only, with no connections to any of my other accounts. There should never be a problem, but that's a scary thought anyway

>>20308347
Yes, personhood and Godhood are confusing...if you're locked into a Christian mindset.
There are other viewpoints that explain it all, but they can't be used to con people into being your slaves and giving you money.
So they're not popular with the domineering types.

Does /wg/ listen to music whilst writing? I do, but never anything with vocals

>>20308627
I feel like I'm really hitting my stride, and now that I've established the protagonist and their setting, I can start adding conflict/drama and fleshing out the world and introducing new characters that are building on the existing setting/cast without feeling like I'm just doing an exposition dump. The first leg of the story felt much more challenging to get through.

>>20308456
"Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal; bad poets deface what they take, and good poets make it into something better, or at least something different." -T.S. Eliot
Just do it. -Nike

>>20308630
What I do is work in Google docs but after I finish a chapter I back it up locally in Word (or LibreOffice). It's kind of a little celebratory ritual too but I never work on anything for more than a few hours without having both cloud and local saves out of respect for my own time.

>>20308513
After writing 65k words in about 2 weeks, I decided I needed a break.
I'm trying to read over my novel and fix things here and there, but I'd rather do other things for a bit.

>>20308584
>>20308589
>>20308630
Yyyyep.
Better to control your own data.
Markdown, pandoc, and git all the way.
Then make redundant backups and put them in places so a single disaster doesn't wipe out your work.

>>20308671
That's impressive. I have the bones for my story laid out, it's just a matter of assembling/arranging them and adding on slabs of meat.

I'm really proud of how far I've gotten, and right now is the first time that I feel like I might actually realize my goal of publishing something for real.

>>20308671
>I'm trying to read over my novel and fix things here and there
this will kill and paralyze you. Get it all out, then go back and fix things.

Impressive tho. About 4,500 words a day, which is very solid. Don't let this "break" become a stoppage tho. You finish novels with perseverance, not sprints and """"""inspiration""""""".

>>20308611
Yep...the final dash was a gas.
Glad to hear you're enjoying it too!

>>20308651
I need dead silence.

>>20308668
If you're already writing in LibreOffice/Word, why bother using Google Docs at all?

>>20308697
Sorry to be unclear.
My novel is written.
89,070 words the last time I counted.
There's nothing else I can do EXCEPT read it over and fix things here and there.

70% of this thread is mental masturbation over ideas and what could be written instead of excerpts (I'm counting the MoveMoveMove anon's spam as one excerpt). What gives?

>>20308711
are you going to query some publishers?

>>20308713
its a writing general not a critique general

>>20308711
Ah, in that case, taking some time away is the best option. Come back in a few months with fresh eyes. Write another novel in the meantime. Or maybe a number of short stories.

>>20308704
>I need dead silence.
cool as a cucumber

>>20308513
Did my prep for the week. Read about 20 pages and I'm about to settle in for writing for the night. Shouldn't have had a Coke though. I won't be able to sleep until midnight.

>>20308713
Yeah, nah, I'm not posting my writing here.

>>20308651
I've got a few I cycle through. Classical is by far the best for writing and Bach is the king of classical.
Right now I'm listening to Bury the Light.

>>20308651
I like listening to Cryo Chamber on youtube. Just enough ambience and atmosphere without being intrusive.

>>20308713
Plenty of anons have posted writing samples today.

>>20308714
Nah, not gonna bother...I'm not female/gay/trans/black/whatever. Publishers will ignore me.
Just gonna self-publish on Amazon, and maybe post it chapter-by-chapter on WattPad, RoyalRoad, etc.
It's too difficult to get noticed these days, so I don't obsess over it.
If nothing else, it's a better use of my free time than watching TV or playing video games or whatever.

>>20308719
I hope to publish/post it in a few weeks.
A few months is way too long for me.

>>20308720
I can't visualize with distractions!
I write by imagining the events in my head, and writing about what I see.
I can't do that with music, or anything else going on around me.

>>20308766
Oh Christ you're back. Stop replying to every post with a Pepe image. We had this discussion last time you were here.

>>20308773
>Oh Christ
Your god can't help you now.
>you're back
I never left. You couldn't tell?
>posting pepe on 4chan is unique
lel
>We
Claiming your opinion represents the general opinion is one of the classic signs of being a sociopath.

How do i write trigger warnings?

>>20308827
you don't

>>20308827
If you really have to, find generic verbiage online and copy and paste it in, filling in what sensitive topics you need without being too specific. Just mentioning things like domestic violence or suicide should be enough.

>>20308827
lel...just say "Not suitable for children, or adult-sized children".

I feel like I'm obsessed with writing. I can't stop. Even when I'm exhausted I'm compelled to keep writing. Part of the reason is because I'm bipolar and it's spring and the hypomanic energy is constantly pushing me. I feel restless when I'm not productive.

>>20308921
Welcome, fren. You're among your people.
Writing isn't a choice for me either.
It's just part of who I am.

>>20308921
I wish I could be like this (without the mental disorder part). I took a one-week break from writing last summer and I'm just getting back into the groove again.

>>20308921
Even when I'm depressed, my disorder pushes me towards creative hobbies. Because for me, writing is simultaneously something I work to build and an escape. So whether I'm driven by hypomanic energy or depressed, I'm pushed to write.

>>20308944
I personally only ever write when I'm in the right mindset which is rarely ever. I should try and force a schedule onto myself or something, but I know I won't actually follow it. At least maybe a sort of goal (like 2-4k words a week or something).

>>20308921
When the groove hits me it hits me like a hook from Foreman. Then I can't stop. I really need to hold off on writing this book and publish my last one, but I'm compelled to get this book written. I finally got to the good part I've been meaning to write for ages.

>>20308921
For me it’s that I need to, for sure, write everyday. If not, I’ve failed. It doesn’t matter if it’s 500 words or 3,000 words—I just need to progress.

Started rewriting this. When it's finished, I think it'll be the best story I've ever written.

https://pastebin.com/WQTefPXz

>>20309014
this is clearly incest erotica

>>20309050
this is your brain on coom

https://pastebin.com/aRabKqUh
That paragraph break is a perspective change to the MC

>>20309075
Oh, and I forgot; The guy he attacks experiences time non-linearly.

>>20309075
>His arm turns into a blur, and I felt an immense pressure on me as I was to move away. The feeling I felt adverse to will rip through me again, right where I just tried to struck him. I look at my appendage, only I found it emitting... Something. Was it a part of me? I cannot react before another pressure smashed me again, flat onto the surface. I saw him moving something into his body before moving downwards towards me, and then there a sound and then, darkness.
This is anime.

>38k words from MC's perspective
>middle of the book, MC talks to best friend and asks him what's on his mind since he's been so quiet recently
>flash back, 38k words from best friend's perspective ending at the present day
Could it be good? Or is segmenting a narrative like this always bad? I worry if I try to parallelize the two storylines that I may disrupt the narrative flow of the MC story.

New
>>20309103
>>20309103

How do I write about something I have little experience in and make it sound like my character does, maybe even have the character do some cool things related in that field?

>>20309180
R E S E A R C H. And find someone who knows what they're talking about to proofread, but only as a starting point for your own research.

Patrick O'Brian literally didn't know how to sail a yacht: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/3570988.stm.. He still wrote some of the best historical fiction in existence about the age of sail.

Outside of a theological context, is Love (agape - ἀγάπη) Sovereign?

Hatred and Revenge seem far more human principles than ἀγάπη. It took the Red Army, an army as-or-more vicious than the Wehrmacht, to crush and stamp it to death on the Eastern Front. The conquest of the Americas and Manifest Destiny was utterly loveless and yet indisputably lead to the modern Sovereignty of the US. Burning hatred of injustice, imagined or otherwise, moved Lenin to kill all the Romanovs. The only thing that stops Kant's murderer at the door, is another killer on the other side of door. Only the Mongols, in infighting could stop the Mongols. So is Love Sovereignty or is the Sovereign Loving?

>>20306630
When people are addressing those of a lower rank, they will typically just use their name, when someone of a higher rank does address someone lower by their rank, its usually to put them in their place when they are acting dumb