/lit/ - Literature

Thread question: what does the main character of your story feel about getting high/wasted and if they're kewl with it what's their drug of choice (alcohol is fine, but specify what they drink) and what are they like while intoxicated?

>>20248153
Alcohol is supposed to be a big part of the culture of my MC, so the main cast gets sloshed regularly. They drink an in-universe stand in for Absinthe, since that's my favorite flavor of sauce.

>>20248148
Wrote this prose poem(?) In my notebook a couple months back during a meeting. Was mostly just having fun with alliteration but I liked the result enough to not rip it up later. I finally got around to transferring it and cleaning it up this morning and wanted some feedback.

https://pastebin.com/yMCvNtWv

>>20248153
He disdains anyone who is addicted to a point where your life revolved around getting the next hit.
Doesn't mind recreative use of any substance but doesn't partake in it as he fears not being in peak condition in case he gets ambushed.

>>20248153
>kewl
What is this, 2003?

>>20248153
He relished it back when it still affected him because it gave him an excuse to goof off and seem less serious but changes to his body made him physically unable to become intoxicated.

>>20248220
I quit after your first sentence. It's campy and antiquated.

>>20248284
Try again after you take your ADHD meds

>>20248288
that attitude gets you nowhere here. if you want anything other than dick rubs you need to be able to eat shit and ask for seconds. it's the only way to extract meaningful crit a lot of the time. i'm not gonna give you any either, just because you're a defensive little cunt about it.

What journals/magazines/competitions can I submit my poetry to for free?

should you introduce your characters first before inciting incident so you know the characters or do the inciting incident first and see how they react.when introduced and get to know them after

Debate

>>20248153
MC is quasi-alcohol dependent but I don't imagine him having a drink preference but thanks for noggin' my joggin' because that's good characterization. He also casually smokes heavier drugs later in the story when in the company of users but I view the drug/alcohol use more as a manifestation of his avoidance issues than an arc unto themselves or him "having a problem".

At a chemical dependence level he really can stop anytime he wants, but emotionally sobriety would be anguish and the idea is alien to him.

>>20248315
My characters' inciting incidents are their birthdays.

>>20248300
I appreciate you reaming him out for me, anon.

I wrote this yesterday evening after having a particularly draining day. Haven't written in months but want to get back into the habit of it. I have no real long form ideas but I've always wanted to put together a collection of personal bloggy pieces/flash fiction type things.

>>20248300
It's called banter you fucking sore ass

>>20248315
My current story has the introduction BE the inciting incident.

>in 2021 the only books to sell over a million copies were a children's book and crap book sold to conspiracy theorists
How, in current era, do you even maintain the desire to write a story knowing no one will read it?

>>20248315
Which of these sounds more compelling:
Operian Faggerton was an ordinary man, not too tall, not too fat, not too bald, but always on the lookout for dicks to suck. He knew he wouldn't get that help staring down the end of a loaded dick but he kept on sucking just the same.

vs

The dicks were coming in hot and heavy, thumping and bumping Operian's swollen throat with their turgid meat logs. Amidst the glorping and slorping of his own distended throat he wondered how he, an ordinary man, had gotten here. He knew he needed help, but he also knew those dicks weren't going to suck themselves.

>>20248336
Pretty enjoyable desu, don't have any real feedback aside from keep writing

>>20248153
A drink or two after work. Doesn't like to get wasted in public, more out of caution than anything. Drugs only in intimate settings, very occasionally. The main drug of choice in the world is essentially an opium derivative. Induces euphoria, lowers inhibitions, highly addictive.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UoEbfz3BlmlvT1he2ZJtglccvBVfK0WwB_wtUM83NBs/edit?usp=sharing

Hell Anon here. Thank you for those who have offered such good feedback and criticism.

>>20248366
The first one is character-centric, the second one is about the act of sucking dicks

I woke up to the sounds of explosions outside my window. Throwing the drenched, bloodied bedsheets on the floor, I limped towards the bathroom. My gums were still bleeding, as they have for god knows how long. Every single meal that I put in my mouth has the taste blood.

The woman hasn't come yet, but I don't have time to wait. I took a backpack and scurried downstairs. I should cross the bridge soon. By the time the explosions cease, it'd be too late for me.

>>20248450
Is this piece called For Who Does the Bell Ring?

>>20248450
You're mixing present and past tense. Always stick to one.

>>20248300
kys

>>20248366
>How, in current era, do you even maintain the desire to write a story knowing no one will read it?
Because if I didn’t write I'd die. I've written since I was a child and only just recently let other people read anything, so for 30 years it's been for myself anyway. Though, I did go through a bit of a depressive episode (on top of my regular depression) over this topic recently... but hey, not my problem no one reads anymore, their loss. Write because you enjoy it, not for attention. Maybe it's just a cope, but there's no point laying in bed staring at the ceiling, despairing over the fact the only creative thing you're "good" at and enjoy is a dead medium.

I'm posting this as a joke

I've been writing since dec of 2019 and this is one of the first ever things I seriously wrote.

Please roast it to high heaven thanks:

https://pastebin.com/ajDnAyhm

>>20248336
I'm sure I read that somewhere else recently, deja vu?

>>20248548
It was in the wwoym thread

>newest installment of series i consoom is released
>Its worse than the last installment.
>I breathe a sigh of relief.
>I'm writing in the genre and using its failures as a story to fuel my creativity.
Anyone else do this?

>>20248148
Holy shit, that picture is almost exactly how i envisioned my vapidfu to look like.

>>20248366
Writing is the creative discipline I want to shore up the most right now, I’ve been working on other areas too. I’m confident that I can get good at them and carve a path towards a career and if it doesn’t work out I can fall back on the CS degree lol.

>>20248503
I loved it anon don't stop

>>20248607
What series?

>>20248688
Damn everyone says I have this gift for writing and it seems I do.

Heres some recent stuff i've been working on anon these are "Idea drafts" I.e little scenes I write to get a feel for the story and characters at random points in the story. so i can get a feel for the actual draft
https://pastebin.com/6wQFbz3H

Here's the storys summary or "Outline" People seem to get these confused but its just a summery of the plot for me to follow. it is not the actuall written prose and diolog it is just there for me to edit the plot quickly and not have to rewrite the whole thing and it helps me write the thing its still being edited however this is my current wip for the story:
https://pastebin.com/fhVfpv5j

(Please excuse grammar errors I'm not very good at grammar)

Spent the last week writing this. Am I the next big thing?

Somewhere in the middle of nowhere a young man leaves his residence. Gets in his car and drives. Where he is going he does not know. Simply put he’s going somewhere but he does not know where it is that he is going. Simpler, He is driving aimlessly. “Where is it I am going?” He thinks aloud. He continues driving half expecting an answer. An answer never comes. He does not know where he is driving. Yet he continues to drive, mind you it is without aim. This continues for some time. How long? He does not know. In this time the skies have turned from blue to black to blue and finally again black. At this point in his journey, take heed to the fact there is no destination, he is a mite tired. So tired in fact, he is delirious or maybe he is not. One cannot say for certain. In this possibly delirious state something hits him literally or rather he hits something. On the road. A person? He does not know. He gets out of his automobile and takes a look. He did in fact hit something. That much is certain. His entire bumper is destroyed but no evidence of what he hit remains. Thinking himself insane, he gets back in his car and continues to drive.

>>20248832
I’m sorry anon. You’ve wasted the last week.

>>20248548
I typed it out last night in the WWOYM thread and then edited it today

>>20248832
Your telling far to much and not giving us any description for our minds to enjoy and read.

And your effort at description is not good.

Please work on your telling issue its a big problem and please look up how to give description to your scenes

>>20248832
If this were about cocks and fucking instead of answers and driving, you'd make a great ERPer.

>>20248869
Thanks I've been looking to get into ERPing.
>>20248849
Damn
>>20248866
Thank you. What do you mean telling issue.

>>20248153
Wine is acceptable in the cult, but overindulgence is seen as a crime to both the state and cult and can result in whipping, prolonged starvation, or exile.

I can only write when that anon threatens me with a gun saying that I -WILL- write.

>>20248153
Probably for soft drugs under the right social circumstances but otherwise wouldn't do it.

>>20248366
>How, in current era, do you even maintain the desire to write a story knowing no one will read it?
I have a patreon that has no one on it, my first short story was published on amazon kindle about half a year ago and only got two buys, my next short story is in limbo of trying to find a suitable artist for the cover before I publish. To me, its just numbers. I would rather continue my job for years than publish something that means nothing to me, even if it sells millions

You WILL write today, Anon! Or else!

>>20247481
FYI, a lot of food in India is cooked over burning cow dung.

>>20247696
Chill out, drama queen. Worst case, you just need more practice.

>>20248061
Cheating? A thesaurus is invaluable; it lets me express what I want to say in a way that keeps the syllables flowing smoothly.
You DO read your work out loud, right?

>>20248153
He drinks Jagermeister and chases it with a beer. He doesn't know if it's getting him drunk or sick, but either way, he achieves the effect he wants, and cheaply.

>>20248234
Fer shizzle!

>>20248336
Catharsis is a worthy reason to write.

>>20248607
Oh, absolutely. Bad movies/TV/fiction inspires me to write.
If they can get produced/published/etc., why can't I?

>>20248938
>If they can get produced/published/etc., why can't I?
Under the table handjobs or rich parents, dont let it discourage you though. A hard fought victory is the most rewarding

>>20248882
I see in your writing theres a classic rule of show don't tell

And that means don't tell us what the character is doing or feeling show

Instead of
"He felt sad"

Say:
"The frown on his face was marked by watery eyes"

In your writing I see a lot of you saying whats going on How he's tired, doesn't know what he's going ect

Now there is a place for telling but not here extactly just when you need to get your point across quickly using it everywhere can make it a very boring read so telling is important in some places.

you don't want purple prose now

>>20248921
>my first short story
>2 buys
how many words?
>my next short story
and how many words?

>>20248153
He doesn't get drunk/high save for once, and that's when he gets hit by 300 metric tons of Carfentanil. All that does is make him really drowsy.

>>20248999
first is 4.5k words, second is 6.2k
Pretty sad isn't it?

How is the intro?

I charge the white man. I charge the white man with being the greatest murderer on earth. I charge the white man with being the greatest kidnapper on earth. There is no place in this world that this man can go and say he created peace and harmony. Everywhere he's gone, he's created havoc. Everywhere he's gone, he's created destruction. So I charge him. I charge him with being the greatest kidnapper on this earth! I charge him with being the greatest murderer on this earth! I charge him with being the greatest robber and enslaver on this earth! I charge the white man with being the greatest swine-eater on this earth. The greatest drunkard on this earth! He can't deny the charges! You can't deny the charges! We're the living proof *of* those charges! You and I are the proof. You're not an American, you are the victim of America. You didn't have a choice coming over here. He didn't say, "Black man, black woman, come on over and help me build America". He said, "Nigger, get down in the bottom of that boat and I'm taking you over there to help me build America". Being born here does not make you an American. I am not an American, you are not an American. You are one of the 22 million black people who are the *victims* of America. You and I, we've never see any democracy. We didn't see any... democracy on the-the cotton fields of Georgia, wasn't no democracy down there. We didn't see any democracy. We didn't see any democracy on the streets of Harlem or on the streets of Brooklyn or on the streets of Detroit or Chicago. Ain't no democracy down there. No, we've never seem democracy! All we've seen is hypocrisy! We don't see any American Dream. We've experienced only the American Nightmare!

>>20249046
Yes
>4.5k words
and you conned 2 people out of money

> Critique is as welcome as Uriah

Uriah Goes Home

Uriah knocked on what he assumed was still the front door. It was opened by Perrin - she was all smiles and welcome. This faintly terrified him.

“Hatley!” He barely registered the incorrect name. “Do come in, let me show you round.”

“Round” turned out to be Uriah’s replacement. Uriah wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about this. On one hand, this finally meant Perrin was moving on after his departure. There would be no more (or perhaps simply less) unexpected midnight visits to “check on him”. But on the other hand, he had always been the filthy wretched raggis, lampreying off her estate. Seeing someone else proverbially claw at her proverbial skirts felt... wrong.

It didn’t help that Round was “morbid” Lee O’Bese, a hat that had been sentenced by Madam Two-Swords back when Uriah still lived here. A name change had been enough to fool all the three-star moons, apparently. But Uriah immediately recognised him, because he’d been in court for sticking Uriah’s head into a cactus that happened to be growing (it’s growing) at the bottom of a toilet.
Now the question was, should he say anything about it? Perhaps if this was an elaborate shit-test, staying quiet would be handing Perrin just the ammunition she needed to further pick at his sanity. But then, perhaps the upper class moons really were this dense, and trying to point it out would be opening himself up to ridicule.
Uriah felt almost clever for once. He didn’t like it.

“He’s staying with us for a little while, until the dogs go away.” Perrin’s saccharine dithering was almost mimsey. “It’s terrible having such bullies roam around the roads, you knooooow?”

“Yarr.” Uriah agreed. He knew. Round gave him a look of deep mistrust. He knew he knew.

Perrin finished shaking her head (?) with all the regret of a serial killer. “Well, I’ll leave you two to- get along, then.”
She closed the door and pressed her single eye to the keyhole. Only anticipation kept her from cackling.

Round stared almost reproachfully into Uriah’s empty eyesockets. He slowly lifted a faintly humming cheese to his mouth, and chewed. “How is your brain?” Uriah stirred. That was a phrase Madam Cheese had been fond of ambushing him with. “Euh, Two Hard Boiled Eggs.”
Come to think of it, Round (Uriah was strangely tempted to refer to him simply as “Fat”), shouldn’t have been concerned. With Uriah’s limited vocabulary, which in its entirety consisted of “No”, “Yar”, “Oh My Word”, and “Two Hard Boiled Eggs”, there was no conceivable way for him to articulate something as complex as “This man is an escaped convict who has deceived you under an assumed name”.


He squatted on the dusty floorboards, and watched Fat chew his cheese. This was going to be a long Barcday.

>>20249046
and then to add to it you have the, I don't even want to call it gall, maybe stupidity, to waste money on a piece of cover art for some 6.5k drabble. jesus fucking christ anon get it together.

>>20248464
Whom'st've Had Bells Rung for Them?

>>20249090
I might as well have a nice cover, if anything

>>20249117
I think you should write 10 other short stories, bundle it all together and commission a cover for that. You'll end up with some decent sales. Your current trajectory you're losing money strictly on cover art.

>>20249132
The plan was to have the short stories to build up sort of portfolio so that while my (light?) novel around 50k - 70k words is being written, I can also have stuff to garner interest in me as a writer rather than a specific genre or series that I may make. And the plan to bundle them all up was actually there from the start, I was going to use the covers to separate each story from one another. Also I like supporting talented but obscure artists, its helps build up a network of creators that can inspire me.

>>20249158
>garner interest in me as a writer
Honestly, is there any way to do this outside of becoming a Twitter personality? I can't think of any other way one can "garner interest" outside the scope of being some sort of online blogger who tweets a lot and has a lot of followers.

Other "internet" authors come to mind, and they all have large Twitter followings: Mike Ma, Delicious Tacos, BAP, etc.

>>20249085
I liked it. It flowed smoothly enough, and there is an, if not aggressively obvious, wry humour emanating through the entire section.
With exceptions to some jagged and inane choices such as "with all the regret of a serial killer" ... I'd continue reading for a little while at least.

>>20249052
Inaccurate.

>>20249221
Idk I don't use social media, I am too anti-social for that. I just talk to a small group and sometimes advertise to them. Eventually I'll actually go out and try and get an audience when I feel I am ready, but for now my work is up for whoever comes across it.

>>20249247
Thank youe, I am very aggressive.

how do you guys come up with marketable ideas and not shitty, self-serving, masturbatory feces

>>20249284
>Marketable ideas
Go to Barnes and Noble
Buy 3 of the best sellers
Read them
Copy them
I hate to break it to you, but unless you're writing some transcendent masterpiece, marketable means garbage.

>>20249284
First, you have to grow up. Immaturity produces awful art.

>>20249247
If I might ask: how would you succinctly describe that kind of feigned remorse, that regret so insincere that it borders on enthusiasm for the subject at hand?

>>20248934
O-ok

Oddly enough, I write more when I'm extremely depressed than when I'm happy.

>>20249476
I've realized that writing is a nice salve but not a solution for mental instability

>>20249476
Cue the old adage about having to suffer to write.
Personally, I find I write better when I'm rested and relaxed.
The main impediment to that is day jobbery.

>>20248148
other than the Brandon Sanderson recommendation, a good post

>>20248220
>https://pastebin.com/yMCvNtWv
too much alliteration for my taste.

literary flairs are like salt and pepper, too little and there's no flavor, too much and it all tastes nasty.

>>20248336
I quit reading after "NFT." Fuck that shit

>>20249539
sanderson understands very well the mechanics of storytelling, even if he lacks the art to do so

>>20248425
>https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UoEbfz3BlmlvT1he2ZJtglccvBVfK0WwB_wtUM83NBs/edit?usp=sharing
reads more like you want to be a screenwriter instead of a novelist.

>>20248607
yes. I read the shit Lindsay Ellis wrote and realized that if she can get published, I definitely can.

>>20248792
>Damn everyone says I have this gift for writing and it seems I do.
>(Please excuse grammar errors I'm not very good at grammar)

wat

>>20248832
>Am I the next big thing?
It's a no from me, bud.

>>20248832
This has to be bait.

>>20248792
The level of delusion on this board is sickening.

>>20248744
latest offender is He Who Fights with Monsters 5 by Shirtaloon
The second latest offender is Fracture by Xander Boyce

>>20249551
Thanks for the feedback, the alliteration was just a fun little gimmick I was playing with. I'd never try to write a full story in this fashion, but I do find it fun.
Did the story in the middle of the alliteration do anything to alleviate that? I was trying break up the sing-song aspect with that section.

>>20249577
Tried to write the worst shit possible. Thought it was funny but idk

>>20249675
I don't believe you. I see no evidence of trying.

>>20249675
I found it pretty funny. But then, my sense of humour isn’t exactly par for the main course.

>>20249675
You’re really trying the “I was only pretending to be retarded” shtick?

I wanted to go with a "Mythical storytelling" thing here in terms of story structure.
>She, the Raven, fought the beast. But she was unable to succeed, as it tore her out of the night sky and devoured her whole.
>Her child, however, awakened at the exact moment of her death. And her child was the Phoenix.
Does that sound like something that would happen in a myth?

>>20249735
> And her child was the Phoenix.
Is this supposed to signify rebirth, or reincarnation (passing of the torch)? It works, as a mythical story. Not necessarily with that phrasing though.

>>20249675
Taking you at your word here, I did laugh. I think one more reminder at the very end that he had no idea where he was going would be the cherry on top

>>20249773
The latter, mostly. And thanks for that

>>20248832
I'm sure your spooky ghost story made you the most popular tot in the whole pre-school.

>>20249562
In what sense?

I'm writing an urban fiction about two factions: Humans who have some demon blood and humans with psychic powers. It takes place in a private academy, a cafe, and the city at night. It's about a guy who comes from a minor branch family of the psychic families, his powers are very weak. There's a lot of talk about romance and conflict within communities. His dilemma is that since he's from a powerless branch family, he's free to marry anyone regardless of faction, but since he's from a branch family of a psychic family he's basically an outsider to the mixed (demon) blood families (whom they don't like in terms of marrying into the family, albeit not explicitly banned) and since he's from a minor branch family, his family status is pretty low in the psychic families community, which makes dating in that community difficult. He's also dorky, awkward, and not good looking (just like you) which is part of the story.

His life changes when he witnesses a murder and makes a deal with a cursed cat spirit.
I finished my chapter 1. It's pretty short but it sets up the entire story. Just a draft tho. I'd love your guys' thoughts.

https://pastebin.com/pEyQFnCZ

>>20249257
Fuck you racist.

>>20246629
>>20248425
Sorry, didn't get to read tonight; I wrote until the last minute.
Another 2k words toward my first draft!

>>20249562
Seems like it has too many metaphors to work as a screenplay.
Also, the production costs would be enormous, whether from costumes or near-total-replacement CGI.

>>20249911
Not sure why pointing out black ownership of black slaves is racist, but whatever, you do you.
Also...this isn't Twitter. You don't win arguments here just by claiming your opponent is racist. That's for pseuds.

>>20249257
That’s not a photo from 1654, dear. That’s not even the fashion of that century.

>>20249859
I'm not familiar with the "urban fantasy" genre, but I understand it exists.
There might be a lot of work in that genre that sounds like this. You should check.

>>20249934
I'm not trying to write something groundbreaking. I'm writing my own experience with my own closeminded minority community and my dating experience involving that community into an urban fantasy setting. I don't care if other people have wrote something similar, because the sentiments in THIS story resonates with me.

>>20249917
I'd love to read your work sometime and share some feedback, it's only fair. In other news I'm a fool and can't remember my password to the email I made for writing/Google Docs the other day so I just had to make another one.

I'm moving things along with the character development in a way that will hopefully start to make more sense here soon. Suffice it to say, the fun parts are coming.

>>20249922
I’m calling you a racist because John Punch was the first slave according to us law and the white man Hugh Gwyn was the first slave owner, so your picture holds a false affirmation and is obviously made for racists so they can say that “niggers were the ones who started slavery”. What makes me happy is that each day we black men fuck and breed more of your white women, and millions of us are going to your countries haha. You crackers even make porn of us dicking down your white whores.

God, can't even discuss literature, without falling for obvious racial bait crap. Get that shit out of here

You Will Never Be A Writer

>>20249991
I'm writing right now BITCH

>>20249991
someone actually wrote out the entire copypasta. unfortunately, i have not saved it.

As an emotionally stunted person how can I hope to write? I can’t even do a villain redemption arc because I don’t believe such a thing is plausible.

>>20248148
Some essays I wrote

https://pastebin.com/tNtCewC9

https://pastebin.com/3utjs7St

>>20250013
>As an emotionally stunted person how can I hope to write?
Scientific papers.

>>20249566
Why did you do that to yourself?

>>20248153
Of my two protagonists one avoids drugs and alcohol for religious reasons (practicing gluttony instead) and the other is a chain-smoker who drinks wine with his fiancé, who doesn't approve of anything else. He's pussywhipped that way.

>>20248300
>if you want anything other than dick rubs you need to be able to eat shit and ask for seconds
You didn't even give him any helpful advice, you just called it campy

>>20250032
would like to get some assesment on these, thx.

>“Coffee, please.” A small spider robot buzzes down from the ceiling, where it grabs a mug – one with the Jespark M.T. logo on it – and begins to grind down the beans.

Just a quick feedback please: do you think it sounds better as:

“Coffee, please.” A small spider robot buzzes down from the ceiling and grabs a mug – one with the Jespark M.T. logo on it – then begins to grind down the beans.

I honestly am not certain.

>>20250013
Every fictional story is about emotion, really. Best you can probably do is sci-fi and try to be like Asimov or Clarke or whatever. They've always made up for their weak characters with great plots, well-developed worlds, and good philosophies.

Do I write third person omniscient or third person limited? Which seems better? Omniscient seems easier to write, since I can put X character Felt

>>20250222
I would just do first person if I was going to do third limited, but that's just me. I like third omniscient for grander stories that are less personal/intimate.

>>20250032
Why would artificial wombs change the world? You'd have to care for a child which white people can't afford

>>20249968
>You crackers even make porn of us dicking down your white whores.
uh, most of those guys are jews

>>20250233
mostly because women are basically a liability at this point.

>>20250233
>You'd have to care for a child which white people can't afford
This is bullshit. There must be right now in africa millions of women who earn $100 per year and have like 6 kids each.

From thereon

Why is there so much pol and r9k posting now? I rather read shitty short stories and bemoans of people never finishing their work

>>20248153
She's 12, so she still thinks it's evil and weird. The DARE people have gotten to her.

>>20250201
Second is somewhat better but I think robot spider sounds better than spider robot. Read both aloud, I bet you'll fumble small spider robot buzzes.

>>20248315
Depends on the story I think, and how much you're supposed to "Get" a character before they have to change.

>>20248153
My story is about a bind of CEOs making a bet about which one will get the best quarter results while microdosing on acid for those 3 months. Each one acts different because of individual personalities/circumstances.

>>20249675
It reads like the submissions I get from cheeky students who don't want to complete my creative writing activities properly.

>Another 1.2k today
>I'm gonna make it!

This is an old first draft. Not great by any metric, but serviceable as a proof of concept.

I remember rushing at the ending, so it's a bit worse than the rest.

https://pastebin.com/si8SQfv5

Give me some sweet sweet feedback.

>>20250322
I only did 200 yesterday so I have to do 1800 today to catch up aaahhhh

>>20249582
I love how this is one of the worst places to get criticism.

How they just go "Dur dur Writing bad! You're a shit writer"

Can you at least made me laugh? This is 4chan get creative.

>>20250332
If i can do it so can you anon!
>Your gonna make it!

>>20250465
600 words down, only 1200 to go.

What symbolizes order? The sun?
What color do you associate with order? Gold and purple?
What symbolizes chaos? The moon?
What color do you associate with order? Silver ans blue?

>>20250587
Sun and moon have never been order or chaos to me. Order: silver, grey, blue. Strong, firm, bland colors. Chaos: red, yellow. Basically the colors of fire.
Also not to criticize your writing style but you can always change this later, you should probably just focus on getting your story down good.

>>20250281
signs of the times

>>20250587
good poem but I usually associate black with order, something like chaos is red or orange or anything to do with fire.

>>20250587
Order is a pillar or a circle.
The color of order is blue and grey.
Chaos is a fractured line or a an unmodulated wave
The color of chaos is red and purple
You may now make your fantasy flags

>>20248153
>only with the boys
>picrel only

>>20250606
>>20250595
>>20250605
Thanks! I thought sun symbolized order because during day humans rule the word and humans are pretty orderly and that moon symbolized chaos as beasts rule over earth during night and beasts don't follow any rules.

>>20250661
That works. Pretty much anything that isn't nonsense will work, and I like that explanation.

>>20248153
He's never had a drop to drink. He might soon.

I had an idea for a short story tell me if it’s good. A man is looking for a viagra pill in his bathroom while his wife is in the bedroom waiting for sex but he can’t find any. Then he notices a lone blue pill which doesn’t seem quite like viagra but decides to take it nonetheless. It works for a while, but when he is ready to penetrate his wife he notices something strange. His election is fine, but he looks at his penis and see that it is strangely growing. After a while it still getting bigger and bigger and it doesn’t stop to grow. Eventually he dies because all the blood of his body is in his penis.

>>20250688
Sounds good, definitely give it a try. Do make sure you think of a strong way to end it, like a particular emotion before he passes out, or a hint that his penis will continue to live on without him. It doesn't have to be over the top dramatic but you want something that sticks with the reader for a bit.
>His election is fine
Bluepilled indeed

>>20248153
Changing this, what aesthetic values are their to be found in various substances as a literary object?
I think alcohol has a somewhat tragic quality, while weed is more comic. They can swing in either direction depending on how they are being used by a character, but the substances on their own come off that way to me.
I think I would categorize most stimulants as tragic also.

Writing a short story for a library competition. Please shit on my writing
http://okturing.com/src/13473/body

>>20250968
Dude that initial paragraph is extremely hard to read. Buzzword of the day: purple prose. I mean:
>Out of time, a century since the successors arrived, those red threads—around which history proper had been woven—drew into port.
Please don't use the term "half-asked" and "half-replied" as a dialogue indicator.
Dialogue seems decent. I like the feel, actually. Somewhat confused on what exactly they're discussing - too confused, probably. Maybe that's due to the useless imagery paragraphs. I don't feel that interested in learning what they're talking about if I have literally 0 grasp on what's going on.
>A solitary droplet of rain wettened the leading edge, blackening, that separated the ember from the rest.
I have no idea what this is referring to. Not bad imagery inof itself. I envision a raindrop, being split by some abstract leathery edge. That's all I get though, since I have no idea what "separating ember from the rest" means. There is zero context for what this could mean, either.

>>20251026
I'll have a look at the first paragraph again. I'm trying to evoke something slightly complex but it could be clearer.
Thanks for the tip on dialogue indicators.
That paragraph on the solitary drop is about a single raindrop that lands on Daniil's cigarette, this could probably be made clearer though.
It's the 'leading edge' that 'separates ember from the rest [of the cigarette]'

Hopefully the ambiguity/confusion of being thrown into the world in this first bit will be cleared up retroactively by later sections. I wanted to try virtually no 'historical' exposition outside of what might crop up in concrete conversations

>>20250968
Why would you subject any contest reader to your art experiment? Can't you pretend to be normal for one short story?

>>20251062
sorry, next time I'll write in MFA english about 'loss' or 'trauma' or something

>>20251073
Not inserting random slashes into the text would be a start. And don't use em dash together with quotes, you mongoloid

>>20251054
I'm very concerned that you think anyone would ever be able to infer that this "edge" was actually this person's cigarette.

>>20250013
Embrace the fantastical. I think everything is inherently evil, but that doesn’t have to be the case in an imaginary world.

>>20250968
>Out of time, a century since the successors arrived, those red threads around which history proper had been woven, drew into port. This flows better and is easier to read. Keep in mind that the primary function of punctuation is to guide the flow when necessary.

>>20251083
They're en dashes. I couldn't think of a better way to clearly indicate when a new person was speaking while forgoing dialogue indicators than combining en dashes with quotes.

As for the slashes, its italic in the original, it's just impossible to put italics in pastebins.

>>20250013
>emotionally stunted
It's alright anon. Just keep at it. Some writers struggle to express their emotions but end up writing great stuff

>>20248153
Drinking is dumb weed is good

>>20251054
The narration is written well, but I wasn't really interested by the dialogue. It could just be me, of course, but I usually find dialogue very boring in general. As others have said, you're sacrificing too much clarity.

>>20249556
I understand but the ridiculousness of it is pivotal to the story.

>>20251192
Doesn't matter what the point is. It doesn't matter what the story is. When you write about NFTs in literally any capacity, your writing is relegated to the ages-long pile of dogshit writing that never escapes the strictly contemporary. There is nothing interesting about NFTs.

>>20251120
Can't disagree more. I find potheads to be hippies and I usually hate hippies

>>20251210
I wasn't writing about NFTs. I was snidely mentioning them because my boss bragged about the one he bought. I'm sorry your zoomer brain can't read a word without short circuiting. Fucking faggot.

I am trying my hand at writing some fantasy; I've never written anything longer than a one to two page short story before
I had the thought to do something to the affect of giving my character amnesia, or a kind of innocence that could be juxtaposed against the somewhat grim world I intend to place him in
This would, however, require me to make claims regarding man's intrinsic nature that I am not confident in making
essentially, I want to make a story that is honest and thoughtful, but without pretensions and that does not extend beyond my capabilities as a dilettante

aside these thoughts, does anyone have an opinion on royalroad?

>>20251110
Don't invent your own punctuation unless you're very sure you're facing unusual constraints, and even then hesitate.
If one quote ends and another begins then that's indication enough. If a single quotation should span multiple paragraphs then the convention is to leave out the middle end quotes (but not begin quotes:
>"This is a quote.
>"This is a continuation of the same quote."
>"This, however, is a new speaker."
Your explicit dialogue tags near the start already help to ease the reader into it.
https://rentry.org/ supports markdown, you can add italics there.

Starting a new short story, currently two thousand words in.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/jrzqm40sazyd0eo/Redemption.pdf?dl=0
Let me know what you think. Considering whether I should switch to past tense, or maybe to first person.

Of course, link your work and I'd be happy to read it in turn if you want to do an exchange sort of thing.

>>20249735
>the Raven
Say nevermore

>>20249773
>Passing of the torch
Not the same guy, but this actually reminded me of something. Is that phrase particularly linked to the real-world? I have a concept for a scene involving the idea being looked at and talked about but it's in a fantasy setting so I wasn't sure.

Trying to do Wodehouse Wizards

Still trying to work out how much i want to lean into the marriage angle, though I'm currently using apprenticeship as a stand-in.

https://pastebin.com/U147sqnw

Any thoughts?

>>20251348
I quite liked it, though there were a couple spots of obvious exposition in the dialogue that came off as a bit lazy, but other than that, I'd read more.

>>20251348
>Trying to do Wodehouse Wizards
Me too funnily enough, my MC is a Berty type failed wizard although with a touch of Gene Wolfe flavoring. Cheers to your good taste sir.

I think you nailed the charming dialogue and character dynamics. The change from marriage to apprenticeship is a great twist (and even leaves the door open to romance stuff later) this is incredibly fun reading and probably writing too.

As a fellow Wodehousian traveler I'd suggest taking on board his Telling style more though, especially with the heavy 1st person voice, as it sets up situations really quickly for dialogue to then flow. Read any 2 pages of Wodehouse and half of it will probably be "telling" but done in a charming voice and taking the burden of exposition almost completely off the dialogue. Ignore the brainlets who tell you not to Tell!

One departure from Wodehouse I'd suggest is more description of scene and such. I know he's incredibly spare with these but since we're in a fantasy world I could use a few small flavorful details on what a wizard's lounge smells/looks like for example to feel more immersed into the story.

Also to other anon's point those two crazy long dialogue blocks could simplified to the bare essentials of the moment.

>>20251333
It’s based off the Olympics, so yes. Should be easy enough to resign to fit a fantasy setting (it would be “Lighting the beacon” in middle earth).

>>20251607
Yeah I figured it was the Olympic torch. I could honestly just use it regardless, it's one of those lines that doesn't really twig as being too Earth-centric to people.

>>20251556
>Cheers to your good taste sir
>As a fellow Wodehousian traveler

>>20251642
Sorry you can't enjoy a bit of whimsy, poor old thing.

>>20251654
The "whimsy" in your post is found on Reddit and elicits a viscerally angry response from me.

>>20251686
Go suck mommy's tit to soothe yourself then

>>20251686
I sympathize, but try to keep it under control.

>>20249991
You will never be a writer... if you give up.
You will never be a writer... if you don't seek to improve every day.
You will never be a writer... if you accept mediocrity.
You will be a writer when you strive to become better than you are.
You will be a writer when you demand criticism and improve every aspect of your work.
You will be a writer when you rise above the inferiority, the anxiety, and the doubts plaguing your heart.
You will be a writer.
You will make it.

>>20251751
I've written 2k words today. I'm going to make it.

>>20251110
>They're en dashes.
Well, they should be em dashes in how you're using them.

Do any of you fine gents write under the influence?

>one sentence today
heh pretty productive if I do say so

Kaijuanon here. I don't know if this is a slightly terrifying reveal or not.
>Salt water wasn't really a problem for someone like her. Her skin was adapted to the stuff. Yet, as she gazed upon him, standing on the ruins of the coast and staring into the night sky, she felt something stinging. Like just the mere sight of him, with his twisted musculature covered in armored scales, had pried those old wounds wide open and flushed them full of the salty brine in which she was hiding in. And most of all, her missing hand felt like it was still there, but burning.
>It was a long, long time ago. Before the dawn of this civilization, no less. He found her species to be strong, and within the span of a year, she was one of the last ones left alive. The rest were dead. Some were torn apart, more were beaten to death, others were incinerated to nothingness. All at the hands of this unstoppable beast.
>Eventually, he found her. However, unlike the others he took his time with her. He acted like he was merely playing with her, as if he wanted to make this last longer. Thankfully, this was his downfall, as something that had been pursuing him also caught up with him. And with their combined strength, as well as catching him off-guard, they were able to defeat him. They assumed him to be dead, and buried his body where no-one would ever find it again.
>That was a grave mistake, not trying to finish the job then and there, because he was alive and preserved. And then it hit her. He had not killed a single soul since his awakening, and this led her to an awful conclusion; Like he did to her eons ago, he wanted to make this last.
Basically, guy commits genocide for the hell of it because the species is strong, but when he starts to run out he just settles for beating them to near death. And now that he's in the modern day, he's gonna do the same thing with all the monsters on earth, sans the murder part.

>>20251993
I’ll sometimes write while having 1-2 pints. I can’t write after that though

>>20252102
Oh, and I forgot. She managed to defeat him with the aid of another creature who comes into play later.

>>20251993
Under the influence of what?
Alcohol? Not usually. Maybe one beer.
Pot? Not stoned, maybe lifted, but even that is rare.
Nicotine, caffeine or some other stimulant? Frequently.

how do you guys write a story with time travel/loops/shenanigans that isn't confusing or bad?

>>20251303
Don't have time to read this fully now, but the first page hooked me enough and I'll give a full critique after work.

>>20252636
Do a meta thing where events that happen earlier in the story are expanded upon. Like so
>He saw a shape sprint across the cornfield
LATER
>He sprinted across the cornfield.

Writing the script of a comic book about thieves at the moment, how many characters is too many characters to introduce in the 1st chapter? I'm currently juggling around 3-4 atm, but still feel like that may be too many

>>20252698
Generally speaking you should introduce your protagonist (or one of them if you have several) and a couple important characters at most. You can do a lot of irrelevant side-characters if you want, though try to avoid overloading with too many names. Maybe something like 1 protagonist, 2 side-characters and maybe 3-4 bit parts.

>>20250328
Anybody interested in reading this and telling me what you think?
It's mostly dialogue and character stuff.

>>20252767
When you call something an old draft that's serviceable enough why would anyone be motivated to read it? Sounds like you're unedited stuff yet I read some anyway. Intro with the book/character descriptions is disorienting. Skimming ahead it just seems all to move really fast between many different topics in such a short space (book, sister relationship, parental relationship, and main guy's writing interests, dream sequence).

>>20252872
Understood. I recognized the flow was fucked, and things happened far too quickly. It was the main reason I wrote what I wrote in said post. I wanted to preface it, signalling I recognized my own flaws, and wasn't too far up my own ass, but ended up coming across like that anyway by going too far in the other direction. Big mistake on my part.

You guys are building your audience right?
You’re on social media gaining a platform and building an email list, right?

I wrote a couple books and some short stories over the last few years. Can't seem to sell any of it to any agents. I'm kind of retarded so I don't know if its the content or if I'm hitting up the wrong agents or what. Any advice is appreciated.
I don't really have anyone to read my material either. Here's the first-ish chapter of this sci-fi-ish story.
https://pastebin.com/qp2tCVhD

>>20248220
>https://pastebin.com/yMCvNtWv

I know it's a "prose poem" but that doesn't excuse the floridness of the language. Feels outdated and affected. You clearly have some talent but you need to hold back a little. Modern tastes are far more austere than what you are doing and this would unlikely ever be published. Even writers in the mid-19th century were writing cleaner, fresher prose than this.

>>20248336
Good, straight forward prose. Learn to spell things out though. Convention is to write second, not 2nd, and so on. Four hundred dollars is preferred to $400.

You do eventually need to have a story.

>>20250328
>https://pastebin.com/si8SQfv5
You jump right into the middle of dialogue about all these characters and for the reader it just doesn't make sense. It's a confused mess. Try to start with a new paragraphs that will orient the reader. It's fine to start with a line or two of dialogue but that has to launch immediately into some contextual narrative so there's a sense of what's going on.

>>20250968
>http://okturing.com/src/13473/body
As the others said, it's a bit purple anon. The important thing when writing a story is to tell the story. Make the story clear, create interest, create curiosity, generate tension.

>>20253040
You are telling, not showing. Have some faith in your reader to A) Read between the lines, and B) be patient enough to have some things not explicit stated immediately.

Don't immediately specify what a FIN is. Everyone in-universe already knows what one is. So, there's no reason to explain it except to the reader. Have it come up in casual conversation later. Have a fish out of water character ask what it means. But don't just say it.

Same goes for the line
>A name that would suggest
You're TELLING the reader this. It doesn't read as this Walter Mason feeling that way. It's read as the audience being told this is what it brings up, and the reader should be able to infer that themselves, or, again, make it seem like that TO someone in the story, like Walter.

Who is the POV? Why is there a detached first person relaying this info to us?

>>20253080
I had issues already with how it started, but I didn't realize it would be so confusing/disorienting. But I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

>>20251303
>https://www.dropbox.com/s/jrzqm40sazyd0eo/Redemption.pdf?dl=0

I only read the first page, but it's fairly good. The first line does hook you in but the second paragraph dosn't feel connected to the first line/paragraph, so it doesn't really work.

I might move that information (in the first line) down and start the story isntead with Agustin sitting at his desk, just as you have it now, but wondering "Are we finished? Is this it? Is it really over?"

And then a few paragraphs later or whatever, drop that information that their whatever was swallowed up by Jupiter (probably where the qmail bit comes in).

Good luck.

>>20251303
>Considering whether I should switch to past tense, or maybe to first person.

I don't recommend switching to first person, which is tightly constraining and atypical for science fiction.

As for past, it's always the best default choice.

>>20253092
>Who is the POV? Why is there a detached first person relaying this info to us?
There's a narrator who doesn't physically show up in the story, but has his own spin on how things are. He is the one relaying the whole thing, not Mason or anyone else. So, it's kind of 3rd person omnipresent. Like the old man reading dickens on tv-- and then the story begins. Is doing this sort of thing totally left field?
I will say that he doesn't interrupt the story very often, but he does often enough to remind the reader that he's there.
Anyway, thanks for your look over. Appreciate it.

>>20253143
I'd say 1st person omnipresent, which is strange considering this man doesn't appear in the story we're being told, but there are ways to make that work.
Is he a historian? a watcher? how does he know this story, with its ins and outs?

>>20253158
A historian would be the closest descriptor. Tales told over time, chinese whispers style, and now on paper.

Any advice on gaining readers, so that one can gain a better perspective on their work and it's weaknesses before pursuing a professional opinion?

>>20251120
Based MC

>>20253170
I think, and this is my opinion, feel free to ignore it, but it would be better told through Walter's POV, but to use this historian figure as a framing device.

Walter did this, this this.
Then, it switches back to the historian, reading these manuscripts, history books, etc, and giving some thoughts. Explaining some things, etc etc.

That way, you have the benefit of following a character, and relaying the audience information in a way that's a bit less Tell-y.
my 2 cents.

But, you do need this advice: SHOW don't tell.

>>20253040
>https://pastebin.com/qp2tCVhD

I would say the main issue with this sample is that it feels short on story and rather heavy on rambling or exposition on this world you've created. Follow your character and what he's doing, and don't worry so much about this milieu, otherwise the piece sounds like a rant.

By the way, to see things like STATE over and over again all caps is extremely grating. You need to find a way to write without using all caps, because most people don't want to see that more than once in a chapter, certainly not more than once on a page.

Congrats though on completing your books and stories anon. That's a great accomplishment in itself.

>>20253188
>Walter did this, this this.
>Then, it switches back to the historian
Hey, I like this. I'll see if I can't weave this in and tone back on the tell at the beginnning.
>>20253200
So, main take away is its a bit frontloaded? The rest isn't exactly all like this.
>all caps is extremely grating
I could try italics. It was meant to feel imposing, but I could change it easily.
>Congrats
Thanks a lot, anon. But there's more work to do, it seems.

Here is the second chapter, if you'd like to see. I didn't post most of the 1st chapter as it's a bit long. As I said, its not entirely dominated by the narrator, but he does make his 'appearances'.
https://pastebin.com/m7hWq0RY

>>20250688
Viagra takes 30-60 minutes to kick in.

>There are writers on the internet with people willing to pay them money to write

>>20250688
Don't kill him. Force him to live with a 50 foot long dick for the rest of his life. Poetic justice.

>>20253719
get over yourself

>>20253719
You could be paid to write too if you kissed ass on twitter and wrote futa porn or litrpg potboilers. Choosing not to do this means you value your dreams more than money, which is fine by me, but makes you the literary equivalent of a band that refuses to do weddings and only plays post-ironic skacore.

How do you cope with knowing your story won't be or have anything new? I feel like no matter how good anything I write might be people will just roll their eyes because they've seen it all before.

This crisis has been brought on by seeing hope trope heavy M.R. James stories are. They're great, but nobody would take that seriously these days.

>>20253810
think outside the box and make the story unique to you. what others think of your story is irrelevant until it is finished

>>20253810
>How do you cope with knowing your story won't be or have anything new?
You lack creativity/intelligence.

>>20253858
>>20253868
I've always been much more of a "exquisitely executed" type than an "unique and original" type. Just currently worried about being overlooked because "it's nothing new"

>>20253810
As long as it's new to me I'm happy, but I don't write for money so whatever.

>>20253124
I'm not sure if I agree with the first line and first paragraph being too far disconnected, but I will keep it in mind when deciding how to rework it. Thanks for the feedback. You might be right, not sure.

>>20251303
Not bad...I'd consider reading more.

How do you guys balance reading and writing with the rest of life?

>>20254056
By not having a life other than reading and writing.

>>20254076
Okay, well I have to take care of my grandmother, so I don't have that luxury.

>>20254085
Read her your work. You get free critique from someone who's bedridden and can't escape. It's the perfect plan.

>>20254056
Balance? You've got the wrong hobby, pal.

>>20254056
I just daydream about writing all day instead of actually doing it since I don't know where to start.

just finished my 2k word goal today, and feeling pretty good about the new story I came up with. Its about a guy who gets resurrected to a new world and gets an amazing power that he can use like a cheat.
I can tell that this one will be the one to earn me 10k+ a month in patreon.

>>20254268
So, every isekai ever made?

>>20254270
haha what are you talking about? This is a totally unique Idea I came up with

>>20248148
Fellas I spent the morning reading Portrait of the Artist, how is it going to affect my prose

>>20254292
i had my internal sense of grammar only shaken after my first reading of Blood Meridian, which i read long after Portrait of the Artist, so i think you should be fine

>>20253053
Thank you for the feedback. I read a lot of 19th century stuff so I guess it makes sense that it bleeds through. I'm starting to see that this was more just an exercise with wordplay than something I would want to put out.

>sit down and write for 6 hours straight
>get only 1000 words in
>also get a massive hemorrhoid.
Is this the price to pay to write a story?

>>20251303
OK had a chance to read through it. It's kind of a mess. You shouldn't repeat the trope of the shocking opening. Moreover, I didn't see the point of the second scene, all the tension is lost after the first line and then you do it again once Irene reveals her plans.

At least you try to avoid the common cliches, but the real problem is that you spoil your suspense before it has any chance to build. The thesis statements should go at the end, really, not at the beginning. Also I concur with the other anon that you drift away from the point almost immediately. The whole piece really needs more focus.

>>20249961
I made it to the end of your text.
I'm very interested in reading more!
I do want to give you one warning...I honestly don't know how popular your subject matter will be with others, but I'm very much into it. I enjoy toying with the concepts of good and evil, and what any otherworldly realm would have to be like.
Like you, I don't buy into classical concepts of Heaven and Hell; they just seem so impractical.
I have an idea for a novel that involves the arrival of a true messiah into our modern world. The truth of his divinity is not ambiguous to me or the reader -- he's definitely the messiah. But our sick sad world reacts to him in all the ways you'd probably expect, including disbelief. As an added complication, he becomes aware of another messiah...one working for the "other side". But I'm still in the idea-gathering phase; I haven't written much on the subject.
I truly hope you find an audience beyond me.
Re: my work, I want to finish my 1st draft of my current novel, and edit it a bit, before I show it to anyone.
So is picrel the narrator?

How often do you nerds edit before posting something in this thread?

>>20254611
I do a once-over edit and minor revision.

>>20254380
In the story I’m writing sperm is the only thing that alleviates the main character’s hemorrhoids, but the character is straight.
It is a comedy.

Is this a bad storytelling technique?
>Write scene leading up to a fight
>End the chapter
>Next chapter starts at the end of the fight
So we never know how the fight went, just MC wins and readers can just speculate. Is this a good way to tell a story or do readers want fight scenes?

>>20254512
Fanifc thread.

Post your fanfic and I'll read it. I'm boread

>>20254698
there's a time and a place for doing this. its for all the preliminary bullshit fight scenes no one cares about. if this is an actual, important fight scene you should probably show it.

the other exception would be where its used as part of a comedy where you never show fights scenes, and any fight scenes you do show your mc is losing to literal children or inanimate objects because he's purposefully holding himself back

>for years in college work studiously but have no one willing to pay me to write anything
>now have writing work (writing for a few blogs and sites, helping some people out with their comic project)
>brain inexplicably feels too fried and quasi-ADHD to actually sit down for long periods of time and achieve anything of value
I wrote a fucking book in 2020 and early 2021 but I don't think I have it in me to make another one dammit. I'm getting the kinds of big breaks I'd been hoping for for years but now that they're here I can't fucking force myself to actually work. The fuck?

>>20249052
The American Nightmare Cody Rhodes cries tears of victory reading this with his black wife and daughter.

How do I write a chapter 1 draft for my manga? I have it all planned out in my head. Do I just attempt to write the best script ever or do I half-ass it and edit it to perfection later? My issue is every time I write it I get like 100 words in before wanting to rewrite everything.

>>20254881
Anon. You are not Japanese. You will never write a draft for a manga.

>>20254944
Yeah man but Illustrated novel just doesn't roll of the tongue well and comic makes it sound like I'm trying to write capeshit.

>>20254947
The word you are looking for is Graphic Novel.

>>20254957
Then I gotta say Manga inspired graphic novel

>>20254947
Stop being retarded, you are not Japanese and you will never be Japanese. If you're writing for comics you're writing for capeshit, just owe up to it.
>Page 1, panel 1: Spandex Man is surveying the street behind the gay leather bar
>Page 1, panel 2: Closeup of Spandex Man's face, a thought bubble reads: "Ah, the old haunts! When I was a simply a mild-mannered cocksucker called Preston Prick, this was my neighborhood!
>Page 1, panel 3: close-up of high heels and legs in fishnet stockings, sfx CLACK, CLACK, CLACK
>Page 1, panel 4: close-up of Spandex Man's shocked face, speech bubble reads :GASP! A woman!

>>20254957
No he's not. Graphic novels and comics are 100% the same exact thing. Only people who are embarrassed to read comics use the term "graphic novel".
It's like when Salman Rushdie goes "No I don't write fantasy I write magical realism don't call it fantasy it's not fantasy noooooo!"

>>20254967
chill bro i just wanted to show that im smarter than someone else

>>20254962
>Stop being retarded, you are not Japanese and you will never be Japanese.
Yea I am. If I want to be Japanese, white or black, man or woman, it is me who decide. Get it with the times gramps.

>>20254978
uh no. I bet you also say "teriyaki" instead of "shine grill" dumb weeb.

Is erotica the best genre to write stuff if I’m only in it for the money?

>>20254984
"Shine grill" sounds like a cleaning agent

>>20254967
I used to say that, but Watchmen is definitely more of a novel than Krazy Kat.

>>20255102
Krazy Kat is not a comic book, it's a comic strip, there's obviously going to be differences when the format itself is completely different.

>Another 1k today
>Should have been more
>Had to make too much lasagna and plum+berry crumble
soooo fulllll.

>>20255107
That's my point, "graphic novel" indicates the format. As much as the term is used by insufferable people who are mortified of being seen as liking comics, it's more specific than "comic" and more accurate than "manga". It's not a bad recommendation.

>>20255150
aren't you too tired to write after eating all those carbohydrates?

>>20255157
Unless you're using it wrong, which this person certainly is because
>How do I write a chapter 1 draft for my manga?
A graphic novel is not released in parts, therefore he's not planning a graphic novel.

>>20255160
>A graphic novel is not released in parts
Watchmen was.
As was Pnin, for that matter, and many other "real" novels.

>>20255159
True, that's why i write before i make the deliciously lethargy inducing mountains of pleasure.

>>20255196
Watchmen is not a graphic novel. Watchmen is a 12-issue limited series.
The Death of Captain Marvel is a graphic novel.
The Killing Joke is a graphic novel.
A Contract with God is a graphic novel.
Sandman is not a graphic novel.
Maus is not a graphic novel.

How do I write a chapter 1 draft for my manga inspired illustrated/graphic novel? I have it all planned out in my head. Do I just attempt to write the best script ever or do I half-ass it and edit it to perfection later? My issue is every time I write it I get like 100 words in before wanting to rewrite everything.

Script is secondary in comics. The whole thing stands or falls based on the artwork. I'd worry about storyboarding before writing. And go to >>/ic/

>>20255445
Then why are all the most praised comics primarily remembered for their writers? You remember Neil Gaiman, but how many of Sandman's artists can you name?

>>20255445
I'm pretty sure it goes
idea > worldbuilding > script > storyboard

>>20255445
I'm pretty sure it goes
idea > character profiles > worldbuilding > script > storyboard

>>20255477
Because their name is the only one on the cover so every retard assumes they drew the pictures too
>>20255487
You got the meme arrows backwards

>>20248153
The abandoned inn is his best(lost) friend if you catch my drift here.

>>20255445
a comic book is just a storyboard that's been colored in lol

>>20255477
>>20255497
mangaka tend to draw things themselves though they may use assistants.

>>20255497
Dave Gibbons drew every issue of Watchmen but nobody cares, they remember Alan Moore.

>>20255590
>Dave Gibbons drew every issue of Watchmen but nobody cares
Are you seriously implying Dave Gibbons is somehow unknown?

>>20255477
Let's not forget that this is the kind of thing Alan Moore gives his artists.

>>20255590
I actually see Dave Gibbons praised pretty regularly in relation to Watchmen, though that could be out of contrarianism for all I know.

>>20255615
Not to comic readers but you ask a normie, they'll know who wrote Watchmen but not who drew it.

I wish I had the willpower to sit my ass down and work. I procrastinate any amount of worldbuilding, and I just shit out half-baked paragraphs out of sudden compulsion and forget about them.

Here's the latest scene I regurgitated in a frenzy.
https://pastebin.com/kChVsph4

>>20254512
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DRlv01MC7xhMr06IDZ-Y1BBDQkuc7cdsb34GJe5JFwU/edit?usp=sharing

(I had to swap my story over and continue from here. Protagonist is just about to be "cleared for field work"!)


Pic rel was some inspiration for the narrator, post-transformation that is. I liked the idea of her being sort of 'updated' for the consensus on beauty standards in the 21st century, I have a lot of reference photos/art elsewhere.

Your story sounds extremely interesting, and funnily enough the first thing that pops into my mind is that Dostoevsky story "The Grand Inquisitor". It touches on similar themes with a second coming of Jesus and the world's (and especially the Church's) reaction.

I really like the twist you mention there as well! The world is so polarized and politically/ideologically charged right now that those themes make sense.

>>20251751
WGMI

>>20248792
Based schizo writings. Keep it up.

I've written elves into my story but it's more of an alien planet and I was thinking of going for a fancier name. Elvaan maybe?

>>20256168
That's fine. I rather go with a homonym. Like Alefin

>>20256180
Makes me think of dolphin or some kind of fish.

>>20256168
My usual opinion is to to stay boring unless you have reason to be interesting. If you're writing elves and you expect your reader to know they're elves then you may as well call a spade a spade.
If you for some reason don't want your reader to immediately be sure they're elves then a different name could help.
You could do the thing were "Elvaan" is the formal name but "Elf" the colloquial one.
It depends on the style you're going for, and this is just my personal preference.

>write 30k words of fantasy crap
Finally realize I'm not a fantasy writer, but that's where the money is. How do I continue?

>>20256324
>that's where the money is
Wouldn't that be grant writing?
>24KH0

>>20256272
It'd be a very human thing to give them the informal name of "elf" after discovering the space elves with a different proper species name.

>>20256324
>that's where the money is
Writing for money is the dumbest thing ever. Learn swing trading/crypto stuff for that. Write things you actually enjoy since you only have a 1% chance of making a pittance on it, .01% chance of making 30k per year, .00001% of making Sanderson bucks.

Also you can write more literary fantasy like I try to because there's so little of it.

>>20256364
Yeah, that works too. Though in that case making the formal name so similar to "elf" would be odd.

>>20256375
Then don't have that be the proper name. Have them have their own name, but human scientists gave them "Elvaan" or "Alfin" or something, informally just "elf" and it just stuck before a proper meeting.

>>20256466
Some of Greg Egan's stories feature a backup brain implant. Its creator named it a "dual", but everybody calls it a "jewel" instead.
I always liked that.

>>20256507
So just have it be that humanity sort of wound up calling them elves, and the elves just found the nickname endearing.

how is this for an opening sentence?
"Soft sunlight filters through the overlapping branches of birch and beech trees that make up a dense forest, falling and scattering upon the form of a man sleeping in the undergrowth."

Is it fine to use real life geopolitical disputes in fiction? For example, if I used the Spratly Islands dispute in my story, would I fuck up?

>>20256649
It's fine. It's more the opening paragraphs that matter, less than the opening line. I personally try to read at least 10% of a book before deciding to continue or not, but some people will drop a book after the first page if they don't like it.

>>20256659
Why would you fuck up? There's little reason not to use anything you can think of to make fiction better.

>>20256649
>the overlapping branches of birch and beech trees that make up a dense forest
This description is a bit redundant. "branches" vs "birch and beech" vs "trees" vs "forest", "overlapping" vs "dense".
Just the first half, "overlapping branches of birch and beech", might be able to do the job. (It doesn't make the forest as explicit though.)
I'd play around with that part of the sentence some more.

>>20256659
You might fuck up in the eyes of readers who strongly care about the dispute, if you say something they consider unfair. Or you could write factual inaccuracies that trip up knowledgeable readers. Or your story could become dated as the situation develops.
But there's nothing wrong with it as such, and it's not even a big deal to alienate a small fraction of your readers.

>>20252937
Are you serious? This is 4chan. We're spergs.
I'm hoping to find someone with a big social-media following and get them interested in my writing.
I once managed to get one of my YouTube videos to go viral that way.

>>20256324
If you've already written 30k words, then clearly you can continue.

>>20252937
I sent another 7-page story to my mom and she liked it again...

>>20256963
Holy based, you’re gonna make it.
while I don’t write for an audience, I always think about how the members of my family would receive it

>>20256674
Agree, fiddling with first lines can be fun but writer's overestimate their importance. For me it's just the first chapter as a whole that matters which is almost like a speed-date to determine if I like their style.

>>20256649
That said, here is how I'd edit that line if it were my own so take it for what it's worth:
>"Soft sunlight filters through the overlapping branches, scattering light over the form of a man sleeping on a bed of ferny undergrowth."

>>20256659
It's called historical fiction senpai

>>20257010
I currently have an audience of 3 people.
>mom
>older brother
>best friend
It'd be four but my grandma refuses to read anything that isn't printed on paper because "it'll hurt your eyes".

>>20257032
Yeah, I’m about the same, aside from a fiction workshop I’m taking. The MFAs here are pretty fucking bad at writing but they give good feedback.

Still, that will be over soon and then: back to my tiny intimate audience. If we don’t make it, at least someone will have read it

>>20257049
If I had the balls to let my older sister and dad know I'm writing, I could significantly increase my audience.

>>20248153
i want to write a self insert modern day don quixote story about an alcoholic and his various alki friends. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad and always embarassing

New thread is up.
>>20257115

Can you guys help me come up with some bullshit ideas for my paper? I have to write a 10-page paper where I apply Marxist theory to 1984. I can borrow from other theories, but I primarily want to do Marxism. My thesis statement is, "The purpose of this paper is to identify Marxist themes within 1984 such as the power dynamic between the Party and the Proles, and to analyze the small-scale revolution Winston Smith undertakes against Big Brother. However, a Marxist perspective will also be used to explore a lesser-known connection

That thesis is unfinished. I'm doing a 2 sentence thesis statement which I don't think I've ever done, but I think it'll be okay considering what I'm writing about. The teacher WANTS us to apply literary theory to our novel of choice to find an UNKNOWN connection. So basically, I have to find some bullshit unknown connection between 1984 and Marxism, which is super hard to do.

>>20257147
>unknown connection between 1984 and marxism
>unknown
other than 1984 being a critique of marxism?

>>20257191
He said it's fine to use Marxism. He said I just have to apply Marxism to parts of the novel where they...aren't Marxist? This entire class revolves around applying literary theory to a text even if it doesn't make sense. The entire class consists of bullshitting. Wish I had never taken it.

>>20257196
Apply a different literary theory if you're looking for an unknown connection.

New thread >>20257383

>>20257387
Uhh, anon?
>>20257115