/lit/ - Literature

>>20175516
No one in /wg/ writes.
No one in /wg/ reads.
No one in /wg/ can write.
No one in /wg/ should write.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HsLfrpEAfB8

How do I get on this podcast? Is this by /wg/?

>>20173763
Because they kept promising the world, yet instead they just strung readers along with slice of life crap.
Point is, the experience was the catalyst that inspired me to write. Since they went dark toward the middle of last year I've written 252k into first draft and no signs of stoppan.

Could a female character recover in the eyes of the average reader from killing a dog or is heckin killing le pupperwooferino an unforgivable sin?

>>20175592
It depends on context and overall tone of your work. Killing a (presumably tamed) dog is on a similar moral ground as killing a person, albeit less intense. If it was a justified situation (self-defense, in a war, kill-or-be-killed, just to eat), yeah, probably. Being female has literally no bearing.

>>20175592
If she puts her 3 inch heel through its head, probably not. If she shoots a mad dog that's not even an issue.

>>20175528
I wrote 2k words two days ago, and today I am going to write another 2k. Well, maybe 1k at least, but I am wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriting. You can't stop me. No one can.

>>20175609
>>20175642
What if she was being chased by them but the dogs weren't actually told to or intending to harm her?

>>20175653
Audiences can forgive anything if the character feels bad about it.

>>20175659
I see.
Thanks, anons.

>>20175680
It does depend a bit, but "chased by a dog and then kills one" is entirely forgiveable. You don't even need that much guilt, just the face they were chased is enough.

>>20175697
That's generally better-sounding. The other notable parts (the weird feet and the exhaust pipe) should be brought up when they show up, and also it's a good idea to get a general notion of his build. I get he's a robot, but is he just a metal human, or does he have, like, skeletal metallic limbs? What's immediately obvious when you look at him?

>>20175725
Thanks again anon. Very helpful to hear all of this.

>>20175528
>No one in /wg/ writes.
Die a violent death
>No one in /wg/ reads.
Correct. Erect.
>No one in /wg/ can write.
NooOoOOooOO
>No one in /wg/ should write.
NooooooOooOOOOOO

>>20175759
It's also a thing to note that you don't have to be TOO specific with the details. It depends how granular a writer you are, you could simply say "metallic man with a shark-mandible jaw" and be done with it, leave the rest for readers to interpret, or be specific with pieces but leave the whole undescribed, etc. And again, it's always a good idea to establish the character's most notable trait in their introduction, though given this robot seems to have little personality, you'd probably need to do that by others interacting with him.

>>20175698
>chased by excited pupperinos wanting to play
>kills one
absolutely unforgivable

I almost exclusively read English, and I should stop neglecting my native language. I'm going through one of the classics now and learning a lot. It's not that it's doing things English writing doesn't, but that I'm viewing it with fresh eyes.
One of these days I might even start writing in my native language.

>>20175303
My understanding is that for there to be a story writer needs a character with a goal and an opposition. To make it deep, add internal opposition. To make it enticing, add a ticking clock.
>knight wants the princess but the king refuses. He needs to get magic potion from the lair but he’s afraid of the dark. Will he get the potion before full moon?
What could be the raison d'être of this story?

>>20175814
A story doesn't need to exist for any reason greater than "the author wanted to write it".

How do I into horror? Seems like most publishers avoid it like the plague.

>>20175854
Do you want your work to be avoided like the plague?

>>20175854
>publishers
Shit, I forgot I was supposed to be writing for those guys...

>>20175829
If no one wants to read a story, is it really a story?

>>20175892
Yes. Because the author wanted to write it.

Threadly reminder to listen to Pullum in Passives or forever be a psued.

youtube.com/watch?v=kcbHKbvwCnU

>>20175906
>That capitalism no longer works
dropped

>>20175942
The sentence is "That capitalism works IS NO LONGER DOUBTED by anyone."
Pseud.

>>20175987
mercantilism is better than capitalism by far fr fr no cap

>>20175592
A female reader will hate you for killing the honkin cute doggo. ‘Cujo’ still gets more hate for the dog dying than for the boy.

Is this the thread where we post a sample of our writing and get feedback/roasted?
https://pastebin.com/jduJxzA4

REMEMBER:
Every second you’re on /wg/ is another second that you’re not writing!

>>20176181
Yes.
Holy shit that's a barely intelligible opening paragraph. Condense that shit down.

>>20175892
I write stuff without knowing what could become of it. In my mind I might have a character watching a river but nothing worthwhile happens. If I try to force a plot mechanism into this image and thus get into creating some story stuff, it all fails. I have tons of these snippets but i don’t know what to do with them.

>>20176193
That's okay, no one writes in /wg/.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1a8pWlGw_bPawyLJcMt9sSGClnXFQX-qapp_V_d77kbE/edit?usp=sharing

Hell dude back. I've done a complete first person rework, and a lot of polishing.

>>20176198
No one *reads dipshit. Every thread we have this discussion and every thread people post tons of samples of writing of which a quarter or less gets read. No one here reads.

>>20176181
I get this writing is meant to be stream-of-consciousness or something but... It just reads poorly. Like what the fuck is this:
>As Caul reasoned, when someone moved their previously stationary hand, there were only three places it could go — the nose, the crack, or the crotch. On rare occasions the hand could visit the nose and the crack, the nose and the crotch, the crack and the nose, the crack and the crotch, the crotch and the nose, or the crotch and crack. On rare occasions the hand could run the gauntlet, that is, the nose the crack the crotch, the nose the crotch the crack, the crack the nose the crotch, the crack the crotch the nose, the crotch the nose the crack, or the crotch the crack the nose. In addition, Caul reasoned, a curious soul might be tempted to smell such a concoction.

how do I write in a dream diary???? it's gonna be impossible. i can NEVER remember my dreams ffs.
i want to lucid dream tho

>>20175516
So, how do I write? What about anything of substance?

>>20176288
You put words down.

>>20176289
I see. So, what you are saying is to create a general idea of what I want to say, then try to present it in a manner in which is both concise, but vague enough for the reader to interprete it in a manner in which will require them to "fill in the gaps"?
How very "modern web".

>>20176302
You write by writing. Writing "of substance" is a vague thing and pointless to ask about if you're asking how you even write.

>>20176263
>what the fuck is this
Exhaustion of all possibilities.

>>20176193
very true, however im faster and stronger than you

>>20176339
It feels more like pic-related.

>>20176263
>>20176339
It is superfluous.

>>20175776
>metallic man with a shark-mandible jaw
Kek, I've been banging my head against the table for the past half-hour trying to re-write the intro so this may end up being what I go with.
>>20175795
Always impressed with the people who can write in a second language. Can't be easy to get it to sound right.

>>20176289
Yeah, I'd say that's about what I do.

>>20176201
pleaes use pastebin

>>20176353
Tried using it, content filter won't let me post.

>>20175516
Does anyone have an epub or pdf of 'On Writing and Worldbuilding: Volume II' by Timothy Hickson? I'd be very appreciative if someone could point me in the direction of where I could find it.

>>20176181
It gets better after that godawful first paragraph, but you need to do a serious revision pass before I'll read more.

Increase the economy of your words - a lot of sentences were long and round about ways to get to the point which can be stylistic to a point but often just felt like clutter. Clean up comma use too I saw some extras. Also read it aloud being mindful of repetitious sentences structure.

>>20176353
Not him but fuck pastebin, Google doc is superior visually and for commenting if desired

If The Weeknd can go from being homeless to one of the best selling artists of all time, you can make it too.

Does anyone know the name of emilyanon's novel?

>>20176450
I think its something along the lines of the emily project. But if he just posted it last night it may not be up yet on amazon.

>>20175516
I’m so gullible I believed the nihilists
Now I’m a birthdays and Christmas Jehovah’s witness

>>20176450
>>20176464
He removed it >>20172369

>>20176565
I was so proud of him for publishing and was going to buy it even as a way to help a fellow.

Curious if any of you publish articles online rather than for booms.

>>20175516
Where do you guys go for writing prompts? Many of the ones I find on google are either too vague or just asinine.

>>20176723
>prompts
are so fucking gay
If I'm writing I'm working on my novel but as far as ideas I actually have a list I've put together from stuff I see irl or from reading you dumb fucks bantering around on this site.
Rather than wasting your time with some dumb prompt come up with an idea you think you can put a good 50k words into.

>>20176273
Keep pen and paper by your bed, ready to go.
When you wake up, stay still as you can while you review what happened in your dream to yourself. Moving immediately will make it a little harder to remember the dream.

>>20176828
Prompts are okay when you're out of ideas, which happens to most people now and then.

>>20176910
That only happens to short story or, god forbid, flash fiction writers. People who write novels will always have more ideas than they can write. They may not all be novel length ideas, they may not all be well thought out or feasible, but they have a bunch of them. If someone is midway through a book and they aren't 100% sure of where to go I promise you prompts are absolutely worthless to them. Prompts suck. Spend your time coming up with an idea that has a little more depth than a prompt. It'll be time much better spent than shitting out some forgettable 2.5k "story". Forgettable to you. Forgettable to the reader.

Fuck it. If it sucks it sucks! I published my book on KDP.

>>20177138
Emilyanon?

>>20177150
Yes. I'll give you guys the link when it goes live. I can't take it anymore. The fear of it being complete utter shit is driving me nuts. If it's a terrible no good book, it's a terrible no good book.

>>20177195
Based. You're going to be the next stephen king.

>>20177195
Mind if I add the link to the author pastebin?

>>20177219
go for it, if i'm worse than F gardner, I'm worse than F. Gardner

It's live!!!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09X6JX44X

>>20177297
I read here on a past thread that F gardner bought 4chan ads. Do you plan on doing that? It's good to have something to blame if you fail.

So basically I think I've got a good introduction but in my last paragraph I don't actually know what I should be writing exactly as an introduction. I'm already aware of some of the more clunky expressions I've made in this excerpt.

>>20177321
>K.K Wgon
kek /wg/ anon.

>>20177321
I wish you godspeen anon, I'm hoping to follow in your footsteps soon.

>>20175516
This book should be added to the reading lsit IMO. Really insightful on prose writing.

>>20177424
Thanks. I'll be honest, I don't even know if it's honestly good enough to be published. But my brain is completely burnt from it.

>>20177450
Do you have a snippet to share here? I'm just curious.

>>20175906
So the writing general in the literature board has reached the level of having to link youtube bite-sized digest versions of essays instead of linking the essay for you to read.

>>20177474
>>20177474
https://litter.catbox.moe/3gmajb.pdf

here's the pdf just for you guys.

>>20177486
Um, sweaty, we're writers we don't read.

>>20177486
Based.

>>20177486
You know, since I'm in a good mood tonight, I'll spoonfeed you. But I'm expecting a little head afterward. And next time just Google "pullum passive" and it's the first fuckin link. You dumb doofus. You absolute knobswallowing father molester.
http://www.lel.ed.ac.uk/~gpullum/passive_loathing.pdf

>>20177337
I haven’t read the rest of the introduction but the way the perspective shifts from talking about the Sultan to revealing he had been killed felt awkward to me. I assumed that he was still alive and was watching the incidents as they happened. Maybe say something about how many people had fallen off first before discussing the Sultan.

>>20177474
if you click on the picture you can read the first chapter .

>>20177337
Hey, I don't have an answer to your question but I like the sound of "A name, a crime, and a time."

>>20177337
Tense confusion on the second sentence. You stick to past even when it's a repeating circumstance.

>>20177489
What do you do to get an isbn number? Just go to their website?

>>20177337
>it must have driven men to madness
Did it or didn't it? You're the narrator, take a stand.
>in the end still just as cruel
But you're describing the beginning of his rule, not the end.

>>20177503
I read it years ago, brother.

>>20177524
Amazon generates one for you. I'm exclusively selling it on Amazon, so they'll generate an ISBN for you.

There's also an option for paperback to give Amazon distribution rights, so they'll put up the contracts for places like Barnes and Nobel and sell it there for you. They take a huge cut, but I'm at the point where I think it's better just to get my name and story out. If it's good enough, the demand will be there.

>>20177506
Ignore this anon. What he's describing is the intended effect of the twist. It's a good thing.

>>20177219
Should I post mine too?

I was dicking around with a short story and I missed the submission deadline and now I'm wondering what to do with it.

Should I publish for free on some site with the idea of building an audience I can direct to my kindle books? Is RR suitable for short stories?

>>20177556
How short is the story? Maybe hold off on submitting until a later date or write some more here and there and publish as a book.

>>20177575
Maybe 4500 words

>>20176882
ok. sounds helpful bro.
and that will really help lucid dream right?

>He lay there on the bottom of the ocean, staring upwards. The only noise that he could hear was the water shifting around him. Why he was there was a question he should’ve asked himself a while ago, but it didn’t matter now, did it?
>He raised his hand upwards and looked upon it, making gestures while studying them. He wasn’t meant to have this, was he? He didn’t really feel too sure of himself, but there was a gut feeling he had, like this was wrong.
>It wasn’t his hand he was really thinking about, though. It was his mind. Thinking about any of this wasn’t something he was meant to do. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking thoughts beyond his instincts, like wondering what he was and his place in the world. Why was he like this?

What is /wg/'s stance on reading an author bio? Harmful, helpful, or timewaster?

>>20177726
never touched it. but i can see it being nice to have

I can only write in basically an abject psychological stupor, for example when I'm depressed or incredibly anxious or half-asleep. I can't compose, just shit images out.

Can someone diagnose this? I really want to write.

>>20175516
Just realised no one has told me to read more lately. I feel like I've at least gotten to the point where my writing isn't glaringly written by a peon.

>>20175766
It's bait that he puts in every thread. It's weird you guys always respond to it. You're either insecure and think he's right, or a newfag.

>>20177739
when you continue to write and read, your words change. I still have prose problems, but i haven't gotten glaring grammar issues anymore

>>20177726
Like every other piece of the written word, usually a timewaster but sometimes good.

Sometimes, for example, if they have an odd profession or life experience you haven't really considered before, they write what they know about it into their works, either implicitly or explicitly?

Test
>>20177777

>>20177753
>i haven't gotten glaring grammar issues anymore
o beautiful

I'm having trouble writing romance for my story. The premise is main girl is in love with another guy. This is a one sided love though. I am trying to accomplish two things at the same time.
1. Get main girl to fall out of love with the guy in a convincing way.
2. Get main girl to fall in love with main guy.
Any tips on how I can go about doing this?

How do you really capture a vicious fight?

>>20177873
Read Anna Karenina, particularly the sections about the love triangle between Kitty, Anna, Vronsky and Levin.

>>20177976
focus on the sensations. the feel of adrenaline. the smell of sweat and blood, the stinging sensation when drops enter the eye, the sound and feeling of blocks and parries, the exhaustion and numbness and disassociation as the fight goes on

>>20177873
women are emotional creatures. men are, too, but women especially are guided by their emotions. make it so she's in love with the idea of the guy, but when she finds out his true nature she doesn't like it. falling in love with the main guy is easy once she's over the other one. he sweeps her off her feet, perhaps both metaphorically and literally.

I know I said I would step away from this, but I can't. It's addicting whenever I get an idea. How's my chase scene?

>>20178019
How does this sound? Context; They’re analyzing the wounds of a character after they get into a fight.

“He’s in a condition I don’t want to discuss. Frankly it’s a miracle he’s still breathing without proper medical attention.”
>He said as he looked up and down the body of the ape. The man next to him turned and asked
“How did he even get like this in one fight? Snapped ribs, cracked skull, blood loss from severe cuts, skinning in places, bite marks, broken fingers, the list goes on and on. And I’m sure there’s more injuries we haven’t found yet”
>They both had that question in mind, but only one knew the answer.
“Look, he fought the one they code-named ‘Alpha.’ I’m surprised he’s alive at all, but to give a rundown of the causes? I saw the footage.”
>He shifted his focus away from the subject and to his partner.
“Firstly, Alpha, which is what I’m calling him for brevity’s sake, shoved his elbow between his ribs while he was lunging. The combined momentum snapped several of his ribs in two.”
>His partner was holding a notepad, and only them did he take notice.
“Are you writing this down or something? Why?”
“I need to remind myself what we’ll need to do ahead of time”
>He shrugged
“Fair enough. Anyways, his skull got cracked when he got bitten. Alpha just opened his mouth up and slammed his upper row of teeth on the top of his head. I think he might have cracked in into three. The cuts and skinning are partially related, because Alpha just pulled out the claws and started ripping into him, pulling out chunks of skin sometimes.”
>His partner shuddered
“Jesus Christ, you’re telling me parts of him got peeled like an orange? Like, it wasn’t just friction from his environment?”
“More like a banana, but metaphor isn’t really important right now.”
“Right, let’s continue”
>He nodded
“Alright, so the bite marks are located on his arms primarily. We got 7 injuries but the footage showed him being bitten around twice as much. This is something we need to investigate, obviously.”
>His partner gave him a thumbs up and slightly turned back to their equipment
“Anyways, finally we have the broken fingers, which considering the nature of the fractures and how he appears to be screaming upon punching later in the fight, I can only assume he broke his fingers trying to punchy Alpha here repeatedly.”
>His partner stopped him and said
“Yeah, but there’s one more I don’t understand; the burn marks”
>A look of confused dread crossed his face
“I… Don’t know how those got there”

so far, not a single motherfucker has successfully written about the internet age. i can't tell if this is depressing or inspiring

>>20178256
you will.
>>20178240
not bad. Are they scientists or doctors?

>>20177337
>>20177543
I re-read it and I can see what that anon was saying about the twist but I still don’t think it comes through as strongly when you say he’d been thrown off as well. Maybe try and make it a bit more impactful.
>>20177687
The line, “but it didn’t matter now did it?” felt a little generic to me but I quite liked it anon.

>>20178256
The internet is really boring to read about.

>>20177321
I'm glad you had the guts to publish something, but I'm halfway through the "look inside" sample and...it's not exactly escapist literature, isn't it?
Why would I want to read about a more pathetic version of myself?
Still...hope you find your audience.

How low can you sell a kdp book for? Could I set the price at 0.05 ?

>>20178256
Ever heard of Vernor Vinge? Computer science professor at, I want to say, UCLA during the 70s, 80s, 90s, and so on.

Wrote a number of great sci fi novels, and a few forgiveable stinkers, over the decades.

Two involved the internet, though in a sci fi capacity.

The first is called Fire Upon the Deep. Written in the late 80s. The internet was super early, outside of university computer science courses you wouldn't have heard about it. Anyway, the book is an amazing space opera. ONe of the best ever written. Classic FTL laser blasting balls to the wall action, crazy space aleums, unique aleum ideas for societies and cultures, etc. etc. Would recommend.

Anyway, internet related stuff is cool but weird. They've got crazy FTL space ships, but FTL communications, because of physics, are very limited by bandwidth, similar to late 80s internet. So a lot of this really cool episolatry exposition is based on early BBS message boards. Alien creatures trying to ask questions and give advice in nothing but text, all about this massive pan-galactic war that's occuring in the novel, kind of like how these threads still work. Along with all the noobs, and trolling, and crap you'd expect.

The second is called Rainbow's End. I want to say written in the late 90s, early 2000s. Vinge was getting close to retirement at the time. Ever pay attention to "retro sci-fi?" When old timey sci fi authors from the early 20th century try to predict the 21st? Well it's like that, but modern. Aging computer scientist trying to imagine what the internet would be like a few decades in the future. What's interesting is all the stuff that he gets pretty close. Self driving cars. Tech company monopolies. Cyberwarfare. Deep fakes. Youth doing amazing things older people never imagined. Augmented reality. It's a brisk fun read, in addition to the contemporary retro sci fi.

>>20178419
Pretty sure you can set it for free.

>>20178430
Thanks.

>>20178363
i think it's probably stupid to write a book about sitting at the internet connected device and posting. but so much of our life is involved with online social spaces, directly or indirectly, that it's no longer possible to ignore. if we keep writing in a way that ignores that aspect of how we live, that writing will get more and more out of touch, just pretending to be the kind of people that existed 30 or 50 years ago. it's dead on arrival

>>20178423
I've heard of vinge but never read his stuff. i'll have to check it out. in general, I think there are a lot of authors that wrote predictively about internet technology, and I'm pretty happy with science fiction's treatment of it, but naturally, those guys didn't know how it feels to be us, and I think it feels a lot different in a way that nobody so far can put words to.

the Fire Upon the Deep format does intrigue me. i've been thinking lately about Dos Passos's USA trilogy, and the newspaper clipping sections and camera eye sections that tried to put words to how he saw the nation and the world. critics hated it, other great authors hated it, nobody took much interest in it, but i think it's kinda close, in a way.

>characters needs to get to location x
>to get there he needs to solve a problem
>can't think of a problem for him to solve
Goddammit I can't just let him waltz in, people will get bored if there's no trial or tribulation
What would Brando Sando do?

>>20178499
His problem is helping the supreme gentleman Elliot Rodgers get laid. Rodgers is rich and has a boat. So your MC and Elliot strike a deal. Rodgers gives him a ride but he has to get him a girlfriend

>>20178499
Sounds like there is no problem to begin with. Make them catch a taxi and spend the next 4 pages writing witty dialogue between them, talking about the journey thus far or general shit talking about their individual circumstances.

>>20178499
easy mode
>they need an object or information
normal mode
>a problem has arisen there of existential importance, which needs to be solved by the guy
hard mode
>a mystery or incongruity in the main plot leads the guy to seek answers, and the place seems like a good place to look despite having no direct connection
impossible mode
>romance subplot

>>20178522
I'm already writing on hard mode, it's exactly to get answers that the detective is going there but I need something to keep him from getting the 2nd floor to the 3rd.
Guess there's nowhere to go but to add a dame.

>>20178476
The trouble with the internet is that it changes so rapidly, so if you try and reflect the present day, you'll end up with something horribly dated only a few years down the line. If then you try to make it more generic, it comes across as obviously fake and a bit silly.

>>20178256
I read this the other week: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37616470
It's sublime. It's not just about the internet, and it only captures a narrow slice of it, and it does it in a hallucinatory way, but it does it really well.

>>20178499
Make it easy. Too easy. Shit goes wrong once he's there.

>>20177021
Please describe the properties of depth that betters the prompt.

>>20178549
i don't care so much about chronicling the exact websites and types of posts i'm dealing with, i'm more looking for an allegorical solution. spending hours posting online isn't interesting (we don't even want it to be interesting), but it's interesting that we are the way the internet has made us. our worldviews, identities, and socializations are unlike anything that's ever existed, and it must be describable, somehow.

>>20178553
i think it's beautiful that musing about online got me linked to a smut fic with the most heinous tag list of all time. thank you anon. i will check it out

>>20178572
Prompts are inherently shallow. That is by design. Some example from a google search.
>Outside the Window: What’s the weather outside your window doing right now? If that’s not inspiring, what’s the weather like somewhere you wish you could be?
>The Unrequited love poem: How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?
>The Vessel: Write about a ship or other vehicle that can take you somewhere different from where you are now.
>Dancing: Who’s dancing and why are they tapping those toes
>Food: What’s for breakfast? Dinner? Lunch? Or maybe you could write a poem about that time you met a friend at a cafe.

Are any of these suitable for a longer story in and of themselves? No, they're pretty fucking gay. Can you come up with an idea for a longer story using them? Yes and no. The best of the bunch is the unrequited love poem because its the only one with a truly deep emotion attached. Stories are about characters. Characters with emotions and wants and needs and goals. These are all settings or objects. They lack the fundamental spark that is required for a story.

>>20178660
They either end in a whimper or continue on for over 15 "parts" where the general prompt was lost in translation 14.5 parts ago.
Reminds me of 2 sentence horror stories. The limitation is too inherent in the foundation, totally fucking up whatever story there is. Seriously, 99% of them are just "thing happens. but thing is really a spooky ghost, boo!".

>>20178660
I think the intent of writing prompts is more to get you in a writing mood. Rather than sitting and staring at an empty page they give you something to start with and then leave you with a momentum to carry on with your own project. Think of them as stretching or running on the spot before you begin your marathon.

>>20178549
Is there anything wrong with reflecting subcultures from the present day? If you take Two Years Before the Mast, or The Count of Monte Cristo, or much older works like Canterbury Tales, they're interesting because they're a window into the past.

On the other hand, it's obvious that absolute shit like "They closed the pool with their bodies. The trolling was epic: epic for the win! And they did it all to spite the Asuka-fags of Habbo Hotel." is leaning on surface-level details and references in lieu of meaningful content.

>>20178077
You simply do not know when to use or not use commas, you don't know how to format dialogue, you keep double spacing, your names are anime embarrassment and you really need to stop with the "Knight of x" visual novel shit. Just stop. It's beyond salvaging.

https://pastebin.com/zuX1pwYt

It's one page's worth and unpolished, but I'd like to hear someone's opinion on it.

>>20178953
A few comments on the prose.

Consider:
"Viscera could be seen flying left and right" "Viscera flew left and right"
"A bottle was shattered on the ground" "A bottle shattered on the ground"
"they put them in strange pyramidal cocoons, allowing them to fester in there" "they put them in strange pyramidal cocoons to fester"

>But we want revenge for the fallen angels that had been petrified by the great fall!
The repetition of "fall" is ugly. If you just said "angels" would that be enough?

>Their faces leaked, melted and were immediately eaten
"Immediately" feels off because I don't imagine leaking and melting as an instantaneous process. Are they eaten while they leak and melt? When they're done melting? I'd just leave out the word.

>leaving the mechanical suit he wore. Immediately after that, the heads started extending and biting off
"Immediately" does have a clear meaning here but I think it's still superfluous. Try
>leaving the mechanical suit he wore. His heads extended and bit off

>A man comes to the constable that very morning. He surrenders for something he hadn’t even committed yet.
This should be past tense like the rest.

>He continued hitting him in the head right before he fell on the ground
"right before" suggests one doesn't cause the other. Try "until" or even "and".

>Rage ran dry in his family’s blood
"Run dry" means that it runs out, is that really what you mean?
>suffrage
Probably also not what you mean

>starting to write query letters for my novel
>get told I have to compare it to other novels
>get told 140k is too long for a debut

I'm fucked, I guess. I can't think of any other novels to compare it to and 140k is too long? What the fuck kind of industry is this if 140,000 words is too long for a fucking SFF novel? 140k is fucking nothing. I wouldn't mind but I'm already a concise writer and it's already been edited to the point there's basically nothing left to remove that won't either 1) start gutting elements that are actually necessary or 2) massively simplify my prose to the point it's boring to read.

Which one?
>see something in mind, write it down
>write something, see it in mind

>>20179424
Thank you anon, I'll make the proper adjustments.

>>20177297
It sounds like your being your own worst enemy. And I say that as someone who is just as doubtful with his own work. I bet you its actually decent. Maybe not perfect but still a fun read.

>>20179434
"Compare it to other novels" is code for "the writing is shit, read real books to see how they're written".

>>20179496
It's for advertisement/saleability reasons

>>20179517
Yes, it's difficult to sell shit, even if it's fantasy where shit is expected

>>20179522
Question: have you ever actually written anything in your life or are you just here in the writing general to tell people they're shit with absolutely no context or reason?

>>20178294
Both

>>20179434
>get told I have to compare it to other novels
Not only that but it has to be novels released in the last couple of years.

>>20179435
It's always a scene in my mind before it's written. Only when I'm in the Zone am I writing something before it shows up in my mind.

>>20179435
I get the broad idea of a scene in mind before writing it down (almost like a couple vignettes of what the scene looks like), and then get some later things to fill in the gaps as I write them.

>>20179434
I'm not published but the rule of thumb I've heard is that publishers feel (probably correctly) that customers won't buy +100k word books from a new writer.

Could you split into two books and add an extra 10k to each to give a satisfying enough intermediate climax?

>>20179651
Not that anon but my first novel was 124k and of course it didn't get published. Feels bad man.

>>20177321
Son of a bitch. After I publish it, I now find all these grammatical mistakes. What the fuck?

>>20179700
there's even a paragraph that wasn't indented. holy shit. I'm so embarrassed. that workshop and reading group was fucking worthless. they didn't even catch it.

>>20179705
>>20179700
Anon, you can change the contents of the Amazon book by reuploading the fixed manuscript. The only pain you'll have to deal with is Goodreads listing every single edition that gets uploaded as a separate book in your name.

>>20179700
>>20179705
Protip: nobody read your shit.

>>20179710
i know, it's just so frustrating. even after combing through it at least a dozen times, giving it to others to help, and doing everything i did the past year+, there's still so many glaring issues

>>20179751
Most people are never going to notice these small issues anon.
Len Kabasinski once said “ I don’t give a fuck of my actors have a different pair of tennis shoes on between scenes. Who the fuck is going to notice?”. As arrogant as that sounds, he’s not wrong. Think back to the Game of Thrones Starbucks cup debacle. 99.999% of people didn’t notice it on their first watch. The vast majority of people were too fixated on the actual issues of the story.

>>20179781
ok but the thing about that is that game of thrones sucked ass in the later seasons and len kabasinski movies are all kino.

>>20175814
It's a nice sentiment, but plenty of trash has been yeeted out there simply because the author thought it sounded good.

>>20176828
Prompts are great for generating enough spite to get a better unrelated idea out on the page.

>>20178037
Lol you are fucking retarded.

>>20180128
What about that advice is retarded? If one of the guys has status she may be attracted to the idea of him, but when she's actually around him he's a piece of shit and she doesn't like him as a result. Articulate what specifically you find incorrect.

>>20180309
>Articulate what specifically you find incorrect.
No.

>>20180309
Ok no actually I will. Women aren't "emotional creatures" when it comes to choosing a partner, it is a fucking myth, you do not know life and you think in tropes. Women are very cold, pragmatic and calculated when it comes to dating.

>>20180400
Women are absolutely cold, pragmatic and calculating, but the source of that is derived from how they feel. The reason they want guys making six figures, six feet tall and six inches is entirely based on their emotions. It just comes across to you as cold and pragmatic.

>>20178037
>>20177873
Make it so she's in love with the idea of the guy but then finds out how he rolls his socks at home and ghosts him immediately, for max realism

>yet ANOTHER day wasted
managed to write only 400 words in 6 HOURS

i blame my adhd

>>20180691
I sent my mom another chapter of my detective story today :)

>>20180762
my story is too high iq and sigmapilled for women to read

>>20180777

>>20180691
I proofread and edited about 20,000 words in 4 hours today. Wish I could've done more, but too tired

>>20180845
>I proofread and edited
not the same as writing

Fuck you faglords nigger suckers rot in heil

>>20180845
That's a lot. You may want to give it another once over. I find verbally saying some of the words helps me catch more.

>>20180969
Noooo why have you condemned me to eternal torment now I'll never finish my litrpg isekai

>>20180691
It could be worse. What you have is fixable. You could be a wage KEK with hobbies like me.
>get home late, ready to write a scene I've been wanting to write for 4 days now
>two different people blowing up my phone to watch videos they sent I've been too busy to watch
>watch both, reply
>remember I have to finish an edit of a picture for a funny meme idea I had, finish that
>both people start texting me again
>it's 9pm and I haven't done any writing, bed is 10pm
>just remembered I have to shower and shave before bed
>Moby Dick is due back at the library in a week and I'm not even halfway done
>haven't started on my Gene Wolfe book either
>write a paragraph getting me to the next step and go to bed
Thankfully today is not so crammed. I will be literature mode all night.

>>20180970
I typically do an in-depth editing round first where I might rearrange sentences, cut and add parts, rewrite dialogue, adjust the flow, and so on. Once that's done, I go through the text again with a spellcheck software and focus more on the grammar. Then I get my proof copy printed and go through it one more time with red pen and make the last corrections. Then I get wasted

>>20181034
Based proof purchaser Chad. When you become canonized those author proof copies will be worth thousands.

How do I write a scene that involved soldiers forcing a woman to drink that doesn’t seem rapey?

>>20181162
have her produce written and enthusastic consent to participate in the forthcoming gangbang

>>20181173
There’s no gangbang. They’re just getting her drunk to keep her from using her magic.

>>20181207
Why doesn't she use her magic to stop them? Just gag her and tie her hands or something.

>>20181207
lol sure if that's what you want to call it

>>20181238
>Just gag her
That would get in the way of oral sex, duh

>>20181085
By that point, I'll be dead and my relatives will have thrown everything in the trash, but maybe the garbage guy has luck and gets to escape the wage cage.
That'd make for a nice story.

>>20181162
I think it's really all about tone. Show what an obligation/chore/pain the ass the men find it to be. Show interplay between the men being cheeky to one another (maybe getting each other drunk or pranking one another to distract her when she almost remembers her duties and stops drinking). Without knowing the specifics that'd be my recommendation.

>>20175516
Just a status update from Elder Scrolls/"skyrim" tie-in book anon here, just wanted to let you guys know I just finished another few chapters and appreciate the feedback some gave before - I think this book is coming one way or another and my historical fiction is on the backburner (still passionate about it and work on it occasionally so I don't burn out but I'm in a great flow currently).

>>20179434
>>20179496
>>20179517
>>20179651
>>20179670
No wonder traditional publishing is dying

>>20179434
Post the first chapter. It's probably that it's just bad/mediocre and they're using the high word count to let you down gently. A reader will take a chance on a 140k book from a new author if its good from the start.

>>20179527
Yes, anon, I have written things. I've done my homework. I've learned about the industry and read what professionals working in the industry say, what kind of works they expect and what your submission should have. If your manuscript is rejected, it's not because you're a white male living in your mom's basement, love only anime girls, and don't have an African name and didn't chop off your dick. No, it's because what you submitted was not good. Just that simple. But in today's world, you can't tell people directly their work is not good because that would hurt their feelings. So they come up with various roundabout excuses to turn you down gently. "Your story has potential but it's just not what we're looking for right now", "you should check out what other authors have written in your genre", "feel free to mail us any time ;^)". All of these boil down to the same point: the person reading your work thought IT WAS NOT GOOD. It. Was. Shit.
Do you understand?

>>20181615
This is true but the editors don't seem to have any idea what sells either. It makes me want to take one of these how-to-write books/courses and slavishly follow it and prove to myself that they don't work. Yet, I'm somehow afraid that they may actually work. I might actually get published but not sell anything.

Screw it, I'll try it anyway. Can someone recommend one of these "blueprint" books? Is the "Story Genius" one comprehensive enough? I want my hand to be held throughout the whole process.

>>20177548
Yeah sure go ahead

>>20181649
>editors don't seem to have any idea what sells either
That's an extreme statement. Nobody can predict the future, not every agent is competent, and not every publisher brings out hits. That much goes without saying.

But they read a lot of shit, they have experience, and they constantly follow the markets, attend the events and exchange information with their colleagues. A professional's guess is still a lot better than the gut feeling of an amateur. You need to have the humility to accept that and demand more of yourself, instead of dismissing the entire industry as worthless because one work of yours was shot down.

What do you guys think of the Backrooms phenomenon? Do you believe it has merit?

>>20182238
The what.

>>20182238
No idea what the "phenomenon" is because that's retarded and defeats the point. They're just images that evoke a dreamlike nostalgia for all the similar places we've mashed together in our memories and stripped of any identifying features. Everyone has experienced a dingy beige hallway and that's why it works. Any "lore" or "storytelling" that people try to attach to it is fucking retarded!

>>20179700
Have you considered using an automated grammar checker, like the one in Microsoft Office?
Seriously, why NOT use technology?

>>20179705
That's why I write all my prose in Markdown format, then use pandoc to fill out a templated LibreOffice document with the contents.
That way, I don't make any little formatting errors.

I'm writing an edgy anti-hero/villain main character and I'm looking for popular anti-heroes and villains that people like.
So far the ones I've picked are: Joker, Voldemort during his teenage years, Magneto, V, Itachi, Sebastian (from kuroshitsuji), Light Yagami and Hisoka.

Any other I should look up?

>>20182420
Edgy in what way? You probably need to narrow down what sort of edginess you're going for because that's a broad spectrum.

Ayn Rand, all the way.

>>20182420
What is your mc's age and profession, and what is your mc's goal. Villain protagonists are defined by their goals moreso than traditional heroes because their actions end up being a major source of conflict in the story.

im cleaning up an archive.org ocr of a book to release on libgen, how should i do the elipses here?

>"kitz!…kitz!…,"
>"kitz! … kitz! … ,"
>"kitz!… kitz!…,"

>terraces….
>terraces … .
>terraces ….

>>20182433
In that he goes around killing people, possibly torturing. The usual.

>>20182476
He should be 20-40, not sure yet. He was a nurse before things happened that turned him into a villain character. I don't have a well defined goal for him, my idea is that he went insane in a very edgy way.
I guess I need to think what his motivations are first.

>>20182413
>Markdown format
>pandoc
>LibreOffice
I dont know what any of this means

>>20182558
Some nerd you turned out to be.
Have you considered looking those words up in Google, maybe?

>>20182569
why would he do that if he can ask his frens

>>20182569
>Markdown is a lightweight markup language for creating formatted text using a plain-text editor.
I don't know what half of this means either

guess imma just use my torrented 2010 word

>>20182582
>I don't know what half of this means either
cringe
>guess imma just use my torrented 2010 word
very based

>>20182557
>In that he goes around killing people, possibly torturing. The usual.
That's a nothing description. What sort of person is he? Why is he "edgy"? Is he brooding? Nihilistic? Does he seem like a tryhard or is he genuinely terrifying?

>>20182582
If you're that incapable of learning new things, then a missing indent on a paragraph is going to be the least of your worries.
I literally have no idea how to help you.

>>20182690
>missing indent on a paragraph
>manually indenting
Do "muh plain text" bros really? Bahahaha

>>20182759
thats what templates are for. How did you not die as a baby, considering you were likely too stupid to find a tit to suck on?

>>20182799
I hope dumb anon writes the next best seller and that you die in obscurity.

>>20182557
>he went insane
boring
>in a very edgy way
and lame
If your mc isn't at least somewhat understandable and relatable - even if irredeemably evil - it'll end up being a shitty story. He needs a goal first and foremost, and he needs something to make him seem potentially sympathetic. Insane in a very edgy way is awful. He'd end up in jail after a couple days just walking around.

>>20182420
sometimes i come across people that have a really weirdly fleshed out idea of marvel loki, despite there being basically nothing to build off of in the actual IP, because they're sort of projecting their idea of a chaotic villain onto him. and it lets you see what sort of character they want Loki to be

>>20182823
Not to say you can't have "murderous psycho protagonist", but you have to actually be good at writing. There's a few novels that have a murderous psycho protagonist, but most of them aren't over-the-top edgy.

>>20182403
>>20182413
I used grammarly and goodlgle docs own grammar checker, and they still couldn't catch everything. Grammatically, the sentences are correct, but sometimes it reads weirdly, and I also think when I'm switching formats around due to kindle, it changes things around. But that's just me having wishful thinking. It's not a big deal, I'll just fix it then upload another version.

What's really frustrating with KDP is the cover. I highly encourage everyone toave it as a PNG then upload it using it as a "background". The JPEG to PDF is such a pain in the ass it's not worth trying. My cover still got rejected. Make the font of your spine small as well. Amazon rejects even the tiniest mistake.

>>20182857
>murderous psycho protagonist
I'm thinking, um, American Psycho. And even then there's the question of whether it really happened. What are some other novels, they sound potentially fun to read. Crime and Punishment definitely doesn't count because Raskolnikov is anything but a murderous psycho.

>>20182877
The Stranger, though not really a psycho, he does just kill a guy because. Though that's more an exploration of one character's very unique worldview, Meursault is just incredibly detached and his sympathetic qualities mostly come down to him making remarks that people are more upset about other things about him (his atheism, for example) rather than that he killed a guy. It's written in such a way that every event is given equal 'significance'.

>>20182900
Huh, yeah. He's just has autism. But fair enough.

>>20176201
Hell anon this is the third time reading the first 2 pages or so and you're consistently getting better. Two comments:
1) every time I read the intro I think the taste of penny's comment is a semen thing
2) all my old criticisms about overabundance of description bogging it down are still present, but much less so. Beyond description I think you just need to move things along faster in general - dialogue also is too "real" allowing it to be bogged down in unnecessary back and forth.

>>20182799
I'm not even that anon. I just find midwits that reinvent the wheel to be hilarious

>>20182916
It's generally an older novel thing though, I'm not sure you can really get away with these sorts of things with a modern audience. You could probably do a "tragic downfall" protagonist, slowly but surely slipping down a dark path until the reader goes "Hang on why the fuck am I supporting this guy again", though ending those sorts of stories satisfyingly is tricky.

>>20182877
i think it's probably worth thinking about why this concept intrigues you. you can make up an insane guy and make him do insane stuff, but i don't get the feeling that you really know why this idea seems to grip you as much as it does, what specific questions or dilemmas it raises which you find compelling. like, traditionally, the joker was compelling because he was antithetical to the ethos that the batman comics implied, and he's taken a life of his own in part because we as a society are no longer comfortable with what batman really represented-- so we've been trying to reinvent batman into a version more compatible with our society while also sympathizing more overtly with the joker. and both of those characters are extremely simplistic, but our interpretations of them give them a bit of life, right? most of the "big villains" of old superhero comics are like this-- lex luthor, magneto, the green goblin, etc. patrick bateman was a caricature of a specific aspect of finance culture. V was designed to be sympathized with from the onset (as an antihero) but also represents the sort of shift in american culture from the bright and optimistic postwar culture to a more grim, fatalistic worldview-- Watchmen is populated almost entirely by comments on the same transition, Warren Ellis's The Authority as well. bateman isn't really similar, so probably ignore him, and i can't specifically speak to the significance of the shounen characters bc i don't read them, but what ties the comic characters together is that they're all engineered as responses to a worldview that the writers grew up with-- a worldview that they no longer had faith in. but I would wager that you yourself grew up after that transition had fully taken place, where you couldn't really believe in heroes if you tried, and so the original critique isn't what matters to you (or to the rest of those who are compelled with these characters). so what is it?

>>20182922
I wanted to foreshadow a sort of chemical cleaning process that happens for new arrivals when they wind up there. Also thank you for the comment on the pacing, I think it's getting more natural as I go further.

>>20182949
didn't read

>>20182949
>why
I'm writing a novel with a protagonist that would normally be considered a villain except due to the specific events of the novel anti-hero becomes the more appropriate term as a descriptor. That's why I'm talking to you about establishing goals for your protagonist.

>>20182972
i agree anon

Even my simple stories always end up so convoluted
I'm just too creative I guess

>>20182979
Okay, elaborate. Why is he like he is? What's the context that makes him 'not that bad'?

Opinions on this: https://terrorhousemag.com/cyber-punk-disc-1/ ?

I'm trying to fit the synopsis of my novel (a complete synopsis of the story for lit agent submission) in 2 pages of 1.5 spaced lines.

This shit is ridiculously hard. Having to cut down everything to the most bear fucking "x did y and z happened" is bad enough, but even with that and just straight up not including 3 different subplots I'm still over.

>>20183038
He was a thief and an enforcer for his guild. During that time he murdered a lot of people and caused a lot of pain. He views npcs as not human and therefore completely expendable, except he can respect what they can do and they're tools to be used. Specific events that changes things he gets turned into a girl, who happens to have been dead prior to that for reasons that are plot important to the story, and she has to basically start over. The worldview has always been us vs them. Before it was him and the guild vs everybody, now its her and the new people she's surrounded herself with vs everybody. So the character is intelligent and both loyal and helpful to people she likes and thinks everyone else can go to hell.

I hope everyone here post their work, but never, and I mean never, seek validation from other anons. Even if he tells you it's complete utter garbage, you write it anyways. You write what you enjoy and what you like. Validation from others is the first step to failure in authorship.

>>20183122
I want the validation of hot babes. I want them to read my writing and then start sucking my dick because of how awesome they thought it was.

>>20183058
It's disgusting and puerile.
4chan should love it.

>>20183138
Girls will like anything. There's a home erotic story about a man and Prince Harry that's a NY times best seller. Another homosexual story with Achilles, a third story about a princess having a bad boy lick her cunt because of all their girls in the kingdom, it is her cunt that can tame the beast.

Men on the other hand don't read. They have no more ideas except listen to another man for wisdom. The creative men are weak and emboldened with hedonism. There's a void that must be filled by creative men that can provide new insight and wisdom in the world.

>>20183058
>>20183155
>It's disgusting and puerile
Lmao, chuds BTFO.

>>20182582
You know LibreOffice is free, right?

>>20183175
it also allows easy export to epub3 and pdf

>>20183121
That sounds trashy as hell.

>>20183175
LibreOffice needs to be gatekept, desu.

>>20183214
Your story doesn't even exist.

>"I'm going to make up a story where I make the story before the setting!"
>"Oh okay, just a little worldbuilding."
>Always end up worldbuilding and never actually finish the project.
Every single fucking time.

>>20183236
Write a story in the real world you stupid fantasybrained FAG!

>>20183231
Yours is still trashy and reads like it could be a generic light novel thing.

>>20183243
I always introduce fantastical elements or tweak the real world to be some alternative history shlock. My stories aren't even that grand in scope, they're usually just about a guy or some guys just dealing with relatively small issues, I don't know why I do this, it serves no real purpose.

>>20183080
Lower font size

>>20183255
Only build as much of the world as you need for your story. If it's one city, create just the city and leave the rest of the country a cardboard cutout. It won't matter that it's cardboard, you're not going there.

>>20183249
Those grapes sure must be sour, huh?

>>20183262
I'll try keeping that in mind. Maybe I have to put a huge reminder in my study or bedroom so it really sticks to me.

>>20183274
I'm not saying it's impossible to do well, but the concept alone indicates that you're gonna get a very specific audience, and I'm not sure that's the audience that wants "edgy murderous psycho" as a protagonist.

>>20183278
Here's some genuine advice. Put you pen to paper and write a couple chapters, like 8k words. Hopefully you'll get a better picture of your protagonist by doing so.

>“Dexter: New Blood” has become the most-watched series in Showtime’s history, averaging more than 8 million viwers a week across its ten-episode run.

>In addition, the season finale brought in 3 million viewers in its Sunday debut, making it the biggest Showtime finale in more than eight years. Episode 10 of the “Dexter” sequel surpassed the previous record-holder — the “Homeland” Season 3 finale from 2013. Moreover, “Dexter: New Blood” also set a record for Showtime with 2 million of the finale’s viewers coming from streaming and on-demand platforms.

>>20183299
What does that have to do with writing?

>>20183301
Sorry was replying to
>>20183278

Thanks bros... this means a lot. More than you ever know. I know it's shit, but this really put a smile on my face.

>>20183312
Yeah, and Dexter is a relatively grounded show. What your idea is inherently alienates a lot of people (I assume it's some sort of MMO thing?) who have expectations of what that sort of setting brings. Your idea IS trashy, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to do. You just need to be aware of the pitfalls of the trashiness you're delving into.

>>20183327
Good work. I got zero sales from posting about my novel on 4chan, but a ridiculous torrent of toxic venom.

>>20183380
What was your novel?

https://www.amazon.com/Kaiju-Preservation-Society-John-Scalzi-ebook/dp/B0927B1P8L/

Kaiju anon is this you?

>>20183406
>1700 reviews
Definitely not anybody from here, nobody's popular from here.

>>20183335
You have not one word on the page. You don't even have an idea. Calling you a pseud is a gross insult to pseuds. Write something, anything, and then come back and talk to us about the viability of an idea. Here's a hint: ideas are a dime a dozen and worth about as much.

What is the shittiest thing you guys read on here?

Are we still on the LITRPG / Shitty Fantasy books phase?

>>20183438
What do you mean by this?

>>20182509
>"Kitz! ... Kitz! ..."

>terraces. ...

It's fucked up, but this is how it works in English. Note how the comma should be omitted after the kitz part.

I have no idea where my book is going and refuse to constrain its unlimited potential
I am also stuck

>>20183589
Sounds like you need to start pushing that onto Royal Road and just keep writing endless stories that don't go anywhere.

>>20183594
I don't know how people do shit like this, a book needs to end at some point. Otherwise its just a constant loop.
A story has to have an ending!

>>20183601
I'm sure they do have an ending in mind, they'll just keep detouring from it until they get bored with writing and abruptly end the story.

>>20183433
I've read litrpg just to see what it's all about. Spoiler: It's not exactly high literature.

Is it just me or do cheating dramas all follow the same plot beats?

>Protagonist introduced to Girl 1/good girl
>Protagonist introduced to Girl 2/bad girl
>Protagonist shows a lot of chemistry with the Bad Girl, but for whatever reason, there’s a roadblock keeping them from being together. (perhaps the protagonist is already interested in the Good Girl, maybe the Bad Girl wants to keep her distance from others or maybe has a love hate relationship with him and doesn’t want to get too close)
>Usually there’s some compelling reason that the protagonist must get with the Good Girl. (Protagonist starts off in love with her, Protagonist had made a promise to the Good Gil beforehand and now can’t get out of it, the Good Girl or the protagonist is emotionally vulnerable and the Good Girl confesses to him before Girl 2 can, Girl 2 dumped him for a reason that was neither of theirs fault)
>After getting with the good girl, he realizes how much chemistry he has with bad girl and starts having some regrets. This is when the cheating starts.
>This keeps going until the cheating reaches a climax and everything blows up in their faces.

>>20183618
Which one? I've read only a few, and... Even the best ones aren't trying to be much more than they are. Well-written, but not fantastic. I did read one that's got 11 books out and each of them has really high reviews and I have... Just zero idea how anybody liked them, it was completely bland. The best one I read honestly seemed to stop caring about the game elements except as a means of information, so it was just a fantasy story.

>>20183438
No but we haven't moved on to literary fiction yet.

>>20183601
>I don't get how films can have sequels! The story needs to end at some point!
>I don't get how video games can have sequels! The story needs to end at some point!
>I don't get how tv shows can have multiple seasons! The story needs to end at some point!
>I don't get how books can be published in parts! The story needs to end at some point!

Serial fiction has been a thing for 200 years. The reason Dickens' books are so meandering is because he, like today's writers, knew he could milk his audience by getting paid by the word.

>>20183637
I read the beginning of Beware of Chicken because the reviews indicated it wasn't abysmal overall. But it did seem meant for middle-schoolers.

>>20183644
I just don't understand the incentive, other then money, to continue writing the same story over and over with the same characters.
At some point the readers also fall off since its impossible to stay/start a story past 200k+ words

>>20183654
Is that even a LitRPG? I thought that was just a parody of xianxia cultivation stuff.

>>20178953
I would cut the first sentence and place the second in a separate paragraph before the rest.

>>20179435
It's both. What a stupid question.

>>20183664
Money's definitely the incentive I think. But even if there's no clear character arcs and the plot speed reduces to a snail's pace, I'd imagine it's easy for authors to just pump it out regardless. "They were fighting that dragon, but now they're fighting an even bigger dragon!" "They fought that bigger dragon, but there's an even bigger dragon who's invincible!" And so on, chopping the previous entries into little books as they go.

>>20180691
Even if you write just 400 words a day, that's a 120k word novel within the year. It's all about consistency.

>>20183687
In context of Royal Road or other web serials, though, it's sometimes probably just "the author wrote filler because they didn't know what to write here". This becomes a lot clearer if you binge-read one, or read one that gets published later on, because there'll be a lot of meandering nothing, plotlines that get dropped and then picked up 300 pages later, etc.

>>20183668
I put it all under the same umbrella, maybe that's uncharitable. What's the difference if you're looking at it from an outsider's perspective?

>>20183121
>Specific events that changes things he gets turned into a girl
why are you writing tranny shit anon?

>>20183582
im not gonna omit the comma since its in the print book, but thanks for the other suggestions

>>20183699
Well, xianxia cultivation stuff is a narrow subgenre of Chinese fantasy involving absurd power-levels and world 'tiers', cultivation is basically just "gathering qi/chi via meditation and pills" and such. It's got a lot of its own trappings to it, and I think Beware of Chicken is meant to be parodying a lot of those.
LitRPGs, on the other hand, are stories involving diegetic game-like systems. There's variations of it, sometimes it's just one character's way of interfacing with the local magic is via game interface (He Who Fights With Monsters has this for example), sometimes the game interface is that character's powerset (Solo Leveling), sometimes the world is just like that (Legendary Moonlight Sculptor, which Royal Road started out for, though that's set within an MMO so it has justification) and everybody just has stats and levels. Nearly ubiquitous in LitRPGs is status windows and interfaces, along with levels and stats, though the details vary.
They both fall under the much wider umbrella of Progession Fantasy, which is basically just fantasy (and technically sci-fi) where a significant focus is the protagonists becoming more proficient and/or powerful with whatever the local magic system is. LitRPG explicitly gamifies it, and xianxia cultivation stuff is... Only really under that umbrella by happenstance, it's very much its own thing.
A lot of Progression Fantasy has a trend of getting worse over time because the author puts too much focus on the progression and thus characters and plot fall by the wayside, though there's some pretty solid pieces that're explicitly meant as Progression Fantasy that just use it as an aide to up the stakes or as a way to balance characterisation.

>1600 words in 1.5 hours today
>finally slammed through the big dialogue section I wanted
>one step closer to introducing the story's best girl
Have I mentioned I love writing

>>20181671
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09PJPJPFN

>>20183751
>Not introducing best girl early on
Shameful.

>>20183751
keep going anon!

>>20183734
>My litrpg is an isekai where the only goal of the MC is to give the loli that summoned him a spanking.

>>20183776
You do you, anon. You won't get much of an audience, but... You'll get something, I'm sure.

>>20183760
This is the first of many books so it is "early", technically. She's gonna be that girl every guy has in their life who sets up the kind of girls they like for the rest of their life.
>>20183761
Thanks mate

>>20183751
Great to know man. Keep going.

>>20183704
The book was written specifically as a pushback against the jewish tranny agenda, and targeted at those lost people most susceptible to the genital mutilation and chemical castration message. First and foremost the reason the you know the mc is female is because the character sheet says, Sex: Female. When it first happens I draw attention to things that cannot be changed with surgery: skull shape difference, hip shape difference, small, feminine hands. Actually looking at it now I make 5 references over the course of the book to her hands being small and feminine. I make clear the difference between fantasy and reality. My mc has hair on her bush and in her pits, which women have. My mc never wears makeup - actually she does, the first time is mime makeup and the next is facepaint to look like a demon. The reason I do this is to target that loony group of autogynephiles who think that what makes a woman a woman is shaved legs, dresses and makeup. As if little girls fall out of their mothers doused in chemicals.

Here's a fun little excerpt.
>While its certainly possible that this girl is Macarthy, look at her. The way she's sitting. The way she walked in here. That gesture she made earlier. Those mannerisms are difficult, if not impossible, to learn. She has no awkwardness. If you shave a dog, dock its ears and tail, and then put it in a dress, its still going to bark, its still going to drool. I don't see it.

The book is explicitly anti-tranny. What they do to those poor deluded people is a crime.

>>20183751
How do you know she's best girl if you haven't even written her yet?

>>20178395
You probably should read it anon. It's about a beta loser doing something in his life.

>>20183654
People like Beware of Chicken because it's a clever (for given values of "clever") deconstruction of the genre. If you don't read Xianxia in the first place, you're going to miss out on the satisfaction of seeing the protagonist succeed by being nice to people and making friends, because you haven't suffered through hundreds of thousands of words about Young Masters choking down fantasy-adderall and backstabbing each other in Chinese Hogwarts.

The boat creaked bouncing on the shore. The voyage took three weeks. Three weeks without a bath, a change of clothes, or fresh food. The waves crashed against the wooden hull rocking the boat as men chattered amongst each other. There were fifty of them. Their ponytails wrapped around their necks, a symbol of their homeland.

"Git out of here ya god damn Chinamen! Ya'll smell worse than a nigger's ass! Ain't gunna git t'at stink out of o'd D'Maria in weeks," said the deckhand.

The door opened. The smell of men, piss, sweat, shit, and chickens burst and mixed with the open air outside. The men finally arrived. The Golden Mountain was real. Governor George Bonham promised a paradise where mountains were made of gold. True to his word, he kept his promise. The Sierra Nevada mountains were in sight. Gold was inside those peaks.
Xiong Li Wei squinted seeing the sun for the first time in three weeks. He was in perpetual darkness with his fellow countrymen, chatting, and discussing their dreams in the Golden Mountains. There were many of them, orphans, unwanted children, men down on their luck, widows, dreamers, criminals, and even once prestigious government officials losing their positions after the British freed them from their old oppressors.

The men stepped out, each carrying a few belongings they took with them from Hong Kong. They followed each other, not knowing what to expect. Luckily, a man that spoke their language stood on top of a soapbox, guiding them to a line of others like them into a holding box. Li Wei tightened the purse strings around a small brown sack, afraid of losing the contents inside. He was one of thousands, queueing toward the small grey building that processed their entry. He watched other men on the other side of the gate follow another man with a sign guide them on a road toward their new life.
>ANy good?/

>>20177625
try /x/

>>20183974
just the first things i notice

>xiong li wei
i'm not an expert but this seems really weird for a chinese name. xiongli (given name) wei (surname) makes more sense to me, or xiong (surname) liwei (given), but either way I think you're not referring to them by the surname, which is what you'd normally do with a Chinese name. i might just be dead wrong here

in general I get the picture you're writing from his perspective, but I kinda think you're doing it inadvertently in a 'film camera' sort of way, where the perspective jumps around a bunch. the first sentence seems to have a different perspective from the second, then the third, and then finally the character is introduced well after the door opens. this kind of thing is really normal in a movie, but I kinda think you'd have better luck if you wrote specifically the sensory details that he himself experiences (for example, you'd write the fatigue and crowding in the hold, then the door opens, light enters, the deckhand shouts, they huddle towards the door, and get out, and only then do they get a vista of california). it usually lets you get a bit deeper into both the story and the characters, in my experience

>>20183402
Not even gonna say.
I've had enough of engaging with 4chan on that level.

>>20184198
I was fiddling around with his name. The problem is the setting being in 1860's, under British Colonial Hong Kong rules, where everyone's name gets completely fucked up in English.

Xiong is his surname, Li Wei is given, but if I were to write it in English do I use Li Wei Xiong?

>>20184241
But thank you for reading it. I see what you mean by movie style where everything is all over the place. Thanks. I'll focus more on the MC.

>>20184241
Xiong goes first, you're right there, but you'd refer to him as Xiong instead of using Liwei (and two character names in pinyin are usually written conjoined like that, partially to make it clear which is which. in old wade-giles, they're usually hyphenated, like Chiang Kai-shek. transliteration is definitely going to be a really weird thing-- Xiong is probably Cantonese, which means pinyin will butcher it, Wade-Giles will butcher it (but will at least seem less anachronistic), and frankly i've never been able to comprehend any of the transliteration schemes for cantonese so that might take a lot of research. but if you want to stick with the way you have it, the only thing I'd change is to call him Xiong when you're only using one name, and write his full name as Xiong Liwei

>>20183974
Americans don't use the word queue, they say "lining up" or "lined up".

>>20184246
most of us have a habit of viewing stories in a filmic way, since we're exposed to a massive amount of storytelling in film and TV. in the long run this is a good thing, but in literary fiction it takes a bit longer for the reader to process perspective shifts, and literary fiction usually uses perspective as a way to do some of the advanced technical things that are impossible in film (like using specific language to describe how Xiong feels about the voyage-- is he humiliated and degraded, forced by desperation to leave his homeland? or is he hopeful, a believer in the narrative of opportunity? you can probably get this across just in the way you describe disembarking the ship, where it'd normally take much longer in film-- most directors would use some hamfisted dialogue where the characters explain their opinions to each other)

>>20184277
>>20184255
Thank you so much. I think I'll stick with the wade guiles system to standardized it and make the story feel "older"

>>20184293
Make sure you leave out the accents if you don't want to be cancelled

Is it possible for a villain who has a mind bogglingly petty motive for their evil to still remain a terrifying presence even after it’s been revealed?

>>20184397
A kid ripping the wings off butterflies to see what happens has a petty motive. If the motive is outright ridiculous then you're making the villain a target for ridicule, but petty or childish motives can be more scary than good motives.

>>20175516
How do you avoid feeling like you will never be a good enough writer to publish anything worthy?

I started wrting this month as a challenge. I write on average 1k words.

>>20175528
>increasingly strong desire to pull a protagonist bait-and-switch during the climax and kill off a character the reader will have been following for 90% of the story in favor of a side character
Is this a cardinal sin? If I was reading, I'd be extremely upset.

>>20184601
If both are cool characters and there was a valid reason, I might accept it. But if I liked the MC and hated the side character, I'd probably burn the book in rage. Either way, I don't think I'd buy the sequel.

>>20184397
>>20184402
>"Why are you trying to wipe out mankind?"
>"I just want to see what happens."

>>20183840
Sounds like wish fulfillment for pessimists tee bee aitch

>>20184606
The side character is supposed to be someone that's quite down and pathetic, that the protagonist interacts with variously throughout the story, though they don't have a direct PoV. The idea is that during their first real conflict in the climax the side character is seemingly killed and the protagonist disappears, but the reality is the side character transformed into the same sort of monster they're in conflict with and unknowingly devoured the protagonist. From here after reverting back the side character starts getting memories, traits, and emotional connections from the protagonist, until the eventual reveal that they consumed their friend and their persona is just based on an amalgamation of people that they ate.

But in reference to "I wouldn't buy the sequel", the idea would be not to reveal what happened to the protagonist until the sequel.

>>20184648
Guess there might be an audience for this, but too weird for me.

>>20184670
Well, it is supposed to be action/horror/thriller.

At the moment though, I'm divided on pacing. Originally the crisis leading to that situation was supposed to happen halfway, or even 1/4th of the way through, with the events surrounding that taking up the majority of the plot, but the more I considered the swap the more I thought that wasn't enough room to get invested before things kick off in earnest. But the further I think about pushing it back, the more I consider a lack of direct external conflict in the earlier parts. Half a book focused on setting and character building, lacking specific goals, sounds like a good way to kill tension and reader interest. And yet I also want that situation described previously to serve as the first real shocking, feet-first dive into life-or-death stakes for the characters on the whole.

I could do some major in medias res, flash forward flashback stuff...? If a major component is the memories it could be interesting to have the protagonist's pov leading up to those events be revealed as a memory at the end, while the events following on from that point to the end reveal follow another character's pov at that time. Though that's tricky, as it would involve one pov with all the tension and stakes but the other pov with all the character and context, I'm not sure how the reading experience would land that.

Sorry, this is a lot of thinking aloud.

>>20184730
Not only does it sound really convoluted, I think you're building too much on the idea of there being sequels. You should focus on crafting one solid story first, with a clear goal and the arc to get there. If the protagonist's lot is to get chomped by a monster, then the side character/monster's arc becomes twice as important. Only tell what is absolutely vital to understand the events.
>flashbacks
fuck no

>>20184753
Well, rather than flashbacks it would be more like one pov is recontextualized as memories.

In the context of this one story, the main plot would simply be building characters, tearing them down in the situation of this conflict, and exploring how that crisis is resolved. Because there are thriller/mystery elements and my plot-level thinking is "X therefore Y therefore Z", there's a lack of a simple clear goal beyond "survive the current escalated situation", my intent is for the resolution of one thing to lead naturally into another.

If the plot is such that the characters lack comprehension and autonomy at the beginning, in what way can you set a clearly defined goal? Part of the tension and conflict is inherently the lack of achievable goals. That's not to say I don't have overarching goals in mind or something to work towards, but at the moment I don't think that's something that could or should be satisfactorily achieved in the span of one story.

>>20184648
The Gone-Away World did something vaguely similar to this, where the main character was the non-existent imaginary friend of a side character for nearly the entire book, and then became real in the last 10%. Nothing we read was real except for what happened to the side character, and all the relationships the main character had were actually the side character making shit up in his head.

It was confusing and unnecessary, but also kind of cool, and it worked okay.

>>20184829
That sounds even more convoluted than what I'm thinking, given there isn't supposed to be any falsehood present in my narrative other than the context to the reader for one pov being incorrect, but if you think it worked out I'll take that as a good sign. Worth a read? What's a quick rundown?

>>20184227
Hello Boswell. At least you’ve taught everyone a lesson about not sperging out.

>>20183211
So just like word

>>20184805
>there's a lack of a simple clear goal beyond "survive the current escalated situation"
Which is not half as interesting as you think it is.

>>20184886
Well, it depends on the situation no? And clearly something deeper and more concrete than "survive" needs to be built. Intrigue between characters, mystery about the setting and it's situation, etc. But my thinking is that the characters are not actualized before overcoming such a crisis situation, after which the context shifts and they gain more knowledge, autonomy, and ability to affect the world.

>>20184907
Yeah, well, this is all really too vague to say anything useful. As far as I see, the only reason why anyone would read your story is "I want to find out what happens to the main character". And then he just...vanishes, apparently, his fate revealed in the sequel. Why anyone would pick up the sequel after everything, I can't say. I was hoping you'd think over the concept, but at least you've rehearsed a wide variety of excuses to justify why it had to be that way, so you can explain this to your readers then.

>>20182238
The Backrooms is just a shittier version of SCP-087.
"Wow look at this uncomfortable place that is seemingly endless! OOOOHHHH NO THERE'S A SPOOKY MONSTER IN IT TOO AAAAA!!!!11!!!!1!"

>>20182238

>>20182238
I like the basic concept. Meaning that photograph with one sentence of description.
Two sentences would be stretching it, and I'm convinced that it falls over like a cardboard cutout if you try to add depth to it.

None of you amateur writers are ever going to even get a first draft out let alone sell a single copy that's not your mom!

GIVE IT UP ALREADY!

>>20185725
Nonsense, I completed a first draft six months ago!
Didn't sell it though...

>>20185725
I'm going to give away hundreds of thousands of words of [REDACTED] erotica for free to other autistic weirdos on the internet, and there's literally nothing you can do to stop me.

The best part is I can never ask my mother for feedback, otherwise she'll disown me. It's a foolproof way to avoid confirmation bias.

>>20185725
If I'm not writing for money, does that make me a beta male?

>>20185725
Hundreds clamor for me to continue my fanfic

>>20185725
Nice try attempting to use spite to motivate us, but I am far too lazy to fall for such petty tricks.

>>20185790
>>20185778
>>20185764
>>20185741
>>20185733
Look how lazy you fuckers are. Your general thread has hit the bump limit, it's already on page 10, and not ONE, not even ONE of you bothered to make a new thread.

You think you can actually write a book when you can't even make a thread?

>>20185798
Why would I make a thread? This one is still here.

>>20185798
Fine, I'll make one

>>20185837
>>20185837
>>20185837
>>20185837