/lit/ - Literature

>>20084984
>post work
>0 (zero) replies
>just another day in the hack writer's life.

>>20084984
>got rejected by a cute girl at work
How do I channel all my disappointment, and sadness into a fireball of paragraphs and continue my story?

>>20084984
>writing a noir detective story
>he ends up discovering a secret tunnel under a Turkish carpet cleaning firm that leads to the lair of The Frog Man, a man so obese he lives in a pool most of the time and is considered a holy man for some reason
What wisdom should my detective learn from The Frog Man, bros?

“What exactly is Pikachu?” was not what I expected my mother to ask. “Charizard is a dragon, the Mewtwo one is a cat. What animal is Pikachu supposed to be?”

“She’s a monster,” I replied.

“Isn’t it supposed to be an animal?”

“No. It’s in the show’s name: Poké-mon. It’s short for pocket monsters. All of the Pokémon in the show are supposed to be monsters, it’s the whole point. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I'm not exactly Pokémons main demographic. They made Pokémon because they want to tell kids ‘most monsters are scary, but these ones aren't. These ones want to be your friends. They’ll help you swim and they’ll help you fly.

I hadn’t washed my hair in a while. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her keep looking at it.

“You can catch them, and they’ll be your friend. Inside your pokeball is a monster that might be cuddly, or weird, or funny or even, like, a dinosaur, or something. But they’ll always be friendly”. She didn’t say anything. Because that’s how she was. Because she couldn’t be nice about anything. She could never understand what I meant about nice monsters. Because the nice monsters aren’t on this side of the screen. The monster screaming “Shut the fuck up! Just shut up!” sits next to you on the sofa. Pokémon don’t throw away your football because you’re playing too loudly. They don’t swear. They wouldn’t want to, even if they could. Their faces don’t go red, and their lips don’t go white when they tell you about all of the things they gave up for you. Pokémon don’t hit you. When you play with them, you never have to worry. They don’t pick you up and shake you until you feel really dizzy. Some big Pokémon can be strict, but they never scare you. They help you, when they can. Like the Pikachu doll. Pikachu didn’t love you through gritted teeth. Pikachu actually wanted to play. And you would just play and play and play. And Pikachu cared for you, and he loved you, and he listened.

And then, one day, Pikachu started to record.

>>20085058
if you like it look at my substack

https://zuazhi.substack.com

>>20085058
a pikachu is a Pika you mong.

>>20085052
Just be yourself

>>20085069
Thanks, that's good advice for all of us, not least of all for a lost detective.

>1.3k words yesterday
>started out as a new pov
>had absolutely nfi where it was going
>pull out some warped 'other' psychology out of my ass
probably my best writing to date.

>>20085058
Pikachu is a mouse you dumb fuck.

>>20085052
He must be completely hydrated and surrounded by plants. That's the only way to live.

>>20085052
>All of life is nothing more than the acquisition and satisfaction of appetite.

Your writing will never be art... if you quit.
You will never make it... if you quit.
You will be permanently stuck with weak characters, lazy themes, and boring prose... if you quit.
You will open up to the page and work in a frenzy.
You will not let the world consume you like a Saltine cracker.
You will improve.
You will make it.

>>20085101
>They're all monsters

>>20085058
>Some big Pokémon can be strict, but they never scare you. They help you, when they can. Like the Pikachu doll. Pikachu didn’t love you through gritted teeth. Pikachu actually wanted to play. And you would just play and play and play. And Pikachu cared for you, and he loved you, and he listened.
Anon, do you want to talk about something?

>>20085167
I want to believe. To prove this, I wrote 2400 words today.

>>20085058
pokemon fanfictioners need to be shot
>Nostalgia goggles is one thing
>Trying to relive that nostalgia as an adult is just sad

>>20085187
I'm pretty sure that's not fanfiction. It seems to be a story about the sexual abuse of a child.

>a chill ran down my spine

What do you guys think of giving vaguely descriptive and slightly cryptic but ultimately thematically significant names to your chapters?
What about naming them as parts of an arc you're writing them as a part of?
Something like
>I Wish You were Pikachu, part one.

>>20085306
>a chill took an easy stroll down my spine, and stopped along the way for some ice cream and rhubarb pie

>>20085311
Chapter names are notoriously inconsequential. Don't sweat it.

>>20085306
>A chilly spine ran up to me

>>20085315
You can honestly skip chapters if you want. Or do the Pratchett thing where you only have chapters in your younger audience books or specifically to take the piss out of the idea of having chapters with each one having overly descriptive names.

>>20085306
>fat dripping from their chins

>>20085000
That's okay, no one writes in /wg/.

>>20085306
>collapsed onto the bed

>>20085359
>the bunkbed collapsed onto me

>>20085313
i would read a story written like that kek

>>20085365
>my bunk buddy collapsed into me

How do you guys get into a character’s head? Just asking, definitely not a psychopath..

>>20085599
Think about who the character is. What way do they view the world? When they see somebody new, what is their initial "default" response? Do they size them up, get out of the way, strike up a conversation, avoid interaction entirely? Try to extrapolate their headspace from those sorts of things.

>>20085052
That all living beings can be driven to extinction if you give them unlimited pleasure on demand because they will abuse this until they starve and die of thirst.

>>20085599
There‘s something called method acting, which is basically a blue print on how to really dive deep into a character (meant for acting but it would probably also work for writing). It‘s been said to be used by famous actors but others have abandoned it because it was „too intense“. Pic rel or look up lee strasberg who came up with the method initially.

>>20085640
Oo, good idea. Much obliged

>>20085097
Keep going anon!

>>20085599
I crack it open like an egg

>>20085334
No one reads.

Introduction to MC's Nemesis: A spooky scary skele that hunts wizards and has mean words written on its bones

>>20085753
> casted
Unreadable.

>>20085058
who was pikachu?

>>20085756
Motherfu-

>>20085334
Learn your memes >>20085751

>>20085378
You'd love this guy

>>20085753
Anon, you need to slow down on all that info. Set up imagery piece by piece. Don't dump it all in like that

>>20085052
That one should be unbothered, moisturised, happy, in my lane, focused, flourishing

>>20085812
I figured that since the reader peeks in after the fight started, and how quickly the elf girl's plan goes to shit (she throws a net. it slips off. the monster kills her), I'd be better off snapping through each second of the kill.
Once the skele strikes a cool pose and does a one-liner (exaggeration) the story switches to pay attention to MC, who's just hanging out in the desert. MC and their team will have plenty of time to deal with their nemesis, so I thought doing a flash of the monster in action would make for a better opening to the story.

>>20085753
Wow that is hard to read. Personally I'd have it more like:
>The skeletal monster wasn't slowed in the slightest by the sticky web the elf had cast. Its freedom from flesh allowed it to cut through the strands around its shoulder with just its jaw, before it raised its axe high above the prone priestess. She let out of a scream as its wicked weapon came down through her golden locks and across her neck.
It's rough, but it's more understandable. You're sort of jumping about the subject with the first line, I'm not sure who I'm really 'following' in the sentence. You're talking about "without flesh" and then jumping to the priestess as the subject doesn't work very well.

>>20085753
I honestly have no idea what this passage is doing. A priestess casts a spider web and a skeleton gets out? Somehow the priestess us crawling away now before her head is chopped alongside her neck?

>>20085848
Oh this is the opening of the story? Then that first line is very rough.
>She froze in shock as the ink-stained bone tore through her attack.
You don't need to explicitly define the attack that early, it bogs down the opening line a bit.

You guys are all going to AWP right? It's the most important writers' conference in America! I'm going, but not for the literature. I just want to stalk my ex who goes every year. Since I know we're all lads here I'll let you know I will be incognito in a dust-brown leather footballer's hat.

wagecuck chronicles: based on a true story

>>20085860
MC later finds that the skeleton is nicknamed Maidenblood by the guy who revived it, generally because its good at killing mages and most mages are women, and specifically because at the end of this fight the skeleton returns to its master all bloody. So that first sentence is supposed to sound dirty when you revisit it knowing this: bone ripping her membrane and all.

>>20085850
I really like how you put it, thnx

>>20085854
You got it for the most part. A girl is on the ground as a skeleton appears, she throws a net at it but it doesnt work and it kills her

>>20085865
What's the AWP? American Wet Pussy?

>>20085879
Enjoyed this

>>20085865
When and where is it? I want to also have sex with your ex

>>20085880
Oh, in that case, the opening line is unclear as hell. I'd assume "membrane" was just her spider web thing. You'd probably need to be more evocative and descriptive, then, this is a pretty mediocre/bad opening as-is. You don't have to describe the girl too much, as she's just there to establish the skeleman, but you have to elaborate on the scene a bit, otherwise it just feels like pointless nothing. You could even cut to the skeleton's perspective for a bit afterwards to get a weird viewpoint to interest the audience (or even start with that).
I'm still also really unclear about using its jaw to cut the web? How's that work? Are its bones sharpened?

>>20085879
I was excited when I read the first line, bummer.

It's very descriptive, but empty. Maintaining the rant-like detail of the scene, you could probably cut one or two paragraphs and get the same result. With the added benefit of me not having to read too much

>>20085899
The skeleton POV sounds like a good way to correct some of the problems, thanks.

>I'm still also really unclear about using its jaw to cut the web?
I wrote the part about his bone ripping her membrane first and thought of how to explain it second

>>20085879

>>20085925
typo on line two: menagerie
Unless you're making a pun.

Did he end up shitting or not?

>>20085937
good catch, thanks

>>20085901
we've got some real shitting enthusiasts in here

this last part is all i've written and kind of sucks so far

>>20085306
>He was a stark and dormy knight.

>>20085177
blessed 77's

>>20085952
Hey. It's not always you get to read about seas of shit.

>>20085952
You write like you're posting on 4chan

>>20085961
yeah honestly my grammar sucks, I probably constantly misuse/overuse/improperly omit the word "that" and I keep switching between past and present tense. It's definitely a ranty unprofessional piece of shit but it gave me catharsis to write it

>>20085753
Attempt 2:
Maybe I should drop the defloration metaphor. It's barely there as is.

>>20086063

Attempt 2:
Maybe I should drop the defloration metaphor. It's barely there as is.

>>20086072
Oh that's what you were doing with the membrane thing? Yeah that's even weirder and more incomprehensible now. It's a lot more evocative now, and I actually have a clear idea of what the fuck actually happened.
Also, I'm pretty sure it's "leapt", not "leaped". I'm not exactly sure what the difference is, but both seem to exist and the former seems to be the one I see used for more of a lunge, whereas the latter is an actual jump?
Definitely a stronger read overall, though.

>>20086089
Google isn't helping.

>Yeah that's even weirder and more incomprehensible now.
Its not actually boning her (heh) in this scene. Just something I feel goes well with the "icky" depiction the monster has the rest of the way.
Maybe I like that it's weirder, but I don't know. I'll probably rewrite it again

>>20086129
I keep forgetting to attach images

>>20086129
The membrane stuff just will cause any reader to pause and go "What the fuck does that mean" which is always a hard thing for the first line.

>>20086089
Leapt is proper, but the internet and ESL eventually had leaped be accepted. Same with sleeped. Slept is sometimes marked as incorrect by spell checkers now

>>20086177
See, leaped and leapt both sound correct when I read them. "Sleeped" does not sound right at all.

>>20086177
Leaped was actually more popular last century

>>20085879
I worked stocking shelves and I actually loved it, but the problem (and probably the reason why I enjoyed it) was because I did it agonizingly slow. After the first month I pretty much only did shifts in the produce section.

>>20086255
>>20085879
>>20085925
>>20085952

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I actually enjoy your writing. It's fairly funny and relateable in a lot of small ways.

I finally get what I've been missing.
This whole time I've been writing my characters and allowing their actions and dialogue to implicitly tell the reader what they're feeling and thinking. This makes my writing work really well in live adaptations like theater, film, or even podcasts. But it wasn't literature. I couldn't figure out why my prose was so mechanical and lifeless. I'd forgotten that literature is the only medium where you can get into someone's head. It's the mental space that matters most. Leaving those things unexplained in action and dialogue is still important, but exploring the thoughts and feelings of characters when they're by themselves or third-person narrating is just as important. I truly think that this is what's been missing. With this, I feel like I can finally begin to dive into correcting my prose and working in proper literary functions. I barely even use metaphor. That's about to change.
It's the year of hope, bros. WAGMI

>>20086348
>I am writing a book, not a screenplay
>The description of the stage is not as necessary as the characters developing themselves on it. Perception is not important (saw, smelled, heard) and actions should be done one after the other, not too many at once.

Had similar feedback recently

>>20086373
Good characters can save a bad setting, bad characters cannot be saved by a good setting. Usually, at least.

>>20085052
The bigger you become the more support you really need.

Is this proper English?: "proving something irrelevant"

Like in "The internet is capable of proving geographic distance irrelevant."

What I wanna say is that it makes geographic distance irrelevant, not actual "proof".

>>20086451
Yeah, that makes sense. You're more likely to say it in context of something. So for example: "The internet is capable of proving geographic distance irrelevant for relationships."

>>20086458
Thank you!

>>20086255
>>20086284
Thanks man.

>I worked stocking shelves and I actually loved it, but the problem (and probably the reason why I enjoyed it) was because I did it agonizingly slow. After the first month I pretty much only did shifts in the produce section.
Yeah honestly the job itself isn't that bad. What I'm going for with this character is a sort of "unreliable narrator" thing where he's so fucked up from the 40+5+5 hour american work week + waking up early with indigestion/sleep depravation/brain fog that he hyperbolizes everything and constantly gets times wrong, gets stuck inside his own head, gets stuck in introspective loops, overcomplicates simple things, etc etc. The point isn't that stocking cases to the shelf is necessarily bad (it's actually a pretty satisfying job), it's just that the "wagecuck lifestyle" makes any job feel bad. Next page will probably be him coming home, binging on alcohol/youtube, then suddenly waking up to the sound of the alarm clock to do it over again after making 0 progress on any of his passions

>>20086469
Another word you could use instead is "rendering" there, that tends to get it across a bit more harshly, like it's now no longer even worth acknowledging.

>>20086490
Wow, that was actually the word that I was looking for! And exactly this is why I come to this cursed site when I'm stuck with English expressions! Thanks a lot!

>>20086505
No problem. Though you'll often use "moot" after "render". Like "Such-and-such was rendered moot by so-and-so".

>>20086177
>source: I made it up.

>>20086559
So both are correct. But "sleeped" is absolutely fucking wrong.

New work in progress cover art.
I'm not an artist so I'm making up for that fact through liberal use of tracing and spending a lot of time. Already spent 10,000 hours in gimp making this. Before I spend another 10,000 more I'm looking for some feedback. Next step is fixing the hair part and doing the hair, aka making hair lines. I need to fix the teeth/lips at some point, its sort of like a half grimace now, maybe actually put individual teeth. Looking at it now maybe shift the whole face a little to the left? Should I open the ring finger/pinkie a little more? Is the head too tall? Last time they said my font was bad. This is Sitka Bold. It looks fine to me.

Then as far as coloring goes that's going to be a whole project, and then I was thinking adding like a blue color to the space scene on the hand, but that may be overdone. Maybe add some more little doodads inside there instead, planets and such. Give me your suggestions, any feedback is welcome.

>>20086593
Just make it a flat image, take out all the finer features (eyes, nose and mouth) then color it.

I have a massive talent. It is a cruel fate that I should be born to such a philistine age where a genius such as myself is not carried upon a golden throne through the throngs of adoring plebeians. I am better than you, better than them, my natural talent outshines all. Yes, I am eternal in my talent. But the world is dumb and prefers to scratch their anuses and sniff their fingers after; what do they care for art? They want their own sulphur and have a plentiful supply. I watch you all; I know how you work: none escapes: you glow like a deep sea fish, but no one takes your bait.

>>20086593
lmao you are really bad at this. Just go pay some fucking pajeet on fiverr to do it for you Shit, it was only a thread or two ago I saw people actually trying to help you and they made some good shit, and now here you are farting everywhere again like a flatulent old man.

>>20086667
they through it threw like 2 filters and called it a day. I can do that once I get the base. they were right that my current one is too busy
>>20086644
that may be what ends up happening

>>20086177
leapt, dreamt, slept . . . ending with a t is the British mark of kino.

Whilst here let us also banish 'roofs' in favour of 'rooves' and 'hoofs' for 'hooves'.

>>20086687
>>20086593
The font is shit. And does your book merit 'A novel'? Because it sounds like genre fiction rubbish.

>>20086696
So what font do I use?

>>20086711
A better one, you fucking idiot. Also keep this in mind: on Amazon people only see a tiny ass thumbnail and most will never see anything BUT that. Your chinacocked author name in 6 point font at the top of the page with a fucking 0.5cm margin is invisible to them. Like bruh c'mon have you ever even fucking seen a book before?

>>20086748
It's kind of interesting how people that are not very good at one art form tend to be bad at all of them (and vice versa). Makes me think that creativity and artistic sense is mostly genetic.

>>20086593
Nice blacked cover

>>20086748
>A better one
Fuck off you worthless nigger. I'd pay some a hundred random pajeets to shit on a plate before I ever paid you a cent for your pixlr photofaggotry.

>>20086761
heh now I can't unsee. appreciate the feedback

Anons, I just had a moment where I realized the entirety of spinoff series from my first book.
How many followers have you gained today?
Got an email list going?

>>20086593

>started a sentence again with a preposition followed by a participle-noun pair
Why is it so fucking fun to write like this

>>20086809
I'm dying laughing. jesus
okay, okay, you made your point

>>20086842
what point?

>>20086847
you made that for laughs right? its terrible. I see why you mocked my mockup tho looking at that its like edge^2

>>20086851
what point?

>>20086853
that you're a worthless nigger. what other point could you possible make

>>20086754
There is no doubt a lot of skill involved in every artform, but yes, I would imagine that a cultivated soul would be able to discern good from bad in all art, even if they could not reproduce the effect themselves. This bitch, however (>>20086593) is beyond saving. Is it purely hereditary? A twist of fate? Can good taste be learned? I do not know. But that nigger does not have it, not from birth nor any teaching.

>>20086875
You gotta be willing to be cringe to get better anon.

this guy was trying to help you lol >>20086809 and you shit on him >>20086842 >>20086851 it's not like he made you a perfect cover but fuck me he did better than you did. honest to god just fucking pay a professional to do it, because you are clueless.

>>20086930
He absolutely was not trying to help me. Are you fucking serious? Telling me my font is bad so when I reply okay what font should I use he says a better one. That is not helpful, that's horseshit. The person saying it looked like a blacked cover was 1000x more helpful than him.
The only reason that thing he made was helpful is that now I know I have to change the mouth to a more neutral expression and I probably want to close the eyelid a bit.

>>20086944
Why are those your takeaways and nothing about font usage, color palletes, gradients, composition?

>>20086952
I am unimpressed with the font. I get it you like that font. I'm not at color pallets yet, I need to draw the picture first. I like the red the blue is sickly. I don't like the tagline. The lens flares I am ambivalent toward, I like the one on the eye better than the upper one even the upper one is meant to signify starlight from a nearby sun.

>>20086966
God, you're so picky. Do you even have eyes to realize your black and white garbage looks like a napkin doodle while the other looks like a (self-published) cover? Just start using it instead of whining about the font actually looking like a book cover font.

>>20086944
lmao I am the guy that originally talked shit on your cover and threw you into a bitchfit. I did not make the cover you are being so rude about, that is some other anon who is genuinely trying to help you. Hell, I am trying to help you myself in my own way, though I am just being much cruder in my approach and not rubbing your bumhole to soothe the sore. My original post had value if you could look past your flappy vagina to see it. Here is my original post devoid of my snark:

1. Your font is unprofessional and unaesthetic
2. your margins are too small as is your author name
3. thumbnails are important due to how people browse so tiny fonts are no bueno

>>20086978
My black and white is literally a work in progress. Your drawing, however, was critical in making me realize I need to change basic things about it which is why I posted my work in progress here. So thank you, I guess.
>>20086979
>1. My font is unprofessional.
I don't see it, but I am not a graphic designer.
>Your margins are too small as is you name
Noted. Thank you.
>Thumbnails are imprtant.
Fair enough.

>>20086986
>My black and white is literally a work in progress
Didn't you use your past black and white cover for months? Why are you lying to yourself?

>>20086986
>My font is unprofessional.
>I don't see it
Are you blind? Have you ever looked at a published book's cover?

>>20086988
You're right, I did. I made that when I was itching to post the story in the first place. My story is going to wrapup in maybe 5 months so when it does I want to have the real cover ready to go when I transfer it over to kindle.
>>20086990
They use all sorts of fonts on covers. I am not lying to you when I say I don't see it. I don't have the artiste's eye when it comes to cover fonts. Mea culpa.

How do I self-publish?

>>20086593
Jesus christ that's bad. What the fuck is even the concept for it?

>>20084984
I need some help. For this chapter I have a monster, living amongst a flower bed deep in a Siberian forest, who casts illusions on unsuspecting people and kills them. Sounds way too basic, I know, problem is I swear it wasn't once this simple. I paused writing that specific part for 2 months and just never wrote down the 'why' for killing. Coming back to it today is really fucking confusing and this chapter reads less like a suspenseful thriller with unique twists and more like female torture porn. What would you guys/girls do?

>>20087026
>guys/girls
There are no women on the internet, only men and trannies.
Literally just invent a motive.

>>20087021
It is. My new idea is having both hands on the face with the right one letting the right eye see through and having more of a space feel, maybe with a closer planet visible on that side.
Concept is offplanet mining colony vr type thing.

>>20087026
the monster casts illusions to paralyse them. he needs to eat their skin. he has no soul so his being is pure surface. he eats skin and tries to fit their teeth into his rotten gums but they never fit properly. he lives a fine life until the skins he has been living off start to rot upon his body and he needs to move to a new farming area. but there is still no satisfaction even from city skins. his need runs deeper. perhaps it was not just the skins he was feeding on all this time . . .

Somehting feels off for me.

>>20087065
Why did you modify the text I gave you, you useless maggot? Now the semicolon you placed is gramatically incorrect.

>>20087065
You're missing my quote
>An excellent roll of toilet paper.

>>20087070
I'm trying my best. At least that's the only problem now

>>20087058
I honestly quite like this! Didn't write this before but the theme of this chapter is mankind's self destructive nature of blurring the lines between 'needs' and 'wants', so I think what you wrote fits in pretty damn well. The desire to be more human juxtaposing with the need to be a monster.

>>20087045
Okay yeah but like what is that intended to even communicate? If you're going for some symbolism bullshit you need to actually know what you're doing. Right now you're just describing the desired end product, not what it's supposed to be.

Finished my flash fiction for tomorrow, bros. Do I want to crack out the last chapter of my next book that should be finished after that, write on my other partially finished book, or start working on my new story with some new prose ideas?

>>20087058
That's just an episode of the X-Files

>>20086593
Do you have permission from Adult Swim to use their character "Nathan Explosion" in your work? I could see copyright issues.

>>20087065
Front is fine.
The spine and back cover are just awful. Colors are meshing awkwardly and the back font is far too large. Spine has the title and author name too close together.
Author name on cover is far too low resolution. Use Waifu2x on the base cover image. Use a thicker outline on the author font.
W Books logo is meme tier bad.

>>20087102
The opening sort of heist the mc uses an illusion to change his face for the job. Shit goes wrong. The mc then gets tricked and gets stuck in a different body in vr for about a week. More trickery ensues and its a permanent thing. So the hands covering the face and the space effects on the hands conveys that, I would think.

>>20087108
I'm glad I'm making people laugh, at least.

>>20087127
Honestly, I tried to do that kind of thing for my cover and every attempt looked like shit. You'd probably be better off going for a simpler concept. Not only that, but the hand thing just looks chunni as fuck instead of what you want. If you really did want those elements, I would go with a face blend halfway between the old face and the new face, perhaps more like 55% new with a jagged, growing edge to show it's taking over the old. Then, in the background, something in the VR environment which a reader will recognize.

>>20085052
The great wisdom of open individualism. There is only one person who is everyone.

Are any of those books in the reading list good for someone who wants to focus on things at the sentence level? Not really interested in structure or even fiction necessarily, just want to get better at organizing words.

if i posted the first part of my prologue in a pastebin would you guys read it and tell me if im too flat with writing or if it's just bad in general

>>20087147
I've got a few months, I'll see what I can do just fucking around. Worst case I crackin a couple months and pay someone for it. I think I'll hold off showing the work in progress until I have something I'll feel proud of posting on the fridge. Or if I outdo this monstrosity.

>>20087124
I think I'm ready to self publish this on Amazon then.

>>20087170
Sure i'll read it if it's not too long.

>>20087170
Why do people keep doing this? I'm going to say it again: stop ASKING if you CAN do something and just fucking do it. It's a waste of a post to ask questions like this. I know it's popular on Reddit and other forums but it's not the norm here. God dammit, just post it. Fuck ME.

>>20087186
If people keep doing it then it sounds like it actually is the norm

>>20087185
>>20087186 have issues with that stuff so I'm sorry :/ tia for reading
https://pastebin.com/BM0m1pv3

>>20087190
It's never been the norm for hundreds of /wg/ threads until like maybe 2 months ago when we had this unbearably flattering anon asking if he could post stuff, and then he got coy and kept asking if he could suggest stuff to other people. It was fucking gross. "Can I PLEASE say something? But I don't want you to think it's bad advice! Is that alright with you? Is it okay if I comment on something?" It's a waste of a post on an impermanent board system like 4chan. Shit like this makes me get manic and have meltdowns, so I'm going to stop while I'm ahead

>>20087184
Add your author's bio.

>>20087190
Absolutely fucking not. A general thread is not a subreddit. It does not have its own culture. On 4chan you don't piss around like a little bitch and ask permission to post shit. You post it and people will tell you what they think, even if that is "You're fucking retarded, kill yourself." Asking for permission is not only totally counter to the site culture, but a giant waste of fucking time.

>>20087192
>tense confusion on the third sentence
Stopped reading there.

>>20087205
>>20087223
It was just a joke frens, put your pitchforks away

>>20087226
Thanks yeah I just kind of spit it out today

>>20087232
I don't care for excuses. Why should we use OUR time for something you couldn't even proofread?

>>20087192
I like it. loled at the "female folk" line. You presented an interesting scenario, like I thought I misread those first couple of lines but you resolved that fairly quickly and satisfyingly enough. Your use of in-world terminology looks overused on the surface but while reading it felt weirdly natural. I say good job! My only advice is that this prologue feels quick, you're presenting a lot of new ideas fairly quickly, so if you slow down in later pages or chapters that might dumb down the pacing so keep up that energy.

>>20087158
Gardner's book has a whole chapter devoted to analyzing prose at the sentence level. It's autistically detailed.

>>20087248
I appreciate you reading it! Thank you for your advice this is the first time I've shared anything like this online so I was nervous.

>>20087268
Well get more nervous. Disclaimer: I haven't read or written a lot of first-person narratives.
>>20087192
>>20087232
In terms of writing "flatness", it's not flat on the surface but other issues really strangle the quality. Tense consistency, unusual names and phrases, to name two. On a concept level, you jump from external action to internal monologue within paragraphs a few times. It's better to keep them separate.
What I think is missing is a hook to grab the reader. Things are happening and people are dying, got that setup. But it's difficult to care about what's happening here. The characters seem to be playing a role in a drama than existing as unique pieces of a story. The narration seemed robotic, or maybe clunky is the better word, as if he were relaying events instead of experiencing them. In fact if it was written in 3rd person, it would probably read better without changing a thing. Adding the commentary of the 1st person perspective can strengthen this a lot more.
It's a little anime-tier, but not garbage bin tier anime. Are you a newer writer?

>>20087273
Very new. I wanted the prologue to be the narrator enacting the story to someone else, but Im not sure if that's a good idea for a prologue. I actually did write my other chapter in third person and thought it didn't sound right so maybe this will be a push to rewrite in third person again. I have the idea of a Tolkien type of world layout.
I struggle with my tenses and I'm glad it's being pointed out so I can work on that more. Thank you for your input!

>>20087186
>>20087205
Do you mind if I reply to your post?

Lets assume we finish a story, we can't post it on 4chins. Nor is anyone going to buy it. So why bother?

>>20087326
If you lack motivation already, you'll never even write the first page.

>>20087326
Because you have a soul that desires to express itself and create something purely by it's own creativity

>>20085167
your posts are really encouraging. I will never give up on the story i want to tell.

>>20087326
Because you're overwhelmed by the great magnitude of other writers and you desire to see if you're grand enough to stand shoulder to shoulder with them

>you have your book
>no readers
okay what the fuck do I do now? I don't want to send it to a trad publisher

>>20087355
Publish it on Amazon Kindle, and start spamming your book on TikTok, via #booktok.

>>20087368
Will anyone even read a no name author's book from amazon kindle?

>>20087355
Get on a site and ask for advance reviews in exchange for free copies. Then tell people about the book for roughly 2 months while the advance reviewers finish their shit, drop it, and market it for a year with occasional discounts to drive up sales.

>>20085201
You got sexual abuse out of that? I just read extreme emotional abuse by an overbearing mother that hasn't forgiven her son for being born.

Pikachu's a mouse, btw

>>20085880
>So that first sentence is supposed to sound dirty when you revisit it knowing this: bone ripping her membrane and all.
There's a wealth of bone jokes available to you to imply sexy violence, try characterizing the inanimate objects with the users intentions. Example: The flesh less skeleton was seized by the soft sticky webbing, to the priestesses delight. Gossamer strands as strong as thighs held it tightly, but a couple sharp thrusts from the skeleton's bladed shoulders freed it from her hold. She gasped and fell backwards as it continued tearing her single protective layer to shreds, a rhythmic thrusting of grinning bone that moved forward, axe in hand. Futilely, she screamed as the skeleton coated itself with her blood

>>20086809
.Frased?
Is this a Frasier spinoff?

>>20087355
what genre? whats the basic gist?

>>20087389
Oh no, it's not actually done, I was just wondering what I would do when I finish.
genre: thriller
Premise: Man searches for killer before he is framed and real killer kills his loved ones.

>>20087372
It worked for Sexy Ice Barbarians.
https://www.npr.org/2021/12/26/1068063564/booktok-is-a-new-force-driving-book-sales-and-publishing-deals

>>20087404
>What is #BookTok reading?
>seven books no one's heard of with pretentious titles
G-Gotta get my ass on TikTok ASAP bros

I want to write a book like lud in the mist with a more realistic setting and a longer story which drags

>>20087429
in that case just write about your life.

Are all story ideas viable? Are some premises inherently bad?
I've started a story and now that I'm better at writing, a part of me regrets not picking something simpler that I could extend easily

>>20085315
>>20085326
I guess it's good to hear but I like giving "cool" titles to chapters and hear that my ideas are cool maybe more than actually putting them to paper.
Thanks, anons.

I'm thinking about dropping the book I'm writing. I'm enjoying writing it, but the actual story feels very meh, mediocre I guess? At least compared to all the shit that's out there. Now that I have more practice writing and coming up with ideas I feel like I could come up with a much better premise and story.

>>20087535
Not everything has to be a zinger. The story I'm working on right now is going nowhere, but after not writing anything for a few months I'm just glad to be reestablishing my habits. It's a meandering mess but I like a couple of thr characters so it might wind up just being cannibalized for a future project.

>>20085058
>I love my mom
>BUT SHE BAD AND EVIL
shit story

Is Tyler Wilcot a terrible name?

>>20087628
I should emphasize. All my other names in the story are common names in the 1200's - 1600's. While Tyler Wilcot is a more modern 2020 name. Is that too obvious telling everyone something is off with this particular character? Or are there enough idiots that will ignore this obvious clue?

>>20087612
I appreciate it helped me become a better writer, but I don't see much potential in the story that it is right now

>>20087628
You should sexy it up.
Tyler Wilcock
Tyler "Tallboy" Wilcock
"Big" Thomas Wilcock
John Thomas Bigdickcock
Larry Love

>>20087636
I would very much buy "Tyler Wilcot" as a 1200-1660 Englishman. Sounds very typical late-middle ages English.

>>20087642
darn it. I need a new name. I don't want it to be too obvious like Hayden or Kyleigh, or some shit with an X in the end like Maddoxx

I have outgrown this general. Where do I go for critique now?

>>20087667
We decide that, post your work.

>>20087666
Give him a jew name if he's a villain. Hoffman, Geller, Becker, Aarons, Those aren't too much off English

>>20087666
If he's uptight, why not "Sire"? Believes in delusions of grandeur and refers to himself simply as such. It's pretty simple too and might stand out amongst the common crowd. Or call him Nippleton Von Dickensucken

>>20087682
He is technically a "merchant" and business owner. Do you need his last name to be Goldberg too?

>>20087666
I'm sorry, but they had "x's" in that time period too. Maddox is Welsh.

Should I read Rothfuss is I plan to write a book about a magic school?

At least your cover will never be as bad as this one I just saw on the frontpage of RR

>>20087729
What's wrong with that? It has soul.

>>20087729
Wanna know How I know you don’t write.

>>20087729
That is an amazing cover.

Okay my story has 3 knights vs bandits. I don't know if I should have the three get kidnapped by the bandits, or should they slay all the bandits only for something weird to happen like spooky skeletons emerging from their corpses?

yes 2 of the knights are girls. Yes you can have the one male knight get killed and the other two get raped by boners. I'm leaning just killing them all and moving on with the story. But a little side story about bandits seems fun.

how long are your chapters? I'm about 1800 words. Is that too short?

>>20087769
Around 2k

>>20087769
For my recent webnovel, the average is around 2150ish, lowest is ~2050 and highest is ~2900. That being said, depending on the format you intend to publish in you can pretty much make a chapter any length. In my previous novel which I never finished but intended for print, chapters were between 10k and 15k, with the total length of the story being around 280k. It was too long which is why I never finished it.

>>20087799
Jeeze what do you even write about at 280k words?

>>20087802
It was a very long, very complex story in a sci-fi(ish) setting that was an exploration of a bunch of characters and concepts, a murder mystery, and a bunch of other things. I do really like it, but honestly that was attempt #4 at writing it and I still couldn't finish it up. After spending nearly 800k words across those drafts trying to make the plot work and reworking it, I think it might just be beyond my current abilities to turn into something readable.
I even tried to summarize the main characters here but there's no fucking way I could do it justice because there's just that much shit going on.

>T'was a chorin day today
>Still managed aboot 1k
Feelin bretty gud rite now.

>>20085839
This is the correct answer.

Right now my next creative passion is split between
>Getting my first novel adapted into an audiobook (making a short proof of concept and then trying to pitch it to a few audiobook platforms, independently dumping it on Spotify won't get the kind of attention to make it worthwhile)
>Adapting a past animated screenplay I'd written into a graphic novel script, the idea for this one is my favorite idea I've ever written and I want to get it out
>Working on a new novella idea I have, still barely in the development phase though even if it's not as big an undertaking as my first book
>Very, very early planning on a science-fantasy epic set in the far future

What of these sounds most interesting? I can ramble about any of them.

>>20086593
>>20086809
>A. LaCroix
pic related

>>20085767
It’s meant to be vague. It also kind of doesn’t matter. It’s like asking who Godot is. I have no idea!

>felt like my story and world were too focused on the main premise to the point it felt artificial how everything revolved around it
>watered it down and added other stuff to the mix to expand on the world and make it feel believable with many directions
>now it feels unfocused and scattered

>>20087729
Man with 6 legs?
OR, man with 4 penises?

>>20086809
Don't listen to the crabs, it looks badass

>>20087667
I don't think you've outgrown it as much as the quality has plunged over the last year or so. This general is now basically used as a dumping ground for your average isekai story with no ambition. It makes it hard to want to post anything else because, scanning through the thread, you get a feel for the kind of person who's going to reply to you. There is nowhere else, though. The crab bucket mentality espoused by the people who now post here is ratcheted up even higher everywhere else. This used to be a comfy little general with some pretty talented writers. Nothing with talent gets posted anymore.

>>20088010
I'd post good writing but I don't work in English so nobody could read it anyway.
Sorry.

>>20088029
run it through google translate lol

The understanding of information is the cheapest, most trivial mundanity of contemporary life. In a world where the majority of human knowledge is accessible freely on your cell phone screen, from where comes the value of meaning and understanding? You drive up to McDonald's and you're bombarded by easily comprehensible, utile information. Meaning is everywhere you look, and it's exhausting. You literally cannot help but understand things in today's world, and if you lack the comprehension it comes down only to your own unwillingness to find it. Meaning is trite; analytical processes are boring. I want to read and write things which pulsate and seethe with irrational, incomprehensible humanity. For everything else, there's Wikipedia and drive through fast food and doctorate degrees from machines designed to churn out another generation of overgrown children coloring within the lines.

Fuck that. And fuck niggers.

>A philistine is a full-grown person whose interests are of a material and commonplace nature, and whose mentality is formed of the stock ideas and conventional ideals of his or her group and time. I have said "full-grown person" because the child or the adolescent who may look like a small philistine is only a small parrot mimicking the ways of confirmed vulgarians, and it is easier to be a parrot than to be a white heron. "Vulgarian" is more or less synonymous with "philistine": the stress in a vulgarian is not so much on the conventionalism of a philistine as on the vulgarity of some of his conventional notions. I may also use the terms genteel and bourgeois. Genteel implies the lace-curtain refined vulgarity which is worse than simple coarseness. To burp in company may be rude, but to say "excuse me" after a burp is genteel and thus worse than vulgar. The term bourgeois I use following Flaubert, not Marx. Bourgeois in Flaubert's sense is a state of mind, not a state of pocket. A bourgeois is a smug philistine, a dignified vulgarian

>>20088083
Very niggling criticism here, but I don't like how you've stylized "grand uncle".
>granduncle
I think this is pretty exceptionally ugly and would recommend just writing grand uncle, or grand-uncle if you can't stomach it. Otherwise, this piece is pretty deft. It's a bit too safe for my taste, and possessed of that very contemporary, dry minimalism. This is, obviously, intentional. Your descriptions are all effective. They set the mood where necessary and at times double as emotive statements for the characters.

My most major criticism is that the crux fell flat for me. I felt like I was being beaten over the head by the girl, who essentially says NO MY FATHER IS ACTUALLY DEAD AND IT WAS GAS. This is in my opinion, the primary weakness of contemporary attitudes towards writing: the focus on crisp, comprehensible little nuggets of meaning and significance can sometimes rob literature of its nuance and subtlety. I felt like you were setting the stage for this moment pretty elegantly, but once the moment came, you were afraid that it could be missed, or like you were so tunneled into that moment that making sure the reader Understood The Point was all that mattered. I was disappointed by it.

Things are always more rewarding when you discover them for yourselves. They gain a new significance when it becomes apparent by virtue of your interaction with the writing that there is a significance there. Being flat-out dictated-to is rarely satisfying.

>>20085058
I kinda dig the weird left turn it takes. I'd like to read more.

>>20085058
I saw pokemon and assumed this would be shit but it's actually interesting

>>20085888
I need some of that, bro

>>20088140
Thanks for this. This only a short opening excerpt of what will likely be a much longer story but I think I know exactly how to fix the issue you're talking about. Its a very easy fix actually. Thanks for reading.

>born and raised in England
>still sometimes struggle to tell whether what I'm saying makes sense or not
Can a lack of social interaction fuck up your English? There are many days where I don't speak a word at all and I'm starting to worry it's lowered my IQ.

>>20088000

>>20085052
That no matter how much you revel in your foulness you will always have a part of yourself that feels bad, man

I'm designing a setting with The Thing-like monstrous creatures, which need to be sufficiently dismembered and/or burned in order to put them out of commission, and I'm trying to come up with some weapon concepts which can be both logical to use and reasonably iconic. So far I only have,
>blades which vibrate at an extreme frequency and generate heat, effectively lost technology which can't be produced anymore
>much lower tech drill swords intended to rip apart flesh and bore though chitinous plating
>javelin guns intended to stall, pin and immobilize
In effect I want anything used to highlight a lot of energy and physicality, with speed among tight confines being a focus. Firearms generally aren't frantic enough for what I'm going for, so I'm curious as to what other ideas anyone else can come up with. Thoughts?

>>20085058
This is really good anon, I don't know why people here act like it's not.

>go out on a date with cute girl
>Had a great time
>After date ghosts me
>Now I lost all motivation to write
Anyone felt this way before?

>>20088516
Write about that.

>>20088518
I already have. Doesn't work

Well, I'm up to 125 avg views, still not spectactular, runaway success but the trend up continues.

I'm considering getting new art for Act 2, because having a reference image of the redhead bard girl is of interest to me, but I really like the current cover art. I don't suppose RR has a way to support multiple cover images somehow?

>>20088516
Have I ever wanted something I didn't end up getting? Absolutely. I'm not in the habit of making mountains out of molehills though. I don't see how that could ever be a big deal, honestly. You went on a date and it didn't work out. Do you really want to meet that discourage you from doing the things you want to do?

Who's more likely to end up a legitimately good writer? The guy who churns out one unedited Royal Road chapter a day for two years under a pseudonym and gets no crit other than dicksucking reviews, or the man who writes the first three chapters of ten novels and obsessively tries to improve them but never publishes anything?

Additionally, if I'm a terrible author and I ejaculate genre fiction onto the page instead of actively trying to improve, but it's fun to write and motivation is easy, will it cause permanent damage?

>>20088546
Views mean nothing, it's ratings. I can give you a view by just clicking on the title, not actually reading it

Ever since I got back into reading a few years ago I have faced some pretty grim revelations about life. People believe they can justify literally any crime against someone by calling them a peasant and they will use violence or threats of violence to prevent "a peasant" from enjoying things that they have access to and can afford like cheetos, snickers, hamburger helper, chalupas, popcorn chicken, all-dressed chips, barbecue hoops, etc, because "it's too good for them " or "they don't deserve it".

Same thing applies to anything at all that can be considered remotely good in life like having a gf, going to college, having a white collar job, speaking well, owning a website, hosting video game tournaments, exercising and trying to look good, etc.

Basically the aggression threshold is set extremely low because it doesn't take much at all to threaten someone's sense of superiority when they don't have much of a reason to feel superior. They literally think it's acceptable to say that someone is irish when they aren't then will get angry when that person says they aren't irish because they view it as a challenge to their ego if they aren't allowed to lie about other people and identify them as something that they view as inferior to them. They also believe they should be allowed to decide who a person marries and believe that violence or harm is justified if a person refuses to marry.

Imagine living in a world where things like highschool diplomas, walmart brand great value food, thermal hoodies, women who aren't overweight, identifying as english/scottish, movie theatres, "sit down" restaurants, condos/apartments, etc are gatekept and viewed as "for rich people" or "for your betters"

Does that sound like a world you want to live in? "Jimmy's going to go the city and go to college when he's older but you're a fucking peasant so I better not ever catch you eating spicy food or drinking rum instead of beer, if you do well in school I'll starve you" these are literally the kinds of things rural people say to their children.

It's a pretty heavy burden once you figure all this out. Maybe it's better for them to not read and remain ignorant.

>>20088562
Success is measured by monetary success. This the former is a better writer than the latter

>>20088563
Well I'm at 10 ratings and 30 followers. Also not great but also going up over time

>>20088559
It's one of my last chances to find a wife and have a family. I'm already 35

>>20088566
>Success is measured by monetary success
>Height is measured by height in inches

>>20088571
You didn't answer the question.
>20088559
>Do you really want to let that discourage you from doing the things you want to do?

My method of building a pitch:
>choose a thesis and antithesis, the more general and vague the better
>write down pros and cons of each thesis
>cons of both theses are a false dichotomy
>pros of both theses joined in form of a question is our pitch
>protagonist comes from the synthesis, antagonist comes from the false dichotomy

This was meddling in my head recently:
>Vigilante justice: reaches everyone regardless of their power and social connections -BUT- those punished by it can easily be victimized and build a cozy narration they were wrongfully attacked and thus, solidify their position
>Rule of law: it's undeniable and representative for everyone -BUT- it's unlikely the key wrongdoers will ever face it
>Pitch: what if we had a vigilante so cruel and undeniably evil a middle management would prefer to collaborate with the police than to face him?
>Protagonist: a detective who comes across a major pedo conspiracy while investigating gruesome crime scenes
>Antagonists: well connected politicians, celebs and clergy who feel safe as long as they're surrounded by their private armies
>Wild card: a mysterious antihero who will not stop until all of their heads are displayed on the pikes
>Dilemma: is it worth it to team up with the antihero if it'd allow to take the pedo ring down?

>>20088587
Doesn't matter. It is already affecting my mental state. Pussy on Pedestal is my nature. That is why I'm alone. Doesn't matter how much I did my own thing. At the end of the day, I just want a gf just once in my life

>>20088586
The taller the person the better.

>>20088010
Were you not here when these generals were just dumping grounds for people to moan about how they'll never be writers and they'll never make it? /wg/ is way better now than it used to be. The prevalence of litRPG comes from new writers seeking feedback more than established writers, who more or less know how to write but seek conceptual discussions instead. And also the occasional "I will make $30k a month off this story" pleasure seekers.
>>20087757
If it's a side story, have them get attacked and one man survives, or woman. Then tie her into the main story later as a cameo or minor character.
>>20087920
First and second. But graphic novels are pretty dead these days due to wokeshit, so good luck.
>>20088494
If mechanical consistency is what you want, to dismember and burn I think chainsaws. A spinning drill sword will act better as a lance than a sword, but you can include chains that pop out of the inside of the blade once the spinning stops for maximum cut power. Maybe the body of the blade has gas lines that expose themselves and shoot flames at the touch of a button.
>>20088565
Sounds like the start of a man vs society burgerpunk story.

/wg/ challenge: Rewrite this so it isn't completely awful

>>20088628
You are extremely mentally ill and should seek treatment from professionals instead of making shitposts on the internet.

>>20088639
I'd considered chainswords, but at this point they're almost cliche. Also they're inherently really brutish - Of course I'd like elements of that, but generally I'm trying for more of a dexfag appeal. My consideration with the drillswords was that the tapered nature gives more of a "sharp and point" aesthetic while still being rip-and-tear, and also being marginally more original. Any other ideas?

>>20088675
Take inspiration from the mythical Gae Bulg, a spear with penetrates the target and then releases an explosion of thorny spines inside of them, ripping them from inside-out. Doesn't have to be as potent or absurd, but something to that effect?

>>20088646
It's not the writing, it's the premise. But even the concept could be improved by altering the introduction so it isn't in such a dry and obvious position.

>>20088646
It's just not possible. Some things should be discarded rather than rewritten. Additionally, some people just shouldn't write and should be discouraged from continuing to do so. This is a perfect example of a piece that should be discarded in its entirety. If you wrote this, you should give up any aspirations to and aspersions on the craft of writing immediately. It's completely without merit and cannot be made otherwise.

>>20088686
Great in thought but unsuited to the setting. To clarify, it takes place underground, in urban settings, tunnels, metros, etc. So fairly cramped and not accommodating for long weapons like spears. As well, technological sophistication is limited, so the closest application of the "enter and split" idea would be some sort of bomb. I think that could be combined with the javelin-gun idea I posited previously though, but again given the environs explosives would be very limited in nature.

>>20088494
>Thoughts?
My thoughts are that I can't imagine anyone who would ever care about this half as much as you do.

How do I keep my settings consistent? I seem to just write whatever nouns come up. Now my towns sound like a mixture of European lifestyle with Arab architecture

Which one?

>I laid next to her on the bed. She said she wasn’t a lesbian
>I lay next to her on the bed. She said she wasn’t a lesbian,

>>20088718
Try imagining what they look like in your head. Then, describe the way they look in your head. It's hard to get stone masonry mixed up with rammed earth, for example. The only way that could happen is if you're just throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks.

You aren't one of those imaginationlets who can't picture an image in their mind, are you anon? Things are probably looking grim for you, if so.

>>20088721
Did you lay or are you in the process of laying?

>>20088712
Fair enough. There's also just pulping, so maybe heavier blunt weaponry?

>>20088721
The mattress compressed from the weight of two people. I turned my head over and looked at the other person lying next to me. She didn't look back. Staring at the ceiling above she said four words to me.
"I'm not a lesbian."

>>20088726
The odd thing is that I did picture rammed earth housing and open air bazzars, but I'm using words more consistent of Europe like Tenements, marketplaces, bricks etc.

I'm ready to go Final Fantasy style and throw everything at the wall.

>>20088738
That's fine as long as they're geographically far enough apart or have some other reason to be drastically different.

>>20088646
How did I do? I tried to keep the structure and information intact.

-----

The desert world of Meidum looked lovely from orbit, but the two bounty hunters paid it no mind. They were planning their next job. It would be their last together, though only one of them knew that.

Adam Bancroft counted out the steps on his fingers. "We'll land, take out the defenses, then take out the people. The client insisted on making an example out of them. Then we take back the cargo, and we blow up the base." He grinned. "That last one isn't part of the assignment, it was my idea."

Burke Monrow had met him in the war, and a friendship had blossomed into a business partnership. Bounty hunters were suspicious by nature, so their mutual trust gave them a leg up over the competition. That, and their absolute refusal to work with criminals, had made them famous throughout the galaxy.

This job was to be their most lucrative yet.

Burke ignored all the other equipment in their impressive armory and went straight to his power armor. It was a far cry from the scraps he had been handed in the war. The armor completely sealed away the outside world, withstanding bullets, blades, explosives, and the vacuum of space. It could feed him and keep him warm for weeks. The thing was so heavy that he needed computerized mechanical assistance just to move.

Saving up for it had taken years, and it had been worth every credit.

The final piece slotted into place, and the interior hissed and inflated. "Hello Burke," said a voice from inside the helm. "We have a mission?"

Cass was an AI, built to assist the armor's occupant. She monitored his vitals, handled communications, and even offered suggestions. There was a setting to disable the familiarity, to announce information formally and succinctly, but Burke had grown fond of the personal touch. She had a certain charm, and her insistence that computers didn't have genders only added to it.

"We do," answered Burke. "Adam should've sent you the contract. How are you, Cass?"

"I am well, thank you. I see that you are in good health. I hope to keep you that way." His heart rate and blood pressure were highlighed on the visor's display. "The contract is light on details."

"Adam dealt with the client alone this time," explained Burke. "Suits me fine. Should be simple enough."

>>20088732
The only route I like to that notion is something like a pilebunker. Like I said, going for dexfag overall.

>>20088781
Point taken. You could do some more stuff with fire, everything else seems to be on the dismemberment side.

>>20088781
>>20088791
>dexfag
>using video game systems to discuss characters in writing
>this entire fucking conversation

>>20088717
I'm just trawling for ideas and shooting concepts back and forth man. And weapon aesthetics are one of those elements that can serve as a good initial draw and something to stick in someone's head while you build to the actual meat to bite into.

>>20088778
Valiant effort, I suppose, but it's unsalvageable. It's littered with exposition and telling and the story doesn't actually start in the fragment we were given.

>>20088802
>And weapon aesthetics are one of those elements that can serve as a good initial draw
I can't think of a single time this has ever happened. Any story more concerned with "iconic weapons" over storytelling is probably garbage. Novels have no pictures, in case you didn't know. Aesthetics don't matter.

>>20088802
>while you build to the actual meat to bite into
Which, I'm sure, is more substantial than a Mary Sue anime girl crying yelling out her special attacks, which of course is totally fine because when she screams NOUMENON BLASTER FIST, she's making a biting social criticism on the superficial nature of modern SOCIETY and why your reader can't get a girlfriend but would totally be able to fuck her at full force in mouth, pussy, and ass, right?

>>20088709
It's from >>20074187, written by notable video game talk-abouter Joseph Anderson.
I've never played any 3D-setpiece voice-acted narrative shooters, but I wonder if it's taking cues from those?

What's the best story or concept you've read on here?

>>20088849
My own.

>>20088849
Why would I read anything posted here when no one finishes their work?

>>20088849
Any story or concept is strictly equal to any other story or concept. All that matters is execution. Anything else is at best a gimmick born of low cunning.

>>20088791
You're right, thinking initially, something like the gooves of the drillform alight? The idea of "impale then set aflame" is also interesting from a kinetic angle.

>>20088800
It's just terminology which immediately refers to what I'm talking about. Would you prefer I said "armaments which evoke a sense of agility and motion, suitable for energetic and dynamic combat"? Because that's a bit too purple.

>>20088933
I do agree that this is all a relatively secondary concern if you haven't got the core of the story together properly, though. You should build out the setting and people in it a bit more than the weapons at first.

>>20088933
What I meant is that I'd prefer it if you stopped talking about Legos in the architecture thread and airsoft in the firearms thread.

>>20088808
Aesthetics do matter. You should be able to paint a picture of a concept for your reader with your words which allows them to visualize what's happening in their minds. And if a situation is fraught with danger and life-or-death conflict it should ideally be something more unique abd exciting than "He pulled the trigger again and again and again until the screams stopped".

>>20088811
Lmao man, no need to be so upset and hyperbolic. If you want to bitch about anime go do it on /a/.

>>20088943
I agree, this is nothing but one small part of the setting I've been concerned with recently. That doesn't mean it should have no consideration and thought put into it, small elements created offhandidly early on can be relevant much further down the line if they're ill-conceived.

>>20088730
It’s after the fact. My question feels silly now.

>>20088721
Lay

>>20088182
You actively browse 4chan yet you can't get to the bottom of what's lowering your IQ?

>>20088977
To be completely fair, my answer wasn't completely holistic. "Lay" can actually be present or past tense. Granted, the past tense is slightly archaic (or maybe just Bri'ish) but in the interest of accuracy I'll amend the point I was making.

>>20088646
amazing, i didn't think it was possible to make a page more blank by flooding it with text

>>20088961
>hyperbolic
It's anything but. I am, unfortunately, referencing a discussion I had with an anon a while back whose characters literally did this. When I told him it's corny and kitschy and in exceptionally poor taste, he made gestures in the direction of the "literary significance" being in the fact that the bad guys were caricatures of the contemporary political group he personally disliked. I'm being anything BUT hyperbolic. I fucking wish I were.

>>20089019
I mean obviously that's utterly hack and retarded, but just because I want to autistically talk about one aesthetic detail in this instance that's little reason to assume some kind of super sentai magical girl wish fulfillment bullshit.

>>20088849
A dog discovers aliens

>>20089059
Was it a talking dog or am I misremembering?

thoughts? trying to get better at more punchy, quick flash fiction

>>20089062
that's the central conflict of the story. the dog has to let the humans know about the aliens but the dog is only a dog and cannot talk

>>20089069
Really good, anon. I actually read to the end. My only comment is I wish you'd join the incomplete sentences like "You will thank me for it. With a smile."

>>20089121
Not him, but I can see that working fine, if it's meant to be dialogue. It's a long-ish pause, but not long enough for ellipsis. Could probably just use an ellipsis though.

Is it better to infodump a lot up front to set up things that won’t pay off until later or wait until things are relevant to introduce them but then it seems like you only brought them up when they mattered?

>>20089213
A mix. Cover broad strokes in vaguer terms early on, be more specific when it's relevant. If the info-dumper is a person, have them go "You should probably know" when it comes up, or something to that effect.

>>20089213
Early-on infodumps are a pretty good way to turn a reader off. You can intersperse small infodumps as you go, and if it's a really edge-case thing to know about, there's nothing wrong with explaining it when it's relevant.

What do you think about it? Is the prose all right?

Do you have sensitivity readers go through your work so you can flag it with all the appropriate trigger warnings?

Has anyone found a benefit in prose from writing poetry?

>>20089282
Are you ESL

>>20089312
No, why?

>>20089312
I'm worse than that. I'm a 26 years old who started writing without reading anything in his life prior to it. :P

>>20089290
I write my prose like it's poetry and my poetry like it's prose.

>>20089069
I got thrown off in the third paragraph. It feels like the style changes there and I liked it less. I like the abrupt style it started with. It is good though.

>>20089459
Read a lot, and read a lot of different things. Challenge yourself. This will make you an all-around better writer. A crucial part of becoming better at chess is studying old matches—people who do that a lot are measurably better players. It's no different for writing.
Your prose has charm to it, but it's full of jarring mistakes. You mix tenses, you confuse homophones (will/well, facet/faucet, pursing/purging), you break with usual formal grammar (where each sentence has a verb, etcetera) too eagerly. Those problems will become easy to notice and fix once you develop more taste for writing.
It's often swept under the rug, but spoken and written English are different languages. Knowing one will allow you to get by in the other, but they have to be mastered separately. (This goes both ways: I'm an ESL, and my spoken English is much weaker than my written English.)

I'm trying to create a visualisation of some arguments that I have and I am using a scale for it. But I need an expression saying that my arguments "weigh" more for the one side, while the balance "tips" when a very heavy argument is introduced.

However, I don't know whether "Arguments weigh in favour of position X" is proper English.
Maybe you have a better expression?
"Heavy argument" is already reserved for the second part of this visualisation.

>>20090079
"Strong argument" is more usual than "heavy argument".
An argument can favour a position.
When an argument tips the balance you might say that it is decisive.

>>20090120
Yeah sure, I just wanna use the analogy of a scale. Would "heavy" argument be something completely unheard of?

>>20090153
A heavy argument would more more imply it has some weight or deep meaning behind it. A 'heavy' sentence tends to be something that makes people stop and consider things properly.

>>20090153
I think coupling "strong argument" with the visual of a scale gets the point across. Using ordinary terminology makes it easier to understand, you can link your concept to the existing one.
(It may or may not be useful, but Bayesianism is a mathematical formalization of argument strength and changing your mind. I figured I'd mention it.)

>>20089069
Agree it's really good but unlike the other anon I found it improved as it went. First paragraph was too period heavy which paradoxically made it read slower.

As a reader you stop for a beat on periods (half a beat on commas) so while a paragraph with two short punchy sentence can fly, I find several short sentences in a row have the opposite effect. That said, don't mess with the opening two sentences they're very attention grabbing.

>>20090079
>However, I don't know whether "Arguments weigh in favour of position X" is proper English.
This is the better expression for your purposes.

>>20085306
>he raised/cocked an eyebrow
Do writers realize that only like 10% of people can move their eyebrows independently?

Where do I find dedicated beta readers?

>>20090289
Goodreads forums and Fiverr

https://boards.4chan.org/pol/thread/368148729#top

Why are there constant F. Gardner threads on /pol/?

>>20089069
It's very good but the ending felt forced rather than funny, as if you didn't know how to end it. I agree with the other anon that it gets better but the opening is quite weak compared to the rest. This feels like it should not be a flash fiction piece but part of a longer story, because the "not my heckin doggerinos" needs to have some counterpoint for it to be good.

>>20090348
Because he writes about /pol/ things

>>20090348
Because he's shilling himself constantly. Literally any post you see about this dumb fuck is him shilling himself because he's mentally ill. /lit/ has mostly gotten wise so now he's forced to resort to easy to bait boards like /pol/.

>working on my outline
>ignore worldbuilding as i believe i can always keep things within a range where i can fiddle with it until they fit
>work on what i want my characters to do and go through
>wanted to give noble house drama with adventure in a dieselpunk setting a try
>remember, even with my rudimentary knowledge of history, that merchants would most likely beat nobility after the fantasy equivalent of an industrial revolution
I really am dumb.
I guess I really should spend some time on my worldbuilding since characters and plot come somewhat naturally to me, I'd say.

My story is going to be about a guy traveling the galaxy trying to find alien women to stick his dick in

>>20090348
Because F Gardner is based.

>>20090378
This would imply that you and I are both Gardner.

>>20090397
So Subverse

>>20090432
Obviously that’s not plausible. It would be slightly more plausible if he has a sweatshop of shitposting shills. Even so it’s absurd and not very realistic. It’s not that surprising that /pol/ of all boards talks about Call of the Crocodile. Where else would they? /x/ is the only other board that seems remotely relevant.

My lecturer wants us to use graphs and tables in our research papers and this is the first time that I'm including such in a thesis.
I found out by googling that the appendix (in which I would include the graphs) goes after the reference list. However, if I'm using graphs by others and thus "cite them", like "Smith, 2014", how does it make sense to have the appendix after the references? For me, it would seem more natural to have my references after the appendix for this reason.

>>20090462
The appendix is usually used for extra information that supports the main text (e.g the finer details of mathematical derivations, supplementary figures etc.). The format also depends on the journal, some don't even accept appendices. If the figures are central to the paper they should go in the paper body not in the appendix.

>>20090493
He explicitly wrote in the that he wants "separate charts and references in an appendix" though.

>>20090547
Oh I didn't see it was a paper for class. Yeah, then go ask the professor for help, why the hell are you posting here?

>>20090493
And yeah, it is supplementary figures that I would add. But those figures aren't necessarily mine (only 3 of maybe 10). How will I include those other figures in my reference list if the appendix comes after the reference list?

>>20090553
Because this just occured to me, I leave my appendices and reference list always for the end and I have to submit the paper on Monday.

>>20090379
Just make the nobles merchants.

When writing a fantasy novel, how important is "transition" chapters? Every Book I read tends to devote a chapter to traveling through a cave, walking somewhere etc. But it feels so drawn out and boring
Can't I just have the characters teleport to their destination?

>>20090577
Only if something important happens in the transition chapters. Otherwise a sentence and a half from one hill to the mountains and into a town or something.

>>20090577
Downtime is important in a story. Use it to have conversations, have some small events occur to show off some fancy thing a character learned how to do, but you don't need to dedicate the whole chapter to it, no. You can just skip the travel if you don't really care about that, though maybe not for if there's some tension, like a time limit to reaching their destination.

>>20090577
>And then they went down the road to the next town.
There you go there's your transition.

Can I post a poem I wrote here

>>20090648
Stop fucking asking. Post it or shut the fuck up.

Would I be the Mantis or the manic?

If on one restless night,
In the distance I see a shrub turn bright,
Would it be the bush or my mind that turned alight?

Would I be the Mantis or the manic?

With wide eyes scaring the calm folk,
Wondering whose voice I just envoked,
When I can't stay silent when a God just spoke.

Would I be the Mantis or the manic?

Was it mainomai or mania that sparked my divinity,
that was responsible for that night of synchronicity,
and made me fall in love, with Trinity.


>>20090654
ok anon I will

>>20090654
Can I post one chapter of my book? :^)

>>20090974
No. Post the full thing.

>>20090665
This feels like you took the word mantic and tried to find another word that starts with M with 2 syllables. Because a bug has nothing to do with going mad. And what does the holy Trinity have to do with bugs and crazy people? The last stanza just feels like you went to a dictionary and found words that end in ity just for the sake of rhymes

Fuck it, i'll bake it.

>>20091160
>>20091160

>>20091055
Mantis is the name of seers who used to invoke mainomai to talk to God

Synchronicity is the concept of seeing patterns like Jung said where you think you see God