/lit/ - Literature

>>20062463
If someone actually manages to write a book on here how fast are we going to pull them back down? We are all crabs in a bucket mentality

>tfw you finally nail an absolute corker of a sentence and can finally head to bed
name a greater feeling

>>20062513
Speak for yourself. I encourage my fellow writing kings. Even the weird furry lolicon one.

>>20062522
Going to sleep with an excellent idea in your mind matches it. So does waking up with one

>>20062522
I end all my chapters with a quip. Just like my marvel movies

>1.15k wurds today
>Reheating leftover home made za.
lifes bretty gud bros

I cant stop writing. this is good.

>>20062547
get the fuck off /lit/ then!!!!!!!

>>20062547
Writing is easy. Editing is a bitch. I'm sick and tired of reading my book for the 3rd time. And I'm still finding terrible prose and repetitive words

can i make money from amateur writing
>>20062558
why not hand it to some friends and let them proofread for you

>>20062563
You poor naive deluded fool. Family and Friends are the most useless of beta readers and editors

>>20062568
is that so, my friends are into writing too and my family reads a shitload so i'd trust them

>>20062570
I used to be naïve like this. The truth is they'll coddle you and tell you to keep at it even when what they really mean is that your work is an embarrassment to them and they wish you'd stop bothering them with it.

>>20062570
Count yourself as blessed. None of my friends even opened my first draft.

>listen to writing tips on YouTube
>Tips are great
>said tubers release book
>Buy a copy
>This is complete utter shit
Oh... Well first book is always hard to write

>>20062576
I don't really think so, my friends take writing seriously and would tear my ass down, they've been writing for longer than me we don't hold stuff down when one needs advice or help. Honesty is one of the foundations of friendship anon. Same with my brother that loves literature and my dad who reads medical stuff for work, maybe my mom would coddle me but she's a teacher, loves literature and all that so I'm sure I'd get some form of advice probably.
>>20062577
Never thought about that
Thanks
i feel blessed right now

I'm at a roadblock. What makes for a more engaging scene?

Do I have someone indirectly tell the detective the clue to the mystery or is it better for the protagonist happenstance to come across it?

>>20062617
>Do I have someone indirectly tell the detective the clue to the mystery
Van Dine and Knox said that's retarded

>>20062617
>happenstance
Isn't the detective actively looking at clues and chasing down leads? Not really happenstance at that point

>>20062558
>And I'm still finding terrible prose and repetitive words
The former takes an eagle eye but you could seriously just ctrl + f then go through a thesaurus to change the latter problem.

>>20062652
Yes anon is just having a brainfart
>>20062645
To elaborate on this.
Van Dine's 6th rule: The detective novel must have a detective in it; and a detective is not a detective unless he detects. His function is to gather clues that will eventually lead to the person who did the dirty work in the first chapter; and if the detective does not reach his conclusions through an analysis of those clues, he has no more solved his problem than the schoolboy who gets his answer out of the back of the arithmetic.

Knox's 6th rule: No accident must ever help the detective, nor must he ever have an unaccountable intuition which proves to be right.

Focus on the type of clue you are presenting (genuine clue that will give light to an event the murderer did, a fake clue to throw off the reader or a pivotal clue that will be shown again at the end to reveal the murderer) and work you way from there

>>20062593
People who give advice on writing are like teachers of specific subjects in highschool. They know the theory of it back to front but when that theory meets real world application, they fail to succeed in the respective field. Also consider that most famous novelists, rather than a dogmatic adherence to tried and tested techniques, don't follow most accepted literary norms.

how many hours a day do you guys write for?
I've got so much I want to learn/read that I'm having a hard time balancing it between writing

>>20062678
An important example of this is Harold Bloom. He was the preeminent scholar of literature in our time and knew the western canon back and forth, was considered the arbiter of what is high literature in modern times (Pynchon, McCarthy) and what not (Rowling), yes when he tried to write a novel himself it was terrible and he admitted as much.
In other words: those who cannot do, teach.

>>20062701
Lots of writers teach writing.

>>20062722
Brandon Sanderson is not someone you should try to emulate except when it comes to engaging with the fanbase, exploiting your connections to the Mormon mafia and screwing over trad pub with crowdfunding campaigns.

Anyone wanna shit on my first chapter? 2.5k words.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Mc-Xi-WjEI2r-ZJVenHnx_i4Yzo814h9bXHMQEYitZQ/edit?usp=sharing

>>20062593
>take writing tips from a person who has yet to release anything

>>20062463
>Ode on Ingerland
O grandest, fair island nation,
Defying all usurpation,
I’d love to go on a vacation
On sandy shores of elation,
To take my own Alsatian,
Down past the cliffside named Dover,
Where those little birds sing over
The rimy grass and iced clover,
Winged chirrups from the plover
Will resound ’til the supernova,
And I’d be this kingdom’s lover,
The fiery Brit is my brother,
I’d never ever choose another,
With the lion’s roar we’ll smother
The encroachments of the other,
So see our golden cats on fields
Of red, or else be dead, our shields
Are steadfast and only yields
The courage of yeomen and guilds,
The cross-marked sword he yields…

>>20062727
Well, depends. If what you want from writing is to be carted around from convention to convention being hailed as a fantasy god, then you definitely should learn from Sanderson. I.e. write quickly in borderline passable prose, include lots of quips, focus on the worldbuilding instead of the characters, nice detailed magic system that you could port over to a video game with minimal fuss (the equivalent of Hogwarts houses), and make sure to have many anime-tier battles where the magic system is used to its fullest.

>>20062463
Everyone knows that the /wg/ craft books are shit. What are everyone's favorite books on writing? The I took the most from was Techniques of the Selling Writer, which is focused on writing and scene construction. I'm reading Writing 21st Century Fiction at the moment and the intro is exactly what I detest most about writing advice: nothing about the writing, all about how "genre-transcending fiction must make use of the author's secret pain" and similar tripe, punctuated with fun anecdotes about the editing world.

I wrote twice my word goal today. I actually spent a lot of time researching, so I'm surprised. Should I keep going or have a vidya/shitposting break?

>>20063168
> nice detailed magic system that you could port over to a video game with minimal fuss
And yet such a thing has yet to happen! Curious.

>>20063172
You should hammer your iron while it's glowing hot.

>>20063181
Video game adaptations are quite rare these days, aren't they? Thank god, too.
The point is more that magic should be easy to explain, be based on science, and have many denominations of users (so readers can say 'omg I love the Railblasters/Greenslayers/Feetfuckers so much; I'd be such a good Drainreaver; What is everyone's favorite magic class? Mine is the Smegmamancer. They're just so powerful in the right circumstances!')

>>20062701
>He was the preeminent scholar of literature in our time

do we live in the same universe? Nobody in academia gives a shit about Bloom.

>>20063234
He alone codified the western canon! 'twas Harold Bloom who first translated Shakespeare into English, you know.

>>20063234
Bloom's critical introductions to books are also trite, he barely writes anything of substance. All his books, the Critical Interpretations series, have about a page or two of introduction and preface, then the rest is other authors who write the critical interpretations and critical essays for him.

Post your novel ideas. It's not like they're going anywhere.

>>20062558
Editing is the best. I get to read all the fantastic stuff I wrote and work it over until it's perfect. Often I'll get to places I knew I wasn't trying my hardest on, or couldn't find just the right word, and it becomes 100x better when I'm done.
>>20062700
On my worst days I write for ten minutes, maybe. On my best I can do all day sessions. I work full time though, so my usual stretches are an hour or two.

>>20063372
Blurb: It's the mid 1980s, and the height of the Satanic Panic. Heavy metal concerts are being banned, horror novels are being censored. When a local school board bans a popular 'satanic' role playing game, Daniel Walsh thinks its gotten out of hand. Danny, a local college student with a penchant for satire and mischief, thinks maybe a few well played pranks may be just what they need. Maybe it can knock those prudes and pearl-clutchers down a peg. Maybe it will reveal them for the kind of people that they really are. It winds up working, but Danny had no idea of just what sort of people they turn out to be.

Suspense/thriller

>>20063460
If They, the censors, are themselves nefarious, I'll read it.

>>20062463
My self-esteem is so low, the only way I feel better is to read old acceptances to submissions.

>>20063372
In 1995 a man is cutting tuna at Okinawa. The name of that man? Albert Einstein.
Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this sticky situation. It all started on a dark and stormy night...

>>20063495
Hahaha. Is Okinawa also a dark and fucked up whore of a city?

>>20062526
>Speak for yourself. I encourage my fellow writing kings.
Good energy, I'm tired of try hards

>>20062593
Same, happened to me with Sanderson though and actually hurt my motivation for a bit when I read how shit his writing was.

>>20063505
The city once knew joy. It knew dignity. Sunlight played in the flaxen hair of children filled with hopes and dreams, their cheeks red as apples. Now those apples are rotten, the dreams lost to time and hope replaced with a basketball hoop in the courtyard of a brick tenement.
Laughter still rings, but it's the howling of the madmen in their asylum, slamming their heads against padded walls. Maybe they're the lucky ones, they don't have to work here.

Anon… please tell me you’ve actually put together a book release plan and you’re not clinically retarded…

>>20063566
Why would I do that? I don't even have a book yet

>>20063571
Anon, you need to have the strategy before it’s done.
Start gathering together an audience now, not when you finish and rush to drop the book into the void of 7 grandmas.

>>20063580
That doesn't make any sense, what audience? How do I gather an audience for a product that doesn't exist? You're a lunatic, you're out of control!

>>20063582
You don’t gather an audience saying there’s going to be a product.
You gather an audience then TELL them there’s a product when there is one.

>>20063582
>>20063611
Translation: Find a reddit / discord / twitter group and acquire clout to increase the number of eyes on your book

>>20063626
Group?
Nah man, writing groups and author groups are full of leeches who are trying to attach themselves.
Learn to walk alone.

>>20063647
Neither that anon or I mentioned any writing groups. Just make yourself known in a community that may give you your first sales

>>20063653
Doesn’t matter, mentioned 3 separate groups.
There’s no collective anon.
Coasting on the curtails of others will get you bunk.

>>20063611
>>20063626
And how do I do that? I've never engaged in social media outside of 4chan, where I can remain anonymous rather than act like an attentionwhore.

>find speak function on word
>use it to tts some of my work and hear it out loud
>it doesn't sound like absolute shit
today is a good day

What would make a sexier dynamic for a mind break fetish story, between a female vampire hunter that is seduced and converted by a male vampire or a male vampire hunter who is seduced and converted by a female vampire?

>>20063780
The first will pull in loads of female readers.

>>20063172
Don't take a break or you'll never get back to writing. Speaking from experience.

>>20063724
Oh fuck why didn't I consider that

>>20063566
Well I'm on the back cover and final edits for my Emily book

>>20063780
>>20063786
Both could work for that.

>Female human on Male vampire
The Age-old ddlg play. She could be a 50 year old huntress, that to the 500 year old vampire she's still a girl. Make her the prime erotica age of totally 18 to 25 years old, and you have your spunky, goody two-shoes girl who tries to fight and earn her place in the world, but find it's much safer, warmer, cozier... and sexier in the arms of the vampire master... in the arms of her new daddy.
Bonus points if she has to compete against the master's previous harem.

On the other end, you have a milf seducing that off-limits boy. This one is far more taboo and hidden, but you'd be amazed at the number of mid-30's to 40-something moms that want to bang someone in their son's friend group, if not the sons themselves.
Write the hunter like they see their sons: A spunky, youthful soul that wants to meet the world and try everything, and you (the vampire milf) are going to coddle him and give him the most.

Regardless of what you choose, write from the woman's perspective

>>20063830
Vampires are overdone. I know pirates, werewolves, and mad scientists are in

Werewolves especially. Why do girls always think of fucking their dogs I will never know. They also have to be rich too

>>20063566
My audience is /wg/

>>20063852
Don't tell that to me. Tell it to the guy writing.
Also vampires>werewolves. Just make it nosferatu if you want feral

>Why do girls always think of fucking their dogs I will never know.
It's the smell and also animal autism that lets them be sexually inappropriate and cute

>>20063698
Yes, because writing a book isn’t attention whoring.
I bet you leave an author name instead of anonymous too, hypocrite.

>>20063878
>he doesn't use a fake name and a fake picture
It's almost like you're not a recluse, get out of my fucking hermitage

>>20063891
A pseudonym is still a name

>>20063901
I suppose you thought that was terribly clever.

>be a public figure
>Have to use my real picture when describing "about the author"
Fuck ..

>need some kind of iconic and semi-original weapon idea for a story
>realize the best I've come up with is ultimately just MGR HF blades
Fuck. Well, aesthetic stuff like this might be more of a /tg/ thing than a /lit/ thing anyway...

Somewhat new writer here. I only have experience writing in present tense, and am having a bit of trouble switching to first person, past tense. Let's say, for example, there's a castle that floats in the sky. Which of the following is correct?
>The castle floats hundreds of feet above the earth
>The castle floated hundreds of feet above the earth
The second one feels like it should be correct, but it also feels wrong, as though it's suggesting the castle is no longer floating at the time of the narrator recounting the story.

>>20063927
Doesn't bother me. Didn't bother McCarthy, Joyce, James, Voltaire, or Dante either. The downside is not being able to link stuff I've written with this place. Sharing means doxxing.

>>20064013
In the second instance, think of it as the narrator recalling that the castle floated there. It is most likely there, but people naturally recall memories in the past tense. It's the correct way to write it.

>>20064026
I see. Or saw. I seesaw.

How the fuck do you write down what you've been imagining inside your heads for years?
Every time I try I'm either paralyzed because I don't know where to start or get stuck at one point or another and never finish.

Starting a sci fi with the meme about having your factions analogous to a real world kingdom/nation/empire. I just found it hard to pin down alien races with this trope because surely my aliens should be something beyond human history, but I tried.

Mushroom aliens = Huns
Robot aliens = Hebrews
Lizard/fish aliens = Vikings
Earth = Roman Empire

>>20063830
>>20063786
I'm seeing clearly now that what's going to work best is centering the story on the female vampire hunters character arc of beginning as a noble and virtuous woman who is corrupted and converted into becoming a decadent monster. The question now is what exactly will it be that tempts her into surrendering her virtue

>>20064152
>lizard aliens aren't Hebrews
It's like you're not even trying.

>>20064169
Could be seeing a fellow vampire grow old and weary from a lifetime of stoic struggle and battle without any respite or joy, and slowly grows fearful of dying

>>20064169
Don't make her disgusting, men are the ones who like whores. Make her a *good girl*

>>20064173
oy vey that's way too antisemitic i'll have to take THREE (3) shabbaths to recover from the genetics memories of the holocaust

What do you guys think about using idioms with real word origins in fantasy? For example "drop in the bucket" comes from the Bible meaning you can't use that expression in dialogue because it would imply the existence of the Bible. It's also super easy to accidentally use Shakespearean terms. I avoid it completely because it triggers my autism when I notice it elsewhere.

>>20064173
XD

How do I ensure my writing isn't too YA? I read exclusively adult literary fiction but my protagonist is a young adult and the story plays a large role, even if the protagonist has their own important character arc. Is there things I can look out for to make sure my writing isn't too "YA trying to be adult" instead of "adult"? Idk if stupid question. Sorry.I don't have teen drama or anything like that, but I don't read YA so I don't know the common pitfalls to avoid.

>>20064268
It bothers me a huge amount, but at the same time all language is derivative of reality. Just try not to be too on-the-nose.

>>20064294
Why are you asking this question if you presumably have good taste, reading "adult literary fiction"? Please name some.

>>20063580
That's stupid. You should have at least three books completed before you put out the first one, otherwise any audience you have will die off waiting between releases.

>>20064294
>ensure
Disguise it all you want, you voice will become visible regardless.

so how about those writing fundamentals resources?

>>20064011
Weapons are nigh-impossible to come up with a unique idea for, rather applications of them are more likely to be unique. Alternatively, accept it won't be unique and just hope your execution sells it.

>>20064268
Avoid ones directly linked to real-world stuff that most people would grab, and just handwave any other thing as "That's just how it's translated to be readable". Because they're presumably not speaking actual English in your fantasy novel, they're speaking their own language that is being presented as English. So puns and idioms are present in the language. For one I find seeing the term "earth" brought up to refer to the ground and soil and whatnot in a fantastical non-Earth setting jarring, even if it just means the ground. "Drop in the bucket" is something that could easily have an alternative origin in a fantasy world, too, it's not an unreasonable thing to think of as "as meaningless as a drop in a bucket".

>>20064169
Its the fat vampire dick. It always is.

>>20063852
>Vampires are overdone.
Everything is overdone. My next book is going to have a lesbian romance between a girl and a vampire. This is, of course, doomed to failure. It will narratively serve to show that homosexual relationships are fundamentally flawed, they only exist for hedonistic reasons, and the girl will come to the realization that what she really wants is children. The vampires in the story are fearsome monsters, super strength, ability to charm mortals, flight, and the stronger ones are resistant to sunlight though it definitely weakens them and they don't like it. Beyond all this physical superiority they are massively wealthy and politically connected. They make the majority of their money by pushing vices and through usury. The vampire "girl" age unknown atm, will be the spunky quirky fuck the rules let's just have fun achetype. Of course being a vampire she's also an inhuman monster that thinks of most humans as lesser beings to be fed upon.

MILLENNIA IN THE FUTURE, AFTER HUMANITY IS LONG GONE, SPACEFARING ROBOTS CHUCK AND SNEED DISCOVER A LEGEND, ONE OF A WORD SO POWERFUL, SO DEVASTATING, THAT NO HISTORY OF IT WAS LEFT BEHIND: THE FABLED N-WORD. WHAT WORD IS IT? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? WHAT DOES IT DO? WHO WERE THE WISE ONES, CUSTODIANS OF THIS WORD OF POWER, WHO COULD USE IT AS THEY PLEASED? WHAT DID THEY DO WITH IT? HOW TERRIBLE WAS THIS WORD, THAT HUMANITY WAS DESTROYED TO KEEP IT UNSAID? ARMED WITH RELENTLESS CURIOSITY, ROBOT BUDDIES CHUCK AND SNEED WILL EXPLORE THE GALAXY TO FIND THE TRUTH, TO FINALLY UNCOVER THE FORSAKEN WORD, THE WORD THAT IS UNSAID, THE WORD THAT RULES ALL WORDS: THE UNFATHOMABLE, LEGENDARY N-WORD.

>>20064474
Lol.

>>20064468
>My next book is going to have a lesbian romance between a girl and a vampire. This is, of course, doomed to failure. It will narratively serve to show that homosexual relationships are fundamentally flawed
I agree. Who takes out the spiders in such a situation? Who decides what restaurant they're going to eat at? Who's supposed to rape who in the ensuing divorce?

I actually have an original idea for once, as far as I can see. I will guard it until I make a story or novel about it.

>>20064468
>an inhuman monster that thinks of most humans as lesser beings to be fed upon.
So, a real life lesbian?

>>20062513
I am publishing a book very shortly. Thinking about advertising on 4chan...

>>20064639
No one here is going to have half the passion you have for your own idea. Considering that you'll probably never do anything with it, I think it's safe to say we won't either.

>>20064663
I'm a published writer, though.

what the fuck is "royal road" it sounds like a facebook game my minionposting grandma plays

>>20064573
Lesbian relationships are probably the worst of the bunch. Much higher percentages of abuse than both normal and fag relationships. And then lesbian bed death. Granted fag relationships have much, much higher std rates and committed gay relationships are basically nonexistent. Two meth'd out hedonists don't make for stable pairings.
>who decides what restaurant they're going to eat at?
You're joking, but this actually an example of one of the worst aspects of lesbian relationships and one of the reasons they wind up so unhappy.

>>20064644
>So, a real life lesbian?
Heh. The vampires will have parallels to a certain matriarchal religion that built itself on usury, slavery and preying on the vices of others.

How does one write frequent, short pauses in speech? I have a scene where a character is gasping for breath while talking and can only get one or two words out at a time, but I'm not sure how to do it. Ellipses clearly don't work because they're meant for long pauses, but commas are grammatically incorrect and hyphens look strange.

>>20062463
>half of me wants to comfy children's lit
>another half of me wants to write hardcore horror under a pseudonym
>the third half of me thinks of writing a fantasy
Pic related

>>20064943
What's the relevance of percentages when humans are the only animals not to act based on instinct? Even if 99% of gays were abusive that still wouldn't tell you what to expect of the next gay you met in the street. Sounds like you have a prejudice and are looking for justifications to demonize a group. You could choose to write about commited non hedonists.

>>20064979
hyphens or just add speech tags

>>20065015
Hyphens it is. There are already speech tags, but some of the things he says are pretty long so I need to make sure the cadence is reflected in the writing.

>>20065005
>You could choose to write about commited non hedonists.
Not enough conflict in that story and I have no interest in whitewashing. Gay is not okay, okay? Stable relationships and children not std's and cats.

>>20064996
Write a comfy children's fantasy with undertones of hardcore horror.

>>20065025
It depends what he's saying. You could just post an example of what you already have, see how it reads to others?

>>20065005
>humans are the only animals not to act based on instinct?
Is that what you think?

>>20064996
Why choose?
>Anonymously write and post a short story about three men around a campfire

>Use man 1's name as your children lit pseudonym
>Use man 2´s name as your horror pseudonym
>Use man 3's name as your fiction pseudonym

>If one of the three paths fails the pseudonym isn't ruined
>If it all succeeds you get your fans theorizing and can do a part two of the original story and be all meta and shut

>>20065043
Hello bugsnax

>>20065080
Bugsnax's horror was hardly undertones. It was overt as hell in the end.

>>20065050
>“You'll never- save him,”
>“That is- what you- came here- to do- right?”
>mc dialogue
>“He's not- as strong- as us.”
>“He's- already- dead from- the flames- and the- poison- and the- best part- is- you killed- him- too.”
For context, this man is retardedly durable and bleeding out with a piece of metal through his chest. He can't take anything close to full breaths and hacks up blood between sentences. I removed all the surrounding context and tags just to show how it reads with way too many hyphens. Inb4 what kind of stereotypical villain shit is this: He's getting the last laugh because the protagonist killed his whole family and all his friends in a combination poison gas and arson attack. The protagonist didn't know that his only real ally was still alive and locked in the basement of the building he just pumped full of gas and then lit on fire.

>>20065085
Oh yeah that looks weirdly rough. Honestly, I think ellipses would work better, most people will parse that he's meant to be breathing wrong from that. Maybe have larger fragments with bigger pauses instead?

Let's do this again:
Within the length of a 4chan post, make a backstory for one of these characters

>>20065096
I would but the conversation is only supposed to be like 30 seconds before he bleeds out and there's no way he would be able to speak more than a word or two in his condition. Frankly it's a medical miracle that he can even speak at all. I'll experiment with it a bit more.

>>20065118
Then have him say less. Have him wheeze out half a sentence conveying the most key parts.

>>20065085
Screw grammar. I think you should do ellipses and action pauses. Mix it up if you're scared of doing too much of one thing

>>20065124
I would, but he also has a healing factor keeping him alive, is wired on adrenaline, and is exactly the kind of spiteful fuck who would survive just long enough to get one last jab in. Also that dialogue is almost the entirety of what he says, the only parts left out are the end where he says a few names and dies, and the beginning where he mentions something very important fore foreshadowing which I can't really remove easily. I was really hoping to get a good way to convey the frantic gasping/diaphragm spasms in the speech but I guess I'll just have to either spam hyphens or make it less severe.
>>20065150
In the actual text it does look a bit more like this. I just ripped the dialogue only out for demonstration.

>>20065160
>fore
fug, this is exactly the kind of typo that keeps fucking me when I rely on autospellcheck

>>20065160
Then yeah. There's a myriad ways to pause in a sentence. Use them all at your convenience to keep things moving. Something I tried to do with the hypens was extend syllables, like his breath was drawn from a groan

"G-God it hurts... Help me... get out of thi-is hell...!"

>>20065186
Well I might be writing something a little bit anime but that last example is too anime even for me :^)
I suppose I could have his gasps quicken so the first bits are more coherent, then devolve into hyphen spam, before the end where there are ellipses to denote him slowing down before he finally kicks it.

>>20065204

>>20063372
Displaced from her homeland, a Ukrainian girl named Naylah and her family find shelter with an enigmatic bachelor on his enormous estate. He's charming, kind, and needlessly handsome, and as Naylah will soon found out, even saints like him have desires...

Also pige

>>20062463
Given the thread, I want to practice making covers.

Gib titles, authors, theme and anything else to base the cover from.

>>20065253
I had a vague working title for a story that'll probably never come to pass of "The Greatest Hero Who Never Lived".

>>20065253
Nightcrawler meets Crime and Punishment except it's a black comedy about a conceited but pathetic ghost hunter who gets into murder. Working title is "How to Make Your Own Ghosts"

>>20065293
As an additional bit, the general conceit is it's split between a post-mortem hero whose consciousness carried on after death via a magical artifact that wound up carried by two people he knew in life and flashbacks of his unfulfilling life up to his death as he was guided incredibly strictly towards fulfilling his destiny. A little comedic, lighthearted, but not overly parodic or subversive, meant to be fairly genuine.

>give advice
>no reply
>not even asking for a thanks but some input on said feedback
this is why nobody likes you, cunts.

So when you upload your first chapter to RR, can that just be the foreward or does it actually have to be chapter 1? What is the janny even looking for?

>>20065043
Hows that even possible

>>20065080
>Why choose?
Time. And i cant decide what to commit to since all three call for me.
>loved horror and wanted it write it from childhood
>writing something for kids has been kicked around for almost a decade

>>20065387
>Hows that even possible
A child's fantasy story that, on the surface of it, is wholesome and comfy but when you think about it too deeply or notice some of the edges you go "Oh this is some horror", whether cosmic or psychological, or whatever.

>>20065293
Here's the first one

>>20065332
Woops, didn't read this part

>>20065447
Ah, yeah, it's definitely nowhere near as serious as that. That feels more like "fanfic mythological hero".

>>20065308
I know classical paintings for covers are already a meme for one publisher but it's what came to mind at the moment

>>20065387
Fine. Then invest A LITTLE time into exploring each. Try writing... a 10k word kids' story, fantasy, and horror. See which one you enjoyed writing most and choose that way

>>20065512
Pretty cool, though I'm not sure blue is the work's color. I haven't really gotten far enough to get a feel for it's color regardless. What's the original painting?

>>20062463
Just finished my fourth book. Feels pretty good, lads.

>>20065536
The nightmare, by Johann Heinrich Fusseli

>>20065536
I figured blue because
A. it could be matched with 4 others in this style and have the collection make a rainbow
B. Ghosts

>>20065549
What're your books about?

>>20064979
>He gasped for breath.
Like that.

>>20065372
People thank criticisms all the time here. The problem is you're replying to one of shorts. Shirt stories where random anon probably from pol just wants to shit post

>>20065253
The Belle and the Fieldhand

It's my steamy period piece interracial romance

"Nodding" is not a dialogue tag. Neither is to laugh.

>>20064483
>"You know," said Sneed, "Now that we've been stranded on Planet LeBronJames, I've been thinking."
>"About what, Sneed?" said Chuck.
>"Perhaps," said Sneed, taking a long last look at the portrait in his hands, of George Washington Carver, inventor of peanut butter and first President of the United States of America, achievements now both lost in a sea of stardust. "Perhaps the real n-word was the friends we made along the way."
>Chuck nodded. "That's a good one." He cocked an eyebrow and stared at the setting sun. "I was thinking of something else. I think I figured it out, you know. The n-word."
>Sneed's eyes widened. "Really?", "Yeah, really," said Chuck.
>"And when did you figure out?"
>"I always knew," said Chuck. "From the very beginning. But I just wanted to take you along for the ride"
>"What?!"
>"Because you're my friend, Sneed." said Chuck. "And... You know, I like your version of this story better."
>Sneed shook his head and laughed. "I'm glad you did! We had such a blast! You're a good friend too, Chuck."
>Chuck got up and adjusted his hat. "Well! Now that the adventure is over, let's get home. I'm really tired of the shitty monuments on this planet. Humans were some real ugly motherfuckers."
>"I know right?" said Sneed as he patted the sand off his overalls. "What's with all the niggers everywhere?"

>>20065253
I've got a (heavily working) title called "Black Clot", a story about a coal miner avoiding vengeance from his old company

>>20064979
You can do this >>20065558

"You will never be a woman," he said, pausing after each word to gasp painfully.

or you could do speech, then description, speech etc.

"You," he pulled closer to hear him better, "will," blood dribbled from the corner or his mouth as he spoke, "never," his breaths rasped in his chest, "be," he wondered how much more he had left in him, "a," is this his last gasp? "woman!" He placed two coins over his closed eyelids and smacked him on the cock for old time's sake.

but do not do this:

"You . . . will never . . . be . . . a woman!"

Definitely never ever do this:

"Y-you . . . w-will never *coof coof* . . .be . . .a woman!"

>>20065874
>"You will never-" he said, pausing after each word to gasp painfully, "be a woman."
putting that clause mid-sentence helps mimic what's actually happening IMO, maybe better done in another way

>>20065912
Yes, you could do it many different ways, but having full dialogue and then some sort of description to describe how he speaks it is the best way. Ellipses and stuttering hyphens, it's just gimmicky shit that you see in the worst kind of fiction. If the content is humorous or self-aware in some way I could imagine it working but otherwise no.

Your sentence is better, with the description in the middle. There is no need for the hyphen/em dash in the first bit of dialogue though.

Bored and bedridden. Reply with something you've written and I will attempt to give you a thoughtful response. Nothing too long.

Hey, I'm >>20065332 and I've just thrown together a prologue for the story because I kinda got inspired, where would I stick it to ask for feedback? It's about 2000 words and I threw it together in a Word document

>>20065783
How's this?

>>20066129
Post it on pastebin then link it here, then show it to >>20065946

>>20066152
I'm completely unfamiliar with Pastebin, is there a way to make italics and all that work in it?

>>20066142
Wow that's fucking shit. It's like a blind person just woke up from a coma and opened MSpaint.

https://boards.4channel.org/lit/thread/20064823#top

What would /wg/ ask him?

>>20066163
I'm not too sure. I know you can highlight text and do some other stuff but you'd have to see.
2000 words is like, 5 pages yeah? You could also copy/paste each page into a similarly sized MSpaint file (>>20066167 speak of the devil) then upload those 5 pics into imgur to link the album here

>>20066142
>>20066167
Shut the fuck up nigger. I like it.

>>20066185
How is it possible you are still this mentally ill, Frank?

>>20066185
How’d he do it? Was it really just as simple as his Call of the Crocodile ads? Can his methods be replicated? How does he write so many fucking books?

>>20066163
You can't. You can make a Google doc and share it if typographical emphasis is important for your story

>>20066142
Pretty good for a low quality mockup. It's weird that we can see the vertices of the font

>>20066142
>>20066167
I like it. I think the third column on the top should maybe be the same width above as below, and the factory might work better in the same dithered style as the jeans/gun, but you'd have to ask /gd/ or someone for proper crit.

The most important functional requirement is that the title is clearly visible in the thumbnail, which this cover does perfectly.

>>20066228
Well, it's not an insurmountable thing, but I'll just do that, yeah. I'm not used to sharing things online, so.
Here we are. I'll just >>20065946 (You) this man in.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12GTaSTXTmm6KKKgXCT7M0LPOBjxvYFzfTJFHgeD702U/edit?usp=sharing
Fair warning I suck at names, so most of these names are basic placeholder shit, though I do like Juni.

>>20066185
I don’t know but that sounds really based. F Gardner is a chad.

hello im heiko
i will propose to you reading a story i have written. it is written in german i hope you accept my proposal to read it. please give me feedback
Sorry Englisch is not my second Language :D


Es klingelte an meiner Tür. Ich ging dann die Treppe herunter. In meinem Wohnzimmer stand ein Möbel aus Mahagoni holz. Ich öffenete die Tür dort stand ein Mann. Er schaute mich an und grinste und sagte: Hallo und reichte mir einer seiner Hände die ich nahm und sie zurückschüttelte dann sagte ich zu ihm und dabei schaute ich ihn an und fühlte mich unwohl und sagte: Hallo
Er sagte dann: Ich habe ein Paket für sie. Und er zeigte mir ein Paket dass er vor die Tür hingestellt hatte und dann ging er. Danke! rief ich ihm hinterher und er ging. Also nahm ich das Paket und setzte mich auf meinen Sessel im Wohnzimmer, dass golden leuchtete wegen der Sonne. Also dann mache ich das Paket mal auf, dachte ich und tat es. Da war ein Buch drinne von Knut Hamsun, welches auf der Liste der 100 besten Bücher aller Zeiten war. Ich las den Rückentext durch und wurde müde. Also ging ich wieder in mein Bett und holte meinen Penis aus meiner Unterhose. Ich hielt ihn einfach und schloss die Augen. Nach einer halben Stunde war ich nichtmehr müde und packte meinen Penis wieder in meine Hose. Ich wusste aber nicht was ich tun sollte und ging zu dem Fenster in meinem Zimmer. Die Wolken waren schön und schnell und ich dachte: Wäre schon toll in der Natur zu leben oder ein Tier zu sein, also setzte ich mich auf den Boden und schaute aus dem Fenster wo die Wolken an meiner Stadt vorbeizogen oder besser drüberflogen.

Es ist so wie man doch immer gesagt hat: Das mit dem Leben ist eine schöne Sache. Na klar! Ich war echt nicht glücklich weil ich irgendwie nicht wissen tat, wie ich Geld verdienen sollte, ohne etwas doofes zu tun...
Aber die Wolken waren schön und ich lächelte strahlend zu den Wolken hinauf, die ich fühlte waren alle ein ganzes Zeitalter für sich selbst. Dann ging ich in meine Hose und meine Klamotten und verließ mein Apartement um in den Park zu gehen wohin ich mich setzte. Dort war ein Polizist und ich schielte verstohlen auf seine Waffe, den sie faszinierte mich. Dann schaute ich weg. Ich bin Heiko und 28 Jahre alt. Das ist meine Story. Ende der Introduction

>>20066246
As someone who's studying german, thanks

>>20066142
If anyone thinks this is good you are so far gone it's not even funny. Inverting colours in MSpaint like it's fucking 1995 is not good art. The font on the title is corrupted and has so many angles the curves are approaching squares. A shot of a gun at a man's side? Are you joking? How cliché shall we get today? Even the bordering is anaesthetic and adheres to no beatific rule. And that little bullshit blurb even goes over one of the lines, like a child colouring outside the lines. It's the worst fucking thing I've ever seen. You people are tasteless apes. This is why you can't write. You can't even see the world properly.

>>20066262
Hello its me Heiko again. Can you please judge my writing. This time i try in englisch. I like your verbose style. Thank you for existing.

In the night of the autumn rain it was as if the world was black and white, and i was on the black site tonight, feeling the autumn blues and listening to jazz in my audio setup. I walked down the stairs till i reached the floor. I lightened a cigarette and stared at the ceiling. "life is a cruel joke" i whispered with a cynical smirk. If life is a cruel joke then i will be its ultimate jokester, i decided. Tonight blood will flow. The animals in the trees ran away because they felt negative events approaching. Even god felt afraid on his throne. He had decided not to intervene with the affairs of humans as all had been laid out in his divine masterplan so he actually knew what would happen but even for his divine might it felt eerie to see my revenge against the world play out. ILL MAKE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS PAYYYYYY i screamed into my house and started laughing like a maniac. I went into my bathroom and put on mascara and other make-up. When i was done i smiled terribly at my image. I looked deranged but smart, like i knew something that we all knew but nobody was enough of a free-thinker to dare confront this truth. I said it into the mirror while smiling, so evilish a smill that the mirror broke and i said: Life is a cruel joke... I have become the Joker.
End of Introduction

>>20066142
assuming this is a mockup, it's on the nose and too cluttered. I am not advocating for le minimalist cover but there's just too much unnecessary shit going on for the sake of noise. this is meant to be a more polite version of this post >>20066262 but I actually mean everything he's said (and worse!)

>>20066185
Call of the Crocodile is pure kino

>>20066246
Ich spreche kein Deutsch, also habe ich deine Scheiße durch Deepl Translator laufen lassen. Ich mochte es. Mir hat gefallen, dass du Doppelpunkte benutzt hast, um deinen Dialog vorzustellen, das war eine schöne stilistische Wahl. Ich lachte, als du deinen Penis herausgezogen hast, obwohl ich damals besorgt war, dass du das nicht ernst nimmst und dich in eine sexuelle Sache verwandeln würdest, aber du hast meine Erwartungen abgewendet und einfach deinen Penis gehalten, ohne etwas zu tun. Das fand ich ganz wunderbar, originell.

Ich habe es auch sehr genossen, wie Sie die Waffe des Polizisten betrachtet haben. Das war sehr aufregend, sehr mysteriös, es zeigte einen Vorteil in der Geschichte und in der Figur. Ich kann Ihre Arbeit nicht richtig bewerten, da ich kein Deutsch spreche, aber ich stelle mir vor, dass es aus der groben Übersetzung, die ich beschafft habe, ziemlich gut ist. Also weiter so! Sie sollten jedoch Englisch lernen, weil wir rassisch besser sind als Sie und unsere Sprache überlegen ist.

since it's cover edition, here's mine

>>20066364
Why use webnovel and not novel?

>>20066364
The frog is cute. The sword is nice. The green is very green, though maybe a little dark for me. I would not use webnovel a la >>20066371 and I hate your author name. I also do not like the white stripe at the top, it is distracting. This is a 5.5/10 book cover.

>>20066305
>>20066262
>>20066236
>>20066234
>>20066195
>>20066167
Second try.

>>20066390
Much better but your font choice is still dicking you down. Honestly the title is shit too, but assuming it's not your novel that can be ignored. If your last cover was 1/10 then that new one is 3 or 4/10. It still looks very amateurish though, and it is mostly because of the font I think.

>>20066364
I like it, but if I may suggest my opinion....

>>20066246
Kapitel 1 - Ich, Heiko

Hallo ich bin Heiko.
Mein Name erinnert mich an Haiku. Ich habe mal probiert Haikus zu schreiben in der Schule, aber ich schämte mich und meldete mich nicht um sie vorzulesen und fand es beeindruckend, dass alle dummen Menschen schöne Haikus vorlasen, die besser als meins war. Ich konnte immer nur ganz einfache Sachen sagen wie
Wasserteich
Das Tier läuft rein
Dann Kling Klang Platscher
Während Nicole die so dumm war, aber dann schrieb sie ein gutes Haiku und wurde gelobt. Jedoch stammt der Name Heiko nicht von Haiku, falls du dies gedenkt hast.
Ich bin 28 Jahre alt und liebe keine Menschen weil ich es nicht kann. Hallo.
Ich setzte mich hernieder und machte ein lautes Ahhhh-Geräusch, denn ich genießte den Moment in dem alle Last von mir fiel und mich mein Stuhl unterstützte. ich schnurrte wie ein höfliches Kätzelein, denn ich bin lieb auch wenn ich nicht lieben kann und ich wünschte jemand würde mich heute Abend kraulen. Ohne Sex, den ich nicht mag nur kraulen. Ich habe mich noch nie einsam gefühlt doch der Wunsch nach Kompanei er stieg in mir mit jeder Minute ohne dabei jedoch wirklich etwas in mir auszulösen. Ich betrachtete die Bildereien meines Kopfes, so wie man nun sein Spiegelbild betrachtet. Vielleicht mit einer gewissen Dumpfheit. Aber ich dachte auch, dass es nicht gut ist, sich mit jeder Minute einsamer zu fühlen und vielleicht wäre ich ja ohne es im Grunde gemerkt zu haben dem Frosche nicht so unähnlich, den man unversehens in einen Kochtopf hineinstieß, wo er so schnell verkohlte, dass er nach wenigen Minuten kochfertig war, nur, dass es mir als Frosch nur soviel länger erschien, als es den Menschen erscheinen würde, sodass nun dieses inkrementale Frequenzansteigen meiner Zweisamkeitsvorstellungen vielleicht bereits der Stoß in das kochend-heiße Wasse war, welches so berühmt ist, und welches häufig ja auch als eine Metapher für den Menschen der Moderne verwendet wird, der sich schreiend im kochend-heißen Wasser windet, ohne doch einzusehen, dass er gar nicht schreien brauch, da er bereits Tot ist.
Ich dachte also an all die unzähligen namenlosen und höchst unlogischen Tote Männer in der Moderne und so zahlen wie: 30.000 Männer an einem Tag: TOD. und stelle mir nun vor, wie all diese Menschen auf einem Tische standen und Hoffnungen hatte und Bilder in sich trugen und dann kam eine Große Weiße Hand aus dem Himmel und stieß sie alle vom Tisch und dies alles Hundert Millionen Mal seit vielen Jahrhunderten nun und so ganz ohne Gedenkfeier sondern einfach: Tod.
Ich pinkelte in mein Waschbecken und nun war ich müde genug um mich in mein Bett hineinzulegen, doch ich ttute es nicht.

>>20066244
Please give me edit privileges so I can make notes in the margin

>>20066418
Alright. I guess trying to match the mood from the title with the mood from the font is fucking me

Was writing something and just all of a sudden I want to turn it all into 1st person
thoughts?

>>20066432
You should have comment privileges now, at least. Forgot about that. I'm well aware this is rough, I'm a little unhappy with the ending of it personally, so go ahead.

>>20066446
don't we have like an art or design board here? i'm sure we do. if you are serious go and find that and ask for crit on your book cover, they will be much more specific. until then all you can ask yourself is 'does this look like the cover of something i would buy?'.

>>20066332
Hello i can respond in english. I thank you so much for your feedback and that you appreciated a variety of moments in my short little introduction! My name is unironically Heiko...

Joker Part 2

I had become the Joker. I kissed my momma good-bye
Momma: Where are you going, John
John: I will show the world its own true face
Momma: What do you mean, John?
John: The world is cruel place but it makes me laugh just how... hypocritical it is Momma.
Momma: But I DO LOVE YOU Johnny. There is good in the world!
Johnny: You love me? Love isnt good enough. THats another cruel joke BY GOD. Yes, love is real. Ok. Ok. I admit it! I love you Momma but love isnt good enough. I pointed at my heart with my finger: To heal that.
Momma: Johnny.... no....
I laughed like a maniac and left our apartment. She soon was watching her television programs again. heh, so much about love... Humans are pathetic. There was so mcuh darkness in my heart. Tonight i needed to kill. UGH IF ONLY THERE WASNT BATMAN TO STOP ME. Wait a second, i smiled, What if i just kill the Batman first. My maniacal laughter filled the entirety of the street and the thugs ran away because nothing is as frightening as an insane clown who knows the truth.
I went to the Kingpin to buy weapons.
Kingpin: Have you truly decided to become a killer, John?
John: A Killer? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
I killed him and took his weapons.
The henchmen of the Kingpin were in utter disbelief at me just killing the unkillable Kingpin. It was surprising because while he seemed invulnerable and powerful ANY MAN can be killed just like that, if only you are brave enough to do it.
The henchman attacked me but i evaded, then kicked, i jumped behind two and kicked them in their head they flew away screaming, then i took a throwing knife and throwed it at a powerful guard who collapsed terribly on the ground. Yet another one bites the dust, i said and laughed quietly and eerily.
Suddenly i noticed a shadow. Batman. He had apparently used his superior stealth technique to infiltrate the kingpins building, sensing that something terrible had happened.
"Oh, Gothams Knight is such a noble man, even saving the evil from violence. But tell me Batman, when have you ever fought the violence of reality itself? You yourself are a force of pure violence, do you really think that life or dead matters so much? Do you think that all the pain and terror you instilled is justified simply because you did never kill nobody?
I chuckled
Batman: Words mean nothing to me, Joker. All i need to know is that you are evil.
I laughed with mania. Well, well well our friend Battie was in for a surprise.

>>20066431
Ich genoss das Pathos des Haiku-Stücks und wie der eigene Name dich daran erinnert. Es gibt eine Bitterkeit und eine erbärmliche Qualität, die Angenehm ist. Menschen nicht zu lieben ist auch angenehm. Mein Übersetzer verblüffte mit Ihrem langen kochenden Froschbiss. Ich mag es, dass du in die Spüle pinkelst. Sie sollten weiterhin seltsame Dinge schreiben, da dies das Wichtigste im Leben und in der Literatur ist.

>>20066518
Stay German. Avoid the Batman.

What's the most non-pozzed based and uncringe way to write? what style will signal that I do not like gays or women?

If you're giving feedback on covers I need some. I threw this together in a few hours, the majority of the time was spent getting the images and creating the silhouettes. The key took some time. I'm thinking about reducing the central white space by making the black circle thicker, bring the images a little closer together and have more tearing/splatter on the black.

I was also thinking about getting fancy and inverting the colors on the wolf/bird to make them seem maze-like. Maybe also finding a new image for the wolf's silhouette altogether. When I was brainstorming the cover initially I was thinking like an ink sketch feel, but I certainly don't have the artistic talent for that. Maybe fucking around in gimp with filters will let me do something to the individual pieces to give it that feel.

>>20066429
I like this a lot more than mine, but I would have to center the sword and do something about the white bar at the top

>>20066564
I've seen this cover before. The font is shit. The idea behind the circle is fine and has potential but the black and white drags it down, it all feels 'flat'. Go and google 'book cover art' right now. Does your cover fit anywhere there? Fuck no. It does look amateurish. It needs more. Texture? That would be a start. It's a very simple idea, perhaps a photograph of some coloured card would work? That is somewhat of a trend lately, pic related. That cover lacks depth.

>>20066583
Also, it has to be said, the title 'Erased', has no connection to the imagery at all. I mean what am I looking at here?: wolf, cat, knife, key, axe, crow, circle. None of that conveys anything about erasure. I mean look at this cover >>20066583 the book is called the flame alphabet and the cover is made of flames. Your book is called Erasure and it has 6 different symbols that have nothing to do with erasure.

>>20066614
I can see a knife and crow vaguely being associated with it (not the axe, because while both a knife and an axe are weapons, the knife feels more like something you'd "erase" somebody with, and crows have the whole omen thing, which fits the largely ominous title), and the ring they're all in is being erased. It's still pretty meh.

Hallo ich bins euer Haiku
Nachts schien keine Sonne als ich auf das Toilette ging. Ich wusch mir die Hände sorgfältig und ging ins Bett. Hach, dachte ich wehmütig bei mir selbst. Das wars doch nicht, Haiku. Das war doch nicht der Tag, nicht wahr und nu?
Ja also schloß ich mir die Augen zu und versuchte zu schlafen, doch wie bekannt, nein so schläft man nicht. Da waren der Dämon in mir und die Engel und es sangen viele Stimmen in mir und ich fühlte das ganze Schauspiel der Welt auf meinem inneren Weltenkreis sich abspielen und ich horchte dem Klang für wenige Sekunden und vielleicht dachte ich mir: So ist also die Welt beschaffen und wieviel wusste man doch einst von dieser Symphonie aller Hohen und Niedrigen Dinge und doch mit diesem Bilde war es nur für wenige Sekunden getan, denn mein Geist führte mich fort aus dem Bilde des Ganzen in ganz partikulare Momente meines Lebens die ich nun abtastete mit meinen Gefühlen und derer ich soviele bereute und mich ihrer schämte, etwa wie als ich das Mädel Josephine einst meinen Kussmund anbot und sie sagte: ihgitt nein. und Sie rannten davon. Doch damit war es nun nicht getan. Einst verwechselte ich Karl den Großen mit Karl Martell vor der ganzen klasse und es schien als wäre nun alles vorbei, dass es nun wie ein Schatten über meinem ganzen Wesen lag, was ich doch für eine tierische Kreatur sei, die nichtmals dieses unterscheiden konnte. Und so verstummte natürlich der Engelsgesang und es ärgerte mich doch so sehr, wie ich denn merkte, dass ich diesen unnützen Erinnerungen anhing und ich versuchte zurück zum Geschrei der Teufel und den Sprechgesängen der Dämonen und dem süßen Flüstern der Engel und der Stille Gottes und all dem Vogelgezwitscher allen Lebens auf Erden zurückzukehren, ohne dabei selbst ein zwitscherndes etwas zu sein, so hoffnungslos verfangen in Nebensächlichkeiten. Es war mir darum also doch alzu übel wie es in mir mich doch immer wieder trieb zu den Erinnerungen der Belanglosen Scham und darum also fühlte ich mich nicht einsam, denn die meisten Menschen sie wussten so wenig von Gott und den Dingen und doch soviel von den Würmern, als dass ich mich ihnen nun zeigen konnte wie es mit mir stand. Ach, sie lieben Leser, sie merken nun, dass es tiefste Nacht ist, den ich verliere jedes Maß und jede Mitte und in mir steigt empor eine Fontäne aus Gefühlen, welche aus mir heraussprudelt in Form dieser sinnlosen, so ganz leeren und wirkungslosen Wörtern, dieser Worte die von nichts wissen und reden und reden und zwitschern und mich in den Wahnsinn treiben weil sie nicht versagen wollen und nicht beenden wollen den Spaß den sie mir antun in jeder dieser Nächte die soviel länger werden, als sie sein sollten.
Danke

>>20066564
I went to pixlr and spent 1 minute throwing a card texture behind it and fucking with a premade filter

>>20066583
>It does look amateurish.
It is.
>The font is shit.
What kind of font should I use. Serif? I don't know about any of that.
Maybe I'll do something like fading out left to right. Inverting the colors of the title at the transition point, left side make like leftover motes, the right side maybe a zoom in on something mechanical.

>>20066244
>>20066453

I liked the scene, and I think you have raw story-telling potential. Let's start with the good:
>Clever subversion of a familiar fantasy scene. It's a strong premise.
>Your descriptions of character appearance were excellent
>You did a great job weaving exposition into where it needed to be. Most amateur writers struggle with this.
>Small moments of characterization for characters was minimal but very effective and cleverly done

Things that need work:
>Lots of grammar and style errors that make it difficult to read. Familiarize yourself with the standard style. (i.e. new paragraph when a new character has dialogue, don't use a comma to connect two independent clauses, etc. Pay attention when you read published writing and become good at using the right punctuation marks). I marked some errors but didn't do all of them.
>Lots of run-on sentences. You gotta learn to break up those comma-chains into smaller sentences. Your writing will greatly improve.
>Some awkward or redundant phrasing. You'll get a feel for wording as you write and read more.

Overall I think you have a solid premise for a story. Remember: it's all about character. Weave in more details about how both characters are tiring of the endless cycle. Keep an eye out for run-on sentences and I don't see any reason why your writing won't improve quickly.

>>20066418
The title (mine) is a work in progress. I'm having trouble finding one that sticks and I'm having even more trouble trying to justify to myself that it won't be a knockoff of No Country

>>20066564
If you want to make modernish covers like >>20066583 all you need is a course in graphic design, which is super watered down art 101 + Adobe Illustrator basics. Personally I dislike modernish covers entirely and I prefer plain covers with an actual illustration in the middle. Like Penguin Classics. My favorite cover style is like pic rel.

>>20066708
This is how covers should be IMO. Unpopular opinion probably, but this is just so much better.

>>20066708
>>20066711
boring!!!

WHERES THE EPICNESS OF RANDOM CHARACTER STARING INTO THE DARKNESS? OR LOOKING DOWN? ALSO SHIRTLESS TOO!!!

Look at Fantasy books. Those are covers. Your shit is just old fashion trite from people too cheap to make a decent cover.

>>20066691
Ah, thanks for the feedback. Was honestly a lot better than I was expecting. I'll look into your suggestions more when I'm not just about to go to bed. I'm well aware I have a run-on sentence problem, I just don't often know when to put a cap on them. The style errors are a by-product of how I type online, where specific grammar/style isn't as relevant, so I'll need to properly learn those. I wish I had any real idea where I'd go with this story, or a better sense of world-building and names, but I suppose those are things to learn. I do read a fair bit, but I struggle to internalise "what works" in what I like to read, because I have this annoying tendency to not care as much about how something is said as what is being said. I'm gonna be headed to bed now, but I'll relink it if anybody else wants to give feedback. Just a 2000 word prologue to a basic concept of a fantasy story I had in my head.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12GTaSTXTmm6KKKgXCT7M0LPOBjxvYFzfTJFHgeD702U/edit?usp=sharing

>>20066724
you are kidding but it's without a doubt a boring opinion since new books never get this sort of treatment

>>20065946
I'll bump my own stuff too, just in case you get bored enough to read 2,500 words >>20062864 >>20065308

>writing my adah book
>eating lunch
>is anyone even reading this?
>Why am i writing this for?
>I could be playing games, or doing something else

How do you guys find the strength to continue?

>>20066711
Honestly this is just perfection. Author small on top, title bigger and exactly where it needs to be, publisher name at the bottom. Great font. Navy blue/yellow scheme is colorful but sober. Pic in the middle, with a border, in its place. Everything is perfectly sized and perfectly presented. Perfect paperback covers.

>>20062864
'House of cards'. The second sentence and you are using a cliché already. Is your mind truly so empty? Or do you just consider your audience to be retarded housewives? Maybe go and ask them what they think instead, because I can't read any more than that.

>>20066564

>>20066798
This is pretty good. The design fills the whole page. There is gradation in the colour (and there is colour). There is texture. Minus points for the border and gradation on the author name because that looks kinda cheap. Also the pure white of the title now stands out too much against the rest. And why did you put copyright material? lol are you going to charge him to remove that? lmao

>>20066564

>>20066809
you overdid the effect: it shouldn't compromise legibility. pretty good though

>>20066798
I like it. I was thinking about changing it to be more simple that what I've got with a stylized woman's face half covered with a hand, and where the eyeball was a clock, or maybe use the key in place of the eyeball. Appreciate the ideas.

>>20066789
That's fair. I had something else there but ended up getting rid of it in favor of the simpler cliche because I felt I was wasting time with metaphors in a bad place to waste time. But you're right, I'll prune my cliches. Thank you

>>20066784
how about spine and back?

>>20066809
Ah, and the author's name is too low. It is never that low on books. I would try and put it right below the title and use the same font as the title, but use a smaller font, 1/3rd the size or so, and justify it so it spreads the length of the title.

>>20066784
Most of my attempts ITT come from trying to avoid something like your pic in fear of being too simple. I'm probably overcomplicating things.

>>20066776
Ideally, because you have a compulsion to create and Adahfagging is your current creative focus. You're an amateur, your writing needs improvement. Git gud, and eventually you'll write things that sate your creative compulsion and interest others

>>20066827
so just keep on writing?

>>20066564

>>20066834
But most importantly, keep on throwing yourself against the wall so you know what you're failing on

>>20066840
Sure, it looks professional, but it looks so cliche as well... I can even picture Melissa making out with Jason on page 425 before the Najaviri strike

>>20066834
I feel like the fonts ruin it.

>>20066840
I like that but at the same time I am wondering 'is that a stock image'? I like the addition of a tagline though the kerning on the tagline seems strange. I do not feel good about the margins and space between text anywhere on that image desu.

>>20066849
It does look like sort of 'stock'. But depending on what kind of book it is, maybe that is okay. If LaCroix has written some weird experimental piece then that cover clearly won't fit. But if it is some genre piece with a YA bent (which I think is very likely) then that cover is appropriate.

>>20066840
Reconsider serif font and try sans serif instead for the main title. Also eliminate the gradient on the main title. Subhead and author work as they are now (appears to be an extra space in the subhead).

>>20066564
a daring synthesis?

>>20066883
YES

>>20063474
I'd say censors are nefarious by their very nature. But yes, these are evil, violent, and batshit insane.

>>20066825
spine you can see here >>20066708 backs are plain.
>>20066827
>fear of being too simple
You don't really mean simple but "minimalistic" in a dull way, which is avoided by making few good choices you put a lot of thought into, instead of many pointless choices thrown in a blender. The hard part about making covers like those is that you actually need a proper illustration.

>>20066883
That said, I WOULD make all the other items around the clock as big as the wolf. Make them smaller if needed, but make them uniform.
My personal tastes would also give the author name an outline so it doesn't blend with the picture so much

>>20066883
this is very jarring

>>20066883
this keeps getting better. but you still have an extra space in the tagline between 'waits' and 'fore'.

You should also waive all of your rights to that cover or else poor old LaCroix won't be able to use it anyway.

Alright, last attempts for the night

>>20066860
>weird experimental piece
not really. it does play a bit of a joke on the reader by drawing attention to the fact that (assuming an american reader) the reader has been sexually assaulted at birth in a jewish sacrificial blood ritual and is therefore less human as a result, which is the purpose the ritual in the first place, to permanently deny pleasures of the flesh and mark you as a slave. basically what the character has undergone is less dehumanizing than what happened to you, you don't even know what's been stolen from you. it also criticizes the current transgender movement and denies in part the existence of the soul

>>20066917
these remind me of something I would see in a mid 90s windows program. really bad.

>>20066917
I almost like the first one. I think it's the text. The picture and the purple are nice. I wish I was a graphic artist so I could be more technically helpful.

>>20066918
Jesus is your 'Erasure' title a circumcision pun? I think you may have been better off being blunter and calling it Cock Cutters.

>>20066936
Knob Choppers

>>20066940
Foreskin Foulers

>>20066936
nah that's only part of it. the other, larger part is referring to abortion

>>20066940
Wang Manglers

>>20066935
>I think it's the text
One day I will beat that demon of my own making, my font library. But it won't be today!

>>20066928
Yeah.

>>20066940
Dick Dicers

I'm ESL please help.

How come the sentence is as follows.

>April with its sweet showers.
How come there's no apostrophe for possessive? And it's not written:
>April with it's sweet showers.
??? I get the it's is a contraction with it is. But that doesn't seem like it follows the possessive rules.

>>20066940
Sausage Slashers

>>20066940
Rod Loppers

I'm glad we can all agree the jews need to be exterminated for their crimes against humanity.

>>20066918
It criticises the transgender movement by having a male man roleplay as a cockstarved female harlot in an MMORPG?

>>20066957
It used to be that way. Then they chucked it.

April with its
Is correct

>>20066969
No.

>>20066957
"It's" is short for "it is"
Does "April and it is sweet showers" sound right?

>>20066957
"it's" is a contraction of it is
>April with it is sweet showers.
its is a possessive pronoun like his or her

>>20066957
That's the rule. No possessive pronouns have apostrophes. If you switch it with a different possessive pronoun, it also won't have an apostrophe.

>April with his sweet showers.
>April with her sweet showers.

When it comes to possessive pronouns, here's no such thing as his's. There's no such thing as her's. There's no such thing as it's.

>>20066957
April is the thing and the sweet showers belong to it. You already know the 'it is' contraction rule/explanation. I'm struggling to understand what you do not understand so I will just repeat my first sentence: April is the subject of the sentence, it is the thing, and the sweet showers are the thing that belongs to the subject, which is April, so 'its' is the proper term because the sweet showers are a property of April, they belong to it: April is in possession of sweet showers; metaphorically, of course.

>>20066957
I am not sure if this was explained already but "it's" is a shorter form of "it is", this is why there's an apostrophe. As you can imagine the phrase "April with it is sweet showers" makes no sense. On the other hand, "April with her sweet showers", assuming that April is a woman who's into watersports, does sound all right.

>>20067000
I think seasons are always women. Like cars and boats and seas.

>>20066981
>>20066972
This makes the most sense. Thank you

>>20066936
Lunchmeat Truncheon Trimmers

Alright guys, I'm taking a poll. I took a flowery paragraph that I posted some time ago and wrote it in my standard prose, clipped prose, and an experimental style I'm just calling impressionist for now even though all writing is impressionist. I'm trying to find my voice as an author and I think I need to shake up my "standard prose" voice and try things different. I need feedback here.

Which of these paragraphs do you like the most and why?

>>20067024
Impressionist. You're not telling anything interesting so you might as well tell it in an interesting way.

>>20067024
clipped. because i don't know the context of your story, but chances are, hanging a hammock needs to be quick and to the point.

>>20067024
Clipped is the best one there. In sustained writing I could imagine you switching between standard and clipped with perhaps some of the playful language of impressionist in there and occasionally using a longer sentence from the flowery bit.

I mean, that's all you there, in each example. It will be easier to control the clipped style and it will read better for more people, but you can layer in bits of the other ones too.

Also as the other guys have hinted at, the topic of that paragraph is fucking boring, so its true that the shortest one there is best as you have added nothing of interest by expanding it.

>>20067015
Cars are female. There's a guy who was arrested for fucking some 40 cars. He was caught in the act.

I'm writing a story where multiple women end up falling for the main character. I'm writing a thriller so I want these girls inevitable deaths to be impactful. The problem is, all their personalities surround around

> protag exists
>falls in love with protag

How do I spruce up their romances to make them more interesting than "loves the main character, because he's nice and handsome".
for example, one of the girls falls in love with his pen name's alter ego since he's a writer who goes by an alias.

>>20067103
Make the characters round, give them hopes and dreams, fears, make them feel like real people, they can talk about that holiday they are looking forward to with their friends in the summer (that they will never have), or how they love ice cream on a summer day and how it reminds them of days out with their grandpa.

On a scale of trash to dumpster fire, how hard would you instantly dislike a story with these tags?

>>20067122
sounds like your generic seasonal fantasy isekai

>>20067103
The trope of killing off love interests for easy plot progression is known as "fridging". It's fallen out of vogue because its lazy writing

>>20067130
Yeah fuck, that's what I thought. I wish this tag system had some better categories or at least better subdivisions of tags like
>Progression but not gay asian number go up bullshit
>Magic but not ripped straight from dragon quest
>Reincarnation but the re- part might not actually apply
etc. Doesn't help that I could probably add like 5 more tags but they're all spoilers for shit that isn't written yet and I don't want people coming in going "Why the fuck does this have a First Contact tag?" or something.

>>20067122
>psychological sci-fi with an anti-hero lead, contains adventure and Artificial Intelligence
Alright fuck yeah, sign me up. Could be edgelord shit or could be compelling character design.
>magic, isekai, reincarnation, progression, fantasy, supernatural, low fantasy
Pass. This is like getting a nice onion soup and then someone tops it off with a spoonful of durian.

>>20067122
dare i ask what progression fantasy is?

>>20067174
Literally all of the things in that second list except supernatural have at least one asterisk beside them and mean very different things than they would on generic shonenshit. God I fucking hate tagging systems.
>Magic but it's a totally unique system with restrictive rules but actually for real this time not just nen or whatever
>Isekai in the sense that the main character is from earth and the story does not take place on earth, and he didn't fly out there in a fucking spaceship
>Reincarnation meaning that, if you hold certain philosophical opinions about life, he was dead for a time before the real plot begins
>Progression as in the MC isn't a retard and gets better at things over time
>Fantasy in that the setting is not high-tech at all, and has some seemingly supernatural elements
>Supernatural as in good fucking luck explaining how "magic" works unless you've read the unwritten third volume or have my author's notes and also it's ludicrously high-tech
>Low fantasy as in wizards aren't shitting out lightning bolts and people aren't fighting over magic rings, but certain extremely mundane fantastical elements are present in society (most people can light a candle with magic so they don't carry tinderboxes, for example) and the world has semi-sensible magical integration with the wildlife.
I wish I could just use these as tags.
>>20067199
If you're chinese it means your cultivation level rises to 999999-SSSSSS-guangdao-ancient-dragon-multiverse-immolator level after you eat enough rice balls and slap enough random arrogant cardboard cutout characters. If you're western it means you write *DING* FIGHTING SKILL LEVEL UP!!! every 20 words. If you're me it means your character actually has to learn some shit so you technically put that tag on just in case.

>>20067211
You. You're gaming the system. I like that.

>>20067122
I love how 99% of isekaishit writers think their novel has "traumatising content".

>>20067218
I put that on because multiple women get beaten (and deserve it), a child watches his only family get butchered in front of him, the protagonist commits at least 5 war crimes in the first volume, and I'm sure that someone will cry because he's never seen a fatso before and thinks the first one he sees it deformed.

>>20067122
what am i looking at?

>>20062463

>>20067250
The tags for a possibly terrible story about a man who kills a lot of people in creative ways and thinks he's a robot trying to find a vantablack pyramid because a voice which (from an outsider's perspective) may or may not be a delusion told him to, in a world where people can regenerate like wolverine and pray various things like fire into existence and the wildlife is like magical Australia.
That's probably a better synopsis than the one I'm going to use.

>>20067143
I'm writing a thriller, so characters need to keep dying to build suspense and heighten the threat

>>20067143
oh fuck off with your fridging bullshit
not every person in your story needs to be a character. it's okay for them to be props.

>>20067432
Agree with this

>>20066789
This is also tryhard advice - house of cards is a common phrase and not some sinful cliché.

i'm writing a murder mystery in a magic school.
how do i make it less harry pottery

>>20067456
don't set it in a magic school

>>20067456
Make it a magic university full of adults, and make the magic system comprehensible and logical instead of "say butchered latin to progress plot".

>>20067460
I want to use magic and young adults as the main characters in the story. I'm not good at handling big settings so a school seems fitting, don't really want to send them to an island or something like that because i already did that in another story (not finished yet)
>>20067471
it's a college yes, i'm afraid of having to elaborate too much on the setting before letting the murders roll

>>20067487
There's really two ways you can do magic and magical settings. You can be autistic and explain them in great detail so the reader completely understands them, or you can just have them happen and only create explanations when appropriate or when one needs to be conveyed between characters. Considering it's a magic university you should learn a bit more towards the former. I would expect the classes to explain magic.

>want to start a project to jump into the royal road meme
>come up with something else to write
So, how does a romcom with an unreliable narrator about a chuuni teen meeting a girl that confirms all of his make-believe as real sound?

I like my magic like ki blasts. No need for explanations. They just shoot shit at each other from their hands.

>>20067024
All are bad but clipped is the least bad. Also you can go more clipped:

Palm leaves sprouted from a brown trunk. Sunlight fell between them, making shadows. Clouds moved across. A hammock swayed in breeze.

>>20067456
don't make it wand and shout spooky latin based. Make it the old style wizards and witches. big stick and lots of preparation, cauldrons and potions and big pointy black hats. If anyone has read the Sword of Truth series you can explain what I mean better

>>20067518
Are you Japanese? If so, it'll sell a billion copies and weebs will be jacking off to every female character in it within 5 years. If not, please do not.

>>20067501
Yeah i'll probably do that and dedicate the first two chapters to exposition. I'm just afraid a whodunnit fan could find it boring if the murders don't happen soon enough. Never done worldbuilding too so it could suck ass and there's also the tiny possibility that someone would enjoy the world more than the actual story I'd like to tell in said setting. Thanks

>>20067537
Have you not even written a plot outline for this? You should really start with that. Outline first, minor worldbuilding second, then write.

>>20067527
fuck
can i sell the idea to some jap in shōsetsu?

>>20062463
Welp. Here it goes.

>>20067542
You could always get a japanese pen name and a japanese translator to publish the work in moonrunes so you can pretend you aren't a pasty whiteboi.

>>20067545
Add a muscular man in a ripped pirate shirt and a woman with a heaving busom grapping onto his lats

>>20067541
No, since I like to write murder mysteries I usually start with the locked room murders then make the main characters then cram it all in a setting that fits and do little to no worldbuilding. For now all I have for this new story is one murder and how degrees are studied at nothowards

>>20067525
thanks for the feedback. I like alchemy and that stuff so there's going to be lots of cauldrons and old school magic seals too probably

>>20067545
Too much blank space in the white clouds. It's also missing a sexy woman and a half dressed man grabbing her.

>>20067591
Has anyone here actually read these things?
They feel like someone shitposting on Amazon.

>>20067562
of course. I really dislike how novels with magic have all become point and shoot. it kills the whole theme; the cloaked wizard pondering over texts for weeks, searching for lore and conducting research, his cauldron bubbling in the corner. I'm also a fan of teenage slasher novels/films.

>read some chapters on wattpad
>jesus fuck
I will never write 1/2 as well as they will...

I can't believe I'm still fiddling with fucking tags.
>High Fantasy means it takes place in another world
>Low Fantasy means that it's realistic but with fantastical elements
How the fuck does that make any sense? What if it's a realistic alternate world with small amounts of fantastical elements? Fuck's sake, I just don't want the jannies to reject me for incorrect tags or something.

>>20067661
why?
are you dying soon or something?

>>20067679
that's not what it means
high fantasy it's just big ass epic settings and low fantasy is a lower scale problem

>>20067692
See I know that and I agree with you, but that's not what the RR tag descriptions say.

>>20067681
my mastery of the english language can't hold a candle to others. I just want to write in a simple prose to tell a story that is easy to read and very accessible. but that even eludes me.

>>20064694
HAHAHHA

>>20067704
>but that even eludes me

you got that right

>>20067704
Literally just read and write more until you git gud. I can understand people who aren't the best at prose or grammar technicalities, but the basics are just a matter of paying attention.

>>20067718
Exactly. Listen to me. This isn't worth the trouble. Forget these lofty dreams. You'll never make it anyways. Just get a 9-5 job, go on a date, have sex, and forget this nonsense of becoming a writer.

>>20067724
I'm a software engineer with a huge savings account and I'm writing in my spare time for fun. You fags who want to do this as a career mystify me. Why would you want to ruin something so fun by making it a job?

>>20067724
what makes you think I want to become a writer? I come here to hone my shitposting skills. This is a montage scene where I become witty.

>>20067745
You are becoming a writer even if you are trying to just hone your shitposting abilities. You do it for free.

Well fuck, I submitted my story. Time to see if the RR janny hates it.

Better to write out a sex scene or just leave it like this?

>The two interlocked for a period of time. Adah’s heart fluttered, staring into Aldric’s eyes. Her body could rest later.

>>20067731
Because it's a job where you have complete creative control, work to your own schedule and don't really answer to anyone.

>>20067840
How much brother-fucking do you imagine your readers want to read, and in what level of detail?

That's basically my job anyway since I work from home and am the lone tech wizard at a company full of boomers in a different timezone. I wake up at noon, work 2 hours, then do whatever I want for the rest of the day.

>>20067868
Since /wg/ are the current readers, none whatsoever.

>>20067801
>RR janny
The what?

>>20067892
Royal Road needs every story's first chapter to be approved by a janny manually before it's allowed to be on the site.

>>20067883
It's a serious question about your audience. Are you writing incest erotica, or not? Are you writing a snuff fic, or not? When you put in a sex scene, which readers are you targeting, and what do you want them to feel?

>>20067868
Maybe I should take out the incest. Seems like that's the only thing making this story interesting though

>>20067918
It's 100% not erotica or snuff. But thanks you answered my question. No need for detailed sex scenes

I've been thinking about just simply putting some old short stories (literary fiction and horror) and some anthologies on amazon. Have anyone here done this? What happened? Any sales at all?

>>20067545
>jenkem
initializing your name is what every contemporary hack writer does
either put your real name on it or use a pen name
if tl jenkem is your pen name, come up with a better one

>>20067984
>not putting no name and only posting or authoring it under an anonymized account

>>20065005
bait right? right?

>>20067992
yes this is of course the most based way to publish

>>20062700

At least an hour of dicking around. Up to eight hours if I know what im doing or have the mind to do a lot of editing work

>>20067984
Jenkem is the word I live by. I won’t change it.

>>20067661
>write half worse than trash
I'd probably kill myself if I were you

>>20067545
>translated jenk 'em
What a weird pen name

>>20067456
Magic and mystery just don't mesh. You have a fuckton of explaining to do to justify why magic can't immediately solve the crime and it'll only come across as boring bullshit anyway

>>20067103
>How do I spruce up their romances to make them more interesting than "loves the main character, because he's nice and handsome"
You're expected to have had human relationships before attempting to write about them. I'm sorry

>>20068122
>Jenkem is a purported inhalant and hallucinogen created from fermented human waste.
that's a hell of word to pick, anon

>>20068122
based
then go all the way and just use "jenkem" as your penname

>>20066244
>>20066730
>My thoughts.
You have a solid foundation for your story.

Like the other anon, I'm not a fan of the grammar and run-on sentences. Didn't like the opening paragraphs either. But that might just be me reading too many fantasies where the author begins their story by dropping the reader into the MC's immediate circumstance with no context.

how to write a story that isn't a metaphor for anything

can I use the word "adrenaline" if my story is taking place in 14th century europe setting? feels inappropriate to use these modern words for this era

>>20066244
In what way do you see your writing as differentiable from the writing of the many, many others writing fantasy? Not the subject matter or the story—these things don't ultimately matter at all—but the writing itself? The voice, to me, is that same voice everyone else has. That is to say, there is no real voice to the writing here. The major problem with contemporary writers, and fantasy writers in particular, is that they try to buttress uninspired writing with novel concepts. Here, you seem to try to subvert the expectations of Fantasy Guy With Sword, as if that alone is enough to differentiate yourself from authors who write stories about their own Fantasy Guy With Sword who does other things. The thing doesn't matter, if you want to seriously improve and eventually write something that's half-decent. Focus on the writing itself. Eliminate useless words like kinda, sorta, really, etc. To me, a heavy usage of these filler words (and I would definitely call your use of them "heavy") signifies a lack of confidence. What it says to me is that without them, you're uncomfortable with how your piece is voiced, so you lean on these colloquial, informal crutches to hope vaguely that your reader won't be offended.

Try reading some actual literature. Get a feel for what actual good writing feels and tastes like. I'm not saying you need to try to be the next Joyce, but without a cultivated taste for the mechanics of the written word, you're just going to fumble around in a fuzzy discomfort with sentences you know aren't great but can't seem to improve.

People will give you specific examples of things you did right or wrong. These are the most useless forms of advice a writer can possibly come across because they address symptoms rather than causes. Expose yourself to more and harder literature if you're really serious about improving and not just asking for dick rubs like most people are. Experiment more, push yourself out of your comfort zone. Allow yourself to reach for something and fail instead of settling for something mediocre and unpolishable.

>>20068536
Just write about a landscape
New Bread when

>>20068637
NEW THREAD