/lit/ - Literature

>>20015244
Is there any community on Royalroad worth communicating with? At this point I'm basically using the place as a glorified Google Docs folder I fucking hate the readership and the forum posters so much.

>>20015278
Which author are you? Are you not getting any real feedback anymore?

>>20015278
Post your work. I'll leave you a review.

>>20015298
I'm not much of a promoter so I'm not gonna post myself here. I meant more along the lines of general attitudes like
>reader assumes any plot element they dislike was a mistake on my part instead of what I wanted the story to be
>getting asked stupid questions that have no answer every other day like "is first person or third person narration better?"
>general posting style of the authors in the forum pisses me off. Lots of dumb asides and flowery language causing all their posts to read like a Tumblr blog.
A recent example: I have a story where the female lead is initially very cold, rude, and chiding with the male lead because she is a frigid, autistic, bitch. The feedback I received was "this is bad because she's a misandrist." No shit you fucking idiot! I wrote her like a misandrist! What does that have to do with it actually being good or bad beyond your faggot sensibilities?

I have a female doctor character, she is characterized as a femme fatale personality type and is attracted to the protagonist.

The protagonists wife is waiting in the waiting room, what can she do to him that would create suspense and drama without being outright porn. Ideas?

>>20015244
hello maam nice tummy sexy jirl

I'm interested in making a web novel structured like old murder mystery serials, in the sense that each chapter acts as a self-contained short story featuring the same general cast of characters (though the genre is not explicitly murder mystery); with slowly building continuity (events of previous chapters are referenced and affect the decisions of characters in later chapters, but the stories are still disconnected).

Does this sound like a decent idea at first glance, especially if this is one of my first times writing a web novel or novel at all? Have experience writing screenplays though.

>>20015422
Learn to write a pulp fiction novel and just reuse characters

>>20015384
Flirting and innuendos is usually enough.
>Is it big?
>What?
>Your calorie intake. Is it big?

>>20015422
Ideas are a dime a dozen. Come back once you've actually written something.

>>20015422
http://www.paper-dragon.com/1939/dent.html

Lester Dent's Pulp Fiction formula

>>20015384
>what can she do to him that would create suspense and drama without being outright porn. Ideas?
If in the US: mention offhand that her practice may not be covered in his health plan’s network.

If not US: the waiting room is scary enough.

Seriously, though, anything can be suspenseful if described in enough detail. An injection, a cold stetheschope, the uncomfortable closeness of an eye exam, the confidence of a doctor in her office contrasted with his discomfort. Depending on the situation, she could also bring in med students etc and talk about him as if he weren’t there. There may also be something in his medical history that he did not expect her (or his wife) to find out about.

You got options, anon…

>>20015460
*diamond dozen

>>20015527
*facepalm*
You had it right the first time…ESL or just retarded?

Got directed here from sffg. Does anybody have any idea how the printing process actually works for a book that includes illustrations? Not graphic novel/comic book frequencies, but say 40 pages out of 400-450. Can they actually print high quality digital scans or illustrations to standard issue paper or do they only print those pages in another paper, or do they just have to munt the whole book up?

>>20015560
>Got directed here from sffg.
Why would you even ask this on /sffg/?

>>20015536
Contrary to popular belief, EFLs have more issues with misheard idioms than ESLs. Because ESLs learn the language academically written while EFLs learn it mostly through speech, which can be mispronounced.

>>20015561
It's a fantasy novel and the fidelity of the pages and pictures and how they look and feel and function physically remaining consistent to the book is important to me.

Does anyone have tips for writing dialogue for AI characters?
I want it to be similar to an AI chatbot where the words make sense but are always a little bit uncanny. As if the AI just learned that those words fit together rather than having actual internal thought.

>>20015599
https://www.cleverbot.com/

Feed the lines to him

On track to hit 1,000 followers in a week lads.
All in under 6 months.
That was a grind.

>>20015638
Now tell us the genre you write so we can laugh.

>>20015638
Where did you post stuff to get followers?

>>20015244
IS THIS A BOY OR A GIRL? WHAT IS THIS ARTICLE OF CLOTHING? WHY AM I SO AROUSED?

>>20015671
Does it look like there could be a mini penis hidden underneath that?

>>20015661
he's twitter spamming

>>20015671
What did YouTube mean. bro I’m scared

>>20015536
>>20015563
It is diamond dozen though

>>20015708
>nobody has heard of bloomers
What the fuck?

>>20015661
Be interesting on any platform and it’ll happen.
Release will probably be sometime between 5-10k followers.

>>20015733
Why would they laugh at a ‘little lad’ though

>>20015733
i think those are modelled on 16th century breeches. bloomers are underwear and a much later term.

responding to anon from last thread:
>>20004081
post sample so we can tell you if you should give up

meant to reply to this one
>>20007001
>post sample so we can tell you if you should give up

>>20015791
>Then, he loops a titanium security cable
>He turns to the room of students
If the second sentence works without the "Then," don't you think the first does as well?

>No one is coming to save them
>Same paragrah: Sirens whining in the distance

>>20015791
This is unusual. It starts off and it feels like I am going to read a black comedy because being shot is described as 'nerve wracking' and then the rest of the paragraph, which is light hearted. But the rest of it isn't comedic. I guess there is something pathetic about Mr Godbold's preparation but it isn't really funny. So I suppose what I am getting here is mixed signals. As a reader I am asking myself, what am I reading? Is this serious? Comedic? The topic itself is also very dark, although of course this isn't the 90s anymore and the trench coated school shooter isn't really as powerful an image as it was. Also, honestly, the whole segment feels uncomfortably like wish fulfilment, as though this is something you yourself like to imagine. That frames the genital mutilation uncomfortably.

I mean, what is being sold here? What was your pitch when you sent this out, what genre did you put it as and so on?

Need a word for something which appears innocent on the surface (particularly a person’s face) but below it are dark plotting thoughts. If that’s too specific then just word for something which appears innocent but isn’t.

>>20015780
I think it’s referring to a dumb tiktok meme that was popular of a guy in renaissance clothing jumping and singing “I’m a little lad who loves berries and cream”

>>20015884
surreptitious? as in, a surreptitious smile? i saw you ask this question earlier. seems like a weird thing to get hung up on. just describe the idea and it will be clearer.

>>20015884
Holy fuck just say deceptively innocent and move on

>>20016018
1. That's not a word. He asked for a word.
2. There are too many syllables.
3. It sounds clunky.

>>20015884
façade?

>>20015563
True
"ESL" is such a retarded insult that ranks of copium.
"Ha-ha! You know my language in more depth than me! You speak multiple languages, loser!"

I fucking love writing about food, God damn. Any time I write a scene where there's food involved I make myself so hungry.

>>20016207
Post samples anon! I think in my novel I want to describe food but I don’t always have the right words for flavors. What are your favorite types of food to describe?

>>20016084
Because there's no fucking word for it

>>20016228
I love describing meat and stew. It brings me the biggest Monster Hunter vibes. I always go for temperatures, taste sensations (savory, sharp, etc.), and smells over flavors. It just makes more sense from a stylistic standpoint for me. Here's something I was working on. I don't consider myself excellent at prose. It's something I'm improving.
>“Here we are,” Samson said, slowly setting down a long plate in front of them. Fresh bread, a steaming meat stew, a thick pasta bake, skewers of fruits and steamed vegetables, the leg of some fried animal, and a mug of mead sent so many aromas into Damon’s nose that he instantly realized how hungry he was. He carefully took the bread in one hand and bit into it, then tore into it. With another he took a spoon and dug into the stew; the meat was hot and the broth was savory and thick.

>>20016353
Very well done, anon. You’re making my Lenten fast more difficult! I heard GRRM say that people complained when he went into great detail about the food. Though I’ve never read his Song of Ice and Fire books I always thought it was silly for people to complain about that, one of the wonderful things about books is making your senses come alive with words.

Do you guys spell out numbers or just put in the Arabic symbol?

>>20016371
it's a problem when describing food becomes 1/2 the entire book. It ends up feeling like it's nothing but filler

>>20016372
Depends, if it’s too big and intricate then arabic, but if it’s relatively short just spell it out. With years just use Arabic (or roman numerals if you’re feeling fancy)

>>20016379
Was that the case with those books?

>>20016371
I think just enough details to awaken the stomach of the reader and let them fill in the rest of the food is enough. Were the vegetables peppered or caramelized? What kind of meat was it? That really draws them into the story, especially when the sensation of the scene is more important than the particulars. Anytime I struggle with descriptive sequences, going back to the 5 senses always saves me.

>>20016389
Those are some good tips. Gotta show not tell what the food’s like. Let the reader infer taste

>>20016386
sort of. It's a bit exaggerated, but when there's a pivotal scene with someone dying, it shifts over to a person enjoying food for a good 2 pages, then
>SUDDENLY

>>20016371
honestly i think that food scenes are equivalent to rape scenes in how easy it is to get a reaction out of the average reader

>>20015811
thank you for catching these. i have a really hard time editing my own work and finding mistakes like these.

>>20015845
>I mean, what is being sold here? What was your pitch when you sent this out, what genre did you put it as and so on?
i've been pitching it as a "satire/thriller." The book is about a serial mass shooter who livsestreams all of his shootings. he gains such a large following that a media company strikes a deal with him to capitalize run ads on his stream. the FBI tries to hunt him down to stop him and then the media company hires its own mercenaries to fend off the FBI. Which escalates into a larger scale war.

I guess what you're pointing out with the mixed signals is something I was hoping would be more of a "style" -- essentially just a very dark satire, but if that's not coming through that just might be a failing of my abilities.


>honestly, the whole segment feels uncomfortably like wish fulfilment, as though this is something you yourself like to imagine. That frames the genital mutilation uncomfortably.
the next scene introduces a POV character who was watching the livestream of the shooting, and he becomes someone of a superfan, so that wish fulfillment is supposed to be coming from someone who is watching the stream and living through it vicariously.

So.. should i give up? haha

>>20016455
You want us to tell you to give up, so why ask?

How do i write the awkward silence when people are waiting on the phone for the operator to connect them to another person? Can i just use ellipses?

>>20016553
anon, you've just...

got to wait a bit.

>>20016553
Think about awkward silences you've experienced in real life. And don't tell me you've never had one, you're posting on 4chan of all places.
What happens? What do you focus on? What are you thinking about? Maybe you're worried that the guy on the other end of the line is also feeling awkward. Maybe there's an annoying buzz coming from the air conditioner that's making you feel anxious. The awkwardness of silence rarely comes from the silence itself, but instead the context of the silence.

>>20016569
Writing:
>"Seconds of silence passed between the two."
Didn't feel necessary, or warranted. I wanted to know if I can speed things up with just ...
"Hey Nancy, can you connect me to Jones?"
"Sure thing."
"..."

>>20016592
>"Hey Nancy, can you connect me to Jones?"
>"Sure thing."
>There was a click and the phone went down for a second or two. A moment later, Jones was shouting in my ear.

Anyone planning go market their book perhaps on podcasts?

Perhaps market a book by sticker bombing places all of the country with your followers

>>20016595
That is what I was wondering about. I am ESL

Is it better to have a transition line describing the awkward silence, or can I just use ellipses to imply the silence?

>>20016455
Hey look, someone else who spaces like a dumbass. I'm not the only one!

>>20016618
Transition line would carry the narrative forward while implying a pause. Ellipses are clunky. I'd only use them to lead into a phrase as in hesitating to ask a question or end it as in trailing off, but never as a phrase themselves.

I'm stuck lads and ladets, i have a naming problem.
>what is a good name for a governing body of post apocalyptic Indian's?
So far all i have got is either; The Dynasty or The Curry Consortium

>>20016654
The Mandala

>fantasy novel
>protagonist arrives at a new city
>is immediately pickpocketed
>side character is introduced by stopping the thief

>got my 1000 followers on twitter
>Check out my marketing!
>Not being a youtuber getting millions of followers
>everyone buys your book
I'm never going to make it

>>20016657
>Mandala
"A mandala generally represents the spiritual journey, starting from outside to the inner core, through layers. "
No dice hombre. Besides they are more militaristic rather than spiritualists.

>>20016654
Shakthi.
It means power in my brown language.

>>20016654
Look up the word for Journey in Hindi

>>20016493
i'm a glutton for punishment
>>20016630
lol i always feel like it looks easier to read

>>20016659
What if the thief is the side character

>>20016681
it's also a cute girl

>>20016681
kino, I like friends who started off despising each other

>>20016685
A cute tomboy girl who is hiding her budding body in lots of clothes so the guy thieves don't tease her about being a girl?

>>20016150
>>20015563
ESL cope

Gonna use you guys as a cheat sheet here and ask how would you describe this image? Writing about backdrops and environments is something I really need to improve on.

>>20016731
"Stride 5. Stimulate Your Senses"

>>20016711
I prefer bandages tightened around her chest

>>20016674
यात्रा = what good does that shit do me, and why the fixation on journey?
>>20016671
Close enough i guess, still wanted something that is across religions but, but its better then i already had so thanks.

>>20016750
You have my attention and my erection.

>>20015244
>can I store my poop
>/writing in these?
yes my son

>>20016752
Shakthi only has religious connotations in Hindthi but it's also a malayalam word that means something similar but has absolutely nothing to do with religion. I'm don't speak hindi btw. Shakthi means strength/might/vigour

>>20016780
To add on to this, the reason why shakthi has absolutely nothing to do with religion in Malayalam is because Kerela, the primary speaking country of Malayalam, is primarily Christian, with only 30% of the population practicing hinduism.

>>20016731
I'd go for the numbing sensation of fingers in cold water, the taste of the air, the noiselessness of the forest, and the crunch of snow on the rocks.

>>20016731
i see a river forest, blue sky turning overcast, clouds on the horizon, earlier snow lightly settled on rocks on the banks and pine branches. almost idyllic. fantasies of camping but it's well into forêt boréale. i follow a beautiful quebecois woman on instagram. she would improve the scenery. i would not.

tfw sex fuckington is my protagonist. he came; then he left.

>>20016731
You can't just "describe an environment", the writer's hand is not the same as a camera. The environment is a tool used to fill in mood, tone, emotion, character. Try out that one exercise by John Gardner to practice this. Even doing it once should illuminate the point.

>>20016780
>>20016791
alight Shakthi it is, thanks anon, you really helped alot.

I was surprised. I thought she would take advantage of the situation to her sadistic benefit, instead she told Renee to leave the room and didn’t bring up my marital status.

“But in exchange…” Mila said

Suddenly I felt a cold finger touch my chest. The sudden cold sensation made me prick upright. She lightly traced her finger around my bruises, a ticklish sensation. Her finger gradually travelled down to my abs, never lifting from my skin once.

“Is it big?” She asked.

“We can’t. My wife, she’s right outside,” I started.

“Your pain tolerance. Is it big?” She asked

“huh?”

JAB. She jabbed her finger right into the blueish purple bruise, covering my mouth with her palm. A muffled scream of agony.

“Consider that your punishment for not telling me you were married,” She laughed ever so jewishly. I knew it was too good to be true.

>>20016906
This was shit but you won me at the end

>>20015329
If it was your intention, then what do you care? Stop being such a fragile faggot. If you get nothing but bad feedback, then maybe the way you presented your story really was not good. And yes, the RR forums are terrible, only used by children and desperate self-promoters.

>>20017033
Any reason why it was shit?

>>20016906
i'm not the guy who called it shit

>>20017117
>>20016906
lmao see i'm the retard posting the wrong files

>>20017120
and at the top i marked but didn't comment, "sadistic benefit" to "twisted benefit"

>>20016906
>that ending
Never change, anon.

>>20017120
much better

>>20016717
>>20016150

How hard and how long for me to make around $180-200 a month?

>>20017325
you'd make more in a 10 hour a week job

>>20015384
Two words for you, anon: glove snap.

>>20017325
Write commissioned erotic on fiverr. Easy.

>>20017361
shit is that actually viable?
i need to get in on it

>>20017392
Yeah. Helps if you have a dedicated twitter or something to self-promote. But it is viable either way.

>>20017392
Check out the editing/proofing sections aswell.

>>20016455
you should never give up. even if everything you write is absolute shit. just keep doing it.

>>20015329
RR is the best of the popular fiction posting sites but only because everything else is even worse. The only thing I use it for is accountability so I finish chapters on time. The average discussion will be with a 15 year old with no perspective, so I've completely tuned out the forums and comments unless they are pointing out something that's objectively wrong like a misused punctuation mark.

>>20015733
Bloomers are a different thing, those are rhinegraves.

>need to make structural decisions for my setting and plot
>struck with indecision at the crossroads
Fuck. How do you usually make choices like this?

>>20015599
https://zerohplovecraft.substack.com/p/so-you-want-to-write-fiction-with?s=r

>It does understand that a relationship exists, or at least, that one is likely, which is why those symbols recur many times in its output, but it cannot model the nature of the link, only its structure. By way of example, suppose you don’t speak English, and I present you with the following passage:

>On earth, you can breathe, because the atmosphere contains a suitable concentration of oxygen. On Mars, there is no atmosphere, so it is difficult to breathe.”

>Now, predict the next word in the sentence. You might very well write “On mars, you can breathe”. Glossing over the question of how you ingested billions of similar texts in order to accurately model grammar, this is a perfectly likely sentence to write, given that the words have no meaning to you outside of their frequency and the order in which they occur.
>

>>20017325
Aiming pretty low, BUT, 180,000 BSR rank between E-books and paperback would equate to about 40 books per month, priced around $7.99 you’d make profit around $4.90 on each sale, boom, between 180-200 a month.
That’s really easy and a bad goal. Aim for at least 100,000 BSR for every single book, even your first.

You know, I understand that getting reviews on a RR webnovel can be very helpful, but review swaps just aren't worth it.

Yay I finished my second chapter of my shitty story. How much longer until I drop it?
Will I finish?

>>20018009
Those are the times I have to physically write out what makes sense, even if it involves typing out obvious questions I'm thinking of.
>What makes sense here? If there's a forest nearby, the MC is a logger, why would he want to go to the city?
>What's in the city that pulls him away?
Shit like this. I know you are at crossroads so you have two answers to these types of questions, but asking the right ones will help you get to the right answers.

>>20018231
What the fuck is the BSB ranking?

>>20018288
You won’t finish it because you know it’s not fun to write and you won’t make money.
You need to reevaluate what the he’ll you’re doing with your life.

>>20018333
I’ll tell you if you promise me you‘ll publish a book.
BSR means best seller rank, it’s your positioning of books sale in the overall book market.

>>20018354
You told me before I promised...

>>20018436
Promises aren’t made with words. They’re made in the heart.
Too late now, now your have to publish within your lifetime.

>>20018295
The problem is some of the decision points I'm faced with are foundational, writing them out would result in different stories - For example, the plot features something like a virus as a major feature, but the form this takes (virus, parasite, mutation, something more esoteric) can change a lot and have big ramifications for consistency and thematic throughline later on. There are a few elements like this I'm torn on.

Do you outline your ideas before getting down to writing them? How detailed do you make them?

>>20018248
No shit, review swaps are just a quick way to get five star reviews because nobody is going to risk giving you a shit review when you can also give them a shit review in return. Whenever I see review swaps on a story, it dramatically affects my opinion of the story. Most stories that have more than one review swap are complete fucking shit, and even having one is a warning sign.

>>20018615
It sounds like you're trying to get the theme and throughline out right now. You could ask higher level questions instead as to what kind of story you think or feel it should be and why, then stick to that. An example, I'm working on a story where I kept getting influence paralysis from stuff I'd read and watch. I'd want to add themes I'd seen done strictly, like family relationships or the price of ambition, and it muddled up the story. At one point I had so many thematic ideas and plots in my head that I lost the foundational story I wanted to tell. Not to say you can't add those themes, but getting the core idea down on paper and wrenching everything else around it should be most helpful.
I apologize if all this is obvious stuff, I'm just going off what you have posted so far

>>20018675
Do you cross reference reviews to determine if they're review swaps?

>>20018720
There is literally an icon on RR reviews to indicate if they're swapped.

Is anyone actually writing something commercial that could sell?

Should I change writing styles mid-book to show a change in perspective? I know it’s hard to do well but what if I do it well? Still not worth it?

>>20018745
Yeah, two of them.
Finishing typing one and outline the other.

Finished my first fictional essay, unsurprisingly it has 1 character. Unsurprisingly its about suicide.

>>20018745
My book doesn't have a single slur in it, so it could sell

>>20018336
That's what I figured. Good luck /wg/. I hope you all with some iota of success

>>20018231

Thank you for giving me an achievable goal.
Now how the fuck do i publish with those profit margins?

Got the perfect idea for a flash fiction today. I've been meaning to try my hand at very dense prose for a while but couldn't get it down. I think my genius solution today will be to massively overwrite the word count and then trim it down until the message is densely told. Since last week's was an all dialogue story, this one I want to be all prose as a challenge for me.

>>20015244
ToT

Take off that Hero Among Monsters entry from /wg/ writers PAstebin. It’s a dead link.

>>20018869
That’s not hard. Amazon gives 70% of the sale price of e-books and paperbacks to self publishers.
$11.99 books means $8.39 in profit per book sale.
$2.99 means $2.09 in profit per sale.
If you traditionally publish, deals typically range from 7-15% of book sale profits going to authors.
That’s it, 7-15%.
If you sell literally 1/10th what a trad published author sells as a self published author, you make the same amount of money.
Funny.

>>20019048
Yeah but you’d have to actually write, first, and nobody here writes.

>>20019080
No anon, the new meme is that nobody here reads, either the classics or texts by other writers ITT

>>20019093
Sorry, I don’t read these shit threads enough to be up to date on the latest retard memes.

>>20019204
See? No one reads

>>20019213
Nnnnooooooooo! I got meme’d!

>>20018689
I do admit to similarly having quite a bit of outside influence, but in my case it's more aesthetic - though even then there's some paralysis. For example I have an idea for an inner/outer world technology and culture gap, but I'm having trouble deciding which should be which, to what degree, and even from which side to start from. I think in terms of core themes I'm there, it's detail-orientation that's my block at the moment. How did you get a clearer vision in your case?

>>20019292
For getting my own clearer vision, a lot of it was "feeling out" what made sense. I reverted back to questions when spontaneous inspiration wasn't helping. I tried to think what would logically follow from an idea and usually things unfolded from there. If I ever hit a crossroads, I thought about which decision tree was best in line with the themes and conflicts I wanted to portray. Grinding out details is really hard, especially when they always have to make sense with everything else in the story, even things you forgot about.
Taking your technology and culture gap, for instance, if I were writing it, I'd approach it like this: inner world settlements should correlate to better tech since they're closer together and so their supply lines will be better. Outer world settlements will be farther from the main distribution areas, so they have less access to new tech. Being farther out also means outer settlements are more isolated, so they're not as exposed to other cultures. They stagnate and maintain traditions. The scale of stagnation will depend on just how far out they are, what role they serve in the world community.
Now, as a thought experiment, I'll try the inverse. Let's say the inner world settlements have low tech and insular cultures and the outer world settlements have high text and varied cultures. How'd they get that way? I think of a donut: a collection of inner world settlements who don't branch out because they're surrounded by outside culture, so they withdraw in and stagnate. The outside settlements exchange culture and grow their supply lines in a large ring around the inner settlements. Now the question is, why aren't they going right through the middle of the world to reach the other sides, since the fastest way to get from A to B is a straight line? Here I'd make up a conflict that's in line with the themes and start building from there.

So now I've got two ideas, I have to pick. The inner world high tech story lets me have things like capital corruption, maybe religious cults in the outer worlds, and going back to the virus idea, if the medicine isn't ready, the inner tech world could simply shut down in chaos and people flee for the outer world, causing culture conflict.
For the outer world high tech story, now I have things like poor slum lords for the inner world and insular technocracy for the outer world. For the virus, we have an aloof rich outer world protected by distance watching a poor close proximity inner world get torn apart. Say we have a compassionate MC from the outer world who wants to help, but gets apathetic resistance from the outer world.

Deciding between these comes down to what story you want to tell. Both have themes of isolation, but one leans into class apathy and the other into almost xenophobia. And then you pick which one best supports your ideas for your story. Is this helpful? I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but I love these kinds of thought experiments.

Why is drafting on pen and paper so comfy?

>>20016660
>complaining
>when you have 1000 more twitter followers than me
Fuck off then.

>>20019811
Just get started. Took me 4 months anon.

>>20015791
I find the POV to be very odd. The first paragraph gives me the impression of a third person limited character, but then it switches to something else, which I guess is omniscient. But it's a very disembodied, unconvincing omniscient.

Mr. Godbod (wouldnt' that better than Goldbold?) and Ms. Black are both unconvincing and you wonder why they are even named. Nothing has been given to us in terms of who htey are and yet their names are put in only as a distraction. The omniscience is too vague and weak to place them or even the events concretely in the story.

As for the subject matter, I don't think it's remotely publishable. You have a protagonist or quasi-protagonist who is a school shooter. They're not going to publish that. you'll be lucky if they don't refer you to the FBI.

You have potential but you have to keep working at the craft and keep trying different ideas. Don't do school shooting as the subject because it's not marketable and it's not a subject that would be easy to do right in any case.

I agree with the other anon who says the tone is confused. The story is not funny enough to be funny nor empathetic enough to work for other reasons.

Judging by your style/subject matter, take a look at Chuck Palahniuk's writing, including his book on writing.

I think I'm coming to accept I'll never truly finish this novel. It's been a concept in my head since 2017, but I'm still working on the 2nd draft today. It's too personal, I'm too insecure, too terrified of judgement and putting myself out there. Even at 55-60k words, it seems like a mountain of mistakes/errors to fix, and I no longer have the mental/emotional energy to see it through. It will have to languish on my hard drive, unfinished, until the end of time. If that makes me a pussy/bitch/loser, then so be it.

>>20016660
Confused by what you're saying. Being a youtuber as the wind up to your authorship is better than going at it with twitter? I don't see how either of them are very good to be honest, the concept is just completely alien to me.

What the hell are you even DOING? What is THE post, what is literally post number one? Are you using your real face and name? If you don't, aren't they just gonna find out your name anyways buying your book? Are you just posting excerpts or something, or writing advice, or what? What is the meat and potatoes between the actual post unveiling your book? I just can't imagine being pathetic enough to wake up, sit down at your computer, log in, and start posting weird meaningless updates and statuses littered with hash tags or going to more popular posts and leaving your rat dropping personal advertisements around in the comments like a bot.

Of course, I'm aware that NOT doing all this scummy shit probably just sinks you to the bottom of a gigantic bucket of crabs and leaves you in obscurity forever but there has seriously got to be a dignified and actually successful way to advertise your work and gain readers.

>>20020269
I am envious. You have a personal work you strove to finish and you have a first draft. 60k words is a wonderful length. If you put that novel to the side for a few years, I wonder what your thoughts would be when you reread it later in your life? I'm sure you would find something praiseworthy in it then, and perhaps some objectivity that may inspire you to change it in new ways. I wanted to write a novel. I wanted to get a writing routine. But I cannot stay disciplined. The fear takes over too soon. I have barely 3000 words and I can't even stand to think of it.

>>20020388
>The fear takes over too soon. I have barely 3000 words and I can't even stand to think of it
>the fear
jesus. here's a quick tip. no one cares about you, no one cares about your writing, you are not special you have nothing to be afraid of. you are insignificant. learn that, internalize what it means, and get back to writing free of paranoia.

>>20020408
The fear isn't really about other people, I think, it's about yourself and exposing yourself to yourself and seeing how short you fall of your aspirations.

>>20020432
Just remember that the first draft is going to be shit, so just right some shit. There's nothing to worry about.

It's only after multiple rounds of editing that it takes shape as something worth reading.

>>20016731
It was a desolate place far away from comforts of civilization, one of those spots your dad would take you fishing until you royally fucked it up, damaging your relationship forever.

>>20017661
thanks anon. i needed that

Any resources on writing short stories? I want to garner a following by making short story webtoons while I write my long main novel. Luckily I'm skilled enough to be able to draw so that's no issue. My biggest issue is writing plots for short stories. My mind naturally thinks long term and doesn't know how to characterize characters in short plots or how to create an impact with just a short story. Are there any youtube videos or other resources you guys like for learning to write short stories?

>>20020715
step 1: write the short story

>>20020715
i would like to know too, since i find that the shorter word count doesn't quite allow for the same techniques as long form writing, at least not with the same elegance.

>>20020715
>>20020734
Read short stories, retards.

It's incredible bros. I lowered the dose of my prescribed antidepressants and all of sudden I have more creativity and spark!

>>20020802
Are you fucking around? I was on citalopram for almost two years and I stopped cold turkey three weeks ago. Aside from the fact that masturbation now feels fucking amazing, I am struggling to see much difference.

>>20020853
That’s because you took it for too long idiot.
Fried your fucking gourd.

>>20020857
That's not how antidepressants work, dudebroscience.

>>20020853
Nah, they were making me feel nothing at all. I started on 40 mg and I got used to that amount so eventually they doubled it and 2 months later I felt numb to everything. I feel like my creative shackles have been released.

>>20020715
>>20020734
I write exclusively short stories (unpublished, though I have posted some of my works here to some positive feedback--for whatever that's worth). The best resource, as another anon pointed out, is a good collection of short stories. I can recommend the following authors as being particularly instructive:

>Chekov
>Pushkin
>Carver
>Fitzgerald

Short stories are all about parsimony, contrast and reversal of expectation. It's vitally necessary to work backwards, even if your writing process demands that you work forwards (in that case just work forwards till the end of the first draft, then revise backwards). You can experiment with form and style more, since it's short enough that it won't get grating or annoying. But you have to limit the story to explore just one thing. One character, one theme, one event, one action, etc. In that sense, it's not very different from a good joke or comedic "bit".

One book I can recommend is "Making Shapely Fiction", which covers all the basic "shapes" that short stories tend to take (or combinations thereof). However I would refrain from trying to write to a preconceived shape.

>>20020947
You're the pancake guy aren't you?

Alright fags, apparently I might not know the pluralization rules of English well enough to pluralize a made up word properly so I'm going to ask you instead.
https://www.strawpoll.me/45983853
Not going to argue for any of these in particular, just wondering what people would think if they saw this word. Since this is for something for RR if it confuses ESL too much I'll have to change it.

>>20021014
Nah. I'm the guy that always posts the really long screenshots

Has anyone actually finished a full length novel recently? all i see here are excerpts. Never a finished product, not even a first draft

>>20021160
No, because most "writers" are actually just larpers who will never finish a first draft, let alone a first book.

>>20021160
I finished 2 novels in a series so far. First one totaled out to 223k words, and 105k words in the second novel. I started on the third one this October but my willpower hasn't been able to recover in the slightest.

How are Sanderson and King so fast?

>>20021182
Because he uses extremely simple prose as a vehicle for well thought out plots and magic systems and has a massive work ethic.

>>20021182
They actually write instead of wasting time on 4chan.

>>20021160
Currently running private test readings of my webnovel. 220k words.

>>20021199
>>20021179
Yet nobody here sent out a pdf for the rest of us. . I get 4chan is toxic as fuck, but there are temporary hosting sites

>>20021203
Mine's in the author's pastebin but I'll post it in any case.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/31062/saga-of-the-cosmic-heroes

It's also on at least two scraper sites now, which I still find amusing. It doesn't contain volume 3 yet from my understanding since I bother stuck my dose downloading it to see how much it contains.

>>20021186
I'm autistic about finding the right word-synonym.

>>20020869
Yes it is dudesciencebro.
SSRIs fry receptors.

>>20021203
Why the hell would I ever value the average poster in this thread's opinion on anything? This place is for shitposting, blogposting, and laughing at. People who do post work here tend to make every single beginner writer's mistake at once and those who don't get ripped on for not being a fuckup. The rest, which is to say those who don't write, are just LARPers.

>>20021235
none of us will ever make it.

>>20021160
I finished a 55K word webnovel volume for a contest last September. Since then I've been slacking and writing short stories.

>>20021203
I guess since the contest is over, I might as well post it. Probably garbage though since I didn't win lol
https://www.honeyfeed.fm/novels/4061

>>20021160
Four novels done here. 3 in a series, a 4th standalone.

>>20021310
cover
needs
work

>>20015244
Hellooooooooooo, nurse!

>>20019571
>inner world settlements should correlate to better tech since they're closer together and so their supply lines will be better. Outer world settlements will be farther from the main distribution areas, so they have less access to new tech.
I'm sorry, I was short on time and should have clarified earlier. First, I was using the inner/outer world terminology in a general sense to convey the situation from the POV character's perspective. That is, the "inner world" would be the world the protagonist belongs to and lives in, and the "outer world" is the world removed from the protagonist's own. Many stories progress with the protagonist venturing out from their own world into another at some point, a quintessential example being something like the idyllic Shire in LoTR in comparison to the outside world beset by various evils. So from a character and dynamics perspective, my first concern was how the distinctions between these two worlds would influence the perspectives and relations between the characters, because there is a conflict between the two. In addition a technological or cohesion gap can influence the reader in who is more justified or deserving of empathy.

However on the details of the setting specifically, which I should have elaborated on beforehand, most of your analysis isn't very applicable to the situation I have in mind. Firstly, because the two worlds have a strong degree of isolation from one another, to the point that one is not aware of the other. Secondly, because geographically it's not the case that one surrounds the other on a flat plain so to speak - Rather the inner and outer descriptors are more aptly about 3D space, where the inner world is literally underground, existing in a massive network of tunnels, rails, metros, natural caves, and underground cities, whereas the outer world is located on the surface of the planet, with much of the maze connecting the two being lost and abandoned by those below.

>Is this helpful? I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but I love these kinds of thought experiments.
It is. I'm sorry for this late response, I was unable to get back to it before now. I hope I've clarified some of my conception of the issue better this time.

>>20021034
Warbreds.

>>20021034
Warbred.

>>20021365
Unfortunately I have no visual arts skills. If I ever have reason to revive the project, I will have to pay an artist to whip me up a slick anime style cover. Too bad the most prominent female character is a reverse trap so I can't rely on tits for appeal.

>>20015244
Based and ZUNpilled

does writing really get easier the more you do it?

>>20021494
No.

>>20021398
>Too bad the most prominent female character is a reverse trap so I can't rely on tits for appeal.
you fool

>>20021494
Yes

>>20021692
On the other hand, there's the possibility of insert art for the scene wherein she opens her shirt to reveal her cloth-wrapped chest to the MC on a rooftop with the moon behind her.

How do I write something that is still around 100 years later and inspires countless derivative works

>>20021724
acceptable

Do you actually get any points in this thread for finishing a novel? Are there extra if you actually like it too?

I have one that's just a little over 50k, that I'd love for people to read. It's a Sci-Fi Thriller set in a time where the old nations are in decline, and a new way of life is rising to take its place. These two worlds collide when an unassuming night janitor stumbles into a secretive rebel group known as the Night Owls. It features a guy who'd I'd describe as lovably naive, and a badass mercenary chick.

Uh, anyway, sorry for the sales pitch (thought it up on the spot), just trying to pique your interest. I think people here would like it. I've been practicing writing a long time, and I've gotten pretty good at it. At the very least, I've gotten to the point I can go back an reread it, and still enjoy the experience. It's all re-drafted and edited (unlike this post, lol), so it should be fit for general consumption.

Anyway anyway, I'm not sure how things are normally shared on here, but I have a pair of dropbox links.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/7rxs3or5bh4n9sm/TheClassB.epub?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/y7tiscndw195xsr/TheClassB.pdf?dl=0

They're both the same, just different file formats for your convenience.

Is it bad that I have zero desire or even story potential for a sequel to what I'm writing? I know that these days everyone's making series because having a successful IP is the most business savvy thing now.

>>20021828
edited by you doesn't count
if it's by someone else they're bad

>>20020432
that sounds like the gayest shit I ever heard. get over yourself

>>20021901
Post an excerpt of your work.

>>20021262
>total followers: 3
big oof

Also, what retarded web design to display chapter comments on the main page. If the work had anything like plot and active followers, it would get spoiled already before you pick it up

>>20021878
Yes. If you don't want to do it, then don't.

>>20022027

>>20015791
I like the beginning. It's like a penny drops situation as the horror sets in, in regards to what's happening.

>>20015884
Shrewd maybe? Are they cunning, perceptive. Can see things others miss.

>>20021203
I would, but I fear that hearing any more criticism on it will send me straight into another editing phase. "Good enough" can be hard.
Also everyone will shit on me for the subject matter.

>>20022247
I was wondering why so many of your edits felt so forced. That paragraph of descriptors is worse than anything you corrected.

>>20022578
What is the subject matter?

How do you get better at dialogue?
And no I won't listen to normalfags at cafes, I refuse to leave my house and suffer in their infuriating presence.

>>20022656
Read it out loud to yourself. If you cringe, change it. If you chuckle, it stays.

Is it normal for British stuff to mostly be written in passive voice?

>>20022601
Furry loli gets lost and abducted, really not something people here would read 16k words of. I'd be happy enough getting crit on the excerpts I post.

>>20017817
>he doesn't know about Archive Of Our Own

One of my chapters is almost 10k words and I'm not done yet. Granted, it's actually two chapters occurring simultaneously (oriented as their own separate columns; both with the same chapter number) but still. It's becoming a monstrosity.

>>20022735
If you're not comfortable getting crit for your furshit cunnyposting in /wg/ there's also >>>/trash/wfg.

>>20022749
Talk next through this, is the reader supposed to read the left column on scene A and a right column on scene B, alternating on each page?

>>20022771
I don't care how the reader decides to tackle it. I have written the two separate, yet interwoven stories switching between them every page. It has been pretty exceptionally difficult, so if it's hard to read, I'm tempted to just say tough shit.

I have a character named Cassius, he is 50yo painter and draftsman, he is chill and reserved, but successful in his craft and like a professor to other characters. I need a last name for him that sounds good. I want something that is not very common, but not too artsy and difficult either, since his first name is already unusual. It might be a pseudonym and not his actual last name. Any ideas?

>>20022812
crink

>>20022812
Teach. Cassius Teach.

>>20022812
Suissuc. Makes the lore-obsessed casuals feel smart when they realize.

>>20022893
Suissac* I have no idea why that of all things autocorrected

>>20022791
Ah the old "I've suffered so now so must you" Could be either really cool or exhausting to read at that length.

>>20022812
Demaestro

>>20022601
lashing out because you can't handle being overshadowed will make for a miserable life

>Dark clad figures dashed

"clad" adds nothing, you're using it to just to have another word

>the intersection of a murky hallway

intersection implies a plural. "dashed through a murky hallway" is superior to "dashed through the intersection of murky hallways"

>rusted remains of a decrepit chair

"rusted" "remains" and "decrepit" are each identical adjectives for what you're trying to describe.

>some crumbling filing cabinets

"crumbling filing cabinets" superior

>passed in total silence

"passed in silence" and "passed in total silence" mean the same thing but the latter sounds worse. also they're "dashing" which will probably generate a certain amount of noise.

>their eyes all but totally concealed by cloth wrappings over their faces

unnecessary sentence. you already described them as "dark"

>corrupt government and the corporations that supported it

it's your opening paragraph and "corrupt government and the corporations that supported it" is horribly generic.

>Central City

unless there's an extremely strong narrative justification for renaming an existing city you should just use the old name. if it's an actually new city then you need to describe its location relative to existing cities.

>deep/heartland

heartland = deep, you're being redundant

>a man they knew only as

how many times do you think another writer has written these 6 words? too many.

>into the Old City to make plans for an important operation

we already know it's important. that's why they're sneaking around.

>They were well practiced in stealth. . .

verbose. "They. . . eyes" is 17 words to say "they're good at stealth"

"surveillance infrastructure" is unnecessarily specific yet still generic, "eyes of the CSA" conveys the same thing

>They were, perhaps,

'perhaps' used like this is so goddamn common.

>not a single one

"forced" by the way is using 4 words when you could have used 1

>standing at the far end of the corridor

"at the far end of the corridor" is superior to "standing at. . ."

>>20022601
>>20022980

>He was currently squatting

"currently" unnecessary

>, which

incorrect use of which

>floor boards

it's floorboards.

>what was once

a once > what was once

>classy

"classy" is a word used by people who don't understand class. but "elegant" is just as shitty. "fine" probably best.

>foyer, but

unnecessary comma

>charming collection of weeds

"charming collection" is a sharp tone change "our badass operatives sneak through a ruined building while an unknown figure crouches nearby, oh but look at these positively charming weeds!"

>reclaimed the space for their use

reclaimed means "for their use"

>young, far from his thirties

yes, that's what young means


like i said.
editing it yourself doesn't count and if it's someone else, they're bad.
a good editor would have pointed out the repetitiveness.

>>20022769
I honestly forgot about that place. I'll stick around both generals, thanks.

>>20022989
>>20022980
I'm not even an anon you critiqued. I just had to point out the visceral cringe reaction I had to a 72 word run-on sentence with over a dozen forced descriptors. You clearly pay no mind to flow or readability while pretending to be a master of it.
You'll cut the word "watchful" out of "watchful eyes of the CIA" but will include such pseud shit as "faux somnolent".
Now stop reddit spacing and get a trip so we can filter you.

>>20022946
>Could be either really cool or exhausting
Hopefully both, and more.

I just finished a story of 27,887 words.
It fucking sucks. I feel no sense of satisfaction in this.
I need to start something new immediately.

>>20023085
how long did that take from start to finish?

>>20023091
I wrote the first four chapters (2k word chapters roughly) sometime last fall, then didn't touch it for several months.
Word tells me I've had the file open of 8437 minutes but I'm guessing most that is just me having it open and procrastinating by doing something else.
139 hours for 28k words comes to 200 words an hour, which is just ridiculously low. I have been writing other things at the same time, I swear I do more than this.

>>20022812
Clay

fol

>>20021828
Thanks for posting this anon. Be careful about Dropbox, I don't know if that's your real name but I could see it. And congrats on finishing the novel.
>>20021878
Not at all. I did a standalone book after finishing a series and almost had more fun doing a contained story than a big one.

>>20021160
I’ve written 3, one I wrote a second draft of. But I was told they’re shit so I gave up.

>>20020495
MULTIPLE rounds of editing? No, fuck that. One and done. Jim Butcher says he only revises once.

>RoyalRoad? That ain’t writing.

>>20023452
>Jim Butcher
He's an airport novelist, anon.

>>20023510
Have you read what gets published to RR?

>>20023521
Yeah the doom guy shit and some other trash. But I was just making a joke misquote of McCarthy, fren.

>>20023515
Still more of a writer than any of us.

>>20023699
Dresden Files is pretty fun.

>>20023515
And I'm a fan fiction author

>>20015560
I have a book published by random house and there are pictures both on while glossy smooth paper like you would find in a magazine and just the regular paper that is beige with a rough feeling. If it's stuff that you need high quality clear images printed on you'll probably need it printed on those magazine type pages. So it's possibly just probably More expensive but possible?

>>20023510
>Amazon? That ain't writing.

>>20015384
I'd play around with power dynamics by having her joke around about how bad it would be if his wife somehow got the mistaken idea that they were having an affair.

>>20022656
Read plays.

How trash is this ?

I haven't written shit b4 and wondering if this is a good start for a novel.

>>20025043
very verbose. I think cutting down on wordiness slightly could improve it

>>20025043
>Flatulent mud had started screaming beneath his feet

>>20015791
The beginning is kind of mismatched with the rest of the sample and the teacher characters could be better unnamed. The writing really picks up after the pipe bomb bit, it has real momentum and some clever moments, I like it.

>>20025043
People don't whisper to themselves outside of cartoons. "I have to keep moving" is listed as a thought, but you put quotation marks around it. If it's dialogue, it should be on the same line as the previous one, but neither should be dialogue.
>the idiot
Sounds awkward and stilted. "His idiot ass", maybe.
>his movements were shown to the public as that of
Don't break perspective. "He probably looked like an addict right now."
>But had there been a reason for him to be despised?
This doesn't sound rethorical. Are you actually asking the reader? You don't create intrigue by literally stating the questions. You should just say, "Addict or not, he had given society reasons to despise him." and keep that mystery.
>mud had started
Don't start a new scene with past perfect.
>the idiot
Don't
>Keep walking!
Redudant repetition of the beggining. Are you reminding the reader of the tension or yourself?
Nothing really happens until the last paragraph.
>sad feelings exist only
Is present tense. I would just cut it. I would cut everything from "unsavoury less-than" to "and then something happened." The words themselves give you a hint

R8. Might post the rest later if I finish it
>Might change the opening to "Small, and overgrown with sickly moss..." since I guess rocks can't be described as overgrown

>>20025169
>getting there had been uneasy, but the fetid air reminded them it would be uneasy
What kind of contrast do you suppose you're creating here?
>"Very -"
Just use a period.
>tasked with leading the squad along the tracks of the wretches
Cut.
I would recommend not having two characters start their names with the same letter. Also, get some linguistic consistency. "Tomihan" comes from Japan, "Vathe" is from America and Vanemiel sounds Latin.
>Spear-like, bifurcated
Cut. Just use catchers.
>the rest of the squad
What squad?
You know what, I'm gonna stop. It's so unengaging. The characters keep reminding each other of geographical and elemental world rules like this is a game of DnD, but nothing happens at the character-level. It's just an incessant repeat of conditions in lieu of actual suspense.

>>20021901

Shit, this is some good edits/feedback... and so many...
(op, btw)
I did mean by me, and I think I see the diff. Are you a professional, or just good?

>>20025043
it's trashy anon. is the idea to gt people to laugh? it succeeds at that.

but if you want to write seriously it looks like you haven't read enough. your tastes are not sufficiently developed. keep reading and forget about writing for a while.

>>20025207
>What kind of contrast do you suppose you're creating here?
They had an easy hike across the plains but still knew they were here to bash zombies, and it situation really hit them once they reached a cave that smelled like corpses. Maybe this could be restructured to sound better by describing the quiet calm of the environment to then contrast the uneasy anticipation when they reach the hole.

>linguistic consistency. Names from japan, america, and latin
Fair. I'm not completely satisfied with the captain's name either. The same-letter soldiers are related so they've got that same play that the dwarves in the Hobbit have... ideally. I intentionally tried not to make all the names sound too related (outside Vathe and Vane) so that the language didn't sound like it was the same 5 syllables, but polishing would be useful.

>Just use catchers
Also expanded it intentionally so I wouldn't use the same noun repeatedly in a paragraph, but sure.

>What squad?
The squad that's looking for zombies, most of which are grunts that just have to obey what the captain says, and so don't have much to be useful at currently.

>Unengaging... nothing happens at the character level... descriptions as a suspense supplement.
I can see that, alright.

>>20023172
Thanks! It's actually my third :D

They all probably need professional editing, but I can't afford that shit :( I'm still really proud of them though

What's a good writing app for kindle? My computer died and it'll be months before I can replace it.

How do I go about publishing children's books? I cannot draw. Should I self publish or go through a traditional publisher? What about middle grade?

>>20025583
Children can't draw either. you'll fit in

>>20025414
a kindle? i have a new paperwhite and the UI is so laggy i can't imagine writing on it. even searching a book lags. use a notepad and pencil.

This is probably a stupid question but how do you go from turning a vague idea into an actual project? Like what how do I avoid getting stuck in the whole "I would like to write a story about x"-phase and actually set the wheels into motion? I have too many ideas but I have no idea where to start or how to go about tackling such a big project as writing a full story.

I’m getting a new keyboard. What’s a good one to improve my writing?

>>20025670
this is definitely a stupid answer, but write, every day, even if its not on your project. Even if its stupid and dumb. Forming the habit is the first step.

Just, fyi, it may take a very long time (years) before you start finishing projects, but it's worth it, imo. Even just the writing alone is valuable, as it gets you into the habit of thinking about stuff in a different way.

I'd recommend aiming for something like 200 words a day, though I just go with whatever fills a page in TextEdit.

Newfag: 200 words per hour
With practice: 600 words per hour
Good: ???

>>20025725
if Terry Pratchett was any indication, 60 words per hour

>>20025743
400 words a day *
because he worked fulltime on top of it

>>20025767
I thought everyone here works a job and writing is just for fun

>>20025677
Writing, genius.

>>20025611
It's a Fire, fairly new and not absolutely horrible to use. I can't get into a good flow with pen and paper, but something about the act of typing lets me focus on going forward instead of getting stuck on where I'm going.

>>20025767
did he really? I guess Pratchett worked harder than I assumed.

>>20025670
My personal take is to write what's on your mind, even if in tiny portions and build up from there. Start with a synopsis, break it into parts, develop these parts into paragraphs, build upon then into chapters, refine at every step.

Say you are writing Lion King, you could go like this:
>A story like Hamlet but with lions
Then:
>1. Lion cub loses father
>2. Goes to exile as uncle rules in his place
>3. Comes back and claims throne
Then, you expand on each part:
>1. a) Father talks to son about life and the kingdom
>1. b) Cub is manipulated by uncle
>1. c) Father dies
>2. a) Going to exile
>2. b) Life in exile
>2. c) Must be convinced to come back
>3. a) Coming back to kingdom
>3. b) Fighting uncle
>3. c) Wins and claims throne

You get the idea. Go from general to specific. Each level leads to a more complex one, until you know which scenes must be there. Start with what comes more easily and natural to you, whether it is in the middle of the story, it doesn't matter. While you do it, you'll get ideas on how to work on the rest and you'll have a "map" of your story so you are not lost or overwhelmed by the work you have in front of you.

>>20025670
stories are vehicles for ideas, but they're made of of characters and events. don't focus on your idea, focus on creating characters with goals and desires and the events that occur as a result of the characters trying to achieve their goals and fulfill their desires. your first draft will not be your last

>>20025043
>Flatulent mud had started screaming beneath his feet
I'll admit, that's not that bad. Just drop the passive voice.

>>20025829
I work a full time job. I write for fun, but I also aim to improve constantly and get as good as I possibly can.

>>20025923
>Just drop the passive voice.
Why should he? Because you like repeating regurgitated advice?
http://www.lel.ed.ac.uk/~gpullum/passive_loathing.pdf

>>20025923
>NOOO MUH PASSIVE VOICE REEEEEEEEE
You ESLs are such useless cunts. Learn how to fucking read, faggot.

>>20025974
This pdf always filters me. Once he gets into the acronyms I'm just lost completely.

>>20025414
This sounds incredibly kino. I'm not sure of a good way to do it but am curious, if not get a chrome book or used beater laptop to fill the gap and back your shit up religiously

>>20025986
I thought passive voice was an ESL thing because they struggle with conversational efficiency

>>20023034
i would have considered your feedback if that's all you had given. i'm glad it wasn't. your inability to evaluate appropriate edits means your internal voice is weak. your feedback is worthless.

>>20025252
editing yourself is just as important as having someone also editing, and my needling aside i really enjoyed the first chapter. arte is a good character, made me laugh. will continue reading your work without worrying about composition.

>>20026201
Sorry, I'll try to be more faux somnolent in the future.

>>20026201
no homo, but legit <3

>>20025974
I'm now going through this line by line. It's a hard read. I feel like I'm learning something, I just don't know what it is yet.

>>20026396
Welcome to enlightnement, anon.

>>20026398
>Section 3. Critical incompetence
Something tells me this author was a little upset at the past 100 years of passive voice libel.

Is this cringe? The answer is of course yes. But cringe enough?

Darius tightened his grip with his blades.
"It's not fair that only he is able to taste you, but soon, I can too..."
"...who?"
Adah's breathing turned heavier as sweat dropped to the grass in front of her. She regripped her hands on her blade. Her legs trembled, unable to gather mana. Darius's mind may not be sound, but his skills as a knight did not diminish. Adah steeled herself again trying to anticipate and guess what Darius may do next.
"I don't want to hurt you Adah. Master promised. He promised that I can taste you. To be your second."
"... Taste me?" Adah thought.
"Put down your sword. We don't need to fight."
"Okay Darius, you win," Adah replied, "I'll let you taste me."

Adah sheathed her sword and unbuckled her scabbard. It fell to the ground, stopping Darius's movement.

"I'll take these off too," Adah said, as she unclipped her leggings.
"Yes... yes... taste."

Adah removed her underwear and sat on boulder next to the rock she kicked earlier. It was cold to the touch, but she had no choice. She spread her legs, give Darius a clear view of what he wanted.

"Okay here," Adah beckoned.

Darius dropped his blades and lurched toward Adah. His eyes were transfixed with what he wanted so desperately after all these years. He bent over smell the sweat between her legs. The Knight of Velocity's hands draped over her thighs as he positiioned himself in front of her. His knees touched the ground as his face touched her. Adah's legs shuttered and she let out a gasp at the sudden movement felt between her legs. She arched back, allowing Darius's tongue to taste her more. Her hand reached back, and grabbed the rock behind her. A yellow glow started to emit from the rock. Adah secured her grip around the rock and her legs constricted Darius's body.

"Yes... Adah, you taste so good," Darius said, "the mana is flowing in you."

Suddenly, bone and blood splattered across Adah's legs. The rock repeatedly bashed against Darius's skull. Her legs wrapped tighter, immobilizing his movements. Blood dripped from Adah's hand. Pieces of brain and bone fell soiled her thighs, as it slowly trickled to the grass below. Adah's leg loosened as she kicked Darius away. His body landed with a thud. She spat into his skull, still angry at what transpired.

"There... you got your wish," Adah said to the corpse below her.

>>20026711
...Is it your intent to be cringy?

What are some good examples of a father/stepfather as a low to mid-tier antagonist that aren't too petty or one-dimensional but still aren't antagonizing their sons as a test?

>>20026716
no, trying to be scary, but after reading it, even I know it's cringy as fuck. But how else do I write a guy getting his head bashed in while giving cunninglings?

My average writing speed for my novel is 940 words per hour. I think I should be slowing down a bit and trying to hone the voice, but my first idea was to edit later.

>>20026745
There's a scene in Devilman Crybaby where the girl gets raped at knifepoint but she is having such a good time that when he says he's going to cum she unceremoniously breaks the dude's skull open and keeps going. Might be worth a watch.

>>20026745
Okay. I needed that answered before reading.


Darius sounds creepy... If you're making a rapist I guess it works? You should expand on Adah's thoughts going from when she gets what "tasting" means and feeling shame/worry/etc when she plays along.

Darius wants to get horny, we want to get horny too. Remain tasteful if you want, but show Adah off to the reader as well

The okay here sounds odd on its own

You're missing a "to" between bent over and smell. Once again, be detailed. Make Darius have the time of his life eating her out while she plays along and grabs a rock. The actual killing felt a little rushed.

>>20026771
>>20026766
Hmm... good point. I'll slow the scene down.

>book 1: 385 wph
>book 2: 213 wph
>book 3: 99 wph
>book 4 (unpubbed): 51 wph
M-Most of the document time is just me editing, r-right?

>>20026802
Now, wanna proofread something back?

>>20026863
sure. Send it over

>>20025169
Not bad. I think the scene could be expanded more with description of where they landed. But I figured the setting was explained earlier

>>20015244
Neuron activation

I'm now writing about a man fucking a horse in the ass. Wish me luck.

Not a writer, but I accidentally wrote a short story recently. Like, 20 paragraphs or so. Is there anywhere I should post it? I know of wattpad, but isn’t that for porn?

>>20026745
Grab some Poe short stories and read them while thinking about how you are supposed to be scared by the material and what details he focuses on to impart the correct sensations to the reader. Is his obsession supposed to be scary? Describe his emotional state and her emotional reaction to it. Are we supposed to be horrified by the juxtaposition of her snatch with the skull smashing? You have to pick key sensory details (the sound of bone cracking, the smell of their fluids mixing, the sight of his blood and brains splashing into the folds of her crotch) to make the reader construct a vivid experience mentally. I'd suggest looking at "The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar" specifically, great use of both mental and physical horror there.

>>20026989
Good luck. Imagine the smell when the man takes his dick out of the horses' ass.

>>20026711

>>20026870
>

>>20026961
Changed some stuff after the previous anon's commentary and continued a little.

----------------------------

>>20026991
The transition between "old lady exists in old house" and "old lady sees man" could be expanded upon

>>20027201
Better, but you can edit some things here and there further

>>20027201
Now that's an edit. Good job you made it really readable and engaging. I still want to see more sex. Like how Darius's tongue flicked her clit or how her face blushed from getting hornier. If I'm going to read smut, let me read smut not a killing.

>>20027258
Reading exerpts from the rest of Adahfag I don't think he's trying to sexualize his mc *too much*. This level of description fits how little Adah wants to know about what's going on, imo, but a more intimate/consensual sex scene could get more sexual

>>20027201
Who the fuck is the first? Make her a virgin. Non virgin MC is shit

>>20027249
>>20027288
not OP, just a retard anon
OP said she fucks her brother, probably him

>>20027309
>Incest smut
Based
>Master said...
Well fuck that just ruined the entire story. Obvious it's the brother. Now I don't need to read the rest.

>>20027309
Huh, alright

>>20027397
>>20027397
>>20027397

>>20026991
>x kissed by the sun('s glow)
kinda cliche

>>20027249
Indeed, it’s the perfect natural place for a description - but I was deliberately holding off on that, for reasons.
>>20027473
Maybe, but it also efficiently paints the terrain’s pleasant atmosphere (needed somewhat to get across how out of place the mansion is).