/lit/ - Literature

>>20001557
I finished my novel's first draft early Sunday morning, and within an hour, I was thinking about all the mistakes I'll have to fix.

>>20001563
That's good, you were ready to polish your product within an hour of finishing

>>20001563
That's bad, you don't have enough separation from the work to know what needs polishing.

>>20001557
OP nuked harder than Ukraine, again

>>20001557
>Reads related to honing the craft
Anyone who posts pictures of anime girls unironically has no clue what it is to hone anything but his dickskin.

>>20001624
Expanded. With the exception of the self publishing websites, flash fiction anthologies, and new reading list, the old OP has only been reorganized

>>20001629
jokes on you im circumcised

>>20000000

>>20001565
Thank you, I am great.

>>20001612
It's been longer than an hour now, but if you insist, I will wait even longer to start polishing.

>write your first million words
>throw them in the fire
>now you're ready to start really writing
yeah?

>>20001648
thanks for the tip, goy

is it ever acceptable to have coomerbait as your cover art?

>>20001942
https://youtu.be/E781QE7ZQK8

>>20001942
every single romance novel has some shirtless dude on it and romance is the best selling genre. I'd say its not only acceptable, its essential

>>20001700
Enjoyable. I got a bit distractible in the 2nd paragraph though with the 'delta variation' talk. Too much fantasy jargon perhaps in that little bit? Too much exposition? Idk. But I did feel myself getting distant at that point.

>>20002270
Well, it is a story about a wizard and his apprentice so academic jargon had to be shoved in eventually. It's unfortunate her replies have dipped in quality since.

>>19994635
You could have just joined the neo-lit server. There are writers there. It's much more casual but people make of things what they make of them, you know. Here's an invite if you aren't already there.

discord gg/aFh6kJRJFk

>>20000399
Thanks for the catch
>>20000405
Wait what's wrong with this?

>>20002326
I'll be honest there's too much world building and I lost interest. I don't really care that the letter Delta is shaped like a leaf. It doesn't help using the world Delta either since we associate it with a triangle. I think it's better to make up a new random hodgepodge of letters.

>>20002427
Fair.

>>20002410
>Im a tuff gurl
>Yas slay kween!!

>>20002333
Hopped in and it looks like a nice hangout spot but very different from what I'm trying to get going. It's a sprawling reader themed hangout, but I'm trying to create a really simple swap spot just for posting writing pieces for critique in a format where you're highly likely to get replies. I'm purposely structuring it so there is not much chit-chat/hanging out talking about extraneous stuff.

>>20002529
Sure, more focused. Well, good luck.

My biggest weakness is describing things.
typically you describe things in a story that are novel right? you see something new and you describe it.

So at what point do I describe the protagonists friends features if he's known them for a while?

>>20002660
You don’t need to describe their features unless it’s something out of the ordinary. Nobody gives a shit about the shape of someone’s nose or anything like that. If you have to describe anything, describe their clothes.

>>20002680
How are readers supposed to picture characters in their m inds if they know nothing about how they look?

>>20002713
You add it to the story
"Johnny's brown eyes spotted me in the crowd as...", "He pulled out a card from his jacket, thin fingers trembling..."

>>20002726
I remember trying that once and posting it here and getting flak for that

"Those distant green eyes seemed to be staring past me and looking into me at the same time, analyzing, judging me. There was a cold disdain in her expression."

The original sentence was a little different but they said that by describing the eyes as green I'm putting the impetus on the color of their eyes

>>20002753
I think anon was using a simplified example. Don't literally do that, you need to work it in more subtly.

>>20002753
Everything can be polished and thus everything gets even a little flak. Those examples are super basic, it's up to you to make them fit in with your prose

>>20002758
Yeah like this guy said

>>20002753
If we're thinking of the same sentence, the sentence sucked for a different reason

>>20001700
too many adverbs, too many "i did this" "i did that"

>>20002239
should i commission anime coombait cover ?

>>20002928
Yes

>>20002928
Commission? yes, don't draw it yourself.
Anime coombait? depends on who you're writing for.
Anime coombait attracts anime fans and coomers and might push away normies so if you're writing for those types of people sure.

>>20002928
Case in point. This was successful enough in the US to make several books. Cover alone attracts anime coomers.

>>20002928
Yes, but only if there's absolutely no sex in your story and you're just doing it to show off your female characters.

>>19992494
Check out the discord
https://discord.gg/BMK9X6ah

>>20003548
I don't typically join the 4chan discords, but /wg/ is generally pretty helpful

What do I write in my diary? What do I write in my diary?
I got a diary but I don't know what to write I

>>20002955
what site do you recommend going with ? like i mean should i just trawl deviantart for an autist i like?
>>20002964
its kinda depressing how well furry shit sells

>>20003668
Dream diary
I cant write on mine half the time because my dreams sometimes lean to probably illicit

>>20003682
No... I usually forget my dreams
Thy do say that having one allows you to lucid dream though which is kinda ncie

>>20003687
Start writing them down as soon as you wake up. You git gud at remembering them

Help... i'm completely stuck on a scene where a policeman interviews the victim. I'm doing so much telling right now, because i have no idea how to show a cop ignoring the crowd to interview the victim of a robbery.

>>20003693
Thanks for the suggestion anon but I just want a normal diary. Sorry

>>20003732
Where is your POV and how important is this scene? Does the fact that the cop is ignoring the crowd serve any future detail or theme?

>>20003746
Then write normal things in your diary. It sounds like you've solved your problem

>>20003752
scene isn't all that important. All it is is to distract the main character.

Context of the scene:
>Cop catches thief
>Two other cops cuff the thief
>Cop goes back to the victim for checkups and information
STUCK HERE
>Cop returns to the other two cops to haul victim away
>everyone disappears
>Cop is utterly confused how 2 cops and the thief vanish into thin air

>>20003761
I don't really know how though. I don't know if I should be like really specific or only write important stuff.
Currently I feel like a teenager girl just writing about boring stuff that seems really important at the time I'm writing, which makes me.cringe when I read the page later

I just looked up if "Oxide" is fatal. "Oxide."

>>20003792
Well it is pretty corrosive. Bihydrogenmonoxide is probably the chemical with the most annual fatalities.

>>20003779
Telling seems fine for the fist half of that honestly.
I don't know the exact details of it or the tense used but this is how I would structure it.
>telling of thief encounter and victim statement
>monologue or observational paragraph on the state of city to distance the realization from the event
>return to showing to detail the sudden vanishing
>make sure there is some physical evidence of the event occurring such as a clipboard with the victim statement.

>>20003792
Don't worry anon, I spent yesterday morning researching the insulating properties of a layer of shit on the human body.

>>20003797
It's dihydrogen

>>20003832
Yeah whatever nerd

Suggestions for words I should sneak into my novel? Already have based, keyed, and all Wikipedia-listed racial slurs.

>>20003862
Sneed.

the most liberating thing i have discovered since beginning to write is that i don't have to create the best thing ever written by mankind.
No.
I only have to write better than a majority of my chosen genre to feel good about my creation.

>>20003865
Almost forgot. Thanks, anon!

I know this isn't good, I just want to post something.

Tear me to shreds.

>>20003879
inb4 doon't

>>20001700
B O R I N G A N D G A Y

>>20003879
Okay here's a few things.
>"Any reason you're kept so late"
Needs punctuation my man.
>He looked eastward out of his office window, into the parking lot. He looked
Starting the second sentence with the exact same "he looked" feels clunky, change it.
Same goes for the "He studied" being used twice.

I am "new" to writing, so any feedback is good feedback, right?............ Right?!

I've been sending out query letters for my novel to agents and so far just rejections. At what point do I give up sending it out? Would I just self publish or shelve it? Still gonna keep writing but would like to make some type of money on this book since I spent so much time / effort on it

>>20004060
>first and second tense
Good lord man.

>>20004081
Send them out in batches, keep revising if nobody bites. Then maybe edit the manuscript and write a new query letter and query again


Anyway, how do i get brandon sandersons work ethic

>>20004227
His work ethic or his output? Work ethic begins as conditioned response and ends as habitual response. Output just requires dialing down the quality.

>>20004060
No. Write 100k more purposeful, present words as best you can. Then ask for feedback.

>>20004237
Both desu. It seems like his work is quality and he writes so much too. I’m shocked. I never read anything of his but might try mistborn

>>20003785
Dear diary, today I went grocery shopping. Fuck me I hate grocery shopping. Driving around in this hellscape of a city is going to kill me someday. Tomorrow I will catch the bus.

>>20003862
>wikipedia-listed racial slurs
You absolutely must not forget Cheese-eating surrender-monkey. That one is my favourite.

>>20004060
Why did you mix second and first person? That's an extremely experimental style. It could maybe work for some poetry or a short story, but that would be an impossible pitch for a novel.

>>20004438
Irrelevant. If you read that excerpt and your primary objection was the mixing of perspectives, you are in no position to be offering advice. The prose itself is terrible. With excellent prose, anything is possible. Tenses, perspectives, subject, etc., none of it matters. As long as the prose is good. As long as the WRITING ITSELF is good. Try to make something good before worrying about silly, tangential shit other people will say. Write it so well that they're forced to shut the fuck up.

>>20001563
I know that these give contrasting opinions:
>>20001565
>>20001612
But that should tell you how up to personal preference it is for when you start editing.

>>20004060
Too much "tell" not enough "show"

>>20001897
Believing this kind of thing is stupid. People are different, this number is different.

I'm struggling to get it done today. Barely 200 words. Yesterday I woke and 1000 words came out easily. And today I read over what I've done and I fucking hate it.

Adah sulked as she left the bakery. She could not have taken more than twenty steps when a definite cry for help pierced the air in her vicinity. Her head turned to the direction of cry and immediately saw a man in brown fleeing with another’s purse in hand. The victim, an elderly lady, fell to the floor. Before the silken scarf reached the cobbled ground, Adah gave chase.

“Alert! Alert! Serenity in pursuit. Requesting backup for any active and inactive Knights in the Trunk, near Green Pebble Road, cross sections Red Wind Boulevard and Purple Hurricane Road, code twenty-five. Suspect is a man in brown, of medium stature, thin frame, and on foot. Unknown if armed or if a magic user,” Adah said into a glowing disc held near her chin.

“Copy that Serenity. Backup granted. Fright, and Inferno will rendezvous to your location. Keep your tracker on and pursue with caution,” emitted the disc.

Soft blue streaks of magic began to gather toward Adah’s boots. Her boots glowed yellow and brightened with every step. Citizens gave way to the pursuing Knight. She skirted, danced, and skipped, without missing a single beat. The boots sparkled as her legs cycled faster, fused with mana. With every step she came closer to the thief, watching his every move. He ducked into a darkened alleyway in hopes to dodge his pursuer. Adah continued to hound her prey, now at an earshot.

“Halt! By Knights’ order!”

“Fuck you blowse!”

Mana trickled into his hand as a small appeared from his palm. With a quick turnaround he flung the knife directly at Adah.
“Weak,” Adah replied, as her armlet shielded the attack. The magic shield dissipated back into the ether.

The man’s eyes widened realizing his pursuer was directly in front of him. Their eyes locked. A slight grin emerged from Adah’s face. Mana brightened around her fist. The seconds felt like minutes for the man, frozen from the aura emitted from the Knight in front.

Before the man had time to say another word, Adah’s fist jammed into the stomach of the man in brown. His knees buckled and his mouth cracked as the air escaped from his gut. Powerless, his head touched the ground, and he found himself forcibly submitting to the Knight, presiding over him. The body crumpled to the floor, unable to muster any strength to resist. The chase was over.
“By law four-three-seventeen, you are placed under arrest, under the dominion of the Knight of Serenity, branch Pine, under the pretense of robbery and assault. You will be held in the Pine blocks until a trial has been arranged,” Adah recited.

“Serenity!” said a voice behind her.

“Fright, Inferno,” Adah greeted, “suspect is currently disabled. Please wait here with the suspect, I am going to check with the victim.”


Comments anyone?

We only have three types of people here.

1. People who bitch
2. People that write but never finish their project
3. People who never start

Which one are you?

>>20004755
D. All of the above

>>20004736
>Para. 1
Cut the "definite", it's not needed and it currently sounds odd. another's could be swapped with simply "a purse". Swap the description of the scarf for a description of Adah running at the thief.

>Para 2.
Good idea, iffy execution. Maybe it's because I read it as she's narrating this to her magic phone and not shouting mid-sprint. Watch some cops to see how they do it, usually there's codes and abbreviations.

>Para 6
A small... what? appeared from his palm? Yesterday another anon mentioned he got girlboss vibes from Adah. Going "weak" and then evading is an example of that.

>Para. 7
When did Adah pass him? Aren't they in an alley?

In general, you haven't changed some of the previous feedback. You keep using the same words in continuous sentences, which makes reading feel a bit odd. This isn't a real rule afaik, but try not to use the same noun twice in the same paragraph if possible, specially considering the length of the ones in this excerpt.

>>20004755
2.5. I write other things, but barely have anything on the proyects I post here

>>20004705
This but opposite. I wrote 1500 words a few days ago and I'm very proud of what content came out of it. Turns out when I don't have to carefully structure dialogue and instead write exposition/description, I get a lot of joy out of writing.
>>20004755
4. People who tie their real name to their writing so they can't post finished stuff here unless it's custom made

>>20004755
But I did finish several

>>20001557
based

>>20004755
By process of elimination, 1.

People like you willfully ignore the pastebin of /wg/ authors

>>20004872
>willfully ignore the pastebin of /wg/ authors
Not him, but the pastebin is like a collection of participation laureates who tried their best but couldn't manage to write anything better than a bit of farting and shitting all over an otherwise perfectly passable blank page.

>>20004884
But they did write and finish, which is more than you can say.

>>20004895
I wrote, finished, and was published. I think I can say a little bit more.

>>20004899
Sure thing, type 1

>>20004901
>"Sneed"

>>20004008
that's sorta intended, dude's like is boring and lonley.

thanks tho

>>20004946
The lack of either a question mark or a period at the end of a sentence is not excused by that. Fix it. FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT

>>20004755
5. Absolute fucking degenerates that write shit no one else in the thread can stand.

>"Where did that blasted rabbit go! Tracks! It jumped down that hole." The warrior woman sprinted before leaving down the rabbit hole, however we're she expected to slide, she fell. Distracted by carving and colors along the cave walls eventually her trip landed her in a patch of trees, cushioning her fall. Plopping right onto the ground, her open mouth caught a little round and sweet cherry which melted and delighted her mouth and enticed her into a world of candy.

Does good prose ever come naturally or will I have to edit on a sentence-by-sentence basis forever?

>>20005261
It can and will.
There is no choice in the matter.
You will write good prose and you will like it.

>>20004205
>>20004244
>>20004438
This little snippet was actually from a script I was writing, hence the constant change of perspective

>>20004619
could you possibly elaborate further?

I am going to read becoming a writer by dorothea brande today. i have already read the glowing introduction by john gardner and my expectations are very high. i intend to finish this book and have a legion of personal demons at my command to ravage my inner life and dreamscape at will, for sleep to fall beneath me as a conquered land, and for blank pages everywhere to quiver a little in expectation upon sensing my approach.

>>20004955
Yup that's me

T’loran stepped up to her after blowing away the ether with a wave of his hands. He looked up through the bars at the woman who was once his student. “I don’t have the keys,” he told her. There were several of spread among Chrincha’s officers and all were needed to complete the spell to unseal the Cage.
Stroking a bar with her fingertips, Harnen giggled with delight. “The enchantments on this are very powerful. Strong enough to contain the most powerful of elves or dwarves. Of course, how could they really know how to counter the magic of someone who is both?”
“If you could escape at any time, why didn’t you?”
Her lower lip jutted in a pitiable pout. “After all this time you think I’d just leave you?” She knelt and stretched her right arm through the bars, cupping T’loran’s face. Her fingers were cold as smooth as polished stone as they brushed under his chin. “I know you never felt for me the way I wanted you to. I accept that. I respect it, even. It’s beautiful to see you share that affection for others. Like them.” She jerked her head toward the trolls.
“You await my word, then?”
“Even after you betrayed me to Yendell I’ve unwavering faith in you.”
“Then promise you’ll restrain yourself. Once we’re out of here, you must surrender. Even if you’re more powerful than you say, know that you can not withstand the full force of Yendell. They’d raze the Narrows with Dragon Eggs if they thought it the only way to contain you.”
“Only if you promise to come back.”
“I’ll force The Makers to redraw the Map to see me to that end!”
She smiled and stood. Spreading her arms wide she said: “You’ll want to step away.”
T’loran retreated to the trolls. Hiding under the wagon he told them to brace themselves and prepare to heard for the fortress gate. A moment later, the cage silently exploded. The bars flew out, the roof was flung high into the air, and Harnen stepped off the platform. Her plain white dress, which seemed an extension of her own alabaster skin, billowed around her voluptuous frame; at once innocent and seductive. The river of reinforcements reacted immediately and turned toward her. With the sweep of her left arm the ground erupted under the charging soldiers and they were thrown across the bailey, crashing into walls and shattering against battlements.
“Is she a wraith,” a shocked Bigrummar asked.
“Maybe,” T’loran mumbled. He watched as Harnen tore through squads of soldiers. Armor fell from them, rusted and brittle, while their swords turned to slag. Knights were froze in place from panic just before Harnen sprung the ground around them and brought it crashing down, plunging them into the dirt floor. The spells spilled from between her full lips and T’loran wondered what had become of the naif girl who tried to steal kisses from him after she grew frustrated with her studies.

>>20004953
wha?

>>20005712
>T'loran

I don't think I have ever stopped reading anything after the first word before. Congratulations.

>Be me
>spend weeks writing a mystery
>Tell everyone you're writing a mystery
>Show your work to people
>"What's the mystery?"
> no one gets it
>someone shows me the definition of a "thriller"
>holy shit its actually a thriller

>>20005712

>T'loran

Th'Homo

>>20006010

How is your guy’s advertising going?
Got your following going?

>>20006338
we seem to have acquired a meekater infestation again.

>>20006382
Yeah, and? I’ll be successful.
You?
You don’t want to compete because you want an excuse because you already know you’ll fail.

>>20006510
What competition?

>>20006519
Which genre?

>>20006510
>>20006338
Hate these marketing pseuds so fucking much it's unreal.

>>20006546
I don’t mind you guys. After you publish a book or even 2 or 3 (retards who don’t reevaluate their approach after a big failure), you’ll learn how to get a book to someone who actually wants to read it.

>>20006602

If you write a good first book to create a name for yourself and post it online for free, if it's good, why would you need to market yourself?

>>20006655
Good question!
Any sales you could’ve made (even free downloads) can be made BETTER by even a few cheap ads to draw more attention and increase ranking of book sales.
An initial increase of book ranking will ensure MORE SALES THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE LIFETIME OF THE BOOK, including your visibility for the REST OF YOUR AUTHOR CAREER.

>>20006655
>>20006667
Better yet if you have a small base of people who ALREADY LIKE YOUR CONTENT like on say SOCIAL MEDIA, you can advertise for freeeee.
That’s why.
Now go make an account before I spit on you.

>>20006602
I have 4 years of marketing experience in a managerial role at a real agency. When I tell you that you have zero clue what you are talking about you may want to take my word for it.
Have you ever seen an excerpt from someone here who is obviously using a thesaurus to swap words without taking the actual meaning of the new word into account? I get that same visceral cringe reaction when I see you type out shit like >>20006667.

>>20006689

Can you explain why they're wrong?

>>20004773
Ugh.... Thanks for all the help. I think I might as well shelve this story. Doesn't seem like I'll be able to pull it off. Thanks for everything though. I really do appreciate it, but I'll be a #2 shitter. Maybe I'll find inspiration or confidence to continue in the future.

>>20004755

>>20006708
It's not that he's incorrect. Marketing can help you reach a wider audience and is cheap enough to be easily justified even if only doing so as a meme.
The issue is this guy is an absolute retard and offers nothing. His marketing techniques in the past have revolved around follow4follow scams on twitter to build up a following in the triple digits before his account got caught in a bot banwave. When he was made fun of for this 62iq garbage he gave the same reaction you see here. He's going to make it, and we are not. He's smarter than us.
Even now, after such a spectacular failure, he's barely learned a thing. He may have embraced the idea of traditional advertising, but he hasn't learned anything about it. This entire post >>20006667 can be summed up as "Advertising good because algorithm!". No real information, no nuance, no guidance. Babbie just saw that [INSERT COMPANY HERE] pours a ton of money into advertising and that gets them money. It's like a money duplicating device. Advertising is magical.

>>20006689
Yeah I don’t believe you, nor value your shit opinion even if it was real.
Trad pub is a scam that pays worse than any other business model.

>>20006920
Did he say anything about trad publishing?

It seems he's criticizing your lack of nuance in your advice.

>>20005295
Take a look at your first 3 sentences. I get it means nothing, but
>The cool, earthy air permeates your nose
What does that even mean? What if I dont[ know what "cool, earthy, air" feels like? Something like
>Mucus covered your nostrils, protecting it from the breeze of dirt permeating your nose.
Your first sentence already indicated it's Fall, so it can be assumed it's cold already.
>Breeze of dirt
I agree it's a shitty line, but i'm just critiquing. You can figure out a better line.

>>20006928
If you want nuance go get a book on advertising.
This is 4chan, and I’ll post what I want where I want, and advertising is good advice.
I’m about to hit 1,000 followers in a few days. In maybe a year I’ll hit 10k and drop some nuance on you.

>>20004081
post sample so we can tell you if you should give up

What are the worst character tropes?
1. Girl boss
2. Conan the Barbarian
3. Super Slick Keikaku
4. Horny loli
5. I'm too beautiful so I'm sad.

>>20007271
Have you read any of these source materials.

>>20007272
None. I only read VN's, Light Novels, and Fan Fiction.

>>20007271
Girl boss and Kristen steward MC are the only objectively bad ones. Horny loli and Barbarian are based, double if paired , Keikaku can be kino when it comes together

>>20007275
You should read the source novel for conan

Here are the opening paragraphs of the fantasy story I'm writing. It's still very rough and I'll probably end up changing bits later on, but I still want feedback. Is it passable enough that you'd keep readng, or would you close the book?


>Wedged precariously between a trio of glaciers in Generica's northernmost tundra, Eisstadt was; for all intents and purposes, uninhabitable. It was unbearably cold, and even in the summer months one could see their breath hang in the air. Winters were long and dark. Permafrost made growing crops all but impossible. What few animals could be hunted were either small and malnourishing, or too dangerous to be worth the risk. The nearest coastline was hundreds of miles away, and reaching it (or anywhere else, for that matter) involved passing through terrain even more unforgiving than Eisstadt itself. It's residents were, for all intents and purposes, trapped there.

>And yet; despite these hardships, Eisstadt had never been the worst place to live. With a population of around two hundred, it had all the amenities a town it's size should have- a grocery store with imported goods, two restaurants, a library, a hospital. Most important, however, was the expansive mine the settlement had been built around. It was the only place in Generica where bismuth occured naturally, and; with the metal being the central component in almost every modern appliance, the town's importance to the world at large was immeasurable.

>It was so important, in fact, that the Democratic Union of Kings had chosen to conceal the town's existance from the rest of the world. It was supposedly done as a safety precaution- if nobody knew where the bismuth came from, nobody could attempt to break the supply chain. The underground monorail that served as Eisstadt's connection to the outside world was prohibited to anybody without an official Union security clearance- meaning that even residents who wished to leave the settlement would find themselves unable to legally do so. Stowaways had their tongues removed.

>Still, there was no reason to leave. Eisstadt was not an awful place to live. Anything the residents could possibly need was imported by the Union- food, clothes, even books for the library. The town was connected to Leyline Grid, which suplied them with power and heat. People could keep up with happenings in the outside world through the weekly paper, and were permitted to vote in the popularity contests at the end of each year. It wasn't always an easy existance, true. But for many it was home, which meant there was at least some comfort to be had there.

>...Until the power went out, the monorail stopped coming, and the Great Silence began

>>20007311
Too much info dumping. I found readers like worlds to be more character focused with littered plot and world building scattered about. Like Game of Thrones

>>20007328
Agreed with this sentiment.
I’m invested in strong characters, worlds are a backdrop, not the other way around.

>>20007328
Thanks! My writing is actually what you described for the most part, but I was worried people might feel lost without some initial exposition. I'll see if I can find a way to trim the opening down a little, or I'll just change it all together.

>>20007271
>>20007283
I like girl boss. It's fun, especially when said girl boss acts like a girl every once in awhile.

>>20006655
Can't I just write, find a lesbian diabetic inuit who has three children of different races, give her like 5% of my net, put her name on it, drive her around to local news stations and finally make it?

>>20007388
Sure if you wanna be remembered for everything but your story

>>20007394
with a million bucks, i dont need a memory. liquor will cure that right up

>>20007271
The horny loli (devil king) in Jobless Reincarnation is fucking hilarious. She falls off a roof while laughing. Here's my vote.
1. Noble barbarian (always overdone)
2. Girl boss
3. "Smart" characters written impossibly
4. Whiners who suddenly go rage mode

>>20005866
KEK

>>20007396
With my 5 million scheckles from my 10 books I shall forget all of this garbage asian trading card forum.

>>20006338
>your guy’s
ngmi

when to use onomatopoeias?

>>20007421
see you on the other side

>>20007426
Never

Check 3 things
Her account creation date.
Her pinned tweet and its date.
Her current follower count.
Growth is exponential, not instant, start gathering them now and publish in a year or two while you’re writing.

>>20007565
You still have no clue what you are talking about.

>>20007585
Point to what I said that’s wrong.
So far a crab in a bucket.

>>20007565
>have twitter followers
>tons of people following
>no product
>nobody to sell your book to.

I honestly rather use Instagram

>>20007603
I don’t care what platform it is.
It’s just having any platform by which people know you prior to a book launch.
If you want to see the fruits of your success (and not die in obscurity only to be appreciated 300 years after your death) then you need to write a great book AND know how to get it to your intended audience.

>>20007613
but what if my intended audience is /wg/?

>>20007629
That’s fine.
>know what you like to write
>make an archetypal model of who the top 2-3 people would be that would buy the book
>build a platform that brings together that audience
>release a well made book to them
It’s simple, not easy.
The crabs in a bucket fake manager of nobody here wants you to believe it’s more complex than it really is so you won’t do well.
I just want those who will listen to hear the advice.

>>20003681
kitsune =/= furry

>>20007644
I don't mind advertising and posting stupid bullshit onto other instagram accounts, but I'm thinking of starting a youtube channel where I read a excerpts of independent authors, then sneak in mine and shill these books for fun.

>>20007651
I’m not going to tell you in what way to advertise (as that’s against my philosophy). I’m just here to tell you it works.
Though I will say being sneaky and deceitful will set you up for failure later on.

>>20003879
a couple things

more variability in sentence structure. I see many short sentences that are simple statements and many that start with 'he' or 'the.' Get some vocabulary diversity in there.
>doon't
also I'm not pulled by the content. Why should I care about John? It all seems very plain. Is he indulging in the wonders of the simple, mundane things in life? Are we supposed to feel sorry for him? Is it a dialogue on how mundanity is negative in some way?
Just my thoughts anon. You have potential.

>>20004773
>>20006854
Fuck it. I promised myself I'll finish this book, no matter how shitty it is. I'll TURN SHIT INTO GOLD!!!!!

With all your help of course.

>>20005831
>"Any reason you're kept so late"
It doesn't end with any punctuation man. Like, isn't that buzzkill? Bad vibes, man.

>wanted to work on my story
>there's nothing i can write that's as strange, scary, engaging, and funny as everyone's reaction to ukraine's invasion

>>20001557
Heh, just saw some guy streaming this the other day actually. Fun game but awful soundtrack.
>>20004081
I would do what that first anon said about revising and resending. Whatever the case, great job getting a novel finished to the point you’re willing to submit it anon. That’s a big accomplishment in and of itself.
>>20004736
>definite cry for help
I would just say “cry.”
> He ducked into a darkened alleyway
This line felt a little cliche to me. I have a hard time coming up with something with more creative but maybe even just removing the “darkened,” might make it sound better.
>“Weak,” Adah replied, as her armlet shielded the attack.
I would mention she shielded the attack first since it’s an action scene.
One other thing is to watch out for repeating words too much. You seem to refer to the thief as “man” a few times and you might be able to replace it with “rogue,” or “villain.”
Keep at it, anon. I thought the names Serenity and Inferno were pretty cool.

>>20007951
Go fight in Ukraine as a volunteer, survive and write about your experiences

>>20007971
thank you.
>I would mention she shielded the attack first since it’s an action scene.
I did not know this mattered. I will keep this in mind when the next action scene happens.
>One other thing is to watch out for repeating words too much. You seem to refer to the thief as “man” a few times and you might be able to replace it with “rogue,” or “villain.”
I did get a thesaurus to change the nouns around, but I ran out of generic nouns. I didn't really want it to be bandit, thief, rogue, villain, or anything with even a slightly important name. Sure the thief becomes important later in the story according to my outline, but I wanted to subvert expectations.
>Keep at it, anon. I thought the names Serenity and Inferno were pretty cool.
The world building notes i have are 4 categories of knights/cops. Each with different "jobs and skills"
Emotion - Generic beat cops, that go on patrol, etc.
Environmental - Good with special roles such as disabling bombs, spying, information gathering
Biology - Leadership roles and interrogations
Physics - Special Teams suited for combat (SWAT members)

I changed a lot based on the other anon's suggestion. It doesn't even really read like before. But thank you for the encouragement.

>>20008031
if you're curious, here's the google doc i've been working on.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/11q39jdlnZxvZe5jRuz8bpfESLQikJDOnV5ixJSht7uE/edit?usp=sharing

>>20008040
allow suggestions

>>2000803
You’re welcome anon, hope it’s helpful.
>I did not know this mattered
To be honest sometimes it depending on the writing, but I thought it would sound better for that sentence.
Cool to hear you have some thought put into your world as well, more than I can say for my story. I get what you mean by making the thief seem unimportant now and revealing his bigger role later. That stuff can be great if it’s done well.
>Google Doc
Thanks anon, I don’t know if I’ll have time to read it all but it’s nice to see Adah’s story is coming along. Be careful sharing your docs on here, though. Some people might try and mess with you.

>>20008069
Meant for >>20008031

>>20008056
okay. Nigger spam away.

>may have to drop a chapter or two because they don't really fit with the books them.
>feel strangely ok about it
>if i had of discovered this when i started writing i would have been suicidal.
i finally have my own character growth arc guys!

>>20007311
>Wedged precariously between a trio of glaciers in Generica's northernmost tundra, Eisstadt was; for all intents and purposes, uninhabitable.
I have to head to bed in a minute anon, so I could only read the first sentence but I would suggest removing the “in Generica's northernmost tundra,” from the first sentence and it makes it sound much better. Whatever Generica is you can probably discuss it later. I think it should also be a comma instead of a semicolon.

>>20007979
I'm unironically half suicidal so it's not entirely out of the table.

I hate most people who came out in support of Ukraine all of a sudden, though, and I know they are the same people who will spit on my face and call for my incarceration for no reason when I come back after the media frenzy around it ends.

>>20008090
My people have been enemies with Russia for centuries so we won't judge you. Go kill russkie :D:D
But seriously speaking though, there's always a market for genuine war stories.

>>20008040
Jesus anonymous hippo, are you a real professional editor? You seem more passionate about this story than I am. Thank you so much.

yo yo yo gimme the thoughts

yo yo I forgot to attach the damn picture!

Dear frens - what's a word for something that looks safe but you know is actually very dangerous? Not unassuming.

>>20008149
Made in China

>>20008125
Forgot to mention that your title really doesn't fit this piece for me and it gave me a very negative first impression of your work. Have you considered changing it?

>>20006861
I know fuck all about marketing other than for SaaS. How does legitmate, non-retard /lit/ marketing work? With google ads you'd be working with low lifetime value, and average or shitty CTR and a lot of competition driving the CAC up (not that "acquisition" really applies to some dude buying one book).

Is it more about the PR work of getting your book in front of reviewers and the right crowd to hype it up? Can you even do PR yourself if you don't have incestuous industry connections?

>>20008354
>With google ads you'd be working with low lifetime value, and average or shitty CTR
I would strongly suggest against general advertising for your book. As mean as this sounds, none of you are writing the next Harry Potter. You need to know the audience for your book because you need to target them with pinpoint accuracy.
I'm not going to advertise my monster girl rape novella on Amazon or Reddit. The average person there would either pass me over entirely or try to dox me. Instead I want to focus my money on reaching those who are much more likely to give my book a chance, people here for example. Advertising here is absurdly cheap, cheaper than a lot of you would even guess.
Let's say I focus on just /lit/. Currently, for a bottom banner you have about a 95% chance of your advertisement being shown if you bid at the rate of $0.05 per 1000 impressions. The average number of impressions /lit/ gets per day is about 15k. That adds up to just $.75 per day to have a bottom banner advertisement and potential meme status.
It actually gets better than this though. You don't need to have your advertisements shown to every single person. You can limit your total spending to just $0.20 per day and get 80% of the results. F.Gardner for example still achieved his meme status, and all of his positive reviews that this meme status granted him, with 90% of the website blocking his advertisements. Word will spread that you are advertising through word of mouth and threads will be created on you. The same thing happened with the Son of the Sun author who bought ads here for just a couple weeks. He had six 5* reviews from people who probably didn't even read the book, and even if they did, the score was likely only given out of comradery and an appreciation for supporting the site.
>CTR
CTR is a weird subject. I don't want to say it's a worthless statistic because it's not, but it's one that many outside of advertising put far too much emphasis on. Many people who are won over by an advertisement will never click on your ad. Most people here didn't click on the Call of the Crocodile advertisements, they saw an F.Gardner meme thread and searched him up weeks later.
The best way I had this explained to me was with an example using a billboard advertising a repair service. A click would be analogous to someone slamming on their brakes to jot down the number. While this is great engagement it does not mean that everyone who just drives past is a mark of failure on the advertiser's part. Many people who pass by may not know the exact number to call or the address, but many will remember the name and the service. Even those who didn't look at the billboard were being influenced by it. I believe Mr.Plinkett has a saying on that.

>>20008188
checkd n kekd

>>20008103
but seriously
are they fucking

>>20008545
4chan seems like it'd be high-risk high-reward. Maybe it comes back to the cold hard reality of writing, where most authors don't have anything to lose anyway, so getting review bombed doesn't matter.

I'm only in /wg/ to learn to ryte more gooder so I can churn out erotica for the NSFW boards, so it's not like marketing at any scale is going to be relevant, but thank you for the comprehensive reply. It's interesting in a more general sense as well as specifically.

>finally buy a vape
>wait a week for it to arrive
>super stoked
>put a little fluid in the tank and screw it shut just to test it out
>can't unscrew the tank again
>tried rubber grips
>tried freezer trick
>tried mechanic's oil
>tried alcohol
>gave myself blisters trying to unscrew the thing
>still stuck
I am going to have a stroke.

>>20001700
>second word is an adverb, and an useless one at that
Dropped

>>20004755
2.5 tbqhwyf

>>20008669
Who? The brother and sister? So far the plan is yes.

>>20008989
>So far the plan is yes.
I will now read your story.

Does anyone want to trade 5 star reviews on RoyalRoad? My novel used to have a 4.2 but recently caught the attention of some angry SJWs and now it's down to 3.2. I'll give yours a 5 if you give mine a 5

My telegram is @flounderbasket my Discord is Flounder#0203. Add me if you're interested.

>>20009069
What do they think is problematic in your novel?

>>20009069
Is your story based and redpilled?

>>20009008
Thanks. Incest is the best coomer bait I found.
>Coomers love the thought of fucking their sister
>Deep fags think it's some forbidden love
>Shallow midwits love the taboo and can't look away from a Trainwreck
>Analyst fags keep trying to find some hidden meaning behind it all
>Author is just some disgusting degenerate in the end

>>20009072
It's part erotica, the very first chapter involves the MC getting his dick sucked. After that, there's lots of gore and the main antagonist is a hermaphrodite.
>>20009112
It's fictional so that would be up to you. Plenty of paranormal and horror themes, not really political but it was called by a certain RR user "misogynistic drivel".
The irony is that several of my followers and fans are female and the only ones calling it misogynistic are male.

>>20009208
Oh and it does have some dialogue which insults feminists in a joking way, not really intended to be serious but of course you know how people are.

>>20009069
Not based because you care too much about what faggots think. Trading 5 star reviews sounds like something autists do in a children's MMORPG.

>>20009226
I'd like to see it get published. Having a rating would be best. In reality, I think some controversy is good. Problem is, nobody who gives it a bad rating ever has the balls to leave a review. Makes me wonder if they even read it or if they're just doing it out of spite.

>>20009238
They probably don't want to spell out what they think your issues are, because people might look at their own writing and go "You having a laugh? Yours is even worse at this than mine is, you blind, arrogant ass"

>>20009251
That's an assumption. If you read the story, you might be proven wrong.

>>20009069
link your story here not your discord

>>20009268
Very well. Might as well give this a try.
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/41228/tears-of-god

Try to make it through chapter 5 (that's where the action really sets in), the chapters are generally 1k words or less so it's not that much.

>>20009280
The pace feels a little rushed but this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

>>20008193
It’s a working title

>>20009342
Thanks. Some people appreciate the All Killer No Filler approach I take, some people see it as rushed but I try to take my time.

Can I vote for the new meme in /wg/ to be that no one reads, not that no one writes

>>20009389
>meme
I legit never learned how to read. I use a software that reads the posts for me aloud and use voice to "write".

>>20009399
No different than a blind person

I was just discussing the best way to survive nuclear radiation with my gf and she straight up said "or you could just get pregnant"
My response was obviously "wat" and she proceeded to explain how she watched Chernobyl and a woman's baby died from radiation but she didn't and so she legit believes that if a woman is pregnant the foetus absorbs all the radiation and leaves her completely fine, with the only side effect being a nasty miscarriage.

Now obviously this shit doesn't work like that, but I have a terminal case of extremely horniness, so now I kind of want to write a smut-filled story about a post nuclear apocalypse where women have to be bred and pregnant before they can go outside to scavenge because them being pregnant so the foetus can absorb it is the only way human beings can survive the planet surface.

>>20009484
Do it. I'm all for edgy lit.

>>20009484
I am such a coomer for women when they do shit like this. "Knock me up so I can go scavenge for parts over the next few weeks".

>>20009484
Brutal. What would be the longer term consequences? If you go out too many times your womb becomes too irradiated and you cant get pregnant anymore¡

>>20009280
Want this added to the author pastebin?

>>20009484
Great pic

>friends ask to be test readers for web story
>send story to them
>2 weeks later neither of them has even read chapter 1
>literally gating my online release behind their reactions because I need to know if the opening is shit or not
Sometimes I ask myself why I associate with normalfags. No I won't post it here, nobody who uses this board is in my intended audience so it would be pointless.
thanks for reading my blogpost

>>20010210
Disregard that I suck cocks

>>20009280
If you need "action" to make your story interesting, then it was a failure from the beginning

>>20004445

You are just retarded. Its not even experimental, only new writers mess up perspective.

>>20005295

okay so before you present any writing, to anyone else, learn to correctly format for what you are writing.

Sometimes, experimental format is fine, but its only something done by people who understand how to write in the first place.

>>20006929
lol you're an even worse writer than OP and shouldn't criticize anything

I often reflect on the 16th of January. Years after it happened, in my worst moments that are yet to come, the chronology of that day flashes through my day, fragmented still images of snowed in buildings, faces of haggered soldiers and warm bistros run through me. In a sense, it was the last "normal" day of my life and nothing would ever be the same for me ever again. This might seem a strange statement from someone who spent a long time up to his neck in trench mud, but the pressure was somewhat lessened there. Leading men is never easy, especially when their lives depend on your choices. But, leading hardened men into combat is a bit different then having to form a new unit from scratch - select them, train them, equip them and then lead them into combat. And this task is especially not easy when they are supposed to pilot extremely complex, multi-million dollar combat machines.

>>20011080
>the chronology of that day flashes through my day

Watch out for repetition of words. When it's not done on purpose it is distracting.

>>20009280
Really enjoying reading this keep it up anon, gonna try and remember to star it when get to my laptop.

>>20011157
Not on purpose, happens to me very often, i really gotta stop doing this while drunk

ESL is not a fun time

At what point do you realize you have no talent and give up on this hobby?

>>20011239
If it's a hobby, never. Why would talent have anything to do with a hobby?
You only give up on living off it.

>>20011239
Dunno, I'll let you know after the first million words.

>>20011264
Because you still want others to read the story. I want this hobby to make me at least $5 a month.

>>20009133
Except can you actually write incest?
you have to get into the mind of the siblings that want to fuck each other.
You have to really love the idea of fucking a sibling to get into that mentality and imagine what you'd say to fuck your sister and what she'd say if she was really going to fuck you.

Should a thriller be written in present tense for the immediacy?

>>20008125
I thought it was decently written, but I'd avoid too many over cultural references like r/AskReddit and whatnot.
I sympathize with that guy on the flannel sleeves thing.

>>20011342
dude referencing reddit is cringe. I watched a movie that did that and had twitch and possibly tik tok and it was so bizarre. Absolutely cringe.

>>20011329
I'm having trouble justifying writing in past tense unless there is an in story reason for it. Like if you were reading someone's journal or blog or newspaper clippings or the narrator is telling you a story about things that happened that makes 100% sense why it'd be in past tense. Otherwise I'd say do present. You can always have little bits of past tense and flashbacks included if your present tense story if you want.

>>20011359
What are you talking about? most stories are written in past tense, that's why I'm asking.

Although I do have flashbacks to the past in the story so even if I was writing in present tense, could I write that in past tense?

>>20011239
Plenty of admirable voices say talent has very little to do with writing. What is great about life and literature is within everyone and we all have our own originality at our disposal to tap if we can discover how. So then it becomes a matter of belief, and perseverance.

It also helps if you never have any hope at all of making any money (and this seems realistic. This is not the money maker). If you do this, you do it for the sake of doing it, because something inside you is driving you towards this. And in that case, who cares about talent anyway? Push forward.

>>20011329
Terrible idea. Use the past, like everyone else. of course, good writing switches tenses according to the scene, but the baseline should be past.

>>20009280
>>20009342
Seconding this. It's so rushed that it's almost comical, there's literally no time between when the ex-wife is first mentioned and when she shows up in the narrative (the defaced garage). As a consequence it feels like there's no natural cause and effect. The ex-wife is mentioned completely out of the blue purely to set up the next beat yet I think it would work much better if she isn't mentioned until after the defaced garage (then there's a real reason to actually bring her up). It's readable at least, but structurally I thought it was a mess.

>>20011405
Why would I switch tenses in the middle of the story? flashbacks?

>>20011463
Have you never seen this in a book or story? Tense can change within a story and it often comes at a time of emotional intensity. There's even an example in the videos in the OP where Butler is writing a story. Towards the end he realises he has shifted to the present tense and leans into it as he is approaching the finale of the story, and the present tense there elevates the story. It's like a key change in a song, you shift an octave higher. This is also why it's mostly a terrible idea to maintain the same 'key' all the time, unless you want to be the literary equivalent of the bee gees.

>>20011498
When I read stories, I subconsciously notice tense, but I've never actually paid attention to it. I didn't even realize most stories were written past tense till I opened some books and checked.

https://pastebin.com/2KeDsQtV

Can someone read through the dialogue and tell me how natural the conversations feel? flat? stiff? too direct? no subtext?

from Edith Wharton's The Writing of Fiction:

'The use of dialogue in fiction seems to be one of the few things about which a fairly definite rule may be laid down. It should be reserved for the culminating moments, and regarded as the spray into which the great wave of narrative breaks in curving toward the watcher on the shore. This lifting and scattering of the wave, the coruscation of the spray, even the mere material sight of the page broken into short, uneven paragraphs, all help to reenforce the contrast between such climaxes and the smooth effaced gliding of the narrative intervals; and the contrast en-hances that sense of the passage of time for the producing of which the writer has to depend on his intervening narration. Thus the sparing use of dialogue not only serves to emphasize the crises of a tale, but to give it as a whole a greater effect of continuous development.' "

>>20011586
>It wasn’t that there was nothing to speak about, surely a great deal has changed in both of our lives in the past fifteen years, however, there was no desire to breach the topic.
RRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MIXING PRESENT AND PAST TENSE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It's a little strange that the protagonist doesn't say anything until line 50, making it all the way through the doctor's office and a conversation with his doctor while his wife constantly talks. I unironically thought he might be a non-verbal autist.

>“Of course, I’ve been there often…to deliver medicine” she added at the end with a smile that hid her maliciousness.
Can rewrite this with a break in the dialogue to replace the ellipsis.

>>20011615
No I will have 80% of my book be dialogue and Edith can choke on my fat, hard dick.

>>20011628
I forgot to mention to ignore the tenses, it's a bad habit I try to fix during editing

>>20011239
when a guy on 4chins says that your writing is shit

>>20011641
Maybe you should be writing scripts or plays instead.

>>20011654
You haven't really gotten any feedback until anon tells you its shit and to never write again.

I read a whole book of shit talking the the other day, It was relentlessly cruel. Some Polish bitch had a column in a literary paper where writers sent in their work and she talked shit to them. It was fucking horrible. She ripped their throats out. And then I read her own work and it was fucking shit. I'd piss on her grave if I could.

>>20011664
You know how many times I've been told a lot of my books would work really well as radio plays or "they're vivid enough to be TV shows"? I keep thinking I should write the pilot for a TV show adaptation of a book I'm working on and shop it around.

>>20011677
Everyone is a critic.

>>20011677
Please post her work, anon.

>>20011745
How to Start Writing (and When to Stop): Advice for Writers - Wislawa Szymborska

To P. Z. D., from Chorzów

“Please give me some hope of publication, or at least provide some consolation.” We must, after reading, choose the latter. So attention please, we’re giving comfort. A splendid fate awaits you, the fate of a reader, and a reader of the highest caliber, that is to say, disinterested — the fate of a lover of literature, who will always be its steadiest companion, the conquest, not the conquerer. You will read it all for the pleasure of reading. Not spotting “tricks,” not wondering if this or that passage might be better written, or just as well, but differently. No envy, no dejection, no attacks of spleen, none of the sensations accompanying the reader who also writes. For you Dante will always be Dante, whether or not he had aunts in the publishing business. You will not be tortured at night by the question of why X., who writes free verse, gets published, while you, who rhyme relentlessly while counting syllables on both hands, don’t even merit rejections. The editor’s facial expressions will mean less than nothing to you, while the wincing at various stages will signify, if not nothing, then at least not much. And there is also this not inconsiderable benefit: people speak of incompetent writers, but never of incompetent readers. There are of course hordes of failed readers — needless to say, we do not include you among them — but somehow they get away with it, whereas anyone who writes without success will instantly be deluged in winks and sighs. Not even girlfriends are to be relied upon in such cases. So how do you feel now? Like a king? We should hope so.

It's all very well written, but the aim of the column was clearly to absolutely destroy new writers for the enjoyment of her readers, and she was a merciless bitch. This book is just full of inventive ways of destroying every hope any poor writer that showed her their work ever had.

>>20011308
No, but damnit I'm going to try.

But hear me out. I think a lot of people write incest with "romantic" intentions. Game of Thrones and tons of incest anime do this, and more often than not, it doesn't work.

However, for this story, the incest is going to come from "trauma". My notes have that she and her brother suffer stress, loneliness, and trauma, and the only solace they could find is with each other. How they end up fucking, my plan is having Adah suffer through constant failure and beratement. Then escalating it with her brother all because she needed to feel something.

As for the brother, I haven't figured why he'll fuck her yet.

>>20011774
> I think a lot of people write incest with "romantic" intentions. Game of Thrones

I stopped right there. Game of Thrones is the last thing I would think of if you told me romantic incest. GoT made that shit out to be the backwood Alabama shit it is in real life.

So, I've been submitting to literary agents for the first time after the final round of edits on my novel. And my God are these faggots insufferable, especially when it comes to more gritty genres like thriller or horror.

>"I LOOOVE horror/thiller sooo much! Send me horror/thriller submissions!!!

>"But no gore, no violence, nothing too scary, no sex, no harsh language, no paranormal elements, no crime elements, nothing demonic, no cults, nothing that's really graphic."

It's like encountering the most sheltered people on the planet who want to feel edgy, while remaining as safe as possible. Almost feels not worth it.

>>20011818
Nothing about a thriller implies it has to be gorey, violent, or crime related, although it often is.

>"But no gore, no violence, nothing too scary, no sex, no harsh language, no paranormal elements, no crime elements, nothing demonic, no cults, nothing that's really graphic."

Steins;Gate comes to mind as that's a thriller that fits all of the above.

>>20011813
Martin constantly pushed how Jamie and Cersei were in love and loyal to one another. How they two could never live without each other and how they came in the world together and will leave the world together. Cersei even had a line where her body was taken by another, but her heart belonged to Jamie.

It is a million book seller.

If anyone has any feedback on this description of a guy after he's been kicked in the balls I'd appreciate it.

>>20011863
It's really, really stupid and poorly written.
>gyrating legs (huh??)
>gyrating lips (whut?)
>gout of vomit
>moaned with the voice of a mummy
>viscous smile (Did you mean 'vicious'? lmao)
>"into a look of discern" (wtf?)

Just stop.

>>20011863
9/11, make the vomit gyrate too, and change it to a geyser-waterfall-rapid

>>20011876
Agree with the gyrating. The gout of vomit is legit though and fine.

>>20011863
For the writer, you do need to be careful with your descriptions. Gyrating lips? Think it through, my man. Also, do you really need crit after like 50 words? Are you so insecure? Judge your own work. Only ask others as a last resort.

And for the other guy >>20011876 criticising, well, just go a little easier in the future. No need to be so gung ho. You yourself made a mistake by discounting 'gout of vomit', which is a legitimate description,

>>20011863
Remember the best way to write a scene is to experience it yourself.

>>20011899
>by discounting 'gout of vomit', which is a legitimate description,
Yeah, no it's not.

>>20011911
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gout

>a mass or aggregate especially of something fluid often gushing or bursting forth

I have a terrible habit of putting an unnecessary "had" in phrases that come to describe any sort of action, for example:
>they had completed their tasks before moving out of the scene
>they completed their tasks before moving out of the scene
Is this a problem of bad style or just poor grammar? Please enlighten me anons

>>20011917
>gushing forth

>>20011863
>unprojected drop

these are not the same thing. Not the way it is described in that shit block of text.

>>20011921
You're stuck on using passive voice. Your verb usage needs to be more direct.

>>20011924
gushing forth, like vomit, yes. He was completely fine with using that word. I am not sure why you are pressing this point, beyond your own insecurity and stubbornness. When "gout of vomit" is searched for I can see a number of other people using the term (as though this mattered when the dictionary definition is clearly enough to vindicate its use). 'Gout of' is most commonly used to describe a gush of blood, but it applies equally to any liquid and vomit is fine here. You are wrong, period.

>>20011930
I see. Is there any book that you would recommend for me to take as a model inspiration?

>>20007935
I actually lol'd at this.

Bad vibes indeed.

>>20011924
May have gone a bit overboard with my descriptions from what you and other anons are saying. Thanks for reading anon.
>>20011899
Thanks anon, I appreciate you reading and the suggestions.
>need crit after like 50 words
Kek, I do have the story mostly written out but this scene is sort of the climax so I was looking for tips on it.
>>20011886
I'm not sure if you're being serious or not but I appreciate you reading regardless anon.
>>20011876
I appreciate you reading and for the comments anon, even if you didn't enjoy it.
>>20011903
I'll settle for mediocrity.

I'm getting bored writing my own scene. Fucking disgraceful. My story is about a guy who cheats on his wife with several women, how can I make this compelling?

>>20012060
Make the stakes higher and ramp up the suspense

>>20012060
Make him black.

>>20012060
He becomes so overwhelmed with guilt he makes love to his wife as well. Which is a shocker to his wife as the couple haven't had sex in over a decade.

>>20011863
I rewrote it to be less muddled with bizarre descriptions.

You seem to force in these very strange descriptors that don't at all fit the mood of this scene. Simplicity is prized over complication, and your descriptors/prose are no different. If used, they should compliment the setting, characters, emotions, or have a consistent/coherent theme. Don't force them in just because they might sound neat in your head, when on the page, they make no sense and sound completely foreign to the ear.

Case in point:
>"Gout of vomit"
Regardless of correct word usage, this phrase just sounds awkward and misplaced. I've NEVER heard it before, and it feels like a reach.

And a few other points:
>"Cheshire grin"
Avoid Cliches.

>"His lips, also gyrating"
Don't flex your 8th grade vocab if you don't know what the word means.

>"smashed into the soft fabric of the pants with a low thud."
Unless his groin is made of solid cement, this description makes no sense. Actually find out how it would sound. No one hears "thud" when kicked in the groin.

>"standing half-straight"
This is actually the place where you SHOULD have used a clever description to visualize how bent over and collapsed his stature had become, but you instead go for this bland non-visual.

>>20012060
Make him a big tiddy girl instead

>>20012060
What if it's several farm animals instead?

>>20012073
I really appreciate you taking the time to read and provide such detailed feedback anon.
>Don't force them in just because they might sound neat in your head
I think this was the biggest thing I need to watch out for. A lot of those phrases sounded good in my head but apparently didn't translate very well on the page. Super useful to hear, thanks again for the critique.

>>20012060
Make them all the same women in disguise. And in the end reveal it was his wife all along.

How much do you niggas write in one day? I feel like shit that I can't reach like 1k+ a day because I'm fretting over prose and word choice so much.

>>20012403
If I can plan out a story, 500-1,000 a day is a good stretch for me.
>I just need to learn how to market it all.

>>20012437
I don't want to be a marketing executive, I just want to write.

>>20012403
Probably 200 words.

What is the best coomer bait?

>>20012403
some data I had back in November-ish. I haven't written a new chapter for my webnovel since then, other than a brief electric shock attempt at starting anew for a non-canon special on NYE. The gap before October was a planned hiatus for a month and a half. Reflecting back on it I feel it might've done me more harm than good.

>>20012403
I aim for 500 a day on one story. Sometimes I get a lot more, sometimes a little less. I feel you about the fretting over word choice, though.

>>20011759
She overuses commas but it's not shit

>>20001557
How much effort do you put in your first draft? Do you try to write it as perfect as possible? Or do you write them like summaries?

>>20012537
A mix of both. I always write dialogue first. As for descriptions, I'll write what's on my mind. If I get stuck, I write a crummy summary in a 4th wall breaking author voice instead of the narrator's voice. And save it for the editing phase

>>20012546
>I always write dialogue first
Oh thank god someone else does that. I was worried it was bad practice.

>>20008074
>had of

>>20012403
I aim for 500 a day.

>>20012073
lol did all the editing before i saw it was itself someone else's work
whatever i'm not reading the original now

>>20012605
>>20012546
Your story being that heavily reliant on dialogue doesn't say good things about it

>>20011239
Don't quit even when you are shit, just do what you want to do

>>20011239
write anyway
talent is a very elusive concept
just write your things, if they come out bad, so be it; bad art is still leagues better than art that didn't even got made

>>20012403
I’ll tell you this, I read a lot of philosophy and history more than anything.
I’d rather read a book that is 10/10 compelling and thought provoking if it was 500 words at a time than pumped out garbage by a forgettable author pumping out 5,000 words a day with forgettable stories and forgettable characters that’ll be left behind in each decade they start.

>>20013561
As someone who writes 2000 words a day, I've at least not been told that my writing is forgetable. I've been told portions are "droney" but only by people who can't explain what that even means, let alone how to fix it.

It helps that I write for normies.

I have to come clean anons, I've been slackin'.

>>20013592
Do you write for yourself?

>>20013727
I've also been slackin. I need to catch up this weekend and maybe reevaluate whether I'm in the right genre of writing.

>>20013751
In the intersection of me and normies, yes.

>>20012850
Kek, well from what others have said there wasn't much to what I originally wrote but I appreciate you taking the time anon. Useful to see even if it wasn't mine.

Do you find these generals helpful?

What do you guys use to outline?

>>20013855
A keyboard. Jesus christ.

>>20013855
The program I type on retard, stop using gimmicks

>>20013855
Notepad, usually

>>20013864
Save the cat is a gimmick?
>>20013868
Don’t you find it strenuous?

>>20013877
No, because it's a manageable window that can be easily saved, and the text is transfused to a proper file when done

>>20013852
/lit/ is one of the few boards where you can effortpost and get good replies. Since I write, I hang out here and try to be helpful and get help with my own writing. So yes I think they're helpful.

>>20001557

from the chambers of a dead monk gone mad:
So what then?
What more?
What cosmic insight, what new kingdom to rule, what new material to temper and bend to our will, what new flavor of vibration will grace existence with its presence only to fade a moment later?
I dont want a new name for another cycle, I have enough calendars at work.
I dont want another peak to conquer as if the human story was an endless sin-wave to infinity, although at the right frequencies it is rather pleasant

I dont claim to be a seer but I do see a pattern. The same pattern anyone with an eye, a life, and time can see. I'll admit, im not entirely unhappy. But, it's hard to move when you summarize your existence by accepting the fact: No amount of thought or ink can truly peel the skin off "whatever this is".

So what then?
To the horrible and the beautiful -
To what end is this astral balancing act playing at?
What force or god, form or perspective will grace this plane or any other - existing or not, negative or positive, trapped in this dualistic hell or free from such a cruel thought, what would it say?
What new message could it possibly bring, what new story, what other pattern?

Question & Answer
A question: never good enough to penetrate
An answer: never good enough to satisfy
A true mind is never satisfied -
The universe will always mock its pursuit unto itself.

There are right answers, though.
Temporary conclusions.
Microcosmic agreements and accepted ideas we all make and destroy - this is fact (or whatever it is when youre reading this), with whatever worldview, whatever piece of dirt, grass, palace, wood, carpet, box, road, alley, dumpster, bed, shed, or grave you slept in last night - eons of "rights" and "wrongs" on scales of time where names of any sound or murmur truly do mean nothing -

Ameobas are we!
By all means pointless but somehow and some way completely necessary.
Whatever weaves the threads of these curtains with such grace, such awe - the splendor of colour and smile beneath any wave of wonder and bliss.
Fear I have for this neverending dissatisfaction: the danger and boredom of this bliss eternal while only bright enough to see the folly in throwing it all away.

>>20013951
>But,

>>20013960
its why hes dead now lol

>>20013852
Yeah. It taught me what prose was.

I'm more than willing to be called an autistic faggot for admitting this, but the only extensive writing I've ever done before is fanfic.
How do I transition to writing original works? I've tried a few times before, but I can never write my own characters to be compelling or interesting at all, so I just give up.

>>20014072
>he doesn't know almost all original IPs are just tweaked fanfics
You're gonna make it, the skills transfer

>>20014072
That's okay, everyone starts cringe. This might sound weird, but an angle that might work for you is creating a character on their own, and then writing a "fanfic" around them.
>play vidya
>create character
>play game
>reimagine world into own
>write

>>20013855
I use an excel sheet, well an openoffice calc sheet. My outlines are the big beats that happen and nothing more.

Need a word for something which appears innocent on the surface (particularly a person’s face) but below it are dark plotting thoughts. If that’s too specific then just word for something which appears innocent but isn’t.

>>20014467
Insidious

>>20014467
ostensible

>>20013855
Rubber band and chewed-up gum

>see something funny on /wg/
>screenshot it and send it to other writers on another forum
>it has the word fag in it
>fuck
>almost get banned for homophobia
>almost lose my source of feedback for writing

I am an idiot

>>20014566
At least share the screenshot anon

>>20014570
It was this:
>>20009133

>>20014566
>>almost lose my source of feedback for writing
We don't allow that here. You must be a recluse living in a shack behind Walmart who never talks to other writers like Cormac.

>>20014582
Fag is the least offensive part about that post. Not that you actually posted it anywhere, you fucking liar

>>20014630

>>20014656
>discord
Sure seems like a place worth keeping!

>>20014656
>yeah hi uh, could you like, EXPLAIN to me? What you think you were doing? You actual fucking 5 year old? Like... It's just not okay...? I don't care about hearing your explanation at all, I just want to chide you like all my sassy protagonists do?
Holy shit leave that server.

>>20014659
Discord writing servers are mostly shit, I've been jumping around servers looking for good ones, but this one is full of older writers who will read excerpts and give you real feedback.

>>20014665
Something I've learned in all my time jumping around servers is to never get close to anyone in a writing server or forum. Never say anything controversial, never EVER give your opinions on anything. Don't be JK rowling. They're not your friends.

Simply post your work and absorb the feedback like a sponge, lest you get kicked out for some dumb bullshit that has nothing to do with your writing. That is how you get the most feedback.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/49395/the-undying-emperor
And that's chapter 30 released.

pic entirely for attention,entirely unrelated.

>>20014656
>"4chan homophobic copypasta"
KEK he mods for a writing server but can't even get sentence order correct?

>>20014665
You're spot fuckin on about the chiding

>>20014685
What are you attempting to do with those footnotes?

>>20014732
This makes me physically ill to read. They're talking to you like you're a child. Like you're a 5 year old they're trying to teach you how to behave in school.
>Okay Billy, now you KNOW what you did was wrong right? And you're not going to do it again, right? Can you say you're sorry? Just sit there and think about what you did.
The only proper response you can even have is to question them back and call them out on how they're addressing you. 100% guaranteed by the way, this is a woman. Only women will communicate like this.

>>20014753
>100% guaranteed by the way, this is a woman. Only women will communicate like this.
Nah, ""male"" Redditors talk like this too.

>>20014752
Several things

>Allows me to include world lore like the rules of the game they're playing
>Humor, at times
>To prevent the reader from forgetting that at all times there is a wizard behind the scenes
>If I end up making some kind of substantive change or a long throwback, I will add revisions as footnotes like it's a living document for reference
>When I start releasing stand alone novels in the same setting, I will include a bit of ARG type puzzles through the footnotes

And of course, because I can.

>>20014809
>What are you attempting to do?
>Because I can.

>>20014826
Were you that literal with your question?

I'm using footnotes in the webnovel because it is in imitation of a historical text, written by the wizard who manipulated it all into happening. He's the one writing it, and I want to include his smug gloating and cackling wherever I can.

How would you describe this hair with just a few words?

>>20014863
Ashen, smoke-like.

>>20014732
Holy fucking shit grow a spine and tell that faggot to hang himself. If I spoke to someone like that IRL I would expect to be punched in the face.

>>20015244