/lit/ - Literature

>>19926361
Our world has become inverted. Everything that is considered good is actually evil, and everything that is considered evil is actually good. If I meet someone, and they seem good, I immediately assume they are actually awful.

The classical man's worst fear was inglorious death; the modern man's worst fear is just death.

>>19926361
No, I won't write what's on my mind. How about that

Let me know if this might be a clue to understanding the hard problem of conciousness guys:

About how many atoms are split in an atom bomb, which result in that immense release of energy explosion?

Wooaahhhhh whattttttt??!?!!?!!

This is one of the craziest facts I have encounterd about reality, absolutely bizarre, absolutely gobsmacked, absolutely founded dumb.

About how many atoms are in the brain areas thought to be responsible for conciousness?

Could the apparently inherent bizarre infathomable quantities and qualities of energy in atoms, some how be novally utilized by body brain mind systems?

>>19926377
The Bible has always been an agent of evil.
The real tradition is freedom

>>19926404
I can't tell if this post is satire. The harm problem of consciousness is basically, how do qualities arise from quantities. An atom bomb releases immense energy because (for a fusion bomb) two hydrogen atoms individually weigh more than a helium atom (which is just two hydrogens fused together), or to put it backward, you have to give a helium atom energy (mass) to pull it apart. The human brain doesn't use nuclear reactions so far as I know, the human brain may not even use any sort of fancy quantum behavior (though some people like Roger Penrose hypothesize that it does) because there might not be any place in the brain preventing quantum decoherence. The problem is just, how do different frequencies of light create color? Why? It seems like apples are turning into oranges inside our brains, creating some illusion of an entirely different category than the inputs we receive

>>19926399
You will rue the day you decided to reject our ancient customs

>>19926386
Every death these days is inglorious. Unless you have the FREEDOM and BAVERY to join a warzone

Dating is basically a form of consumerism. I don't feel lonely for not having a relationship on Valentine's Day. Most relationships are literally started just to fail.

>>19926454
War was never glorious

>>19926437
>>19926437
No I think the hard problem of conciousness is more fundamental then the how of qualias; it is the how is an established energy matter chemical electro magnetic system capable of being established that allows for an experiencer to experience experience. That the qualias are re cognized, seen. How is a see-er possible, how is awareness possible. How is conciousness possible.

Are you saying conciousness is purely the fact that when different waves of light hit a sensor a different chemical reaction takes place; or are you avknowkedgeing, that in order for red to be known as the color red, and blue as blue, there obviously is an observer of this; a something that sees and experiences the colors;

You are suggesting the fact of the differences of colors is the fact of the seeing the differences and there is nothing more?

Or understanding the: light wave to Red™ translation process auto understands the fundamental mecahnisms of entirely what conciousness is? (Obviously I don't mean Red is also the taste of garlic and salt; but by understanding one occurance of mental external signal sense translation one captures the fundamental mechanical essence of how conciousness exists?)

Would you suggest conciousness may be nothing other than light itself? When one is seeing light: light trapped in a matter body, spun around the reflecting slowing down gearwork of brain system: that conciousness is only garlic taste and light and mozart sound itself? And then the mechanical material energetic chemical electromagnetic totality of what conciousness is and how it works is duck pond park sunset ice cream sprinkles boobs? That as one can explain all parts of a car and how it operates and the minimum maximum amount of parts that can be removed and still function, that sensation itself is all the quantity and quality we call awareness is itself?

The thing about anxiety
Is that

you dont even notice it until you realise that you started chewing on the skin at the edge of your nails using your canine teeth as a fulcrum point only just NOW becoming aware of the amount of SKIN you've swallowed. Nicotine. Recalloused. Recalloused finger skin. And now you're bleeding all over the place. Were you audible? Did you modulate your volume? You were probably talking or singing to yourself. Youre still doing it. And now theres blood everywhere all along your fingertips that seem to assault your emotions more than your nervew endings. Its all fucked and whenever your hands get wet you can see all of the little craters. Your probably making sounds right now. Stop. Recalibrate. Thats too many. Thats way too many. And now theres more of them. And and and you dont really listen do you? To yourself or to your friends or your family or yourself. Or yourself. And then you give people advice you make a plan to follow "at some point".
AT SOME POINT. And everything

>>19926361
I don't mind working with them, I'll even talk to them like they're people. But I just cannot STAND the way they smell! I pay taxes to fund THEIR welfare system and they work next to me and STINK and SMELL.

Just had a job interview. It was the most depressing feeling in the world getting halfway through and realising I would rather shoot myself than take this job. Yet, I need a job. What's the deal?

>Get surgeries on both eyes to stabilize them and avoid a transplant.
>Are too far gone to get contacts anyway so two surgeries were completely pointless and I need transplants regardless.
Been two weeks and I'm still seething and crying.
Man I just can't cope. It seems like life just puts me down no matter what I try. I regret waking up every morning. Humans are built with too strong of will. It seems like they can keep going no matter how far down they go.

>>19926637
>The thing about anxiety
>Is that
>you dont even notice it until
>you dont even notice it until
yup

>>19926657
anon i'm in the same spot. we'll get through this

>>19926690
>This surgical procedure usually treats corneal blindness,[3][4] with success rates of at least 41% as of 2021.[5][6][7]
jesus christ, the absolute state of surgical science

I’m ironically on schizo meds and my life is hell
I’ve been doing projects like game and web development and I’ve been wanting to get my hand in writing too.
Maybe my time as a sane person subject to the field of psychiatry paralleling the cuckoos nest, people will reconsider my work as genuine suffering and enlightenment
But really I’m sick of life and want to die

>>19926708
My favorite game systems ever I think were super Nintendo and random cd rom games for windows 95 or 98. That's what I grew up playing and I'd I could play any games now it would be those. I had playstation one and two too, and dinal fantasy 7 is without a doubt the most epic video game experience of my life possibly partially because i haven't really played any games after that, well ff10 for PS2, but maybe it really is that good idk.

What are some of your fav all time, and fav recent, what kinds you try to make?

Writing is the art of repeating oneself without anyone noticing.

>>19926743
well fuck, that hits home. Nice of you to call it an 'art' though.

As I write this I have reached 90 days of weed sobriety. I am mildly proud of myself.
I do still miss it and id like to smoke again. Sometime soon hopefully. I'm not drinking every day anymore either but I still drink a lot when I do. The other night I cleared over half a bottle in just a few hours. I've been smoking a bunch of cigarettes while drunk too. Drinking and smoking is an expensive pastime. Whatever.
My friends gave me some shrooms this weekend. I haven't done shrooms in over a year because I used to have a problem with them in college. I don't know when I'll take these ones but I'm sure it will be a good time. Or maybe it will be too good of a time and ill start abusing them again. Who knows.
All I know is today I reached 90 days of weed sobriety.
https://youtu.be/ai5W4Rbwa9Y

there's this one really hot korean guy who always comes into our store. he never wears a shirt, he's absolutely beautiful. i wish i spoke korean.

>tfw no /fit/ gf to squeeze my weak incel cock

Why does anti-white propaganda make me so mad even though I'm not white?

>>19926885
You're witnessing systematic racism.

>>19926885
You've been indoctrinated by a bunch of frog posting virgins on the internet

>>19926657
Even worse when you have to constantly lie about how this shitty job is your single greatest goal in life and that every part of you was born to do it. Job searching is one of the least enjoyable things you can do without inflicting actual bodily harm upon yourself.

>touch water
>feel the need to pee
Why

>>19926976
I have seen bts shots of porn shoots where the there will be some dude holding a little cup of water for the guy fucking the girl to keep his finger in to stop from busting.

>>19926976
Stupid frog poster

>>19926361
a fifth and a few beers a day really isn't that much when you think about it

>>19927029
Before long you won't be able to think about it

>>19927031
hell yeah i'll drink to that brother

I dont know if Im a wristlet with 7.1 inch wrists.

there has been so much art produced about tyranny or oppressive rulers throughout history and just in life, but none of it even matters, and some of the artists alive today who even produced lines with definitions regarding what is oppression now are hypocritical like what they said never even mattered. why did it all matter? is art just something to look at in peace time for selfish reasons? what had that all been for?

Australia feels like it exists beyond history. Like time is frozen, or never started. That it occupies a physical space contiguous with the rest of the world, but also sits in some kind of temporal break which sets it aside.

It is a languid place that lacks that essential but difficult to define principle that motivates the almost spontaneous rise of civilization. Its minor forays in to world history have all been externally motivated, and likewise it is the global trade-network which the landmass is imbedded in which allows for it to superficially present itself as a nation in the most surface sense. It doesn't feel like a nation, or even a colony, but truly a worker's village situated around a strip-mine and a few ranches. There is no core around which a unity could congeal if one day the rest of the world decided it had no use for the resources present in its earth, and it is hilarious how quickly appeals to some identity jump to England's own history, or some nebulous gesture toward 'the west'. The particulars are illusive.

An eternal sunny weekend afternoon where the weather is too pleasant to care much about anything, and really there is nothing that needs doing anyway. It is nice in that way. But if you become discontent there is no avenue for anything more than this, you have to leave.

Finally, civilization itself feels laughably optional. Maybe this is a feeling some Eastern Europeans might recognize regarding the Eurasian steppe, living next to an endless stretch empty world, idk, but there is a persistent feeling that one can hop a fence, cross the treeline and disappear forever.

>>19927198
It's too hot tho

>>19927198
Bro it has spiders

>it took me a whole hour to read through "The sisters" with all of the notes
Am i retarded? Also why is the story named like that? The father's passing seems to be much more the core subject.

>>19927212
At least we can walk around in the bush without getting attacked by a giant fucking bear

>>19927207
>>19927212
I didn't really write this as an endorsement

Thinking about sex

I fantasize about getting with a single mom and helping her take care of the kids just so I can feel needed and appreciated.

>>19927222
Absolute state of /lit/. Get a dog instead, it will genuinely love you (unlike a woman) if you treat it well and you can do cool outdoor activities together.

>>19927222
Trips of altruism.

>>19927234
A well raised child is worth far more than some useless pet

>>19927222
>>19927238
>>19927261
yikes absolute state

>>19927276
>So I tell you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven because she has loved much. Where little is forgiven, little love is shown. Then he said to her, Your sins are forgiven. The other guests began to ask themselves, Who is this, that he can forgive sins? But he said to the woman, Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.
Luke 7:47-50

>>19927276
If you want people to take you seriously at least get some dubs.

>>19927310
>>19927311
check em

>>19927198
You've nailed it anon. I feel completely trapped here. There is nothing romantic or inspiring about the culture. There is no sense of history or importance and it very much still feels like a colony.

I do love the beaches though

>>19927310
Fuck off, christcuck.

>>19926361
i thought this was a painting of a kid wearing headphones...

>>19927310
spooky shit faggot

>>19927333
very nice!

>>19927346
thanks

My head is empty most of the time. I think by "intuition" rather than words with the exception of sometimes when I'll start taking to myself, just moving the lips or whispering, but if I'm alone, I'll actually speak. Just thinking in my head without this requires more effort and it tires me after a while.

They say I got brains but they ain't doing me no good...

>>19927413
The struggle of 120 IQ

Depriving others of their happiness is not a display of superiority.

>>19927222
I hang out with my neighbour and her kids sometimes. It's kind of like being a parent but only for the fun stuff, none of the real responsibility. Sometimes it feels like she using me as some kind of surrogate boyfriend (she is married) but it's still nice.

But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

>>19926361
im not gonna write a book about a world where everyone is confused, written to be intentionally confusing so you fit in

>>19927276
Children are the future

Im dying.
Im doing so poorly without you.
I wish you knew how much I was willing give.
I wish you knew how crippled I am.
I wonder what you are doing this very moment
What shows are you watching?
What goes through your head when you’re covered in blankets, comfy in bed?
Are you thinking about a stranger you like more than me?
The stranger who I would gladly hurt.
If I come back will you say you missed me? Becuase I missed you a lot
I dont think you missed me.
Im going to add another month of no contact and turn 2 into 3
Why am I feeling this? I have never missed anyone in my life
It is a state of perpetual heart pain
Its not love. I just miss you. I miss another human
Maybe I should reach out but I dont feel well enough to act myself
And if I reach out and you dont respond where will that leave me?
Im already destroyed
I could just open the flood gates and let out all my thoughts
and overwhelm your inbox with all the times I thought about you
Like when I needed help with something you used to help me with.
Like when I saw something funny that I would have sent to you
Like when you recommended me shows to watch which I loved
But you already know how much I value you and still, you arent here
This is what missing a friend feels like
Im dying and im hurt
Hayat benim için hiç iyi değil şu an. Vallahi iyi değil.
Hiç kimseye konuşasım gelmiyor.
Zor hareket ediyorum.
Acıyorum. Çokça.
Sometimes I think about talking with you again and smile ear to ear
It was so fun and I love you as a person

Wagie life is so depressing.
I don't know how people do it for their entire life. I'd go crazy if I didn't have an escape. I'm going to activate that escape next December but knowing I'm going to makes the time before that even worse.
I might just quit before that, because I can.

I want to interview random unimportant people in my city and I don't know why. I doubt it would ever get published

>>19927625
can i come with you?

>>19927182

It literally doesn't fucking matter. Get off the internet. It is fucking your head up

>>19927629
Maybe, what do you bring to the table?
I'm moving to the Caribbean so I hope you like the sun

>>19927631
You might be right. Internet was a mistake.

>>19927634
>what do you bring to the table
i'm kind of cute
>I hope you like the sun
i will burn in about five seconds

>>19927639
Are you a grill?
If so then yeah for sure.
I'm actually looking for a girl to come move with me and build a family there. I'm not into the local girls there and the tourists all want to leave at the end of the day

I think I might be bipolar. I mean, I was diagnosed Bipolar II about four years ago. But I stopped taking my medication and seeing the psychiatrist because I convinced myself I was just faking it. But now I think I might be bipolar.

>>19927640
>Are you a grill?
no, but sometimes i get mistaken for one

>>19927647
Well then I have to disappoint you, twink.
Get back to waging for the next 40 years (minimum)

>>19927649
o-oh okay
>40
i'll probably kill myself long before then

>>19927650
Don't do that, try to get rich instead.
Put everything on the line to get rich and make it. Sticking to the wage is depressing. Maybe okay if you work less hours (4days perhaps)

>>19927644
What does it feel like to be bipolar?

>>19927655
It has its up and downs

>>19926701
It's pretty bad. Transplants seem bad and very temporary. Body can reject up to year 10 I've read.

>>19926690
Sorry to hear that anon. My dad got unlucky with his eye surgery too, his vision is worse than ever. He can't watch foreign films anymore because he can't read the subtitles or read books :(

I love zoomer girls. No human personality at all, they're flaunting themselves like products in e-shop.

>>19926690
Anon, I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I hope it all works out, and even if the worst comes around that you find strength within yourself and don't let this rob life's joy from you.

>>19926690
Stay strong /lit/bro

>>19927655
For me it just means I'm depressed 90% of the time and then on occasion I'll go crazy. Sometimes the crazy phase is very interesting and fun or creatively inventive. Heightened, or what appears to be heightened senses, elevated energy and alertness, increased gregariousness, spiritual intensity. Great for writing poetry-and the only time I do so. Other times it's just crazy and scary.

sometimes i think about how the more liberal people i used to know probably had to force themselves to like transsexuals like 5 years ago

>>19927817
that's how i feel. i wonder if i should be tested

>>19927836
I saw a shrink about 3 years ago after having a full blown manic attack, which for me is a rare occurrence. I've had two such episodes in my lifetime. The first time when I was a teenager was really bad. I ended up hurting several people (I literally beat the shit out of them) and had to be institutionalized. The second time wasn't as bad in terms of its consequences, although I was certainly arriving at that point. Don't let yourself get there. You can easily destroy your life in a day.

>>19926361
We come from pussy only to do our best to reach pussy and finally die from pussy.

>>19927893
Ave Vulva

>boss can create copies of himself

>optional side boss in Nioh 3

>>19927897
>>19927903
>>19927907
Fuck I have two tabs open and I meant to post these in a /v/irgin thread

>>19926361
Our entire society is built more and more on risk management and safety-ism. Danger and excitement gives arousal that makes life worth living. By making the world around us as safe of a space as possible, lawmakers stay under the illusion that they are making the world a better place, not being conscious of the fact that they're smothering humanity under a warm fuzzy blanket. The largest problem with this is that the things that get better with this philosophy are all measurable and quantifiable (lower sexual misconduct instances, less crime, less covid deaths), but what we're losing is not quantifiable and more of a spiritual, existential part of life.

I'm thinking a lot about the problems with neoliberalism, cancel culture, heck, the problems of society as a whole, and I feel like I'm gathering more and more pieces of the puzzle to create a complete worldview.

>>19927911
For a macro view of this, read Anti-fragile. Echoes everything you said in a very erudite fashion. (Don't pay attention to what people say about Taleb, it's an exceptional book.)

For a micro view re: that pandemic measures/mindset, read The Palliative Society by Byung-Chul Han. The premise:

>Our societies today are characterized by a universal algophobia: a generalized fear of pain. We strive to avoid all painful conditions – even the pain of love is treated as suspect. This algophobia extends into society: less and less space is given to conflicts and controversies that might prompt painful discussions. It takes hold of politics too: politics becomes a palliative politics that is incapable of implementing radical reforms that might be painful, so all we get is more of the same.

>Faced with the coronavirus pandemic, the palliative society is transformed into a society of survival. The virus enters the palliative zone of well-being and turns it into a quarantine zone in which life is increasingly focused on survival. And the more life becomes survival, the greater the fear of death: the pandemic makes death, which we had carefully repressed and set aside, visible again. Everywhere, the prolongation of life at any cost is the preeminent value, and we are prepared to sacrifice everything that makes life worth living for the sake of survival.

Side note: Pay attention to the frequent use of "resilience" in policy discourse, especially going forward when it comes to climate change action, but also more generally among the talking heads and mainstream media. Taleb contrasts Anti-fragility with Resilience frequently so reading his book will be a solid bedrock.

>>19927911
In this sense, you're saying that you'd prefer to live in late 19th - early 20th century.

I live in a country where people ask for experience for a random internship that is not even in some big company.
And then they ramble about the lack of qualified people for jobs and that young people are all lazy.

>>19927909
Maybe take some rest, you might be tired

I feel bad for hating humans for so long. They are just as broken as I am and deserve some nice words and a smile at the least.

>>19926657
I think you have to have the courage to say “I don’t want this for myself” when you don’t. There’s a degree to which you have no choice, but there’s also a degree to which you do have a choice but think and feel as though you dont.

>>19928073
You too deserve some nice words and a smile.

i wish i was illiterate and didn't have access to electricity

Maybe I should try being a teacher instead.

my laptop is kaput

>>19928073
There's a few good ones scattered around. Don't throw them out with the rest. Bad people are some of the most contemptible objects in the universe and scorn for them is overwhelmingly justified. Have no doubt in your heart about slaying the unrighteous.

>>19928219
How to know which ones are the rare good ones?

I’m going to pay off my debt and then I’m going to travel, spending a few months in one place at a time.

I think that’s what I’m going to do.

>>19926361
I legitimately think I am going crazy.

>>19928360
Sex fixes this

>>19928364
I don't think that's achievable for me as I am rn. I can't even get myself to talk to people, I just stare at them

How can I improve my appearance? I have deep, dark circles and I always look tired.

I have a question for all the loners/neets in here who dont interact with other humans much. How often do you use your voice? Like do you just go days without speaking?

We are the stonewall girls
We wear our hair in curls
We wear no underwear
We show our pubic hair
We wear our dungarees
Above our nelly knees!

I READ A STUPID FUCKING CREEPYPASTA HERE YESTERDAY AND TODAY I MENTIONED IT TO A GIRL THINKING IT WOULD BE FUNNY AND IT REALLY WASNT AND NOW IM CRYING FUCK I HATE YOU GUYS SO MUCH I HOPE YOU ALL HIT YOUR TOES ON FURNITURE

>>19928762
>talking to f*males
>>>/r/eddit

>>19928706
I laugh to myself sometimes or say something when I stub my toe but that's it. My roommate and I go weeks without speaking. I don't really talk otherwise

>>19928706
Sometimes I go on omegle, sometimes I sing to myself. Sometimes read things out loud to myself.
That's it basically.

>>19928706
I chat with my mom most days. Despite being a total failure I am on good terms with my parents.

>>19928706
I live with parents so I use my voice. I also talk with myself all the time.

>>19928706
every day

Ragging on women is cheap, but i recently made a realization that never crossed my mind before, which is the fact that i have yet to meet a woman under the age of 60 who loathed the modern world, or at least saw it as an inherently negative way of living. At worst there's a faint air of discontent, some disappointments coupled with some wishes, but no trace of an incentive to change things around. Then again obviously, why would they? It's their world now, and it's geared to please them first and foremost. Even jane austen fanatics and steampunks chicks and 50s revivalists and other LARPettes only have a purely aesthetic yearning for the past, and don't care much for the actual order of things.
It's nothing strange or nonsensical at all. It just puts into perspective all the current sperging about the evils of modernity that's been propagated everywhere, and shows that the rift between men and women is in this neverending increase that promises even more hostility and conflict between the two sexes. Throughout history, women have always been the forces that pull towards comfort first and foremost ; the difference between then and now is that they finally managed to have the upper hand.

>>19929072
Women couldn't care less about your opinions on anything unless you're in the top 20%.

>>19926250
I've spent enough time around addicts and recovering addicts to know that this just is not the case.

I’m a paralegal and I do a lot of case/deposition summaries
reading now about a facility for special needs adults, and this one retard is literally named Melvin. who the fuck does that to their retarded kid?

Bro... bearably sad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x4d82OtMjg

My butthole has been… balkanized

I'm not going to /adv/ anymore. Too much bad advice and bad people there. I'd much rather be here criticized for my literary tastes.

Doesn’t anyone else feel deeply that the world we’re living in has become a waking nightmare? Is it life, or is there something about this time and this place? I don’t know, but I feel it and I can’t not feel it.

>>19929262
I feel like I woke up one day and everyone became insane overnight

>>19926361
OP said WWOYM so Ill WWOMM

I think people have consciousness wrong, when people talk about consciousness they include things like memory or pain and I think thats more what our brain and our body adds on to consciousness. Another thing to take into account is that consciousness cant change since it is more like a state than a thing you can add or take away from, you could have been conscious before birth but not remember it because you didn't have the ability for memory, same applies to after death, we can never really really know unless we experience it.

Also how time is supposedly the 4th dimension, everything is affected by time except for our conscious "state", it is the only thing about our mind that we can disassociate from time (idk if theres anything else).

I think this, for me, is good enough proof of dualism.

my brain has been balkanized

Lads, we shall fight for our freedom!

so many Manfiestation of the being of time have since appeared to my fralconsciosuness. i looked out at the Politicaler who ran the lastest webcraze about the sysematic overthrow of the new age system... but then you got to look at HUXLEY and other such guys that tried to force their retums to open for a generaiton was it deception? was huxley deceiving us with his verbal prose? i look at the situation from a new standpoint: vcantage point corporation and the moment of time in whci i think that we have to make a decision about that kind of bizarre changing of events e.g. the holocaust we have to admit it never happened

>>19928045
I'm a nostalgic bastard, I do confess. I really long for times that have long passed.

>>19927967
thanks, they'll be added to *the list*.

>>19929315
That makes sense. New world colonization has passed but space colonization has yet to come. Truly the most boring times.

Watch out for those goyim.

Should I become a freemason? There's w lodge in my town.

TAK JAK ADOLF HITLER
DESTROY THE JEWISH STATE

I took the second grossest poo of my life today. But at least it was in a place with literally no other smells and a bunch of pretty people and heavy air circulation.

>>19926361
The lies I told myself to keep it together have completely unraveled. I’m in complete disarray and either on the verge or already in a breakdown. My feelings of being a spectator in this world have increased and feel nececcary to shield myself from the intrusive thoughts and emotions. There are transient moments where I experience clarity and hope, only to be doused out by strong emotions of rejection, loneliness, regret and sadness.
I’m completely unable to have small talk and can barely converse. I feel so much distance between me and everyone else, I canning discern if this is imagined or real, if I’m really unwanted or just extremely insecure.
I think I love my parents, if not I’m already neutral to them. But with all the retrospection and truths I’ve hidden from myself I see them clearly. My girlfriend at the time already mentioned these problems but I dismissed her because I don’t want to believe, I really want to call her and apologise for dismissing her.
My mother tried and tries her best to be a mother but it’s clear she suffers from her own childhood neglect, neuroticisms and depression. Lately she’s even in catatonic states which I explained by starting dementia (how unwilling I was to see the truth!). I’ll never understand the reasons why she hit me or certain emotional manipulations she did (I still struggle to see if these were real or if I’m imagining it), although I suspect her total desperation played a role.
My father is an impulsive babbler, stubborn beyond belief but handsome and silver tongued, though his charms have lessend with age. He hit me as well, for not brushing my teeth when I was 3 to not listening to his inane rants when I was older. He also belittled me and mocked and sometimes still mocks me, saying I’m weird, different an outsider or whatever. When I was 14 or 15 I finally had enough and I beat him up. He understood then that he wasn’t a young lion anymore I ran away for that night and I believe we never spoke of that incident again. He stopped belittling me but after some years he started to mock me again though less than before.
My parents are shouters since I can remember. Every vacation they would have a huge fight and shouting match. I thought and still think this is normal but other have said it isn’t (is it?). At home they would shout and argue and ever since my dad retired they would have shouting matches at least 3-4 times a week. I thought myself immune to this but I think this only destroyed my ability to bond. As did all the other stuff.

going to try myself with php and mysql

>>19929387
What could go wrong? My uncle is in one, of course he's not allowed to talk about it but it seems like he's having a blast. He's met a few people that he regularly goes on trips with, gained some new hobbies... I have no clue what happens in the lodge or how to get initiated, but it seems like it was the right choice for him.

>>19929499
use Laravel

>>19929482
Do you still live with your parents?
I'd say get the fuck out of there if yes

>>19929522
thanks for a tip. I'm a complete noob though.

>>19929541
what are you trying to do? get a job in backend?

>>19929549
Honestly, I'm trying to add a bit of skills and eventually get an IT related job. I've thought that maybe php & mysql could be my thing. I tried coding and programming courses but it didnt really click with my at all. Found the whole experience just dull and miserable.

>>19929482
The hardest pill to swallow is that everyone refers to my parents as the nicest ones you meet and I don’t think they fake that. They are open about life and never told me how I should live my life but I think their openness was too much and maybe I subconsciously interpreted it as uncaring towards my emotions? I never felt I could be honest with them and until recently with anyone for that matter. The times I did tell them personal things they would be passed around as if it were plain gossip giving me a sense of not being taken seriously, I must have been 2 or 3 when I had these thoughts.
They are very social and outgoing, looking back at pictures and their own lives (though both definitely had some sort of a troubled childhood) they would be what 4chan calls boomer Chad and Stacey. They were popular with rich parents and it shows that they’re socialites. They were just incapable of raising children despite having good intentions (I think?) but no one questions that because they seem competent on the outside, university educated, well to do family good social skills large social network etc.
I felt and still feel as if I have no right to complain and that everything I think about my parents is extremely ungrateful.
I don’t want to be the cliche my parents are to blame for me, but I genuinely don’t know anymore. I’m in tears, my life has always been a mess, I had bouts where I didn’t go to school for weeks since I was 9, felt complete paranoia since 11 and had suicidal thoughts since 12. I completely dropped school when I was 14 and entered the world of juvenile delinquency and mental illness. Only thing I had going for me was smarts and severe paranoia. Keeping me from being pressured into the full blown criminal circuit. I’ve been diagnosed with Asperger, ptsd, asd, adhd and major depression, all based on 2 personal talks and my parents talking with a psychiatrist just before dropping school. My self image was completely destroyed, I didn’t want to see myself as a retard, a dysfunctional mess, an autist. I had tally with youth protection services and entered special ed to prevent the court from starting a case. This was total hell. I was placed in a class consisting of “high” functioning autistics. The rest of the school were the mentally retarded or the genuine lost & damned, children whose parents were absent or deemed unfit and placed in the youth interment camp. I could only stay for 2 months before fleeing into total NEEtdom. I still had some lingering connections with childhood friends due to gaming (if I didn’t game I would have absolutely no one) and through them would have a sort of social life. One went the trade route but was seriously engaged in criminal activity, I still see him as my friend. The other two university route but broke down due to their own problems at home, I don’t speak to them anymore due to multiple reasons.
Sorry for blog posting.

>>19929562
heres a good starter thing: https://youtu.be/HKJDLXsTr8A
you should look into learning MERN too (MongoDB, Express, React, NodeJs)

>>19929648
big thanks anon.

>shoes now smell so bad i have to hide them when i take them off
>start putting them on the radiator to nuke the bacteria
>retrieve them next day
>smells like chocolate

?

I can drink more than you.

I prefer boomers to Gen X.

>>19929716
Boomers>Millennials>Zoomers>Gen X

>>19929693
probably, yeah

>>19929732
like way more than you

>>19929796
...concerning. how much?

reddit.com/cunny
reddit.com/faggot
etc.

>>19929535
Yes I do, sadly it’s hard and expensive to find a worthwhile place to live (or so I tell myself)
>>19929640
Through friends I found my ex girlfriend, who due to her own abusive parents came to live with me for 2,5 years. I was 18 at the time.
While she was damaged she also told me, after she was comfortable enough, that my parents had issues but as I said before I dismissed her! How stupid and shallow I feel now! Looking back at myself I can say that my interpersonal contact with her was bad from my part. I never bought her flowers, I felt I had to be distant, to give her space because we lived together but also so that she can grow stronger as a person (as I grew up myself) and because I didn’t want to be found clingy (I definitely have a serious attention issue which I try to suppress as much as possible). She genuinely loved me and I cared for her, maybe even loved her back but my way of showing love, just affection in general, isn’t compatible with human life. I can only do it when I’m drunk, comfortable (which has happened only twice in my life so far) or as a fleeting almost ironic moment. I cannot take compliments either. Either way when she found her own place and moved out the relationship quickly sizzled out, I barely visited or gave her attention, even though I wanted to I felt that I couldn’t. She broke up with me after 2 months and I feared becoming alone more than losing her. She would have been better of without me but I knew I had lost someone who tried for me because of genuine reasons. I’m over her now and haven’t spoken to her in almost 2 years but I feel the need to call her and confess these pent up feelings (is this a right decision to make?).
Cont, I really need to vent sorry for taking up space.

>>19929896
After 3 years of NEETdom and being forced to hang out with other outcasts, in what I can only describe as detritus daycare, I started following classes around the time I got together with my ex. I got my high school diploma after 3 years but I ignored every social opportunity at the education center and my parents, supporting on my ex for most of my social needs leading an almost recluse life. After my ex broke up I enrolled for med school and got accepted (not in the USA if that wasn’t clear). During my time in school I met loads of nee and social people, people who had no clue or care for my troublesome past. This gave me some peace at first but I quickly found out how unrelatable most people were. I’ve always felt different and the need to put on a mask but now I knew I was different, maybe even damaged. When I tried to tell people my problems I got blank stares or awkward laughs, people were and are uncomfortable hearing me telling my life. I was prepared to keep up my charade and told classmates the pretty most socially acceptable story of my life. This gained hollow aws and compliments (most students are women). Due course my lacking interpersonal relationship skills became noticeable and there were some rough communication moments but I (the person I played who was confident, good at small talk and was interested) was accepted. The following year I met a new girl in my new class. Didn’t think much of her at first Only that she seemed very open. We got talking at a party and, for the first time, I truthfully blurted put parts of my life. Maybe I was trying to impress her or was this my drunk and confused attempt at seduction but I felt I could be completely honest with her, I still can’t understand why but it felt great. Sadly our relationship quickly turned complicated. After we kissed I fell in love despite my own wishes wanting to be friends, she had a boyfriend at the time and quickly regretted what she had done.

This fiasco went on for a couple of months, but in our random deep conversations we’ve had I had been completely honest, and this is where my lies fell apart.
The self image I projected was shattered, I saw the problems coming but didn’t grasp how hard hitting they would be.
I broke contact with her, telling her how pivotal my moments with her have been (I probably came of as a needy creep but I’m between not caring and dying of shame when I think back) but that I can’t cope with being infatuated and wishing to be just friends, so sort of acquaintances it is (this was all way too forced from my part but I was and am genuinely desperate for human contant, oh well) Ever since she has been extremely avoidant, which is what I, think, I need but when I see her in person it also hurts really really bad. This added with my parental situation and sombre mood has put me into breakdown mode. I lost all ability to function normally.

>>19929927
Ive blog posted too much I’ll end my plea. At least I’ve stopped crying but I’m at my wits end, I don’t know what to do. To function socially has become a Herculean task and the fear of being left behind but also genuine indifference towards me has because unbearable.
What can I do? Does anyone have book recommendations to distract myself, please.

>>19929948
Go dog go!!

>>19926361
I want to die. Nothing gives me satisfaction. All I want is to connect with people, but I am unable to. I go to college everyday and I don't know why to be honest. I'm at the top of my class, but I don't even like the study. I don't talk to anyone there, I just sit in class all day and stare out of the window. I feel like I am slowly decaying and withering away. My body feels so weak, I'm tired all of the time and I feel nothing but sadness and anxiety. The only times when I feel alive are when I succumb to my addictions and do drugs or jerk off for 8 hours a day. I feel like I am broken. I can't even remember what it was like to have friends or to have people smiling at me, asking me questions out of genuine interest. I was damaged in the head somewhere along the way so I am now unable to connect with people, unable to experience joy. Forever seeking out normality, trying an array of different things, pretending for periods and almost believing it, only to fall back into the crippling bleakness of reality.

>>19929970
>>19929948
Pussies.

>>19929970
It's pretty interesting how many people on /lit/ are the quiet type who don't get along socially.
I mean you'd expect it from 4chan but when I look at my own life I can't recall many people who are that quiet (aside from myself).
For me, I'm not sure if I want the social contact or if I just would like to be left alone.

>>19929965
I don’t understand.
>>19929981
Tell me if I need to man up, I really don’t know if I’m being a pathetic pushover that is too sensitive or that I’m justified in feeling like total crap and wanting people to care about me.

>>19929948
I said this to another depressed anon the other day. Read Winnie the Pooh.
Trust me.

>>19929992
Look at dem digits!!!!!
Take a poop

>>19929985
When I'm alone I want social contact, but when I'm surrounded by people I cannot get myself to talk to them. It's not even that I'm socially inept or anything, I just cannot get myself to talk to them. In some rare cases I've had really deep and wonderful talks with people, but I could count those on one hand. It's also really draining to have to pretend, to feign interest and to smile forcefully. Everytime I do that I feel like I lose a little part of myself. I don't think I like people. I love them, but I don't like them.

I promised not to drink yet I'm drinking again.

>>19930010
With me sometimes I would like to make smalltalk but cannot for the life of me come up with a subject. To make matters worse I sometimes carpool with people. I can talk to this one guy but sometimes I'm with a different colleague and we sit there for 45 minutes in silence, lmao.
I've found that i like to talk about the big subjects more than small talk. You just have to be the one who starts it because normies don't like bringing that up. If they are really not up to talking about deeper things/interests then fuck em. Stick to the weather and if it's awkward after that it's on them.

>>19930017
i can drink more than you

>>19930010
>>19930022
I can relate, but sometimes it hurts when you cannot be you.

>>19930029
I dont doubt. I'm rather a lightweight.

>>19930046
In what way?
My field of work is completely uninterested in literature or anything cultural really. I guess it sucks that a chunk of my personality is not able to come out and that they might think I'm boring because of that. But on the other hand I don't feel the need to talk about that stuff with regular people.

>>19930022
>I've found that i like to talk about the big subjects more than small talk. You just have to be the one who starts it because normies don't like bringing that up.
I can relate to that. I feel like part of me just doesn't think it's worth it, all the sludge you have to wade through in order to possibly maybe find someone with whom you can talk about things that actually matter to you. In my experience a lot of people are just not looking for that kind of friendship. Maybe it's the environment I'm in (mostly frat types) but I don't know. I used to work as a gardener, but it wasn't any different then. I know some people online that I can be on the phone with for hours and it just makes me wonder why I don't have those kind of contacts irl.

>>19928228
You will know them by their fruits

>>19930123
That seems like it might take a while.

>>19928596
Wear makeup. A little bit of concealer and foundation can make a huge difference.

>>19926361
I think I just phase shifted back into the proper universe. "Soul" never had anything to do with modern notions of "consciousness" or even "reason," for the greeks soul was, quite literally, Life. and now I see how "Soul" or "Life" is the active, immanent principle, it is the "ground of being," I see how Soul pervades the universe and holds up "energy" and "spacetime" and "motion," I see again how Life is a true principle, a priori. I thought that the problem was how "Mind" is connected to the universe. But "Mind" is only an aspect of "Soul" or Life. I couldn't understand the fact that Being has no ground in Mind yet on the contrary all of Mind's operations are based on being. If Mind is all and Mind makes up the perceptual framework of our reality and mind is the only reality we can know, then, what ground can being have? Being, then, must be groundless, and reality is a hat trick. But now I see it is not Mind, but Soul or Life, which is not the unmoved mover, but the self-moved mover, and it is immanent and active, or actual. I feel like I've been living in an alternate reality, we've all had this haze after we thought that Mind was that through which we could alone Be, forgetting Life itself.

Why is the world the way it is like?

>nothing can be known XD
philosophy was a mistake

>>19930460
kek and they won't do shit because nobody will watch any of their opens or whatever the fuck they're called if djokovic doesn't play

>>19929072
Woman are the anchor of the status quo, that is all. They will defend most fiercely the norm, whatever it is. If the day ever came that your specific preferred ideology came in to power the vast majority of women would defend it because they align themselves with power in general, without concern for specifics and particularities.

It pays to remember that the modern world was built by men. That behind every great feminist victory there has been some bearded patriarch, in some position of power, giving it the stamp of approval.

>>19930460
Anti-vaxxers are against all vaccines. The guy in your picture is justifiably refusing the experimental vaccine being forced on him against human rights

>>19930559
>human rights
no such thing

all i see are human wrongs...

I want to comfort her somehow. Yes, I know I am selfish.

I meant it when I said I loved her.

Nobody gives a shit about other people like she does.

This world is cruel, but she made it better.

My world is cruel, but she made it better.

>>19929716
>>19929726
My least favourite online stereotype is the Gen X man in his late 40's or 50's who works in tech or the game industry, or something "geeky", who enthusiastically mouths the current HR department inclusivity platitudes, not understanding their content only that aligning with them keeps him safe and that this somehow makes him a good person.
I hate it not cause of some gay fucking gamergate bullshit, or whatever, just that you know these kinds of guys, being in those fields in the 90s or early 2000's, said and did all kinds of shit that would have you unpersoned in an instant today, but did so prior to everything being recorded forever online. You can tell that there is this fear of being found out that reroutes in to them trying to ruin the lives of dumb edgy kids making the same kind of dumb edgy jokes, and what not, that they themselves did, as a kind of scapegoat for their own past.

>>19929993
Thanks anon, I will give it a try.

>>19930628
kek'd

>>19930567
>>19930628
https://youtu.be/k_qG22M6tCg

"You bring light in

You bring light in

You bring light in

You bring light in"

I want to hug her. I hate it here. I hate what my parents did to me. I meant everything I said yesterday.

John C. Lilly, the inventor of the isolation tank, came up with the idea that there is a force called the solid state entity. It's goal is to limit human consciousness and replace humans with artificial intelligence.
I'm starting to believe it is real. It is becoming more evident that the tech industry does not respond to human needs, rather humans have to constantly accustom themselves to new technology. This almost always means relinquishing personal freedoms, real human connection, philosophy, critical thinking, art etc.
Anything that does not align with the goals of the solid state entity will eventually be erased and this includes humans themselves.

>>19930639
>>19930700
You must be 18 to post on this website

Kraftwerk is really good

>>19930793
What songs are your favorite

>>19930796
this. Kraftwerk fans deserve to be plebfiltered.

What is the meaning of life, in the sense of telos of life, that meaning that existentialists and nihilists have raved on about? The key is to break down 'teleology' itself and what it studies and to go to the etymology ('true meaning') of it. Teleology is the study of "ends", "purposes", "goals", "design". The two most relevant etymologies are to be studied in "purpose" and "design", purpose from old French "purposer" (to put forth), design from Latin "designo" (to mark), estimate from Latin aestimo (to estimate), end from Proto-Germanic "*andijaz". And so the general sense is life is God, the universe or whatever cosmic entity you appeal to, calculating, marking, estimating, proposing, which all are very literary/numerary actions. In particular, "proposing" relates to the universe as if it were making a business proposition. "In the beginning, was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God."

So then, what is the near-objective telos of life in one sentence, without that emotional seeking of "why, why, why, for what purpose"? The telos of life quite simply, is that the Universe refuses to just shut the fuck up.

>>19926361
How to escape the quagmires of schizo metaphysics/religion and return to the serene normality of reddit atheism?

Literally all this happened because I went to the mall that day. 2007.

No.

It all happened because I watched vh 1 that day. 2006.

It happened because I decided to not watch a SpongeBob dvd and watched fucking vh 1

>>19930844
Go outside and meet people

>>19930460
I took a ryanair flight once. Shittiest plane Id ever been on. Felt like it was falling apart

Any femanons wanna be my gf

>>19930966
k

>>19926885
you have a soul and a working brain and can see the shady motivations behind it

>>19931016
<3 love you babe

there is a legit schizo on gyoyc lol

Innocence does not correlate to righteousness.

>>19931032
ok thanks. anyway post boipucci

>>19931125
Being a christcuck certainly doesn’t.

>>19930953
That has never helped at all, other people tend to have religious and metaphysical ideas as well

>>19926361
i had to poop not too long ago but now i dont and i dont want to force it

>>19931143
Dont talk to other pseuds. Just meet some bros and have beer

>>19930966
Sorry, you have to get trips for that.

>go back to your echo chamber!!!
>oh my god, I want everyone to say bad words and act the same on 4chan!!!

>>19931170
Rolling

>>19931169
>being religious is pseud
You're being silly here, a literal majority of the world is religious

I feel like a failure

>>19931188
This. Quantity = Truth

>>19931188
Yeah sure but most people dont read theology or give a damn about metaphysics. If you meet people and the only thing you ever talk about is metaphysics and spirituality then you are a pseud and friends with pseuds.

LADS I'VE GOTTA KEEP ON FIGHTING THE BATTLE SO I WILL CONTINUE TO! I MAY HAVE FELT LIKE CRAP BUT I WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT THE BATTLE ARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

>>19931208
>the only thing you ever talk about
Obviously not, it just comes up sometimes
>>19931195
Wasnt making an argument about truth but about apparent pseudery

>>19931190
Why?

>>19931188
Hence the world is populated with the lot of them.
Geesh. You included!

>>19931221
Dude just go to a fucking bar and have drinks with the bros

>>19931234
Why would you think that makes the questions go away? Drinking literally makes me think more about it

>>19931242
I mean go have worldly experiences. Have fun, indulge your senses, party. All the abstractions seem so far away and pointless when the rubber meets the road and you're actually living. Embrace tangible reality

>>19929675
that's how chocolate is made, don't you know? foot fungus

>>19929675
Just spray them with lysol

>>19931329
I dont think you understand the severity of the obsession but I'm not going to blogpost about it.

>>19931410
Just stop being autistic. You obviously way overthink things. Holing yourself up will only reinforce the obession. You gotta break out of it and that will take social engagement

>>19931428
Anon I'm not some shy person who didnt socialize when they were young, i am completely unbalanced and have been hospitalized involuntarily for it. I'm a psychotic freak essentially, I just didn't want to depress you

Tumblr was 4chan for feminists, twitter is 4chan for normalfags and is the new one for feminsts.

>>19931448
Oh sorry. my advice isn't relevant then. Good luck anon

finally going out with a friend this friday. it's been what feels like months. had a mild psychotic break, but the idea of easing into a schedule and seeing people makes me eager for the future.

>>19930838
The purpose is the struggle (or lack), the curiosity, the mystery, the wondering, the wager, the striving for discovery, the declaring, the demanding, the believing, with or without a doubt, the building, the changing, the seeking, the questioning, the questing; for purpose.

Could purpose exist, could value exist, could goodness exist, could they be had, could they be valued, could they be good, could they be worth (what?) It. A chance at existing, and what for, what could it be worth, what could come of it, what could be seen, and what of it, what can be done and what and why of it.

Who wants to start a podcast together? Let's brain storm some name ideas, I haven't thought of any yet

>>19931898
The peach tree boys

Dooter on her knee

Chinchilla gals

Fallopian Boobs

Pizza party in my pants

Cowboy orphanage world

Agape apes

Deed tour

Footsie fellas

Beach tree junction

Love bunts

And the something something

The cool guys place

Dumb duts

Peesy electric

The cancelation fee podcast

Hinter Spell

Fundroid time

Fancy dude bro land and the extasy of widgets

Galactic omnibus proliferation zone ideally speaking

Poosters podcast

Very lux

Tangling eek speech

Vermin theater

Jungle gunk stew

Extra junk sauce yum yum

Piece of pee stuff

Jangly jargon gurgle

Erps erps and more erps: a podcast

A budget of mud

Spheronic wavoid preterberation therum

Gangly hijonix

Piques of pictures if ye pilease

Poot boys and the pooty land of poots and stuff

Bingo bango the windging hour with Todd Tomoore and pallyos

Ever essence; the spiel of time

i payed another hooker to beat the shit out of me. this one didnt rob me which was nice but she didnt go hard enough either.

>>19931898
Garlic Press - a podcast about journalists interviewing cloves of garlic

>starting a new job with a 4 hours commute per day
commutebros, how do you do it everyday? I genuinely feel like killing myself, I can't even watch a film aboard because the train in question is always full

>>19927198
sounds like someone has been reading david harvey

>>19932291
>4 hours
bro you might as well sleep at that point

>>19931988
you forgot one: the dub checkers

>>19932313
4 hours per day, 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening, I'm not the type to take 2 hour naps.
I'm also unable to read in public, the slightest noise breaks my concentration, what do people usually do in such a long period of time?

>>19932323
be the type to take 2 hour naps or listen to 2 hour albums i guess or maybe 2 1 hour albums idk man thats pretty rough

>>19932323
>>19932291
>4 hours commute
I hope the salary is worth it anon, but then again if it were you'd just rent a place near your work, commuting this much everyday will take a huge toll on you mentally, I suggest you find a new job as soon as you can.

i am... forgotten

my girlfriend has been balkanized

My foreskin has been balkanized

LET ME OUT

>>19932489
The more you struggle the harder I get

I have come to realize that all i really have for myself are my name and my jokes. Otherwise I am completely empty. The need for a redemption puts a severe amount of pressure on me, but it's the only way to pay my debt.

Aristotle was the Universe becoming aware of Itself.

I'm gonna be honest with you… I… I'm kind of retarded.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l5dxPKhkjg

>>19932537
Wow. The universe isn’t that dumb.
If he were that, the universe would be in some towering shaft shape. Clearly not, anon.

Thinking about how scared I am of developing my Dad's schizophrenia. Used to think I'd just kill myself if I did but now I realize that would destroy my family and I'm not going out with the most selfish possible act as my last one like a pussy. Told myself I wouldn't drink in college but I have been, only every few weeks but still probably shouldn't be. Gotta make it 4 more years and then the risk drops off. Pray for me, Anons.

I have no idea what to do with my life. Everyone around me seems to lurk on a next step - knowing a few things that they'd like to do but something is stopping them. Im pathetic.

Simeon the Holy Fool was pretty cool.

>aren’t you cold??
don’t fucking sl*tshame me

>>19932809
I checked him right now. Why dragging the dead dog? Does this have some sort of deeper meaning?

i think i've fallen in love with a nice chinese woman nearly 20 years older than me

i doubt she's interested

>>19932862
I think it's wackiness reaching certain people who'd otherwise not take notice and avoiding getting praised for his good deeds to make them genuine.

>>19928074
This is true sure, but I bail out of everything I do because everything I start I hate. I have good intentions going in, but everything fills me with me dread after a while.

Anyone else getting excited?

>>19931898
I did a podcast before that was just me and my friends talking shit about our lives. It petered out after 12 episodes.

Going to start a new one soon talking about movies with another friend of mine

OK I'm depressed today. But I won't be depressed forever. It can change. It will be OK.

>>19932914

>>19932914
This is why you keep a journal so you can look back and see times you were like this and made it through

>>19926361
How do I become a war correspondent? I have zero experience as a journalist.

>>19932955
Start a blog and join a terrorist group

>>19932955
For a big "newspaper"? No fucking clue.

This guy just went to Ukraine and started filming https://www.youtube.com/c/PatrickLancasterNewsToday and he does great stuff.

>>19930641
>>19929716
The only Gen X's I know are former doofers/hippies who now have real jobs but on occasional still drop molly and drink. I don't know if their parents died and left them inheritance, but generally they live in decent homes but I'm sure they're up past where their long since lost dreads used to be in debt on their house
>>19930898
You're ignoring countless tiny decisions you made in the meantime
>>19932778
See the second half of this post >>19925912 should give you prompts to lead you to that next step by figuring out what you do, indeed, want
>>19932735
praying for you even though not religious

>>19933030
Okay that helps a bit but I've never had any dreams. For me the future is too uncertain to plan anything and yet I have to choose my future career path as soon as possible. It doesnt help that Im a "all or nothing" kind of person.

>>19933082
Did you do the activities?
Billion dollar check: what do?
What is the purpose of everything on your to do list. Even the type of food your buy for your groceries? What does the choice of diet say about you?

>>19926361
i love getting DTs in public
i love shaking like i have parkinson's
i love putting my shame on display
i love struggling to pull my ID and credit card out of my wallet to buy more alcohol from a clearly uncomfortable cashier who's seen me too many times
i love barely being able to drive home without seizing up
i love the abdominal pains
i love the nausea
i love paranoia

>>19933093
>What does the choice of diet say about you?
My diet is extremely healthy and very unhealthy at the same time. Billion dollar check would be getting my own place, travelling around the world, investing and etc. I do a lot of activities to either kill time or hoping to find an answer which is doubtless.

Christian apologetics is just Socratized pilpul.

>>19932083
Go on a website like fetlife and get a gf that beats you

>>19933097
interesting

>>19926472
ok bro

i am proud to be jewish

>>19933109
Be much more specific.
>My diet is extremely healthy and very unhealthy at the same time
Which unhealthy things do you eat? What do you like to eat - how many of those are healthy? What are the foods you're sure are perfectly tasty but have never felt the inclination to try
>getting my own place, travelling around the world
Okay you want your own place.
Where around the world would you travel first? Why those places?
>I do a lot of activities
Which are?
You need to really get specific and analyze the choices you're already making, don't give broad generalizations about "healthy" or "unhealthy" or "killing time", you need to understand individual choices because that's where the insights about yourself will come from.

>>19933559
>>19933109
btw. buying your own place: why do you want your own place? I know it sounds so self-evident, but really be like moron Socrates to yourself... why?

>>19929072
>i have yet to meet a woman under the age of 60 who loathed the modern world, or at least saw it as an inherently negative way of living
You have met ME in this thread many a time

>>19933559
>>19933564
I've given a thought to all these questions and I see that a lot of them lead quite similar areas. There's a quite big chaos vs order theme in my life (regarding my own place). A lot of self-questioning hit the "I dont know" wall.

>>19933608
>I've given a thought to all these questions and I see that a lot of them lead quite similar areas
I'm sorry to say you're doing it wrong, you're still generalizing. You're should not be looking for themes yet. You're skipping an important step it sounds like.
If you order fries but not a salad, what are the direct immediate reasons?
If you'd rather visit Budapest over Berlin, what caused you to make that decision?

The reality of life must not be transmitted directly but it must operate in secret

>>19933632
I see where you're going with this. I still cant seem to get past "I just dont know" block. I tried with "Why am I such a doubtful person?" question and eventually stuck on
>"Why cant I tolerate anxiousness?"
>"because it's scary"
>"Why it's scary?
>"I dont know, it just is"

>>19926361
Intelligent life eventually commits suicide on a civilizational level. Period.

We are going to die in a nuclear war eventually. It's just a matter of time.

When I finish a game I'll post my review here, you won't mind.

>>19933672
>I tried with "Why am I such a doubtful person?"
I didn't tell you to ask that question, you shouldn't be phrasing questions like that (I'll explain why later).
Please pay attention, I told you to ask where you would go traveling, and why you'd pick those places, what qualities did those places have that was unique to them? What made them attractive? What differentiates them from where you are now? What differentiates them from other exotic locations on the earth?
I told you to ask why you chose to eat what you made yourself for dinner last night, what are the reasons that attracted you to that dish?
Ask questions about little choices and why you made them.
Do not ask questions about personality qualities or generalized traits. That's why you can't get past the "I don't know" - because you're asking the wrong questions.
Instead investigate specific behaviors tied to specific events/episodes.
>Why am i such a doubtful person
Instead find a recent example of a time where you were doubtful
>Why haven't I enrolled for that course?
>Why did I order the steak at the restaurant last night instead of the more exotic dish my friend recommended?
But... you're not ready to ask these questions yet because you have to dive down into if you had a billion dollars, what are the first things you'd spend it on or alternatively looking at your to-do list, all the chores and grocery shopping and bills to pay and understanding what each one says about you.

>>19933672
Scary because youre experiencing complex and uncomfortable feelings inside you you are not in control of.

Of course when one experiences discomfort they want to try to change it. You find out what causes anxiousness and you struggle to overcome it and/or avoid it. You struggle and struggle until you are a bit used to that struggle and this struggle appears a bit then a bit easier

>>19933672
>>19933725
P.s. I used to make this same error of generalized question asking too. I used to ask things like:
>Why can't I get anyone to model for my photoshoot?
For which the answer I'd have is
>I lack Charisma
>Why do I lack Charisma? Because I don't have "personality"
instead of asking event/episode questions like
>Why couldn't I convince Timmy to pose for my photoshoot?
for which the answer was
>I failed to realize he was very self-conscious, as such I failed to assuage his anxiety, nor appealed enough to his desire to impress girls
See how much more practical and actionable the answer to the event/episode question is compared to the generalized one?

>>19933672
Also how doubtful are you? What are some examples of your doubtfulness? Being doubtful is not always baf

Good morning, everybody. I hope everything is going fine with you.

I have women.

>>19933788
?

>>19933725
>>19933763
>>19933768
Yes, I too realized that I wasnt good at raising the right question yet alone answering it. My desire is to skip the "meaningless" small details and get to the meaningful big questions. All of this to avoid elevated anxiety when facing questions to whom I dont have a doubt-free answer.
>>19933776
I have this mechanism where the more Im sure about something, the more unsure I become about it to the point that Im thrown to the initial starting point confusion. The doubtfulness happens when I try to pick career path and upon thinking that it might be worth trying to do something, the doubts arise and beat me into the ground until I drop thinking about it completely. The doubts like
>My talents might lie in a completely different area
>It might not be the right choice in the long run
>What if its another mistake like last time

NEW
>>19933983
MOVE, HOMOS
>>19933983

>>19933864
I hate women.

>>19933987
No, coomer OP pictures derail the thread and shit it up. You should know by now that threads with coomer OPs are impossible to browse.
COME TO THE NEW THREAD WITH NORMAL OP PIC :
>>19934063
>>19934063
>>19934063
>>19934063
>>19934063

>>19933999

>>19934070
I understand that your existence must be very painful.

Whenever I see people suffering or dying I want to do everything right, I want to act in the best and responsible way possible but I don't know what that is, especially not in our absurd and chaotic world, it isn't clear to me what I should be doing or how I should feel. I get stuck in an pragmatic identity fundamentalism and abandon all the things that defined me only to end up detached and without an identity. I overanalyze everything about it's utility. I want to fight but I don't know what, perhaps life itself

>>19934586
And sometimes I think it's beauty that will help people but it makes me even sadder to realize that some arbitrary bs like that gives people meaning. It's like I have to pretend I don't know that I'm actively deluding people into something that isn't real or truly transcendent. It's like giving them drugs

>>19933929
>more unsure I become about it to the point that Im thrown to the initial starting point confusion. The doubtfulness happens when I try to pick career path and upon thinking that it might be worth trying to do something, the doubts arise and beat me into the ground until I drop thinking about it completely. The doubts like

Yea thats really tough. Because I experienced the same thing. And probably ruined my life due to the difficulty of decision, the most unsuredness of commiting to life direction. Only advice I could give would be just narrow down the things you are skilled at, can become skilled at, fascinate you the most, have best job prospects, and just dive in, head down and go for. Most everyone is locked into careers, you are you in the same boat, you all wake up, work, cone home, free time, weekends etc. Pursue what you can do and tolerate, proudly work towards being one if those productive members of civilization, and do what you want in freetime

You guys planning on having kids?

>>19936006
At this rate probably not. I think I have bad genes

>>19936006
Me and the girls don’t want any at this point.
Maybe adoption, but income is an issue with them.