/lit/ - Literature

What I would give for the mods to moderate /sffg/

>>19851582
occasionalism and leibniz's monadology sounds like the most bizarre shit but the more philosophy you read the more it makes sense... also interesting that leibniz calls his pre established harmony the "new" system and does not mention al ghazali as far as I know despite how similar the pre established harmony is to occasionalism. I wonder if he developed it independently or just didn't bother to mention al ghazali.

Got an email out of the blue from an old friend and thought it was a nice gesture.
Her email was hacked, it was a link to penis enlargement pills.

It’s easier to destroy than to build.
It’s easier to ruin your life than to be successful.
It’s easier to stay awake when you’re tired than to go to sleep at a reasonable time.
It’s easier to be cowardly than to get into new situations that could improve your life.

I don’t understand why this is the case for everything. Why are bad things universally so much easier than good things? This is like a law of nature at this point, but nobody talks about it because it’s not scientifically verifiable apparently. Doesn’t this prove that life is a test?

https://invidious.fdn.fr/watch?v=8OHOjHCRsZk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdUiHaiXAHc

I rambled about Ted K to a girl and now we're getting an apartment together

>>19851631
Thermodynamics or sum shit

>>19851631
because you have a sensuous, brute nature. "hard" and "easy" are, for lack of a better term, spooks... in truth, you have complete freedom to easily do anything right now, it is your own mind's priorities and choices and beliefs that cause you to gravitate towards temporal things... according to Jesus and Lao Tzu, the way is easy and the burden is light. To sell everything you own and take up your torture stake daily is not difficult, it is something that you will not do, because you refuse to stop believing in mammon. Even if what you do is controlled by your brain, you are your brain... My way is easy and my burden light. It is my very nature to build up rather than destroy, so to me it is easy. but it is your nature to destroy, so to you, that is easy.

I am in a state of agitation

>>19851440
>>19851536
good example here, I don't think this type of sickness existed in any form, in any member of society, for most of human history. Although this particular example reminds me of another outlier from premodern times, the crown prince Shi Sui of the barbarian kingdom of Later Zhao in post-Han China (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shi_Hu#Early_reign).).

But then again that account could easily have been fiction/propaganda, however either way it shows that the premodern imagination was not entirely incapable of conceiving of deep depravity. Even then though, it exists within a particular context (discussions of tyranny and the abuse of political power) which accounts for most of the truly extreme anecdotes of various tortures, cruelties, etc. in ancient history. Perhaps the change has to do with Enlightenment democratization: whereas before only the rulers could exercise arbitrary depravity, now everyone has the freedom to do so? That's probably what it is I guess, and the association with the French could be seen as part of the reaction against absolute monarchy, idk though.

>>19851589
Yeah I think the primitivists have a point to a certain extent, not that I would necessarily take their political descriptions seriously, but it's an undeniable fact when looking at history that certain basic aspects of the psyche have changed and new monsters have been born that did not exist before.

>they are the bigger perpetrators of forced sex
Is the "they" here referring to males in general? I think the type of male in question lies at the heart of the issue, I mean of course physically weaker males might have coerced sex in the past but generally when you read about a Greek hero taking a woman as a prize or whatever, the act is completely spiritually different from a modern serial killer/stalker/incel type who is defined by repression and bitterness and resentment - the former, while it might be seen as morally objectionable, was "healthy" and even glorified within the contemporary context, whereas the modern perverted rapist is undeniably sick. And even in modern times, when someone like a frat bro or a famous athlete or whatever commits a sexual assault, we implicitly know it to be different from and less depraved than the aforementioned pervert, even if the "chad" rapist is still immoral in the modern sense.

And importantly to your original point, rape by overt strength is something that many women (in theory) find exciting, whereas the depraved sort of rape is only arousing to women who have been victimized in their past/childhood (pedophilia being another manifestation of the same peculiarly modern depravity).

>>19851646
midwits of a feather bed together

>>19851631
It is a law of nature, namely the second law of thermodynamics (entropy). Gaddis' JR is a book that deals with the concept, one which, fittingly enough, I started and never finished because it was too hard/boring.

>>19851678
the idea that entropy applies to the system like the universe is alone controversial and the reason the heat death is not universally accepted... to say that it applies to vague psychosocial concepts such as building up and destroying is to admit your lameness as a thinker and resort to applying highly specific scientific terms to heuristic philosophy. This shit is the exact same thing as people who talk about how quantum mechanics proves the multiverse or whatever

STM32F103C8T6

It feels pointless to explain to women why it's not the same when they sleep around and when we do it. I guess because it is.

>>19851687
That's not exactly true. There may very well be profound relationships between basic physical laws and higher order systems. The mind, or at least the brain, after all, is a physical system.

Such conceptual links are not unheard of. There's the well-established concept of information entropy in information theory, for example, which sufficiently abstracted the concept of entropy for it to be applied to a wide variety of domains. The essence of creative leaps is to see connections between concepts that go beyond the domain-specific.

Ilya Prigogine, a well renowned physicist, developed models to apply the principles of thermodynamics to biological systems or what he called "dissipative structures". Claude Shannon's work on information entropy is more mindlike in abstraction as some argue the brain is an information system. These days in fact physicists treat the whole universe as an information system which in a manner of speaking subsumes physical entropy into its abstracted derivative informational concept.

>>19851662
If you look at primate societies, the stronger males with the most sexual access never have to go down the rape strategy because it isn't necessary. What you may be pointing to is that we (more so women) find the rape strategy more intuitively depraved because its a sort of cheat route that strips the women from the possibility of fit offspring and burdens her.

Another aspect not discussed about the modern rapist/stalker is that the attack requires a premeditation and form of violence that relies much more on the intellect than anything else. This can add to the intuition that it is more depraved since it requires long bouts of brewing and 'unnatural' calculation. While the 'chad' rape is probably a reactive miscalculation since he is used to an abundance of sex and oversteps in a particular case.

they don't need me. this is a mixed bag. it may backfire greatly later on, but at this time- they don't need anything from me, they can manage themselves. I'll quote Henry Kissinger-

human beings are not animals.

>>19851595
Didnt Berkeley refute occasionalism

>>19851646
How much time elapsed between the rambling and the moving in together

if dubs I kms

once i stopped fapping with porn, fapping became way more enjoyable. what was once a weekly drunk habit has now turned daily BAKA.

>>19851888
phew

>>19851888
lmao you have to kys extra hard

>>19851888
don't man wtf
baka desu senpai

I've spent my formative years growing up surrounded by gypsies that relentlessly bullied me. My teachers were old women that had no control over the classroom. I was taught thousands of meaningless historical dates of a nation with no historical relevance, punished both at home and at school for failing to remember these useless numbers in proper relation to randomly chosen events. Writing a single letter wrong in a grammar exercise lead to lower school performance mark, writing 3 failed the exercise and I walked home crying knowing that suffering awaited at home. My mother is bipolar and majority of my childhood memories are of her screaming at my father, screaming at me, screaming at everything. Any romantic expression was immediately shut down by my classmates. Everything down to the way I walked and talked was ruthlessly ridiculed throughout a decade of growing up. Physical violence was a regular daily occurrence, classmates beat eachother up and sometimes even me. Threats of additional violence after school were commonplace. Walking home was painful if I didn't manage to use shortcuts and jump fences to slip away from others. I still have nightmares from the state of toilets at my school, where piss and shit on the floor and walls were normal. I could count the number of times I went to the school toilets on one hand over the whole decade.

Nobody taught me about my own body or what sex is. I had to learn everything from poorly recorded porn movies on VHS, late night television advertisements and other porn on TV or the occasional newspaper pinup page. Nobody taught me how to shave or play sports. Playing football in school was torture of my mind, every move and sound analyzed and bullied over by gypsies and others. I can't look anyone straight into their eyes without getting tears. At one point a gypsy put their penis and balls on top of my head when I was packing my bag, as a joke for his friends. I've spent as much time as possible faking diseases to get excused from school, to not attend classes, to the absolute limit where I've been top of the class on missed hours every year.

I've received no treatment, mentioning my traumatic childhood is met with disbelief and laughter by my family as if I was joking. I'm well into my 30s and only now I feel like I'm waking up from a nightmare, becoming fully aware of the abuse I've been through. Everything points to untreated autism and a horrible environment to grow up in. The only piece of sanity was that my family was able to afford a computer and live in comfort.

I'm recovering, on my own and still without treatment. It is slow. I know exactly why I am racist.

>>19851888
all trips are also dubs. sorry man

>>19851662
I think a key point we're missing here is the view of sex. Prior to contraceptives it was known that sex results in pregnancy. Now due to contraceptives, sex is divorced from procreation. The entirety of human civilization was built on the reality of sex leading to pregnancy. Since that link is now severed, the male-female dynamic is totally altered and thus the very foundation of human social structure is removed. The sexual revolution had a much greater impact than most realize. Somehow, some way this has caused the depravity we now witness

>>19851888
see ya bitch

>>19851897
>>19851906
NONONONO
You're cheating. I don't know about that.

>>19851888
Life-affirming

I’m only 20 years old and I already have a Norwood 3 hairline. I’m planning on scheduling an appointment with a hair transplant surgeon in Boston soon. Hopefully finasteride will prevent me from losing any more hair for at least a decades. If it can, then a hair transplant can easily restore what I’ve lost and it’s not a big deal. That’s a big if though.

>>19851905
Which country are you from?

>>19851631
>It’s easier to stay awake when you’re tired than to go to sleep at a reasonable time.

I definitely don't think this is true, especially once you're out of your school/college days

>>19851582
>Write what's on your mind
I want this. I don't even play the game, I just want to make and paint this.

you're the craziest thing since diet ketchup

I recently started getting into philosophy in hopes of adopting a helpful mindset or two. But now I feel hopeless, because I see that every philosopher and school of thought visualizes the mind differently and disagrees with eachother. Does telling yourself words even accomplish anything? What are we even doing here by trying to describe our own consciousness? My thinking has become debased and I'm doubtful I'll ever develop coping mechanisms to help myself get through life. The idea of words and platitudes not working on me like they do everyone else, and being helpless against my lifelong poor mental state has really been pushing me down.

>>19851951
Just shave it off amd get swoll

>>19851915
again I think this points to the introduction (or intensification) of the intellect on sex. When you make such a tremendous split (divorcing the functional and aesthetic aspects and reducing the risk) you make more room for 'play' and exploration which, sure, you can categorize as 'depravity' but only insofar as the above arguments are what cause the intuition. This is now harkening back to very first post where anon mentioned the French and their intellectual tradition as being the impetus for this series of transformations. It may be the case that the intellect as a force:
is the source of the 'rape' strategy
-> caused the sexual revolution (thru scientific discovery)
-> and now is formalizing relationships of dom/sub (as seen in BDSM contracts).

I personally see the BDSM contract as a direct response to the freedom of play and exploration set in motion by the sexual revolution while housing the domination aspect hidden from the world and labeled as 'deviancy'.

Hopefully this makes some sense.

>>19852075
It makes too much sense and I dont like it

>>19852075
How do i find a sub who will sign a contract with me

>>19851822
>>19851915
>>19852075
I'm more so referring to the psychology of sexual perversion than the actual economics of the sexual market though, what's changed is the actual inclination, and it happened before contraceptives. The stalker might be a bad example because it's possible that he's merely romantically over-fixated and delusional rather than actually perverted, but the explosion of a wide range of paraphilias in modern times, along with a new type of self-conscious sexual violence where the violence itself is the point, rather than sex in itself or even sex with a particular individual (which belies the idea of its really being a cold-blooded, rational strategy), all indicates to me that it parallels the Pandora's box of upheavals in every area of human life since the death of God. Your characterization of it as a result of increased intellectualization and freedom seems exactly correct, I just think the source and timing of that change has much more to do with the Enlightenment, which is the common root of both the psychological change and the technological development which led to the sexual revolution that then had its own effects on sexual psychology. The very chaos that characterizes the results of the Enlightenment is what confuses the discussion here, because two separate vectors of its influence are free to interact with each other and further feed into each other, ad infinitum.

>>19851712
Hey, I know this one.

Sexual selection. In almost every species on earth, the non-investing sex (usually male) competes, and the investing sex (usually female) selects. It's been this way for most of human history; suitors compete for the lady's hand.
When a woman sleeps around, it means she's not being selective in who she mates with, which alters gene selection. People resent whores because we instinctively perceive that nothing good can come from inferior males reproducing. Added to that is the more recent construct of marriage, the purpose of which is to increase cooperation between males by lowering competition for females which in polygamy is much higher. So not only is there an instinctual perception of whores being bad, there is also a sense that they're breaking the rules.
Of course, all this changes with contraceptives, and the post-modern separation of sex and reproduction. Your perspective will depend on whether you think post-modern values are functional in creating a stable society.

Why is everyone always talking about sex here

The world would be better off if American democracy ceased to exist.

LIVIN'
LA
VIDA
NAZI

>>19852293
greener grass and sour grapes

>>19852309
I just thought it was interesting

>>19852293
because they're all homosexuals

>>19852293
I unironically started becoming obsessed with it intellectually once I started to go to underground raves and hanging out with the girls there. I think its foreshadowing much of what's to come.

>>19851890
It's so much harder though. With porn it's like doing it on easy mode.

when i die fuck it i wanna go to hell
cause im a piece of shit it aint hard to fucking tell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arBtmVXEG-M

>>19852293
Obviously the site is full of incels but, also obviously, sex is one of the main fundamental concerns of human existence and, as a result, a common theme, whether implicitly or explicitly, of literature. So really there are multiple self-evident reasons for it, but I get the sense your question was rhetorical anyway.

>>19852293
Anonymous board. Thread that openly invites to share unguarded or unfiltered thoughts in an anonymous environment that will not cause social embarrassment gives a rare outlet for this.
For comparison, have you ever noticed how many /b/ greentexts are about bowel movements? Same phenomenon. You can't post your droppings on Instagram or discuss your movements in polite conversation (I don't know, maybe geriatrics do since when they finally do shit it's a event?).

learning a hard lesson that despite the fact that the edgy, unstable drug-dealer type dudes are fun to hang out with, its impossible to work with them on anything serious. they lack the ability to cooperate on goals and either become paranoid or begin having domineering attitudes. I'd like to just surround my self with 1-2 dudes with balls (and a prefrontal cortex) and a bunch of women.

28 and back living with mom

I’m so fucking miserable

>>19852498
What happened

Are you sure about that? Don't you think you're not really qualified for the position you're in? Did you really try your best or are you telling yourself that?
Did those people think about you nearly as much as you thought about them? Did they look back after they dropped you from their lives? Were you ever really friends with any of them? Have you ever even had a real friend? Do you know what that looks like? You pushed them away, didn't you?
Don't you think you're missing something everyone else seems to have? Isn't it hard being unable to understand why people treat you strangely sometimes? Don't your coworkers say things about you when you aren't around? Are you sure you know what you're doing? Aren't you going to screw it up somehow? Aren't you tired of behaving like this when you don't even enjoy it? Aren't you vaguely thinking about killing yourself eventually anyway? What's the point of trying to change yourself beyond your means? What are you going to do with yourself after this?
You know you're a lot dumber than you think, right?
You know why no one wants to talk to you, but you don't want to admit it - or am I wrong? Aren't you just self-centered? Why didn't you kill yourself a long time ago? What do you have to offer anybody? Who cares? You think I care? I don't.

>>19852569
too real

>>19852555
I just let my lease expire after my job, which I despise, got switched to remote work.

>>19851888
could you live stream it?

I've been playing video games for the better part of my childhood till now. At a certain point, I took it upon myself to finish my backlog of 250 games and I did. I enjoyed them, but I realised I needed to take a break from gaming and focus on other aspects of life. To finding a job, reading, writing, painting, etc. Another hobby. But I'm so used to playing that not playing left me sometimes a little frustrated. Maybe my dopaine receptors is fucked. I'm thinking of just sticking to one game to sink my hours into, instead of multiple games, so that I can try out other things in life.

>>19852569
>Are you sure about that?
Yes, no, maybe. I dont know. Can you repeat the question?
> Don't you think you're not really qualified for the position you're in?
Yes
> Did you really try your best or are you telling yourself that?
Either I didnt or my best is shit
>Did those people think about you nearly as much as you thought about them?
No
> Did they look back after they dropped you from their lives?
I was never dropped from anyones lifesince I was never really in many peoples life
>Were you ever really friends with any of them? Have you ever even had a real friend? Do you know what that looks like?
Yes yes and yes
>You pushed them away, didn't you?
I'm in the process of doing so, but thankfully they're faithful
>Don't you think you're missing something everyone else seems to have?
Yes
>Isn't it hard being unable to understand why people treat you strangely sometimes?
I think Ive figured out why. Body language, aloof, shifty eyed. Nervous laughter is rhe worst one
> Don't your coworkers say things about you when you aren't around?
Thankfully my job is mostly independent
>Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Lol no
>Aren't you going to screw it up somehow?
Definitely
> Aren't you tired of behaving like this when you don't even enjoy it?
Yes
>Aren't you vaguely thinking about killing yourself eventually anyway?
It comes up from time to time but I'm resolved to see life through
>What's the point of trying to change yourself beyond your means?
I still have some hope. Better than stagnating anyway
>What are you going to do with yourself after this?
I'll cross that bridge when I get there
>You know you're a lot dumber than you think, right?
I learned that the hard way
>You know why no one wants to talk to you, but you don't want to admit it - or am I wrong?
Stuttering and nervous laughter and awkward jokes and niche topics
>Aren't you just self-centered?
Probably
> Why didn't you kill yourself a long time ago?
Too much a pussy
> What do you have to offer anybody?
My love <3
>Who cares? You think I care? I don't.
Yeah but you're gonna read all this shit anyway lmao

I feel like I emit this field, this energy, that repels women from me. I haven't had a girlfriend in four years at this point. Now that I'm actively looking I can't seem to find one. I've been on one date, maybe two, but nothing ever sticks. People tell me I'm good-looking, I'm a good dresser, I know how to hold a conversation. But I keep having absolutely zero luck. It's beginning to madden me a little.

>>19852882
you gotta be a killa my guy. pussy can smell pussy from a mile away. Indulge in the Darkness and you shall be rewarded.

>>19852882
Women can smell or sense desperation. It's a paradoxical situation you are in. The less you ""try"" the more likely you'll succeed. This isn't some bro science shit I'm telling you, women themselves have to told me about it.

>>19852983
How do I possibly come across as less desperate when that's what I am? Do I need to meditate more?

>>19853046
Be aloof. Be cool. Don't care about things that are not important to you only. If a woman doesn't want to reciprocate the same feelings or effort then don't chase her, don't let her under your skin. And most importantly, bee yourself.

God I'm so lonely.

I'm not even that weird, I can hold a conversation, I'm not autistic, I'm attractive and generally doing well in life

And yet, I've never had a serious relationship, I'm so alone. What am I doing wrong? Why can't I find someone?

>>19852882
>I've been on one date, maybe two, but nothing ever sticks.
Well two dates isn't enough of a sample, very few people click with the first person they go on a date with. How far did you get with them? Did you make out with her at least? Was there even a hint at another date? If not, what do you suspect went wrong? Answer these with specific behaviors and events as much as you can. Avoid adjectives.
>>19853046
NTA anon but you don't know that it's desperation, he only inferred it because you're saying you feel like you emit a field. When in truth it might be as simple as you're not pursuing women who are your type and vice versa.
However, if he's right and it is desperation then there's a few things you can do, none of which are presto-chango overnight things but will take a lot of work:
1. Always assume you have other options. Never assume a girl is 'special' - even if she's hot. You said it yourself, you're good-looking, dress well, can hold conversations. So you shouldn't be want for options. Desperation is when you get yourself into a anxious state because you think this girl is so special that you have to do everything right or lose her. And that's where the paradox starts...
2. Find out what makes you comfortable. This is in general not just about dates. There's an argument to be made you should always suggest to date a girl somewhere you're familiar with, a bar or cafe you go to frequently because you'll feel more familiar with the environment and more 'at home'. But dig deeper into yourself. This also translates to very practical things: wear clothes you're comfortable in. Wear comfortable shoes. Of course still try to look good, but be comfortable about it, don't feel like you're "putting on an act".
3. This one will be controversial and there's two schools of thought - but instead of thinking about how you're going to sweep her off her feet, how you're going to show her you're so perfect and worthy of her and seduce her... think simply "am I making her feel comfortable?" Comfortable is of course different from "showing her I'm a sexual being". Comfortable is about relieving her anxiety, the tension she may be feeling. Now some anons will be all about negging, I'm absolutely not saying tell her she's so beautiful and compliment her to high heaven - I'm saying make her feel comfortable. Make her feel like she can talk freely. Make her not feel like she's being judged.
Contra - some anons will feel that you should do the opposite of point 3 - make her feel a little bit anxious because then she'll feel like she has to impress you. However that's some high level sociopath shit that you probably lack the social skills to do well. Sorry.

I see that some posts are missing the letter g. Is this just happening got me?

>>19853130
Thank you for the effortpost anon

>>19851588
>mods
>doing their jobs.

>>19852882
I literally do nothing and have the inverse effect, I don't understand it either bud.

We just got back from the field earlier today, and I think it really is true the stuff I've been saying. I like the field. I hate the field.

You go out, you dig a hole, you run and shoot, you sweat, you eat, you smoke, you shit, you piss, you laugh about stuff that doesn't quite make sense in the retelling. You are dirty but no one cares. The absurd tasks don't phase me. Go here. Go there. I revert to an animal, all I care about are the creature comforts and the tribe around me, as silly as it sounds.

You don't get to feel alive unless you see guided missiles launch from mounted vehicles and hit a hillside wreck. 50 cal guns "talking" to each other, 7.62 and 5.56, what'd be just numbers are now relevant to specific weapons systems, and acronyms like PIC M DEEP and ADDRAC and ROE... it all comes alive even when it's just you in a two-man hole with three guys, performing immediate and remedials on an M4 with a double feed, hot brass jumping and making the guy next to you jump. I still see the tracers through my PVS-14's, my "nightvision goggles", waiting on some berm in a french thing called "defilade" while we prepare to push a "wadi" up to the trench with fake notional enemies.

It seems so fake but you feel the adrenaline, the "oh, this makes the bullshit nearly worth it". The lows compensate, when you fuck up, and overhear from the overheard gossip 5ft from you back in garrison, where you can't drop blouse to solve issues. You can't focus because you feel like a failure and think about driving into a telephone poll, and google remote roads with large rocks to commit suicide. You cry at the fact that you can't stop thinking about suicide, about how useless you are, and your failure is known, and how ridiculed you are behind your back. You almost snap, but realize: what would you say? what can you say?

You have to pull over and get it together. Next day, your boss, your NCO runs the tasker and tells you to keep your chin up, hey let's knock these out, no problem about that little blip back there. Then the overheard gossip from the underground is someone else, from somewhere else.

Picked up smoking again.

>>19853243
Anon, I'm not going to pretend I understand everything in this post, and in your mind

But in some weird way, I understand you, and I feel for you.

It's going to work out anon.
It's going to work out for us.

>>19851582
Hey there, OP

My Lama is going to be giving a teaching on Nicholas Roerich on February 6th (this Sunday)
It's totally free. If you're interested, you can just pop up there by registering here: https://forms.gle/ggY48bjFdVyvYU5y9

Tashi Delek!

>>19853254
Also, please make sure to make a donation, if possible. Lama-la is a most precious treasurer of Dharma on the West!

>>19853130
I'm >>19852882 and this was a really nice post, Anon. Thank you. I genuinely appreciate it.

Sometimes I wonder if the "field" I emit isn't my particular religious commitments. I'm a pretty serious Catholic and so I'm not into casual sex, and I date with the aim of finding a girl I can marry and start a family with. Maybe having those elements on my mind is what puts women off from me. Maybe they can tell, in this age of casual relationships and noncommitment.

But I will take everything you have said to heart. I actually appreciate you putting all that effort in.

can't stop thinking about matt harris. his dissertation is actually pretty good.

>>19852808
I also played on my ps2 most part of my childhood till now. I wish I had the same mood as you to finish all my games... or to do anything else...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pdkw70m1uiE

>>19853267
>and I date with the aim of finding a girl I can marry and start a family with
yep. That's exactly why you give off a desperate vibe. Because you're literally looking for your "forever", you should be leaning on your faith to instead give you faith that you will find her, and so when you go on dates it's like your the Interviewer and she's applying for this job.
I think you're laboring under the stress of worrying whether each date is letting your future-wife slip out of your life, that's the wrong attitude to have, because if it's meant to happen it will happen I guess? Does that make sense. I don't know how much you're into ideas of divine intervention or fate so maybe it won't work for you. I dunno. But even as a placebo it'll be effective!
>But I will take everything you have said to heart
Awesome, I'm glad to hear that, I think everything I said can still apply even when you're looking for the woman to start a family with

I had a panic last night that stemmed from my inaction. I think I have what the shrinks call "anhedonia." Every day, the pangs come and lie me down to waste the day. It's impossible to write, I struggle to read, music annoys me, and the tedium of the necessities of life spend the little vitality I gather each day.
At this point I can't tell the difference between beginnings or endings or causes or effects or wounds or bandages or sums or products.
I remember a line from Beckett I read once; I had to look it up to write exactly: "A story is not compulsory, just a life, that’s the mistake I made, one of the mistakes, to have wanted a story for myself, whereas life alone is enough."
I think going outside in the cold will help my head.

>>19853300
That's from Texts for Nothing 3 or 4 I believe. Not much to say other than we are similar.

>>19853253
I'm in the military. The "Field" is a field op, usually consists of packing stuff away in a rucksack, and either hiking out to a firing range or riding in a big truck (7 ton) to the range.

Talking guns is when you have two machine guns firing. Gun A will fire a three round burst, and then stop firing, at this point, Gun B will fire a three round burst, and then the cycle will repeat again. 7.62 is the caliber of ammunition used in the M240B on ranges. It's a "light" machinegun. 5.56 is the ammunition used by the M27 and M4, which are service rifles. PIC M DEEP is an acronym used for machine guns, "guns employed in Pairs", "Interlocking fields of fire", "Coordination of fires", etc. ADDRAC is a report on enemy position. ROE is rules of engagement or engagement criteria, mainly for phase lines or target preference for specific weapon systems.

Immediate and remedials are specific to a weapon system, for example, tap-rack-bang is the immediate action when an unexpected action on the rifle occurs, i.e. failure to fire when you pull the trigger. You tap the magazine to make sure it is seated properly, to make sure you don't have a problem with feeding, you rack the charging handle back to cycle the bolt (and thus eject a round from the chamber, and feed a new round in), and bang is you pulling the trigger. If these actions fail to clear the stoppage or malfunction, you move into remedial actions.

Remedial consists of observe the ejection port, and try and identify whats going on. I tapped and racked, but was unable to get the bang. So I pulled the bolt to the rear, and then put the bolt catch on, it basically holds the bolt back for you so you can see whats going on in the chamber. There was a round in the chamber, but another round was fed into chamber partially. You remove the source of ammunition by dropping the mag for a bit, and taking something like a multitool to clear the obstruction, you don't use your fingers, because if the bolt accidently comes forward it'll hurt your finger like a bitch. Once the double feed is cleared, you put the bolt back into battery, and then attempt to fire, and then if you are good to go, reinsert the magazine and rock and roll.

Thanks for reading, anon.

A double feed is when two rounds try to get into the chamber of your gun. There usually is only supposed to be one. NCO is non-commissioned officer.

>>19853269
I never played games based on my mood. My backlog had a multitude of genres, from FPS to racing to strategy games. The only way I kept things fresh was playing a different genre each time. I found appreciation for different things. I intend to take this approach in other things as well, especially reading. I intend to check out as much of different genres and books I can see.

I have a girlfriend now for the first time since high school. It's nice. I just hope I can keep her interested in me. I don't have much confidence in my ability to keep people around. Maybe we'll have great sex and that will be a reason to stay with me.

The perplexing portable if and only if power of portmanteaux an proves is pretty from pointless privcy [sic] my press by peters and peculiarly "practically of packsack" a pried viz. prosody, but protractedly however period paraph, etc., so pram: does polao then cf. pigsty or pear because puja-if-pila; our pitta rather puma your psalm (pave henceforth pew will pea seems, e.g. porkchops).

I think most people pursue niche interests as a result of unhappiness. The reason normalfags watch reruns of The Office all day is because they're content with just that, while nerds get bored of conventional TV shows so they move onto weirder stuff. A lot of guys got really into video games as children due to not fitting in with other kids, even if they enjoyed being around them. I think this has a chain reaction on our entire lives, it's why small differences between you and your friends turn out to become big divides once you're adults.

>>19853370
my niche interest is out of amazement for the technology and engineering

>>19853370
I was about to disagree with you, and I still kind of do, but you are right to a certain extend. I latched on to video games because I was practically chastised by my family for my interest in painting and drawing. I drew to video games because it's easier to pick up and play than making art. Which not only requires skill, practice but also a bit of planning know how to go about.
Although I disagree with your assessment with normalfag behaviour. I know a lot of them, according to my observation, the reason why they are so inclined to watch the same show again and again is due to being in their comfort zone. They may be sad, miserable, bored or just down right a boring person but the reason why do the repeated process of doing the same thing over and over again is because of they know what's coming next when they watch the shows since they have seen it already. Its like being told to be sad or happy on command. Not much thought is put into it. It's also why so many movie trailers practically tell you the plot of the story, so that normalfags don't go watching some unexpected. (Unless it garnered enough popularity that they'd watch something new. Something like Squid Game or Crash Landing on You, opened the gates to kdrama for mainstream audience.)

>>19853284
>I think you're laboring under the stress of worrying whether each date is letting your future-wife slip out of your life, that's the wrong attitude to have, because if it's meant to happen it will happen I guess?

You're right, Anon. That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm living in fear that any failed date means I've missed out on my future wife. It's a fear I have to get over.

I have to trust in God, and believe that all will be well.

I'm grateful to you for putting it into clarity like this.

>>19851582

About certain threads getting erased...It's a meta-lit board thread, wherein people are explaining exactly what this board is designed to do to a subset of "niggers." 4chan is a dysgenic dog whistle for them, and that's by design.

>>19853453
Idk what this means

>>19853460
Certain threads about a young bipoc Hegelian psycho philosopher.

>>19853440
Wishing you the best of luck anon

>>19853148
What are you talkin about?

>>19853148
stfu ni er

How does one emerge from a life of isolation?

>>19853370
>people pursue niche interests / activities because they aren't satisfied with or competent at conventional interests / activities
Anon, isn't this self-evident?

There it is again, just as you knew it, and it fact it never left. You have spent your entire life in that moment. At the end of the party, minutes before the lights are turned on. And everyone but you is hooking up. A democratic rejection. All but voted on. Even with the lowered standards induced from alcohol and drugs, no girl here wants to fuck you. No one minds you're there, but you've become superfluous now that it's time to pair up. You drown in the rejection before you have even left the premises, and you go home to drink more by yourself. You are still in that moment when you sit down at home and hold your face in your hands, and you're still in the moment in the morning, and when you go to work on Monday, and even when you pour a drink for yourself the next Friday before going out again. It is all the same moment; your ego has been hemorrhaging ever since the first time it happened. The end of history.

being a better father starts by being a better son

>>19853577
That's a very interesting pic related, Whenever I'm down about myself I imagine bosnians getting sniped and feel better

I am feeling cautiously optimistic.

>>19853087
Almost every woman I have hooked up with in the past has told me that I come across as deep and contemplative and they're just desperate to know what I'm thinking about. I'm not even a particularly quiet guy, I'm certainly not shy, but my friends are loud as fuck so I am often quiet by comparison. Funny thing is that I'm not thinking anything at all. It's all empty up here, but they seem to project some sort of mystery onto me that isn't really there. Oh well, works in my favour.

>>19851646
This happened to me once. I was at a convention and I sperged out to a girl about how much I was into Nazi aesthetics.

She gave me a handjob in my hotel bathroom

I somehow left a new tube of toothpaste I just bought in the fridge for five hours because I'm a complete disaster of a human being. In doing so however I believe I am the first to discover a unique and strange pleasure--brushing your teeth with cold toothpaste. Try it!

>>19853736
I would, but I live with others and such an act could make them think less of me making my living situation less comfortable.

>>19851888
Hitlertrips...

i imagine the many different ways to die
will my death be beautiful or covered in shit and vomit
will i die alone or wiped out by a comet
not that i would ever try

if dubs i dont kms

Today is a day of repeating numerals. Yesterday saw a new moon. There's a lot going on.

>>19851582
This is a stupid question, but since I've never listened to audiobooks before, I never paid attention to the threads: where can I listen to audiobooks online for free?

>>19853903
I got you, bro!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KYxreLHPco

>>19853935
No thank you. I don't believe in philosophy.

>>19853950
E-Evolabros?? Why is he not riding the tiger???

>>19853903
audiobookbay, archivedotorg, or librivox.

>>19853577
>going to a party
there was your mistake

>>19851582
I can't tell if everyone else in these threads is more mentally ill than I am or less

>tfw when I'm a God
feels good man

>>19854049
describe yourself

>>19854068
I actively avoid applying any character traits or identity to myself as I believe that that tendency is psychotic so I can't describe myself

>>19854083
Ah, I see.
The answer to your original question is "less"

>>19851582
I've wasted years of my life on a university degree that I never cared while being a neet basically, only coming to the realization in the past couple of years that I have no skills and nothing to show for it. I want to kill myself if I hadn't failed so many times in the past so now I'm just gonna watch my life and the world unravel itself.

>>19854312
lol i did this and then coped by playing skyrim for five years

>>19854312
learn to cook, your life will improve

>>19853370
>>19853563
>niche interests are often driven by negative emotions or situations rather than positive.
Right. Niche interests are also creative methods of self-distraction. Basically every semi-depressed person I know goes through the motions of getting really into some fleeting hobby or another. It always comes off as a distraction, and some kind of anti-social cope.
Even the stuff I love to do now, which I've gotten very good at, were founded in times of social isolation and procrastination from more serious matters, which, as a textbook underachiever, I've always been excellent and neglecting.

>>19852301
It doesn't exist

>>19854312
>I've wasted years of my life on a university degree that I never cared while being a neet basically, only coming to the realization in the past couple of years that I have no skills and nothing to show for it
Are you me?

>>19854361
Cooking is something I already know how to do, or if it is something I haven't done, it's no problem since most shit tells you the instruction and recipe anyway. When I mean no skill, I mean none that employers desire and nothing of value to others.

u ever get angry at some noodles?

God, these insufferable waves of lockdowns have given serious blows to my life. Work grinds to a halt, that's been a daily problem, meaning I spend a lot of time sleeping in my office, which has thrown off my sleep habits, and all-around deregulated my mood and energy. Sometimes after work I just feel depressed, well, because I didn't do anything all day. I refuse to work from home because I know I'll sink even further if I don't have to leave my house. Part of why I loved my job is because of how it basically forced me to socialize, and it would keep me busy. Work for me always had a good effect on my weird ambivertedness (I know people think that term is suspect, and I do, too).

One of my only friends lost his business because of the lockdowns. He worked for years to get a brick and mortar, only to lose it right away because of this God damned slaughter on small business. So he basically quit and got a day job, which sucks for me because I also used his business to make myself money via my own burgeoning small business, which has totally dispirited me, leaving my own side work floundering.

I wake up too early now, and I dread going to work, something I used to love. I'm going to go in, work for 45 minutes, sit at my computer with nothing to do, and -- I already know -- fall asleep. I won't go out for lunch because I don't get hungry, and there's no one to go with.

>>19851582
listen here brother
a vaccine is something you get in the privacy of your doctors office, after having discussed it in depth with your GP
anything else is a bizarre perversion of the medical system and the fact that people i work with feel comfortable openly discussing their vaccination status with me is bizarre. personal medical history is not a work appropriate topic. i don't ask you what prescriptions you take for obvious reasons
my manager said "i'm not allowed to ask this" then asked if i'd had a booster
she acknowledged she is legally and ethically prevented from asking and did so anyway
this cavalier attitude bothers me more than anything
bitch you don't know me don't fuckign worry about it

>>19854443
this is definitely a time of hysteria. people are acting this way because the media machine has largely geared toward fear mongering. never underestimate how many people think via the media, and give very little priority to noticing overall trends. its 9/11 all over again, and in twenty years we'll finally realize the medical tyranny's new world, the same way we basically accept the military industrial complex and forever wars we all accept now.

>>19851582
and i resent this appellation of "anti-vax". anti-vax is an ideology that's existed for decades and precludes ALL vaccinations indiscriminately, even those that have been thoroughly tested for years. "anti-vax" is people who refuse to vaccinate their kids for common illnesses based on debunked autism links. anti-vax does NOT include making the personal choice to abstain from new and poorly tested drugs
i got vaccinated for HPV 3 years ago because it's a well established medicine for a very serious condition
i do not intend to be vaccinated against covid 19
and i see no contradiction therein

>>19851582
look brother i respect everyone's bodily autonomy and i wish the best for everyone. i HOPE this vaccine is safe and effective
i HOPE this all works out for the best
but that's not necessarily how it is and it'd be stupid to say otherwise
pfizer killed 50 african children in a clinical trial just like 10 years ago. the head of pfizer is the former head of the fda
you don't have to be a conspiracy theorist to see there's something off about this

Good analysis of Peterson https://old.reddit.com/r/askaconservative/comments/shw3rz/what_do_you_think_of_jordan_peterson/

>>19854603
Why not being ready to be famous is so bad for people?

I think I might try to anonymously push for unionization at work soon for shits and giggles. I have access to all company email addresses due to sloppy IT work and the literary ability to (maybe) write something that can galvanize the normies enough to take it seriously. I work in an industry that's currently under a huge labor crunch in an abnormally light year. I think this may be the moment to really try to spring unionization on them. It'll probably fail, of course, because corpos always have all the power, but there's a lot of negative public sentiment built up around the company that owns my specific workplace right now. Because of this, if it went public, I believe a bunch of people already mad at my employer for other reasons would gladly support a unionization effort just to make things shitty.

Man, the more I think about this the more appealing it seems. I honestly don't even care if I get paid more, and I personally don't want anything to do with actually LEADING a union. It just seems like a fun little experiment; a Machiavellian wrench I could throw into the gears just to see what happens.

What do you guys think?

>>19854681
>write something that can galvanize the normies enough to take it seriously.
You're deluded, stop reading commie fanfic

>>19854698
Do you have any evidence for that?

like a cold breeze going from a half-opened window, such are the joyful moments

SNOW DAY BABY I DON'T HAVE TO WORK I'M GOING SLEDDING WOO HOO

Nevertheless, he raped.

I hate calling my boss to ask dumb questions that I need to know the answer to.
>hey anon you need to move [work-related vehicle] from location a to over by location b next to xyz
>get to location b and xyz is nowhere to be found
>mr boss man do you want me to leave it at location b still xyz isn't here
>[audible sigh] yes, anon, leave it by location b, xyz will be there later
This guy probably thinks I'm a drooling retard, and rightfully so.

I'm reading Dracula, and this quote stood out to me:

"In selfish men caution is as secure an armour for their foes as for themselves. What I think on this point is, when self is the fixed point the centripetal force is balanced with the centrifugal: when duty, a cause, etc. is the fixed point, the latter force is paramount, and only accident or a series of accidents can balance it"

Be wary of the unselfish !

I feel anxious about everything. The inability to own a place, get a decent playing job and form a relationship (never had one despite being a wizard). It really makes sense as why some people kill themselves. I try to be positive but it feels like smiling when seeing an atom bomb heading your way.

nothing is on my mind

>>19853588
keked and chezced

I recently applied to nursing school and have been waiting for my decision letter. It should have arrived by now and I’m worried something is wrong. I’m thinking of emailing the school on Friday if it doesn’t get here by then but I’m worried that I’ll come across as an asshole.

>>19851657
This is incredibly based, life really is easy

bought this small bottle of JD and I can barely finish it. Seems like my taste for alcohol is going away.

Being an adult is like the 9th circle of hell if I could go back to being a kid I'd take it instantly.

We are born with a chance
And I am gonna have my chance

For someone like me, who can't remember complicated chains of argumentation in the heat of the moment (or otherwise), moral principles (that is to say: life-guiding principles) have to fit into a catchphrase. Here are my three "tenets":

Don't be phlegmatic.
Don't be depressed.
Don't be submissive.

And I could add as a fourth tenet, encapsulating the previous ones: Return to childhood.

I chose these sayings because they make me feel good.

Describe a color that doesn't exist

I wanna know everything
I wanna be everywhere
I wanna fuck everyone in the world
I wanna do something that matters

>>19855325
Describe any color at all

>>19855325
Describe any color. Colors have interesting phenomenological properties. They are ineffable. It is impossible to describe the haecceity of a color with a definite description, i.e, without using oblique or indirect language. You might describe orange as "fiery" but this is just describing orange in terms of a orangish thing

I like boys. (of legal age)

>>19855366
>(of legal age)
gay

>>19855326
fuck yeah, TDS

After nine days, I have finally changed my underwear

>>19854366
This.

Voting is not democracy.

Derailing leftist threads became extraordinarily easy after I sat down and read leftist works. A lot of the time you can literally just quote a leftist who disagreed with the leftist the /leftypol/ OP is trying to propagandize for, and watch the fireworks.

>>19855632
Healthy debates are important, and not everyone agrees with the degrees and methods

I have a friend. 21yo, virgin, religious. he tells me he is going to marry a 38 year old woman. I told him he will not have any biological children. he didn't seem to mind so much. He seems to like her very much, but they've only known eachother since december. The wedding would be in the summer, so there is time. I told him to take it slow. I'm not really sure what to say. Obviously there's a mommy-angle (I don't kow if it is always the case in situations like this, but it is in this case). I don't know if that is always bad, but I imagine my friend might wake up and realize one day that he's on some shadowy halucinatory trip. What do you think?

Twitter is not the news. The news isn’t even the news. It’s not real. Whoopi Goldberg isn’t a politician. She could say kill all Jews right now and it wouldn’t effect anybody’s life. Joe Rogan isn’t a threat to anybody. These people are celebrities. Hollywood isn’t real, you guys. Call your grandmother. Update your resume. Buy a home gym. Go ask your girlfriend to marry you. Donate your computer. Your phone had an off button. It actually does. Just God, please, GOD, stop watching the news.

I have to move out of the parents place but the only option is renting a room with other mystery roommates. It doesnt help that Im 30. Im so ashamed.

>>19855552
There's research about it. According to statistical models the average American vote has literally zero influence on policy decisions or prioritizations . It's a banana republic

I want to go on a date.
I am in my mid-twenties and have never been on one.
What's the best way to do it? I do NOT want to use soulless apps or go out in the night-life, I want someone more modest than that.

>>19856099
Any church-related activity will do.

>>19856108
I am not religious anon..
Churches are all filled with old people anyway, besides I have read Spinoza and Nietzsche so it just wouldn't work at all.

>in the student union building getting lunch
>gym girl I'm acquaintances with is in line with another girl
>pick up a conversation with them
>time to order, convo gets cut short
>after I order I think about asking if they're gonna eat here and ask to sit with them because it beats just eating in my office
>don't have the willpower/courage/guts to go back over to them while I'm out of the line and ask
>now eating lunch alone in my office

let my failure be a lesson or motivation to you all

Community outreach. Raising awareness. Starting the conversation. Grassroots movement. It’s all words. It means people in local government have to pretend they have a job. And not one iota of change. These people don’t even exist. Why are we paying them? The world is run by people who sleep at their desks and go home early and take six month vacations. They’re bums. They should be working at McDonald’s. The gas station provides more for the community.

>>19856099
Find a soulless app and smile for the picture.
Go on a few dates to get the hang of it. Get comfortable telling your story to a stranger who isn’t going to message you back.
Find the confidence to ask them out in person later.

Thinking is useless. If the thought wasn't already in your head, where did it come from? Thinking is the noisy repetition of that which is already understood.

>>19855981
The off button on my phone broke.

>>19856151
It helps to reframe how you think about thinking. Most thought is not controlled by the thinker. It's not an act, but a phenomenon, a sort of natural automatic flow. So your thoughts have a mind of their own. What you can do is be a steersman, routing this automatic flow of thought through the right channels. But it's helpful to maintain some separation between thought and self . And it's good to remember that thought alone can change nothing but other thoughts; cognition forms a closed system. Only by translating thought into action can it become useful.

>>19856123
My church is full of young people. Proboem is that they're super puritanical and dont believe in dating. They literally arrange marriages. I'm coasting on that

Ive been browsing various imageboards almost every day for 15 years now. Is it time to quit? Its been the only constant in my life together with failure of whatever i attempted to do.
I remember before that id waste time on vidya and hobby websites so not sure if anything would change.

>>19856172
Yeah.

>>19855325
there is a book called grimble that does that, but I'm too lazy right now to find the description

>>19851582
time crawls innocuously on phone calls
entombed by four (maybe six) wooden walls
longing to lay squarely beneath it all

>>19856172
Yes, if you feel bad about browsing ibs and if you think you are spending too much time, it is time to quit

I realized that I like to explain things to people

I haven't had shit to do today and it makes me feel useless and agitated. There's one or two longterm work projects I could chip away at but I haven't wanted to.

>>19856148
>>19856170
>the only way to find a partner is to abandon your humanity and turn into an NPC, or become part of an outdated and irrelevant mass cult and hope that someone will take pity on you and arrange a marriage.
It's hopeless, It's so fl*pping hopeless....

>>19856231
Not what I was getting at. You need to practice. Go practice talking to people. Have fun.

>>19856203
Well its a gigantic timesink.
Also i get the feeling i have no originality left in me.

>>19856181
How long have you been at it Butterfly

>>19856252
Couple hours

>>19856231
>abandon your humanity and turn into an NPC,
What
>or become part of an outdated and irrelevant mass cult
What a dumb way of looking at faith
I think your problem is that you're a superficial person who rejects all opportunities to humanize

>>19856264
Yeah i meant to read today but I got distracted shitposting.

>>19856303
Go read. Nothing here.

my brain has been balkanized

Got too many girls on my dick

>>19856241
I know how to talk to people, the problem is just that I don't know how to find the person I want to talk to.
The issue is made worse by the fact that I'm looking for someone similar to me, a lotus blossoming from the mud, someone who can see past the ugliness of this world.
>>19856266
Hey that's mean, I just don't want to join an organized cult religion just to find a partner.

>>19856345
Thats because you have a superficial concept of "partnership"
Granted I can't blame you since you've been isolated your whole life.

big dicks will rule the world

Thinking doesn't really make me think... I'm still as dumb as ever.

I moved out of my parents home (26 now) and I'm living alone by myself for the first time and for the first time in my life I'm so fucking lonely that It's hurting me. It feel like a noose around my heart squeezing it as hard as possible. I never thought I'd miss the voice of my mom nagging at me. Or hearing any other voice other than mine. I was always a loner, but this time it hurts.

>>19856515
atleast you can afford it. that must be nice.

I'm happy about these lockdowns for the past two years. It brought everyone down to my level and I'm supremely competent at operating in isolated conditions. In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king

>>19856515
Don't worry, anon. In time, you'll go numb.

>>19856532
It's ok I guess, rent feels like a waste but i can't afford to buy just yet.
>>19856538
Do you reckon writing a diary/memoir might help?

>>19856515

Regular socialising. Host DnD games. Have a movie club with friends. Form a band. I learnt years ago I needed habitual, regular socialising so that I wouldn't back out of it.

>>19856538
IVE BECOME SO NUMB

>>19856547
It helps to have hobbies and things you regularly do outside of working and posting on 4chan. Go hiking in your local area, try learning an instrument or drawing, go to church, look for the niche stuff people in your town do to actually enjoy their lives. If nothing else works try getting into cooking interesting things for yourself. If all you do is come home from work and stare at your computer before you go to bed, you'll wear yourself down.

I just read about Zeno's treatise and dialogue with Socrates and found it almost incomprehensible. I will have to read it again. In this moment I wish I were better at mathematics

I just learned that 'infitnie jest' is a line from Hamlet....

>>19854478
Why would you get an hpv shot if you don't ever fuck

>>19856622
>infinite jest
>it's 1079 pages long
>not funny

>>19856731
it's also a piece of shit book

I need to get my life in order. I've been coasting for the last year. Good things have happened too. I've moved to a new place and found a signficant other. But on all other fronts my life is stagnating. I feel like some great and rotting carcass slowly sliding through life.

It has to start small. I don't even know what direction to go, but I hope that small acts of discipline can translate to a vision. I will do this. My soul is asking me to do this. I will fight myself and then parent myself and win.

I am forever cursed being born an anglo in Quebec. Chuis fini

>>19856780
Just move you dumb nigger

>>19856622
wait til you hear about "the sound and the fury"

>>19856628
i used to fuck

disgusting. every little thing people do is something they do because of a fantasy in their back of their minds of how others will perceive it and how others will create a mental model of their identity through it... a desire to create a false identity that exists only in the minds of others. the average person simply does not have any mental existence outside of what they do to fulfill an image in their mind. the average person does not exist in their own minds, they exist in other people's minds. The person that they think they are is really the person that they think other people perceive them as. a psychotic consequence of empathy. empathy is mass psychosis as we no longer exist in our own minds but in the minds of others and model our very being off of the minds of others. we see the world only through the minds of others and not through our own genuine minds. there is not a genuine human on earth. everybody thinks that everyone else is perceiving them according to each's own mind but really it's everyone putting themselves into everyone else's mind creating a vicious circle so that nobody is in their own minds but everyone projects their mind into everyone else's as if the other person is in their own mind so that really when you put your mind into someone else's mind you are putting your mind into a mind that is in someone else's mind that is in someone else's mind that is in someone else's mind until you have put yourself into the collective zombie mind of the human social sphere. disgusting. our social existence is lower than mere bees or ants

>>19856868
Yes.

>>19856868
I can't relate to your post, maybe you are projecting

>>19856868
>every little thing people do is something they do because of a fantasy in their back of their minds of how others will perceive it and how others will create a mental model of their identity through it...
This is why being a heroin addict is patrician

>>19856898
you do it unconsciously because you lack self knowledge. observe yourself when you are in the presence of other people. Even while you were writing your post you did not think about your post in reference to yourself but in reference to how the others would read it.

>>19856908
speak for yourself, lowlife

ate way too many pistachios and peanuts today I think im going to shitmy pants for the next 4 days

>>19856951
coping drone bee. without self awareness you will never overcome.

>>19856868
>we no longer exist in our own minds
when did we exist in our own minds? when did this phenomenon you speak of start?

>>19857006
homo erectus maybe. look at chimps today, they are still psychopaths

>>19851582
my room smells so shockingly unbelievably bad

>>19856964
wow that sure showed me

>>19856868
A woman once told me only losers don't care about what others think of them

>>19856868
lol

>>19856908
On the contrary being able to post anonymously like this allows me to act without thought of social perception

>>19857080
you delude yourself. if you didn't want social perception you wouldn't be posting at all and only writing things down in a journal or a word document

I was born to brood. Happiness is a feeling which I have never experienced for a sustained length of time in the entirety of my life. To such a degree that I doubt that I would even recognize it were I were happy. When I do experience temporary bouts of joy, it feels foreign and abnormal to the point that it is almost unsettling. I wouldn't know how to be happy. So warped has my mind become from chronic melancholy that it defines my existence, my identity. No matter where I look, no matter where I run, I find depression. It pervades everything like gravity, a mathematical inevitability driven by causal necessity.

There are even some benefits, some comforts to a life in which night follows night without end. There are aspects of reality which the happy, I believe, are afraid to go. This consigns them to a certain ignorance. And because I do not value this world, I can understand it unclouded. For what is coveted and beloved is never seen for what it is.I find myself in silent brotherhood with similar men throughout history whose minds, paradoxically enlightened by darkness, sought truth without hope or reward.

inb4 "WAKE ME UP INSIDE". I'm purposefully being histrionic.

>>19857159
It’s all in your head bro. Just say “stop” and your mind will easily become empty. Then you realize that the eternal basic state of your mind is emptiness or pure potential and every thing that is there is there because you put it there and not because it is there “by nature” or because that is how “you” “are”

I didn't wash enough under my foreskin and now there's white stuff there and it smells bad

>>19857184
Eat it.

The more I live, the less I want to live. I'm scared.

All the good germans died during the war, what's even left?

No! What am I saying? Happiness is possible. I must fight for my place in the sun.

https://youtu.be/tTOwKYDb8mw?t=260

>>19857271
People renew themselves every seven years. Be the change you desire.

>>19856868
>>19856908
so you've built a worldview where you can never ever be wrong, congrats, i could make 250 of these a day if i wanted

>>19856868
try to list 5 behaviors that are not on any level social, or not pure biological maintenance, or for God.

>>19857235
was feeling fine until i saw this post

Why is America like his?

I'm about four and a half months into my year off. I don't know if it will be a year or more. I'm taking a year off any kind of work and virtually all people. It's interesting that I don't really think I've missed anyone. I have worried if they are sad or worried, but that's for them. there is one guy, mainly, who I see once every 2-3 weeks. other than that I'm alone, studying religion, going for walks or resting. Shitposting. I have a lot of catching up to do. It might be slowing down. It was very, very intense. A lot of old shit to work through. A lot of crazy shit has happened.

>>19856816
hehe, I know that one, in fact I have that soliloquy memorized!
Are there more?

>>19857456
>9k likes
more like 9k YIKES

>>19857456
i guess you said the same thing when kennedy said we could go to the moon?

>>19856780
move to alberta

Sorry, I just couldn't let this go

When you read the biographies of admirable men, one of the the essential things you notice is the clearly defined story arc, that they find their goal early in life. It’s around college age at the latest. How depressing it is then to look at your own life and see nothing coherent at all, no call to action, no story. Nothing.

>>19857456
What the absolute fuck.

>>19857482
will i be able to get a job in web development or a job in general?
is shit expensive?
do you guys have decent winters?
do you guys smoke weed and drink beer and smoke cigarettes a lot?

>>19857515
Bear in mind that a lot of this could be just the effect of people telling a story and choosing which facts to show, how they simplify things to fit a narrative, etc.
People's lives are complicated and no biography will truly tell you everything that went through someone's life because this is just impossible and when a writer wants to tell someone's story, there will be a process of filtering things or choosing how to paint some events that might create this effect of a great tale where the hero was meant to his fate from day 0.
But at the same time, I have to admit that, for some things, being interested or even obsessed with something from a very early age is almost a requisite for greatness because the earlier you put yourself to focus on something, the less time you will waste doing something else.

>>19857515
They were chosen by the zeitgeist, you and most people just weren't.
I mean what is the zeitgeist right now anyway? Culture war nonsense that doesn't matter? Billionaire celebrity gossip? Climate change dooming? Our time is not supposed to create men, most people of fame these days are worthless crooks, liars and degenerates.
The dialectics are broken, abandon your ambitions of fame and just enjoy your life.

>>19851582
So basically at this time there are child abuse images on nsfw gif board, but the images have not been removed because apparently the abuse is not of a sexual nature. Insane!

>>19857571
If the first bit is true, it’s unacceptable conditions for life.

>>19857555
Choosing which facts to show presupposes the facts exist. If there’s a call to action, it will have occurred whether you’re talking about 3 years, 5 years, or 35 years in retrospect. It’s a continuous sort of thing in my mind. So to reach a certain age without even a call to action…That’s just depressing…

>>19851582
Let's make most public conversations about conflict between the sexes and the races, but suspiciously absent is any discussion of economic identity and moreso politico-economic consciousness, which is never far from the oligarchic masters of so-called democracies, such as the US. What is most existentially determinative, sex, race, or class? Obviously class--the rich of any race or sex have by far more in common among themselves than they do with those of their sex or race who are not wealthy, beginning with the inordinate power the former wield over the politics of so called democratic societies. Is it impolite to say this while it is not impolite to discuss racial or gender conflict at the first opportunity?

>>19857555
trips of (authors selectively framing) the truth

>28
>unmarried
>don't own land
It's over for me isn't it

>>19857515
Didn't Napoleon say history is a set of lies agreed upon?
>>19857555
I was listening to an interview with this dude called Burt Kearns, he worked for Fox/Murdoch bringing Tabloid Television to the United States in the early 90's. I think he worked with Maury Povich back when he was a "journalist" too. During this time they commented that news editors always wanted "the same" stories as their competitors - they would watch 3 different tv feeds as each other to make sure they were running the same stories as their competitors.
Not only that he observed that the only time they did anything from the flyover states was Chales Qurolt type innocuous stories about some guy making a Liberty Bell out of butter, Tabloid Journalism changed that: they were encouraged to cover stories that the Network News wasn't covering, so you got stories about corrupt local Sheriffs and sex scandals from towns no one had ever heard of. Diversity in stories.
He later left Jouranlism and started writing trashy films like pic related
>Logline: A washed out former star in need of money has a get rich plan...start a volleyball team whose players consist of group of beautiful athletic strippers.
Anyway, he was being interviewed by a screenwriter who commented that Journalism and fictional storytelling like screenwriting still have the same rules of storytelling. Which his career transition seems to agree with.

Holy FUCK the women on Hinge are homely. I downloaded it because I thought I'd give it a try as a "serious relationship" app, but I have yet to see a girl who's better than plain-looking, and plenty of them are downright ugly. I'd rather get rejected a hundred times by the acutal hot girls on Tinder, at least if by good luck I get a match there, she's probably going to be good-looking.

atheist logic
>death is bad
>if everyone died, there would be no death
>therefore everyone should die
literally the logic of people who actually believe in the "problem" of evil

>>19857784
It's really weird, you have to spend sometimes days ignoring fatties and then all of a sudden it starts showing you attractive girls who will in fact match with you.
Also anon, don't just click the 'x', take the time to go to the dot menu up the top and select "remove" otherwise it'll keep showing you those profiles again.

>>19857834
You realize you can make the fatty become non fat?

I think I've read all good existentialist novels.

>>19857842
I'm >>19857784 and that's why I specifically said "ugly" and not "fat." I can tell a fat girl who's good-looking from one who won't be good-looking even if she loses weight. You can fix fat, but you can't fix ugly.

>>19857842
No you can't. Women never know when they're going to be hungry and get 'hangry' and binge eat when they do. It sounds like a retarded waste of time to play therapist and dog-trainer to reprogram their behaviour.
Not only that but so many of them list their "interest" as "food".
Not something like "I like Indian cuisine" not "cajun spices are to die for". Just "food". One word. Indiscriminate. You're telling me that this person who's entire self identity, such that they will advertise this on their dating profile, revolves around eating nothing specifically but eating anything you can somehow train into becoming non-fat?

>>19857891
Honestly Anon I don't know what to tell you on that front, women plump up a lot of the time. Even the thinnest girl can inflate, it's one of those things that a lot of women do, even outside of America. They may not get HUGE but it is the tendency of women to put on weight over time, and only a few of them ever lose it once it's on.

>>19857906
> Even the thinnest girl can inflate
I can make the argument that's all the more reason to start with a skinny girl.
I am a bit of an old fag, so my experience may be different. However what I've noticed on Hinge is that if you don't use it for a while, it first shows you a lot of profiles of HUGE women who live out in the outer suburbs, and as I said: they seem so dull and boring. They literally list their interest as "food", the local sports team, and Harry Potter. They take no pride in the way they dress.
It's weird to think, like these are people who have gotten to their late 20's and have seemed to not care about the way they look ("at least they aren't narcissists" aside, I actually wonder if they have any self-awareness?), have let their weight and thus health get out of control, but worst of all haven't develop any personality or interests.
"Food" is not a personality any more than "Travel" is.

reading a good book rn

I'm about to turn 27 and I've acheived nothing with my life. I finally realized writing is what I was put on Earth to do, but now I find myself trapped taking care of my grandma, who's so demanding I barely have time to read, let alone write. I love my grandma, but I feel I'm sacrificing my future to make her present more bearable and I have no idea what to do.

>>19857891
Even if they're fat you can breed good babies out of them and have something to show for your existence in earth, plus you don't have to stick with them forever, but you'll certainly be less alone and they can be a confidence building exercise as well.

>>19857998
That's sad, but otherwise you seem too normal for this place.

>>19858010
Trust me, I'm just as spergy as the rest of y'all. I've just been making a conscious effort for a long long time to "correct" that behavior. I'm the type who would rather spend time alone at home working on projects than going out and having to bother with social interaction nine times out of ten, not because I'm particularly bad at it, but because people bore me.

>>19858002
The best thing that ever happened for my confidence was that time a smoking hot blonde with a long-pixie cut who had great moves on the dancefloor pretty much dragged me home.

>>19857998
>who's so demanding I barely have time to read, let alone write
You can't spare 30 minutes a day to write? What about 30 minutes on alternate days?
What if the time you spent on here, you spent writing?

>>19858079
I can get some done, but not nearly as much as I was at home.
And evenings don't work either because then my aunt is done with work and God fucking forbid I not waste my time watching the most mindless trash with her.

To be honest, neither of them see me as a person. I'm just meant to be some mindless automaton that does what they need doing. If it wasn't for all they(and my grandfather) did for me growing up I would've told them to go fuck themselves ages ago.

>>19858095
>and God fucking forbid I not waste my time watching the most mindless trash with her.
Okay, explain to me why you allow her to have this power over you? I understand nobody like to have conflict in their home, but your seem to lack boundaries.

>>19858119
Because I don't feel like dealing with the hissy fit and attitude I'll get if I don't. It's a cost/reward thing. The cost of having this whole house turn into effective trench warfare isn't worth the struggling to read while a TV is blaring in the other room.

You made the mistake of assuming I live with rational people.

>>19858139
>It's a cost/reward thing.
I mean shorterm yes, but long term you're establishing a norm that long-term will cost you more.

>>19858168
>establishing
It's been this way forever.

>>19858192
You're reinforcing it. Don't.

>>19858211
I'd rather just go build a small shack on my sister's land than try and fix nearly thirty years of habit

People say "It's not her fault, she was like that because of her own trauma", which I understand, but honestly I don't really care. You're judged no matter what, and if you abuse a child, you deserve judgment just like anyone else; and if from no one else, then from the child. I think she knew this, or she sensed it in part, but I believe she started to feel the pangs of shame, a feeling which she had totally denied herself, and then she would double down on her misbehavior, and in turn ratchet up the abuse. That way, the judgment never caught up with her.

What do I mean? I mean for years she continued to abuse me, mostly in part because looking at me made her angry, because she avoided her shame by blaming me, blaming me for being a sad child. The shame and rage was recycled onto me, and kept hidden from herself, and from everyone else.

So, people talk about "forgiveness and understanding", but that's because they don't know what they're talking about. People abuse others because they want to, and they get a lot out of it. It's stupid to convolute it into some psychobabble about "generational trauma" and "lack of interpersonal intervention". It's stupid because it pretends that people don't make decisions, as if only good decisions exist, and bad decisions are suddenly chalked up to "influencing factors".

>>19858249
I know what you're talking about. I'd be able to "forgive and move on" if I could get the slightest glimpse that she really understood just how badly she fucked up, and how fucked I will be for the rest of my life because of it, and at least SOME kind of remorse and desire to admit guilt, but there just fucking isn't any. She still feels she made the best decisions should could, even though she gives the empty platitudes of "I know I made mistakes." I fucking hate it, and I need to see her break down into the same kind of despair I felt as a child for me to truly forgive her.

But it will never happen, and we're both poorer for it.

>>19858248
Your habits or Theirs?

>>19858566
The shared ones? We all fall into patterns with certain people. Some are easier to change than others. Some are worth that effort, and others aren't.

>>19858587
Obviously I'm making a lot of assumptions here so if it doesn't apply, it doesn't apply
But I still am getting the feeling that you're not very good with standing up for your boundaries.
That comes under "habit". And it doesn't matter whether it's in close proximity with your aunt, or anyone else you may live with, friends, or even a girlfriend or S.O. If you are use to sort of bunkering down to keep the peace, that can become pathological
>Some are worth that effort,
I feel like this one is worth the effort, again, because it's about pathology. It's about the next ten years of your life, not short term avoiding conflict with your Aunt.
Again, this is my inference based on a couple of paragraphs you've posted on a anonymous Mongorian oracle bone agora

>>19858617
I get what you're saying, and I agree with it. No one "makes" me do anything if I don't really want to do it. That's something that's always gotten me in trouble. But with this case, there's so many pieces at play I just try to survive.

I appreciate the concern, though. If you knew me better, you'd know I don't take shit from anyone unless I have reason to. In this case, the main reason is an attempt to pay back the goodwill I was shown as a child.

>>19851582
Kinda want to ditch my computer and downgrade my phone. Life just seems easier without either of them being smart

>>19858785
I feel ya.

Next
>>19858846

>>19851582
just finished From Aristocracy To Monarchy To Democracy. pretty good, but it got confusing towards the end 7/10

>>19858968
By design.

>>19858968
Getting confused towards the end just means you're dumb, no reason for you to give such a low score for such a good book.

>>19858785
Being able to look up details or maps on my phone is very useful to my reading experience. I think there's more merit in learning to avoid temptations to misuse technology than there is in ditching it altogether.

>>19857159
>And because I do not value this world, I can understand it unclouded.
> it feels foreign and abnormal to the point that it is almost unsettling. I wouldn't know how to be happy. So warped has my mind become from chronic melancholy that it defines my existence,
What neuroticism does to a mf