/lit/ - Literature

I hate my life

my brain has been balkanized

>>19830506
can't sleep want to kms

>>19830507
Don't hate your life, fren.

>>19830506

An oily black creature slithered from underneath the hotel bed, emerging from the shadow the frame cast. Four feet long, it had the body and winding motion of a snake as wide as a cat, but with a bulbous head hosting a cluster of purple, glowing spheres for eyes on top and several tendrils probing forward as its mouth. It quickly coiled itself around a leg of the bed before making its way to the mattress, where the boy was sleeping under the covers, a blanket over the majority of his head, save his auburn brown hair. A low creaking sound came from behind its feelers as it moved towards his face.

Chris initially ignored the cold, coarse feeling of the thin tentacles as they wormed their way under the blanket, licking at his forehead. Opening his eyes, he pulled the sheet back slightly, peeking at the creature's writhing face with an irritated glare. The purple aura around its body flared slightly as it let out a baritone chirp. He groaned, turning away in the bed, pulling the covers onto himself. The snake practically tried to pounce on his head, letting out insistent chittering as it attempted to force its way under the covers.

"Lemme sleep, Serpy..." he muttered as a hand reached out of the covers.

A glowing white disc the size of a salad plate swiftly formed from his palm, creating a buffer which the creature nearly bumped into, letting out a mournful whine. Chris let the saucer wane and retreat back into his hand with a faint burst of rainbow colors. He lingered in the bed for several seconds more while the snake continued to let out low, pleading squeaks. He heard a familiar flapping and gentle croak come from beside him. He glanced out again, and true to what he expected there was an oversized vulture made of shadow with a head like a jumping spider perched on the dresser, cocking its head at him.

Seeing where this was going, he threw the covers off before Griv could hound him as well. The way the light was coming in from the window it was early in the evening. He sat up, looking at two of his sister's creations, who only looked back at him, urging him with bass sounds. Reluctantly, Chris started to leave the bed, wearing a black sleeveless shirt with grey sweatpants. His body still was a bit tired from the journey over here, and it didn't help that he'd barely gotten two hours of sleep this afternoon. Suddenly, he heard the sound of something big and metal clang onto the ground.

Reposting since the other thread is on its deathbed
>>19830474
Her smile.
Her whole face lit up when she smiled. Even her voice seemed to smile with the way she would talk about this or that. And they weren’t rare or secretive smiles. She gave them freely to the world, as if she knew her soul would never run out of them.
Getting to know bits and pieces about her home life - the ailing brother who she cared for and the strict parents who pressured her to become a doctor - only made those smiles more wondrous to me.
There was beauty on her joy, and witnessing it was more than enough.
It hurts to type these words.

Any French anons here? I just realized my favorite living philosopher-scholar is a professor in France and I could potentially study under him in grad school. What's the selection criteria there for PhD students? What CEFR level of French do I have to be when I apply?

>>19830523

I basically took a snippet of an idea I had for prose that I've been thinking about and tried to constrain it to ~400 words. I may continue it but really others are open to continuing it themselves.

>>19830506
Old thread >>19818034

>>19830540
What are these statues? Why is there an emoji of them?

There hasn't been a lot going on lately.
Earlier this week I got sick and threw up in my car as I was driving, so I guess that's some experience.
I failed a bit at the secondary duties in my new job and was pretty frustrated as its affecting my rapport with the rest of the team.
I mentioned before that I sometimes felt like life in an asylum would be almost preferable to my current life but after more investigation into the matter, perhaps monastery life is closer to what I feel drawn to. Of course, this is still unfeasible for me given my familial attachment. Thus, I've began thinking of ways I could be more monk-like in my life, such as meditation. I've already got the abstinence part down and I don't partake in self-inflicted pleasures of the flesh as often.
Another thing that brought this on a bit was the birth of my nephew; I always believed that I wanted children and I love the little guy but I don't think I could stomach cleaning piss and shit and dealing with hormones for 18+ years. I realize that I want to be a mentor, not a parent. I want to pass on my worldview and my interests.
On another front, I have been writing a little bit. That riddle project has at least turned into a barebones plot with two better-defined main characters.
I also find myself craving friendship with the opposite sex; I don't want to go at it directly in the romantic way but I do find myself censoring the words I use a bit compared to what I would say someone of the same sex.
Something else that has come my attention is that Christianity isn't descended from Judaism in the modern sense; both have root in the ancient Israelite religion that is also called Judaism but modern Judaism observes the Talmud, a work to my knowledge iterates on the the things I found controversial in the Torah such as the treatment of gentiles. I cannot bring myself to believe in something that preaches inequality based on something that a person cannot change about themselves such as their family lineage.

>>19830546
Easter Island. A great tragedy

>>19830546
Statues from the Easter Island. A lot of people think they are just heads, but the rest of their bodies were simply buried. Some people also wonder how they were moved: it’s basically a method involving three ropes being pulled at rhythmic intervals by a bunch of men. There are videos of it on youtube, it’s pretty cool.

WWOYM

I love little girls

I am dejected.

>>19830634
Me too

I am currently unjecting

>>19830634
What were you dejected from?

Wish I could eject from this mortal coil.

people only want to be around me when I'm chill or excited
I don't want to be either of those right now, I want to talk about the incompatibility of my religion and society and how there's a part of me that lusts and craves violence and how I sit in a room in complete darkness and talk to no less than 3 separate selves, constructs I have created to help me sift through these thoughts.

To be clear, I love little girl goats. I don't know the scientific name for little girl goats. I used to have little girl goats as pets. They're so cute. Little girl goats.

I hate waiting. Waiting for replies for job applications. Waiting for school to start. Waiting for potential housemates to reply. Waiting waiting waiting...

Druk bros, what is your drink of choice?

What is everyone reading atm?

Aw shieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Nigga finna dun fucked m up agayn n in da process took ‘mself wit dat, shieeeeet pray I climb my ass to tranquility lane

>>19830676
I like whiskey and rum but I've decided that I'm not gonna drink at all for like a month at least

>>19830684
Quitter

>>19830679
Hellboy Omnibus 1

>>19830506
You guys all dream of having a girl, but it's basically just trading one set of problems for another.
Seriously, and i bet she's goona look over my shoulder and go "what are you writing?" so i guess i might be in for a fight.

Seriously though, she just had to fuck up my morning. I was chill, drinking my coffee and being happy about the homepage looking good and all, and she just had to go "you know you gotta make the arrangements to get the money back". I don't wanna explain, it's just that i've had a friend help me with a thing and now we've started making just a teeeny fucking amount of money back and she instantly goes for the boring ass "you need to make arrangements" talk instead of just letting me watch summit play hearthstone. My first chill morning of the week and now im forced to think about money. And the problem being actually making money. Fuck.

>>19830684
You drink rum? Are you a pirate?

it's called /lit/ not /writ/

in algebra class with the boys
and we finna go crazy
we got bitches on our dicks
yeah my niggas brazy

i got hella money
no cap on god
stacies ass is bussin
she got a nice bod

>>19830697
Lit what’s on your mind?

>>19830695
yarrrr

>>19830506
I really just want a gf. I have been obsessive over wanting a companion for years now. I want to get rid of the desire and improve my life first and foremost but it destroys me inside

>>19830694
What are you doing that's making money?

Every now and then when I am jerking off I have to stop in the middle of it to contemplate the absurdity and futility of the act. There’s almost a profundity to the hollowness of the routine, like an echo in a cavern. The meaninglessness of it still somehow has something to say, in the same way that an awkward silence in a conversation, despite lacking the usual signifiers of meaning in words, still says something. In that moment I realize what I am truly trying to do. It’s not to sate sexual urges, but to extinguish consciousness. To temporarily relieve myself of the burden of awareness. Such an anesthetic function is one of the major appeals of sex in general, although the participation of another body in sex can carry more substantive dimensions than merely just the aspect of numbing pleasure. Such an episode is the opposite of a golden moment, call it a lead moment. It is devoid of everything that gives life its sparkle and makes someone feel that they are more than just material, an object among objects. In that moment, I speak for all mankind. Literally, billions of men who experience the same sensation of futility on a regular basis, and who come, eventually, to resign themselves to this pointless routine bodily automatism, to feel either defeated and enslaved by it, or to set time and willpower aside to make it out to be an annoying nemesis to be overthrown.

(1/2)

>>19830754
Going back to the leaden moment and what this vacuum in my head means. What is it? To be a bit theoretical, it is none other than the manifestation of the spiritual emptiness of the modern world; the emptying of the flesh of spirit. To put such a high-minded label on such a trivial event is not excessive. The overt insignificance of the event is deceptive. Self-nullification is no small matter. The reading I want to stress, however, is this idea that this sensation of pointlessness that arises in that leaden moment is an end-point, a termination of a human lineage of experience, a kind of extinction event. Not of germ seed—in the physiological sense that is irrelevant here — but end of an entire continual history of human consciousness up into the modern day. The conclusion of all striving and endeavor toward any purpose that humanity was building towards. What I experience is the erasure of purpose. Not only in myself in terms of the motivational depletion that results from the activity, as I am serious what I raise being of some import. It goes far beyond me and my wanks; in that moment I am an instance and representative of voided human experience in microcosm.

Modernity results, manufactures, these sorts of end-point experiences, terminal pleasure states beyond which lies nothing. One saving grace is that had I not had this moment of breakthrough awareness I would not know that there was an essence missing from my life then and there. Had I not felt the oppressiveness of my dwindling consciousness, it would be like I died without noticing. I fear I would otherwise become that blind freak of stimulation-seeking Nietzche prophesied to arise at the time of humanity’s reckoning, the Last Man.
(2/)

Im paying the price of my life for this so called security which is just a stagnation in disguise.

>>19830694
Sounds like you’re not making enough money.

>>19830754
You’re first post has interesting points but your follow up post is superficial trad cath larping

i want a bf who pets my head.

i want a big tittied goth gf

>>19830897
goths aren't real

In the recent weeks, I have started to deeply hate myself, which is something I had never quite done before and I'm not sure that I enjoy it, yet the hate and disgust only grows.

Queer. Feminist. Jew. Urbanite. Mama. Refugee sponsor. *Candidate for #SomersetWard in 2022.* Come for the political hot takes, stay for the corgi pics.

>>19830727
i have a girlfriend. it's okay i guess.

>>19830985
What is this phenotype called?

>>19831017
Idk but the bike looks dutch

Is faith a dead thing in current society?

>>19831034
No people ask Google things all the time

>>19830574
why don't they dig some of them out so that the whole body can be seen?

Really wish I could find a good looking bicycle that isn't too expensive. I'm really picky when it comes to the look. Most bicycles are pretty awful aesthetically.

>>19831017
American

I have a girlfriend but still enjoy secret anonymous gay sex.

>>19831099
the greek way

>>19830506
Don't get married if you're poor, being a 21st c. family man is synonymous with debt slavery.

>>19831145
>money decides life
unbased

I just became Japanese

>>19831554
I thought this happened to me too, but I just had something in my eyes.

big dicks will rule the world

>>19830506
i should go out for a walk but it's cold outside so i'm probably going to stay in and wank over girls wearing high heels instead

>>19830506
I completely lost myself playing online games this past month. Total waste of time, very frustrating.

i hate women and i'm tired of pretending i don't

I havent changed my underwear in 4 days

>>19831688
I was awkward in front of a pretty girl and then spent the next three hours seething about women

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAH

the light is burning me. please I yearn for darkness and unconsciousness. I know about the monkeys. I know about health and unhealth. I can't un-see all the violence but I must participate. it's in my blood to dominate. I can't take the bites the rats deal or the psychic paralysis of my awareness when repeating a violent cycle.

I am no Christian despite my knowledge that there truly is something more to our presence here than the scientific rationalism of our day will ever capture.

I am being torn apart.

>>19831757
are you awkward around dog shit too?

>>19831788
My dumb fuck neighbors let their gay little dog shit in my yard. The next day it rained heavy and I stepped in it. I ran back inside for my keys and tracked muddy dog shit through my whole house. Man I was pissed

>>19831503
Don't get married and pump children out then because i'm telling thee now it is financially relentless and I never have time to read anymore.
Considering having an affair, it probably won't make things cheaper though.

I'm nervous to go back to SEA because I know none of my issues have been resolved and it's pretty much a guaranteed dead end. But I'm miserable here and if I'm going to die, I'd rather do it somewhere I like better. Hoping a get a few good days in first at least.

>>19831897
Every south east asian Ive met is happy to be out of tthat shit hole. They say Los Angeles is paradise compared to SEA

>>19831099
Is there even a way to deal with this without cheating?

I have a girlfriend that I love very much and want to marry eventually. I don't want to cheat on her and I know I'd go insane with guilt if I ever did.
But these past few days I've been very tempted to pay for a forced bi session with a pro dominatrix and her bull. I'd be verbally humiliated, have my cock compared to the bull's, then be made to suck him off to the domme's enjoyment. It got me so excited I even sent her an email asking for the price but once she answered it got too real and I just deleted everything.

In my relationship I'm a normal dominant guy. I'm usually the one insulting and degrading my girl during sex. Yet I'd love to just let go and be utterly humiliated every once in a while. I don't want my girl to do this for me because 1) she's not sadistic so it wouldn't really work, and 2) it would be awkward to have my partner do that to me, I'd much rather it be a stranger that I'll likely never see again.

Should I tell my girl I have these urges? She knows I've seen a domme in the past and I've had one gay experience where I was the one dominating. But even that she didn't like very much.

I wish my sexuality wasn't so fucked up.

>19830985
your point being?

>>19831907
Porn has ruined an entire generation

>>19831914
Has nothing to do with porn bud. Even when I was 6 years old and didn't know what sex was I still secretly liked it when girls bullied me.

>>19831907
Look the answer is obvious. Dont do it. Every single aspect of your urge is immoral. You need to correct your sexuality by going cold turkey off of all that perverted shit and pair bonding with your wife. You will adjust.
I want to note that your fetish seems more like an act of self harm than erotic desire. I'm the anon who was posting his theory regarding the link between porn and sexual trauma. Another tepid hypothesis of mine is that these degrading types of sex acts are a type of self harm. Build some self esteem and dig into your psyche to find what it is thats causing you so much self loathing. Do not indulge because you'll only feed the demons

I'm only attracted to whores, normal girls do nothing for me.

My first relationship in highschool was completely fucked up, nothing but lying, emotional abuse and cheating (95% on her part).

Since then I've unironically turned down more than a dozen normal girls initiating relationship with me, and only pursued one other slut (I didn't get her).

>>19831845
>Considering having an affair
don't. you'll be surprised by how much worse things can get with your internal state, and it will not let up. this is the fundamental betrayal. it will not wash off.

just killing time unwillingly mine you know like the song get it do you get it

>>19831904
People have their preferences no doubt. I love it there.
Northern Europe is Babylon on Earth and I can't wait to be out of here. Every day is agony, but at least one day closer to being back to SEA.

>>19832016
Have you banged any viking sluts? How big is your dick?

>>19831845
go play catch with your son you're stunting his emotional development

>>19830947
that's odd

>>19832016
I visited europe a couple years ago. What really amused me is that Los Angeles is conservative relative to Europe. We're one of the biggest libshit centers of America but still backwards and puritanical vy european standards

He's on drugs again.
How long until the next breakdown?

>>19832020
Scandinavians? Sure. Maybe 15 or so of them in total. 8 inch dick.

>>19832043
I would agree with that. Depending a little on what part of Europe you're comparing yourself to, of course.
Although I lived on the west coast for a uni semester and at least American college sluts are plenty promiscious.

>>19830645
Based.

>>19831975
The slut look is an additive process of cosmetics surgery and make up application, even men can do it now, so a plain girl will have no problems, use positive affirmations to steer them.

>>19830539
it's good anon kinda comfy

Im an ugly man.

>>19830694
I have no such problems, sounds like you're retarded.

>>19831845
feel sorry for your family

>>19831907
>But these past few days I've been very tempted to pay for a forced bi session with a pro dominatrix and her bull. I'd be verbally humiliated, have my cock compared to the bull's, then be made to suck him off to the domme's enjoyment. It got me so excited I even sent her an email asking for the price but once she answered it got too real and I just deleted everything.

LMAO

>>19831907
what was the price?

>>19830773
You described my life exactly. Except I pretty much have no choice.

>>19831827
are those some kind of molds or something?

>>19831975
Makes me wonder what 5% cheating is.
Holding hands?

>>19832265
it was out of his price range and now he's coping

>>19830676
Vodka

>>19830506
tiddies are on my mind.

i met this girl at a party last night and it seemed to me that she was doing all she could to make me fall in love with her, but i might just be saying this because i did..

It meant exactly what I was trying to say
It meant exactly what I was trying to say
It meant exactly what I was trying to say
You got it?

visited grandpa today. he is 86. he's finally beginning to look it on the outside, but on the inside he seems to be doing very well and it was very nice talking to him a couple of hours. I learned a lot about his mother. She was sent from her home to be a kind of a maidservant at a farm at 10 or 11 years old. This was apparently not exceptional, although it seems her father never forgave her for the death of her mother while giving birth to her, and that when he remarried he always treated her worse than his other kids. Apparently she never spoke ill of her new host-family though. But can you fucking imagine? Sent from your family at 10 or 11 to strangers to work hard physical labor? One thing to work as a kid, sure, but sent to strangers? This is far northern sweden, ca 1920.

Is Martin Scorsese /lit/? I think so

What I would give for the mods to moderate /sffg/

I have come up with this phenomenon I could not find anything similar anywhere else. Anons please let me know if someone already talked about it. So here is the thing. It is sort of a disease or physical or maybe metaphysical condition. One day you wake up, or after any moment really, and you are subjectively dead. The subject has changed. I mean for other people there is nothing different with you but you have actually died. Your consciousness ceased to exist or transferred or whatever but it is not in that person anymore. That person may have another new or transferred consciousness or not, that doesn’t really matter but you are dead. I know you can die any moment and you will in fact die, but this could also happen without anybody realizing. It is kind of a scary thought.

>>19832524
>Mods
>Ever doing their jobs.

>>19830758
>>19830754

And yet, you may eat a sandwich, and go on with the rest of your 12 hours of waking day, or minutes till sleep, and try to find things to fill that time with.

Sex is the icing and cherry on the cake that is life; I geuss when life becomes...... something, I don't know, not fun exciting fulfilling withwhile...... Sex becomes more and more of the cake.

Orgasm is maybe the most potent of the biologically nessecary natural drugs. Food, water, clothing, shelter, sex.

It is something of a reward, for the painful struggles of life, an intense accute pleasure.

What you speak of is like what those who have taken the drug Extasy speak of, coming down or the next day.

If average life is steady. And then sucha high high height. To experience the average again in comparison feels dreadful. As well as considering these are not just magical concepts at play, but chemical mechanical puppet theaters.

The saying of the journey and destination comes to mind.

If everything one believes in and works towards is to achieve and posses a moment of pleasurable reward. The moment after the reward subsides, and the pleasure of the reward is no longer felt, it seems all the tasks all the efforts to gain that reward were in vain.

I will have to read what you said because I am off the mark on some of the point, but it was stimulating and rewarding to read what you wrote, alas, if only for a brief moment, before I must move onto something else.

>>19831938
I get why you would think that these desires are born out of trauma or self-loathing. But I consider myself a very happy person , I genuinely wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. I have a hot girlfriend and I'm doing great in university. I also don't have any childhood trauma, never got beat or molested or anything like that.
Ultimately I have no idea what the source of these desires is, and to be honest I don't think anyone does.

>>19832295
>>19832265
It was 300 euros for two hours. I have the money and I payed a similar amount for my last domination session,so that's not an issue.

>>19832781
>It was 300 euros for two hours.
That's not bad I say go for it. I saw some pornography the other day where a dominatrix has a gimp man in a cage and she brings in a big cocked dude and he gets facefucked like his head was a pussy. that could be you

>>19832781
A sense of adventure. The typical, you are normally in control so you want to experience letting go, not being in control.

is quitting your job in a way a suicide of sorts?

>>19832970
it can be

I don't know what to do, I'm here sitting on a saturday night, doing nothing in particular. Failing to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. Failing to study, not pursuing my passions. I don't know if I'm just burned out after a week of work or if I'm just an empty man. I would like to do something, anything, but I feel blocked. Tried uprooting my whole life and it sucks, I make good money but I'm afraid of losing it all. I live in a decent city but I feel alone. Now I feel like a whiny bitch.

>>19832970
I don't think so, for me it was a rebirth, I like the freshness of a new place.

I fucking hate having Mars in Cancer. What a bitchass position.

>>19833027
well, what about books man? are you still passionate about them, what to do you read?

>>19833027
>Tried uprooting my whole life and it sucks, I make good money but I'm afraid of losing it all. I live in a decent city but I feel alone. Now I feel like a whiny bitch.
>>>19832970
>I don't think so, for me it was a rebirth, I like the freshness of a new place.
>the duality of one man

>>19833187
Why do you believe in astrology?

>neighbor is listening to nig music
>I have to listen to it too as I read Aristotle
why

>>19833324
I believe in God and astrology lets me understand him more. Even if he gave me rather tough natal positions.

>>19833329
guess we know which one of you gets pussy, nerd

>>19830506
>It is said that the effect of eating too much lettuce is "flatulative." I have never felt gassy after eating lettuces; but then I am not that sorta girl. They certainly had a very flatulative effect upon the Flop House Bunnies! Even before Wilhelmina Bunny grew up, she had already joined a Cunicudello, full of other young bunnies looking to make their way in the big bad wolfish world. They were a large "family": very improvident and cheerful. I do not remember the separate names of the girls, who totaled sime twenty (tho not even one was as old as that); they were indeed generally known as the "Flop House Bunnies," (and it wasn't because their ears were floppy or tails bushy). As there was not always quite enough to eat,—Wilhelmina used to borrow cabbages from the mother of one of the other girls, Petra Fanny, who kept a nursery garden. Sometimes Petra Fanny had no cabbages to spare. When this happened, the Flop House Bunnies went across the field to a rubbish heap, in the ditch outside Mr. McGregor's garden (who happened to be an old perv, but that's another story). Mr. McGregor's rubbish heap was a mixture. There were discarded chamber pots, used condoms and wrappers, and mountains of horse manure from the stables next door (which made the ground feel warm at all hours), and some rotten vegetable marrows and a time-ravaged bloomer or two. One day—oh joy!—there were a quantity of overgrown lettuces, which had "shot" into flower. The Flop House Bunnies filled their skirts with as many lettuce heads as they could carry and streamed back into the Cunicudello to make a cauldron's worth of cabbage, carrot, cucumber and egg yolk soup. Afterwards they all indeed became highly flatulative, with bellies big with cabbage gas, and bloomers filtering sonorous wind after sonorous wind of odoriferous cabbage and sulphurous eggs...

>>19833352
so you say people should listen to nig music to 'get pussy'?

I don't think enough people understand how high-IQ Ratboy Genius is.

>There really is no reason to participate in society.
I never thought I would fall into this hole, but here I am.

ok so would it be wrong for me to get with the best friend of a girl i rejected ?

>>19833379
What the fuck is this?

>>19833329
Conor?

>>19831975
you're normal
I've thought about it and have concluded sluts basically cheat our senses by being sluts. the way they set an enormous amount of red flags just by existing make them somehow attractive to our primitive brains. they are just like bugs in programming when the sum of negative numbers somehow end up giving you positive ones

>>19833579
sum of positive numbers end up giving you negative ones*

>>19832287
holding hands is already a pretty advanced stage of cheating, isn't it emotional cheating at its bestest?

>>19833579
Seen a lot of women complain that men hate the types of women they want to fuck. Want a slut and then shame her for being a whore. I think theres some accuracy to it

>>19833594
>emotional cheating
Not a real thing imo

I can't figure out how to write an intimidating description of an elderly asian man. Nothing to do with muh wacism, it's just trying to convey the juxtapositions without coming off too heavy handed.

>>19833456
What's that pic from? Who's rat boy genius ?

>>19833559
Yea

Fascism explains literally everything and plato and aristotle both knew this well before the 20th century

>>19833559
Is it certain she likes you and wants to? Have her talk to her her best friend about it

>>19833733

>>19833731
Welcome to the big boy club.

Is there any other series like the Arden Shakespeare for other writers?
I feel that this would benefit so many other writers, especially poets, but basically nothing else like it exists. And if it does, it is super academic and hard to find or $300.

>>19833721
Pete Buttigieg

>>19833187
damn i hope it's not malignant

>>19833733
>>19833754
that's the scary part because she's given me all the signals that she's interested (everything from provocative looks to bringing me out with her for a smoke and asking me to dance at a party) and I can't say I've not been lured in by her. and it does feel wrong on my part, but the possible reasons for her acting like this feel even more wrong. she's a literal femme fatale and I'm just weak

The finger slid off the trigger, moving away.
He failed, again.
He rested the gun on the nightstand, and his head in his hands.
"This can't go on like this." He thought.
Thin lines began to paint his face, he felt a salty yet familiar taste on his lips.
Crying no longer helped him.
"Pointing the gun at the wrong person again?"
The voices had returned, and they were starting to be right.

I think I've memorized about 1/30th of the entire Quran in arabic. I don't speak arabic, but it's a pretty good way to learn the language I think, though this is of course not the main goal. I think this is pretty damn awesome desu. I'm a bit tired tho, it's possible my rough head-count is a bit off. But I think so. Probably even a little bit over a 30th, since I also know some stray verses. 10 new verses today, alhamdulillah.

>>19833844
absolutely halal post

>>19833562
It's part of an erotic story about a bordello full of anthropomorphic bunny girls. Towards the end of the story a hung and hungry werewolf sniffs them out from ten miles away because of their cabbage-induced flatulence and waits until midnight to sneak into their home through the cellar door, which one of them absentmindedly left unlocked. To make a long story short, he sexually ravages all the anthropomorphic bunny girls then after that quite robust sexual exertion (there's twenty of them after all) becomes quite famished so he decides to eat ten of them just as they are: raw; inseminated with his own cum; and with guts filled with half digested cabbages. After devouring the ten he gets horny again and so decides to ravage the remaining ten again, after which time he leaves the Cunicudello the same way he came in and was never heard from again.

Legend has it the bunny cunny ravager was none other than the notorious Beast of Gevaudan, which had crossed the channel from France whilst clinging to the masthead of a yacht, belonging to HRH the Prince of Wales, stationed in Calais.

>>19833844
Based. I'm planning to memorize it once I finish reading my textbook on Quranic Arabic, which I think would make it easier to memorize.

>>19833867
>ravages twenty bunnies, eats ten
>ravages ten bunnies, eats five
>ravages five bunnies, eats two point five
>ravages two point five bunnies, eats one and a quarter
>ravages one and a quarter bunnies, eats five eights of a bunny
perpetual motion

>>19830506
Everything is fucked. It's like everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong and I let it happen despite being able to see it from a mile, or more exactly, a decade away.

>>19830694
>You guys all dream of having a girl, but it's basically just trading one set of problems for another.
Incorrect.
Before my first girlfriend I got up at midday, still let my parents cook for me, had no motivation to get a job or drive.
After my first girlfriend, I drive, I cook, I work, get up at a decent hour, I became a baseline human being.
I hardly see that as simply trading problems for another, the problems reduced exponentially.

>>19833800
So say: I might be into you, but you know eyour friend was into me and I wasn't into her, so it would be weird if I asked you out, so if you are into me can you talk to her to see if it would be ok?

And then either she will be cool and do it

Either her friend will be like sure
Or upset

Or this girl will say let's just hang out behind her back

Or even if she did like you she will no longer like you for so brushing away the romantic mystery of being and being so straight forward and honest

Or she will say let's just be friends and that can evolve places over time

Good luck

IQ 80 here, currently experiencing my monthly narcissistic delusional manic high, all i want to tell you is please stay safe and careful with the archetypes you are identifying with. even the most brutal people can become weaklings if they lose themselves into shitty narratives.. love you. always remain in militaristic view of life, fight fight fight, let go of neurotic holding patterns if u can, shake it off

>>19834082
thank you for reming me there's no reason to not be honest

>>19833190
I kinda am, I used to read a lot while commuting, the whole remote work thing kinda killed it. Right now I'm reading some fantasy stuff, but it's not really for passion, I just needed something light to pass the time.

>>19833274
Nailed it there, I have a love-hate relationship with everything I do. Sometimes I want to change everything again, to relive those first months of a new life.

I think I enjoy having penpals rather than 'real' IRL friends. I find it much less exhausting than having to make time and hang out with people all the time. Writing a letter every week or so and then waiting a while for their reply is much better.

I am a commitment phobe - I can't commit to anything long term: jobs, relationships, personal projects. So I said fuck it and plunged myself into a law degree hoping that if I could just commit to this then it might straighten me up. But now every single fibre of my being is telling me that this was the wrong choice. I feel like if I give into that gut feeling then this will be just another thing I couldn't follow through with, but then I also think that I really did fuck up with this choice and my reasons for wanting to split are completely valid.

I remember one time I got into a relationship with a girl I was only so so on because I was sick of not committing. I thought if I stuck with her enough I would grow to love her more. But this was the wrong choice because I had to bail once those stronger feelings weren't coming through and she was devastated. She felt like she'd been lied to. It was a hundred times worse than if I had given up at the beginning. It is a different context but I'm fearful of making the same mistake again.

Behold the fool, the fool of fools. He reads all day and learns nothing. Pure malarkey. It cannot even be said the information goes in one ear and out the other, for someone might find the words exiting the orifice might, for some sick reason, carry a pleasant tune. It sits at the bottom of his skull like sticky resin, unable to be recalled where it might be useful.

I've been feeling a little better after a long bout of isolation and sadness. One of the more noticable changes, other than the obvious (more energy, less dread about daily activities) is that I'm not as gay anymore. Id been getting into pretty degenerate/homoerotic pornography, but the last few weeks I've wanted nothing more than to ravage a nice soft pair of titties. Overall, life's feeling pretty good.

Don't be sad guys, that's gay.

>>19834528
>Skull Vegemite
Yum

>>19834526
Hey anon >>19834528 is me, I'm also in law school. My piece was about my day today catching up on secured transactions, which I am currently outlining. I also sometime think I have a committment-phobia. Your comment made me feel a little less alone.

>>19834526
Are you retarded? Just do what you're supposed to do

Favorite soups in no particular order?

New England Clam Chowder
Tortilla Soup
Miso Soup
Carrot Soup
Chicken Potato Corn Chowder
(Tomato only for dipping grilled cheese + bacon sandwich)

Missing any good ones? I imagine seafood or lobster bisque might be good don't remember last time I had.

French onion might be good but too like sourey bittery oniny

Gumbo

>>19834567
Minestrone is the correct answer anon

>>19833417
The type of people whp listen to rap music get pussy. You cant fake it

>>19834567
I like potato and leek soup, also broccoli cheese.

>>19833187
Oh yeah, I have Scorpio in Lillith. I'm fucked

>>19834567
Matzah ball soup :)

>>19830506
Knock knock

>>19834567
Pho

>>19834615
Who's there

What is a simple way to commit suicide that won't leave my family a horrific sight?

I'm done here, but I don't want to make things any harder for them.

>>19834594
i used to listen to nig music when i was 12 though

>>19834635
exit bag

>>19834635
Why you calling it quits?

>>19830727
when I'm single for too long I want a gf really bad. when I'm in a relationship for too long I want nothing more than to be single again.

>>19834567
albondigas

I slept 14 hours last night.

As of late, I have been very attracted to the age 30-45, west coast dirty blonde middle class milf, usually seen walking out of a whole foods on their phone, or sitting in front of Starbucks before getting in their SUV. Many are mothers and married, some are not mothers or not married. This makes no difference, the point is that I want to fuck them.
What are these type women attracted to? I find them much more intimidating than younger girls but at the same time I get the vibe they are more sex hungry and better in bed.
For context, I am a 24 year old guy in law school. I have a car, live with roommates, and barely any money

>>19834700
I slept 4 hours. Jealous desu.

The chance of my efforts coming to the conclusion I seek are better than the chances of my luck running out and hitting a dead stop once again. This will either be my greatest success, or my greatest failure.

>>19834552
How do you feel about your decision?

>>19834555
What am I supposed to do?

>>19834656
I'm a very unpleasant person. I'm vain and untalented. I am a burden on my family and have been categorically rejected by almost everybody I have met in the last two years.

There is just no real reason for me to do anything, so the only logical conclusion is to die. There are enough people out there causing misery without me doing my part.

Everything's fucked

>>19834712
Go to class and do your law work you undutiful schmuck

>>19830506
READ THIS BOOK, IT'S INCREDIBLE

Does /lit/ even have mods at this point?

>>19834794
No

>>19834712
I do not like law school, and I am leaning toward not practicing once I get out. I sorta fell into this path in undergraduate not having any idea of what to do. I got a useless political science degree so I view law school as damage control. The only thing that keeps me going is sorta what this guy>>19834555 is saying. My dad is getting older and he's had a few health scare recently. Sometimes I think his memory is getting worse (although I may just be looking for signs. My grandfather suffered from dementia the last few years of his life and the shit is brutal to watch). My older brother is at a dead end job living at home but trying to get skills to eventually get a higher paying field. I have people in my life who might need to count on me in the future. Maybe I am just using them as an excuse to not make the big decision to change career paths, but I wouldn't even know what to do if I did opt out of law school. Plus they got me by the balls on a scholarship. It has not been all bad in school. So, I am going to persevere.

How far are you into the degree anon? Why are you considering splitting?

>>19834713
You do not seem to be unpleasant to me. Both your post suggest you care deeply about your family, not wanting to see your body too damaged and feeling like you are a burden to them. Did anything change the last few years to cause this shift in attitude toward strangers?

I wanna do a lot of things, but at the same time I want to become really good at something, but we never have the time to become good at anything.
I want to read a lot of books too, but even if you read one book a week, that would only be fifty two books a year, so I'm not sure how feasible that is.
There's no reason for me to actually want to write other than the fact that I haven't done it in a while.
I guess some things are better said in a novel than in a photograph.

>>19834810
>got a useless political science degree so I view law school as damage control
I love you people because it makes me, an autist actually very interested in law, look like a genius in comparison. Law school attracts so many half ass drifters and prestige chasers that just being interested in the subject makes you stand out like no other. Please stay in school

>>19834810
I fell out with my friends, and my girlfriend left. Nothing major, but I haven't got back on track since, and I really am tired of it all.

People can perceive loneliness and desperation intuitively and immediately. People can see it in my eyes and they are repulsed. I just feel like I'm hedged in on all sides, anon.

I listened to Psycho-Cybernetics while I was programming and drawing. I tried applying the techniques immediately and had good results. The book romanticizes the power of placebos a lot though. I can see that being off putting to some people. However it still has some good techniques.

I find focusing a lot easier and rewarding. I feel very excited about my work now. The most excited I've felt in months. I'm going to recommend it to friends after a few rereads once I have more results I can show.

>>19834838
>People can perceive loneliness and desperation intuitively and immediately
Yeah that sucks. Being lonely is like being plagued. Its self perpetuating because if you're alone no one wants to be around you

>>19834838
>>19834860
Granted, I used to try to be friends with lonely peoppe out of kindness. Turns out most of them are actual creeps.

>>19834810
>How far are you into the degree anon? Why are you considering splitting?

You're going to laugh but I haven't even started yet. I start in a few weeks. I was in a similar position to you undergrad-wise and chose law because it seemed more stable. Like you I have also been given a scholarship, which covers about 60% of the tuition costs. However, I made the decision a bit out of desperation because I was sick of having no path set for me. I have enjoyed the few times that I've been exposed to law, but other than that I have no great interest in the field.

The thing is, once I got accepted into the program I realised that what I really want to do is teaching. People here might make fun of that, but in my country teachers are paid well and there is currently a shortage. Especially if you specialise in an in-demand subject, you have a lot of options and are basically unable to be fired. It also gives you lots of options to move around, which I think is something important to me. Plus, I have been teaching in some capacity for the past five or so years and never not loved it. The only reason I didn't choose teaching was because I got really good marks in undergrad and everybody told me I wouldn't be living up to my full potential. So I guess I chose law because it was more prestigious, but that seems like a shaky reason to commit to three years of gruelling work and then more gruelling work once you graduate.

Fortunately, I don't have people relying on me so that isn't a big concern of mine. I think I will do the first semester to see how I go, but currently I feel like what is even the point of doing a semester when I've already realised it's a mistake? Plus, it would be a semester worth of tuition fees plus money lost from not being able to work during that time. It would be one thing to start with enthusiasm and then lose it midway through, but it seems foolish to begin without any enthusiasm whatsoever. I guess I hope that once I start I might find that enthusiasm, but as I said in my original post - I've made that mistake before and it didn't work out.

Apologies for the essay, but it is has been eating me up and I guess it is good to get it all out.

>>19834830
I like reading legal theory, I got into political science in undergraduate because I started reading more. The actual practice from what I've seen seems removed, but it might be because my summer positions were all insurance law. Contracts and property pique my interest, with my love of Georgism, so I think I am going to get into real estate law. I am more passionate about history, but academia seems like hell. Don't worry anon, I am not dropping out lol. Do you have any book you'd recommend?

>>19834838
I'm sorry to hear that, break-ups are terrible. How bad was the falling out, maybe enough time has passed that they'd be open to reconnecting.

The new /sffg/ isn't even an hour old and already it's been derailed, and mods won't do shit to fix it.

>>19834877
I acted very badly, but we still loved each other. I found out last night she has a new boyfriend.

Thanks for listening to my pathetic whining anon

Pooping on the clock

>>19834970
Won't that smear the clock with shit as the minute hand circles around and pushes the shit everywhere?

>>19834970
Proud

>>19830506
I found a 1934 English translation of Spengler's 'Decline of The West' in great shape and bought it for $150 off my school grant money for this semester
$75 was spent on buying Magnesium Oxide, Vitamin K, Vitamin C, Zinc, and Bang Citrus Twist energy drinks in bulk,
$400 or so on 7.62x51mm NATO rounds, plus another $50 on spare PTR91 parts. Firing pins, rollers, etc
$15 on a good ski-mask
Being a Pell Grant Recipient is beautiful

>>19834567
Im so dumb, I meant Manhattan clam chowder, I prefered new England as a kid, but I switched

>>19834810
View it as a game, view it as a challenge, view it as a sport, compete against yourself, get excited to be better, get excited that you can improve. You can improve and improve and improve and get smarter. Embrace it, love it all

Welcome to Canada.

Honk Honk
_________________¶___
| FUCK TRUDEAU ||l “”|””\__,_
|_______________|||___|__|__|]
(@)@)*************(@)(@)**(@)

Honk Honk

>>19835048
Based

>>19833844
keep in mind that you've memorized more than a lot of the other muslims of today, as unfortunate as that might sound.
keep going brother, allahu maak.

I love Parker 51s so much I am deeply troubled that the new 51 re-launch was a cynical cash grab by Parker and has nothing to do with the original design. How will my grandchildren and my grandchildren's grandchildren enjoy this beautiful pen?

I love ink. I like pen and ink drawing as opposed to digital art, at least on the "making" side of things. Why? I dunno. I am tired of the digitalization and virtualization of everything. Maybe sticking to traditional ink drawing is my small way to rebel against that.

>>19835197
Hello fellow penbro.

>>19830506
My family and my bastard child’s family are giving me shit. They don’t understand I’m not cut out to be a father

>>19835223
Maybe you shouldn't have had kids you sack of shit

Does anyone have/had a /lit/ gf? Do they even exist?

I'm feeling increasingly lonely, but I wonder if it's even worth seeking out such a woman.

Oh man. Sandwiches are so good. One sandwich a day to satiate me. I'm a fan of the diagonal cut.

>>19835380
My ex sort of was.
She read all the meme books and usually spoke critically of them. Then again she didn't like most things. Which was ironic because she secretly longed to be a basic bitch and really liked it when I dressed like a ASOS boy and got a trendy hair cut.
>I wonder if it's even worth seeking out such a woman.
Chances are that's the only kind of woman who will be in a relationship with you, because you have something in common

>>19835235
Maybe the girl shouldn’t have been a slut

>>19835457
Well his fault for getting involved with a slut. There's plenty of blame to share around, her father for not paying attention to her, the girl for being a slut, the guy for not wearing protection with a slut. Everyone is at fault and it's the kid that suffers.

Being honest is hard you know it really is
It makes people not like you and it makes you feel like a jerk
But you just gotta do it because it's what's best for everyone especially the people you care about most
Don't feel bad about being honest with people

>>19835223
lmao

>>19835457
don't have sex

The first month of the new year is nearly over. What do you have to show for it /lit/?

>>19835457
>wow what a slut. I'm gonna get her pregnant and then abandon my child

>>19835591
a nice girlfriend

hopefully i don't fuck it up and we'll still be together this time next year

>>19835591
My now almost year long journey towards fitness and health has made me realize that I'm attractive. So, vanity. Nothing else yet.

>>19835591
Nothing just like the past 5 years of my life

>>19835645
pls be my /lit/ bf

>>19835197
Post your drawing please

>>19835380
Interpals.net

I mey my two wifes on there. Both pretty lit desu

>>19835659

>>19835671
gee bill, you mom lets you have two wives?

i am so lost.

>>19835657
I'm not in a position to be anything to anyone, at the start of shedding the weight being approached by women and girls felt good but now their looks fill me with a kind of dread. Almost wish I stayed a mental illness unwashed hermit.

>>19835688
Try google maps

>>19830506
i went on a date last night with this girl i met at school and she's super cute and chill. we had a great time at dinner then drove to this cityscape vista and walked around. i was super nervous and was trying really hard not to act like a fucking retarded autist. but we held hands while walking around then when we came to the end of the path i turned to her and we made out. then i was a lot less nervous. she texted me today saying she's been thinking about me all day. god's good. have hope anons.

Why is this game so good bros?

>>19835693
>I'm not in a position to be anything to anyone
I hope you can be someday :)

>>19835707
Man i wish i was 19 again

What amount of physical contact is appropriate, and when, for a first date? Don't say it depends on the date, I know that.

I haven't had any relationships or love and sex in years and I feel as though nothing is going to change anymore and don't even care that much anymore anyways

>>19835727
We can make cyber love baby

>>19835723
you should sense that for yourself, if you feel like the situation is calling for more intimacy and physicality keep doing it more and more, if you feel that it is too early and the person isn't quite open to you yet then back off for a bit and do it a bit later. It's never the same at every situation, although it is generally recommended to be physical as early as possible

>>19835723
I would just be gentle and make slight advances if the moment feels right. It's something you'll intuit if you aren't autistic.

>>19835723
You want to test the boundaries with things like a hand on the shoulder or back etc. and if they don't flinch away and seem cool with it you can expand into arm around the shoulder etc. at which point they'll usually lean their head on your shoulder if they're into you. If you get to that stage they'll usually be comfortable with whatever.

Thinking of writing myself a self help book.
Going to write up the chapter titles first based on problems I have
>"How to monetize your skills"
>"What to do when you don't know what to do"
>"How to estimate the time a project will take with more accuracy"
>"How to make fake friends and get ahead in the industry"
>"How to start a niche but fanatical online following"
I will write 1000 word essays on each topic in no particular order. All chapters will follow the same consistent structure. Each one will start with an all caps sentence in the imperative mood that sums up the chapter.
The problem is, how do I know that what I write will actually work? How do I know I won't fill it with the same generic useless advice all other self-help books have?
Maybe I'll keep a checklist with two columns, one for every chapter I write, and one for every time I've tried to apply the imperative. If the imperative doesn't work - then I erase both checks and rewrite the chapter?

>>19835707
>hope

>>19835719
i'm 24, she's 22 :)

>>19835723
yeah i would say you can usually pick it up pretty easily from their body language. this chick lightly touched my back when she was returning from the br so things like that. unless they're really not into you in which case it would be appropriate. i always try to make out at least on the first date. grab her by the waist or chin when kissing. they eat that shit up.

>>19835751
Also what chapter titles would you anons suggest? maybe there's something I hadn't though of
inb4 joke ones like
>"How to suck your own dick"
>"How can I stop being a pretentious pseud and be a man of action"
>"How to get a (you) from butters"
>"How do I into Finnegan's Wake"

>>19835756
>i'm 24, she's 22
Oh good theres still hope for me

>>19835674
Genius, how much will you sell this nft to me for?

>>19835417
What's your gab kind?

Turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, avacado, provelone, swiss cheese, Russian dressing,
Possibly black olives, onions, fresh red green peppers on there.

>>19835812
I will sell it to you for one (1) kiss

>>19835707
awesome anon. happy4u desu

>>19835847
Deal, but only if it on my pee(x2)

I'm a relatively attractive girl and I would be very much into dating a /lit/erate boy but it really turns me off to see how whiney you all are. I need someone who can care for me and tell me everything is going to be alright. How can I feel safe and protected if my boyfriend is depressed and talking about suicide all the time.

>>19835876
lol

>>19835876
7/ 10 - pretty good bait

>>19835876
Literally no one irl knows how I feel. I sadpost hereoften but my friends tell me I'm an inspiration for how happy and upbeat I am. Every man hides these feelings.

>>19835860
No, you have to kiss me

>>19835876
>whines about men being whiney
stfu talking rib

>>19832730
No one answered you but what you're talking about is often referred to as "ego death"

This caffeine addiction cannot be a good thing.

>>19835876
We know that already. That's why most guys lie to our gf's about how we feel or don't give them attention

>>19835659
Here’s my (the guy you replied to) latest drawing

>>19835876
post tits or gtfo

So several months ago some anon called me retarded for saying mass resistance to the lockdowns could have a real effect. Well that anon was a giant retard faggot and I hope the vaccine gives him aids

>>19836022
What's the 'real effect' in your pic? They didn't change any policy, they just spooked the PM.

>>19836022
I was there today. There were not even close to 50k kek.

>>19836042
this. So they'll just double down on how they were justified and not change any policy and totally gaslight the Canadian public.
What has it achieved? Nothing. Will there be a U-turn on vaccine policy? Will there be a push for alternative anti-covid techniques? I don't know.

>>19835903
Ok, close your eyes and open wide

>>19835898
I can understand that, everyone needs a place to vent. It does just make me sad to hear all these sob stories. Every single day in this thread. Are these the same people over and over? I geuss life's hard. Hope all of you guys feel better

>>19835938
Nice, real cool, keep it up

>>19836042
Scared the elite enougj to go into hiding. You think thats nothing? I cant wait til you see the supply chains really shut down from the trucker strike.

>>19836044
Did you count?

>>19836052
Ive taken breaks for several months at a time but eventually I come back here to lurk all day and post my shitty feelings. This is basically my emergency diary

>>19836072
No, but I know that the dailymail is lying.

>>19836078
How do you know?

>>19836088
Because there would have needed to be WAY more people for me to feel like there were 50k

>>19836095
What does 50k "feel" like? Have you ever seen 50k people prior to this? Whats your metric?

>>19836098
there were 50k people at your mom's gangbang last year

>>19836098
>Have you ever seen 50k people prior to this?
yeah and they were all lining up to fuck your mom

I'm really satisfied with what I write. I have tens of thousands of words of writing, and as I re-read them I am happy with it, but they are all in loose scraps. I can never seem to organise them into an actual story.

>>19836098
Humans have a remarkable intuition for these kinds of things

>>19836098
>>19836100
Lol nice expertise faglord

>>19836107
All empirical evidence has indicated that humans are incapable of measuring large numbers by mere sight

>>19830506
recently i've stopped typing out the replies i'm staring. I'm so disillusioned about online discussions etc that basically i realise that no matter what anyone posts, the majority of idiots that make up online forums are gonna skew it through their retarded mental filters and the discussion will always be derailed into something else. Fuck you.

>>19836117
>empirical evidence
inductive reasoning ultimately relies on human perception. you're digging your own grave.

>>19836122
You're a midwit to think human perception is wortheless

>>19836126
hmm... where did i say that?

>>19836135
I guess your statement was meaningless then.

>>19836120
No offense bro but I'm surprised it has taken you this long to realise this

>>19836144
but i was pointing out YOUR contradiction. read the exchange over again, carefully.

>>19836149
Oh I see. Carefully studying the immediate intuition of many entails empiricism critiquing empiricsm. You're just a midwit for thinking thats internally contradictory.

>>19836156
it makes sense to me though

>>19836162
Thats because you're a midwit

>>19836164
and what does that make you?

>>19836170
More intelligent than you. But thats a low bar.

>>19836176
i thought it was well-known that seeing oneself as intelligent is associated with lower intelligence. midwits loves to convince themselves that they're geniuses.

>>19836181
>i thought it was well-known that seeing oneself as intelligent is associated with lower intelligence.
Lol well known by who? Your imaginary friends? Lmao the midwit loves play acting humility

In this country, people may age, but they don't become any wiser. Growing older simply meant to conform more, to dream less, and to accept less.

the pork liver i bought is not the best. i feel sick

What I saw was not man. To see such a stage for the first time is incomparable hell.
I saw skeleton. A flimsy connection of bone, barely held onto one another considering the gradual degradation of ligament. Skin draped over it as a pale yellow tablecloth; coffee stained, burned, ripped. You would not be incorrect in speaking of him as a corpse, even though his eyes would follow you faithfully.

>>19830506
I feel like I've gotten better life lessons from strangers here than I ever have from my parents. Can't say I've ever had an intimate or emotional conversation with my parents like the kind you might see on a t.v show. I'm not bitter about that Ive learned to love just as much hate the quirks of my family. My parents almost 60 now spend their days watching cnn, Netflix, & playing mindless online match games.
At times it feels like our relation to each other is only incidental. They care about me possibly but it's not openly displayed. Which isn't to say they're rude or cold, on the contrary they're quite deferential and supportive to the extent that they feel they must, but there is a lack of deeper emotional expression. My mother is frustrated about so many things though she hides it. Sitting everyday vegetating in front of her laptop isolated and angry about the rapidly changing world around her, disappointed by her son's lack of faith (an open though unacknowledged fact), and most of all deeply frustrated by her lack of progress on her book which she has been working on for more than a decade.

>>19835919
Thanks for the reply anon but it is not ego death. Ego death is the loss of self identity. But you still pertain your witness consciousness. I had experienced it with drugs too.
What I mean is you just die as a consciousness. But your body still functions and have another consciousness that is not you. It’s probably identical but it is someone else since you do not experience anymore.

I can't focus anymore. The internet has ruined me.

>>19830509
I prefer the term "compartmentalized". A box full of boxes.

>>19834838
Loneliness isn’t what repulses them, it’s desperation. Get rid of that or hide it and you’ll find some normal companionship
t. Lonely streak of 11 years

>>19830510
you want to kilometers?

>>19836315
can't even read a book?

Science / Math / Philosophy Engineering(Technology) / Art / Psychology History / Language / Spirituality

Yeah... Science (Most is understood well, there are a few mysteries such as "Vacuum Catastrophe" miscalculation and "Matter/Anti-matter Asymmetry" but they hardly seem mystifying).
Math (Most is discovered already, what interesting new mathematical truths are even out there?)
Technology (We still need to make first True Quantum Computer, and advancements in nanotechnology... that's kind of exciting)
Philosophy (Rationality is a thing I guess... I've philosophized enough already)
Art (I feel like I've missed out on a lot of great art... could get more into that.)
Psychology (not much to dig in deeper to. best psychologists run off introspect I say.)
History (So... boring...)
Language (It would take years to improve my linguistic skills, and probably not worth the effort)
Spirituality (Well, there's always that at least.. so..)

Should I even read pic?

My life seems pointless. Sometimes I wonder what route someone in my shoes would take to navigate out of the hell i have created. I dwell upon the past and the present but the future is something i've lost. Im only 21 and yet i'm ready to die. I cant say im depressed because ive truly felt it but happiness eludes me. I would like a girlfriend, but due to my past im confident I would ruin her. I don't care about anyone, i'm not a bad person it's just I don't even care about myself.

My centrifuge finally arrived in the mail, and there were some human fingernail clippings on the inside. I thought about the difference between my luxurious first world lifestyle and the lifestyle of the Chinese sweatshop slave who made it, and I felt a little sad. I hope the thought of grossing out the stupid white man who pays their boss made their days a little more bearable.

>>19836776
You do realize that these people won't give a shit about if you were the slave.

>>19836824
The lack of empathy in others doesn’t stop me from being empathetic.

>>19836070
>elites use nothing burger as excuse for taxpayer funded vacation
yes it is nothing. There's no changes to law. No changes to policy. They don't care about us plebs. I bet you believe in 'Democracy' too don't you? how quaint.

>>19836871
Lol you actually believe the excuses

>>19836714
I'm almost 25. I would kill to be 21 again. I changed a lot over the last four years. I don't know if I'm proud of it, but I had girlfriends, did dumb shit, and experienced a lot of new things that turned me into another person. My advice: whatever you do, don't let it change you - this might be a cope, but chances are you're probably too good for this world. Normie life has corrupted my soul.

>>19836877
No I'm just a realist who doesn't think its habbening because I need to cling onto dreams of societal transformation to give me some kind of sense of significance in a world where you don't matter

>>19836052
I think of it as a self-burning diary that occasionally calls you a fag, like right now. a hell of a product.

Kill niggers and kill faggots

Next thread
>>19836421

>>19836991
Sounds like a lot of projection

Cried today, have not cried for a few years. Thought someone was going to be around forever, I was wrong