/lit/ - Literature

>>19666989
A crime
She so fine
Another line
So divine

>>19666989
Devilish to downfall
Had it all
Till the fall

To grace
Simile
On my face

>>19666989
>how do I make this better.
>also needs a title.

A rose
Tattoo
On your chest

So a basic
Bitch
At best

bump

Golden heavens locked the sky
Angels hid from human eye
Only one escaped so far
Fleeing down the rising star

But she's trapped today again
Held in locks, forced to abstain
Patient in her room she waits
One day she'll collapse the gates

I used to never cry
Now all it takes is a sad slow song
Or a picture of an old grey dog.
Something's changing
Hard to tell if something's wrong

>>19666997
a little bit on the nose

>>19667069
stop hating women

>>19668912
what is this about

>>19668939
>what is this about
About you babe

>>19668912
I like this.
It reminded me a lot about the song Vision of Angels by Genesis, shallowly, but you might enjoy it.

>>19668912
>But she's trapped today again
>Held in locks, forced to abstain
>Patient in her room she waits
>One day she'll collapse the gates
Also what about changing the position of verses 2 and 3? The meaning would be the same and the rhyme would alternate the structure of the first strophe so they don't have the same structure.
I think either way it looks good, but I like having different structures in different strophes with so few of them.

>>19669028
Thanks, I think it reads better the way you suggest

Frail Fingertips who dare not touch
A World of lent leased Lands
Shut Lips who dare not open for any such
Of his headed hooded Hands

Fettered filthy feetses
Fatigue from flinging feces
Finger-licking froglegs
Farce and fatuous species

Peppered prickly priapism
Pickled green tomatoes
Pelted pretty plutocrats
Passed between New Jericho

>>19667018
Terrible
>>19668912
>Held in locks, forced to abstain
clumsy
>>19667069
>>how do I make this better
Hit backspace until it's gone.

>>19670227
Nice

>>19668912
Points for being mostly metrical (held in locks, forced to abstain being the big exception) but I can feel the meter choking the life out of you, personally I found the imagery and conception bathetic but I dislike the usage of satanic imagery that tries to glorify the fall and I dislike poems about women (they’re almost always just an excuse to write about something else that’s actually interesting.)

I would say though on a purely technical level I can feel the meter choking you, either keep practicing with meter or study/write some more free verse and substitution heavy poetry so you can learn how to make yourself sound better.

First poem of the new year! Hope we all write a ton this year.

Writhing Vestige

Thou the vestige of vestiges vanity is but a blessed bridge to a crest ridge span as thee,
For the hosts of the goblins and ghosts and gaunt creatures aghast that haunt thy mask are thy features,
They lure the quick and their sick to the slime of the emulous suchness of devilish horror,
And this writhing skein that binds the signs demurs me my hiding fain that would blind my mind thither.

Soon as the moon wan and aboon as a rune hewn on high has strewn colors on my cloth the boons
Stained as the skin’s hue lets when your pus runs rife with the red which has come like the rust creeping threat
Batters my breath with a bate like a baboon’s chatter doth fret the straight with his babbling swoon,
Surely those holy and meet only need know the spasm of nectar and know not of chasms.

The Wilderness

The race that rose in green expanse
In concrete jungle squats afraid.
The wilderness that has made man,
The wilderness that man has made.

You guys fucking SUCK dude

>>19670404
Post poem

not-Buddha, barking
puts words behind the stomach
sound of empty bowl

>>19670404
He sits on the outskirts
Breaking: Upchuck critic folds legs
at park bench and chucks bread
while birds flounce and poets,
twice his prowess, imitate the winged thing itself.
There’s no saving him

>>19670732
Sneed

>>19670372
Your poems have a mysticism that's grown out of your gypsy heritage. As long as you write in English and not in the Romani language your poems will sound tortured. I get that your audience as a Romani poet will be minuscule, but you can't rebel against your nature and expect anything pure.

Sierpinski's Prayer

The caldera, that pale azure,
Incubates Cherimoya,
Soursop and Aloe.
Strange forests these.
Into an adamantine mesa
Of Acacia and Hyssop
Where steep cliffs absolve the pale.

Snow then falls on treeless hills.
It softly falls on graves,
On spiny hedgerows,
On Marigolds and soothes
The unsullied to life.
Fickle do old ways die,
Hurled into voiceless confusion.

Nay. To live unfettered,
Yet borne to seek unconscious tradition.
Tempest-tossed mariners with sails unfurled.
Ishmael, Crusoe.

>>19668912
The idea is well founded. I would suggest expanding the ideas in the second stanza. Does she wait in agony or contentment? The gates (of heaven) collapse, for what reason?
>>19668939
The rhymes make the poem dull and unimaginative. Concept is fine though
>>19669661
The capitalization might work if you only capitalize anatomical words, but World and Lands seem gratuitous.
>>19670227
Sexy
>>19670372
So good and a pleasure to read aloud. Nice work anon. I hope to see your work here again

Kaguya was sleeping in a curl
Before the beatific world
Began its circle nights

There were falling and rising robes
In the crater of our hopes
Surrounding the story's bride

The mountains were blue and swirl
When she was sleeping in a curl
Scrolls were flowing slowly then

Her face was simple and clear
Like ship sails in the mirror
Like the silence of a wren

Her breath was a simple curve
It made the pens and feathers swerve
In the places it went by

Water star flowers
Arose in the hours
Hurt by her sleeping sigh

The sugarbowl behind the waterfall
Was unfound and unbroken
In the first days there

No one believed in it at all
Belief was not spoken
When she slept in the mare

The uncompromised girl
Yawning in the pearl
Struck fear into many

She struck fear into me
So my running would flee
Missing out in the city

Missing out in the city
Searching for a sign of a sign
Jericho falling

A bowl in the water
Uncompromised daughter
Kaguya calling

I took my darling out to the aquarium
Sea creatures stared at us and we stared back at them
My baby freaked when she peeked at that 8-legged blob with a beak
She was too scared to speak
I said don't be upset it's only an octopus
Don't bother it and i'm sure it won't bother us
Please don't be upset my darling, please don't get upset
My baby came riding to meet me one time
On the crowded last car of the downtown-bound 9
She was brave but she caved
When the train was delayed
It was just the last straw in her hard busy day
I said don't get upset 'cause it's not a catastrophe
Nothing will happen and soon you'll be back with me
Please don't be upset my darling, please don't be upset
My gal's got a headache, her ankle is hurting too
The boots she bought gave her a rash and her wisdom tooth
Is coming in and it's damp out and she's having cramps
And she's so mad at me 'cause I didn't shave
I said don't be upset, I know you're feeling sensitive
I'll try to be kinder and be more attentive
Please don't be upset, my darling, please don't get upset
Darling I said, I'm gonna be 27 soon
And I've only got rejection letters and a sense of impending doom
And I think it's too late for me
All the comic book companies hate me
And I try but it's always the same
I guess my art is just lame
And it's strange but still somehow I'm
Always "not suiting their needs at this time"
And she said:
Don't be upset
You know that you're wonderful
Just keep on trying... (and actually what she really said was)
All you ever wanna talk about is yourself
And your comic books and your album and your tour
And every time I see your friends they just ask me where you are again and it hurts, it makes me feel like dirt
I'm just gonna write where you are on my shirt
And i said don't be upset, don't be in a bad mood
Let's just go to a show and hang out and feel good
Come on, please don't be upset my darling, please don't be upset, i'll do anything baby, just don't be upset

To touch the fickle garments of this life
Is to grasp at Dreams with wanting fingers,
Yet, as we faithfully follow that distant Star,
The stubborn Desire for them still lingers.

All we Seekers have had sweet moments
When we thought "at last a Ray of Light",
But Sleep hung heavy on our tired eyelids,
Stealing that Beauty from our earthly sight.

But what matters it that we should weep,
Cleaving the skies with fretting tongue?
Do we now find the Cost too steep
To pay for our Immortal Song?

This Earth about us like a wheel doth turn
And wounds us nearly to the Core,
That our hearts may bleed, and heads unlearn
The worldly hopes that bind us to the floor.

Oh what a vain circus is this mutating world,
Even we friends are shallow and strange,
We say such things with sincere tongues
Which our actions belie and rearrange.

In whirlpools of Illusion ever spinning,
Circle the Sleeping dancers in life's well,
Where do they come from and where do they go?
Perhaps down from Heaven and up from hell!

Chaos ends where Peace begins;
Attained by striving in the Night,
Behold! the Morning chorus sings:
Be thou reborn as perfect Light!

Opinion as Wisdom struts like a peacock,
Truly unconscious of its ridiculous Cage,
With Heart sealed in lead and tongue like a sword,
Mocking all True Seekers who follow the Sage.

In exile are we... the Seeds of Heaven!
Cast into the darkness of this potter's Clay,
In longing do we seek our Home Eternal,
Yet, still more to learn in this Mystery play!

MS

>>19671998
I absolutely love the first half but it went a little off the rails there when you started talking about yourself. Maybe try turning this into two poems. One about you cheering up your waifu and a reprise where she talks about what a fag you are. That being said, 6/10 will share with my godmother

Dead branch, reindeer antler
It’s winter, this is winter
Grass coats itself in a crystalline pomade
Powdered sugar floats down plains
Flurries, flurry, hooraw, hooray

>>19668912
it's nice. but the quality beings to fall after the second stanza.
>>19668939
whatever. Doesn't do nothing for me.
>>19668939
>stop hating women
NO
>>19670227
AI made tier poem.
Its shit
>>19671907
>>19671998
>>19672234
skitzoposting
>>19666997
>>19667018
>>19667069
me

>>19672767
triggered

ARS SEN I CAN

ONE WITH ALL

AND FORTHWITH

BRINDS tensh so went skyjet whispers sinching harrolled bahwds

And what went with forth to right when went once't

So ..... T he genuine and clear piecemeal Is rapidly sent by sense too

Candlelit grotto, glamour, fuzz

A fragrant vestibual, nice in a golden glow on a plushly carpteted floor

Endless California days and earth loves

Something about time and the body

And just then, or let it be later really, on some beach, any really please, oh god, Imagine the size of land and water

Erstwhile thats it, thats the sound I like, and what is this really, she said while leaving,

I knew not what she meant seeing as the sign knew of caricatures , and blight spots amidst the collosal turbines of crunching energy time,

Really what is this I am as particular as i often am, imagine everyone's sparks of feeling thoughvout all time

The kingdom of the galactic body is _____

Greetings, a friend of the friends of all friends

Albion walking grey skies crisp sea air green wet north western leaves mountain air water

I love marble I love marble I confess

Gotta keep building machines
On top of it
Oh to be
Oh the days
Oh the days
Oh how many
Oh there will be one tommorow
Oh we will both know the same tommorow
On the other side of the world there will be the day
And me here, and I could go there

And we all know the world
And we all know of going

We are birthed and we go, life goes through us, we consume the world and life birthes an incomprehensible glow of the infinites of the ideas of genius

Extremes and mellow simplicities
I tell myself opuses each night I forget

And most don't realize how powerful and important interior design is
Most don't engage in regular cosmic ceremony
But the burden of how many movements
She lays there gently breathing and you see ferns in white light and smell rose petals and lilacs
And all the world's labor for a warm body to lay to each night
And then cozy in bed to think of all the bridges and buildings and her body
And then hold her
And then again time changes
And one must submit to certain rhythems
So we wind and flip and swirl through life grasping to these glintermings of heaven and they stick and we drag them bliring through our surroundings vibe
Oh how much pleasure in a day and how much joy
And oh how they string together, and the things that can be done

I picked up the orange from the table and slammed it down hard thebjuices squirted everywhere
Then I remembet focusing my eyes very intently like an insect on a hammer and nail, the something about the odds of insurance then we talked about mortgages on the terrace
You told me to just keep my head down and ergo work hard and that's all the reward one could expect of life,
So be it I said with a wistfulness
In which a tangibleness could be reached by intense intentasy by governing bodies and factions hereby foremost forthwith and forthright
She said playfully while bathing in the thru the window light and frolicking on the comforter stitched with pomegranates and Lillie's
But this sordid torrid afair
Oh imagine how many a farm house, cottage ranch, lodge ,
Oh god to grow
To look at the world with all that stuff and be honored to know it
A road into this town
Might I meet a citizen to converse with tonight
But of what would I speak
Of what is there to discuss
But recipes and retinues
This next part she yelled
And what I'm doing is trying to be well here
Ohhh I seee it now
Force force force force force force
Imagine being a boy
Imagine not knowing the world
Imagine feeling something good from the world
Imagine knowing love from the world
Imagine basquing in what we refer to as the sun
Imagine the periodic elemental table
Oh I see them weaving day in day out
Others in this zoo land
I have seen people
And I am wondering if I might speak
But alas about with what I know not

A walk between the ancient trees upon unspoiled earth,
among forgotten staves, rotting churches and obelisks alike,
by bloody lanes, and thermopylean passes, and sacrifices of untaught worth,
again the ground feels a steeled, heavy strike.

Once more stands the club, the bayonet, the sword,
stuck inside the blood and soil which none can separate,
nestled among the crags and mountains, down which waterfalls roared
eternally green, where the eagle soared, hunting fish.

The wielder of the sacred blade, that of heroics past,
shouted: "Come at me with all you have, man, and here I will stand!
I'll take nine steps then another more, for my spirit will ever a-last."
And the enemy was slain, though no more could he of his body demand.

"O passer-by, tell the Lacedaemonian and the Athenian,
tell the Vandal and the Italic, tell the Prussian and the Frank,
tell all of man that we lie here, obedient to our word", read the epitaph,
already finding its place in the forest, where children play and laugh.

>>19668939
Can relate. When I started getting my life together, it felt like my sense of empathy came back. It was weird. Little things started to matter, like spending time with my parents. You started to think "This is nice. I won't always have this".

>>19670399
Could you really say it was made by men. Its only people who could hardly be thought of as men, who scheme and rob, that thrive in it.

>>19672841
Is it 2016 again?
and bump

>>19670372
Aboon/boons trips me up a little, but that's my only complaint. Aboon being above, seems redundant with 'on high.'
Might instead the moon be attuned as a rune can be?

bump

My hands are very cold for it is a winter night
And there is not a person in my blurry sight
On this deserted plane of social reality I inhabit
But isolation feeds the more I interact on reddit
Or 4chan or some other social media that ties
Me with others or so it claims but it belies
What a contradiction... but that is a cliché
Repeated for some time now - a cricket
that repeats itself all night, when it is pleasant
But during the day hides like a scared pheasant.

>>19666989
Virgils Bucolics arte a 8/10 for me

(Arcadia is America)

He hopes they are coming to get him,
cause it means someone is coming
and won’t forget him.

He wants to be a victim,
wants to be a black boy.
Wants to be a woman,
wants a reason to cry.

He asks, ‘why are the white people clapping?’
‘Do they feel the same as the blacks?’
‘Are they running away from their race?’
‘Do white whips only crack black backs?’

He knows victims are easier to understand
easier to feel with bloodied hands.
This world that has not freed the slaves,
but kept them overseas in shame.

The whip of the whole world,
not having a nice place to live,
it used to be
only your body you’d give.

>>19674300
>rates translations

Infuencing thoughts
And penile incisions
Truth by consensus
Prescriptive "contradictions"
Brought forth by
Fake opposition
Unrealization of reality!
Öegh!
Through the meme-libido, controlling the minds
So that the body may not strike the master's heart
Infected souls fail to thrive
Forevermore... apart!
Bree (spoken)
Evolution now a struggle not to cut your nuts off,
Or shoot yourself in the head
Socialists, for personal gain, with your cash they run off
The wealthy continue to be fed
By the wealthy, they are fed
By the wealthy, they are fed
By the wealthy, they are feds

Fed by the feds, you hate to see it
Another man dead
Fed by the feds, you hate to see it
Another man dead
Mock the bloated corpse and piss in the case
Reminisce on fucking up the tranny faggot's face
Throw him in the dump and drink to our health
The local life restored, and we've taken their wealth
Arms are for harm, harming opposition
Striking back, the cold race war of attrition
Outnumbered 50 to 1, the kikes now flee
Straggling blood flows from throats in streams
Spics run back for the border on this day
Statues of MLK are melted away
Reformed and painted into a big white cock
Forever rejecting the human schlock

Holocaust museums will house the poor
Government buildings will be brothels for whores
The sluts will be imported from Singapore
From our houses, women will leave no more
New York will be reduced to a nuclear stench
Socal will be cut off by a massive trench
People will be fluent in German and French
From the bones of the disgraces, we will make a bench

Posthumously lying in the humus
Oh, how he hawked the hummus in his life
Rotherham sand nigger rapist
Licking my rectum is his widowed wife

I'll kill Darrel Brooks
Like he killed those kids
Running over grandmas
The media is Yids
Ramming cars becomes
A copycat crime
I run into a rapper
Spill his shitty rhymes
From his brain they flow
Yo yo yo
Pollute lake Michigan with the blood of the negro

Skyscraper dwarfing
Monolithic and bone-built
Odin's cathedral

Sacrificial sacred suicide
Becoming a slave to my God
It is better to be subject in Valhalla
Escaping the life in the pod

Gagging on vomitted mead
At Sneed's Feed and Seed
Am I too corrupted?
I'll return to function

Free speech is when you speak freely
It is something that is taken by the strong
The strong have taken it from you
Too late, you realize you were wrong

Anti-War Odinist
Fat fuck Thorist
Feminist Buddhist
Religious Tourist
Jewy Gentile
Atheist gnostic
Mormon monogamist
Disdained prophets

Venn and what's more the hitherto agreement was negligibly profound en for to besides when seasoned quiped antigrade for dwellers notoutwithstanding the codices vorticies
When membrane, when membrane hath incurred
The state of such attrition
This thought for the smallest of times

Crystalline, 200 years ago, a day, today, the future

Now I am here, now I am here

The smallest flickers, but intention, there is struggle,

Options paths cloud the
When to for once we shall and very made we do prohance some clear aught sentiment for vorboasting sangli mountainous vrumaging and there fountain of all form and information, gushing gleanance
For to it is ly like lay and turns up is the scisource of very memtainment gergariasly, furthermore the tantamount situation eagerously befits gynormously beneficial regalments exquisitely stuidiolated en the salintine bourgeu enchanted scintlatia cortegsia by one or two ah ha ha's
Firstly when gemny saytheons ganst fird email zemvorth oomgamk geeneed urkshnonk zeemgoid zamgemp zermgimpk geemp goomp gaamp gempk gempk goompfk gaampfh goompfh eempfh emmpfh aempfh oompfth ooompfh eempfh ooompfh
Lactaserdly Le took ye to your customary autonomy zone but zen lost hold and eeked a favorable disadvantage but going by what the salary said he didn't factor in the nominalization of the square charts sign star being bononically epsilonic therefore and thereupon benefactors of that branches estate swore upon pituitary artifacts resembling the ancient allegiance to the secret dogma of mysteries lent writ by the elder scribes of thee holy temples bequest
Further upon and frequent request endowment
This issue hereby settled by the beareau of the minister of the legion of affairs grants permanent rememberance and celebration on the records of all time hereon by thee keepers of earth
Esquire unlimited united ultra divinia

Calgreat the zounds of zime

Poetry is hard to write
Words and ideas and visions and meter
It's hard to think and see and say
I have a feeling about something, an idea
In life I speak, I discuss, I prance, I humor

A great poem exists out there in the astral mists unmade
A poem is nothing but the aiming of many spiritual microscopes and telescopes
There is a great poem out there, monumental, elaborate, crafted supremely well full of nature and mystery and sparks
But I cannot at all make it out

It's shapes and features and curves, the polish on its brass bells and whistles,
It is magnificent how it is hoisted up there in the heavens draped in unfathomable light
But all I have are a few paltry words
And a daunting climb it seems to be to approach the base, and what order even should these words go in
And where to beginn and when to whiddle,

Poetry can be beautiful, sensual, physical, strings of words can be dripping and soaking
Reading can be boring
We have all many times heard words before
How can poetry be fun
Exciting
What can be worthy about creative expression with language
What can a valuable experience entail
What is the limit of spiritual and physiological extasy that can be gained from an organizing of how many words

When Is the end of learning
When is with the act of wanting something new
What could I want from poetry

A lifetime of wisdom for 5 minutes, I will forget 5 minutes later , but it will be there
We are jaded by the success of civilization, so far from the agony of when the words were first made
I could go on and on and it would please me to do so and be rewarding maybe for a few minutes but it would be hard
I want to keep writing because it is placing me in a hypnotic state, inside my head I am concentratedly active and have dissapeared from the world
In this moment I have in common with all poets in history,
To posses a writing implement, and etch thoughts and feelings into, to physicalize points of views, to encapsulate a mental picture of the times

Poetries have made me experience sublimities most prime
But the effort it takes is a if lack of multi tasking, boredom,
Rare rare a poem harnesses the sun
Rare rare a poem tastes like mango

Rare rare a poem nouishes
The most ever present core
Of the through line that you knew as a child
The realest truest you
Or at your days of grandest self discovery, with all the things one can do and be the you you swore was for all time truest
How sharp the laws of thought could be on a second by second basis
And how simply they are melted away with one or a million unconscionable scenarios

No a great poem must posses in them the vigor and polish of great statues in Rome,
See I'm not even sure of that line
And imagine the patient disciplined saint who tends with chisel and polish to their shards and webs and liters and mockquttes of poetry
Who unimaginably unbearably may in complete silence rub away at their manuscript
The ribbons of curly inkblots, adjusting each ones pitch and timbre

>>19676182
What?

>>19676182
>>19675439
>>19675409
>>19675401
>>19675371
>>19675333
>>19675279
>>19675263
>>19675231
>>19675177
>>19674998
>>19674361
>>19674257
rate you fags.
are you unable to read?

bump

>>19677320
I have no idea how to rate or critique poetry.

>>19678871
That doesn't exempt you from reading the OP

>>19670227
8/10. I like alliteration.

An egg for me is an egg for free
To boil and chew and mash and eat
I guzzle eggs most merrily
And cherish them as heaven's treat

Were I an egg I would not beg
To be another critter
Of feathered wing or muscly leg
To me it seems so bitter

To leave in pain the shell's domain
And venture in the world so cold
And try and live a life in vain
And either die as youth or old

An egg for me is a life of ease
If I could but remain there
And never hatch into the sea
Of Life and all its care

>>19666989
>does it need a better ending?
I see

The yin and yang
Of the LA lights

From the air
They Fuel despair

Because they stay
And I go

All with nothing
To show

NO

>>19680304
>I see

>The yin and yang
>Of the LA lights

>From the air
>They Fuel despair

>Because they stay
>As I go

>All with nothing
>To show

>You see

>>19679285
I read and ignored it.