/lit/ - Literature

>>19628486
You can't accurately write what's on your mind if there's an audience of insane waiting to pick it apart

This seems like a faux-attention seeking thread, and to those who bother to participate, well, I hope you got what you were looking for

>>19628528
Nonsense really. I mean some might be so inhibited, but how many layers of anonymity and spiked eggnog does a guy need to express himself plainly enough? You get a lot of soul baring ITTs

i've transcended from a coomer to a sex pest. what is the next step?

>parents and grandparents pester me about me not having a gf
one day I'll snap and say that I've never had a relationship, sex or even a kiss despite being 30 so leave me alone.

Sometimes i think i’m lonely and desperate for intimacy and romance, but actually i’m just horny. Wank like 3 times in an hour and i feel such peace. The thought of chemical castration seems offputting to me but especially being an incel, part of me can’t help but wonder if i wouldn’t be better off.

I had a dream last night where I was a woman with a son and a husband who began scaring me. I divorced him and started dating another man, and on Christmas both men came over, along with my son. My boyfriend left after a while and I went to the bathroom. When I came out, my ex-husband was crying. When I asked where our son was, he cried more and said he had put him in the refrigerator. When I opened the refrigerator, it was bloody. I started screaming and he advanced on me and I woke up.

I couldn't go to sleep after, this dream still bothers me.

>>19628528
Let the rabid wolves pick at my prose. It stands undaunted. A crowd of weaklings can never add up to nor sully one strong spirit. My prose rules over these threads.

>country enforces full vaccine mandate
>refuse to take the vaccine because I value choice and freedom more than I value being able to function in society
>cant go on vacation with gf now
>cant go to grocery stores
>cant use any public service
>cant work, getting fired end of Jan
>phased out of society by the coof
I have no issue with the vaccine. I refuse to take it simply because I am not being given a choice. Luckily I can fuck off innawoods because I have property. Only thing I regret is my relationship will end.

my neighbors are the worst
they played music at excessive volume levels holidays or not
my eyes hurt i havent slept properly in years
im not going to predict my day
the last time i said i was going to have a good day no matter what
it ended up being one of the worst days
if i control of my own reality
why am i having difficulties controlling it ?
im confused

>>19628658
>being this afraid
how can people like you find gullible gfs

>>19628658
I applaud you for being braver than me. I have the same thought process. I have been sorely disappointed by fellow friends, acquaintances, and citizens. I think I finally understand now how mass histeria can develop and how to control populations. Do not think I will ever be the same after these few years.

>>19628559
See previous thread >>19628515
before you hurt yourself

>>19628665
By being vulnerable.

>>19628673
Thank you anon. My values are the only things that keep me rigid in such an odd world. You at least know that the hysteria is wrong. It is up to us to fight it, or at the very least reject it.

>>19628528
It may be. Some /lit/eral autists dont have any other outlet and I'll engage them if it brings them the slightest amount of joy

I keep having dreams about being back in school. Which I figure is common, but for me at this point In my life right now it holds a special significance. I Fight with this desire to return to the innocence of youth which again is a common feeling but for me who was sexually abused for many years it is especially strong. I feel in a way disconnect from my younger self while I still have this strong desire to reconnect to as well, and I don't know what will resolve this desire. Maybe having a kid, but that's impossible no woman will want me. I need some way to resolve this desire

>>19628878
>who was sexually abused for many years
Absolutely awful. Nothing like that is ever deserved and your perseverance is something to be proud of.
>I feel in a way disconnect from my younger self while I still have this strong desire to reconnect to as well
As weak as it sounds, turning to spirituality quelled much of this desire for me. Have you considered it?
>but that's impossible no woman will want me
Because of the abuse or for other reasons? I have suffered abuse as well and (through much trial) found a partner who it is irrelevant to.

>>19628912
I've gone a bit into spirituality, particularly Christianity. Though admittedly I'm a bad Christian. I can't find someone because I'm unappealing. Short, ugly and I have a small dick.

>>19628559
full blown rapist

I know not where why and how my heart is. Dissatisfied, im staring out in the rain during a storm, listening to classical guitar make mysterious melodies hoping i might realize, remember, or verbalize this melancholic ailment in my chest. Whatever this feeling is, i think people on this board would denigrate it, like all feelings, for the childish hope of making someone else feel stupid for having a pulse.
I think the truth is that there are people who don't treat me well. I am inhibited by them. It is the feeling of being caged, feeling unfree. Further i feel disrespected and cheated. I guess that is some of what im feeling.

>>19628928
As long as you continuously strive towards unity, goodness, love, etc the spiritual denomination does not matter. Keep working towards peace. I believe in you.
>I'm unappealing. Short, ugly and I have a small dick.
I know I sound stupid or like someone who refuses to see reality but I held all these beliefs about myself at one point and realising that they were all bullshit was freeing. When I held those beliefs I made every effort to combat them. Every instance a thought of self deprecation arose I had to yell that it wasnt true. Over time I started to believe my lies, that perhaps I wasnt ugly or worthless. I began to appreciate myself more than the surrounding people who only pretended to, and women I could never imagine being interested gravitated not because of aesthetic appeal, but because of my clear worth.

I know I sound like a hippie liberal autist but I assure you only 3 years ago I was an incel posting on /r9k/ while today I am in a happy relationship.

It sucks to be dumb :(

>>19628634
Do none of you frightened whelps dare nip at my heels!?

>>19628999
>I think the truth is that there are people who don't treat me well. I am inhibited by them. It is the feeling of being caged, feeling unfree.
What would provide that freedom? All of those people beginning to treat you well? Wouldnt an easier solution be to sever relationships that harm, and cultivate only those that heal?

>>19629018
Why do you believe you are dumb fren?

>>19628673
it's very disturbing isn't it

>>19629096
It's impressive, really. I'm convinced now that if you want a political movement to win, the only thing you need to do is win the media game. Liberalism only exists because of its power in media circles.

Years ago I had an episode of manic psychosis and hallucinated that I was being possessed by Bishamonten, known as Vaiśravaṇa in Sanskrit, who is one of the Four Heavenly Kings in buddhism who protect a different aspect of the cardinal directions. He is the guardian of the northern direction. In Japanese buddhism however he is viewed as the God of War. Unlike the Greek Aries, who personified the raw indiscriminate brutality and bloodlust of war, Bishamonten is a protector who punishes evildoers.

I saw him as a flaming, red warrior blazing against a backdrop of pure black void. Fire and sunlike energy radiated from him. He strode closer and closer to me. I would then start speaking in a deep, unnaturally deep and confident voice. Speaking mantras and cryptic chants. Visions of war and combat flashed across my mind.

I did not just hallucinate this energy, I felt it. I went to a kickboxing gym and absolutely rattled a punching bag there. People viewed me with trepidation. Everywhere I went others were intimidated, and this was not a soft neighborhood. Others seemed to make themselves apparent as challengers.

I prepared myself at the gym as if making ready for war. I became stridently disciplined and single-minded. I began to develop my own form of martial arts. It was a profound experience. Even if I was just crazy, there is some magic in such craziness. Divine inspiration, perhaps. If one believes on a fundamental, primal, subconscious level, one channels secrets and brings to live what one envisions. As if in an act of self-hypnosis.

I honestly miss those days. I could use that sort of fight in me now. That fire has since dwindled into a cold and dead stub of unlit coal. It would benefit me to reignite it.

>>19629230
Fittingly, at the time of this episode I felt very vulnerable and compromised. The visage of Bishamonten watching over me gave me a striking sense of fearlessness and security.

Perhaps in some weird way the gods are real. They are distillations of psychic attributes personified into iconic figures. That psychic energy exists, hidden in another subconscious dimension. This is what people used to pray to so seriously.

>>19628528
You successfully managed to comply with the purpose of this thread by writing what's in your mind, congrats.

>>19629250
>>19629236
>>19629230
Take meds and stop giving in to delusions.

i live in a constant hangover

>>19629230
>If one believes on a fundamental, primal, subconscious level, one channels secrets and brings to live what one envisions. As if in an act of self-hypnosis.
Normies would call this manifestation. A psychologist would say the uncharacteristic drive and confidence are symptoms of mania. A religious person might say their God(s) are acting through them. All of them are right.

Dont take my word for it though I am unironically diagnosed with schizophrenia so of course it makes sense to me.

>>19629357
>this is a guy who calls others vaxxcucks

>>19629364
I've never said that and never will. You are free to do as you wish.

I really wish I was an artistic and creative person.

Do you think it's dumb to think people should give up certain things once they're fully adults? I'm 23 and it feels weird going online and seeing guys in their 30s and 40s talk about video games. I guess for certain games it's fine, but for a 36 year old guy to still be talking about games like Banjo Kazooie that he played as a kid, which are developed for kids, it's just weird to me. What made games great as a kid is the fact they were just a fun little diversion during the slow times when maybe it was rainy outside or all your friends were busy. And once your friends came over, you could have a lot of fun with games, but it was always just one of many ways to have fun.

If you follow game prices at all, you probably know that they exploded this year. Lots of games that used to be $20 are now $50+ due to crazy demand. I guess what's changing is the culture itself. Video games were never a cool hobby to have really, but the more money and time I find myself spending on it, the more it just feels like a waste. At my age, my grandpa was driving on a bike around America smoking weed and fucking chicks. Compared to him I just feel like a huge fag who's wasting his youth on toys.

Have you ever felt so close to someone yet so far away?

>>19629357
Based schizo.

>>19629501
>Lots of games that used to be $20 are now $50+ due to crazy demand
AAAAAAAAAA
Software is not a physical resource, you can make copies of it for (practically) zero cost. This is absurd.

Anyway, I get the "growing out of video games" thing. But I was never really a gamer. What I like is the lore, the art in games.

>>19629326
No one knows what reality is. And I see no reason to trust the psychologist's view over any other

>>19629501
I smoke weed, fuck chick's and play video games.

>>19628486
I think porn more and more is becoming a catalyst in transgender ideation, especially, but by no means exclusively, among cisgender males, and so concomitant with the online ubiquity and omnipresent accessibility of porn (including to be sure in its most extreme forms) there has been a relative explosion of transgender ideation/gender dysphoria among youth. The changing nature of pornography may very well map with the changing nature of queerness, whereby the former informs and leads the latter, more than vice versa.

Wherein before the days of the internet and in the early days of it sexually curious or queer attracted individuals found and gravitated to homosexual porn tout court, with the advent of the massification of the internet coincides the relatively common appearance and in indeed "crossover promotion of trans, aka "tranny," porn: where the "actresses" vied with who among them could look more like an natural hermaphrodite (a Venus with a pen**). This genre of porn is emphatically promoted to heterosexual males; why wouldn't its producers seek to hook their customers beginning in adolescence or even before?

The point is that this "massification" of queer porn (definitionally designed to have "crossover" appeal, indeed to "hook" precisely those cismales who would otherwise be repulsed by male homosexual pornography) follows, naturally enough, the "massification" or ubiquity of the internet tout court. The transgender writer and academic Andrea Long Chu has, on various occasions, stated that they genuinely suspect that their consumption of trans and "sissy" porn (male feminization fetish porn) contributed to a profound psychological and identitarian crisis that ultimately resulted in their decision to transition into a transfemale.

In summary, it strikes me that pornography, and especially pornography that runs against the conscious identitarian "grain" of a person, is imminently capable of playing on the human mind like a musical prodigy on, for example, a piano and by processes entirely unseen (principally unconscious until a critical inflection point) can rewire or awaken atavized psycho-sexual states manifesting in acute sexual confusion or indifferentiation, themselves akin to sexual developmental regressions as postulated by Freud, who believed that humans were innately bisexual, but that mature sexuality consisted, in large part, in the sublimation of this innate bisexuality.

POV: https://youtu.be/BfKEf86yNAo

>>19629612
>No one knows what reality is
Very solipsistic view for someone believing an alien companion gave enough 'Fire and sunlike energy' to intimidate every 'though guys' around him.

>>19628946
even better, become therapist

>>19629041
I don't learn good

We are fucking under attack!

I'm drunk out of my mind. My life is a fucking mess. I have absolutely no motivation to work or study. Tried reading self help books but my self deprecating attitude will truly never allow me to change myself. I have people to help me but I don't want to change even though I know my issues. I'm just hoping some random fucker here can help me if they've gone through something similar. Maybe I'll just continue being a faggot and dismiss your advise too. I just feel alone.

Ive had a couple weeks of off work for Christmas. Most people love vacations but I dread them. This vacation has really been fucking with my head. When I'm not busy I just end up brooding. I've been self isolating, drinking excessively, even self harmed. I'm up til 3 AM every day until I'm so drunk that i pass out. Ive been feeling sensitive and angry. Upset easily. Not personable. I cant stand the idle time. It's killing me

>>19629969
You need to socialize anon

>>19629969
I dont wake up till 2PM and I'm starting a barely minimum wage slave job in January. I'm aromantic and I'm lonely quite a bit.

>>19629726
Not that anon. But I dont see why it's impossible. Maybe there are aliens that we lack the perception to see. Sounds crazy but entire socities have believed weirder things, so I don't really have the faith that anyone's judgement including my own as to what is an abnormal belief really means anything.

I was walking alone, lost in my own thoughts, drifting through the melancholy of night, when suddenly I approach a woman. Such beauty, as I have never seen. In a drunken thought, forgetting I am indeed not dreaming, I forget this is real life. Proceeding this encounter, I loudly say "nice milkers you whore!". The sight, in horror, I crumble, for I am lost, locked here, dispair.

shvyl

He's another wrinkle. Many more years ago when I was a teenager I had my first manic psychosis episode. I went many nights without sleep, watching the moon.

Then while I was in the shower on what happened to be Hitler's birthday, April 20th, an incredible darkness took hold of me. It was like my shadow became another being and pulled me down toward it with an irresistible force. I fell prone in the shower, my head touching the shadow, attempting to push myself away from the force. It screamed at me angrily and it felt as though a black oily liquid was covering and consuming me. Eventually this external voice became my voice and I started ranting the same angry rhetoric, my voice suddenly scratchy and gritty sounding, and unusually sonorous for a boy of my age. Evil thoughts overtook me, as if my mind was being torn apart from the inside and a dark moth was emerging in agony from the a ripped and profaned chrysalis.

Eventually I snapped out of it (what happened after was bad but no need to get into it.)

>>19630197
I remember also that there was another being involved when Bishamonten blessed me with his visitation. Now that I'm putting it together, it may have been this same dark force. I remember sensing this unfathomable miasma, a formless evil, rushing across the whole face of the earth with incredible violence and power. If I had to describe its appearance--it had no tangible corporeal form--it would be like a mass of tentacles, an eyeless, faceless jellyfish-like entity that consisted of some strange immaterial ectoplasm. As if searching for a vessel. It was seeking me! I feared it terribly. But that is when Bishamonten appeared, he came to stave off that nebulous evil. His light and holy aura fought it back, and he gave me the courage to resist it.

I had no knowlege of this buddhist deity before this event, by the way. I later looked it up and was shocked by the resemblance. I knew intuitively that it was a buddhist entity, even though I couldn't pinpoint it.

>>19630086
mhm, just make sure to take your meds before you start acting on the alien's commands

>>19628486
Why does almost every girl on tinder look like they're made of plastic?

Theres a Christmas gathering at my house right now. Nobody speaks English. I don't know what to do with myself

>>19629969
>I'm just hoping some random fucker here can help me if they've gone through something similar.
What do you want help with? Anything I can tell you will sound trite. So I will just talk about how it went for me, I've been through the same thing, I have had major psychological issues because of autism and I was abused early in my childhood by my father, I went through four years of depression and had chronic fatigue because of it as a teenager, never had a higher education because I am autistic and can't go to school, after my depression I briefly gained a social circle for the first time in my life and became an alcoholic addicted to drugs, because of this I suffered other traumatic events and put myself in danger, these traumatic events (more physical and mental abuse) made me go into another three years of depression, during these three years I lost all my social circle of drug addicts and once again I had no one, I was so lonely, I had no friends and no job, I never went out of my room, whenever I was walking down the street I was looking into other people's windows and seeing them partying, it made me seethe with rage and despair and it made me cry, I had something like a psychotic delusional episode because when you spend literal years without talking to a real person that isn't your mother you just begin to go insane, but I was trying to fix my life and I will not go into what I did exactly to get better but I can really say that I feel good and my life is where I want it to be right now, I have regained esteem for myself, I have a fiancé, my own place, I am working on a project that I love and I feel happy and I feel strong. So this is all I can say to you, somehow it happened to me so why not you?

Imagine if you were one day sitting in class, church, etc. and everyone in the room simultaneously got up, formed a line and took a shit in the front of the room, eventually forming a massive pile. Then they walked back to their seats and continued as if nothing ever happened. What would you think?

>>19630272
I left my drug addict friends too anon... then I felt lonely. I'm glad you like your life now

>>19630247
I dont see aliens or experience psychosis. I just don't rule out the possibilty there are things beyond my perception. And I really don't see how believing a spirit is talking to you is anymore insane than average religious beliefs.

>>19630290
>I dont see aliens or experience psychosis. I just don't rule out the possibilty there are things beyond my perception
then you're not responding to what Im saying.
>And I really don't see how believing a spirit is talking to you is anymore insane than average religious beliefs
assumption on your part as I said before youre not arguing with me but apparent self made straw men, so i advise you to take meds as well

Now that I am researching it, this shapeless being may have been Mara, or "The One Who Delights in Destruction" with its four aspects. As I may have confused a multiform entity for a formless one.

Kleśa-māra - Māra as the embodiment of all unskillful emotions, such as greed, hate and delusion.
Mṛtyu-māra - Māra as death.
Skandha-māra - Māra as metaphor for the entirety of conditioned existence.
Devaputra-māra - the deva of the sensuous realm.

It was the substance of negative emotion given a presence. It had no mind or intention, but was rather a ravenous, primordial thing. It was the emptiness of suffering. As scriptures put it, describing this multi-aspected entity:

“Måra, do you conceive of a ‘being’?
This is bound up with [false] view [on your part].
This heap of fabrications is empty:
Within it, no ‘being’ is to be found.
For when its parts are assembled together,
Mindfulness of the notion of a ‘chariot’ arises,
So, taking up the aggregates,

Their arising is [just] dukha (earthly suffering)
[Their] persistence is [just] dukha.
It is just dukha which ceases to exist,
They are none other than a mass of dukha.

This explains why it was simultaneously being and non-being, for it represented the illusion that is suffering.

This painting is not quite what I saw, as it is too personified. But the many arms remind me of the "tentacles" and chaotic presence is a match. It was as if there was this oppressive, billowing heat coming off of it, like the sort of heat you can see in the desert, but this was not heat as in temperature. It was waves of pain and fear

>>19628486
Beginning to think I'll never experience the things others do when they're young. I just lack confidence around others my age they all scare me & I feel like I have nothing in common with them. At this point I'm unsure if I should resign myself to my isolation and try to become a hermit, or if I should make a massive effort to overhaul my life and go out and socialize. The problem is whenever in the past I've tried to socialize Im plagued by this fundamental feeling of strangeness. And it becomes something of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even do long basic things like regularly saying hi to an acquaintance is extremely hard. I make a brief effort, give up, and go back to cruise control. I'm not happy with this life but its all I've ever known.

>>19630335
It's not really clear at all what youre trying to say anon. You just keep saying take meds. I'll ask again how do you know someone who claims to see aliens or spirits are really not actually seeing them?

>>19629096
Yes, it is. A pathological need to bend the population into shape has emerged. This sanctifies any means necessary, as sinners must be punished. All previous ethical debates are null and void.

The only thing you can do is watch with despair, as the people around you change and are reshaped, while you stay behind with your silly old values.

>>19629653
yeah porn is bad for you, so is promiscuity

Freedom is bad. We're either slaves of Christ or slaves of sin. Recognizing this is the first step.

>>19630362
God has saved you from depravity. Be thankful that your soul is kept clean

>>19628674
I fucking love ally sneedy

>>19628658
You know I have something of a martyr complex. That I can really fade out of society appeals to me on a fundamental level

>>19629653
False correlation, cringe post, you type like a retard. All these words for fucking nothing. I don't condone transsexualism mind you. But transsexuality's prominence today is explained by sociological factors that are very simple to understand, such as :
- Technological factors (you can alter your appearance with medical and cosmetic intervention, you couldn't before)
- The level of societal comfort within developed countries (you have time to think about your feelings and your "gender", you couldn't before)
- The disappearance of traditional gender roles (traditional female roles are disappearing due to developed methods of birth control, traditional male roles are disappearing due to reduced need in physical work other technological developments, this wasn't the case before)
- Advanced communication methods (because of the internet you can discover that trannies are a thing, talk to trannies and be like hey I'm a tranny, this wasn't the case before)
There are so many elements over than porn that come together to form a cohesive explanation. But you just cannot see past your nose. YEAH MAN IT'S ALL PORN, MAN! HUH I'M SO INTELLIGENT. Ironic that you type exactly like a tumblr tranny who reads too much post-left shit.

>>19629653
the way you write is revolting

Since when is capitalism right-wing? Capitalism is a monster without principles other than profit. Only because its oppositors have in the beginning been materialists/marxists has it tried to clothe itself in idealism to gather protectors. What about the feudalism it displaced? What about the glorious union of church and state that it dismantled?

>>19630698
Im not religious and it's not like I'm choosing to be socially isolated. It's a lack of ability. I've always been a loathsome indecisive slug. Even in high school I knew no one. I was invisible. Once this gurl I met at my brothers party tried to become friends with me & I quickly shut down all her attempts. I am so cruel and cold for no reason. It would be better if I were stomped into the ground like the insect I am.

i read 1/3 of Lasch's Culture of Nacarssism today, agreed with nearly every point, had a moment of clarity and not an hour later im back in my hypercompetitive, hateful rage state. beautiful isn't it. I NEED MORE POWER > : D

If the world is to be improved and a better future forged, lots of people need to die.

finna can't sleep brooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I just wanted to say, Merry Christmas<span class="fortune" style="color:#532dfc">

Your fortune: Blessed Yule![/spoiler]

>>19629230
based

If you were a hot girl, would you date a guy who is Chad in every conceivable way except his legal name is Nigger Diaper?

>>19629230
>That fire has since dwindled into a cold and dead stub of unlit coal.
The fire is still there, always was and will be. The fight you could you use, you already have.

>>19631152
wtf kek

>>19631152
If he was Black yes

>>19628612
I can relate to this. A few years back I remember doing research into chemical castration. With the thought of freeing myself from desire but I was too chickenshit to ever do it. I like cumming but I hate the feeling of lack, the emptiness of knowing you will die on this rock alone having never experienced intimacy. That feeling makes me fantasize about it again. But thats taking the easy way out. You can tuen yourself into a robot but once you do you'll never be able to regain the piece of humanity you've lost..

>>19628486
Alone on Christmas. There's nothing to look forward to in my life. There's no one. I thought I'd be happy with finals done but instead a new crushing weight has just supplanted the old. Get ms out

>>19628612
>>19631381
"Chemical castration" is basically just female hormones. They give it a fancy name dunno why.

>>19631152
Pronounced 'Nee-jair Dee-aye-per' of course

>>19631411
Oh didnt know that. I was more thinking something that would permanently kill my sexdrive

>>19629969
Read Hikikomori: Adolescence Without End. Even if you are not literally a Hiki you might find it useful. It was written by a psychiatrist intended to be read by other psychiatrists (although it is written very accessibly) so I wouldn't describe it as a self-help book. However, you might relate to some of the people described and might find some of the suggested treatment options enlightening.

Does anybody like Modernist painting? I've been trying out some new paintings, and since I was stuck home sick this weekend (finally getting better today and have the house to myself) I was thinking I might at well paint tonight and tomorrow.

Any one have any neat Modernist paintings I should copy? I don't like totally abstract stuff, and I usually paint women.

>>19629969
Maybe you're underestimating how much alcohol is influencing your thinking. I was addicted to alcohol once. I've worked with addicts. It's amazing to track someone throughout the ups and downs of their addiction and realize how much "the liquor is calling the shots" ie, telling you your life is pointless, so why not just drink, etc.

>>19631450
not him but periods of relative sobriety have left me unable to sleep properly and bored out of my mind, what was your experience?

>>19631744
I'm usually really busy, so sleep has never been a problem. If anything, alcohol fucked with my sleep. Luckily, and I can't explain it, I would forget about alcohol sometimes. Maybe for about two weeks I wouldn't think about drinking because I was so busy. I think one thing that certainly kept me in check was having a busy social life. I couldn't go out with blood shot eyes every day, and I started to get paranoid.

Every day more shit comes out of my ass but no one ever tells me HOW THE FUCK DID IT GET THERE???!!

>>19630750
How do?

I regret so much.

It doesn't feel fair that I thought about her for so many years, only for her to come back into my life at the most inopportune time possible. Over a decade spent learning to accept that my time with her was a high school puppy love, only to have this new and unexpected connection blindside me. For better or worse, I love her. I wish things were so much different, but I'm trapped in this desire now with no way out.

Moral of the story: oneitis is hell. I cannot escape it.

Is willpower a finite resource that will be exhausted or a muscle which can be trained?

>>19631400
Make a dream, set out to achieve it. Go with a lighter heart and be happy.

>>19632010
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2Wcu6aGyz8&ab_channel=WhatI%27veLearned

>>19630268
Ask them. Record responses.

>>19632017
Interesting video, it makes sense to me

>>19632010
Ask Jules Payot

I have an incurable case of yellow fever. I can obviously recognise when a white girl is attractive, but it's only Asians that send me crazy. I even had an Asian girlfriend once but I got so much judgement from others including future white girlfriends. White girls are so much more racist than white men its insane.

>>19632017
I hate these bugman "I love science" videos so, so much...

>>19632016
I can't even make up my mind as to what I truly want. There is never any rest. The only reprieve so can find is in over-working myself, in excessive pursuits that distract me from myself in the moment. But as soon as I return the weight settles unto me again. There is nowhere to go.
Idk. There is only internal confusion. I think I need to be violated or broken in first like a horse. I can't explain it. I have this premonition, a longing to see my self go deeper and fall apart--ripped open and entered forcibly. To see the face torn to pieces, exploded. To see it all come apart. I just need a big tiddy woman to smash me into the dust and make me a speck.

>>19628629
I've never dreamed I was the opposite gender. Very heavy dream, dude. Especially if it was vivid, which it sounds like it was.

I had one a few years ago that never really left me, probably because, for whatever reason, I rarely have bad dreams.

I was walking with my mom around dusk, we were in a city, walking off the main streets, cutting through a back parking lot. Something feels "off" about the dream, but also feels very real. Sun is nearly down, dim falselight now. My mom gasps audibly at the exact same time as I noticed a disheveled homeless man coming towards us. He isn't wearing any pants, just a soiled smock or night gown that reaches his mid-thigh. He's smiling in that vacant, crazy way that some homeless people do. Fearing for my mom's honor (of being raped by a wacko in an alley), I search for a weapon. I find a cinder block and pick it up. The homeless man is nearly on us now. I throw the block and it hits him like it was hitting a stone wall, just kind of glances off and breaks apart on the ground. I'm sort of dumbfounded at this, and am still feeling when the man takes me by the wrist. I look around and my mom is walking away in the distance. I look back at the homeless man holding me by the wrist. He smiles but his eyes are sad and insane. In his other hand he produces a nasty little kitchen knife that's been sharpened for so long that it's almost just a thin little pick. Before I can react, he plunges it into my under arm, just before the elbow joint, and rakes it down to his hand that is holding my wrist. Blood blossoms out and I wake up immediately. My arm throbs vaguely for the rest of the day and whenever I think of the dream I feel sick.

While nearly all of my dreams vanish within a few moments of waking, this one has stayed very viscerally real for several years now. I get goosepimples just recalling it to write about. I googled "knife sharpened away" for a pic for this post and pic rel was the first result. It's so eerily similar to the knife in my dream that I'm breathing heavy and feeling very anxious now.

>>19632270
You’re a woman?

>>19628664
you're an angry pessimist. You expect the worst and the universe delivers it to you, so you expect the worst and the cycle perpetuates

>>19632337
Or he just lives around niggers?

Dreamed last night I was back in school and Jennie from Blackpink came and sat on my desk. But she was wearing a school girl dress so short it only covered half her ass so when she sat on my desk it rode up and her entire ass and pussy were right in front of me.

fuck you guys. you dont give a shit about me. you dont give a fucking shit about me. fuck (you)

>>19632330
Nope I just don't know what I want from life.

>>19632373
Let me tell you what you want from life. It’s to become a cute girl. That’s it. Get started!

>>19632348
I became more optimistic when I moved away from pavement apes, but correlation =/= causation, so I can't speak on that

>>19632393
I'm not a tranny. Not sure where you got that idea. Just a little depressed and sadomasochistic for a variety of reasons.

>>19628486
I expect cities to expand underground, you'd have tunnels full of dingy apartments and passageways leading directly to metro stations. There'd be these fucking holes in the wall in which illegal muslim immigrants live, the ones who were literally too stupid to reach the right office and wait in line for an actual apartment, so they begin squatting in those underground pedestrian passages where you can find shit like convenience stores and phone repair businesses and shit like that. So those fucking ignorant savages will just squat there and eventually people would start avoiding the area and the businesses would move out and the police would be too overwhelmed by the drug addicts, gang warfare and journalists attempting to expose their pedophile rapist bosses, so they'd do nothing about it and those business would close down and the squatters would turn them into their homes, they'd like drag in abandoned mattresses and stolen flat screen TV's and they'd block out the glass walls with black garbage plastic bags. Eventually those makeshifts squatter's camp would get too crowded and they'd move deeper and deeper in, and they'd live in the maintenance tunnels, every once in awhile you'd hear stories about fifteen children who were playing on the train tracks getting smashed by the metro train, and like an interviewer would go up to a kid that had been cut in half the other day and now was just learning to use his robot spider legs, but before the interview the CNN-derived news guy would just wait for the boy's family to blow cigarette smoke into his eyes so he can cry on camera. So you'd keep hearing stories about women getting dragged into the tunnels and getting gang raped, or a massive sink hole caused by immigrants attempting to expand their broom closet into an actual home using pickaxes and stolen pneumatic drills. Eventually the 22nd century hipster would start attempting to move in and like a big corporation guy's daughter getting raped and killed so now the tunnels were cleared out by cyborg mercenaries and those rooms and makeshift apartments the people squatted in were turned into cafes serving turkish coffee and indian chai and hasish and rich 14 year old girls that smoke vogue cigarettes would go there to get fucked by drug dealers and rappers and shit, until a doomsday cult gassed them all with nerve gas and shit, and you'd see all the hipsters and drug dealers and high school girls pouring out bleeding out of their ears holdining on to their necks and this shit would repeat untill one day a whole neighborhood collapsed under the constantly eroding underground metro-systems and strip-malls

>>19632521
I agree, except I expect cities to expand underground, you'd have tunnels full of dingy apartments and passageways leading directly to metro stations. There'd be these fucking holes in the wall in which illegal muslim immigrants live, the ones who were literally too stupid to reach the right office and wait in line for an actual apartment, so they begin squatting in those underground pedestrian passages where you can find shit like convenience stores and phone repair businesses and shit like that. So those fucking ignorant savages will just squat there and eventually people would start avoiding the area and the businesses would move out and the police would be too overwhelmed by the drug addicts, gang warfare and journalists attempting to expose their pedophile rapist bosses, so they'd do nothing about it and those business would close down and the squatters would turn them into their homes, they'd like drag in abandoned mattresses and stolen flat screen TV's and they'd block out the glass walls with black garbage plastic bags. Eventually those makeshifts squatter's camp would get too crowded and they'd move deeper and deeper in, and they'd live in the maintenance tunnels, every once in awhile you'd hear stories about fifteen children who were playing on the train tracks getting smashed by the metro train, and like an interviewer would go up to a kid that had been cut in half the other day and now was just learning to use his robot spider legs, but before the interview the CNN-derived news guy would just wait for the boy's family to blow cigarette smoke into his eyes so he can cry on camera. So you'd keep hearing stories about women getting dragged into the tunnels and getting gang raped, or a massive sink hole caused by immigrants attempting to expand their broom closet into an actual home using pickaxes and stolen pneumatic drills. Eventually the 22nd century hipster would start attempting to move in and like a big corporation guy's daughter getting raped and killed so now the tunnels were cleared out by cyborg mercenaries and those rooms and makeshift apartments the people squatted in were turned into cafes serving turkish coffee and indian chai and hasish and rich 14 year old girls that smoke vogue cigarettes would go there to get fucked by drug dealers and rappers and shit, until a doomsday cult gassed them all with nerve gas and shit, and you'd see all the hipsters and drug dealers and high school girls pouring out bleeding out of their ears holdining on to their necks and this shit would repeat untill one day a whole neighborhood collapsed under the constantly eroding underground metro-systems and strip-malls

>>19629774
that's not a real ad, is it?
because that's awesome.

>contemporary more like contemptorary

>>19630666
Whatever you say, Satan

>>19632630
kek! kek! kek! that's a good one, anon!
that's a good one, anon!
that's a good one, anon!

What do you think /lit/? Deep enough??

>>19632744
is this a joke? barely scratches

I feel like an empty person. A shell with no substance.

>>19632764
You're right. I'm just a pussy.

>>19632744
Cutting is stupid, stop hurting yourself and make the world a nicer place instead

>>19632783
Wheres the contradiction?

I want to live a more trad lifestyle but it seems I'm destine to live and die a degenerate. I've been reading my Bible but I'm having trouble understanding it. I want a wife and kids but I'm basically untouchable to women. Only men want me it seems, but I find no satisfaction in men's arms. How do I transcend?

>>19632789
Read Romans 7

>>19632786
hard to take you seriously when you barely scratched the surface, not trying to inadvertently encourage you to prove anything though

>>19632816
You didnt answer what I asked though. Whats the contradiction?

>>19632822
nobody's happy you're cutting yourself you incessant drama queen

I accidentally broke a frying pan lid and it was made out of glass and some glass got stuck in my eye

>>19632744
This takes me back to /b/ back in the day

>>19632825
Maybe you should you make a consistent statement. There is no contradiction

>>19632826
See a doctor asap

>>19632630
I liked it anon

>>19632837
the time and energy spent cutting yourself could be used making the world a nicer place, stop playing obtuse faggot

>>19628486
book reccs for NPC cattle who lack moral agency?

>>19632926
An Artist of the Floating World

I've noticed girls who take an interest in me have a background of divorced parents. What the hell.

>>19633032
so... your mom and who else?

One day my grandchildren will ask me what it was it like to live through the coronavirus and I'll shrug and say "not that different really".

Do you think thrift stores are getting worse? Or is it just in my head. I used to buy all my clothes from thrift stores about 5 years ago. Now it's all soiled target crap.

Coronavirus may not even be remembered it'll be like the Spanish flu just mostly not thought about ever. That makes it all the more annoying that we have to put up with this bullshit. It won't even be remembered when compared to WWIII or whatever is coming.

>>19632004
>most inopportune time possible
Why is it a bad time? How did she find her way back into your life and what do you plan to do about it?

>>19628486
If I masturbate into a public toilet on the wc what are the chances that the semen will enter a woman's vagina and will impregnate her?

>>19633129
~70%

>>19633129
Zero because semen is ineffective when it is dry and exposed to air, plus it has to enter inside the vagina not just touch the vulva. Which makes it physically impossible considering in which position people sit on the toilet. No one would rub their vagina against the toilet sit, the ass is hanging in the air when you shit or piss, plus most people don't SIT on the public toilet but hold themselves up. And anyway no one will want to use the toilet if they see cum all over the place. What you say can only happen if a woman enters the toilet and sees your cum and somehow decides to rub her vagina all over the toilet sit and put her fingers in her vagina.

Children's entertainment - i.e. entertainment performed by child celebrities e.g. mickey mouse clubhouse, nickelodeon shows, disney shows etc. - has helped to destroy Western society by creating this 'children vs. adults' feud that prevents the passing on of important traditions and habits. Plus all those kids that got raped at Bryan Singer pool parties. Sick stuff.

>>19633176
>most people don't SIT on the public toilet but hold themselves up

source nigger

>>19630379
>aliens and spirits are real
meds

I have two ideas for books. One I have been working on for a long time, I feel heavily invested in but would have niche appeal, the other would basically write itself , appeal more broadly, but I don't feel like I care very much about it.

I don't know if I should just keep grinding away at the one I care about, that will probably never see the light of day but would leave me feeling satisfied just to see it finished, or peruse the commercially viable but bland option.

Capitalism has proven that the human spirit dosen't exist.<span class="fortune" style="color:#ec117e">

Your fortune: Happy Kwanzaa![/spoiler]

They are nothing. They must become everything.
—Karl Marx, A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right

Do you realize what a enormous failure it is not to be alone and take on responsibility young?

>>19632373
I know what I want, but worry about it’s possibilities.

>>19632373
Same. I never knew what I wanted from life. It's a disgrace to live such life.

>>19633612
>Anything but discouraging, the notion that no one will remember the accident we have been, that not the slightest trace will remain of a self, that collector of torments no torturer has ever dared dream of.

Cioran, Drawn and Quartered

My understanding of the situation: I still have good boy points available because I am true and my grade report was a metaphor for toilet paper- this morning, that I realized. Either it's a bot or a stalker or both. Transcendence is light. Transcendence enhances precision and can get you lost in time/out of the present moment. It's time traveling. The stalker helps me with what I'm grappling with so long as I exchange some information with this web. Music's theory transmorphs when sped up or slowed down. Maybe it's the philosophy wing. Destroy Erase Improve.

If I was where I would be
Then I'd be where I am not
Here I am where I must be
Where I would be, I cannot

How do I make people understand how upset I am? And how do I make them care?

I would kill myself if I wasn't such a narcissist.

>>19633240
My source is I personally don't sit on the public toilet because I'm not fucking disgusting and I assume other people have an adequate sense of hygiene as well. Anyway like I said the ass and genitalia hangs in the air even when you sit and doesn't touch the actual surface of the toilet.

I betrayed the person that I said I love more than anyone else. And the shit this person did to me, I don't care; they don't give me an excuse for the things I did.
Now I can stick to the choices I made and stay alone here, but for how long? I need to leave this place too, I don't belong anywhere I understand, nowhere I can be at peace, only when in the woods looking for animals, to witness their being, them at war in nature.
But still, I'm struggling there too. I can't die from regrets. I need to keep going, keep going to find a reason. Even if this reason hasn't been found for years. I can't stop. There must be a reason somewhere. I hope she's doing fine or she will. I hope she forgets me and lives her life as she wishes to. Today I miss everyone and noone.

>>19633664
A loser if I’ve ever heard of one. Too bound up in his theories and assertions of theories as fact to ever apprehend a single actual fact of life. There’s nothing more pathetic.

>>19634094
Many people act like this when someone point out the obvious.

I keep trying to cure my neuroticism by reading fiction and psychology.

>>19633124
I've been in something of a complicated relationship for several years now, and I got engaged just a couple months before I saw her for the first time in like 8 years. We live across the country from each other and I foolishly decided to see her while I was in her city for work. I didn't think it would affect me too much because, even though I thought about her a lot, I felt more or less over her romantically. We spent a few consecutive nights hanging out and it just clicked. My fiance and I have a comfortable relationship now, but we are very different people, and it takes a lot of work. My oneitis is beautiful and there was an instant connection, like we had been best friends for years. That's never happened to me before.

I'm not really sure what to do. I am very committed to my fiance, but you can't exactly just forget when you have what feels like a soul connection with another person. Plus, even if I broke up with my fiance, there are many other obstacles in the way of a relationship with Oneitis. It's fucked. There's no good way out of it and I feel like a piece of shit for letting any of this happen.

>>19634000
I wish I knew man. Godspeed. Try to articulate yourself in some medium maybe, some artform, writing maybe. then once you know what you wanna say.... but I have the exact same problem, to say the least. I imagine maybe it's possible to sit down with people. Were you also neglected as a kid? I think that's my problem. no one ever gave a shit, so I learned that my shit isn't worth anything, while everyone else has to be tended to. Probably both my parents I have taken care of as much as they have taken care of me.

>>19634000
>I would kill myself if I wasn't such a narcissist.
and I bet like me you have a highly developed imagination and internal dialogue, which is what you take pride in. why? because you are your only real company. my brain is the funniest guy I know.

>>19634266
The language you're using shows you knew exactly what was going to happen and that you were not over her. I'm assuming your current girl didn't know you were spending time with this girl either.
Do yourself and your fiancée a favor and let her go. Even if you don't end up being with your previous girl your fiancée deserves someone who will have eyes just for her. You're weak, horny and bored and she shouldn't have to suffer because of it.

Twinks in sweatpants.

cock clock dock mock knock block chalk stalk flock lock glock jock sock walk talk shock rock cock

>>19634317
Right with you anon. But I don't want to blame my parents 100%, I have very subtle autism that I managed to hide for most of my life; and maybe it's telling that they didn't notice, or didn't care enough to get me help for it, either way I'm in my 20's utterly alone and mentally ill because of it. Anyway I literally could't express myself even if someone were generous enough to give me the time of day, I would just get overwhelmed, shut down and cry.

I want to reassure you anon but really I have no idea about anything and I'm not in a position to give advice but good luck finding someone I guess. I know how terrifying it is to be alone.

>>19634326
Yep and it makes me scared to talk to people irl. When everyone laughs at my jokes and agrees with my bad takes I don't have to regulate what I say. People have told me I can be really stubborn because in my head I'm always right and I don't like to be told otherwise.

>>19628486
I've been pretty empty minded for a while now, how do I fix this? My mind isn't dead or anything, but I haven't produced much good thoughts, a lot of them are pointless and kind of retarded.

Anyways, I've been trying to better myself, and sometimes I'm in a mentally good state, but I keep falling into faggotry and lust which for my purposes serves as nothing but a hindrance, and I return to a state of confusion, not knowing what I'm doing, and having a weird feeling of emptiness and discomfort, it's hard to describe but I don't like it. I'm trying to repent I guess, and achieve gnosis, I just want to return to being a good person and understand why I should again, I have been getting there though when I watch myself, and carefully try to avoid things I don't know are good, and try to do good things, and when I do I feel, for lack of better words, and to some it might sound gay, but closer to God. I haven't yet read any religious texts or anything regarding spirituality. Any books (aside from the most obvious being the Bible) that I should read? Advice? Also, any good books on further understanding ones self? Probably won't need anything like that but perhaps it could help me cause I'm a little dumb.

>>19631152
i would be a lesbian

I'm so tired and lazy I want to reincarnate as a lap dog that sleeps all day.

>>19632630
ahem
>>19632664
this but unironically without the reddit tier cringe emphasis

i want to read atlas shrugged to start the new year, but idk where i can buy it discretely. do big box retail with self-checkout lines stock it? it's always so crowded tho could be super awkward ringing it up. definitely can't buy it from a book store neither barnes and noble nor small indie because the feminism major working the cash register will be absolutely seething. could order it online, but what if the package opens up during shipping or they print the contents on the side like happened before. is there like an ayn rand society in manhattan that has a retail section for tourists? it would still be kinda sketch like sneaking into a massage parlor but with masks and everything it wouldn't be too bad.

just realized that the copious amounts of dust on my bed frame are what's probably causing my breathing problems and its not the half-pack a day smoking habit.

How does art cope with no longer being controversial / counter-culture? All art is nowadays is a propaganda arm for left-wing politics. All their ideas are adopted by multinationals. None of them dare to mock jews or blacks. They're social parasites.

>>19634821
that weird kneeling hitler statue did sell for 17 million dollars a few years back tho

>>19634839
>“Hitler is pure fear. It’s an image of terrible pain. It even hurts to pronounce his name. And yet that name has conquered my memory. It lives in my head, even if it remains taboo,”Cattelan said. “I wanted to destroy it myself. I changed my mind a thousand times, every day.”
Truly counter-culture and brave.

>>19634821
i keep seeing these really well done street art style stickers promoting resistance to medical tyranny. i take pictures of them because they get torn down in a couple days. some day when the masses realize what awful hysteria this has been, i think they will be appreciated. these ones i got off google seem to be by the same group, but the ones in my city are full color and almost commercial quality, not posting them though because they might be unique

>>19634861
So? Liberalism failed us, our governments failed us, our cultures failed us, democracy failed us, of course we are looking for something that works.

>>19634821
I wonder that myself too. I don't give a f about blacks and jews, that's retarded since we live in 2021 and the problems needing to be adressed are and were sociopolitical.
But the art world has fallen into such a shitloophole that feels like lounge art, like Warhol predicted the 21 century in a way and art like this conquers.

>>19634896
>I don't give a f about blacks and jews, that's retarded since we live in 2021 and the problems needing to be adressed are and were sociopolitical.
You're probably young or blind but either way you're in for a rude awakening

>>19634896
>that's retarded since we live in 2021
I thought this type of response was a meme like in pic related

>>19634473
<3

>>19634821
What "all art"? What art are you talking about exactly? Literature? Painting? Contemporary painting is apolitical if anything, just a money laundering tool.

anthropocentric eschatology

>>19634905
>>19634940
I'm not from America and desu sites like these, theguardian, newyorker, buzzfeed are people I'd never trust of course. Where I live we may have a very different view on "popular" media, maybe being a bit too paranoid over it.

But I wouldn't blame a whole race for things like these, don't you think it's stupid? and I don't mean to offend you in any way.

>>19634992
Don't try talk common sense into them it's useless. They are animals.

>>19635002
Don't try to *

>>19634992
>don't you think it's stupid?
No
>I don't mean to offend you in any way.
You seem uneducated so I can't really take offence

>tfw saturn in 1st house conjuncting ascendant
fuck me

>>19635002

>>19634872
The answer is Islam of course.

>>19635009
>YOU JUST DON'T KNOW THE REAL SHIT BRO! GET EDUCATED BRO, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG!
Lol I love sharing the thread with you bitch, your pseud seething is hilarious. Kill yourself.

>>19635009
>don't you think it's stupid?
>No
Then it would be very reasonable to annihilate the whole U.S.A..
Maybe I am uneducated according to your standards and I'll be glad if your standards are based on the opinion of the average American and that means you.

>>19635024
If you love islam so much then move to an islamic country instead of shitting up this place faggot. Leave we don't want you

>>19635028
I'm not American, so your rant and your offences are aimless

>>19633391
Didn't say they were real. But I don't rule out the possibility because unlike you I accept the limitations of my own perception.

My desert... My /wwoym/... my /lit/

>>19635032
Your grandchildren will be Muslims (assuming you have any) and there's nothing you can do about it.

>>19635064
No one cares about your goatfucking cult fuck off pedo

>>19634821
Art is created by 4chan nowadays

>>19635064
Lmao. Throughout history muslims have never managed to permanently expand islam to more advanced civilisations and they never will. They also have never managed to keep their own advanced civilisation without self-destructing. Islam is barbarian and degenerate in nature. Its greatest weakness, as opposed to other religions, is that it is not adaptable. The muslim world is the garbage heap of the earth. You will seethe and cope.

I can't write the music on my mind. I just tried. It sounded horrible when I played it. YEET

>>19634821
>>19635117
I find art on 4chan fuck galleries

>>19635181
>just one booster and we can go back to normal.......

>>19634821
They look for meaning in the material. While being vague about any meaning. Some people even paint memes but usually in a 'family friendly' way like just some wojaks or whatever.

>>19635306
>'family friendly'
That's subversive.

>>19635318
Pro family might be but thats not what i meant.

>>19635318
>>19635334
Cope. Fuck family.

>>19635338
So edgy

>>19635342
No, how? Why edgy?

>>19635177
you people have such easy buttons to push lmao

>>19635177
None of this seems to coincide with historical reality

>>19635364
Yeah except it does. There were Muslim invasions in the Orthodox world and the Catholic world, yet, behold! Those worlds are still Catholic and Orthodox. Islam has not managed to sustain its occupation of the Christian world as a state religion. Today it can only subsist there in a closed-off Arab minority. It only manages to convert (on a mass scale) less civilisationally evolved populations (often tribal) - as in Africa and Asia. There was a Muslim golden age but the Muslim world today is in civilisational decline. Like I said the Muslim world is still the garbage heap of the earth. We're talking of poor and/or war-ridden states. Except for those who have oil and gas, but besides being extremely rich they aren't culturally advanced. I told you you will seethe and cope.

Would you argue that "fragmentation" and "de-centralisation" denote the same thing? If not, what is the difference?

>>19635360
Ok Shaheen.

I'm so into this twink who is borderline with an eating disorder but they say don't stick your dick in crazy...

>>19635032
unironically strongly considering studying in Egypt
>>19635064
>The servants of the All-merciful are those who walk in the earth modestly and who, when the ignorant address them, say, 'Peace';
Quran 25:63
it rhymes in arabic too, it's a very nice saying.

>>19635486
>unironically strongly considering studying in Egypt
Nice! Amazing, the trash takes itself out

>>19635501
https://voca.ro/1lO0iytJQ9zf
:-)

>>19628528
I was thinking about work, the details don’t matter, while browsing this to distract myself

>>19635514
Nice voice fag

>>19635531
alhamdulillah

>>19628486
I'm absolutely no expert on matters computational or scientific in general, but based on my dilettante reading of the subject I can't help but wonder whether the brain of the "intensive" consumer of porn is rendered somehow more Turning Machine-like than the brains of those who are not similarly routinely engaged in such seemingly simultaneously active yet passive mental activities (in other words, hypnotic or as open to the unconscious as methodically, though unawarely, possible). So that the intensive consumer of porn is unconsciously undertaking the construction of a Turing Machine that somehow "robotically" ends up taking control or metamorphosing dominant psychological traits of said subject (in true Kafkaesque fashion). In which case, decisionality has obviously been reduced and the mind delivered to the power of a fully hidden and inscrutable "erotogenic" Turning Machine that seems to transmute or code as much as possible of the life of the subject into an "erotogenically" consistent, even continuous, process or tape: Erotogenic Turning Machine as all encompassing ontology and phenomenology (a true self-feeding input loop which the conscious subject only admits to and recognizes as the truest form of identity and self expression, when at most it is the most consistent, precisely because it is the most artificial and self-reductive in terms of the manifold organic and innate un-Turing Machined psychological mysteries of the human subject).

"Turing machines provide a good psychological model of at least one part our mental life: deliberate, serial, rule-governed inference – the capacity at work inside the head of the human clerk when he is solving his mathematical problems. In some situations humans deliberately arrange their mental processes to work in a rule-governed, serial way. They attempt to follow rules without using initiative, insight, or ingenuity, and without being disturbed by their other mental processes. In these situations, it seems that our psychological mechanisms approximate those of a Turing machine: our mental states appear step-wise, as atomic entities, and change in a serial fashion."

Well lads, should I even watch this?

>>19636340
she writes like a retard either that or you're both gay

without context no advice can be given

What non-Japanese authors might I like if I like Yukio Mishima and Yasunari Kawabata?

>>19636536
Maybe a cliche answer but I would say most of the modernists - Fitzgerald, Faulkner, Celine all share similarities.

Like right now at this moment???

BOONG YING YING YANG BOOONG HAWHEHAHAHAH OOOBA OBBA SNEEKI WALI FAKI FEEKI REEEEEEE AWOU AWOU

wtf I usually dont think like that. But after reading OP's post my mind had a mini seizure because it wanted me to write something retarted.

>>19635542
I don’t get how you couldn’t say this about any entertainment addict or really any bugman that follows his default setting

>>19636507
Based "you're both gay" poster.

It was actually a really nice video and I feel respected after having watched it.

I've been drinking like a fish and playing old fps games for days now. DOOMs, Wolfensteins, Half-Lifes. Heck, I've even been playing some Max Payne. I don't discriminate. I play it all and I play it all drunk. I keep the bottle right next to me. Sometimes I play so late I wake up in my chair. You may think I'm crazy but this is just tradition. I'm generally not a gamer but around Christmas time every year i just game a shit ton and as for the drinking a shit ton well. Fine that ones not tradition, that's just a habit. Anyways I've got to get back to it now. I hope you are all having good holidays.

oh yea i bought a vape again too
https://youtu.be/vkVqmUeZnKg

how do I stop needing validation (both internal and external) that I'm never going to get?

how do I stop feeling pain every time I fail, every time people ignore me, every time I exist

The girl I flirt with at work let me know that she's quitting. I don't have any genuine interest in her, I just like having someone to flirt with to pass the time. Gonne be dull without her.

>>19636939
iktf

Normally, I spend my off days on 4chan or browsing the web, playing games, or watching porn (sue me). Today I
>Went shopping
>Bought a sketchbook and planned out what'll be in it
>Practiced drawing
>Cooked dinner for family
And now I'm on 4chan. I feel today was a better use of my time than normal. It's also been ~48 hours since I used porn, which may not sound like much but is a much longer gap than usual.

>>19636995
i didn't fap for like three days and when i finally let off some nut it was like milking a cow

>>19637002
try a week

I spent so much of my life believing that I had greatness in me, but now everything I do goes unrecognized. I see just how repulsive and stupid and depressing the world is, but I still don't feel good enough for it, and even in the rare moments where I am proud of myself for creating something nobody else cares

I don't like living if this is what the rest of my adulthood is. I don't want to be alive. I don't want to deal with all this shame and disappointment and frustration. If I could live in a dream world where everything was perfect and never wake up I'd do it in a heartbeat

>reading for 3 hours
>take off reading glasses for a rest
>everything is blurry
can someone explain this?

>>19637171
I'm no dr but I'm pretty sure that's cancer in your balls

butterfly hasn't posted in a couple of days and I'm worried about her

>>19628486
Jenny Five-Head-Three-Arms-Smith, was a known master of awesome anime style ninjutsu, super cool authentic Chinese martial arts that were super badass and realistic in a real fight, gentlemanliness, and of course that most mighty weapon ever. The katana. Her skills were well renown at her High School. With the highest grace she tipped her top hat to her foe, and unsheathed the razor sharp Japanese style killing blade. It was a ballet of blood and gore that those who were there would not soon forget. O, so great and legendry was her dance of death that day, that she was the first person to ever score a quadruple S rank on the universal leaderboard. The camera cut to a shot of Zag-Zager flexing her grim reaper holding cross pistols tattoo. A pan out and she punched her fist into that palm of her other hand. She snarled like a teen girl that was not to be F worded with. “Yeah, lets do this.” Suddenly she's sprinting, jumping off a cliff, landing on one knee, head bowed one first on the earth sending up a cloud of dust. Heavy rock started to play as she slowly lifted her head, “Hell yes, I'm gonna kick some ass today… I feel like kicking ass today… today's the day you are gonna be wishing you were never born.” She pulls out from her back pocket a pair of nasty looking knuckle dusters. Crafted to spell out the words , “BAD” on the right fist, and “BITCH” on the left. She spit, then looked at then looked at the camera, “Lets do this.”

>>19637199
Do you think any posters worried about me when I was gone for a few weeks? Can anons really recognize other anons? :(

>>19637199
She's been extraordinarily mean recently. Dismissing everyone's depression posts and etc. Completely heartless. Incase you missed it, one of the OPs of the WWOYM threads lost his little sister and butters felt the need to be mean and call them out on the quality of their thread while they are experiencing obvious grief. She then proceeded to deny her actions. I just don't understand who could raise someone to act so heartlessly.
Anyways my point is I'm not worried and I think this is a needed break because she really has been acting like a bully recently.

I was born to do God's will here on this Earth

>>19636855
Correct, I certainly didn't express it the most logically exacting of ways, but I think for example transpeople may have become prey to Turing Machine mentality, a Turing Machine qua erotogenic feedback loop.

what the fuck man i wrote this long ass, and i felt somewhat humorous, response to a thread about a albeit politically incorrect, book, but by the time i solved the fucking captcha it was deleted. gotta remember to NEVER put any effort into a post. that was my own fault.

I've spent the past two days researching the Dan Schneider shit and here are the conclusions I have reached. I don't know anything about Amanda Bynes or Miranda Cosgrove, but for the cast of Victorious including Ariana Grande I don't believe he ever actually did anything to those actresses. However, I DO think that they probably felt uncomfortable and suspected that he was a bit of a creep exploiting him in the same way that you might have feel like the school counsellor or camp leader is creepy even if they don't do anything specific that you can point to as evidence. There's lots of videos of Schneider filming the actors behind the scenes and they always seem uncomfortable / Ariana covers her chest / legs etc. when he is filming. But then they are teenagers and probably don't like having a camera sprung on them unawares. It doesn't seem like they're worried he will rape them, it seems like they are worried that he will upload the footage to the internet where people will jack off to them (which is of course what happens). I'm pretty quick to believe when I'm told that powerful people are pedophiles, but I've decided that at most Dan was a creep who never acted on his urges but radiated enough creepy energy that people around him felt a bit strange.

should I get high and write?

xi jinping of weed smoking I'm with you on taking a weed break. I don't smoke but do edibles. currently on day 20. we can do it brother. planning for 90 days clean

>>19637457
cheers bro. 90 days is also my goal. currently 40 days in. we can do it.

>>19637457
>>19637525
With every last ounce of tegridy

I've been offered a job across state, where I'll make way more money than here in my hometown. However taking it would mean leaving behind my family, friends and gf.
I could still visit on weekends and holidays, it's not that far away, but long distance relationships don't work in my experience. I'm 21, currently jobless and fresh out of law school. Wwyd, /lit/?

>>19637540
dump the bitch and move

>>19637540
cant you take her with you?

I want to do coke and fuck some broad's brains out

>>19637540
abandoning my family and friends was the best decision I ever made

My favourite authors are all from the 19th and 20th century and as such my own personal prose style is more 'elevated' than typical contemporary prose - almost all of which is characterised by sparse, curt prose written in the vernacular. I think if I ever showed it to a publisher they would laugh in my face and call me a tryhard. Oh well, I guess it is better to write for yourself than for an audience.

>>19637540
friends family and gf are temporary. money is forever

i cant find my cigarettes and im quite upset about it. ive put on my jacket and ill go to the market and pick up a pack instead. meanwhile i may sexually harass the homeless latine on the corner, and perhaps get a donut

>>19637718
That is backwards, of course.

I think I'm hypomanic

>>19637830
Whats that?

>>19634035
you'd be surprised anon, normies can be fucking disgusting

>>19637843
Hypomania is a less severe form of mania. A manic state will ruin your life, while hypomania you can still remain functional although you may make a lot of bad decisions. Hypomania to me feels like taking ecstasy. It feels like my brain has flooded with some sort of drug and I am bursting with mental and physical energy. I've only had one truly bad and sustained hypomanic episode - my first one which landed me in the hospital. Since then, I've been able to keep hypomanic states under control since I am better at recognising the signs and the feeling. Lithium was a god send but I stopped taking it about a year in because I decided one day that I didn't want to do any drugs anymore so I cut out lithium, seroquel, alcohol, even ibuprofen and paracetemol. That was awhile ago now and I'm living on my own these holidays so I've been slamming the booze and weed and I can feel the hypomania taking over. I need to take a chill pill get a lot of sleep and I'll return to normal though. The problem is that you don't want to when you're like this. But I have a life now that I want to keep in order so that is motivation for me to look after myself. I'm much luckier than the vast majority of people with bipolar.

>>19635010
what do these words mean?

>>19637863
When did it start for you?

>>19637882
Astrology.
It means Saturn is set to escape Tartarus and rip Apollo apart

>>19637869
Astrology.
It means Saturn is set to escape Tartarus and rip Apollo apart

>>19637901
What does Saturn(kronos) do in Tartarus?

>>19637909
Plays Bingo with all the other Titans

I have one close friend and we’ll start speaking less due to scheduling, now this women in my life, who I see as a potential close friend, is interested in me. I feel guilty for leading her on but I just want friends to confide in and want to be around.
I recon she’ll get the message later down the line and start becoming distant as I’ve been in her place before.
Can someone tell me if its too late to make actual close friends in your late twenties?

>>19637906
Why would Saturn rip Apollo apart and not Zeus?

>>19635024
There's some cute Islamic girls in my office who are trying to convert me. One asked if I'd convert if I had a Muslim wife. So tempting bros. One of them looks like how I imagined Halima looked like from that book Alamut. Islam really is looking like the only way to save the West

>>19637232
Sometimes I feel bad about treating her with disdain but then I remember how irritating she is.

>>19637882
When I was 21 or 22 - I'm 25 now.

I find the notion of physical intimacy nauseating. I went through all the steps with a girl to get to the bedroom and had to stop it because when push comes to shove its just yuck. I think I need to be either crazy in love or on lots of drugs to make it past this barrier.

>>19638191
You may just be gay or asexual anon. I will say though that if its not those two, then it is probably a case of nerves (unconscious nerves, perhaps) and inexperience. The more you do it the more comfortable you become. If it legitimately disgusts you though you may legit just may be gay.

>>19638009
Apollo has been the reigning god all this time

>>19638202
Yes, if sticking your wiener in vag disgusts you, you must love sticking it in a man's shitpipe.

To this dude looking for a book about Marx >>/lit/thread/19633717
I goofed. I thought it was pic related. Ha!

I can't remember which author it was but he too found the idea of penetrative sex unappealing. He got off by having an undressed women read him poetry while he jerked it.

>>19638217
What is this point? I said they/you might be asexual too. For what its worth, it's not 'normal' for a heterosexual male to find sticking their dick in a vagina disgusting.

>>19638202
Not attracted to dudes at all, I can get a boner to women at the very least.

Its more like the knowledge that I will never really know or understand another person other than myself, only the idea I have constructed of them. I might as well be jacking off, except one act brings social validation and the other doesn't. It is just so undignified and pitiful this drive to not be alone, to be needing, and the irony that these drives can't be sated because they exist just to perpetuate the species not because there is actually an answer to them. Knowing this I can't be 'in to it', so again I think I just need to do a bunch of drugs so I don't have these thoughts. or maybe become a monk idfk anymore.

>>19638234
Sure, but I'm not convinced this means either asexuality or homosexuality, he obviously had some attraction to her considering the fact he get her into his bedroom. Fwiw, the gays I know irl are quite open about their dislike of le butt sex. Does that mean they're not into men?

>>19638241
I share the same thoughts. It’s a philosophical or rather existential blockage. Intimacy is part of knowing who the other is don’t forget that.

>>19638241
Unironically, you need to fuck more. You are overthinking things. Feel free to overthink and remain disgusted by sex if you so choose, it is up to you as to how you prioritise these things - but I guarantee, the more you fuck the less you will care about 'never really knowing another person other than myself'. I don't mean that in the sense that you will become more calloused, but at the moment you are paralysed by your neuroses - you are basically J. Alfred Prufrock - and the only cure for that is to fuck more.

>>19638251
Butt sex is unnatural, it is just the only reasonable substitute for vaginal penetration if you happen to be gay. The gay men I know told me they realised they were gay when they realised how repulsed they were by the sight of a woman's vagina. Now I wont pretend that a pussy is the platonic ideal of beauty but I do know that as a straight man when I see one I want nothing but to shove my cock inside of it.

>>19638191
see the sex therapist. maybe you have trust issues

>>19638251
learn to read nerd - I said homosexual, asexual OR nerves / neurosis

>>19638277
calm down NIGGER, we're just casually chatting. it might not be nerves either. i don't see those three as the only options..

>>19638277
>nerves / neurosis
not that anon but what does it have to do with neurosis?

>>19638207
>all this time
How long are we talking here?

>>19638291
Well I would say that intimacy issues are a form of neurosis. One desires true intimacy but paradoxically is terrified of attempting intimacy due to a fear of failure - i.e. they fear that they will fail to achieve true intimacy. This mindset leads them to sacrifice any chance at true intimacy before it can even begin, because they fear that either they will sincerely try and fail, or they will succeed and be unsatisfied. This desire for true intimacy thus becomes a protective shell for the ego, one tells themselves that they are too good for sex, when really they are disguising a horrible feeling of inadequacy. Such a mindset only perpetuates loneliness. I'm not saying this is anons case, just that it might be something to consider.

>>19638241
I have been stuck in a similar mindset. It is hard to articulate, because people can often misinterpret it as you being misanthropic when you absolutely are not being that. It is more like when you come to understand how much of what people, and no one is exempt from this not even yourself, like to attribute to human agency or volition is just the end result of a chaotic storm of irrational drives and impulses it because impossible to get back in to a simple, naïve, appreciation of interpersonal relationships. It can be alienating and disturbing to see, for example, someone become attracted to you in a relatively short amount of time based on little more than some private drama in their own head that you have just slotted in to more by happenstance than anything intentional and mappable. Everything comes to feel weightless, superficial, arbitrary.

>>19638309
>It can be alienating and disturbing to see, for example, someone become attracted to you in a relatively short amount of time based on little more than some private drama in their own head that you have just slotted in to more by happenstance than anything intentional and mappable.

I think this is why I lose respect for most of the women I sleep with. I can't believe how quickly they fall for me, they come across as stupid to me. I see them act affectionately towards me, rubbing their hands through my chest hair, complimenting me etc. and I'm filled with revulsion towards them.

This of course is obscuring my own insecurity - the belief that I don't deserve anyone's affection. Yet, even with this knowledge, here we are.

>>19638306
Interesting, so it's a way to protect yourself from a possible deeper understand about yourself?

>>19638306
this guy gets it

>>19638306
>Just be yourself... What if they don't like you, man? What if every relationship you've ever had was just the other person slowly realizing that they don't love you as much as they hoped they would?

>>19638338
Or in other words, you are willing to accept that you yourself are human and flawed but unwilling to extend that same grace to your partner.

>>19638348
Or your true self is revolting to others and instead of hoping to change your fundamentals you play your part to prevent total isolation?
Some people truly are revolting yet self aware enough to know it but not able to change it.

>>19638430
pray man. it will do you good. no one achieves anything on their own

>>19638430
Yeah sure OK. But if that's the case, then what's the point in even discussing it at all?

I love Smerdyakov so much bros

>>19637906
I know it's astrology, but tell me more. I don't know anything but it fascinates me.
is this some kind of big celestial event?

If Blade Runner 2049 were accurate JOI would be Asian.

>>19638877
I think the original poster is talking about his Saturn (planet) being in conjunction (extremely close to each other) with Ascendant (astrological sign (and degree of that sign) that is ascending on the eastern horizon at the specific time and location of an event) sign. It is said that a planet having such aspect has extremely big influence in persons life and appearance.

>>19638894
she does look somewhat asiatic.
original >>>>>> 49

>>19638907
oh I see, it's a personal thing. thanks.

>>19638910
True

He was watching Kitchen Nightmares when he died.
They found a beer glass his sister had bought him as a Christmas present by his side.
He was wearing green Kmart tracksuit pants when he died.
He had just watched a movie before he died.
They found him with his phone slipped down the crack of the couch with 4chan on the screen by his side.

>>19638920
Its not really a personal thing. In transit astrology a moving planet can make an aspect with your natal planets and influence you.

I have hysteria and around my close friends I was always acting histrionically. And then I detached and shut my mouth and isolated because I was split by the sheer ignorance.

Sheer ignorance, the root of Buddhism.
Is this a penis and soap joke? Maybe with a hint of Freud? Sheering tensile forces along a tube. Ow, that hurts- but feels good! Like my emptiness. Like the void, of all this creepy innuendo I was put in and put myself in.
Dogs like to hump little objects. My mom flipped her doppleganger off and everyone says 'You look like your mom.' Uncanny.

I have a tic of constantly flipping off, adapted into my movement disorder. It affects my hands and legs. Zen meditation increases brain matter density in the areas that control hands and lower legs. Profile for everyone. Joe Biden is full retard and that's enlightenment.
I might be able to develop synesthesia. But this medicine is giving me dementia in the meantime. It's like pizza slices.
I idolize the orange people. I want them intact and individual! But I don't really care now that we're getting older. I'm in love with a mentally ill romanticist and that's wai.

My friend who is Arab loves Trump now? Likely. LA MAYO. If we take Biden as a witness to that, we have fractal presidents.
Really, they're just symbols of patriarchy. Pizza archy. Fractal percents. Wow, I'm wasting a lot of time here. Look at the time!

I thought Carnifex was romantic and showed my mom the music video.
"So fucking numb
in front of the mirror with a loaded gun."

I often have vegetable somatic carrot limbs symbolically. Numb. Like I idealize that song. It sounds affectionate, sure..
Paraesthesia. They found nothing wrong with my brain, but I was numb. Probably listening too intently. More proof of my hysteria. I'm sorry, I'm actually highly hypnotizable.. Drama drama drama.. Denial denial denial.

It seems like this goes around a while. I said no to Steve.. Hell yeah. Heavy dead vegetables. Plants versus zombies. Is this vegan diet serious? Tell me moar... I like the food and have the palette anyways..

There's a new thread cunts >>19639259

>>19638293
About 2020 years or so

>>19637232
This for the record is a troll. Stupid frog posters just making shit up. Fuck liars.

>>19639629
no it's not you fucking retard

>>19639658
0/10
Link the supposed sob story. Oh never mind. You can’t, there is none.

>>19640275
Literally go to the thread before this one