/lit/ - Literature

Norm Macdonald was great. May you burn in hell for dissing him like this.
In all fields, faggot!

>>19592594
norm macdonald was a retarded xanhead

>>19592594
It's sad to know Norm was deeply closeted in life, and now he's deeply closeted in the ground.

>>19592594
of all comedy books, norm's is the best. no contest.

>>19592642
>he pays for this site

>>19592642
how did i diss him? lmao

OJ Simpson has sunk to new lows ITT

>>19592756
the more i hear about this OJ character the less i care for him

>>19592642
>>19592650
>>19592654
>was
Didn't even know he was sick

>>19593099
He admired that actor from Lynch’s Straight Story. Didn’t want to talk about being ill, and felt that would be begging for sympathy.

>>19592594
I don't read books by fat slobs. Cover looks swell though. Apart from the fat fucking face, I mean.

>>19592659
But it's not a comedy book . . .

Norm is probably up in Heaven now, sitting on a cloud and watching all his friends get raped by the devil in hell.

>>19593113
he had a KFC addiction have some sympathy

>>19593185
You can usually tell who’s fat just by their face. It’s usually the one buried in a bucket of KFC gravy

>>19593211
Well he did once swear to go on a hunger strike until Margaret Thatcher was dead and buried.

>>19593279
She died like 8 years ago...

>>19592594
Honestly, very very good.

>>19592594
I read it last month, it was very good.

The worst thing about Norm was the hypocrisy

>>19592594
Incredible book

>>19594849
Damn comedians and their eternal insincerity

>>19594093
laughed. Thanks will read later

Great book, also listen to the audiobook even if you dislike audiobooks. It's narrated by Norm. Very good.

>>19592594
This thread wreaks of redditors. OP it's a very good book, well written too. Don't let these unfunny faggots deter you.

>>19593099
More of a comment really

bump

>>19592904
he's a real jerk!

>>19593108
>« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ »
>Vomits

>>19593113

My doctor told me to open my mouth and say “oink.”

>>19593108
The vacuity of women is like beholding the vastness of the centermost Antarctic, or to coin a more modern metaphor my fellows, the black cock gaped asian hole of a mixed asian woman, white on top, yellow on bottom, mermaidian, woe all over

>>19592642
>he thinks the "old chunk of coal" was an insult

>>19596912
ive been saying that for years

>>19592594
It's great. It starts off a little slow, but picks up quickly. Both funny and deep.

>>19592594
Pretty good. It's even better if you're a Norm fan.

>>19594922
It's a reference to a quote, butters. Idiot.

A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office. The podiatrist says, “What’s the problem?”
The moth says, “Where do I begin with my problems? Every day I go to work for Gregory Vassilievich, and all day long I toil. But what is my work? I am a bureaucrat, and so every day I joylessly move papers from one place to another and then back again. I no longer know what it is that I actually do, and I don’t even know if Gregory Vassilievich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and this seems to bring him much happiness. And where is my happiness? It is when I awake in the morning and I do not know who I am. In that single moment I am happy. In that single moment, before the memory of who I am strikes me like a cane. And I take to the streets and walk, in a malaise, here and then there and then here again. And then it is time for work. Others stopped asking me what I do for a living long ago, for they know I will have no answer and will fix my empty eyes upon them, and they fear my melancholia might prove so deep as to be contagious. Sometimes, Doc, in the deepest dark of night, I awake in my bed and I turn to my right, and with horror I see some old lady lying on my arm. An old lady that I once loved, Doc, in whose flesh I once found splendor and now see only decay, an old lady who insults me by her very existence.

>>19598384
“Once, Doc, when I was young, I flew into a spiderweb and was trapped. In my panic, I smashed my wings till the dust flew from them, but it did not free me and only alerted the spider. The spider moved toward me and I became still, and the spider stopped. I had heard many stories from my elders about spiders, about how they would sink their fangs into your cephalothorax and you would be paralyzed but aware as the spider slowly devoured you. So I remained as still as possible, but when the spider again began moving toward me, I smashed my wing again into my cage of silk, and this time it worked. I cut into the web and freed myself and flew skyward. I was free and filled with joy, but this joy soon turned to horror: I looked down and saw that in my escape I had taken with me a single strand of silk, and at the end of the strand was the spider, who was scrambling upward toward me. Was I to die high in the sky, where no spider should be? I flew this way, then that, and finally I freed myself from the strand and watched as it floated earthward with the spider. But days later a strange feeling descended upon my soul, Doc. I began to feel that my life was that single strand of silk, with a deadly spider racing up it and toward me. And I felt that I had already been bitten by his venomous fangs and that I was living in a state of paralysis, as life devoured me whole.
“My daughter, Alexandria, fell to the cold of last winter. The cold took her, as it did many of us. And so my family mourned. And I placed on my countenance the look of grief, Doc, but it was a masquerade. I felt no grief for my dead daughter but only envy. And so I have one child now, a boy, whose name is Stephan Mikhailovitch Smokovnikov, and I tell you now, Doc, with great and deep shame, the terrible truth. I no longer love him. When I look into his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I see when I catch a glimpse of my own eyes in a mirror. It is this cowardice that keeps me living, Doc, that keeps me moving from place to place, saying hello and goodbye, eating though hunger has long left me, walking without destination, and, at night, lying beside the strange old lady in this burlesque of a life I endure. If only the cowardice would abate for the time needed to reach over and pick up the cocked and loaded pistol that lies on my bedside table, then I might finally end this façade once and for all. But, alas, the cowardice takes no breaks; it is what defines me, it is what frames my life, it is what I am. And yet I cannot resign myself to my own life. Instead, despair is my constant companion as I walk here and then there, without dreams, without hope, and without love.”
“Moth,” says the podiatrist, “your tale has moved me and it is clear you need help, but it is help I cannot provide. You must see a psychiatrist and tell him of your troubles. Why on earth did you come to my office?”
The moth says, “Because the light was on.”

>>19598370
>looking in a comedy thread hard for something to cringe at

>>19594922
>>19598397
You're way out of your depth here, butterboy. Double fist your asshole or something so that you can't type here. I would tell you to read, but you're unwilling to do that.

>>19598439
>the child still tries

>>19594922
https://youtu.be/ljaP2etvDc4

>>19594093
>That's what separates professional funnymen like me from bums like that doctor.
Holy fuck this whole thing is amazing

>>19592659
How could he possibly be better than Stanhope?

>>19598520
I know the bit. I just answered one joke with another. If that anon >>19594849 is the one trying to heckle me, I donno man. Way to not get a joke.

>>19598950
stanhope is good but he doesnt have that twinkle of the eye that Norm does that adds so much to his effect.

>>19599032
Norm is a lot more book four of Zarathustra than Stanhope who is more of the first three.

>>19596880
You need better insurance

> Now, I'd never raped anybody before, and in the free world I had worn that fact as a badge of honor, mentioning it proudly and loudly at dinner parties and social events. Folks admired me for it.

>>19598480
>tripfag laughing at anyone

>>19592594
>"Oh yeah, that one section of the book, where I kinda, well, can you get the book Adam? I'd really like to read it aloud," I say. Adam Eget shuffles in an idiotic trot to backstage--I don't really know any other way he can run, really. Even if he does it as a parodic trot of an idiot, he kind of does that simpleton plodding everywhere he goes. Frankly, I don't know if he thinks he's being parodic, walking like that, or if he's doing the impression I do of him behind his back in-between drinks at the tables downstairs. Thinking about it, he may be taking my jokes.

>>19600662
Insurance? Oh Kassim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Tm4uFLF9eI
what could've been a profound interview ruined by awful interviewers, still some of norm's thoughts shine through

>>19602164
I'm certain he intentionally did this because of the interviewers

>>19598384
>The podiatrist's office says

>>19602164
Knew what this would be before opening

Often before masturbating now I think: I ejaculate, I evacuate