/lit/ - Literature

thread theme
https://youtu.be/Pv3pXjrtkyI

I honestly kind of support the Great Reset; I mean, this is honestly the perfect time for change, right?

And old thread >>19587413

>>19597972
I accept that it's inevitable. The elite want it, they have all the power, and there's nothing more to be done. Perhaps if I was born into a powerful family or something like that, I could have stopped it. But I wasn't so here I am.

>>19597972
Yes, but why accept “(((their)))” terms?

Continuing the FESTIVE theme.
I'm gonna listen to Messiah all week long
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HXCBWb4CUk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jzBEr0GKYE

>>19597992
I like this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=garkQGBo5EU
The rest of the EP is pretty festive as well:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3wASGPuE4U

>>19597972
roko's basilisk or something?

It’s Over.

>i had the tracksuit dream again

>>19598014
what's that, anon?

>>19597990
>(((their)))
Yikes Butters, I never took (You) for an anti-semite...

I'm such a helpless beta that I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of estrogen. I think I might be better off if became a woman. I'm thinking of getting a sex change operation to become a lesbian. I've always liked the look of vaginas. There's something trans-sexually sexy about them.

If I can't get a girlfriend because I'm a beta male, then I'll just become a lesbian. Then I'll have all the benefits of being a woman without the drawbacks of having a pussy.

I could never get a girlfriend because I'm so beta. But I don't care, I'm going to become a lesbian. I can't wait to have a pussy. I don't care if I have to date the ugliest girls on the planet, I'll even date fat chicks. I'll date ugly girls without any teeth, girls who weigh over 300 pounds and have huge beards and tattoos and piercings all over their bodies. I'll even date girls with herpes. I don't care.

>>19598034
I go into the tracksuit store super excited and look at all the tracksuits and i pick one out and when i get to the counter and try to pay with my card, it gets declined and they tell me i have no money and cannot buy the tracksuit.

>>19598040
>I'm thinking of getting a sex change operation to become a lesbian.
This will not pan out in the manner you and many other MtFs thought it would. I'll be honest, the only MtFs who I see happy with their choices are attracted to men.

>>19598036
You missed the quotation marks? They are the elites. Doesn’t matter who they are or what their background is.

>>19598040
>>19598067
Also, you say you'll date anybody but have you even tried? There's plenty of bottom-of-the-barrel women on Tinder looking to settle down, surely you can attract one.

How do you deal with the fact that you tried to be honest, reliable and diligent your whole life, and now where you have a girlfriend you are lying left and right, you disappoint other people and you don't do your duty as you should? I feel splitted in half.

>>19598083
why have you become dishonest and lazy

my gf is like a well of power i draw from that drives me to be and do better for our collective sakes and the sake of our union

>>19598083
Stay deftly honest with the girl, be sweet in it.
Duty to yourself can’t be cheated.
https://youtu.be/iUCarSXpLm8

>>19598040
this is also my fantasy
women are pretty sleek and aesthetic and vaginas are also a good looking sexual organ
the reality for transitioners however is a wound infested with maggots

Perfecting my Joker impression in front of the mirror for at least one hour a day (so that I can get a girlfriend easy)

I hope I'll be able to teach English as a foreign language someday.
The ability to share knowledge and elevate others is one of the biggest gifts life has given to us.

>>19597941
part of me is going to regret it because i love my christmas decorations and i dont want to take them down. its so fucking cozy sitting and reading curled up in a blanket by he light of a lamp and looking up and seeing my tree and other decorations and lights and stuff

There's nothing I care about anymore. I used to take an interest in all kinds of different fields, I was an amateur everywhere but I enjoyed learning about them nonetheless. That's never coming back. I can feel it in my body. I am become directionless.

My dick smells like cheese nigga

>>19598036
shes been racist against black people too. she really isnt a good person.

>>19598181
Go for a walk

Negative emotions are more common that positive ones. And negative emotions - in some perverted way - also feel better than positive ones, since they delude me into thinking that life has meaning. I want to suffer. I keep doing this to myself.

>>19598156
Same. It's the comfiest season. Presently I'm loving the shadows on the wall the tree makes. Be sure not to take them down before Candlemass. It's so sad to me when I see them removed by neighbours as early as Boxing Day.

The lull between big life moments makes me really anxious. I want to hear back from a job so I can move out, but nothing yet. I don't usually get jittery for anything and I know it's naive to want things so quickly but I can't help it. Any moment where nothing major is happening feels like stagnation to me.

>>19597962
I'm 31 in 6 days and thinking about ending it all. Not because I'm sad, but I've been really disappointed in life since I turned 28. I don't really want to spend another ~35 years doing this shit.

>>19598261
Not at all.

>>19598271
“Tragedy is easy, comedy is hard” —Yoda

Death is still on my mind

>>19598285
Just do something else. Geez, people. Get your head out of the toilet.

>>19598129
I sometimes say "It's me, the Joker!" in a Joker voice and then start saying racist things (mostly to my girlfriend but sometimes just to myself or the dog)

>>19598301
pathological lying pantyshitter

>>19598301
No one comes to these threads to get advice, butters. We're just here to complain. It's called wallowing in self-pity and it absolutely rocks.

>>19598290
Yes. You have said very racist things on multiple occasions. I don't have the screenshots but others do. On multiple occasions you have also been very mean to obviously depressed and suicidal anons. You aren't very nice butters.

>>19598329
It’s bully trolls urging bullied suicidals into killing themselves. Get your heads out of the toilet

>>19598309
Is you.

>>19598355
>I don't have the screenshots
Because I said no such things

>you’re also mean
For ever taking them seriously I have just been slapped by another guy with your name here >>19598329
what do you have to say for yourself now?

>>19598062
Harrowing.

>>19597962
She always seemed interested and I liked talking to her. When my life hit a low point and was turbulent she came in. I’ve always had the pathetic need to be or find a saviour and she entered the stage right on time.
I’ve always been a coward when it came to women and my feelings but I opened up to her on the first night, alcohol was involved of course, but she was and is always so casually open about herself (looking back I think I might have misinterpreted this as interest instead).
I ranted about my past blunders, excuses on why I was feeling down now. I cringe back at the thought that I was basically collecting pity points. But she stayed and listened until we got dragged back in with the masses.

The next day I didn’t remember that night well and it certainly didn’t feel that special to me. This night however would kick it off. I definitely was more interested in her now, I’ve found a listening ear. As the night progresses I dragged her aside, I wanted to continue our conversation of last night (I really wanted to but I couldn’t remember what I exactly said). We went for a walk and landed somewhere secluded. This was the first time I truthfully opened up to someone, even more than close friends or past girlfriend. And she didn’t back away, instead she engaged and had an actual conversation (though I barely remember what she said). We were there for a while and decided to head back, but now I was infatuated and aware of it.
They joked we were up to stuff but I said no, the night went on. We went to a back room, I dont remember the reason and we kissed. I still have that moment in my mind, it was unexpected, I remember immediately grabbing her ass, as I did with my ex. Then it stopped, I thought I went in a bit too much but whilst thinking that I remembered she was dating exclusively with someone. We went back and she started to tear up. I took her aside again; she explained that she felt as if she had cheated, I probed her relationship but felt uneasy about doing that. She was vulnerable and the thought of manipulating her was revolting enough to genuinely say I wouldn’t pursue. She regained some confidence and we danced till the end of the night. Before bed she messaged me; saying that she enjoyed the night with me and that the kiss was confusing hoping I understand.

>>19598036
That's not Butterfly you dumb fuck

>>19598040
>I'm such a helpless beta that I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of estrogen.
Holy cringe. Maybe you should kys if you wrote that unironically.

>>19598301
>w*man pretends she knows what hardship is
>just do something else lol

>>19598407
See >>19598392 you stupid monkey

>>19598372
Why do you even come into these threads? How do you manage to derail a thread that doesn't have a topic? It boggles the mind. You didn't post in this thread just a few months ago. Has ruining other /lit/ threads lost its appeal?

>>19598418
See >>19598392 you shit for brains

>>19598278
i always make sure i keep it all up until at least new years but it doesn't usually last more than a week after that unfortunately. i also set up later than i wanted, i wanted to do it right away in november because we got a big dump of snow as usual but I int get around to it until later in the month

>>19598407
> all you haf to do is show cleavage and you get a million dollars from simp!
> you get free room and board from chad thundercock! !
You know nothing about me. I’ve lived enough to give this advice. Yes, do something else. Make yourself happy.

Reddit is so much better than 4chan it's un fucking real. Sure the site is full of similar echo chamber bullshit as 4chan is, and the voting system sucks cock, but it's still better. Threads are archived in a matter of minutes. Only a wasteland like /lit/ that has about 50 people on it leaves threads up for days because of how fucking slow it is. People on r/truelit actually read and think deeply about what they read. People who post about booktubers never get banned or 404'd but making a thread about certain authors does. Constant shill threads for literal whos and their books. Just complete shit. I've heard it said "4chan is adults pretending to be children" but I think 95% of the people here are legitimately <100 IQ.

>>19598438
>Reddit is so much better than 4chan it's un fucking real.
Stopped reading there, maybe you should go back then.

>>19598418
>>19598392
>>19598426
Shut up

>>19598375
they cant keep getting away with it

Butterfly should be given janny powers

>>19598449
Kys Fakefly

>>19598377
kek

>in an exclusive relationship
>goes dancing and drinking with other men

>>19598436
i know everything about you, youve made it a point to tell us. your idea of hardship is mommy and daddy taking you to church on sunday and telling you not to be a degenerate POS

>>19598449
Ah, we've hit the seethe button. Now leave. Look, here's a nice Nietzsche thread for you to ruin >>19594435

>>19598456
She's an anarchist, so she's probably into working for free.

>>19598456
>>19598484
Butterfly hasn't posted in years you retarded newfags. God I fucking hate this board.

>19598477 Derails (off topic) thread
>19598477 Complains about derailment
>19598477 Told to shut up
>19598477 “Ahhh the seethe! Yaaaaah”
2/10
Bugger off now, kid.

>>19598449
Riddle me this Butters, why should I get a fucking girlfriend when I barely get an erection looking at porn?!! Surely a girlfriend would bore me very fast

>>19598499
IVE BEEN POSTING HERE SINCE THE LATE 90s. THE BIG CHUNGUS MEME... I INVENTED THAT

>>19598499
I posted here ages ago still. But I am someone other than who I was then too.

The name has never been “butters” either.

>>19598377
My heart wanted to pursue, but I was sceptical of my feelings, out of pride; being lonely skews how you feel and she came as a listening ear, I wouldn’t fall for someone just because they gave me some desperately wanted attention. Insecurity; what if she said no to my advances, rejection hurts and like always I wanted to avoid it at all costs. And even if it did work the relationship would have crashed, I don’t believe I would have been a fun partner being in the sad and depressed mood.
Her feelings; she was dating someone she was obviously interested in, I wouldn’t want to ruin that.
I felt dazed and didn’t know what I had to do. I wanted her, mainly romantically but since I didn’t see that happening just as a friend then. I just didn’t know if it could work.

The following morning I talked to her again, as usual I danced around what happend last night. I asked if we could sit together on the way back, she agreed. We mostly had chit chat but I wanted to confess my feelings and hoped to get some clarity so I could be at peace. I confessed that I liked her but before she could react said that we should be friends. It felt as if I was watching some loser on tv throw in the towel before even seeing his opponent, it still feels as if that didn’t really happen. She smiled and nodded. We went home and my thoughts were overwhelmed by her, almost intrusive. This isn’t something I want and decided to get rid of this ASAP. I planned to see her at the next class and ask if we could talk. There were a couple of days in between and those were torturous. Why I didn’t just message her… because I’m socially retarded and didn’t know how. When the day came she wasn’t there, this made me feel down as I dreaded the feelings, luckily there was a mandatory class 2 days later. I would catch her then.
I arrived earlier than needed hoping to jump into her before class. I did though she was with a fellow student. We chatted and it became clear she slept at her, I suppose, boyfriends place. This at least gave me some form of clarity, though I still had some part thinking I had a chance. I almost chocked but I did ask if we could talk about what happened and she obliged, I gave her the initiative to plan when and she actually came through.
Next week it would be, that week felt like an eternity. My mind racing with thoughts about her but also the depression dampening any joys I have in life. I became insecure and apathetic to my study. Life as it it extend this purgatory, she had to quarantine…

>>19598014
In my dream everyone I know was in my bedroom for some reason and was giving me shit for how dirty and messy everything is. I was so embarrassed so I've been cleaning my room all day.

>>19598524
>The name has never been “butters” either
Yeah, no shit you attention-whoring impostor. Stop wasting everyone's time.

>>19598516
> I only get erect when I touch myself
Would she not have hands for some reason?

>19598546
Never talk to me again

>>19598562
Oh I'll talk to you whenever I fucking like, Fakefly.

oh god butters is getting mad and making random off topic posts in actual book discussion threads about books she has never read again

>19598574
^the problem

>>19598377
>>19598525
>Oh, how pitiful I am!
I hope you're at least in your early twenties, otherwise you're never gonna make it.

>>19598583
>making random off topic posts in actual book discussion threads about books she has never read again
Oh, so "she's" the same as always?

Neither Berlin nor any other big city will ever look like that no matter how many autistic "artists" or authors try their shot at creating one-dimensional dystopian worlds.

>>19598592
if feels like she just patrols the catalogue 24/7 and the moment an actually interest discussion starts she starts spamming it with shitty attention seeking bait posts in order to try and derail it

I really like DsO's lyrics

Ad Arma! Ad Arma!
Your revolt against meaningless suffering will not remain unanswered, we shall give you meaning and answers.

We shall inoculate you with revolutionary palingenesia, give you a taste of how today’s mass grave is always sweeter than yesterday’s; your eyes will shine with the ecstasy of the initiated.

We shall teach you that the bullet of the slave is not the same as the bullet of the oppressor and you shall bear that conviction high, dispensing blazing light to frail silhouettes wandering around in mazes they cannot break. The bloodshed that is to come shall happen in the name of love.

The hand dispensing salvific murder is absolved of responsibility for it is the expression of a common will, the sacrosanct will of the Just. The Just, those righteous few that rose from the catacombs, view the world in manichean terms: there is only the purity of love and the purity of hate, that which lies in between is a mud made of the ashes of yesterday’s humanity and the fetid fluids of compromise.

>>19598592
No, this is the Write What’s On Your Mind thread and I’m fielding troll questions again. They’ll never filter me. I’m their reason to live apparently.

>>19598653
Shut the fuck up Fakefly

>>19598653
>women can't suffer
That's what we've been saying all this time.

>>19598644
Correct, reality is way worse. People just voluntarily carry their surveillance devices with them at all times. The stuff in OP's picture is outdated.

>>19598667
They’ll suffer, but know how to move on.
Look at you denigrate the word “cope”.
LEARN.

And if this little general is strictly for fake depression, I don’t know why we’d have it. “It’s for wallowing!” COPE. I’ll help you.

>>19598693
lol you dont get it do you. and how could you, being a woman and incapable of true feeling?. true suffering isn't something you can just "move on" from like an out of style outfit.

total fucking woman moment, holy shit

>>19598693
You sure know a thing or two about cope. Yeah, I don't think I'll take advice from some ageing femoid who's wasted a good third of her life on a Taiwanese puppet weaving forum.

>>19598667
It doesn’t say women can’t suffer, it just says men are too retarded to find help when they’re considering suicide

>>19598693
Shut the fuck up fakefly.

>>19598525
I again gave her the initiative to reschedule even though I felt I should have done that. I talked with a classmate about it and she said the same, but I was a chicken. It was Friday, the day after I was supposed to see her. I had planned to binge this day as cope for whatever happens yesterday. Went to my friends place to unwind and drink, delaying sending a simple message because I, in vain, hoped she would. Having drunk many litres of beer I didn’t and fell asleep.

Next day on the train home I came through and messaged her, even being a bit rowdy, she responded to it but I felt too insecure to continue that act. I remained silent, we had planned the following week on a Wednesday. I saw her before that day but I was completely vacuous and aloof. Frightened to fuck it up, I was such a coward that I pretended not to notice that a classmate left the class crying during a lesson, even though she wasn’t even in my room. Thinking I was save in ‘looking occupied’.
When we did share class I noticed her peeking at me, and I being a prideful spiteful insecure mess pretended not to look. At the end I could only say hi before we had to go our ways. I felt a complete disconnect as if she could smell my desperation.
It was Wednesday, I hyped myself up, I wanted to give it my best shot and not become a self fulfilling prophecy, something I feel I do a lot. I went through the day in a cheerful mood, though as the moment came closer I became more aloof.

Eventually we met and had to decide what to do, there were some short awkward moments with fellow students clinging on but we got our moment, and I dropped my spaghetti. We walked, it was freezing, and I was jabbering on about inane stuff, eventually talking about the cremation chimneys at the hospital and the veterinary faculty. I raged at myself, panicking on how to get this back on track. I regrouped my thoughts and decided we should head back and sit at in the lunch area. Whilst walking back and crossing the street I felt a wave of courage hit me, I blurted out what I wanted to say, namely that I had feelings for her, she chuckled saying that I already told her that ( I still pretended as if me confessing during the bus ride didn’t really happen) so in my infinite clarity I proclaimed that I was in love with her whilst entering the building, closely passing people exiting. This was a romantic as you can imagine, we postponed the moment and went to sit at the back, it was after hours so the area was completely deserted save for 2 people and janitors.

We finally sat and I came straight to the point. Asking if she felt anything for a romantic relationship and pleading for her to be honest. She smiled and said no. I let out a theatrical sigh and feigned to be relieved. Tough really it was a relief, sort off. Yes it was a rejection but I had seen it coming and it would give clarity and peace, or so I hoped.

I spent Friday and Saturday at my mom's place, and holy shit.

She calls family members on the phone, like her sister or her daughter, and it's shocking to realize the actual point of the phone call is to get these people to give her a modicum of attention by casually dropping uninteresting complaints about her life... dragging on conversations by pretending to not know things... asking questions about details to things to which she has no real concern, but would simply not know what to do if it were not for these pointless phone calls.

One of the most life-changing experiences I ever had, really, was tripping on acid and realizing my mother was neglected as a child. To this day, it's heartbreaking, unnerving, and I've never told anybody, because it's kind of telepathic that I know this. Because there is no evidence, really. But I just knew. In the ten years since that trip with acid, I've seen exactly one piece of evidence that indicates my mother was partly raised by her aunt, who was very old. On top of that, it seemed apparent that there was a reason this has never been discussed. That same aunt also had a child who turned out to be gay. Figure that one out.

There is also something I heard just once in passing, said about my mother, "She was always crying."

>>19598784
Give acid to your mom. It's the only way.

>>19598750
>Asking if she felt anything for a romantic relationship and pleading for her to be honest.
This is a bit cringe, anon. Not just in this particular situation, but in general.
>>19598784
>casually dropping uninteresting complaints about her life
Most people do this tbqh

>>19598784
Do you think you should spend more time with her? Like would that help

Nobody takes anything seriously anymore.

>>19598797
lmao hilarious

The first time I ate shit? It must have happened some five years ago. A tinder date, we were fucking in the car and then the strong smell started. I finished alright, the girl got out and went to her apartment. I then drove back to my home.
It was halfway there that I noticed that in the middle of the fucking and all she had shitted inside the car, and the stool still remained there. It was dark, disgusting and smelly. Even so, somehow, I started salivating and got kind of aroused, got kind of hard.
I was never into fucked up sexual and erotic stuff. I considered myself an usual kind of guy. Liked butts, tits, vannila things you know? Sometimes a little pee play didn't hurt, I admit, but I was one of those who thought shit stuff was way too freaky.
That last part of driving to my home is a little hazy, but I remember standing still at the garage, inside my car. I must've been fully hard by then, not thinking straight and all that. I then touched her stool, grabbed it, held it tight, felt her feces squashing between my fingers. I put my whole foul hand inside my mouth. It was full of crap, full of the worst things humans do. But I never felt so sexually aroused in all of my life. I literally cummed inside my pants right there.
Since then I've been doing that. Eating shit, I mean. It's hard to know which kind of girls would be open to the idea, but surprisingly there are a considerable amount of them who are.

>>19598811
>full of the worst things humans do
What the fuck do you mean worst. Shitting is natural. Why are you applying a moral compass on shitting.

>>19598811
is this an excerpt from ulysses

>>19598446
It's so much more better though

>>19598797
I think you are mistaken. If people didn't take anything seriously the world would be a better place. However, people love to take seriously not taking seriously certain things. That's where I think you're mistaken.

i started drinking water recently. its fucking amazing

>>19598846
Do you come in peace?

>>19598750
Bro just don't hang around taken women and don't pursue women who show no signs of interest. Why the fuck are you torturing yourself over some dumb bitch because she makes you feel happy feelings? I see posts by retards like you all the time and I have no clue how your live your lives to end up in situations like these. Find a woman that wants you and who you can own.

>>19598835
>though
Just be with your own kind anon

>>19598852
based. simping is pathetic

>>19598851
no no its not like that. i just never really drank much water thoughtout my life. always been a soda guy or a jucie man. but recently ive just been drinking striaght water from my fridge. so good. i put it in a metal bottle and it stays super cold. i have been enjoying water.

>>19598803
red is a color of stupidity

>>19598716
>My suffering is special!
>Witness MEEEEEEEEE

>>19598817
Go eat shi, dumbass.

>>19597962
Has anyone on here successfully stopped caring about politics? Like just entirely, even politically adjacent stuff

>>19598750
The prideful sod I am, I immediately started explaining why I was relieved; How if there was a chance at a relationship it wouldn’t have worked anyway. I’m sure she saw through me. I did feel more confident after that and we started talking again. I excused for my aloofness the day before and dumped my worries about courses, my dementing mother and other stresses. There was a genuine connection and she later said she felt that as well. It felt as if we could be genuine friends and I started to cherish that thought. In the short amount of time we met I learned to open up, and I would remember her teaching it. At the end of the night I was convinced I had to keep this relationship, in a desperate bid to stave off loneliness I asked if she wanted to take a walk in the village she lived on a later date, I remember I jokingly said it wasn’t a date but it had every pretence of it. She chuckled at the thought. We ended the night with a hug and I felt confident.

I went to my parents home that night. I saw my little brother there and decided it was time to open up to him. We were never really close and my troubled childhood meant that he had even the shorter end of the stick. I always knew he did shady stuff and had been in trouble with the police but to what extend surprised me. I always acted as if I knew it all but after finally hearing it I was glad that he stayed clear of any jail time, barely. We talked and we’re open to each other for the first time in our lives, partially because of our mother’s situation I suspect but also because I shared what I thought for the first time. It was a worthwhile night and felt as if we were family again. During the talk I became more aware of some of my pathetic thought patterns and blatant insecurities, I always thought I was self aware of them in some sense but I cringe at some of the stuff I was blind to.

That Friday I saw her again and it felt nice to see her, I still entertained the idea of a romantic relationship struggling to convince myself of letting go of that thought. That night I sent her a message asking if she as still up for that walk. She didn’t respond that night which made me even more insecure. She did answer the following day, saying that she didn’t fell the need to meer but wanted to remain friends. I, being in a delusional state, went bonkers. It felt as ice cold rejection as if I had been tricked. I had to study for the exam that weekend but I couldn’t concentrate. I responded that I understood (I think I did; namely too much too soon) and left it at that.

>>19598852
>WhO yOu cAn OwN

>>19598939
All I want in life is to care for my family. Politics is fucking lame, just find something worth focusing on.

>>19598693
based

>>19598928
i never said my suffering is is special, where could you have possibly inferred that from my post? i said you clearly have no idea what you are talking about if you think real suffering is something you just brush off and move on from. its clear your only experience is with women tier "suffering" and you are projecting your experiences on everyone else because you are too dumb to know any better

(writes the Russian national epic but sexy)

>>19598944
Yes, and you will be owned by her through your mutual dedication to each other, your union and it's fruits. When you're truly in love you want to give yourself over to the other person for the rest of your life.

>>19598945
I am a lame person and like idly arguing about stuff. But politics seems like it makes me a bad person, or rather encourages me to be bad, and I want to just drop it. I guess it's not that complicated, just dont talk about it, kind of pointless posts I'm making here.

>>19598939
>>19598945
The personal is political. Even if you manage to push politics out of your mind, your enemies haven't. All you have done is weakened your own defenses to a degree where you are entirely at the mercy of your enemy's propaganda. And that's how you end up in the exact dystopia that you have once feared.

>meet girl
>she runs a beauty academy and is rich
>likes me
>im a street rat
Literally beauty and the beast.

>>19598981
don't fuck it up

>>19598987
I'll try not to. Aside from being in good shape and rich, shes the type of woman that will get me motivated to stop neeting around all day.

>>19598960
Gay

>>19598978
Get a load of this babby's first french post-structuralism brain rot LE EVERYTHING IS POLITICS take

i cannot read while i play video games so i will not read.

>>19597977
I love red heads so much bros

>>19599064
This attitude is why you will lose.

>>19599010
Quite literally the opposite of gay.

Does anyone else have imaginary conversations? Sometimes I'll imagine I'm with people and start talking and joking with them. I'll do this for like half an hour before I realize I've been talking to a wall the whole time.

>>19599096
yes that's how I've spent my teens and early twenties

I find it absurd how politicized covid has become. At least in the deeply culturally disturbed west. You don't see the same problem in Asian countries which are generally much more rational about it.

Such polarization forces all subjects of importance to submit to and serve its pathological drive for division like a cancer consuming the body. It serves no other interest and in fact makes the problem which everyone is so upset about--the pandemic--worse. It's social self-destruction.

One aspect of this politicization is that any skepticism toward the pandemic and its implications is viewed by liberals as right wing and therefore unhinged. How the vaccines work and the fact that they were rushed deserves analysis and scientific skepticism. How governments are dealing with the pandemic should be scrutinized. And the shocking conflict of interests of the for-profit pharmaceutical companies in charge of distributing the jabs is must be criticized. Intelligent critique should not be confused with willful ignorance and the uneducated embrace of misinformation. The conflation of these two is deeply harmful and makes liberals play into the hands of deeply manipulative and cynical elites. Shouldn't how the pandemic is deeply restructuring society at every level be questioned and investigated? How can some just mindlessly obey? In that respect the right is correct even if it's for the wrong reasons.

>>19599096
>Does anyone else have imaginary conversations?
All. The. Time.
I don't give a fuck anymore, if I want to talk alone and I'm in the middle of the street I still do it. Fuck other people, I like my own company over others anyway.

>>19599106
get a load of this nazi conspiracy theorist

>>19599106
>In that respect the right i
To an extent I should clarify. The right has no interest in questioning or investigating but they are correct that people shouldn't always just mindlessly obey. They just pretend that they know when they really don't. So they hallucinate all sorts of ridiculous conspiracy theories when there is plenty evidence to construct the basis for an accurate analysis of what's going on

>>19599115
Yeah this has been a problem for me lately. I'm starting to talk to myself while other people are around. I cant really get away with it because my job requires I work in peoples houses

>>19598943
As a petty child I went to ‘study’ with a classmate of mine, who seemed to be interested in me and invited me over to her dorm, I don’t find her attractive but she is a nice person and good company. I still feel disgust at my pathetic antics. She had confided her relationship problems to me before and when I met her boyfriend I could see his disdain, I felt uneasy as if stirring up a beehive. We cooked together but he moved somewhere to the background. The whole situation was pathetic really and I’ve stood in his shoes before once, I could imagine what he felt.
I made up an excuse and left shortly after dinner.

I saw her again the following days but I was too insecure and occupied in my mind to actually respond. If I doubted my aloofness and desperation before now it would have been undeniable. She stopped giving me glances and it almost looked like she avoided me. The first time after she sent the message I wanted to comment on it, explain that I was a bit to hasty and didn’t want to put her on the spot. Being in the state I was in I was unable to go beyond the standard small talk, this continued every time I saw her.

The accumulation arrived on the test day. I arrived way too early, and so did she (she must have been at her boyfriends place considering how early she arrived and without her fellow student-roommate) of course our ‘conversation’ had an spectacular ending; deafening silence and staring into nothingness, fair enough there was some tension because of the test.
Eventually she conversed with some acquaintances until more recognisable faces seeped in. I felt awkward and people commented on my state, me hand waving it away. The classmate I studied with arrived as well and her reaction was obvious when she saw me and her together. This recollection pains me, for nothing happened and it made my classmates intentions even more clearer.
When she left with her friends for the rest my classmate immediately sat at my side and lying her head on my shoulders. I cringed and could barely hide it.
We quickly went to our test room, the test didn’t go fly so good, my mind racing over what just happened unable to focus on the exam.
When I walked back to the lounge room I saw her again, I felt more at ease now, we started chatting, more than just small chat. I got it off my chest that I went too quick (not apologetic for what it’s worth). She could laugh… but I was still feeling insecure and undeceive about the whole situation.

>>19599128
Put a little more bait on the hook before you cast it.

>>19599144
I found a good way to deal with that is just to pull up your phone and pretend that you're talking with someone there when you got those urges. People are dumb and used fooled by that.

>>19597962
>be me
>sperg
>second year undergrad
>take a mandatory ethics course
>prof is a virtue ethicist, big fan of Macintyre
>One day, after class want to ask him for book recommendations on virtue ethics
>He asks if I've already read "After Virtue"
>I haven't, but I know about it so I want him to rec something else
>For some reason lie instead and say I have, but haven't finished it
>He asks how much I've read
>Don't know what to say
>remember watching a video about a certain section of the book, decide to use that
>"Oh I've read a decent amount of it. I'm up to that part with the analogy of the society that forgets how to do science"
>He tells me to read "Whose Justice? Which Rationality?"
>Decide to look up where in the book that part is
>It's the first chapter
>Eventually get around to reading the book
>The first chapter isn't even 5 full pages

The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie
The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie
The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie
The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie The Holocaust is a lie the Holocaust is a lie

>>19599139
>They just pretend that they know when they really don't.
This is true of liberals also btw. Except liberals just swallow the official narrative uncritically. Conservatives generally reject the official narrative but instead just invent a schizophrenic imaginary one rather than bothering to legitimately think things through.

Both are partially correct because the official narrative, while partly based on lies or incomplete information, contains some truth. What's wrong is to embrace it completely. And the right's rationales are partially correct in that the official narrative should be doubted. Where they stray off course is when they make up all kinds of stupid bullshit and get all infantile and spastic about it.

>>19599179
It's a good lie

>>19599146
I would visit her hometown with my brother the next day and she would send me some visiting tips. She did send me something that morning but deleted her message afterward just listing some street names, I responded but she gave no reply. Going there wasn’t the brightest of choices and I couldn’t keep my mind of her, wondering how she lived her life here, what she did .
I started talking with my brother about it, he was a ladies man or so I believed. I found it endearing that he looked up to me on this front! Even after he told his many tales of picking up women. He came to the same conclusion as me, and whilst talking about other stuff I came to back to the realisation that she wasn’t special, she came at a moment in my life where I was willing to project a potential saviour on anyone really.
The next class we shared didnt go awkward, afterwards I wanted to ask her for coffee before winter break started. Insecurity reigning I failed to do so at first, but she was waiting on her roommate and I still had a chance. As expected I stumbled a bit but I pulled through. Sadly she couldn’t that day I said fine will do it later. I felt broken, I wasn’t going to see her for weeks! I had to regain my composure as I had a research interview soon after. I joined some of my fellow students to unwind, slowly I remembered that she wasn’t special and that I’m only hurting myself with this sort off thinking.
The interview went well.

My desperate obsession stemmed from loneliness, something I have always and still struggle with. I do think she and I could be platonic friends, time will tell for how long, but I need to regain focus and get myself stable again, without her.
Life intervened again and the government put us all in a quarantine again for the coming 4 weeks. A perfect opportunity to be lonely and focus on myself.
I remember telling an acquaintance that this was an episode I wanted to get over with very fast in life. In the end it lasted a month with a couple of weeks in its wake probably. I hope to never experience myself like this ever again and I’ll try to remain more open about my feelings, including shame, from now on.

>>19599179
That the Holocaust is a lie is the real lie and you somehow fell for it, good job fag.

just put on a trip so we can all filter you, nobody is reading

>>19599172
Lmao. That made my day anon

>>19599092
GAY

I've really started to hate secular Christmas stuff. Take away the religious context and it all feels like an obligation to be abnormally happy and cheerful for no reason. The music sucks too.

>>19599106
Westerrn countries have two parties clawing at each others neck and using the media to divide the people. Governments in Asian countries (ignoring military coups) are just a government doing what is best for the country, not their political party and party backers.

>>19599246
>not feeling the festive spirit in the air
You might be devoid of soul, anon.
Also, what's Saturnalia and Yuletide?

Sometimes I contemplate how easy it would be to completely and irreversibly destroy my life and that of others. I don't mean suicide. I mean things like I'm driving and I could just run over some pedestrian, snatch someone's purse, stab my elderly neighbour as soon as I finish washing the dishes. All of those very drastic shifts all depending on one simple, easily actionable, almost impossible to stop, decision on my end. One simple decision - and everything changes forever. Not that I'd do it, mind you, it's just that it's surreal how little there is between me and those actions. Freedom is surreal.

>>19599277
If youd never do it are you actually free to do it? I know this sounds pedantic but really

>>19599269
>Governments in Asian countries (ignoring military coups) are just a government doing what is best for the country
You can't be fucking serious.

>>19599277
You are not deep.

Nazism was the worst thing to ever happen to fascism, and until the fascists reject Nazism and it's legacy, fascism will languish on the fringes.

>>19598795
She abused me for almost ten years. So that's that, as far as I'm concerned. It isn't even a matter of getting back at her, or saying she doesn't deserve my help, or whatever. It's just that... it's like a conflict of interest, so to speak. Or borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. Like, what's the point, if helping her just incurs my own sacrifice? If she ever apologized, that might be different, but it may be too late for that, too.

>>19599276
Neither of those are secular.

i have the autogynephilia thing
it's a curse, i wish i was normal
i wish i could have an erection by looking at women boobs, but i can't
instead, i've to pretend i'm a woman or dressed like a woman so i can cum

why? why i was born like this?

Diary posting. Notes from my weekend:

Split the sky
Percuss your soul
Open your self
Conduct life and God
Express, profess, confess
Ignore the rest and take no rest
Be for yourself, for me, and all else
It begins
Let it flow
Tune up and turn up
The sun has set so light your domestic fire

I knew I was crazy, and even so I thought the cure was alone time and drugs

This is my life
It's quiet and grey

Solitary but not lonesome
But for the company of the one unknown

Tweaking
Staring at cabinets in the dark drinking refreshing grapefruit seltzers

Surrounded by lonely people uninterested in each other's company
Love'em? I hardly knew'em!
Further, I didn't even care to
It's easier to love what you don't know
Love is ignorance

We are mice, not rats

Our scene is lame and uninspiring and uninteresting and unattractive and we have no one to blame but ourselves. We are awkward and lacking confidence and uncharismatic.

Try to relax your face
No one can see you now

Playing music and reading and getting high are getting rather old. I need something more.

My soul hurts and I'm totally drained of energy. It's true that I'm sick, at least.

You deserve to feel alone
There's no one else home

Leave now to arrive between first light and dawn
Turn down the AM radio to let my thoughts shine through the mix

Woods
What's Kelly's last name?
More sprints, fewer marathons
Still present gravity of the city, humanity
Aware of the nearness, well within it's sphere of influence

I was here at 7AM and I've been walking for over an hour and I haven't seen a single sign of wildlife. Not a bird, not a small mammal, not an insect or bug. That doesn't seem right.

Given there are a finite number of resources available, I would rather live in a world or country where fewer people have more resources than a world or country where more people have less resources.

I went here twice today. Unplanned. The flexibility provided with being 31 and childless and single.

An excellent environment. 1PM, 40 degrees and lightly snowing onto bare ground.

A family playing stick ball. A woman well dressed wishes me a happy holidays. I return it.

It's a beautiful day, without a trace of irony.

It hurts me to be so out of tune with the natural world. Even relative to a year ago.

As he walked further into the woods, the rate of snowfall increased.

What if the government made a sudden obvious overreach? Like grounding all planes. Or something big that affects a lot of people. What would happen?

I got the Nana and Uncle Jimmy smoking and walking gene.

I love to walk. And smoke. And so do they. Did they.

I eat about four pounds of meat a week. Probably actually 5 or 5.5. Not counting eggs.

The challenge is to make high energy music when we ourselves do not have high energy.

Do civil wars usually break up families and friends? When do they and don't they?

>>19599323
Fascism is a larp for weak men to compensate and project from a lack of order in their lives.

>>19599366
Do you get aroused thinking of yourself dressed as a woman and sucking and taking cock?

>>19599366
Probably a mix of all the pollution and the poor, amoral education you received.

>>19599357
You might be retarded.

>>19599382
Diary posting. Notes from my weekend:

Scratched balls.

The end.
Where's my Pulitzer

How do you determine what's on your mind?

>>19599606
Listen to it?
Ink stink purple dink poop fart out my man.

>>19599616
It ain't sayin' nuttin'.

Enjoying a Christmas party tonight with friends, it shall be a very Merry time indeed.

anyone know this book i am thinking of. this teenager's only friend is a big retard that follows him around, he goes back in time and dates his own great grandmother. i remember the time travel scenes were always a flash a green light and hot tears running down his face. this is probably a kid's book i read it when i was young

fire ants

>>19599667
Crying about fire ants is for idiots!

>>19599681

>>19599276
What "festive spirit" are you talking about? Covers of pop songs from the 50s and glow in the dark lawn decorations? Santa Claus drinking Coca-Cola? Do people actually enjoy this shit? It's all so oppressive. "Be happy now, and be happy on our terms, and buy lots of things for your friends and family so that they know you really love them and aren't just pretending to love them like you're pretending to be happy."
I hate it. Put Christ back in Christmas, it makes more sense than this.

>>19599712
I can't speak for America but Christmas is during summer in Australia so we use it as an excuse to have family barbecues and normies use it as a reason to get drunk at house parties for a week straight.

>>19599071
based and same

>>19599712
Now that you mention it, that house looks like a symptom of its owners mental illness.

Why won't girls ever just tell me how they feel? What is the point in confessing to me 2 months after you realize your feelings? Was I meant to read your mind? Jesus Christ, how am I even to notice you loitering around me if I never even notice you exist? Women were more forward when I was 10 than they are now that I'm 23.

>>19599712
>Covers of pop songs from the 50s and glow in the dark lawn decorations? Santa Claus drinking Coca-Cola?
That's all Christmas is in Murrica? Quite sad.

>IN the dark of the highway, headlights cut through the fog like projectors, bouncing off sound dampeners lining the road, shining into the eyes of projectionists, casting onto a familiar screen a vision of what is to come.

dont talk to me

Is it weird to always wear the same outfit? I don't mean wearing the same exact clothes day in and day out, because that would be very dirty. I mean the same outfit in the sense that the "look" remains essentially unchanged:

>hair always styled the same
>dark blazer/jacket/outerwear
>light collared shirt/long sleeve shirt
>medium in-between colored jeans/trousers
>dark oxford shoes or equally dark loafers
>accessories are a silver watch and my black eyeglasses i suppose
>same cologne by same brand because it's readily available if i'm out

i found myself in this habit because i travel often for work, and needed a generic personal uniform that is presentable, clean, inoffensive and can be somewhat casual appropriate while capable of being business appropriate on short notice. but while i was with family this year and they were showing me all the photos over the years i've been in (i don't take photos of myself at all), i always seem to be wearing essentially the same kind of "look" year in and year out and i now feel insecure about it -- do people notice? would you notice if your coworker was doing this?

now obviously i don't look anywhere near like pic related but i would say it is similar enough to express my situation

sorry about that deleted post, i had accidentally posted it here instead of somewhere else more appropriate

>>19599896
No problem. Just don't do it again.

I used to shit on tradfags
I used to defend trash culture
I used to think larping is cringe
But from now on I'll embrace european early 20th century aesthetics and I will compare every single experience with this aesthetic context in mind.
I can't hear yall niggas I'm listening to Lana Del Rey - Video Games (Instrumental) and looking at mid as fuck Thomas Kinkade city paintings while enjoying every second of it

>>19597972
>>19597989
I only wish i wasnt brainwashed into not noticing.
>>19597977
I may have not have been able to stop it, but i could have been able to survive it.

>>19599667
Oh nyo Anon don't cry!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>19597962
Fear. Feelings of inferiority. Loneliness. Emptiness. I cannot shake these feelings despite what all others may say to me. I wish I was as great as they said I was. I wish I felt as proud as they say I ought to be.

>>19598261
>shes been racist against black people too.
This. I've seen her post. Completely problematic and counter revolutionary.

>>19598036
(((This))) isn't antisemitic in the slightest. It refers to the elite, Jewish or not.

I think I know what I need to do, but I often feel like I just can’t do it, like I don’t have it in me.

>>19600113
Hey anon, are you referring to suicide?

Yes, after realizing the problem that humans have different personality profiles which are not being able to understand your point you'll end up becoming a fatalistic neoliberal for life. You won't try proving to people that you are right, you'll prove it to yourself by becoming successful

My recoccuring dreams have me in a mall( which is usually either busstling or dilapidated) at a waterpark, or escaping police. Other times, its dreams of flying, but i cant control where im going, and i always wake up shortly aftee i take flight. I can only assume its my desire to escape reality, and my failure to achieve something better. The better dreams i have at night are only after a rough day working on what i actually want to do, amd even then, they are rare. I can only assume, that the better dreams i have are when i set myself on a great task and personal endevour. If not that, the dreams i have are only representations of anxiety or random crap my brain is cobbling together.

I suck at social gatherings. I don't know how to talk to people or even keep a basic conversation. From time to time I try to socialize but is always difficult. The weird thing is that I don't actually care, being asocial, having few acquitances, I don't care, I am not interested, the painful part is pushing myself to being social, to being someone I am not. I never leave an impression, today I left without saying goodbye while my friend literally Kissed every single cheek. I didnt feel bad, I just wanted to leave. I tried to feel jelaous but I couldnt, I don't long for the life of social people. I want to be left alone. Today I realized I would never talk to my closer friends if I coluld, I talk to them out of guilt, a guilt nurtured by society, teachers and terapists, like I need it to keep being a non-problem. If I were given the chance of living isolated without monetary and healthy risks, I wouldnt even bother to say goodbye to any of them. Congrats on me. I am psycho.

>>19600264
You sound like you have schizoid personality disorder. That being said why do you talk to anons on here?

>>19600271
Because is like talking to no one. Even if I get responses, it's just words on a board.
>schizoid
A therapist told me once I was good at masking and if I decided to make a proper test it could help me. I don't know what does that help means. I don't feel comfortable being like other people but I am ok pretending at some level, I think thats what a proper diagnosis would do to me, but I already achieved it.

>>19600140
On another note, i went down a dangerous rabbit hole of interpretting dreams in my waking life, as in, believing in my waking life, the reality we share, im still dreaming. In this state, i try to interpet reality like i would interpret a dream, what breaks it, however, is the consistency of reality. Gravity is always gravity, so im tied to a greater reality out of my controll, and that fact keeps me grounded enough. Like a rope tied around the waist before you dive into a pool of water. On this thought expiriment there were some few things that caught my attention.

Sometimes, if im merely on autopilot, my eye will wonder, or ill catch a reoccuring conversation. For a few instances, i had a talk with two completely unrelated people, starting with different subjects and different conversations, but they would eventually bring up a similar word or phrase.

One being oatmeal, another being about energy or having energy. Then another being about a bee sting.

Maybe its reading between the lines that im not familiar with, my idea of that is "reading the room", dont crack open a beer at a funeral, but with these conversations, they seem a bit more encrypted. Maybe im just autistic, certaintly im not the brightest bulb.

Learning about reading between the lines, i dont think i can "speak between the lines" say, someone smells like weed, how can i comment about their smell to their face without bringing it up? Someone might say "The weeds in my garden are destroying my plants." As literal weeds sufficate plants. Passive aggressive comments without outright confrontation.

The bee sting was something i caught people saying when i made a point, but they wouldnt outright aknowladge the point i had made. I was at a cell phone store with a friend and my friend asked "is there any future deals coming up?" The clerk said no, and i made a point to my friend saying "hes not going to tell you about future deals because he wants to make a sale now." The made a round about statement of a bee sting, but didnt address my comment directly. I forget what he said but it was like the example of the "weed".

I dont know where im going with all this, or where should go other than to be more mindful of conversations and relations. Clearly there is a pattern and likely this is the norm for people, and im the idiot only now noticing since i stay in my own little world. Acting on this fact, has helped me be more tactful.

the amount of "why do women x?" threads on this board is ridiculous for a LITERATURE BOARD. bunch of monkeys

>>19600331
Squatting r9k immigrants who are never made to feel unwelcome by the unpaid staff

>>19600331
Anons crave for sex and reproduction? Whoa.

>>19600331
>>19600345
Even the people who have fucked you, know of your evil ways.

>>19597962
The Jews and their lies

>>19600330
Im going to keep talking.

On some more points on this thing about reading into what people say, it can easily teeter of into being anal, taking things personally. Someone may say"who knows", doesnt mean they are talking about someones nose. Like freud said, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

More, however, on interpeting dreams in my waking life. For a while, i kept coming across the topic pf abortion. Sure, in the greater reality, its means something completley different and literal, but if i were to interperet abortion as a dream, and why my eyes always finds its way to the topic, i can only deduce it means there is something special in my personal life i do not want to end, that i want to grow, and ending it, is like that, like a creative piece of work. Artist talk of "killing your darlings".Vauge and a selfish cruel comaprisson, but dreams and their interpretarions can be cruel, but to continue. To make a piece of work, last, and stay, to be prosperous, it must be made under a labor of love.

A friend of mine once randomly shared a story of a man who had a lot of kids from different women, and whos child support he had to pay wiped him out financially. I belive she was saying "youre spreading yourself too thin."

Im done rambling.

>>19600391
>Jews
>Jews
>Jews
It's the Muslims, it's always been the Muslims, and the fact you imbeciles can't see it means you on some level deserve what is coming.

I GOT MY MIND SET ON YOU
I GOT MY MIND SET ON YOU
I GOT MY MIND SET ON YOU
I GOT MY MIND SET ON YOU

What should you do if you don’t believe you can live up to your ambitions, aspirations, or ideals?

>>19600405
No It Certainly Is Not The Muslims You Absolute Buffon

>>19600547
Ambitions are overrated
Inspirations are children nighty stories
Ideals are on the same level of plastic surgery

>>19600547
start setting more humble goals and build yourself up slowly one step at a time

>>19597962
god fucking damn I hate the muslims and the christcucks, the mullas came in here and raped India for a thousand years, and these christcuck missionaries are now taking up whatever remains we have of the decaying remains of the vedic civilisations. Fuck man I want to go full on hitler mode on these goat-fuckers.

>>19600542
amnnawuith
>inb4saulsteinberg

>>19600555
yes it is the mullas will rape your daughters and your lineage will acquainted to the cult of Mohammad

reading is nice

>>19600596
What?

Don't tell me what to do

>>19600555
Saudi Aramco is the most powerful economic organization in the world, and it's owned by Muslims
The Gulf States are wealthy beyond imagination and they treat other peoples like dirt
Muslims are conquering Europe as we speak
How is it not the Muslims? I will concede that I should have said "Arab Muslims", but beyond that clarification I am 100% right.

>>19600573
I can’t imagine what humble goals I could set for myself which I haven’t already achieved. My singular problem is wanting more than just the mundane. I have lofty ambitions and I don’t think I can feel my life worth it without them. I’m considering going back to a job I truly hated just because I felt important.

I wish the company I work for goes bankrupt already so I become unemployed and poor and the world makes me reinvent myself by force.

Any thoughts on e-readers such as a Kindle? I’ve been more and more tempted over the months for various reasons, mainly due to storage space concerns with physical books. I’m wondering if any of you made the switch and what your thoughts are. How much do you miss the qualities of reading from a book? Like the smell and feel of it, the way you hold a book, the difference between reading ink on a page and pixels on a display. Has it been less immersive? Has it been a complete nonissue?

>>19600713
listen buddy boy, no intellectuals have been born from reading on a rebranded fisher price doodle pro

Fuck sobriety, I'm getting some weed tomorrow. Xi Xinping, you wanna get high and watch nature documentaries with me?

I thought 2020 was a hard year but 2021 was even harder for me.

Been dealing with a lot of health issues, both mental and physical, the last 12 months. Lots of worrying about employment and schooling too. Lots of just wallowing around.

I think 2022 will also be extremely challenging but I can definitely say I've grown much more mentally resilient this year. Hopefully I've become a lot more compassionate, and humble; a lot more willing to take time for the little things. Who knows? One step at a time.

I finally have some definite goals and a plan to get there. Even with the remaining health stuff I feel I'm getting the tools, mentally, to manage where I'm at. I'm feeling a lot more determined to make some committed changes, especially with regard to health. I also want to take time for my family more. I keep thinking of the scene in Endo's Silence where Rodrigues is in the pitch black prison cell and yet as he runs his hands along all the wall he feels the letters spell out "praise him". Life is full of contradictions. Regardless, I finally feel a bit of hope for the future, a very tentative one.

Dark red cuts against pale white skin. Something really aesthetic about it.

>>19599736
When I was in first grade there was a red haired girl in my class. At recess I would chase her around the playground trying to get a kiss. Man I'm glad I was a kid back then and not now. Who knows what kind of sexual harassment charges they would have brought against me in this current climate.

I’m so lonely and unwanted, the emptiness is stabbing me in the heart. I’m getting to the point that i’m seriously considering ending things

>>19600878
Actually let me ask you guys, if you were to really give up on life, what would you do before ending it? Whoremonger in the third world? Opioidmax? Scam people to make quick money? Need ideas

>>19600897
choke a hoe real slow

>>19597962
The human male: strong, fit, tenacious, squishy and barren and naked. He seeks a female not just for lust but for friendship. A female he desires. Of Tomboy, Virgin, and Friend. A furry friend a anthro friend.

>>19600897
Work on a project, be it writing a book, progamming a video game, work overtime at my slave wage job to use the money as investing or something of the sort, that takes my whole focus and being that it might kill me.

Either it makes some good money, or i die from overwork, either way, ill be free.

>>19600735
I’m not trying to be an intellectual. I read to escape my shit reality. I love a good story that I can sink into, maybe play with my erect nipples while reading. I’m just wondering how much an e-reader would remove from the experience. I guess it’s impossible to say without personally trying it, but I was hoping someone with a similar dilemma could tell me if I’m overthinking it or not.

>>19600897
I would play minecraft

Life is all about power and domination, that’s all there is at the root

>>19601052
Imagine domming a loli hehe

>>19601052
That may be.
When we say that the world is run by lizard people, we may very well be talking about the lizard part of our brains. The tri brain theory is that of our brains neo cortex, the mammilian brain, and the reptile brain.

The reptile brain is our most primal we all have which is focused on sex, power and survival. Those in power, are more connected and act upon their lizard brain to be cold, calculated and inhumane.

However, to point at them and say im not like the lizard people is a lie. Of course, this is all theory.

A few days ago, I found a lump on my testicles. My doctor rushed me into an ultrasounds. Result: a harmless but uncomfortable hydrocele.
The few days between discovery and cancer being ruled out were strange. I think about death a lot, but this was more intense. I could die before 30, and it would be from something as lame as a lump on my balls.

>>19601106
Lol I have one of those. It'll get bigger. Pretty uncomfortable and it creeps out girls. My ex thought I had a third ball

I'm skipping an exam in a few hours and I feel terrible. I can take it later, and I'm pretty sure I will fail if I take it now. I am guilty of not having studied, and I hate how I willingly walk towards my own doom. I imagine I could be homeless in months from now. I had a chance to be successful, or have a normal life, but there must be something essentially wrong with me that makes me unable to exist.
This semester I didn't do much to advance my normal studies, the one that are most likely to give me a job. Got something done in literature, but that doesn't makes me feel good at all (I took courses, which I passed).

>>19601106
I think about death sometimes. I am not suicidal or ill or anything like that, but I feel the time slipping out of my hands, manifesting in a desire to experience as much as possible. I'm 21, so death seems far off, God willing. But death still bothers me. I hope Elysium is real.

>>19601126
Imagine knowing death is imminent while a Filipino woman is sonogramming your balls and laughing at your tiny dick

>>19601106
I very nearly died when I was 14. Was hours from death basically, and this fact was obscurely impressed upon me, through my dazed sickness, by the behavior of my family standing around me in the hospital room, terrified and distraught, and the hushed conversations I vaguely perceived taking place between them and the doctors. I felt nothing but extreme and absolute relief, a sense of wellbeing and happiness and love, ecstasy almost. I'm still half convinced I should have died then. They saved me by giving me tons of donated blood and an insane quantity of antibiotics. Idk.

>>19601144
Would you rather it be an old fat man?

>>19601169
It was an old fat man who felt up my balls and then referred me to the Filipino.

Immersing myself in tv shows and cartoons i watched as a kid to regress makes everything ok. I’m not happy but i’m not suffocating in the abyss, i’m comfy

>>19601106
Is your doctor a diversity hire/woman or something? The location alone would almost entirely discard the possibility of cancer, or at least the type that is generally thought of as testicular cancer. Feel the back of your balls shortly before jizzing and you’ll feel two fairly large growths on your nuts.

>>19597962
I'm exhausted.

I no longer dream of any accomplishments made, I only wish to be within my bedsheets reading bottom of barrel LN's to distract me from the horror show that is modern life.

I tire of the horseshit hyper partisanship that infests all, I tire of the slowly eroding economic and cultural frameworks that the entirety of this world is built on, I tire of arguing online with morons, I tire of doing anything "productive", I tire of anything at all related to "self improvement".

I have grown to hate anything that could be described as a "progressive". It may as well be a declaration of "we want to ruin something due to it offending whatever token minority we "care" about this week".
I have grown to hate anything that could be described as a "conservative". It may as well be a declaration of "we shall let the current course continue, we shudder to think rocking the boat".
I have frown to hate anything that can be described as "radical" action. It may as well be a declaration of "we'll LARP online without actually doing anything. If we do do something, it'll be fucking worthless".
I have grown to hate minorities. I see their existence as nothing but an eyesore, forced on a population that did not want them, then propagandized into accepting them.
I have grown to hate Americans. These fucking cattle goyim that infected the rest of the world with their bullshit, and then dare to act is if their obedience to the Great Satan is a virtue.

I don't even want to do anything bad. I just want to sleep.

I will exterminate the human race

>>19601319
>I don't even want to do anything bad. I just want to sleep.
Based these were the "ethics" of Cioran and Pessoa.

Read The Fall Into Time and you will find yourself in company.

>>19601340
I don't actually care about the recommendations but will thank you anyway since that's the polite thing to do, since I don't read anything more complex than shitty LN's these days.

Love is the only thing that makes a task not feel like a burden.
Tilling the fileds in the hot sun for your family doesnt feel like a burden and at some point, a 12hr day feels like taking a breath.

>>19601052
No, life is about how far I can shove my arm up your ass before you start screaming like a little bitch, Michel.

>>19601382
Not even getting any stimulation of your own, just feeling around the inside of a mans hairy asshole with your hand is what you live for? I was thinking more like dominating a sexy girl with my dick

whenever a rapper gets murdered i like to take a moment and listen to a few of his songs on apple music, but drakeo the ruler has no good songs, i'm sorry.

>>19601452
Why do rappers get killed?

i just want to be impressed

>>19601462
idk they never report the motive

>>19601462
Label wanted out of the contract I guess.

>>19601462
Racism, nothing to do with their cultural glorification of theft and murder

Imagine the smell.

>>19601462
purely socioeconomic factors

>>19598014
I dreamed I was at a dinner table with a rich girl while her parents were out, and she had these wacky "dispenser" kind of like those old hubba bubba things (because rich people are into these weird food things), but instead of gum, had sour cabbage leaves. There are a couple of us around the table, just friends. I roll out a cabbage to have with my chicken; then she reaches out under my arm to grab my personal cabbage dispenser, leans in close over my arm, and takes a bite out of the stack of cabbage leaves. Her face is so close I can feel the warmth and light peach fuzz. I can hear her heart beat. I make a joke about those games where you have to touch a body part to a colored circle and everyone ends up contorted over everyone else. She gets closer to me throughout the night and I take the hint that she's into me unironically. As the night drags on, I end up lying next to her by the pool. I try to hide my dirty nails. She brings up a little questionnaire on a phone that rates me. One of the questions is "age" and she puts me as "very young". I act playfully offended and point to my thick mustache. She scrolls around to the end, where "grandma" is placed after "the Titanic", which I find weird. I don't know what the answer ended up being. She scrolls down to the "face" question and she hides her phone screen from me. The dream ends. I wouldn't know how realistic such a scenario should be.

>>19601106
I have this every year due to family genetics. I try to normalize it but I know the year I get "that answer" I am going to leave everything and go to the Everest or a similar place to die.

>>19601462
Socio economic reasons

>>19601121
Being homeless ain't so bad if you're lucky you can find a parking deck and piss in the corner at 3 AM to a tropical downpour then crawl back into your metal box on wheels and drink yourself to sleep all over again. You'll wake up groggy and cramped but as soon as your tired feet hit the asphalt earth you might reconsider everything you've been told about why you're here, your destiny, or some other such bullshit. When you sit in the front seat overlooking the town with the high hanging sun blasting through your smeared windshield, well even then the prospect of finding a home is far better than being in one that you hate. Because it's in that condition that you begin to appreciate such things as a toilet or shower or money and you might even have a job all the meanwhile but you reek of sweat and piss so all your coworkers angle their bodies askance from you, and the lovely people sitting at the table side-eye you wearily until you've almost had enough and are ready to smash a bottle over some fat fuck's head while his two blonde daughters squeal. Then his equally rotund cunt of a wife will get as wet as she's been in the last two decades before you take one of the bottle's shards and ram it in her eye socket. After that you're toast: no more car, no more metal bar jabbing you in the ribs after the 3 AM piss, just a prison probably. The actual homeless people you hate because on some level they have sacrificed their sanity for those truly liminal spaces, even though they have no fucking clue what that means. It's the very innocence which you crave, the desire to not worry about the authenticity of your predicament. God laughs at you in the rearview mirror and on the white noise blaring through the speakers as you cruise at a cool 20 down the same road you've always been on, and wherever you go it'll follow.

>>19601462
"Clout chasing." Dying violently is the ultimate form of street cred.

Its been almost 10 years since my family's dissolution destroyed my life. A whole decade. And yet it still haunts me. It still defines me. Its like it was only yesterday.

>>19601605
What happened?

I’ve mentioned this previously but i just would like to reiterate, i really hate women

>>19601637
I don't believe you.

>>19601613
Whole family got addicted to meth and went insane. Had to run away to the big city to get away from it. Never been the same since.

>>19601651
You did right. Never look back.

>>19601651
Oh shit, that’s rough. Hope you find good circle of friends anon.

>>19601637
You are a drip. Stop generalizing a whole fucking sex because of your shortcomings.

I hate to echo Peterson's talking points but I really could use more order in my life. I've waged a campaign against entropy recently and have tidied some things up a bit. It's a great feeling. But every now and then it surges through the cracks and wreaks havoc. You must be ever vigilant lest the work energy you put in falls out of wack and your affairs start to slip. Mistake compiles on mistake. Opportunities are squandered. You allow your weakest and most infantile emotions rule you. Everything can be undone so quickly and chaos resumes its mad reign.

>>19601677
>Hope you have found a good circle of friends*

People say social media is bad for you because it leads you to constantly compare your life to other people's. It's such a common observation that it seems trite and something of a truism. But I think it's quite true, it's just a bit more nuanced than looking at a picture of a friend on holiday and getting depressed about your own life. It's more so that it creates a sense of restlessness within you by giving you endless exposure to a high variety of different lifestyles. It's less "I wish that were me" and more an endless stream "what IF that were me?" which creates a state of perpetual low level dissatisfaction with your own life. That's maybe a meaningless distinction, but I guess my point is that it hards to put into exact words the subtle ways social media fucks with you and so people have to resort to exaggerations which run the risk of coming across as hyperbolic.

I feel the same way about advertising. Its not so much that you watch an ad with a car cruising through the alps and consciously think "in order to be happy I need a big SUV". Its more that it sets your parameters for what happiness can look like in the long term. So that over an entire lifetime it subtly shapes your expectations about what you should be wanting out of life.

>>19601677
i mean, he's on /lit/, and here on /lit/ we have you vehemently seeking to embody virtually every single negative misogynistic stereotype, so maybe it isn't his shortcoming that are toxic here

>>19601688
>we have you vehemently seeking to embody virtually every single negative misogynistic stereotype
Hah. Funny. Had me going there for a sec

>>19601695
seriously though, what is your deal?

>>19601680
Thats a problem of mine. I push people away and put up walls. not really sure why desu. Just happens naturally. I dont like being close to people. They see too much of me

It will obviously be of great benefit to anyone who willingly reads the work of Maritain, Karl Adam, Guardini, Amoroso Lima, Dom Vonier, Dom Columba Marmion; it would be even better to read St. Thomas, St. Augustine, St. Cyprian, St. Ignatius, St. Irenaeus; it would be even better to read the Holy Scriptures. But even better than anything else is to ask God's forgiveness and pray a simple Our Father asking for the dryness of the soul the help of Faith, Hope and Charity.

>>19601705
>It
Stopped reading here

>>19601686
I think "because it leads you to constantly compare your life to other people's." is false, or at the very least, only part of the story, for NPC tier people who cant really think things through very well. social media is bad because its an absolute vacuum of both productivity and healthy idleness that disengages people from their own lives. its not bad that you are comparing your life to others, its bad because you simply are not living your own life. if you are an actual retard maybe you might mope and say "stacey goes to parties more often than me, i saw a pic on faceburg, my life is so unfulfilling" but if you have at least some semblance of awareness, you would say "my life is unfulfilling because i spent hours scrolling instagram looking at staceys pictures instead of doing literally fucking anything else"

Why is it so easy to give in? I never understood the concept of temptation. Logically what the body naturally experiences as its urges should be one with the organism. It should interfere at cross purposes with higher aims. Yet this is precisely what happens too often, certainly with me at times and also, according to observation, others. You would think that it would be abnormal for natural desires to run against the optimal operation of the mind. That's not the case. A psyche ought to be cohesive. Desires should align with goals in balanced working order. Much of the time they completely run opposite each other. It occurs to me that there are at least two explanations for this discrepancy:

1. Environmental corruption. Supernormal stimuli are abundant in the modern environment, and this confuses and overstimulates the reward system. Leading to maladaptive behavior and inner conflict.

2. The brain itself is not a cohesive system, but a confederacy of semi-autonomous neural subnets which function together more or less cooperatively when synchronized. Yet if there is some kind of imbalance, one of these subnets can hijack the overall system and assert itself over the rest. Addiction has been theorized by some as a kind of neural highjacking in which the reward centers have become overactive and thus commandeer behavior in an attempt to manipulate the organism into supplying it with more resources.

That's because individual brain cells are also involved with self-preservation just as the organism is at large. They "want" to be fed and taken care of. The way they do so is by firing. Neurons that are active survive. Those that go unused degrade and are recycled by the surrounding net; their connections are reallocated as the network continuously and dynamically adapts to variations in patterns of activation.

>>19601702
I don’t know how, but do try to amend that.
The both of us need to get off of the computer.

>>19601734
>It should interfere at cross purposes with higher aims
it should *not interfere

>>19601734
Or like Original Sin bro

>>19601677
I’m a drip? I don’t know what that means, but anyways, life could be so beautiful if only women were not the way that they are

>>19601695
>EXTREME attention seeking tendencies, off the charts, this point cannot be exaggerated enough, bad enough that you post pictures of yourself, let alone tripfag, on an anonymous image board
>desperate feminist need for validation, to prove to others and yourself you are capable at things usually associated with men
>constantly show extreme arrogance and insecurity to a degree where ive seen you sperg out and double and triple respond to people who rustle your jimmies
>"not like the other girls" mentality
>attachment to things and ideas on the basis of extremely shallow surface level analysis
>so shallow, narcissistic, and desperate for attention, that your posts have become predictable enough to set your watch by, ie the "im a female lesbian guys look at me" and the "im mad my parents made me go to church >:(" posts you make like clockwork
>when you arent getting enough attention you literally just pick a random thread, usually about book you haven't even read, usually admittedly, and start making off topic posts and shit the place up

thats you, in your entirety. every single aspect of you is defined here within the confines of these meme arrows. there is no subtleties, no nuances, or secrets hiding behind closed doors waiting to be discovered, this is it. this is who you are. one life, and this is who you choose to be.

The crabs in a bucket meme is real

>>19601777
drips of truth

Today I looked at the copy of the Myth of Sisyphus at the library and it had a shopping list as a bookmark that said
Coffee: Mindful Beans
cringe

Today we posted again.

>>19601686
Whats different from going out and experiencing the same with real people? Society demonizes social media but is just the same as hanging out with people, desiring what you don't and others say they have, not knowing how to behave, and so.

>>19597962
People born between 1940 and 1970 are the worst pieces of shit this planet has ever seen. They should be killed

There are some exceptions tho

>>19601526
This is actually pretty good.

it occurred to me tonight that the nearest I will come to being immortalized for something ive created is through the dumbest meme ever, which spawned from an anonymous shitpost of mine. its a pretty minor one and totally idiotic, not even worth mentioning, but I cant help but laugh like an absolute mad man every time I randomly come across it, especially when its on a board with flags and you see people from all over the world shitposting up a thread with this dumb ass meme, and god forbid on rare occasions when I see OC made for it

>>19601995
what meme anon?

Frank Sinatra and the rest of the bohunk crooners are classless bastards.

>>19601735
You know butters, you and I are polar oppoites when it comes to politics. But whenever we discuss personal issues you are always helpful, friendly, insightful. I wish politics didn't dominate things these days. I think aside from politics you and I would get along great. I know a lot anons hate you and drag you into petty arguments. You're beyond that. You shouldn't feed into it. You should ignore it. If we met irl I think we would be ood friends butters.

>19602057
look at this simp, disgusting

>>19602063
Whats the problem? Myself and butterfly have had good conversations. Should I pretend otherwise because muh tripfag? Are you capable of sincerity at all or are you an irony poisoned zoomer?

Multiple times a week I wake up in an out of body state aware of my body but unable to get "back in" which usually involves a great amount of physical effort to pull myself into my body and the whole time I'm convinced I'll die if I dont get back in. 1 hours of sleep last night because of it. I take drugs to pass out so as to avoid this. What book should I read?

>>19602037
i wont say, even just posting about it feels wrong for some reason, its nothing notable, but the thought hit me and ive come to enjoy expressing myself here

>>19602071

>>19602108
What a generic reply. You're obviously a tourist, ironically

>>19602112
there seems to be no shortage of irony here

>>19602121
A very accurate statement

>>19602126
I agree

>19602108
>19602121
>19602129
stop feeding that retarded redditor faggot

>>19601372
I agree with you, but I hate that it is so!

TRUE LOVE IN THE NEXT WORLD IS POSSIBLE -- FOR NEW PEOPLE
IT IS TOO LATE FOR US
KILL GLOWNIGGERS

>>19601410
>just feeling around the inside of a mans hairy asshole with your hand is what you live for? I was thinking more like dominating a sexy girl with my dick
LAME AND BASIC (UNORIGINAL), ACQUIRE SOME TASTE LMAO

new thread
>>19602453
>>19602453
>>19602453

>>19597972
seems over-romanticized. the establishment is a virus that will only keep evolving. it's the logical extension of cultural evolution, to have a single world-controlling abstraction. just resetting shit will prob let assholes make the same mistakes over again. tho idk what every proposal peopleve had for a great reset entails so..

>>19603439
>letting them do as they please