/lit/ - Literature

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Anonymous Fri Jul 22 05:28:30 2011 No.1948527 [Reply] [Original]

Dear /lit/, I'm an unpublished aspiring writer and I'm in the process of writing my query letter. I've done about 10 revisions of my hook and have finally decided on this.

Oria's Curse
When Lynian Sunspear, disciple of the trickster god Iacus, falls prey to another one of his malicious pranks she is forced to swear a life-debt to the old templar that saved her and aid him until she can return the favour and save his life. Will she get a chance as they travel north to the city of Pinsk where the demon god Oria and his ferocious beast men await? All the while an unstable assassin stalks her every move for reasons all his own...

All critiques and comments welcome.

Lay it down for me. Just remember though, the book is written and I can't change the story. It's more about whether the hook is effective.

Genre is speculative fiction - epic fantasy

Many thanks,

>>	Bonechewer Fri Jul 22 05:34:30 2011 No.1948545 File: 235 KB, 200x261, Dean_mccoppin_cropped.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Nobody reads books anymore, dumb faggot.

>>	Anonymous Fri Jul 22 05:35:30 2011 No.1948547 File: 347 KB, 499x361, 4am.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >aspiring writer >Run on sentence. >No capitalization. >Fox only >Final Destination

Anonymous Fri Jul 22 05:36:30 2011 No.1948549

>Just remember though, the book is written and I can't change the story

Well, surely you can do Control-F and replace the names of the characters? Because I think the hook would be more effective comme ça:

>PITTSBURGH'S CURSE
>When Ayelet Waldman, disciple of the gay trickster god Chabon, falls prey to another one of his malicious pranks she is forced to swear a life-debt to the old templar (Philip Roth) that saved her and aid him until she can return the favour and edit his work. Will she get a chance as they travel east to the town of Swarthmore where the demon god Franzen and his ferocious Oprah beasts await? All the while an unstable assassin stalks her every move for reasons all his own...

>>	Anonymous Fri Jul 22 05:38:30 2011 No.1948552 Work on that run-on sentence. It was really difficult to read and I don't think I understood it. You should ask an english teacher to help. Good luck.

>>	benjamin braddock Fri Jul 22 05:49:30 2011 No.1948580 File: 3 KB, 203x210, yotsuba3.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>1948549 >comme ça

>>	Bonechewer Fri Jul 22 05:52:30 2011 No.1948591 File: 16 KB, 478x358, FAB1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>1948580 Inorite?

>>	Anonymous Fri Jul 22 10:32:30 2011 No.1948993 >>1948591 >>1948580 Maybe you might have gotten the joke if you two were actual e/lit/ists rather than belated tripfag arrivistes whom everyone wishes would drop dead.

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