/lit/ - Literature

Is there a job where you just name things? I want to name things.

Do any anons have experience with public psychiatrists?

>>19483235
>names them
>gets fired

Im non larping 29 khv.

>>19483235
Taxonomists

>>19483251
sort of I guess. in sweden. a fair amoung. mostly psychologists, they work with a central psychiatrist and peripheral psychologists doing most of the actual meetings. you mostly see the psychiatrist for meds and stuff

my balls are small
and there's a weird lil bump on the left one

>>19483289
How do you even achieve the H? Many girls I know hug as a way to greet.

>>19483289
ok so? It matters to no one but you. I don’t mean that normies won’t react negatively when they hear it. I mean it is not an important enough issue to around any sympathy. There are real issues we have to deal with in our communities at the moment. You not having a girlfriend is low priority.

>>19483509
*arouse

>>19483509
femoid hands typed this

there's this cute girl in my class into me but i am terrified of being in a relationship and being found out

for some reason i believe myself to be an incredibly shameful creature, took me a long time to come to this realization but i still dont understand why

>>19483534
I’m a virile young man who has lots of sex. I do not care that other people don’t have it. Especially because often the blame lies on them.

>>19483509
>normies won’t react negatively when they hear it

>>19483547
Reread it.

>>19483535
Stop believing it then. Stop being schizo and just live. If you can’t alone then go get some kind of help.

>>19483556
>being outed as that weirdo
>not negative
>I’m a virile young man who has lots of sex
Maybe that's not weird for you but it is for the other 95% of people. It's not like you'd understand it

>>19483571
I said that it would be considered weird by normies. My point is that I don’t care if someone else isn’t having sex, it’s not an issue I care about. I thought we were men here, not women whining about not getting flirted with or kissed. Stop worrying and snivelling about not getting your hand held and start using your energy to make some positive impact. People here whine and whine about the decline of the west and sit passively doing nothing about it, complaining like academics with no spirit of action.

>>19483585
To add on this, I spent a good portion of my teenage and adult life not having sex and being rejected by women. I didn’t cry about it and I didn’t let it stop me trying to make my mark on the world.

>>19483541
>There are real issues we have to deal with in our communities at the moment
This is not a sentence a virile young man would write. It has the sort of UTI-ridden stink that wafts through a student council meeting, and it fills me with such disgust that if with the heavy exhalation of someone with an enlarged larynx, you were to breathe those cumstained words in my direction, I should like to kill you with one strike.

>>19483611
You are a weak skinnyfat shell of a man and you’d crumble to dust in the light projected from my hard, dense muscle.

>>19483465
Get your marbles checked out son. That "weird lil bump" could be a tumor.

>>19483642
Femoid larper, I'd bounce the light off my solar array lats and punch your head. Stfu and sit

>>19483714
Send your location right now you tranny larger, I’m in south London. No I’m not a tranny Londoner.

>>19483719
Of course, a london foid. I'm in New Mexico fighting pumas and roping beaners. You won't survive the desert sun, your pallid woman body will collapse in the heat

>>19483740
You are literally American and devoid of soul or culture. Your only purpose is to make your boss money. Eurochads will always prevail, even with our ducked governments our IndoEuropean warrior genes mean we cannot fail.

>>19483768
My meaty labourers fingers cannot even type correctly on this dainty American product.

>>19483740
>>19483768
Get a room

>>19483788
You could never begin to understand.

God is playing the long game man. You want this or that, burn for it, you don't get it. Well? God is plaing the long game. You can only see so far.

>>19483810
>You could never begin to understand our love
That’s why you two need a room

Midway through the semester I rekindled my passion for music, which I pursued pretty intensely in my teen years but gave up to become a normal. My grades and class attendance have plummeted as a result but I feel like myself for the first time in years. There is this sense of certainty that feels alien to me, having doubted myself for so long. I know what I must improve to create the sounds I want. I know that I will be the man I'm supposed to be. But some part of me feels terrible for letting my parents down, as well as my math professor, a kindly old man who let me extend an exam date by 2 weeks which I'm gonna fail in 2 hours. But what can I say? You can't make everyone happy.

>>19483861
Does the God's divine plan imply absence of freewill aka ultimate destiny?

>>19483289
>first hug
who knows? I had female friends when I was 3, and when I was a teen I went to youth group where there was lots of hugging and tickle fighting with the girls
>first kiss
age 21, got stood up at a "kiss someone at midnight" uni thing and a girl felt bad for me and pecked me on the lips
>first handhold
age 23, walking home with my roommate from the bars and she unironically said, "haha what if we pretended to be a couple and held hands?"
>virginity
26, drunk sex and I could barely stay hard so idc if it really counts but I schlicked her off.

>>19483885
If God wishes it to it could, I think. I think He can grant authority or a semblance of authority. I think all outcomes are a result of His will, but that there is a freedom of intention, which He then cradles how he wills.

My parents, being squares (albeit kind ones), are upset with me giving up school for the sake of music, but they seem willing to support me if I finish the semester strongly and go to music school. But I feel like I have already wasted enough time trying to be someone I wasn't meant to be, and need to make up for lost time by working on my craft even if it comes at the expense of my grades. And on top of this while I am appreciative of their openmindedness I've always had reservations about music school too— I want to study acting, learn Method and peel back the layers of my personality. I think in the end this would allow me to develop a stronger emotional inner world and create better art in the long term.

>>19483740
oh shit I'm in Albuquerque, lately I've been doing a lot of shitposting at work at UNM

>>19483229
It's been fun guys but I'm gonna have to stop browsing /lit/ for a while. Christmas is coming up and I got a stocking full of coal last year because of all the bad manners I picked up from you guys...

I feel really bad for my friend. He is somewhat apolitical, but voted for Biden because his parents did. Last week, he was playing a drinking game at a college house party and after he lost, said "can't believe we lost to those queers", causing a bisexual girl to have a hyperventilating panic attack and his housemates to shame and shun him for using a "slur". After apologizing to everyone, they treat him like shit each day and act like he is this grand racist, ignoring him when he addresses them and making passive aggressive comments as if they were females . It's incredibly ironic as he is the only brown person sharing a house with three pale, skinny tech bros, who find it fitting to lecture him on progressive values. I was a liberal entering university, and four years later I will be graduating as a hardline conservative, as will my friend now. I don't have much of a point to make from this story other than provide an example for how progressive faggots inadvertently push those with common sense to the "right" (ideological right, not the Zionist republican party)
As you could guess, I live in California. Make fun of the state all you want but this shit is spreading eastward. You can see how the techies migrating from Palo Alto are going to turn Texas into a blue state by 2028. This shit is so disheartening bros, my friend is good and didn't deserve a mob shaming.

>>19484081
oh no his college dorm mates won't talk to him anymore, that's so fucked up

>>19484081
Why are young people so political? No one would care that much 20 years.

>>19480401
Stick to your diet.

>>19484156
The problem is that they’re not political. O one’s talking about it much less making sense of it.
OP is clueless about how retarded he is. The bisexual is clueless, the poor guy who said queer in the wrong context is clueless for voting Biden.
Liberals are stewing in their post of confusion and not learning a thing in school. Sad sad sad.

>>19484188
lmaooo

what do u think about the music

Writing has gotten harder for me. I used to do it easily. Now, even thinking about sitting down and writing is hard. I think it’s all the pressure I put on myself. It not enough to just write, or have fun with it. It has to be good, perfect actually.

Why are people like this >>19484136 sick in the head

>>19484230
hes right, if you cant even put previous threads in OP you should not be making them

>>19484230
Because people like this have no life and are usually derange. Take for example >>19478539

>>19483229
Most shadows are cool, but he knew hers was hot. Sitting there in her seat, a dark triangle pointed to an unknown heat and caused him to salivate so. She spread her legs ever so slightly and the shadow grew wider, but also lighter. He fantasized about becoming one with the shadow, with its luxuriant, marine-like heat. The cuneiform shadow again became darker as the girl shifted in her place, but the aperture did not close complete, it only narrowed. His mind became dizzy with images, sensations, and scents. As the marine-like grotto, moved and squinted, waxed and wained, but did not ever close complete. Images of dried white seafoam, of yellowed tarps, and sandy stains filled his mind. And of course of a carnivorous flower enclosed in the dark cunicular night of enfolded cloth and muscular flesh. A carnivorous flower, of sweet and honeyed scent, that would grow engorged and tearful at a moment's thought, at a sight, perhaps even at a sound. A flower meant to devour the hardest and most turgid flesh and feed of its juice and thereby reproduce.

>>19483229
Just got a Kindle, looks pretty neat and only 100 bucks plus 20 for a case. Gonna side load a bunch of shit. I have tons of audible shit but couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger on the 200 dollar 32gb one.

>>19484259
>Caring about anything is autism
It ultimately doesn’t matter, and I don’t care all that much, but getting it together isn’t such a bad thing.

What’s on my mind, again, is ecological disaster

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYiKLYlP0NI wolfi landstreicher snapped

Made friends with an "incel" recently, and damn is he insufferable. Normally, I wouldn't mind his woman hating tendencies, but he feels the need to take it a step further by trying to provoke me with how I'm "unattractive to women" by default. Why does he feel the need to try to demoralize and emasculate me like so? He obviously doesn't have my best intentions at heart. Any mention of me finding a girlfriend at all leaves him in a rage, and I just don't get the point of getting mad at me over his own incompetence. I already hate him, that rotten pissant.

>>19484409
What's the casual conversation with him like?

>>19484414
Pretty mundane stuff about our hobbies and interests, some banter. He only starts getting testy when (real) women are involved in some shape or form, no matter how inconspicuous.

>>19484428
Who does he blame for being an incel? Looks?

>>19484509
Looks and personality I would assume. I don't try to push the subject.

I really don’t feel like there’s anything particularly worth doing.

>>19484409
Cut that guy off immediately, what are you waiting for?

>>19484541
Did you try him some advice?

I secretly love historical fiction and fantasy inspired by the Middle Ages, and I would write it myself but I’m for some reason or another ashamed of that. So many people have gone on about writing “literary” or “serious” (whatever that means) fantasy and failed so that it feels stupid to even attempt it, and it also feels somehow out of joint with modern life. I’m not a knight or a minnesanger. I’m just some American that went to a State University works in an office.

>>19483229
I'm thinking about a silly story where bunnies exchange seeds, foods and tools for work and they live in a tiny bunny society.
So, their neighbors are cats, the cat people are not an agricultural society, so instead of exchanging goods for services they just got some hours per day dedicated to working (like, say, 6 hours) and the rest of the day is free. They don't share their own stuff but sometimes they might trade meat for someone else's goods.

So this would be a story on how a bunny offered a great deal to a cat, to work in exchange of thousands of valuable seeds.
The cat gets economically smothered and basically becomes a slave in the bunny society.
He generates "debt" because importing meat for his consumption is very seed expensive and ethically questionable and the few seeds he's got left, he uses to improve his life in the bunny land.

On the other hand a bunny that tries living with the cats gets frustrated over how hard and tedious it is to progress, it takes way too much work to have a proper life in that place and most cats are contempt just by working and laying for hours sleeping under the sun, none of them care much about the bigger picture.
So the bunny works for the cats but works extra hard for himself, while everyone else just does their thing and lays around.
The bunny eventually works himself to exhaustion, but since he never made friends with the cats, he was just sent back to his own country and ended up with a huge hospital bill.

>>19484277
>Most shadows are cool, but he knew hers was hot.
Stopped there.

https://youtu.be/ccU0JCRNj3A

>>19483535
fuck mate I know what you're saying

>>19483229
I want to write abstract erotica with a man from here

a scorpion stung me this afternoon
what was he thinking in attacking me, a giant?
the brazen fellow did not escape my retribution

>>19483229
I'm in the city and I started my pants and it's a 10 minute walk to the nearest toilet omg what do I do

New job. Good pay, easy work. Quietly doing my part and going home like I want. Girls are starting to talk to me. Keep inviting me into their conversations. Pushing me to work with and talk with K. She's cute, nice butt. Don't want this. Just wanna work and go home. I just wanna sleep. Please let me out.

privy be careful

>>19485592
let it all out, brother. Right now, just let it flow

>>19485592
If you calculate the probabilities in any given city of a certain population x at least some fraction of x must shit their pants daily. At least 10 or so people.

Might I advise you find the nearest bathroom rather than livestream your odyssey of self-defecation?

I wanna fuck my coworker soooooo fucking bad; she's short and wears these sweaters where the neck hole is loose so when I'm standing next to her and looking down I can see her massive tits. They are tan and round and jiggly as a bowl of jello. I frequently jerk off thinking about fucking her missionary while switching between sucking her tits and sticking my tongue down her throat. She's in my cube and I'm finding it difficult to get work done with her around. I just want to COOM, boyos!

Recently I started hating having to eat. I'm starting to lose weight

>>19483251
>>19483332
Pretty much the same for me in Ireland, except instead of a psychologist I saw a nurse with some training in psychology. Overall it was a pretty mundane experience. Luckily I didn't require the services for long.

>>19483899
anon please tell me how to lose it I'm 25 and basically have followed your path so far how did you figure out how to get girls to sleep with you

>>19485592
Update. I tied a jacket around my waist to cover any wet patches on my ass. Walked to an upscale mall. Spent 15 minutes in the cubicle wiping brown water off my backside and legs. Fashioned a new pair of underpants out of toilet paper. Finished work, came home and showered.

>>19485892
At any given time at least 90% of the homeless population has shit in their pants. 10% of fatties are eternally sharting. But I'm not homeless or fat.

>>19483880

Single mindedly pursuing anything is a death sentence. Learn a better routine. Lmao I bet your music sucks too, it's probably mumble rap

I will be holding a presentation on the US-China cyber war on Thursday but at today's presentation when other students held theirs on another topic, the lecturer really made clear that as they are "case updates", our presentations should really focus on the period after 2017. Thing is, I have included stuff from the 90s as well because its just crucial to understand today's strategic thinking of China for example. Now I'm worried that I'm fucked because although the contextualisation is important (in my view), it might seem too historic to him...

idk why but i hate my job now. nothing really changed but coming back from the holiday break it's just making me seethe. can't wait to quit.

>>19486389
what exactly was happening with cyber war in china in the 90s that's so important? in the 90s the nsa pretty much owned the planet so if there was any cyberwar it must have been pretty one way. genuinely curious.

>>19486398
Well it is mostly that China started getting interested in building cyber capabilities in the 90s after seeing the US dominating that strongly in the Gulf War using network intelligence. Of course, actual hacking came later (around 2003 the first big hits) but that's the period when they though they'd need to build offensive capacities. And over time, this got balanced off with a deterrence thinking.

At work, there's this one fat bitch who looks like a whale and eats like one too. She is in the process of getting a divorce and I want to be the one to go in and give her a good fucking. Just like she deserves.

She's a fan of 'porn' and I'm not sure, but I'm thinking about taking a piece of shit from her house and putting it on her pillow. I think she'll get the message. I'll be back to get an update on how this goes.

I wonder if she'll scream out my name when she cums?

One way to find out...

>>19486430
remember when we bombed their embassy in yugoslavia and pretended it was an accident. oops. as an american i want to be patriotic and believe we can still win, but our ruling class is just incompetent and the masses aren't much better.

>>19486472
What? This has nothing to do with what I just said. But yes, my conclusion is that Chinese strategic thinking is guided by a perception of the US as a threat, they aren't just doing it because they're "evil".

>>19486466
fat girls are yucky wtf

>>19486488
so you think when send some laser guided missiles down the chimney of their embassy they didn't think that was a threat?

I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to make friends or find a girlfriend now.

Through no conscious effort of my own, a seemingly unsurpassable hurdle has been overcome: my parents keep passive-aggressively trying to guilt me into moving out and/or giving them grandkids, so I don't think I would feel too bad at all about removing their son from them anymore. And, in a way, it could be seen as "moving out," so everybody wins.
It should go without saying that I'm alluding to becoming an hero in Minecraft, not irl ;)

I left my dream of majoring in philosophy behind.

>>19483229
Boredim, wish I could sleep

>>19483880
godspeed fren. I'm glad you found something to live for

I've started a book club with a couple of friends and off course the first book one of them picks is atlas shrugged.
I've been plesantly surprised by it, often feels like a really long series of socratic dialogue,but all the character are entertaining and asa bonus the book offers a great insight into female mentality

>>19486783
What insights have you drawn?

>>19486802
that no matter how dominant or outspoken a women is, she is still just looking for a strong men to overpower her

There's someone important in my life who I literally cannot bear talking to or interacting with unless I have at least a few drinks in my system. What does that say?

god i hate every stupid fucking book I've read. There was more urgent things to be learned, more experiences to be had but instead I focused my attention on large, homosexual ideas. All this meditation on morality and philosophy when I never even tasted Power. All this reflection on evolutionary reasoning when I never experience Love. I focused on ideas of balance and mindfulness my entire youth and now I despise the very notion of equilibrium. I will seek the extremes.

If I ever have children, I plan to read them old mythology tales as bedtime stories. I'll read them the illiad and odyssey and so on and turn them into ultimate pseuds

>>19486954
ur 19 bro, just be fucking normal

>>19487084
Nigger I'm 24

>>19486954
You sound cute.

>>19486657
Making friends is easy, literally any hobby you can think of from soccer to tabletop gaming to woodworking will have some kind of club within reasonable driving distance of any urban/suburban area that you can find somewhere like meetup.com or Facebook groups. Obviously it depends on the hobby but generally they're full of guys who were just looking to meet friends who liked that hobby. Getting a gf is different, no clue how you do that..

>>19486708
>my parents want me to start living my own life so I better an hero
lame

>>19486816
>>19486802
>>19486783
I learned this same lesson from femdom porn and as soon as I realized it I became absolutely disgusted with femdom

>>19487090
that's a shame

i am once again incredibly angry about not understanding music.
i haven't found that first little bit to grasp onto yet. that little basic piece of ability from which everything else flows. it's like wanting to draw but not comprehending that you can arrange lines to create an image - the problem isn't not being able to draw a stickman so much as not being able to understand how you form a stickman using just a pen. sitting here, all these notes and an apparently infinite number of ways to combine them, theory guides off in the stars offering no help whatsoever, no intuition developing from playing the works of others. it's a maddening process.

i alternate between believing it's a field designed to frustrate me specifically in some kind of cosmic cruelty, and the more rational approach that it just takes a learning style which is on the wrong side of what i'm good at. a trade off where grasping reading and writing quickly means finding music composition harder to comprehend than Manchu.

>>19487091
N E W J E R S E Y
E
W

J
E
R
S
E
Y

Don't do it

i'm pretty sure my job is going to mandate boosters and if they do i will not be taking it. the vax made me sick and i've had fatigue and chest pain ever since. i was healthy up until now. it was a nice ten years working there, but it's not nice enough to risk my own health any further.

25 in a month and time seems to drag on. I just want it to be here already.

I felt my depression lift a few nights ago but that same night I had sugar for the first time in weeks and I haven't felt good since. I might have to quit sugar for good at this rate

>>19487162
Music is more or less impossible to make without being inspired by something. You can put together a melody if you're lucky but until you get inspired you're really just wandering around in the dark

I'm looking for a meme I saw a few days ago. It's similar to the "big, bigger, biggest" brain meme, but instead the bottom says something along the line of: I'm an observer(or seeker) sent by the logos.

I didnt sleep much last night. I was in a weird state where body was relaxed but mind still active. Way too much sleep paralysis.

>>19487163
You're as good as dead, New Jersey ain't the whole world

All of these are bunch of cowards, niggers, maniacs, savages. They don't believe in anything. Know thyself? HAHAHAHAHAHA what kind of nigger would make such a statement? All of this fancy brain vomit doesn't mean anything. Imagine making any statements when you will be 50 years old and suffering from ass cancer and shitting out your guts down in the fucking loo. Write your wisdom books then, fucking cocksuckers. Why write books? Record your semi dead body on camera with sacred wisdom books playing in the background, when you will be shitting yourself helplessly and wearing adult diapers. Fucking disgusting shitshow of humanity. Oh you want to save the fucking planet? Learn from countless extinct species you scared shitless cunts, the bastards of an aberrant universe.

Photography and Painting are the two biggest whores on this planet. Painting for even painting degeneracy of the past with superior aesthetics and thus by creating a retarded romantic experience for their drooling retards who make up their mind by looking at pseudo realism of photography and thus vomit out shit like muh new bad, old good b-because look at those fucking painting, wow those were the days man. Not that these "progressive" NPCs are any better. Every generation feels like it is the causal force behind every event in the universe. "Much linear time" "muh necessity" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA fucking fools with their terrible copes need field tours to forgotten graveyards.

Most (if not all) of my artistic projects are in their core tasteless self-indulgent fantasies with no meaning behind them. So I tell myself that they are worthless and stop working on them as soon as initial inspiration dies down.

Is it wrong to wish for affection of a young beautiful woman? Don't think so. Is it wrong to wish for said affection and yet do nothing to earn it? Probably. Is it wrong to spend weeks crafting what is essentially a coping mechanism for my own inadequacy? As I see it, most definitely. And my crafting skills aren't even that good.

>>19483253
kek

>>19483229
I feel guilt for how much reflexive aversion for the mentally challenged lies within me
I know that they have no bearing on their fate, but fathering a child with Downs or some other nonviable defect is a significant fear of mine

America and Europe aren't part of the same culture or civilization. Americans fail to understand they are a new, emerging culture, not part of European culture which is undergoing its own, independent historical cycles. It would really help Americans if they stopped associating themselves with Europe, associating themselves with the European as the "Western Man".

Can I interest anyone in some peppermints? Peppermint anyone

In High School people were happy for me to sit with them at lunch, be on their team for sports or group assignments, crack jokes with, but not enough to ever want to do things with me outside the context of school.
There were kids that had it a lot worse, were bullied, and in a way they had more attention than me. I was sort of a ghost, just there in the background of everyone else's adolescent dramas but having none of my own.

And it is still like that years after graduating. Something about me is socially frictionless, nothing adheres. Nonentity.

>>19488129
Ow the edge

having a very good time. had such good company. I love two people on earth. One is a woman I lost. The other is a dear friend. We talked until 5 in the morning. He convinced me Santa Claus is sacred metaphysics.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRK4jYdmRUk

I hate my job so much but I feel like I have golden handcuffs because it requires very little time and effort and I don’t know where to go from here.

>>19488851
What do you do?

>>19488857
Uni admin

>>19488923
Ah, I work at a university as well. What do you hate about it?

I read Cat's Cradle recently. I liked it.

>>19488972
I liked it also, although I only read it a long time ago

>>19488927
I suppose I would say the specific job function snd the general environment. I don’t like the people I work with and I just always have this overwhelming sense that it’s just so pointless. I’m really just running out the clock of my life here.

>>19488621
Yeah I'll take a peppermint

>>19488621
doublemint dave?

>>19486031
Rather than setting a goal of "getting a girlfriend/having sex" you have to set up a system that increases your chances of success.
These things include:
>exercising and eating healthy
>grooming and dressing well
>practice your public speaking (if you're in uni, you should take public speaking classes)
but most importantly of all
>Never waste an opportunity to start a conversation with an attractive woman (even if she isn't single)
The point is to set yourself up for success, not just "achieve x." If you do things a million times it becomes second nature. And think about it, if you can't talk to an attractive taken women, what chance do you have with a woman who is available? So don't worry about if she's taken or not you're just trying to make yourself comfortable around pretty girls and limit testing yourself on how to make them comfortable around you. You have to learn to read the room.
I lost my virginity entirely on accident though and it wasn't pretty, the girl I did it with had a fight with her bf the same night I hit a roadblock with the girl I was trying to date.

>>19486525
Not him, but I don’t see what the US would have had to gain from such an attack.

>>19484910
> So many people have gone on about writing “literary” or “serious” (whatever that means) fantasy and failed so that it feels stupid to even attempt it,
Those people are queers who need everyone to think their work is very serious business, and want to be lauded as some high minded intellectual philosopher twit. Write cool shit you're interested in.

I am going to take the next semester off from grad school. This semester has been an absolute trainwreck, and if I continued next semester it’d be the same. My goal in the next nine months is to
>get physically healthy/fit
I feel like a lot of my problems come from me just sitting at day all long. Plus I’ve gained more than 20 pounds since COVID started.
>Develop work ethic/study habits
I made it through high school and college without having to make a change but that’s not the case anymore
>Regain confidence in self
Lost it, need it back

My big fear is that I will end up a NEET in academic terms. I don’t want this to be the end of the road for my education. I am working full time as well, so I won’t risk becoming a full NEET, but yeah. Hopefully me in August 2022 is improved in academic readiness.

pulled from the morning pages:

Each morning I pick up where the previous day left off, catching myself up with all the data and information that floated past my head while I slept. Unplugging the dream catcher and licking the filter clean, I make sure that not a single photon was missed while I was outside the world. I truly live the 24-news-cycle-life-cycle. The time dilation of sleep corrected, my clock now matching the information doomsday clock of the world, I can go about being prescient.

I know what all my friends have been up to. I know what their public life has been looking like from their instagram. I know what their private life feels like from their finstas and tweets. I’m one of their Close Friends. I know they’ve been sad lately. So when I see my friend at the bar, my friend who made me feel at home in a city I knew nobody in when I moved here 3 years ago, silently and unwittingly pulling me from myself and into the arms of our now many friends, I do not ask how they are doing. We don’t talk about his struggles with loneliness and empty situationships, I saw the posts. I won’t ask what he’s been working on, I already liked it. The ground of our personal lives is already well worn by time we come face to face. Our subjective experiences are yesterday’s already-analyzed and fact-checked reports.

So, we do the news in our booth. We’re on a current events show that’s just for us, playing both audience and dueling hosts. We’ll disagree or know the other is incorrect, but never say, “I think you’re using that word wrong.” A little symposium is formed as we monologue back and forth, building on what the other says as a way “to get back to what I was saying.”

The whole time we do this, I want to stop. I want to ask if he’s been seeing anyone lately and how that’s been going. I want to ask if he’s seen our other friend, the one I haven’t seen in a while, and ask “How are they doing?” I want to stop the show, cut the imaginary camera. I want to be two friends in a warmly lit bar, sharing drinks and catching up as the cold wind of North East winter rolls down the street outside.

But I Literally Can’t. The last 24 hours must be analyzed and instantiated as part of a larger arc of media/historic/epistemological/culture narratives that we are just straight Noticing out here. I’ve received too many inputs by nightfall to do anything but output. I go home, slightly buzzed and feeling an emptiness akin to the afterglow of loveless sex. I plug in the dream-catcher and listen to a podcast as I fall asleep, making sure I wake up the next day with some good opinions on what’s happened while I was at the bar.

>>19484081
You wouldn’t go to Saudi Arabia and say something bad about Islam. In the same exact way you don’t go to an American university and say something bad about LGBT. Liberalism is the religion of this country, and it has its sharia. Don’t break it if you want to be a part of polite society.

>>19489875
There are stark ideological differences between coastal universities and inland universities. Homoliberalism is the religion of Seattle, Portland, SF, LA, and surrounding areas, not really anywhere else. However, most relevant American media and entertainment companies are based here, so they project their gay messages to the rest of the world.

What should you do if you feel called in different directions but those directions appear as mutually exclusive of one another?

>>19490068
Make a very serious evaluation of your life and your options. What directions are you feeling pulled in?

there is no bliss to be found in my body, or in others'. its all in mind. let me shake this loneliness and fill the hole in my heart, my heart wrenches itself when i open my eyes in the morning because the only way i can be with what i love is through pain

oh god bros

>>19489524
This is the best advice I've ever seen on this site

>>19490106
I’m not sure if I want to be too specific on this board, since I’ve noticed specifics tend to be subject to ironic mocking more than serious advice. That’s not to say that’s your intent, but I’m sure you see where I’m coming from.

But as for the advice about evaluation, that’s a bit difficult. How do you evaluate a feeling in the context of life?

>>19489524
>start a conversation with an attractive woman (even if she isn't single)
I have nothing to say to them.

>>19489524
>>exercising and eating healthy
>>grooming and dressing well
>>practice your public speaking (if you're in uni, you should take public speaking classes)
But I already do all of those things and I still don't know any hot girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtVp5fDBFM4

I'm a genuine schizoid and I think that's my best quality.

>>19490350
U have this saved on ur pc and you don’t jack off to tranny porn?

>>19490370
i don't really like porn

a vestige perhaps but a footprint or some memory of emptiness but surviving through transience a sigh of permanence or perhaps change among the changes not of temperance and free of gradience for vestiges are remnants changeless but this, changeless change, a death of death, away passes passing leaving but a vestige, world what in you is a vestige ? is difference forever difference, is Law forever law? and more is one the one beyond me seeing one? the doctrines unify in this;this world is but the vestige of the vestiges.

vestige of vestiges this vanity
between the welkin pied with dying clouds
and many dappled earth’s idolatry
wildering with whirring repetitions
of weir and jeer and fear and entropy
the destiny both great and terrible,
death of temporary eternity;
the marriage veil unveiled as a vestige.

For the past week I keep having these random bursts of euphoria after my mind inclines toward the path of 'Evil'. It's an energy that flows through me after a series hateful thoughts and reflection on my impotence. The only time I can recall this happening was maybe 2 years ago after a girl ghosted me and the following weekend I went out with this energy propelling me. There I seduced some young girl then left when I was invited by another girl (at the same party) to an afterparty. This second girl was bright and covered in tattoos. She invited me right in front of her boyfriend who over the course of the night made notice of his offense with some not so subtle gestures. The end of the night was closed out with a silent audience as her and I discussed the future of language. I obviously (as a man) was arguing that our communication would simply get more efficient. Words would get shorter, ideas would be simpler etc. She (as a women) argued about the aesthetic differences that would arise and how this would change the very nature of language etc. Another thing I noticed was how overall my behavior was much more brutal and offensive the entire night. This is quiet the change of character and one I fear might be engulfing me now all because of a girl.

Just ordered a Lord Tennyson book of poems, Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil and Walden. December is going to be comfy

>>19490245
Just shoot the shit, like you're talking to a friend or even your mother. If you're trying to introduce yourself get creative. e.g. If you've seen them multiple times at the same place, you can ask, "Hey, do I know you from x?" I used to practice by talking to strangers on the uni shuttle with small talk, asking what classes they had/have today or what their major is. If a conversation develops then great, if not, hey at least you tried and passed some of the tedium. People tend to like to talk about themselves and their experiences.

>>19490276
Well are you putting yourselves in scenarios where you can meet girls? Going home and doing nothing but playing videogames and reading books after work and wondering why you can't get a gf is like going to a vegan restaurant and wondering why you can't get a steak. You can’t control your luck, but you can increase your odds by stacking the deck via giving yourself more opportunities.

I'm quite certain atheism got thoroughly debunked on May 20, 1964 with the discovery of the cosmic microwave background. Every atheist statement after the universe being confirmed to have a finite beginning has been one gigantic cope and we're close to picking up the pieces and moving past it with people like Scott Adams professing pandeism.

Hail to the Cult

>>19490684
BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST BEAST

maybe is time to go outside

>>19490652
>Well are you putting yourselves in scenarios where you can meet girls?
Like what? I go out with my male friends every couple of weeks but they don't really know any girls either.

I go crazy from too much equivocation. There's this woman I love, who knows I love her and doesn't let me know how she feels about it. She is with me regularly, appreciates my compliments, compliments me back, she thinks highly of me and knows I think highly of her, we share complicity and a certain communion of thought, I am introduced to her parents and some of her friends and there are certainly quite a few people who think we are actually in a relationship, and in spite of all this she never tells me anything about how she looks at me exactly. The only vague hint I got recently was in a reply to a letter I wrote her where she said she was sorry for the pain she was causing me. How do I deal with such indecision?

I’m almost 30 and I have 0 friends.

>>19490210
I would both mock you and give you serious advice.

>But as for the advice about evaluation, that’s a bit difficult. How do you evaluate a feeling in the context of life?

For me the evaluation is twofold. All feelings are in some way directing you towards some action. You have got to come to know the feeling and recognize what it is pushing you towards, even the most base impulse is in some way informing you of it's highest form. As a person it's your job to evaluate the feeling and bring it to this sort of logical end-state, this sort of most-beautiful-iteration of feeling. You've got to take those things inside you and make them large, fill them out. Contextually it is about what you want your life to be. Are these feelings moving towards things that you want to do? The life you want to lead? The person that you'd like to be? The person that you are? If no then you just send them away. If you don't have an answer to that then you've got to come to know yourself better.

I have 7 friends, some of the greatest one could ask for.

>>19490860
I was banned at home so I walked to the library to say I am your friend anon. Wish me luck not getting stabbed in the bathroom by hobos.

is there any literature that builds on communist criticisms of capitalism and does something similar to whatever the current neoliberal system is?
I suppose I'm looking for whatever critical philosophy has succeeded communism, as I feel that communism, fascism, and capitalism are dead ideas from the last century

>>19491165
Some kind of more robust predecessor of what is often loosely called Keynesianism, like Friedrich List maybe?

Fascism has interesting social and economic thought though. Social credit is interesting.

>>19490892
Yes to all of the above. For me, the feeling is like an impulse not necessarily to an end state but to a process or a way of living or something like that. My hangups are basically that I either don’t have the confidence in myself or my environment to pursue them or else I feel I simply don’t have the capability or else I’m unsure about the thing itself because of some flaw or whatever. I’ll spare you my woe is my spiel but I basically feel like “there are things I could do, would do, and should do…if only x, but y” and in the end, I feel like in all this world, there’s absolutely nothing worth doing. This feeling has left me in a pretty bad state. I’ve lost friends. My family dislikes me. I dislike myself. And worse, I don’t know how to reconcile any of this.

i need a new windbreaker. it needs to cost at least 500

>>19491246
that's one expensive brapper

>>19491242
You sound depressed.

>>19491246
arc'teryx

>>19491454
oh nice

I hope one day I will be able to write like this.

You are my heaven,
All is forgiven,
I'm in love with You.


You put me together,
My love's forever,
I will live for You.

I was in pieces,
Wrinkled with creases,
Until You came.

Now I live onlyc
Simply to worship Your name,

I've waited so long
But I see I was wrong
In not loving You.


It took me some years
And some pain and some tears
But you pulled me through,

I've waited so long
But I see You belong
Deep down in my heart,

And I wonder why
I didn't love You from the start.

I was confused then,
Lost in a whirlwind
That was spinning round,

You stopped my spinning,
Gave me a beginning
On solid ground.

Now there's a purpose,
Life's not a circus
Since I've found You, Lord.

I'm Yours forever
Take me and never
Let me live Your word.

I've waited so long
But I see I was wrong
In not loving You.


It took me some years
And some pain and some tears
But you pulled me through,

I've waited so long
But I see You belong
Deep down in my heart,

And I wonder why
I didn't love You from the start.

>>19491681
i hope one day i'll be able to write like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98oK6zZXmQw

>>19491242
>My hangups are basically that I either don’t have the confidence in myself or my environment to pursue them or else I feel I simply don’t have the capability or else I’m unsure about the thing itself because of some flaw or whatever.

Just do. The moment you start doing you'll feel better.

I wish I had feelings again just to understand what the world is like. When your feelings go away you have to start imagining what a thing is actually like since your senses aren't giving you the full story, whereas a healthy person just experiences it for what it is.

Let me give an example. Say you're 30 years old and you buy a retro video game console. You buy some popular games and have a lot of fun. But it's also complex, there can be a bittersweet feeling that you're living in the past. You might get really attached to a game's characters, and it's a mixed feeling because you're happy to see them but also feel bad because they don't exist, they're just trapped inside that virtual world. A normal person may feel all these feelings at once, but what matters is they feel something. What they feel is quantifiable and real. It defines the world for them.

That's why when you stop feeling, the world becomes obscure and unknowable. Your feelings are the brain's way of knowing and processing the world. When you can't feel, the entire world is a blur, a massive amorphous blob made of a singular substance. You can buy a retro console or whatever, but those feelings associated with it are unknowable to you. And you live this way for years and years. And it never ends. There's not a single part of life you get to experience anymore, yet you keep on living. You wonder if you somehow brought this upon yourself. You pray to God and nothing happens. Years later, you're still alive, and nothing has changed.

What are the chances this slow decline into predictability, efficiency, mechanization, and subordination result in violent revolution?

Quit my job. They were using me as their little laughing stock, the target of jokes. No one respected me. They were two faced, alone they would be nice to me, in a group they would laugh and make jokes at my expense. Minimum wage normies are evil vile two faced creatures

When I drink coffee consecutively, something fundamentally changes in my brain chemistry. Things become less enjoyable, the edges appear more sharp, and I hyper fixate on one aspect of my body (currently arrhythmia brought on by caffeine and worrying about arrhythmia.)

>>19492279

You live in violent and permanent revolution. Every moment of every hour of every day you experience Hobbes' war of all-against-all.

>>19483229
Primitive humans were really stupid. They might have a bad dream and decide to kill their child to avoid a bad thing from the dream from happening. Psychotics that believed in magic rocks curing diseases were given special status as the village mage and weird seemingly pointless things would collectively happen. Why is there so much wank over living like that now? Is it cope?

>>19483229
I don't buy all this Paul stuff

What sucks about reading adventure or fantasy in novels and other media is that your own life seems incredibly boring by comparison which is depressing. That's why I like Russian literature, it deals with existential reality of real life.

>lay down for bed
>awake for ~hour
>sleep ~30-40 minutes
>wake up from nightmare
>lay in bed for +hour
>sleep ~20-30 minutes
>wake up from nightmare
>repeat for months

suffering

Which human books would aliens like to read?

> Dec. 1st
I can listen to Christmas music now :^)

>>19483465

One relationship by 24 and a ton of hookups, compared to other people here i know it seems amazing but I went through and recovered from (hopefully) a psychotic break between that relationship and now love seems so much distant than it did when I was younger.
Some friends girlfriend recently told me that its "good to be choosey" so maybe woman think that about me. But I would have dated anyone not matter who they were at some points in my life, especially when my mental health was at its worst.
I also find myself romanticized girls with "a past" a lot even if I really shouldn't I know. The idea of a girl who had and then walked away from the life of being a slut seems to appeal to me more than some trad virgin fantasy. I know 4chan tends to tear you apart for thinking this but I can't help it, maybe its having seen how much I had broken in my past I want someone who could relate.
Maybe it's a lack of self esteem or something.

Perhaps this is the case for a lot of women but I've noticed a girl I see regularly when talking in groups often 'floats' and bounces around in this dance-like way at points in the conversation. She'll pull back or lounge forward and sometimes even twirl etc. It's such a free and elegant gesture to witness in retrospect.

>>19483229
My sister called me, if I want to be vaccinated tomorrow. I said no, that I will wait. She got angry and tried to convince me. I mentioned her that the usual, that the vax long term symptoms haven't been examined, myocarditis and pericarditis in young people, etc. She said those where only far remote isolated cases, to trust the science, it is a safe technology, that there are thousands of papers saying it is effective, that honest people worked in it, and that I would SURELY DIE if I didn't get vaxxed and happened to catch the cough. That people are dying, people who haven't got the vax around her are falling like flies. Yeah, sure I understand.
I gaslight myself, believing I am in a bubble or echo-chamber. I am an schizo, that truly there isn't any truth behind what I think. This timeline feels so hopeless. I feel what is going on is fucking nasty. It is fucking nasty that what is left of my life, people are going to tell me that I will SURELY DIE and kill old grannies. I doubt of myself and others. Yet it makes me feel so wrong to bear different opinions than my family. They come from the right place, I am a scientist myself, and perhaps I am projecting unto others, but it is fucking piss easy to bullshit. Lately I think the dying elites nuked my generation so we couldn't stand on our feet while they dredge the fuck out of the earth and imprison us in a digital shithole. I am not sure why I prefer to kill myself than to take the vax, it feels so utterly hopeless, like a never ending nightmare. I hope they force vaccination in the US so it is no longer my choice.

>>19493480
Get the vax chud.
Nah, I got j&j 6 months back, so far so good so I can just keep hoping.
My mother told me I just needed to get this one and that it was silly to assume there would be boosters.
She told me to get a booster a few days ago and I refused, I told her I had the vax and that was the end of that, a large fight occurred but she eventually gave up and said fine don't get it.
I'm probably gaslighting myself here too, but it feels like a matter of principle, I agreed to do this one thing for my country despite my fears, im not doing anything more.

>>19493484
>>19493484
Yeah that's the thing, and the efficacy decreases every month that passes while the cough evolves and doesn't give a fuck. Yes, you can take a vaccine but few months down the line it is obsolete. Boosters sound fine on paper, the thing is we don't know if they have additive effects or exponential ones. We are still in year one, yet we already need boosters. It is like the old Shigeru Miyamoto saying, once a bad game always a bad game. If we are elaborating over a leaky technology, if our bases are weak, the building will eventually fall off, it becomes a tower of Babel occurrence. Like what the fuck? even fucking Taleb said it was too risky to avoid vaccination. Still I doubt him. I have my share of doubts over the science establishment, and when science collides with the political sphere, then it becomes fishier. Like the COP26 and oil companies greenwashing bullshit.

>>19483229
I have a massive fear of starting hobbies and I want to get over it. I'm tired of just living my life as a consumer with inspirations I never act upon.

>>19493254
I kind of understand it for the reason you stated. Always feels nice to have someone who you can relate to on the less savory aspects of your life. None of us really deserve any sort of trad-wife fantasy anyways so it's better place to have your head at.

Bacteria's back. Eat at
The uh
Coughteria's back. Eat at the
Bracteria's brack. Eat. At. The.
Coughteria is bloughughewewew
Uh
Blackteria is fffffffff%g&ccdyxukf\:8

The older I get and the more years that pass by the more tired I am of seeing coomerism and pornography. I'm turning into a prude I guess. I don't mind a piece of media using some sex appeal or showing something sexy like a dress with cleavage. That's simply something seen in real life now and then. But when it becomes degenerate pornography I'm actually turned off by it now.

Women don't get me. Or maybe they do get me. Both are very good explanations for why I am still single.

still unvaxxed

>>19493767
me too anon, me too. i skip it in movies. i am a young man. far from an incel too.

>>19493767
I feel like there is actually an immense deficit of eroticism in culture nowadays. Porn is depictions of sex, but it isn't sexy. Sex is everywhere, but sexiness is almost absent.

>>19493955
too right.
fucka nigger syringe

>>19483229
Ever since March 2020, or perhaps even earlier, I have been asleep to life. I have not grown in any meaningful way: I have not progressed in my life skills, I have lost the ability to think, I have lost the ability to sleep without distraction, I cannot focus, I cannot seem to find the bravery and mental/physical strength to confront my life, I have gained, lost my hair, and gained tremendous chronic pain in multiple parts of my body. My life has basically become distraction after distraction due to my tremendous physical pain and mental fatigue.

Please somebody help me. I don't know what to do.

>>19490540
Shut the fuck up

My family is forcing me to see a psychologist today(for ocd mainly and introvert traits) . I heard its a young man so I'm guessing an annoying soiboy. How the fuck am I supposed to act with a psychologist /lit/?

I have become sneed

>>19494289
Just say what wrong even if you trust him.

>>19492751
why not simply develop small manageable sleeping pill addiction

>>19494289
Ask him about his relationship with his mother.

>>19494289
>I heard its a young man so I'm guessing an annoying soiboy
LMFAO, the absolute state of 4chan /lit/. Are you only able to conceptualize the world within the narrow limits of your meme vernacular? If that is the case you should definitely kill yourself.

>>19494167
Agreed. Bring back strip teases.

AAAABSOLUTE CHAD

I think I'd be a lousy father.

I’m very interested in Spengler’s concept of the second religiousness and in particular it’s ties to the countryside of a place. He suggests that in the countryside, the real countryside, are practices, customs, and religious feeling which have always been there, will always be there, and will be returned to by the civilization as it approaches its terminal phase. Perhaps it’s because I’m American, but I actually don’t see it at all, unless this countryside religion is some sort of hard Calvinism, Mennonite, or Amish, which seems to me to not actually align with what he said at all. I wonder how different things are in Europe. I was interested to learn recently that near the alps in Germany and Austria in particular, there are wayside shrines to St. Hubertus. To American sensibilities, even American Catholic ones, this appears clearly pagan, very old. I wonder if that’s the sort of thing he meant, but it’s only visible in Europe.

>>19494571
"American civilization" is not Faustian civilization and is not at its terminal phase

>>19488992
Yeah, I get that. I spent years just trudging along without any real purpose and worrying about stuff like that. It was an exhausting thing to think about. I was also less medicated back then so that was a factor.
I'm curious: what's the average work day like in an administrative position?

>>19494289
Just think of him as a guy you can talk to about your problems, and don't feel like you need to share anything you're not comfortable with sharing. A shrink's job is to work with you at your pace.

>>19494571
Because western civ in America is a transplant and still intrinsically tied to Europe both culturally and ethnically. I think it behoves us to still think of America as just a European colony so far as Spengler's schema goes. To the extent that America has departed from this could either be seen as the seeds of another Civilization or just part of Late Empire package.

Mexican cartels hiring sorcerers to perform divinatory child sacrifice is the return to tradition of a deeper pre-European substrate.

>>19483253
fuckin kek

>>19483535
It's okay to be a Jew in 2021

>>19494218
Fast for a day, and then adhere to the AIP (autoimmune protocol) diet for a while. Strictly. Look into potential intestinal permeability even if you don't have any obvious digestive problems currently. I love sugary desserts but if I lose control and eat chocolate chip cookies, as an example, my body (joints) will give me pain and my brain fogs up. I'm a lot more sensitive to food intolerances than most people and I've used AIP and supplements like gelatin and zinc to improve compared to where I was.

Without knowing more the best thing I can point you towards is questioning what kinds of irritants and allergens you might be putting into your body, since food is something we consume in large chunks every day. Walk outside in the sunlight for a little bit, as much as you can hope to manage at first.

>>19494603
>still intrinsically tied to Europe both culturally and ethnically
No. Not since the last 100 years.

>To the extent that America has departed from this could either be seen as the seeds of another Civilization or just part of Late Empire package.
America is definitely the seeds of another civilization.

ETHICS <--------> AESTHETICS

ETHICS = Apollonian truth
AESTHETICS = Dyonisian truth

>>19494697
Any books on increasing the sense of aesthetics?

>>19494697
HORNY = ZEUSINIAN TRUTH

I don't dare tell my therapist I'm an incel.

>>19494329
anticholinergics give u dementia & nothing else works

>>19494767
>Incel
As in virgin? I told that Im a 30 year old khv.

>>19493767
It's starting to bother me with people more than anything. People can't seem to appreciate anything without a huge pair of tits to keep their attention, and I've seen entire communities drop in quality because of it.

Wrote an inaccurate translation of a Verlaine poem.

Le son du cor s’afflige vers les bois
D’une douleur on veut croire orpheline
Qui vient mourir au bas de la colline
Parmi la bise errant en courts abois.

L’âme du loup pleure dans cette voix
Qui monte avec le soleil qui décline
D’une agonie on veut croire câline
Et qui ravit et qui navre à la fois.

Pour faire mieux cette plainte assoupie,
La neige tombe à longs traits de charpie
A travers le couchant sanguinolent,

Et l’air a l’air d’être un soupir d’automne,
Tant il fait doux par ce soir monotone
Où se dorlote un paysage lent.


The wailing horn reverbs among the hollow trees,
With orphan loneliness the echoes silently
Fade away between the gusts of the quietly
Rushing gales of northern winds that die as a breeze.

The weeping howls of wolves arise with hellish noise,
From Hell itself their spirits arise with sunset’s
Agony, that delights in devouring Death’s
Supremacy of woe, the sole remaining voice.

Their laments mingle cacophonously with Death,
Though the Snows and ice make white, dissolving each breath,
The stains and strips of rays of bloodred sunset remain.

The autumn’s sigh in secret miasma corrupts
The monotonously mild night and then erupts!
Night’s languid landscape is a lie that conceals Death.

Why'd they name it Cats on Mars and introduce a little girl and a dog?

There’s a great sadness to the American southern. A bunch of steadfast honest people whose history has been destroyed by revisionism.

>>19495034
Nique ta mère fils de chien

>>19493254
kek it's because you yourself are a slut, not so complex

>>19495522
I was a slut, now i would turn down a hookup even a girl begged me.

>>19495539
"was"

you want another "redeemed" whore such as yourself because it's what you're worthy of

>>19495555
It is what it is

>>19483229
Whereupon and beforehand the time did fly o'er the sand and my mind did cry the tide to sleep yet now I feel the thread is beat. Afore it unfurls I have one last hint, a quanta of spirit you'll eat in the end. Into the vortex it flows and it drains all of the grains in the glasses of pain, I feel it within the manifold of God I constructed with him the reality in bogs. The swamp I have here a gator has his, his teeth do gnash in the crocodile's tears, her pussy reeks cause she let him in weeks ago but now he drowns in centipede smiles. I have seen all this and more your God will show me all the doors the spirit within, the manifold without, the spirit is excised into the actual I perform this nine times before the runes fell and the seals unfurled I bring all the locusts to eat all your fine dine dine dinner wares are for people who haven't the guts to eat is right out you soul I mean suck it through the nostrils like a cat in heat eat eat eat it now er else you'll ne'er see the end of the belt its too cold mum but the jew said to follow your every command so here we are burning them all their bodies do stink like a stench from the deep I hear the devil's got an ass he'll bring on that day when we finally give in and let them all reign over our heads like good little sheep too bad I can't stand the sound of their neat little noses schlop schlop snorting all their little dreadels through posies in matzos I'd rather being down the marching of boots heel tip heel tip skull tip jaw eye and they'll be crushed like pavement a road made of bones too late! Mine peers hath perforce performed the ceremony of surrender that ritual of treachery the deceivers now bring them all to their knees and only now I still perceive that final shot ring in the street now they're coming for me Quick! Forward unto the breach! Back to the past before I must meet that final ghost of Christmas come kommen to bring my future to me and empty it is. The manifold is disclosed the fluxion within reaches to zero, infinite now, only an approximation, not quite dead, but nothing to live for.

>>19484993
please write it and post it here

Is Londonfrog still around? I read a few pages of the pdf compilations and the whole thing began to look like a made up character with obvious running jokes and Svevo references

I am back from my 2 week hiatus.
I have not smoked weed since then and I am still going strong, I've barely had any cravings. I have been feeling better although I am still feeling quite lazy and I have been drinking quite a bit but that's probably because I always enjoy drinking more in the colder seasons. Whatever. Despite feeling better I often feel tired and my head feels cloudy all the time, I'd like to think this is because of my sleep schedule, or maybe because of my caffeine consumption. I actually had a job interview last week so quitting weed has evidently improved my luck and fortune, and although they had to postpone my 2nd interview till after the holidays, I am feeling confident and I have good feelings toward my future.
https://youtu.be/hkDwv-EpOQA

>>19495807
Keep it up man.

https://youtu.be/nn3-rX7WHPo

>>19483229
Whose artwork do you like more? Edith Holden or Jo Brown?

I try to listen to upbeat high energy music but it doesnt help me to lift my spirits up.

>>19483229
Sick of pretending I enjoy things
No I don't wanna go to a concert
No I don't wanna hit the bars
No I don't wanna talk
No I don't wanna go out to eat
I've been forcing myself to do this shit for years at this point and have hardly enjoyed a moment of it. I used to think I'd feel even worse if I avoided it but I'm learning that's not true. I hate always being invited to shit only to show up and barely mumble two sentences to anyone. I don't enjoy talking to my friends anymore and I don't think they particularly like talking to me either. I'm a drag to be around and it's a drag to listen to them. I go home from spending time with them and wonder why I bothered. My family doesn't even let me get a word in edgewise and it doesn't matter because I have nothing to say to them anyway
I'm just gonna start bluntly declining invitations from now on. I refuse to make any more plans with anyone. They'll probably be relieved they're not obligated to invite me anymore

I am having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I will feel suicidal for the rest of my life. It always comes back like a boomerang. The intervals in between are not worth living for.

My finger is on a button now. Should i just delete everything and start from nothing? One tap and it’s gone. To start from scrach. The prospect is so elusive. Has anyone done it before? Burned all papers and research, deleted harddrives and wiped out cloud accounts? Could it be done? Has anyone dared to do it?

>>19496370
Do you love anything?

I had a real scare recently. I thought I might not make it through school after all, but my grades just came in. I admit I nearly caused my own failure to complete college, but if you made it, how did you prevent your own failing of college?

>>19496514
No. There might be something important in their you need. I'd look thoroughly before I'd mass delete a bunch of stuff.

>>19496514
whats the worst that could happen? send it. it will most likely be liberating.

>>19496517
I used to love all my friends and family but lately I feel too alienated from them to know if that's still true
Every time I talk to anyone it feels like we're in completely separate realities from which we can no longer communicate with one another
I don't feel like I know anyone anymore but I don't think they really changed
I still love my mom, I'm certain of that much
I enjoy taking walks sometimes

>>19494912
Not a virgin, but sexual encounters are few and far between and most of them are with prostitutes. I've never been in a relationship at 26. I've talked about feeling alienated and lonely because of my autism, even if I do a lot of casual socializing I lack more meaningful relationships. Maybe he's pieced it together himself by now but it's still humiliating to own up to a lot of this stuff.

I got scammed for 2 ex in Path of Exile

>>19496773
Find an autist gf
t. Autist in a relationship

>>19496962
Where?

>>19496575
Best advice i can give as a stranger is to try to nurture and expand your feelings of love to as much as you can
Feeling alienated often causes one to act in ways that make them further alienated, which then perpetuates itself

I don't think I love my GF anymore. I felt the same way last year, at this exact same time and I promissed to myself that I was going to break up with her as soon as the holyday season passed. But here am I, stuck with this girl who at some point I think I love and at others I finded completely unbereable. Woman, am I right? Bad with them, worst without them...

>walk in to grocery store
>get what I need
>approach the checkout counter to pay for it
>it is staffed by a woman
>i smile
>feel the tension in the air
>suddenly everyone jumps in to her defence trying to block me from the counter
>several woman start filming me on their phones
>S O Yfaced twerp on a power trip keeps repeating "not cool man, not cool" trying to look tough in front of his polycule
>the woman at the counter is in tears, being consoled by several other staff members
>security tells me to use the self-service checkout or they will call the cops

>>19495807
keep goin fren. we believe in you

>>19497704
Are you the elephant man?

Man I went back to some old forums for the first time in years tonight, the burst of concentrated autism hit me like a gamma ray blast. Thank god for this site's existence

>tfw read Pulitzer prize winning novel and unable to shake the feeling you could write a story as good, if not better
I hate feeling like could be true, but also like an illiterate hack who just isn't good enough to know just how shit he really is. Just an endless struggle between ego, doubt, and humility.

there didn’t need to be an Alien franchise. they could’ve just kept reissuing the original on home video if they wanted

I'm unironically insane. I talk to myself all the time and laugh at my own jokes walking around aimlessly around the house checking myself in mirrors, unironically there is something wrong with me. I have ADHD and I think I definitely have OCD. Slowly working on it and making improvements but it's hard.

I'm thinking about starting a blog. For a long time I've unironically been using 4chan as a blog, but I would like to have a record of all my posts.

>become a tripfag
no

>>19498018
I think it's normal to talk to yourself and be a weird fuck when nobody else is around. I do it all the time!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uUTJaBjUvU
Here's an obscure album I've been enjoying a lot tonight, it's like jazz fusion, rock, and pop
I dunno if anyone will listen but I can tell you it's worth it

>>19498028
what platform would you use? I've been wondering where I could post random reviews about whatever the fuck I feel like giving my opinion on, but have no idea which platform would be best. Was thinking about shitting up tumblr because lol

>>19498044
tumblr maybe. Maybe Blogger. Maybe my own WordPress site (which is what I'm leaning towards).

>>19498044
>>19498047
blogger is still the best free option for actually writing stuff. whenever i find myself on a blogger blog i'm like oh hell ya.

>>19498047
>>19498073
drupal

>>19498073
But I'm afraid Google will kill Blogger on of these days

There's no running from your problems.

>>19498080
drupal isn't really free since you'll have to pay for hosting and bandwidth wherever you set it up

>>19498085
ya me too but google does still use it for their own blogs, check this out from literally today

https://googleprojectzero.blogspot.com/2021/12/this-shouldnt-have-happened.html

A few days ago I said I thought my depression might be lifting.
Since then all signs of progress have disappeared.
I don't know what I did wrong, maybe it's because I had sugar again.
Maybe I should pray again.

>>19498088
Running is the problem

Wondering if I should learn the violin again.

>>19498109
there's nothing more cringe than people who try to make the violin hip like that lady who played violin in a couple crunk rap videos in the 2000s so if you're gonna play a violin just play it don't try to make it relevant.

I have nothing to say to the few people that remain in my life. I feel it's a chore to talk to anyone these days. It's a certain futility, like talking to an animal or an inanimate object.
It's not a feeling of superiority or anything like that's driving this. It's something else that I can't put my finger on. A mechanism that rusts outside for decades becomes irreparably broken after a certain point.

>>19498104
if you can't pinpoint a source, you're in trouble

>>19496514
It depends what you see value in when you're in a stable sober mental state.
Deciding something doesn't have value and getting rid of it soberly is one of the most liberating things one can do

>>19498134
I understand >>19496370

>>19498148
Well I know what probably caused it, but there's nothing I can do about it
Sometimes you just go through something and it ruins you I guess

>>19498180
time can heal. Try to find something to live for that isn't detrimental and focus on it.
I'm a workaholic or whatever because there isn't anything else for me to look forward to besides growing my wealth and professional status.

>>19498011
Aliens was good

Too many things to read. Not enough time.

I’m embarrassed to admit there are a few anime and manga which I feel quite strongly about. I’m admitting that here because…well…I don’t know why. I really like them but I wish I didn’t and I think someone here can sympathize with that.

>>19498315
The only thing I wish more than I wish I didn’t like it, is how much I wish I didn’t post comments like this in a place like this.

>>19498315
Imagine enjoying things! everybody knows that in order to become the ultimate e/lit/ist you need loose absolute contact with your being! You better watch out, some anon might be lmaoing behind you back for enjoying dragon ball or some shit like that

>>19498361
It has nothing to do with being /lit/ or an elitist. Some things just don’t align with the person you want to be, or perhaps you like them for reasons you may not like or maybe it’s bad for you. There’s a whole number of justifications for why it is shameful.

>>19498369
can you elaborate so that I can understand?

Slowly reading more each day without any ADHD medication or caffeine and it feels good man. Half way through the Illiad and jumping through other books to sample what's out there. Not trying to make a judgement of them, they're all interesting to me, just want to prepare myself for what I'm in for. Life good, but it's scary in Australia. Black hawk helicopters, people are panicky and petty managerial totalitarians, the worst things for someone like me.

As it was before, so it was now; I need only be aware of God to live; I need only forget Him, or disbelieve Him, and I died.

What is this animation and dying? I do not live when I lose belief in the existence of God. I should long ago have killed myself had I not had a dim hope of finding Him. I live, really live, only when I feel Him and seek Him. “What more do you seek?” exclaimed a voice within me. “This is He. He is that without which one cannot live. To know God and to live is one and the same thing. God is life.”

“Live seeking God, and then you will not live without God.” And more than ever before, all within me and around me lit up, and the light did not again abandon me.

>>19493579
I love Bebop so much bros

>>19498644
It's amazing

/lit/ what should I do? This is the second book in a week I've been reading that does not exist on goodreads. They're scans of very old library books, possibly the late 1800s.

>>19498369
What anime/manga makes you feel so ashamed?

>>19495818
>>19497847
thank yoi guys. i really do appreciate all the support youve all given me. i even apprreciatee the haters for you have all made me realize what i need to do.
i might never be perfect, but at least im trying to be now. thank you all.
https://youtu.be/ryrEPzsx1gQ
https://youtu.be/PxG9XFqHSFw

>>19487762
What’s so special about 25?

>>19498998
25 is the beginning of old age

>>19499035
And 27's when they start digging your grave

>>19499035
no, that would be 40.

>>19499059
No.

>>19499062
yes
0-20 child
20-40 young man
40-60 middle aged man
60-death old man

>>19499069
No.

>>19499073
according to pythagoras, yes

>>19499079
Pythagoras is dead, I am alive. Every breath I take his miserable shade quakes with envy for. I care nothing for him.

>>19499079
Naturally since Pythagoras in his essential geometric mind sought the dodecahedron to fit in his life so he called all the ages lines of the sides and put them together to sacrify lives. To move beyond such linear brines we recognize the relativity of time and that it flows only as fast as your soul seeks it's expression, empty it of content and an atom will do, digging your own grave by living your own brave little life and sucking your soul. The only way to live forever is never think a single thing.

I had a dream where I had a conversation with a woman. We were sitting in a theater hall with a movie being played in the back ground. The sound was mute and only the conversation between me and her was audible, as it was it was just the two of us. Her conversation was similar to what I had before awake but this one felt a little more intimate.
Her:
>You're envious aren't you? Of the others. You've spent these 5 to 8 years being stuck. Others who spent their time in college made friends or went on to work on getting connections through jobs. Yet you had to deal with sickness and illness in the family. The suffering you've had didn't motivate you to be better, it made you complacent with your life. Just stuck there and now you wish you were better.

Me:
>I wouldn't say I'm that envious. I'll admit, it'd be nice to go out and meet people once in a while. But all I have is frustration. I could've done things differently or better. Sure I did have my own fun but looking back it didn't really change much. I used the things happening around me as an excuse to not do things. Because I was scared to be seen as being selfish maybe. I guess I realized that life isn't always gonna be smooth. There's gonna be major bumps and hurdles. The mistake I made was I didn't go forward, because I was scared. The same mistake I'm doing now. Being inactive feels awful.

After that I got up, went out of the hall and got myself a coffee. Stood outside on a balcony and just looked up. The moment I closed my eyes to take a sip. I woke up.

>>19499144
Those are some tasty integers brother

>>19498315
There is very little anime you should be ashamed for watching. If you look past the silly tropes you'll find an earnestness for life and beauty that's hardly there in any media these days.

How am i supposed to forgive god for making me a manlet? I want to be a real man so bad, this is such a painful life. I used to be so angry at women for not liking manlets but i look in the mirror or worse yet group pictures i’m in and i’m so clearly subhuman, my short stubby limbs are so fucking disgusting i really can’t blame them. I just hate life in general, hate the game not the player i guess. Any books for this feel?

imaginary twink bf buying me christmas presents

new
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>>19500043
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>>19500044
>>19500044
>>19500044
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>>19500047
wtf lol. so close