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/lit/ - Literature

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1948162 No.1948162 [Reply] [Original]

Please tell me what you think, I will delete this soon, I don't meant to take up /lit/ with this.

9/20/2023

Shit. I can’t even believe I’m doing this… But I really can’t take it anymore. Months of wandering across barren land for civilization with no one to talk to is making me go insane. I guess writing in this diary will contain the only sanity left inside me. I’m not even sure why I’m doing this, it’s not like anyone will get the chance to read this anyway… Shit, I haven’t even seen a human since the invasion of the Razoans 3 months back. Well…This all started when America visited the Moon in the late 1960’s. For all you youngins’, ‘America’ was a piece of what we now know as West World. What the astronauts found on the other side of the moon was something beyond belief… Inscriptions written in an unknown tongue. Of course, NASA couldn’t even see what was on the photos at the time they were taken because they didn’t have the technology. Back then, it was simply black ink on paper. Unfortunately it wasn’t until 1972 that NASA went back to the dark side and took more photos. This time NASA could easily see what was written: “LEAVE.”

>> No.1948171

this is just awful

>> No.1948179

>>1948171
There isn't anything special about the writing in particular.However,it is scary OooOOoo. Reminds me of one of those diary notes you would find strewn about in fallout 3

>> No.1948207

>>1948171

could you be more specific?

>> No.1948212

sorry dude, but it is pretty bad. You may well have the bones of a story here, but you're rushing like mad and the prose is horrendous.

>> No.1948218

It's not looking good, op. It's cliched and obnoxious.

>> No.1948226

>>1948212

That was done on purpose to signify the protagonist's disintegrating mind.

>> No.1948232

>>1948226
Yeah but that doesn't make me want to read it. It makes me want to stop.

>> No.1948236

>>1948232

well if you want to stop reading a great look into the human mind like how Joyce did well then be my guest.

>> No.1948246
File: 38 KB, 294x313, ngbbs4da9bbcc9377a[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1948246

>>1948236
>implying OP's story is comparable to Joyce

>> No.1948248

>>1948236
But Joyce was actually enjoyable to read...

>> No.1948277
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1948277

> "deteriorating mind"

> remember Faulkner's Quentin chapter
> beautiful shit

>> No.1948283
File: 1.99 MB, 266x232, 1309596880424.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1948283

This is what I think of your cool story, bro.

>> No.1948294

Show, don't tell.

Christ

>> No.1948306
File: 1011 KB, 304x230, skinnedraccoon.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1948306

>>1948294
YOU GOT AN ITCH?
YOU FUCKIN DIRTY BITCH?
NOW GET ON THE CORNER.
AND START SUCKIN SOME DICK.

>> No.1948310

You go from describing setting to describing some event in one paragraph. This just feels rushed.

>> No.1948354

Reminds of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6uVyvUNTcw

>> No.1948365

>>1948294
this
and
>>1948310
and
I agree
>>1948354

>> No.1948374

I only agree with
>>1948306

>> No.1948416

This is so bad I'm not even sure you're serious.

>> No.1948486

>>1948354

Jesus. 90,000 views in a fucking day.....for a 12 sec porn clip? Ya'll must be going to all the wrong sites.