/lit/ - Literature

I want to read this one to see if there is some big reveal. Like F Gardner is incredibly self-aware and this book is the key to understanding his other works. But I’m gonna guess this is just another sad attempt at cultivating a cult of mockery.

What gives, Gardner stopped shilling himself for a while and now he's back. How much money did you spend on ads and how many sales did you actually make? Didn't some anon calculate the minimum ad cost had to be in the thousands?

Finally, some insight into his creative process. Gotta hand it to Gardner, he’s probably the only one on /lit/ to finish the challenge.

>>19429521
>I finished 50k words in 8 days
I bet he could have done it in 7, but he took Sunday off.

What is he trying to accomplish here?
This has to be a financial black hole, and new reader he gets he's definitely burning bridges with, never to return again.
He'd be better off making 2 good short books and publishing one larger book under a psuedonym now.

>>19428924
if F. Gardner were signing copies at your local bookstore would you visit him?

>>19430432
Only to ask why he does what he does.

>>19430440
what do you mean by what I do?

>>19430449
Why are spending thousands on advertising and hundreds on publishing to earn back maybe $5 a month in kindle unlimited royalties?

>>19430460
>implying producing art is about making money
NGMI

>>19430440
tell me about F. Gardner, why does he write the books!?

Is that mythological military book any better than Gardner stuff, guys?

>>19429410
Graphomania is a real mental illness. You don't need to look into it more deeply thsn that. Gardner shows zero care writing his shit so I have zero care for Gardner.

>>19430460
if you cant understand the impulse to have your work read I'm not sure why you're on this board

>>19428924
What race is he? Italian? Spanish? Eastern?

>>19431316
>mythological military book
The what now

>>19431352
it used to be advertised here, sometimes I see the banneer. Son of the Sun, Charles Dearmore.

Certainly the author posts here.
I've read the sample chapter and found it pretty good.

>>19431351
he's irish and his family was in the ira lol

>>19431356
Oh yeah, he was giving it out for free for a while.

>>19431356
>pretty good

>>19431374
holy cringe

>>19431364
with Kindle Unlimited, I don't have it :(

>>19431374
>>19431381
I don't get it.

>>19431387
clearly.

>>19429521
>over 6000 words a day
no wonder he sucks

>>19429521
What about Jason Bryan? Guy who wrote the Shitkickers

>>19428924
How can he write so good so quick, bros?
How do I become great like him?

>>19431469
he didnt even make any thread after releasing his book, he just kept spamming his gay ass countdown with 0 creativity then disappeared
probably choked on his boyfriend's cum.

>>19431472
He wrote 5000+ a day, its all he did for most of those days.

>>19431472
>believe that the earth is flat
>believe reptilians are real
>become tradcath
>drink 7 cups of coffee and smoke a pack of cigarettes every day
>go to bed at dawn

>>19431469
That guy was an asshole. Some anon took him to task for shilling his book on every thread, no matter how non sequitur it was to do so, and he had a meltdown. It was pretty funny actually. Pretty stupid title.

>>19431500
you dont even know the true gardner lore
he takes near lethal dosages of strattera and can complete an entire book in a weekend

>>19431520
bruh i am talking to F Gardner about whether or not Christ was born on December 25th RIGHT NOW, i am an F Gardner connoisseur

>>19428924
>is this man fucking insane?
He is. Gotta love the madman.

>>19431316
The decent 4chan authors never shill themselves or make any overt references to 4chan in their work. I've only ever read the free samples, but Zak Winters seems like the most competent, and you never see threads about his books, just banner ads for a week or two. I don't even remember the name of any of his books because even though they are grammatically solid and based on somewhat interesting premises, they are still entirely forgettable. PA Choi is also pretty funny, but his style of humor runs thin after a few pages. I thought the "Golden Age Fantasy" thing was some sort of RPG and still haven't read the sample.

You can pretty much judge a 4chan author's quality by the amount of effort they put into accumulating a 4chan audience. Like F Gardner and John David Card have both made a fetish of appealing to 4chan, and neither one has produced anything remotely readable or interesting. That's because a smart author realizes there probably aren't more than 500 paying customers on /lit/ and therefore there is little reason to craft a product entirely for them, and even if there were 50,000 daily visitors to /lit/, the amount of effort and thought it takes to meet /lit/'s incredibly high standards for writing is vastly higher than what it would take to cultivate a 50,000 person audience from the drooling masses at large in other arenas of the web. Case in point: I am a man who routinely purchases books. I have read and enjoyed several free Kindle samples from authors on 4chan, and have been engrossed to the point of disappointment when the free sample left me hanging. Literally never once have I considered purchasing any of these books. I don't know why and I don't care enough to speculate about the reasons. And a word to any aspiring "4chan authors", that's the person you're trying to appeal to: someone who doesn't care and who doesn't care that they don't care and who paradoxically considers himself the smartest man in the world but has nothing but contempt for anyone foolish enough to take his opinions seriously. A bitter, spiteful man who rarely follows up on any of his emotions and commands no respect from his peers. And even if by some miracle you were able to formulate a novel which could take a legion of similar men by storm and ignite their hearts and spawn dozens of memes and genuine raving reviews and analysis, the end result would be a couple thousand dollars at most and the scorn of the wider reading public. There is nothing on /lit/ for the aspiring author.

>>19431548
He's the Viper of writing

>>19432302
>There is nothing on /lit/ for the aspiring author.

I actually started writing because I've seen /lit/zens saying that bad books are actually good. If one day I publish something, I'll put /lit/ in my special thanks, after the name of my dad and my dog.

According to Gardner, he spends about 30 dollars with ads, so I guess he has a decent profit margin.

>>19432805
I'm guessing Gardner works full time as a real estate agent and writes for a hobby. The amount of money he spends on ads seems pretty reasonable when you think of it that way, a few hundred a month is what I spend on weed.

>>19432927
>Works full time as a real estate agent
>Writes and publishes a novel in a week
Got to hand it to Gardner, he puts in work.

>>19433211
The first two pages of the book are composed of paragraphs which repeat one idea across multiple sentences. Like
>Cynthia was excited to read the new book she had just purchased. It had only been in her possession for a few hours. She had never read this book before. She looked forward to seeing what the words would say.
It’s not a huge challenge to put aside one hour a night to put out 6,000 words of that.

he's alright, but he's no John David Card

>>19431483
I had to move after being evicted from my last place for refusing to wear the fucking mask in the common areas

I should email Gentleman Frank Gardner and find out if he received his copy of The Shitkickers in the mail, I hope he's not angry that I bled on his copy while making it

Somebody post excerpts. I need to laugh or feel depressed.

>>19434152
You make the books? Thought I saw as much in the images. That's interesting.

>>19434192
from Ouroboros:
>Gabe begins to believe his own words, as he grasps the stack of papers. Looking at them he glances back down at the stack of papers in his clutches. Eyeballing the contents, he begins reading.

fuck off shitlicker

>>19434068

What city?

>>19431374
>it's first person
fuck fuck shit I ordered this a few days ago GOD DAMMIT

>>19434552
yeah.. that's what's wrong with it
retard

>>19433952
He looks ashki jewish

>>19434580
I literally only read the first 2 words

>>19434622
and you discarded it because it wasn't written in 3rd limited like all the YA fantasy you read?

>>19434624
No, because first person that starts with 'I (physical action)' is the easiest way to detect garbage. Up your shit sensors.

>>19431483
Thats rich comming from a thread about Gardener. Bryan spam was peanuts compared to gardenerspam.

>>19428924
if any anons are for some reason interested in wasting their time reading gardener's dogshit, at least don't also waste your money - it's available for free here:
https://au1lib.org/book/11994656/1ff726
https://pastebin.com/be7ALyVf

>>19434656
Do his books show any improvement in quality?

>>19432318
Don't insult Viper like that.

>>19434068
based keep up the fight.

>>19434656
What is the F Gardner reading order?

>Quickly, the young lass darts toward her basement staircase. Isabella starts to sprint up the stairs. But she had ran too hastily. She slips. “Ah!” she exclaims, as she flips over on her back, tumbling down the stairs.
>“Damn…that hurt…” she moans, feeling a bit of blood trickle betwixt her lips. “Eh? What’s this?” she mumbles, spitting up some blood onto her hand. “Crap. I knocked a tooth out…” she groans. It seemed she had bumped her mouth, as she fell down the stairs, and knocked out one of her teeth.
>“It’s not a big deal. I’ll just make an appointment with the dentist and they’ll put it back in” she says, putting the tooth in her back pocket. Just as quickly as before, she darts back up the stairs. This time, safe and sound.
Normal human behavior. Lose a tooth and then move on.

>>19433952
People Mover and The Bumper Book of Mormon Humor were unbelievably dull, but I’m curious about his “Discourse on the Physicality of Human Consciousness in the Classical Tradition and other topics”
Something tells me it’s a try hard imitation of schizoposting

>>19434772
I read the long title one.
it's pretty good
want me to see if i still have the pdf and do screenshots of chapters for you?

>>19434853
>want me to see if i still have the pdf and do screenshots of chapters for you?
Well gee that sounds like an insane coincidence, that the very next anon to post in this thread would have purchased the most obscure title from the most obscure author operating in the most obscure genre in the world: 4chan shriller fiction. Even if you are John David Card seizing on a rare spark of genuine interest in your work to try and shill, I am still interested in the book.

Specifically his theories on internet witchcraft and his Salem kill list. I am further curious about his fascination with Protestantism and why he thinks it makes a good topic for a “crazy theories” book. Seems kind of dull.

>>19431374
>all those useless adjectives
No wonder he made the word count so quickly. This is rambling.

>>19434672
Thanks... shit is tough right now!

>>19434722
Ohohoho! Funny you should ask. You see, there's something you should know about this series of interconnected horror books dealing with paranormal events in Chicago...

>>19435021
I don't know if I want to...

>>19435077
Frank's books are a fun ride

>>19435386
Is there an F Gardner reading list?

>>19434722
>>19435021
>>19435077
>>19435386
>>19435412
you can read them IN ANY ORDER YOU WANT!

>>19435442
WHAT!?!?!?!? IMPOSSIBLE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I'M GOING IIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNEEEEE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
SAVE ME NIGGERMAN

>>19434954
>that the very next anon to post in this thread would have purchased the most obscure title
Actually I got the pdf giveaway from the discord

Although, for all we know, it's not even neccessarily the most obscure of their works, because if there was one even more hidden - maybe we both wouldn't know about it. :)

>>19434987
thats not gardner tho

>>19429421
If you think it's about the money for a man like Mr. Gardner, you haven't been paying attention.

>>19432302
Need to screencap this. So true.

>>19430432
Absolutely. I talk to him every week on Discord. He is without a doubt completely insane, but he is also really polite and kind.

Is F. Gardner like a young Robert Bloch, who was prolific from the beginning, and gradually developed his writerly skill and professional polish (but who also wrote competent pulp fiction prose from his earliest stories)?

What is the existing historical template which best matches the phenomenon that is F. Gardner?

>>19435708
>for all we know, it's not even neccessarily the most obscure of their works,
Actually I manage the /lit/ scholastic society's archive and I assure you that the ledgers of all 4channel grant-bearing authors are complete. We have Gardner's ad copy from his real estate firm. We even have the abandoned drafts known as The Lost Texts:
>Call of the Coomer - F Gardner
>Bloodlust and Bedtimes - Mike Ma
>Sigma Diaries - John David Card
>The Dunce of Gastown - Jason Bryan
>The Magic of Naked Men - PA Choi
>Juggalo Breakdown - Zak Winters

>>19436886
If being a dunce leads to banging a ton of Vancouver's hottest women over 6 years in Gastown, slap me on the ass and call me an imbecil!

In fact, due to cultural warfare and COVID hysteria, the lifestyle of the laid-back, west coast playboy has been neutered completely.