/lit/ - Literature

>>19322021
STAYVUN

>"it came from a lab in china"
>second chapter starts with american culture war bullshit
dropped

>>19322044
what's the matter, too based and redpilled for you?

>>19322044
>oy vey!

>>19322055
Yes. It comes off as extremely try-hard and too aware of muh 4channel spechul club bullshit.

Caveat: I did not read the book.

Not signing up to some bullshit platform to read a book on a DRM'd device I don't own.

>>19322218
So your criticism is invalid. Read it then come at me and I will accept your criticism.
>>19322261
Okay, Richard Stallman.

Come on, dude. Zombies? What year is it? 2011? Even the whole stepdad thing was done better in Shaun of the Dead. It can't be that hard to think up a new virus.
>infectious wasting disease that gets you high instead of making you feel like shit

Took me five seconds

>open sample
>dialogue, dialogue, dialogue.
>telling, telling, telling.
>current meme hot takes
>close sample

>>19322314
>What year is it? 2011? Even the whole stepdad thing was done better in Shaun of the Dead.
Glad you picked up on one of my inspirations. It is meant to be written kind of as a screenplay to an early 2000s zombie flick, think Shaun of the Dead or 28 Day Later, but I don't really have the resources to get such a film made so I decided to write it as a novella. I understand if it's not your thing though.

I read about 4 pages, I'll give my input based on this.

You're too verbose and not in a fun way. It's one thing if the prose is at least artistic, but a lot of it just comes across as clunky. You could say a lot of this in a lot fewer words.

Take the baby for example. You could have had Abi say "Can you hold Noah?" rather than refer to him as "the baby" over and over until the brother asks. It would also totally remove the need for that bit of dialogue where he does ask. All of the dialogue about the baby feels weird and doesn't flow.

Try playing with sentence structure. Rather than talking about the news showing a video showing an asian man biting another asian man, just have a character introduce like "I don't know, it's something in China."

Your writing isn't unreadable but it's not provoking or overly intriguing. It doesn't capture the attention very well. Keep working at it, it's still an accomplishment to put in the effort and to have produced something regardless.

>>19322734
I was expecting that one, I know I'm not that great a writer from a technical standpoint, I focus more and character and story structure. I've written a few things here and there before, but this is the first I've actually published in any meaningful way and I've learned a lot from writing it. If I see there's interest I have another story idea where I'll definitely try to put some of the stuff you mentioned into practice. Thanks for the input.

>>19322369
>I understand if it's not your thing though.
You're mistaken. I enjoyed those films when they came out. I would not enjoy reading an inferior imitation of them ten years later. It's not the subject matter, the political opinions, or the topic which turns me off from your book. It is your awkward, clunky prose and complete lack of imagination.
>I don't really have the resources to get such a film made so I decided to write it as a novella.
That is not a surprising statement. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone writing a book because it happens to be the easiest way to express their creative vision, but remember that this is a literature board. We prefer to read stories written by people who like narrative prose fiction and have taken the time to master the fundamentals and who engage in thoughtful experimentation. That is the viewpoint from which we are judging your work, not a viewpoint of "I'm obsessed with dead trends from 2009, but I've already watched all of the movies and played all of the video games and read every single piece of professionally-edited fiction, so now the only thing that can scratch that itch is half-assed garbage" and certainly not a viewpoint of "this challenges mainstream opinions and that frightens me" or "golly gosh I wish I could write a book, this mans accomplishments are a threat to my insecure ego, I feel compelled to lash out in frustration!"

The fact that you have written an entire 60 pages of fiction, complete with a plot and characters, is an accomplishment you should reflect on with pride. It requires discipline and focus to achieve that. This particular effort wasn't very good, but you've demonstrated that you have the foundation of a good writer: actually fucking writing something.

It's dull, but I can't tell if that's the material, the writing, or both. The setup is the dinner that leads to the news report report and then some light conversation mixed with pointless character building about pointless trivia like home renovations and contracts. This setup is salted with middling drama that occasionally leads to a joke aspirational of a Friends or Big Bang Theory bit, which is fine, but it needs to have some small talk removed, as I skipped ahead and didn't feel like I missed anything. I understand you're trying to ground the characters, but the writing, characters, and drama aren't compelling enough to justify this lack of focus. You need to focus only on the dramatic, or the comedic aspect,s or the looming threat to get people to invest. It's diluted, watery.
After three chapters, practically nothing happens. You say 28 Days Later was inspirational, but that has the lab scene, cut to Jim waking up and a silent exploration of the world and the threat is immediate. In Shaun of the Dead, they focus on the comedy and character drama with the zombie stuff as cutaway gags, and the bits are well written by comedians. To mix these two would be hellishly difficult anyways, as it would get rather absurd.

Your writing isn't awful, it's just not in any way compelling. I think even if you really pared down what's here, it wouldn't be great, but it would be serviceable, aside from the groan-inducing references to media making me think you're writing an episode of Rick and Morty.

>>19322813
>I'm obsessed with dead trends from 2009
Trends are cyclical, I'm resurrecting it with my shitty writing.
>The fact that you have written an entire 60 pages of fiction, complete with a plot and characters, is an accomplishment you should reflect on with pride. It requires discipline and focus to achieve that. This particular effort wasn't very good, but you've demonstrated that you have the foundation of a good writer: actually fucking writing something.
I might actually use that as a quote for the cover.

>>19322943
>I might actually use that as a quote for the cover.
Just so you know, zeroing in on praise while waving away criticism is not the mark of a good writer.

>>19322261
You can read Amazon e-books on their Cloud Reader.
That's the only way I can read them, too.

>>19322952
Just so you know, not getting that it was a joke is not the mark of not being autistic.

>>19323352
I'm sorry, I'm just not gonna sign up to it (the service). UGH... I know...

>>19324971
You don't have an Amazon account?
How do you LIVE in the modern age?

>>19325352
I'm not on it, that's all. HAHAHAHAHA

there can be a zombie invasion but not a pandemic, nigger

>>19326958
the zombies are caused by a virus that's like a rage virus so its a zombie pandemic faggot

>>19327065
you make zero sense

>>19327261
I just needed a catchy title

>>19327362
Is this 2011? Zombies aren’t cool and the words are not catchy. If you want to be some sort of meme-pig retard like Gardner you just need to buy enough ads to stay up indefinitely for a few months. That’s it; fuck off with this cheap dogshit.

>>19327377
I'm not paying for ads to be a memelord, I'm doing it grassroots, the old school way, by reposting and replying to gay niggers like you to keep my thread bumped.