/lit/ - Literature

Previously: >>19086967

>>19093919
I think my anti-depressants are finally starting to work.

I feel better about things. I might even try and find a girlfriend. We'll see.

>>19093935
>I think my anti-depressants are finally starting to work.
I'm glad, anon. I hope it holds.

I am a soft hearted liberal leftist anarchist vegan and have been for my entire life and I never thought I'd say this but they broke me, they finally broke, me I am racist against at least Mexicans, Arabs, Chinese, and blacks.

>>19094057
Everybody is at least mildly racist unless they have literally never met another race. Even if you lie to yourself your subconscious will pick up on patterns. The key is to not become hateful but this is true in general, not just a race thing, and harder said than done.

I'm in the process of leaving an abusive relationship and honestly never understood how difficult it could be until I've had to do it for myself. If I didn't have my best friend to lean on throughout the process I don't know how much longer I would've stayed, but I know is a giant weight is going to be lifted from my shoulders soon enough. Also not sharing any important friends, not living together, and I happen to have another girl lined up. Conditions are quite favorable in that sense.

Black American grievance culture is getting out of hand . Every day you hear someone cry wolf and play the race card by defaulting to the claim that racism is behind any and all slights against black people under any circumstance, when there is at least an equally if not more plausible rational explanation without race as a factor.

>Emmys too white!
Maybe there weren’t any good enough black actors this time ? It could just be a matter of odds. Why must every time a black person is denied plaudits it must be perceived as some racial slight? Especially when the media and entertainment industries bend over backwards to be inclusive these days? Get over it.

> Denying me access to a restaurant because I’m unvaccinated is racist (NYC has this rule)
Or maybe you just can’t follow the fucking rule and show proof of vaccination? You have the option to get vaccinated. It’s free and readily available. Come back with proof of vaccination and if you’re still denied entry, then you have a case.

(There was a case in the city about this recently. A group of black tourists were denied entry into a restaurant because of lack of proof, and then proceeded to assault the hostess. Then it was claimed that the hostess was a white woman and called them the N-word, when video footage clearly shows it was an asian woman and her clearly readable lips did not shape that word. This woman was surrounded by her coworkers and manager and I’m sure she did not want to lose her job. Later, BLM showed up to the restaurant and protested it.)

> White girl goes missing and it’s all over the news!
Yes, the media is biased in favor of attractive young pretty white girls. But this media fetish in favor precious and innocent blonde snow bunnies is equally biased against everyone else, not black people in particular .
> Only racists criticize me!
You’re getting criticized because you’re wrong.

Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. At a certain point people are going to stop believing it when they’re told everything is racist and that some are above reproach because of the color of their skin (and the attendant allotment of liberal pity points) and can thus dictate social narratives on the basis of their identity as victims alone. Aside from being a big headache this self-indulgent behavior cheapens the significance of actual cases of discrimination by overextending the definition to such bloated dimensions that it ceases to designate anything meaningful. It’s selfish. American politics is now dominated by these infantile complaints. We’ve allowed this absurdity to run amok.

>>19094100
>another girl lined up

id advise you to take your time

>>19094110
Circumstances means there's still going to be a period of time inbetween, and it's not fixing to be beyond casual.

>>19094103
>At a certain point people are going to stop believing it
By then all European countries will be Brazil, or South Africa. The elites know how to boil a frog. Past a certain point of no return, it doesn't matter if the frog realizes what's happening.

>>19093943
Thanks anon.

>>19094103
You're not wrong but youre about 15 years behind the times m8. You basically have to pick Ibram Kendi or Steve Sailer at this point, the other options have been squeezed out. Or simply ignore it all as much as possible.

what spooky /lit/ are you guys reading in October?

>>19094173
I always read Stephen King short stories, he's got a lot of really good spooky ones. The langoliers being my favorite. Also, claimed.

>>19093919
All Marxfags should be banned

I took that linear algebra test I mentioned earlier without even a second of studying, got a 45. That is probably way better than I deserve, so I think she was really generous with the partial credit. It's always harder to justify acting like a negligent dumbass about your studies when the professor genuinely wants to see you succeed.

I am talentless, the worst artist on /ic/

>>19093919
I fell in love with a friend's girlfriend, they are mismatched and together just by context, he is about to leave to study in a foreign country and she lives right next to me. She is a wonderful person, a great chatter and enjoys most of of my passions, she keept throwing hints here and there, but I'm not confident enough to flirt further. I don't know what to do, on one hand she is the only girl I've felt this way towards in a long time, and on the other I'm just stepping over a 2 year mostly happy relationship.

>>19094198
I used to think they were more intelligent than the /pol/tards. I've come to realize they are just as dumb, but more polite.

>>19093919
shedding your friends without justifying those feelings by painting them as bad is tough and requires patience

>qt muslim girl called me a "best friend" today
I came on too strong, didn't I?

>>19094331
Have some respect man.

>>19094331
dont degrade your soul like this, if you actually care about her and any possibility of a relationship with her you wont start it on shitty foundations.

>>19094103
You sound like the same type of person who enabled things to get as bad as you describe by defending placing business and travel restrictions on the unvaccinated. If you're aware of the deliberately magnified racial tensions perpetuated in America, you should recognize the gradual governmental erosion of your freedoms as a serious matter by now.

Does anyone have that screenshot of the Hyperborea copypasta?

>>19094192
>>19094173
hnnnng I miss Oktoberfest so much.
Also, probably Dracula and Frankenstein. I actually have them on my list.

>>19093919
Going into my second year of metallurgical training, I wonder if those past in my field felt something similar.
It is highly technical, but all intuition. The secrets of molding metal were practically esoteric a year ago, and now some of that knowledge is breathing to me.
For all my frustrations, I love what I am doing.

>>19093927
So, any reason why faggots like this trying to make it into a general?

>>19095128
This thread series has existed for quite some time.

>>19095128
imagine this being how you accidentally reveal you are a newfag

>another dream of me making out with a chick I know

>>19093919
several people stopped me at work today to ask if I was ok. apparently the torrent of racial slurs, anti-semitism and hate for the upper-middle class city drones we serve was plain on my face the whole shift. this or my contacts were very dry today.

>>19093919
Im a spic but I fucking hate niggers with my whole soul. Estoy viendo 500 Days of Summer y la puta ya me enfado vale verga

>>19095606
>TFW classmate texted me to ask for a homework
>Immediately imagine our lives together getting married and having kids

>>19093935
I started Zoloft in August. People seem less distant, but I feel less like myself as well. I also quit porn, but the sexual energy has dissipated rather than funneled into a desire for a girlfriend. I haven't coomed in a week. I feel a benign, spiritual inertia.

>>19095756
great movie. Muy bueno y linda
sorry im still trying to learn spanish. anyways, you should learn to get along with everyone, its really not hard

>>19095996
I truly only hate the caricature of the nigger that some so often portray. I don't hate all blacks, just a good amount of them. Odio la pelicula BTW. Summer es una puta pera

>tfw South American (so you know I live in a shithole without Neetbucks)
>depressed so I haven't checked into my uni course all semester
>failed job interview, sabotaged second chance on purpose because depression
>not even /fit/ so can't join the FFL
>completely gave up on my dreams, again, live in a shithole and lack the skill

Fuck it, should I kill myself? I wanted public suicide by disemboweling but not even sure I can get that yet.

>>19093919
I took a big ass shit

>>19093919
Im so close to leaving everything behind and finally join the monastery as i've told myself i would be doing all these years but the more i approach the decisive moment the more panic anxiety and fear of the unknown punches through my chest like a heavy hammer

I really should finish up renovating the room so i can rent it out and go about the path of monkhood. Do not try to find reasons to stall the journey and finally buy the damn boiler and call the priest. Don't chicken out like the first time. Embrace your fears and the unknown. Become God.

Im fat. I need to lose weight.

>>19096181
If colombian kill some politician alla yamaguchi, left or right who cares, that would pretty fun. I was pretty close to do it myself some years ago but shat my pants.

>>19094331
do it

>>19095606
>another dream of me making out with a chick I knew in middle school
When will these stop? Imagine being a grandpa and still getting those dreams...

>>19096243
So I should pick up your mission because you were too much of a coward to do it?

>>19096226
Do it. People will try to tear your down for trying to improve yourself, but that's a cope for them to think they can remain fat.

I wonder if anyone is ever convinced by political or religious arguments on this board. I have a feeling it's all for naught.

just had a dream where I killed jordan peterson and put his blanketed body on a horse and rode off with it into the forest at night. then I got shot by the police

I'm so bored. Living in the same town, going to the same job, seeing the same people, day after day.

I hope and go travel soon. I have saved plenty of money. I am desperate to see something new.

I'm getting outed as a filthy bisexual everyone knows about my twink bf

>>19096317
no it's all pseud posturing

The two years I spent in home thanks to covid were the best days of my life. My college is starting face-to-face classes again in a week. I don't know how I'll deal with the anxiety. I don't even want to go to the college because I have no interest in my major. I'd just quit if there was anything else I wanted to do but reading, watching movies and playing vidya are the only shit I enjoy doing. Even if I somehow manage to graduate and get a job I don't think I could actually do it. Even the thought of being in a work environment is enough to make me seriously consider suicide.
My depression and anxiety are getting worse every day. I'm used to being depressed but now I started having attacks. Every day, I wake up feeling good, start doing something and all of a sudden I just randomly want to kill myself and I spend the rest of the day in the bed thinking about suicide.
Any books for this feel?

>>19096655
your avoidance of the world in favour of non-substantive substitutes is a slow poison that has taken over your life, force yourself to develop discipline or reason now before it's too late
YOU WOULDN'T READ A BOOK ANYWAY GO OUTSIDE

>>19096587
>not enjoying being greedy
Why? You live in a world with double the amount of qts compared to everyone else; accept life is beautiful.

Life really does improve when you accept God.

>>19096696
how do I accept God when I'm too detached to have strong feelings for anything?

>>19095606
>the dream where the girl from a long lost "relationship" where your lives are perfect together and you actually self actualized enough to accomplish this

>>19096712
Try to understand.

it makes me hurt when i see other people getting most special boy treatment because i just want to be the special boy for once. this is how narcissists are created, i think. it's funny how most issues arise from childhood troubles.

>>19096788
Nice dubs. How much do you think it effects us? Childhood troubles I mean.

>>19096794
Hitler dubs are always pleasant. I'm spewing shit out of my fingers mainly, but I believe "childhood troubles" such as neglect and not receiving much positive attention affects us on a subconscious level. At least to the point where one starts seething because they observe others receiving positive attention. (referring to myself) I'm not really a psychologist and i'm using /lit/ as my diary again so yea. but a normal childhood makes all the difference comparing myself to my peers and coworkers. I was kind of isolated as a child so I feel like it crippled me socially to the point where i'm not even human. I'm still relatively young so I may just be going through growing pains, but if our childhood follows us forever that would just.. suck.
What's your take? I'm curious.

Unrelated, but the rain is pouring and I have candles lit up all around me as i listen to Debussy. Moments like these are nice.

>>19096816
I would agree with you in that our childhood effects us long term. Speaking personally I may have come far in some respects it seems that I have attempted to regress in fear of responsibility, something feels missing, I feel as if I want to recapture something and then continue with my life. I continually go through periods of "Today I will reset my life." And don't follow through like a dumbass bitch. Perhaps I've unresolved some things not fully known to myself, and I hope I can fulfill such things before I go on with my life, or do it on the way.
Aside from blogpost faggotry, IIRC there was a big study back in 1995 that posited that ACEs or "Adverse Childhood Experiences" directly contribute to maladies later on in life, namely depression, suicidal tendencies, etc. Introversion being a big one as well. I'm listening to Akira Yamaoka currently.

Anyone have any experience reading at the beach? I'm tempted to do it but don't want to seem like either a woman or a massive pseud. It just strikes me as a quieter and generally nicer place than a public library

>>19096846
>I'm tempted to do it but don't want to seem like either a woman or a massive pseud.
all you seem to be is very insecure

>>19096849
Yes, that is essentially my issue

>>19095606
>dream of having sex with a girl I know
>her entire chest and stomach area are covered in hair for some reason

I'm horny but I can't find anything interesting to jack off to.

>>19096861
Simply dont, dont rot your brain.

I have 10 days left to turn in my bachelor's thesis and I haven't even started yet. Is there even a point in starting this late?

>>19096846
just do it on a day that isn't busy. maybe night would be a better time to read on the beach if you don't live in a dangerous area.

>>19096861
imagination, fucker
or get to the desires scenarios irl

I think I'll quit the internet when I start my job next month, ill delete all my social medias except the one o use to talk to my grandparents

>>19096861
Pretend you are in your favorite novel and proceed to make love to a female character. Good luck if you're a Melville enjoyer

>>19096882
Do you want your years of work to go to waste? Get it done faggot. A lot can be done in 24 hours let alone x10 that.

>>19096882
yes as long as you complete it, read this article about some girl completing her dissertation in 16 hrs. serves as motivation i guess.

>>19096788
>>19096794
>>19096816
>>19096828
boo-huu look at me im a victim someone come quick to nurture me pls

Get a grip and pull yourself together you pathetic useless loser

>>19093919
this lil nigga been on my mind no cap

I don't understand many very basic things that people do, I just don't understand. I don't get how people operate.

>>19096988
based autistic psychopat

book

i like reading book

>>19097028
What book(s) are you reading currently?

>>19097042
pachinko by min jin lee

how about you anon?

>>19097212
I made some poor financial decisions recently been too anxious to do anything but stare at this website for the past month or so.

>>19097278
oh

sorry to here that

I cant seem to balance myself.

>>19097314
I'm back

>>19093919
Should i keep writing? I know i will never be famous. I write mostly for hobby. When i get bored i write around 6k words and publish on wattpad. I don't write Nothing that sort of bullshit that gets published in wattpad. At this point, i feel like i am just killing time.

Pepsi > Coke

When I become super rich I am going to abuse my power to coerce young beautiful men into sleeping with me

>>19097432
thats gay

>>19097399
if you didn't write what would you be doing.

>>19096861
Yeah, yesterday night I realized that nothing can make me coom anymore. Even the most shocking shit is just boring. Nothing is enough. Porn is just a picture on a screen. No BDSM shit or gay porn or straight porn or trans porn or torture porn or whatever can do it for me anymore I have seen literally everything. I understand exactly the dynamics of what turns me on in porn and it's just stupid monkey brain neuron activation shit. In the end nothing is satisfactory, there is no purpose to it and no fulfillment in it. The apex I am looking for is unattainable it doesn't exist. I am quitting. I am going to dedicate the rest of my life to having real sex. And fantasies. Fantasies are still exciting as ever.

He appeared in a body
was vindicated by the Spirit

was seen by angels
was preached among the nations

was believed on in the world
was taken up in glory

>>19097472
masturbating to porn mostly. covid lockdowns made me too lazy, i don't even work out anymore because local gym has been closed.

If every woman had 5 minutes of experiencing what it's like to be male the entirety of civilization would change within a few days because women would know that men are morphine addicts and women are the morphine

I don't want to want anything the way I want women, it's not a sociable want

>>19097541
believe it or not, prior the 21st century, men wanting women was considered extremely normal.

>>19097552
it still is in non-eternal anglo countries

does inflation in the US necessarily mean inflation everywhere else?

>>19097570
the global economy depends on the us economy and that applies to all the finer details as well
the only thing that can exist out of it really is trade but even then it still circles back to relying on the global economy eventually

I'm going to kill you fucking bitch

Do pepple who gaslight even know they're gaslighting? Women especially, considering how emotional they can get, are ridiculous when they do it.

>>19098067
The news media are puppets of the security state. They’re paid very handsomely to do as they’re told. They know damn well they’re paid liars.

Can’t speak for all women, but to win arguments one has to get the other with an unreasonable or otherwise opposing view to consider things from a different point of view.
>They get so emotional!
And males get so dead inside. What’s your point?

a song for the blossoms in Naraka’s bosom.


naraka blossoms, wet with sorrow,
thy petals drenched with tears of woe,
blue with blisters, cracked by killing cold,
sweet lotus, formed from frozen hands,
plucked by devils, beaked as black sparrows,
they gnaw upon the bone’s marrow,
Far away, there shines the sun Golden,
away from hoarfrost covered lands.
thus have I heard the words from of old,
Holy OM AH HUM, which garlands
like serpents multitudes of Buddhas,
coiled like snakes around a pillar,
a thousands suns, each weep and behold,
burning worlds of tears for the damned,
each tear a sea of Great amrita,
churned by nagaraj for the cellar.
down falls a river of ambrosia,
dews of lotus splendor-stellar,
heaven’s light reflects in the dark hell,
anointing hell’s fallen flowers,
the hosts of devas and asuras
sing one song which slays hell’s pallor.
“awake samsara and nirvana,
both rest in an unborn bower.”
in this very body I awake,
holding in my hand a blossom,
without my I, the three worlds are fake,
all things are born from my bosom.

>>19098102
Ummm...OK, Chud...

>>19098102
Kill yourself iphone fag

>>19098102
>puppets of the security state
this is the problem with anarchism, it is built upon liberal theory
there are no puppets, there is only class

I wonder how the world will be affected by the up-tick of weed-related psychoses now that it is getting legalized. having gone through a weed-related psychosis I can tell you that it is pretty fucking bad

>>19098472
What happened? How much were you smoking?

>>19097541
Lately I find the best general way to classify men is by their general relation with women
It's not perfect but it tells you more than any one other trait

>>19098491
well desu I was smoking hasch. I don't remember how much, not too much I don't think. I had vivid auditory halucinations, but I think this pretty much kickstarted my career as a mental case. It changed me completely, I felt I changed personalities, I couldn't cope with people anymore, but I really just felt horrible. I thought that I was now a schizo, that I had to assume that reality was not real, which is frankly quite frightening. I know at some point I thought I was dying. I guess what made it so bad was that no one around me seemed to care. I'm just here thinking about this now: in spite of all the suffering I actually continued smoking. Why? Because I thought my gf would leave me if I didn't, and she was the closest thing I had to a connection with mankind (not a very close thing since she couldn't give two shits that I was now, all of a sudden, a nervous wreck, and cried all the time). I was never treated for any of this. I just remember wishing that someone would recommend me to get treatment, anyone, because then someone would care, but no one did, not her, not my family, not my friends. This is the beginning of a lot of tragedy, and a lot of hatred, which could have been avoided.

I have successfully not smoked weed for 2 nights. I wont lie, I was tempted. But my mind is stronger than that.
Other than that I still wake up feeling like shit. The cause of this remains a mystery to me.

>>19098533
>I thought I was dying
not while I was high mind you, I just remember laying my room, probably weeks later, feeling very, very bad

>>19098533
Did you stop smoking and recover or are you still fucked up? Hash is no joke.

>>19098537
>>19098538
That's withdrawal, guys

>>19098553
it took a while but I stopped. I did have another psychosis later on. I think I may be healing

>>19098559
>I did have another psychosis later on
not from smoking

>>19096776
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Whyd i have to meet her when I was 19, how the fuck are you meant to be in a serious relationship at 19

>>19098558
:(

>>19094331
Come on mate don't be prick

>>19098573
Don't sweat it man, it only lasts a week or two

Sup bros. OP here. I am very happy that I got to choose the image for this edition of "Write what's on your mind?". I hope you are enjoying my thread.

Thought I was over the girl but I'm not. The rejection is crushing my self-esteem. Before I felt I was reasonably good-looking and was proud to be a bookish, musical sort of guy with some confidence. Now I just feel like an ugly recluse. Is it normal to have such fragile self-esteem?

>>19098600
but im smoking again on the weekend

>>19098601
Yes my mate it's a pleasure not to see Goku this week

>>19098601
good image, thank you, based OP!

>>19093919
If I pee I don’t have to poo, but when I poo I always have to pee. Why is this?

>>19098622
I hate it when sometimes I have to pee in the morning but by the time I get to the bathroom I have to poo and this overrides the need to pee so that I can't pee without squeezing out the poo, so I am forced to pee sitting down.

>>19098613
If you're cutting back to just the weekends eventually you will reach equilibrium

I made some memes for the first time in a long while.

>>19098692
>>19098697
These are awful

I wish to start reading. Where should I start? I've read Animal Farm if that counts.

>>19098717
ABCs of Reading by Ezra Pound.
Also you need to learn Provencal

>mfw i just finished writing the upcoming 8-piece thread and the guy who keeps asking me when i'll post the motherfucking thread is probably reading lacarriere pamphlets or something

I feel sick. I want to leave university ASAP and ride out on a motorcycle up north, camping out on someone's property and just living away from everybody

>>19098472
They'll go up but they're going to be as misdiagnosed. Plenty of people who are psychotic before the weed get diagnosed as weed psychosis because their drug test shows weed upon admission. Even more get diagnosed because they say something the doctor didn't like. The down side of that is people who actually have weed psychosis are generally treated as either of the first two, and more often the latter. If someone shows up saying I think the weed made me psychotic, they're more likely to be called personality disordered or malingerers. Your story here >>19098533 would put you firmly in the personality disorder range. Psychiatrists will not make your life less of a tragedy; it's a growth industry for a reason.

>>19098067
For it to be gaslighting, technically it has to be intentional and fully aware and designed to cause harm to the victim's credibility. By that definition, most women would be incapable of it. You mean the more memed definition which is more closely "reality distortion" or "dissimulation", which women are adept at but are not in any way intentionally doing. Women believe their own bullshit while gaslighters are very much aware they are bullshitting.

What is the absolute cut-off point where you know someone has borderline personality disorder? I've had this feeling about a girl I've been seeing off-and-on, it's crept up on me as she seemed lovely at first and often still does. But she has very brief moments of being deeply manipulative. She says she has wild mood swings and I believe her, but occasionally it feels like she pretends to have one to be manipulative. Shame she's so fucking hot

bunghole

>>19099334
hehehehe

>>19099280
You live in Cleveland bro?

fuck me children are weird. they're like little aliens. I always wonder what they're looking for in my eyes

>>19099280
>Shame she's so fucking hot
you don't have to date a girl just cuz she's hot

>>19093919
i'm gonna write my autobiography, it is past time

I just can’t get my diet under control…

>>19099769
you can plagiarize the sex-scenes desu

>>19099902
there aren't going to be any sex scenes

>>19099280
She's a headcase that gets high off attention bro. Who cares if she has BPD or whatever, not good for you.

>>19099280
>. She says she has wild mood swings and I believe her, but occasionally it feels like she pretends to have one to be manipulative. Shame she's so fucking hot
She's got signs of cluster b and by dating her you likely do too.

>>19099515
>I always wonder what they're looking for in my eyes
Depending on the age, they're trying to learn how to focus their vision, or activate their mirror neurons to build a neurocognitive network. In either case, Mr Autist, the appropriate thing to do is think of a happy thing so they learn to think happily or discern facial features, and to put on a sad and concerned face if they start to cry.

I got filtered by Pale Fire. I'm going to read something easier and try again when I'm fresh. For now it's back to my cave of failure and inadequacy

>>19100169
cool

on the one hand I think I could want a woman who wants me to pay and be the man and all that, but on the other hand I feel like a lot of women who ask for this do it with a kind of edge that seems almost agressive. Most of all I think I want a woman with whom I could feel at ease.

My mother is forcing the idea of college on me, for purposes of “independence”. I’m not enthusiastic about college, all you do is have drunken degenerate parties and waste thousands of dollars to get a piece of paper achieved by memorizing facts and figures and going on with the opinions of unhinged professors who hate their nation because the judean cabalistic elites in the books and on the tv said so.

>>19100208
aggressive women are often far more loyal than their passive counterparts. i remember reading some surveys where the result was that women who were the primary mover behind romance and earned more than their partner were the least likely of any group to cheat or initiate the dissolution of the relationship

I dont so much wish I was dead, more I would disappear. Death would bring anguish and add to the ever growing burden my existence places on those around me. I wish I hadnt been born, raised and existed until this very point.

>>19100208
The women that insist on that kind of thing are usually trying to get you to conform to some idea of what a man is in their head. They want you to live by their standards and in my experience will toss you aside/pay you no mind if you're not what they're looking for.

>>19100243
I thought of more things after posting. They say that college makes you more aware and “enlightened”, but how does that apply to modern times like today, when all the world’s known knowledge and people are connected and compiled on an electrical monolith? I mean, for someone like a doctor or a lawyer, they should obviously attend school to learn such things, but how does a college education help an autistic person like me? There is a such a societal reinforcement on this type of higher education; that you WILL think of the rest of your life when you’re only thirteen or so, that you WILL waste a Saturday morning on a basic comprehension test and repeat it until you get the desired score, you WILL waste hours in a lecture hall, you WILL gather stds on the cock carousel/get hazed by midwit drunkards to join a egotistical band of retards, etc.

>>19100275
Existence is neat, dude. When you die, you get to be eaten by bacteria. Those bacteria bros are hanging out with you all your life and then they throw this giant fuckfest and become things like antibiotics in the soil and nitrates in plants and oxygen pockets for worms to have easier tunnels and bits of you might even calcify and one day become part of some awesome architecture or catastrophic geological event. You'll be lots of different things if you continue existing like you have since we were all first gaseous metals.

>>19100191
They also like poems and songs because they are trying to learn the cadence and phonemes of the local language.

>A leading proponent of educational modernization, Brumbaugh oversaw reform of the teacher training curriculum for the state of Louisiana. After the American Invasion of Puerto Rico, then a wealthy overseas province of Spain, and the Treaty of Paris of 1899, Brumbaugh was charged with implementation of an American-style educational system in Puerto Rico. Brumbaugh dissolved the entire Education Ministry that had been in place for centuries. Then Brumbaugh had the entire public school faculty, most of whom were trained professors of either Antillean or Peninsular Spanish origins, fired and deported. He then brought from the US a great number of Anglophone school teachers, including his cousin Dr. D. Brumbaugh, considered more "friendly to the American cause". The problem was that the American school teachers spoke only English, and the island's primary language was Spanish, with great numbers of French and Italian speakers. In less than 18 months, after Brumbaugh took over, school absenteeism shot up to 98% with the ensuing performance collapse of a population that spoke one language and the teachers another. Those children who did go to school were punished for speaking Spanish, and put down for their culture. The next thing Brumbaugh did, with the backing of the US Military Government, was to change the entire curriculum, to "Americanize it". He re-wrote the entire Puerto Rican history curriculum, sanitized it and purged from it any data threatening to the "American cause". In addition, he began to edit and doctor data so as to exacerbate anything political or social by the former Spanish Authorities, making it negative, out of context and proportion, in a national humiliation process that caused tremendous public outrage and protests. To this day, the island's educational system is still suffering from Brumbaugh's "reforms"

In short, an American was sent to Puerto Rico to Americanize its education system and the people lost their history and their language, Americanized. And this happened in the early 20th century. Now, how am I supposed to understand 1984, where everyone says the most powerful metaphor is the memory hole that the Party uses to erase history? This is supposed to be a criticism of Communism?

>>19100243
>>19100355
You are posting anime. You are already lost.

To be ripped from the billions of years spent in non-existence, only to return back to the inexistent with regret, uncertainty, and the fear of knowing that this time, you won’t be able to leave it again.

We can regard our life as a uselessly disturbing hiccup in the tranquil sleep of nothingness

>>19100493
and a phoneposter

>>19096882
How does it even get to this point? With a bachelor's thesis you even have complete choice over the topic and you are able to select something you are interested in...
I completely aced my bachelor's thesis while barely showing up to class for the other part of my degree. Simply because you were given choice and were able to work on your own terms.

>>19100500
Those are the worst.

>>19100243
I felt the same as you but went anyway. First year was okay. Second year felt off, I started doing weird shit like doing all-niters every night before a test and never studying, but I passed. Third year has degenerated even further and I constantly fantasize about leaving. You would probably fare better than I am (hell, almost anyone would I guess), but if your gut's telling you it doesn't want to go then maybe you shouldn't go.

In retrospect, I wish I just said fuck it and learned programming on my own, developed an impressive portfolio, and worked my way into the industry off that. CS is not a field where you're judged by your degree, it's just a bare minimum standard for employers. If you could get an internship or something off of your portfolio (it might take a long time before this happens), you could potentially leverage that into a real job. I have no idea how tough this is but I wish I did that.

Honestly feels like a load of bullshit that a degree isn't enough, and the most important part of your app (work experience) is something you need to develop in your free time. It makes the whole "attending college" aspect feel trivial. And that's what it is, honestly. Trivial. I haven't mentioned this yet, but I've learned fuck all at university so far. And the main reason is that I just don't conform to the lecture format at all, my brain doesn't benefit from it. But you will still be required to attend lectures for many of your courses, even though it's not of any use to you.

>>19100355
I don't want to encourage your cynicism too much, but yes, you're on the money here. The primary actual value of attending university is being in the same physical location as many other people who it benefits you to be around. Maybe they're hot girls you want to fuck. Maybe there's a guy into options trading you want to learn stuff from. Maybe there's a guy who's really into software dev who you can do a collaboration with. Maybe there's a recruiter for a company you want to work at. This here is why you go to university. There is not going to be any "enlightening" happening there unless you luck out and get an amazing professor, which - honestly - you're much more likely to find an amazing teacher through a textbook than a living one.

If we're being completely honest, the very idea of university as we structure it now is outdated, it doesn't work. Most of that information is spread out so far and never utilized again that it's not retained whatsoever. Even the harder STEM jobs could be taught faster and more efficiently. Those pupils who genuinely want to learn can handle a faster pace, and the rest? They should fuck off and seek another line of work. The modern form of university - at least the North American system - is little more than a free-form high school. Almost none of the people who attend need to be there. I understand it's awful to be in such a position where you must decide this at your age, but think carefully about your options.

>>19100493
>anime
filtered by a reisenfaggot

>>19100462
Orwell was critical of Stalinist communism, but less so of socialism and Trotskyist ideals of communism. Basically, it's a result of the idea there can be one dominant Communist power which can colonize the earth (a la Soviet communism) and the same basic principle would be found in most capitalist powers. Half of India speaks a weird form of English because of the British government doing basically the same thing with private traders.

the thing is that I'm not dead, so who knows?

>>19093919
niggsr nigger nigger cunt cunt cunt FAGGOT FAGGOT

my therapist no longer wants to have sessions with her.

off meds

THE CAR ACCIDENF WAS MY FAULT!! IT WAS ME!! I DID IT!!!!!!!

>>19100574
that picture is from the touhou anime, faggot

>>19100616
Sorry that's all that's been in my mind recently, my mental illness has been bad recently and had to get that out, would prefer if I didn't have to though.

I posted picrelated in the /wg/ thread, curious if anyone has any thoughts (I've made a few changes since, but I'm phone posting atm).

I grabbed my first ass to this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G6QDNC4jPs

>>19100574
I do not know what this means and I do not care.

I really hate having to explain myself. When words are abundant meaning is scarce and choked by the excess. When meaning is understood you barely need say anything but nod. God damn those expressive nods back in the day I miss em. Feel like nowadays I have to explain cashiering to cashiers and home depot to home depot stockers and groceries to clerks and why I dont want an enema from my old cotton headed mom. Fuck idiocracy and its verbose leftist trap.

>>19100770
You should read The Ticket That Exploded

I was reflecting today on what I want in life. I always do this in a dialogue form. I always imagine my dad criticizing my lifestyle and myself responding. It began by him asking me why I don't go to bars or clubs. Of course the answer is that i'm simply not interested. Then he asks why I dont go out and do other things. Of course my response is "like what?" He responds by asking what other young people do. I dont know.
So finally it comes down to an ultimate question. What do I want to do? What do I like doing? There just isn't an answer to it. I dont like doing anything. I dont really like reading much anymore. I don't care to listen to music. Movies hold no interest. I don't like video games. I don't really like socializing or social events. I prefer my own company. I don't care for drinking or partying.
I just don't like anything. I don't like doing anything. I don't really like anyone. If I could do absolutely anything I really have no idea what I would do. I feel like I should be doing something. I don't like feeling idle. i hate seeing the hours pass away on the clock, or suddenly realizing its Wednesday and the week is half over. But I really just dont know what to fill the time with.

>>19100865
Well, not that it helps any, but I'm the same way.

>>19094173
Diving into Shirley Jackson this month

>>19100873
We Have Always Lived in The Castle during blackberry season is a good idea

>>19100883
>blackberry season
I'm not really sure what that feels like. It's a hundred degrees out today. It is literally always summer

>>19094452
I realized that she called me "best friend" because she thinks that I am not serious about our relationship because I don't want to convert to Islam.

>>19100865
Unironically look into therapy. I see a lot of my old self in the things you’re saying. I used to be antisocial stay at home type person with a million other issues and I managed to sort it out through many many quality therapy sessions. It legitimately changed my whole entire life and made me realize that the person who I thought I was, was just a lie I had made up so that I didn’t have to deal with my social anxiety.

Also read the greeks.

stopped writing my play for now and started focusing on poetry, after noticing on a workshop that i'm more of a poet than a playwright or short-story writer. i've never felt more artistically realized, honestly. so much so i write 3-4 haikus a day (yesterday, when i considered hanging myself, i wrote 7 and a quadra).
don't know if it's Dunning-Kruger in action or what, but i feel like the only thing separating me from decent free-verse is a few good months of training

Jordan Peterson would've been considered a kooky left wing fruitcake ten years ago but now there are people who actually think he's some kind of right wing reactionary.

only lazy motherfuckers who can't bother making their handwriting better type stuff down
this includes me

>>19101025
wow people got smarter

>>19101228
No they got dumber and gayer.

>>19101228
>Prog posts snarky lower case statement that makes no sense simply to reflexively contradict a post that tripped an alarm bell
It's all so tiresome

I have a question.

-Ü_Ë-<4:/SlÅk.9!E2Íôì(_×NÝÝé·»ÆÏ3A1õ9`¼5&Í?E¯°@0A5þg:ÉmÑEh(Û¼xùÔ:Gß=.®?ELÅ*fÏFOÂÉÉ34A®E»N>ì¯6!;92F')?d2gDD-%(&0<¼X <3'Ä0.4ë/o^6oÀ=I=V:¾-aOÞOB%-û4.©¾J0F#Ó2Ù^øíw`/6¿RËO9C»ÉK3EÙ¸j(ä3:P´Ã¶ãM-1ü»B8÷°J5hØC24:8O#ÓºNÙ¶H9??/¾OÍ926H/7¬q,<Iy»¼.Ó®PM;<5´FDÄ·ÃI,8]jB¥÷_LQ#ä¬ÅèÚ1æÅÓ-½Dá?0*G{YyBF</EÅ+Y2\ËÉB0ÌÎû1OFZBIZß3ºQR9*%Á¶.6¶>qFX4©ÇUF\}ÌBi´®0R/Û»½2Í®`Ê¿-4Å¿5¾à[U66>ÊЪË<ØS9ÛµÏ÷áCÀÃ>±ÏIÃ×4KKÁè¾7¸DC]L+wÏFî'H^J0Â.4:WÆÍE^·ÝÊ-/°¬N61DËÁKi¬1JÄÒ1ÇYÑú®Wå@DÅØ8ÏâGI«,3YÄj»J,YN*IOÖr¼4@Kn¬´ÎÉÃ-43fÏ®Ñ6e18å3>¯@3JLJ9#ÙÊÆ8T#G¯Ù\¤©X?ÂX¦¾oL¼\SÝR¸Åºg;;º:B¯ÛÏ«ª7ì·Ì1ÀrÉÆaB°Þ¯Ö{ܶEAÊ_ßè8LªN°2Ê¿2þEHϵ¡ÞÁÕÈϽþ11´È»2J«œ3ÁÌ°»Ø¯¡«´¸m»¯¬¼yBÅ«È£2¯9YV¼C¸Ö¬¬îT´´2ºÉ߸@Û´Ñ2¥Nh¸áV͸½¸L7Ì<áYÚ_ªÎ2D?6®¼:3¦GJ={ô2o>H_@¶K´·¶;1Æé2À@£¸à¦føµ®´¼Çh°Ðf3§«I(DºF«1ů.33¿6O@¼ÔÐ+¿á»»ÕV¯¸wb½<¦±>'L,,ÎîKÈF3,<6ÊB8½Û@4<1¾¾+>È:=Òm,»K>//(<LMûb5´YME¸K¶¶M¸¤O;°ŸÀ´<?ÑÈJZ¶´®I$Bo÷ÒÕ6HÀ$8¾Û,RN2îÛ6TCÈÝ¿.L?>}kFª^,\!9º¾6Ùß,8J=ÑVMAü4@G.h>/18&À:(uûnMIEÊÉU]P¼ÈF<2߬eO˧:/°Ü¼4,6À.^Ô}Ïx85\ùÎÃ.?J2Tºj,·O0IÛ<WßW½¦Kö>Æå°Þ±¯åEÞ&G°¥<»=8ì½;VÕF/N*ÙÌÁaÁÊÁÚ",2Þ9j·Ì®Ù%~´·l¾AJé>GÅæ»QE4º*4¿¾?ÆS-4Î+É^6&g;/4@È3=G=MG29,ÍQ0D[/Vº4u±].,6.ÆQëO9Iÿ,-È´6V")ȨBóo6P/C`Ö/y^Úh*0ÒÝB÷û5Æ: <ÊNB¯3(4@XÍE:JV)A*aÌ~.nG)3S+¼½?"×A76.<½l60OE°eIÆïEød$@·>J»ÐKL=0«Á}7A@ÏC?Æ´>É'*L¥HÚ·d9¿Fèؽ/¶ÐìCLJÛJå°3-Ö`>W¿?gª6 6R̵Î,=Î8F7·®º7ÚÙ1:X-¾»M)ºBA¿Ë<¸®Â;k@©2·¸°¸3J¿¦û¿¸Y4ËO/®¯ü>@;dËUÁ3TÂFJ[°Û¯ª<8ª2ÊÜ»Gª½CZÅiOYßµ®4KgÓ22MZ¥J$<Î1ª½19É2Øâ·¾±Ñ»ÉWÆ«>´¬®A¬ØΨ©~©¤«Ê©Ð¥¡¡®¾é·µÞ¡¿¯ªÎ?º·c¢¥Î»®mN°ª°]¬±ç·½ª°/&¯ÔûOÃ5«±;:¾KNJÆÏ«8?Y¾±¯në·D%Ðl꯮;1[3Í1H?ÐËþÚòÔF;Ý9ËJ2º¯?¿Ê_C´NƤ¦°Ô8Eֽì޾¥é0O¼V´¼6¾©JB´¥çê';QD/I÷®¸C#Á74:F$aÂ0-Á2Nϱ_ºI9fÝ®ÆÌjA1¶Í2¸µ>,A/pB*TFRFÖ5ÂMçÔM7¾ZFÑ¥a®ë263WU¢3«9FÓª¿Ê=G¯Ä5»¯3·º.T¯6>¤º½{<ÞL0ZO¾ÏÝ5ÒI:±¯7æ·×?38Jª®]qÙHַé¯Àø6I132ɵCAü3稵+ÆNèÊ»7MæËZM&Ý797¸z¸é&*°>7L´IÂ:0¼¦µÈ?;Bé4¸V¼À<2Ð0.¸Ë:Ï[<3ì0Ì~IE^?R.:¼¡2?leP1<=©©/SABI¶Â·®Ð{JC¯°ÍÙ¿AH¼)2µ½,5:.óÄ(:\ÁIW,5;-9ÖBÊO-)¯Í?

I would like to get extremely depressed, stop eating, and have it be a life changing experience.

When did everyone start referring to making anything vaguely artistic online as "Content Creation?"
When did everyone start describing everything as "Consuming Media" instead of being specific and saying "reading a book," "watching a movie," "playing a game," "watching a porno," etc.?
Apparently everything creative has to be treated like it's featureless slop sliding through the tubes of a machine designed to deliver Content from Creators to Consumers. It would be one thing if only marketers and other retards were talking like this, but intelligent and talented people are going along with it as well. It pisses me off, anyone who willingly refers to themselves this way has no self-respect.

>>19095606
>dream about having sex with a girl I know
>halfway through the act she turns into a dog-woman
Why does this keep happening?

>>19101328
this has been annoying me too. just seeing the word “content” causes a little prick of anger now

>>19096184
Nice, bro.

>>19101328
Everything is being made generic. "Globohomo" isn't just a meme. It is a very good description. Global homogenization (and you can see the homo as having a second meaning, i.e., gay, which is very accurate as well). Destroying all boundaries and mixing everything together into a formless gray blob. It is quite literally the spirit of Antichrist. It is one of the meanings of 666.
https://youtu.be/78qjQOMfu9c

>>19100999
Trips dont lie. But therapy is expensive bro. I was kind of hoping to fix all my problems with philosophy and prayer

>>19101328
Totally forgot about that pink slime

>>19094299
The "if I'm not the best I'm the absolute worst!" rap is an inverted egotrip for narcissists. You really want to feel bad, admit to yourself the truth: you're mediocre.

>>19096587
I fucking wish I had a twink bf people could out me with. But seriously, I understand that it can difficult or even dangerous under certain circumstances, so I'm sorry to hear that, anon. Stay safe.

If everything feels exactly the same why should I do anything at all?

>>19096696
I imagine you're probably right. Still can't convince myself, though.

>>19101328
Content is king - Steve Jobs

I haven’t been on a date with or met a girl in 4 years.

>>19101401
The transcendental argument for God is irrefutable. Atheist "intellectuals" have no answer for it, so they just choose to go after low hanging fruit instead. They are con men.

Test

>>19101328
I say these words a lot because I despise the way shit is made today and I have to refer to it as the disgusting consumable shit for asshole consumer whores it is. Like junk food, that shit is not cooked, it's not baked, it's produced, on an industrial scale. There's no humanity in the production of that shit, it's research, there's more mathematics involved in this than actual human tastebuds. It's production of junk food, not baking sweets, that's something your loving grandma does. You have to choose the least human word available to express how shit is made in these godawful times when you refer to content production. It has to be fucking sterile and it has to match the animalistic carelessness with which consumers gobble it down and forget it the next second.

What the fuck. I just made two posts in this thread. They sent succesfully but never showed up in the thread

>>19096861
I've actually taken to writing my own pornography since there is nothing out there that is to my particular tastes. The only trouble is finishing any one of these scenarios is rather difficult. I am compelled to masturbate before I am able to set it to paper.

>>19101424
The TAG is refuted by Kant

>>19101447
I ate them

>>19101416
I'll be on my 7th year in a few months

>>19101458
You fat fuck

>>19101446
Oh and content creator dehumanizes the other way around as well. People love to call artists content creators because they hate putting them in such a position. Content creator is the hand that jerks you off, he's the spoon that feeds you your pink candied slop. That's exactly the kind of relationship that consumers have with artists, artist implies that he's the one who makes the whole art, but no there's no art, people don't want art, they want content to consume, they want a hand who executes their desires for shit to gobble down like hungry pelicans in a crowd of chicks.

>>19101461
>>19101416
Based ascetics, women are the niggers of gender.

>>19099905
;_;

>>19100275
I sympathize with your struggle, dear brother. May we both one day find rest for our tired feet.

>>19101446
You misunderstand, what pisses me off is when those words are applied to activities that don't deserve the label because the person speaking is so used to the garbage. Reading a book should be an aesthetic, artistic, or intellectual experience, not just "media consumption." That kind of language devalues the whole thing and makes it sound like you just flipped through a book and immediately forgot it, and the generic phrasing makes it seem like the speaker sees no qualitative difference between reading a good novel and jerking it to sissy hypno, seeing as they're both "content." I've tried to explain this to people and every time they act like I'm just playing word games.
Referring to all art as "media" and all science as "STEM" also pisses me off, for similar reasons. I'm glad to see other people here who feel the same way, it really grates on you after a while.

>>19093919
Any philosophy enthusiasts here?
I am planning a course of study for these 8 philosophers, and wanted to know what you think.
My plan, tentatively, is to do two each semester until I graduate. This semester I am taking a class on Plato / Spinoza.
What are your thoughts? Too ambitious?

Plato Spinoza
Aristotle Kant
Hegel Nietzsche
Wittgenstein Heidegger

>>19101638
drop everything except for spinoza and nietzsche

I just went on a date with a black girl the other day, and she's actually really cool. I'm used to dating white women exclusively, but this is new territory for me. Also, I just finished the first draft of my next book.

>>19093919
For 300 pages, not much has happened so far in The Wheel of Time. It's very cosy to read though, so doesn't feel like a slog.

>>19101648
is it mein kampf ?

>>19101648
I am pretty racist but black girls are hot and fun. I feel like touching a black girl's black boobs would be a good time. I just hope one could accept me for who I am (racist).

>>19101638
Keep everyone except for spinoza and Nietzsche

>>19101638
Drop all of those except for Plato and Heidegger.

>>19101638
>Any philosophy enthusiasts here?

I just dreamt that I became God. It was pretty fun and I felt a lot of love for everything.

im drinking a can of root beer

>>19101638
Read Wittgenstein and be done with it.
Then read The Bible.

>>19101672
My black booba looked Indian and we pretended to be from India until Americans got confused by us. America is the only nationality where you want to get the hell away from your countrymen and dissasociate as much as possible.

my vaxnag lib friend from work is sick but she claims it's just a cold and not covid. she also says she will be coming in for her on site work days anyways. she tells everyone to get three jabs and wear two masks, so i don't understand how she fell ill.

>>19101808
Is it bangs?

>>19101879
MUG

>>19101808
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cgzGUkLBZY

root beer is tasty but that shit has the most calories of any soda and soda has a lot.

>>19101576
Literature is meant to help us develop a richer understanding of human life. Arthurian legend were tales of morality. Its characters were never meant to be realistic, but represent philosophical concepts like justice and honor and teach chivalry. Braindead buffoons like yourself only care about race, gender and class and view every single piece of literature through this lens. And if criticism of a text is to be reduced to largely predictable results before we even begin to read it, what is the point? When we find conventions of race, gender and class that are to be expected of the period we learn nothing. Your method of literary analysis says nothing about one book that isn't true of others from that same period. That is the essence of bad reading. By reducing everything to issues of race/class/gender you dispose the pursuit of literature.

Victim-centered literature being written today to illustrate politically correct precepts will die out for lack of an ability to excite or inspire. The real difference between the Western canon and the politically correct books chose by race/gender/class critics is that the latter are ideological choices imposed on unwilling readers by a cultural elite and only the former are backed by a long history of appreciation and interest on the part of a genuinely diverse reading public. Subversive, offensive writers enter the canon, not safe writers. The race/gender/class critics who want to reshape the canon according to their political beliefs share Joseph Stalin's view of the uses of literature. These critics think of themselves as liberators, but they follow in the footsteps of dictators.

>>19093919
I've realized that I need philosophy, but philosophy doesn't need me. I like to think that I'm driven by some honorable love of knowledge, and maybe that's true to some extent. But mostly I think I just need to hide from the outside world, from other people, in the safety of musty old books and sterile abstractions. I will likely write nothing of great value to my field, but perhaps that's okay so long as I can keep hiding from the world in my study.

>>19102344
im going to take a wild guess and say you saw the henry darger thread yesterday and then read about him and thought he was cool and now you are choosing "schizo-hermit" as your new aesthetic.

>>19102362
No, I made the Darger thread yesterday (the earlier one that died quickly).

With a great fecundity I spread my disparate seeds, like various condiments on moldy bread, onto this vestigial community of neerdowells.

>>19102436

>>19100243
you could be like me an sit in your shoebox apartment playing PS2 games on a CRT, making straight A's and reading. pretty good plan if you're a natural recluse. Good grades are easy to get in undergrad since the content has to be watered down for 105 IQ normies.

What does it mean when I feel zero need for friends but when I see people having a good time I feel like dying? Also, what does it mean when I'm forced to do something or given a schedule to follow, it makes me feel both self reproach and suicidal? Why does no one take me seriously in real life? Why do they all stare at me like im not even human? No one talks to me they just tell me things, my input is never necessary. One of the perks of being human is connection with other humans, how can I connect when no one ever talks or listens to me? Doesn't matter anyway, I've been alone for so long.

Also, I have a stutter I've has since birth that is so bad that if I were to actually articulate any this in real life, I would sound like im having a stroke or something. One life and I was born a suicidal anti-social door mat with a terrible stutter.

All these moments will be lost,
like cum in sauce.

>>19102560
You know what they say.
In this life you either cum in the sink or sink in the cum
Remember that

>>19102491
>Also, what does it mean when I'm forced to do something or given a schedule to follow, it makes me feel both self reproach and suicidal?
Quite relatable
Lately I've taken to going out to eat somewhere between 12-6AM every night
It's not that I'm hungry but more that I abhor the sense of being boxed in by a schedule and this is my way of rebelling, feels like I am losing some essential part of myself if I can't fall asleep whenever I want

>>19101025
Like his funders the Koch Brothers, those notorious Marxists from communist America.

Wish I had some ESL friends.

>read on couch
>comfortable but makes me feel sleepy almost immediately
>read on chair
>fucks up my posture but I'm wide awake
For fuck's sake

Now I am become gay
The sucker of clocks

I am so miserable

>>19102743
Kill yourself faggot phoneposter

I think I have to put on muscle to be more physically attractive.

>>19102771
what do you look like

I feel uneasy when I talk about my future or future plans to anyone unless they're directly invovled. I fear that I'll jinx it and it won't work out even the slightest way I want it to work. Even with my family I don't like telling them what I have planned next because I just don't wanna hear any comment or opinions. Am I iust being conceited?

>>19102832
Nice face, 6'3, but im a bit thin, Get a lot of attention because I have a pretty face and I'm tall but I don't know if I'm exactly sexually attractive when I take my clothes off. Beyond that I don't feel so attractive when I take my clothes off, I feel like I look like a 15 year old. Which is a bit weird because I had more muscle on me when I was 15 9 years ago.

>>19102834
Nah. I stopped really talking to family because they helicopter and forget I'm not an object to be studied. Just treat me like a normal person.
When I say something people hyper focus on it or get in the way, but they're very nosy so I've gotten really good at hiding in the shadows. I love them like one does family, but dear god do they get in the way more than they help.
Same goes with co workers.
I'm on page 142 now. The next part to write should be cozy and easy to write since it's literally a walk through a flower park that I've already written into the story earlier JUST for this part to occur, but looks like I'm out of time and have to go to bed.
I also should probably drink more water.

The Orphic theogonies include:

The "Protogonos Theogony", lost, composed c.500 BC, which is known through the commentary in the Derveni papyrus and references in classical authors (Empedocles and Pindar).

The "Eudemian Theogony", lost, composed in the 5th century BC. It is the product of a syncretic Bacchic-Kouretic cult.

The "Rhapsodic Theogony", lost, composed in the Hellenistic age, incorporating earlier works. It is known through summaries in later neo-Platonist authors.

>>19093919
Loneliness is such a sad affair and I could hardly wait to be with you again.
What to say to make you come again, come back to me again and play your sad guitar.
Don't you remember you told me you love me baby
Said you could calm the madness away again baby
Baby baby baby baby baby oh baby
I love you. I really do

Working is even harder now that I want to write my stories and poems in all day. I wish I could save up thousands for rent and food, then hole myself up for a year and try to write a proper novel in that time, without needing to work. Maybe that can be the goal.

>>19102847
If youre not skinny fat its cool. Learn to stand like male models.

>>19096893
Do it.
It's hard to understand how much time is laid to waste on the medias until you stop with them.

Every day I wake up with a giant stiffy

The religious among schools of thinkers are often who's ignored despite the accusation that the religious ignore the irreligious. Peirce among the pragmatists, Girard among the French, etc.

>>19093919
Well ***I*** did it fifteen minutes ago.

Starting to embrace the /fitlit/ life. Going to the gym isn't nearly as bad as some make it out to be. As for time, it's helpful in that sense too, I'm just taking time away from internet browsing and scrolling.

Im doing a shit rn and it smells bad

I'm very uncomfortable with the fact that beautiful twinks have to share the same world as blacks.

>>19094103
I have a fake vax card to syke the Kikes, but it's still a retarded rule that needs repealing.

>>19101560
The words reflect what people think about the subject. I use the words to express my disdain toward the mental attitude but the common man uses the same words because they somehow reflect his attitude toward the shit he's gobbling. The subconscious is still a pretty powerful driving force in the choice of vocabulary, if someone says he's an "entertainer" rather than an "artist" or a "content creator" there's a reason for it. Like I generally talk about entertainment when I speak about current books, movies etc., I don't have to actively think about it. If I mention Kurosawa I say cinema. I can't pin Kurosawa to entertainment.
Actually a very good way to discriminate between people is to look at the words they use. It's not entirely incorrect when someone here notices a certain low key red flag term that someone else is using. You make certain language choices subconsciously unless you're doing it intentionally to false flag.

>>19094103
None of this shit is about validating minorities, it's all about destroying white people.

>>19103567
Remember to not just weights, but also cardio. Preferably in nature.
>tfw swimming in two days

>>19095798
Read this book:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatomy_of_an_Epidemic
Not advising you to get off meds, but it's very insightful

>>19093919
Fist me, honey honey, fist me.
Thrill me, honey honey, thrill me.

>>19103603
just busted and that didnt smell so great either

>>19093935
i just drink alot of non alochol barleys

>>19100865
are you me?

>>19102593
I can be your friend mate

>>19104008
Are you ESL?

>>19104013
yes, an EFL actually.

I had the frustrating experience today of realizing how inarticulate in speech I have become after years of social isolation and simply typing out most of my thoughts for this digital void.

I have an abstract desire to be part of some kind of social group and have "friends" or even a single "friend" to talk to but I'm not sure if I really want any of that. I think I just want people around because of the raw human instinct to be social. I don't actually want to talk to people. Most of the time I don't like them or they disappoint me. I'm more concerned with avoiding potential threats than finding points of contact so I carefully expose the least interesting parts of me. I even go as far as self-sabotaging as a contrived way to stress-test the relationship. If I'm so focused on defending myself I probably have no real interest in people or I'd have attempted to be more daring.
I think I have a very deep seated and tangled mess in this area of my mind. I don't know what it is, am I a narcissist, have I been shafted too many times, am I just retarded, do I actually feel like I should be social because of instincts, or because it's something I wish I had based on how I see happiness in others? I don't even know where to start. I hate therapists so I won't see one.

>>19104223
I think you are a narcissist who is more scared of losing an argument at a party than dying alone.

>>19104231
I don't have conflicts though. People generally like me. I've lost a bit of conversational savvy from being isolated for so long but I had no trouble having a chat with people at parties although I hate parties because I don't like noise. I know I'm boring as fuck so I end up talking to people who don't mind it. My problem is that I can't establish anything, I have this block. I self-sabotage. At some point I start fabricating immense attrition until I no longer like the person.

Also people love to throw narcissism around as soon as someone mentions anything regarding self-worth or whatever. I think I'm actually being gaslit because I don't behave like a narcissist. I don't manipulate people, I don't expect others to treat me with velvet gloves, I don't think anyone owes me anything or I'm some kind of exceptional being. I just feel extremely demotivated because I've been disappointed and betrayed so many times. I fucking hate this narrative where if you're a guy and you have above zero expectations or desire anything from life you're called a narcissist psychopath. Fuck you.

>>19104251
>I don't have conflicts though.
Because you avoid them, like you said you are preoccupied with avoiding potential threats in social situations. Everything you have written has the fear of loss of face looming over it. You pivot to pretending to not give a fuck because you overvalue other people's own estimations of you. A public disagreement could destroy your mental equilibrium for days, and I am guessing you obsessively perform autopsies over minor interactions regardless of how they went.

You just need to get a thicker skin desu. Part of that is you are likely alienated from your own body. Some sort of group physical activity would benefit you more than trying to think yourself our of your box.

>>19104345
>Everything you have written has the fear of loss of face looming over it.
Yeah I think it's because I went through a lot of humiliating bullying as a kid and I never recovered. I tend to see people as threats unless I am absolutely certain that they won't fuck me over, and the few times I've trusted I was too naive or unlucky and I got fucked over anyway.
I'm trying to pin it on just bad luck and poor timing where I met the wrong people while feeling particularly weak but it's just hard to open up. I really detest that I offer basically the worst part of myself to others to protect what I think is valuable.

>>19104294
>just feel extremely demotivated because I've been disappointed and betrayed so many times.
Not the anon you're talking to but this happens with a lot of disorders once they get brought into mainstream focus. You know the stereotypes of the depression and anxiety sufferer, the BPD ex, the narcissist. People get fuzzy about the stereotypes around schizophrenia and schizoid even if they're psychiatrists now. People in cluster B have had shitty experiences which have formed their coping skills the same as cluster A or C. The reason why those coping skills have stereotypes now is because in general society has a harder time with coping. You're probably not more narcissistic or avoidant or psychopathic than anyone else in the world, but the cultural problem is that it's very common to have an unempathetic view of the world, and to assume that life is somehow just, and society is operating on the same unwritten rules as ever.
Most of the rise of those kinds of coping skills could be attributed to the fact we started seeing people as diseases rather than individual histories. That further atomizes society, making it harder to have a group which is informed of your individual history in an empathetic manner.
One of the ways societies cope with that atomization is to designate a disease hierarchy, so they can try to reimpose some of the sense of a continuous society which they inherently crave. One of the reasons we find it acceptable to hate sociopaths is because we didn't have to listen to their dad beating their ass and go to church and school with them after and grow up alongside them. In less atomized societies, it's easier to understand why those guys wind up killing people, and also easier for the sociopath to understand why the community doesn't find it acceptable. In atomized societies, you find people who want to kill children who kill other children, and people who can't understand why everyone didn't think that killing hookers was a mission from God.
This isn't about you personally, but about how society labels people to try to regain a connection to itself it's generally lost.

>>19104444
Yeah I know. This is why I don't like therapists and I feel like people on the internet love to gaslight others by playing armchair psychiatrist, they see every problem as a personal individual disease that should be fixed instead of a large scale societal problem. But there is a personal problem I have with trust and building relationships. I just don't know how to get out of it. If I try to get in a social context I manage just right, but I'm wearing a mask throughout. Another big problem is that I've avoided the worldly shit so much that the mask doesn't fit that well anymore and I hate wearing it, so I self-sabotage to get out. I don't have any fallback strategy if my core shit gets destroyed, I've lost everything in life. So there's this catch-22 where I need some validation in order to face society without feeling like hanging by a thread over a cliff, but I can't get validation without taking off the mask and facing the possibility of extreme distress

>>19099491
yea how you know?

I don't understand why I'm so bad at making friends all of the sudden. I used to be so open and silly with new people, I was myself. People would always say "anon, how are you friends with everyone here?" Now, every time I meet someone new I just speak softly and I don't even know where to go with a conversation beyond asking what they do and where they're from. I don't get what happened. I can still have good conversations and be funny with friends that I've had for a while, but I haven't made a close friend since before the pandemic started. Maybe it's depression, and I've only been in this new place for a couple weeks so I should give it time. I'm still kind of scared I'll never make friends again.

>>19100581
filterd orwell was crypto liberal taht advocated for premarital sex and the free market, if you actually read his books you wold know how much the hate he has against any type of communalism is derived from his gay sexual fantasies about being dominated by a stronger man(1)
1- see 1984

>>19104648
easy on the coke, Freud

Say goodbye to the moon, we'll see her again tonight.

>>19096181
same here but I just got a kitchen job last week, its fucking hell (10hrs a day for pennies). I'm just working to pay my funeral fees and give back money to my family. feeslbadman

Penis when it comes to peeing is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because we're less likely to get a UTI compared to women. A curse because the extra drip of piss would come out even though you thought you were done pissing. Which results in staining your underwear or pants.

>>19103950
Yes

>>19105142
iirc that happens to women too tho

>>19102593
Everyone i know is ESL. I live in America

>>19105151
Women's urethra is shorter. Hence they're more susceptible to UTI but logically speaking they won't have trouble with drips. I'll ask a woman tomorrow.

>>19105151
never happened to me lmao.

OP here. Since my edition of "Write whats on your mind" is coming to an end I just want to thank you all for joining me and I hope you had fun. Having the opportunity to choose the image was a pleasure and im excited to see the next one and meet the next OP. Cheers.

>do something
>fail
>do nothing
>fail
thats why im a neet. no point in trying if it all ends in the same result.

>>19104497
I had that problem. Literally just ignore it. Grit your teeth, acknowledge you're being unreasonable,and act contary to how you feel.

Someone reached out to me today to un-add me. It's kinda sad but I understand why. I'm an emotionless husk incapable of connecting to others. Who would want to chat with someone like that? No, it's not complicated. What I dislike is people insisting you should keep trying to socialize even though it obviously doesn't work - only makes you feel worse in the long run when everyone gets bored of you and leaves. I think I'm done trying to make friends

i woke up with this really old 10+ year ago ringe memory in the top of my mind. weird. i can't stop cringing about it right now, but i probably think about a couple times a year max.

>>19105282
Trying can be fun.
You may fail, you may succeed

>>19105282
>doomed to life of inaction by fear of failure
many such cases usually due to bad parenting

>>19105393
>you may succeed
sure, some people win 100 mln lottery
>>19105409
its more of a not finding anything interesting to try. its pointless to try just for the sake of it.

>>19105449
>not curious enough to find something interesting do in life
from what i've seen people with low iq can have satisfying lives watching tv. can't fail at watching tv either. i guess that is your best life. have fun.

>>19105471
seems like you know me better than i do.

>>19105449
Scratchers aren’t fun. Winning at lotto isn’t an achievement.
But never mind the parable. In trying there is little to lose and much to gain.

>>19094103
Stop watching the news or reading internet outrage crap. Leave the west if you hate it so much. You have 1 life and you're a pleb among plebs you hold no power. So live the best life you can. Stop worrying about shit you can't change.

>>19100355
You seem to be so sure about the world without experiencing it. You can view uni from two perspectives. One that it is an vocational institution and through studying stuff that is accredited by professional bodies, i.e. medicine, pharmacy, law, physiotherapy you make a living for yourself. In the US for instance, poverty being inherited over three generations (white Americans) is incredibly low and universities have demonstratively played a part in this (look at Pace University outcomes for example). Another is the more traditional liberal arts approach. Indeed, there is more abundant information online but little structure, organisation and wisdom. Universities for all it's faults put experts and students together and depending on the institution, makes you read, study and better educated on a breath of humanistic subjects. I certainly wouldn't have learnt Russian, understood the history of madness, rock music, Confucian capitalism in Republican China and trained to be a scientific researcher in addition to being prepared to enter medical school in the space of four years through self directed learning.

Institutions have their faults but I am a conservative when it comes to education. Good education demands hard work (you need to memorise and recite shit before you create things. Most of the greats of the past did so), didactic learning, rigorous curriculum and equip people to be better. New kinds of open door or collaborative learning is a result of a pessimistic and defeatist attitude towards mankind (read Lasch).

Basically you're being a baby.

>>19105511
It sounds like an excuse but i just dont know what i want hence i stay in one place.

>>19094103
>American politics is now dominated by these infantile complaints. We’ve allowed this absurdity to run amok.
The problem is America itself; It can't be fixed unless America goes away.