/lit/ - Literature

>>19041525
why cant i be happy?

>>19041539
You don't allow yourself to be

What is /lit/'s opinion on skipping class?

>>19041565
good. fuck the wageslave factory

>>19041556
Why?

>>19041580
How the fuck should I know?

>>19041565
based, fuck education

>>19041580
look inwards fag, what do you want in life, how do you get it, how do you feel ETC ETC ETC ETC

>>19041565
Often necessary

>>19041580
Say yes to happiness.

>>19041525
OP nobody responded to my post in the last thread so I won't bother with another here but The Color of Pomegranates is a beautiful film and I appreciate you posting from it.

I feel like I'm living in La princesse de Clèves right now. Every relationship I have is full of unspoken and implied connections that I don't necessarily understand, and when someone talks to me I never know if it's out of distraction, affability or interest. Women especially go to great lengths to blur and hide the intentions of what they do and say, so I always feel like they have very specific expectations but never state them and still expect to be understood and fulfilled. Even my beloved speaks to me in an extremely cryptic way about anything that goes beyond the superficiality of banter. Similarly, yesterday I was invited to dinner at the table of two women to whom I had hardly ever spoken, and, although they asked me about myself in all directions and answered my questions well in return, I don't know what possessed them to suddenly want to make my acquaintance when there is no reason to suppose that I could bring them anything. I don't know if I am incapable of properly discerning social expectations or if they are really expressed in a way that is unintelligible.

>>19041629
Seconded

>>19041638
>some girls invite you to sit with them at in the university dining hall
>go into full-blown autistic tailspin questioning their motivations and your own worth
lol

>>19041629
>>19041639
:)

I’ve been studying Tibetan Buddhism for a while now and I’m very interested in it, but sometimes I feel like it gets overly complicated and that gets in the way of practice. For example, I was browsing a Buddhist forum the other day and someone was posting about how they had received the transmission for a ngondro practice, but they couldn’t remember which ngondro. There are hundreds of different ngondros, all nearly the exact same and with only minor variations. But you can only practice the exact one you have received a transmission for. So instead of doing the practice, this person is worrying about which exact practice they should be doing. This goes for almost every Tibetan Buddhist practice. You have to receive a transmission for every practice (of which there are MILLIONS) and you can only do that exact practice. So if you receive the transmission for the White Tara practice of Purified Drop of Immortality, you can do only that exact practice, not any of the other hundreds of White Tara practices, like Accomplishing Deathlessness.

>>19041661
Sometimes I rehash for several hours totally random events to try to unravel the workings because I don't understand the principles that govern life in society.
People often think that I am very nonchalant or very taciturn depending on the moment when I am only trying to be friendly.

>>19041565
doing so rn to listen to esoteric tunes

I wish I got interested in creative pursuits when I was a kid and not now when i'm a busy adult with less imagination

I'm fucking sick of looking for apartments. I feel like a mangy dogs, begging for scraps. what do I have to do to get the fucking appartment? I'm a perfectly friendly /boring looking person, and I have all prerequisite money. what more do you people want from me?

>>19041726
why cant you get it? is there a system to renting a place?

>>19041726
What's the issue?

>>19041614
so it's just a matter of choice?

>>19041731
>>19041740
there's just so many people looking for few apartments. because of my situation, I need to stay withing a certain geographical area- I've "almost" gotten a lease multiple times, only to get the "we regret to inform you, the apartment has been rented to another party" email a couple days later. I'm just fucking sick of it. It's exhausting and demoralizing.

>>19041731
>>19041740
AND THE MOST INFURIATING THING is that near where I live there is a veritable treasure trove of places being thrown at me, but they're all in bumbfuck nowhere, so because I can't drive, I can't rent that 5 room flat for 450€. It's enough to make a man cry.

>>19041778
that sucks. how far are we talking?

>>19041743
Healthy diet, a little exercise, staying active and avoiding “boredom”. All that should help you to love yourself and surroundings. It’s not so much a light switch as it’s a house building project.

Hope you have good friends or will make some soon and are free of any chemical imbalances that can really hinder these efforts

>>19041792
far enough that I can't walk, or bike, and that far out, you get a bus out there maybe twice a day. I'd be completely cut off from the rest of the world, including any form of grocery store, or friends.

Are there even any innocent women left?

as a child i thought gentlemen clubs were where fancy people hanged out and i asked my dad if i could go inside someday when we drove past one. he looked at me, blushed, and said maybe someday when mom isn't around

>>19041974
Your thirst for children disgusts.
If you yourself aren’t 14, let this childish dream go.

>>19042034
btfo by the CDC roastie
There's nothing wrong with having unrealistic standards just like women do

>>19042053
>Free people live longer happier lives
Coulda told ya that

>>19041974
>>19042034
I frequent traditional Catholic circles and all the young women are very ingenuous and innocent

>>19042053
Am I retarded? Why can't I understand this graph.

there is something very appealing to the old christian idea that while I do suck ass, the Father will be merciful. it seems correct, to put it simply.

>>19041565
there's a risk that you'll get used to a kind of fantasy life that is not realistic. unless you have some kind of plan to avoid becoming a wagie. I skipped a lot in HS, kind of wish I hadn't now

>>19041685
that's kind of respectable though. keeping the tradition pure.

>>19041992
based dad

>>19042193
I understand it in that respect. Requiring that traditions be handed down from teacher to student ensures the teachings remain intact and unchanged. But why does there need to be a hundred different nearly identical Chenrezik practices, a hundred different nearly identical Amitabha practices, a hundred different nearly identical Medicine Buddha practices, and so on? If you’re going to require a transmission for each practice, why not merge the hundreds of nearly identical practices into only a handful or two? And that’s not the only seemingly unnecessary overcomplication. For example, there are many different types of transmissions and different practices require different types. One practice might require what is called a lung transmission, another might require what is called a wang transmission, etc. Also, some practices you are allowed to do without a transmission so long as you do not visualize yourself as the deity, while others you need a transmission for no matter what. There’s no seeming reason for why this can be done with one practice but not another.

>>19042053
this is from the CDC? when? I've seen it before but just thought it was a bunch of incels exchanging numbers, or at least that it was likely enough to be that

>>19042254
you'd imagine that a lot of those practices would simply die out over the centuries, that you'd be left with a handful that are basically what everyone does since they're the only hting anyone has a right to transmit

>>19042034
Why can't a woman be both an adult and innocent?

>>19042278
It’s because they are intentionally kept alive. lamas receive ALL of the transmissions of their particular lineage and are expected to keep them all alive by passing them all down. So they end up with tons of superfluous practices that they’re not allowed to let die.

>>19042034
nobody wants to marry a used up woman

>>19042285
There are never-been-kissed girls out there. Find one. Be my guest. Some guy ITT who wants you to convert to Catholicism is using that as a lure.

>>19042299
very interesting

Someone give me a sign

>>19042467
+

>>19042259
Yeah all the way back from 1995 though because they don't keep these stats anymore

In order to be a Christian, do I have to socialise?
That is to say, could I just convert to Catholicism and then be done with it, never go to Church and just pray for myself?
>inb4 what's the point then?
you tell me

>>19042467
This is your sign. This is your inciting incident, the beginning of your journey towards greatness. Godspeed, brave anon.

>>19042476
You can do whatever you want

>>19042498
You've ruined these threads.

>>19042476
My thought is that your relationship with God will always be a personal one. However, depending on what you wish to accomplish(If anything ), having a church that you go to may be needed. For example, I have been considering turning to a monastery for some time, but often one of the requirements is having been a member of a church of that faith. That isn't an issue for me since I am, but it serves as an example.

alright, say you have a friend and there's a chick that's pretty into him. he is not into this chick. you've never met her before, but it happens that the three of you travel together (basically because she was into him). Now as you travel together, you develop strong feelings for this chick, very strong, and you let your friend know that you feel this way. Two or so weeks later your friend has sex with the chick. There are some more details but I think that for the question this is enough. How would you feel about your friend at this point? Given that he was not interested in the chick at all, and he knew full well that you were

>>19042527
>Now as you travel together, you develop strong feelings for this chick, very strong
bear in mind that you know at this point that your friend is not interested, really, he wants to fuck but that's it

>>19042498
butterdyke, you're still a stirnerfag?
you really haven't grown out of that phase yet?
aren't you in your late 30's?

>>19042527
>>19042538
Going on trips like this is an excuse for people to have sex with each other and then never see each other again. Why are you third wheeling their excuse for hedonism? If her intention is to be in a relationship with your friend and he's using her feelings for him for simple material pleasure he does not sound like the kind of guy that I'd be hanging around.

Your mistakes were going on this trip in the first place, telling him and not the woman and probably being around this person in the first place(though you may be similarly retarded).

knowledge is worthless
i say this as the smartest man who has ever lived

I find it funny that whores really can't help making their presence known in every single corner of existence, even on a supposed "anonymous" image board that discourages profiles.

>>19042567
>Why are you third wheeling their excuse for hedonism?
this isn't what happened. he and I were gonna go hiking, she was traveling around the continent and asked if she could come along. I said sure.
>If her intention is to be in a relationship with your friend and he's using her feelings for him for simple material pleasure he does not sound like the kind of guy that I'd be hanging around.
he claims he didn't know she wanted a relationship. she really did, it turned out. I don't now if his claim is really credible to be honest.. I guess it kind of is not, haven't thought about it much before.
>(though you may be similarly retarded)
not arguing this point

>>19042508
Why?

>>19042545
It’s not a phase, mom!
I feel myself growing away from this board. Stirner is a base truth of an individual. But like Emma Goldman before me, I build up from that to figure how the individual can best live.
IE, I have grown, I continue to grow. And this board is the one that stays stuck in the past

>>19042634
>I feel myself growing away from this board.
Maybe you should leave, then?

>>19042599
>I said sure.

Men and Women cannot be friends in the same way Men and Men or Women and Women can, all it takes is enough time around each other and these things happen. You should not have said yes, you have to be aware of yourself and the underlying systems that all of us possess so that you don't put yourself in a similar situation again(this is being said with the assumption that you knew of her feelings beforehand). You spend time with someone and they're going to endear themselves to you, you put yourself in these situations and you're going to respond as people respond.

Beyond all that, she's fucking some guy that does not care about her in a fit of sheer infatuation. Not a sign of a sound mind.

>>19042634
>I feel myself growing away from this board
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen you write.

How do I cope with the fact that I will never be a composer of western art music?

>>19042634
but stirners thesis relies on the liberal humanist concept of the individual subject, something we know isn't real
your thoughts and emotions are formed by unconcious processes which are plugged into your central nervous system, your organs beyond that and your environment beyond that
not only that but your concious perception of yourself as an individual is a fleeting electrical spark surging through your neurons for an instant, as soon as that instant is over youre dead and a new you replaces it
you're like a wave in an ocean
but even the marxist critique is important, stirners say he owns everything etc. but the forces that constrict his ownership are based on the material conditions which are socially dictated and so you the boundaries of your individuality are strictly enforced by your social environment
even ignoring the fact that your individuality is constructed by your environment the fact that your individuality is so strictly constricted essentially dispels it as a useful concept
and really I don't think that even matters because you're a beast, a creature, not some divine, ascendant being
i know i haven't made a particularly convincing argument but i bet i could given the right conditions

>>19042485

I knew I was destined for greatness.

Thank you anon

>>19041525
I am a young guy and all I want is a boyfriend that is older, stronger and wiser then me, and I could discuss literature and philosophy and art with him.
I wanna be youthful and want to learn, I want to be someone's joy, but this world is making me miserable and cynical, it is a dead end street...
I am extremely lonely, and most people around me are simply not worthwhile.
In 8th grade I had a crush on a friend, and I once had a dream that I layed my head on his shoulder, and it was the most magical feeling ever, it felt like all the music of the world was playing at the same time. I was overwhelmed by feelings, and it was so brief...
The reason I bring that up is I have been trying to learn how to lucid dream, since I don't think my love fantasy will ever happen in real life...
I live in a post communist country and people here are all horrible, I don't know how I could ever find the man I dream of in such a hellhole.
and the city, I hate the city, there is not one place I can escape to...
I dont even know why I wrote this, who even cares?

>>19041525
Hypothesis: A political movement, nation, religion, etc. lives or dies depending on whether or not the women believe in it. Look at the West. The second the women were convinced the West was bad, it began falling apart. The second the women lost faith in Christianity, Christianity began to fade in importance.

For political leaders, the target should not be men. Men follow their women. Children follow their mothers. If you control the women, you control the civilization. The target audience needs to be women. The question is: how does one win over the women?

>>19042763

>men follow their women
>children follow their mothers

What sort of degenerate household were you raised in?

>>19042763
This is what having mommy issues looks like.

In a sense in some sense, I've have killed my myself by via suicide, that be the death of myself caused by the killing of myself, which has had the result resulting in me that is myself no longer being dead but alive in a sense one could say in a sense and thus making me, who it is that I am, no longer suicidal no longer but an ex-suicide who had committed the act of suicide against myself that is by killing my self in a sense, like a Buddhist, or perhaps there's some non-Buddhist sense that you the reader might think of or about, kind of sense you could say or not say whether you're knowledgeable on the subject of Buddhism or the non-Buddhism that relates to the subject in question, that is about the killing of the self, determining whether you can say or not, though you could still say or not if you're not knowledgeable on the subject so I guess, as I have no absolute knowledge on the question of whether you can say or not, that that don't mean no thing, nein, not one thing at any all, dear reader.

>>19042803
whoa 420 blaze it

>>19042763
Women believe in whatever men do, why do you think they didn't want the right to vote until some men wanted them to in the 1900s?

Girls are the most politically/religiously;/morally malleable kind of people. If they're attracted to you they will transform themselves into whatever you want.

>>19042787
>>19042797
An I wrong? Look at it this way: if for some reason loads of women became openly Monarchist (as an example of a complete meme ideology), it’d take six months for hordes of simps and their ilk to become Monarchist. The women in schools would push the ideology on the kids, and pretty soon the kids would be sympathetic to it. Media aimed at women would become pro-Monarchist, and soon this discourse would spread across the media world. Women believing in Monarchism would make Monarchism a major force. Now imagine this but for a non-meme ideology. You get what I’m saying?

>>19042836
If half the world believed something it would become a major force, yes. Doesn't mean women lead.

>>19042847
Doesn’t need all women. I think ~30% is all you need. You’ll get ~40% of the men and the entire next generation from that.

>>19042836
You're retarded btw

>>19040798
Makes sense. Probably close to doomed then, because I've got walls of iron erected around any inner core that remains at this point.

>>19041525
never lacked for excess. life was a disparate medley of unwarranted praise and unprovoked wonder. few distinctions and fewer distractions. it was as it needed to be, and that was enough--until it wasn't. beyond nagging compunctions, propulsions often took the form of dysfunction. an existence insecure and wholly unstable; some semblance of being--otherwise unable. limited by excess, yet reliant on its accession

>>19042763
Truth
Nazi Germany and Communism came about due to women as well

>>19042787
That’s not degenerate. You who can’t get a mate follow no one but the degenerate tyrants as the ship sinks. Lysistrata manifest

>>19042847
It means they can lead. And do.

>>19041525
I fucked up.

Everyone in social media looks deranged to me. I just don't understand and I no longer even wish to.

>>19042957
>Dated (?) a gay Muslim guy
>Thought this was going to have a happy ending
It was over before it began, don’t be too hard on yourself

I've been trying to bring back my social skills that I lost due to covid. So I had some small talk with this girl whose college class was next to mine as I waited for my professor to arrive. All I did was ask her about her classes and gave my sophomore experience with that class, as I told her it's easy and how she'll probably get an A. Not a single advance at her or anything that can thought as one. Right as she left and is waiting for her professor to arrive I hear her talking to her friend about how much of a loser attention whore I am. She was about 20 feet away from me and was talking quite loudly on how much I wanted to grab her attention and possibly her number. My ego and pride can't deal with bitches who even try to put me down for their benefit(she looked like one of those generic "hot" Mexican whores, gold hoop earrings and generic sparkling top with a black skirt) and frame me as something I'm not. I'm trying to build myself back up while also trying to be more outgoing with girls ( wasn't my intention with the bitch). So I don't know if should humiliate her as payback or I just ignore her like a chump and know some bullshit like that will happen just by being social.

this website is mental opium for certain kinds of people, like myself. and i am addicted. I am addicted, and even if I were to break this addiction, i wouldn't know what to replace it with. possibly actual opium. i do not know what else to do as other things generally do not interest me in the same prolonged intensity as a fucking anonymous imageboard

>>19043018
It's a Muslim woman and our relationship isn't well defined (for obvious reasons), which is why I didn't think what I did was such a big deal to her.

>touch her shoulder because she's rambling about how men aren't allowed to touch her
>says she could get me arrested because it's illegal
>later texts me saying "don't do it again or you'll lose a limb"
>tell her I think we should stop hanging out
>"wtf nnoooo i loved it when you touched me i'm sorry"
WOMEN, AM I RITE?

>>19043050
I think she's in the right. You touched her, men aren't supposed to do that. If that's too much for you then it's your fault for knowingly getting involved with a muslim chick and then ignoring any possible conflict of faith.

>>19043050
>Muslim woman
Even worse than a gay Muslim man

>>19043050
>I'm not comfortable with [x]
>you immediately do [x]

lol

>>19043073
>I think she's in the right
You should work on your reading comprehension. Her email has 3 main points:
1. She wasn't serious about being upset and she actually wants to touch me and have me touch her

2. Despite her desires, she has to set up rules

3. She is upset over me ending things over text because she doesn't want things to end

We're meeting tomorrow to discuss it IRL anyways.

>You touched her, men aren't supposed to do that.
Fuck off, habibi. Go worship your old man from the desert somewhere else.

>>19043074
Strangely enough, she's very normal. She shitposts, she memes, she's feminine, she's compassionate, she's funny.

>>19043096
Because I don't give a fuck what some faggot who lived 1400 years ago has to say about how I should live my life. And she loved it.

>>19043050
I know an ex-muslim girl who was stabbed by her father because she texted a boy using her mom's phone. They were both 13. They are going to be hyper-paranoid about men.

>>19043116
I do worry about her. She's actually quite cool. Beautiful handwriting too.

>>19043116
>They were both 13.
>Her and her mom where both 13
Checks out!

>>19043147
Stop projecting your erotic lesbian fantasies onto lies about muslims on an East Timorese text chat dedicated to bead stringing.

>>19043114
Best of luck design, but I don’t think it’s gonna work. She seems way more conservative than you.

>>19043168
>Best of luck design
What did he mean by this?

But yeah, you're right. That's why I told her we should go our separate ways. It feels nice for the moment, but there's no way it'll work out long term. She wants me to covert, I will not. A happy romantic ending just isn't in the cards.

I'm thinking we should just spend a few months away from each other and then come back once our feelings have washed out.

>>19043186
>What did he mean by this?
I am a vile phoneposter and desu was autocorrected

>>19043186
Also, despite her quotations, I never said she was "too Muslim". That's 100% her projecting how I feel because I never actually said it.

Again, I never even thought she cared this much. I knew she felt positively about me, but I didn't realize I was one of the people she trusts the most, or that she cherished and respected me. I just thought that she was some random who liked hearing me shitpost.

>>19043198
>phoneposter
It's okay, Anon. We're all going to hell anyways.

>>19043127
She told you how she feels about you. So it's only fair you tell her how you feel about her. I agree with your previous assessment of her email, and hope it goes well. Please give us updates since it's generally the same people in these threads every day.

As for my ex-muslim friend, she's still in her extreme "fedora tipping r/atheist" phase and got unbelievably upset and attacked me for being a Christian. I think I posted about it a while back on /his/. >>>/his/11470756 if you're bored. She's also dating a guy who is in his 50's, so as fun as she is to be around, I don't think it's worth the trouble.

>>19043154
if you give it (You)s, it won't go away

>>19041525
If you do not drink your girlfriend’s saliva or spit or drool, then you are a homosexual. If you do not drink your girlfriend’s sweat, then you are a homosexual. If you do not drink her urine, then you are a homosexual. If you do not drink her various pudendal (that is, vaginal) fluids, then you are a homosexual. If you, however, interact with anything regarding excrement then you are incorrigibly homosexual and must be taken outside and shot. It must be noted, however, that these secretions must be at body temperature: only a homosexual would consume cold saliva. Furthermore, they must be supped directly from the source: to drink even warm saliva from a glass is to engage in homoerotic behavior.

>>19043154
Quit defending child brides

I hate tankies. They brigade and troll and if you try to disagree with them they brigade you, cancel you or just ban you. What even is the point then? I can do that with any ideology.

Atheism
>What about all the mathematicians who universally are looking or seeing signs of grater design in the universe.
<Shut the fuck up dumb Christian YOU ARE BANNED!

Incels
>Why do you not go to a prostitute?
<SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU ARE BANNED!


Metric system
>Everybody universally knows that metric needs to be used for designs involving adult components.
<LIAR! YOU ARE BANNED!

For the record, the norm for women in saudi arabia is for an arranged marriaged at 18, not at age 13.

Beauty is truth, truth beauty' – that is all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know

Why is it that humans crave for each other? I can't understand why returning to our base state, knowing no one and being known by no one— is so hard. I think I'm the closest to the base state I'll ever be in my life, right now. While it seems reachable as I am very close to not having friends nor a family, I somehow get more and more lost in thoughts and memories of the past. It's as if my body was trying to compensate the void left behind by other people.
I also find myself unconsciously approaching people and making eye contact, sometimes initiating an idle conversation with strangers even though I have no interest in them. Something outside of my control is actively preventing me from achieving an absolute state of loneliness. Are there any books on this feeling? I am not trying to achieve a higher state of existence, merely taking a break and escape human relationships for a while because my wife left me and I need some time alone.
I'd be interested if someone put those feelings into words.

This is from an earlier conversation with her, where she was telling me about how her faith saved her from self-harming over emotional pain. She didn't know what nihilism meant, googled it, and now thinks I am a nihilist. Literally her only downsides are
>Muslim dating restrictions
>Midwit

>>19043208
You need to link through the archive

>>19043050
>>19043114
Those two posts read like Reddit. Have some respect for yourself and other people beliefs, you retard. You shouldn't have touched her in the first place. While she might be confused over what she feels and what she ought to do, it doesn't mean that what you did was right.
>look, a woman is attracted by me, but she's religious! dang, women am i rite?
Do you realize how stupid that sentence sounds?
>Because I don't give a fuck what some faggot who lived 1400 years ago has to say about how I should live my life. And she loved it.
I'd love to see you saying that again to her face, you clown. Of course, you wouldn't.

>>19043336
to me*

>>19043221
Seeing the genuine horror with which tankies online reacted to the Chinese government placing restrictions on gaming convinced me that they are all larpers and probably mostly underage.

>>19043114
basically what >>19043336 said

>>19043281
You're the midwit here.

>>19043336
>it doesn't mean that what you did was right.
Cringe

>I'd love to see you saying that again to her face, you clown. Of course, you wouldn't.
I have. That's part of why she thinks I am a nihilist per >>19043281. I've straight up told her I think religion is dumb and that I think memorizing the Quran is dumb.

>>19043371
>>19043378
>samefagging

>>19043281
All I’m saying man is that you’d be better off cutting things off now rather than later. This doesn’t seem like it’s going to work. I’ve been in a similar situation, except I was the religious one in that case. Women and men of differing faiths can be friends and colleagues, but anything romantic is doomed to fail.

>>19043319
4chan=x does this for you, but here https://desuarchive.org/his/post/11470756/

Leave the poor girl alone Jesus Christ. She doesn't need to be tortured like this.

>A person deemed to be a loser at 18 was unlikely to rise to a position of prominence at 40. Thus, from an evolutionary perspective, the competition of the teen years had lifelong repercussions.

>lift for 4 years but look shit
>go to acting club for social gains
>despite being there a year i fucking suck at acting
>went out with drinks for the first time ever once over summer with people from the club and had a good time
>try to text a cute girl i met but she ghosts me/doesnt even open my messages
>so go to this acting class tonight
>shit at acting so teacher pairs me up with 3 other newbies to share a 3 person scene
>Each character has 2 lines each
>finish acting class and some guy asks if im going to get drinks after like they planned
>feel shit because the girl who rejected me ignored me the whole night and i guess she told everyone
>go to the gym an hour away where my home is while crying my eyes out, while everyone is at the bar socialising
>be part of the group chat but no one messaged me to see if im alright

stop. you're making me cringe

They are so ugly to me...
they disgust me...
I leave them alone...
They don't want to be alone...
and they don't know how to treat a woman...
I have a different kind of "interest" in life...
I have a very different World,
It is the world of Darkness

I travel into your World
where dreams are waiting for me...
and nothing is ever how it seems to be...
I cannot live in that World
because that World will eat me alive...
I am not hungry...
I do not want to eat myself...

They never find the Light
They have never seen me
They are frightened of me..
From time to time, I am forced to speak
To the other world...
and speak to them with words...
and sometimes I am not able to speak...

There is no music in my voice...
The Language of Light...
is too much for me...
It is not the Light that I want...
or the Light that God created...
What you see before you...
is not the Light that I know...
It is the world of Darkness...
it is the evil that is inside me...
the evil that is my nature...

I think I will be relying on cynics for consolation until I die

>>19043114
Her email has the point that even though she wants to be touched she wont because it doesnt feel right. Yes, youre in the wrong. You should respect peoples beliefs even if you disagree with them, especially if their friends

Everyone wants to know what my "politics" are. They ask, but are never willing to listen. They just lecture and wag their finger.

>>19043450
>finish acting class and some guy asks if im going to get drinks after like they planned
Why didn't you go? Because you felt like shit? It's retarded. If the whole point of having to that acting club is to have friends, you should grab every opportunity to make memories.
>feel shit because the girl who rejected me ignored me the whole night and i guess she told everyone
She probably did. It doesn't matter, what are you, 16? Just drop it
>go to the gym an hour away where my home is while crying my eyes out, while everyone is at the bar socialising
You should've acted tough and enjoyed the time with your friends.
>be part of the group chat but no one messaged me to see if im alright
Stop being a pussy expecting people to care when you're not even around. You're just embarrassing yourself at this point

Feeling unique is nice. Maybe it's even important in tribal society. Feeling that you have a role and a personnal blend of postures.
Internet, connections to so many people thinking and feeling just like me, was detrimental to my feeling of belonging to the world.

>>19043511
why are people so mean to me. im going to quit acting club and binge anime. i cant catch a fucking break

I miss my high school friends. I often fantasize about a life where we stuck together, got a house together and helped one another. Instead, we rarely talk to each other anymore. When I do catch up with them, everyone seems hollow. Even those who have "successful" careers or have started families.

I became a teaching assistant for a women's studies class that my friend's mother taught, and this job taught me the value of empathy and openness. I read the literature and it honestly blew me away.

Over that period of 6 months I was surprised at how I felt a substantial boost in my social life. For one thing, the anxiety I usually feel hanging out with strangers was rather low. It was like I gained a new confidence and level of social intelligence. I now get along great with everyone. I can relate to women on a deeper level and have more engaging conversations with them. I recently have been hooking up with my neighbor, and things have been looking up for me in many regards.

>>19043547
That's wonderful news anon
Can you give a general description about the women's studies class? Everyone memes on them but I think they can provide valuable lessons

I'm capable of indulging in all sorts of ugly emotions. My hate, rage, jealousy, sadness, angst, misery, it is all part of what shapes my experience and the lens of which I navigate the world, but it does not consume me. I reveled in the "You are worth less than nothing, you don't exist..." kind of attitude as an edgy undergrad with no direction in life. Eventually I got tired of it and wanted to find something valuable to occupy my time rather than brooding boredom. I realized I am capable of so much more than just miserable thinking. My life doesn't have to be full of mindless agony, I can think and grow and create. I have learned to embrace the beauty of the chaos in my life rather than fear it.

>>19043529
You're giving up acting because of some fucking girl that has been ignoring you and an internet loser telling you to toughen up? I understand that what you are going through is hard, but there's absolutely no reason to give up. People will give you a hard time everywhere you go in life. If I were you I'd take some alone time to get better at acting and flex on everyone when I'm back. Man or woman, learning how to not let people break you is a skill you'd have to get at some point, anon.

>>19043567
enjoy your first manic episode in three months. ygmi

I really wish I had bought some yoghurt. I did get some really good plums though, best I've ever had I think

>>19043509
Probably looking for that old bifurcated answer with the one syllable. Next time just say “it’s complicated”. If they inquire further, give it to them.

how is unionizing not covered by some ammendment or other? it's just getting together. why is getting together bad just cus you have a job?

There's that sarcastic old line people have where a joke falls flat, and they say 'That was so funny I forgot to laugh.'
But sometimes something is so funny you don't laugh, you go past laughter. It's so impossibly funny that
it hurts your head, and you just kind of stare in amazement and wonder how a human could ever think of
something so ingenious with your face in your hands.
That's how beautiful she was. She was so beautiful, and looking
at her was so hypnotic and wonderful, that when she sat in your lap and kissed you it distracted you from
looking at her face. I just wanted to stare at her forever.

>>19043715
capitalists gonna capitalist. they hate collective bargaining because that's the only way the proles can influence them

what is a healthy quick breakfast?

>>19043794
A dream unable to fly. I buy milk and cereal with the best intentions, but the brandy and chocolate is always the victor of my heart.

>>19043794
eggs and some fruit/veg, if youre really lazy you can just boil 2 eggs and go do something else for 15 minutes

>>19041525
I try and it feels like I get no where and I try more and it still feels this way and I've tried now for a long time and I can look back and see the growth along the way but its still hard to put my mind in order and do the things I must that I need to do when the rest of everything screams NEVER NEVER

>>19043943
yeah i was eating nutella from the jar like a degenerate

>>>/x/29749138

I want to go out and buy a beer and a pack of cigarettes but I will not do either. I'll just sit here and read and drink water and go to bed early.

>>19044093
be strong brother

I ripped the journal pages out of the book I was using to journal. My life is boring and pointless to write about, and it only ended up being my container for complaining. I'm just going to use it as an idea book from now on.

>>19044213
is it as boring as this diary?

Do Italians like Moravia?
I think he sucks

>>19044331
It's charming in its own way
True to the experiences of most people.
Days consist of eating and arguing
And watching a cat lick its ass

>>19044331
This is a nice, cozy diary. Makes me want to read the rest.

>>19041565
Class just gets in the way of doing stuff you actually want to do. This is also my opinion on sleep.

>>19044350

back from my 3 day ban and im still smoking weed
https://youtu.be/coB4dRPO4NU

>>19044331
Hey that was written on my 7th birthday

>>19044376
I just realised this is karl pilkington's.

>>19044444
wasted but checked

Femdom fetishes are a coping mechanism for men psychologically brutalized by capricious female authority.

>>19044384
damn i really like this song, keep trying man

>>19044467
I think mine come from feelings of inadequacy as a man.
I also think it's relevant that I grew up in a household without any women and never really had any females involved in my life at any point

sex

Here's a thought: Instead of free college, why don't we just go back to the system boomers were using? Why do we need more (regressive) gibs when we could just go back to the system where a person could reasonably be expected to work through college?
Seriously, some explain why we can't do this.

>>19044477
yea ill try again next week probably...i hope

I cannot create threads; I ignore why that is.

So I will ask here:
Where do I get started with white magick?

I have already gone to the wiki, and found nothing but esoteric works excluding white magick.

>>19044554
Don't do magic. Supposedly white magic is still ruinious, as the results of doing it come from connections to low level spirits that are adjacent to our material plane. These things are parasitical and will eventually cause you unintended problems. Detachment from the things of this world and purification of the spirit is all that concerns mortal men, and should you trade the condition of your spirit for material advantage then you will have traded something eternal and valuable for something base and temporary.

I want Emma Raducanu to sit on my face wearing her tennis uniform so that I can motionlessly breathe in her groin air for at least an hour.

I thought about how quick time has passed for for me this year and got sad.

>>19044510
state college got tons of funding back then from their states which boomers, once they got theirs, decided to cut and cut and cut until we end up where we are now.

>>19044510
colleges paid off senators to get the fed to subsidize student loans so that they could be more profitable

>>19044444
nice quints, also you are my age

>>19044554
>>>/x/

>>19044453
It was a special birthday. I saw Narnia at the movie theater after school. I appreciate the digits acknowledging one of my last happy birthdays
>>19044657
Are you also starting to worry about getting deeper into your 20s and leaving youth behind?

The urge to go watch porn is so strong, but I know I can't. I've decided to go cold turkey, because porn is poisoning my mind

It still want it though

>>19044696
I feel like to go cold turkey you also need to stop going on 4chan and most other websites, but especially 4chan. If you're online at all the temptation only grows.

I sent two very long paragraph texts to a woman and it's been a day with no response
it's over

>>19044331
Even more so.

i can't believe apple let imessage get hacked again by the same group of people. i'm switching to another brand. i'm paying a premium for a phone that can be completely 0wned just cuz someone texted you a gif. i mean give a fucking break.

Some days I wake up feeling incredibly motivated and ready to commit myself to some sort of long term career goal like law school. I am a disciplined person. I was a hard worker throughout undergrad and graduated top of my class, I go to the gym 4 times a week and rarely miss a day. I am in control of my drinking and drug use. 4chan is really my only vice and even then I am pretty good at using this place in moderation.

Then other days I wake up and I want to do absolutely nothing. I want to find some simple job that pays my way and allows me to travel on occasion. Every office job I have ever worked has made me want to commit suicide and I don't think this is something I can ignore. In fact, this part of me that craves freedom feels just as much a 'real' part of me as that other, more disciplined part - so it's hard to know which impulse to follow. I have dreams about travelling the world with little to no responsibilities tying me down, but I also know that that isn't something I can feasibly do for the rest of my life. All my friends are slackers and I feel like they're a bad influence on me. At the same time, this is how I feel today and I know when I wake up tomorrow I will be fully convinced in the opposite direction.

I wish I had some guidance, like an older peer who could direct me, but I know no one other than the people my age and they are just as clueless as I am.

>/lit/ if full of fags who make me look like the bad guy
>qt Muslim waifu loves me
Eat shit, you forever alone faggots.

>>19044782
Accept that you're a retard bro, otherwise you'll be a retard for life.

>>19044822
No, and I'm never coming back here because you're mostly midwit pseuds except this anon >>19043208
>>19043168

>>19044849
Seethe

the Croaking crow cries, demons of the charnel ground sunder black flesh, prostrate the Slain all bow, heads severed, laid blade-flayed before the Deva of Croaks, I invoke thee Doom-Crow,

rise-fall the flames black, falling as kalpic breaths, cursed Goddess born black, come with thy Sons of smoke, great mother, dhoom-tomb-womb of ash-breath, born from thy pit, the abyss, your own shade.

great Shadow hell-bred, hither i, skull give i! skull give i ash black, carved as with Poisonus runes writ by dark skinned tribals strange-tongued, serpent-like, crow-like I cry, Imma croak,

dark Lady, blackest valley thou art not, yet, dark Leper, life’s soul art thou but not yet so, dark Lady, croak-cry-hiss I, come Great Kali unknown, i invoke thee doom-Croak.

>>19041525
>meet a new girl at work
>qt for sure
>we talk a bit, she compliments my shoes
>have to separate for a bit but chat some more throughout the night, always pretty receptive to me starting conversations
>shift over for both of us same time, changing and getting ready to leave
>shes already packed up but still standing around
>clearly waiting for me
>she tries to make conversation but manager comes in for her as im about to say something
>I wait for them to finish, just a few seconds then walk out, she follows close behind
>say nothing for a while as we walk to our cars, fairly close together
>say bye and that i'll see her later

All the fucking signs are there that she wants to talk with me, but im too much of a fucking virgin to do anything about it. God i want to die sometimes

>>19044677
Yes. I worry that society views youth as the supreme quality and that people on nontraditional paths don't get second chances. I worry about my parents, about my hypothetical nonexistent children, or whether I would regret not having any. And I especially worry if my dog feels happy. The most important thing in the world for me is for my dog to know that I love her

>>19045094
next time you see her you should mention that you're planning to grab a coffee or a drink after work and if she doesn't have to rush off she should join you

It's getting to the point where I either become religious or kill myself, things are that bad now

>>19045128
Read the Zhuan Falun and you'll see why you have been guided to this path

>>19045104
Thats extremely relatable.

>>19045164
Do you believe there is insight in the Falun Gong?

>>19043794
A light biscuit or pastry, a coffee, and a cigarette.

>>19045173
I don't have to believe, I know

If I didn't have thumbs, would it be that big of a deal?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNhznV3OSBk

Too think my birthday party was only yesterday. It already feels like months ago. My perception of time is getting fucked and I need to fix it, the question is how. Do I start a dairy or buy a watch?

>>19041525
Senile Philosophers aren't worth shit.
>But they-
No they didn't do shit, we just had to design a system where people would shut the fuck up by having well defined shit aka science. Imagine asking questions all the time without providing any solid answers.

>>19045308
sounds good tb qh

I haven't posted in a while, but I unlocked a new technique. I managed to fall asleep while standing up. I unlocked this technique by not sleeping much. Now warm weather is making me yawn a lot so I have to have my room ice cold to focus.
I've got page 139 down though. So progress is being made on the book front, and I explained to my little brother that authors use a pseudonym to keep their personal life and professional life separated so we'll see if he gets the hint. I don't go to his work space and gossip about him, but boy howdy does everyone like to do that to me.
God I write slow. Bleh.

How to stop being an angry writer and develop a voice for humor?

>>19045706
>How to stop being an angry writer
read your writing out loud in funny voices, potentially doing pantomime and dancing. You also must tickle yourself in random intervals.
>and develop a voice for humor?
fuck if I know.

>>19045406
cringe

Depression getting worse. Memory going to shit.
Don't study before tests anymore. Skipping most of my classes.
I could force myself to finish the degree if I want. It's only 2 more years.
But I feel like I'm going crazy. I think I'm actually losing it.
Dunno what happens now.

Have ever had moments were your home appliances would suddenly work after being broken for so long?

>>19045706
“Tragedy is easy but comedy is hard” they say.
Not sure how else to be funny but to make light of the darkness. Take something angry and mock it in various ways. If it comes out too dark or it just doesn’t make you laugh, start over
Doesn’t hirt to watch/read a few comedies

>>19045744
>>19045827
thank you for the advice.
my problem is that I'm always angry at the world. It helps me with social commentary but alienates me from everything else

even though in real life i'm extremely NPC-like. if you met me you'd think i'm the nicest person, but empty headed. maybe i an empty headed. i'm no longer sure what is the truth

I was reading Virginia Woolf's Street Haunting outside. I went to second-hand bookstore because the essay reminded me about it and bought three books from there. Then the clerk gave me a paper bag with Virginia Woolf's face and excerpt from her work. She had no idea what I was reading. Weird coincidence.

I am starting to think I have something wrong with me. I have hundreds of pages of notes on my google docs of ramblings, aphorisms, essays and anecdotes. I have multiple film screenplays and short stories written from when I was in high school. Even on twitter I have hundreds and hundreds of drafts saved that I’ll probably never post publicly anyways.

Really I’m struggling to understand why I do all of this even though no one ever hears me and I’ll never show my words publicly anyways. It’s not normal. I’ve always talked incessantly in my head, like a perpetual internal monologue that hasn’t stopped since I was 12. I read over all my random notes and reiterate my beliefs about the world several times a week and at this point I just feel pathetic every time I do. I post this for no other reason than to let something out for once and find peace knowing that a part of my mind is somewhere else in the world. I want to just calm down and enjoy life instead of endlessly critiquing it

>>19045770
If you have a schizo attack please tell us. I want to hear about someone spazzing out in public, embarrassing themselves

>>19042763
you're absolutely correct, and this is well known to those in power. all manipulation of society comes through women. men are less inclined to trust a governing body directly and thus are harder to manipulate, but they are easily manipulated by their woman.

>>19042817
>Girls are the most politically/religiously;/morally malleable kind of people. If they're attracted to you they will transform themselves into whatever you want.
yes they are, which is why "family values" are being destroyed, and the role of a strong father is replaced by daddy government. a strong family is not an easily manipulated entity. the minds of all the whores growing up today no longer belong to their men, they're transformed by the ruling power directly.

why are the jews blamed for everything?

i wish we were as powerful as you believed

>>19042957
>woman
>"I'm not a big enough guy"
what?

>>19046101
it's mostly a capitalism thing.
they kinda run parallel with it's issue of small influential minorities.
ironically most of the actual influential jews that make up that group are aspiring communists so it's kind of a topsy-turvy type dog-chases-tail kind of thing.

>>19042957
gee, I don't know where you live, but if a Muslim threatens to have my limb removed, I'd take it pretty seriously too.

>>19043025
you should've reacted immediately, walked over there and told her you heard that and what a dumb fucking bitch she is, in so many words. situations like that are always best responded to immediately. unless you spill all your spaghetti

>>19044762
I wonder what it's like to be part of a hacker group doing cool shit. is there actually an element of cool in it, are there any cyberpunk vibes, or is it just nerds being nerds? I ask that as someone who has never been interested in anything but the aesthetic of computers

>>19045339
try doing everything with only your 4 fingers for a day and see where it gets you.

>>19046190
Not him but I do this now and then just to make sure I'll be okay if I do something retarded and lose an extremity. I can still spark a lighter with a child safety device, which probably says a lot about child safety devices.

>>19046233
>a lighter with a child safety devic
what's that? to be fair I had real trouble using a lighter as a kid, fingers were too weak.

I really wonder how many people "communism" really killed. afaik all the regular figures floating around in the west were basically invented in the McCarthy era, but on the other hand Chrustjev did spend his first (?) speech as president finally airing the fact that everyone knew the Stalin-era was horrible

>>19046267
I don't know dude. I guess it depends on how you define communism, socialism, and whether the attempts made by the leader of the Soviet Union and PRC would count...

If people call themselves communists and enact atrocities, or through bad policy kill thousands, even millions of people, does it count? Even if their actions bare little resemblance to any literature they read and inspired by?

I guess it's kind of like Christianity or whatever. Plenty of awful things have been done in the name of Christ, even things that He would not have approved of.

>>19041565
I was a straight A student who did tge bare minumum to "participate" because non-classical education is a techne focused accreditation rort

the socratic method is fucking dumb and has wreaked havoc on humanity

I found a method for stopping masturbation that actually works. Simply remind yourself that you're gonna die and raise on Judgement Day to stand before God. Play Dies Irae if that's not enough. Women become irrelevant.

reality is evil
this is a position i can rigourously defend

>>19046930
just kill yourself lmao

I hope that my local clinic will be able to do tooth root treatment, otherwise i'll have to be 5 times bigger price if its done anywhere else.

>>19047184
a dentist did it for me in a free clinic.. i don't think she was meant to but she did it because we had little money.. i am very thankful

>>19041565
If its a college class you paid for then you have to ask: if its not worth your time was it worth your money? Liberal arts degree paths are retarded. 50% of the classes you end up taking are just to get the credit for them/ not actually relevant to you. I say if there are no consequences then go ahead

>>19046930
Read the gnostics. Also buddhism.

I feel like such a cuck for paying for health insurance I never use. Shame on me for being healthy. What a usurious scam.

I’ve masturbated to pornography once daily for years.

It has been 10 years since the last time i felt joy

>>19047362
try moon sugar

I am failing to get my appetite under control.

>>19047362
>>19047871
You know who you must read

I'm dating a tranny like a decadent roman

>>19042178
this
I barely went to class and just wasted time on the internet during my last two years of college until 2019, lived the NEET life for practically all of 2020 during the pandemic, and now going to my semi-wagie job makes me want to kms. I want to just take the NEETpill but I can't afford to besides I make fun of NEETs a lot so my pride will never allow me to.

>i think i have narcassistic personality disorder
>only way to cope with my dissatisfaction is to read epictetus discourses

>lift for 4 years but look shit
>go to acting club for social gains
>despite being there a year i fucking suck at acting
>went out with drinks for the first time ever once over summer with people from the club and had a good time
>try to text a cute girl i met but she ghosts me/doesnt even open my messages
>so go to this acting class tonight
>shit at acting so teacher pairs me up with 3 other newbies to share a 3 person scene
>Each character has 2 lines each
>finish acting class and some guy asks if im going to get drinks after like they planned
>feel shit because the girl who rejected me ignored me the whole night and i guess she told everyone
>go to the gym an hour away where my home is while crying my eyes out, while everyone is at the bar socialising
>be part of the group chat but no one messaged me to see if im alright

>>19047994
this is very feminine desu, maybe you should get your test checked (serious)

I just took the biggest shit of my life. I don't usually take notice of this stuff, but holy god, it was 5lbs at least. incredible.

>>19048165
Eat less.
More nutrition, less mass.

>>19046190
lets see how it goes.

>>19048184
Protein dense meals lead to big shits

>>19047994
You're acting like an adolescent who's begging for attention and nobody cares to play that game

>>19048189
nah, they're right. I've been eating straight garbage lately.

>>19042634
>And this board is the one that stays stuck in the past
Are you saying you wish it were otherwise?

>>19047994
judging from how annoying your post is, you must be as annoying in real life
maybe try being less of a needy cry baby

>>19047994
>>19048092
>>19048197
>>19048338
>i think i have narcassistic personality disorder

>>19047855
>All girls are pretty
>>19047973 (You)
>Only when you are as horny as butters. >>19047984
Yeah, I guess

>>19048355
do you like pretending to be somebody cool? do you cultivate a self image? do you view the people around you as side characters in your own movie, where you play the lead role? do you mimic or pick up mannerisms from fictional characters? do you think that given the opportunity you'd be able to do heroic/cool things, despite not having the ability and never doing them beforehand?

if this sounds familiar, you probably do, but it's not exactly an uncommon thing

>>19046190
so while i could probably live without them, it'd be a bit annoying having to live that way. i only managed to last about 10 minutes.

>>19048429
but it's more to do with the fact that out of habit I have grown dependent on them. I feel like I'd be able to adjust if something where to happen to them.

>>19044849
i'm >>19043208, what did you end up saying to her and how did she respond?

I should just get a government job, or join the military.

Stop eating you fat fuck.

I’m a weeb but I almost wish I wasn’t. I think my fascination is strange and unnatural.

Why is it so hard? Get some courage, you faggy, do something, take risks, you gain nothing by rotting inside your room and you are ruining your life with innaction and cowardice.
Why is it so difficult?

>>19046115
I introduced her to baneposting. I don't have the email thread anymore but it went something like:

Her: haha what a time to be alive

Me:
What a time
To be alive
~Rupi Kaur

Her:
Watch me
use
the basic art
of
enjambment to seem
deeper than
I
am

(striked through text):
tell me
who is anon
who has lingered on my mind?

M:
Who am I?
I'm a Big Guy
(For You)
hyperlinked with https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9994nv8BcU

She even started signing her emails as "Big Girl" after I did early on in our converstations (pic related)

So she is baneposting with ""I'm not a big enough guy to break your limbs", which is also a call back to when she said she was going to karate kick me and I said "I don't think you're not a big enough guy to beat me up"

tl;dr inside jokes

Just wait until I show her Sneed.

>>19046124
We don't live in an Islamic country, but still that's why I had a panic attack and wanted to leave. I understood that she was setting up boundaries but I wasn't sure how bad what I did it was. I caught up with her in the library later on after I touched her and she seemed really pleased with me, so then getting a limb-remover text in the evening was cause for concern. Did she tell her father or something?

>>19048493
Nothing yet. We're meeting in 2 hours.

>>19048706
This was my second bane post after the "who am I?" poem. I baneposted about pulling her hijab off and she wasn't even bothered by it. She adopted baneposting after this.

>>19048703
In todays world, it's possible to take bigger risks and do greater things inside your room than outside. Everyones world is basically on the internet today.

>>19048781
You really believe that?

>>19048703
>Why is it so difficult?
It's not, fag. It's literally all in your mind. I guarantee that if you get off your ass and you start to make "take action" your mindset, you'll find that it snowballs out of control and you'll be better off for it.

You see a lot of people with success or who are "action" people, but no one recalls the crawl or the climb to get there. You only see the final product; the final product which is the result of a series of habits reinforcing taking action.

Be a man. Get the fuck up.

>>19048355
Whats up with people analyzing every single behaviour through the lense of a psychological disorder

>>19048876
People want to feel different and special and they want an escape goat that takes the responsibility and the blame of their actions from them.

>>19048926
>escape goat
lol

>>19048926
>People want to feel different and special
I've been noticing that people use mental illness as a means of making themselves more special or unique for the past decade. But I just don't understand how a mental illness is supposed to make a person more unique. Is it just an adolescent behaviour of creating labels to identify with? Where it used to be skater, goth, jock, etc now its anxious, bpd, and depressed? Why the shift from subcultures to pathologies?

>>19048936
Sorry, I have ADHD and dyslexia.

I dont know how to describe my problems exactly but im like this meme and it sucks.

>>19048926
Dont we all want an escape goat sometimes

>>19046992
there's no reason to believe death is an escape from reality. there is no exit

>>19049006
You're possibly a schizoid, but I would always suggest seeing a "professional" to get a better diagnosis.

>>19049006
Intp

>>19048435
>>19048429
of course, you can adapt to anything. some people without arms learn to play guitar with their toes, better than most people who have hands will ever play. nevertheless, it would fucking suck big time to not have thumbs

>>19049039
Here's another one. A psychological label to identify behaviour. Fucking weird how much psychology has consumed our common culture

I love being alive so much that often I don't want to go to sleep. Not because sleep is a waste of time or anything but even a beautiful dream is somehow most vivid in wakeful rememberance. Sometimes I even have trouble falling asleep because I am thinking about the next day, even if I have nothing planned, just work. Not sure how I became like this. Sometimes can't even relate to sadness, never anger. Hopefully will keep this up even if circumstances changes for the worse.

>>19049082
Nice. Good for you.
I dislike being alive so much that often my happiest moment is just before falling asleep, as I know I'm about to leave this place at least briefly.

>>19048955
Because most people don't have any mental illness, so people who pretend they have it feel like part of a special group. This feeling is amplified because of how insanity and geniality are paired together in media, it makes these people feel as if they are some sort of misunderstood or unrecognized genius yet to blossom.

>>19049088
I'm starting to relate to this.
And waking up is conversely terrible because you don't want to experience the day ahead.
If you could just stay in that dream indefinitely that would be fine.

>>19049098
Yeah.

>>19049039
I dont want to get pills and dont believe that shit anyway.

>>19048807
In his defense (only to play devil’s advocate), the sense that I’ve had in the past is that this world we’ve constructed for ourselves is like a prison without walls. Nowhere to go, nothing to do. Nothing awaits you but disappointment, failure, and the feeling that you should be going somewhere, doing something, only for that somewhere and something to totally escape you and flee from you eternally. You’re left with a feeling of inertness and it’s anodyne, disappointing to the point that total retreat seems not only sensible but almost necessary. Whether it’s you or the world, how do you go out and comport yourself when everything is a failure?

>>19048790
I'm living that.

>>19049128
I reject that entirely.

>>19049063
I hear you on that, and I saw that guy that plays guitar barefoot. It's amazing what a human can accomplish if they just put forth absolute effort into it!

>>19049129
You gotta make do with the cards life deals you.

>>19049092
Also, other thing that amplifies this feeling is when people who truly have some sort of mental illness tend to pair together and have social groups online or organize events, like people with autism. This makes those people feel like a part of a community, the feeling of belonging most people crave so much.

I think the internet made this more common through two ways, first by making psychological knowledge easily available through wikipedia and youtube, thus making lots of laymen act as if they were experts who can diagnose themselves and other people.
The other way is how it changed social interactions. We have less interactions with other people and most of them are online. As a result, people lost (or in case of young people, never had) a reference of how other people behave in real life and our perceptions got twisted by how they act online, where most people exaggerate themselves and their personality. As a result, the line between being a normal person with a normal personality and having an actual mental illness got blurred.

>>19048955
>Is it just an adolescent behaviour of creating labels to identify with? Where it used to be skater, goth, jock, etc now its anxious, bpd, and depressed? Why the shift from subcultures to pathologies?
You have a point here. I can't tell exactly what happened for this shift, it must have happened from the mid 2000s onward because we still had moviements like emo culture back then, so it looks that it was related to the internet and social media.

Halfway there brahs

>>19048389
How would one go about moving /lit/ out of the past? What would a /lit/ that wasn't stuck in the past even look like?

RIP, Norm

>>19049366
RIP

>>19045786
I had a mac laptop that I dropped a handful of times over the years. Each time it would stop working for 2 or 3 days, and then just start going again. The last time I left it for a couple of weeks and it came back on.
The final time, like number 6, broke it for good.

I work in Uni admin right now. I hate it so much. I’ve thought about trying to teach some classes or something instead, but I almost suspect that might be even worse than working in admin.

In truth, the only thing I really want to do is write fiction, but I lack the confidence in myself and my environment.

>>19049366
Damn, what a way to go. It reminds me of that tragedy.
His book is really good, I recommend it.

>>19049431
Damn I want to die like that
RIP

>>19049129
He's right.
We've crossed the treshold of complexity into a advanced technology age.

Some 17 year old guy made a computer chip in his home workshop that is on the level of the ones made in labs in the 70s. Elon Musk and Bill Gates started off as computer programming guys, and Jeff Bezos is a website guy.

>>19048926
damn i would fucking love an escape goat

>>19044621
Proof? back literally means the 1800s (and before) to the 1980s basically. I know some colleges were chartered but was it really subsidized more back then than now?
>>19044640
Do you also have proof? Interested in reading/watching/listening/whatevering up.

It's my girlfriends birthday tomorrow and I need to write her a love letter. I hate writing

Sometimes I feel like I necessarily can’t be a poet, or an author, or an artist simply virtue of the fact that I didn’t start doing that. I was 25ish when I started writing and reading voraciously. I spent my time before that just wandering the desert, barely passing university courses, taking up a mediocre office job, and so on. People talk about such things and they point to guys like McCarthy who hadn’t published his first novel until something like 32. But before that, he had written short fiction since he was at least 24 and was a military man, something at least distinguished, before that. The sort of thing I aspire to be seems to not at all align with the sort of thing I’ve already been, maybe always will be.

>>19049559
And you think that’s “taking risks”…?

>>19045770
I felt the exact same as you last year. I felt like I was at a crossroads in life where either I go full insane/schitzophrenic or I swallow my pride and get help. I've tried everything on my own but sometimes thats not enough.
There is no shame in seeking therapy if depression or whatever bullshit caused it is holding you back from your goals.
I am going to EMDR which is a godsend if you have childhood trauma/had a bad time growing up, I suggest you try it if your past haunts you
Good luck anon I believe in you

>>19049686
>I need to write her a love letter
why?

>>19049686
Because she loves that shit. I used to write her poems and stuff in the beginning in our relationship when I was a shitty /poetry/ thread writer but I fell off because if live so now I try to at least write her on special occasions

>>19049092
projection

>>19049686
>dear (gf name)
>you're really cool
>we should hang out some more
>love (your name)

now was that so hard?

>>19049939
Another post analyzing behaviour on the basis of psychological impairment

>>19049686
I love you BITCH
I ain't never gonna stop loving you
BITCH

>>19049686
My beloved, every moment spent away from you distresses and grieves me, your voice is sweeter to me than the song of the bullfinch and your eyes seem to me to be filled with the periwinkle of April. Everything in you is so kind and ingenuous that I feel exhausted if you go away from me, and if your amazed look were to be stained by a cloud of sorrow or despair, I would be the first to suffer great misfortune. I beg you to keep the sweetness and clarity that crowns your heart and if you will, let me vouch for your virtue which you know is as dear to me as my own soul.

>>19050130
This is why I don't do relationships. No way on earth am I going to worship a woman.

>>19050130
Thats really gay

>>19050134
Without ever telling her so bluntly and lyrically, this is really what I think about my beloved, and if for most women I have a lot of contempt and aversion, by her beauty and her piety this one has completely encaged me

>>19050185
I'm genuinely glad to hear that you found someone who makes you feel that way. I wish you both the best of luck.

>>19049686
write her this
ayyyyyy bish

she'll laugh

>>19044743
It is certainly over. NEVER send long messages to girls, ever. The most immediate way to signal low social status. Sorry man

>>19050221
Thank you, I will have a prayer for you

>>19048703
>Why is it so difficult?

because it's easier to not change and remain in the status quo where you get home from work and just play video games with your bros than it is to get home from work and try to create something, be it writing, song, programming, etc.

>>19048706
how'd it go? I'm gonna assume you're either being beheaded by her brother or you're defiling her virgin, muslim genitals right now. There is no inbetween.

>>19049125
>how do you go out and comport yourself when everything is a failure?
Just do it.
t. le absurdist existentialist meme men

>>19048493
Here's what happened:
>We met in a private room.
>She immediately launched in on me (a good thing)
>She expressed how mad she was at me (all according to my plan)
>She even made me roleplay as her and she stormed out of the room (hurting her hip on the way when she hip checked the door)
>tells me she dressed up nice today to try and make me jealous
Lmao spicy arab blood

>At some point during the above screed I say "I'm sorry"
>She clearly wasn't expecting an apology (she was expecting me to tell her to fuck off or something)
>She says she had feelings for me but no longer does
>She rattles off some more about how mad she is at me
>Eventually gets so worked up she can't continue and says "just say what you're here to say; I have to leave in a few minutes"
>I get angry and say "I've already said what I came to say" and start to pack up
>"Wait, what?"
>Explain that I just wanted to make sure she felt heard and to apologize for hurting her and start to heard for the door
>All the sudden her demeanor changes
>Ends up spending 30 minutes past what we had scheduled
>I'm just dicking around and having fun
>At some point she throws her notebook where she had written down all her pithy statements about how I am a mountebank
>it hits my eyebrow
>she gets really upset and wants to clean the blood from my eyebrow
>troll her and won't let her
>Wants me to convert
>"I've told you things I thought I would only tell my husband"
>She basically admitted that I am the Man and that other men don't compare (eat shit Brotherfags)

Overall, it wasn't what she expected and she left quite happy. It's still not going to go anywhere, and she knows that, but for the time being we're just going to be.

BEHOLD MY MOTHERFUCKING POWER, NERDS.

>>19050403
I thoughr you said you were leaving this board forever

>>19050503
Does anyone ever really leave 4chan forever?

>>19050509
This is what damnation is

>>19050403
>"I've told you things I thought I would only tell my husband"
gg no re. I'm sure you got the biggest shit eating grin when she said that.

Just out of curiosity are you atheist, christian or something else?

If I were an evil person I'd lead this girl along into converting out of Islam, and if/when she actually rejects Islam for you, you tell her you were sent by Allah to test her and she failed, then ghost her for 24 hours.

>>19050344
God bless you, I will pray for your relationship, may it stand the test of time.

>>19050509
I almost did, a couple of times. This is company you can't find anywhere else.

>>19050509
most I've been gone for is a year

>>19050326
What if she has lower social status?

>>19050130
That's mad cringe bro, it's perfect thanks

>>19050561
I know. That's why I wasn't worried when she said "I'm scared you'll go to hell"

>>19050593
>gg no re
Not quite. She admitted she has significant temptations (when I finally let her clean my brow she got scared she wouldn't be able to control herself being so close to my face

>I'm sure you got the biggest shit eating grin when she said that.
Being masked up helped, but also no. It's a significant burden. She really is a good person. and I don't want to hurt her.

>Just out of curiosity are you atheist, christian or something else?
I am staunch atheist/existentialist.

>If I were an evil person I'd lead this girl along into converting out of Islam, and if/when she actually rejects Islam for you, you tell her you were sent by Allah to test her and she failed, then ghost her for 24 hours.
I'm not doing that if she leaves Islam for me. I would pursue a potential serious relationship with her.

>>19050618
>>19050637
The most I've managed is a week, excluding obvious vacations etc.

>>19050653
>>19050326
Never. The other anon is right. The way I got this Muslim woman to be crazy over me is by being sparing in what information I gave her. In fact, the notes she wrote on me start with "1000s of questions I'll never get answers to" and she did mention she felt it was unfair that she was so open and I was so closed off ("I open up and give you 80% and you only give me 20%") (to which my response was "I'm like an onion, I have layers. Stick around and you'll find out".

DO NOT TELL HER ABOUT YOURSELF. LET HER FIND OUT ON HER OWN THROUGH ENGAGING WITH YOU. BE PATIENT; DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF TOO AVAILABLE. NEVER LIE BUT ALWAYS TRY TO SHIFT THE CONVERSATION BACK ONTO HER.

>>19050695
>I'm not doing that if she leaves Islam for me. I would pursue a potential serious relationship with her.
Good. That was more of a troll one of my friends used to joke about doing when he was trying to date this super catholic girl. It would be funny, but it'd definitely mindfuck a girl too hard if it were actually done

> to be crazy over me is by being sparing in what information I gave her.
Ah yes, the 'dark and mysterious' motif.

bros i'm not going to make it... i need some help