/lit/ - Literature

If you're a female on lit reply to this message, I'm tryna see something. yes I'm one too

>>18988624
I am female.

>>18988612
I feel trapped in an endless recursive cycle.
As if nothing I do matters because I have no value judgement system to give meaning to my life.
Thus I stop working. I stop talking to real people and revert back into the internet addicted asshole I took so many years to stop being.
How do I reverse this death drive?
How do I get back to studying/working 16 hour days like I did a few years ago?
How do I trick myself into believing in long term personal investment again?
Have I experienced too many failures? Am I just the bad guy in everyone else's narrative?
I wish I had gone to art school instead of law.
I wish I could express myself in some physically manifest way instead of trite convolutions of language.
It makes me miss washing dishes every day.
It makes me nostalgic for a time when I knew nothing of the world.
Knowledge was a mistake.

neither stable nor changing

nigga

>>18988612
dreamt about her again

why oh why oh why did i fuck that up bros...

>>18988633
based

>>18988677
I know that feel. Mine moved to a different city, fixed her medical problems, and is now living the happy married life style. I'm so happy for her, but as time passes the idea of her becomes a ghost that haunts me. Is it a nightmare if you wake up from something you love?

>>18988624
pussy smell, describe it

>>18988652
>I wish I had gone to art school instead of law.
Hah. No, you really don't.

>>18988699
Its a problem of the grass always being greener, I know. No matter what one chooses it is always a prison.

How does one learn to forgive themself? I've been a truly awful person.

>>18988652
>Knowledge was a mistake
true.

Someone said somewhere, I believe it was here, that the longer you're separated from modern society and 'normality', the further the gulf between your two cultures grows. Past a certain point, you should view reintegration as almost impossible, verging on a miracle.

From that premise, I'm not too hard on myself if, say, my social habits would look insane to any other person. That said, I have no idea how to bootstrap a friend group, however modest it may be. I can get along with people (at work thus far, as classes are a little distance), and something resembling a work-relationship develops, where people legitimately enjoy what little time they spend from me. Yet what is odd, is past this initial stage everything appears to stagnate, and we develop into a fairly passive, working relationship that progressess nowhere. How do people spend time outside of work with eachother? Where does the impetus to go out come from; or am I just unapproachable?
Granted, I am a little severe, but I'd like to think I have a somewhat attractive personality.

Odd.

>>18988695
Fruity, tropical.

>>18988695
honestly it depends because the scent of the type of food you eat can come out of your pores. but a garden variety vag will taste feric, slightly sweaty and have pheromones that make you want to put your nose in it

>>18988709
confessing to God helps. I'm not sure I'm good at forgiving myself, but I am sure confessing helps

>>18988731
I'm not religious.

>>18988695
Copper coins and turpentine.
>>18988710
Flames travel upward. The greatest sin imaginable is to watch the world burn from ivory towers.

>>18988709
Tell me what you did and I'll forgive you in your place (if I think it's forgivable). Go.

>>18988633
Marry me pleez butyful lady.

>>18988612

Look at the shameless beast walking past. Does she not see what I see? Purposely displaying her defiance. Her way of getting back at the world that rejected her gluttonous indulgence in pleasure. Looking into her eyes making sure to not look too deeply into the black holes of her deep set eyes.

>>18988774
Am already married to the tulpa femboy waifu of my cope dreams.

system shock 2 is an overrated game. it's still a good game, it's just not that good. besides, who hasn't had the twist spoiled by now

I start work tomorrow morning after being out of it for a year and a half, I’m already missing the NEET life, and I’m kinda starting to regret my decision, though it’s the only way I’ll get what I truly want long term, and financially things will be much easier, but will I be happy? Only time will tell I guess

I’m trying to figure out exactly what I would need and how much to live out of my car.

>>18988856
Dunno about happy, but it certainly gives you a better sense of purpose, and a more acute appreciation for your time off. If you're lucky, you'll find other people who you can commiserate with which will both make work more pleasant, and potentially grow into friendships.

Also, after the first month or so, it really starts to blend together and you get used to it.

> 28
> just moved back in with parents
> haven’t published anything
> haven’t even written as much as I should’ve
> generally despise myself
It’s over.

>>18988872
I don't care whether you've published or written anything and I love you unconditionally for who you are.

>>18988870
Thank you anon, your words have made me feel a little better, not only will it help give a sense of purpose, I feel I will now be able to support loved ones more adequately, giving me a sense of pride in some way

>>18988612
I am interviewing for a cigar store position. I really hope I get it, cigar/tobacco work is very /lit/ imo.

>>18988760
It's a whole story not worth getting into the details of, partly because someone might actually recognize it here, sorry if that makes it too vague. But I've been very indiscreet, haven't respected in particular this one person's privacy the way that I should have, sharing personal details I shouldn't have. It was in part because they were legitimately abusive towards me, because I didn't think I'd still have anything to do with them at this point, and it happened when I was drunk and upset. I should've been more temperate and stoic, because this fits into a pattern where I speak before I think and I'm afraid someday something terrible will happen because of my tendency to overshare and talk shit about people. If they found out the way I've been talking about them they'd end any contact with me on the spot, no doubt. I feel like splitting hairs over who was more in the wrong is pretty meaningless in the end because I should be able to expect better from myself.

>>18988885
You don’t even know me. You don’t love me. I don’t even love myself.

Why haven’t the Norse sagas and eddas received the same sort of attention that Greco-Roman classics have received?

>>18988612
My head hurts when I think too much

>>18989120
well first of all they are a lot younger and don't come from the nexus of the entirety of western civilization, and second of all they are simply a lot more boring, I mean basically nothing happens in the eddas and like half of it is just aphorisms/ "sayings"

>>18988612
Twinks.

>>18989140
It’s a bit of bold statement to suggest that Greece was the nexus of all Western civilization don’t you think? I know that’s something which is said but if you really consider it, that’s quite the statement and I’m not sure it’s entirely true. As for their being younger, yes, but from a relative context no. I don’t believe the eddas and sagas refer only to the Viking age, but also the distant past. Presumably, the stories would take place in the same time of the Greeks, even if they arrive to us later, which isn’t even exactly true either. The rest is just kind of opinion, isn’t it?

I genuinely want to commit suicide. The reasons for it have changed over time but I can't escape it anymore. In a bad mood, the reasons are straightforward (had a breakup, bad career, etc). In a good mood, it seems like a glorious passage onto the silver sea of heaven. Maybe it's because I watched Life on Mars as a kid where the joyful resolution is John Simm throwing himself from a rooftop. Am I crazy or is this normal at all?

>>18989167
well what if I don't say the nexus of civilization and just point out that it's the nexus of intellectual activity since they were some of the first to develop an alphabet and write works that survived and spread to other civilizations, all subsequent intellectual and literary figures learned Greek, or if they didn't they learned Latin, and the Romans were heavily influenced by the Greeks.

>>18989175
Don't commit suicide, write a book.

>>18989188
What if it's a bad book? Should I commit suicide then?

>>18989100
I forgive you.

>>18989192
Believe me, the bar is low

>>18989175
Don't kill yourself, anon. Life on Mars is pretty based taste. Did you enjoy Ashes to Ashes?

>>18989141
<3

>>18989213
I loved Ashes to Ashes yeah. The pseudo mystical stuff really made it for me. Watching both as a child gives them a particular aura I think

>>18989209
I guess it is, but I really feel like writing is an activity for people with a goal in the world. I don't have any goals, I'm just waiting for another world

>>18988691
yes exactly, she's a ghost to me. she represents a life i turned down and every dream is what could have been

>>18989181
That’s all true. I suppose what I’m saying is if you look at a thinker like Nietzsche, he was totally obsessed with the Greeks but seemed not to care at all about the Norse or Germans beyond as far as they influenced Wagner. This is a man who was willing to say basically “everything since Socrates is wrong” and yet here you are illustrating how there’s an intellectual influence which runs from the Greeks through modernity much the same as there was from Socrates. That aside, it just seems to me that the Norse and Germans get no love. They’re used as petty inspiration for History channel dramas and Marvel movies but nothing else.

>>18989243
Have you tried reading the Eddas? I honestly think doing that can answer your question because compared to the Iliad and the Odyssey they are really nothing special at all, it's like comparing middle english Arthurian poems to Shakespeare or Chaucer... I haven't read stuff like the Nibelungenlied so I can't comment on that but in terms of Norse Mythology there is an utter lack of content and substance compared to the Greeks.

>>18989256
Also, Nietzsche was a professor of Philology so probably would have spent a lot of time learning Greek, and you bring up Socrates while the Norse have no ancient equivalent at all of Plato and Aristotle, basically no philosophy as far as I am aware.

I've been damaging people the same way I was damaged before. And as this goes, damaging or getting damaged merely become a bunch of nonsense and I already care nothing for them.

>>18989256
Yeah, I’ve read the Eddas. I don’t really agree but I do see your point and I’ll concede it for the sake of argument. I suppose what I’m talking about here though is this obsession over roots. From what I understand, the Greeks really come to us by way of the Romans and later scholarship which really started in the Renaissance. Greek influence spread by way of Greco-Roman influence in Christianized Continental Europe in particular. It seems obvious to me why Britain, France, Italy, and elsewhere would have a particular interest in the Greeks. But take Germany for example. Germany has every bit to draw from the ancient northmen as the ancient greeks if you ask me and yet you see among Germans from the modern period onward a total obsession with the Greeks and total disinterest in the northmen, even among people like those I’ve already mentioned who’s whole project is to determine where the historicity went wrong. It’s just puzzling to me. If your only point is that the Greeks left us a deeper and richer canon of literature, then yeah, that’s pretty indisputable.

>>18989219
I watched them both as a child, too. Matter of fact it spawned a TV show I wrote of my own heavily based off it. It was shit but trying to emulate the trippy parts was a helluva good time.
If anything it taught me to write for the fun of it, and not because I wanted to have it published or optioned by a studio or whatever.

>>18989266
Yeah, I suppose his philological background makes sense but then I wonder why an interest in Germans never developed by way of Wagner. Still, Nietzsche wasn’t a fundamentally philosophical thinker. He wasn’t only interested in the history of philosophy, but language, religion, and culture more broadly. But even among non-Europeans, the Greeks hold a special place of reverence. Yet you find something more approximately resembling the modern novel in the ancient northern world than anywhere in Greece.

>>18989277
Well Germany wasn't conquered by Rome but they were eventually influenced by the Roman Catholic Church and were the Holy Roman Empire for a long time so they would surely have received the Greco-Roman influence like all the rest of Europe, and sure Old Norse is a Germanic language but I think Germany and Scandinavia were still two pretty distinct cultural entities

Does anyone here has that /lit/ chart of good children's literature? Please post it, I've been searching for a while.

I have 2 beers yesterday and I feel like shit now the next day. I had the beers in the afternoon too. I'm getting old.

I'm about to turn 24, and I've never worked a day in my life

Overwhelmed.
By the noise, the colors, the people.
The more I delve and unearth it's truths, the more I'm swallowed by the world.
Me, the fool who is trying to empty the sea with a broken cup.
Or maybe I'm another drop,
floating among the rest.

>>18988612
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2rc3s97ZJU
>The time was 8:00 p.m., I was in my room, sitting on a chair with my laptop open. My plan was to masturbate to some porn and play Skyrim afterwards, like I do almost every evening. I say almost every evening because sometimes they are interrupted by the interference of my mother. Whenever she barges into my room it's never about some chore or task that I forgot about, as I see to the completion of those before the fulfilment of my plans. The nature of her interruptions is one of conversations about whatever niche autistic subject she can't keep her mouth shut about. They're ultimately a waste of time for a few reasons. Firstly, they interrupt the fulfilment of my desire to masturbate and play Skyrim. Secondly, she filters all her views through what she believes to be a Biblical lense, so actual discussion is an exercise in futility, as she will not believe anything not supported by the Word of God. Finally, she is a woman. She may be my mother and may have given birth to me, but she as a woman possesses certain qualities that, were I superstitious, would seem designed by a foul demiurge for the sole purpose of eroding the patience, will and reason of man. I'm a simple man who loves simple things, such as porn and Skyrim, who despises all people and things that would make my life more tedious or complex than necessary.

I don’t really know what to do right now. My lease is up but I work remotely. It’s not like I can travel. I don’t want to live with my parents but I don’t really want to just pick some random lease for no reason either.

Tell me what I need to do to be skinny. I’ve been a fat piece of shit for almost whole life and I really don’t feel like I do anything differently from anyone else but whatever it is, I’m sick of it.

Penis. Penis touching penis feel good when I touch it. I don't want to touch it anymore though, I stopped touching penis.
Whats my drug of choooooiiiicceeee
well what have you gooooooot
i don't go broke
and i do it a lot
My manager at the job I'm leaving has a fat ass. I've thought about beating the shit out of my dad but I haven't. I have two inches of height on him. I'm much more fit, but he has boomer old man strength. I still need to bulk more. Sometimes I wish I was born as a conquistador in the 1500s. I thought lifting, being fit, eating right, and becoming much more masculine in appearance would fix me but I still like jerking off to the idea of thick girls domming me. Unfortunate right?

>>18989566
Why don't you want to live with your parents anon? Sometimes it's pretty cool to move back home and reconnect with family as an adult. The dynamic changes and it gives you a decent sense of community. Sometimes it can also lead you to constant daily stress and you want to kill yourself, but also maybe there's new things to learn from them, and maybe they need a strong young man around the house to help in their old age. Maybe they have stories they never told you before. Maybe there is a new 'them' you never knew before.
>>18989578
Do you want a long answer or a short answer?
Eat less, move more. That's the short answer.
The longer answer is to learn about what you put in your body, learn to cook, learn to control yourself and portion meals. Learn to change your habits so that it isn't actually a painful restriction of not eating junk anymore, but an exploration into the awesome parts of eating new and interesting things. It's learning about how to lift or how to run or how to play sports or how to do yoga or fencing and having a hobby that excites you to move your body. It's about changing how you fundamentally view your body and what it can do with what you give it.

>>18989578
Get in some cardio each day. Count your calories and remain in a deficit. Eat whole foods instead of junk. Also do some of your own research on the topic if it's actually important to you.

>>18989578
I know two people who went from 300 and 400 pounds to 160 and 270 respectively using keto. Do your research and talk to a doctor first to see if keto is right for you and all that but it really does work. I am a secret fatass but I'm on keto out of sheer "why not" and it did kill my appetite and desire for constant carb binges.

It's a bit of an adjustment, especially if you can't cook, and you want to do your research to make sure you think you aren't killing yourself (official medical advice these days is basically to avoid saturated fat and eat lots of carbs and polyunsaturateds, which is the opposite of what you do on keto, but a lot of people say the official medical advice is bullshit bought and sold by lobbyists - see The Oiling of America video on Youtube, and any Joe Rogan hosted debate between two nutritionists arguing about saturated fat). But it works. Kills appetite, makes you feel full for longer, and burns fat extremely quickly.

Talking to girls is so much effort. If I put no effort in, and just 'be myself' I come off as uninterested and boring. If I try be funny or flirty it just feels forced. I've forgotten what its like be to macho and try impress women.
Retreat back into solitude or prove to myself that I can play in the outside world. Dont know what I want anymore desu.

I feel my sex drive returning.

I’m very close to pulling the trigger on 6 acres in the middle of nowhere.

>>18989905
This is either a very exciting purchase or absolutely horrifying and no one will find the body for weeks.

>>18989658
>>18989666
I walk or jog for an hour at least every single day and I’ve not lost a pound. As for what I eat, I really don’t believe I eat all that much. I certainly eat as much or less than people around me who are thin.

>>18989916
I see both outcomes as essentially a positive development.

>>18989919
What is your TDEE, anon?

I used to fantasize about a beautiful woman saving me from myself, but I've matured past that. The woman no longer has to be beautiful.

>>18989942
>>18989919
Also have you been taking weekly photos of yourself? When I was watching my diet and lifting all the time, much of the change was visual because I’d gain muscle and lose fat, so the actual overall number was very slow to move.


But really the main problem is you just don’t have a mindset right now of seeking knowledge. You just want quick solutions.

>>18989954
I suppose the next step is to mature either past her saving you or past her saving you from yourself specifically.

>>18989969
Hmmm no I don't believe I'll be engaging in any further emotional development.

The more time I spend around other people, the lonelier I feel that I can't connect with them

>>18989964
>But really the main problem is you just don’t have a mindset right now of seeking knowledge.
You’re right I don’t because I’m burned out on all of it. I’ve tried it all. I’ve tried keto, paleo, carnivore, vegetarian, calorie counting, fasting, etc. All of it works but it only works in so far as you’re willing to eat that way forever, and I’m not nor do I really want to be. What are we going to do? Are we going to treat our bodies like a math equation until we die? What’s the point of that? Besides, none of it ever really, really worked. I lost a bit of weight, then put it right back on, sometimes while still on the diet. The only one that really really worked for me was straight up multiple day fasting. When I tell people this you get the same responses, which just aren’t helpful.

>>18989984
Have you "connected" with other people before?
What is your ideal "connection"?
Do you think it's just going to happen without your input?
Why do you think you can't connect with them?
What's stopping you?
What's stopping them?

>>18989977
Perhaps you could mature past her being a woman?

>>18989994
I'm depressed. That part of you that allows you to connect with other people emotionally isn't working for me anymore

>>18989995
Absolutely not! Miss me with that gay shit!!

>>18989986
Fundamentally, what is it about your current habits that you actually like? What pizza drives you not to change? (pizza is a metaphor here for all the garbage food you shove into your face, don't just argue that you don't even like pizza or don't always eat pizza, or any of those distracting counter arguments) What is it about pizza that holds such a strong grip on you as a person that you can't get rid of it? Why do you love pizza more than these results you want?

I'm not going to sit here and say "you need to stick to a diet for longer! You need to research it more and fully understand it" because you already know that. My questions don't require a direct answer. My questions are for you to think about, deeply. Why are you the way you are. Why are the habits you so devoutly love and refuse to give up SO important to you?

Losing weight takes a long fucking time. There isn't a short cut. It sounds like you switched diets quickly and barely put effort into measuring things and gave it 3 days to take effect. Sounds like you didn't calculate water weight in. Sounds like you never put more effort into physical activity other then the bare minimum normie bullshit of going for a walk.

There is no magic bullet. There is no quick snake oil to drink. The problem is with you. You need to figure out what that problem is and if it's worth changing yourself to solve that problem.

>>18989998
Can you empathize with others while depressed? Do you understand when others try to empathize with you?
Like my post for example. I actually care enough to respond and keep questioning. Do you understand the time and effort and emotional labor and attempt I'm making? Even if I'm wildly off? That a stranger on the internet gives a little bit of a shit? But I've also been where you are, I think. Where everything is just dead. So I get that too. Good luck anon. Stay hydrated.

>>18989141
>>18989214
I want you two to get a room and cuddle already. What are you guys waiting for? Fan art?

>>18990038
See? You’re totally unhelpful right off the bat. No one mentioned pizza even once.

>>18990038
>>18990066
Or any garbage food for that matter, to be clear.

>>18990066
Nice triple dubs but not reading what anon put in parentheses is going to do you no good on the postmodernist literature board.
t. Not even him

One more day, one more page. 136 now. Thanks to a very kind anon last thread I was able to make page 135 much much better than it was after a rewrite.
I decided to be more proactive and approach the girl as best as you can really approach someone on the internet. I can't really tell if anything positive came out of it or not since I didn't really get a response/open up a communication line, but it doesn't look like anything negative came out of it either.
I did basically call her a Disney princess and now she's hyped about a Disney princess movie so maybe it had an effect? (The entire point was to make her smile so maybe it worked? Not getting any feedback here.)
All signs point to me to continue writing for the time being. I don't mind chasing someone, but I'm also a Gemini and have the attention span of one. There's not even a point to digging into her profile and seeing her likes and whatever because opinions change over time.
Something has to work. I'm a mysterious author. Ooo intrigue. Ooo big enigma.
...re reading this I sound like a massive dork but that's just how we roll.

>>18990075
I did read it. I just didn’t say as much in my reply. Nobody said anything about eating pizza, garbage, or anything else. It’s ironic that I’m being disparaged for not reading, but I’m having read into my replies something that’s not even present. And these are how these conversations always go. No one actually wants to help. No one actually cares. They want to lecture you and preach the gospel “let me tell you about your caloric sin”.

>>18990133
What is your tdee?
How many calories do you eat a day?

>>18988612
I think I'm finally starting to accept myself for who I am
What's the point of feeling ashamed over other people's morals.

>Why are so many trannies anarchists?
>Because its founder was one of them, a Proudhon

I never learned how to meet women in the real world. I'm no longer in school and I don't use social media anymore, which is where I found the only women I've dated. I see stunning women all around me on the street, in museums, in shops, but I don't know how it all works out here.

>>18990356
mild chuckle

>>18990378
Women are just human beings, just people, nothing special. Why do you think they are so different from you that you can't just start up a conversation? Have you worked on yourself and made yourself worth talking to? Just kidding hahaha did you really think this would be a normalfaggot post hahahahahahahaha I would never do that to you man. Fuck women.

I'm a ZOGbot.
It's endlessly frustrating to come to work and sit in the back of the COF doing nothing, or to go out to ridiculous fantasy-scenario FTXs where the enemy sits and waits for us, or to hear it said that the goal of our training is to make our unit look good or get high PFT scores or whatever else, to see people make a bigger deal out of showing up less than 15 minutes early to work than they do over doing nothing useful during the workday.
Equally frustrating is that, when offered the opportunity to train instead of sleeping in the COF or looking at memes, most people get irritated and blow the offer off.
Other countries are obsessed with gaining an edge over us. They train day and night to kill us or those trained using our tactics. Everyone likes to pretend like capital-w Wars are a thing of the past and that all that awaits us are more interventions in dusty armpits of the world, where a dozen troops dying is international news, as if the current era of relative peace was anything more than an anomaly that could end at any time.

>>18990449
How many people would you say are serious soldiers who would hold up in a real war? What would the attrition rate be of faggots and fake soldiers dropping out?

As soon as I saw people talking about how women are openly fraternizing and people are trading favors and goofing off like it's an army in a banana republic junta, I was blown away. How the fuck could any power let that happen to its military?

>>18990053
Yeah, I do appreciate it, it's better than no one replying. For some reason though it's hard to feel like someone else has been where I'm at because it feels like such a rare and difficult position. Maybe that's some kind of narcissism, I dunno. At the same time, I'm sure there are other people out there with the same problem. I hope everyone can recover from it

>>18988834
Bitch cunt whore nigger

>>18990449
How antsy are people in the military about war with China? Is it as imminent a threat to the military as it seems to me?

>>18990544
The united states' only way to control China is through force as they can no longer properly compete economically in the Chinese sphere. The growing number of "coups", "false elections" and "civil unrest" in the asian sphere is the result of the US applying force by funding and training agitators in those nations. A proper hot war between the US and China is extremely unlikely but real wars between the US and smaller powers are happening right now and will continue to occur.

how bad of an idea is it to say hi to a friend that's been ghosting me for three months?

>>18990559
Go for it, worst that happens is you get ignored right?

>>18990563
I already got ignored two months ago which is why I'm 50/50 on it, but I guess that could also be considered the start of the ghosting since we had consistent contact before that

im abbout to smoke weed
https://youtu.be/T_rEtnhp3HM

>>18990554
>they can no longer properly compete economically in the Chinese sphere
As I said in the last thread, this will only be solved by hyper-protectionist policies and the resurgence of American manufacturing. Only when "Made in USA" is as common as "Made in China" will we have the ability to defend ourselves.

>>18990567
Not all ghosting is intentional, some people are just really that shit at responding to people that they forget you even messaged them. This group is also majority female btw

I always autistically sperg out and destroy every friendship I've ever had.
It's like the entire time I'm friends with someone I'm slowly taking note of the worst possible shit to say to them to make them hate me.
I wonder why I'm like this.

>>18990587
she is female and that's actually one of the last things we talked about when we were active, so I do get that, but it was a whole thing where I sent a message and then I saw her come online as soon as I sent it, then I sent another later and she did it again, and she typed something then didn't send. it was pretty embarrassing and faggy on my part, looking back. I've gotten a good vibe of it being intentional though, like she sets herself as invisible but still uses other sites. I'll probably just end up doing it anyway because thinking about all of this retarded shit too much is just too annoying, and even if I do get ignored again I'd rather just "fine, fuck it" and move on than overthink this stuff.

>>18990587
this is for all intents and purposes the exact same thing as ghosting

>>18990578
I agree with you but those in charge seem intent on sucking the country dry for what's left and leaving it to rot.

>>18990587
How would you just forget lol
That seems like an excuse you would use to tell a nigga when you want him to go away but you don't want to hurt his feelings too much

I feel like an old man living in the body of a youth in their late twenties (my actual age). A lot of my previous interests I used to relax in my free time -- namely video games, movies, anime/manga, and other 4chan boards -- now all seem so utterly juvenile and in a way predictable that it all bores me to tears.

And now I just can't relax. The things i used to use to relax no longer works and I don't know what to do. There is just this pent up stress consuming me and I can feel it manifesting like that of a snake slowly swallowing a conscious rodent.

Worse is, of course, my lack of connection to any peer. I imagine my coworkers in my age range go out on weekends to bars and clubs and whatnot, but such things have never interested me. They also talk about how they're starting their families, god bless them, and how their wife and children and vacations are like. All of which seem so foreign to me as someone who holds absolutely no interest in such affairs in the same way one hears news from a country they have never heard of and doesn't affect them.

I just feel so disconnected in what would arguably be the most technological era in humanity so far, and the irony is not lost on me. Truly I can only ponder what it would be like when I actually do become an old man.

>>18990617
I don't send, nevermind even finish, 75% of the things I begin typing out. I resent the fact that IM applications display when the other person is typing, because most of the time I'm just trying to think before I give up or get distracted or forget (and more often: all three) but the other person may have thought I was cockteasing when really I was just trying to get a ball rolling but I couldn't figure out how I wanted to roll it or what ball I was even trying to choose.

I suggest you stop taking everything so seriously. Especially women. They are fleeting and spurious.

>>18990622
Eventually they'll leave and we'll rebuild, even if that means starting from ashes. We aren't the first country to be betrayed by its leadership and we won't be the last, and we won't be the first or last to come back from such betrayal either. We'll make it, and that I do believe with all my heart.

>>18990638
i imagine you look like this.

>>18990661
There's nothing wrong with Werther's. I have enjoyed them since boyhood.

>>18990646
I get what you're saying but it's a friend I've known for years and to just randomly get ghosted like that for seemingly no reason is odd behavior and just fucking lame. if it was just some tinder bitch that'd be one thing, that's easy to move on from, but it's a little different when it's someone you actually care about and someone you'd expect to care about you. but like I said before, I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do and if it doesn't work out I'll just move on, so I guess you're right in the long run.

>>18990661
That's what I hope to look like by the time I'm 40.

>>18988652
Three words:

Fuck. This. Shit.

If you have to wake up every fucking day because Universal Management ain't gotten around to ending your misery, might as well make the most of it.

Make life rue the day it imposed on your existence. Make it rue the day it disturbed you from your slumber by imparting your swerve to the world. To suffer is to let the world affect you. You must effect the world in response, that it may know you were here.

The world is your oyster motherfucker. Chop chop.

>>18988677
Bitches be complicated, and you are not a clever man. Happens to the best of us.

>>18988612
I drew from reference a still from that scene when I was approximately twelve years of age; in general I preferred to draw more complex ones, but I overly liked this one in particular.

Dragonball (Z) is good for Zoomers.

>>18989100
Dude. You're allowed to talk about people. You can share some things, just don't share so damn much you localize to the person or you empower a stalker or something. If someone is being abusive toward you, to suffer in silence, and to recriminate yourself for reaching out to someone else for a sanity check and comfort is the last thing to do.

Remember: the stoic looks at the thing they most care for, and force themselves to confront the unpleasant reality of the transient nature of things. That what is today, may not be tomorrow. They divest things of the power we naturally I'm ue into them via caring and deigning to be vulnerable to preserve the ability to quell the mind, and heal the soul.

It ain't easy
Yeah it feels bad
And guess what? That's okay. That's why we have each other, and why it's okay to reach out.

No one who does you harm has any claim on your obeisance or loyalty, especially with no sign of contrition.

Now, you are forgiven. Go forth, and sin no more.

>>18990628
I dunno, you need to put yourself in the shoes of someone who has 100+ unread messages. Pretty much impossible for anyone here I imagine so long as you're talking about actual people who want to talk as opposed to spambots and etc.

I realised I grew up to be the kind of person who is more 'productive' when I'm not seen in the presence of my parents.
You know how some kids will tend to be more obedient towards their stricter parents but be a complete 180° behind their backs? I'm like the opposite of that. Not like I didn't have strict parents either, but growing up my self esteem was low and they didn't never believed me to be capable of handling myself. They would also presume I never studied despite the fact that I got good grades throughout my academic years. They would get agitated if I took a moments break, seeing me as a lazy fuck. But my results said otherwise, I still studied but not in their view anymore. I got tired of pretending to be studying so I just made myself look like a bum in front of them despite the fact that I did study.
I can't be bothered to convince them otherwise now.

>>18990729
No normal person allows themselves to get 100+ unread messages

>>18990736
Maybe not, but a lot of people do it.

I hate being touched. I hate opening up to people. The idea of intimacy, as much as I crave it, makes me afraid and anxious. I push people away rather than connect with them both because I'm afraid of letting someone know me deeply and because I feel I don't deserve to make meaningful connections with people, much as I desire to.
There seems to be no solution to this problem. I wonder if I'll torture myself over relationships with others for the rest of my life, or even beyond.

>>18990734
This was me in high school. I just couldn't do work in front of my parents, it all got done at night. It doesn't help that to this day my computer is not allowed into my room, it's in the family area.

>>18989175
Suicide seems like a great idea right up until it's not, but then there's no you around anymore, and it's everyone else's problem.

Also, suicide is logistically a terrible idea. Think about this. You need to buy a tombstone. Or arrange for body pickup. All without arousing suspicion. How about pets? Animal shelters will sometimes peg suicidal people because dropping off pets is a warning sign.

Trust me on this. I bet if you really put your mind to it, whatever is really bugging you can be solved by doing something you haven't tried yet; and suicide, by definition, will be the last thing you ever do.

Seems like there's a lot of other shit to try first. Get crackin'.

>>18988612
I am 'Dionysian' by nature (enjoy writing and making music), but I feel drawn to the romance of 'Apollonian' pursuits like philosophy, science, and mathematics. I know I am stupid and will probably not regret devoting time into what I care about while I am a young man without responsibilities, but some part of me tells that I will benefit from learning those things and can eventually make better art for it.

>>18990736
I know a lot of 'normies' with 100+ unread messages. In WhatsApp, Instagram, etc. Most of which were women too. Still makes me wonder how they can just ignore it like that. I'd at least open it or read it even if I weren't to reply.

>>18990742
i feel this pain as well, brother, but it just doesn't appear that there is any cure. it is truly a curse befitting for internal cretins as we are -- or at least I know myself to be. but whereever and whoever you are, know that at this moment we have shared recognition of our struggle and must find the strength to endure

>>18990638
Yes you are past the consumption phase, perhaps it’s the amount of information and entertainment in our age that brought up a boredom of what is offered. Id say most boomers never stop their consumption phase.
Consider putting faith in religion my friend, let me tell you it gets better. You still won’t relate to most ppl your age but you will have something beautiful and virtuous to connect you to a few. Personally, I started investing my time in occult magic and I have never felt engaged in something eternal and meaningful. Materialism is essentially a lie and made by demons to blind us.

>>18990782
Or anon needs to create and find a hobby.

>>18990751
Theres nothing wrong with balancing out different sides of personality.

There's a trait I've noticed I have that explains why I'm good at spelling. Basically if I ever see a word in print, the shape of that word is fixed in my mind so that I can tell if it looks wrong when I type it. This doesn't work perfectly so sometimes I'll get the wrong vowel, but the general order of consonants vs. vowels is usually accurate. Lately I notice people adding or subtracting consonants or vowels that aren't originally there and I've realized not everyone processes new words quite like me

>>18990742
:( hedgehog dilemma

Almost bedtime anons tomorrow is a bright day of mirth and perhaps merriment. What will unfold at the cafe? Will the cougar and her Troy be accompanying us, or will we be spending this labor day alone?
What do I have in store for a trick? Will he make his presence known? Most likely not, or sulk away down the sidewalk glancing at the unwholesome school girls, much too young to garner his interest. Perhaps there's an anemic behind that dumpster? Heroin again, well we all can't be perfect :D
I also received an usolicited text from a disdainful rejected-interlocuter. My thoughts are frazzled I'm morphing into one with my thoughts, sometimes a strange fuzz surrounds me and I feel as if I'm inside a cloud; then all goes mute and a few hours later I'm sitting in a new location with little recollection of the in-between. Perhaps, I should see a doctor.

at some point I forgot how to figure things out
now I just google for answers without thinking

I seriously think I may have onset symptoms of schizophrenia though, it's getting quite bad and I think people are starting to notice. I had an interview for a job and I imagined myself as the interviewer then was answering my own questions. She asked me something and I paused, smiled, because I answered myself. I gazed blankly into her and she commented on how my resume was impressive, and I most likely still did not get the job. She spoke the entire time and asked me 2 questions. I answered neither meaningfully, we're all subdued. Anywho, I failed and must contact another agency. I think my whims have been attached to some sort of vessel, but my limited knowledge of theology precludes from any meaningful commentary on the matter. Perhaps, I am simply afraid of death; or to be vain and deflective, but perhaps truthful: afraid of not being afraid of death ;)
I haven't been on a date since 2020, but have gotten nudes from various women online since then, but not since the end of 2020. The last 9 months, while having meaningful employment, being fitter than ever, and being more well-read than ever not a modicum. I think I'm becoming too strange and detached, I'll notice a woman looking at me, but won't think to react until several hours later. I stare at a woman, and she glares back uncomfortably and I still stand with my countenance fixed on her, and say nothing. Sometimes I assume we know each other and I think we are one. I was talking to a woman only and she called me very responsible, as when I objectively relay my undulations through the calendar year of 2021 they'll be dulled; perhaps wage-cucking should end, but I invest and mostly do temp jobs, and am pursuing a CPA, so it does not correlate, but eventually I'll have a moment of mental lucidty as on every interview and I'll formulate an objective observation of my being in a way that offers urbane citizenship.

>>18988885
1 updoot my good sir

>>18988885

>>18990939
how is love reddit

>>18990628
>get a message
>be in the middle of a thing
>10 hours later forget the message even happened
>go to bed
>"hey dude you never messaged me back"
>oh yeah, you did message me, didn't you?
In this case, if the message was time sensitive, the period of urgency has expired, and if it was never time sensitive, then we can pick it up later when we see each other. I have my own shit to do. I don't actually exist as an entity at the beck and call of other people, because I like to actually keep myself invested in and busy with a thing, even if other people suppose otherwise because their life is intermittent or full of vacancies that they try to fill with chatterings. I'm always engaging with something.

>>18990747
I really don't think it can be solved anon. It's my personality, I have absolutely nothing to be proud of and feel repellent to others

Today has been a really bad day. I need to remind myself that not every day is this bad. If I get a good sleep things will be a bit better tomorrow. It's hard to be rational like that when everything in your mind and body is telling you throw yourself off a bridge.

I'm getting profoundly annoyed at many /lit/ users.
Granted I've been here for ~6 months, but I feel that this board's quality is getting, in terms of effort into one's post, worse. (I'm moslty talking about political threads.)
Yes, yes, I know people have been saying that for years; nonetheless, before Summer I could have political discussions on /lit/ without them resorting to name calling. I learned alot from the Traditionalists and Marxists that went around this board. I even appreciated some posts from anarchists. But as soon as liberals appeard, being this thread the one most present in my mind [https://boards.4channel.org/lit/thread/18983535], the whole thread resumed to name calling on the part of 2 to 5 shitposters (on the part of the liberals).
To me it was profoundly infuriating.... simply shows the mentallity of these people

Just needed to write it down....

Im honestly so lost. I dont who am i and what i want from life. Im nearing 30 yet i havent solved teenage problems.

>>18991251
it's really just whether you luck into being in a thread at the same time as someone worth talking to

Did normalfags start reading CotC? It’s everywhere on this board now. Have that many anons read it???

>>18991301
I suppose so. Less than a year ago I thought to myself to myself that I would never read Marx. Having read many of the posters comments on him I decided to give him a go. While I'm not a marxist, I am very glad I read him since I incorporated many elements of his thinking into my illiberal thought.
Is this lack of real engagement caused by new users during the Summer?

>>18991329
Well it’s been out for months now hasn’t it? I think it probably built up a following overtime here.

It will never get better. I will never recover. I am a dead person walking. My soul died years ago and I have been living as half a person ever since... I honestly don't know where to go from here bros. Even if I finish college and get a decent amount of wealth to support myself with I will never be the same.

I am a socialist, but I don't believe any of these ideas will come to fruition at any point in my life. Liberalism is too entrenched and it is probably the last stage of history as Fukuyama put it

The only thing that is keeping me alive at this point is that I want to travel and see some different countries at some point.

Basically I'm all in a huff right now because my dad, unprompted, send me a screenshot of an email (?) or something - I dunno because I closed it right away - of my cousin saying my uncle molested her when she was a preteen. I have no idea what he was thinking when he sent me that. I just quickly text back, "Should I be reading this?" I never finished reading it. It probably wasn't meant to be passed around. So I'm simultaneously trying to guess what my father is thinking (the man in question is his brother) -- Oh, God, what is he thinking now? No clue. This cousin and I aren't close anymore. She's slightly older than I, and she's almost forty now. So what the hell is going to happen to my uncle? I don't even want to know what kind of batshit news I'm going to be privy to in the next few days. My family is very small, and we have had zero scandals throughout my entire life. Mostly we don't even live in the same states anymore. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. Well, nothing, because we're all adults and it's not really my business. Uh, what?! Now I'm thinking that my sister was also close to my cousin, and they are the same age. So, basically I'm not even going to read that godforsaken thing my dad sent me. Now I'm thinking he must have sent it so carelessly because he's not right in the head right now either. I just shudder at the whole thing. And I hate this god damned website for obvious related reasons. I feel like I should make something right, even though the affair is - like I said - not really my province. I know nobody on 4chan is capable of thinking benevolent thoughts, but for God's sake, protect your children. I know, cringe, whatever. What a world.

ey faggots cheer up and watch this comedy masterpiece
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Lmo9gYQskk

>>18990853
I first noticed that people do this when seeing my father write. He doesn't write smoothly, but carves out each letter. I don't think he's ever misspelled a word, and he speaks like he's typing. He takes long pauses between sentences (Ha! Like Wittgenstein) He's also an engineer, and he seems to treat words like he treats formulas and numbers. I don't think he's ever made a mistake in his life, minus marrying my mother, which I believe he accepted as something he wasn't supposed to understand -- which he didn't.

>>18988448
>Let's say I was black or a woman, most people here would inherently hate me just for existing, yes or no?
No, you fucking delusional retard. I hate you for being stupid enough to actually believe the answer to that is yes. What the fuck is wrong with you?
How can you claim to have browsed here for 8 YEARS and still have such a warped perspective of this place? That wouldn't even be true of /pol/, despite all the memes. Have you seen their meetup pictures, where everyone's brown? It's pretty funny.
Anyway, yeah, there are unironic racists here, and just about everything else imaginable, but the majority? You've got to actually be delusional. I don't believe you've browsed here that long, you must've made that up, or else you visit here once a month.
By the way, I use the word nigger on 4chan, yet I'm not racist. Do you think there's a contradiction in that? Because there absolutely isn't.

>>18991333
I read it months ago. Kinda nice to see it become popular in real time.

>>18990133
People clearly are trying to help, and you're getting butthurt over it. If people are misunderstanding you, why don't you explain better, instead of being a narcissistic little bitch about it? If you're not eating too much or eating poorly, then why are you fucking fat? That's highly unusual, you know. I suggest you see a fucking doctor

>>18990681
you're so cute.

>>18990681
Edgy. Sounds like a line from an F. Gardner novel.

>>18988612
On July the 4th of this year my father was diagnosed with an aggressive sarcoma cancer, which has now begun to metastasize into his lungs and colon. Prior to this he had been crippled by back issues, and by this point is emaciating and unable to walk. We suspect this will be the death of him.
I have thought about how I am only able to achieve a Pell Grant at the age of 22 because I am his sole source of support.
I am going into a field with, for a family of those plagued by generational poverty, unbridled financial potential if I put the work in. The only reason why I am able to study this field is because of my father's decaying health.
I have to, I will, make the suffering he lives with every day worthwhile when I achieve a six digit income and be father to the family neither of us, both products of broken homes, got to know.
Things are going to be horrific, already are horrific, soon.

>>18991341
>I know nobody on 4chan is capable of thinking benevolent thoughts
So you openly admit you're incapable of thinking benevolent thoughts, and are compelled to project this onto strangers?

>>18990681
y did you type this then do that captcha then click post. y

My father was a narcissist and my mother is the most slavishly submissive, approval-seeking, zero assertivity doormat I have ever known. I had zero chances of growing up sane. I realized I am still fixing the influence of these retards while other people went on winning. They never protected me not even once when I was a kid because they didn't want to antagonize anyone. What a fucking curse it is to be raised by cowards. People like this should have been forbidden from having kids.

Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

>>18988612
What comes after betrayal?

Childhood is understanding the world from the senses, youth is understanding the world from ideas, and adulthood is understanding the world as-is.

Relationships are actually really scary. My mind is always filled with anxiety over what could go wrong and I often self-sabotage as a result. Last year I decided to "man up" and see a relationship through for once, which only ended in further disaster. Well, c'est la vie.

>>18990061
>What are you guys waiting for? Fan art?
For each other's Discord handle

>>18991636
Childhood is being a smug little shit who thinks they are always right, youth is being a depressed motherfucker who is miserable all the time and think there's no way out, and adulthood is going back to being the smug bitch you were as a kid but being more realistc about it

>>18988612
This is literally the second time being on /lit/ after being on 4chan for about half a decade now. I want to get into reading. What are the most important/classic books of the modern time? Please recommend something that isn't 400 pages long, I don't think I will have the stamina no push myself through such many pages of letters.

>>18991695
for your honesty i will spare you the typical saracastic answer that warrants such an inane request when i say /lit/ does not generally read, and the reading minority read whatever they damn please. but they read. in the same way they go to a candy store and indulge in whatever fancies them

otherwise, unironically start with the greeks and any fool can find themselves with a basic list early philosophers as you work your way to the romans, medieval, continental, etc. (there's a side trip to eastern philosophy but its a dead end)

or my diary desu

>>18988612
i really wish i could subject myself to complete isolation without dealing with the economic repercussions.

>>18989269
at least you saw it happen

>>18991695
400 pages is minor in the grand scheme, so if you truly take to it, it doesn't matter. Modern literature is pozzed. Reconcile yourself to the fact that all human problems and questions of ethics or value follow the same categorical models over time, but only that the window dressing or the colors or other external vanity is what changes, and attempt not to think that something offers you no value or relatability just because it's old and outside of your current mode of life. Every inherited cultural artefact is outside of your current mode of life because the current mode is completely alien and novel as compared to every time before this - we are the aberration. And minding that, realize that despite our complete overhaul of the way we interface with life, we still struggle to solve every one of the former problems: again drawing back to the idea that our conflicts remain the same (betrayal, constancy, helplessness, apathy, fear, love, striving) but only its outer garb which has changed.

All that being said,
>Herman Melville
Poor Man's Pudding, Rich Man's Crumbs Billy Budd

>John Steinbeck
The Pearl
The Moon is Down

>Ken Kesey
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Four short stories and a novel, in that order. The Melville stories are a bit older (for you) but the morales of them are so universal and commonly understood that I feel like they should drive home my repeated point above, as well as Melville being the foremost American novelist. Steinbeck is a quintessential American novelist of the 20th century who tells a story much more simply than Melville (who can be quite high level at times), so perhaps Steinbeck is easiest to start with. The four short stories are really just primer for your endurance to Cuckoo's Nest, I suppose. And I didn't want to pick Cuckoo's Nest because there so many other better (longer, more difficult) English novels to select, but again, I feel constrained to try and bridge a gap for you to work backwards in time, whether you take it or no. Cuckoo's Nest is still very contemporary as concerns it's subject matter but old enough that you can notice the differences in time and setting without it feeling jarring or alien. It was only the 60s after all.

I have picked all English authors so you don't get caught in a vortex of bickerings about translations as is common on this board.

>>18991791
Broke my formatting during edit, the two Melville novels should read:
Poor Man's Pudding, Rich Man's Crumbs
Billy Budd

Anyway good luck.

I think I'm too stupid to understand this and it's been plaguing me the whole day.
If we know the following (as an example):
>Everyone listens to music.
And
>Everyone is stupid.
Can I say
>Everyone that listens to music is stupid
Or is this not valid? Why?
Is it because the group of people that listens to music, for example, can change in such a way that it's not true anymore?
I know I'm a dummy. I can't figure it out.

>>18991833
In the syllogism
>I am a man
>All men are mortal
>I am a mortal

The conclusion is really
>I am a mortal (because I'm a man)

In yours
>All people listen to music
>All people are stupid
>All people who listen to music are stupid

Is true, but you couldn't make the conclusion that
>All people who listen to music are stupid (because they listen to music)

What you're really saying is
>All people listen to music and all people are stupid

Which are different conclusions

I love sluts
<3

>>18991843
I think it's starting to make sense, thank you

Made a fake tinder account and was talking to someone for a few days. Really enjoyed talking to that one person. Other girls I matched with were boring and only sent one line messages.
And now I feel incredibly guilty after telling her. How much bard karma is coming my way lads?

>>18991915
>bard karma

>>18988612
I thought I had a vision before but now that I do I realize I didn't

I thankfully don't live in Russia but I love being Russian

tfw no bf

Nausea and stress are the same thing for me. When I'm nauseous, I get nervous and when I'm nervous, I get nauseous. I learned to not eat before stressful events, which is increasingly more often.
Is this why people say someone "has the guts" for something?

good news: i've written a good chunk of the first draft of my play.
bad news: it's not very good, and i may have burned myself out by writing 1500+ words in a day.
still, i'll power thru it until it's done and i can edit it, and maybe get together with some actor friends and submit it to one of those play contests

>>18988612
it's raining, the sound is comfy

>>18988612
Sutra male grindset
8 trillion past lives

>>18992054
keep it up i believe in you

college is not going well. I may get passing grades tho

>>18990853
I had this as a kid—I could see a new word or name in any language (provided with English letters) and accurately reproduce it immediately. I ended up losing this ability, but I hope it lies latent in me waiting to be rediscovered.

>>18991372
Funnily enough, I've heard that Wittgenstein had trouble with spelling up until his young adulthood. Your father sounds like an interesting fella, though.

>>18992060
>Sutra male grindset
Tantra "female" grindset

>>18992054
>good news: i've written a good chunk of the first draft of my play.
Huh and how come that I have written 3/4 of the first draft of MY play just the other day. Are you copying me telepathically, bro? What is your play about?

>>18991636
Childhood is understanding the world as-is, youth is understanding the world from the senses, and adulthood is understanding the world from ideas.

women love the state more than men
nazis love the state more than anyone
pic related

>>18990061
As an observer, I'd love for someone who can draw to make the following fan-art: a two-panel illustration of a neckbeard Gregor sitting in a dimly lit room illuminated only by his screen, typing "Twinks." into the post window, and on the other panel, an almost identical Gregor in an almost identical room typing in "<3" as a reply.

I am a genius.

>>18988612
My commission is finally done!

>>18992061
thank you, anon!
>>18992152
to put it briefly, a trans girl (who already decided to kill herself) and her friend (who doesn't know she's trans) meet up on a park and have one last conversation, which often is just a series of veiled discussions about whether or not life is predetermined. it's like an even more minimal Waiting for Godot. what is your play about, anon?

>>18991915
Man if you felt the need to make a fake tinder just so girls would talk to you, you’ve had your fair share of bad karma already.

>>18992274
Color theory is my passion

I am a retard.

>>18992278
Same, I'm very particular about my color choices and would easily spend two hours just studying color combinations (deleted it because I didn't want it to get on a 3rd party archiver btw)

Are most people really just social animals with the most base of thoughts and motivations imaginable or is this solipsism

>>18992301
it's solipsism. but some people really are simpler than others.

>>18992275
Sounds cool. Good luck.
>what is your play about, anon?
I can't talk about the particularities of the setting because they are overly specific and identifiable. But basically, a group of people discuss the meaning of art, they disagree and attempt to reach a synthesis. In another place, a schizophrenic is waiting for the end of the world. It is interesting that you mention Waiting for Godot because it is my main inspiration, along with Endgame. Beckett is so based.

>>18992305
I know that others are also awake but most of the humans on this earth are almost entirely libidinal, just another species of ape

>>18992328
he indeed is. i'm actually writing my thesis on Happy Days.
(also, i'd love to read your play once it's finished!)

>>18992330
"most" is the solipsistic part. what we call "awareness" in this context means "reflection", reflecting on one's self and surrounding conditions. How much people reflect on those things will naturally be a spectrum., but to say that the majority of humans don't reflect on those things at all is a big fat lie or just naivety.

I have fallen victim to sissy slut hypnosis and I'm not even a man.

>>18992381
Made for BDS (Big Dominatrix Strapon)

>>18992184
That would be awesome.

>>18992353
There exists in every nation in the world a huge bulk of people, mostly hidden away in the corners of cities, who are not close to capable of the same level of consciousness as you are. Their number is uncountable. If "reflection" is naturally a spectrum I think you would be surprised at the number of species that fall higher on the scale than many humans

Next week I am going to have dinner once again with this cute submissive twink, and once again I will not fuck him because I have a boyfriend.

>>18992184

>>18992425
This is abstract art.

>>18992425
heh not bad

>>18992421
based

My family is so opinionated on everything. It drives me crazy. They’re such quintessential Americans too. I’ve spent way too much time in books and on the internet to be able to feel comfortable around them.

I'm kind of scared that I have to die eventually desu. I'm even anxious over getting old.

I feel like the reason I want to write is because of the void inside me after I got bored with making music
I just want to create something on my own
How the hell and why the hell would I write I don't even read that much

>>18992709
Getting old is worse than dying.

>>18992752
>tfw retirement money is unlikely
>kids are unlikely
I wonder what they'll do with me. expect me to go in the river and die?

>>18992421
you are already committing romantic adultery, you should stop seeing this twink for dinner

>>18992747
Because writing is a manifestation of your thoughts on the page. Your ego thinks what it thinks is important.

>>18988612
He had just found the wellspring of mammaries. Glorious and supple jugs to satisfy his yearnings for eons. All that stood between him and carnal satisfaction was a Follow button

I am pretending to type this message so that I look busy when the girl in the kitchen whose name I do not know turns round and walks past me bleep bip pop tang tofjwiaoanwkw

29 khv hopeless here, just say something to me please.

>>18993009
You're cool.

>>18992938
so my ego thinks how smart me mind is?
idk man I am a very insecure and anxious person

>>18993009
>just say something to me please.
These nuts.

>>18993009
Hi

>>18993009
relationships aren't worth it and you shouldn't judge the whole of yourself for lacking a particular aspect of modern social standards. Relationships either end in death or break up. Nothing else.
>>18993017
We cant really get into it without making some fundamental presuppositions about the way the mind works and I'm not sure my theory is sound enough to make that leap. But I'm sure there's a hidden narcissist under all that anxiety. There is for me, at least.

>>18988612
>>18988612
climbin first thinginthe morning
>ib4evening

>>18988612
Gay niggas be gay, yes, appreciate this.

My little brother clearly lost his virginity a week ago and already acts different, more mature.
Meanwhile I'm still a kissless retard.

>>18993009
>I applied mine heart to know, and to search, and to seek out wisdom, and the reason of things, and to know the wickedness of folly, even of foolishness and madness:
>And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.

>>18993078
>My little brother clearly lost his virginit
How do you know that?

>>18992801
Join a church group. That's what they're for, historically. A kind of faith-cemented quasi-family.

>>18988612
I have no empathy and am not sure what I am doing with my life. I don't care about the effects my words have on others, other people's wants feel like a vague abstraction to me. But I want to change, I feel like I'm missing out. I want to be able to feel what others can, to comfort and be comforted, but I'm not sure how at this point.

>>18993087
He's been going out with some girl for some weeks. Last week he went to her house and came back home 5 hours later, told me he felt tired and he did seem really tired, with obvious signs of having cried but he wasn't sad, just very excited. First thing he did was to wash his clothes.
He goes to that house every day now.

>>18993009
you are based

>>18993078
Now way to blame your parents huh

>>18989106

>>18990638
>All of which seem so foreign to me as someone who holds absolutely no interest in such affairs in the same way one hears news from a country they have never heard of and doesn't affect them.
I've never related more to a 4chan post. I feel the same, just so extremely detached from others my age that I view the things others do as an alien would. For myself I think it's that growing up I spent most of my time reading never really debeloping a social life. And reading so many old books instead of other media gives you a way of speaking & behaving that's off from the norm.

I'm the most humble person in here.

>>18989106
Have you got any hobbies, or did you ever enjoy an acticity?

Try enjoy.

Have bedtime when your sleepyness and fulfillment let you.

Let your old folks not bother you.

Become powerful.

Sorry for posting this crap>>18993176


Be capable of doing whaatever.

>>18991614
forgiveness

>>18993190
I'm the vainest.

>>18993009
You're not alone

I read up on the "lying-flat" movement in China a little bit, and I still don't get it. It's one thing if they were in the West, which is facing countless challenges like military decline, cultural tensions, demographic shifts, etc. Then their desire to give up and just relax makes sense, because the task of fixing things is terrifyingly large and the government will not help. But in China? I don't get it. China is on the verge of becoming the hegemon. Their government is very flawed but at least it is pro-natalist and in any case the country has become a superpower. Everything is on the up-and-up. Why would you "lie flat" in China?

>one shot at life
>born a protestant instead of a catholic
how to I cope
if I convert I'll be a tradcath LARPer, I don't want that tbqh

>>18991614
revenge

>>18993009
You will die happy

>>18993275
Because any other mode of rebellion gets you killed or sent to camp.

>>18993275
>Why would you "lie flat" in China?
I dunno anon
>get gulag'd for wrongthink
>get gulag'd for having suspicious consumption patterns
>get gulag'd for using western software
>expected to work long hours, non-existent employee protection
>high pressure in school and academia, to a level that is unheard of in the western world
>no means to influence policy in any way; unless you're a party official, which you're not
>can't leave, chink gov't will literally spy on you everywhere in the world
you tell me

>>18993281
>if I convert I'll be a tradcath LARPer
No you won’t.

co-workers keep bringing up r*ddit posts to me and although it can lead to interesting conversations i just can't help but see them as idiots for still using that landfill of a website. I'm indifferent to the use of basically all social media except for r*ddit due to the comment ranking system and its status as mid-wit haven. i trust the big-booty-loving instagramming dishwasher's opinion over these r*dditors.

>>18993281
>if I convert I'll be a tradcath LARPer
This is the worst trick this shit board plays on people.

Early Medieval Catholic Europe was the high point of Western civilization. Yet even people I know who agree with this shy away from both Catholicism and Christianity.

I haven't really written anything since my kid was born. At this point, I'm not sure I still know how to write creatively.

>>18993275
Nothing has been up and up for the majority of the population, its one thing for fabricated gdp growth to put you on top of rankings (and taken by westerner technocrats themselves to create a prester john) and another to get 996'd to death. Chinese housing prices and other sufferings tangible through a screen are at least as bad as portrayals of the US, with none of the soma to tranquilize us to the fact

January sixth was one hundred percent a false flag operation

>>18993275
>>18993888
That said, the lying flat thing as a movement is grossly overblown by state media to create a boogeyman, most people simply find themselves "lying flat" out of circumstance i.e. sheer destitution.

>>18993281
>tradcath LARPer
You're not LARPing if you're legitimately converting. You'd know if you were. As the other anon said, don't let board memes dissuade you from doing something that would make you happier.

Any fiction authors who had particular obsessions with pain, masochism, sadism, and death?

Is it really an inferiority complex if it's true?

>>18994001
Unironically yes.

>>18993899
I am politically speaking a grug-tier Democrat voter but I want them to give the shaman guy a pardon on grounds of kino.

>>18993888
Welp, I guess things are a little more complicated than I thought. I had figured the average Chinese person was pretty thrilled about their country and its trajectory.

Report off-topic threads you lazy ass bums

>>18994182
I do, all the time. Jannies never do anything about it. /lit/ is as unmoderated as /v/.

I will never be Japanese…

>>18994182
>>18994221
snitches get stitches.

>>18993951
De Sade

I wasn't angry today. I didn't harbor ill will. I hope this is a step forward.

>>18994457
Good job Anon, one step at a time.

Advanced women question here. Why do women have such a strong reaction to this tweet? Go through the quotes https://twitter.com/ClippedMeSmh/status/1434672075642396677/retweets/with_comments and the most common reaction is that they felt physically ill and felt like throwing up or killing themselves.

From what I gather, it's because of feeling humiliated for being ugly? Is it humiliation in front of other women? Or other men? Is there anything else that would make them feel like this or only their looks specifically being called out in front of people? The reaction is so strong that it seems deeply biological.

>>18994586
They are niggers, anon

>>18994586
He's effectively saying he values her for more than her looks, but those women have an odd reaction to this. I'm unsure if they want to be valued more for their looks, or what; but they'll also lament valuation of their looks.

>>18994599
No, it seems independent of race

>>18994586
They all have the same reaction

>>18994586
Idfk. Grills in general have tall poppy syndrome, so if any girl gets a little bit of extra attention, most grills are like where is my gibs, my headpat? It's more like a weird sibling rivalry? The same thing happens if you have hobbies kinda. Other grills will be like "but you're faking it to get laid right?" 99% of grills have incel levels of insecurity.

>>18994586
women are very anxious about beauty. I think it's a real thing that a man can be so in love with his woman that he isn't very interested in other women. I saw a study where they checked some brain-wave action when men looked at different women, and even if you're like an 80 year old man and your wife is 80 it is fully realistic that you will find her a 10/10, so the fact that this guy is already throwing eyes around is maybe cause for some concern for his woman. Then, women are extremely collective-based, so they share the anxiety of this woman out of fear that their men will behave the same. they're political, pro-active.
t. shut in

>>18994586
I think most women’s self worth is conflated with their appearance, so for some women when their partner doesn’t find them to be special girl #1 it makes them angry. The definition of love has been diluted so much, I think some people believe it means to find your spouse attractive enough to have sex with.

>>18994626
Maybe you're right that knowing that their man looks at so many others girls instantly makes them feel deeply unsafe and insecure but I'm still shocked how physical it is for them.

>>18994659
It goes deeper than that. If he said he didn't even see other women because he's with his girl, he would be equally flooded with people saying they could take him or that he's low value enough they wouldn't want to take him.

>>18994659
i also think the extreme reactions are because the most prolific twitters users have something very wrong with them, such as bpd. they are unable to have normal relationships.

>>18994586
>all these people are "liberals"
Americans are so fucking cringe

>>18994736
Moralfag, the country

Metropolis is my favorite fascist movie, it is incredible how Thea managed to hide the message in the conclusion from most people, even from Fritz Lang.

>>18994767
Also, Bridgitte Helm is a cute 3.14

i love Brazil so much. and the fact that ill never be Brazilian saddens me.
i am also saddened that everyone hates Brazilians :(
i fucking love Brazil.

>>18994807
why do you love it so much anon?

>>18988612
I am coming to grips with the fact that I will never get anywhere drawing or painting because I don't have a passion for it. I have spent the last 6 years trying to make it work. I threw out years of sketch books today, and inside were thousands of drawings of the same Loomis 3/4 perspective heads. I have spent 6 years on something that will never be.

>>18994828
Just keep at it

>>18994828
why did you do it anon? fear of the grind? a way out?

Craps is easily the best casino game, almost tripled what I brought. This one guy was shooting crazy well, got 6 at least 5 times before getting craps. Everyone was cheering for him each throw. Eventually most of the people at the table were in agreement that we wanted to pass it all the way back around to him, except for this one old bastard who decided to shoot instead of let it go back, and he immediately lost. That was when I figured it was time to leave, and with a good profit for the night. Waitresses weren't bringing beer around enough though, the based lad who was shooting well hollered at one of them passing by about it and promptly someone showed up to take orders.

>>18994828
At the very least, you came to terms with it.

>>18994807
>i fucking love Brazil.
Where are you from, anon?
Why do you love the land of bunda?

>>18994807
Cabrões de merda, odeio-os a todos.

>>18994932
The diverse culture.

>>18994936
>The diverse culture.
Again, where are you from, anon?
I'm curious.

>>18994936
Same. Nice to see different types of people.

>>18994838
I've been just keeping at it for years. If I just keep at something that doesn't work, I'll probably snap. I have three trash bags that weight like 30 pounds each with old sketch books. I enjoy drawing as a hobby, not a potential career.

>>18994898
I've always drawn, and then sometime in 2016 I thought I could get better and just do commissions instead of wage slaving. I've done a couple, but it feels empty. I've made lots of improvement, but I've come to realize I just don't enjoy it.

>>18994902
Feels like I was watching parents fuck and the "at very least" is that they finished I can stop watching now.

>>18994955
>Feels like I was watching parents fuck and the "at very least" is that they finished I can stop watching now.
Don't shun it, you have anons here trying to finish their first drafts after several years but never doing it.

>>18994936
Sure love the mulattos diversifying the country with assaults, rapes and robberies!

>>18994975
Don't be so american

New thread
>>18994986

I have not received an kiss from an man in far too long tbqhwydesusenpai.

>>18994934
>Cabrões de merda, odeio-os a todos
Vai-te a chupar uma pila
Viadão, entre na fila
Filha da puta, gorila
Famosa dama, sua filha

>>18994981
I'm portuguese.
O nosso pior erro foi mandar os pretos para aquela terra. É. a única coisa que me arrependo na nossa História

>>18994968
>>18994968
Bare with me here -- I don't know what any of that means. I just feel like though I am finally acknowledging, it's very empty. I've spent so much time doing something that wasn't working.

>>18994955
>I've always drawn, and then sometime in 2016 I thought I could get better and just do commissions instead of wage slaving. I've done a couple, but it feels empty. I've made lots of improvement, but I've come to realize I just don't enjoy it.
I'm sure it will find its way back to you

>>18990681
i think that was more than three words

>>18988612
Elevation, expression, depression, annihiliation, omnipotation, vibration, lovecation.
Love, I have lost you, that life that I imagined, the perfect one where we sank deep into Gods providential care has fallen from this creatures mind for all these years.
So long, lost dream. So long, lost life. So long, lost love.
THe one who, her, who would have enjoyed it has forgotten this creature.

Love, where are you? Are you truly gone? Is this creature only left with an empty clawing for survival and existence whose only companion is pain and nothingness? Is nothingness all there is to have after all? Is that fantasy of Her just a cruel joke played on the imagination of him who had a large and mysterious future, to him who didnt know any better? I just see the end now, the end approaches and love has left the path - she has fled the road. It is my fault. It is my self destruction. Love, you goddess, can I have another chance? I am chained to this existence of empty drudgery. This creature is nothing. THis sinful creature doesn't deserve, he has been cast out of the the Lords bountiful providence. He surrenders but all is lost already.

How do I deal with my sorrow, how do I reconcile myself to this lost fantasy?! Oh holy and complete Goddess sHow me the way to thy divine presence! If there is no way then I am lost forever, if there is no way then there is no reason to continue in my sorrow. All there is is sorrow. All there is is sorrow without thee Beauty. All there is is death, all is lost in time, even I am. Am I bound to watch all being lost in time until this creature perishes? IS there no reconciliation? Can You guide me into thy pleitudinous Heart? Show me the way into thy providence, let me rest in thy infinity.

I'm bisexual but people assume I'm gay because of my boyfriend. Women try to fag hag me without understanding I'm not one of them (women are gay)