/lit/ - Literature

Still wondering why I have such a low libido. Had some bad sex a few months ago and since then have barely wanted a wank. Already ruining my romantic life. What do?

>>18961035
I'm going to propose this weekend. Even though we've been together for 5 years, it still feels surreal. I'm ready to move to the next chapter of my life, but the thought of a house and kids and responsibility makes me a little nervous

my morning thoughts
https://youtu.be/NNnvql9xdVM
VLOG EDITION

I was thinking of Xi Jinping telling kids to stop playing so goddamned video games (limiting playtime to 3 hours per week if you're under 18).

I think Marxism-Leninism is ontologically more similar to conservative traditionalism in fact -- they're very different but both are oriented around the Enlightenment and both see themselves as "civilizational" movements. Whereas the trads want to reverse the Enlightenment and return to the Middle Ages and the authority of the church, the Stalinists create a new church which is the party-state which they believe is a vessel to extend Enlightenment notions of universal reason (and building "palaces" to the people, and statues of Danton in the USSR). The USSR produced a ton of composers, and when the U.S. and North Korea last had a reapproachment before Trump, in 2008, the U.S. sent the New York Philharmonic to perform in Pyongyang -- look that up.

This is a Prokofiev song for Stalin's birthday which sounds like something trad conservatives would appreciate at the aesthetic level:

https://youtu.be/xLg7cmqlln0

From China:

https://youtu.be/qQ0nKDJby44

I feel like fascists (or whatever you call them) are not like this at all. I think they're more like anarchists than they are to either monarchists or Marxist communists. You see them mirror each other in their own way (Nazi skinhead gangs vs. antifa / anti-racist skinheads etc.). This is a neo-fascist band from Italy associated with Casa Pound and this group also squats in abandoned properties:

https://youtu.be/P6EtKqf33E4

They're wearing t-shirts with fascist logos on them and wilding out. And I think if you were a space alien watching this, you couldn't tell them apart from anarchist punks. Whereas the trads and Stalinists are trying to cultivate higher values, I think the anarchists / fascists are trying to unleash people to wreck shit. It's warlike. It's rioting and looting. You can do whatever you want, but it's more like a question of: who are you unleashing this violence towards? I think anarchists would totally disagree with Xi telling kids to stop playing video games, because that's statist. But the fascists would disagree with the state telling them they can't say racial slurs while playing video games. That's the different but they're operating along the similar axis... or something.

I don't know if any of this matters though.

my ____anus is not healing. I will be seeking medical attention today. my best bet is still hemorrhoids but I'm not really one to judge. I feel very embarassed about it but I think it's fucking with my sleep and I can't have that for very long. More to come.

>>18961035
i need to have a shower
that is all

>>18961035
I blame my parents for bringing me out into the world but at the same time, I cannot "leave" due to them. The thought of my mother seeing my corpse nearly makes me sob given her devotion for me.
She caught me irrationally crying yesterday and she felt very worried as well as sad that she couldn't brighten my mood. I also refused to say why because it would feel pathetic. In the end, she made me a toast and tea which did help me calm down.
I feel distress at the thought that one day she, the only person to ever truly care for me, will no longer be here.

>>18961301
Someone posted up an infographic a few weeks ago with a left to right spectrum, attributing both "anarchy" and "cooperation" to the "right wing".

Should had saved it, as it was a lovely bit of meme psyop, but people really do feel that way. They just want to be able to see themselves as rebels fighting the system, regardless of what the system is doing and regardless of what would inevitably take its place if they managed to smash it somehow. I'd say at least a third of the US seems to be on that burning bandwagon to one degree or another. Being a rebel is cool, even if what you're rebelling against is a lack of a stern father figure. Rebels unironically begging the harsher rule of a "strong man", feeling that too many people have too much freedom.

Granted, they never ask themselves what they'll do with the people like them, who will inevitably come after them, should they get their way, and even the true anarchists rarely give care to how temporary anarchy inevitably is, usually leading to harsher and less checked authoritarianism.

...and a lot of men just want to see the world burn.

>>18961474
i never understand this. you have your own life. your mother should come to term with your dead and misery if you really feel it. anyway, try to live, im just saying is not a good prospect living because your mother will be sad if you die. its not what she would want either, i think.

Back in high school a few of my classmates read a book series about stewardesses where they fucked the pilots on the plane and off the plane and sucked their dick while flying and all that. Before you ask, only the girls were reading it.
Anyone know what the title might be? I want to read it.

>>18961331
>More to come.
We are good thanks.

Give me a topic to talk about and you will receive a reply

I used to enjoy references in media, but now I appreciate those with little to no references even more. That is a mark of originality in my opinion, to be self-contained and memorable on your own rather than banking on knowledge outside the body of work that they may/may not understand.

>>18961769
tell me about your worldview and metaphysical beliefs

How are you supposed to affirm life when it feels like you’re living at the end of time, the end of the world?

I was on a tram just this morning, I think the university/colleges in my city are having open days. I was completely swarmed with 16 year olds. Looking at them talking about just normal, banal things made me miss hanging out with friends a lot. I've lived in 4 different places across 3 countries for the last three or so years, I only moved to the place I am living now when Covid started, so I really don't have people to hang out with here.

The weird thing is, I've been thinking of moving abroad yet again once my studies are done. It's quite paradoxical; I know I'm happiest in a new place meeting new people, but in the long run I'll probably feel bad again for having to leave behind a social circle after one year yet again. However, settling somewhere kinda scares me too.

>>18961599
sounds like Ulysses by James Joyce based off your description

Tfw can't un-homosexual myself no matter what I do

>>18961927
Kek

>>18961957
You're fortunate

fitful a fantasy flashes, a mosaic of some paradise who’s skies are painted powder blue, are you a sea snowed with stars or a perfumed face, censured with the incense of the holy ones? or is it but the vapor of silvery lamps? glorious is the vault, delusive with splendor.

for the moon wreaths and weeps in thee, the earth; dew-wet, gentle fog covers her with odours of ardor, all things glisten, all is agleam, all is painted, the birds of paradise, the beasts of paradise, each sits in its place, each sits and drinks of waters, all things are blessed by an illusion of the moon.

the vision fades, and I am left alone. there is nothing but a book, held between my hands. my mind shimmered with phantasmal silver, each image shined then sunk away, sallow, a moments glory fades into quiet. only a memory remains with me, just a moment of a meaningless dream.

>>18961964
If hell is real i'm screwed though.
Also it's difficult for me to write non-homosexual characters because of this.

>>18961989
>Also it's difficult for me to write non-homosexual characters because of this.

seemed to work out OK for Mishima

tfw won't get sent Stoner anytime soon

>>18961807

https://youtu.be/6DStLMen-2k

the best i can do

>>18962017
kek never mind

>>18961035
How many women are in /lit/? How do you feel with so many misogynists here(myself included)? What do you get from browsing the site?

>>18961474
Why were you crying, anon?

>>18961474
Great mothers are horrible. The only reason I didn't off myself a few times was that I love her so much and doing it would destroy her.

>>18961957
read this

>>18962119
it is interesting that you literally never encounter anyone staying alive for their dad

>>18961957
Have you tried not imbibing in ecchi and pornography?

>>18962126
My dad left us and didn't talk to me between the ages of 8 and 17. My mother helped me through some awful times, was always willing to help me through anything, never asked me for anything in return and always snuck little chocolate bars that I love into my bags whenever I visited home from uni.
I suspect there are more situations like mine than the opposite.

I must change my sleeping time.

>>18961577
You see, I also believe that we hold absolute control of our lives and therefore we are entitled to die if we choose to. However I think that one should use that freedom moderately, especially to avoid as less pain as possible in others. If you know for sure that your suicide will cause someone whom you care deeply about to grieve, like in my case, then you should do the sacrifice to remain alive for as long as they do. If my mother didn't care about me then yes, I would have attempted to die long ago.

>>18962051
I was grieving the lost opportunity to declare my love for a girl which I consider pathetic. To be fair, I probably didn't take my meds which causes my brain chems to become unstable and intensify my emotions.

>>18962119
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

>>18962304
No offense, but that really is kinda pathetic. Or maybe I'm just too jaded and far gone at this point. Masculinity should be swallowing the hurts the world throws at you, because nobody really ever gives a shit, so why should you?

This eventually evolves into a cynical detachment from sincere pathos, because it's an icepack on a burn, instead of actually dealing with the gangrenous burns underneath.

Shit, nigga, I need a good cry I think.

perhaps this is a hot take, but how can you guys say you have a great mother but you are suffering and wish to die? a great mother should be aware of your feelings and do her best to help

from her perspective, if she knew her son is suicidal then she must take action. if she does then she is a great mother and your depression can be treated. if she does nothing, then she cannot be a great mother by definition.

the next step though must be to disclose suicidal idealization to someone eventually

>ctrl+f the fact that
>89 results

>>18962405
Yeah, it's pathetic but crying is healthy and therapeutic. Also just like defectating, you should just cry when you feel like regardless of the reason.
Just don't make it a habit of crying in public unless it's a very dramatic circumstance like the death of a loved one.

>>18962428
People don't want to worry their mothers with their suicidal thoughts.

>>18962428
Like the other guy said, I don't want to bother my mother with my personal issues, mostly due to pride but also to not worry her.
Also a good mother can only do so much since she's not omnipotent. They can't shield you from your own bad decisions and events which might result in depression. Mine is at least aware of my anxiety issues and brings me my meds, asks if they are working, etc. so she's doing the best she can based on what I've told her.

a gay black trans jew nudist neoliberal pedophile with adhd, autism and a porn addiction

>>18961035
I’m always interested and looking for religious/spiritual/philosophical texts that will change my thinking and my life, yet I never really apply anything from them. They just end up another book in my bookshelf that “didn’t really do it for me”.

> Neither unity of speech nor physical descent is decisive." What distinguishes a people from a population is "the inwardly lived experience of 'we'", which exists so long as a people's soul lasts. "The name Roman in Hannibal's day meant a people, in Trajan's time nothing more than a population…Peoples are neither linguistic nor political nor zoological, but spiritual units."

>>18962014
Most of his characters throughout the entirety of his work are women.

Empty hours spent crawling the street
In daytime showers they've become my beat
As I walk from café to bar
I wish I knew where you are
You've sort of crowded my mind
And now I'm all out of time

My single favorite work of fiction turns out to be a Japanese manga. I have no idea what to do with this information. I’ve spent all this time reading and writing. Maybe I should’ve been drawing.

Just finished landing a sweet job today. Will be making at least around $6700 per month. Things are finally liking up for me bros; never lose hope.

>global warming
>AI apocalypse (like in "I have no mouth but must scream")
>nuclear war with China
>environmental degradation
>Islamic takeover
>Civil war
>Gamma-ray bursts from outer space
>Car accidents
>Being struck by lightning
>Getting some incurable disease
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

How do you guys cope with all the possible things which could cause the collapse of civilization, the extinction of humanity, or your own death or loss of your loved ones? I am very worried about this sort of thing, it's always on my mind.

>>18961035
There is some little girl next to me in the metro, she jumps and makes all sorts of noises, just reminded me that I hate little children.

>>18962969
Just kys anon it's over for you

>>18962976
No, bad advice. >:(

>>18962969
I think about this guy
https://youtu.be/xzpndHtdl9A

>>18962969
Between this world and the next, there must be a catastrophe, don't try to swim against the current

>>18962984
I mean, yeah, I was joking, but I honestly don't have a short, terse answer to shut down someone's fears and worries about the future like that. I could go through each and every point and break it down, and how he's being unreasonably paranoid and fearful, but I don't have the energy for it right now.

>>18963009
>and how he's being unreasonably paranoid and fearful
I mean, you are right. I just don't want to be like that.

>>18962951

Nice. Good job bro

>>18963004
There is no “next world” lol

I'm feeling like I am too old for the internet, especially this website.
Most people here are so immature I can't believe they are over 18. Most of the time I don't feel like people here are not the same ones on Reddit.
And I mean, as immature as the ~le reddit bad~ shit is, people there are really annoying, not a meme at all.

>>18963225
same but for uni life too, zoomers disgust me and I'm only 24 (inb4 you're the zoomer)

>in class (Euro uni)
>first semester of this subject, enjoying it so far
>nearing the end of the lecture a middle class white woman interrupts
>asks professor to please not use that word
>he's really confused, has no idea what he might've said to cause such offence
>she tells him please don't use the "i-word" again
>he still has no idea what she means
>she means "Indian" as used when referring to "indigenous Amerifats"
>he responds by telling her he has worked a lot with these people due to his anthropological background and never had an issue with the term, their own union organization even uses it
>she's not budging though: who are you as a white European blbabla to say
Really sullied my expectations about this semester, professor seems like a profound intellectual he shouldn't have to deal with this shit. I'm not going to let these cockroaches ruin this course, if I end up suspended so be it. The woman sounded really dumb, not really sentient just operating on an ideological level. These people will poison everything if left unchallenged, I think many of them are simply too stupid for university so they grab on to this ideological crutch to try to get ahead and assert themselves. Pure sociopathy.

>>18963225
You just can't handle the banter.

>>18963205
not for you

>>18963357
>I'm not going to let these cockroaches ruin this course, if I end up suspended so be it.
so what are you going to do about it? should've spoken up and told her what a dumb cunt she is, more or less directly.

I'm considering switching to a Linux distro again. I've been reluctant to do it because I play video games (like a manchild, I know) and last attempts to switch meant a lot of my games just didn't work, which caused friction between my friends and I. Also, I was not and am not interested in programming or anything of the sort. It just bores me to no end. However, I do like being out of the eyes of Microsoft (with my torrented Windows 10 right now) and having more control over my PC.

My computer has gotten rather slow and despite virus checks and everything like that, it still starts up quite slowly and it just feels slower. Surprisingly, everything is fine. I think I'm also just ready for a change. I know 99% of my programs work on a distro. The only things that seem not to work are Photoshop which I use for everything and Premiere which I barely use. I know GIMP exists but it's difficult to make the transition from Photoshop.

I don't know, guys.

>>18963367
The banter is fine, it's the reason I stick around even. The discussions and attempts at moralfaggotry are what I find lame.

>>18963379
Or you. I assure you.

>>18963396
It was a hybrid lecture (physical/digital), I was sitting in the lecture hall and she was on Zoom. Couldn't really address her and there was no discussion of it among those present in class, I was just sitting there audibly chuckling. Going to email the professor, I anticipate even more screeching once the topic of patriarchy is brought up. I couldn't see who it was that was talking over Zoom but I think I know who it was; I googled her name and as it turns out she's a former reality tv contestant (some dating show). I don't know how anyone could satirize this society when this is normal

>>18963403
I'm in more or less the same boat. I'm not a /g/fag but windows is just so fucking trash it's unbearable. I haven't even used w10 and never will. I think an eventual switch to Linux is just inevitable

>>18963403
>>18963535
I've been using Linux for almost 10 years now. Never looked back.
Except that time I needed to use AutoCAD. But it was for a job anyways. Don't really have a need for it in my daily life.

>>18962037
I view it as a zoo where the animals think they are human

Naruto > Dragon Ball

I think the No New Normal people are probably crazy, but it is even crazier to act like their behavior is incomprehensible given the patriot act

It took some time, but now I've understood it: I will never escape the wagecage. I'm just another wagecuck, and will die without being remembered, in complete mediocrity, uneducated, after a life of being nothing but an average codemonkey.
Next step is to come to terms with this. But how?

>>18963646
well, do you want kids? if you don't want kids you don't really have to be stable, you can pursue whatever because there's nothing to lose. I mean sure, ok, there are some things to lose, but it's not the same. Save for a little while and go south and learn to surf, work as a surfing instructor. why not?

Generally opposed to posting your own 'content' on 4chan but the schizo anon made me curious enough to try to make a video myself.
I'm typically the anon who daydreams about being unemployed and who is sometimes close to snapping.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YLeHjmH3Q4

It's what has been on my mind for a while now.

Fuxk jannies

I try to write but I always give up midway into a story because I get bored and start thinking it sucks. What do?

>>18963626
When I was 12, whenever we visited my uncle's house, my cousin would show me Naruto scanlations on his laptop, and I'd sit in a corner and read them even though I didn't really like Naruto. In each chapter's folder, there was a piece of fanart that the scanlators added in after the last page, and one of them was a pic of Hinata, Sakura, and Ino in sexy Christmas costumes (picrel). That right there was my sexual awakening to 2D. I remember I sent that pic from his laptop to my Nokia phone via bluetooth, and I fapped to it so fucking hard, it was a major turn on. Looking back at it it's a super tame drawing, and I think it's kinda funny/endearing that THAT was the height of sexual imagery for me, but I also recognise it's imapct, cause it explains why I have a fetish for furs and fur trims as an adult. God bless, Naruto. You made me a degenerate even though I never really liked you.

>>18963662
>well, do you want kids?
I'm genetic trash, so I shouldn't have kids. But I've never wanted any, so that kinda aligns. I hate the idea of having to give up my free time for someone who probably doesn't even want to be alive.
>inb4 sour grapes

>if you don't want kids you don't really have to be stable, you can pursue whatever because there's nothing to lose. I mean sure, ok, there are some things to lose, but it's not the same. Save for a little while and go south and learn to surf, work as a surfing instructor. why not?
That's a good sentiment. But I'm too much of a scared little faggot to change anything about my life, plus I have to take care of my grandparents. And soon, I'll have to take care of my parents. And that's fair. But it also kind of sucks.
>>18963674
based

I like to make pastas that I can copy paste in off-topic threads on high traffic boards, sometimes I can get 30 or more replies out of these. Does this have too many words? How would you make it better bait?

These politics you are into are a charade. They're nothing more than a ticket to a clique or clubhouse that you find comfort in as somebody who is a misfit that has barricaded their lives in the internet. There isn't any labor or intellect lying behind your self-destructive inner monologue of the world or whoever you're angry at, just a patchwork of cheap stimulus for your ego and faux merit badges that allow you to "socialize" with other misfits to keep the feedback loop going and the pain farther away.

You're not interested in putting honest effort into learning, reading, studying, debating, or any effort that goes into having your *own* view on politics. When was the last time you took action? Organized anything? Read more than a few pages from books, theory, manuals, or whatever the relevant term? You've found an elaborate way of wasting your time like many of the stupid people you pretend to be superior to. You are playing dress-up with the mentally sick. You should eject from these things, cut off the people and places that keep you in these loops, and gradually take care of your own life first before even pretending you're some kind of activist, chosen one, vanguard, or saboteur when you can't even be bothered to get a job or improve yourself. None of this is going to leave a mark in five or ten years when you're 30 years old, have nothing but the skillset of an unemployed and uneducated chronic masturbator, and an ocean of ripe time erased from your life spent jerking off in your steampunk marxist-leninist or esoteric doomer sploomer eco-fascism chatrooms. You will solemnly wish you were dead. Grow up.

>>18961035
what I want to do varies wildly and I can't tell which one is the thing I really want to do and which one is the thing I wanted to do because I didn't think I could do the thing I really wanted to do

>>18963672
You seem like a chill dude.
You also lost me after 10 seconds, because you don''t talk for 'ten minutes in a row,' you talk for 'ten minutes straight.'

>>18963723
Thanks, I'm Dutch so I make mistakes like that sometimes. Rarely when I type but speaking it's more difficult

I got them second shot-side effects boi. laying under two blankets getting cold flashes

>>18962783
This is a red pill/black pill for descendants of economic immigrants, colonists, and settlers. The idea that a supernatural character of the land supersedes the blood can be something that’s reconcilable or a horrible realization in the case of people who feel a sense of cultural alienation. It means your progeny necessarily can’t be of the place of ancestry in some cases and that “we” would be inaccessible to them, along with every other “we” besides that which they’re born into, which may be inherently transient or corruptive even.

>>18963832
After my second shot I felt like my bones were turning to glass. Had some flu symptoms for three days and then it just went away. This COVID situation is just something else. I cannot believe people are using horse deworming paste.

>>18963832
>>18963855
get ready for the long-term side-effects then. you're going to die, bucko.
t. also vaxxed/going to die

>>18963855
I can't believe people are getting vaxxed.
You're legitimizing a system that discriminates against people who didn't take it (happening in Europe right now) and it doesn't do anything unless you're 70+ years old and fat.

I haven't gotten the vaccine yet. Partly because I don't want it nor think I need it, but also because the local vax facility is supposed to be staffed with immigrants who barely speak the language. Might just stay unvaxxed it for the memes

>>18964066
>racism as excuse
You weird little shut in.
If you’re young and that much of a shit in, going invaxed is fine. The occasional side effects might not kill you, but why risk it? Being this young the risk of catching the virus and dying is just as low.

>>18964163
>shUtin, going Unvaxed is fine

started self harming again. took a new role at work and I have to occasionally call people. just get a knot in my stomach and punch myself even just thinking about going on the telephone. not sure if I should tell my manager. feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown and I don't have anyone in my life that gives a shit about me

>>18964205
The only time I ever had a panic attack involved a phone call at my work, left and went home.
Few years later I was doing customer service for a job and had no issues after a week.
The way to overcome fear is to jump into it fully, just act like you're confident. Pretend you're great at it. It's a better way to cope than hurting yourself.

>>18964229
I've been able to do it before just fine. now it's shit like I clear instructions, I'm supposed to call this place and I legitimately don't understand what I'm supposed to be asking them. I've asked coworkers, the assigned, no one seems to know or give a fuck.

I had a nervous breakdown in middle school when I was given ambiguous instructions. maybe I'm just autistic since I just spiral when it isn't clear what's being asked of me. still deal with injuries from a failed suicide attempt back then. I always have a nervous breakdown this time of year too. like 3-4 times so far in my life during the fall

>>18964275
Well, look for a different job. Don't quit right away, apply to places and quit once you've found something. It might take a while, depending on where you are.

>>18964163
post nose

>>18964288
I can hardly get through a work day now and I have a lot of tasks behind schedule and I just don't care

>>18964163
I go to Uni and have been hitting the gym 2-3 times a week since the start of the pandemic and the most I've had is slightly runny nose. Some relative said my blood group or something was good against Covid maybe that rendered it ineffective. Hoping either the system has collapsed before the next pandemic or that I'm living a comfy rural life by then

>>18964296
>I just don't care
Seems like you care a whole lot, in fact.

>>18964275
Weird situation.
Surely the person who said you should do it would know? I'd just go to them and say
>maybe I'm retarded but please in detail tell me what I'm supposed to ask this place, I'm at a loss here.
I switched jobs and often times get instructions that they think is obvious but just doesn't make sense to someone new on the job. People generally don't mind going in to detail if you then do the job correct afterwards.

If they do mind then fuck em, search for something new. Don't hurt yourself for some wage slave job

>>18964317
I guess. it's just not working out and I'm not sure what to do at this point. I've had mental health problems my entire adult life and this is like the 3rd job since 2016 I've had to quit from a nervous breakdown

>>18964066
I got it. I didn’t really care all that much about it. I was neither pro-vax nor anti-vax, but I ended up getting it only because I wanted to travel and I now regret that since I still can’t even fucking travel.

>>18961830
Every generation since Constantine marched his army out to the sign of Haley's Comet has believed they were living in the end times, if not before.

I suppose eventually one of those generations has got to be right, but all things considered, this looks much more like the beginning than the end. Though everyone has their personal apocalypse.

i cant pull all-nighters like i used to, man. i decided that step 1 of fixing myself is to stop sleeping in till 2+ pm every day so im trying to go to bed at around 5 pm because i know ill probably sleep 12-14 hours but man im having trouble staying awake and heres still a few hours to go. hopefully eating dinner will give me a boone of energy to last

why the fuck did my parents have a kid if they aren't willing or able to give me the resources I need to independent.

>>18964415
Because there's no altruistic reason to have a child. They just wanted to see you suffer, for their own amusement.

a concern I've had with my conversion to catholicism is the way some catholics seem to treat saints like wish granting entities
like they'll say "such and such saint is the saint of finding lost things, he has helped me find my misplaced car keys so many times!"

it doesn't fit with my understanding of Catholicism, being introduced to it through Thomistic philosophy

>>18964470
they don't seem anymore delusional than you

>>18964470
catholics are in denial that they're icon worshippers, t. raised catholic

if you call someone a patron saint of something, the implication is that the saint will intercede on your behalf through god's blessing. but then why is praying to saints allowed rather than just praying to god in the first place? catholicism is clearly inspired by paganism. but with twice the pedophilia and irish people

>>18964503
you don't know me, you just wanted to insult religion

>>18964523
praying for the intercession of a saint is just requesting that they pray on your behalf
maybe it's just poor catechesis

>>18964573
>I feel existential dread if I don't perform rituals for a mythological semitic thunder god
pathetic

I remember being forced to catechesis during my childhood and enjoying every single second of it.

Drafting up my long term goals, any feedback appreciated
1) Finish bachelor's in computer engineering, enter the workforce, hopefully get 70k+ starting
2) Go from intermediate to advanced in Japanese
3) Lose 20 lbs. and get lean, fix posture
4) If I still feel like it, try and get a job in Japan after a few years in the work force

I guess it is kind of lame, not as ambitious as I was thinking. Perhaps I need to up the ante and try to do something harder

>>18961035
Without existential dread, life looses it's meaning and it's not something i can find again

Which one of you was this? https://twitter.com/notasexworker_/status/1433143648980455429

>>18964617
yes, your smugness about being a fleshy consequence of the collision of particles is more satisfying, I'm sure

I'm trying not to be racist, but I'm Slavic myself and am very self conscious around people, careful not to embarrass myself in public, and feel like other Slavs have that too.
On the other hand, the Jews I know don't have this, they just act in front of people the same way they do alone. Seems interesting..
Do you think I'm onto something, or I'm just making shit up from a limited sample.

I'm thinking about publishing my suicide note under the title "Self-portrait of the Narcissist as a Young Man". Posthumously, of course.

>>18964945
The latter.

>>18964775
You mean the christian animu?

>>18964741
Isn't working in Japan a giant pain in the ass?

>>18964445
Based. This is why I intend to have as many children as possible and not care for any of them. If I can't be immortalized through my words, at least I will be survived by my progeny. Maybe one of them will even have a childhood traumatic enough to write something of value.

>>18965019
Only in the sense that you will be fucked repeatedly in the ass by a series of horny Japanese office women.

>>18964395
I don't think you should be sleeping 12-14 hours, anon. There's such a thing as oversleeping, and it has similar effects to its inverse.

>>18965019
The general remarks I've heard about it are
>you don't feel valued as an individual
>low salaries but low cost of living
>people might shit talk you behind your back but be friendly in person
>they have this weird thing where in interviews they make it seem like you're doing really well out of politeness but then casually reject you later by email
>raises and advancement are determined almost entirely by seniority, and the rate of salary progression is painfully slow so if you want to work there you should always have some work experience in the West first
>overtime still a problem but apparently it's getting better

Sounds kinda bad when you put it all together. However, if you work for a branch of a Western company in Japan you can bypass a ton of the downsides above, and the salaries are way better on average too. So that sounds like the best option for the thinking man.

I dunno why exactly I want to live in Japan. Probably not forever anyway but for a few years. It just looks like fun I guess.

I just feel like this Nietzschean-Heideggerian life affirmation is an impossibility today. This talk of art, and beauty, and heroism. Where can your look in this world and see it today? I’m not understanding.

>>18961035
I feel like others can tell there's something off about me. I've been alone so long, for all my life, that all interaction feels foreign to me. I am completely detached from everything even myself. The world is strange and chaotic and nothing makes sense; like atoms in a void people collide and form randomly, occasionally to split off going nowhere with the knowledge that each moment succeeds the next all in the end leading to nothing. I'm not autistic. I can read social queues & tell what's socially required of me, I just feel no impulse to play along when the game of social interaction feels so empty..

>>18965109
Unironically everywhere, and you're a fag without any sensitivity to the inherent beauty of the world. All around you at all times of the day, there are men living out silent victories, secret triumphs, private rebellions against the tyrannies of time and oblivion. You can see it in the eyes of the young man as he holds close his beloved. In the heartbreak of the mother, as she realizes the incredible height of her son. It is in the geezer, every gesture of his that is not his last an indictment against age. In the voice of a child, experiencing all for the first.

I'm no poet but you get the picture. Stop watching the news and get your head out of those retarded echo chambers people seem so obsessed with nowadays.

>>18965186
& at the end of the day all people want is validation from others of their own idea view of themself.

>>18964997
I chuckled.

>>18965222
Your assertions and allegations aside, you’re presenting something along lines of what I think of as “beauty in suffering” yeah? For example, you can suggest there’s beauty in man’s struggle. Nietzsche saw it around him. He saw beauty. And I agree. That is beautiful. But what I don’t see is struggle, not really. I want to affirm life, affirm the world, but from where I’m sitting, it all just looks so empty, inert, static, neither sad nor joyful, neither relaxed nor strained, neither pleasant nor miserable. It’s just kind of nothing, some non-value shades of grey. Where’s the beauty in that? It’s nothing. I see nothing. I feel nothing but an inescapable prison of “going through the motions”. I wouldn’t even know how to seek out suffering to find any beauty in it.

>>18965281
Anon, I think you're depressed. Like the other guy said, you clearly have no sensitivity to the world's beauty. And you're not going to find it sitting on your ass whinging about it on a frog posting forum.

>>18965281
>makes baseless assertions that there is no beauty in the world
You realize the burden of proof is on you, right? Most people agree the world is beautiful, despite what your phone and television may tell you.

>>18965019
I had a cousin who worked in Japan for a couple of years. He never really talks about it, except that he thought the food was much better over there.

>>18965186
I've felt the same for a while. That there's something off about me, that others can detect instantaneously. Totally lost, and it makes everything feel fake.

>>18964945
whatever the case (culture/nature) this is true. People in general who act like this do so because they haven't in the past been socially 'punished' by their actions since they can flip it on the punishers in verbal fencing. They also frame conversations. I'm similar in this respect so I find Jews to be good company as they are less restrained and thus entertaining in conversations. One related encounter I had was when a man whom I'd place in the category I detailed above, revealed to me that he finds himself to be Jewish. He was ethnically Italian so he meant it of course in a 'spiritual' sense. He turned out to be an author and much like many people in this category found it fun to bully my weak, half-wit friend.

On a fundamental level I think I'm quite unlovable. The opposite sex only deals with me out of convention or if they think they can get something more immediate out of it.

the proportion of time spent building to time spent destroying is problematic

I was researching nematodes for my dissertation and found some exit level literature

Why the Greeks? Why the obsession with the Greeks, the Greek world, the Greek way of being in the world? Is it simply because we have an abundance of record whereas we have very little for the rest of the ancients?

>>18965334
I’m not depressed but I am apathetic, which in a way is worse than depression. The point here though is that I feel it’s only natural.

>>18965341
And? If there’s some consensus that I’m not a part of, it’s hardly relevant here. Agreement that something is, doesn’t make it so.

>>18961035
I was reading a history book and found out about this based man: picture related.

>>18965741
It's just a /lit/ meme. Also all of subsequent philosophy in the west has been in response to them (them meaning plato & aristotle)

Sorry this will be long and self-serving.

I am writing this in an attempt to not message her. It’s been a month since we last talked. More accurately, since she stopped talking to me. This sudden split after six weeks of nearly daily talking. I said I would take a month to lick my wounds and if I still felt unresolved, I would message her. The time has come and I don’t know what to do.

It’s been roughly seven weeks since she blew me in her car. It was our first date. I was moving two hours away in under a week, she was fresh off a messy breakup from a toxic relationship. I knew the guy a little bit from back in the day, but he was never my friend. He always seemed like a tryhard. Insecurity and entitlement recognizes itself in other people, and I could tell that I was a mere stone to his fortress as far as these qualities went.

She had also become friends with a girl I worked with back around that same time. We had hung out a few times (platonically), but we were definitely “work friends” and I let the association lapse once I left that dead-end townie repository of a job. She knew me in some of the worst years of my life, when I was a tightly-wound, resentment-filled, and sexually frustrated borderline alcoholic. But we still got along well enough and I suppose the memory of my debauched and abrasive manner in those days had calcified into something more resembling that of an eccentric. I always suspected that she wanted to fuck me. In any event, she did not throw me under the bus.

Ten weeks since she messaged me on Hinge. Dating sites are a hellscape, particularly when you have to move back with your parents to the provincial semi-suburb where you cultivated your most humiliating experiences. Six months with nothing to show from my admittedly languid ventures into the world of online dating. Until only a few weeks before the dreamt-of day of departure from my adolescent purgatory came.

>>18965966

I had just taken an edible and was a few beers deep when she first messaged. She was pretty in a very earthy way, a couple of steps up from trash. Her appearance belied how funny and quick she was. She revealed pretty quickly that she had just gotten out of a bad relationship and wasn’t sure what she was looking for. I told her this was fine as I was moving within the month. After a few days, she revealed the convoluted way in which we both knew some of the same people, as relayed above.

We agreed to meet at this ridiculous dive, I suspect because both of us wanted to have plausible deniability if the other wanted to take things too seriously. But neither of us did. The conversation flowed naturally. Beers and shots. Cigarettes. Making out on the hood of her car. Smoking weed. Holding hands as we walked to the gas station to get more cigs even though we knew it was closed. Getting blown in her car. Each of us going slightly deeper in conversation, as if daring the other to not be scared off. Her understatedly elegant manner. Her unassuming vivacity. Her filthy sense of humor. The date lasted for eight hours.

The night before I left, we hung out again. This time I met her at a bar with her friends after smoking and drinking with a few of my buddies. I got along well with her friends and we hopped around to a few different bars. She kissed me, but not goodnight. There was now something restrained, awkward even. Something which had not been evident in our first encounter.

I left that morning resigned to the fact that I would probably never hear from her again. But she messaged me that night. And we talked every day for two weeks. I had to come back for a friend’s party, so I asked if she wanted to hang out. I tried to be sympathetic as she suddenly enumerated all the ways in which her life was a mess. She seemed appreciative. I did sincerely care and hope she would come out of what she was dealing with okay. I had not felt that way about a woman in a long while. However, I took this conversation to mean she was either not ready or not willing to see me again. Once more, resignation.

>>18965983

But she messages again. Similarly light-hearted banter seemingly made more buoyant by her revelations and my uncritical reception of them. I once more had to return to my parents’ so I asked her again if she wanted to meet. She said she might be able to on Saturday, but she wasn’t sure because it was going to be a busy weekend. Okay, let me know. I will.

And that’s it.

If history is any guide, any further pursuit will only make things worse. I have learned from other situations resembling this that it is often my pride rather than genuine affection which impels me to perpetuate these tortures. In the past, I had been unable to countenance the fact that a woman may actually not be interested in me if we got along well. But I learned the lesson, even if it was a bit too late. People have complex motivations. You cannot force somebody into wanting to be with you. You can like somebody without wanting to be with them. I know these things.

Or at least I thought I did. What a cruelty it is that, upon my exit from a dull purgatory, I was presented with a reminder of what paradise could be. It was only a glimpse, a faint reflection, but an affecting one. Feelings long dormant, thought dead even, are conjured again only to demand their suppression once more. I must again marshal all of my forces against them, but I fear that I no longer have the wherewithal. I am old, bitter, and hopeless. She made me feel like I wasn’t those things for a little while, but her exit from my world only served to sharpen the lessons of bitter experience. One day the stone will roll back down and crush me to death, and you can imagine me smiling because that means it’s over.

Or maybe I should just message her to let her know that I’ll be coming back this weekend.

stop torturing yourself over a literal whore dude

>>18966030

You're right, thank you

>>18965966
>>18965983
>>18965998
Lmao not bad.

>>18961035
I was going to go for a walk on the bay to look at hoes, but I'm thinking: what's even the point if I can't pump my seed into them. Big fat ass perfect pale skinned white bitches barely 18 but they're never gonna let me bend them over right there and fuck my cum into them so maybe I'll just stay in

A lot of people here are racist but I've found black women are very good for your self esteem. I visited America once and I would always get cat called by black women on the street.

>>18963411
>attempts at moralfaggotry
You just revealed yourself. Go back.

>>18966096
One time I was in a convenience store in Amerikamura and these two white girls who were clearly some sort of models walked in. I found myself instinctively aware of myself, fixing my posture etc. so that I could appear as attractive as possible in front of them. On the one hand, I think that's natural instinct and a healthy one to have. On the other hand, I felt instantly pathetic - like they really give a shit about me? It was a weird wake up call.

>>18966051
physical intimacy is how we bond with each other, dont let whores touch your penis

>>18966146

Yea, but shit was SO cash

>>18966112
I just stare at them and look at them in they eye, like 'yeah bitch you dressed like that with that fat ass in those tight leggins and I can see your pussy shape and I'm gonna fuck you how I want" and they usually look away cos I'm 30 and look and am practically a hobo but I'm just confident like that

Damn i really want to smoke weed again tonight. This whole "no smoking on weekdays" thing really isn't working. I've smoked every day this week. Unfortunate.

>>18966167
There are worse vices out there.

>>18961035
Communism is a failure

>>18966167
I'd like to as well. Since I began working again, I've adopted much the same schedule as you. Weed makes me dumb but happy. Sobriety makes me smart but mostly sad.

>>18965860
It’s not a /lit/ meme. Just look at authors like Nietzsche and Heidegger. Look at the popularity of books like Song of Achilles and the Dark Academia obsession with Greek Classics. The obsession with the Greeks is pervasive.

>>18966195
>Failing a contest not yet begun
You’ve fallen for liberal propaganda.

>>18966194
yea but this is my biggest vice and its getting quite old and sad. i just cant seem to curb my habitual nightly usage. i can always do it for a little, but never permanently.
sure it could be worse. i could be smoking all day everyday like some people i know. it just sucks that i cant impress myself by accomplishing the goals i would like to.
>>18966200
its just too good of a way to end the night...i will likely be smoking weed in an hour or so. ill only feel the shame tomorrow morning at least...

One word: Saint
Wait I need to be a Saint
Mental confusion, aspirations to metacognition---these are secondary. Sanctity is primary. Can sanctity be obtained during mental confusion and lack of metacognition? Of course. So I'm God's automaton? Based. Well then....what would a saint do now. Now. At this moment? Wait let me get this captcha. Ok. Now.....hmmmmmm.......my stomach hurts. Ok now. Now. My real life begins now. Ok what's next...I will post......No I AM posting (no more future tense, I am in the present now I am the present now). I POST...then I finish no am FINISHING the Iliad and am acquire the fundamentals I am posting and damnit the captcha reseted....quick break,,,,ok just get, getting, the context for Plato and crap the captcha going to reset im damnit it already did ok I am finishing the Iliad then working through some grammar theory and introductory mathematics for what purpose I don't care....SAINTCITY....ok the caotcha going to resrgt posting NOw

>>18966223
you've never read anything besides marxist theory

>>18966243
I’ve actually read anything but Marxist theory.
I’ve listened to a couple of Marxian economists, but side squarely with Bakunin in that FI debate. Do you even know what I’m talking about?

>>18966254
yeah you just proved my point

>>18966259
Marx=/=Bakunin

<— No Marxists

>>18966254
>Do you even know what I’m talking about?
I don’t. I never do.

I’m severely addicted to my phone, specifically this site and YouTube.

>>18966288
Here
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Workingmen's_Association#Hague_Congress,_1872

> The fifth Congress of the IWA was held in early September 1872 in The Hague, the Netherlands. After the Paris Commune (1871), Bakunin characterised Marx's ideas as authoritarian and argued that if a Marxist party came to power its leaders would end up as bad as the ruling class they had fought against (notably in his Statism and Anarchy). In 1874, Marx wrote some decisive notes rebutting Bakunin's affirmations on this book, referring to them as mere political rhetoric without a theory of the State and without the knowledge about social classes struggles and the economic factor. In 1872, the conflict in the First International climaxed with a final split between the two groups at the Hague Congress. This clash is often cited as the origin of the long-running conflict between anarchists and Marxists.

>>18966307
I feel the same.
We should just disconnect from these damn things.

>>18966223
Some people trip right at the starting line

>>18966344
A feature given to most people that toil under this zombie system

>>18966167
Im about to smoke weed right now. I'll blaze one for you xi jinping.

I've been in a weird state the last 48 hours or so where I feel a bit weak and achy and have an urge to cough, but it's not all that big of a deal and I'm able to carry on my day as normal. I even lifted weights this evening. Could I have the Rona? I haven't lost my sense of taste.

>>18966384
You could, but you also probably don't

>>18966369
yea im gonna join you. cheers brother.

am i retarded if i dont remember very much about books i read several years ago unless i really liked them? mostly i just have vague impressions or remember small details that were interesting, but a lot of them if i try to recount the plot i draw a blank

>>18961035
Philosophy's for losers

8 hours of work is too fucking much. i feel fine after 5 but after that i just get worse and worse and angry and bitter and resentful and mentally and emotionally exhausted and then the rest of my day is ruined and i cant work on my own shit

this is bullshit

>>18966432
this is completely normal unless you are Harold Bloom

>>18966216
I just meant the "stsrt with Greeks" line is a lit meme. Ofc the Greeks influence has been pervasive.

>>18966447
4 hours a day, 4 days a week, perfect. 40 hour work week is too much.

>>18963535
>>18963403
Just try some ubuntu flavor. ive been using it on and off for about 10 years now, and i can thank the interest for the job/business i have today.

these days your os hardly matters anyway because everything is done in a browser. and there are appimages and flatpaks and github now that make things so easy.

krita is another good image manipulation software btw

>>18966447
When they invented computers they were predicting massive reductions in the working week due to increase in productivity. We got the increase in productivity but we will work the same hours. It is completely justified to be fed up with this bullshit. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just "too soft" for a 40 hour week, but then I think about the adults in my life who were completely ground down and miserable. That's what will happen to us too given enough time. It's not healthy. I wish I was brave enough to go tangping mode.

>>18963626
i agree. in dragon ball the power scales to insane levels. in naruto it's only toward the end where they become godlike, and even then everyone is clearly mortal. in dbz they go from martial arts tournaments to planet destruction pretty quickly.

Feeling pretty nostalgic for late 00s, early 10s anime. Nostalgia is so gay.

>>18966549
I remember watching Yuru Yuri when it first came out around when I first started visiting 4chan and I enjoyed it a lot. But then I stopped visiting /a/ and stopped watching anime and now sometimes I pop back over to /a/ once in a rare while and I see it still has a massive fanbase. It wigs me out somehow because it's like looking into a time capsule where nothing has changed and it just feels like more should have changed.

>>18963672
side note: bit of work and you could pass off as a native English speaker.

my brother does the same thing you do. only works to sustain a bare minimum, takes many months off each year. ive been wageslaving nonstop since graduating uni. at first i was too broke to do anything, now i have no time plus wife and kids. spending a month or two in europe is a byegone dream for me. i read you're dutch now, i was guessing Scandinavian when listening to you. for a time in my 20s i was learning german and wanted to go to germany and live there for a while.

anyway, all that wageslaving hasn't got me very far. im not rich enough to stay home and homeschool my kids. i'll likely have to abandon them to public school just so they can live in a house, with good food and so on. im 33 and live in canada for reference. saved for a house for 6-7 years...each year the market just gets crazier and i had to save more and more. it's a sad reality but i will say having a family seems to keep me above despair. nothing is better than a sweet little baby that loves you with their toothless smiles.

Remember back when you felt guilty for getting banned on 4chan? lol

>>18961035
Our strength consists in our speed and in our brutality. Genghis Khan led millions of women and children to slaughter – with premeditation and a happy heart. History sees in him solely the founder of a state. It’s a matter of indifference to me what a weak western European civilization will say about me. I have issued the command – and I’ll have anybody who utters but one word of criticism executed by a firing squad – that our war aim does not consist in reaching certain lines, but in the physical destruction of the enemy. Accordingly, I have placed my death-head formation in readiness – for the present only in the East – with orders to them to send to death mercilessly and without compassion, men, women, and children of Polish derivation and language. Only thus shall we gain the living space which we need. Who, after all, speaks to-day of the annihilation of the Armenians?

>>18966618
>identifying pasta
Yup

Do the miracles happen? Can a person be saved by divine intervention?

is it normal to think about death 24/7? it started a few years ago now it's constant

>>18966792
Yeah it's called Christianity

>>18966779
Yes

>>18966779
Apparently not

>>18966916
Why not?

There's a girl I live next to that I've hung out with a few times and I bumped into her at the elevator tonight and my heart skipped a beat. I wouldn't say I'm in love but I am attracted and I just wish I could be around her more. No clue if she even wants to hang out again but I'll be very happy if there's another chance

>>18966229
>wah wah I can't
just like don't put the thing in your mouth dude. resist the herbal cock

>>18963558
>>18966496
how long, realistically, would you say it might take to get decently used to the system on a supposedly accessible distro like Ubuntu, for someone who's not at all a techfag or programmer and doesn't have the temperament for or interest in any of that? I mean I'm not a total retard, probably not quite a "power user" by any means but closer to it than most people for sure. I've used CLI software before, used irssi for years etc. I'm just wondering how much of a shock it is to jump in headfirst, because computer problem solving makes me miserable

>book is the journal of a 30 yo unemployed virgin white nationalist (later revealed to be half-black) living with his parents
>basically delayed coming-of-age story in the first 2/3
>he wastes his time every day doing nothing, obsesses over failures in the past, plays video games, masturbates chronically, watches documentaries of white countries from the 50's, argues with his single mom and her boyfriend, shitposts and schizoposts online, etc.
>circumstances force him to get a wagie job
>faced with some challenges, but overall he is shocked by how well things are going, feels too good to be true
>gets along with people from work, gains a friend (and introduced to wider social circles), starts to hit it off romantically with a customer
>though he can't shake certain coincidences in what he sees around him, what people say, and what he's seen on "TruTube" and various sources online
>aspects of his perception become more vague, unreal, and dreamlike. He's always been an unreliable narrator in retrospect
>was he actually doing well at work? Did he really get along better at home? Are the conspiracies real? Will he take the "action" he claims he must but fears the most?
Would you read this or is it cringy shit?
>>18962568
are you describing the last man?
>>18962908
Which manga? Never too late to try your hand at drawing btw. And manga sells much better than modern comics. A western comic with manga-sensibilities would probably do well, assuming monetary success is even a goal of yours but then again it probably shouldn't be. Just make your art.
>>18963691
I'm amazed I got off to fully dressed women in sears catalogs. Now the porn I can't stop watching is so degenerate. Hell is a neverending pit and it's easy to fall in.

>>18966591
no, I don't. just got pissed and proceeded to evade

>>18965684
Nice. anything else interesting in there, or is that just an illustrative excerpt that stands out?

>>18966779
Apparently yes.

>>18967174
Why?

>>18967174
>>18967049
Since there are no recorded miracles to sample from, it is apparent that there os none. Are you going to cote the tortilla burn marks or water stains?

>>18967174
>>18967049
Since there are no recorded miracles to sample from, it is apparent that there is none. Are you going to cite the tortilla burn marks or water stains?

>>18966579
Yeah my idea has always been to do the family thing. Just recently I've been thinking what is the point. Finding a good girl is hard and got me thinking perhaps not worth the effort. But my mind tells me going for the low effort life is going to bite me in the ass.

>>18967177
>>18967182
I'm not Catholic. I'm inclined to think they're real because, while I haven't experienced any myself, I grew up in an environment where miracles were commonly claimed to have been experienced by my family and people close to them, with a great amount of anecdotal evidence that essentially boils down to either these occurrences being true, or everyone being a complete psycho. which you might choose to interpret as the likelier possibility due to your own established experience(or lack thereof) and assumptions about the world, but to me it's difficult because of the abundance of it all and the fact that these people are otherwise normal and intelligent people. anyway, just for one example out of many, a close family member dying from cancer had late stage cancer vanish overnight after intense prayer from a group of people. it was in a hospital and under supervision of doctors, who were astonished to see it gone, but it didn't cause anyone to convert or anything of the sort. this was under Soviet rule so I can't present any hospital documents or anything, but the story is that there were tons of people who experienced and could vouch for the whole thing. so I don't know about any catholic once-in-a-hundred-years event, but I do know that protestant churches, at least in eastern europe, are full of claims of supernatural healing and all the rest, I think even today in many places. so simply through being inundated in that kind of atmosphere all my early life, I'm very predisposed to believing in the possibility and even likelihood of miracles. which I understand is diametrically opposed and therefore laughable to the common western secular life experience and worldview today, so there's really not much argument that can be had about this beyond you calling everyone involved delusional schizos or pathological liars, which, as I see it, is the only alternative to believing the stories, because what I mentioned is just one example out of many that completely lack any subtlety or ambiguity that would allow them to be reasonably interpreted as some kind of confusion.
anyway, this post is kinda pointless, I suppose, because I haven't got any specific ideological claims to make at all

>>18966779
Yes. Miracles are real. The Divine is real. The miraculous is real. The supernatural and the otherworldly is real.

People actually are healed. Eucharists bleed. The Marian apparitions are all accompanied by evidence. People are still healed at Lourdes, the tilma of Guadalupe is still here centuries after it should have rotted into nothing. The Miracle of the Sun was observed by thousands. The Church meticulously investigates miracles, especially when it might matter in the canonization of a potential saint. Why do you distrust this? The materialists ask for evidence of the miraculous, but why do they ignore it when it's presented to them?

>>18961035
Well, consider me filtered.
I reached the part where Slothrop has a nightmare about getting raped by niggers and then diving down a toilet to retrieve his harp. I realized, about half-way through that part, that I had no idea what connected this segment to the rest of the story. Was Slothrop under anesthesia? Vaguely, I remembered a few sentences about something like that, but if so, then who put him under? Why?

>>18966779
I believe I've heard God tell me not to kill myself, and therefore abstained from killing myself

>>18962969
you should look forward to all those things

>>18967204
>But my mind tells me going for the low effort life is going to bite me in the ass.
I'm in a similar situation, though in my case I doubt I'd make a good father. Maybe I could, I could grow I guess and there's time, but lately I've experimented with the thought that I'm never going to have a family (which seems most likely). it's a mixed feeling but there's a real sense of "well then what the fuck am I doing here" and also this creeping worry that 20-30 years from now this is going to turn out to have been a very bad call

>>18967311
Why cant a miracle save me?

>>18967603
tfw

>>18967614
fear of action will kill you
any action at all is preferable to inaction

>>18961035
I think about this feeling nearly everyday. Strip away my good coworkers, good boss, fun bants, lunch, happy hours, and I’m left with a job that is dull, uninteresting, and uninspiring. Sure I make good money, and I could probably continue to do it, but at what point is the money worth it? I have privilege of being able to quit and not drown immediately, and possibly flourish without it. Why am I so hesistant then?

I'm finally starting to get what my teacher meant what when he said that the people who can tailor their personalities (or at least how they present it) to any group of people are the most successful. People love you a lot when they feel like you are one of them, even if you are pretending. Get good at this lads. Once it's second nature to fit in a lot of doors open for you.

I think cowardice is the worst emotion one ever feels. I've had a small number of truly cowardly moments in my life and I feel so much shame about them to this day. In our minds we all think we are brave heroes, but it is not until you are put in a difficult situation that your true colours come out. When you realise those true colours are cowardice it really shakes you.

>>18967964
You get used to cowardice.

>>18967975
I have to be kind to myself and remind myself I was only a teenager, but still it hurts to think about.

>>18967964
Good thing my true colours are not cowardice and I'm not a little bitch like you are then

I believe my hemorrhoid burst. there's a fair amount of blood. I talked to a nurse yesterday and she seemed pretty chill about the whole thing, just use some salve (which isn't even prescription) and wait. I don't know if this assessment would change for the amount of blood we're having today.

I pretty much exclusively hung out with people based on which video games they had when I was a kid. I don't think I was their friend. My love of video games was very, very great. Sometimes I felt like their parents didn't like me, maybe this was why, they had a good read on the situation. I wonder what I would have done if there was no vidya.

First date since I broke up with my ex over half a year ago today. Japanese girl called Yoko lol, I'm actually a bit excited

>>18968129
Are you in a band by an chance? If yes, run.

>>18968138
My first thought too lmao, Jahn is God to me so I'll be careful

>>18967922
Why do you have to strip away things? All of the things you have to strip away already make me uncomfortable. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t strip them away.

Lacking the courage to quit my job. I’ve put aside the amount of cash I wanted to. I just need to let go and figure things out, but I’ve not been able to just pull the trigger.

>>18968214
Do you have something else lined up? You probably just want security, which is not unreasonable.

>>18967159
I would anon.

>>18967159
It would obviously depend on writing, details and the inevitable changes you'd make, but that actually sounds a bit interesting, in the sense that it's a deranged portrait of a deranged age. If it's written very well and thought out it could be successful. Of course publishing and promoting it would be an uphill battle, because no matter what it would be branded as "incel white supremacist" book from day one.

>>18967154
use linux mint and i don't think it'll be too hard of a transition. do expect to do a bit of googling here and there though.

Last month I began taking a research chemical sublingually, meaning I bought a small bottle of a powdery substance and put it under my tongue every day in the hopes it would fix one of my issues. It did nothing positive for me, but on the contrary the acidity of the powder was so strong that even now, a week or more since I last took it, the tastebuds on the tip of my tongue are still totally bizarre and everything I taste with that part of my tongue still feels a bit acidic. I hope I haven't damaged anything permanently but I have no clue

>>18961301
The true Ubermesnsch are fascists when they are in power and anarchists when they are not.

you should have kept your mouth shut

>>18968389
No

>>18961301
China is not Marxist they're nationalists, racialists, etc. Nothing to do with Marx's schizo babble

>>18968516
>t. gets all his information on china from reddit and /pol/

>>18968611
No, I get it from Chinese people living in China. Most of them aren't even sure what communism means. This is very different than Eastern Europe communism where you'd be taught at school about class conflict. China is not communist.

>>18968234
>>18968263
Alright, I'm going to keep working on it.
>It would obviously depend on writing
It probably will be shit because it's only my 2nd book. My first is irredeemable amateur crap that I will never show anyone again.
I think the most difficult thing will be the slow blending into dreamlike/poetic writing without making it too cheesy or incomprehensible and keeping things vaguely phrased so you're not sure if he's hallucinating or really seeing the schizo shit and not sure if he's really planning an attack or speaking in metaphor and killing his inner demons. I want mundane statements and scenes earlier in the book to have new meanings in retrospect. I want the end to be dreadful and almost incomprehensible, but cathartic. I want people to be able to see his actions as either giving up and blowing up or giving up on his delusions and going along with society, with hopefully some insights into the human condition along the way. That's the plan at least, we'll see how it develops as I put more words on the page. Wish me luck.

>>18968668
k fair enough

If the modern novel and its pure prose is an inferior art to poetry and drama, why shouldn’t it be inferior to comics and manga as well? The illustrative nature seems to me to elevate prose same as the auditory and performative nature of poetry and theater elevated it.

>>18968725
Comics and manga are for children and you should grow up

>>18968725
This is theoretically true, but none of the story or art in manga or comics I've read has really blown me away artistically. The art and writing in most is shit and worse than the average novel or painting. Berserk is a stand out, but still isn't that amazing imo. Got any manga or comics to recommend?
In the same way, opera should theoretically be the ultimate art form, but they don't always deliver.

>>18968212
What do you mean? Sorry not sure I understand

>>18961927
lmao

>>18967614
what I can tell you is that when I stopped thinking I will have kids I suddenly started thinking a lot about my legacy. I wasn't thinking much about that at all before, now I think I have to be exceptional one way or another. I believe this is some form of satanism that I have to rid myself of if I can.

>>18968982
>wanting to improve yourself is satanism
Christianity is a degenerate religion.

>>18969025
more like wanting and living for fame is satanism. having to be special is satanism. I think so anyway, this isn't really gathered from any particular part of any scripture.

>>18967159
>>18968670
it there fiction similar to what I'm trying to do here? Or nonfiction. The idea was influenced by the Kyle Odom manifesto. I'm not sure how on-the-nose or cheesy it may be to include lizard men in the schizo part of the story.

We live in an age when all the first principles people were brought up with are failing us.

Sometimes a woman says something and I try to think about it logically then I remember she's a woman and I stop doing that

>>18969349
>le first principles of le people
Which people? Which principles? There is no concept of "all the first principles" floating around in the platonic void - each geographically, historically and culturally definable set of people possesses its own system of "principles" - whatever this might be specifically referring to - that evolves throughout time. What the fuck are you talking about?

>>18969399
TOPKEK! Based! XD

>>18969399
>[citation missing]

>>18969196
>more like wanting and living for fame is satanism. having to be special is satanism.
Religion teaches you to be humble, insecure and unambitious. This is not what being human is about. In reality you are just a weak person and religion is your coping method. No it doesn't make you "spiritual", it makes you a lame obedient bitch. You are cucked. You have brainwashed yourself nto thinking you don't deserve to make your material desires come true.

>>18969399
Most men do that.

I recently learned an old classmate got married. On one hand, maybe she’s just marrying earlier than normal (she’s 20). On the other, I probably should begin looking for a gf soon.

I’m closer than ever to committing suicide. My life has just been killing time and at the end of the day I don’t know anything. Everyone around me has been improving while I feel no different than when I was 12. I’m going to a local college and half of the idiots I went to high school with are going to better schools than me. They didn’t take better classes or get better grades, yet they are going to schools all over the globe. Even if I did go to one of those schools I would be miserable because nothing makes me happy. I’m never going to be independent and my life is just counting down the days until I’m in the grave. Why wait in line when I can make it my time. I hope I actually do it today.

My book related threads get removed whilst off-topic youtube trash stays up for days

The flamming diarrhea i am having right now is unbearable. I dont understand how such pain is possible. Im going numb. I refuse to believe any sort of god exists.

>>18969422
I'm talking about liberalism retard.

>>18969575
God I hate booktube threads. It's peak r*ddit to worship talentless celebrities so I don't know why these retards don't just make a subreddit for themselves

>>18969566
just take it a day at a time. you can do one day at a time. seek help if you think it can be beneficial. I know a lot of people say SSRIs don't do anything but I was helped by them.

I hate when I’m at work and I automatically say something indicating I like my job or care about it. I hate that moment of phoniness but I’ve conditioned myself into at this point. I know the solution is to just quit, let go, once and for all, but working up the courage is hard. I should send my resignation today as an act of personal rebellion against myself, while it’s fresh in my mind.

I just had an absolute schizo leave a barrage of comments on a fanfic I wrote a year ago. He went through every chapter in the story and left a negative comment on most of them. Then he went to the other site where the story is hosted and left a negative comment THERE as well. It's bizarre, really. I must have legitimately pissed this guy off for some reason for him to sperg out the way he did. He even got into a fight with someone else who had commented more positively on my story. This guy went in for an all-out assault on a fanfic that I wrote for fun over three days.

>tfw due to covid all classes are available as VODs
>tfw I can sleep whenever I want
now THIS is higher education

>>18970026
Did he have any valid criticisms?

>>18970113
Eh, maybe? He mentioned that I made one of the characters OOC, and I did, but I did it deliberately and I thought I justified it in the story well enough. The OOC-ness also has consequences which I took care to depict. A lot of his other criticisms are nitpicks, and the reviews I've gotten of the story from other people are really positive.

Where does one find these fabled "writing discords"?

>>18969973
>I hate when I’m at work and I automatically say something indicating I like my job or care about it. I hate that moment of phoniness but I’ve conditioned myself into at this point.
It’s not a great feeling, I’m trying to do it less but it’s pretty brain dead to be honest when I’m talking to my manager or team lead, so I just keep things as vague as possible regarding my feelings, use as neutral as possible words

There really is nothing more exhausting than when someone on this board or elsewhere starts to rant about "the Jews." I do believe that the disporportionate amount of Jews in the enterainment industry and finance probably leads to some of the negative effects in the world today. But my problem isn't with certain observations of theirs, my problem is that the rants are always just so fucking whiny and convey a fundamental sense of uselessness and helplessness. Why does it matter if Jews control everything? What the fuck are YOU going to do about it? Nothing. That's right, you won't do shit. Every single rant about the Jews betrays the patheticness of the one doing the ranting, because it's just meaningless complaining with no intended effect. I sometimes think the people who rant about Jews actually LIKE to entertain the idea that Jews control the world. It absolves them of any failures on their part, and means they don't have to put in the effort to make the world better or add meaning to their lives.

If it's really SO fucking bad that the Jews are in charge of things, what are you planning to do about it?

>>18962017
>butterfly emoji
very very unprofessional

what time is an appropriate time to start binging bumps of cocaine every 30-45mins? I usually start at 8pm but im starting to think it doesnt matter anymore

>>18970384
Bro, the first step is to spread awareness. Some dickless incel isn't going to do something, no shit. People need to know what and who the problem is first. Do you think the communist, the american, the french, or ANY revolution started with actions first and words later? Come on now.

I grew up in a very grounded christian community not too different from the Mennonites. now I'm working out in the World at a corporate job.

I've lived in both a well functioning community where people looked out for each other, and the cosmopolitan rat race. I can tell you that the vast majority of people are kept content and peaceful with the system because they simply don't know what they are missing out on.

if people really understood how impoverished they are by modern life, I don't think the most deadly and frightful weapons and punishments could keep the revolt in check

>>18970572
Why not go back if that was so much better?

>>18970593
spiritually diseased men holding the reins of capital, the printing press, and usury

what da fuck going on in australia bruh

>>18970756
Fucked up but also why not just walk around without a phone?

>>18970797
probably CCTV everywhere monitoring you. At traffic stops, and any home with a Ring-type doorbell camera (they work/share with local law enforcement, it's in the terms and conditions). For a system that seeks to homogenize all people and destroy anything that distinguishes them (race, sex, religion, nationality, etc), ironically, there's no anonymity now.

>>18970756
they are long overdue a revolution

>>18970756
The person who designed this system should be beaten to death publicly.

>>18961035
Can I make money if I write erotica and YA shit? I will need to pay my student loans, and all I'm good at is writing.

>>18970875
WITH USURA
wool comes not to market
sheep bringeth no gain with usura
Usura is a murrain, usura
blunteth the needle in the maid’s hand
and stoppeth the spinner’s cunning. Pietro Lombardo
came not by usura
Duccio came not by usura
nor Pier della Francesca; Zuan Bellin’ not by usura
nor was ‘La Calunnia’ painted.
Came not by usura Angelico; came not Ambrogio Praedis,
Came no church of cut stone signed: Adamo me fecit.
Not by usura St. Trophime
Not by usura Saint Hilaire,
Usura rusteth the chisel
It rusteth the craft and the craftsman
It gnaweth the thread in the loom
None learneth to weave gold in her pattern;
Azure hath a canker by usura; cramoisi is unbroidered
Emerald findeth no Memling
Usura slayeth the child in the womb
It stayeth the young man’s courting
It hath brought palsey to bed, lyeth
between the young bride and her bridegroom
CONTRA NATURAM
They have brought whores for Eleusis
Corpses are set to banquet
at behest of usura.

do marxists have a term for the poor who do not work?

>>18970895
lumpenproletariat

>>18970895
based

>>18961035
This board has taken a nose dive in terms of quality. I know people say that it's always been like this but 2017-2019 was nowhere near this shit. Maybe quarantine is making people shitpost more and that in turn manifest itself people being non-sarcastic idk. I come on here on the off chance a good thread is up but usually just warosu if i'm looking for something in particular. Pretty sure its a bunch of zoomers just shitting up the board but idk. Oh, and mods are nonexistent, I've seen a dirty nsfw asshole stay up for hours on the first page

>>18961035
i know too much or do i

>>18970797
They’re forcing you to download apps and take photos to prove where you are. Do you really think they’re not willing to force you to carry a phone, as if people aren’t addicted to them anyway.

>>18970994
Do you know about the dancing Israeli?

>>18967922
>good boss, fun bants, lunch, happy hours
>Why am I so hesistant then?
Because you're not an idiot?

If you were going to flourish without it, and you have "happy hours" you would do so in your free time.

>>18970756
Just returning to its roots

>>18971029
What roots? They were nothing more than criminal outlaws

>>18971036
Prison country

それは
君じゃない
君の
せいじゃない

Apparently there was a study done on the effects of posting positive things online, with the end result being that it generally led to people being mentally healthier in the long run than scrolling through negative posts. Makes sense, but I want to know if this is even possible to really do in the chans.

Are there any good contemporary German or Scandinavian authors (not Knausgard)?

>>18971169
Kinda want to know what alternative Internet they used to conduct that study. Where would one possibly go? Let alone the chans...

>>18971169
I think there's a level of sincerity in the general threads on /lit/, but when i think of "positive posting" I think of all my friends on normie social media posting about their vacations and wives and dogs and happy homes and fancy dinners and luxurious offices. And it just makes me sad and pissed off. I get the seeking of likes, the addiction of it, and I know they only post the good stuff and not the crippling self doubt, but it still just makes me sad and angry. I think a proper sense of community and comradery are the key things to a positive time on 4chan. When I'm critiquing someones work or getting really into a heated argument with someone taking me at good faith, it's pretty great. When everyone ignores my posts or just says 'sneed' thats when I get a little demotivated to put any effort into a medium I've been posting on for more than 15 years.

Tried joining a club. We played Badminton in the gym, first singles then doubles. Exchanged names, majors. A few times I laughed, but felt nothing inside. While the supervisor was chatting with someone, I picked up my bag and left.

>>18971257
No one there felt anything inside them either, anon. It's all fake.

>>18971257
Sounds like you should kill yourself.

>>18967964
>>18968000
It's exchanges like these that create the mobius strip of satire and irony that is so exclusive to the internet.

>>18971273
this

>>18971228
It's more like you are the one who posts the positivity, instead of lurking and reading negative posts, if you understand what I'm saying

New thread
>>18971287

>>18971169
>is even possible to really do in the chans.
frenposting and fren-mindset. Even people being faggots and ripping into you here are really frens trying to help you improve. Iron sharpens iron.

>>18971273
I wish I could.