/lit/ - Literature

>>18884848
Gardner, nobody is going to buy these books, especially not on /lit/. The joke was funny, but old now. You're better off giving the books to meme YTers who will publicly flog you, and hopefully you'll achieve some meme status that way. You're wasting your money and time here.

>>18884848
No one cares man, can't you take a hint already? No one's going to buy your book no matter how many shilling campaigns you embark on. Just quit it dude. Try shilling it on reddit or some other faggot forum. You've outstayed your welcome here.

Go fuck yourself, you’ve completely turned everyone on this board against any sincere efforts to promote heir projects with this blatant, shameless shilling. Can’t you just be happy with ads and shut the fuck up?

>>18884848
Nothing less than the greatest horror novel for he last five years

>>18884893
>>18884848
>>18884916
Unironcally a reddit shill campaign would probably work far better than anything you could do here (or on the other boards where I see you). You'd get more exposure, the people on reddit are far less incindiary, and they are largely consumer npc midwits, who seem to be pre-disposed to shillery.
As a rule, they aren't conspiracy-seeking like people here, so it's pretty unlikely for them to suspect an artificial rise in popularity and conversation about your books. Just be smat and use unique accounts and phrasing for each shill and you'll be much better off than you are here.

It has a really baffling twist which led to it becoming a meme here. Both that and Call of the Arcade were really good.

>>18885088
Don't ignore me nerd
Go to reddit for the betterment of us both.

>>18884893
Not him but you're the one who's not welcome here. As with Moby Dick and The Shit Kicker, we support authors from here.
>>18884916
It's a fun read. I can't think of any other book from here which has been as interesting.

>>18885154
>Not him but you're the one who's not welcome here. As with Moby Dick and The Shit Kicker, we support authors from here.
Cope. Go back to licking your GF's boy pussy faggot

>>18884848
>>18884916
>>18885088
>>18885154
Dude, you have an actual mental illness. Sea kelp. But seriously, nobody wants to read your glorified fanfiction

>>18885154
Pseuds hate that Gardner is actually writing and creating when they can't.

Best book from the iceberg.

>>18885210
Who made you a gatekeeper? Are you the pseud that angrily tells self-publishing authors to kill themselves?
>muh hurrr durrr go to university or you're a loser!

>>18885216
>>18885224
>>18885227
No, it's irritating that you shove your shitty novels literally everywhere and constantly, incessantly falseflag without even trying to hide it. Congratulations, you finished a novel. I would respect a good writer who has never finished a thing more than a shit writer who has finished many works - not to mention the shit writer has some of the most intense narcissism I've ever seen. Like, dude, maybe if your book was good I'd get it. But it's literally fanfiction tier. There is no "oh, not my cup of tea". It is literal putrid vomit.

>>18885227
Funny thing about this is that F Gardener did go to university lmao.

It's so dark and disturbing, exploring many subversive themes which are only for mature readers. You shouldn't read these books ever unless you are sure that you can handle them because they are very intense, and frightening. Look out Steven King F Gardner is the new Steven King.

>>18885237
I've read it, it is quite charming.

>Open Call of the Arcade sample in browser.
>First line of dialogue has improper comma use.
>Ellipses everywhere, used inexplicably for a number of different remarks.
>Two people talking in the same paragraph.
>Become immensely confused.
>Nonsensical said and action tags.
>Paragraphs seem to randomly change.
>Double adverbs and adjectives all over the place.
>Inner monologue is robotic nonsense imitating what the author thinks a human is.
>Book goes into a dream sequence a few paragraphs in.
>Close browser window.
Nah bro lol

>>18885283
I think I'm just going to filter the word "call of the crocodile", do you mind making all your OPs contain that sentence instead of just "lol im new xD whats this" + a pic of the cover

>>18885297
I bet you think the Room is a bad movie too.

>>18885330
You're really insulting The Room by comparing it to Gardner.
The Room is much more competent in its construction. It's reasonably well lit, they have sets, costumes, a budget, a director of photography, and there is technical competence. What makes The Room funny is that it falls on its face despite this.
Gardner lacks this. I would say it's more like a student film, a short, but most student films have at least some grasp of filmmaking history and craft, which Gardner lacks. This is book is more accurately the equivalent of an application to enroll in film school, and not The Room.
Second, by reading just a couple pages, I know what I'm in for. I don't need to read anymore.

>>18885330
This.

>>18885330
Your book is not bad in a funny way. It's just sad. You're basically a 12 year old who has recorded a movie on your phone. Then you say: "hurr you think room is bad too??"

>>18885510
It is crazy to see how many people openly attack someone who creates. Gardner has improved since COTC and this sort of debasement of him is completely unwarranted.

Shame.

>>18885518
Fuck off Gardner. Do you want us to praise you for making a fucking children's picture book??

>>18885510
the worst part of having been on /lit/ and 4chan for so many years, for me, is that i've seen this kind of "good money after bad" behavior before with forcing a gimmick. butterfly is a good example of it, she has never liked it here but she comes because she somehow can't admit to herself it was all a waste of time, so she keeps trading her own happiness and time for the spite of continuing to mildly annoy people here. when she posts she has some mixture of "fuck these nerds i'm trolling them lmao" and "these pathetic incels don't understand my greatness" but it's an unstable mix and never produces ordinary contentment while posting.

gardner and the other forced sobadit'sgood meme books recently have the same dynamic with the meme forcing. he/they clearly wanted it to become more of a "thing" than it has. but it only ever has as much life and attention as they pump into it, with diminishing returns.

at some point gardner learned about the guy who did exactly what he's doing 5 years ago, the satans book, and even when that guy was reduced to spending his whole afternoon posting single page screenshots of his own book to get people to actually read it, after years of no one caring enough to buy or shitpost about it organically, still nothing came of it and the whole gimmick was forgotten as quickly as he stopped inorganically sustaining it by posting.

of course the only plausible response to this is to dig deeper into butterfly's hole, double down on the gimmick again, but eventually he/they know/s in his/their minds that the instant they stop forcing it, it will vanish. no one will ever organically post HEY REMEMBER GARDNERPOSTING? a year later or something, unless he does it himself, and then no one will reply to that post.

sad that there have been a handful of people who have gone this route over the years.

>>18885560
Writing and the arts are noble pursuits, do you think these people would be happier working at Wal-Mart for a steady cheque?

>This thread is 4 people

>>18885560
>dig deeper into butterfly's hole
Never say this again

That book is awesome. I loved the twist. I always knew /lit/ would write a magnum opus eventually. Although I do think pic related is the better book.

>>18885560
I'm glad you wrote this.
I have been sitting on a novel for weeks now considering whether or not to self-publish. I had started to buy into this recent halo effect of Gardener and Waldun and was actually leaning towards shilling my work here.
Now I can see that their 'interest' was all bogus from the start. I've dodged a bullet, luckily.
Either my novel will be good enough to be published properly, or it will go into the vault.
Anything else is just delusion.

>>18886212
Just don't be a faggot, and post it normally and ask for feedback. Don't expect anything good or bad. Some guy was posting his travel memoir yesterday and it was a surprisingly successful thread. He got lots of feedback.

>>18884993
>they are largely consumer npc midwits, who seem to be pre-disposed to shillery
oh the ironing

>>18886253
I'm not looking for feedback though, I'm looking to sell a completed work. Ultimately that is shilling.

>>18886212
Self-pubbers are pure cancer. Their work is always shit and the world would be better off if they killed themselves.

>>18886212
It’s clearly the same guy samefagging against Gardner and Waldun. Which I suspect might be you. If not then good luck with your book m8.
You can tell it’s not all gardener because Call of the Crocodile is the only book thats memed here. He has three new books. So it wouldn’t make sense that he wouldn’t shill his new books.
It also can’t be true with Waldun because he’s a popular Youtuber. Just ask any of his followers. /lit/ has had it out for R.C. Waldun for years. Ever since he had wrote the Learned Disguise. It’s an unappreciated gem and filters this board.

Same reason M. Night Shyamalan movies are popular. Twists. Gardner shoehorns twists in all of his fucking books and faggots will eat that shit up.

>>18886289
>Which I suspect might be you.
Now you're just being paranoid

>>18886289
>You can tell it’s not all gardener

Like most shilling and spamming on /lit/ it's a discord group.

>>18886534
In this instance I'm fairly sure that's not the case, since I was in Gardner's discord and it's full of people who endlessly type self-aggrandizing reddit/facebook tier egoposts into chat all day long --real normie tier shit.
They simply wouldn't shill here. They're all completely self-obsessed beyond reason.

The best thing to come out of 4chan.

>>18884848
Gardner is very soulful. Jigoku was actually a pretty nice read too.

>>18884848
>middle nigga goes to amusement park to play futuristic laser tag where you shoot holograms of crocodiles
>middle nigga meets dad nigga after winning
>they go eat some food
>middle nigga gets eaten by a croc
>dad nigga wakes up from this nightmare and starts talking about how fall is like dante's inferno or some shit
>little and big nigga get lectured by some priest at their catholic school over something
>big nigga has a crisis of faith
>little nigga exists
>the two child niggas go home to dad nigga
>they decide to go to grandma nigga for halloween
>they get there and start cooking dinner
>big nigga walks into a room and finds grandma nigga folding herself into a drawer
>big nigga thinks thats gay and leaves
>dad nigga goes to check on the oven
>apparently instead of ham, grandma nigga is roasting crocodile
>dad nigga loses his shit at grandma nigga
>turns out it was a hallucination
>they all go to sleep
>some weird demon invades their dreams and causes them to all the niggas to have interconnected nightmares
>they eventually find each other in the nightmares at some stage
>once they do, the curtains unfold and there's a crocodile sitting in a chair
>jesus comes save them
>then all the niggas start breaking the 4th wall
>turns out it was all a hallucination caused by a kid making a fictionalized tulpa family
>the tulpas somehow set his treehouse on fire
>hes in a coma and gets tortured by his tulpa
>i dont remember how but he ends up in a castle with cultists who want to recruit him because he can make tulpas
>stephen king ends up setting the castle on fire to save the kid
>he leaves with his mom and starts quoting dante's inferno
There's a summary of the plot from what I can remember.

>>18887356
These books are fucking insane.

>>18887356
holy fucking shit.
Where can I (((acquire))) a copy of this masterpiece?

>>18887560
I got mine from amazon. idk where else they are.

>>18887356
Funniest part about this is that this IS the actual plot. Now you know why it's a meme.

>>18887356
This is both the most /lit/ and /x/ thing I have ever read.

>>18887356
Gardnerchads I kneel....

>>18885216
jesus dude you have been shill this shit for two years now why are jannies such shit?

Did anyone else get the Evangelion reference in Call of the Arcade?

>>18887790
I sure did.

>>18887356
Sounds like a Stephen King book.

every now and then it hits me how absurd a name "call of the crocodile" is

What did he mean by this?

>>18887356
Yep. That sums it up. Now do the others.

>>18885786
That’s because it is.

>>18887560
libgen

>>18888406
Thank you

>>18885560
Good post. These books are terrible. And pushing them behind a shield of "lolol bro it's just a joke lol I trolled u" is midwit behaviour.

schizo horror book about a bunch of /x/ shit. very kino.

>>18885518
Their attacking him because of the shilling, anon.

>>18890019
>tfw even if I share my book here people will just pirate it then attack both my writing and my character

>>18890032
I'll buy your book.

>>18890057
thanks anon. It's not actually out yet. I want to make sure it's super polished first if I'm going to do that.

>>18890067
I'm a part-time editor. Want me to look at it?

>>18890077
sure send me an email

>>18890077
oops it didnt show up
johnnyd49@jriversm.com

>>18890127
Sent.

>>18890184
thanks I replied. let me know if you didn't get it.

>>18884848
Who was that other fuckwit again ? He used to shill his pseudo-philosophical shit book about being the solution to the problem of being. Not icycalm.

>>18890218
?

>>18887356
I'd read it but that's WAAAAAY too spooky. I'm a very sensitive boy.

>>18887356
This is cringe

Not your summary, but the plot like i can smell the cheetos coming from that plot

>>18890223
yeah that one's shit too but that wasn't it.

>>18890191
I'll take a peek at it when I get a chance.

>>18890272
much appreciated.

>>18885518
>attack someone who creates
Creation is not a virtue in itself. Everyday worthless literal shit is being created.

>>18890295
You are correct, but you should always offer constructive critique for your own.

>>18884848
>>18884993
The guys wants to be "/lit/core" so badly. It's honestly kind of sad how he's inflated the value of our opinions so grotesquely

>>18890425
I can totally sympathize with not wanting to appeal to the reddit crowd though. At that point you're just hoisting yourself by your own petard should you ever desecrate one of their holy cows like women, fags, or god forbid, niggers.

>>18885560
Excellent post. The way you got to the heart of these attention seekers was splendid.

before I order the whole call quadrology, could sb give me a quick general gestalt

>>18884848
A horror novel

>>18887356
Based

A book by some animefag from /wg/

>>18890555
>Books made by some nutjob from /x/
>Quickly became known for having batshit crazy twists
>memed all day every day on here

>>18892001
Why do people say animefag?

>>18885786
Some post the fucking twist already, so we can get over it

>>18892645
All the books have twists dude. Gardner is a one trick pony and has EPIC TWISTS XD in all his books.

>>18892495
Because these books read like anime plots.

>>18893050
And that’s a good thing

>>18890425
>our

>>18884848

So basically F. Gardner is a guy on /lit/ who wrote five books, but they're all fucking crazy and he didn't proofread or care about grammar and it reads like a literary b movie. Most of /lit/ decided it was hilarious and we all started to pretend to be F. Gardner and shilled his books, even though we hadn't read his books. Maybe two or three schizos became convinced that F. Gardner was posting over and over again shilling his books. He was just paying for ads. No matter how many times we told the schizos to take their meds they wouldn't, because they were schizos. So we're all still F. Gardners. Most of us bought his books and they're crazy but we can't shill anything for a year straight. The schizos can not take their meds for a year straight, so they're still angry. I still like F. Gardner because he worked so hard. But of course I would
Iike F. Gardner, being as how I'm F. Gardner and all. Take your meds.

>>18895304
8 books.

>>18895394
And I have unironically read them. Arcade and Jigoku are incredible.

>>18895404
Hunger of the Kangaroo has really weird references to The King in Yellow. Odd choice. But I suppose it works. Also the twists are the redeeming factor in these things. Gardener is really good at coming up with the strangest possible endings for his work.

>>18885224
QRD on Black Future?

This thread is full of pseuds trying to gaslight you out of a good book

>>18890032
I'll pirate your book but I'll respect its contents.

>>18896464
that's fair I guess

>>18896491

I'll buy your book but attack your character and then pretend to be you responding to my attacks on your character

>>18896672
that's less preferable than just pirating it

>>18897243

But you'll get three bucks you drug smuggling llama raper

>>18897412

Fuck you the drugs were when I was like 19 and if you don't know the difference between a llama and an alpaca I don't think you even read my book

t. me, the author of the book

>>18895440
It’s hot.

>>18884848
>38 posters
Oh no no no no no no no.
KWAB

>>18898247
Go on

>>18895304
Don't think you can hide behind irony like this, Gardner. You glow in the dark like the CIA nigger you are.

>>18899792
For what purpose could he be a glowie?

>>18899832
Stay buttmad Qtard hahahahahahaha. Just get over yourself and accept that Trump lost and in two years there will be 9 billion humans.

>>18899883
???????

>>18899883
What did he mean by this