/lit/ - Literature

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Anonymous Mon Jun 27 08:51:30 2011 No.1881990 [Reply] [Original]

does my poetry suck, /lit/?

...

Heat waves allure the horizon of clay
Of the road as I
Recline in a leather seat in an American diner
Eroding time
Drifting along from
Place to place across the highways
The deserts and cities
The heat of the tarmac dull
As the sunset envelops the day
And I fall asleep to the delicate breeze
Of welcoming night
And I,
I may awake
In whatever and whoever’s place
And continue to be free

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 08:53:30 2011 No.1881992 >as I >and I nope with the force of a thousand suns

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 08:54:30 2011 No.1881995 Yes. Irrevocably. Burn everything you have and start over after gaining an appreciation and understanding of the art.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 08:54:30 2011 No.1881998 File: 47 KB, 369x368, th...thanks.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>1881992 good to learn

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 08:55:30 2011 No.1881999 I don't understand why you go to such lengths to cut each line up if you aren't in any sort of meter or rhyme. It makes the whole thing difficult to read

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 08:55:30 2011 No.1882000 this is now a post poetry and get rated thread

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 08:56:30 2011 No.1882007 very uncomfortable

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 08:58:30 2011 No.1882009 like a thousand daggers penetrating my body

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 09:02:30 2011 No.1882014 >>1882009 >>1882007 two people now know what art's purpose is.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 09:03:30 2011 No.1882017 It's a beginning, keep at it.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 09:04:30 2011 No.1882018 >>1882014 to be uncomfortable? no, that's just what it COULD be

>>	None !BLEUHIPFS. Mon Jun 27 09:14:30 2011 No.1882025 Something wrong with the third line...too many syllables?

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 16:07:30 2011 No.1882570 you're probly like 14. so it's alright for your age, i guess.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 16:23:30 2011 No.1882588 It's pretty good. Tighten it up a little. Remove the "I" stuff - I know it feels like you're adding a personal perspective to the poem, but I think it would be more effective without this. I liked it, though.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 27 16:23:30 2011 No.1882589 >>1881990 I don't get it. You wrote a poem about being hot?

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