/lit/ - Literature

I really want to fuck Sappho

>>18467640
Have you hear our great poet recite that magnificent poem of his? I think it was called Welcome to the N.H.K.

my mom spilt wine all over my papyrus collection today. I had a first edition of Gilgamesh; now it's ruined. stupid drunk bitch.

>>18467662
>first edition
>in the bronze age
you're not only unfunny, you're also retarded

It's a shame to see all these kids today writing. They are missing so much with oral tradition. They simply do not have the attention span for it.

god i fucking hate atlanteans, what a degenerate shithole, their civilization is bound to collapse soon

>>18467673
you dont seem to understand how jokes work. are you autistic/a woman?

Euripedes killed it at the Dionysia Theater Festival this year. Sophocles boomers BTFO'd

I hope I have enough mead stocked before winter

It would be extremely based if there was a bipedal bull. Imagine that!

>>18467642
>bronze age
>>18467662
>Gilgamesh
>papyrus
>>18467715
>Euripides
>Sophocles
>bronze age

Woah, these indus valley seals detail the fact that they were true Sunni Punjabi Pakistani Muslims and had a space program that reached Alpha Centuari! That's rad as fuck!

>>18467640
boy i sure do wish i had a written language bronzebros...

A curl-bearded Semitic native professor and imperial apologist was teaching a class on Sargon, known enemy of the lugal

"Before the class begins, you must fold your hands and worship Sargon of Akkad and accept that he was the most successful and eminent ruler the Four Corners of the Universe has ever known, even greater than Eannatum of Lagash!"

At this moment, a brave, black-headed, pro-city state scribe of Lugalzagesi who had sung 1500 hymns to Inanna and understood the necessity of cyclical rule and fully supported all instances of divine kingship for each city of Sumer stood up and held up the Sumerian King List

"For what purpose was this inscribed?"

The militaristic professor smirked quite ephemerally and smugly replied "To claim the righteous rule of the Akkadians for all time, you stupid ensi"

"Wrong. If the Akkadian Empire was to rule forever all along, as you say… then why was kingship first granted to the city of Eridu?"

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his miniature lamassu and copy of Enuma Elish. He stormed out of the room crying those Akkadian crocodile tears.

The students applauded and all moved from the countryside that day and accepted Enlil as the head of the pantheon. A bird of lapis lazuli named Anzu flew into the room and gave the Tablet of Destiny back to the gods. The Bilgames fragments were read several times, and Gala priests of the temple at Uruk showed up to sing hymns in eme-sal.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. His two houses (one of which was his neighbours) were conquered by the Third Dynasty and he himself was killed.

DINGIRENER AR IBBEN

>>18467737
>Muslims
What on Ki is a 'Muslims'?

>>18467732
>NOOOOO YOUR JOKES HAVE TO BE CITED AND HISTORICALLY ACCURATE

>>18467743
>basedjak poster
>terminally retarded
like bronze-age pottery

>>18467741
Kek

>>18467742
Sorry, no foreigners can read the seals. You witebois will have to wait for something called an "Arab" to tell you all about it. Brb, gotta seed some Aryan women with haplogroup L

>>18467662
how is one supposed to press cuneiform into a piece of papyrus?

>>18467741
''praise the gods'' would be something like
dingirene ar-a-ab(?)

>tfw you defeat Humbaba and carry away his cedar trees

My Sardesh bro just told me about flange-hilted swords. These things are gonna be valuable. Hodl flange-hilted swords.

>>18467673
>He doesn't even have 1 bronze age first edition on his shelf

>>18467797
>mfw Ishtar up to her thotting yet again and I must deliver a poetic roast shaming her for all her past acts of sluttery that sends her crying off to daddy

>>18467640
There would be a time paradox. The Trojan war would have never happened because nobody on /lit/ has a wife, and so there would be no Helen to elope with Paris.

>>18467640
Ooga booga where da white women at?

>tfw you take a suckling pig and at the head of the sick man put it and take out its heart and above the heart of the sick man put it, sprinkle its blood on the sides of the bed, and divide the pig over his limbs and spread it on the sick man; then cleanse that man with pure water from the Deep and wash him clean and bring near him a censer and a torch, place twice seven loaves cooked in the ashes against the outer door, and give the pig as his substitute, and give the flesh and the blood as his blood: the demons shall take it

>>18467944
>muh timeline
lmao btfo by Babylonian astrologists.

>>18467640
I'm not alone in thinking this looks aesthetic right? Like not 16th century european armor tier, but still a gorgeous 8/10 or 9/10

>>18467640
You know bros, I've been reading the King List and things just don't add up. Kings ruling for centuries? A barmaid that became Queen? It has to be fake.

>>18467640
Greeks are not white, us Hittites are the true ancestors and sucessors of the Yamnaya, Greeks are just negro Minoan rape babies

>>18468051
It looks like a fucking oven to be in, nevermind fight in

>>18467781
lots of sheets stacked on top of each other and glued together

>>18467640
Who is this and why do all the Redditors care about him.

I keep seeing this inscription get shilled on /lit/, is it worth visiting the tomb of Efgardhotep to read the whole thing?

>>18467728
are you suggesting some woman inside some kind of fake cow let some bull fuck her? that's fucking hot

>"GORGONS could be here" he thought, "I've never been in this statelet before. There could be GORGONS anywhere." The cool wind felt good against his bare chest. "I HATE GORGONS" he thought.

>>18468676
Yeah, glad you agree.

>Anon write post, tell other anon he stupid

>>18468580
Don't bother, it was retroactively refuted by the Kish tablet.

>>18467640
>Writing shit down in wax
>Not being enough of an Agamemnom to sire sons and passing it down orally
>MFW

>>18468488
How uhm.. do you know that?

>>18468791
Kek

Our world is hurtling towards societal collapse if we don't make some serious reforms but nobody seems to care. I feel like the only one with any sense left. Texts for this feel?

>>18468960
1. Where's your sense of adventure?
2. Why would you want to perpetuate this society?

>>18468972
Bro if I see another seaperson I'm gonna freak

>>18468960
Yikes... Nice anti sea people dogwhistle, racist chud. Stop being so afraid, they're not bringing plague and drought with them!

>>18468960
Good. Accelerate.

>>18467640

>be mesopotamian
>beardless virgin
>spend all my time beating it to my home made Ishtar cuneiform fanmyths
>actually improve wedgemanship
>get a job helping priests make secondary copies of grain records
>everythings_coming_up_mill_house
>one day, get to work late
>hierophant reams me out
>stressed
>see pic related on way out of templ
>can't wait to get home, beat off in bushes to an Ishtar tablet I brought midday
>Marduk_Disapproves
>leave tablet behind on accident
>a fucking priestess finds it
>fired
>get run over by chariots on the way home

Wo lo lo

Who are these fucking sea people someone make them stop

>>18467640
We need to go back to using copper. Abandon (((bronze))).

>>18469007
kek

>>18469007
>racist
What the fuck does this have to do with chariots?

>>18469091
white buckbreakers would force black men to power their chariots retard

>>18468899
based bicameral mind

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THEY LITERALLY JUST GOT OFF THEIR BOAT AND CAME INTO MY ROOM AND LITERALLY SMACKED MY CLAY TABLET OUT OF MY HAND AENDING IT CRASHING TO THE FLOOR IT TOOK ME TWO MOON CYCLES TO WRITE THE HISTORY OF MY FAMILY AND NOW THESE FUCKING BOAT PEOPLE ARE DESTROYING EVERYTHING THEY JUST TOOK MY MOM BACK TO THEIR BOAT I HATE THESE FUCKING OOGA BOOGA BOAT PEOPLE TJEY RUIN EVERYTHIG THEY DONT EVEN HAVE THEIR OWN WRITTEN WORKS OR FORMS OF WRITING THEY JUST RUN AROUND YELLING OOGA BOOGA AND MUDDIK

Battlestation bread? Bellbeakerfags could never...

I HAD THE SANCTUARIES OF THE LAND ELAM UTTERLY DESTROYED AND I COUNTED ITS GODS AND ITS GODDESSES AS GHOSTS I DESTROYED AND DEVASTATED THE TOMBS OF THEIR EARLIER AND LATER KINGS I TOOK THEIR BONES TO ASSYRIA I PREVENTED THEIR GHOSTS FROM SLEEPING AND DEPRIVED THEM OF FUNERARY-OFFERINGS AND LIBATIONS ON A MARCH OF ONE MONTH AND TWENTY-FIVE DAYS I DEVASTATED THE DISTRICTS OF THE LAND ELAM AND SCATTERED SALT AND CRESS OVER THEM AS FOR THE REST OF THE PEOPLE THOSE STILL ALIVE I MYSELF NOW LAID FLAT THOSE PEOPLE THERE AS A FUNERARY-OFFERING I FED THEIR DISMEMBERED FLESH TO DOGS PIGS VULTURES EAGLES BIRDS OF THE HEAVENS AND FISH OF THE APSU THE NOBLES AND ELDERS OF THE CITY CAME OUT TO ME TO SAVE THEIR LIVES THEY SEIZED MY FEET AND SAID IF IT PLEASES YOU KILL IF IT PLEASES YOU SPARE IF IT PLEASES YOU DO WHAT YOU WILL IN STRIFE AND CONFLICT I BESIEGED AND CONQUERED THE CITY I FELLED 3000 OF THEIR FIGHTING MEN WITH THE SWORD I CAPTURED MANY TROOPS ALIVE I CUT OFF OF SOME THEIR ARMS AND HANDS I CUT OFF OF OTHERS THEIR NOSES EARS AND EXTREMITIES I GOUGED OUT THE EYES OF MANY TROOPS I MADE ONE PILE OF THE LIVING AND ONE OF HEADS I HUNG THEIR HEADS ON TREES AROUND THE CITY I FELLED 50 OF THEIR FIGHTING MEN WITH THE SWORD BURNT 200 CAPTIVES FROM THEM AND DEFEATED IN A BATTLE ON THE PLAIN 332 TROOPS WITH THEIR BLOOD I DYED THE MOUNTAIN RED LIKE RED WOOL AND THE REST OF THEM THE RAVINES AND TORRENTS OF THE MOUNTAIN SWALLOWED I CARRIED OFF CAPTIVES AND POSSESSIONS FROM THEM I CUT OFF THE HEADS OF THEIR FIGHTERS AND BUILT THEREWITH A TOWER BEFORE THEIR CITY I BURNT THEIR ADOLESCENTS I FLAYED AS MANY NOBLES AS HAD REBELLED AGAINST ME AND DRAPED THEIR SKINS OVER THE PILE OF CORPSES SOME I SPREAD OUT WITHIN THE PILE SOME I ERECTED ON STAKES UPON THE PILE I FLAYED MANY RIGHT THROUGH MY LAND AND DRAPED THEIR SKINS OVER THE WALLS.

>>18467741
fucking legend

>>18467724
Obama?

Apparently some Levantine tribe said one of their leaders was told by God that all newborns should have part of their dicks cut off. I just had a son, should I do it?

>>18468913
>Agamemnom
Bro his family is literally cursed by the skyfather. They won’t last two generations.

>>18469386
>Prots still circumcising their kids when they’re told explicitly not to by Paul

>>18469273
Do you guys think this stuff really happened or was it exaggerated? I remember hearing someone say that many ANE accounts of war were exaggerated on purpose to make the winning party look good eg when the book of Joshua states that the Israelites killed every man, woman, child, and animal

>>18469547
>do people tell lies?
I don’t know anon you tell me

This is the end of history bronzebros.

>>18469547
I've heard similar things. ANE rulers were ahead of their time on the propaganda game. Look at Hammurabi's Law Code for example. It's less of a legal system and more of a monument to the king's perfect justice and absolute leadership. Even an illiterate peasant could see it and, without knowing the words, recognize the power it embodied and strengthened their faith in the king.

>born to early to hunt mammoths in hyperborrea
>born to late to experience the roman empire
>tfw

>>18471869
Uhh anon, I think you mixed something up

>>18471869
>>18471902

>>18471869

Oh, so you are "writer"? What's that, some kind of scribe? Lmao, you must get tired after hours of scribbling on clay tablets hahaha just kidding bro. Anyway, you won't scroll past without buying some COPPER, right An-non? Haven't you heard about those 'sea people'? Frightening, isn't it. C'mon, just a few ingots, just in case.

Anyone else sick of Nanni's? I spend all day reading their bullshit complaints. Dad said reading would get me a temple job but instead i'm doing customer service. He still thinks its the reign of Hammurabi where they could just walk into a temple and asked to speak with the High Priest and then get a job. These days you'd need divination or astrology AND reading to get work in a temple. It's not fair.

>>18471991
Are you this guy's secretary >>18471983

>>18471902
>not waiting for the upward portion of the cycle of ages
T-totally what I meant.

Virgin here. Should I just go fuck Shamat or wait?

>>18472579
I think I heard once that she fucked so good a man died, but idk it I believe it. Take that as you will.

My wench, where is she? I think she has disappeared, must be one of Merlin's tricks!

:3