/lit/ - Literature

>>18440661
first for i bet someone will sperg over the op

>>18440661
I'm a sick man, I'm a spiteful man, I'm an unpleasant man, an I think my brain is ill.

abloo bloo bloo

>>18440661
I'm starting to believe that I am character on a Dostoyevsky novel.

Imma fuck someone up

I've randomly been watching footage of animals and I was struck by the sudden realization that what is behind their eyes is the same thing that is in me, the same living consciousness. I saw something precious twinkling, I dare say even a soul. Animals are undeniably sentient. I always knew this intellectually, but this is the first time that I felt the truth of it emotionally and emotional truths are always more convincing. I felt an immediate welling of sadness at how humans can treat animals especially as food, knowing that the livestock facing the slaughterhouse is going through actual hell. Even if they are not conceptually aware of what is happening, they know they are being killed and they can smell the blood of their family and friends pooled on the factory floor. It's awful too that some of the most commonly slaughtered animals are social animals, cattle, pigs, chicken sheep, goats, who therefore must have greater awareness of what is happening to the others as they are arranged in the assembly line of death awaiting their turn as their stress levels skyrocket and a cacophony of hideous death shrieks and clanging machinery deafens .
Still eating meat though :|

...

Theyre making an avatar game in 2021
what the fuck are they smoking

>>18440885
lol
how many trannies and negroes

i'm so progressive i became conservative. by the time the lower progressives become conservatives i'll be neo-progressive again

For the first time in my life im not living with any family members and having freedom and a sense of uncertainty in life so I can actually grow as a human being and Ill have a friend with me whos actually similar to me to boot. Im very excited

>>18440885
Well Avatar 2 is supposed to release next year.

The thing that most pisses me off about the ronafags and the 2016polfags is that they don't even put any effort into their posts. I'd prefer to argue the jewish question with some fanatical alt right /pol/faggot in 2015 because they at least read and gave arguments. Now that archetype is replaced with "seethe discord trannie" or whatever the fuck. Endless wojacks. The website should have been burnt down when moot left. The echo chamber that is the same 3 opinions on books no one else ever got around to reading. This massive stack of 25 philosophy books I never got around to. The very essence of /lit/ actually being about literature is gone. When it was kafka and DFW and Joyce and Pynchon threads ALL DAY LONG. Now everyone and their mother think they can philosophize and make garbage threads of "JUST GOT CAPITAL AND MEIN KAMPF WHAT AM I IN FOR LADS", and they get replies. Since finishing infinite jest there was a total of ONE threads actually discussing the book. And psychologically I think it gets worse because the game of finding a GOOD thread with QUALITY posts becomes harder and hard so I keep going back more and more to find the needle in the hay stack.

>>18441055
You gotta find good lads and get out of here man its not worth it, im only here because currently my life has been on pause for a while but as soon as Im back on track im not spending another minute here unless im using some resource or chart

/pol/ never fails to make me laugh and cheer me up

>>18440756
How can you do that? I became vegan a month ago and its been easy.

>>18441096
Just out of sad slavish habit borne out of a deeply engrained primordial taste for flesh. Also I'm skeptical of veganism and worry that it will make me into brittle and anemic Auschwitz prisoner.

>>18440661
Just focusing on my existence is making me feel strange.

I have been in an agitated state all day, snacking on food, drinking coffee, and masturbating. I can't focus on my kanji practice which I hoped I would get done in the morning but it is now 3:40pm.

I'm not sure who the hololive girl in the OP pic is but she is cute.

I can't believe how wrong I was when I thought at 15 that life couldn't get any worse

If my family found out I wanted to be a writer, they’d laugh at me. They’d laugh at me if they found out I write. No one takes me seriously.

you guys are my only friends...

>>18440998
Cheers, hope it will be as great as you imagine.

>>18441145
Maybe you should start with taking yourseld seriously.

>>18440690
same

i'm finally starting to write down some bullet points for a novel i'd like to write. i doubt i'm gonna start writing anytime soon, i'm not really confidant. i'm going with something that's kind of ambitious for my current abilities and i'd like to write it in english when that's not my mothertounge.
even so, i know someday i'm gonna start writing

>>18441157
I don’t. I don’t really believe I’ll ever achieve anything at all, let alone what I want.

>>18441145
My old sister laughed at me for writing an essay criticizing the "suicide is selfish" commonplace (she didn't even read it).
>you don't get it, you an engineer, you obviously don't get non numerical things, focus your mind on that instead
Why was she so mean bros? I never expected it, she didn't say that when I told her I was writing a novel.

>>18441164
Tell me about your idea origination? How did you come up with it?

>>18441172
older*
you're* fuck. I'm not black but I'm probably blind.

The essence of a "lifehack" is to turn any difficult task in life easy through the use of some method. And by turn "easy" I mean makes it enjoyable. Language learning is an ideal illustration of a process that's hard until you find a way to make it easy by making it enjoyable. If we can replicate this simplification to all things to make them enjoyable, we can accomplish almost anything. Work smarter, not harder.

>>18440998

Cheers anon enjoy this new kind of freedom

>>18441175
it's gonna sound trite, but i got inspired to write sci-fi after reading/watching various works of that genre. i'm basically mashing the things i like most from them and trying to add things I would find interesting.
i'm not expecting to do anything novel with the setting, atm my focus is to write something character driven and pour my feelings into the characters

my laptop and phone are both connected to the same wifi but while I can post from my laptop I get a range ban block on my phone. why is this.

>>18441172
Imagine being so autistic you tell your sister about your incel ramblings
Also, she's right

>>18441172
Post the essay

I need to quit my job but I can’t afford my own place if I do. Stuck between a rock and a hard place...

I wrote about my shitty gum health yesterday. it looks like the god damn texas chainsaw massacre. when I compare the sides one side is clearly swollen. I doubt it's healing, it has been the same for days now. I have a dentists appointment next week, to be honest I worry about the shame of being this much of a fuckup

>>18441220
iktf bro. mine aren't that swollen or discolored but they've bled for months now. idk why because I've always brushed twice a day and didn't change my diet that much in recent years and even smoke much less than I used to.

>>18441155
>>18441202
Thank you friends. Looking forward to literally whatever happens and using what opportunities I have to get new writing material. Hope you lads are leading good lives as well and tackling whatever problems come your way with vigor

Go to sleep europoors it's Amerika time baby

>>18441248
>Looking forward to literally whatever happens
Spoiler: it's depression but enjoy the honeymoon

I come from an upper-class family. I am reasonably comfortable and well-off. I have largely not needed to work a job my entire life, and all my education has been paid for. I have been able to read great literature and develop myself as a writer, a poet, and a scholar. I am extremely comfortable and if there were ever great upheaval in the United States I would probably have a worse quality of life than I do right now.

Yet, at the same time, I know that so many people in this country are much more miserable than me, and that the current arrangement of economics, culture, and politics is actively contributing to their misery. People can't afford homes. People work shitty jobs for not enough pay. People can't afford to get married and raise children. Everywhere they are bombarded with meaningless consumerism and social messages contrary to God.

It actually makes me want to try and do... something. Something that might disturb my own comfort, that might get me in trouble, that might actively lessen my quality of life. Like run for office, or something. Maybe start some kind of social movement. Do something, even if it would actively probably make my life more miserable, and even less safe.

I guess this is noblesse oblige. I feel as though, because I'm so privileged, I have an obligation to help those less fortunate, in some way. Not just to vote or donate, but to actively put my body on the line in some capacity.

The culture you're consuming is more important than your daily diet. Social media ruined my life, it deliberately stole my attention and spirit. All these random nobodies all these useless little wins in meaningless contexts. Suddenly you will realize that your most authentic mode of being is the same you figured out already 5 years ago.
And yet I'm contributing to it in order to make a living. Free market capitalism was a mistake

>>18441265
Depression is the result of expecting everything in your life to go right and being sad when you do nothing. The only time I had depression is living with my single mother because she was such a genuinely shitty person it felt like torture. I dont care if I end up homeless on the streets, im happy to just live the way I want to live and I dont need money to do that
>>18441283
Dont do anything, its a warming thought and I see where you come from but anything you do to “help” by changing the system will literally only make it worse, if you want to help either make it burn faster or better yet do nothing and just wait

>try to write some poetry
>anxiety immediately kicks in

>>18441242
I drink out of the same glass of water for weeks without washing it. maybe that's why

>>18440661
I hate niggers

I don't like hanging with my granddad. we're very different. this is a stereotype but he only wants to talk about very old shit that has very little to do with me. I have listened to him tell me about my family and all a lot, and that's pretty interesting. I dunno, I think the problem is that we're different and that we didn't spend that much time together after I was a kid. He lives close to me, I considered visiting him a week ago or so but I just got this feeling in my gut that I don't really want to, so I didn't.

I wish I were 10 years younger

I’m XX. It’s June 12th, a Saturday. I’m in my apartment in XX. No one is around to hang out. It’s a beautiful evening. I’m not depressed. A little bit angsty and anxious. I just took a hit of weed. Before that I was at XX, an XX pub down the street. I had a 20 oz. XX and the stuffed haddock. It was the waitress’s first day, but she was experienced. The service was good. I sat alone. I had brought XX to read, but I didn’t bring my glasses, and the lighting wasn’t good, so it was difficult for me to read, and I only got a couple of pages in. The part I read was of a poem or song a character had written. He had taken his life because he was unable to get a woman he loved. It was good, and interesting, but I couldn’t concentrate well. The ambience was too personal. The XX were playing. There were some seemingly local type folk, youngish men, probably my age or a little bit older. Tanned, thick bodies – people who do some sort of physical labor for work. I overheard that one had recently bought some sort of large piece of equipment for XX. He put the down payment on a no interest credit card. These were well-to-do physical laborers, being that I was at a relatively nice bar in XX. So, what else. I left the bar. I got tipsy quite quickly. I was very hungry when I arrived. I ate quickly and left quickly. It was somewhat awkward or weird of me to do so.

At the bar, at first I had an entire side of the 3 sided-bar to myself. Each side was approximately 10 to 15 feet. There were the two laborers on the side adjacent to my own, and then an older couple directly across. The waitress was attractive. She was blonde and thin, perhaps early XX. But still maintaining a nice air, attractive. We exchanged minimal banter when I arrived and when I ordered, but as I was leaving I asked if it was her first day, and she said she had been working there for 5 years before as a server, but yes, this was her first day tending the bar. I asked that because I had overheard her speaking with the laborers, whom she knew. Also, there was an exchange at one point between her and a man who seemed to be her manager, which indicated she was new at opening wine bottles. During this exchange, I exchanged eye contact and laughed with the manager, and also two other people now sitting adjacent to me (left), who had joined not long before I asked for my check. I forgot to mention that perhaps midway through, a young couple sat immediately to my right. I believe the female was perhaps part XX and part XX; she had interesting features. She was definitely attractive. Not quite conventionally, but a beautiful woman of perhaps XX. She was with a partner, a man of perhaps early XX. I believe he was blond, and frankly an odd sort of face that was both simultaneously very masculine and very feminine. His face was quite tightly cut. He had somewhat thin, slicked back blonde hair. An almost Neanderthal like appearance, one that you would expect to typically exude dominance. He was also fairly large, tall and not unfit. But also, I somehow felt that this man was demure. Or, that I was in some sense his social superior. Alpha-beta sort of thing. Which seems odd, because he was there with his partner, and I was alone, and he was for all outward appearances my social “superior” (with his partner, taller, bigger, better dressed), and he did not feel to me to be. Plus, his partner, on multiple occasions – once when I sat down, once when I laughed at something on the television, and once when I was leaving – made an effort to make eye contact with me and smile and laugh with me. I believe we said goodbye, despite not exchanging any other words than perhaps, “Hello”. So, that was cool.

So yeah. I left. I smoked a cigarette pretty quickly on the drive home. I did not buckle my seat belt. It is a short drive. I passed one police car with their sirens on heading in the opposite direction of me. I then passed another police car without their sirens on head heading in the opposite direction of me. I was looking like I was feeling good. I didn’t have my seat belt on. I was smoking my cigarette. I was comfortably laid back. The police officer was at a stop, and he came into by view quickly, because the roads are tight. My point being that he likely saw me and he likely understood that I was in some way buzzed. I returned to my house and was quick to make the left turn onto my road. A few short moments later, as I was getting my things out of the car, a police car came through the neighborhood, and it was fortunate because my house it at a T intersection, at the very top middle of the T. And as he approached the T, from the top left of the T, he looked town the T. As though he were looking for someone, perhaps for me. He had arrived at the T intersection quickly, and moved on from it quickly. I think there is a non-trivial probability that he was searching for me. I got upstairs quickly, and got inside. And I felt good right away. Because there’s no way he can “get me” now that I’m quietly in my hose. In fact, I got high within 5 minutes of walking in the door. I escaped. It feels good. So here I am, now. High. It’s XX.

>>18441545
Me too but whenever I see a black girl I want to bleach them.

>>18441545
Based, also fuck trannies and fuck weebs

>>18440661
I was born in the wrong body.
I'm an aristocratic aesthete born in the body of a poor and unremarkable young man.

>>18440756
Imagine if they were to be killed by wolves or lions or something, they would get torn apart alive. It’s much more humane to kill them with a clean bullet to the head

>>18441217
>>18441172

Lmao. I agree though, suicide isn't selfish. Though on a subconscious level I still treat it like a selfish thing. I want to read the essay.

>>18441838
you are valid

A few years ago I took a job that I was way in over my head for. To make a long story short, I quit within 5 days and I still regret it today. I find it terribly embarrassing to thinking about.

>>18440690
Would you say you are a /wicked/ man?

There’s no crowd. People don’t read books. It’s like the Gatsby library. Over your head. But that’s what I mean. People just own books, they don’t read them. And if they happen to read a book, then they don’t care what’s in it. They read what The New Yorker tells them to read, and then they can carry the totebags without feeling like phonies.

>>18442162
based and phony pilled

tfw no shoujo manga-style romance

>>18440710
Why, anon?

sneed

I just broke up with my first gf. At first, she seemed perfect. Well, she was 28 and I'm 22, but maybe it could work out I thought. Then she got kinda weird. She had something like a breakdown because she constantly thought I would get "bored" of her or and leave her for another girl, and it took hours to calm her down. Not long after, we were playing a video game together and I mentioned casually I wanted to learn Chinese. Then she got really defensive and said, "Do you want to meet Chinese people on messaging apps?" and stuff like that. I tried to respond but got confused and went quiet for a while, then she started crying. Eventually she admitted she was afraid that me learning Chinese was a sign I was "moving on" from her, and she panicked. She admitted she was depressed. I asked /adv/ what to do, and they all told me this was a red flag and I should split up before it gets worse, but I tried to fix it anyways.

Well, basically the problems didn't stop. She admitted she believed I was cheating on her, even though she had zero proof. She would wake up and send long walls of text about her conflicted emotions, and get super emotional and say "So you think I'm a monster? So you hate me?". Stuff like that. Eventually I said I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to cut her off, but she persuaded me into giving her one more chance. I did, then it fell through today - just a day later. She couldn't shake the negativity.

But you know what? To the bitter end, she fought back against me. Suddenly I was the one that changed. Suddenly I was a "prejudiced" person, because I couldn't deal with my partner going on random mental breakdowns if I accidentally trigger them somehow. Yeah, I am prejudiced against mentally ill people because that burden is too much to bear - because I can't carry the weight of two people. Honestly, the people on /adv/ were 100% correct. She was leeching off me. She saw someone less depressed and more energetic than her, and latched onto me. And when I said I couldn't bear the weight of two people, she got angry and turned on me. "You're just another one of them". I'm kind of sad, but also amazed that what I was told on /adv/ was right. That relationship was 100% doomed, and I'm glad I cut it off there. Hopefully the next one goes better.

I'd be lying if I said I won't miss her though. Her normal self, when she wasn't acting crazy. Feel kinda empty now

antarctica used to be a completely inaccessible land, practically another dimension, filled with unknowable secrets

>>18442356
classic BPD. These people need to be forced into prostitution camps and paired with incels to form ultra mentally distrubed children that shall be sent as cannon fodder into China for the glory of America

>>18442356

>>18442385
Honestly I dunno about BPD. It's probably just depression, maaaybe bipolar if you stretch it. She never did anything evil, but her emotions were totally out of whack - the fact she accused me of cheating is such a huge red flag I can't ignore it. I really liked her for a while too. The fact she told me I was "Just another one of those prejudiced guys" at the end though sealed the deal. That's who she really is. She doesn't have the self-awareness to get why it's unreasonable to continue a relationship with a mentally unstable woman, so she called me immoral. I would get a little angry at that, but for some reason I just don't care. Right now I'm just glad I broke it off knowing 100% it wouldn't work early, rather than dragging it out hoping to fix it.

>>18442419
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder#Signs_and_symptoms

>>18442419
People with bipolar disorder alternate over a period of several months. Borderlines shift from one end to the other in an instant.

>>18442422
>>18442425
Holy shit, maybe you were onto something. She basically idolized me for 2 months so I guess that fits the "idealization" category too.
In that case I really dodged a bullet, huh? I hate thinking of fellow humans in this way but damn. Even compared to other mental diseases, I've heard BPD is absolute hell for relationships

>>18442356
>>18442419
>>18442452
good for you man. I just broke up with my gf of about a year too. she didn't outright accuse me of cheating but came pretty close to it a few times and threatened to cheat on me. the rest sounds really familiar except in my case it was a bad relationship from the start and only got worse. was asked to give it another chance time and time again. the breakup itself was really tough; she kept pleading to me to stay. but diagnosing your partners based on internet info is bullshit though that's what women do. leave it to the professionals imo.

>>18440661
I should have dated that weeb chubby girl. She wasn't exactly my type, but she was the only who listened to my autistic ramblings.

>>18442492
>and threatened to cheat on me
That's fucked up. Honestly though, compared to a lot of things other guys have gone through, we don't have it that bad. I was reading on /adv/ or /r9k/ about a guy whose gf went and slept with her ex as revenge during the relationship, and the guy just put up with it because "she's nice 90% of the time". That sounds hellish. My girl wasn't vindictive like that but still really unstable emotionally, and this part of her only came out about 2 months in, so I had no clue until recently.
>but diagnosing your partners based on internet info is bullshit though that's what women do. leave it to the professionals imo.
Sure, I guess. Can't say for sure what it was. But whatever it is, it's not a healthy or natural way of thinking. So we should understand that and not feel guilty about breaking up with them, because stuff like that doesn't simply go away. The beginning of the relationship should be easy - if it's already hard that soon in, then it's just going to get worse from there. At least, that's what common sense seems to dictate.

>>18442492
>leave it to the professionals imo.
Psychology is hardly a science. Wikipedia rips everything straight from the DSM. Psych diagnosis are essentially conjectures that come straight from it. They have told me so themselves.

t. been in the mental health system all my life since I was a kid, have gotten conflicting diagnoses, and have grown a hostility and cynicism toward their "profession"

I'm starting to get fetish on ugly depressed people in weird positions because of expressionist paintings

you guys make me angry

I wish that i could turn back time,
'Cause now the guilt is all mine.
Can't live without the trust from those you love.
I know we can't forget the past,
You can't forget love and pride.
Because of that, it's killing me inside.
It all returns to nothing,
It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.
It all returns to nothing,
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down.
In my heart of hearts,
I know that i could never love again.
I've lost everything... everything...
Everything that matters to me matters in this world.
It all returns to nothing,
It just keeps tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.
It all returns to nothing,
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down.

>>18442162
Totebags here are for groceries but I get the idea from this post that they mean something different in the US. US anons pls describe object in question and its use and cultural significance.

>>18441788
>The XX were playing.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pib8eYDSFEI

>>18440710
If it's the double how do you know you're not the other guy? Maybe you are your popular half?

>>18440661
Here I am, sitting in my room like the day before talking to people I'll never meet on the internet.

I want to move out of the US even if the only place I could reasonably go to is probably UK France or Nederlands this place blows if you’re trying to be a sane human being

>>18442886
I don't think moving overseas is necessary to make you happy, though it could make it easier.

>>18442356
oh shit i had a chick think i would get bored of her too, it was weird.

>>18442899
It's like that David Foster Wallace story in Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, where the girl is constantly terrified that the guy will break up with her and he can't stand it so he breaks up with her. At the time I read it I thought it was no more than a curious story, but now I think it must have come from real experience, and he saw the irony in it so he put it in a story. This is probably not a rare thing

I may have impregnated her and I don't have a plan

I'm getting enough likes on Tinder at this point where it's probably time to consider paying for it. It's a lot harder to hunt through all the local swipes for the right girl on Tinder than it is on Bumble. On Bumble, I can usually find the girl who's liked me based on her blurry picture, and she usually shows up within ten or so swipes. This isn't the case on Tinder.

I don’t ever want to work another office job again but then how will I afford to continue living on my own?

>open up history in front of a friend because I couldn't remember the name of a painter I wanted to show her
>"what the fuck anon, why were you searching whether or not angels have free will, aren't you atheist?"

The ending of Plato’s Symposium is fucking hilarious

>>18443366
I'mma let you finish but Xenophon has the greatest symposium of all time

I prefer women being as independent as they are now, but I do not approve of their rampant whoredom and influential overreach.

>>18443469
>69
>do not approve of their rampant whoredom
Your digits say otherwise, you tease.

I can drink like four shots of whiskey and feel nothing but get a buzz from one beer I don't get it

I ought to lose weight.

Hegel, Fichte, Schelling, I call upon you. Lend me your strength. Kierkegaard, Marx, Heidegger, Camus: allow me to borrow your fervor. For today I attempt that most vaunted of tasks: the practice of philosophy.

...I slammed shut my locker, the inside of which was adorned by printed out pictures of the great philosophers, a little too hard, causing my tinnitus to flare up as I whirled around on my heel and saw the school bully, Levin, flirting with my crush Darla. I went cross-eyed with rage. Immediately I marched up to Levin, who was dressed tackily in a red varsity jacket, but stopped just short of him, and instead of shoving or striking him I simply stood before him with my face twisted into the most wrathful expression I could muster, and transmitted negative energy.

He did not take notice of me at first. Then I interspersed my transmission with yelps, which, having Tourette's, I was able to get away with without arousing much attention; however, it aided in my transference of negative energy. I was visualizing all manner of harm befalling this Levin, imagined him crushed in an iron maiden, pecked to death by vultures, dissolved in a vat of hydrofluoric acid. The satisfaction I gleaned from seeing him die so gruesomely I concentrated at a point between my eyes and directed towards Levin as if in a beam, targeting his torso, his broad shoulders, his shapely swollen arms, and sinewy pectoral muscles. Immediately I realized I was gay and it was Levin that I had a crush on, and not, after all, Darla; but it was too late, he was already beginning to collapse under the glare of my negative energy beam, as the youth fled from his body, caved in his cheeks, the light left his eyes, and he was reduced to a pile of ash.

Mr larping as a Futurist

I write after we have killed the moonlight, where lamp-sun shines, nicotine fills lungs, and caffeine gums. I can just barely remember the days before the eternal artificial sun, of the cycles of the moon and sun. How they danced across the sky, rising, falling, and setting with the explosion of color. Oh the nostalgia of those days. I write where the dancing lights hum with the sound of propellers and engines, where windows reveal thousands of lighting bugs of Man’s making. The forests of concrete and asphalt now with racing steel. There was a beautiful royalty in those first Gazelles when they were filled with danger and force, but now they seem so commonplace, so boring and overdone. Somewhere the beauty of speed was lost and replaced with guidelines of safety and death was made an afterthought. Now the old simply rot. The young show no signs of the virility of youth. They operate as drones of the factories. The once assaulting music of days past is soothing and calming to the ear. “Heavy Metal Crashing” first an insult and now no more fiercem than a lullaby. The harsh static and screaming engines are now close to silent. The replaced gasoline burning in only antiques. When sleep loses meaning as it has now those cycles of intensity now feel mundane. What cruelty. Commodification and innovation was supposed to bring a revolution of the future one of blood and victory, but its only brought a a void. Those symbols of the revolution, wonderful, beautiful cars now are all the same. During the first days of the mission to kill the moonlight they all had the veracity to throw you off a cliff, the handling, power, and grip was not yet perfected. Now they steer themselves, they ride just as smooth as the next. Where is the difference? The moonlight was supposed to release an eternal age of anger of nationalism.

When I was younger, my bestfriend had Asian neighbors. These neighbors had twin daughters who must've been around 18 when I first saw them. They were the thiccest girls i've ever seen, i'm talking fat huge titties and big asses, little chunky but hey that's not so bad given most asians don't pass b cubs or 100 lbs. they really set the bar for asians for me really high. i almost regret seeing them
fast forward to last week, at a restaurant with my friends, waitress is asian
>she's thick for an asian
no.... no she is not....

Albeit self-evident, Reason herself was lost to vain ignorance while Wisdom had incarnated as mostly material. Beauty was separated from Intuition, left a marred and distorted image of what once was. Passion was sentenced to death and in revolt began to dream of lilac sky. Harmony danced within all things as it expanded upon itself, rising on zephyr into music and chaos. All the while the background of Order ceaselessly unfolded in its cold and infinite gaze.

Beauty had grown so tired of illuminating the ubiquitous Passion, that she made glamorous idols of stainless steel to lavish herself with praise throughout the four corners of Earth. When reproved by Reason for her purposelessness, she sought after Harmony to be vindicated. Although Harmony was too subtle and preoccupied being obfuscated by the overbearing Wisdom. Therefore, Beauty could only find Wisdom. Wisdom, who was still in its infancy, imprisoned Beauty in a dreadful nightmare of decay and emptiness. Beauty supplicated herself before Wisdom, but the heart of Wisdom had already hardened.

Like a thief in the night, Reason struck swiftly. Wisdom was made glorious through Reason's sharp edge. What just was dark was now light, and Harmony immediately surfaced releasing one long note. Every injury, deformity, and disaster was revealed to be the work of Harmony. The Truth of Order had reached its crescendo. Beauty was made eternal and entwined with Passion once more.

I discovered this IG thot recently and I keep fantasizing about cooming in her and suckling her big luscious breasts

Anybody heard of Kindle Vella? It's launching in a few months:

https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/help/topic/GR2L4AHPMQ44HNQ7

It basically seems like Amazon's going to let you release a story one chapter/section at a time, and promote each section as it appears. Like an old serial run in newspapers. Or, I guess, like fanfics are released, these days.

I'm really intrigued by it. I have some experience writing fanfics and I've developed a bit of intuitive skill at building hype for my stories by releasing the right chapter at the right time. This could be a way to get genuine readership, in a way that wouldn't be the case if I were just dumping my books on Amazon all at once.

Does the board still do /crit/? I glance over here now and again but I haven't seen one in some time.

>>18440661
Not specifically related to Heidegger, but a while ago I saw a small post talking about how he had identified and written about the 'feeling of apprehending the moment', and that the Greeks had given a word to it. That kind the moment of realization - for example realizing truth via contradiction, feels right but unable to explain it - Just a kind of realization moment, but because the feeling is so elusive I don't really know what to look up.

>>18443771
if you build it, they will come

>>18443513
it always depends on what you've eaten and if you're tired etc.
I can drink 12 beers on a Satdy night and feel barely drunk (of course, I am drunk, but I don't necessarily *feel* drunk). Or you have one beer on a Friday after a long week and it goes straight to your head.

>>18441145
I feel you. Same thing but instead of writer, I wanted to be an artist. My family for some reason don't even want me to be one. The only one who did believe I was capable of being one was one of my sisters. But ever since she passed away, this feeling of being isolated gnaws harder on me.

It is hysterical to me how thoroughly dominated the Irish are by the English. Even now, decades after achieving their independence, the Irish are the lapdogs of the English. Ireland wants to be mini-England these days. They've turned their backs on every bit of their classical Irish heritage--their love of nature, their Gaelic, their respect for fairy legends, their Catholic faith--in favor of becoming as much like the UK as they possibly can. They are a mini-England with their focus on financial enterprises. Dublin is "London with shamrocks." It's so pathetic. The Irish have never stopped being a whipped, beaten people. It's even worse now that they're no longer officially controlled by the English, because in their freedom they have merely exchanged involuntary servitude for voluntary servitude. Truly embarrassing.

>>18444087
>when your friends are shoneens
>and you call it Gaelic
Lol this is like Asian girls unaware of yellow fever

>>18440661
The worst blow you can deal to a populist is giving him a pedestal to stand on and an indeterminate amount of time to speak his mind. Only then can one realise how excruciatingly little that shallow man has to say.

I accidentally saw my sister's buttplug she hadn't hidden and when I told her it wasn't appropriate and that she should be more discrete she just said "oh I'm not ashamed" and didn't really understand what I was getting at.

Literally everyone enjoys it when the bad guy gets killed in movies. Violence = bad, but: Violence against bad guys = good. Badguyness is a framing device to control humanities lust for death. This framing device is programmed into our DNA. However, the particulars of Badguyness are left fairly open, free for redefinition. Violent puppets hanging from societies strings, man. Your frame of mind is not YOUR frame of mind. Genghis Khan is just another HERO fighting against the forces of EVIL.

o despair, eftsoones thy solemn face ycladde
with weolcans of a heben welkin,
eftsoones thou whimples the face of the glad,
thou dashes the multitude imps of sin,
thou scourges the vain, thou driveth them mad
with thine darts of sulphur and bitter sting,
the poison which swallow’s the simurgh’s wing,
whether elfin king or bondservant’s lad,
just as hiemal hoary hell hauls the spring,
so must (even if seldom) each be cleaned,
it is meet that each and every thing
be clad with the sackcloth, and then the dreamed
Paradise of perpetual twilight
shall be eftsoones unveiled in each man’s sight.

what is even expected of a modern relationship, being joined at the hip and communicating over phone every day? I don't get it

>>18444166
Is your sister hot?

>>18441145
i feel you. my family ridiculed me as a kid for talking to girls and i was scared to talk to them again until highschool

as things have happened there is basically nothing I need to do unitl september, without this constituting a major financial problem. I'm completely free. I don't know what to do.

>>18442492
>threatened to cheat on me
you should have dumped her right there

>>18444232
You could try reading a book. I hear it's good.

Is there some group like the Amish but less loony, where I can go and tell them that the modern world nearly drived me insane and I need to stay in their little community where they would have me farm the land from 6am to 6pm and maybe let me coom inside some clueless 18yr old girl

>>18444256
i finished brothers karamazov yesterday and enjoyed it a lot. a the beginning of the summer I thought I would want to read a lot about theology and esotericism, so I ordered 5 or so books in this category but now I don't really feel like it. I will probably go to my cafe and read a sufi book about love.

>>18442560
i feel you brother

>>18441011
Avatar 1 sucked

my biggest fear is going schizo
i have no schizos in my family but i have the personality of a schizo and i believe in schizo shit
my life is full of weird signs and my beliefs are really strange
i always attract schizo friends (clinical)
i'm afraid i'll just start seeing and hearing shit someday and lose my mind

>>18444195
Yes.

>>18444268
Rumi or Khayyam or did you do a deeper dive than you did on the orthodox weirdos?

>>18441283
That's most of lefties. Rich bored people with a saviour complex.

>>18442385
Very based

>>18443693
Sauce?

>>18442660
lol why

so i'm french and people aren't as insane here but today i was confronted to something typically american i believe. i have an ig account i don't use just for lurking reasons (looking at qts and whatnot) and today i had a ig reel (like a tiktok) randomly recommended to me where an asian girl was briefly mentioning being into yaoi or whatever (this was in my recommended because i follow a lot of asian girls). now i don't care about her reading anime gay porn and it's not the point of this post. but i went to look at the comments on the video and it was full of people really really really mad and cancelling her for "fetishising gay men which is unacceptable" and there was this one post that was like "as a gay man i hate you!" so out of curiosity i went to these people's pages to see who they were. and so the people accusing her of harming the gay community were all women or "trans men" (not actually trans, just crossdressing teenage women) and the person who said "i'm a gay man" was like a fat 14 year old girl with long hair. i was like "???????????????" girls who crossdress as gay men are accusing people of fetishising gay men... i just don't understand... up to now i thought people exaggerated the idea of virtue signaling in today's world being absurd but this made me reconsider... i'm afraid

>>18444322
amouredelavie on IG

>>18444328
maybe they were bot accounts
> up to now i thought people exaggerated the idea of virtue signaling in today's world being absurd but this made me reconsider..
that's such a weird event to make you reconsider something that is otherwise so obvious. you sound slow but then again you're french

>>18444334
like i said it's not as obvious in france because the culture isn't as crazy here and no they were real people kek

>>18444332
I really wonder what it's like to fuck a girl like this. It not even that I'm really that attracted to her body type, it's just curiosity of how different it would be to a normal girl

>>18441145
I can relate.

When I told my family I wanted to be a drummer they were like "dude, that's fuckin' sick!" and I was "yeah, right?" All these years later and everyone still thinks I'm cool as fuck about it. Family can be like that.

I wish to get some feedback about my (extremely) short story. Idea was quite cliched so it was good for practise story. Also it was originally not written in english so don't focus too much on grammar.
https://pastebin.com/EcPEMsNb

>>18444345
>I really wonder what it's like to fuck a girl
Ftfy

>>18444345
>I really wonder what it's like to fuck a girl like this

very soft

>>18444450
Hnnnngggggg

This is the first time I've felt loneliness in who knows how long
Eating won't fix it
Masturbating won't fix it
God damn

>>18444545
>he didn’t live with crippling loneliness his whole life
you deserve it

>>18444384
go to /wg/

kinda want to write a screenplay for a movie about my favourite historical person but it would never work today because modern schizos will say why are you making a film about an abusive predatory white male or whatever :')

do you boys think the political correctness moment in culture will pass in 15 years or so? be honest

Paul, I shouldn't be an ass but you have to really start watching where you are driving. No one else has 13.

I impulsively shaved my beard entirely off yesterday. I hadn't even trimmed it for like a year and a half. It's a very strange feeling seeing your face again after this long. I noticed I have a gullet now and my life is characterized by the constant experience of intense regret. I'm also now on a diet.

I don't remember my chin being this weak bros it hurts it hurts

>>18444328
Afraid of what? Let the weaklings do their stuff, they have nothing else to do in this world. If you put no value in social media you are practically out of reach of this degeneracy. Les chiens aboient, la caravane passe.

kek

>>18444303
I happened upon a book by a guy named al Iraqi a while back that I really liked so I got a copy

I have a lot of anger but it doesnt want to flow into any activity and just poisons me from inside.

Why is my brain so different in the morning compared to in the evening? In the evening I think of so many things that I think are interesting and in the morning I think they're boring.

I'm growing distant from the person I love. Of course I would "guard" myself as per usual.

>>18440661
I will never finish anything.
I will never achieve anything.
All my work will be left undone, but for what it's worth, it's not much work at all.
I'll spend my time mindlessly until I get thrown out of the house.
I will never have a job.
And my hobbies will all amount to nothing.

>>18445011
yes

>>18444872
it's already dying, so yes

>>18445048
>it's already dying, so yes
i want to believe, but i don't see why you say this. do you care to elaborate?

>>18444985
just chill

>>18440756
>be born
>become adult
>work for 40 years
>actually live for like 10
>die
we're so close to being the same as those animals, I'm too busy trying to get out of the circle myself don't have time for them too

>>18445061
the backlash is growing too fast and too strong

Force made the first slaves; and their cowardice perpetuates their slavery.

>>18445067
i cant.

i strongly dislike airports

>>18445096
where? you mean on fringe communities like 4chan?

I wish I didn't get into fighting games.

>>18445113
what upsets you so much, my brother

>>18441134
I need Haruhi to jerk me off under the table.

I wish I could connect better to normies. I'm not interested in much other than art and not everyone wants to discuss Hammershøi or hear about my Lili Boulanger-inspired synth chorales. Even when I talk about trivial things, I do so in terms of aesthetic appreciation.
And let me tell you, artsy people are the worst people.

>>18445223
no, irl retard

>>18445262
>not everyone wants to discuss Hammershøi or hear about my Lili Boulanger-inspired synth chorales
kek as an autist with extremely specific interests who is also into art i understand what you feel so well

>>18444323
I get in arguments a lot here

I don't trust that my mother will continue to love me. I missed a couple of calls from her and now I'm fantasizing about her pretty much disowning me. I suspect this is psychologically relevant. 30 btw.

>>18445455
about what?

>>18445478
kek

>>18445527
A lot of topics like: Theism vs Atheism, Catholicism vs Protestantism, left vs right, whether or not left and right is a false dichotomy, Hylics vs Perennialist traditionalists, this philosopher is not as good as this philosopher, Aristotle was terrible, no plato was actually better, no actually it was Heraclitus that was right, this book actually sucks and actually you are a faggot, Dostoevsky sucks and is actually a crypto atheist, KJV vs other translations, bible actually sucks, moral realism is false, uh no actually moral realism isn't even real with God, um no actually you shouldn't have children and anti natalism is actually correct and you are wrong. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

>>18445262
normies are actually incredibly autistic when it comes to social interaction. they literally do not analyze it. They don't know why they prefer one thing or another. they don't realize that they are doing something wrong if they are (boomers are just old normies). Normies just act based on how they're feeling at any given moment, which is what makes them appear confident. Further, the reason they socially interact is to establish dominance hierarchies. Normies prefer to be friends with people who are dominant. Being dominant is a matter of appearing confident (as per the above), and "winning" social interactions over and over. Among groups of only guys, these interactions involve telling jokes, dissing one another, displaying knowledge, playing gay chicken, showing how you don't give a fuck, being able to take blows/jokes/etc. One on one, you can still do this, but since there's no audience, there's no score, so you can't "win". Also, don't try "befriend" a girl, she will not understand.

So, if you want to connect better to normies, save your social analysis for when you're alone. Find some group, simply act, and try to win at social interactions.

>>18445575
how did you learn this, does this fit into a larger ontology or more general theory

>>18445234
Honestly, everything. Im angry at other people, at the world and especially at myself (i broke my hand in two places because of that).

>>18445566
Iktf. I have to limit my time on here because of this stuff. I guess I'm an irascible person

I can never have a perfect week as far as what I spend my time doing. Like this week I spent a fair bit of time reading but practiced guitar for about 20 minutes, yet last week I spent too much time practicing guitar and not enough time reaing.

>>18445616
get therapy

>>18445566
to be fair, those are pretty terrible opinions

I had a dream I was chandler from friends, playing a super advanced final fantasy game, and sarcastically reading every line of dialogue out loud. I took the game with me from home to the job at the chef kitchen/produce market to the ward another person worked at. I tried to grope Monica on a very large bed. The economic collapse had started at a big bank. The most popular video was of a girl making a porno while sneaking into yankee stadium’s top floor. There was a secret video that a documentary came out about that not everyone got to see. It’s original release parties were forced to shut down.

>>18445566
>>18445618
basically this

>>18445655
Cant afford it

>>18445656
they are topics not opinions

>>18445609
source for what i'm saying is my ass. my ass is as follows: I had serious issues interacting with normies my whole life, developed social phobia so bad that i dropped out of HS at 17, and barely left the house at 19. forced myself to work multiple social jobs: restaurants, a cafe, door to door, kept trying to make different friends. i didn't do well in basically all of those cases, but i can comfortably interact with normies now @27.

saving your social analysis is a point taken from more general theories of learning; that you can't both analyze and perform a complicated task at the same time.


more general theories would probably be academic anthropological and psychological research on the subject.

>>18441810
her

>>18445656
This is the kind of retard that makes me angry on /lit/. Can't even read a post and already acts pretentious. Kill yourself dipshit.

>>18442385
most unrepentantly based thing i've read here in a minute

>>18442356
That sounds like it could be mental illness, not just personal insecurity. If possible, try to keep an eye on her or think about your other experiences with her to see if she's unduly paranoid or paranoid in delusional ways. The Chinese thing isn't really reasonable even for a highly jealous person, it's straight up odd.

The long texts thing is also common with BPD and other mental illnesses, including paranoid schizophrenia. That doesn't mean she has either, I'm just saying, try to view it through that lens just to see if things don't click, for her sake. Think of how crazy it is to do that. It's outside the spectrum of "just a really jealous girl, being more jealous than even her average." It's out there.

She might be having episodes of some kind, feeling like she's free-falling (can't trust anybody, desperately wants a rock to stand on, desperately wants stability because she's scared), but then can't use logical/rational means (because in an episode) to pursue reasonable ways of addressing it, so she's lashing out at people around her, paradoxically driving them further away.

You're probably too angry at her to do this but like I said, try to keep an eye on her just to make sure none of the obvious flags are there.. If she's abusing amphetamines, or she's isolated from her family. I've seen people go through things like this and end up truly crazy a little later. It really might not be her fault, not entirely. Imagine all the little foibles and blind spots you have in your personality/behavior, then imagine if you had a mental breakdown that triggered all of them and put them all into overdrive against the very people you love. In a more reasonable state you would acknowledge wrong, the tragedy is you can't.

It's too hot to even think, nevermind read, so I've spent the day being a clammy fuck, watching Sopranos clips and looking at book job lots on Ebay. Had to go out and get that good good Home Bargains protein powder so at least I left the house for a bit

my friend wants to go into manhattan next weekend. manhattan is an overcrowded overpriced shopping mall that smell like piss. i have zero interest in spending the day over there, but i feel like i shouldn't turn down a chance to socialize.

>>18446437
CARMELA CAN YOU SHUT THE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH

Reading about how the Apollonian is to dreams as the Dionysian is to intoxication is kinda interesting because they feel similar to me. The rhythmic disjunction of time is what stands out to me in both these types of experience. It is like both impulses meet at their limit.
Haven't read Birth of Tragedy btw, just read about it.

>>18445692
>>18445956
the list seemed to begin as topics but shifted towards opinions, indicating that the poster wasn't able to maintain a coherent thought
i'm responding to the latter part of the list
also those are stupid brainlet topics anyhow

>>18446496
hehe

>>18446557
he was listing contrasting opinions as a way to refer to the relevant topics...

Speaking is counterproductive to writing.

I despise myself

>>18446683
What about dictation?

will probably end up straight up telling a woman that I tried to convert her so I could marry her. Some days I did, some days I just genuinely thought it would be better for her to find God. We had an odd chat going a while back, and I kept steering it back to religion. Eventually I said something that pissed her off and she left. I thought she wouldn't come back, but after a few months she wants to talk again. So I asked her how she felt about it all- she didn't seem angry anymore. She asked for time to put together her thoughts. A part of the reason why I said what I did to her was because I saw her as someone I could want to marry, but there was sometihng I needed to know. It's a long story, there's a lot that goes into it. But she'll probably ask why I said what I did, and I'll have to answer. You can be a coward, but you can not be a liar.

>>18446844
>imposing your religion upon others
christians are so dumb kill yourself gay bitch

>>18446844
Best way to convert someone is to live by good example.

>>18446909
>>18446874
I was madly in love, that's the best I can tell you. My heart was like this for months.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9mkBhXCNC0

in truth it was a confused time in some ways. I wouldn't try the same thing now, but at the time it is true that I did.

>>18446844
It's good to be honest. I am religious and I understand your dilemma but the notion of manipulating someone toward faith "for their own good" worries me on some level I can't put a finger on. It would be like an apple rotten on the inside, a victory that's really a defeat or being right for the wrong reasons, if that makes sense.

Lads a new UK news channel is launching just now

GB NEWS
>https://www.gbnews.uk/watchlive

>>18446957
well, sort of. it's more like I would let her know that God answers prayers. she can take that and run with it or not take it, but it is true and fundamentally the most helpful piece of information there is

>>18446874
wisdom

>>18440661
I'm getting drunk for the first time in a long time.
I do not like it.
I long for the days that being drunk was fun.

>>18446965
wait so it's 8pm in england rn? i'm literally watching the first 5 minutes of this station?

>>18447015
Yup

>>18446557
>also those are stupid brainlet topics anyhow
yet they show up on this board every day

>>18446557
Also you're pretty much proving my point too. We are literally arguing about arguments. Kinda funny.

My cousin is every bit as smart as me, and he comes from a rich family. I slowly watched him squander all his potential by doing nothing but smoking weed all day. This gradually led to him dropping out of school, doing harder and harder drugs, and eventually knocking a girl up. He decided to keep the child, at least, but nowadays he basically works a dead end job and lives with his parents, along with his young son.

He has single-handedly ensured I'll never do any other drug besides alcohol. I don't want to become like him. Weed is absolutely a gateway drug, Peter Hitchens and the rest of the moral crusaders are 100% correct.

>>18447220
Evolutionarily speaking, your cousin is smarter than you to the tune of one son.

>>18447220
The last time I was pro-weed I was 20 years old trying to figure out where I stood on everything by using Ben Shapiro tier FACTS and LOGIC. Restricting people's free choice is evil and is always used by tyrants, therefore, 420 weed smokum every day.

Now I've seen the effects it has on people and I understand that a completely anarcho-libertarian society is impossible, and it's obvious to me that weed alone is enough to destroy a life, turn a productive person into someone who wasted their whole life, and is indeed a gateway drug to every other drug. Why wouldn't it be?

A healthy culture could avoid banning drugs, because the citizenry would not be addicted to them. But desperate times like these, when half the population is on pills and the other half is abusing alcohol weed crack or fentanyl, call for desperate measures. Once the body is healthy again we can consider letting De Quincey do opium and write poems again.

Another thing that would solve the problem, have properly functioning economies so people don't have to either sell or grow drugs to live. And ruthlessly exterminate every criminal drug dealer and piece of shit drug lord in existence. Every level of "the drug problem" would eliminate the whole problem if it were addressed. Pull on any one of these threads and the whole house of cards would come crashing down. It only manages to exist as a total assault on human decency and civilization. A healthy people could shrug it off. A people freed from its enslavers would become healthy. Etc. We will soon have to decide which side of this equation we want to start on.

>>18446965
>news channel
Do you have any jazz or trance music channels?

>>18446957
I have a bad conscience about this now which is good. I posted because I wanted to explore my feelings about this, and to be judged I supposed so that I got something to think of.

We met a couple of years ago and I fell for her pretty fast. She's from another country, and she had to go back. We talked a little bit after that. I was.. very much in love. I remember just laying in bed and hurting because I thought we'd never meet again. I tried to keep a chat going with her just for the impossible chance that it could lead to something some day. but it fizzled out.

Then I basically became very religious. I don't know if I am anymore but for a couple of years I really thought that was what I should do.

About a year or so after the first contact she wrote me again. That time I thought that it's pointless, she is not religious.. I remember I thought I had a duty to respond in case she wrote me wanting to know about religion, but if she wanted anything else it would be best not to talk. I responded with a kind of esoteric riddle to try to see if she would bite, but she did not.

Then like 6 months later she wrote me again. I think she's lonely, generally, I can't tell if she likes me or she's lonely. And this time I thought I'll try to be her friend, in case she's lonely. And so I told her everything, everything about my feelings for her, all of it, because I thought "if I don't tell her this there's no way I can be chill around her, and if I do tell her it is at least theoreticall possible". This was not to win her over, but because I thought that I should try to be there for her, and this was the only way I knew how. I also told her that I could be her friend or I could be her husband, but that if the reason she wrote me was romantic she should know that there is no in between. And if she wanted to be my wife, she had to convert. So at this point she knows that I have been completely in love with her but that if there is to be anything romantic, religion is a must.

Now the thing is, she wanted to talk philosophy with me, but to me honestly philosophy is useless without God, it's really nothing without God. I thought she was unhappy and I did try to let her know that God is what can help. This may not have been the most sensitive approach but at that point in my life this was really all that was on my mind. The conversation did not really go very well desu. It is around this time I remember that I did say something with the intention of wanting for her to convert. At least once. I don't remember what, but I remember that was where my heart was. Other times I really just wanted to let her know. The truth was, of course, that I could never be her friend.

>>18447327
After a while I told her this, I basically told her "you are beautiful, I like you very much as a person and I am too weak to be your friend, I can only see you as a woman, so.. good bye". I thought at this time that she would leave, obviously, as she would not want to convert, but she stuck around, so... what was I to think at this point.

Then more stuff happened. I said something judgemental because I thought that if she was possibly going to be my wife I needed to know. I asked a hard question, probably an insensitive question, she took offense and she left. Then about a week ago she wrote me again.

>>18440661
I have very recently realized the reason I haven't been able to finish a single story is because I base my stories on my dreams- which is cool in theory, except in real life "dream logic" is insufficient foundation to build on.

Except now I'm invested in at least one of my stories based on a dream. I'm obsessed with finishing it and now I don't know how to deal with this thing. How do I shore up an unstable foundation? At this point, I've been working on it for years, and I don't care about it being marketable, I just want to be able to finish it, for myself.

imagine: a small truck, a very small truck, where only one person fits in the front to steer, and his knees are up to his ears. and with the truck he drives off, always in a circle, on an empty supermarket parking lot. and while he's driving, a jingle plays from a loudspeaker above. so he drives around and around in circles. then he stops and an ss man comes and has to bend down to open the doors to the loading space in the back - because it was a gas truck. and countless naked jews roll out of the tiny loading space.

>>18447220
>Weed is absolutely a gateway drug
just because it was for some cunt you know doesn't make that statement generally true

>>18447389
interesting

>>18447260
>De Quincey do opium and write poems again.
>reading De Quincey for poems
Wtf?

>>18447220
>but nowadays he basically works a dead end job
I have a similar life story minus the kid and plus a stint in the army back in the day. I am actually and against all expectations really fucking happy even though my job is shit and I don't have much money. It's all in how you look at it. The fact that I survived combat means that anything that follows is just a bonus. When shit is tough I remember how tough shit can really get.

>>18447260
>and it's obvious to me that weed alone is enough to destroy a life
The same could be said about the internet, or any number of things

>>18440661
please someone talk to me. I'm having a crisis about my existence, again.

>>18447544
You got dubs you've nothing to worry about

>>18447544
You exist, I exist, we are all part of this blooming buzzing confusion together

>>18441283
>It actually makes me want to try and do... something. Something that might disturb my own comfort, that might get me in trouble, that might actively lessen my quality of life. Like run for office, or something. Maybe start some kind of social movement. Do something, even if it would actively probably make my life more miserable, and even less safe.

don´t, believe me, i´m in the same situation as you, and you don´t want to be that guy who attempts to save Rome, seeing the winds of change, i predict, the US will have a Monarchy/Dictatorship in the next centuries, so don´t even bother, that´s the job of the ruler of a country, find your own true will instead

>>18447549
if only it were so easy

>>18447553
but what if I don't? most of the time it's fine. But sometimes (mostly when I'm drunk) I realize I only react. I post and post and post, and sometimes I don't get any responses. A human is only a reflection. If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, did it make a sound? And it's the same as a human- If a human speaks into a void, and no one answers, do they exist at all?

We only exist as a reflection. I hate this.

>>18440661
>stage one: declare that all journalists will be executed
>stage two: by the time we're halfway through killing them the other half will have pissed off
>stage three: replace the reporters who covered fluff with comedians
>stage four: replace the reporters who covered real issues that need to be in the public eye with insurance fraud detectives, but their reports are public.
>stage five: the rest of the unslaughtered """journos""" can now fill the employment gaps in the fast food industry

I feel like jacking off

My cold shirt flattened against my chest, and without the strength to get up anymore, now all I had to do was look up at the blueness above. A few familiar faces passed by my mind, fewer than I expected, and then images started forming as I began to sleep. The curves of a great ceiling hung there above me, and their pillars stood aside; meek in their thinness, yet paternal and mysterious in their height which guarded a mural before me: Waves of tiny figures etching the granite gloss... The billions of the living left, innumerable as rain as they sprawl, running into a horizon and disappearing into wisps of engravings and feather light dust. Further were the nameless hands reaching inward - emaciated, varying age, and wear, slouching in a long hunger and resting in a ring. In the center, the throne of this image, was a birdcage. Rigid, warm and perfect to the eyes, delicate. Their fingers crawling and stretching into the gaps, unrelenting, as if the last feeling of their mother waited for them amidst the landscape. Forever reaching fingers into birdcages. There was nothing within.

>>18440661
Someone post that pic with the japanese girl who smiled like the anime girl from her t-shirt. I can't find it.

I hate not being intelligent. I know many mental disorders follow intelligence, but in an equal realm of undignified pain is being acutely average and powerless and acutely aware of it. The future isn't black, it's beige, it's off-white. Decades of life as a small name on a minimum wage balance sheet. Smart enough to tug at levers, mop up things, and pay bills. There is nothing waiting ahead. I just realized it sooner than I should've. What is the point? The 21st century will outpace the vast majority of the practical use of the average soul's mind and body. What will the masses become then? We may as as well be androids, robots, or slaves, or rag dolls. I would rather be called a robot than be lied to and called "human", at least the hollow respect and platitudes would make sense.

I don't know how to have human bean relationships

>>18444985
Let it out.

>>18447880
No one does. Just be honest.
I firmly believe that honesty is the best (and only) option to an ideal and harmonious together-living.
If you meet someone knew, say "I don't know how to have human bean relationships, but I wont to have friends and it's kind of just how it is." That way, people know both what you want, and they can
interpret your weirdness as incompetence instead of some kind of evil. If they decide you're too weird or fucked up, then so be it. But honesty is the best way forward.

I am tired, I am anxious, worried, I am feeling everything that can be felt, my emotions are both in overdrive and numbing themselves, why? I'm too much of a romantic, an idealistic naive piece of shit who perhaps on another country could have a shot at it, maybe if I was living in another country I could attempt something but no, I was born in one of the most ironically named, worst places on earth.
There's nothing, there's nothing to do, there's no chance for anything else that's not the usual and even then, there's just the middle of nowhere.
https://youtu.be/Dbh_k5GLRuQ

Just a quick thought passed whenever Nietzsche and Camus have common ground or they're too different.

>>18447254
factual

>>18446061
Well, I don't think it's a matter of blame. The sad thing is even if someone is headed for that course, even as someone intimate with them there's almost nothing you can do to stop it, other than stick around and try to provide good advice.

Shit man I'm tired of sadboy posting but how do people even get their lives together. When I think about solving my problems it just becomes too much. It would take years to sort out my life but I can barely even do things on a daily basis.

90% of society's ills are caused by poor sleep. Defend your 8 hours with your life.

>>18447965
Maybe we should make a schedule and follow it no matter how hard it is. This is what I am planning to do before I sleep, tomorrow I will start a new life!

>>18447965
all you need in life is a source of income. for most people this will come in the form of a "job". once you have a way to support yourself, you are free to do whatever you please or not. there is nothing to fix.

>>18440661
will someone please talk with me? I'm about to fucking lose it. I mean that in the most existential way.

>>18447999
Do it. Try it atleast. I haven't turned back. My wasted past redeemed.

>>18447592
I read your post, anon.
>t., the void

>>18448020
Hey

>>18447874
you can be rich or fulfilled without being intelligent. Go get a job as a sparkie, get paid a mint, work enough to eat junkfood at lunch time, knock off early and go water skiing in your new boat on the weekend. Don't forget to fuck your hairdresser wife every second night.

>>18448020
What do you want to talk about, Anon?

>>18448004
Being a wagie sucks

>>18447874
Yeah, you, and most of us, myself included, are "irrelevant" from certain "large" perspectives.
The overwhelming majority of humanity has been, is, and will be, too. There are perhaps 50,000 figures whose names, works, impacts are remembered and recognized in any significant capacity.
I guess it's really about where you draw the line, but that should already be clear.
I'd suggest either aiming to be among the 50,000 (why? I'm not sure), or just accept that you will be a part of the (N - 50,000; i.e., nearly all others) and be great in your own part.
Maybe.
I don't know.

>>18448029
>>18448035
>>18448042
Anything. I'm pretty drunk, so preferably something that isn't TOO robust. I mean, I'll try, but I'll forget what I'm trying to say. Anything that is friendly. I just want to have a friendly discussion about anything, so I don't exist in an empty void.

>>18448065
Alright. What music do you like listening to?

>>18448065
I appreciate that you are a fellow lonely anon posting on our East Timorian Bamboo Bridge Building forum.
I appreciate that you write sentences that are easy to follow.
I appreciate that your life is likely difficult, and that you are facing your own battles.
I hope you continue to push on, and that better days lie ahead of you.
You never know: one day, something may happen, and your life may become better than you could ever imagine. I could tell you a story in my life that implanted that thought in me, if you'd like. It has kept me going through hard times.

>>18448081
All music, unironically. Except hip-hop and any related hops. This is the last thing I saved to favorites:
youtube.com/watch?v=vUTR5890t2o&ab_channel=DeltaRaeDeltaRae

>>18448089
a-anon, you need to stop or I'm going to cry. Please tell me one of your stories.

I feel trapped in my shitty life

>>18447220
If I were from a rich family, I’d probably do the same. The only reason I don’t is because I have to worry about where my meal comes from. If I didn’t have to worry about that, there would be no pressure to do anything and since very little feels like it’s really worth it, I would squander my life too. I know I would.

>>18448065
What was the last game you played that you enjoyed?

>>18448113
Interesting. How would you classify stuff like Rage Against the Machine and the Beastie Boys

I have this strange urge to make a video game because I'm really jealous of how successful and cool all those popular one-man devs are

>>18448113
Thank you for reading my post.
It isn't much of a story, but it hit me hard at the time.
I was in a transition period in my life.
I was taking approximately 5 days alone to camp near a beach.
I would go to the beach everyday.
I would read, write, drink, get high, smoke cigarettes, and just sit.
I remember dealing with the sun, flies, and needing to pee badly but not wanting to enter the cold water.
The beach was quite desolate. It was early September, after Labor Day.
It was near the end of my trip.
Believe it or not, sitting on a beach for about 5 days and really only having your own thoughts to deal with isn't quite as pleasurable as you might guess. I knew that going into it, because I like those sorts of things. To push myself. To try myself. Forced discomfort.
Anyhow, by this last day I was in a pretty poor state of mind. Quite sad. Unsure of what I wanted in life. Unhappy about my position. Unhappy about the coming weeks and months to come, as I knew what they had in store.
So, I was unhappy, sitting in my chair, alone on a beach.
The nearest people were perhaps a solid 200 yards away.
Then, someone was walking down the beach.
I couldn't tell if it was male or female, young or old, at first.
It slowly became apparent that it was a girl of mid to late teens, blonde, fit. In all ways apparently beautiful.
I was sitting in my chair, approximately 30 feet from where the water met the sand.
As she got directly in front of my chair, she stopped, and proceeded to play lightly in the water and stretch.
Again, my mind was addled. I had been alone for days. I was acutely sad. And now there is this image of beauty enjoying herself directly before me.
The juxtaposition was extreme.
I actually have a writing from that day:
>I genuinely thought that it was God giving me a sign to persist, great and beautiful things await me.
>Beautiful things beyond my current comprehension.
I hope that is maybe of help to you. Or, it was at least a moment's distraction.

if you got nothing to do I recommend getting a rubber glove and some bags and going out picking up trash. it is good for the soul.

>>18448155
Depends on what "enjoyed" means. "I didn't mind" or "I wish I could play it again..." Lately I just wish I could play pokemon again for the first time.

>>18448176
Uh... yes please. I mean, it's always about the mood you're in, but Rage Against the Machine and Beastie Boys both have their own special atmosphere that goes beyond their songs.

I'm pretty divorced from any political connotations, if only because I am unable to regard myself in connection with any group- but, generally, I consider them both to be pretty fuckin' baller.

i need to get a job

>>18440661
Love is hateful energy. but i guess its not so bad. Also i feel alone and not aone at the same time. Wish theat I could just be yslef

>>18448195
Thank you anon, for sharing the story with me. There's something really nice about you experiencing something that felt so profound to you, even if it was something so innocuous. Did it help you? Or was it just something that haunted your memories?

I just exist in a bubble right now. To exist in a world where I could experience such outside influence is enviable. Right now, I'm just a coward.

I'm sad and tired.
During my free time I imagine myself using the family farm to rehabilitate men that have been destroyed and demoralized by modern life by giving them food, shelter, work, and a community.
Eventually I'd find a woman to lead a female branch of the Commonwealth and we'd form a bicameral government that is divided by gender and a community capable of perpetuation.

>>18440661
I am a virgin in my mid 20s and would like to marry the same. I have an idea of sex which I have spent the last decade elaborating in my head. It is now built into such a solid form that I cannot compromise on its exclusivity. I mean its total exclusivity. It is so sacred in my imagination that I cannot bear to think of sharing it with somebody who has shared it with somebody else. I treat the idea of that with the same emotion as being cheated on. Sex, or the idea of sex, is precious to me and I would be ashamed to reduce it to a nice-feeling act. Or worse, perhaps it is precious, and our first loves endure. I have had relationships with women which might have developed further, and I should also say that I am not a hypocrite; I am a virgin and will be until marriage. None of this constitutes a disorder and would be fine except that I am not a Christian.
I do not have a belief in God, but I have a residual Christianity in me that makes me behave almost as though I do. Perhaps I will be a Christian again some day. It would be easier if I could reach a firm conclusion in time to find a wife who shares similar values. Alas, no. I am holding out for a woman who maintains her virginity out of a sense of romanticism. And there is no easy way to screen for these women. I tell them that I am a virgin. I used to think that the confession implied that I would like to know if she is too. Sometimes, if I have had time to express myself, they receive it with (possibly insincere, but polite) admiration and other times they try to console me on my bad luck. I have never had disgust. But what I am hoping for is relief. I want her to say ‘Thank goodness! I’d started to worry that I was the only one.’

http://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/mite/

What is /lit/'s score on this test? I got 22, which explains a lot.

>>18448205
I was just asking because they incorporate rapping techniques in their lyrics.
On a different note, how would one
get into classical music?

>>18440661
This year I'm turning 31. I can't believe I'm already this old. I've never worked a day in my life. I haven't fulfilled a single dream. All of my friends and family show me nothing but love and support, but I am repulsed by myself. I'm not proud of a single fucking thing I've ever done, and I feel like my life is already over. Even the fact that exist in a place that provides me with the minimum for a good existence only makes it worse. What a repulsive creature I am. I'll never be proud of myself. No matter what I do, I can fake it, or repress it, but in the end, I hate myself and I am disgusted by myself. It doesn't matter that, if I wasn't, that if I FIT, I would hate myself too. I just... I hate myself and I don't know how not to.

I WANT TO FINISH UNI AND START A FAMILY ALREADY.
I just want the normal mans happiness

>>18448280
I got 31. Better than 89% of participants.
With this level of social intelligence do you think I'm going to make it?

it's mid-June and it's like 60 degrees outside. the breeze through my window is chilly enough I had to put a sweater on and earlier I caught a light grey drizzle in the park. this is sublime.

>>18448286
>On a different note, how would one
>get into classical music?
Well, it depends. Classical musical is a much broader genre than one typically expects. If you don't have a starting point, it can be hard, or if you're expecting something specific, it can be difficult. Generally, I'd focus on finding "famous" classical songs that you enjoy most, and then expand outward from there.
For me, for example, I'd focus on something like:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDFFHaz9GsY&ab_channel=ClaudioVandelliClaudioVandelli
or
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXFSK0ogeg4&ab_channel=ClaudioVandelliClaudioVandelli
Of course, it depends on how much knowledge a person has of "classical" music first, but thanks to the internet, a person has the opportunity to just pick and choose.

I have absolutely no idea if this portion of my life will end up making me a better person

>>18448340
I think it is more likely to be merely indicative of the absence of an underlying neurological problem within the parts of your brain responsible for detecting emotion. Further than that is your own inter-communicative storytelling. It is a good thing but not a helpful thing.

>>18443975

>>18448304
I (>>18448248) literally dream of helping people like you. I so want to make it happen because it tears me up inside to see a man so far down because I've felt how hard it is to claw your way up out of it. Some wisdom I found in my own clawing:
>there is no sacrifice too great for living life on your own terms
>you are not repulsive. Your actions and habits may be but those CAN be changed, and your spirit and personality follow pretty quickly
>doing nothing is far more productive than doing something pointless
>there are no real rules, and people celebrate each other for exploring that fact. The true joy is living by your own rules as tightly as possible because:
>if you don't master yourself someone else will, every time
It breaks my heart to read your post. the power for change, beauty, and strength are within you. I will never judge you for not realizing those potentials, because I know in your heart you want nothing more. If you would like I could put together a reading list of the books that best helped me
Keep fighting (it's what men do best),
Anonymous

>start daydreaming about finally getting to see Monet's Water Lilies
>start crying
I think I put too much energy into daydreaming

>>18448280
33/36
it turns out I am not an autist
my problem is not autism.

>>18448350
Looks like some good resources, thank you anon!
How long does it usually take you to figure out whether or not you like a song?

Guys, how the FUCK do I stop having thoughts like
>"You should be executed with a cattle gun."
>"Your harvested organs are worth more than the sum of anything you're capable of."
>"You will die alone not knowing what you lived for."
>"No one will ever respect you enough to tell you how pathetic you are."
>"You are not capable of helping anybody or yourself."
>"Your funeral will last 20 minutes. Who will even be there?"

They're constant. It's like rain as heavy as lead. The thoughts never stop. I don't feel any compassion for myself.

>>18448387
thank you, anon, that's really sweet, and it really soothes me to hear you say it, but at the same time, it's such a great bitterness that comes from the fact that the modern ideal of "worth" is so perverted from what is natural.
I'm so bitter about the fact that our worth is based entirely on how much product we can provide for the rich that "own" us.
I am not a bad person. Anyone who asks for my help, they'll get it, without question. I don't mind being a follower or anything else. If I can help a person, I'll do it.

So why do I exist in a space where I feel like such a useless piece of shit?

>>18448459
Exhaust all the obvious potential fixes and if none of those work seek professional help.
Get 8 hours of sleep a night, have a good diet, take any vitamins you may need and exercise a bit, even just going for a walk.
I had similar thoughts constantly before I started taking vitamins and fixed my diet. It's strange to think how little content of my thoughts were generated by me compared to my nutrition.

Also, unironically clean your room bucko.

>>18448280
30 out of 36
I was expecting to do a much worse job, I was unsure in a lot of photos

>>18448455
>How long does it usually take you to figure out whether or not you like a song?
depends, but usually pretty fast. Of course, it depends on your mood, but there's no reason to overthink it. You can always change your mind later. It's not something you have to commit to.

I like to compare music to food. You always have those people that bitch about "you haven't listened to the whole album, so---" but you don't have to eat a whole plate of food before you decide you don't like the taste.

Music is what it is, and it changes from day to day. Some days, I don't want to listen to even my favorite songs, and other days, I don't want to listen to anything else.

Don't worry about it too much, anon.

>>18448459
MEDICATION
I'd be dead without my meds, dude.

>>18448280
29. mostly went with gut instinct and also assumed most of the women's eyes were communicating desire of some kind.

>>18448461
You're right, the social definition of worth is not the real one, and it is very difficult to divorce your mindset from it without suffering.
>why do I exist in a space where I feel like such a useless piece of shit?
Because you were built to shape it - at least a piece of it - to yourself and for the people you care about.
People today are conditioned to accept and participate in their surroundings because it's easier for the people who think they can run things to do their job without people "getting in the way."
Revulsion and a lack of pride are entirely normal and natural responses to this conditioning and environment. It's even natural to accept these responses and continue on with your life. But its not healthy. I know you know that, but sometimes I liked being told what I know, just to see that someone else believes it.
You are not a follower deep down, nobody is. You have a capacity to suppress your greed for power, which is an incredible gift for leaders of peace and/or maintenance.

>>18448506
>assumed most of the women's eyes were communicating desire of some kind
I instinctively got that too

>>18448518
>You are not a follower deep down, nobody is.
I don't really think that's true. I think that, given the choice, most people would be happy being a follower, so long as that would mean they exist in a world where they have what they need- food, shelter, warmth, companionship... We are animals, in the end, and what do we really need? We want things because we are told we should want things. Most people, I think, would be happy with their own little home that is dry when it rains, and warm in the winter. Food and entertainment... We are just animals. We imagine we want grand things, but in the end we have no idea what to do with it. Who gives a shit about a mansion, if you only live in three rooms? People who want power are people who should not have power. It's congruous, but it's true.

If you ask me, I'd say, I want a huge house with 10 rooms, but in the end, I'm entirely happy with only a single room, or two. As long as it's my own.

>>18448286
ever since i got apple music i started listening to the "early music" stuff in the classical section, like i never heard of any of this shit before, but now i'm kind of into it, purcell, dowland, monteverdi, the list could go on as they say lol

>>18448020
No.

Is everyone on this board clinically depressed?

>>18448485
Thanks for that, man. Earlier today I tried playing some jams but felt burnt out and ended up playing some crummy U2 songs I’d never heard before. I guess it was a passing phase.

>>18440661
What if I finished my novel and then killed myself? Maybe I could become the next Toole

>>18448665
Don't worry, anon. More than anything else, music is just a reflection of mood

I want to read a big book of late 20th century American short stories and I have collections by Cheever and Barthelme. but which one?

>>18448677
wouldn't work

I'm so alone

>>18440661
Johnny cash hurt resonates with me.

>>18448703
You're always alone.

>>18448705
I'm surprised people still know him.

>>18448703
Same

New thread
>>18448717

He confessed that he likes me a lot and thinks about me all the time and while I share his feelings I don't think I'm capable of sharing my life with someone else because of my detachment to others. Nothing short of total devotion would be enough to tolerate me for long

Im at a crossroads between moving in with a friend in Tennessee rent free and job guaranteed at his dads restaurant or stay in shithole nyc and working on my own to leave this place which isnt too hard and can be in a state I actually want to live in. Deciding factor at this point is college im in community college rn but if I continue college at this point it has to be a lib arts major its the only thing Ill bother finishing. Dont need it because all I want to do is open a business like a bookstore and I know full well how retarded college is but at least ill get some networking I guess and study abroad gives me a chance to move to europe. Debt is honestly whatever at this point I just care about not wasting my time the next 4 years and having freedom. Dont care about being rich or being poor either, ill get by somehow either way all that matters is not compromising

the thread's about to die so just want to let you know that my farts fucking stick and burn my asshole

>>18442685
"Cultural organizations" in the US like museums, public radio stations, and magazines often give out canvas tote bags with their logos on them as a reward for subscribing or donating money. If you see someone carrying around a bag with "The New Yorker" on it, it means they're subscribed to the New Yorker and separately want to show everyone else how retarded they are.

>>18441172
My brother said something similar to me. It's just a cope. When someone feels inferior, they put up borders (I may not be good at this, but that's only because I'm good at this) and to maintain their pride, they need to keep everyone in their place. They can't imagine someone being good at "numbers" and "letters" because they are deficient. Don't let them get you down.

>>18448923
>If you see someone carrying around a bag with "The New Yorker" on it, it means they're subscribed to the New Yorker
Here the design means "this was a free bag/cheapest bag". Last year unicorn designs were cheapest and most common. It's probably a statement in the US because they don't charge for bagging at markets.