/lit/ - Literature

>>18350201
>>18346634

>>18350201

I simply can't read anything that is female main character. I can't put myself, get emotionally attached to the character and root for them in any way. I tried to reading some female mc lead books for writing my own female characters but the female characters i read was all sound two dimensional. I have no idea how to write a funny woman character without using it's sex appeal to make funny sex jokes. When i read about woman characters they all sound like, they got powers, their lineage has some bullshit vampire blood, wolf blood they are time traveler with no logical explanation and they are really not that interesting. Tell me some interesting woman main characters in books and woman leads. Should i write my woman character like Jeanne'd Arc?

>>18350320
>sex appeal to make funny sex jokes.
You're books sound like exactly the opposite of what I would enjoy reading.

>>18351261
Fuck sex jokes! All my homies are reading books for sex scene.

There's already a thread.

Anyways why are there so many petulant leftist faggots on /lit/ recently?

>>18350201
My books is flowing great. I feel like I'm tuning into something and juat letting the words flow onto the page. Characters are developing and starting their arcs. Good descriptions, all of it. There is a tickle in the back of my mind saying 'it's too easy. It most likely sucks'. And as my first novel that is 90% probably the case. This fact saddens me.

>>18351298
Backlash against the petulant rightoid faggots who’ve ruined the place.
Whatcha reading?

>>18351311
Post address.

I am really tired of how religion is discussed on this board. The shit slinging, uncharitable interpretations, people seeking to present each other in the worst possible light, the retreat toward sloganeering and simple "X is just Y" rhetoric instead of meaningful engagement.

I know nothing will change here, likely it will get worse, so I beyond caring now and have chosen to disengage.

>>18351408
>I am really tired of how religion is discussed on this board
I'm with ya anon. But I enjoy the irony of people who pretend to be enlightened through reading only to believe a man in a white coat saved humanity thousands of years ago.

>>18351284
Sex is vulgar and has no place in civilised literature

>>18350320
Uh, read like good books instead of genre fiction schlock?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

>>18350201
Posted in another thread:
>>18348721

>>18351300
Doubt has no place in the first draft. Keep flowing, type more than is needed. After you finish writing, out on the editor hat and start chopping away.
>Im a little jelly, desu

>>18352026
Thank you. You can do it too! Just keep the mind thinking of writing. If I'm not writing I'm trying to read as much as I can.

>>18351948
Is everything okay? :3

are there any current literary or music scenes pushing boundaries?

A girl...

I’m in a serious reading/writing/language learning slump. I am just so demoralized and have no motivation to do anything.

>>18350201
night lads

>>18350201
Getting gangbanged by my felllow anons

Alex Jones was literally right about everything

>>18353969
ye

How do I not be shit at writing /lit/?

>>18354297
Dionysian imitatio

>>18353912
Francesco Fabris is doing some amazing stuff in sound art.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ks7wIE1uwcY

As for literature I have no idea, I don't keep up with new stuff all that much. But the vocal synthesis of rap music has been blowing my mind lately, and could conceivably be applied to literature someday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvnpHhLf3mI

Bataille niggas be like:
*Cums to "funky town"*
mhmmm yeah this is so transgressive

A big problem I have with dating is that as soon as we part ways I drop out of contact until I invite someone out again because I don't like texting all fuckin day, yet some form of persistent communication is expected
How do normies do it

>>18350201
I had a long-lasting weed-induced dissociative episode last week, which led me to believe that my body and thoughts were an illusory avatar for my consciousness to traverse existence. Funnily enough in the days that followed I became extremely disciplined and my lifestyle improved tenfold, but I was so plagued by solipsistic thoughts that I reverted to fapping, consuming mindless garbage, and staying up in an attempt to return myself to reality.

I regret this somewhat and am now trying to achieve this previous state state gradually, with the aid of meditation. Something I felt quite acutely while I was beyond my 'self' was that I no longer really cared for books or music, which have always been my passions. I came to the realization while high that art and communication were a sacred bridge between isolated consciousnesses, and that most people who pretended to be artists (myself included) really had nothing to say and were on an ego trip.

Now I am unsure of where to go. I am considering 3 paths: 1) monk: a path where I fully cut my strands and attachments, having seen them as ephemeral strivings of the self; 2) artist: a path where I choose to indulge my ego and strive to find something communicable and important and develop the technical skill and experience to communicate it when the time comes; 3) thinker: to try to understand no matter how inscrutable the world may seem.

I am not asking for advice, I am just thinking aloud. In any case the thing that's probably most important is to rid myself of my narcissism. Regardless of what I choose I would like to be better to my friends and family, and keep my ego in check.

>>18351298
/lit/ is and always has been a leftist board

>>18350320
>Jeanne'd Arc

I Jeanne'd all over her Arc

>>18351311
>legitimately intelligent people ruin discussion of Literature

>>18354458
That’s complete bullshit

Everything you’ve done, everything you do, everything you will do has been determined since birth. This is the cold hard truth but I am no convinced. You have no genuine agency and this is why despite your intense desire, your desperate wanting, you can’t actually implement the sort of change you want in your life. You are simply strapped into the roller coaster of fate and no matter what you will always just be along for the ride.

>>18350320
>I can't put myself, get emotionally attached to the character and root for them in any way
And? Literature is supposed to expose you to new perspectives, not coddle you with familiar rehashes of the same thing.

>>18354458
don't care what ooga booga tribe you call yourself. stop being an obnoxious cunt that stifles discussion and a plurality of ideas.

I want to yeet myself into the great unknown.

>>18350201
I have a textbook sitting next to me and I have to read 4 chapters from it by Wednesday but I can't bring myself to open it.

>>18354761
Epiphenonenalism is nonsensical

According to my observation I feel like having to learn a new skill to a certain degree past being a beginner requires a motive or a 'why' for doing it. If you don't have a reason, that is convincing enough for you, to learn, you basically get stuck in the pit of the being a /beg/ for a long time. You won't grow because you don't know why, and because you don't know why you don't have the direction necessary to grow.
In my case, I had a easier time growing in drawing than cooking. I had a motive for drawing, make cool shit. But for cooking? I was sufficiently satisfied with making the same curry to sustain myself. Would I like to make even more good food? Sure, but it seems like I've hit a plateau too early because I don't feel driven to do so.

>>18354465
>Hitler
>Evola
>Jordan Peterman
>Hunter Diaries
>Abby Shapiro’s brother
>sexism threads
>pro-colonialism threads
>constant Lovecraft’s cat threads.
>Geunan spam
>Ayn Rand
>Antinatalism
>Trump
>Elephant abuse webms
>(((The Jewish question)))
>uncle Ted/eco-fascism
>nazbol
>Trad requests
>Harassment Architecture
>Mishima

>”””legitimately intelligent people”””

>>18354465

I found a new qt lit boyfriend and he really is the qtest :3

I'm bewitched by this constant vague notion that I am always forgetting something and it is like a curse. It itches at me like you wouldn't believe. The real trickery comes from the realization that I may in fact not be forgetting something, it's only that my business and overextension has exposed me to too much information and happenings and I have developed a feeling that I have to keep many plates spinning even if there are no plates. Or perhaps it true and I am suffering from early onset dementia as a consequence of foolish youthful decisions and my brain is eating itself up.

How blessed it must be in a way to live in a small village whose boredoms and idiocies you can completely understand despite their unpleasantness but which in its totality is a single, intelligible microcosmos. You know precisely what you have to care about, like a farmer whose sole expectation is to work to grow and raise the food he will put in his stomach. We have lost that wholesome simplicity and traded it in for a giant writhing civilization-scale headache.

i want a twink to feel me with his seed while I read

>>18354875
>sexism
>pro-colonialism
>Antinatalism

>>18354422
Haven't done this but next time I start dating I'll just add her to my fren discord. I have persistent communication with the group but never individually.

>>18354861
And yet it’s true

I wish I was more innocent, nicer, less of an overt misanthrope

>>18354970
Sounds exhausting
I wish everyone could just exchange letters without being constantly contactable like the 19th century

>>18354985
Stop being a misanthrope, be nicer.

I'm having nostalgia for a literature show I used to watch as a kid.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YtYMzh8lxk
I don't know if it even airs anymore but there. Enjoy the theme song.

They white and make you know what work it and clean that break up the light which drop on ground so just go run and play now call them too what a heavy blow that fall give so they catch and pass it around at their place to act upset

Anyone else have to fap before writing? I cant focus if I don't. But if I do that post nut depression is legit.

>>18353912
fuck that vid is so hot

I think i'm going insane and the only thing keeping me together is blogposting in these threads

>>18354875
Elephant posting is kino

>>18353987
He's right about 90% of things. Once he just mans up and names (((them))), then he will cross the Rubicon. Until then, he's just another disinfo controlled opposition plant to me.

>>18355428
He's always been a gatekeeper. Throw in enough truth with a bunch of retarded bullshit to keep mired in nonsense

>>18355004
yeah it is. I've noticed that after awhile it also breeds resentment since its similar to living with someone and recognizing that your outlooks on life are too incongruent to be in constant contact. i had delete my friend server after i got paranoid that being in constant contact and giving them mind-space would deteriorate my mind.

I recognize I've begun to live a new, mundane life without passion. The fate of my grandfather, who slipped into alcoholic, paranoid NEETdom at the age of 40 stares from around the corner.

The meaning behind my music has started to take an extremely intellectual tone. All the lyrics deal with the modern condition (rootlessness, rejection of the father, the worship of celebrities etc). The music nonetheless comes first and its heavily modern and pop in execution. It all feels so absurd and worthless but I can't write about anything else. The music could easily support some vague relationship lyrics but instead it's about some "pseudo" itellectual topic that will essentially ruin the song for most people. Hopefully I can find some support in my local scene when it releases.

Holy fuck, golden boy is great but it’s basically porn

>>18351311
Based butters.

A lot of people in my physics 102 class are cheating through chegg. Every week I receive answers for the online quiz from one of my classmates through discord. I'm 3 chapters behind and I'll probably cheat on the final, too. Really fucked up this itme

>>18350320
read jude the obscure

>>18350201
the sun doesnt sleep, no more
honeyed chumps, choked or
drowned; bathed in basin
bare, a travelling salesman -
little Lucy: danced, squared, and
Downed.


Flesh echo, so dear, forgotten
in blue, Turn Back Time and
MEMORISE; touch, taste
the night dancer - no haste -
in barren, cold, dark, Lucy
Dies.


The clouds dont exist, no more
blue stars, stock in store, or
return - chumps cheer, He wept -
congregation: dear child, the best
for poor moon, left lonely, and Lucy to
burn.

I did this a while back and it’s been my inspiration for a novella and a sequel.

I need to make a jump but the pile looks very high and i have zero confidence in my jumping ability.

>>18354875
>>constant Lovecraft’s cat threads.
>>Elephant abuse webms
>>nazbol
>>eco-fascism
even as an admittedly faggoty left leaning centrist i can laugh at these
no ideology, especially someone else's, will dictate your personality unless you allow it to

>>18351311
>who’ve ruined this place
We’re the same people who have been here for years, only we’ve grown up while you stay perpetually a child.
We’re worried about owning homes and raising children while you still think about pippi longstocking and live rent free at your parents’

>>18355426
i finally realize how racism works
i saw these elephants munching on the fruit, enjoying themselves
and i became mad
i became furious
"why are you eating that fruit?" i thought
"i could've eaten that fruit!"
fucking elephants
i will start a poaching business
fuck you tusky cow cunts

>wake up at 6
>walk my dog
>have my breakfast by 9
>start studying/reading by 9:30
>suddenly feel the urge to nap at 10:15
>end up sleeping till 12:30
Why the fuck does this keep happening? What am I doing wrong?

>>18356121
Either not enough sleep or insufficient breakfast

>>18350201
Pussy.

>>18356130
>sleep around 11:30-12:30
>breakfast is three slices of bread and 2 egg omlette with coffee
Honestly I don't know what else to make for my breakfast and I don't like oatmeal

>>18356160
You're only getting six hours of sleep. Thats not enough

>>18356088
This. Right-wing appeared because of real problems in the real world caused by "leftist" idiots. They're not real leftists because they don't give a shit about the workers, they're just mentally ill trannies who only care about themselves. After kicking out from everywhere everyone who's not a far leftist, people started drifting further and further to the right. That's why /lit/ and every non-mainstream place became so right-wing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYWSRzt1mCU

“Dreams, memories, the sacred--they are all alike in that they are beyond our grasp. Once we are even marginally separated from what we can touch, the object is sanctified; it acquires the beauty of the unattainable, the quality of the miraculous. Everything, really, has this quality of sacredness, but we can desecrate it at a touch. How strange man is! His touch defiles and yet he contains the source of miracles.”

>>18354875
The elephant abuse webms dont really involve abusing the elephant, its more the elephants abusing other things

>>18350201
wtf thats where I live

I need an easy refutation for the shit lolicons are circulating. Any ideas?

I am a brainlet

>>18356288
That's okay

>>18351607
t. hasn't read the canon

>>18354875
>elephant abuse webms
>Harassment Architecture

???

>>18350320
make a book without women.
problem solved

>>18350320
The best women are in manga, desu

>>18356273
call them fags.

Black man, in a white man's town
He's got trouuuuuuble
Get in his way he's gonna, cut you down
Takin' ooooooooover
He can ride, he can shoot
Don't take nothin, from nobody
For he's black, bad, scared of nothing, YEEEEEEAAAHHHHH
He's so bad, they call him boss, he's a boss,
Boss Nigger.

>>18356273
lolicon is based

the sun doesnt sleep, no more
honeyed chumps, choked or
drowned; bathed in basin
bare, a travelling salesman -
little Lucy: danced, squared, and
Downed.


Flesh echo, so dear, forgotten
in blue, Turn Back Time and
MEMORISE; touch, taste
the night dancer - no haste -
in barren, cold, dark, Lucy
Dies.


The clouds dont exist, no more
blue stars, stock in store, or
return - chumps cheer, He wept -
congregation: dear child, the best
for poor moon, left lonely, and Lucy to
burn.
.
.
will i make

Dunn dunn dunnnnnnn

the fact that mods keep stupid threads like this up and delete threads of buddhist discussion

Meat Date

Upon a winter's night, a meat date ensued,
A carcass of some animal, with love imbued,
Lovers took another's hand, cupid's mood,
And the meaty body was not his din-din food,
Nay, none hungry stomach in that dude,
Instead he would carry their love like a pood!
He only hoped that tonight the meat was no prude!

Ready for things to open back up. Restless

>>18350201
I am thinking of taking a name on /lit/. Is it worth it or should I only post with anon?

>>18356900
>buddhist discussion
>>>/his/

>>18356273
Books 2 and 3 of Plato's Republic

>>18350201
I no longer believe that I can see and feel people through literature, I must see them to believe they feel. All a series of caricatures, ideas and portraits. I no longer believe that these descriptions of individuals and life can hold any weight before them. People are too shallow. Far too self centered to escape. Art in the theater and film. They must acknowledge the audience, without the audience they are nothing. Without the audience they are nothing.
I drink myself to sleep night after night believing that this medical degree will provide me with the utility to be objectively helpful.
I know I am deluding myself, I know this is but a fever dream but I must try.
I have nightmares of holding my fathers hand as he passes into the night and refusing his desperation. I cannot forgive and forget, I can only willingly forget.
I just want to feel something again, I felt no remorse, only confusion and frustration.
One more drink of whiskey and I will allow myself to fall over for the night.
The dawn brings a new day.
Goodnight, /lit/.

I'm starting to get sick of (you)r whining. Take a walk or something.

https://pastebin.com/qq5GTheU

Working on a fantastical/pre-modern tone that is hopefully still accessible and engaging to readers. Overly modern sounding prose in fantasy/historical is really distracting, but true historical English is a chore to read. Did I strike a good balance?

>>18356999
Who’s upsetting you sweetheart

microplastics have given me schizophrenia. you eat a credit card full of plastic every week. that's ON TOP of the credit cards you're consuming in your regular diet too. shit is fucked up.

I would take shitting in a corner and not living past 40 if it meant no women in politics and fags, whores being hanged.

>>18357090
woah! chill OUT nigga!

>>18350201
I'm not writing a novel. I actually hate creative writing, because I think it exposes a part of who you are to the world, and I have no desire to do so

>>18356263
hope you can find a home, living on a tennis court must be tough anon

>>18357090
What's stopping you?

If the guy that wrote Down the Rabbit Hole about the flesh pit is still here, just wanted you to know I was sucked into reading the whole thing. Good job. Would have purchased it if it were on Amazon or something.

>>18356973
>"What's on your mind?"
>>>/b/

>>18356979
Could you elucidate?

>>18354754
JEBAITED

>>18357263
Talks about the responsibility of social guardians to only allow art that promotes righteous behaviour.

deeds.
I think if you ask the average normie what their life is about, you'll see that they find themselves engaged in a personal narrative. They're playing a role on the social stage, and that role is defined by their deeds. Those who do not dare step out on the stage, the meek and the weak and all of us, they don't dare make a claim relative to the whole, and so they don't do any deeds. But daring this is a part of confidence (though I will not claim to understand what causes what, or indeed if either of them causes the other or they just arise together). I think I am ready for deeds again. I have retreated from the world for a long time. I have given my retreat a religious logic (the meek shall inherit the earth). But in truth I did what I had to, there wasn't a choice. The pre-islamic arabs were just like modern norimes: their lives were about women and wine. The social stage is the same. I think this is what Dazed and Confused captures so well: that the youth culture is only an arena for proving oneself relative to the group. It's like bullfighting, it's inherently empty gestures through which one can win honor and fame. I think living for these things is essentially what it means to be irreligious. I don't want to abandon religion at all. But I did a deed a few weeks back, and it was like by allowing myself to stake my claim and make my stand, enormous parts of my personality that had been dormant were activated once again. I was finally out of my head, and being out of my head I was actually able to meet people. I think my chances of actually being loving, the true goal in this world of religion, would be much, much greater if I was not so meek, if I dared play my part in the grand fair of life. So in this sense it could be a religious value. I think it might be similar to Jungian anima-animus: a complete person has both, not having both means you are in an unrelieved form of tention. That's really what it felt like, like all of it needed to come out. So I'm gonna try and help it. I'm gonna try to do deeds.

>>18350201
I'm one year from having my degree and I'm gonna drop out. Whats the point of reading when you have no friends and no more recognition of hard work...

I thought my balls were hurting. Turns out its my inner thighs.

>>18350201
My ex.

Chocolate Ice cream cigarette

>>18355290
I nut without any passion nor for porn or myself, it's just a thing I do to cope the no more gf for a moment while working

I watched a guy be kissed by a girl at a party, after which he came to me and said "I hate women". It was only then that I understood I was at least, in part, homosexual

>>18356088
>>18356223

>>18354928
When you have this feeling and it won't go away, and it eats away at you, you haven't forgotten anything at all. It is a feeling letting you know that someone is forgetting you. The sensation goes away once you've completely slipped out of their conscious mind.

>>18357474
I will read more if you will write more

>>18354460
*i arc'd all over her jeans

She's onto me boys what should I do

It's the institutions that societize us to be violent

>>18357571
I just like mishima ok, its not gay :(

>>18354460
what did he mean by this?

I had a weird dream
>at parents place
>feel extremely bad
>go to a toilet
>take a dump
>still feeling delirium where i can barely walk, move or think straight
>pick up air freshner (the ones in the metal can)
>take a few sprays
>it doesnt stop spraying
>click the plastic part
>still going out on the max
>remove the part
>nothing
>put a finger on a gas stream next to a can
>it stops
>then hear a weird sound and the can slightly enlarges
>dont know what to do
>feel like if i release the finger it going to be bad
>hold the can and ask parents what to do
>father tries to say something to me
>suddenly a loud noise
>can only see a small part of surroundings with my left eye and the rest is fog
>sharp pain
>see a bit of blood with the remaining strenght
>fall on knees and die
>wake up from the dream
this one is strange

I need to fuck a yellow girl and that quickly.

Can I get some input on this essay I'm currently writing.

>>18357773

Enjoy.

>>18357831
these pics from 15 years ago have a lot of mileage on them

>>18357825
I'm going to find you and rape you anon

>https://youtu.be/OT5AXGS1aL8
I've been watching these videos for a bit and I'm feeling some kind of way. I don't care if you think everything was created through intelligent design or not, the actual observable fact of our existence is that we are composed of these tiny little machines, themselves composed of inanimate, dead matter. It makes me really wish that the quanta of which the matter itself is composed were subject to knowable causality and didn't inevitably degenerate into quantum uncertainty. It seems life it'd wrap things up so nicely. At the same time, when you have tiny little biological machines whose movements are driven directly by particles as small as protons, it follows that quantum mechanics categorically must play some kind of role in the physical operation of a cell, and from what I've gathered we really just don't know. There may even be elements that are literally unknowable to entities which exist in three dimensions and can only perceive a fourth. What are the chances that in our lifetimes we are coming up against some great cosmic wall beyond which further knowledge might exist but is fundamentally unattainable to us?

>>18357825
ask your mother to edit and revise

>>18354875
Don't bring Mishima into this

>>18357825
"somehow" in the first line implies a moral judgment. Isn't it too early for you to be making one? This characteristic is interspersed in the rest of the text.

>>18357825
the definition of childish
this ain’t it chief

>>18357825
This is a weak argument. It rests entirely upon the assumption that any one system of logic can be applicable to completely unrelated cases, and that if logic that works for case doesn't work for another, then it's the logic itself which is faulty rather than the application. You try to head this argument off by drawing parallels to taxation, which ends up being entirely spurious because rape is a purely physical action directly involving physical violation, whereas taxation is purely abstract. Your argument is not only emotionally immature but also easily and demonstrably false.

whiskey dick is a thing but a little bit of alcohol still helps you relax and get going so what's the ideal amount of drunk you should be if you're fucking?

>>18358101
Try asking on reddit

>>18358114
reddit is too wordy

I got a warning for making the law general thread. Wtf. I purposely added like 15 book recommendations. What the fuck are these jannies smoking? What kind of uneducated autistic biased bullshit is this? Why do they do it for free?

>>18357825
Didn't make sense. As an individual, you either respect the societal laws or you fuck off. If society says rape is bad, then it's bad. If society says rape is good, then it's good. Your society presumably says that rape is bad so you're wrong in saying that it is good.

>>18358124
>>>/his/

>>18358124
>I got a warning for making the JOOZ BAD general thread. Wtf. I purposely added like 15 book recommendations. What the fuck are these jannies smoking? What kind of uneducated autistic biased bullshit is this? Why do they do it for free?
If you can't get your brain around the rules for a Mongolian knitting forum, I don't see how you're going to have much success as a lawyer.

>>18358158
Fuck off trannyjanny no one asked you

>>18357825
Bodily Autonomy - that's hilariously bad. It's like Butler and her ilk discussing the sacred sovereignty of their femininity - essentially, bluster about having a hole. The phraseology here is as ridiculous. Laws aren't "purported by governing entities" they're defining interdictions.

THE WOMAN I LOVE JUST SENT ME A VERY NICE MESSAGE ON MY BIRTHDAY.

>>18354941
I want all sodomites to die of aids. I hate you.

>>18358252
It was out of politeness. She's sucking someone else's cock right now.

>I want all sodomites to die of aids. I hate you.

>>18358099
Rape is generally considered unethical on the grounds that it's a violation of bodily autonomy. Being made to pay taxes likewise is a violation of bodily autonomy because if you refuse you will be imprisoned or killed. 'Suck my cock or I'll kill you' (rape) is virtually the same as 'Give me your money or I'll kill you' (taxes).
If men can be made to pay taxes (an infringement of their personal autonomy) women can be made to participate in government mandated prostitution (a virtually identical infringement of their personal autonomy).
If the taxes example peeves you, replace it with military draft instead (or being imprisoned as mentioned in the text).
>>18358142
If a society presumes rape to be bad then it's morally hypocritical and/or morally inconsistent and it wouldn't be sensible to adhere to it's laws.

I've been hitting the sauce a bit too often lately. I'm something of a seasonal drinker. Just as geese migrate at certain times of the year, so does alcohol to my bloodstream. It's a shame because it's a wildly destructive substance.

There's no non-racist way to diagnose America's greatest issues.

>>18358338
>If a society presumes rape to be bad then it's morally hypocritical and/or morally inconsistent and it wouldn't be sensible to adhere to it's laws.
No it's not

i really wish i could find a group of people to play tabletop RPGs with but i really can't see how that could ever happen
it makes me sad

The jannies on /v/ deleted my elephant thread

>>18358379
Just blame white supremacy and claim it's not racist dumbass

>>18356445
true

>>18358272
YOU ARE WRONG

>>18358459
Accusing your opponents of actually being the real racists is a tried and true method of accomplishing absolutely nothing.

>>18358379
Said the racist who doesn’t know what’s going on.
You’re an asset to the establishment

>>18358459
People are fond of telling me how Africa or east Asia would have done colonialism to Europe if given the chance. But this is why I’m against state-capitalism. So that it doesn’t happen

>>18358502
africa is doing colonialism to Europe
thats why its turning into africa
the methods are just modernized

>>18358534
you don't know what colonialism is

>>18358550
definition games are the sign of a weak mind
you can always define things away from those who disagree with you, and refine definition to fit your argument.

>>18358534
That isn’t colonialism, but how about we stop capitalism before the really mad invasion can start when permanent droughts push them all northwards

>>18358556
Not knowing what words mean is the definition of a weak mind, you twit

>>18358272
he is unfortunately right and you are underage

>>18358573
words are flexible you moron
but you're a woman right, so its not surprising.
women tend to take words very seriously, because they define the world for them. or are you a tranny? if so you're insane.
>>18358568
All this talk and you still haven't given your "definition". How obvious was it that I was expanding the definition so as not to restrict it to old world thinking? How did you not understand that I was trying to get people to see forceful change in culture and extraction of resources though more subversive methods. But perhaps you're too stupid to understand, or even to discuss anything real.

>>18357825
1. both women and men have to pay taxes. why are you arguing that the rape of women should be mandatory because men pay taxes? women have to pay taxes. the comparison doesn't make sense.
2. both women and men can be raped, however you are arguing that only women should be raped. why is that and what is the logic behind it?
like what >>18357857 said, i am going to find you and rape you in the ass, i'll be truly delicious.

>>18358600
You're like a little child. Respect her, clearly she is an intellectual. The problem with the world is sexist retards like you :3

>>18358573
>>18358568
Thank you for last night. :3 I'm not trying to white knight or anything like that just... thank you. We definitely had a good time.

>>18358534
i'm all for regulating immigration but it's literally not colonialism, by any semantic standard you brainlet

>>18358600
>extraction of resources
lets hear about these resources
if government assistance is your only example dont bother replying

>>18358600
>words are flexible you moron
kek you are a retard, fluidity of language doesn't equate "nothing means anything and we can just use words however the fuck we want, oh look an apple i'll call it a peach"

>>18355011
Being a misanthrope is more fun tho

>>18358502
Aren't you like 40

>>18350201
I'm Lawrence of Arabia. I'm an idealist who believes he likes cultured and beautiful women. But I attract and feel intensely attracted to sly and average looking girls who love anime and other puerile things. I keep falling for these girls when they lure me in and this year I only managed to end it with one of them by the skin of my ballsack. Should I capitulate?

>>18358681
It sure isn’t.
Unless it’s an ironic comedy act

>>18350201
I saved a nice scrap of wrapping paper about 8 years ago, and today I used it in my new journal.

>>18358705
who you attract says a lot about who you actually are

A 5 years old kid in my town got burned because he was playing outside with matchsticks when his mother was praying. He suffered for two weeks from excruciating physical and mental suffering. He died a slow agonizing death. When my friend told me the condition of that kid's wounds and my heart sank.

All the arguments about any hope crumble into dust when such realties slap me on my face. Fuck this sinister shitshow of pain, death and life.

I am extremely tried.

>>18358954
i had this experience when i saw a webm of a russian guy jumping from a building and hitting a baby stroller on collision. The mom's panick was heartbreaking.

For the past 2 weeks I've been daydreaming that there's a major scientific breakthrough in propulsion technology and in the span of 5 years they're able to achieve not only interstellar travel, but intergalactic as well. And behold, hundreds of thousands of planets are open to exploration, investigation and even settlement.
So naturally this opportunity for a new Manifest Destiny appeals to all the progressive types, the power-driven, the ambitious, the entrepreneurs, the greedy, the journos, the transhumanists, the kikes and the ilk of all those who so far wouldn't let us enjoy a moment's peace on this planet.
Obviously since everyone with status is going, the rest of the non-player characters follow suit, which would make about 99.5% of the world.
Suddenly every single country on Earth has the population density of Greenland. After westerners left and thus stopped sharing food and medical resources with Africa, a single mosquito bite was enough to decimate the population of the continent, so no more niggers either. Needless to say that Israel nuked MENA from orbit out of spite, creating the largest semi-natural geothermal lake in the world.
I am at last free to enjoy this planet. A Garden of Eden to roam and explore as if it was created just yesterday.

>>18358338
Try directly addressing my actual points before you restate your own. I did you that courtesy, least you could do is return it.

>>18358999
checked, very comfy daydream anon i hope it happens

>>18358999
you are so fucking dumb

gee gee gee gee baby baby baby

It's always great when you suddenly find that the answer to a problem perplexing you lies in something you had read long ago, as it were, buried deep in your memory, waiting to come out just at the right time. Thankfully this passage just came to my mind:

>Our life is like a journey on which, as we advance, the landscape takes a different view from that which it presented at first, and changes again, as we come nearer. This is just what happens—especially with our wishes. We often find something else, nay, something better than what we are looking for; and what we look for, we often find on a very different path from that on which we began a vain search. Instead of finding, as we expected, pleasure, happiness, joy, we get experience, insight, knowledge—a real and permanent blessing, instead of a fleeting and illusory one. This is the thought that runs through Wilkelm Meister, like the bass in a piece of music.

>Men of any worth or value soon come to see that they are in the hands of Fate, and gratefully submit to be moulded by its teachings. They recognize that the fruit of life is experience, and not happiness; they become accustomed and content to exchange hope for insight; and, in the end, they can say, with Petrarch, that all they care for is to learn. It may even be that they to some extent still follow their old wishes and aims, trifling with them, as it were, for the sake of appearances; all the while really and seriously looking for nothing but instruction; a process which lends them an air of genius, a trait of something contemplative and sublime. In their search for gold, the alchemists discovered other things—gunpowder, china, medicines, the laws of nature. There is a sense in which we are all alchemists.

>>18359211
uh-uh, listen boy
my first love story

How did Einstein know about MCs before rapping was a thing?

>>18358954
His mother was praying that she could go back in time and get an abortion. The Lord delivers.

I need discipline.

I can't decide what religion to practice. I settle on one, it feels right for a few days but then the reasons fade meanwhile I remember what attracts me to the other religions. I've literally been going round and round for a long time now. It's like there are things in many religions that are absolutely necessary for me, I can't have a religion that doesn't have all the necessary things. The reason I've been thinking I should have a religion is so that I can focus on more important things in life. a core teaching in all religion is practicing compassion, I think doing that is a lot easier if you're in a group, such as a church, rather than if you're a loner, like I've been for a long time.

>>18359263
what is it you need to do?I think a lot of discipline is jus tdesperate fear of failure desu

>ultimate cringe

Last night I had a dream that I caused a girl to get vaginal prolapse after having sex with her. What's the psychoanalysis of this?

>>18359270
you do know that you don't need to practice a particular fucking religion to know compassion or even feel the "the divine" right? sounds to me like you have personal problems you need to solve individually within yourself, but you are looking for superficial exterior solutions

>>18359293
you're gay
t. psychoanalyst

>>18359304
nah
t. psychoanalyst

>>18359313
Nah he's right

t. super psychoanalyst

>>18359297
by "practice compassion" (I realize this was cryptically stated) I basically mean "do a bunch of charity-work". that's what I mean is probably gonna be more productive in a group

>>18359316
hahaha thanks for the laugh

>>18359316
This needs to be evaluated by a peer-study that I’ll be unable to find funding for
t. ultra-lord psychoanalyst

>>18359274
>I think a lot of discipline is jus tdesperate fear of failure desu
Possibly my case. When I encounter any difficult problem I get a unbearable angst that pushes me to do anything else but the task at hand. I'm self-studying programming here and there for more or less ten years, since I was a teenager, trying to make a living off it. Even went to university to get a Computer Engineering degree, but flunked it and dropped it. I'm also addicted to porn. Currently reading the easypeasymethod, but failing. It's scary, though. Not sure if it is the cause, probably not, but must be a component. Progress is just too slow at this point. I'm well aware that I'm not going to make it to a degree again, but at least getting paid a few bucks would get me out of my parents' house, not like they want me out, but I need to have my space. Sorry for the blog, make no mistake, progress is happening, I'm just frustrated about how slow it is.

>>18359316
this is exactly why psychoanalysis is outdated

>>18359304
>>18359313
>>18359316
>>18359328
>>18359384
Psychoanalysis is shit.

t. Analytical psychologist

>>18359396
*cue John Cena music*

>>18359375
what I mean is that I think you get discipline because the alternative scares the shit out of you. I am pretty disciplined about my course work and I think the reason is that I'm really scared of, I absolutely fucking hate, the thought of fucking this up. I'm not very interested in the actual work but I just gotta get somewhere in life at some fucking point and failing would set that back. It would stress the shit out of me. So I do the work. Maybe there is or can be more to it but, well, that's how I feel about discipline

>>18359396
>le dreams maymay

https://pastebin.com/tfnVRFuN

This is just the very beginning. I didn't even edit this. Please tell me how bad it is lol

>>18359625
Without even clicking it, I have to say it's pretty damn bad.

>>18359625
why should we read what you wont even edit?

Mishima’s writing got worse the more he got progressed into bodybuilding. That’s a bit of a black pill if I’m being honest.

>>18356263
Have you ever met Fazerdaze? What does she smell like?

I can never speel "spell" correctly.

>>18350201
I've settled into my job as a High School Teacher. I've figured out a process for lesson plans and paperwork, and now have a fair amount of free time to read and write. I think I might be ...happy?

>>18359789
Read proper literature so you can be happy. Tolkien’s stuff or Hemingway’s book is a good example.

There was a really cute girl that played volley ball with us today. I thought she was 19 for sure, turns out she might be 17 based on what I've seen on her ig. I was dissapointed by that. While legal where I live, fucking/dating a 17 old feels a bit creepy when I am 22, that would mean she just finished her las year of high school while im in my last year of uni.
In the end though, im just guessin. She could very well be 18, i'm hoping that's the case.

Posted the same shit last night but that shit is still in my mind for some reason, loneliness is taking its toll I suppose

>>18359734
>Got interested by smell instead of booba or foota.

>>18359789
Your pupils will bully you

Memorial day's hitting a little different this year. I've been in therapy and, for the first time since I got back to the states, am actually seriously unpacking a lot of the shit related to my service. My deployment was a particularly brutal one with casualty and KIA rates similar to what was seen in Nam. We lost a lot of guys and it still hurts over a decade later. I feel like I really am finally starting to pick up the pieces and come out on the other end and it makes me pretty fucking emotional. It's hard to even allow myself that since I was lucky enough to be one of the guys who escaped with my life and limbs fully intact.

It's a really powerful and complex feeling looking back on things that usually seem more like a fever dream than reality and allowing for the reality that these things did actually happen. What's more, they didn't just happen; they happened to me. I was so fucking young. We all were. I'm older now than the oldest guy in my platoon when we deployed. It's just a really fucking strange feeling bros, and I don't know how to do it justice.

I'm gonna drink another beer, I think. This one's for you, all my brothers out still there scattered to the wind, and for the guys who didn't make it home. We OEF vets are the last there will be. Nobody else will ever serve in that country in the way we did at that specific time. We're the very last, and our numbers can only diminish from here. I know it's dumb to be vulnerable on 4chan, especially with politics being what they are these days, but I don't have much of an outlet for this shit outside of my one hour a week of therapy.

If there are any other crusty old vets out there reading this post on this memorial day, if you're struggling, know that you're my brothers.Treat yourselves well. Forgive yourselves if you're in need of absolution. I love you guys. Keep your memories alive.

Every time I want to do something I inevitably don’t because I either think I’ll get nowhere with it or because it’s cringe.

>>18359789
You actually read? You're ahead of like 95% of English teachers.

>>18353912
Sauce please

How do you stay in shape? Running and lifting weights is not tolerable, let alone enjoyable anymore.

>>18360114
yoga

A friend recently came out.. we used to exchange names of our favorite (female) pornstars. Is there a way he could have enjoyed those women as a gay guy?
>inb4 coomer
not anymore, for a long time
>>18360114
I just ride a bike every now and then (about once a week). It's good cardio AND enjoyable.
>Running and lifting weights is not tolerable
agree

Any of you guys read English Web novels?

>>18360103
Google Videos: Kwon Ji Yong - 권지용 / G-Dragon Turkey.

Last result of the first page.

>>18359915
>my "service"
No one cares, zogbot. You murder people in service of Israel, to strengthen their oil industry. Nothing you do is good or honorable, I hope you join the people this "holiday" is about very soon.

I've been reading For Whom the Bell Tolls for like two months now and it's an absolute slog. My Kindle fucked up and threw me off the page I was reading and I don't even know where I was supposed to be. Fucking damn it

>>18360145
>could have enjoyed those women as a gay guy
He's probably not 100% gay. When I came out, I came out as gay, then pondered on it a while and realized that just because I felt I had to come out to really be okay with myself, didn't mean I had to lie to myself and pretend I wasn't also really attracted to women. Later on I mingled with the "queer community" and decided I was enough like them to label myself as pansexual and stuck with that. There's a lot more too it, and another label that I feel like fits, demisexual/panromantic. I truly don't feel physical attraction to anyone, for any reason, despite knowing what I do and don't like physically. But once I make a strong emotional bond with someone I like and get along with my physical attraction to them is immeasurable. My point being, there really is a whole ass wide spectrum of how sexuality in humans works. So your "gay" friend may very well be attracted to women, and men, but feels that gay fits best for the time being. Or, he could just be envious of the women to the point of confusing it with attraction to them, and may later on down the line come out as a straight trans woman, whether he transitions or not. Also, he's your friend, just ask him.

>>18360145
maybe he was talking about porn and sex stuff with you to flirt with you kek

>>18360173
nta but last result of first page is just an unrelated video of gd's sister for me

>>18359914
Been in the job for a year.

>>18359789
are they hard to work with? we got a shortage of teachers where I live so they'll allow pretty much anyone to temp. Considering looking into it this fall but I worry the kids will eat me alive desu

>>18360145
>>18360239
also some gay guys watch straight porn and self-insert into the women when they are still in denial about being gay

>>18359875
Already got a sizable library, read all of their works. Thanks for the recs though.

>>18360257
My experience has been fine, but there are some teachers who still struggle after years. I'm a pretty big chap and have never had confidence issues, so I think that helps.

>>18360192
God will judge him if it is appropriate, no need to be a cunt.

>>18360239
pansexual is literally just bi people that don't do hook ups and one night stand. It's on the same tier of retardation as those who calls themselves sapiosexual. Every little details and preferences doesn't make it a new sexuality
It's like saying you're boobasexual for exclusively dating women with DD and up.

All these labels are fucking stupid.

>>18360192
Shut the fuck up you vile cunt.

>>18360192
raging little spergburger lmfao

>>18360276
maybe I'll try it with low expectations and just quit if it doesn't work out. I don't think it would affect my self-esteem since my expectations are already pretty low. if it works out I think I could be pretty good, I like helping people understand things. But I figure one classic trap in teaching would be that all teachers really want to teach the kids that are into their subject, but the real challenge is engaging those kids are not. I don't know how I'd do with them. I dunno, we'll see what happens

Can you simplify unhappiness down to just either (1) you're in a bad spot in life, or (2) you're physically/mentally ill?

>>18360288
Ackshewallly... I first adopted the label to show that I was also fine with non-binary and genderqueer people, not exclusive of anyone despite how they were born, or how they are now, or what's between their legs, or ever was there. Being pansexual has literally nothing to do with one night stands, and in my case, neither does being demi. I've had plenty of them. See, not feeling physical attraction to anyone, while not being a prude, means I can have sex with basically anyone that wants to have sex with me. Because it's just about having a good time and giving each other physical pleasure. But to really be attracted to them, or have something more than a one night stand means I would, in fact, have to spend time building an emotional bond with them. So no, your assumptions are all wrong, about me, and likely everyone else in the queer community who isn't cis-gay/lesbian. I'm not suggesting that you look into it, just that you shut the fuck up about things you don't understand.

>>18360312
yeah

>>18360312
I don't think so, but it depends a little bit on what you mean with unhappy. Do you mean like chronically over time? In that case maybe, but it also depends on what you mean by a "bad spot". I mean I think you can be chronically unhappy because you are maladjusted without that really being an illness

>>18360325
Chronically over time, yeah. Not "something bad happened to me today", but an "I'm unhappy with my life" sort of thing.

>>18360343
You reckon homeless people who are depressed might be less depressed or unhappy if they had a stable life, a job they liked, a home to go to every night with food in the kitchen? Yes, absolutely your circumstances can make you unhappy. But if you have any means to change your situation to a better one, then doing it might make you feel better. Then if you do get back to a better spot in life and you're still depressed, it would be a lot easier to figure out if it's caused by mental illness, a chemical imbalance, your diet even. If you're unhappy with where you're at in life and can change it, that really needs to be your first step in figuring out what's really causing you to feel that way. And any good therapist would tell you exactly that.

death and decay everywhere

I don't want to be offended by any human behavior that doesn't involve harming anyone that doesn't want to be harmed. I just really want to see it for what it is.

>>18360363
For my case I can tell you it's independent of external conditions mostly. When I look at my life I ask myself, "What's so bad about this?", and the answer is nothing, but my brain just won't let me enjoy things. If I had the mind of a healthy person I could do so much, yet I'm trapped by mental illness into living hunched over in a corner. I really just hope you guys without awful mental issues appreciate what you have, but it's probably similar to physical pain where no one understands how good they have it until it suddenly gets way worse

>>18360421
I'll just say, you're not alone, and therapy really does help if you're willing to accept it. I'm certainly not one of those that doesn't suffer from mental illness, my understanding comes not from studying, but from experience. I hope you find the courage to seek help, things can get better, but only if you're willing to ask for help and then do the work when you need to. Though I know how hard that can be, it took me a very long time to admit that there was actually something wrong that I wasn't going to be able to fix by myself. Good luck to you, anon, please don't let things get beyond the point of being helped. Most importantly, yes, medications can help at first, that's what they're for is to help center your mind so you can figure out how to be better and then you gradually work your way off of them. So take them if they're advised, but tell any therapist that tells you you have to take them forever to stay feeling normal, to kick rocks.

>>18360450
Can I ask what symptoms you were having? Stuff like negative thoughts/guilt, right?

>>18360375
Merely the passage of time

Why does looking for an apartment have to be so difficult?
Why can't they be forthright about whether or not a unit is even available? Why do they have to post ads when they're ostensibly not looking for tenants? Why is there no count of applicants so I can see if I'm even wasting my time applying?
Should I just whoringly apply to every place that fits my criteria and just ignore the calls back if I get more than one but I then don't need it? I feel like an ass

>>18360462
I've had a strong sense of depression since I was a child. It just got stronger and stronger over time, and of course I knew why, but it was something that was beaten out of me to talk about. So I just stuck with that and played pretend most of the time that everything was okay. But mixed with that was yeah, guilt, shame, embarrassment. But really, I didn't get "embarrassed" like normal people do, I was always humiliated at the slightest bit of embarrassment, just utterly hated myself for every part of me, my body, my attitude, personality, my stupid fucking haircut, etc. That shit gets hard to hide too. Of course this shit mostly came from the fact that I said something "stupid" when I was a very young child, and my abusive father started to be my first bully because of it. Which led to the shame and what have you, and that was a stain I wore causing everyone else in my life to follow suit. As soon as I knew it was possible to take my own life, I've wanted to, and have tried a few times. Later in life it got to a point that my emotions cased me physical pain, I became paranoid that no one actually liked me, and everyone that interacted with me was either just using me or wanted to hurt me. There's so much more to it with me, more than I'm willing to blather on about more than I already have.

>>18360502
That's harsh, reminds me of Hesse's childhood and how he was going to commit suicide as a pre-teen. My sort of depression is pretty different though. My family kind of broke apart after the 2008 financial crisis, but the divorce didn't actually happen until 2016, so there was an 8-year period of on-and-off fighting that got so bad I kind of mentally spaced out, and eventually I just stood back and found the whole thing funny. But it didn't stop there. First I stopped caring about my family, but then over 3-4 years I stopped caring about literally everything else, then I found that I couldn't drum up emotions even if I wanted to. And now the world is all flat. Some people say this kind of thing means you're Schizoid, but a lot of people who assume it's depression somehow get treated for it and recover, so I'm inclined to think it's just another form of depression, but a weird one.

I honestly envy depressed people who still feel emotions a bit, but it's hell for them too in a different way. For me, years of my life going to the void is tragic. But really, anxiety and guilt, shame and embarrassment are often much worse. They turn every day into a battle. I had a period of anxiety, and when I went outside it was dreadful feeling like everyone is staring at you. But on the bright side, having strong physical emotions means you'll get more out of therapy if it goes well, whereas in my case I really just need to find the issue with my body chemistry and solve it, which could take an indefinite amount of time. Essentially depression just fucks everyone in different ways, and it's not worth arguing about who has it worst - we just need to find our way out and try to put it behind us ASAP.

>>18360471
so it is

>>18360502
>>18360574
My dearest anons, your stories resonate with me, and I can tell you your malady but not its cure. It is the absence of love, but not just in the momentary passage in which we exist, but an absence of love that has expounded itself upon both past and future. You have been made to feel not only like you are not loved, but were never loved, and thus that deems you unlovable in the future too. I feel it too.

It is hard to fully explain to people what it feels like to be a 'weapon' in someone's argument, especially when those are people you thought you loved. It's an objectification by a primary care giver, and it is traumatic, with the saddest capacity to grow and spread pervasively through your life because you come to the stilted conclusion that, "if the people whose absolute duty it was to love me couldn't, why would anyone unbound then choose to love me?". In knowing you are an object for those that 'love' you, you allow yourself to become convinced that all of your relationships are either manipulation or transactional. "If mother and father would use me in their arguments against one another, what would that person I barely know use me for?"

I am sorry, my dearest anons. Once you fall beyond that cliff, I do not know if the burden of experience will allow you to climb it once more. Here are some things I have found that work, and do not work.
- Finding a meaning that lets you interact with people in a way you are comfortable with - even if that might be at arm's length - can help.
- Try to hold dear to you that your experiences though unpleasant are not without value. I became a teacher. I want everyone in my class to feel they have a place in my circle, so that they never have the doubts we feel.
- You will be betrayed. You will not necessarily understand why. You will have to come to terms with the fact that some people operate on a lower plane of logic - a baser set of needs, wants, and motives.
- This is not a problem fixed by romance, as a stereotypical incel might believe. I am not unsuccessful romantically, but find I cannot tolerate romance - I push people away to no end.
- It will be hard for you to find friendship that meets the level of purity you might demand. You might want to think of them as acquaintances, work-mates, colleagues... whatever helps you to deal with the day-to-day.

>>18360653
>>18360502 here. I fully understand what you're saying, and what's wrong with me. There are treatments that have shown "some positive results" in similar patients over the course of a decade or more. But when introduced to that treatment I was shown to already have figured out all those behavioral treatments as coping mechanisms over the course of my life. Unfortunately, they don't do much to stop the pain and depression, because as was shown on a brain scan or five, my brain never developed correctly in the emotion dealing with department. So basically, I'm fucked. Though I certainly do know I've been loved in my life, mostly by people who saw my "bad side" and then fucked off because it was too much by them. And unfortunately, you and the other anon sound like you share a similar diagnosis as I have.

>>18360450
How do i even start therapy? Is it expensive?
Lets say i enroll back in college. Will their counseling office offer any help?

>>18360686
Oh, I know all too well. My brain developed correctly, but I have neurological scarring present on MRIs. Essentially, I'm non-critically brain damaged thanks to the varying degrees of abuse I went through. If it helps, I found gabapentin to be a pleasant relief.

>>18354443

you're well on the way of becoming the guy that has a huge ego about not having an ego lmao

>>18360707
>neurological scarring
What a scary term. I didn't even know this existed. I'd like to think i'm more than my brain, but it's inescapable that regardless of however much "you" is more than matter, that matter is still a major cultivator of yourself. It terrifies me to think that the things I experienced, due to no fault of my own, can be the reason i'm so broken. Even worse is that possibility that my situation is irrecoverable. I'm really most pissed that other people have made me like this. I feel like I've lost all agency and that feeling of helplessness is worse than the depression itself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZB9js2IJgA

Anyone struggling with narrowing down what you want to write when starting a new project? How do you do it?

>>18360706
Those counselors are usually pretty useless when it comes to actual help, but may be able to steer you to someone that can be helpful. I'd imagine if you're in college there are plenty of systems in place to help you pay for therapy, but otherwise it can be expensive. There are also clinics in most places for low income people, varying in degrees of helpfulness. I got my start in therapy by trying to get a broken tooth pulled. I went to one of those clinics, they checked my blood pressure and it was really bad, like going to have a stroke any day bad. They forced me over to the medical side to see a doctor before they would deal with the tooth. I saw one doctor and she got me set on some blood pressure meds and made me a follow up appointment with another doctor for two weeks from then. That doctor turned out to be a very skilled therapist, even though that was not what she does. I liked her and trusted her enough to be honest with her, and ended up having fairly regular "medical" appointments with her, just for the therapy aspect of it. She got me on some meds, talked with me about things and really helped me figure out what was wrong and what I needed to do. My case was not ordinary by any means, but the real answer to your question is, ask someone for help. Whether that be a doctor, a nurse, and actual therapist, a family member that you trust, a close friend, an online support group, just someone, anyone, and be willing to accept help and be honest.

>>18360743
>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181836/
Afraid so. I have some scarring on the right side of my brain around the edge of the ventricle, which as you can see in this document, isn't terribly implausible. But let me put this into another perspective: if you get a deep cut, you get a scar. The scar tissue is not ideal, but it is seldom preventative - it doesn't render you immobile. In a chance few cases it might... but I guess what I'm saying is, a scar means reduction, not impossibility.

You might yet find a way to continue on with your life in a happy way. Despite feeling very unable to support friendships or relationships, I'm in teaching, and I do my best by the kids I teach. I consider the ability to put that distance in place as needed kind of helpful in some cases; I'm able to ask the difficult questions you should never have to ask a child, but sometimes the job demands it. I'm able to be callous when I believe what I'm doing is for their long-term good.

I would really like to be comfortable with someone else again one day. But I don't know if it'll happen. I have my mission of martyrdom to press on with... and I'm, I suppose, satisfied. I'm using the bad in my life to make something good, even if it's not a good I get to relish in.

NO!!!! NOT BELLS THEOREM!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

>mfw realizing you don't need love, you need *to love*
we're all gonna make it

Lately I've been more active and watching what I eat. I've been more social and have been getting more time away from the computer than I have in the last ten years. It seems like I'm starting to adjust to what being naturally happy feels like. It's really not something I'm used to. And this isn't really what's been bugging me lately but I just wanted to give some context.

What's been really bugging me are the days where I still want to kill myself. I'll do the whole lay in bed and stare at the ceiling thing for hours trying to think past my own skull. Laying there trying to figure out why I'm so fucking retarded I can't just get out of bed and go for a fucking walk. Then I'll remember for like 15 seconds that it's ok to have a bad day every now and then and that this feeling won't last forever. But I still stay upset because it's not something you can really think yourself out of. So I sit there in bed basically just wanting to scream until my throat bursts and blood starts leaking out of my eyes and ears and I can't even pinpoint what's upsetting me because really there's nothing that should be. And of course I'm not screaming at all or trying anything that might alleviate my symptoms. I've thunk myself retarded and what hurts the most is that I know that it will pass and come again and come again and pass...

I'm just tired guys I think I might finally just give in and seek counseling or something. I tell myself that if it wasn't for my mom I'd be dead already. The thought of leaving her alone hurts just as bad as the other shit.

>>18360795
AUUUUUUUUUUOOMMMMMMMMM.

>>18358338
I don't even notice when I pay taxes, it's taken from my pay check. Being brutally raped would be a traumatic experience. Your head is in the clouds you're being too abstract.

I have to listen to these fucking niggers with their music. Why can't they just act like human beings?

>>18360794
>bells thereom, godels incompleteness, uncertainty principle
the pseud trifecta par excellence. anyone that brings these up in conversation can immediately and eternally be disregarded

Every year when the day’s start to get long and the sun sets later than 8 pm, I get myself into a terrible funk where I never leave the house, I don’t do anything, I can’t sleep. The only thing I want to do is lounge around and pray for rainy days. It’s just terrible.

>>18360904
Some of us just like crappy weather, anon, it's really not that big of a deal. Tons of people are lauded because they love warm weather and sunshine, and spend every waking moment bitching about the rest of the year. We get to enjoy most every day's weather, and only bitch and whine in the very short period of light and sun we have to endure. It gives me a slight sense of superiority. Though I secretly love the smell of sunscreen more than any other scent I've encountered in my life.

>>18360904
Interesting. I get madly energized. Like I could take on the world.

>>18350201
I have to stop being a faggot.

>>18360904
Move north

Without being hyperbolic, I honestly think it'll be easier to just kill myself rather than continue to exist.

>>18360935
That won’t exactly solve the long days issue.

I love women to death, but mostly in theory. Hopefully easing off the porn will help improve that.

>>18360923
I do like when it’s rainy or cold or windy or snowing because it gives me an excuse to sit inside and read but it’s not exactly the weather at fault here actually. It’s the timing of the sun. Something about the sun going down so late just throws me off so bad. And the fact that it’s hot and humid but there’s not a body of water in sight makes it that much worse.

Also, if I’m being totally honest, I have a personal hangup. I’m extremely self conscious so when the temperature goes up and the sun comes out, the layers come off and the people go outside, which means I want to hide somewhere they’re not.

manic

Here I am again, with no purpose, with no joy, I don't know where to go nor what to strive for anymore, the only thing that consoles me is that this is a familiar feeling

>>18361002
Find something nice, helpful, fun, constructive, worthy.
When hungry, take a fruit from the cornucopia and eat it.

>>18360968
Long days are matched by long nights, but the clouds normally obscure the clouds.
Maybe a nice little place in a mountain valley
Or aluminum foil on your windows, w/e

>>18361022
>obscure the clouds.
*sun
Distracted

>>18360978
Not to be rude, but on that last bit, yeah, no shit. It started the same for me. Then it just became my thing. And even now that I'm only slightly insecure, but gladly wear booty shorts and crop tops in the summer, the crappy weather is still my favorite. Still have way more sweaters and jeans than I do anything else. Accept it, accept yourself, no one's opinion can hurt you except your own.

>tfw you read this thread and realize yo udn't got it so bad
we can all make it bros, I used to have it shit too

>>18361008
I'm going to cum on a picture of you crying, butters

Side note, u kinda look like an ex of mine.

I can't recall what feelings other than stress felt like.

I don't no.

>>18361261
Gayyyy

test

ass

>>18361161
pls stop posting this face, I don't wanna see the same fucking face when I'm on /lit/ wtf. stop giving this person so much attention

>>18350201
TITS TITS TITS COCK COCK COCK TITS COCK BALLS TITS ASSHOLE SEMEN TITS

>>18361412

>>18361172

>>18361412
:)

>>18356263
sky tower gave me the spook

>>18360103
https://youtu.be/d9IxdwEFk1c?t=141

>>18354922
I WANT ONE

>>18360318
Your inability to form meaningful relationships doesn't establish a psychosocial identity, it just underscores how ridiculous this terminology is. In reality, you're a malformed prick (eggshaped) seeking affirmation in nebulous, ill-defined labels predicated on the self-report of mentally ill masturbators.

>>18356121

What time do you go to sleep? you probably need more hours of sleep anon.

>>18360192
Doesn't seem to me like you have a clue what honor is.

it warms your heart to see it

https://twitter.com/Bryan12879262/status/1399136749872369667