/lit/ - Literature

>>18249271
Can I get a quick rundown?

>>18249286
pseuds hate it because an animefag managed to finish his novel.

>>18249286
It’s some book someone from /lit wrote

>>18249297
Is it any good?

>>18249304
Call of the Arcade is good. Haven’t read Crocodile yet. Gardner wrote a couple books but Crocodile is the most memed.

>>18249304
why would anybody know?

>>18249346
>expecting /lit/ to read
You're right, my mistake.

>>18249271
Swear to God, I will buy these, narrate them all, and dump them here so they never have threads again.

>>18249297
You mean somebody from /x/ who writes as well as you would expect from one of those people.

>literally the exact same replies every mention
just fucking ban them already and gardner from making his ugly ass banners you fucking useless mods

>anime fav published his book
>pseuds are just jealous
>arcade is good
Christ you are an actual robot.

>>18249997
>author writes a bunch of books
>only one is good
>meanwhile one of his other books becomes more known

Happens all the time.

>>18249271
>needs this shit contained.
You can't contain autism anon.

These threads are consistently amazing.

If you have never made money from traditionally published fiction, you need to STFU and be humble ITT.

thank god there is finally a janny-approved thread for this. I finally read it and need an effective place to say I have never read some thing so abysmal, poorly edited and structured, pompous and creepily inhuman (dialogue honestly feels like it was generated using 2011 ai)
I have to say this author completely cemented my opinions regarding self-publishing, which I formerly thought was a benefit, and that amazon had helped society by making it so much easier. after reading this book and feeling the absolute arrogance that drips off every page of this horrendous muck, I must say I feel completely the opposite now: self-publishing was a mistake. all authors should be forced to be proofread in the least, or steered away from writing at most.

tl;dr this book was offensive how bad it was. this guy could've smeared his own shit on the page and I'd support it for the meme potential, but he did much much worse by actually putting this story into poorly articulated words. I am nauseated, and my day is ruined.

>>18250331
I should clarify that I did however LOVE "Call of the Arcade." That book is an unpresented work of art. Glad to see F. Gardner (PBUH) has improved overtime. Reading Arcade has granted me a renewed perspective on COTC. I now love that book. Yes you heard it folks. I officially withdraw my former statement regarding Call of the Crocodile. It is my new favorite book and F. Gardner (PBUH) is the voice of the new generation.

>>18250381
>Gardner coping reaches new lows
how completely unsurprising. you write some real pretentious and revolting shit, my stupid friend.

Kek Does this mean there can be a Call of the Arcade containment board too?

>>18250331
As usual nothing that demonstrates that this idiot read the book. Everyone can tell it’s the same guy spamming these anti-Gardner posts. Then he accuses everyone of being Gardner. Because if you’re guilty of something people often accuse others of what they’re guilty of.

>>18250525
As proof here is one example of how bad it sounds, from my copy on kindle

This is better

>>18249286
See
>>18249291
>>18249297

>>18250391
>pretentious and revolting shit

Elaborate? I've heard it's pretentious and morbid but I never really hear reasons why other than "Boo-Hoo some kid died." Is a child dying really that taboo?

>>18249304
It's the greatest book ever written according to The Joker.

>>18251123
It’s revolting because of how poorly it’s written. It’s overloaded with obvious typos and trite references that make no sense. The subject matter is banal, nothing interesting happening at all. Even calling it banal is a compliment, it’s not even fun and tropey, it’s just arduous and boring.

>>18251123
>>18251133
More samefag

>>18251144
If you really read it then you would cite examples from the story.

>>18251149
Retard, pay attention. >>18250574 this is a hideous passage, if you want more I’ve got kindle open. You really don’t know how to use a comma so it won’t be hard to find something embarassing

I gotta say CotC was one hell of a ride. Can we talk about other books from 4chan in this thread? I don't hear much about others.

>>18251155
Doesn't sound like you know what the plot is about.

>>18251185
It wouldn’t matter because that doesn’t change the very real technical errors, I do know the plot (Pete got eated and joe is :( ) which is shit, and stop fucking samefagging >>18251170

Tense errors— Christ, I mean, just say this out loud and you could fix this. What do you have to gain by cheating readers like this? Why not just take five minutes per chapter and fix this? It shows a lack of respect desu, so fuck you too

Pro tip: humans do not talk like this.

>>18251246
>>18251218
>>18251194

Isn't that from the first couple of chapters? You sound awfully proud for someone who couldn't even finish a short book.

>inb4 excuses for not finishing.

Someone not finishing a movie and saying they hate it based on the way the film was edited is retarded. It's the same with literature. You're clearly someone with a reading comprehension issue.

>>18251218
That's just the historical present. Have you never read Roman historians?

>>18251396
That’s your fucking cope? You’re head must be pretty damn far up your own ass to be this fucking arrogant.
Your book is shit and it’s your fault, own up to it and be a fucking man. Besides, at the rate you keep shilling, I’ll have posted the whole thing with explicit reference to your errors and you’ll still be spouting this oblivious nonsense. See you in a few hours you worthless piece of trash ;)

>>18251415
Here’s one with worse tense issues, and a description of food that came off a fucking Olive Garden menu lol

>>18251396
As someone who's never read it, his excerpts and every other excerpt I've seen have demonstrated that Gardner writes on like a 3rd grade level and I will never pay a dime to read anything with his name on the cover.

>>18251445
>Gardner writes on like a 3rd grade level

Filtered. That's part of the appeal.

>>18249367
Godspeed, you glorious bastard.

>>18251462
More sad copes. Go to bed, Gardner. You need to save energy for a day of shilling tomorrow.

>>18251444
In the dactylic hexameter of Western antiquity, each line of verse was divided into two by the caesura, located within the middle of a metrical foot and usually marking a break in the ideas or phrases being expressed. Similarly, the haiku prescribes the usage of kireji: a word ending or particle that marks a division in the poem. By mixing two tenses within the same sentence, Gardner in his writing echoes these two disparate traditions.

>>18251462
It's not even amusing, it's just shitty editing.

>>18251218
>>18251246
jesus christ

>>18249304
No.

>>18251486
Lol this is funny because this is the only pro-Gardner posting that cannot actually be Gardner because it’s too well written

>>18249369
This. These books show up on /x ever now and then. They're some kind of psy-op.

>>18249304
It's like Infinite Jest if it was written by a drunk retard. So, yes. It's incredible. It takes itself so seriously which makes the memes so much better.

>>18251218
>>18251246
>>18251444

Pay attention to this. He’s showing screenshots and complaint about unimportant issues like past/present tense. No one cares about these things. He is complaining about them because he is Gardner and wants people to think his critics are stupid.

This is just sad. The screenshot you’re showing are clearly meant to demonstrate that you think these excerpts are good. They’re not. All you’ve proven is that you are a shill.

It is /lit/'s cynosure. Our crown jewel and finest export.

>>18249304
Read the first page on amazon. It's either the worst or greatest thing ever. Unintentionally genius and hilarious.

>>18251667
Took me a while to realize this. It’s like that other anon was saying that it’s like The Room. Only this is on a whole other level. It’s more like the room mixed with Evangelion type craziness. Calling it now. These books are going to be fucking studied one day. People will debate about if the writer was like Chris Chan or Shakespeare.

>>18251445
Yes. His books are trash, and anyone speaking well of them is just a clown shilling in a clown world full of garbage and lousy efforts by halfwits.

>>18251470

> In professional wrestling, kayfabe /ˈkeJfeJb/ (also called work or worked), as a noun, is the portrayal of staged events within the industry as "real" or "true", specifically the portrayal of competition, rivalries, and relationships between participants as being genuine and not staged.

These threads largely consist of Gardner insulting people who say they like his books. Note in his interview he says he is a big wrestling/martial arts fan. The ads aren’t the biggest part of his marketing - it’s him coming in here accusing everyone of being him. Then he shit talks himself and plays a heel, which lets his public persona (F. Gardner) play the hero. Do not trust Gardner when he insults himself and says you are Gardner. He knows full well you are not him.

>>18251904
Link to interview?

>>18249271
Can I have a basic summary of what happens and why this book gets spammed here so often besides the fact that it's written badly? Is it just a meme? Is it like a 'so bad it's good' thing? Or does the author like to spam his book here for attention?

how come I cannot find any free online versions of his books?

>>18252132
Nobody published a copy since nobody have read it, obviously. And even if someone did, it's the worst shit ever so they wouldn't feel complied to do it.
>>18251579
>He’s showing screenshots and complaint about unimportant issues like past/present tense. No one cares about these things.
Everyone pays attention to these things, Jesus christ.

>>18252026
>Or does the author like to spam his book here for attention?
This is the only reason it's posted about at all. Gardner is a retard who has spent more effort shitposting on /lit/ than he ever did writing his books.

>>18251702
I can always tell it’s you Gardner because your knowledge of quality consists of anime and corny horror movies, you have nothing else to compare your shitty book to.
Anyway, it sucks terribly on all levels, nothing good about it, and you’re an arrogant slug looking to dupe people into worshipping you. Still crossing my fingers for your suicide as I wonder why the fuck a comma confuses you so much

>>18251904
You’re wrong, and I’d accuse you of being Gardner himself, except you e pulled a word out that’s way beyond his level

Gardner is actually incredibly vain. He can only play the unconcerned shill as long as people are not actually critiquing the text, which isn’t hard considering no one actually reads his garbage. If you do point out the various errors and flaw and shortcomings with accuracy he will respond with some pathetic defense about how “well it may suck, but he’s one of us” or the classic “pseuds are just jealous an animefag published his book!”
There is really nothing clever about him or his marketing by strategy, just the tenacity of a committed narcissist

>>18249271
Hey guys thanks for all the support you've shown my book! I really appreciate the positive reviews you've given it on amazon. I apologize for any distress caused by my books being discussed on this forum, I just wanted to tell a great horror story. Anyways thanks again for all the support!

>>18251579
> unimportant issues like past/present tense. No one cares about these things.
you have the worst cognitive dissonance I think I’ve ever seen. Do you see a psychologist, Gardner? You might want to find a new one...

>>18249286
>>18249291
>>18249297
>>18249304
>>18249324
>>18249361
>>18249369
>>18250118
>>18250381
>>18250525
>>18250608
>>18251133
>>18251149
>>18251170
>>18251185
>>18251396
>>18251415
>>18251465
>>18251487
>>18251522
>>18251547
>>18251579
>>18251663
>>18251667
>>18251702
>>18251904
literally nobody except you watches your interviews, you retard
>>18253495
>>18253500
same fucking fag, how much of an obnoxious loser must you be in order to post 3/4 of the comments in your own dedicated thread?

>>18253584
Wrong on that one m8, but you are correct in that Gardner himself composes the majority of the posts here

>>18253596
sorry, my brain was probably on a meltdown by this point, I should've realized given the amount of garbage he posts every day with the exact same sentence structuring

>>18253500
What are do you think of your books in inverse-color?

>>18254767
That’s not him

>>18249271
I really, really do not want Natalie. Even if she were kind to me I wouldn't want her. I remember her as a borderline mute and I am pretty sure the only class we even shared together was remedial. She is really, REALLY not for me to put it mildly.

Next.

>>18254913
Who is Natalie

>>18253500
Gardner you will never belong here. Did you not read my posts? 4chan is a place for those rejected by society. We do not want you to succeed because we our failures ourselves. Please leave. You will never be accepted here.

>>18255843
subtle

>>18255843
this

>>18251246
Well this convinced me that any mention of this book should result in auto permaban.

>>18249271
WARNING: SPOILERS
"Call of the Crocodile" is the first installation in Gardner's breakout series of horror novels. The story follows its protagonist, a young boy named Faggot Gardner (no relation to F. Gardner, the author), as he searches the grimy streets of Chicago for "the Crocodile", a local leather daddy notorious for putting bad little boys like Gardner in their place.
Young Faggot Gardner searches high and low for the fabled dominant: in dilapidated crack dens, in public restrooms, in subterranean glory holes. Yet no matter how assiduously he searches, how quickly he moves from clue to clue, how many dirty men's toes he sucks (an activity constantly referred to in the novel as "pussing the boots"), Gardner seems always to be one step behind the object of his obsessive desire.
The twist comes near the end of the novel, during a scene reminiscent of Polanski's "Repulsion", where the beautiful Carole, played by a young Catherine Deneuve, finally descends into madness, and hallucinates human arms reaching out of the walls of her apartment and grabbing her, thereby externalizing her fear not only of sexual assault, but of any form of intimate contact whatsoever. F. Gardner (the author) parodies this scene, effectively turning its tone and implications upside down, by having his protagonist, the now cock-starved and desperate Faggot Gardner (again, no relation) crawl on his knees through a dark apartment, groping along the walls to find his way, only to feel, poking proudly out of the holes in the walls, not scary arms with grabby hands, but dozens of diamond-hard dicks. They poke him in the eyes. They shoot gobs of bitter gravy into his nose and ears. They wag reproachfully at him, like the index fingers of the stern private school teachers who buggered him in his earliest childhood memories, as he slowly makes his way to the end of the hall. The twist is this: when he finally reaches the end of the hall, and opens the door there, he finds himself staring into a blinding white light. He believes that when his eyes finally adjust to the glare, he will see there, waiting for him, horse-whip in hand, croc-skin chaps pulled snugly against his obese thighs, the man he has been seeking for so many days, seeking, in a way, for all of his life. But instead what he sees is a hospital room. He is lying in a hospital bed. The bright light is coming from the naked bulb above him. There is a nurse at his side, changing his IV fluids.
"Where am I?" he asks.
"Loretto Hospital," the nurse replies.
"I was eaten by a crocodile, wasn't I?" he asks.
"No," she says. "You were violently assaulted by hundreds of corpulent and diseased men, with disgusting rotten teeth and putrid breath. That's why you smell like corpses and semen."
"No," he says firmly. "I was eaten by a crocodile. It caused my family to go insane. I'm going to write a novel about it, and force people to read it."
"Whatever you say, Faggot," the nurse replies.

>>18249286
It's a series of badly written horror stories. They're more enjoyable than they have any right to be

>>18256359
holy god this is based

>>18255843
Haha you guys crack me up! I don't think your losers! The overwhelming /lit/ support I've gotten for my novels has been one of the best experiences of my life. I was very wary about self publishing, but you guys have made it worth it. Thank goodness I didn't have to sell my book to some fucking kike publisher who would skim all my profits and send the money to Israel (an illegitimate state, btw!) Anyways... if I can self publish so can you guys. Thanks!
>>18253584
That's not me.
>>18254767
I think it's great that people are taking my art and doing new and creative things with it. It's like when a music artist remixes a song. I'm flattered!

>>18256433
>>18256389
>>18255843
Samefag

>>18256482
he uses VPNs and also has a few trannies in his discord to shill for him. On top of that he has actual intelligent /lit/ posters shilling for him ironically: they see how much Gardner praise pisses /lit/ off (because of how clearly abominable the books are) so they gleefully harvest (you)s by pretending to have read/enjoy the dreck.

>>18256482
Your desperate. People love my novels man just chill out and leave the thread.

>>18256359
kek I stop and read this whole pasta every time its posted

>>18256496
Where is this discord? Can I get an invite?

>>18256510
doubtful. I've only seen a screenshot from it but its Gardner and like three other people.

>>18256510
Fuck no. We don’t need it flooded

>>18249286
Badly written horror novels that have/had ads on /lit/

>>18256726
Nah they’re great

>>18256732
Nah they’re objective shit— see the caps in this thread

>>18256746
Opinions disregarded. You clearly just have it out for the guy. This website isn’t just for losers like you. I can’t believe your logic is that fucking idiotic. You want him to fail just because this is 4chan?

>>18256789
Holy fuck look at this seethe, I was talking more about your inability to use commas right, but sure cope that way retard

Reading this thread has turned me into a crocodile fan. I can’t believe there are really assholes this unlikable out there. Imagine spending your time flipping out at the success of some obscure 4chan writer. Pathetic.

>>18256906
cry harder Gardner, you’re pathetic

>>18256433
Do you have any plans for more work in the future? Loved this series!

It’s never going to catch on, Frank.

>>18251845

>>18257179
Stay tuned. I've got some things in the works. Halloween time this year : )

>>18249271
>99 posts
>31 posters
he is here

>>18257193
Don’t believe this impersonator. I am the real F. Gardner. Can you not tell from the artistic genius which flows from my every word?
The next step of my master plan will be cinematic adaptations starting with Call of the Crocodile. Auditions for casting the film will be held on /tv.
Shortly afterward I will be making a video game of Call of the Arcade. The game will be developed by the finest minds from /v. Stay tuned fellow Gardnerchads.

>>18257244
Stop impersonating me. And remember to buy my book.

>>18257283
Stop impersonating me. And remember to jerk off on my fat man titties

>>18249291
Wait how is Gardner a weeb?

>>18257306
I think you mean my magnificent pectoral muscles.

>>18257318
Because Call of the Arcade’s ending is similar to End of Evangelion. That’s their entire argument. I don’t see how that makes him a weeb.

>>18251246
That was really one of the worst things about CotC, moreso than the spelling/grammatical errors that were more obvious to criticize. It always fucking reads like pondering bullshit whether it's just the prose or the characters speaking. Nothing in the novel is allowed to happen without paragraphs and paragraphs of every character pondering shit like their motivations and mental state and shit. It's tiring to read, like it's a "mystery" that never goes anywhere because the insanity of the twists make it all moot anyway.

>>18257342
Well it was a mystery. Just an extremely extremely retarded one.

>>18257306
>>18257331
>Gardner is clearly buff
>”N-No! He’s fat!”

The argument has now gone on to resort to clearly wrong personal insults. I remember in another thread someone even claimed Gardner was balding and wears a wig.

>>18257363
Mystery implies that there was some unknown factor that the characters were trying to solve from the very beginning. There was never any "unknown factor" in CotC except just the horror shit with the crocodile apparitions that all become completely irrelevant as soon as the twist happens.

>>18257375
Gardner fuck off, we all know what you look like you retard— you spammed your own picture, faggot

>>18257424
>NOOO YOU’RE GARDNER!!!

Priceless.

jfc I have never read a book in which the author comes off like such a snooty child looking for praise. It’s so obvious Gardner thinks he’s smart yet so cringe that this is why he thinks that.

>>18251486
Fuckin' top kek.

Fucking hell the twists and mystery in this thread might be better than the actual book. Everyone is Gardner.

>>18251486
The only safe post

>>18257528

There’s no Gardner at all, the books were written by a committee of University of Chicago students as part of a project to infiltrate 4chan to advance social justice. The grammatical errors are because grammar is whiteness and the books are performative anti-whiteness.

>>18257580
I honestly do suspect there of being no Gardner at all. /pol had some threads about books being psy-op experiments. About how the best way to distract people from a psy-ops true intentions is to convince them it's a shill campaign.
It's also suspicious that these books are only ever advertised here on 4chan of all places. Even if this is true I don't understand what the motives are.

>>18257580
>>18257592
How does the plot surrounding the book manage to be thicker and deeper than the book itself? This is getting more and more interesting by the day.

>>18257592
This is the smoking gun. Damn.

>>18257592

And the stories are all /x/ style and people constantly say he came from /x/. And where are glowies most concentrated? People really believe some guy comes out of nowhere and we’re all reading these books for no reason. The long march through the institutions, look it up. How do you march through an anonymous message board? You convince everyone to take on a name and then you control that name. And you write about crocodiles but in an anti-racist way. Chicago is not a coincidence. Watch the glowies, they tell you that you are Gardner and suddenly you are exactly what they want you to be.

>>18257592
So....what’s the point? The books do have some cryptic shot about dmt and shit like that. Something to do with that?

>>18257671
No, you’re replying to Gardner. He’s just trying to hype up his books. There’s barely anything paranormal about them. If you don’t believe me get a free copy from Amazon and try reaching page 50, you’ll find nothing worthwhile

>>18257686

Watch this guy point you to an exact page in the books. How's that Chicago weather lol?

>>18257703
Sure here’s a good one. Honestly how do you spend more than five minutes writing your book and not remove something just so fucking awful as this lol you fucking autistic shit

>>18257686
Glowies on damage control. We’re onto you now.

>>18257592
holy shit somebody tell /x. or maybe /pol. if there's really anything there they'll find it.

>>18257720
Is that really the new shill strategy? Imply the CIA gives a damn about your terrible books? you’re a fucking mental case, man, you’re having narcissistic delusions for real

>>18257728

Very interesting Gardner. "Take your meds lol"

>>18253584
I was calling his books garbage. Mass replies are just as cancerous as this autist shilling his trash.

>>18257728
No one is implying that. You're deliberately trying to cause misdirection. See >>18257592
Everything about these books fits the criteria for this. If these books were a serious shill campaign there would be ads all over the normal social media sites and Amazon. They're not. It's exclusively on 4chan. Of course you already know this. Since you're probably a glow-nigger.

>>18257741

I'm sure this is just a coincidence.

>>18257715
Holy fuck. Is Gardner an actual like Down syndrome tier retard? This makes me want to die it’s so bad :(

>>18257739
What is this pic supposed to imply?

>>18257784

So much money coming from one place, what is a Busey Bond? Who funds the Gardner Committee?

>>18257790

What is Busey Bank and who owns it? You do, because you are F. Gardner. This thing has glowed from the beginning and it is all on page 50 of every book, just like the glowie told you.

>>18257790
Gardner is Catholic. I know this from discord conversations. What are you on about?

>>18257810

>I talked to Gardner he is a real person and not a CIA committee

Glowing.

>>18257760

>>18257868
This thread suddenly got really interesting. Everyone knows this would be an effective maneuver.

>>18257671
Either that or something to do with the faking project bluebeam

>>18256713
Come on, clyde, be nice

>>18257868
>What's old is new

Spoonfeed me on this. I don't understand it.

>>18258343

The Soviet Union created a fake author named "Stanislaw Lem" who was really a committee of Marxists who pretended to write sci-fi. And when the Soviet Union fell, its Western agents continued with the same tactics. So who is "F. Gardner?" Well, why did the Soviets create "Stanislaw Lem?" To gain monopoly positions of power from which they can control opinion. Name any other poster on /lit/ other than Gardner. He's it.

>>18258456
that ugly girl with the trip code

>>18258629

Butterfly is not a real name and if anything it is a classic Soviet code name, i.e. the бaбoчкa project.

so this is the future of viral marketing, interesting

Reminder jannies actually take action on this spam, last one was deleted in minutes of report.

>>18256389
Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this. They're like B-Movies.

> this thread

For all these books get talked about, I've seen very little genuine discussion on them. So I decided to give Call of the Arcade a try.

TL;DR: is that this book is a mess. The first half reads like an extremely poorly written Goosebumps rip-off. The second half however, is where things get so comically bad that it felt like a literary version of The Room. My suspicion is that when F. Gardner wrote this, he realized the story was only 50 pages and not long enough to be marketed as a novel. So he decided to double down on the garbage he already shat out

>It's a local holiday (on account of a building being burned down several years ago), and our main characters consequently have a day off.
>They decide to go to an arcade because one of the boys heard a rumor that a copy of Polybius from urban legends might be there.
>Get greeted by a security guard at the entrance of the arcade. Asks them if they saw anybody suspicious.
>They proceed to run into a man named Sam. Who is also looking for Polybius (and totally not suspicious at all).
>Get flashback chapters periodically. They are literally titled “Flashback”, “Second Flashback”, “Third Flashback”, etc
>Flashback chapters are about some kid whose brother committed suicide after playing Polybius
>Parents and teachers get concerned that the brother's suicide is taking a bad toll on the kid's mental health
>The kid is indeed bothered by his brother's sucicide. But (plot twist!), the kid doesn't miss his brother but actually resents him because he envies his brother for getting to play Polybius, and for not sharing the experience with him.
>Inspired by what his brother told him about Polybius, the kid draws a picture so disturbing that it literally causes everyone who looks at it to immediacy commit suicide.
>Our two main characters (Jonny and Mark) travel deeper into the arcade building and get lost, and eventually are separated.
>Mark continues to wander and eventually runs into Sam again, who leads him to Polybius. Sam has purchased Polybius from the darknet, and meets with a man named Bob who sells it to him.
>Sam is (plot twist again!) revealed to be the boy in the flashback chapters. He also reveals his plan to livestream the contents of Polybius to trap everyone who watches it in an eternal hell.
>Sam leaves and Mark chases after him. In his chase he runs into his friend Jonny again. They also inform security that Sam is the creepy guy they were looking for.
>Security attempt to capture Sam, but he swallows a pill which temporarily turns him into the Hulk.
>The power runs out, and he ends up getting captured
>The guy who sold Polybius to Sam (plot twist), was actually law enforcement. He rewards the boys for helping him capture Sam.
>The boys ask to get exclusive access to a mental asylum to visits their friend Pete. Who was responsible for burning down the building mentioned at the beginning of the story.
>The End... or so it should have been. It's actually only the halfway point

>>18259006
Some people have criticized F. Gardner for writing like an edgy ESL twelve year old. You should probably be the judge of that yourself. pic-completely-related.

I would note how the writing itself is terribly constructed. With grammatical errors on nearly every page, and the most odd comma placement I have ever seen. But to focus on these technical errors distracts from how fundamentally flawed this novel actually is. Even with the world's most accomplished Grammarian, no amount of technical edits could ever salvage this train wreck. Again, part 1 was mostly just a poorly written goosebumps ripoff, but part 2 is where F. Gardner's demented (I mean genius) storytelling shines

>>18259014
Call of the Arcade, Second Half:

>It's now the day after and Jonny and Mark are heading to school.
>They comment on the bizzare day they had yesterday, and then talk about the report that is due today. Mark mentions that he worked on it all night, and that the previous days events inspired a lot of it.
>Mark then asks Jonny why he's bringing a lizard with him to school.
>picrelated.png
>They get to school and Mark has to read what he wrote to the class
>Afterwards the whole school heads to the Gymnasium to watch the basketball game.
>The school mascot is a crocodile, and he dances very enthusiastically until he starts shooting up the school.
>Mark and Jonny hide. Relatively unfazed, they decide to check their phones for any news about the shooting, despite the fact that it just started seconds ago.

>>18259022

>The crocodile mascot breaks into the room that the two friends are hiding in, and lifts up his mask.
>(Plot twist) It's none other than Sam, who managed to escape from prison
>Just when he is about to kill the boys for revenge, a loud sound is heard from outside.
>picrelated.jpeg
>Jonny, who stole some of the pills Sam used the previous day to turn into the Hulk, gives one to his pet lizard, Faust. Who grows into a gigantic Godzilla and chews up Sam only to spit him out. The boys grab the keycard and run towards the area where Sam had just revealed the location of the bomb shelter.
>The location to use the keycard is in the underground city beneath Chicago. The electricity goes out, but they manage to use the keycard and enter the shelter just as nuclear blasts are heard from above.
>Also, Faust manages to fit inside the entrance to the shelter despite being the size of Godzilla
>Inside the shelter, they find a lab with a huge mutated insect.
>They decide to free the insect from its cage
>The boys also discover that the insect was genetically modified to obey orders
>Sam suddenly appears from the back entrance.
>The genetically modified bug almost kills Sam, but he escapes and runs outside.
>The city is revealed to have been blown to pieces
>Sam shows off two other genetically modified creatures that are under his control
>Jonny and Mark have a pokemon battle with Sam and defeat him.

>>18259027

>A classroom is heard cheering.
>Mark finishes reading the report he spent all night working on.
>picrelated.jpeg
>For a good several pages the teacher compliments Mark for writing such a brilliant story
>The class ends, and they all go to the scheduled basketball game.
>Mark runs into a ghost (or something)
>It's revealed that actually Mark's soul has been stuck inside the Polybius machine and he's still in the arcade.
>Mephistopheles shows up to guide him further into the secrets of the machine.
>The ghost of Sam's brother shows up and gives Mark a tip on how to escape from the machine
>Escaping, Mark returns back to the meeting where Sam is buying the Polybius machine from Bob.
>Mark steals the pills from Sam, and informs security about Sam.
>Things basically proceed as they did in the ending to Part 1

So that's Call of the Arcade. If you choose to read it, this is exactly what you are in for (and lots of weird, unnatural dialogue and grammatical errors). If it seems worth your time go ahead. But don't let any shills convince you this is anything other than trash. Perhaps enjoyable trash to some, but trash all the same.

Had to repost this since my thread earlier got deleted. So apologies to anyone that has already read this

>>18259006
>“That book is a mess”

So you finally admit it. Nice try Gardner.

>>18259027
>Pokémon battle

Elaborate?

>>18259036
Your thread got deleted because you made a second shill thread, Gardner.

>>18259006
>>18259014
>>18259022
>>18259027
>>18259036
Now stay here in your containment thread Gardner and stop trashing the board.

>>18259148
You must be a legit shizo if you still think Im Gardner despite completely tearing his book apart. If you actually read my posts (which I know you havent), you would realize that I simultaneously spoiled the entire book, and showed how stupid it is. My review was intended as a counter to the shills calling it good

>>18259084
>Elaborate?

Just read this and see for yourself

>>18259171
That's what Gardner would do so people would buy his book.

>>18259176
Explain to me how spoiling your entire book and providing screenshots proving just how poorly written it is would in anyway increase sales of your book. That makes no logical sense. And if you were paying attention to the thread, you would see that the amount of posters increased when I submitted my review.

>>18259171
Tbh I didn't read it I just saw another Gardner thread and got enraged. Apologies.

>>18259006
I watched that thread get btfo real time.

I just ordered Call of the Crocodile on amazon because of this thread. Sounds like the literary equivalent of a fun B movie.

>>18259006
>>18259014
>>18259022
>>18259027
>>18259036
Jesus Christ that's bad, thanks for jumping on the grenade and actually reading it. I couldn't even finish the Amazon sample.
>>18259455
Shut up Gardner, no you didn't.

>>18259455
Oh, fuck off, shill. Post receipt or shut up.

gardner I'm gonna force funnel lye in your urethra

>>18259215

>that makes no logical sense

So you ADMIT you're Gardner after all.

>buy it
>leave a 1 star review
>get a refund
simple as

>>18249271
Bless you OP

>>18259855
>simple as
chud

>>18259881
You misspelled chad

>>18259265

Gardner was doing us all a favor, now all I see are ads for scamcoins.

>>18249367
Do it.

>>18259171
You are a fucking retard Gardner— you paste all this shit but your tells are still there
>goosebumps
>b-movie
>literary version of the room
You are so autistic and such a bad writer you can’t come up with any other fucking terms? You’re a sad excuse for a human, you’re so stupid I honestly don’t believe you walk around without diapers and a helmet at all times. Kys

>>18260066
this was for >>18259006

>>18260066

Jesus Gardner you can't even keep track of which of your own posts you're pretending to attack anymore.

>>18256389
>more enjoyable than they have any right to be
Why do litfags talk like this?

>>18260066
Again, as someone who has actually read Call of the Arcade, it's clear where Gardner's influence came from. However, that doesn't mean he achieved his goal. His work are bootlegged, poorly written Goosebumps ripoffs with none of the appeal that actual Goosebumps books have. And the second half of CotA betrays even this, becoming a completely incoherent mess.

But alas, I think I see what's going on with people like you calling me Gardner. Having finally found somebody that actually tore your shitty novel apart, your only way to sway attention away from my valid criticisms is by claiming that I am Gardner. If anyone here is Gardner, it's likely you. At the very least I am convinced you are a shill trying to distract from my criticism.

>>18260189
That’s Gardner speak; he’s used that exact phrase several times before in these shill threads. His other thing is saying “pseuds are jealous an animefag published his book”

>>18260195

Goosebumps is another Gardner catch phrase, Gardner.

>>18249271
reading this thread i have come to the conclusion that We Are All Gardner.

>>18261388

Have you ever played Werewolf or Secret Hitler? We know there is a Gardner, or maybe even several of him posting here. The only question is which posters are Gardners and which posters are unwary readers.