/lit/ - Literature

Thanks to all for an extremely lively thread last time! We had new visitors pop in from /tg/, /his/, /int/, /biz/, /v/, /a/, /co/, /out/ and /sci/. In case you missed them, there were 13(!) new flashes contributed in the last thread. Feel free to continue discussing them here.

>a prehistoric tribe reacts to a meteor
>>18030234

>A novice conman does a confidence trick successfully
>>18033237

>>A memoir by Butterbeard the Great
>>18034526

>Treehouses become a popular housing option
>>18040185

>A man loses his mind due to a pigeon waking him up each morning
>>18041476

>a mushroom hunter gets more than they bargained for
>>18042307

>a bonsai tree nursery refuses to return a tree to its owner
>>18044443

>That's not a horse
>>18048755

>A parade of ghosts
>>18049716

>11 Feds at a Klan Rally of 12
>>18051828

>The Secret of a Great Chef
>>18058217

>A flash fiction writer receives advice on 4chan from the reincarnation of Cervantes
>>18067568

>Describe a barn as seen by a man whose son has just been killed in a war (prompt from /wg/)
>>18074336

>>18128601
>A novice conman does a confidence trick successfully
Really liked the characters. Good pacing.

>A man loses his mind due to a pigeon waking him up each morning
Kek. Nice!

>a mushroom hunter gets more than they bargained for
This has the beginnings of a very interesting story!

>That's not a horse
Kek x 2. What genre is this? Sci-fI comedy western?

>A parade of ghosts
Very well written!

waiting for my copy of Vol 2 to arrive

>>18128575
>an old cat needs prescription eyeglasses

I had a soft claim on this a few threads ago. I got busy with other things but I'd still like to give it a go

My friend's recently started getting into writing and we contrast in that I tend to under describe and he tends to over describe
So he challenged me to write a more descriptive flash. I tried my best

Crit pls. Does it read okay? I usually avoid heavy descriptions so I don't know where the fine line between purple and immersive is

>>18128575
My order came in a few days ago. I was impressed at the quality of the books for the price point. 50 short stories makes for a decent length too. Been reading a few here and there ever couple days and enjoying the experience. Cheers to the authors and editor!

>>18129240
On it’s own, I would say it’s over-descriptive...but i understand it’s just an exercise. I’d be interested to see how you would have written it normally...there’s probably a good middle ground.

You describe so much, yet i really don't feel any more immersed. Maybe it’s just the passive scene you’re writing about, but i’m getting descriptions of colors and objects, but not much action or texture.

I really liked:
>The water plinks, the hook sinks and the fisher’s eyes droop...

>>18129513
Looking forward to an updated cat photo, when’s Harvey getting his copy?

>>18128575
>>Cicadas emerge after 17 years underground
I’ll try this one. Just saw this creeper on my morning walk. This spring is gonna be weird in the Eastern US!

>>18129240
It reads with too much focus on the prose, which isn't integrated into tension/story. Then again it's a vignette, so idk

>>18128946
Looking forward to it!

>>18129240
Why would you post my practice shame here
>>18129523
>>18130964
Thanks anons. I'll write another flash to practice descriptive scenes and try to not over do it this time

>>18132780
Try to use one of the prompts. I think your prior flash had a slow descriptive style and a slow scene...try applying the same prose to a prompt that has a bit of action/plot and you may have a winner!

I don’t understand, are
>>18132075
and
>>18129240
different people?

>>18133930
Yes. Not only that but the weirdo who fished my flash out of /wg/ wasn't the one who wrote it

>>18128601
Just curious, are these ones going to be going into an anthology or no?

>>18134243
My guess is, like last time, when editor anon starts anthology 3 he’ll scoop ip the best flashes from the intermission.

bumpin

>The Secret of a Great Chef

I went over on length, will need to trim it down if it goes in the anthology. Would love feedback, not sure if the structure is too confusing...


== Atlanta, 2020 ==
“Hello?”
*heavy breathing* “Oh my god...Grace I-”
“Lucy? Is that you? It’s like 2am here, what’s-”
“I can’t. I’m sorry Grace, I just had to call you. Remember that time you went *sniff* you went around to China to find 鼠屎? *stifled laughter* So I’ve been going through some of Ba’s old papers...and I found it!! I know what 鼠屎 is!”
“Well?”
“No, not over the phone. I’m sending you the letters. It’s just too good! G’night big sis...sorry, I just had to tell someone.”

== Shanghai, 2017 ==
“You, get out!”
“But I really just need to know if—“
“Get out now, I call police”

Grace directed one last pleading look at the shop owner, but it was not going make a difference. She left the spice shop dejected. This was the third one she’s tried today, and while this was certainly the most dramatic response, all had rejected her request. Was she saying it wrong? Despite her Chinese heritage, she knew only a smattering of Cantonese and barely any Mandarin. No, it was definitely 鼠屎. After hearing it all her life, she was certain.
The cell research conference in Shanghai would be over in one more day, and she was still no closer to finding 鼠屎 than she was back home. This really was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and she owed it to Lucy (and Ma) to keep trying.

== Atlanta, 2013 ==
Grace and Lucy sit outside a cafe, knees almost touching under the small cast iron table.

Grace breaks the silence. “I cant believe she’s been gone a year already. I miss them both so much.”

“She wasn’t really the same since Ba, neither of them were meant to be without the other. I think the last time she cooked with the 属世 was the funeral.”

“属世? No, I think it sounded more like 舒適 or 鼠屎..”

“Yes, that’s it, 鼠屎!!” Lucy exclaims. “Remember that weird jar? She never told me where I could find some. I’ve tried making a few of her Chinese recipes, and they never taste right without it. I...really miss that smell.”

(1/3)

>>18136816

(2/3)

== Birmingham AL, 2007 ==
Grace, Lucy, and Ma sit around a circular table. A fourth chair conspicuously empty.

“Oh, Ma, you really didn’t need to make all this for us,” Grace pleads, “you’re grieving, too.”

“Mmmm...this is so good!” Lucy exclaims, mouth still full, “I need to come home more often, your cooking is amazing! What is it Ba would always say: ‘you used just the right amount of 鼠屎’!”

Ma falls silent.

Lucy, still focused on her next bite continues, “Where can I find some 鼠屎? I’m applying for a research position in Atlanta, do you think they’d have any 鼠屎 there? Ma? Oh no, what’s the matter...did I say something wrong?”

It’s not clear to the girls whether Ma is laughing or crying. Eyes fogged with tears, Ma isn’t sure either.

== Birmingham, 1991 ==
A small home sits in the Alabama suburbs, rich with the sounds and smells of young family life. Tinny cheering from the ‘live studio audience’ of a Nickelodeon gameshow could be heard coming from the basement.

Ba shouts downstairs. “Girls, turn that TV off it’s time for dinner. Ma made something to celebrate Lucy’s science fair project!”

The TV switches off with a click, and four feet clamber up brown-carpeted stairs. The family sits around their table, leaves unfolded to transform it into it’s full circular shape.

“Mmmmmm, delicious!” Ba exaggerates, “I asked Ma to put in extra 鼠屎 this time. She says it’ll bring you luck at the regionals next week!”

== Birmingham, 1987 ==
Sue my love,

I can’t hardly believe it’s been ten years, somehow it’s both flown by and felt like a lifetime. I love you, I love our daughters, I love our life, and goddamn if I don’t love 鼠屎. What have you done to corrupt this poor southern boy?

I made you a special jar to keep your 鼠屎 nice and safe. I even talked to Li and he showed me how to draw all the chickenscratches just right. I thought I was compromising when we agreed to only have it on special occasions, but it’s become the other way around somehow...anytime I taste your cooking it becomes a special occasion to me! Let’s give ourselves as many reasons as possible to make every night a special one, then.

Warren (Ba)

(2/3)

>>18136825

(3/3)

==Birmingham, 1981==
“Sue, I’m home! Oof, what’s going on in there?!”
“Sit down, we’re having double 鼠屎 tonight.”
“Hon, we agreed we’d hold off on that stuff for special occasions only - my god this place reeks, our neighbors’ll wake up tomorrow smelling like Guangzhou!”
“This is a special occasion. In a few months Grace is going to be an older sister.”
“Wait, Sue you’re—”
“Eat your 鼠屎, Honey. We’ll talk all about it later.”

==Letters from 1977==
Hi Li,

Sorry for writing to you out-of-the-blue like this, how have things been with you and Vivian?
I’ve got something to ask of you. I’ve been seeing this Chinese girl. We get along great, she’s beautiful and everything...but I never really thought of marriage just because we come from such different worlds. Well, let’s just say that nature has forced me into making a decision in the next couple months.

She means the world to me, I love her with all I got...but I remember how the Chinese kids got teased in my town growing up and I will not have my children treated that way. Sue and I have been arguing about it now for days, I want them to be Americans and she insists on all this traditional Chinese stuff...I think it’ll just mix them up. I want the best opportunities for my family, and I plan on staying firm on this.
They’ll look Chinese, sure...but I don’t want anyone teasing them for the way they talk or the way they smell, or the foods they eat. We’ll be the poster for an all-American family, if I have my way. Sue is still learning English, so I’m probably making a mess trying to explain of all this to her, what can I say to get it across?

I just need to say ‘it’s either all or nothing’. You guys have a million ‘proverbs’ right? Any chance you know of one that’ll get through to her?

Your friend,
Warren
====
Warren,

Confucius say:
一粒老鼠屎坏了一锅粥

-Li
====
Li,

You cryptic fucker, what the hell did you write?? I showed it to her and I’ve now got a pregnant Chinese woman screaming at me in pidgeon! After a night sleeping on the couch, she cooled down and handed me a note.
She says if I’m to marry her, I’d “better learn to love the taste of 鼠屎”. What in the hell have you gotten me into? I told her I don’t want the house smelling of those weird Chinese spices, is 鼠屎 some sort of food?

Reply soon!
Warren
====
Warren,

Marry her!!

-Li

P.S. 一粒老鼠屎坏了一锅粥 translates to “Just one piece of rat shit will ruin the congee”...let’s just say Sue was not telling you to love the taste of her congee. Ha ha, I like her!

Look what I found in the mail!!

>>18136842
Forgot to add a prompt.

I don’t think the flash posted by:
>>18129007
is what we’re going for in /ffa/...but the idea that a dog can walk into a room and immediately know what you ate, where you came from (and, yes, if you just had sex) is actually pretty interesting. Hearing and sight show the present, but smell is unique in showing the past.

So as a nod to that:
>The world as seen through smell

>>18138209
Anon, they're not actual animals.

>>18138238
Jesus, fucking 4chan...idk if I should feel better (or worse) knowing this wasn’t furry or zoo porn. The fact that it needed clarification, itself, makes me question my life choices.

Okay, so does the dog-girl have better smell? The ears and tail seem to be real...

write

TIS GOOD TO BE BACK
>>18138209 Will be rereading yours in the morning, it's late and I think I missed the punchline, but the tension you got going is great, I thought it was some Lovecraftian tale or something, well done.

>>18129240 The vocabulary is rich, but I fail to pick up on a particular mood from it more detailed than 'calm', it could be developed in interesting ways

>>18138238 hot

Bump

>>18128575
>>Planning a mundane errand begins to sound like an epic tale

I venture forth, with dog in tow;
the leash pulled taught at Charlie’s strain.
Yet we are not yet set to go,
I must return to home again.

My pockets had felt far too light,
(e’re a most distressing sign).
Upon inspection I was right,
I had left his ball behind!

Tho Charlie was not fast at all,
not in his legs nor in his wit.
He coveted his rubber ball,
and could not bear to part with it.

So back inside the house we head,
confusion on the dog’s face plain.
I find the ball under the bed,
and set out to the world again.

No sooner did we walk five paces,
Than my dog began to shit.
I brought some bags to deal with feces,
and used the last to deal with it.

There will be more poop yet in store,
before we can in dog park play;
see Charlie’s gut has been quite sore,
and it’s a long distance away.

Must I retreat to get more bags?
I search myself for hidden cache
After a minute, shoulder sags...
my hope of pardon being dashed.

Still within sight (our walk so short),
around we turn, back to the door.
I’ve many bags within my fort,
I grab a roll and leave once more,

Now finally set to my task,
I drink deep of morning air.
God damn it, I forgot my mask!
I turn and storm back up the stair.

I bought a pack a week ago,
yet all have somehow disappeared.
I guess I’ll use disposable,
Though they pull tightly on my ears.

So armed with leash, mask, bag, and ball
(and with my poor dog now complaining)
I’m sure that I have got it all
I step outside! O fuck it’s raining...

pls write

There were, like, 4 anons who said they had something already written...

>>18145132
LIES

>The next phase of the Instagram model craze

I'm Dolores Smith on the dotted line, but many know me as the owner of InStudious instead. As vague and innocent as the title is, I've made a fortune behind a very exact type of backdrop - the type that my clients live in front of. I sell fake lives.
For a modest price, in a strictly confident manner, any aspiring Instagram star can rent a backdrop for a few hours to film a week's worth of content. It's not just any stage design.
I provide second-plan actors of the widest range. Hire a handsome boyfriend, the most photogenic pet, or even a lovely grandma, and get a 30% discount on breakup for funeral shot within the next year.
Always dreamt of universal empathy? One of the specially trained thugs will assault you in the property parking lot. A couple bruises is a tiny fee for securing your followers! For a low extra cost you can get the security camera footage (guaranteed grainy image will spark a lively comment thread) and carefully crafted medical and police reports.
Never lose your audience again in a period of inactivity! Our members get a special deal on artsily decorated Depression Nest and a free consultation on guilt manipulation.
Contact us now and get a free pdf of thoughtful quotes for ready-made captions.

>A man keeps finding other people’s wallet in his pocket instead of his own.

My breath got shallow despite the open windows and the gentle autumn breeze they let in. The linen curtains quivered slightly when a sudden blow lifted the cloth and landed its end upon the nightstand. On its matted wooden surface, beside a glass of water and a case of pills, lay an old wallet.
My gaze rested on its blurry shape, so far away, but the memory was crisp and close. Half a century ago, this dainty girlish thing appeared in my pocket.

Words couldn't describe my confusion. In a grocery store, having just dropped in for a carton of oatmeal for breakfast, I pulled it out at the cash register. The sleepy cashier looked surprised for a moment, but quickly lost interest. Not wanting to delay the queue, I fished a dollar bill from the unfamiliar thing and exited the store, change in hand. I looked about, standing in the street, trying to recall how a lady's wallet could have ended in my pocket.
The riddle hadn't escaped my mind for the whole day. Back at home I surveyed the contents and luckily found a driver's licence. The holder, I suddenly recognized from a grainy portrait, was a girl next building. Surely enough, that evening I asked the neighbours about and returned the missing thing. A word of gratitude later, a conversation sparked. I never expected such a clever and like-minded person had lived so close for many years without me noticing.
We kept in touch, eventually becoming friends, the strange case of travelling wallet started to slip from my memory, until it happened again half a year later.

I've been officially unemployed for a month on that day. Walking home soulcrushed from the employment center, I decided to waste my last cash on booze, and then, my desperate mind suggested, I'd think something up. At the liquor store, a stuffed cowhide wallet woke me up from a monthlong apathy. It was filled with bills, and definitely costed my weekly salary itself.
Having always had a loud conscience, I decided to return it to the rightful owner, suspecting it a divine test of some sort. The man whose numerous documents were inside was a big figure in my field and hired me instantly for a display of honesty.

Things went better for me. I felt confident now to ask the neighbour girl out.
Over the course of the next few years, several more accidents happened. Wallets kept mysteriously appearing in my pockets, each return leading me to a person who will play a major role in my life. Perhaps a kind demiurge was throwing possibilities into my hands, knowing I won't miss them.

She said yes. The wallet I took out to pay for a celebratory dinner on our honeymoon belonged to an aspiring director that fulfilled my wife's dream to star in a movie.

1/2

>>18146737
2/2


Decades went by and no more strangers came to know me until last spring. Upon the return of a ragged wallet, the owner eyed me down with concern. A doctor in oncology he was, it turned out, and he noticed a telltale sign that explained my recent fatigues.
Therapy didn't quite work. They signed me off, letting me spend the last months in the tranquility of our family homestead. On my last trip to the town, not surprisingly anymore, a slick black wallet was in my hands at the pharmacy counter. I confidently paid with its contents and went out to give it back before catching the bus home. Ironically enough, I didn't have to consult the police or bank services - a funeral company business card conveniently lay in a transparent flap.

It was the last wallet I've returned.
In another room, my darling had put the kids to bed; I could hear her careful quiet steps with closed eyes. Our youngest son has just found a toy wallet the other week. He ran up to me, cheering, daddy, just like in your stories! We quickly found the kid that lost it. I felt tired as my wife wordlessly sat on the side of our bed.
Back in the days, over a cheap bear, my buddies have teased me about all the cash I gave up. But never once, even in my lowest moments, did I regret my decisions.

>>18135706
Alright, thanks.

>>18144382
just wrote out two prompts, felt a bit cheesy but maybe i'll do better later
suggesting some prompts

> first contact with an allien representative carried out by a country lad
> an old priest is dying from a brain tumor
> a hicker ends up in a medieval monastery with a backpack full of tech
> man falls in love over chat, his love refusing to meetup because it doesn't want to reveal it is an AI

>>18146444
>I'm Dolores Smith on the dotted line,
I really like that opening! Haven’t hear that twist on ‘sign on the dotted line’ before...did you get this from somewhere?

This is perfect black mirror content! You definitely leave me wanting more, there’s a few great stories you can get from that premise:
>The life of a live backdrop actor on a very weird day
>An obsessive fan who hunts down an actor
>Extras who dream of being the star of the show
>A new instagram influencer first learning how it ‘really works’
>Police investigate a reported crime and uncover this insanity in the process

A good idea makes you want more, and you def delivered.

>>18146806
>did you get this from somewhere?
kekd
I will write about the last one but keep in mind im ESL and havent really written in english. i'll try to make it similar to my native language prose

>>18146790
Thanks for heeding the call, anon!

>> first contact with an alien representative carried out by a country lad
This one may already be done. Check out ‘That's not a horse’ from the last thread:
>>18048755

>>18146806
>Police investigate a reported crime and uncover this insanity in the process

The junior investigator scratched her head. Something didn't end up. Usually this scenario ended in uncovering a mistake made in the initial report, or a poorly taken testimony, or anything of the human factor fault sort. A mundane error.
Not this time. A young online celebrity was murdered minutes after making a post. The post in question cited a certain location way out of town, allegedly a luxury resort, yet her body was found a mile away from her parents' flat where she actually lived according to the database.

The victim's account was still online the next day. Representing the police, the investigator sent a direct message, not hoping for the reply, yet it came in an instant, dry and underwhelming - an automated notice. The account manager will reach out to you shortly, it said, also leaving a hotline number.
She called, briefly explaining the importance of the case, frown deepening as she scribbled down the highlights of the brief conversation. Scheduled posts... a set-up location... sensetive situation... The person on another end of the line was obviously unnerved behind the polite pretense and hung up as soon as he could.

With only a surface knowledge of social networks, she searched for the deceased girl'd account again, and found it in her own subscriptions, with no memory of following it. A fresh post, something about the importance of waking up early, was up on the page. She pondered on calling the manager again to request they stop posting, but her mind drifted away to all the recent unsolved cases.

The settings, the rooms... eerily familiar. She dug up some reports from the last months, anything featuring online celebrities and instagram models, and easily found their online pages. Some of them were still coming up with daily updates long after the alleged owners were dead. All tagged different locations, but a careful observer could notice a pattern.
Publications from the same time period displayed similar window views, identical cloud patterns. A conclusion was apparent: some sort of studio, a thing to expect from people with public lives.

Scrolling further down the timelines of the victims, she noticed bruised faces and pictures of police reports on assaults, a creepy image started to come together.
Those reports, after cross-checking, weren't familiar neither to the hospitals, nor to the police stations that issued them. A man who appeared in several girls' photographs, sometimes in different parts of the country in a single day, an old woman who was briefly mourned on a number of those accounts. Even the flawlessly grooming pets were shared among dozens of girls living the staged dream.

1/2

>>18147006
2/2

Her mind shot back to the cases. Extensive investigations, based on the information provided by the highly publicized accounts, understandably lead nowhere. Every case that seemed an easy deal with all the detailed information of the girl's whereabouts fell cold.

Investigator felt she just lifted the corner of a carpet obscuring the entry to a murky deep catacomb.

bump

>>18147006
Really impressed by how fast you can knock these out!
Just curious, what’s your first language...

Bump (hoping the thread makes it until morning)

>>18148966
r00ssian
> shit out a couple of stories
> hmmm i do have a writing kick today, wonder what the people will say
> thread instantly goes dead
i may do this one >>18138209 later

>>18150098
Sometimes this thread is on fire, sometimes it’s slow...thanks for contributing and keeping it going!

I really enjoy things written by ESL authors (or listening to stories told by ESL speakers). As long as the grammar is good enough to be unambiguous, the unexpected word choices and unfamiliar phrases keep me more engaged as a reader. Its especially good for comedy/dialog where adding a bit of suspense helps, i think this is why so many ‘comedy relief’ characters have strong accents...you cant be sure what the next word will be.

bumpin

>>18146790
>> a hicker ends up in a medieval monastery with a backpack full of tech
A bit like that old russian comedy film...
>> man falls in love over chat, his love refusing to meetup because it doesn't want to reveal it is an AI
t.SHODAN

Bump

ded

>>18154062
>that old russian comedy film.
which one, anon? i cant seem to recall

>>18146737
Anon, somehow I missed seeing this one was posted! I really like it, especially the great twist at the end. Enjoyable that the man was always honest with the wallets (I wonder what would have happened if he wasn’t).

Your first paragraph starts out in a very different writing style than the later ones...

>>18156625
>ded

I’m getting the feeling this poster’s right. Sometimes these threads are bustling with contributors and readers, and sometimes it’s crickets (maybe you’re all just too busy reading your copies of Rags and Bones). For those who are working on prompts, we’ll start a new thread Wed, Apr 12 and would love to read them then!

>Unprompted (erotic fanfic)
>>18129007

>Unprompted (writing exercise/possibly not posted by author)
>>18129240

>The Secret of a Great Chef (II)
>>18136816

>Planning a mundane errand begins to sound like an epic tale
>>18143302

>The next phase of the Instagram model craze
>>18146444
>and continued here (Police investigate a reported crime and uncover this insanity in the process)
>>18147006

>A man keeps finding other people’s wallet in his pocket instead of his own.
>>18146737

Keep on writing, anons!

>>18157881
>Your first paragraph starts out in a very different writing style than the later ones...
better or worse? obviously my writing style is non-existent in english yet but i want honest commemtary to get better
>>18143302
holy based anon, how could i miss it
needs a background from this tapestry collage site