/lit/ - Literature

>helping someone sin

You are a generic moron too. Nobody who uses the phrase "deep n edgy faggots," even in jest, has anything to say, and the poetic form is a Triple Word Score terribleness multiplier for the artistic product of a dry husk of an adolescent mind

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're a twatwaffle
Now go back to /mu/

>>1808675

I suppose I could always just get her really fucking stoned.

>>1808677

Whatever dude. That was a pretty C- rant by the way.

>>1808681

Ahaha ha ha ... .. . no.

>>1808682
If she's a stoner then she's not worth my worst sonnet

>>1808682

I see what you're going for, but if some guy was creeping on my panties & tried getting me super-duper high to hit on me, I would get scared & run away.

op what do you have existential angst about

>>1808688

That was just a joke at your expense homes. Now don't be a tease, if you have a sonnet, whip it out.

>>1808697
I don't encourage decadent lifestyles. you're getting nothign from me

>>1808692

Oh you know, all the usual things. Highschool bullies. Mean teachers. Mum not letting me stay up late. Not getting laid enough. You know, all that really dark stuff.

>>1808700

Fair deuce. I doubt you could write a good sonnet anyway.

>>1808700
are there any circumstances under which you'd assist someone (either irl or oti) in getting laid (by a third party)?

>>1808714
not unless it was myself

>>1808714

Have you ever met an attractive girl with a flamboyantly gay bff? The guy who isn't interested in her sexually at all, but compulsively cock blocks you, ostensibly to be protective, but really out of jealousy and a sense of ownership? I bet Quentin is that guy IRL.

>>1808728
stop it I have feelings for girls like every other heterosexual
my wish you were here thread was a result of my feelings I'm in a sad mood

Bump for helpful discourse

>>1808721
so the pot-smoking thing was just a tangential ejaculation of ethics; whether or not it involves getting a girl stoned, you wouldn't aid & abet.

>>1808664

when i'm writing hipster poetry I just change the lyrics to a song Im listening to. you should try it op.

FUCKING
POT
SMOKERS

GET THE FUCK OFF MY /LIT/

>>1808770

I abhor weed. You need to recognize a joke, browkowski.

itt: squares

"Crunchy autumn leaves" sounds like a little Robert Frost might go a long way with this bitch.

>>1808804

Yeah, Frost is the sort of thing. I considered just appropriating some Keats or the like, because I doubt she actually reads poetry. But anyone can google, and I want to pass this shit off as my own.

It doesn't matter if it is blatantly terrible and derivative to the initiated, just as long as it has the right patina. Not overt - I don't want to come on too strong, but romantic overtures.

copernicus never studied the skies
as deeply as I've watched your eyes

...

yeah, its only a lame couplet
deal with it

>>1808816

The problem is I want to imply
Simply that I'm a sensitive guy
Not that I've ever studied her eyes
And this should come as no surprise:
Not even dumb bitches like shitty rhyme schemes.

Like an ant wandering into a fox's den

My penis would slip easily into your warm holes

Shelter my ant penis until the coming spring is in full orgasm

After which I will give you a prize more worthy than flowers: I'll bequeath you a pearl necklace!

>>1808825

I'm strongly considering this.

The other day I was walking in the grass with my toes and I felt something missing and I was so warm and today you look like the sunshine.
Maybe you did something special.
The other day I was putting my shoes back on and the grass clung to my toes and I had to sit and pick the grass off blade by blade while the sun went down on my back but it's okay because today you look like sunshine.
Maybe you did something special.

There you go. I basically just made it more tryhard and less actually realized/enigmatic. More hipster that way.

Dear hipster girl,
I know that if I was ever going to fuck you
It should have been when you were 17
And model thin, and innocent.
Now you are 22, and you've had a string
Of shitty boyfriends and abortions
And your thighs are slightly fat, but you know what?
The last five years have been no kinder to me.
You've had your expectations lowered,
And I've learnt how to be cruel.
So lets fuck, and then maybe we could go out,
And I could turn you on to cigarettes and bulimia,
And you could look like you did five years ago,
for at least another five years or so.
And then we'll be almost 30,
and your social currency will be totally diminished,
While mine will still be accruing interest.
So I'll dump you and marry some attractive young grad student from a middle upper class family.
It'll be like one big romantic comedy,
only not romantic, and you know,
not so funny.

__________________________________

I want someone to give me pretty much the opposite of what I just wrote.

>tripfag from /mu/
>can't get laid
>can't even get laid by this shitcreature he's described
>asks for help from /lit/ in getting kaid
>asks for help from /lit/
>describes self as angsty
>can't write a simple poem

This post is one of the most impressive things I've ever seen. It's like one of those little pictures with several overlapping triangles contained in one giant triangle, wherein you must find out how many triangles are actually formed by the network of lines. The network of faggotry in the words of the OP make such a complex picture that I know my short list constitutes only the tip of the iceberg.

>>1808849

You have the gift my friend. I have a hipster mate who sits around trying to be 'deep' at parties - that's exactly how he writes, and the chicks lap it up.

>>1808860
lololololol

>>1808866
lololololol

This thread amuses me greatly.

>>1808770
>>1808770
>>1808770
OK fine i guess I'll leave....

>>1808866

If you looked at the post directly above yours, you would realize that I obviously can write a simple poem. In fact, were it any more simple, It probably wouldn't count.

My self-description was tongue in cheek.

Right about everything else.

5 triangles out of a possible 15

>>1808860
oh my god

you should be in jail for sucking this bad

>>1808825
It's beautiful.

>>1808816
If it were a heroic couplet, which it almost is, I would've said it's not bad.

Here OP, you can have some of my trash:

An Impersonation of an Eclipse

My eyes sting and out pour little ashes
stared too hard, too long at your pleasing pose.
Itty-bitty bump of the bottom lip,
(leading up to a near-perfect nose)
and orbs half-concealed by long lashes:

Milky rings around little bits of bursts,
shadow surrounding pretty pirouettes
of stalactites' drops for my buried thirsts,
dreams pour unslept from reversed minarets.

Creamwhite coronas divert decision,
shine too fine, too bright round lovely dark spots.
Maybe one day you'll hear the holy book
(with the myths this savage pagan priest plots)
of prayers for small miracles of fission:

Like nights spent without longing or lust,
a day spent within its entirety,
hesitant half-hand whollyhearted thrust
in reluctant palm's piercing piety.

Dance for your darkness? But I don't dare dance!
Sing for your sunshine? I can't simply sing!
Praise, in hope of love? But love, I don't hope.

>>1808888

Can /lit/ do a good version of OP's poem? I can see it having potential, maybe.

>>1808895

What do you mean a 'good' version?

>>1808895

she won't fuck you because you're not cool.

lol "she's like one of those fucking weirdos that likes 'creativity' or some other gay shit. i only like football and video games."

do you only breathe through your mouth?

>>1808891

Thanks, some of this is more in the ballpark.
Any chance you've written anything about:
puddle jumping
the beach
autumn leaves
fresh cut grass
young love

Or any other unutterable cliches?

>>1808905
As much as I hate to defend anyone from /mu/, it was obvious that he was implying that her interest in these things is only superficial. Do YOU only breathe through your mouth (when no one's looking)?

>>1808860
yr a really shitty person but maybe this will work:

Dear [so and so]
I know that you have trouble getting laid, but it happens sometimes and that keeps you going. Sometimes you imagine what it would be like now if you had never had sex, and are thankful that you've managed to have sex the times that you have so that you don't feel like a totally hopeless loser. Once in a while, during a dry period, you can't imagine ever having sex again, and this terrifies you. I know you are afraid of being alone, and connect sex with a sense of companionship, but have trouble maintaining that connection once the sensuality is gone or not immediate. Maybe if we just had a very physical relationship These past five years haven't been kind, but you used to be pretty hot and now you're ok looking so it's different then if you were always kind of plain. Some people think of you as hot, so that's got to count for something. Maybe later it will be easier for us to get laid because things will be different and woman will be older and less prime.
Only less naive
and with less patience for immature, insecure assholes.

>>1808895
Ok.

Oh fair maiden of a peoples obscure,
It saddens me deeply to not have been able to deflower you at the tender age of 17: when you were more supple and pure.
Now you are at the wilting age of 22, and you have withstood the trails of ill begotten loves and still born of demon spawn.
Your haunches have grown unsightly, yet I implore you that the years of late have not treated me kinder.
Your merited standards have succumb,
and I am of a twisted nature.
So let us copulate and pass the seasons together.
I could insist you to take up smoke and regurjitation,
so that you can vainly attempt to recapture your lovely frame.
When we reach the decomposed age of 30, your beauty will be all but spent.
I being of a different persuasion, will reign in on a more aged and distinguished presence.
I'll eventually sever our bonds and entwine with a younger and prettier lady who is of good socio-economic standing.
It would be comical to an outsider to witness all this unfold; and would be terrible ironic, to which I know your obscure peoples find oh so droll.

My dear, there really is not better course: please allow me to penetrate you with my ant penis.

>>1808912

yeah but he has no fucking proof of the depth of her artistic-ness or whatever, just a bunch of shallow value judgments based on nothing. glass houses.

>>1808912
he's a bad "so fukkin 3dgy and cynical" poet who's asking the internet for help on his masterplan to fuck some girl he makes sure to tell his 4chan friends he doesn't respect at all and definitely doesn't get a funny feeling inside from when she smiles at him no fuckin way what is he a faggot? he's as much of a vapid cliche as his deviantart dime piece and on top of that he's actively unpleasant

>>1808920
OP could learn a lot from this.

>>1808909
No.
I agree with this guy: >>1808922
You're an ass.
I gave you my trash.
Take it or leave it.

>>1808920

I'm glad I made this thread, even if only because of this post. Well done.

>>1808921
>he sees the best in people until he is provided overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

I'm not going to bother furnishing you with evidence, either empirical or anecdotal, for such a trivial claim.

>>1808922

>If your heart doesn't bleed emotion whenever you see an attractive girl, you are a faggot.

Righty right.

>>1808927

I'm going to take it AND leave it. Just to fuck with you.

>>1808927
>>1808922
>>1808921

Fair enough. Maybe I shoulda stuck with my first instinct. whevs,

>>1808868
I know it dude. It's cuz I'm actually a hipster faggot. I just "published" a zine/chapbook called "Tips for Getting to Third Base" for my senior project for high school.

>>1808940
way to save face tripfag.

OP, I'd recommend you go to Bartleby and rip off some English renaissance stuff. Sidney or whoever.

>>1808849
Interesting

<inoffensive filler>
profuse flattery and compliments
<inoffensive filler>
profuse flattery and compliments

So the filler is just there that they don't just think you are trying to manipulate their emotions with intense flattery and praise? Interesting indeed.

If OP is still looking for a suggestion I recommend taking a Frost, Joyce or some poets short poem.

Replace every important word with a word with the same rhyming scheme and syllables. Make it a very short and light poem and you will look like a genius.

You will be despicable for stealing the poem of a real poet but an evil genius none the less.

>Trying to use poetry to get girls

>>1808956
dude you just described most love poems. Yeah, if you surround things you really want to say or things that are more direct with other shit that might relate but is more just acting as a buffer, you can get some pretty good foundation.

>>1808957

That's a pretty good idea man.

>>1808956

When you look at it like that, that's also pretty clever.

Srsly here though guys, do you think I'm just better to go with honesty?

>>1808962
Even bad memes can make good points.

>>1808973

more than you can say for bad tripfags

>>1808970

Here you are:

Dear heart, why will you use me so?
Dear eyes that gently me upbraid,
Still are you beautiful -- - but O,
How is your beauty raimented!

Through the clear mirror of your eyes,
Through the soft sigh of kiss to kiss,
Desolate winds assail with cries
The shadowy garden where love is.

And soon shall love dissolved be
When over us the wild winds blow -- -
But you, dear love, too dear to me,
Alas! why will you use me so?

Change a few of those words. It should take you 5 minutes. I feel dirty for even offering this solution but it is only right to stop the stream of silliness emanating from this thread.

>>1808987
I can't believe what is happening here.

>>1808985
>bad tripfags

Do you have any sense of self-awareness at all? (read as: you are a bad tripfag and are oblivious to it.)

>>1808994

Yes it is probably actual help. Took me 20 seconds to find. I bet typing a rude poem or scathing rebuke for OP would have taken longer.

Wild heart, why dost thou use me so?
Wild eyes that swiftly me entreated,
Once were you beautiful -- - but O,
How has your beauty been depleted!

Through these brief moments of your youth,
Through the sick swoon of kiss to kiss,
Denuded lust assails with truth
The lonely garden where love was.

And soon shall life dissolved be
When over me the wild winds blow -- -
But you, dear, still stir lust in me,
Alas! that I should use you so!

That sorta thing right?

>>1809011
Being a bit passive aggressive there aren't we?
Chill out brah.

>>1808995

OR. Give a guy some credit and read as: "he knows he's a blatantly awful tripfag, and is thus making a joke."

>>1809016

I most certainly was not. I was actually being sincere. I know it is uncommon.

>>1809011
No it's just so goddamn funny! plagiarizing a poem to get laid. mfw he actually reads that poem out loud or gives it to her.

>>1809021
the sincerity is what makes it passive aggressive dude.

>>1809025

I am terribly sorry. It was unintentional

>>1809022

>ywf I actually read the poem to her, and subsequently post her nudes on /lit/.

More Importantly:

Wild heart, why dost thou use me so?
Wild eyes that swiftly me entreated,
Once were you beautiful -- - but O,
How has your beauty been depleted!

Through these brief moments of your youth,
Through the sick swoon of kiss to kiss,
Denuded lust assails with truth
The lonely garden where love was.

And soon shall life dissolved be
When over me the wild winds blow -- -
But you, dear, still stir lust in me,
Alas! that I should use you so!

>>1809029
Yeah, we'll believe that when it actually happens.

>>1809038

You could probably just send that to her unless she is familiar with Joyce. It is a wonderful poem.

>>1809042

Of course you will. That is so obvious it doesn't even need to be said.

>>1809046
You willfully ignore the implication that it won't happen, because that's what will actually happen, failure.

>>1809054

whatever dude. you know that if a guy sat you down at the foot of the bed, and read you >>1809038 , eyes brimming with passion, you would be undressed and gaping your asshole proactively before he even reached the last stanza.

>>1809059
*provocatively

>>1809062
proactively works better.

>>1809069

Well I guess he can have it both ways.
My point still stands.

>>1809059
Whatever kid, you seem like you have some potential, so don't let my cynicism stop you. You will experience failure, that much I guarantee.

Failure is good, you'll need that later, if you want to write poetry genuinely. If you approach it as merely a pussy getting crutch, well, I pity you.

>>1809077
ugh

>>1809077
Oh, I'll throw you a boon... if you're wooing a girl, you can write something yourself, but recitation is good too. Try some Shelley, or maybe Swinburne. Project Gutenburg can hook you up with that romantic shit.

>>1809080
ugh, what?

>>1809083
>>1809080

I thought we already solved your problem? You wrote a fine poem for her

>>1809077
Wow. being way too serious for this thread I'm afraid. This thread is entirely about poetry as a pussy getting crutch, and deliberately bad poetry at that.

Whether I have legitimate artistic aspirations is beside the point. As it happens I do, however none of my serious writing would get me hipster pussy. Quite the opposite. I don't need anyone to spout platitudes about the inevitability of failure.

I want you like I want the sun upon my back,
I need you like I need to breathe the air
I catch your scent as you pass, your hair
Passing by, you're gone, I feel your lack

I dunno - something like that. Somebody else write the next bit. Good luck Mr. OP from /mu/ or whatever. I hope she's one of the crazy ones who begs for anal then cries afterwards. I love those ones. Cheers.

>>1809083
yeah I think it would be chill to read someone else's poetry if you acknowledged them.

>>1809089
Ok, I respect your honesty. Personally, I feel that poetry recitation is entirely too cheesy, and would do nothing but bring about inevitable failure... but maybe this chick that you're trying to is the sort that this would actually work on, in which case I stand by recitation being fine, and Shelley or Swinburne being excellent recommendations.

If you go this route, at least bother to memorize the poem, its much more impressive.

I know you are a hussy
So let me in your pussy
I'm feeling a bit classy
mind if I call you lassie
because I will treat you like the bitch you are
Let's do it doggy style.

>>1809085
"Failure is good," "I pity you," "kid"....
hi im 12 and what is this?

>>1809086

I parodied your suggestion by 'writing' a non-romantic poem. But it was a good suggestion, for which I thank you, and I may use it.

Regardless, I still think something wholly original would be better - whether that originality is mine is another matter. I'm starting to think that it might be better to actually write something legit... truth be told, all 4chan antics aside, I do quite like this girl.

I want you like I want the hair upon your back,
I need you like I need to shave that hair
I catch your scent as you pass gas down there
And once it's passed, again you want a snack

>>1809100
shut up fresh prince.

>>1809101
It's condescension.

let me nibble on your buds
let me stomple your albino
let me graze into your veldt
baby i'm your love rhino

>>1809103
well, it was good while it lasted.

>>1809103
Originality isn't originality if it isn't yours. If you actually like this girl, be honest with her, if you just want some pussy... say what you have to say to get it.

>>1809111
What I meant to say is your choice of words is juvenile.

>>1809122
This is a rather juvenile thread, but yeah, you're probably right.

>>1809097

I already know literally hundreds of poems by heart but I, like you, feel that recitation is cheesy, especially when it isn't an original work.

In a second I'll post a structure for something I'm working on that I think might work.

Let me into your womanly cave
It's depths are what I crave
Deep shall I spelunk into you
Until you are dyed in my hue

>>1809029

You are a quality dude. I might start hanging round /mu/ more - their tripfags are like a thousand times more amusing than our faggots.

>>1809134

Sorry.

Hipster Girl, although your vagina
Has had more dudes in it than China,
Your ass tightly grips
like an oboeist's lips---
Oh assplay! What joy could be finer?

>>1809136
You can repent by never posting as a tripfag again.

Most sure fire way to get women.


/thread

>>1809140

I shan't. Then my vendetta of pleasantness and support shall be ended. I will never give up

>>1809128
monkey see monkey do

>>1809145
I saw you at folklife once.

>>1809134

I wouldn't recommend it. I'm a bit of an aberration on /mu/. I might start hanging out here more though. If I had made the equivalent of this thread on /mu/ it would have been the subject of vitriolic butthurt, wheras this has been largely humorous and informative.

>>1809149

Ironically I am listening to folk music

>>1809147
When in Rome, more like.

.>>1809153
I think you mean coincidence but yeah that's pretty cool.

Oh x your so fine,
your so fine you blow my mind,
Hey x,
Hey x!

>>1809158

Yes by coincidence.

This place will become a functional and well respected board. More so than it already is

You've got spunk and you've got sass
and you might think this is crass
but let me stick in your ass
Once it's deep in your sweet molasse
You'll be begging me to swirl to the last

>>1809155
sorry i am being mean to you. 4chan is makin me nasty. I'm stoppin now sory bro

>>1809153

What the fuck for?

When I was trying to shag this slightly mental hipster-light, I emailed her Neruda, and Edna St. Vincent Millay - she seemed to like that a lot. It's like a mixtape with a college education, innit. I've memorised a fair few bits of Neruda's stuff. Old fat Pablo has got me laid more times than anything I can think of. He's like rohypnol.

Then again, I'm shockingly high for this time of the morning, so I'd pretty much ignore me.

>>1809165

Hey! So am i. Fancy that

>>1809159

So THAT's how babbies are born?

>>1809163
It does that to me, but the axiom I referenced fits for that, we get vitriolic here. no worries bro.

Every single time this poet cums
He thinks of your ass-cheeks like kettle-drums;
Imagines his own tongue squirm like a viper
Deep in the hole; hopes you're a sloppy wiper;
And compensates for being not-well-hung
With the probing anaconda tongue
An avid meaty pink sigmoidoscope
Which wants to rim you. You'll say yes, I hope?

>>1809170
>supposed to be Stag's replacement
>SMOKES DRUGS
>implying Quentin isn't still around
>lol nvm

>>1809181

I do not smoke drugs. What am i poor?

Girl you don't know the effect you have on me
When I see you my heart fills with glee
You deserve the finest things in life
I'd do anything if you'd be my wife
Girl I love you
Girl I need you
There ain't nothing I'd rather do
Than to be with you
Let's go off together
It doesn't matter where
As long as we have each other
There's nothing else we need

>>1809181

And I am doing splendidly I think/

In fairness the reason /mu/ doesn't like me is probably because I make 'swag rap' threads where I ask for constructive criticism with regards to lines such as "bitches on my dick cos it looks like a toblerone/ the only time you'll ever fuck a bitch is if you get her stoned."

Anyhow, so I've been listening to the Hold Steady for about an hour now, and I was thinking of writing a sort of 'send up' of the hipster scene from various perspectives that ends on a bittersweet note. This should A. show I am clever, poetic, and sensitive. B. distinguish me from all the other hipster guys, thus making me more obscure, and in turn more hipster.

Note that what I am posting is just a rough written sketch; no crafting, no attention to word use or rhyme scheme or meter, just the general concept:

He wished he was an artist, but
He didn’t have the talent, but
He had the look.
He bought a vintage camera and a moleskin notebook;
Took pictures of the power-lines, graffiti art, and mountain tops
Made them black and white on Photoshop.
So now they’re on his facebook.
Well I guess I wish the kid the best of luck.

She wanted to be famous, and
She wanted an adventure, but
Somehow circumstances never seemed to let her.
She just sits around now and remembers;
Remembers all the parties where nothing really happened.
Remembers all the people that it never happened with.
And the disappointment those few times it did.
She wishes all those guys had never met her.

He wanted to be a lover, but
He didn’t have the look, but
He had the heart.
Well kids like that are fucked right from the start.

etc etc; response?

>>1809192
you're swell.

>>1809192
Stradlater from Catcher in the Rye, right?
Nice impression you are doing of him.

>>1809202
Nice change of opinion.
Must have told you something in some tripfags-exclusive place.

It's a cabal, I know it!

>>1809199

It's not a bad idea, but you're courting disaster - if she thinks you're taking the piss out of her friends, or even worse her, then you will never get near her snatch. You need to be careful with this tactic.

Girl you don't know the effect you have on me
When I see you my jorts get soaked with pee
You deserve the finest things to eat
Like nine inches of purple penile meat
Girl I can tell you
Girl I can smell you
Even though I'd rather not
Although I wanna fuck you a lot
So baby just bend over
And I will drive you home
That hungry baby starfish
Is gonna smoke my pole

>>1809199
>moleskin
It's moleskine.

>>1809205
I never stated an opinion to the contrary.
If you inferred my earlier statement as such, well I suppose that's your problem.
The "tripfags only" place isn't physical. It's a higher state of being which no anon has ever so much as come close to finding, save capsguy, who is actually a demi-trip.

>>1809216
nah, its more like the trips don't notice, cause y'all superficial.

>>1809207
yeah I agree with this brother. Too self referential for a love poem, too snide, too "hip" (but not hipster). You should develop it just for your own sake, though. It starts with a pretty strong rhyme scheme. the lines from Mountaintop to photoshop is particularly good in terms of length of sentence.

>>1809216

That actually makes sense. Oh god

But i think that imagination is upside down. We cannot come close to finding the higher state of anon
>>1809219

And i am painfully sincere and nice

>>1809223
yeah, you've made sure to mention how much of a good guy you are.

>>1809216

See what I mean? Our tripfags are rubbish. They just chat fucking shit all day long.

>>1809223
although your self righteousness can get a little trying

>>1809207

Yeah, I'm hoping more to trigger a profound sense of dissatisfaction that will drive her weeping onto my throbbing member. If i just piss her off, well, there are other fish in the sea.

>>1809210
I know its moleskin, you pedantic shit. I love it when people like you assume a sense of superiority because you can notice a spelling error in a load of hurriedly typed rubbish.

>>1809230

You guys are right. I just have had too much to drink

The world seemed to be collapsing
Plants shrivel as if they are
cared for by suburban housewives

The sun beats down upon us
The sea itself is raised
and floods the coast and valleys

They scurry up the hills
To escape it
The earth's fury and sorrow

It's edict heard all around
As their lives wash away
As the mountains creak
As their eardrums pop
As the shrill panic of animals
Drowns out all sound

The earth wept
for its children merely were there to reap
To benefit from pain
To destroy the precious
To corrupt the pure
as no other being had

The tang of rain on the air
Charges on the wind
A maelstrom
Oblivion
Oblivious
Bliss

Struggling to think, a dry throat
Too weak to yell
Drowned by the silence, exhausted
Spent
Kept down in a foul place
For what?

Not seen by the eye
Torn from those loved
To be smashed
To be sapped of humanity
Aching for death
Fading

(TBC) I made this one night when I was bored and listening to music. It makes no sense but it sounds artsy.

>etc etc; response?

I like the writing a lot. Really clever stuff. Reminds me a little of early Belle and Sebastian lyrics (which in my terms is high praise indeed).

No clue if it will get you laid, but I'm impressed with the verse and I would encourage you to try it as a longer narrative. Love among the hipsters. Something like Joseph Moncure March's "The Wild Party" (which it already sounds like a bit).

>>1809236
>I know its moleskin, you pedantic shit
>moleskin

>>1809234
yeah I understand. Sometimes I get a crush on myself when I drink. Which is cool, because if you can't love yrself who can?

Moaning of others
The smell of rot
Rodents chew spirits
The echo of whips
Belligerence decreed in the name of the sky
For what?

Blood running down the walls
Tears and snot
Reserves running down
Pinch to stay awake
Bludgeoning on stone to feel
To see clearly what is there
For what?

No light to be seen
Kept in the shadows
Longing to see colour
Skeletal
What is laughter?
Drifting
Fading into the clouds
Billows of black
The acrid taste of departure
sours the soul

No feeling
Broken and cracked
All senses leave, Overwhelming light
No will left, reverberating sobs
Escaping from salvation
toward salvation

Staring at the stars
Floating lazily to the end
Wherever that may be

See the space
Smell the planets
Feel the past

Laying above
in a melancholia of bliss
Trace the path to the start
but somebody ate the breadcrumbs

To see it all
but to see nothing
Euphoria in a glass
but is it better than lemonade?

(TBC 2)

Spin until dizzy
Vertigo all around
but where to fear falling
Where is the ground

Dancing on the fringe
Taste the freedom
that is so restricting
Longing to feel cold

Dream of the future
Scorn the past
Make a ship of nostalgia
A baleful mast

Jump into the ocean
Drown in the waves
Drawn by the sirens
Poseidon's slaves

Bereaved and neglected
Down on the floor
Fishies take their turn
Never acquainted with the shore

Dusting off the shoes
Running in the rain
Desolation taking hold
but where to hide?

The creak of swings
as wind whistles through the chain
like a child crying
haunting
Malign

A cry from above
paranoia.
Gravel crackles
the shivering won't stop

Huddled by the gutter
a stream through the mesh
I can hear noises
cover my ears

Arms numb
suffocating in the gloom
poisoned ground
evil faces leer

I feel it watching
too terrified to run
Bleary-eyed, waiting
I will never see the sun

Enveloped in shadow
eyes begin to glaze
too dense to move
constricting haze

last thoughts of joy
fleeting, out of reach
disoriented and ruined
carbon-copied, trodden on, leeched

THEEND

a toblerone would be a useless needle dick

>>1809223
>higher state of anon
that murky pit? I'm glad I finally crawled out of it. If these other pitiful souls had the courage to do the same we'd have a far superior community here.

See, Strad? This one's >>1809229
so dumb he doesn't even know how lucky he is to have us.

>>1809243
People are sometimes just really mean. This might take a while

>>1809253

No that is not true. We are all the same. We just have specific missions or some such silliness

im gonna be Virginia w00f2

>>1809260
Bet not.

>>1809255
Shut up you fat slut.

>>1809253
You are so silly.

90% of my posting is as anonymous.

I've already posted in this thread around 12 times it looks like and posted several of the "poems."

There just isn't any need to post as a tripfag most of the time.

I included a pic to make you happy.

>>1809265
well yr obv not a real tripfag

>>1809241

Cheers man, that's encouraging - I was writing thinking more lyrics than poetry proper. I'll look up The Wild Party too.

>>1809221

Thanks also. Yeah, it certainly won't fulfill the love poem purpose - love poetry is the one thing I always struggle with.

>>1809242
Alright, I have to give you that one.

>>1809251
I meant one of those mega 1kg ones - but I couldn't fit it in.

>>1809253
Not to piss on the parade too much, I know that once tripfags reach a critical mass in a thread things tend to devolve into a circle-jerk, but shit's tedious guys.

>>1809264

I am quite thin and good looking actually. You are just silly

>>1809265
I'm with you on that one. Tripping needlessly is silly.

Now excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable.

I dreamt we stood beneath the powerlines,
I saw you standing there in black and white,
You run towards me only in my fevered nights
Our bodies press together, hands entwined

It's not proper pentameter, cos it's more typing than writing. It's sort of Petrarchan though, near enough for hipsters.

>>1809274

Sorry. Just a long day

>>1809274
>Not to piss on the parade too much, I know that once tripfags reach a critical mass in a thread things tend to devolve into a circle-jerk, but shit's tedious guys.

In your name it states that you are "of /mu/" so you tell tripfags how to tripfag over there, and leave this lil' town to us, pilgrim.

>>1809271
Shut up you fat slut.

>>1809199
I enjoyed this, but I don't think it'd win a girl over. It seems, to me, to be rather cynical.

>>1809282

I know you want to think it works like that, but it doesn't.

>>1809282
Stepping in to say: OP's 100% right, this trip shit is shit. More poetry attempts, less whatever the hell you guys are doing, please.

>>1809274

>I know that once tripfags reach a critical mass in a thread things tend to devolve into a circle-jerk, but shit's tedious guys.

OMFG A SENSIBLE TRIPFAG LOLZ DON'T GO PLOX

>>1809286
>>1809288
>>1809291

Sorry for the silliness. I wrote this for help


Frail you warm gaze and pale are
Her hands that gave
Whose soul is here and there
Than glory's wan wave.

Rosefrail and fair -- yet frailest
A soft gaze
In gentle eyes thou veilest

>>1809294

You're getting schooled by the kid from out of town, so you resort to that shitty reaction image? Your kung fu is weak. Can't you get one of the proper trips to take him on or something? You know, one of the grown-ups or the person who takes care of you?

>>1809300
I have to agree with this guy.
Whatever credibility and respectability you thought you had is quickly slipping away.

>>1809283

what I've written certainly is. As backstory to this cynicism:

I used to be part of a hipster set, and there was this girl I loved that I had known since childhood. She was besotted with everything, and she went off to San Fran to chase excitement. Got completely chewed up and spat out by the place. From my own experience, the whole counter-culture is shallow and phony (a description Stradlater will do doubt enjoy) - which doesn't matter as long as you realize it is. The problem is it victimizes people who are naive enough to buy into all the shit. Anyway, this is nothing new to the world of thought.

I'm trying to think of some spin to put on things. I don't want to be cynical. I want to begin in cynicism and transcend it through some sort of meaning, or moral.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Now get in the van
Before I fucking stab you.

Although now I think about it, violets aren't blue, are they? By definition they're fucking VIOLET innit. God that makes me angry.

I dreamt we stood in Brooklyn's Williamsburg
I saw you holding a can of PBR
In an ironic tee-shirt, running far
And whispering, in Tina-Fey-voice, "blerg"...

>>1809298

Last line would be

121

"My rose-haired girl"

or something along those lines

>>1809300
Well like, in the feudal system that is 4chan, a board is a duchy or something, an anon is like a peasant, and a tripfag is like various members of the court. Some are knights, some dukes, some viziers, etc. I'm just like the jester and it's an off day for me so I'm not sure what you're expecting. D&E, Onion, Capote, BB, or Caps would do a better job than me sure, but you've gotta give me at least a little credit.

>>1809288
word. Here's another possible one (I did the the other sunshine one)

It's been a while, It's been a long winter, but it'll be better in the summer time.
Like getting ice cream when it's too hot at the park and the ice cream truck is so cool and as you reach your hand out some of the ice cream drips on your wrist.
Do you lick your fingers?
I love the way you lick your fingers during lunch I got a hunch they taste sweet
what a treat.

On my fixie bike
I wish you weren't a dyke

>>1809314
>jester

You wish. You're the Master of the Privy at best. And this isn't an off day - this is you at your fucking best. I've got nothing against tripfags per se, but you're just useless, and all you do is chat shit about other tripfags and this was an OK thread before you fucked it up, you absolute fucking twat.

>>1809314
>you've gotta give me at least a little credit.

Awww, are your poor little feelings hurt?
You can dish it out, but you can't take it.
After all, if you aren't get the acknowledgement you so desperately crave, why even be a tripfag? It's such a denial of your existence isn't it?

>>1809305
Hmm, that's tricky. I see the he/she dichotomy in the poem, the first stanza being self cynicism, the second stanza being outward cynicism, and the third being the same as the first but with a plea for pity.

Most girls, I think, wouldn't get past the second, at least not without some pretty significant praise. I don't know if this girl you're trying to woo is 'most girls', but it probably fits for most people too.

It's a good poem, maybe not a finished product, but you might begin a little more cautiously before you proceed with anything that can be construed as behavioral criticism.

>>1809314
God yr insufferable

>>1809331
pot, meet kettle.

>>1809305
IMO love poems (genuine love poems) should not be overtly complex. They should be about love, which, while complex, is unmistakable (or at least romantic/passionate feelings, but those should also be unmistakable).
I would say don't try to impress her with you intellect but with your feeling/emotion. Chicks dig that.

>>1809325
I'm sorry.
>>1809327
>Awww, are your poor little feelings hurt?
Yes, very much.
>You can dish it out, but you can't take it.
Maybe you are right. Maybe I am one of those people.
>After all, if you aren't get the acknowledgement you so desperately crave, why even be a tripfag? It's such a denial of your existence isn't it?
I will have to take the week off and think about it.
>>1809331
I'm sorry.

>>1809344

lol ok.
Now you are getting to the point of seeming like you are just being mocking.

>>1809336
ouch

not a good night for Virginia W00F

>>1809348
I'm sorry, I thought you were the first one. Can you please take off your trip though, as much as I support putting trips down when they are behaving insufferably, this thread isn't about Vwoolf, nor should it be.

>>1809354
That isn't a trip. That person is being a namefag.
I'm being a tripfag.

>>1809354
you misunderstand. My trip is Virginia w00f2 because I think it's funny. Actually right now this thread is about W00F/tripping in general, although I agree that it should be about writing love poems for hipster girls, which I did write two of.

>>1809367
oh. Namefag, I guess. Sorry, I didn't know that distinction. is a tripfag a dedicated namefag then?

>>1809371
this thread is about what we collectively make this about, whether we rip on Vwoolf or not, it feeds his ego if it's about him or if the focus is on him. Let's take it back.

>>1809375
>>1809371
>>1809367
>>1809354

And thus the thread was lost. I hope you get to bang your hipster chick, Mr. King of /mu/. Come back and visit again soon.

captcha: flute raider.

>>1809353
To be fair it's only afternoon and so essentially it's morning for me. Anyway yes you're right I'm really effing up today and I'm worried I might have compromised my image/persona. I think I need a drink.

So I'm gone for a few hours and WHERE did all these fucking posts come from???

>>1809379
alright then. wanna do a poem? I'll do another if you wanna do someone. like save one post one or whatever

>>1809388
I don't want to play Cyrano for this guy, but I will give him my honest opinions of what he writes, and as such I'm waiting to see if he's going to respond. I wouldn't blame him for getting sick of our antics and walking away.

>>1809375
A tripfag is someone who uses a tripocode
You have a tripcode by putting octothorpes (#) after your name.
The format is:
#word is an unsecure tripcode.
##word is a secure tripcode.
#word#word is a unsecure tripcode followed by a secure tripcode.

>>1809400
yeah if yr waiting for OP yr wasting yr time.

>>1809386
>compromised my persona

Wat.

>>1809403
yeah im not a tripfag

>>1809386
I suppose it's time for tabula rasa, starting over.
Or you can always cling to your former days of "glory" and steadily decompose along with them.

>>1809412
>>1809404
>>1809403
>>1809386

Since the thread's over anyway, riddle me this, trippoes: why do you do it in the first place? and why do you change trips all the fucking time? What in shit's name do you get out of it? The only possible end result is that you get schooled like VW, and have to slink off with your tail between your legs and 'rebrand' your 'persona'. Is it like some kind of really shitty RPG or something?

>>1809435
Real Life is rather shitty RPG if you ask me.
As for why I do it and most others, it's for attention, acknowledgement, prestige, and recognition.

Obviously the needs of these aren't being met elsewhere.

If they are, the person is simply a narcissist then.

Hi kids, sorry I just had a phone call I couldn't avoid. What's been up?

>>1809448
Oh not much, mostly some trip drama... but also a couple critiques of your poem.

>>1809328
>>1809341

>>1809435
It's funny

>>1809459
although I guess I am only a namefag. and a young one at that

>>1809462
Yeah, and copying a washed-up tripfag at that.
If you are going to be a namefag, you should choose something else.

Though being a namefag means anyone can impersonate you at anytime and say who knows what.

>>1809328

Thanks for your constructive criticism. I agree with all the points you've made and will take them into account if I take this anywhere.

>>1809341
I'm not writing a love poem per se. I'm trying to win the affections of a girl, but not by suggesting that I am deeply in love. Or even superficially in love for that matter.

>>1809385
Thanks, and the thread is not yet lost my brothers!

>>1809404
Thanks for keeping my thread warm. Its been amusing reading the argument you seem to have been having with uh, everyone. You can get off the pot now though, I have to piss.

>>1809466
yes, but you do want it to convey passion and romance do you not? Or do you just want to impress her?

>>1809466
Make it very subtly hint at mortality and the transience of all things. Chicks get horny over mortality and the transience of all things.

>>1809471

I suppose mainly the latter, although with some degree of subtlety.

The second goal, which I concede what I've posted doesn't mesh with, is to appear romantic - not to espouse any romantic attachment, but to look like Keats, you know, the sort of guy who *could* love and love deeply. As opposed to someone you'd look at and think was an accountant.

Also, I wrote this out as a joke earlier without any thought, but rescanning, I'm rather taken with parts of it... is anything in there clever or am I just getting tired?
>>1808860

>>1809477
Its honest, and has some value.
Don't read that to her.

>>1809472

>Chicks get horny over mortality and the transience of all things.

Srsly?

But yeah, morality and the transience of things is something that seems a natural conclusion, but I'm not going to get all carpe diem about it, so it'll probably end up depressing if I go that way.

I think the last "he" character is going to get drunk, walk onto a motorway, and die. Or fall into the harbor perhaps. Melodramatic? Yes. But at least if she doesn't dig the poem, I can always resort to 'oh, it was about my highschool friend who died because he walked onto the motorway and got hit by a car." Instant sympathy sex.

>>1809484

Agreed.

And if you want something that's superficial, a bit cynical and full of mortality and the transience of time and all that shit, you could do worse than rip-off Marvell's To His Coy Mistress, basically says "eh, sweetheart, none of us are getting any younger, so why don't we bone a bit?"

Classy stuff, pomes.

>>1809484

Not even the years of 4chan have distilled enough cruelness in me to read that to her.

>>1809492
That's the carpe deim approach. And you've reminded me that I actually wrote a sonnet on the transience of love that fits that mold. I might go dig it up.

>>1809497

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.

Trans: Fancy a shag?

>>1809490
Or just rip off Tom Waits:

She's a rose
She's a pearl
She's the spin on my world
All the stars make their wishes on her eyes

Please do not say our love should have no end,
For if this moment we could fix in time;
So to bed, the stars, the sun could never send,
False judgment would make fools of our design;
For life is growth, and here I posit thus;
What never changes cannot ever grow,
If Hyacinth, Apollo never kiss’d,
His life be then subsumed by shrouded foe.
If it be true what that great Russian said,
That love is life; we cannot hope to stall,
Our lives, and in the doing, make love dead;
If this be so, hear now love’s final call:
Do not; our fleeting passions try to save,
We’ll share our nox aeterna in the grave!

Also;


Everything; conception to creation,
Each battered eyelash moment and each truth,
Starts and ends in mutual subjugation;
The deferential nature of love’s youth.


On appraisal...UGH. Don't you hate it when you write something and look back on it later and realize how awful it is? These were my high-school era dabblings. I thought I was a pretty smart kid.

>>1809508

We all do stupid things when we're kids. Dump the Nox Aeterna shit, which sounds too twilight, and send it to the hipster chick. She'll get moist. And she'll enjoy googling the mythology and pretending she's smart. You're in like Flynn, I reckon.

>>1809412
That's a valid suggestion, but I've faced worse setbacks than this. I just gotta remember what I'm here for and be the best Vdubby I can be.

>>1809510

Heh, yeah the 'nox aeterna' shit is what caused me to facepalm the most. If this shit gets me laid then the little faggot that was 16yo me will have been good for something after all.

>>1809511
Or, you know, go out and have fun. That'll work too.

>>1809511
Tell me how that self-affirmation works out for you.
Here's to hoping you can delude yourself into greatness.
Fake it until you make it.

The tripfags of this board clearly need to subject themselves to the gentle yoke of my Sovereignty.

E.E Cummings - I carry your heart.

Bitches love that shit.

>>1809535
You say that, but wait you see the actual tripfags of this board. I just started using this a few hours ago.

>>1809539

Are they worse? I've lurked here quite a bit for brief occasions and I've seen a lot of this:
>>1809353
>>1809511

>>1809543
Far worse.

>>1809543
>>1809314

Refer to this post for notable tripfags.
Except he left off a few like Fabulous/Prince Charming, Tybrax, Stagolee/Quentin.

Well, I guess it's au revoire, but not adieu, for now /lit/.

Thanks everyone. I'm off to polish up what I've been working on since coming here. I'll let you know about the ensuing victory (with some form of evidence) or the more likely catastrophe, within the next couple of weeks so stay tuned!

>>1809549

Cheers. Ah I actually know a few of them. From my experience I quite like D&E. Quentin often drops by /mu/ to deliver us laughable anti-weed macros - start of this thread references this. I've noticed Onion and Capote too, but I'm not familiar with their antics.