/lit/ - Literature

>>17974751
How can you not accept reality for what it is?

In all honestly the Bible. It claimed to have all the answers, but none of them were convincing, particularly why God doesn’t bother at all with preventing famines, earthquakes and genocides

is existential crisis just depersonalization / derealization?

It was more a movie for me

>>17974751
First one was probably Pinokio, I've read it in elementary school and it just hit me so hard sometimes.

>>17974823
for me it came together.
It happened to me when I read Denial of Death and took 5 gramms of magic mushroom shortly afterwards. Landed me in therapy, now I have to talk about my childhood all the time.
Drugs are a huge disappointment btw steer clear especially if you are prone to depression.

Nothing. Flowers for Algernon made me cry and that's about it.

Stoner, definitely. I feel a drive to really do something with my life now.

>>17974751
Independent thoughts
I got over it within the week.
A second “crisis” was accepting the real dangers of climate change. My whole species faces extinction and I still don’t like it.

>>17974756
"if god real why bad thing happen": the post

>>17974892
>Drugs are a huge disappointment
Yeah I learned that after smoking a spliff of hash and chamomile that gave me a severe episode of depersonalization/derealization and a dry mouth for two weeks. I'm still willing to try more, could be a one time thing

Apparently when I was a kid I watched a movie where an old man died and stopped eating for weeks

>>17976130
Not him but the problem of evil is still relevant today and has never been adequately answered.

>>17976271
Depersonalization is fucking scary. I always wanted to try psychodellics but after having a few of these episodes with weed I'm afraid it'll fuck me up even more.

>>17976130
Mocking the problem doesn’t make it go away, anon. You should only mock this when you have a credible counter to it, otherwise you’ll just look like a coping dumbass, which you are

>>17976460
>Depersonalization
Can you describe your experience?

>>17974892
Tell me about your childhood, anon.

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. Granted I was like 12 at the time, but the diner sequence where the attorney threatens the waitress for no reason besides drug-fueled chaos just really struck a chord. I made me realize evil doesn’t have to be rationalized and can just be a force all on its own.

>>17976474
For me, it was just this feeling of not being fully immersed in reality, I was just sort of "zoning off" constantly, then going back to a normal state on and off, as if my mind was being seperated from the outside world. I've had a sudden panic attack yesterday and the experience was similair, albeit with some breathing difficulties, you just start having this weird feeling of being disconnected from everything.

>>17976474
not him but basically you lose your sense of reality and self and desperately try to gain a sense of self by remembering your past, which seems so far away and remote, and the memories you recollect are scattered with no unity, so remembering them doesn't help much. the thing that helps is talking about yourself or the things you love with someone as it will keep you more grounded in reality. also the experience is so bizarre that my mind came to the conclusion that I was dead and that there is no tomorrow, as time feels so slow it barely feels like its passing, and despite your rational brain saying "but there was always tomorrow", you still feel like its the end.

>>17976527
>my mind was being seperated from the outside world
pretty much. thats why I wanted to resort to physical sensations so as to relieve that feeling

>>17976527
>>17976533
Huh, so that's the word for what I experienced. Had a similar experience a while back after smoking weed, 6 hours of "aaaah i'm going insane" and the strange sensation of the majority of the brain suddenly becoming retarded while my inner voice watched in despair - unable to hold a line of thought for more than 3 slow seconds. Never figured depersonalisation was the word for it, despite having light derealisation in the past if any subtle distinction can be made. Overall it convinced me of the existence of a malicious god for a while, good times

>>17976527
>>17976533
Both of you faggots felt the taste of Enlightenment. How this is fucking scary?
A permanent state like this is the end goal of Enlightenment. Limits of language are pretty apparent in this case but "you" fags experienced the reality of your "self", which is dumb made up bullshit.

>>17976667
here is a good video on it https://youtu.be/h7u59TkQTxY

>>17976527
>>17976533
Do you remember what caused this experience?

>>17976722
I guess if it happened gradually over time it wouldn't be so scary, but suddenly? your whole sense of reality and self taken away and just relaxing like its nothing? seems like an impossible task

>>17976757
I have stated here >>17976271

I should mention I'm generally an anxious person so this is what made me susceptible

>>17976722
You're a retarded hippie that has no idea what he's talking about. Go live in a monastery and give up all your possessions if you actually believe that.
You won't.

>>17974751
I wish I had such a cushy life that a book causes an "existential crisis".

>>17976777
Shut the fuck up fag I don't care about "achieving" enlightenment or anything like that but feeling like you are a robot and watching the thoughts and actions moving though your body like the clouds on the sky is the one of the most major symptoms of Enlightenment.

literally anything involving romance

Crime and punishment was the first book when I realized other people had have this before

>>17976296
whats the movie

>>17974751
When I was ~12, I first experienced it on my own (also had dysfunctional family, so) and at ~14 I read BGE which transformed all of my thinking and provided alternatives to nihilism (if you're interested, literally just read TSZ's beginning). Ever since then I've had polar opposite political views to all of my family or anyone around me even. Although, admittedly, I still just wanna die.

>>17976474
I've had derealization regularly for years, from anxiety / being schizoid. I was hikikomori for 2 years. I get attacks but I'm used to them and it's more apart of my personality. Sometimes, for instance, my hand doesn't seem like my own and scares me, I don't recognise myself in the mirror, the world can look like it's absurdly beautiful and HD, when I'm walking it doesn't feel like I'm moving my legs, etc.

Having read the Book of Disquiet, I'd say Pessoa definitively has some kind of dissociative disorder and that that is the defacto book on describing a personality that has had this en-culture itself in them. A lot of passages seem like typical poetical exaggeration but I think he is really describing dissociative thoughts.
>"I suffer from life and from other people. I can’t look at reality face to face. Even the sun discourages and depresses me. Only at night and all alone, withdrawn, forgotten and lost, with no connection to anything real or useful — only then do I find myself and feel comforted."

>>17976845
C&P was *the book that proved to me the merit of Christian thinking and the Bible. I read the Bible after. And yeah, it's fascinating how authors from 1-2 centuries ago do have the exact same feelings as us.

>>17976757
The first few times it was caused by weed, later, due to my anxiety, I have experienced it in panic attacks.

>>17976460
psychedelics are for fun, but a roll of the dice and possibly harmful in large doses. sometimes that harm can set you on a better path but don’t believe all this junk research that it’s the cure to your problems.

>>17976470
I think mocking the problem is good. Just because the world is shitty at times isn’t a good reason to become a depressed atheist loser. You are much better off believing in something benevolent if you can. No matter what you believe in, it’s going to be something made up. So don’t believe you are superior to the religious for your depressed beliefs.

>>17974752
What is it?

>>17976825
you do care about achieving enlightenment. that’s why you are talking about it. it’s your desire, it’s something that is constantly in your mind Western buddhist retard

>>17977103
>I've had derealization regularly for years, from anxiety / being schizoid. I was hikikomori for 2 years. I get attacks but I'm used to them and it's more apart of my personality. Sometimes, for instance, my hand doesn't seem like my own and scares me, I don't recognise myself in the mirror, the world can look like it's absurdly beautiful and HD, when I'm walking it doesn't feel like I'm moving my legs, etc.
fucking speechless

Please listen to this conversation. He explained the phenomena that you have experienced in depth.

https://youtu.be/m2BJvlq91Ss

After listen to this please leave a reply, about this video. And Thomas' model.

>>17974751
dosto's notes

>>17975975
>A second “crisis” was accepting the real dangers of climate change. My whole species faces extinction and I still don’t like it.

Same, took a tab of acid after reading Nietzsche and deciding to fix my life goal as saving nature from extinction. I broke down and nearly killed myself, were fucked and it's helpless to try and stop it.

>>17977346
I will, I'll check back in a while.

>>17974751
Ligotti's CATUR
Read it at 20. Fucked me up a lot but I've progressed with blooming lit and phi (and with the realization that it's just his opinion, not the purest truth).

>>17976870
Not sure

>>17977481
Have reread it now? How the fuck one can recover from such monster of a book?

>>17976825
You sound like such a massive fucking faggot

>>17975975
If you still care about your species maybe the first existencial crisis wasn't hard enough

>>17974751
The Bible

get

>>17974751
Mental Gear solid 2, the novelization.

>>17974751
not a book, but nightterrors

>>17975975
>My whole species faces extinction
Butters... climate change doesn't just affect trannies

>>17977644
thing is I was kinda naive and took its statements as universal truths (which they aren't at all). It's just a matter of perspective and reading the opposite perspective (stoics, Montaigne, etc. (bloomercore phi)). You can choose which perspective's on life you agree on, and I chose and still choose life-affirming phi.

The human is the measure of all things, and everything depends in the eye of the beholder. If you think life is a mistake, ok, off yourself. But if you think is a miracle, well, you'll hace a great time alive.

>>17974752
Because you can change it

>>17977887
No you can't, haven't you read All Men are Mortal

>>17977807
How could you possibly cope with futility and meaninglessness of suffering? You can say shit like it's all about perspective man, but pain is a universal and it's not the matter of perspective.

Never had an existential crisis seeing as I've always known for what purpose men were put in this world and by whom and how

>>17977932
by filling your life with meaning! Act with purpose, enjoy your everyday life, discover the daily miracle of being alive

Even the best form of nihilism sees life as 'nothing matters? ok lmao yolo'. Suffer with a purpose that fulfills you

>>17978110
>Even the best form of nihilism
Hah
Wait for the idealistic time period of your youth to fade away. I can bet that this book will resonate with you when the long evenings of old age will come.

>>17975975
Gaythiests everyone

>>17977937
Based

>>17978493
nah man, I'm strong minded, optimistic and mature. Logic and reason led me in this path. If you let darkness grow in you, its ok, that's your problem

>>17977346
I watched the whole thing and read up about Thomas' SM. I can see why you found my experiences interesting. He hasn't said anything new to my ears, disappointingly. Also, I wouldn't say I have any particular insight into the self model. My experiences have made me a firm believer in determinism however, I can even feel it in myself that I do not have 'free will'.

I think this Metzinger guy is not an interesting philosopher, compared to reading Nietzsche or attempting to read Heidegger (Ontology, phenomenology- this is what you're interested in, seriously), but he's a decent speaker. The concept that our experience of reality is an abstraction born from our nervous system / 'something' and which then provides no epistemological basis for any kind of objective speaking, is nothing new. It's been around since Kant and is massively widespread and found in many philosophies. They each phrase it with important differences, and with different conceptions but this is the general gist. Then he introduces some hard determinism, extending over our ability to act as free agents (talking about how the brain's material structure determines us). I agree in all these areas, although I really dislike his quite apparent lack of philosophical study (or appreciation) in other areas, like his incredibly simplistic view of morality (go read Nietzsche). I dislike analytical philosophy and I would be tempted to say he seems like a hack.

>>17974751
In this world the existential crisis never ends for sapient individuals; at one's absolute best the hurt merely accumulates, and subsides; the important thing is to be crashfree.

>>17974751
No book. Some old babysitter told me there was no heaven.

>>17977103
>"I suffer from life and from other people. I can’t look at reality face to face. Even the sun discourages and depresses me. Only at night and all alone, withdrawn, forgotten and lost, with no connection to anything real or useful — only then do I find myself and feel comforted."
hmm that hits close. I wonder what's the causation here.

>>17978930
Out of anything else I've read, Pessoa always hits abnormally close. That particular quotation is really good but there are plenty others. That's why I think it's something more. I'd be fascinated if anyone else shares the same opinion.

>"Isolation has carved me in its image and likeness. The presence of another person – of any person whatsoever – instantly slows down my thinking, and while for a normal man contact with others is a stimulus to spoken expression and wit, for me it is a counterstimulus, ..."

>>17978623
Thank you for replying.
If I want to dig deeper into these concepts I should read Kant, Nietzsche and Heidegger?

Also how you're holding up in your daily life when you have looked and felt beyond the "normal" ways of perception?

>>17977103
>I've had derealization regularly for years, from anxiety / being schizoid. I was hikikomori for 2 years. I get attacks but I'm used to them and it's more apart of my personality. Sometimes, for instance, my hand doesn't seem like my own and scares me, I don't recognise myself in the mirror, the world can look like it's absurdly beautiful and HD, when I'm walking it doesn't feel like I'm moving my legs, etc.

I wonder if my experience of sometimes not really perceiving myself as a person but as some disembodied spirit with little in the way of borders between myself and my surroundings was a much lighter version of this or just a normal thing to experience now and again.

>>17974751
not a book, but when i researched blood libel, simon of trent and all the other child saints I, a jew, had quite the existential crises. ended up converting to catholism

>>17979145
2/10.

>>17977293
>I think mocking the problem is good.
Not when your solution to it is shitty, then it just draws more attention to what an incredible retard you are

>>17979107
Kant and Heidegger are some of the hardest reading so just don't bother unless you're a scholar. Nietzsche is very accessible however, and also delivers constantly, so I'd recommend Beyond Good and Evil or TSZ (basically whether you want to read an essay format or a more poetical one). If you read even one book of his half-competently, you will become a good thinker. And If you want more audio lectures listen to Hubert Dreyfus on Heidegger, he's accessible. Pragmatism is also a very interesting school too.

>Also how you're holding up in your daily life when you have looked and felt beyond the "normal" ways of perception?
I don't get those derealization 'attacks' I listed that often, maybe every month or so. I do however persistently feel the emotions in these Pessoa quotes. I genuinely hate the sun - I particularly hate the hours from about 11 to 5 mid day, I avoid them as much as I can. During them, I feel detached from reality and my body, and a kind of existential sluggishness you could say. I sometimes describe it as: 'a consciousness of consciousness'. I can barely think during those hours and I make a fool of myself quite often. The same way that I can't think around people, as in that other Pessoa quote. It's literal, not even poetical. It can be interesting but mostly it's really a mental illness that makes living like others impossible. I will never be able to embrace life or feel sincere about anything. But perhaps I do have my own ground somewhere. And I do think of suicide. I could jump off a cliff without even thinking about falling, that's how my thinking works sometimes.

>>17979131
Well it's a sliding scale isn't it. Sometimes I feel like I am not a person but I'm an object as well. And that's actually correct philosophically imo. I think there is essentially no difference between life or say a table. One just has moving parts.

>>17976271

weed is trash. tried tons of times (all my friends are potheads) and never liked it.

On the other hand, I've done acid/mushrooms plenty of times and never had a bad experience

Call of the Crocodile. I’ve never read a horror novel about depersonalization before.

>>17979017
I haven't read Pessoa but you've made sure it's going up my list (the growing list of books I never read).

I feel that quote as well. Just today I was talking to a friend who realized that most of his life he has actively (though unknowingly) chosen interests in such a way that would preventively preclude other people. Same goes for me, and it's amazing the extent to which this trait finds expression. Eg not only am I interested in obscurities, I find old houses fascinating, but on the condition they're either abandoned or in a dilapidated state. For some reason any kind of reconstruction or refurbishing loses any interest for me in them, probably because it implies human activity and so I'm no longer left alone to romanticize and fantasize something that's been so obviously and visibly violated.

That said I still find human contact invigorating, though more often than I'd like to admit merely as a mirror to myself and a way to bounce ideas off them.

>>17979393
You're a cool guy anon. It is really amazing how your body works. I have more questions about your experiences but what I can say? It's way too much.

>>17979393
Just out of curiosity, what's a life of someone like you like? Pay, relationship, home, social, etc.

>>17974751
unabomber manifesto

>>17979583
A way to envision me and others like me is like a carrion bird that scours where life has long ago moved over and left. At every sound or movement the bird retreats back, but almost all of the time it is very apt at finding places where there only used to be something and currently nothing, and nothing ever will come there to disturb its feast.

People sink their entire lives into weird obscure niches like that. Why am I moving down that path if I already know where it leads?

>>17979706
I'm blogging already but even news is something I find extremely tiresome to keep up to date with. I may do for some time, but almost always I end up living under a rock. It doesn't help that I think it's all stupid bullshit, nor that I find it impossible to just dabble in something without compulsively trying to comprehend the full picture, but I also think it may be that news is the epitome of peopleness that I avoid.

>>17979585
Nice chat. I always say take what you can and leave. I'm obsessed with the idea of fate recently. Good luck if you do try and read.

>>17979583
>Eg not only am I interested in obscurities, I find old houses fascinating
I like that kind of attitude. You'd like Pessoa for this reason too, he describes pleasant environments.
And what you said about using others as a mirror, many people live like that all the time unconsciously. They're the type of people that outright talk right over you as you're speaking, I hate those types. I can be like it too but I always recognize another person if I they really are good. Part of me feels almost a sense of justice.

>>17979635
I'm 19 and neet. I've never had any masculine figures in my life (brothers or a father) but my family leaves me alone. I have no friends (irl or online even), don't go outside, and bored constantly and somewhat disgusted by everything. Weird situation, idk how I got here. I can blog forever.

>>17974751
Crime and Punishment

>>17974751
a children's book about the future
most of the book consisted of wacky futuristic inventions, but the last chapter of the book was an illustrated timeline of the universe, ending with the death of the final star - this got me seriously contemplating my mortality at 7 years old, and my prayers turned from thankful and wishful to desperate and pleading

>>17979494
>acid/mushrooms
yeah im looking forward to trying these, but them lasting for so long is off putting

>>17974751
Not a book, but when I was in fourth grade we watched a documentary about how earth will eventually be destroyed. I was freaked out then, and now I’ve accepted it.

>>17974751
Books are just thoughts, you can abstract yourself from what it expresses. Direct experience it what's most compelling. For me it was a mental/psychotic breakdown. Made me realize how legit inner suffering can be and wonder why the hell God or a positive universe would allow such states to even exist.

>>17979842
have you considered writing the book of disquiet 2

The Brothers Karamazov

Ivan talking to the devil and trying to maintain his sanity really fucked with me

>>17979842
What music do you like? I feel like you have good taste in everything, would appreciate knowing your favorite books, films and albums

>>17974751
No book. I had my first "existential crisis" (I thought about my own mortality and became full of dread) when I was 6 or 7, probably spurned on by my genes.

>>17974878
HOLY DUCKING SHIT JORDAN PETERSON BROWSES /lit

>>17980531
BG&E (simply because it was the most significant for me, I may find something better), Red Desert (1964), and Halber Mensch (1985). Those.

>>17980480
Honestly not an awful idea. I've only been good at feeling. But, a placeholder for meaning is not a meaning in itself. Kind've like how one might say their meaning in life is to find a meaning in life. I feel that would be similar.

>>17975021
>really do something with my life
like what? stoner had the opposite effect on me, the guy did something with his life and it ended up being arguably worse than if he didn't

>>17974751
The Hades chapter in Ulysses

>>17977428
It’s not helpless/hopeless. Really.

>>17977764
Is it supposed to turn me into a suicidal nihilist? I’m over both. I am my own meaning

The Tartar Steppe.

>>17974756
Absolutely filtered

>>17975975
>climate change giving you an existential crisis

KEK why are leftists like this

>>17980386
Be careful anon, I had a bad trip on shrooms and it fucked with my head for months

>>17982049
Because we care.

>>17979842
How long have you had this? I’m 19 too and your situation is almost the exact same as mine except I’m working a part time job and have a few friends that I go out with occasionally.

>>17974751
The Stranger

>>17979842
Have you read >>17982692 ? You somewhat remind it.

>>17982697
how come?

>>17974751
Emerson

>>17981588
Why? i was planning on reading it

>>17977785
Based

>>17976460
I get bad episodes with weed, but I found mushrooms to be a bit more delicate (with reasonable dosage) and less anxiety-inducing.

>>17983175
I'm not saying it's a bad book, quite the opposite. It's one of my favourites. Just read it.

>>17980666
Kek no fucking way. You're telling me there was serious content in TOK? Doing A-Level I always got the impression it was a joke, friends would tell me about doing "free collaborative art" and other useless shit

>>17982364
5 years roughly. Attending school was a nightmare. Sometimes I'd be so out of it that kids would joke that I was high. My derealization is awful in situations like that- I'd feel detached, my thinking would deteriorate and had the feeling of my legs not moving intentionally when I'm walking, frequently. When I was much younger I was actually almost an extrovert, so I'm not socially incompetent. Simply, something came over me.

And since you're obv one guy, I'll answer the other- The Stranger is a nice story, although I think Camus is a gateway philosopher. But I can relate to Meursault, I feel I could shoot someone for the same reason he did. Anyone that fictionally explores the psychological results of, perhaps unconsciously, appropriating existential material into your own mind's fabric, does the same thing. Notes from the underground is better. The book is very intelligent and interesting philosophically, and is insightful psychologically into certain types of people. It has less derealization specific material though.
>... for we are all divorced from life, we are all cripples, every one of us, more or less. We are so divorced from it that we feel at once a sort of loathing for real life, and so cannot bear to be reminded of it. Why, we have come almost to looking upon real life as an effort, almost as hard work, and we are all privately agreed that it is better in books.

>>17977293
that is such a retarded cope

>>17976533
>>17976527
I had this for over a year. The weirdest thing is looking at humans and seeing them not from the perspective of a human, so disconnected that you only see the weird animal shapes and behaviors. I unironically cured myself with Plato and Kant. It's a good basis to start understanding philosophy since you are in a permanent state of being aware of the Cartesian demon

It wasn't a specific book, it was the result of an accumulation of different thoughts. It was pretty bad for almost a year but it doesn't cause me much anxiety anymore. I know it's cliché but Camus helped, at first. Later Schopenhauer helped even more.

>>17977293
>God lets horrible things happen
>You should still believe him
Someone should silt your throat honestly

>>17977293
Entheogens can teach you things...

>>17974756
Job

>>17974751
Honestly arrived there on my own quite early in life. I was swallowed by the void after i experienced my grandmothers death at age 9. Honestly the most influential event of my life so far. I wasn't even that close with her, but it made me realize the inevitability of death.
As I've gotten older I've only learned to shut it out and ignore it, and occasionally take refuge in nihilism.

Pic related.

>>17984041
No lol I'm not him.

You seem like you'd make an interesting psychological case study. Some people seem fucked way beyond any standard diagnostics criteria or therapeutic solutions. I don't think I'm quite that far, but every single time at a psychologist has been a massive disappointment and I've never felt as insane and gaslighted as after being to one. And I've been to several. Honestly the blunt way to put it is that they simply lack the necessary attention to detail and ability and also the experience of thinking on a "higher plane." What I'm saying is they're stupid and so you feel the loneliest and most hopeless paradoxically right after seeking help for it.

I think people like this contain in themselves the kernel of their time. Their sensitivity, introspection and attention, and their compulsion of observation and capacity for absolutely disregarding their personal self and humanness makes them very vulnerable and thus telling of the most fragile and dangerous parts of the world they live in.

Notes from the Underground was an extremely overwhelming read, because there were pages where I had to pause several times simply so I could contain myself. The amount of insight and revelations were simply too big and heavy. I was nodding and laughing and so visually amazed, I probably looked autistic or maniacal. Goosebumps for most of the book.

I wonder if derealization or at least suffering from it is less common in India because idealism is in their culture compared to us who most of the time take the given for what is most real. I talked to some Indian guys recently and even the atheist redditor took for granted that consciousness is the fundamental property and the world is just the illusory veil of the Maya.

>>17984290
I think women should never be allowed to become psychologists. When I'm tempted with seeing one, I do think rather simply, how could anyone else even conceive of my predicament? It really is just a matter of an awareness that the vast majority of people don't have. Unless my psychologist is a proto-Jung, I don't think I'm going to get anywhere. It depends how expansive a person's consciousness is as to whether it'll be useful, some people are about as deep as a puddle and could be summarized quite aptly in a number of pages. The unconscious is a mystery to everyone however. I haven't seen a psych since I was about 12, I would never touch anti-depressants either. If I kill myself, so what? Maybe it is true that I should. It is something one has to decide.

>I think people like this contain in themselves the kernel of their time. Their sensitivity, introspection and attention, and their compulsion of observation ...
Nice lines. I have a very deterministic or fatalistic view. I believe that all types of people are constructed, their very soul's ability to feel and value molded by the morality of their time.
A person is simply a consequence. I feel like a social dead end, that my soul has been constructed in contradiction with itself and I can only want impossible requests.
>Tedium… Perhaps, deep down, it is the soul’s dissatisfaction because we didn’t give it a belief, the disappointment of the sad child (who we are on the inside) because we didn’t buy it the divine toy. Perhaps it is the insecurity of one who needs a guiding hand and who doesn’t feel, on the black path of profound sensation, anything more than the soundless night of not being able to think, the empty road of not being able to feel…

>>17977293
>>17984043
>if god real why bad thing happen
Atheists think this way because they do not understand what religion is and what it does. All beliefs you hold are faith, regardless of what epistemology you claim to have found. The OT God (at least), is an omniscient lawgiver, who is informed by the phenomenological/psychological laws that govern human experience and 'successful' human experience. Sin simply means to violate these laws. His morality only applies to a certain type of soul that once existed in certain places, and was cultivated, and may exist again. It exists, but in a deformed manner today. He tells you what you value and tyrannically bestows these values upon you, as is the nature of all value giving, and he may literally punish you for it's violation with his own might because this is the nature of life. If you violate a fundamental rule, you face his wrath because simply, 'it is so' - the concept of value giving. That tragedies occur in life is none of his business. Fundamentally, religion is a literal phenomena, the endeavor to manufacture a type of soul and implant it with genuine structures of meaning which is based on a prerequisite blind, innate, 'transparent' faith. You could make a study out of the history of typology of souls, the moralities that once were and gripped entire peoples. Stupid questions and their answers are all but an aside, what we want is just the effect ultimately. Morality is not 'kindness'.

>>17981556
>I am my own meaning
You do not understand the concept of meaning. A person cannot create their own meaning - see the idea of an 'ubermensch', you certainly are not one. You live in the same godless world as us. What you are is complacently satisfied, and I suppose why shouldn't you be. Being liberal is pretty great at the moment. Many die without ever thinking of meaning. Also, climate change is not a problem as man is clever. What is the problem is the incentive to view it as a problem. No one is a saint, there is always an alternate motive. Liberalism, as a symptom of greater decay, has set us back at least a few hundred years, and has created the utterly tragic situation which is today.

>>17974751
My first existential crisis was just caused from existing lol. It was The Metamorphosis (Kafka) and Nausea (Sartre) that helped me rationalize it and then cope with it.

>>17974751

Kinda of a meme at this point but I started reading Ride the Tiger when I had my one and only bout of depression < 8 years ago. I don’t think I really understood it but I had to stop because I was probably going to turn into a fascist shortly before killing myself.

I’m better now.

Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago. I no longer have faith that western society is heading in a good direction. Communism is much more than just a political system, it requires a strong social consciousness from individuals who are free, and encourages backstabbing and lying from all individuals who don't want to get sent off to the Gulag (literally and metaphorically).

Every day, we become more and more communist.

>>17984863
>climate change is not a problem
elaborate

>>17984971
I did and further.

>>17979393
I was just thinking today how much I hate the sun, it's oppressive.

>>17985086
It's the ultimate subversion of values. No man should ever hate the sun, the representation of life and vitality.

>>17976474
not him either, but throwing my experience in

they were drug induced, had a couple of dissociative episodes sober however, all started after a seriously bad acid trip

just like with the actual experience of psychedelics, there is no way to really grasp the experience in words, and it is still hard to understand it when you aren't there.

but for me, the closest way to describe it is to say that it felt like i was falling out of my head. in your continual cognition of life, there is a sense that your visual perception is your primary means of experiencing life, however when you are dissociating it is incredibly difficult to focus on your vision as your mind's eye and your memories takes the forefront of experience.

life becomes strange. you feel like an alien from a different, completely non-analogous reality looking in. all that makes sense no longer does, and the world becomes blurred into a single object as you cease to interpret it as different objects. there is a sense of unity, but a frightening one, as you no longer feel a part of it and feel like you only exist as your consciousness and are completely disconnected from your body, which has become a part of the world as an object separate from you.

the experience sounds cool and humbling, and while I suppose it was, it is beyond terrifying in a cosmic horror sense. you are certain you are going to blink out of existence and either go crazy or die.

that was something like it at the worst episodes. after these episodes i found myself in a dissociative fugue state that lasted up to a week or two, which was still unnerving, but manageable. just a light disconnectedness from my own body, surroundings, and time.

anybody who is struggling with dissociation, i just want you to know that it will get better, and you are not going crazy. immerse yourself in life and your hobbies, and try not to think about it, and it will get better. focusing on it only makes it worse.

It was a children's illustrated encyclopedia that focused on space. Reading about the eventual death of the sun was my first real confrontation with mortality.

when my friend read stirner and realized libertarianism is cringe and convinced me too. lead me ultimately to God honestly

>>17984863
>blah blah blah
Tell me why Harlequin Fetus syndrome exists if god is real. I see no way how free-will could have a role in that. Same thing for storms killing cavemen before humans did anything to change the climate other than farts.

God isn't real. If he is, prove it. Claims made without evidence can be dismissed without evidence, and there's plenty of evidence a lot of the bible is factually wrong (Earth being only thousands of years old, for instance).