/lit/ - Literature

>>17887051
Why did you make a new thread before the bump limit?

>>17887056
kys weeb faggot this is our thread now

>>17887056
classic weeb rage. if you had writing in the other thread, now is the time to port it over.

R8 my anime!

>>17887051
>Are the themes of time, space, infinity, memory or pointless dueling present in your work?
Do you really think you have anything important to say about these themes that hasn’t been said before?

>>17887071

>>17887075
classic weeb rage. Just because you can't make new threads doesn't mean you have to shit the new ones. Also stop phone posting?

> the mind of a weeb

>>17887056

>>17887030
screenplays, production bibles, game design bibles
they're all free, even free-er than books

Posting my oldest extant work. 1/3

>>17887124
2/3

>>17887051
>this anon has probably rigged his sleep schedule around being OP, the faggot
Could you not stay awake ten more posts or something? It was the thought of the new thread having an anime pic to scary for you?

>>17887129
3/3, it's a metaphor for writing.

>>17887090
I was asking a genuine question

>>17887136
>Still playing obtuse
Don't be mad that you couldn't make an off-topic anime OPs.

>>17887144
I love how my writing is ignored so you can argue about anime again. I hate you so much.

>>17887144
>an OPs

>>17887155
If, and when, there's an new thread with an anime pic in the OP, I will make a new one to save you, anons.

>>17887154
that's 4chan, baby.

Comfy thread, put me in a good mood to write.

>>17887124
Your oldest? Why? Are you looking for critique you can tell yourself you’ve already grown past? Just curious what you’re looking for given >>17887154

>>17887174
No, its just a schizo anon who thinks the animeposters are all trying to get him.

>>17887182
There's no such poster, anon, you're chasing a boogey man that doesn't exist. i suggest taking a break, perhaps you're been working too hard? What in the OP leads you to make such a claim?

>>17887168
You don't even know English.

>>17887168
Based

>>17887181
>Your oldest?
I'm sorry, I lied. THIS is my oldest. It was printed in the Coronameron.

>>17887226

>>17887226
>>17887236
What is that format style called?

>>17887236

>>17887246
two column, small font, OfficeLibre, from the looks of it

>>17887246
It's just two columns zoomed to 75% for ease of screencapping

>>17887090
It's actually a fair question. What is it about those themes that merit discussion?

>he's still here, still mad
Could have written 200+ words by now.

>>17887283
kys weeb faggot this is our thread now

>>17887124
I remember reading this the first time you posted it. I was disappointed that the guy didn't use his little slave's boipussy

>>17887293
Yes, I'm done now. I was never cut out for this but I hid behind the language barrier to avoid criticism for months, maintaining an illusion that was fun to live in while it lasted.
This will be my final post on /lit/. I've been humiliated and exposed as a fraud. My writing is pretentious, infantile, banal drivel. My observations are dull, my language grade school level. My tenses are mixed up, I use colloquialisms, ellipses and onomatopoeia.
I was never cut out for writing. I began writing my "book" on January 6th. Since then I've produced 56 thousand words for it. These words are a tide of garbage without value, without insight, without form. It was never real writing, it was anime and weebshit.
I have failed. Goodbye.

>>17886771
it's better, as redrafts often are. still rough. keep it up. I like "scraper"

Under the shade of a truck, a lazy guard spotted the half naked warrior and scrambled to its feet. Ghouleater drew his sword, sweeping its head clean off. The massive gong beside the truck remained still and quiet. The ghoul's bright green blood spurted from the stump of its neck briefly, then the body fell to the dusty concrete. The ghoul woman held her breath, stricken and paralyzed by horror.

This is how I would write this part. Your arrangement of words in the sentences - the syntax - is still very rough. But it's improving. If the first example was a preteen's writing, this one is a teenager's.
An example: "He was stealthily being watched from atop one of the buildings." There is nothing really "wrong" with this sentence, per se, but it could definitely be improved (in my opinion). Drop "stealthily", or put it after watched.
He was being watched from atop one of the buildings.
He was being watched stealthily from atop one of the buildings.
You've probably already recognized this, as you wrote "He was being watched from atop one of the scrapers." in this draft. Perhaps this fixation is pedantic and arbitrary, perhaps it doesn't matter as much as the overall story, the actions of the characters, the themes and images, but I find that it separates the good from the truly great. Don't sweat it so much, it will become second nature if you write enough and are humble enough to seek flaws in your own writing.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25972177-the-waking-fire
I recently read this fantasy trilogy, and the introduction to the first book is excellent. Click the preview and give it a read. It would be very easy to fuck up the syntax of this prose, yet anthony ryan meshes it all together beautifully. The trilogy itself is also good, as an aside.
Maybe I will write more about this later, I have to sleep now.

>>17887310
Is this a copypasta, cause it's great

>>17887364
yeah, two threads back is when it was first posted

Who would win? All the anime writers and normal writers of /wg/ or one teenager with a learning disability?

> Westlake Teenager Publishes Book to Inspire Other Children With Dyslexia

Karlayna Platt, a sophomore at Westlake Academy, just published her first book last week called "Inspire Your Power." It's a passion project born from her journey with dyslexia.

Platt, now 15, was diagnosed with the learning disorder in the 3rd grade.

“My parents thought I was struggling a little because I would get frustrated. I have a twin sister and she was a little ahead of me,” she said. “I was really confused. I didn’t really know what was going on but I just remember being frustrated with myself and not understanding why I couldn’t pick up topics as fast as everyone.”

With the help of teachers, family and friends, Karlayna has worked hard to make sure her diagnoses didn't stop her from living life to the fullest. Outside of classes, she is active on her high school volleyball team and does community work through the National Charity League. This year, she was assigned a school project on any topic of interest.

What started out as a journal filled with her writings transformed into a full-fledged book.

“As I was going through it, I realized that I was creating something more for empowerment and confidence. So it just turned into this book that is really to inspire children and to let them understand that they can do anything that they want," she said. “It’s incredible. I never thought that I would become a published author!”

She says her goal is to empower those students and fill them with hope and joy in their own lives.

“That I believe in them and they can get through anything that they put their mind to. Not to let dyslexia define you. It is more of a strength than a weakness,” she said.

Platt is donating book proceeds to local educational nonprofit, Chance To Soar. The charity has helped send an E-book of 'Inspire Your Power' to 60 schools so far.

Westlake Academy has also pledged to buy her book for every child diagnosed with dyslexia at the school for years to come.

https://www.amazon.com/Inspire-Your-Power-inspirational-dyslexia/dp/163760579X

>>17887370
>strong jaw and a high forehead
Chad genetics.

cute!

https://www.amazon.com/Karlayna-Platt/e/B08VJ2TZVP/

>wrote YA novel
>have characters go on a panty raid
>consider it fine because Spongebob did it and didn't get any controversy
>...

Fuck

>>17887491
take your meds.

Ze weebs, zey are ruining my bread. Zere is no wra-ting, zere is only weeb trashé. C'est ne pas bien! C'est mal!
Ze weebs should succ ze fartés. Hon-hon-hon! Now moi, jai un wrai-tere! I wrote une chapteure! Mon chapteure, c'est terrifique! Literature, bon literature!
I come to ze bread, to share mon chapteur, et what does moi find? Ze weebs! Ze weebs spamming ze bread, ze weebs baking ze bread! Ze weebs here und there et everywhear! Moi cannot post mon chapteure among ze weebs, c'est un catastrophe grande! Ay dios mio!
So I no longer write another chapteure. Mon bon-bon chapteure, she is alone! How can I waraite une noveule if I cannot waraite anozer chapteutere?
Ze weebs, they are to blame for zis! J'accuse, weebs, j'accuse! Succ farts weebs! Succ farts und die! Hon-hon-hon! C'est bon! Without ze weebs, I can wa-raite! Without ze weebs, we can all wa-raite! Zen we can LARP at being ze David Foster Wallace againe!

This Irish arts foundation is hosting a short story contest, deadline is April 30. Anybody want to enter?

> The inaugural Cairde Word – Short Story Competition is a welcome new addition to the festivals’ literary strand.
> The introduction of the short story competition this year is a very welcome addition to the growing literary strand of the arts festival programme which has featured acclaimed writers such as Maggie Nelson, Sara Baume, Kevin Barry, Emma Dabiri, Ian Maleney and more.

Deadkube
> Submissions will be accepted from March 1st to April 30th via the festival website.

Prizes
> 1st prize: €2,000 sponsored by Callan Tansey Solicitors
> 2nd prize: A three night stay at TheRiver MillWriter’s Retreat
> 3rd prize: €200 voucher from Liber Books

Judges
> Sinéad Gleeson is an Irish essayist and a short story writer. She was the editor of ‘The Art of the Glimpse: 100 Irish Short Stories’ which was published by Head of Zeus in August 2020. Her essays have been Published in Winter Papers (edited by Kevin Barry and Olivia Smith), Granta, Gorse, Banshee, Elsewhere: A Journal of Place and Autumn: An Anthology for the Changing Seasons. In May 2019 her short story ‘The Lexicon of Babies’ appeared in Being Various: New Irish Short Stories. In April 2019 her book of essays entitled Constellations: Reflection from Life was published in Ireland by Picador.

> Louise Kennedy’s writing has appeared in literary journals including The Stinging Fly, The Tangerine, Banshee, Wasifiri and Ambit. Her debut short story collection The End of the World is a Cul-de-sac is due to be released on April 1st. She has written for the Guardian, the Irish Times, BBC Radio 4 and RTE Radio 1. She was shortlisted for the Sunday Times Audible Short Story Award in both 2019 and 2020. She currently lives in Sligo with her husband and two children.

https://cairdefestival.com/cairde-word/

>>17887675
I miss Monsieur posting

>>17887751
godspeed to the irishbros who enter

>>17887751
I would but I suck at writing.

>>17887777
woah...
>>17887790
international entries welcome

>>17887809
>You can enter multiple times – each entry costs €10*
oh

>>17887817
>each entry costs €10

>>17887826
>>17887817
they'll waive the fee if you them you're poor

>>17887842
>tfw not poor enough

>>17887751
I’m going to try this...

>>17887921
yeah me too. I'm going to brainstorm Irish-themed plots and stories tonight

What kinds of books are allowed to be sold on Amazon? Like, they probably wouldn't let you sell pro racist stuff, but what's the line they won't let you cross? Not saying I'm racist, that's just the example I'm using for something extreme. What's too far? Or anything goes as long as Amazon gets its $?

>>17887921
>>17887928
what if you don't win the money but the the three night stay at The River MillWriter’s Retreat ?

>>17887936
I live in Ireland it wouldn’t be an issue. Other than the fact I don’t have a car.

>>17887931
They have hard and fast rules for erotica regarding consent, age, and non-human sexual partners, but they deliberately have vague rules for racism. On writers forums, I haven't seen people banned from Amazon for racism, whereas people have been banned for writing underage erotica. So probably the worst thing they'd do is block your book

>>17887936
Easy, just have $2000 in your bank account to buy a plane ticket to Ireland and enjoy your free stay at a 50 Euro a night inn

https://www.the-river-mill.co.uk/gallery-1

>>17887947
I'm writing a short story where a fictional people get oppressed and I want to get real creative with the hate speeches from my oppressors, think that will get blocked? I want it to be as realistic as possible.

>>17887928
Does it have to be Irish themed, that wasn’t part of the terms

>>17887981
here's the official page, but obviously that's different than the actual practice. Let me look over the writer boards and see whether people complain about their book being blocked for racism and what sort of content was in the book. My gut feeling is that it's not taken as seriously as copyright claims and rape erotica, but I'll get back to you

https://sellercentral.amazon.com/gp/help/external/200164670

>>17887945
>>17887957
>Nice short story about a black dracula, here stay in our barn for 3 nights.

>Built in 1718, this former flour mill is in the heart of the rural Lecale region of South Down, Northern Ireland. Fully restored by the previous owners in 2008, The River Mill is now a boutique reading and writing retreat.

lol

>>17887191
>There's no such poster, anon, you're chasing a boogey man that doesn't exist. i suggest taking a break, perhaps you're been working too hard? What in the OP leads you to make such a claim?
Why do you bullshit when other anons knows about it?

>>17887983
no, it's not part of the official rules, but it is an Irish art, film, and dance festival in Ireland with Irish judges. They probably want something Irish

>>17887995
thanks anon, you don't have to though. just a question, I'm not even close to finishing.

>>17887981
all right, here's what I got from Kboards and KDP Community

I couldn't find anyone who got their book blocked or account terminated for racism. The most common complaints were
> underage or rape erotica
> plagiarism and copyright issues
> gaming the algorithm with shady SEO
> making multiple Amazon accounts

In fact, a lot of authors had racism and even said nigger in their books. Of course they're all normies, so they made sure that readers knew "racism bad," like have the guy who said nigger be punished somehow or the racists are the bad guys

>>17888040

>>17887310

>1k words
Not bad on a Saturday night. The words flow out when you really like what you're writing about. Keep writing /wg/.

>6000 words into a project
>Prose is shit but I don't struggle to write it.
Anyways this is going to be like 20,000 words and then I have an idea for a short 60,000 word story.

"Ohaiyogomaizu!"

The bottom of her tits briefly flashed themselves as her naval jumper fluttered in the wind and she giggled nervously, unaware that her left hand had pulled her skirt up almost deliberately to expose her panties. They were very small panties, pink and yellow striped.

I nodded. I would masturbate while picturing myself mercilessly raping her later. For now, I was incredibly bored by her discourse. Somehow I can't pull myself away from these brief moments of social interchange. The restroom is 137 meters NNW, where I will masturbate and play Splatoon 4 as soon as I can extract myself from this meaningless charade.

Her eyes only hint of a vacant sadness, a hopeful confusion.

>>17887051
>Any progress on your novels?
The first chapter is finished. It's been finished for months.
>Are the themes of time, space, infinity, memory or pointless dueling present in your work?
Yeah

>>17887075
>Do you really think you have anything important to say about these themes that hasn’t been said before?
No. Everything has been said and done before. Who gives a shit?

>>17887981
Course not. The 21st century struggle session is all about this kind of "symbolic victimisation"

>>17887051
Whoa you're so cool posting up before the weebs. At least you succeeded in one thing for life.

57k words reached. Will aim for 1k more today, as shameful as writing weebshit is.

>>17888927
>At least you succeeded in making animefags seethe
Not bad

What's an effective way to journal, or a good way to start? I've kept a daily journal in the past and it's been really helpful in structuring my thoughts amd motivations, but I always seem to fall out of the habit, and find it very difficult to start again, as if there's a voice in my mind screaming at me to stop. What should I do? I really need to write to let my voice out or else I'll continue being hurt by my own thoughts. What should I journal about, how should I overcome the difficulty in starting?

>>17889358
It’s easiest for me to journal if I pretend that I’m a fictional character I’m writing about.

>>17889387
Ah, like a muse? Yes I find that's really helpful, helps to deal with the agony the comes with the thought of 'you' being yourself. But my imagination is fried and I can't imagine even simple things. What I wouldn't give to imagine that somebody's there and feel less lonely.

>>17889406
Okay, take the sentence you just wrote at me and keep writing in that voice. Just take that bit there and keep going with it.

>>17887124
Whats the software

Tear this apart, please

>>17889315
Ain’t nobody seething? Is this your cope?

>>17889449

Too wordy and difficult to follow the narrative.

>>17889463
Thanks, I'll pare it down some. Any recommendations on improving the imagery while making it more clear? Any works that do this well?

>>17889439
Microsoft Word from 2002

>>17889457
If you say so bud

>>17887051
A good beginner book for poetry that I would highly recommend is Paul Fussell's "Poetic Meter and Poetic Form". The book has amazing insights on poetry I've never heard anywhere else and is written in direct, technical language.
https://www.scribd.com/document/332511050/Fussell-Poetic-Meter-pdf

>>17889517
Keep being delusional.

I'm almost done with my first draft. Excited to start worldbuilding.

how do i write good science fiction?

>new day
>strong urge to throw out yesterday's writing and start from scratch
>again

>>17889989
You read a lot of good science fiction and at least dabble in the field you like. Then you get an idea you really want to write about and model your future characters around it.

>>17889989
You have a vision of the future and you commit to it.

>>17890014
Also, remember that science fiction finds the limits of what's possible by stepping into impossible. And showing how consequences of that impossible would affect people.

>>17889358
God I want that so bad

complaining about anime on a anime website

>>17888437
>a short 60,000 word story
That's a novel...
Oh, well. I guess it's better than the "200 word essay due in 3 days" shitposts. And don't sweat the prose being shit in a first draft. You're not Faulkner or Salinger, so you can afford to edit in multiple passes. If you're not struggling to write, that's the big positive thing worth fixating on.

>>17888040
>Of course they're all normies, so they made sure that readers knew "racism bad," like have the guy who said nigger be punished somehow or the racists are the bad guys
I wonder how far an author with a significant audience could take this concept before *they* felt compelled to step in. Like a story about a white nationalist who ethnically cleanses a small nation, which then goes to become prosperous and profitable, but a ragtag ethnic militia overthrows his regime, leading to chaos, poverty, and squalor. But everyone is super-stoked to live like that because now they can eat curry out of authentically-unwashed bowls and watch Polish street-dancers blocking traffic, and there's a long ending monologue about how the grime of a diverse world still shines brighter than the polished world of hate.

>>17887081
No one wants to take this?

>>17889358
Anytime I try to journal, I feel like I'm just wasting time which could be used on writing fiction. To me, 4chan is a form of journaling. I can write 5k words easy in a day responding to anons, I let my opinions out in a free-form environment which encourages experimentation, and after a hearty round of shitposting I feel refreshed and ready to do some serious writing.

Any tips on designing flowcharts?

Glancing over the first story I ever wrote, finally retrieved from an old broken hard drive after being lost for about 5 years. Anyone ever had the experience of looking over something like that and finding the dialogue and prose logically, rationally utter shit, but somehow at the same time full of what /sp/ would call SOVL?
Like there isn't a line of dialog I would keep but somehow nonetheless these character dynamics man, they are absolutely incredibly rich and deep and rewarding.

>>17887751
>3k word limit
Not used to that short of form but it could be a welcome challenge.
>>17890303
lmao, there's truth in this.

>>17890295
I stopped reading at "Tokyo". Write what you know from life around you and not an imitation of the media you consume.

>>17889449
>vigorous, howled, barren is too much adverbage
>heat being merely circulated - it's absolute overwordy shit
>from a cloudless sky, - I hate the comma
>god's vermin - hate it
The metaphor of the cholla being an active *thing* doesn't really work for me

>>17890352
but he clearly has the anime audience in mind

>>17890372
Relevance to his quality or lack of it?

At what point does something become 'pornographic'? Where is the line?
I'm writing a story where a bunch of kids (10-12y/o) start killing each other, and I just had a 'beta reader' tell me that I am writing 'torture porn'.

>>17890372
Author here, can confirm.
Also Tokyo was a last minute edit. The city can be universally anywhere.

>>17890377
So was it bad or not?

>>17890493
It was terrible. If I wanted anime I'd go to the source, not a bootleg imitation from some westerner.

>>17890447
it means that you have set sail from humanity and cannot recognize what people might actually want to read. you have objected to the very idea of an audience and written a masturbatory fantasy that slogs through misery after misery perhaps for some therapeutic value on your own part, perhaps because you misunderstood or never learned or never cared to learn the more noble aspects of tragedy, or perhaps you're just a creep.

>>17890505
So you didn’t like the writing then?
If I had said this was just an ordinary sci fi with no anime influence in mind would you have said differently?

>>17890557
>If I had said this was just an ordinary sci fi with no anime influence in mind would you have said differently?
Why would I have? Derivative shit is derivative shit. Write what you know.

>>17890565
But anime is what I know?

>>17890590
Do you live in Japan? Do you know Japanese? Are you an animator? No? Then it isn't what you know.

>>17890541
correct

>>17890447
probably die

>>17890541
>What is Lord of the Flies?

>>17890599
So you’re telling me I can’t write a western unless I’ve lived in a US ranch or something?
If I consumed a bunch of Western media would that not give me sufficient knowledge to articulate the genre to the audience? Assuming of course I’m not going into hardcore detail about ranch life in the US.

>>17890627
>So you’re telling me I can’t write a western unless I’ve lived in a US ranch or something?
Yes.
Only Texans can write Westerns.
Only Blacks can translate Black Poetry.

>>17890627
You would only be writing derivative tropes from watered down media, yeah. So why would anyone choose your bootleg over reading the actual original material? Look up the word "derivative" if you keep struggling with this concept.

>>17890447
Pornography, as it relates to non-erotic imagery, is kind of difficult to explain. Essentially porn tends to distill certain traits of a given ideal until it is completely stripped of all nuance and subtlety.

For instance, let's say you find girls more attractive when they're wearing glasses. Glasses signify nerdiness, which signifies shyness, which signifies innocence, which strongly appeals to you because you're a beta cuck who is intimidated by an experienced woman. So naturally you go on pornhub and type "girls with glasses" into the search bar. But don't get what you're looking for, which is a "girl-next-door" type of actress shyly indulging in sensual, non-judgemental intercourse, you get the standard plastic porn actress taking two 9-inch cocks in the ass, shrieking at the top of her lungs, contorting her face in a hideous parody of pleasure, and it ends with TWO MASSIVE CREAMY LOADS being blasted across a huge pair of square tortoiseshell glasses ripped from the wardrobe of a 1980's High School soundstage. So what's happened is the people who produce porn have seen that "girls with glasses" is a popular search term, and instead of attempting to fully understand why, they just decide to apply glasses to standard porn. It's designed more for advertising appeal than genuine satisfaction.

So with torture, the same basic concept applies. But let's back "torture" out to a broader category: pain. Some action stories have their character suffer crippling injury and keep on moving. This is done because the author wants to demonstrate that his character is so badass that he can get shot and keep going, and he chose the laziest method to show that. Some action stories do the opposite, they have their character suffer a relatively minor injury, but they keep going, and as a result the minor injury becomes a major injury due to repeated stress. They do this because they want to show that injury is a natural consequence of violent conflict, and no one can escape that reality, which is a much more realistic take on the subject. The first instance is a pornographic fantasy: we all wish we could be that tough. The second instance is a realistic exploration of the concept: no one really is that tough, which is why most people choose not to live that lifestyle.

I can't really explain if/how this concept relates to your work without reading it.

>>17890631
>>17890633
So you’re both telling me you’ve never consumed media which was highly influenced from another genre that became great on its own standing? (Not saying mine is)
I heard Creeping Tiger, Hidden Dragon was just as result of the direction watching a bunch of martial arts movies.

>>17890670
*director

>>17890670
This is the literature board, not the film board. You still haven't answered why would someone choose to read your work when they could read actually japanese literature or, more to the point, watch anime.

>>17890688
You’re missing my point — someone who just watched a bunch of foreign media made a great piece of local media for his own.

>>17890701
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon is an adaptation of a Chinese novel by a Chinese writer, moron. You're missing my point, which is what applies to visual media doesn't apply to literature. Now answer my question.

>>17890713
Fine, then. Kung Fu Panda. A western movie which was well loved in China even though one can tell its just making fun of martial arts tropes.
Wether it’s a book or film is irrelevant to this question, because at the end of the day you’re either consuming by watching or reading. The topic is about derivative works and how I think they still have merit if done well (a.k.a the awnser to your question.)

I've attached what I think is the final version of my latest short story. It's semi biographical, a combination of 3 people I know. I'd appreciate if someone could read it and tell me what you think? I'm worried my narrator is coming off as too whiny and not manic enough. I'll post the third and fourth pages as a reply to this post.

I've been told this subject makes up 50% of short story submissions for contests and such so I don't know what to do with it now.

>>17890773
Pages 3 and 4

>>17890764
Kung Fu Panda is a movie for children.
>Wether it’s a book or film is irrelevant to this question
It's not irrelevant, because it's one thing to imitate visual motifs, but quite another to paste those in a non visual medium. Reading about an anime will never be like watching an anime. Why would someone read a novel adaptation of Kung Fu Panda over watching the movie? That's what my question's aiming at.

>>17890773
>present tense
Gag.
Stopped reading at the comma splice in the second paragraph.

>>17890670
Such a work can be entertaining and contribute to the cultural discourse on a given subject, but only if the author has the self-awareness to understand what they're doing and decides to fully lean into it. They exaggerate aspects of fiction in the same way fiction exaggerates aspects of reality.

Crouching Tiger exaggerates the highly-choreographed fight scenes of martial arts films to highlight the well-timed, precise movements of real martial arts. By placing focus on the unnatural movements of fictional fight scenes, it provokes the viewer to re-interpret their perception of martial arts in cinema, which in turn provokes them to re-interpret the significance they place on fiction as part of their perception of reality. You'll note a massive shift in fight scene choreography in mainstream cinema following the release of Crouching Tiger: directors began hiring MMA coaches as consultants to supplement the efforts of dancing instructors they had previously utilized in the direction of fight scenes.

Your work is more indicative of someone who has done the opposite: watched too many martial arts movies and attempted to recreate the moves in a genuine street fight, leading to failure and humiliation.

>>17890323
Just go with the flow :)

>>17890803
I guess I should read up on correct comma placement, I just put em where I imaged taking a breath sometimes

>>17890826
Yeah, that's not how it works.

>>17890793
>Kung Fu Panda is a movie for children
Yeah, that was well-beloved in China. And it doesn’t have to be Kung Fu Panda; I’m sure you know something that was a derivative of a genre and turned out great. I use Kung Fu Panda as an example because it looks derivative of the genre it parodies (with love.) And it turned out great even among those who created the genre (the Chinese.)
Also we must be miscommunicating because the question from the very start of this was why would I read derivative crap if I could just go to the source, right?
My awnser is this — if it’s done well, who cares if it’s done by a local or foreigner?

>>17890858
Production designer Raymond Zibach and art director Tang Heng spent years researching Chinese painting, sculpture, architecture and kung fu films to help create the look of the film. The composer visited China to absorb the culture and get to know the China National Symphony Orchestra as part of his preparation.
They did the work. What research did you do to write your little fanfiction?

>>17890807
Thanks for basically affirming me, friend. I never said mine was good.

>>17887051
>> Track your query
>https://querytracker.net/
Anyone able to give me some tips on how to best use this site?

I've got my manuscript done, about 100k words of cyberpunk. I've edited it twice now, and gotten some feedback to polish the first chapters. Rather than wait for beta readers to finish I think it prudent to just start trying to get an agent

>>17890881
>about 100k words of cyberpunk
Yikes.

>>17890868
Ok, first off — do you expect me to go all the way to Japan and study for a little scribble on 4chan? I like some anime and manga and wanted to write what I liked. Give me a break. I understand your point, but you might be expecting too much from some random anime writer on the web.

>>17890911
I'm not expecting anything - you asked for our opinion. And my opinion is that your little derivative fanfiction is shit and you'd be more at home at RR than in a serious writing site.

>>17890877
>I never said mine was good.
But you implied that it was worthy of our time when you requested that we read it. Given the file name it's obvious that you wanted us to read this as a parody, but the execution does nothing to support that assertion. Nothing in your passage seems any more exaggerated than normal anime.

And besides, anime has been parodied so many times that the parodies have become themselves the targets of parody. You're two steps behind and walking in the wrong direction, and you won't convince anyone in this thread that you just have a different destination in mind.

>>17890924
How is it crap? This has been my curiosity since the beginning. Can you please be more specific?
Is it the prose?
The flow?
The lack of logical execution?
Please tell me so I may improve.

>>17890911
I'm not either of those anons but I think it's a little silly to decry them for giving you the attention you wanted
It's nice to write what you like but anons here hit hard, probably harder than general readers would but that's sort of the point. Can't get better if you can't take the toughest hits, right?
And this defense of yours is always shallow whenever it pops up in here. If you didn't take the time to divvy up your writing then you shouldn't be surprised when assholes here tear it up

>>17890935
Then the fault is mine and I apologise for writing the file text in such a manner. I was trying to be enthusiastic. It was never meant to be parody.
Can you emphasise on how it’s two steps behind? The prose? The writing? What is it?

>>17890945
Don't come to /wg/ and expect constructive criticism. Where do you think you are?

>>17890945
The prose is lifeless, voiceless, more akin to describing a videogame than trying to be literature. The punctuaction is wrong in almost every sentence. The subject matter is puerile and derivative. Your constant line breaks are irritating. There's nothing to get from your story other than chreap thrills if you imagine real hard that it's happening like an anime in your mind's eye, but why wouldn't I just watch an anime for that? Also, you already had an anon do a rewrite of your work and you've left it barely unchanged. Why do you keep acting mystified?

>>17890976
Shut the fuck up. His work has been analysed line by line by now.

>>17890976
I miss /crit/

>>17890945
Let's start with your presentation. It's a pain in the ass to thoroughly critique text which has been posted in an image, although the image does provide a much easier reading experience. I'd advise you to make a pastebin so that we can copy/paste passages for easier examination. You could also include a sample of the text in your image post, in order to give readers a preview of what they're going to see.

>>17889627
Stop it! He already has a hole that's deep enough for his body.

>>17890964
I wouldn’t care so much if they tear it up if they simply told me HOW it’s bad. I can’t improve if no one tells me the specifics.

>>17890991
These threads are honestly garbage. I can't wait for them to die out so /crit/ can come back.

>>17890996
People have told you how it's bad. The subject matter is part of your story, and you should pick a different one and start over.

>>17890773
>>17890786
Needs to add a bit where Cian gets financially raped.

>>17891000
Ghoul here, I’ll think about it. I guess I’m just sick of seeing “It’s bad” comments without specifics. Not just for this work but for others past. Shoutouts to that one anon who rewrote my stuff. He’s cool.

Reminder that present tense is based and Faulkner's best work was written in it. The advent of present tense as the standard tense in modern-day literature only further solidifies my point.
The future is now, faggots.

>>17887051
I realized I'm faggot for wanting to write a fantasy novel and decided to quit while I've still got my dignity, clean shaven face, and fedora-less head.

>>17891085
true

>>17890990
Thanks for this input, anon. It’s always what I wanted.

>>17890967
>Can you emphasise on how it’s two steps behind?
Basically, as the other anon mentioned, this story offers us nothing which is not done better in conventional anime. If I wanted a mindless spectacle to entertain me, I would just watch anime as opposed to reading your story, because animated images create a more appealing image that words on a screen. I could look up the recipe to make a perfect Big Mac in my own kitchen, but going through the trouble of accumulating the ingredients, cooking the food, experimenting with the process until I fully nailed it, and then cleaning up the mess completely defeats the purpose of the Big Mac, which is primarily convenience and frugality. That's the first step.

There is no second step. The phrase "two steps behind" is just a common expression used to indicate that someone is lagging in their comprehension of a discussion. We keep telling you that anime-in-written-form is a pointless endeavor (see paragraph 1), and you have been unable to convince us otherwise, therefore we must decide the issue based on common democracy. Walking in the wrong direction means that attempting to improve the prose in this story of yours is pointless, instead you should be asking how you can adjust your primary goal in order to take advantage of the nuances of literature to highlight the absurdities of anime. For instance: literature gives us the ability to explore a character's inner thoughts far more deeply than animation ever could (without pausing the action to go off on a monologue), and it might be fun to see what characters are thinking while they continuously engage in primitive battles of good vs evil. What MUST they be thinking, what motivation would compel them to continue this endless charade of destruction in pursuit of raw power? Applying mature thought processes to immature media is a common feature in parody, and although you were not aiming for parody, I think there is certainly an audience on 4chan which would greatly appreciate a story which does that well.

>>17887071
>>17890295
It seems to me that your choice of words are sometimes a poor fit for the situation.
"He went down to the local park where one of the bombs in the wars past made a crater."
This puts me in mind of my own local park, a location I cannot reconcile with vicious beheadings. Also, the gravity of the wars past is not really conveyed that well.
"He went down to the ruined park, now home to a large crater - a testament to the brutality and random destruction of wars long past."
>>17890990
lol, pretty much this. It's harsh but sometimes brutal honesty is the best. It still reads like a copycat of goblin slayer. If that's what you're going for, sort of trashy light novel core, I guess you succeeded. Just use the lessons learned to adapt yourself for future works, should you have higher aspirations.
By the way I'm the one who rewrote the original draft. I'd be curious to know what you think of my version, if you would be so kind as to create another beautifully constructed piece of criticism.

>>17890992
Thanks, anon. Here you go.
https://pastebin.com/2PdJz56a

>>17890773
i think most of you would be served by not writing at all but being an audience to other amateur authors. read a dearth of amateur shit and process all their contrivances and you'll see a lot of commonly tread ground. bore yourself to tears with it so you'll never want to experience these shallows again. the 'talking to a psychologist' genre truly shits my pants, i always know i'm in for a load of bullshit the moment it becomes clear the focus will be an appointment with a psychologist. it's a step up from "team of magic girls in a global/galactic war" genre, i'll give you that.

>>17891199
I liked it better than my version. I took some things, kept some things, and it seems like you wanted to indulge the story more than I did, staying around for details whereas I just wanted to get to the next sentence (or perhaps I don't like staying in a paragraph too long.)

>>17891221
good post

>>17891238
sorry, I meant I'd like to know what >>17890990 thinks of my rewrite. you already told me you appreciated it.

>>17891238
>I don't want to focus on the story, in fact I just want to get the writing over with

>>17891249
It's functional. You skip the grammar errors and some of the cringe, but the boring, shallow skeleton of repetitive description cannot be removed without turning it into a different story. I like the parts where you break the fourth wall and ask for things to be less shitty. Would make for a funny story.

>>17891252
Or it could be I like a faster, more refined pace. Different strokes for different folks.

>>17891221
Yeah, I didn’t realize how common it was until I started showing it to people and they were all like, “yeah this is pretty generic”

>>17891272
>It's functional
A very nice compliment considering I've never formally studied writing. Yeah if I changed too much then it might as well be a completely different story, so I just focused on rewriting the base elements. And even if I did, I'm not that good at just coming up with new elements of a story which I didn't have the idea for in the first place. Thanks for taking the time.

>>17891338
>A very nice compliment considering I've never formally studied writing
You never went to school?

>>17891160
>therefore we must decide the issue based on common democracy.
If enough people say it, then it must be true?

>>17891399
Of course I went to school, I just meant that I was never interested enough in writing that I took a course specifically for it.

>>17891414
But besides that, thanks, anon. I read your detailed posts.

Hey /lit/ the fifth and (maybe) final installment in my series on France is up. Let me know if you're into it. I might write more about some of my crazier experiences in France, but this wraps up the main stuff I wanted to say.

>https://goodperson.substack.com/p/france-v

Any feedback would be awesome. If you're into it, consider subscribing or hitting like.

>>17890366
Thanks, anon. I agree with your suggestions

>>17890303
Odd. I feel the opposite. The second I start talking, I am totally drained and incapable of writing. Shitposting is like a drug for me. I am unable to think about anything other than whether I summarily blew an anon the fuck out, or I was summarily blown the fuck out by an anon. What goes through your head?

>>17891457
I appreciate your repeated efforts in your work to justify itself and establish itself as principled analysis.
Perhaps I am backwards in my thinking here, I don't blog nor do i understand the blogosphere, but I think you'd have been better served by not linking the macron article, taking readers offsite, and instead pasted in some quotes and excerpts you found particularly interesting - likely about the subjects you concluded with (Uighur forced labor in China, menstrual insecurity, Islamist separatism, police violence, and the limits of free expression.) Feels like a missed opportunity to really establish the historicity of the blogpost and may give some needed macron flavor to people who are unfamiliar with him.
I think, in general I'd like to see more references to more objective sources in addition to your subjective analysis (which i am not undervaluing here. i merely want to feel smarter as a reader by either identifying with an established author/journalist/politician that you are referencing, or feel even smarter by not recognizing who you're referencing and patting myself on the back for finding such a diamond in the rough, i.e. your blog and its uncanny ability to unearth new or old talent for me too appreciate.)

Anons forgive me for asking this stupid question but where do you think the line for tolerance should be drawn for someone who tries to write maximalist/encyclopedic prose before it gets too obnoxious?

>>17891160
But that can't be true because LNs are anime in written form and they're wildly popular.
That said, anon should be looking at LNs for inspiration.

>>17891714
somewhere around david mitchell's first two novels

>>17891714
if the person is not hyper educated then they should abandon maximalist prose immediately. there is an essential elitist academic component to maximalist literature, without it you're literally reading a dream journal. when i arrive in hell for being american i will be directed to a library of infinite size and told my punishment is to read every book on the shelves and there i will find page after page of pseudshit dream journals as far as the eye can see in all directions in every dimension.

>>17891714
>encyclopedic prose
Got an example? If it's too omnipotent with no sense of personalness then I think it'll read like the codex to a tabletop game. Might be fun for you to read as the author, perhaps not so fun to read as a reader. Depends on who your audience is though, I imagine for a readership like /tg/ it might be fine and not so much for literally anything else. I did something like this in my first draft before I scrubbed it and started over in an interpersonal drama/psychological draft narrative.

>>17891774
either that or you have to be immensely fucked in the head to the point that it's interesting and or amusing to read your slavish and disturbed scrawling.

>>17891733
From what I understand they tend to be fast food-tier literature with pictures on the occasion.

>>17890990
>chreap chreap chreap chreap

Best books on learning how to edit?

>>17891699

Thank you, sincerely, and I agree. It's tough, because I'm already feeling strapped for people's attention. I realize I introduced a lot of material and then abruptly walked away from. A bit of it is simply not wanting to do the subjects a disservice by under-analyzing them, and also simply not having the budget in my word count. But I think I'm better off following your advice by taking each topic to its end. Even if that means dedicating an entire post to one topic.

I'm all out of material for the French series from now on. I have some interesting anecdotes about what I learned getting busted by the police in France - I had a scary run-in with the law, getting caught with a lot of drugs on me - and it was an illuminating experience. They let me go with a slap on the wrist. All the while, I watched Arabs and black dudes getting stop and frisked and put in cuffs literally every day. There's a lot to be said about the experience, and why I think they let me go. But I'm not sure if that level of gonzo material is where I want to take the newsletter, or if it's even advisable to post publicly about my own legal indiscretions considering I'll likely be applying to law school in a few years.

>>17891779

F Gardner, are you around? What's the word count to each of your books?

>>17891846
>From what I understand
From what you, someone who does not actually read LNs, understands.

is it true that people write better when they are on the brink of mental collapse?

>>17890277
>That's a novel...
I wasn't trying to be snarky, I usually just write it out and don't format it like a novel, so I thought it was still in the range of a novella. At the most like 138 pages when it's run through the Scrivener formatting.

>>17892037
I did.
What now?

>>17892136
>What now?
Shut the fuck up about shit you don't know about. Especially don't write walls of text about it like in >>17891160. And so help me, if you come in blubbering about how you're not the same person as the guy who wrote that, I'll say this: Don't butt in.

>>17892043
As someone who deliberately put himself through mental trauma on the sole basis of being a better writer, I can confidently say that's stupid.

>>17892150
I’m ghoul anon, friend. That guy is innocent.

I like black people. You like black people. Everybody likes black people. Can someone please read my story about black people? Thanks.

https://pastebin.com/3kPH749M

>>17892222
Shiet/10

>>17892120
60k would probably be just ever so slightly for a novel (these days) so you weren't wrong.

What do you think of this? Just a short Science-fantasy novel I am attempting to write. only got roughly 1900 words atm

>>17892305
>it's broken facade

>>17887056
WhY dId YoU mAkE a NeW tHrEaD bEfOrE tHe BuMp LiMiT?

>>17892334
Fuck, didn't notice that

>>17887096
Only way to make a living off commissions is drawing coom.

>>17892305
its shit

>were a non-option


>Still with the knife in his hands.
this isn't a sentence

>he then laid upon the bed

>the commisions he got from said poem

>letting it fall out of IS hand

reads super ESL, only half decent thing was the description of the house. I fucking hate you lazy cunts who don't even check their own work, KYS

>>17892351
not true

>>17888040
>>underage or rape erotica
Out of curiosity, could you tell me what underage means in the context of kindle? Is a petite girl with small breasts and childlike facial features considered underaged even if she's totally 18 and has a throwaway line complaining about people treating her as a child? Or even a full blown plot about her being ostracized for her physical deformity only to have the loving MC accept her for who she is?

>>17892222
>>17892305
don't take this as the de facto review but i'm sorry lads there's nothing in the intro to compel me to read further. as it stands i'd sooner read your shitposts than your fiction.

>>17892341
It's a perfectly valid criticism. Shall we make a new thread now just in case there's a bad picture in the next one? Maybe we should have made a new thread 100 posts ago. Clearly bump limits mean nothing and we should all just spam new generals all over /lit/.

>>17892389
As long as you explicitly state she is over 18, its fine.

Looking for criticism:

>'Twas the quickest I ever learnt; impermanence understood immediately; pain being the fittest of teachers made it quite easy to digest my newfound form. I slurred my vehicle through traffic as if I’d learnt of a place insistent upon my immediate attendance. My resolve was to exist at high speeds and so I turned the wheel with great intent and prowess in order to reflect this. 107 miles-per-hour, the speed in which my automobile propelled my being, caused me to think that a certain kinetic fragility was being superimposed upon my boyishly florid frame. Within the threshold of speeds existing between 107 and 107.9 miles-per-hour I tested my hypothesis. At 107.8 miles-per-hour my hypothesis proved itself true via the marriage of my 2006 Acura TSX and the frontal end of an 18-wheeler whose pilot was under the influence of Kratom and boner pills, whereupon I was introduced, violently, to a reality minus my innards. I had become a supine shadow. Built into the ground as if I’d never known another way. Spilt a bright red bile upon the highway, I did. It seeped into the hot pavement and boiled inside its cracks, fogging up all side-mirrors within proximity. Splayed-out tissue and sinew crept out my stomach for the air-conditioned public’s viewing experience; they seemed quite unappreciative for an audience being taught such an important lesson. My guts caused PTSD and a latent gore fetish within the psyche of an adolescent onlooker. My carnage has forced the minds of those unfortunate enough to witness my expulsion from physicality to understand the reality of flesh traveling at high speeds. They are lucky, to understand this secondhand. I, not so much. My understanding demanded more heuristic methods and so, I find myself fused with the ground; I am the ground, I lucidly understand this, now.

>>17892120
That's fair enough. My perspective of what defines novel length is pretty particular, based on NaNoWriMo's 50,000 word benchmark. I can understand and appreciate why people would see it differently.

I love Scrivener - but I bought my key ~8 years ago,
on an email I don't remember, on a computer that's been washed away in the tides of time. I could try to hunt it down, or buy a new key, or just stick with stitching together the nine thousand PlebreOffice docs in a three-layer-deep nested folder on my Desktop.

>>17892995
Could be formatted better. Far too pseud in general.

>blatantly inject my fetishes into every single thing I write
>my fetishes are so obscure and seemingly non-sexual that nobody can tell

>>17893031
Not him, but how do I avoid looking like a pseud?
Or should I not care?

>>17892995
>My resolve was to exist at high speeds and so I turned the wheel with great intent and prowess in order to reflect this.
This sentence sounds comedic or somehow parodical in its stiffness. The whole first half does, really, like a parody of flowery writing rather than a practice in it. Everything after
>reality minus my innards
was interesting to me in its description (descriptiveness?), but the prose is still janky at points. A lot of people would read
>Spilt a bright red bile upon the highway, I did
as a Yoda quote and lose focus there, even if nobody wants to admit it.

It's interesting enough to read through all the way. I'm not hooked, but I would be willing to see more - probably not more of this poor bastard, though, guts hanging out of him and all. Those are my first impressions, to the extent I felt like writing them out. Hope it was helpful.

>>17892995
It's so florid I can barely force myself to read it. Could be compressed into 3 lines maximum and be vastly improved in quality.
>Within the threshold of speeds existing between 107 and 107.9 miles-per-hour I tested my hypothesis. At 107.8 miles-per-hour my hypothesis proved itself true via the marriage of my 2006 Acura TSX and the frontal end of an 18-wheeler whose pilot was under the influence of Kratom and boner pills, whereupon I was introduced, violently, to a reality minus my innards
> My guts caused PTSD and a latent gore fetish within the psyche of an adolescent onlooker.
The only parts of this that you should keep.

>>17892995
pseud

>>17893065
it's not about looking, you are a pseud, stop being one.

>>17893113
No.

>>17893065
Well, what do you plan to do with this? Publish it in some capacity? The reason I say it's pseud is that the word usage and prose looks like something from a hundred years ago. If you were going for that aesethic, good on you. But like the other anon stated it didn't grab my interest in the slighest, it's just so revolting. Practically purple prose out the wazoo.

>>17893031
Can I ask what in particular is pseud? Not trying to come across as defensive, just curious. Thanks
>>17893080
>Yoda quote
Lol, I should've caught this.
But thanks for your input, this is my first time ever writing anything, besides stuff for school. I am having trouble formulating a story or any structure without immediately hating it and discarding it altogether so I just tried to write simply anything at all, even if it didn't make much sense. I guess it's more so an exercise than anything.
>>17893101
I am aware of how I've dragged certain parts on. I did it to emulate a certain effect, but I think it may just come across as insufferable. Thanks for your input

>>17892242
>>17892389
Thank you.

>>17893137
>But thanks for your input, this is my first time ever writing anything, besides stuff for school. I am having trouble formulating a story or any structure without immediately hating it and discarding it altogether so I just tried to write simply anything at all, even if it didn't make much sense. I guess it's more so an exercise than anything.

pseud, here is how a non pseud would write that.

>Thanks for your input. This is my first time writing something outside of stuff for school. I'm having trouble writing a story or structure without hating it and throwing it away, so I tried to just write something, even if it didn't make much sense.

>>17893156
It's not that deep bro

>>17892397
Seethe more animefag.

blue year we saw the sky in color
like anguished scenes of melted steel
in hope in vain in wretched autumn
the twitching face the street we walked

to salem to the burning city
of all the ones who die to breathe
why oh you can’t see the shining
up in enclosed reaches dim
the place you see the place you go

the dear the damned the fair departed
with quickness leave the brook’d stream
the bastard child of years you housed
in trial’s pain it wrenched itself
of all the ways it had to go.

ugly memory like nothing else it comes back to us
hiking ways up rivers like some placid star
best to try to live on in this skin like camping out
camp the damned the lost and forbidden
like happy to go

when they say to leave you tell her no
into her eyes not anyone else’s
face of blockade, fury abounding
daily bread of limits and bounds
happy are the ones who go

>>17893406
what happened to /poetry/? come to think of it, where the hell'd that gypsy fellow go? frater asemelen

>>17893406
>no metre
>no rhyme

didn't read

Today I went on a hike at the nature preserve with friends and my dog. Now I am resting in bed with my cats and listening to music for inspiration. Later I will write the climactic chapter of my novel and see if I have enough energy left to finish the rest of the draft.

How was your day, /wg/?

>>17893496
This isn't your blog.

>>17893518
It is, and my (You)s are the comments section.

>>17893496
I fapped, got spammed with dozens of messages by concerned friends over my steam account somehow getting compromised and scam links being sent to peeps as a result. Then bing watching neglected anime. In other news one of my all-time favorite chapters will go live on scribblehub in a couple of minutes so I'm curious if I'll get any comments on it, but probably not.

>>17893436
I read it. Meter is there, dumbass. Let me guess, if it ain't a bottle of abab you don't give it the time of day?

>>17893406
Too vague to be good. Mainly I'm left to ask "go where" and "why bother". I'm sort reminded of ghazal style, but I just don't get a good story or compelling image out if it.

I keep trying to write but I don't want to write shitty genre fiction, but also I'm not good enough to write something classic-tier. What do

>>17893630
What do you expect us to say? What do you want to write? What do you want to read? What do you want to read that you'd read yourself?

Yesterday I found some translations of my """poetry""" made a couple years ago by a cultured woman with whom I exchanged emails for some time.

---


I gaze upon lips
fleshy and sinuous,
teeth whetted and honed,
flawless,
I think how the mouth is
sole instrument of connexion
with
the other.
Supple downy flesh
screening and masking
weapons of death.

It is a snare.
Our one true first
connexion
with the world is through
violence,
self-preservation:
Biting and gnawing and ripping.
But time has bestowed upon you
a soft sheath of velvet,
concealing
32 blades:

Like to an elegant red carpet
laid out
before
a warm dim damp
grotto
occupied
by a savage beast.
Tempting lure
prelude to
an agonizing death.

>>17893630
Until you have accepted and then mastered the art of writing below your level you will never be noticed. Cormac McCarthy tried very, very hard to write Blood Meridian, and even as great as that book was, it was almost a flop. Only recently, when he simplified his prose and turned more towards the creation of elevated thrillers and such did people think it worthwhile to go back and investigate his earlier works such as Blood Meridian to see more of that spark of brilliance that shone through behind the simplicity of his later novels. Only when they were shown the glimmer of brilliance more plainly did anyone think it worthwhile to go back and appreciate any of the effort he put into research and prose and structure in the past. Had JK Rowling tried writing for adults, she would have failed entirely, as is evidenced by her later novels. Gene Wolfe wrote a literary masterpiece in Peace, but nobody read it until he started churning out sci-fi that kicked the shit out of all of his inspirations. Know your limitations and put yourself as far below them as you can stomach and write something that absolutely mogs the fuck out of anyone else writing something similar. People will take notice, and you might even be able to make a career out of it, while you develop the skills you need to push yourself further towards your true passions.

As the thread approaches the bump limit, may I humbly suggest that the next OP image should be anime? And may I humbly submit my recommendation? I believe the attached image fully encompasses the beliefs of the pseuds as well as the aesthetic values of the animes.

/wg/, I can't understand why I'm having so much trouble writing that I wasn't having before

I'm close to the end of my novel and I keep running into sections I didn't think through all the way. When I try to write, I notice plot holes, interactions that are out of character or mistakes I made a week ago. When I come to these, I get overwhelmed trying to recalculate what would logically happen next and put the story back on track. This can take a while, and by the time I figure out how to move on I've mentally worn myself out

another problem is that as I'm writing these scenes I also struggle knowing what to show. I might write a paragraph or two, then realize what I'm writing is going to require me to explain something I didn't think through a few paragraphs down the line, or create a sequence of scenes that I didn't plan out. this leads to me erasing it and starting over, only to hit the same dead ends

between the two of these, it's no wonder my daily word count has been in the toilet

>>17893496
Got into an argument with a bunch of people after which they finally gave me a more detailed review of why my anime-tier writing is bad.
Seems about right.

>>17893852
good for you

>>17893496
I got overly cocky after getting my second shot. Sat in a crowded subway for two hours round trip with retards who refuse to wear masks. Ate pizza inside a pizzaria. Hugged my mom for the first time in a year (thankfully, she's been fully vaccinated for more than two weeks so I just have to worry about me)

>>17889449
I like it, reminds me of Blood Meridian a bit.

>>17893821
go for a brisk walk or a jog after you've mentally worn yourself out, exercise helps regulate the chemicals in your brain.
I'd recommend finishing it first, and then going back to edit, if you're almost done with the first draft. I am reminded of something ben "yahtzee" croshaw said once about videogames. Make the beginning and the ending really good, because that's what people will remember. The middle doesn't matter as much.

He reached for the bottle. Irish whiskey, like his father used to drink. Not that he was Irish. It was just the cheapest whiskey they sold at Wesson Cork and Bottle. Formerly Emerson Cock and Ball. Eventually Jackson Cringe and Based.
All those years, he thought. All those years spent on that damnable website, they had poisoned his mind, altered his inner eye so that no thought was without reference to an esoteric or obscure joke that normal people simply would not understand.
And as he thought this, he realized that he was not normal. Truly comprehended it for the first time, internalizing it as a part of his identity. The capacity to live a normal life was now beyond him. He would be thinking and speaking in memes until the day he died. And he was such a big guy. For you.
He refocused on the screen in front of him and used the mouse wheel to scroll down. More arguing about anime. His eyes took in the words but they didn't mean anything to him anymore. He cared nothing for the petty squabbles of the regulars. He was just here for the people who actually posted their work, so that he might help them avoid the fate he found himself consigned to. The clock reach four. In the morning, it was, and he hadn't slept since last night. Insomina's funny. Sometimes, it made him feel inspired enough to write. And he would, for a while. But that always passed, and it wasn't viable long term.
He wondered if that mattered. If thinking long term, as a human who, by nature, would in all likelihood not live past 80, if that was even worth doing. He supposed, like most things, it was just a matter of how you looked at it.

what are some good adventure plots to rippoff? westerns have some real good stock setups but I need more references.

bonus points if it doesnt involve a mcguffin

>>17894274
He didn't feel depressed. He didn't feel much of anything at all. Really, he thought, it was a damn sight better than it used to be. Life expectancy for his grandfather had been 50. He had it easy. Or hard. Again, it was dependent upon your point of view. What was the point of living so long past your prime that the cold seeped into your bones with such frightening ease?
Frightening. That was the word. He had long since shed his childlike fear of most things. Nothing scared him. Nothing except death. The unknown void into which all humans must eventually walk. Yes, his day would come, just like it had for everyone before him. It would probably come for everyone after, but he wasn't certain. If there was one thing you could confidently be uncertain of, it was the future.
The future, he mused. It all comes back to the future. Dwelling on the past does no good because you can't change it. Thinking about the future is futile because you can't predict it. Living in the present is foolish because it's irresponsible. So the only sensible course of action was to hedge your bets and hope for the best, while preparing for the worst.
The worst hadn't come, not yet, but it might.
He was frightened of that.

Just wrote this in the text window of the 4chanx quick reply box. Thoughts?

>>17894275
Moses' Exodus

>>17893821
don't wear yourself out. use pomodoro technique to stop yourself and take a break. that way your musical brain which flourishes in distraction has a chance to parse the work unconsciously while your gymnastic brain can take a breather.

>>17894393
>pomodoro technique
NAYRT. What?

>>17894405
i've seen it shilled around here. some people swear by it.

>>17894393
This is the worst post I've ever read on this fucking website

How am I supposed to incorporate life changing moments that are fundamentally random such as natural disasters, major accidents and life threatening diseases if plots always need a sense of purposeful logical cause and effect? It feels disingenuous trying to force meaning and motivated progression to things that are so horrible precisely because of how unfair, anticlimactic and arbitrary they are.

>>17894421
i recommend you immediately eat a turd. don't respond to me because i don't care how your brain arrives at meaning.

>>17893027
If you used PayPal you can find your info through that, that's how I did it.

>>17894405
>>17894419
It's a great technique. You don't have to do 25 and 5, I prefer 10 and 2 personally and then increase it as I move along. Sometimes I would do 40 and 10.

>>17894423
You place them in act 1. Random incidents are the bread and butter of story setups. It just feels cheap where they appear as part of the resolution.

>>17894419
>>17894445
Oh, THAT. I've seen loads of these. They're all variations of "x minutes work, y minutes break", with as many justifications for why x and y specifically as there are variations.

Another blast went off under their destination city, mere seconds before they entered its borders, and violently shook the bridge under their wheels. A part of the bridge snapped; the driver slammed the gas pedal.

Lightning struck again at that exact moment.

The traumatized passengers collectively gasped, preparing for the worst. Some prayed. Some whimpered. A few excited ones jumped up, pushing their way to the front of the bus.

Thankfully, no one was hurt.

Gunther looked up at the stormy skies. He’d miss home: the old, dilapidated room on the outskirts of the city. His broken furniture and damp walls would be difficult to replace, but the maudlin skies of this city came close. But it was the shady bar tucked in the alley - the dirty, narrow alley that connected him to the real world - he would miss the most. Hours of entertainment for a man with nothing but a few spare dollars and all the time in the world. So much wisdom behind that tacky, neon-lit door, in the minds of the wistful old regulars, was lost forever the day they refused to leave their dying childhood home. From childhood morals to adult philosophy… Gunther had learned everything worth remembering on that very street.

He looked ahead; all he could do was hope it would serve him well now.

Shortly after crossing the bridge, the vehicle was stopped. The white-eared refugees yelled several different things in unison. Some even got up to protest the stop, but most clung to their seats in fear of another coup.

Regardless, the doors opened. A crowd quickly gathered at the exit. Gunther leaned into the firm cushions of his seat.

“We’re under attack.”

A gruff man with a forgettable face - a soldier of some sort, Gunther figured - had stopped the bus with an armada of armored tankers. His colleagues began comforting and providing for everyone that got off the bus. The protests slowly died out. This was bad news for Gunther.

>>17894481
Excerpt from a WIP. It's not fully edited, and some stuff was cut to meet the word limit, but I think it gives a good idea of where I stand.

Feedback is greatly appreciated. I want to know where I can improve. I know my vocabulary is an issue right now, but I don't have enough experience to make deeper insights on my own.

>>17894419
I tried a version of it when I read, I don't really use a timer or anything but after like 30 minutes of reading, I'll fuck around on my phone for like 5-10 then, if I don't I'll just lose focus.

>>17888819
Too tryhard. You should flesh it out a little bit.

>>17894487
>maudlin skies

>Gunther looked up at the stormy skies. He’d miss home: the old, dilapidated room on the outskirts of the city. His broken furniture and damp walls would be difficult to replace, but the maudlin skies of this city came close. But it was the shady bar tucked in the alley - the dirty, narrow alley that connected him to the real world - he would miss the most. Hours of entertainment for a man with nothing but a few spare dollars and all the time in the world. So much wisdom behind that tacky, neon-lit door, in the minds of the wistful old regulars, was lost forever the day they refused to leave their dying childhood home. From childhood morals to adult philosophy… Gunther had learned everything worth remembering on that very street.

AYO NIGGA LEMME JUST TELL

>Shortly after crossing the bridge, the vehicle was stopped. The white-eared refugees yelled several different things in unison. Some even got up to protest the stop, but most clung to their seats in fear of another coup.

By who?

>Regardless, the doors opened. A crowd quickly gathered at the exit. Gunther leaned into the firm cushions of his seat.

what does the regardless do here? cut it.

>forgettable face
so you going to explain what makes it forgettable or not? you might as well just tell us he's not important and not care.

>His colleagues began comforting and providing for everyone that got off the bus. The protests slowly died out. This was bad news for Gunther.

how about you actually SHOW us them comforting people, what are they doing, what are they saying?

>this was bad news for gunther
Ok seriously just kill yourself this is fucking awful, and I'm not saying that to be mean but it's really bad.

Read John Gardner the art of fiction because the psychic distance here is really bad and you NEED help.

About three dozen people have read my writing on magic systems. It's the same shit you can find on YouTube.

>>17894552
>By who?
Explained later.

>what does the regardless do here? cut it.
Yeah, agreed.

>how about you actually SHOW us them comforting people, what are they doing, what are they saying?
Again, agreed.

>Ok seriously just kill yourself this is fucking awful, and I'm not saying that to be mean but it's really bad.
Hey man, I only counted three mistakes. Is it really that bad or are you trolling? I honestly can't tell.

>>17894713
>>17894552
Also do you have a .pdf for Art of Fiction, I really do need help.

Oh boy ready for some overwritten shit?? Read it like you'd read one of Faulkner's italicized monologues for the best effect:::::

What dim, shadowed world in which you live, you who walk unmoored and sleepless on shining factory floors where the flow of workers between stations follows a daily, ritual course. Who for company dwells among other creatures of habit, bent lowly and drudging over the operation of machinery, spent husks of men in whom desires once flared but now live on as phantom limbs. You break together for smokes in the yard, jaded and leaning on the wires of rusted fences, each mirroring the other in his faded workclothes, filled to the brim with memory or what might be a lifetime’s accumulation of sawdust. The foreman coarsely sounds the call for all to go back to work. Fast forward the remaining hours tapewise so the machinic, muddy frequencies of your workstation spool past in a sped-up, tinny warble. All you have seen and heard purged in the afterhours by drink, or whisked away cleanly in the raze of sleep.

At night the rains put your mind in a strange torrent. Within you lie great rivers of murk sloshing around in enclosed, invisible reaches, threatening to spill out onto the banks of your psyche. The damp air, smoking you out, sends you wandering from street to street in search of an obscure fix. You move forth unsteady, drunken grip slipping from the lampposts, cold trails of water climbing up your socks when you step into puddles. You walk on, withstanding the nocturne jeers of vagrants and the silent admonishments of stray cats, whose lithe darts into wholly separate darks contrast your own weighted step toward some tenuous promise of ecstasy. Down bleak wet steps to the front of a tavern, from behind whose doors comes a muffled sound softly attenuated by layered walls. Your eyes are momentarily blinded as your descent is met by the shaft of a doorman’s flashlight.

>>17894850
You walk into a spare, soundfilled room where a bartender cleans some bottles with a rag. People lay strewn about, sitting with their drinks and not speaking. They watch the back of the room, your eyes scanning dimly about to follow. You see a man performing on a stage, from whom the sound is sourced, his face enshrouded in parts and visibly sharp like a siren. As you angle forward for better view the sound reaches you clear and unobstructed. Not a single note out of place. The liquid tones of brass flow forth, achieving a profound control that runs its course through the sublime and nigh inexpressible. You can almost see the air move to accommodate the sound, the melodic runs mirroring your own myriad inner states, patterns of rhythm and tone contorting space in stark acoustic subdivisions. All things fixed in the lull of vibration as the man's airbound violence becomes something palpable, more etched in the bones than grasped in the mind of listener.

And then it's over. The room drains silent, save for the rabid pounding of blood in your ears. The man walks off the dais in a slight gait, with no instrument in hand. As he opens the door sidestage the last pool of light leaves his face and a shadow moves briefly in its place, and then he is gone. A cold emptiness sets into the faces of the patrons. One woman weeps in silence, her shoulders staggering back and forth in arthritic bursts. The air is charged and silent like a frozen crystal, before the watery murmurs of a few voices break through the gaps to let the night continue. By the early hours of all have left; all save you, who remain standing in the same part of the tavern, breathless and catatonic in the stubborn act of re-creation, trying with the last of your wits to conjure the fullness of the sound from memory; you who remain unmoving despite the protests of the barman which have grown loud and impatient. As a last resort he moves toward you, his face worked up in an implacable frustration, waving his arms in exaggerated motions to get your attention. He grabs your shoulder and shakes hard, slightly unnerved by your lack of response but not yet realizing that he cannot reach you, stranded as you are someplace beyond the room now shrined in daylight, swept away in the wake of your own soundless deluge.

>>17894647
post it

>>17894911
>https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40867/my-writing-exercises/chapter/653980/how-to-create-magic-systems

>>17894923
Are you retarded?

>>17894713
It's worse than the average stuff I've read in creative writing classes, but not the worst

>>17894955
What's wrong with the essay?

I'm so close to being able to edit my story. I just need a few days free of distraction to get there, but work is going to keep me busy until Friday. This sucks. I'm right there... Less than ten scenes left...

>>17894974
really basic with nothing interesting to say

>>17895035
I did say it's the same stuff you can find on YouTube.

>>17895045
>retard road numbers go brrrrt
how does it feel teaching clueless people magic instead of something useful? how does it feel being part of the mass of bland distraction calumniating the world? enjoy your fucking clicks.

R8 my opening paragraph, deciding whether this is even worth continuing or not

>On the morning of his audit, senior financial analyst John Lockhart forgets that he was instructed not to take his Lexapro. He stares sluggishly at the empty blue cell marked “W” in his pill organizer, loosens his tie, and attempts to force his index finger down his throat. The process proves more difficult than he had anticipated, and, after a few unsatisfactory retches, he is forced to consider the possibility that he will run late. He spits a string of saliva into the toilet, flushes, washes his hands, finishes the glass of water he had poured for the Lexapro - water before eight a.m. was fine, the email had assured him - and repeats those aspects of his morning grooming that had been undone by his attempted purge. While he’s parting his hair, it occurs to him that perhaps he ought to phone his auditor and inform him about the Lexapro. His watch confirms the folly of such an endeavor. So he shimmies into his charcoal suit, grabs his keys out of the nest of cables on the kitchen counter, and makes his way down to the garage. As he’s getting into his car, he realizes that, on top of the Lexapro, he also shouldn’t have urinated on waking up. But there’s nothing to be done now, and besides, he still has plenty of time before eight to drink water.

>>17895061
seems very david foster wallacian

>>17895061
Rating the potential of the whole story based on the opening paragraph is like rating a cake based on taste of the milk you are going to use for the cream.
Also
>Dude is late for work, here's a whole paragraph describing every action he took, actions that are unlikely to have consequences later.

>>17894850
>>17894858
>2nd person
EVERY time.

>>17895082
All of those actions do have very blatant consequences later though. Agree though with what you said, just wanted to post some shit and see what /lit/ says.

>>17895073
Thanks, though I've read like 1 short story of his in my entire life

>>17895102
I agree with >>17895082, so if you want to really get proper feedback, you should at least post the whole 1st chapter

I don't even fucking know what's a Lexapro

>>17893428
I’m still about, busy writing and it’s also the holidays.

Hmmmm try this abstraction
>>17889449
A williwaw sprang into the barren flats brandishing it's hoary face twirling murderous whir-whipped spines lambasting any critter caught in its wake.

>>17895129
It's a short story though, I can't exactly do that.
A Lexapro is a type of antidepressant. I'm a third world fag so maybe despite my research that's not what it's called in burgerland/europe.

>>17895061
best thing postd this thread, this is what a good unpretenious prose style looks like rather than grabbing a thesaurus and saying stuff like

>I elucidated to him the whereabouts of our compatriot, in order that I might ascertain to a greater degree the future course of proceedings.

I feel like I want to write, but something's off.

>>17895212
I wrote but nobody cared :(

>>17895212
Maybe a new thread will help you?
>>17895214
>>17895214
new
new
>>17895214
>>17895214
new
new

>>17895216
Post it in the new thread, I'll see you there friendo.

>>17895223
No, I already posted here.

>>17895225
but I'm in the new thread, and I want to read it.

>>17895229
I'm not going to spam, either read this thread or don't. I've got nothing more to say.

jfc this spamming cunt is still at it?

>>17893286
I thought you were the animefag.

>>17895834
Yeah, the animefag is still getting anal whenever someone else makes a thread.

>>17896298
This one isn't dead. A few weeks back the animefag didn't make threads and these ones died before a new ones was made. There was plenty of time for a non anime OP. There's no need to make one before bump limit in an effort to race. He's not as obsessed as you fucking idiots.

>>17892305
Pretty weak. A lot of this can be thrown away. If it's going to be a "short," then throw out the exposition and start the plot. Start off with your MC's conflict and work your way through the plot.

>2000 words in and all my MC has done is meet a homeless girl and take her to Five Guys
>still having more fun than any creative fiction I've written before
It's an incredible thing.