/lit/ - Literature

>>17775351
If you have self awareness yet still will not try to change, you should just kill yourself

>>17775429
That's not helpful

>>17775429
This is me, but I will not be kill

Notes from the underground

there should really be a “books for people failing at life” chart by now since there are like 3 variations of this thread posted every day

>>17775351
That one that makes it clear to you that not only are you probably the only healthy person for failing in a world racing to be sick but that it’s actually okay to be a failure in the first place as long as you comport yourself properly. What that is, I don’t know.

>>17775351
pessoa

>>17775587
I'm unconvinced. This just sounds like a bad way to rationalize a shitty situation, no offense.

>>17775351
Human beings are not designed to be complacent with failure. You're built to feel shame and guilt until you try again.

>>17775351
Thomas Bernhard books

>>17775636
Too weak for that, I just feel the shame and guilt but without the drive to try again

>>17775648
What brought meaning to your life before the numbness set in? Have you given any thought to talking to a professional?

>>17775657
Nothing really brought meaning but I distrated myself with passive consumption of media as so many people do.
And I did, therapy was useless for me.

>>17775662
That's fair.
You mentioned guilt. What do you feel guilty about?

>>17775429
I made the necessary changes but still rejected from everything.

>>17775666
Being an utter disappointment and failing at everything I've ever tried. I'd rather not go too in depth about this though, I was actually honestly wondering if there were some books about this exact problem.

media consumption is man's attempt to fill the longing we have in our heart for the sacred, the nostalgia for Eden. it is escapism from the profane world but of course those things are not sacred so they still leave a sense of unfulfillment.

love God with all your heart.

>>17775685
Sorry but I'm just not religious, I just can't seek refuge in this, it's not for me. And yes I read the gospels.

>>17775676
The thing that will get to you will be the thing that touches on your own problem. If it's just a general thing it likely won't help. I'd say read Crime and Punishment. That's a book all about shame and regret. Also a very gripping read.

>>17775698
At its root my problem is just being pathetic. As in, name anything average human beings manage to do properly as they grow into responsible, normal people, and it's very likely I'll have fucked that up. It's a vicious circle because of the passive consumption and living vicariously through imagination rather than actually living. It leads to failure, which itself leads to more consumption in order to come. Then come the shame and regret. I guess that's as specific as I can be.

>>17775694
Eliade says man himself is 'homo religiosus'. everyone is somewhat religious, they just worship different things. what do you worship?

you don't need to answer that. anyway this malady is part of our times (the substitution of the sacred by the profane). the escapism through different means. some seek refuge in politics, some in hobbies, some in art, some in tv etc. this is all addressed by Eliade.

i am a failure and a NEET too btw

>>17775676
I'm not the guy who you were writing to before, but have you tried: exercising (even walking for an hour a day); moving across the country; taking a physical labor job; living in a tent for a week. I don't want to lead you into any one of these in particular, but I did one of them and it was the "shock" it took for me to move on with my life. I was also very ashamed - I can guarantee whatever you've done (or not done) cannot compare to what thousands of others have done and yet managed to recover from.

There are thousands of book about ordinary (or sub-ordinary) people being thrust into greatness because of war, a conflict, a challenge, etc. It might just be that you need to manufacture a crisis for yourself, because nowadays it's very easy to wait your entire life in mediocrity, because there is not a world war or draft coming to potentially force the best aspects of you to come out.

Anonymity is very freeing... You can manufacture it for yourself in a sense, if you can scrape the will to live for even a few hours a day for a few days in a row.

Also - stop using the internet. If you are truly a failure, you have nothing to lose (no calls to miss, no friends to disappoint) by getting entirely off the internet, not having a phone etc. This is the best thing you can do for yourself in the shortest amount of time. Have books around, though.

When your senses are dulled by the internet, reality is intense and fascinating beyond comprehension - but it's like forcing yourself to jump into the ocean in the winter. Every impulse, conditioned by your years of "warmth", scream out not to do it. Just do it - at worst, you will experience the intensity of life as you were designed to experience it, and this may turn you around psychologically - it did for me. Eventually the internet will no longer be a compulsion.

the thing is I want to exist in the world, as hollow as it is, I want to forge a connection with others, even if its just for something like to make a sale. I'm sick of being on my own

>>17775727
>this malady is part of our times
Can it be fixed in our lifetime?

>>17775720
That's understandable, anon. I used to be picked last all the time and stuff, so you're not alone. There are more screwups ITT than care to admit it, though most of them aren't shy about it. There's a glaring issue with what you've said, which is that you want to accept the feelings of inadequacy that you talk about, but those feelings are based on where you currently are. It's like thinking of yourself as fat. Being fat is a temporary state, and can be changed. Likewise, there's nothing intrinsic separating you from people who have experienced material success. With a relatively small change of circumstances you would be in their shoes, and would likely feel a lot better about yourself. Applying a permanent state of mind to a temporary circumstance isn't something you're designed to make peace with. I'd say talk to someone about the thing you don't want to talk about. It's kind of like having an infected thorn in your finger, and it'll feel a lot better when you pull it out.

>>17775744
no it's all going downhill. i'm certain the end of times is near but it may take 100 or 500 years.

>>17775732
I've only tried the exercising part, I can't say I got anything from it. The others being more extreme might help more but currently I'm not in a situation that allows me to move whenever I want.
>I can guarantee whatever you've done (or not done) cannot compare to what thousands of others have done and yet managed to recover from.
Many people have been in way, way worse situations than mine, yeah. I'm a weak person though so that factors in, not just the circumstances themselves.
>stop using the internet
This is probably the hardest thing I could do right now. It would probably be effective, too.

>>17775761
Fuck

>>17775758
>you want to accept the feelings of inadequacy that you talk about, but those feelings are based on where you currently are
I was pretty much assuming that this situation would last, so that I needed to make peace with it instead of letting it bother me. Acceptance, you know.
About the thing I don't want to talk about, it's pretty mundane, just specific enough that it's not too wise to share it on an imageboard.

>>17775764
The question is - why do you act "weak"? Do you avoid doing what is difficult, do you fear doing what is difficult? Do you have no real goals or desires - or do you frustrate your desires? You need to work these things out before you're likely to make significant lifestyle changes, and that's what you need.

>currently I'm not in a situation that allows me to move whenever I want
If you live in America and got your $1400 check, you can move anywhere in the country and, with a little elbow grease and some cleverness, can establish yourself anywhere you'd like. This is no excuse. The worst that can happen is that you run out of money/get robbed, spend one night walking the streets of a city or sleeping in a field, and call your mother for the money for a bus ticket home (she will send it).

You have given no compelling reason not to bite the bullet on immediate, major action. You have convinced yourself that you cannot make sustained positive changes to your life, so you should do something big that you can't just walk back immediately. Is it a coincidence that you fail to make changes when you are most likely using the same instrument to "improve" your life that you've used to destroy it (i.e. a computer with an internet connection? When failure is as simple as changing the tab back to 4chan from your programming lesson, who could expect to succeed, when you've conditioned yourself for years to do exactly that?

>>17775743
i can relate to that, especially since i had a girlfriend i loved and was my only friend --- im still attached to that. friendship is a good in itself, to live is to love the other but still we are in a shipwreck. how many people have actual friendship (the mutual benevolence and sharing of lives)?

in tolkien's letter to his son:
>Out of the darkness of my life, so much frustrated, I put before you the one great thing to love on earth: the Blessed Sacrament. There you will find romance, glory, honor, fidelity, and the true way of all your loves upon earth, and more than that: death. By the divine paradox, that which ends life, and demands the surrender of all, and yet by the taste (or foretaste) of which alone can what you seek in your earthly relationships (love, faithfulness, joy) be maintained, or take on that complexion of reality, of eternal endurance, that every man's heart desires.

everything we see is ephemeral. as st. paul says:
>So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

what else is there? the Absolute Being that sustains all.

>>17775820
>why do you act "weak"?
I don't think I act weak, I just am. I am led to this conclusion by the fact that I find difficult what others find easy and fail where others succeed. So I avoid doing things, because it just leads to more failure.
I don't have any goals, and my only desire is to be okay with things, maybe not happy but at least satisfied.
>If you live in America
I don't. I don't have income, I'm dependent on my family.
>You have given no compelling reason not to bite the bullet on immediate, major action
I'm taking online classes currently that I'm barely managing to not drop, and even though I have very little hope I'd like to at least pass something so that my family feels like I've accomplished something for once. This is why I said I can't make a big change right now.

>>17775864
How old are you? Also, I used the example of the $1400 and America because I figured you were likely to be American, just based on the demographics of this website. You can do this anywhere, with far less money than that - my choice of amount and country was really just a trick to push things a little harder, just in case I was right in my assumption.

Have you every had the opportunity to live independently from your family before? Also, are you in a rural area, in Europe, etc? If you give the contours of your life, it may be easier for us to identify what's missing and why you apparently feel so incomplete. Your situation honestly sounds depressing and defeating, so you should change it, not lay down and accept that it was ordained by fate. You might need to get a little mad at how things are, even if it's no one's fault, per se, and strike out in rage against the world, even if that just means moving out before you're really "ready" (financially, emotionally, or otherwise).

My couch is a yew-yaw.
'>inb4ride.mid

>>17775897
I'm 24.
I have like 200 bucks in savings and my parents could probably give me a bit more but I already feel bad being a leech with nothing to show for it.
>Have you every had the opportunity to live independently from your family before?
No, never. I would like to but this online class thing is more restricting than I thought it'd be and I'm not making excuses, it's actually tough.
I live in a city in Europe, and as much as I'd like getting my own apartment and whatever, I just don't have the necessary financial independence.

put the pussy in a sarcophighcus

im listening but i aint followin.
/thread

>22
>in 4th semester of eng lit degree with only like 10/180 credits
>possible anorexic (5'11 and 120 pounds)
>never kissed a girl
>never worked a job
>average penis

>>17775918
Once the pandemic's over, could you move into student housing, get a master's degree, etc. etc.? You need to focus on getting out of your parent's house, more than anything. Can you get a job of some kind? You apparently have little to no expenses, so even working at a coffee shop will yield some serious money to start a life if nothing's cutting into what you're saving.

Also, I've found in life if you take on a bit more than you can handle, you will rise to meet it. So if you worry about not being able to take classes and work at the same time, you should do it anyway.

What are your job prospects after you finish these online classes? Do you have a degree right now?

$$alem
imma big kek im gon do big shit 4 meh cunt and meh pepo
fuk these savages mang
y de fook everyday is the copy of the day before?
what do you mean that dust doesn't care about muh feelies?
what do u mean that dust embraced meh youth?
FUUUUUUUUUCK


It’s a wicked life
Isn’t it?
That’s how you really feel
Isn’t it?
You’d like a different life?
Wouldn’t you?
Everything in place
It’s a wicked life
Isn’t it
Filled with good and bad
Hats in hand
I don’t blame you, William
Flesh and bone
Just like everyone
How could you have known?
Just like everyone

It’s wicked life
Isn’t it?
But the scales were tipped long before you
Shoulders weren’t meant to hold
Shoulders weren’t meant to hold
You were made to be crushed
Made to believe in love

You were built to break

An army of imperfect animals
An army of imperfect animals
An army of imperfect animals
An army of imperfect animals (All teeth no hope)
An army of imperfect animals
An army of imperfect animals (All teeth no hope)
An army of imperfect animals
An army of imperfect animals (All teeth no hope)
An army of imperfect animals
An army of imperfect animals
An army of imperfect animals
All tuth, no hope


stop light, stop lights,
save on sole grey to pink.
break down jim, least at some state.
derelict dumi kish.
i knew it when the egg floated.
slave for life; stoner.

tur_ay SLOWLY.
wait wait follow.
hell is a step.
not meant to mimic.
just follow
stop light.

icantanswer the real question.
all thats happenin is easy.
even the blind agree.
rats love chew, and i love you.

drop the devil in drool.
river is war afriend.
sacred taut and up, before cath.
eminem and out sythe slave.
mechanical animals.

trust in tom, pompom.
right a song to rave to grave.
bandit, bandit, bandit.
why his?
god is in kish cz_ar

my brain DOES break weak.
money munk_ay switch.
life is unfair, few pew.
pi & apple fix wobbler.
title trifle gib anneinia.

quen hex muck adam.
unfold and eat ceim up.
poet pauper pinup pint adieu.


"that which you know, you know
that which you know, you don't know
that which you don't know, you know
that which you don't know, you don't know"

>>17775949
I'm not eligible for student housing and to get a master's I'd have to get a bachelor's first. I could get a part time fast food job of some kind, but I doubt it would cover the living expenses in the city even though I'm frugal. I'll calculate everything later.
Fast food shit is bearable right? I've never had a job and I'm bad with people.
>job prospects
Low level accounting or paralegal stuff, I could try for higher qualifications but since I don't find the subjects interesting I'd rather not. I'm doing this for my parents first and foremost.
And no, I don't have a degree.

>>17775949
>Once the pandemic's over
oh boy will the ride end? at this point it feels like there will be always a new "more powerful" strain and "wave" lurking around the corner

>>17775985
Work will give you purpose. It will improve your ability to interact with others, first and foremost, and you will make meaningful social connections outside of your family.

It also structures your time into work and not-work, which makes every moment more valuable. The psychological change you will experience is beyond words.

I don't want to belabor anything, but start working - when you have a means to support yourself in some way, you will feel better than you would every be able to imagine that would make you would feel. Take a job now - any job! Finish your degree, move out, cut yourself out of the internet, and you will have made all the right efforts to sort your life out. If you still feel purposeless, like a failure, whatever, you can return to being a NEET, but you won't want to. Just take these uncomfortable steps now and these last few uncomfortable years will be like a bad dream to which you never have to return.

Just do these things - do not think about them. Just do them.

>>17776033
Thank you for your advice and encouragement anon. Your posts gave me some perspective, I'm going to try for real.
I'll go inquire about the burger flipping jobs near me on monday.

>>17775676
Some of Thomas Mann's best short stories are about men who fail early and steadily thereafter--especially by the standards of the accomplished families they come from. My favorite one is about a sheltered theater-type fag who, immediately after the last of his nearest living relatives dies and leaves him enough money for it, commits to a life of the idlest possible ease, the comfier and longer the better. Reading it, I wince in self-recognition as his rejection by society steadily increases while he falls out of engagement with it, and conspicuously out of fashion, until his sense of alienation from it rises to a sense of panic about the bridge he burned down forever. Of course he's a mousier fellow than I am, by implication rather plain looking, and lacks the charisma that attracts older women and younger men who aren't interested in women altogether, so the self-recognition is partial.

No books needed, only mindsets

>>17775577
Seems you have found a purpose worthy of your effort. Go and craft this chart!

>>17776087
Let me know how it goes - or don't, up to you - but you seem like a good guy, in whom I see a lot of myself. If you need help on your resume, cover letters, more general advice, etc etc whatever, I would like to offer it.

Discord is MrAllen#6266

This neet is thawing out getting some good walks

>>17775351
recontextualize your failure as a necessary step for your future growth