/lit/ - Literature

first for zyzz

2nd for piss and shit

Review my kid story, anons. Let me have it.

https://sys.4channel.org/derefer?url=https%3A%2F%2Fpastebin.com%2F74bJssUw

>>17725032
>>17725044
>So wait, every chapter as to be manually approved by one person? Or am I reading that wrong?
Just the first initial chapter. The rest you can publish whenever.

When it comes to discoverability between the two, I think RR has a better layout for it. I don't know how trending on SH works though

>I don’t know how you can do it, I can’t imagine working on a story only for at the end, no ones reads it. Assuming the algorithm is working against new stories.
People do read it. It's just that I won't pull the crazy 1millio views that some fictions can get. Sci-fi is just hard to get into and always has been. Sci-fi space opera is just very niche. weeb sci-fi opera is just absurdly niche.


>>17725060
Thanks anon

>>17725137
There's always an anon that copies one of the reviews I had for some reason. Back then I had a messy start since before I rewrote chapters 3-8 into a new narrative. As of right now, it mainly follows Victoria and then shifts to Li later on. In vol 2 it also shifts to focus on Alexandra before the narratives of all 3 come together. It sounds a bit ambitious for what it is, though.

BEEEEEEEE
CHUBBA!

I crapped out my first poem a few minutes ago, or at least the first draft of it. How many revisions should I make before posting it here? What's the 'acceptable' amount?

>>17725389
Just release a new version of the poem with every revision on github and let the people decide which one is superior

>>17725143
You didn’t even edit out the RR mentioned at the top. The URL is already in the sticky. Nor did you add any of the authors to books. Just slap another anime girl and ctrl+v the last one.

Reminder to never post your work on 4chan, unless it's a testrun and you don't intend to use it anywhere. While querying, an agent probably won't find it, but if you become an established author and it's discovered you browse 4chan, you'll be cancelled.

>>17725518
rf

>>17725518
So? Unless you're writing faggy shit, what does it matter if you get cancelled? One can get deleted for so much as sneezing in the wrong direction these days.

>in Japan posting your weebnovel online can lead to success, fame and traditional publishing with adaptations in multiple mediums
>anywhere else in the world if you post your weebnovel online it will gain a small following of autists at best and fade into obscurity
Why is life so unfair animebros?

>>17725143
behead vtubers and their simpathizers

I give fantasy a try. Might post more later.

>>17725687
This is what all isekaifag Royal Retards need to realize. They idolize the genre because it represents a salvation from their McJob or NEETdom. They don't realize that it's impossible to replicate Re:Zero in America.

The only path to success is traditional publishing. You have odd counterexamples like The Martian and Fifty Shades. But it will never be some western isekaishit written by someone who doesn't actually like novels to begin with.

Is it normal to become a shit novel writer after going through the gambit of academia?

Are you allowed to post on royal road if you aren't writing fantasy or scifi

>>17725735
yes

>>17725735
why wouldn't you want to write fantasy or sci fi?

>>17725726
I think as we seen the transfer of capital continue from old modes to technology, we are going to see waves of publishers using algorithms to sort through online publishing and give extremely unfair contracts to self publishers, cutting out the extensive middlemen in the process. It’s going to lead to even more trite mass appeal garbage like 50 shades, but it’s going to happen. It’s already happened in the music and film industries.
>>17725734
I don’t think that learning new things is going to ruin your creativity. Allowing educational institutions to crush your dreams and leave behind a bitter and jaded husk of your previous self would be the only thing causing that to happen.
>>17725735
I do. But it’s not like you’re gonna get the same kind of numbers as the more popular genres.

>tfw i completely forgot the monologue of that kind of shallow villain i was planning to flesh out using that monologue as a basis
WHY DIDNT I TAKE NOTES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>17725789
Just write it based on what you remember about it. you'll probably come up with something better than what you daydreamed

>>17725518

I'm writing a book and one of the themes is about honesty. I can't very well be honest if I can't even admit I post here.

>>17725770
Not him, but it’s a good way to stand out from the crowd.

>>17725770
Slice of life in realistic settings is for patricians

>>17725860
Example A: Joker (2019) in a sea of super-powdered Avengers-style movie franchises.

>>17725877
Example B: My dick in your ass.

>17725518
You say that like i'm suppose to give a motherfuck. Infact i'm not even going to give you this (You)

>>17725187
For that one anon still waiting for more of my review of his Royal road thing...

> Down the narrow corridor, the figure emerges between flickering lights. In his hand is a—
>A chill runs down my spine.
>A small axe. The head drips with red. The same red that momma smeared across the wall. The same color that trails to us. The very same pool of red that momma lies in.

I get the intent but it read kinda awkward for me, especially at that “—“ part that leads to the next paragraph.

> Axe cracks a grin with such evil intent it only sends a sincere shiver down my spine.
Twice you used “shiver down my spine.” Try something else like “my nerves tensed,” or whatever.

After Axe ran away I lost interest.

>>17725887
Gay

At what point do you have too many characters on a script?

I'm considering writing a weekly anti-weeb series on RR. Would /wg/ be interested?

>>17726021
anti-anything is boring. if you don't like anime stories write the story you think is good to counter them, not some gay parody. parodies are the ultimate selling out because they take no effort other than making funny observations, and create nothing new or of substance. you'd be lower than the weebs.

A story about robot girl. Pls no bully.
https://pastebin.com/bG4XKw4H

>>17725890
>>17725518

>>17725187
Crap, I didn’t know it would redirect you to the previous thread and THEN send you to pastebin. My bad.

jesus, this one scene keeps fighting me. Even forcing words out with no regard to the quality it's like trying to milk a stone

how the fuck do I get 158k words into a novel before grinding to a halt for a month?

>>17726059
Stop taking His name in vain.

>>17725143
Aren't faggot jannies supposed to hide the fact that they clean up our shit for free? Using the same kind of pic over and over again is avatarfagging holobrony.

How's it going frens.

>>17726088
>It turns out the hooker with bosoms the size of melons was a vampire. I should have known when her nipples hand fangs and she kept making tasteless references to Buffy, but it was only after I lit my book on fire that I saw her nappy hair and cat like eyebrows. All I know for sure is that this brothel sure isn’t getting a five star Yelp review. Not to mention the half tank of gas drive to get all the way out here to Wish Mountain. Location. Location. Location.

Can creativity be improved like a skill?

I've always wanted to create something but once I actually try to start I can't think of how to execute it. All I have are vague ideas that haven't been tried before but I lack the ability to bring them to fruition.

>>17726133
If you have ideas you have creativity. You learn to do things by doing them. Start writing things even though they'll be shit, so you can figure out how to write not-shit things eventually

>>17726115
>Truly we have become Wish Mountain

damn

>>17726133
Some people say creativity is just making unique connections between things. In that sense you can always be expanding and reinforcing the things those connections consist of. E.g. reading more and meditating on specific concepts you like or want to change.

Like, I'm an awful writer. It's like I don't have the brain power to come up with good ideas on a moment to moment basis, it all comes out as autistic drivel.

I can't help but feel that this reflects my overall low intelligence as someonr who can't even hold a conversation.

I just wish I could create something, then my miserable life would atleast be worth Something.

>>17726115
I wish this was the real wish mountain

Is it possible to force yourself into a certain mindset before you sit to write something?
I'm working on the script for my toy stop motion project but too often I find myself treating it as fanfiction and going beyond what a toy bio or a basic glimpse at a character's background provides.
I really want this to be as similar as when I was a kind and I would buy a cheap KO with a legible profile that I liked for its design and go crazy with it but I forget not to do this shit.

>>17726147
>then my miserable life would atleast be worth Something.
don't say this negative things about yourself. keep trying.

>>17726157
*was a kid

>>17726147
Anon, if you can’t even respect the use of words as a tool and correctly punctuate and phrase your post, how are you going to use those words to manifest your will upon reality? Everything takes time and practice. If you actually want to write, you should keep writing. If you just feel like you should be writing because you have lofty dreams of it filling some deeply endless hole inside yourself, then maybe you need to do some more self reflection. I wish and hope for the best, anon. Have a little pride, why dont ya? Even if it’s made up.

>>17726148
>>17726148
I wish YOU were the real wish mountain.

>>17726157
That's how discipline works. Having a trigger, like a specific place, music, or time helps too.

>>17726157
Is it possible to put yourself in a certain mindset period should be your question. Writing is putting thought to page and your current emotional state and the material you have primed yourself with all have effects on the resulting material.

Go to target and read all the boxes in the action figure isle or check out the websites that have those kind of quippy bios.
>STEVEN THE ORANGE RANGER LOVES MATH ROCK AND HIS PET TURTLE. HIS POWERFUL PIZZA CUTTER AND CHEESE GRATER COMBO WEAPONS ADD SOME PIZAZZ TO THE BATTLEFIELD AGAINST THE EVIL FAZOLI AND HIS MINONS.

>>17726163
>If you just feel like you should be writing because you have lofty dreams of it filling some deeply endless hole inside yourself
Who doesn't?

>>17726202
There is a difference between thinking the hole can ever be filled and endlessly dumping into it, knowing it won’t.

>>17726202
The animefags. All they do is just write and post their progress whereas everyone else is just shitposting, blogposting, bitching about >mug anime, etc.

>>17726206
pyw animefag

My synopsis / intro on Royal Road needs work, lads. I want to gain readers but I think my synopsis isn't selling the story enough. Would appreciate help with this since advertising and this kind of thing isn't my strong suit.

Wish Mountain follows the adventures of Hress Dunter and his companions as they journey up a mysterious mountain. Legend tells whoever reaches the heart of Wish Mountain will receive one all-powerful wish, but nobody in a thousand years has been able to get there. The kingdom needs a hero, but they'll have to settle for Hress Dunter.

ARCS:

1. The Trial of Hress Dunter: A crucial decision leads Hress to be placed on trial. His life hangs in the balance. Can he talk his way out of being executed?

>>17726206
Man, I wish I was an animeCHAD.

>>17726147
First of all, write for yourself.
Don't try to impress anyone, try to impress yourself. If you can differentiate between your autistic drivel and actual good writing, that means that you have some quality control up in your melon, all you have to do now is to write, revise: make shit that deserves further improvement.

>>17726206
>The animefags.
you mean (You), stop defending them as if aren't one of them. no amount of pro-weeb posting will make it any better for your kind.

>>17726215
>Wish Mountain
Your retention is 1/33, your synopsis is working but you definitely want something better for whe you get ready to trend.
Also I forgot how trips work so I'll probably change my code if this works.

A synopsis on RRL should do exactly 3 things in no particular order:

Reveal the character, hook, and conflict.

The biggest issue with your synopsis that I see is that it doesn't sell me on Hress Dunter. They have to settle? So is he a lazy hero? Does he have a motivation where he is forced into this? Does he have conflicting goals with the Kingdom to use for his wish? Thats the big miss on it.

The setting for the world also isnt much either. Is this a magical world? There are wishes in it. Is Hress a magician? Swordfighter? Is there any magic?

>>17725187
I personally thought it was somewhat generic, but it fits for kids and teenagers. However, I think you should dumb down the writing a bit for your audience.

>>17726209
Not that, anon, but that shit isn't even an insult but the truth. Literally, only they and they alone, just write and post their progress. Everything else in these threads are just asking stupid fucking question they can search online, or blogpost about their writing, yet never posting their writing, or worse, bitching about the animefags.

>>17726235
There's lots of non-anime writing in these threads. Usually equally cringe sure, but not anime

>>17725143
Critique this

Ever since the collapse, hooded figures had begun to appear in the fields of Nor Noc. They spoke with the eloquence of men that saw harder times then now but had not become embittered to the darkness that crept in the hearts of so many. But their mellifluous voices served only as lures to the gullible and naïve. One summer day, the sun was over taken by a new light that had produced a sickly green color over the land. With this change came changes in behavior, from cases of docility to cases of sheer savagery, the light effected everyone differently. Not only that but the denizens of Nor Noc had found that they were cut off from the rest of the land and from outsiders. Save for the hooded figures that came and went as they pleased.

The collapse of Nor Noc would have been complete save for the hooded visitors that had brought in items and treasures from the outside world. They also brought education back into the denizen's lives. They were almost considered a force for good had they it not been for their simple request; The denizens of Nor Noc must choose three people to give to the figures as a sacrifice. No one knew what happened to those that had drawn the short straw. Barely anyone had any semblance of a sane mind except for the most basic instincts of survival.

A couple of the braver denizens of Nor Noc had a scheme of murder and that had seen fruition. And with it's fruition came the consequences for the two slayers had been paid a visit in their deepest sleep and had their minds broken and reduced to a further diminutive state then it was then. And when the denizens saw the retarded slayers, there fell upon them a universal fear of fates worse then death. They understood that no harm must befall the hooded figures and that the sacrifices were necessary. The collapse had almost been complete save for the figures restoring a semblance of order with their gifts and enlightenment. For now this was the order of the land and so it shall be until the last denizens of Nor Noc were chosen to be sacrificed to a world beyond their own.

>>17726245
Review them, cuck. Give them notice if you care so much.

>>17726231
Okay thanks for this. Also my goal is to reach trending like everyone else on RR so thanks for the encouragement there.

My problem is I don't know how much I can give away in my synopsis.

On the surface Hress Dunter is every bit the handsome young man one would expect a hero to be. After saving a seaside town from blood-drinking beings known as Accursed, Hress planned to spend the rest of his days living off his folk hero status and the small fortune he was paid for a job well done. However after accepting an invitation to a royal ball, a crucial decision lands Hress as the prime suspect in a murder. Can Hress talk himself out of being executed?


Is that any better?

>>17726215
>Look, your honor, I wasn’t provisionally warned of my rights. I wasn’t given proper notice of this hearing. Prosecutors filed a flawed indictment and didn’t even bother to amend. The evidence against me is the result of an unconstitutional search warrant. I haven’t been provided any sort of counsel to speak of. I know my rights. That vampire with the big ol’ milkers attacked me first. Setting all of wish mountain on fire was purely in self defense.

>>17726254
I will if you critique this
>>17725187

>>17726245
For future reference, what do you define as anime, strict Isekai litrpg?

>>17726235
Kid story guy here, thanks for the reply.

>>17726270
Going for genres and tropes that pretty much originate/only exist with in anime like isekaishit, or otherwise giving everything and peppering your prose with weebspeak

>>17726256
>Hress Dunter
DRESS HUNTER

>>17726278
Is the plot twist that he's a tranny

>>17726278

From chapter six of Wish Mountain:

Hress brought Hahn his small fortune of silver coins and heaved them onto the back of the wagon. Hress’s equally small fortune was kept with the deputy mayor until he had someplace better to put it. He had been meaning to say some parting words, but before he could a man from the crowd grabbed his wrist pulling him along the street. Realising what was happening, Hress let himself be led. The crowd clapped as he approached.

“Three cheers for Dress Hunter!”

“It’s Hress Dunter!” Hress yelled.

“My apologies! Three cheers for Hress Dunter! Hip-hip!”

“Hooray!”

“Hip-hip!”

“Hooray!”

“Hip-hip!”

“Hooray!”

“Did you really defeat all three blood-drinkers on your own?” shouted a child from the crowd.

Hress looked back to Hahn who was already pulling the wagon in the opposite direction down the muddy street. He was at a loss for words. “You bet I did!” he yelled back to the child once Hahn had disappeared around the corner.

The crowd cheered and the legend of the folk hero Hress Dunter was born.

>>17726260
>>17726265
I'm not into fantasy but this was quite easy for me to read. Guess it was something about your prose that did it for me. It's eloquent, i'll admit that.

What's a better name for a main character:

Hress Dunter or Pokemon Jones? lol.

>>17726256

I have found that you can give away more to your readers than most think.

This is an improvement

I would do something like this:

Hress Dunter. (Master Swordsman? Magician? More detail about how the character fights/interacts with the world? Alchemist?)

Some know him as a hero, a man who saved the lives of an entire town from blood-sucking Accursed.

He was ready to kick off his retirement with a party at a Royal Ball— until it ended with him being accused of murder.

>>17726293
And then anons wonder why animefags are the only ones contributing anything to these threads.

>>17726296
Hress is a bounty hunter's assistant, but this is a spoiler. Since he starts out pretending he was just a full fledged bounty hunter. Dunno if the reader would care about that difference though.

>>17726293
The name Hress Dunter is dumb, I grant you. But people are going to remember it. Plus if you read the story you'll figure out why he's name is so dumb.

>>17726254
>>17726286
I’ll assume you’re this guy?

>>17726315
Yes

>>17726283
>Look I’m just not into this new age shit. I’ll stick with Rocky Horror and the likes, but I still got a day job. I can’t afford drugs and surgeries and shit. I just like the way fishnet makes me feel. No. It’s a material thing. No, not material like the fish nets, material like in real. I mean, it’s also material as in I only get high quality fish nets. I tell you, this one time over at Wish Mountain, the girl freaked when she saw my pantyhose. Like real vampire vibes. Burned the whole place to the ground. I did. Not her. Well, she burned too.

>>17726299
doubt anyone wonders this. Also, not contributing =/= not writing.

>>17725143
>Any progress
42k words now. I have never before sustained any work this long, I find myself in an undiscovered country.

>>17726315
I got as far as two paragraphs before I stopped because my head was hurting. This stuff is too advanced for me. There are big words there that require a dictionary for me and the story wasn’t interesting enough in my personal tastes. I get that you’re trying to set up a mystery but it wasn’t one I found appealing. Overall it seemed fine, but don’t count on my opinion because my head is still in a daze.
I thought you said you weren’t into fantasy but this story sounds fantastical.

>>17726310
Say he is a "Bounty Hunter" in quotes? Could be fun. Makes the reader go Bounty Hunter or "Bounty Hunter"?

>>17726350
I like that. Good idea.

>>17725143

Yeah. I write a lot. I like to write a chapter of no more than 2500 words, followed by a poem for the mood of what was just read.

I have one completed book on fictions press:
https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3352670/1/The-Synth-Pill

I really appreciate if anyone would give me a review. I have no reviews, but I have had three offers from kongfubooks and others. They liked it, but it is probably just spam.

The first chapters are a bit clumsy. I like to take my time and develop the characters.

My second book is where the plot thickens. I have posted half of it:

https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3354546/1/The-Synth-Pill-II

Feel free to read if you enjoy that sort of stuff. Please leave some positive feedback. I am already hard on myself. It isn't too difficult to be your own worst critic.

Just pick one chapter. Read it, comment on it. You don't have to read the whole book. Any good feedback feels good. If you have some love to give, please give.

>>17726254
I’m not sure I’ll be able to articulate this properly, but your prose style occasionally breaks. It seems as if you’re trying this lavish thesaurus fueled fantasy motif, but occasionally clunky syntax, strange usage of words, repetition of the same five dollar words, and uses of regular linguistic crutches such as the word “that” make the entire thing mostly a bother to read, leaving me unable to really resonate with what exactly is going on. There were good elements within it, but without a once over to purify it, so to say, it just isn’t doin’ it for me.

>>17726370
Ok bud I’ll look at your stuff and comment here what I think about it
But first you do mine,
>>17725187

Can someone look at my story about a Filipino legend? Thank you.

Link:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tS2h7VLCdcXCmwmyzOFg94aHWL9TuYmkVF2FP-X6mto/edit

Remember, if you allow creativity into your work and it's less grounded in minutia and dramatic pathos, it might be anime.

>>17726729
Anime is full of minutia and dramatic pathos though

Remember that there are actual people in this world that post their slightly edited chapter outlines online and call it "light novels". The absolute state of Japan.

>>17725143
>didnt edit out the royal road shill
cmon

>>17726318
this is some good shit

>>17726927
Those are rarely grounded, are they not?

How did y’all get started? Did you study English/literature/creative writing, or did you just go for it and just read loads and write as much as you could?

>>17727386
I had my mom write down stories from my diction at around 5 or 6 years old. When I learned to write I would take pen to paper and write my own stories. Then I graduated to using the computer for it.
I have not taken any classes in creative writing and never wish to take any, I want to express myself in a pure, unfiltered manner.
I used to write stuff for my friends to read throughout middle school and high school. After graduation I spent years writing fics for /a/ and later /jp/'s Monster Girl Threads.
Writing is fun.

>>17727386
Just read a lot of books, thought of a story that I wanted to read, or got annoyed by prevalence of some fiction tropes. .Also, a girl I know wanted to date a writer.

>>17727418
>animefag was born with writing tism
/wg/, is it true that anime makes you better at writing?

>>17727461
Animefags are the only ones writing in these threads, so what do you think?

>>17727461
Anime has a lot of variety so maybe.

>>17727461
No but it lowers your inhibitions and insecurities and just makes you write, and the only way to improve your writing is by doing it more. Animefags are destined to win.

>>17726033
i read the prologue. your prose is amateurish and unpolished, but i enjoyed reading it. you did well dropping off hints that made me want more. who was mr. komodo? what happened in those two hundred years? the empty cinema is comfy and reminiscent of the empty hotel/lounge in the shining.
my favorite line is
>It was as if the whole world went elsewhere for the holidays and left her behind to deal with silence.
it's not perfect but it made me feel pity for the girl. i'm just a softie though, but you did something right there.

some nitpicks:

>she’d been calling him once everyday for the past two hundred years, after all, someone was bound to come.
comma splice

>brandishing a Guandao – a Chinese bladed spear like the one Mr. Komodo had.
an awkward way to explain what something is. can't give a suggestion right now

>Upon entering the black abode of the theatre room the Girl felt brutal force at the back of her neck.
weak. personally, i would:
>She took a step through the curtain when something grabbed her shoulder. A brutal hit at the neck. Defense systems unresponsive. Another strike, and she was on the ground, with an iron collar clamped shut around her neck.
terrible example, but i'm sure you can find a way to give the action some life.

>Defence programs initiated to nothing, refusing to work,
>She looked up to see the Bargainer happy, grinning
redundant. we know the defenses refused to work if they are already initiated to nothing. we know the bargainer is happy if he was grinning.

it would benefit greatly with editing.

>>17726235
>they
that's ironic because your writing itself smells like anime, but i don't mean this as an insult.

>Below it
we don't need this. where else would people be standing? above the rain?
>He stood heads above her dressed
i thought she was the one dressed, at first. i'd put a comma here
wording is kind of awkward as well. i wouldn't be surprised if someone thought he was standing on a platform above her.
>Winter clothed softness
terrible. just say thick/fluffy jacket or something. we get the idea.
i would split that sentence into two.
>last sentence
did you mean /he/ lowered his gaze?

>As many people as there were raindrops flowed past.
confusing. people flowed past? raindrops flowed past? it's also cliche.
>and without further indication
cut this. we already get the sense of caprice from "suddenly"
>breadmaking fragrance
>
just say fresh bread, or the sweet scent of bread, or something. that sounded pretentious
>rainy smelling air
you went from purple to elementary school level writing here. there are better ways to describe the the smell or rain, or the smell of earth. i'm rambling but you get the idea
>taking in lungful of the complimentary smells
we already read about the smells. we don't need this.
>yen
so it was anime after all
>all those hands
confusing
>aquarium
suddenly there's a huge fuck tunnel aquarium? it thought this was a small side shop
i lost attention there. the rest was confusing to go through.
is it cringe? most would say yes. i would say yes. but it's comfy and it feels nice. i may not want to read more, but i definitely want to know more.
then again, that's only my personal taste and it's no way 100% reflective of the actual quality, and i'm only one guy.

>>17727386
>did you just go for it and just read loads and write as much as you could?
this one. i did take english back in high school but that was basically mandatory. that's when i first got interested in lit. now i read and write.

>>17727386
>committing time and money to taking writing classes
Could you imagine?
Why would you bother when you can watch anime for free

>>17727638
I had a friend who had his parents pay for his writing classes when we were in school. I was so jealous of him then.
He lost his love for writing I guess because I haven't heart of him even trying to make anything in years.

kind of high and tired
wrote a small "scene" in a play idea that i'll prolly never do
it's about a straight guy who wants to be known as a homosexual for the aesthetic of it

Man 2: But why old sport? Why must you sleep with a man?
Man 1: Don’t be daft. All great artists have had their taste of homosexuality: Oscar Wilde, Wordsworth, Bram Stoker, John Green, Byron.
Man 2: John Green isn’t a homosexual.
Man 1, shocked: Really now? Irregardless, if I am to attain such status as an artist, I must find myself a man.
Man 2: Regardless.
Man 1: What?
Man 2: The term is regardless, not irregardless.
Man 1: I could care less.

So I don't really know much about the various act structures, or I haven't studied them, at least. In my story, though, I've realized that if you were to divide it into thirds, each of them would end with a climactic moment, and then the tension resets a bit at the start of each third while the characters recover. The second act's moment is more dramatic than the first's, and the third's is the most dramatic. Most of the advice I've read advocates for a constant raising of tension, though, going smoothly from one act to the next rather than allowing things to reset. How unusual or inadvisable is what my story's doing? I'm trying to stick with a theme throughout each of these parts, but I'm wondering if it will be too episodic for readers.

>>17728014
There are no eternal rules. Each story has its own internal logic and flow. I'm a fan of the admittedly somewhat mystified view that the story "tells itself" that you are channeling something objective beyond the veil. That the writer's role is to uncover rather than invent, and that their skills vary depending on how sensitive they are to these possibilities and how penetratingly they can express them.

>>17727386
I started young and just bullshitted it until I got good.

Every single romance I write ends up drenched in tragedy. I imagine them like a happy movie romance at first, in my head the characters and happy and smiling. Then when it's time to get there I start putting rough shit in the middle. It's like I have to put every kiss or little step toward the happy relationship at the end of a conga train of trauma. In the end my characters are so broken they can hardly function so there's no happiness left, only two sweet people sharing burdens and pain.
Why do I do this?

>>17728072
To make them earn it.

>>17728023
Bad post

>>17728014
Don't be so hung up on reader perception
If you believe your story is fundamentally good and interesting then just continue writing and improving it
If you think it's shit then write something else

You can't please everyone. Some like episodic some dont

>>17728155
I'm continuing writing. I'm asking for people to discuss something about storytelling theory because that's more interesting than the usual shit that gets posted here.

>>17728023
This is some legal formalism/natural law bullshit.

>>17728183
Can't say much, but what's the issue if it works for your story as of now? Some stories are episodic in nature so you might have to think about whether your story works like that.

>>17728183
Your topic pretty much boils down to most questions people ask on their writing
If you really believe your ideas have merit then just execute them well. Don't be a weirdo who gets tied up in convention or market think

>>17727607
also the story better pick up there and explain the characters. who are they? what is their relationship?

I was thinking of a way to write characters that are in-story super smart but I'm not sure how realistic it is or if it's even a good way to do it. Take this also as me asking for suggestions on how to do it.
Basically, I'd be allowing them to make connections between events/facts/ideas/objects/w.e that other characters don't or have them derive more information from observation.
Naturally, a smart but ignorant character wouldn't be able to just pull all the information regarding something out of like, uuuuuuuuhhhhhh, at what exact temperature, idunno, paint thinner would burn but he would know it's flammable from the smell given he knows what gasoline is.
It'd be kind of like playing with the flow of information I, as the author, have available to create the illusion of a supernatural level of smarts.

Is this right or i'm dumb and missing something?

>>17728619
if you have to think about how a smart person would think then you shouldn't write a smart character

>>17728619
I think it's almost impossible to do "supernatural level of smarts" without being shit.

>>17728622
I'm about above average intelligence where I live and some things are just so evident to me and they kind of just come to me, like I have no idea how people would miss some of the shit I notice.
Not that I'm particularly smart myself but either way, I doubt having a character "magically" come to a conclusion without showing any of the steps would feel real to a reader.

Also, sometimes you just have to deal with characters like that being involved in the story.

They call him "tard," they call him "tranny."
His stench and weight, both quite uncanny.
All alone in basement lair.
Fingers run through thinning hair.

Computer chair all cracked and bent.
Payment checks he is not sent.
His mother dear, his only friend.
Unable still to change this trend.

Cheetos, candy, loli porn.
Online anons heap on scorn.
Bans enacted then evaded.
Relationships not cultivated.

Urine soaked and breathing hard.
His organs trapped in tombs of lard.
Not much longer for this world
Hentai posters hang unfurled.

His life a wreck, his dreams in shambles.
In forum posts, he endless rambles.
Some call him "tard," some call him "tranny."
Others still just call him "Janny."

>>17728655
Maybe supernatural was too much but, what if you end up having to include Dogecoin-Man into your story?
Is there a good way to write that sort of thing?

>>17728671
beautiful

>>17728671
absolutely mogging /wg/ once again

>>17728619
This can be problematic if you aren’t careful. You don’t want this super smart character to end up drawing conclusions that, in universe, they couldn’t possibly have any way of knowing.

I hated this when reading the original Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn...

>>17728677
The problem with this is that while it's possible to write an extraordinarily intelligent / perceptive character and have him be relatable, if you use this in a detective story or as a tool to get your character out of situations it becomes a bullshit magic wand and it's such a big deal that no matter how human and flawed your character is, he'll always come across as the best in everything. You can watch Sherlock or read The Name of the Wind too see how fucking annoying this is. It's not a new idea either.
Probably the only way to do this is to compensate by making your character extremely flawed in other intellectual areas. This way you can describe all his thought process as he glaces over a scene and cooks up absurd reconstructions and details on the fly, then in the next scene he's a babbling idiot because he can't into social skills. There are procedurals that do this with their MC as well, I think Monk does it. He's like a genius but he's neurotic and has no social skills.

>>17728724
For those who don't want to subject themselves to actually watching Sherlock:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkoGBOs5ecM

>>17728745
This video is two hours long... I may as well watch Sherlock.

>>17728749
The video also talks about why the dude ruined Doctor Who

>>17728749
>>17728745
This is Monk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWkoyhZSXV4
I never really watched it but a family member did, it's probably how this kind of character is done right
(I don't have /lit/ examples sorry, I don't really read crime books not dealt with uber intelligent characters outside of Flowers for Algernon maybe)

I'm an animefag but I don't write. How do I fix this?

>>17728724
Also all of dosto’s characters are like this. Conceited autistic intellectuals. I hate them but I can’t stop reading.

>>17728906
Read this

>>17727498
Thanks for the review anon. I’ll work on my prose.

>>17728906
just write your favorite anime characters and scenarios
write an isekai or something

>>17728906
Imagine your dream anime.
Now write it down.

Take a look at my writing, lads.
Is there a chance for (very) low fantasy on RR?

https://pastebin.com/dYgqCE7h

I wanted to practice dialogue. I think it might be the weakest part of my writing

See you guys tomorrow

>>17728745
isn't this about a bad director?
shame that doctor who is shit, I've been saving it for a rainy day as a comfort food. I've always heard that it's good

>>17728981
It's just another example of telling and not showing. You might as well cut everything above the last paragraph. The sentences and word choices are awkward and it's not easy to tell where this is all going. I have nothing against fantasy, but wouldn't read more.

>>17726350
Hounty Bunter

>>17729195
Post your writing

>>17729283
Wost pour yriting

>>17729296
>pour
fucking ESLs

>>17729195
Hress Dunter the Hounty Bunter and other stories.
That's a great title for my anthology, just need to write the titular story. Maybe make him a mall cop at Macy's who pursues a shoplifter only to find out his target has a little extra downstairs. He catches the thief but then gets fired for being insensitive calling the thing a tranny, and then ends up on some TV judge program where he tries to tell his story and ends up getting sentenced to 10 years in prison for not affirming the thing's delusions.

>tfw forgot an exchange of dialogue that i thought was funny and fleshed out the characters involved because i didn't wrote it down
I KNOW
I KNOW IVE LET YOU DOWN
IVE BEEN A FOOL TO MYSELF

How many chapters does a story on Royalroad need to have for you to give it a read?

>>17729737
For me 15 if its trending and 20 if its not. I recommend lowering your wordcount for your first few chapters to 1000/1.5k and posting 2 chapters at a time to get to one of those counts in your first 16 days.

That said I got a few thousand followers with only 9 chapters, but it was while writing in Royalroads favorite genre.

Is there any point in posting a homosexual romance memoir here or will I just get bullied? (I don't mind literary bullying if its constructive feedback)

>>17729838
I'd read and review.

>>17728745
>hbomberguy
"No!"

>"b-but his videos on pop culture are good you should che-"
"No!"

>>17729838
you will get bullied but possibly not even for the homosexual content.

>>17729770
I don't click anything that's not on trending or highest rated of all time

>>17729911
This

>>17729911
>>17729987
fucking aquaman

>>17726254
>eloquence of men that saw harder times then now but had not become embittered to the darkness that crept in the hearts of so many.
I feel like this doesn't particularly make much sense.

>mellifluous
Consider a different word for this.

>And with it's fruition came the consequences for the two slayers had been paid a visit in their deepest sleep and had their minds broken and reduced to a further diminutive state then it was then
A little bit of long-winded sentence.

>retarded
maybe a different word choice.

>The collapse had almost been complete save for the figures restoring a semblance of order with their gifts and enlightenment.
I think you're repeating yourself here.

>>17729997
Brave Bold Aquaman is the only good Aquaman.

>>17729737
I don't care about the amount of chapters, but a synopsis that doesn't make me immediately cringe would be a start. Once that tall hurdle is crossed, the first chapter making any sense would be nice. Succeeding at both might make me a follower, though none have yet succeeded.

>>17729374
Hress Dunter the Hounty Bunter Hires Sob Bmith, Aefense Dttorney.

>>17729983
>>17729770
>implying trending or ranking is any indication of quality
Put wuxia and xianxia in fiction tags and you have 2 million chink readers by default

>>17730045
>I'm mad because I can't trend and still think I'm good
also a big chunk of RRL hates xianxia. the most successful xianxia on site are either long running or satire.

>>17730062
Please don't respond to me

>>17730045
Uh, I've met far more wuxia/xianxia readers who are chinkaboos than actual chinks actually...

>>17730106
Keep crying I bet you got sub 10 followers and deleted your fic

>>17730116
>my schizophrenic ramblings of a first attempt passed the shitter test
Whew. Hopefully I can do it again next time

>>17730166
>1/277
:/

>>17730215
It was irredeemable shit with a snappy title and decent minimalist cover so it probably got lots of clicks
I was advised to just write a new chapter everyday. Not for me, it just ended up illegible shit

No, really, who brought the tourist?

>>17730254
Writing illegible shit is a great way to improve and build stamina though. Writing lots of illegible shit will make you better faster than writing a little bit of good shit.

First drafts are also supposed to be bad

>>17730303
>have been practicing by doing a short story every day
>haven't been focusing on sheer wc at all
T-thanks for the advice anon

I never realized how retarded my brain gets when I'm writing fiction until today. I was writing, and I needed to take a break to go get lunch, but I didn't want to stop so I just started saying sentences to myself in the car to continue the story. I spoke like a four year old trying to read. I knew what I wanted to say, but for some reason picking out the words felt so unnatural and clumsy. Maybe I should start writing via dictation to get better at oral storytelling, because fuck that sounded bad. I can speak like a normal human most of the time, but when I'm coming up with fiction it all goes to shit right now.

>>17730622
the advice "think before you speak" has gone out of style and it's printing retards
not even trying to put you down anon, I do the same shit. I used to talk to myself out loud as a teenager all the time and I never had the problem
think before you talk, have a defined internal monologue when you think, keep a diary and dare I say it, just write

How do you write the location with enough detail that it doesn't feel like it's taking place in a void, but not so much that the scene slows to a crawl?

>>17730622
I feel you anon, I have a hard time saying out loud words that feel so easy to write. Dictating stories out loud is difficult, I think, it’s not until I put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) that I can actually turn the brain images into words.

>>17730796
I use only the parts of the environment that characters directly interact with through either sense. Maybe a sentence about larger picture at the start of the scene.

why is this scene so hard to write...

why did I lose my drive and ability...

>>17725177
#th for shit and piss

>>17730976
Just imagine your characters as foss dressler, or whatever wonder mountain’s name is. Just do it. Just have fun with it. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Lower your expectations. Find a work around.

>>17725726
Imagine shilling a dying industry. Self-publishing is the name of the game, and nothing will change that.

>>17729032
Some of the dialogue feels unnatural, particularly for the younger pig. I think you're trying too hard to make it sound complex;
>Surely this situation can be undone.
There must be a way out.
>To never enjoy beautiful things? To never again live well and rightly?
Don't you want to live another day?

Those aren't perfect, but I hope they give you some idea of what to do.
Thought it was an enjoyable story anon, keep at it.

>>17728981
I think there are certain situations where listing out facts about an imperial army can work. For instance, if this was dialogue from some Imperial propagandist trying to make the dangerous regiment seem more appealing to some peasants then I think it'd be pretty good. If you're just trying to paint a picture of the army, though, then I think you should take some advice from that other anon and try and "show" them in a more natural way rather than just listing off info.
Keep at it anon, reminds me a little of some Warhammer Fantasy I've enjoyed.

If anyone has any feedback on the start of this western short story I'm writing, I'd appreciate it.

>>17732066
If you look at mine, I’ll comment on yours.
>>17725187

>>17732221
>If you look at mine, I’ll comment on yours.
lewd

>>17732232
Get your mind outta the gutter. That was a perfectly normal sentence.

Why do I keep putting age gap couples in my writing, bros?

>>17732351
sounds kind of hot keep doing it

>>17732356
The guys are always the older ones, though.

How does one do exposition right?

>>17732522
dont

>>17732522
By researching it and not wasting your time here.

How do you check retention rate on royal road?

>>17732728
You can see your views per chapter in your dashboard to see if you have chapters people drop off at but the important one is how many followers you get per view. Most of the RRL community doesn't pay attention to this statistic.

(views)/(followers) = retention

>>17732884
lol I ain't got jack then. Hell yeah, brother.

>>17732221
I only was able to read the prologue and a little of the first chapter, but here's what I thought.
>Brunihild, an evil witch and sacrificer, held it with one hand and stretched out her cold, lifeless other to Chief Odalric as he approached with the babe, Francia
I feel like listing three names off in this one sentence is a little much. Try to spread them out.
>The chief had been subject to the cult of Esser since he learned how to fear, for all children, even the youngest,
I would make this a new sentence after "..learned how to fear,"
I would also remove that opening paragraph where you say "Once upon a time," and just go straight into the one that begins, "Dawn rose." The sentence after that runs on a little too long.
The dialogue could also use just a tad bit of work. Usually, I think simpler dialogue is better, but when Brunihild says, "The girl has a point" it feels a little too modern for a Germanic, pagan witch.
The prologue is pretty well written, but when you get into chapter one you start making your sentences a bit too wordy.
>For twenty years he fought alongside the Marcomanni, his old tribe, against Gauls south of Germania, making great plunder and gains from raiding that fertile country – the reason he became so sick of fighting in the first place, for he had no reason to be in Gaul but take things from people he didn’t know nor did him any wrong and for this Adalwolf punished himself with exile, hoping to never hold a weapon again lest his hands return to evil.
This is way too long and complicated. I would shorten it down to something like;
>For twenty years he fought with his old tribe, the Marcomanni, in their raids against the Gaul tribes of the south. A man could make good money in those raids, but stealing from those he didn’t know and did him no wrong made Adalwolf sick of battle. He lived away from his tribe now, and hoped to never hold a weapon again.
That's probably not the best way to write it, but I hope it gives you an idea of how to make it less wordy.
Pre-Medieval Germany sounds like a cool setting for a kid's fantasy so good luck getting it done anon.

>>17732066
>>17732935
The first paragraph is serviceable. Nothing special. I got the idea of a desert. I guess the sentence "swallowing the whole of the plane" was nice.

Second paragraph allowed me to believe this was a biker story. There are hints and clues here about what kind of characters I'm dealing with by their postures. Nice. But because they have no names and there's nothing but descriptions for miles after they're introduced this effort to characterize them may be forgotten.

Also not my kind of story so my attention was biased against it. Take that into account. Overall it seemed serviceable.

>go back to the stories I wrote 3 years ago
>full of ideas and variety
>look at the stories I write today
>void of life but technically better
wew I hate college

>>17729838
>>17729877
>>17729942
First page, appreciate any feedback. It's only going to be three or four pages, but the ending isn't quite done so I won't waste your time yet.
Any helpful feedback I'd be happy to read yours and give in turn, if you'd like. Thanks.

>>17733420
How brainrotted are you that you can't finish four pages before you have someone read them? That's the length of story where you can actually get away with posting the whole thing here. Just finish it.

>>17733450
Jesus, these threads have always been full of opening paragraphs, snippets, single pages. Scroll up

>>17728906
>I'm an animefag but I don't write.
we know, we have a problem with your people in this general.
>>17728906
>How do I fix this?
You don't. You're born that way.

>>17727476
this meme really needs to die, stop making it seem like you guys are the only ones.

ESL here please help.
There's a phrase I can't remember, talking about a disaster in the making or predicting a disaster.
It goes like this
>"something" for a disaster
Or something like that. Like preparations for a disaster? Or something, I'm not sure.

>>17733548
How is it a meme if it’s true?

>>17733573
I remember it now. All ingredients for a disaster.

I am NOT an animefag and I write or at least I spend a lot of time thinking about writing

>>17725143
>Any progress on your novels?
No, I live in Boomer hell. The tv is always on and I can't concentrate until 10pm. Thats when thay go watch tv in bed, the noise doesn't reach this "basement apartment." That Grub Hub add isn't even the worst thing I have to listen to every day.

>>17725421
>github
You know, I'm a /g/ autist and I never thought of publishing my literature in a git repo. I want some of my writings to be available for free so this sounds like a good idea.

>>17733595
It's recipe for disaster

>>17727461
Yes. It's such a stagnant arena of cliches and repetition that you automatically learn to avoid its themes, and therefore improve just by watching.

>>17725717
No one wants to take this?

>>17733183
Thanks anon, I appreciate the feedback.

>>17732522
I like the idea of piecing the exposition in small chunks that are only relevant when they'd be logically relevant as to involve the reader with it. That way they can also engage with the information by piecing it together.
Alternatively, do some goofy shit like Borges writing a story that's all exposition.

>>17733660
No, it's not mine.

>>17727461
god no

>>17725143
I made a recording of several of my best poems. My writing is heavily influenced by Victorian Poetry, Mythologia, and Julius Evola, as well as exploring different and opposing philosophies
https://voca.ro/13BKIcDQlYEo

>>17733810
>>17728671
Could you read mine, please? I put 5 whole minutes of work into it.

>>17725717
>>17733660
I'll give it a shot
I actually like it quite a bit. Some of it feels a little loquacious, particularly the part about him vomiting, it feels a bit over-dramatic for what it is. Also, a bit unclear. Did the towspeople kill him or did he just shit himself and die by coincidence? The 'killed because he loved and loved because he killed' also comes off a bit juvenile.
'as he was known' is superfluous. His post-death actions seem a liittle odd, trying to kill him rather than bewilderment or just acceptance. But I'm sure if I understood the character a little more it could be fine.
Has promise, pretty well written.

>>17733865
Based. Fuck jannies, humor poetry is always fun to right, though perhaps make it more about trannies in the general sense, outside the 4chan meme, trannies have always existed in some form since Mesopotamia, so perhaps some historical or "mythological" allusions might add some more pomp to the poem making it even more ironic and funnier. I was dissing trannies today and my family got mad, stupied lolberts.

>>17725717
Use " instead of ' for quotation marks. You can probably combine some of these sentence paragraps like the 'where is my armone one' and the 'if you want to kill me that badly' paragraph.

>he looked down to find the man...
I feel like it could be phrased better. I'm rereading this trying to make sense of it and it's making my head hurt.

>but just as is love to infect the hearts of those whom knew it ...
I dunno, I'm not feeling this sentence.

>purring like a favourite kitten
This doesn't even make sense unless she's literally a furry girl.

>matrimony
Consider a different word choice maybe.

>not far and again he felt recuperated by his efforts
what?

>treasonous lord
Maybe treacherous lord can work here?

>the burning wine in his heart...
Doesn't make sense, I think.

>contorted in on themselves
Maybe use a different word or rephrase it better.

>eyes a blur, breaths a labor
I feel this should be reworded

>Awaken
should be lower case

>Endor
should probably be renamed.

>hard sand
huh?

>misty pale
pale mist

>forth;
I think just a period works here.

>squalid
consider a different word.

>throttle
Maybe consider a different word.

>cavernous
Maybe keep, maybe change.

>everything after "mistaken for"
probably rephrase all of that.

Not sure what to say about the story overall. Also, charge your goddamn battery.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/37998/wish-mountain/chapter/643790/chapter-eight

New Wish Mountain chapter is out.

>>17725717
>Uther
You're going to want to change that.

>>17734011
But doesn't everyone use Arthur as a name now?

>>17727996
I can picture a lot of dumb people wearing thick glasses and scarves saying this scene is hilarious.

>>17734006
are you getting any readers?

>>17733420
Oh it's you desert Civic anon

nothing much to comment on so far. not being from burgerland I don't know what prop 8 is.

>>17733504
And it's a problem that's always plagued /lit/fags across 4ch. FFS, post finished stories, you'll always get more and better feedback, and it's better writing practice than disjointed bits and pieces

>>17734072
Most are from review swaps so I guess not really. But it is still only chapter eight so I don't expect a huge uptick. Slow and steady wins this race since I'm not doing a lit rpg story.

>>17725143
finally made some progress on this scene that's been breaking my balls. What I needed to do was break out of my schedule, because I'd banged my head against it so many times that it became a routine

>>17733873
>>17734002
>>17734011

Thanks guys. I'll keep your critiques intact.

>>17733714
Well, yes, but how does one deploy said chunks in the story?

>>17725206
RR got some shit covers.

>>17734006
>New Wish Mountain chapter is out.
Read a few chapters and I have to say, you have an interesting setup and style. The prose is very polished and you handled the different povs very well. Don't let the other anons who hate on you because you're an animefag get to you. You're the only one doing any sort of writing and progress in these threads.

>>17734112
Fuck yeah it does.

>>17734123
Thanks anon that's really nice of you to say. /write/ has been pretty useful for critique so no complaints there.

>>17734129
I promise I'll actually read it some time and all my parodies are in good jest.

>>17734133
It's all good anon I enjoyed the parodies.

>>17734129
wish mountain is written by an anime watcher?

>>17734138
I watch anime, yeah. I'm a casual watcher and moe shit ain't for me.

>>17734112
Mother of Learning and Perfect Run look alright

Shit titles is more like it, other than Vigor Mortis

>>17734124
>"Burger" and "Punk" are different colors

>>17734098
For me that's entirely dependent on what you are working with so I couldn't tell you exactly.

>>17734158
Oh, like this one I did.

>>17734175
An earlier one I did. I didn't really like using assets that might need licenses though.

>upload to RR and get on the front page for ten minutes

Just like that it's over until next chapter.

Damn.

/wg/, I just calculated my rate of output

I'm averaging 170 words a night without passion driving me.

I think it's time to kill myself

>>17734183
I think another anon made this one. Neat use of the bar code.

>>17734188
>170 words
I've made posts longer than this.

>>17734158
On the chart I made it different colors.

>>17734175
>>17734194
Crowded American hellscape really resonates with me

>>17734185
It's quality, anon, not quantity.

>>17734202
But I didn't in the fake ads.

>>17734198
I legitimately want to kill myself. It's taken two years to write the first draft of my second novel

my first came to me in three months.

Part of it is I have too many responsibilities, but the biggest issue is that I'm just not excited to be writing anymore. I've been desperately trying to get that excitement back but nothing has worked, and at this rate I've tried literally everything

If this is what I have to look forward to, maybe suicide really is the better option

>>17734211
Not on fucking RR of all places lol

What is this burgerpunk meme?

>>17734228
Some animefag pet project.

>>17734228
i dont know i think it's like steampunk but everything is powered by burgers instead of steam

>>17733190
rewrite your old stories.

>>17734228
>In the far future of today, international corporations puppeteer society and propagandize its denizens, but who cares when there's Pizza on Demand and a dozen drive-thru's to choose from? Who knew staring at screens could be so entertaining? It's pizza time.

>Thank you for eating burgers.

>>17734228
euro anons are trying to get burger anons to commit suicide en masse and it might just work. there is no suffering worse than being an american and burgerpunk is a label here to remind us of the fact of our soullessness every day.

>>17734269
So it’s just cyberpunk but with a fast-food theme?

>>17734175
Bit off-topic, but my mom took me to this mall when I was 11 years old to see the Count of Monte Cristo at the theater with my two brothers. I remember it was my first adult movie in a theater and I was worried I wouldn't be able to sit through the whole thing without getting bored. I remember waiting on the steps outside before the movie started. I was still young and the future was still bright in 2002, and I had a lifetime of well-lit apartments and spiked-up frosted tips to look forward too. In twenty years there would be a Poochi in every home and we'd all wear spandex and talk to each other through huge bulky translucent-pastel wristwatches, like something out of Spy Kids. There was no recession and people had the right attitude about mental health: keep that shit tucked away and don't go bothering strangers. I didn't even know about masturbation at the time, except it was something only weirdos did. Can you imagine a mind so unsullied?

And there was this dude, cargo pants and polo shirt, balding and glasses, just sort of slouching his way through the parking lot. In retrospect, it was obvious that he had no one to go home to and he was probably on his way to stave off that feeling through the purchase of some sort of gadget he'd use to make short memories that would die with him via gunshot wound to the head in five years, but at the time I remember thinking that if I were him I'd just stop being such a dork and maybe things would look up for me.

Anyway, so a couple weeks ago I was feeling nostalgic and I decided to watch Count of Monte Cristo. An interesting thing is that the movie takes place over like twenty years, but they just re-use the same actors without any make-up or anything. And this guy, Edmund Dantes, shows back up to get revenge on those who wronged him and no one can remember who he is, even though he looks exactly the same, he just grew a beard. The film had seemed like a masterpiece when I was a kid, but as an adult it seems mediocre at best. Total Oscar bait.

Given that this is a writing thread on a literature board, I know it probably seems like I'm making this all up, like some sort of sneak flash-fiction. And it's all leading to some pretentious big observation about the cyclical nature of time and the gradual polishing of the past which leads to nostalgia, mixed with some witty truths about the naivety of youth and the cynicism of adulthood. But in all honesty that was just a good day for me, I'm doing way better than that loser from the parking lot, and your picture reminded me and I really just wanted to share that afternoon when I watched The Count of Monte Cristo with someone and neither of my brothers could remember the film when I brought it up.

>>17734228
An inexhaustible font of puns
>Lord of the Fries
> Death in Venice Beach
>For Whom the Taco Bell Tolls
>Burger King Lear
> War and War

>>17734270
sensitive anons who want to be effete intellectuals. the rest of us embrace burgerpunk, the genre is in its nascient stage, after all.

I made a story especially for teenagers. Here's the prologue. I'm looking for opinions right now.
https://pastebin.com/QDDZjbPr

>>17734361
BURGERLAND IS UNAESTHETIC RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>17734393
Kids and young teenagers I should say.

>>17734225
Writing is not worth your life. Take care of yourself. Good luck.

>>17734404
I just need to by hypomanic. that's all I fucking need

the sheer dearth of it I've been having for 2.5 years has been so extreme I'm literally going fucking psychotic trying to get it. Everyone has the same advice but none of it works. I'm getting to the point where I'm seriously considering staying up 48 hours on a bunch of caffine just to see if I trigger. I know I won't and I'm going to feel like crap for 40 of those hours and then for the rest of the fucking week but I can't live like this anymore and if I have to put up with it anylonger I'm seriously going to throw myself out my fifth floor window

>>17734419
Stop writing. This shit ain't worthy for your life.

>>17734419
Jesus Christ, either do it or don’t, but don’t come here and tell us, we ain’t your therapist.

>>17734393
Nevermind! I posted a better version! I messed up!
https://pastebin.com/WDy6vPzW

>>17734422
this isn't even ABOUT the writing. the writing is just a fucking side effect. it's a mertic I use to measure my fucking level of inspiration. right now that level is negative fucking infinity

>>17734428
fuck you, I'll take you with me and laugh

>>17734432
We ain’t your blog, so fuck off.

>>17734225
Look at it this way: If you kill yourself your output will drop to 0 wpd. You are closer to excellency living in mediocrity than in death.

>>17734432
>this isn't even ABOUT the writing.
Well in that case. You're suicidal thoughts are off-topic lmao.

>>17734452
Ignore him, this is like the third or fourth time he does this.

>>17734429
I read it, and I really don't have a strong opinion on it. Other than you should read more books that are Bildungsroman

>>17734312
Pretty much. Each chapter is self-contain with little to no canon.

>>17734491
Thanks anon. I'll look that up.
If you don't mind me asking, is there any weaknesses or strengths you could point out?

>>17734502
>If you don't mind me asking, is there any weaknesses or strengths you could point out?
Before, I do, are you perhaps, European?

>>17734534
Nope. Filipino.

>>17734547
Ah, that would explain the grammar mistakes and the usage of non-American words.

>>17734547
>>17734502
I think you should either write this in your native tongue, or get better in using english. I'm sorry if that's rude, but there were some grammar mistakes that are easily seen.

>>17734578
>>17734554

Thanks for the honesty.

>>17725687
>>17725726
Give the industry time to develop anons.

Western publishing has completely gone to shit and it's only a matter of time before a formula for online publishing success becomes apparent.

how impossible is it to get a book published today if you're a cis-white male and the book uses terms like faggot, and all sorts of slurs to demonstrate the fringe(burnouts) of youth?

>>17734593
>Western publishing has completely gone to shit
Dying. Traditional Publishing is dying, and anyone who shills for it is in denial.

>>17734598
or better yet, get published and have the book actually get acclaim or at least good reviews, without the author getting cancelled.
I've written 35,000 words so far but I would never publish it under my name or every girl i've paid to let me lick their feet would out me in 2 seconds

>>17734598
You can get publish so long as the novel you’re writing can sell well. That’s all that matters in the end.

>>17734598
The answer is really simple, anon.

>>17734312
Burgerpunk has been described as the aesthetic reconciliation of the post-modernist individual recognizing the cognitive dissonance between the vast nature of corporate service-based globalization and the individualist nature of consumption forced upon them by the very nature and propaganda of their capitalist benefactors. The genre's backdrop explores the conflict between traditional american sensibilities inflated to a caricature by exaggerated use of freeway systems, suburban growth, and franchise based food products against the cynical nature of the average american blooming into a genuine need for individualized and personalized culture after slowly exchanging their ancestor's cultural heritage for their own force-fed culture of ease of access and frugality. Issues of hopelessness, automation, and complacency contrast the information provided through constant access to media and propagandized geopolitical news. The genre itself, becoming a meta commentary on other fantasy or science fiction based genres by using the actual occurring landscape as the basis for literary escape.

>>17734611
I can't believe are still denying this.

>>17734615
>The genre itself, becoming a meta commentary on other fantasy or science fiction based genres by using the actual occurring landscape as the basis for literary escape.
Sounds actually interesting. Hope it goes well, anon.

>>17726017
in 2 hrs time, you really don't have time to give more than 2 characters a true arc. You can go the route of having 6-8 characters and giving 3 of them little changes but more than that is hard. And audiences are stupid as fuck. Two black guys, will confuse and audience. Two middle-aged white guys will confuse and audience.

>>17734649
>Two black guys, will confuse and audience. Two middle-aged white guys will confuse and audience.
Care to go a bit further on this?

>>17734649
So, only having one is alright? Or no?

>>17734615
I don't know if you're just memeing, anon, and that scares me.

>>17734609
Just write a novel that will sell for the masses and you’re okay. The only thing that matters in writing is the bottom line.

>>17734344
Have a sense of humor, anon. Those puns are okay.

>>17734593
Honestly, you’re seeing it happen right now. A few New York best sellers, have been web serial, or self-published.

>>17734333
Are you doing okay, anon?

>>17734361
>sensitive anons who want to be effete intellectuals
So a large number of /wg/?

>>17734691
no

>>17727386
I read a lot as a child, stupid shit like Goosebumps, History Books, etc.
Turned 12 and played WoW for a decade. Only read the high school classics.
Turn 20, dad forces me to go to community college. Think creative writing would be fun, love movies/vidya stories.
Forced to read short story collections, find a passion in reading again.
First two creative writing classes, I'm awful. I legit FORGOT to use indents to make paragraphs and had a WALL of text 8 page story that I turned into my teacher.
Keep taking creative writing classes while working towards "real" degree (only like $150 for a semester). Read everyone's shitty work, realize I was that shitty once. Write 5 shit 10 page stories until I finally write one decent one. Finally get some short stories published in school mag. Working on a collection I can send out.

I couldn't recommend taking creative writing classes enough. I've had 5 different teachers and only one who truly helped me be a better writer, but the workshops, and the pressure to be "forced" to write will help you. You critiquing others work will help you become better, and the feeling of writing something others actually view as good will give you confidence for the future.

New thread

>>17734701

>>17734699
>>17734333
Ehh, Count of Monte Cristo is pretty good, considering they take a huge novel down into a short story. Most films allow for editing and things like "growing a beard" to indicate significant change, it's autism to take that as some core failing as a movie. Sure, it may not live up to the hype you had as a child, but it's a decent movie, and it's certainly not Oscar bait.

>>17734660
>>17734662
audiences are stupid as fuck. go ask the average american parent to watch an episode of game of thrones and they will have no clue what is going on because there is just too many characters. In a tv show eventually people will learn but in a movie, everything has to be relevant. You have <120 pages to tell your story, and that is hardly enough time to have a convincing arc for one character, yet alone 2 or 3. It is possible obviously.
But you need to differentiate your characters enough physically, emotionally, racially or however you see fit to make them unique.

The Save the Cat author had this idea when he and a buddy were writing a script. They made a character that was 100% necessary to the script but the editor they kept having read it, could not see the character in his mind, did not care about him and did not remember him well. So they came up with the idea of give him an eyepatch or a limp. These are just little ideas but DIFFERENTIATE so we understand who a character is right when you introduce them, to not waste time.

>>17734419
Chew some nicotine gum with your coffee, blammo.

But also maybe just try and start writing instead of thinking about starting writing.

>>17725726
>The only path to success is traditional publishing
Counterpoint: Cradle - a self published book that consistently dominates the charts for heroic fantasy, progressional fantasy, asian inspired fantasy, and the coming of age fantasy. You do not need to go the traditional published route if you're book is good enough

>>17732526
This is terrible advice that I see perpetuated by amateur writers. I myself fell for this "literary sin" and my writing suffered for it, because I was crippling my literary toolbox.
I falsely believed that Exposition was a literary crime; I falsely believed that I should strive to show rather than tell whenever possible, so imagine my shock, when I picked up literary classics and critically acclaimed books, and found that they were commiting the "crime" of exposition.
I came to the conclusion that Exposition is as valid a tool as any other literary element; I truly believe that denying your story exposition will lead to a weaker story... and the literary greats support my belief.
You simply can't overuse it but that applies to every literary element or tool

>>17734710
I still enjoyed the film. I only mentioned the director's lack of effort in aging the cast because I was going to try to tie it back to when I watched it as a kid twenty years ago, but I lost the trail on that one. Also everyone in that movie had a HUGE head.