/lit/ - Literature

Feenyism

Once again
In the liquid shit
Letting my ‘nads
Wriggle like a fish
daimon on the left
Say ‘iss ok,
It’s just day one
Of eternity.’
Yeah
Th’ crow
Th’ raven
Got nothing on the emu
Vomming worms on my

Some mangled quatrains.

Ezra Pound, a Study

He heaves his eyes from page
of toilet paper made. Gruel can
through cross-cross’d iron cage.
Said fascist pouts yet shuns as man.

AVGVSTINVS

At labyrinth’s limit he
recalls, as dream, dark coiling treads;
yet, now - struck dumb - free, free,
by see through hands, God’s golden thread.

Sip the whisky oh boy
Oh roy
Speak my language roy
Heat on the grill and a beat on the hill
(Beating my meat)
Oh roy
You couldn't take the heat

Hello, /pol/ack here to rant about the decline of the west

I Was Once Blind

I was once blind
To the world and it’s elite
I was unaware of these maligned
And evil men, whose discreet
attacks have made the West decline

I was shepherded and led
by this elite, through the press,
to want my race dead
and for my people to be made less,
to seek my people’s extinction, yet ahead

Yet I awoke from my indoctrinated sleep
and noticed my nation heading towards a butchers blade
And so I tried to warn the other sheep
but the other sheep ignored me, totally unswayed
So I was forced to save myself, and leap

Now that I can truly see
I write this poem to awaken
All the others, who where like me
so that they can see what has been taken
And why they are not truly free

Once the sheep finally fight back
and overthrow these cruel shepherds,
those evil and dubious quacks,
Then we shall move onwards
Knowing full well, we’re on the right track

>>17470083
Also, pls no bully (and bump)

>>17470083
I agree with the feel, but it reads like a rap.
The content is too literal for an art form that typically uses concrete images. Try saying the same thing, but allegorically and with word-pictures.

>>17470096
Gotcha. I’ll work on it tomorrow, since it’s 11 PM here

There is changing here,
A rhapsody period
With Byzantine laurel—

Where to with solemnity?
“The bridges are but fallen,
And I am not ready.”

What waves we are!
What waves, and more:
Salt will bliss in every wound.

Skinless, ours is new flesh;
Let us play again like children
Monstrous in every motive.

>>17470083
Kill yourself.

>>17470463
Yes.

>>17470083
hhahahahahah

>>17469930
This is what you bought

Your cold and hell is hot

You should not have been a thot

>>17469990
crap
>>17470046
I don't get it
>>17470083
needs more rhymes and shorter lines. Also the last 2 lines suck.
>>17470109
Whatever this is filtered me.

>>17469930
I signed
It away

For the pay

I regret it
Everyday

>>17469930
He read
What you had to say

And blew his brains
Away

A reverse
Hemingway

>>17470083

>>17470083
Pound’s Odyssey

How would you scan this line?
> Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art—
What syllables are stressed and unstressed?

bump

>>17471139

>>17471139
Also, I scanned it as / u u / u / u / u /.

BRIGHT star, would I* were STEDfast AS thou ART

>>17471785
You could also probably scan it as / / u / u / u / u /

Thought of you again,
alone in the night wander, away from town.
Thought long and hard about it all
and only later came to know
that it's rain that's falling down.

(Translated since I didn't write it in english)

>>17472157
Show us the original too, maybe someone can speak your language. Spanish and French anons regularly post in these threads.
As it is I don't find it really "poetic". The idea of finishing with a surprise so to speak (the rain falling down) is good but I think your poem would profit if this surprise became a resolution of a linguistic problem such as a metaphor or another kind of imagery.

Ku menunggu di tepi pantai,
Antara batuan kerikil,
Merasa sejuknya lambaian lautan,
Menghadiri mesyuarat camar patih,
Menunggu redanya mendung kasih.

Translation:
I await aside the shore,
Between sharp pebbleage,
Feeling the soft waving waters,
Attending meetings of bird ministers,
Awaiting thy clearing of love's storm.

I have loved deeply
Not man, not mountains, not ideas
But love itself

>>17471785
>>17471840
Thanks, I had something similar, but I saw someone seeing steadfast as both stressed, so I guess it's just a very interpretable line.

>>17469930
>17469930
God made three little nigger boys

He made them in the night

Made them in a hurry

And forgot to paint them white

>>17469930
Suburban pears fight the formless
Pictures of the amplitude
The skies are meat they eat themselves
And prowl mirrors for food
A cunt apart from all that sucks
Will find vacuums in aqueducts
Roman movie of the blood
Sniffing value in its buds
Explodes in rampant interludes
The world I milk is not my own
But hides itself in dicks like phones
With no one on the other line
My dick's my world, but that's a sign
The world is gay by design

People have to post AND rate for this thread to work. I dont know what the point would be otherwise

>>17475726
Raters will come. They will begin from the horizons where the other has succumbed!

>>17470083
Look man you should probably kill yourself. And I don't mean that in a personal way as an insult. I just think it would be best for everyone involved.

>>17469930
In the past I was just an outcast,
in the present life couldn't be more pleasant.
Where before life was but a chore,
now it's a pleasure and something I will treasure

Back then I thought that I was normal,
living in a world that seemed so paranormal.
I felt so lost and always out of place,
like an alien living among the human race.

I wore a disguise and put on an act,
only to find I could not make eye contact.
In conversation I would often misconstrue,
because I could not understand a certain social cue.

I kept to myself and lived in my head,
thinking about worlds I would rather live instead.
The best ones seemed to be fictional,
places where I'd be welcome as a non-neurotypical.

Then one day I came to a realization,
I could be myself and still live in civilization.
Why should I act like someone I'm not,
why live as though autism is not something I got?

I'm not normal so why pretend to be,
the blind don't have to act like they can see.
I'm tired of acting and playing a role,
futile as putting a square block through a round hole.

To be honest I love being aspie,
fixating on every new interest makes me happy.
If I'm gonna roleplay, act, and pretend,
it'll be with someone I consider my friend.

I'm autistic and naturally artistic,
being a normie would honestly just bore me.
So I'll be myself and you be yourself,
none are in the wrong so let's all just get along.

>Also works as a rap, read with the song "Clubbed to Death" when the beat begins

>>17469930
I'm a criminal
And this is my castle

It was all worth
the hassle

>>17474835
Its ok
>>17473625
It would be better rearranged
>>17472845
lazy, cliche and a little gay
>>17472558
Translating poetry is stupid. The flow and sound are both lost when you do that. >>17472157
see above

The girl under the night's sky:
Red as a rose
Timid and shy
Hiding below
Infinite sky
>>17476401
Bad
>>17474835
Many words and almost no real effect
>>17472845
This is like a low quality Rumi poem, but I personally like it
>>17472157
I like it!

>>17476461
shit

>>17470083
If you wrote this unironically kill yourself

>>17470083
self-rope, you

Two shitty COVID haikus:
1.
During quarantine
I got jealous of our shoes
for how close they were.
2.
Anticipation
often feels a lot like grief,
seeing what's not there.

>>17476401
I actually like this idea, including the castle-hassle rhyme, but the last two lines read wonky and abrupt

>>17476461
For a (love?) poem that short, it spends an awful lot of real estate talking about the sky

>>17472845
"Man, mountains, ideas" seems a little arbitrarily chosen. Isn't the phrase "I love nothing but love itself" saying the same thing in less words?

>>17472558
"Bird ministers" made me smile

>>17470046
Needs some country music

>>17470083

Brother I get the sentiment but this reads like something some generic YA reading feminist would write in terms of cadence and style. Try reading some Ezra pound and being more self critical. Also don’t say don’t bully, any skill I’ve gained in poetry has been through the help of anons who have had the kindness to plainly tell me my writings flaws and how I can improve.

>>17470109

Feels like pastiche, who are you trying to write like? If no one then your writing comes off non-convincing rhetorically.

>>17472157
Clumsy, boring theme, when translating poetry you’re free to taken liberty as the author to give a similar feeling and vocal quality without being literal to the meaning. Imagery and sound should be your focus.

>>17472558
Nice imagery but didn’t like the last line, try to continue writing nature imagery mixed with introspective moments in a haiku-esque fashion. You’ll probably be pretty good at it.

>>17472845
Simple, to the point, but not very refined. Continue writing in this style, nothing to do here but continue with this same aspect.

>>17474835

Weak contrasts, the filthy aspects don’t hit or sting since you over do them, the food references don’t blend well with the sexual images, you should want to induce a feeling of atavistic impulses right? Read your poetry outloud to yourself more, if you haven’t I recommend reading bataile, Rimbaud and lautreamont, they are masters of crass and animalistic art.

>>17476293
Maybe consider counting your syllables more and shortening the work. Also don’t be so direct, you’re writing poetry not prose. Beauty is key.

>>17476461
Cute but forgettable

>>17476864
>I actually like this idea, including the castle-hassle rhyme, but the last two lines read wonky and abrupt
Does this fix the problem

I'm a criminal

And this is my castle

It was worth all the hassle

>>17476864
>haikus
An overrated format

>>17477044
“All worth the hassle” has better flow.

>>17477076
Your right thanks.

>>17477054
A good haiku can be very pretty and to the point. I’ve enjoyed attempts at blending haiku aesthetic and economy with prose.

Remuant aux plus du ballottement dentelle
D’une blanche robe délicate, éclore,elle tendait
Vers le firmament son cou, que la lune, d’un feu
Enflammait,et brûlait ses bras nues et ses yeux.

A ses pieds ruisselait, dans un étang nacre
Son être éphémère, de madone et de mère.
Un vent lourd au loin, courbait les peupliers
Puis dévora la vallée, souleva la terre

Il attaqua ce corps, qui mirait au bassin
Il fripa sa figure, il dechira ses seins
Et l’autre fremissait, devant cette affreuse scene.

“Mais fuis donc ma belle! fuis sous un long chêne
Aux doux bras, ou l’astre languit! Fuie vers ce bain
Qui t’embaumera d’eau mielleuse, de sentiments si sein!

>>17477165
*plis
*dentelée

merde chier fuck merde

>>17469930
Posted this a few days ago:
Hand

Honoured conscript fathers,
What hath befall us?
Are we honourable?

A corpse lies still there now,
Look now with your eyes;
Can we deny that truth?

Tears shed I now for Rome,
Do you feel not guilt,
Honourable fathers?

Though some bear more than I,
I can bear this not,
Honourable fathers.

Honourable fathers,
We have murdered her,
Honourable fathers!

Now to judgement we go,
Honourable men;
I shall dip my hands in.

>>17469990
Ok this is pretty funny, but I would put gonads instead of just nads, I think it'd flow better.
>>17470038
First one, did you mean criss-cross? Second poem I like more, but the "as dream" part throws off the rhythm a little for me.

>>17476871
>Feels like pastiche, who are you trying to write like? If no one then your writing comes off non-convincing rhetorically.
Rimbaud and Eliot, maybe some Pound (although I despise his didacticism). I will continue to try to make myself a seer.

You’re inside me when it hits.
A single pan-flash thought that bubbles up
from nowhere in particular, sucking me
out of the moment and into
the back of my skull:
He could kill me (I’m alone).

I’m in my body again,
and looking around I can now see
with nauseating clarity
every slipshod seam and hasty patch
holding together this shared fever dream
that we keep falling into.

The edgeless amber glow from the lights strung overhead,
which ten minutes ago helped me to forget that
we had ever been two separate people,
now looks like a caricature of warmth. A hundred
plastic bulbs nailed to the wall, sending out wave
after shapeless wave of light, washing your skin in
jaundiced tones of… oh god your skin.

Has it always been this slimy?
I never realized just how heavy you are;
without warning your body turns to stone
and together we sink further and further
down.

>>17476461
I like it! Would be nice if it were a bit longer

>>17476864
I like the first one, the second one is kinda eh, feels too broad and vague

>>17477165
baguette

>>17477237
I like the despair in the atmosphere but I have a feeling i'm missing something, what do you want to say with the ''I shall dip my hands in''? At first I thought it was a Pontius Pilate motif, but I'm really not sure.

Here's my first poem of this year:

I didn't get to celebrate my birthday
And I feel real shitty about it
Of course every generation
Loses a year or two, but my
Loss is greater than few grenades
Or hurricanes or earthquakes and
Other God's ire, because at least through those
People have their chosens with them

Don't know what I'm doing

>>17477258
I was thinking more Elliot and yeats but that makes sense. Pastiche intentionally isn’t bad just know when you’re doing it, inspiration isn’t bad as long as you put in your own twist.

But if you’re anything like me, remember the point isn’t to create “good” poetry for others that sounds like someone else, it’s to create something that reflects your interior world, which ensouls some spiritual concept, some aspect of the world, which is a secretion of your own internal being. In my opinion I would rather a poem the world hates and I loved as it expresses my ideas and virtues, rather than say, produce a poem of great technical value but i myself didn’t value.

>>17470931
>>17470925
>>17470920
>>17470109
>>17470083
>>17470046
>>17470038
>>17469990
>>17476461
>>17476864
>>17477044
>>17477237
>>17477165
>>17477237
>>17477310
>>17477258
>>17477330
I rate

Your work I hate

Mediocrity at best
Is your fate

>>17477356
well, at least I posted something

>>17477356
You lack poetry in your soul.

>>17477330
I wrote that "dip my hands in" one, do you want an explanation?

>>17477330
>baguette
THIS DOESNT HELP TELL ME IF ITS OKAY IF ITS A GOOD START OR NOT

>>17477881
He can't speak French

>>17469930
whirling wind zones licking overcast skies— i fell on ip adress of indecipherable counts. it blazes through the atmosphere to vault me into space. inside me an unrecognisable diety vanishes in— i descend onto bricks of air, sporing the sky of multiple colours of dirt with every bump. i cease, being with every air

I was lying on the grass of Sunday morning of last week
Indulging in my self-defeat
My mind was thugged, all laced and bugged, all twisted, wrong and beat
A comfortable three feet deep
Now the fuzzy stare from not being there on a confusing morning week
Impaired my tribal lunar speak
And of course you can't become if you only say what you would have done
So I missed a million miles of fun

I was frying on the bench slide in the park across the street
L-A-T-E-R that week
My sticky paws were into making straws out of big fat slurpy treats
An incredible eight-foot heap
Now the funny glare to pay a gleaming tare in a staring under heat
Involved an under usual feat
And I'm not only among but I invite who I want to come
So I missed a million miles of fun

Yeah, breakfast at Tiffany's and bottles of bubbles
Girls with tattoos who like getting in trouble
Lashes and diamonds, ATM machines
Buy myself all of my favorite things (yeah)
Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch
Who woulda thought it'd turn me to a savage?
Rather be tied up with calls and not strings
Write my own checks like I write what I sing, yeah (yeah)
My wrist, stop watchin', my neck is flossy
Make big deposits, my gloss is poppin'
You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it
I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it (yeah)
I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it
I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it
You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it
I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it (yeah)
Wearing a ring, but ain't gon' be no "Mrs."
Bought matching diamonds for six of my bitches
I'd rather spoil all my friends with my riches
Think retail therapy my new addiction
Whoever said money can't solve your problems
Must not have had enough money to solve 'em
They say, "Which one?" I say, "Nah, I want all of 'em"
Happiness is the same price as red bottoms
My smile is beamin', my skin is gleamin'
The way it shine, I know you've seen it (you've seen it)
I bought a crib just for the closet
Both his and hers, I want it, I got it, yeah
I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it
I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it (baby)
You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it (oh yeah)
I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it (yeah)
Yeah, my receipts, be lookin' like phone numbers
If it ain't money, then wrong number
Black card is my business card
The way it be settin' the tone for me
I don't mean to brag, but I be like, "Put it in the bag, " yeah
When you see them racks, they stacked up like my ass, yeah
Shoot, go from the store to the booth
Make it all back in one loop, give me the loot
Never mind, I got the juice
Nothing but net when we shoot
Look at my neck, look at my jet
Ain't got enough money to pay me respect
Ain't no budget when I'm on the set
If I like it, then that's what I get, yeah
I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it (yeah)
I want it, I got it, I want it, I got it (oh yeah, yeah)
You like my hair? Gee, thanks, just bought it
I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it (yeah)

>>17477997
Really good

Bump

some Burns for a Sunday morning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agD39Ln5BXs

The blude-red rose at Yule may blaw,
The simmer lilies bloom in snaw,
The frost may freeze the deepest sea,
But an auld man shall never daunton me. [intimidate]

To daunton me, and me sae young,
Wi' his fause heart and his flattering tongue,
That is the thing you shall never see,
For an auld man shall never daunton me.

For a' his meal and a' his maut, [malt]
For a' his fresh beef and his saut, [salt]
For a' his gold and white monie,
An auld man shall never daunton me.

His gear may buy him kye and yowes, [cows and ewes]
His gear may buy him glens and knowes, [knolls]
But me he shall not buy nor free,
For an auld man shall never daunton me.

He hirples twa-fauld as he dow, [limp]
Wi' his teethless gab and his auld beld pow, [bald head]
And the rain rins down frae his red-blear'd e'e,
That auld man shall never daunton me.

To daunton me, to daunton me,
An auld man shall never daunton me.

>>17472157
I actually like this one because of the enjambment and Volta.

>>17479533

Were eyes to wear, like rain, your quiet grace:
Who'd wish to see the spring and scenery,
Or watch without their whiteness chiselled flay
The cliffs to crust like skin along the sea?
What mind wouldn't 'plode and crumple like the sky
And earth; your eyes avert, my eyes alert
To storms and oceans drowning all your sighs,
And then at night I wander earth in search;
The yellow headlights led me down the straight
and cobbled road between the reaching hills,
Then parked and opened into midnight blates
of frothy fields and fences: Bang and whimper.
The summer comes and screeches white and blue,
But never does it place above your view.

To Be Titled

Due to my careless indecision,
I’m trapped forever in this beautiful prison,
Unable to pick a good occupation,
All the while I grow old with stressful frustration,

At dawn I like to think myself smart,
An English professor eating a tart,
But then I find that by midday,
These silly old notions will have faded away,

The afternoon always comes too soon,
In my mind stir the thoughts of an ascended loon,
A philosopher or thinker I’d like to be,
Oh never mind, it’s not for me,

When evening comes I’ll settle myself,
And write in a journal I found on my shelf,
But first I must monotonously plan the diction,
Never mind actually this idea is pure fiction,

Night time arrives and finally I’m free,
My tired old eyes kindly choose for me,
I’ll rest my old head, and dream I was plain,
Before the cycle starts all over again.

>>17479538
Reads v good anon

>>17479751
I like it.

Awakened at the deepest slumber;
My mind and body still floating;
But in my soul, I feel the thunder
Raging on, down under
The past me’s painful blunders.

At once, I am yet reminded
That in the morning, I will rise
Now revised, ready, and young
Ready to correct what I wronged

>>17480069
I like it, it flows nicely.

>>17480069
I like this one, I need to learn from previous errors too

I think I love you more, something I truly adore.
You make the blue light of the computer screen into something soothing, the sound of your voice no matter the tone sets my heart into a fit of movement.
Your absence leaves me cold, the autumn air starts to take hold, tightening my fingers remembering the look of your hands, your soft skin, your complex soul.
This isn't my forte, but I'd like to learn and to learn for you.
I hope you read this and feel these lines hold true.
My enigmatic understanding can't stop looking at you with rose tinted glasses, out of anyone I think I fall in love the fastest.
Like being pushed into a rose garden bush, cuts stay for a day but the scent of roses is an embrace from life, eases the pain and I’d never smelt anything so good.
I use a limited vocabulary like a crude tool, crank this out in an hour or two you'll most likely think "cute" but I needed to say it and this morning
I really do love you

I think I love you more, something I truly adore.
You make the blue light of the computer screen into something soothing, the sound of your voice no matter the tone sets my heart into a fit of movement.
Your absence leaves me cold, the autumn air starts to take hold, tightening my fingers remembering the look of your hands, your soft skin, your complex soul.
This isn't my forte, but I'd like to learn and to learn for you.
I hope you read this and feel these lines hold true.
My enigmatic understanding can't stop looking at you with rose tinted glasses, out of anyone I think I fall in love the fastest.
Like being pushed into a rose garden bush, cuts stay for a day but the scent of roses is an embrace from life, eases the pain and I’d never smelt anything so good.
I use a limited vocabulary like a crude tool, crank this out in an hour or two you'll most likely think "cute" but I needed to say it and this morning
I really do love you

>>17480545
I fucked up god damn it

>>17477997
>>17479538
>>17479751
>>17480069
>>17480545
Good job anons. Very comfy, Very beautiful I applaud you. I especially like the last one.

>>17481488
also here's mine, wrote it this morning:

Sunday morning, ten to eight.
The Peach of an eastern veil crossfades warmly
into the Baby-blue.
Last night’s crescent lingers still; afraid perhaps,
that The Great Light isn’t enough to birth a new day.
Schools yell out Alarum; kids, adolescents, parents, all
run to answer the call.
Neighborly sparrows congregate ‘round my window,
yet to shit on the sill.
Migrating birds flock north ‘gainst the remnants of winter;
I often think how many of ’em, restless, disorderly, plain,
never do make it.
Now, across the street and, on the acme of the building,
a gang of most mischievous rogues lines up next to
a water tank;
it’s the pigeons; as is their wont, loitering, scheming, planning
to take over the world.
It is now eight.

bumping

>>17470083
Of all the words both tongue and pen,
the saddest are these: /pol/ was right again.