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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature


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1736390 No.1736390 [Reply] [Original]

"I can tell by the look in your eyes that your butthole is hungry fer some lovin." said Jethro as he ripped George Cloony's tights off.

George had never felt this way before. His erection pushed against the wood encasing his entire body, with only his head poking out the side to scream like a mad coyote. A pair of Japanese twins poured molten cheese on his face, fresh from the microwave. The pain, the pleasure, the uncertainty. He would soon be dead, but a part of him didn't care. A part of him was hungry. His butthole.

"Just wait until I dig you out of that block boy."

Jethro undid his suspenders. Globs of fat splattered on the floor, his skin detaching itself from the weight of his body. Intestines poured onto the stage floor and the audience clapped until silenced by gunshot. Jethro put the deagle back in the trick bag.

"Mika, go get the dogs." he said.

The taller sister bowed and headed for the stage exit. This was her big day. Promotion, more money to feed her family. She must be steadfast! The Kyonsoto family was renowned for their professionalism. To fail now would be suicide, both professionally and physically.

George began to cry.

"You know... I can't... I can't even do this... I thought... I thought wrong..."

"Naw naw, no time fer whining now, you've committed yourself George. If you don't die the audience will be very disappointed.

Boom. The door at the back of the theater exploded and an elven head peaked through. Flames blazed from her eyes, and smoke leaked from the seams of her spandex uniform. She coughed. Dang it, so much dust in this allergy season.

"I'm here for the last one, motherfuckers." said Natalie. Not Natalie the caterer. Not Natalie that woman who works on the lights, I forget what they're called. Not Natalie next door to your house. Nobody important really, Natalie Portman.

>> No.1736394

I will continue as I deem necessary, writing this as I go along because it's Saturday and I only write serious shit that I don't post on /lit/ on the weekdays.

>> No.1736411

Red signs flashing everywhere, in the back of her mind. Natalie remembered that time on the Black Swan set when Mila Kunis ate her out for pretend. So hot. But there had been a fight. And here she was.

"You heard me, let Cloony go and we'll have some hot pockets. Until then, I'm fighting you."

"This is just George *Cloony*, not *Clooney*. I don't even think you're in the right country, this is the Netherlands." Jethro said.

"Of course I'm in the right country! Shut the fuck up!"

People always criticizing her executions, Natalie was really starting to get mad now. Most of the time it was an act, a bit of thespian flare, but the boiling heat from her disease only hastened the madness. One day she would be a superstar. One day she would set the world on fire, literally.

A pack of grey wolves dropped from the balcony. Hundreds of them, all calmly stepping around the feet of the guests. One old man took one in his lap. Quite a good show friends, it was worth the money. Margaret agreed, it was worth it. She's have to come out here with Malcom some time.

Meanwhile on stage, George was beginning to slip out of consciousness. He sight was fading fast, and soon Jethro would chip through the last inch of wood and finally insert his meatgrinder penis into George's soft, virgin asshole. Rain beat down on the roof of the theater. Somebody's little girl let out a shriek of excitement.

"Ladies, gentlemen, cats and dogs, welcome to the fifth annual anal deflowering of a random celebrity! I'm not a fellow for long speeches so let me just say this: I am delighted to see every single one of you and next year's show will be even bigger!"

The clapping alkjdfasdkfja;sdlkjalsdlganjdsadf
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>> No.1736416

What.


The.
Fuck.

>> No.1736420

Sorry /lit/, Mika is here with me now. She's had a hard time containing herself sine the night's events, but I'm told she'll stop typing on my keyboard once the doctor informs her that she doesn't actually know English, and can only parrot a series of programmed responses.

Ahem.

Mika only brought 99 wolves, not 100 like she promised. If anybody noticed this she would be finished. A show with 99 wolves? Preposterous! She noted that in her later years the lack of artistic integrity might eat her heart until she committed suicide in old age.

Natalie Portman. Mika. George Cloony. Jethro. Then back to Mika. The man with the wolf in his lap was feeling uneasy. Yes, something strange was afoot. Had somebody slipped drugs in his drink? Let's review the happenings from the week before.

Dark science had led the man to a seedy back alley laboratory in the worst section of town, boasting to be "A Godsend In The Progression of Bioengineering!" Plans like his, for a crab claw and maybe a tail with a vagina pocket on the end, weren't too fancy. The money was burning a hole. In his soul, at nature a prole, Darius DeLinguan Jr., who once stepped on a foal, to never do harm was his goal, and he excelled at this rapidly, a persevering partner to his one and only bro, Joel.

"ジョージは前に、このように感じたことはなかった。彼の勃起は頭が狂
ってコヨーテのような悲鳴を上げるには、サイドを突くと、全身を包む木
に押し付け。日本の双子のペアは、彼の顔の上に溶融チーズを電子レンジ
から新鮮な注いだ。痛み、喜び、不確実性。彼はすぐには、死んでいた彼の
部分は気にしませんでした。彼の部分は、おなかが空いていました。彼の
肛門。" Mika's soliloquy went ignored. The countdown ran in her head, 10, 9, 8, 7...

>> No.1736430

And then your narrator went to go urinate and drink some Paul Masson, which is a piss poor brandy that cost $6 for a fifth at the PX. Good times.

But that doesn't mean the story stops here. Oh no, it continues, as if I, the writer of this story, were typing it as I walked 1.5 miles down Battalion Avenue! I am a soldier in the US Army, sometimes I troll /lit/ threads with my career choice and am generally a provocateur of hundreds of butthurt posts. Is that even the correct use of the word "provocateur? I don't even give a shit!

Too much meta.

Mika, sweat eloping from every gland of her delicious Asian body, watched from the balcony from behind her horde of wolfen servants. 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Natalie backflipped over the corpse fence around the stage and landed in front of the horrible blob, Jethro Bisconti. She unsheathed a mint-colored blade and shoved it in his face.

"Prepare your last words, filthy plague on society! Tonight I will end you, and end the modern tradition of truth and love!"

"But you can't ruin my show! I've trained too hard for this, and besides, look behind you!"

>> No.1736435

>>1736390
>>1736411

http://audioboo.fm/boos/345005-poor-cloony

>> No.1736442

>>1736430
http://audioboo.fm/boos/345006-continuance

Captcha: Poet, apportio

>> No.1736451

>>1736435
OP here, five star performance, your insinuations brought tears to my eyes and at points I was reduced to a mere shell of my former self

>> No.1736471

>>1736451
Reeder reporting in. I loves me some vocaroo threads, but script is scarce. Mucho thx for providing.

>> No.1736476
File: 170 KB, 800x684, dlurp'.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1736476

>>1736435
>tartocard doesn't like somebody

>> No.1736575
File: 29 KB, 320x320, natposhinin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1736575

>> No.1737660
File: 11 KB, 300x300, upintheair.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1737660

>tail with a vagina pocket on the end

>> No.1737709
File: 787 KB, 480x360, clapping.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1737709

Good show op, good show.