/lit/ - Literature

>>17343959
Madame Bovary but without the good prose and instead it's nothing but longing for being rich

A guy masturbates on a train while the passengers around him become steadily more uncomfortable.

>>17343959
The Horror's Call series could continue with Call of the Crab, via Gardner's appropriation of the "brilliant" twist proposed in this thread: >>/lit/thread/S17265140

A coastal village is captured and held ransom by a pirate king, but the state doesn't bother to free the village because the ransom message never arrived. The pirates become a part of the local community, and only when the state treasury notices they're lacking over 10 years of taxes from that village do they march in and massacre everyone.

>>17343959
how is one faggot so fucking pathetic, holy shit

>>17343992
A slow-burn, eh? I like it. I might just write that

>>17343959
The illiad but set in a corporate work place in the modern world, two project teams fighting over which pf them shall have access to the glorious and only meeting room.

>>17344022
What would Achilles fighting the river god be like in that setting?

>>17343959
Hi Frank. Can you post your bank account balances. I want the total from around October and November, and the total as of now. I don't believe you can be turning a profit purchasing all these ads.

>>17343959
You could read them starting from any page

>>17343959
>Call of the Nigger
>Call of the Twink
>Call of the Tranny/Call of the Butterfly
>Call of the Retard/Call of the Gardner
>Call of the Faggot/Call of the OP
>Call of the Anon
>Call of the Frogposter/Call of the Intellectual
You're welcome btw.

>>17344036
In a rush to occupy the meaning room before the other teams representing, the scrum master hector, he is cought up in the break room filling his cup, when the coffemachine malfunctions, and does not stop to pour out coffee. he only has two cups available, so is stuck having to drink cup after cup so the does not sully the floor and room with spilled coffe, until the machines water supply is empty. A key scene in the book.

>>17343992
Based

>>17343959
You're not a writer.

Gardner is a one hit wonder. He marketed Call of the Arcade heavily because it's his one good book. The only good part of Crocodile was the twist and he just rehashes his ideas in his other books. You've clearly used up all of your ideas since you're resorting to reusing your previous ideas. Try writing a different genre this time.

>>17344467
Lol.
>Achilles fighting the river god is now Hector drinking empty the coffee machine
Quite modern and corporate indeed

Answer me Gardner!
What were your financial standing before you started purchasing 4chan ads and what are they now!

>>17345315
He seems well off enough based what I saw from another thread discussing his personal life.

>>17344006
>>17344725
>>17344867

Why does Gardner make /lit seethe?

>>17343959
do you guys know when the next F. Gardner is coming out? I need the next one asap

>>17345561
Because you fucking suck at writing, and your autistic little PR gamble makes people hate you.

>>17345658
It sounds like you're projecting.

>>17343959
China enslaves a bunch of white guys and forces them to build a railroad

>>17343959
You really need a _|````|_

With regards to your topic? Write about your prolapsed anus during your 4chin vacation.

>>17344149
based

>>17345561
because he’s a retard, that can’t write, and uses this board, as his personal advertising, and content generating resource.

>>17346095
Sounds pretty based to me, dude.

>>17345658
Exactly. Had it been Bakker, it would be fucking based.

>>17345907
>>17345561
Your books are absolute trash buddy. No wonder you have to sell them for 0.99$

>>17345561
Because this board is full of aspiring writers. They're pissed off that Gardner has gained notoriety whereas they've failed.

>>17346170
Anyone could gain notoriety by spamming /lit/ with advertisements and being retarded.

>>17346198
Yes. Yet they don't.

I heard leaving the gas jets in your oven on overnight helps stimulate the imagination

Thank you for your suggestions! However, I have decided to run with an idea that I came up with myself, which is an encyclopedic autobiography about my hardcore gay fisting experiences in the West Village bathhouses of New York City. I will be sure to update you all on its progress - thanks for your suggestions!

Two men try to kill each other in a PF Chang’s parking lot, a group of people gather to speculate on why they’re fighting and who they are.

>>17346559
That was my idea. I want royalties.

>>17346559
sounds based. will jerk off to it after i illegallyd ownload it.

>>17345567
>do you guys know when the next F. Gardner is coming out? I need the next one asap

Now that he's rich and famous, ol' Gardner's teasing his constant readers with the slow strip-tease, just like GRRM.

He's literally using a fucking proxy to samefag his own threads.

>>17346935
t.gardener

Here's what I'm currently working on, folks. Let me know if you like it. I think it's going to be, my best yet!

>>17343959
>Gardner posts plain texts adverts asking people to do his work for him
>Not even for advice on how to make his writing less shit, but just for inspiration on what to make more shit books about
It's endearing in a way

>>17347365
He seems immune to any criticism. Even when it would benefit him. I remember when he started posting just his crocodile book on here. People were telling him to fuck off. It resulted in him writing several more books and putting ads on here.

report and move on

>>17347365
Psst. It's not really him.

>>17347453
Report what? If it was approved as an ad then It’s not breaking any rules.

>>17347459
It redirects to his amazon page so it’s probably him.

>>17347485
>Report what? If it was approved as an ad then It’s not breaking any rules.

I think he means report this thread.

>>17347485
>It redirects to his amazon page so it’s probably him.

Where else would it redirect, if it was or wasn't really him?

>>17347485
it's flooding and it's advertising/begging. you are a nuisance of the worst kind and i hope it one day sinks in how loathed you are here

>>17347530
By that logic they should ban discussion of all books and not allow any ads.

>>17347530
I get tons of hits from my ads, and even though it's a dollar for each book I'm rolling in mad money, yo. Eat shit.

>>17347542
we're tolerated this for months. i'm not going to honestly engage you because you are a dishonest individual. again, I hope you one day come to your senses

>>17343959
Around The World in 80 Days but they're quite literally going around the world in outer space.

Write about your love of Sonic the Hedgehog.

>>17347553
>you are a dishonest individual.

What'd he do?

>>17343996
This thread is very based

>>17347595
It needs to be more "Call of" books though. My suggestions based on his previous titles would be
>Call of the Truckstop
>Call of the Pirate
>Call of the Hobo
>Call of the Wishing Well
>Call of the Fortune Cookie

Author here. This ad isn't mine. I have plenty of my own book ideas and have no need to fish for them here. For example my next book will be called "Call of the Knee", a book about a brave police officer who is persecuted by the media for kneeling on a drug addicts neck. The addict is called George Loyd, and after his death the nation persecutes our brave hero. It's a story about good and evil, love for country, and of course the preservation of the white race (my favorite theme). I hope this goes to show that I don't need your ideas. Take care everyone and please buy my books, available on amazon now!

>>17347600
>Call of the Sonichu
I would pay, good money, to read such a novel.

>>17347692
imagine being that fat

>>17347595
But the world rotates so they could go "around" it in a day.

>>17345907
Thinking on writing about a talentless amerifat who shills his garbage in some anime forum and eventually kills himself. I will call the book the call of F. GAYNERD and I think it will be available on amazon prime!

>>17347651
This, also the Horror's Call Series should be released as a box set.

Make audiobooks next.

>>17347723
Lmao he’s not gonna write a book about you

>>17347600
>This guy ran for public office

>>17345561
Because he’s based

Imagine having to source your book ideas from a bunch of autists online. Even if this is just a PR move, it's terrible.

Reminder: any post with autistic use of commas or full stops is Gardner. Like this:

>If one thinks, as I do, that Gardner is autistic, then, we mustn't let him live, rent free, in our heads.

F. Gardner more like F. Gayfaggot or Fag Cockner or Fag Gayfag or Fag Gaydner. My point is this guy is a fucking faggot.

I'm going to range ban you you fucking nigger

wow gay

The apocalypse happens and we are left with one man and one woman who must repopulate. Things go pretty well until the 'woman' reveals himself to be a femboy.

>>17347720
No, that's the point, it's about a group of hobbyists who build they're own rocket. All they need to do is have it stand still in space, but they fuck up so bad that they're stuck for three months and they only have food for a week.

>>17349933
The apocalypse happens and we're left with one man and woman who must repopulate. HOWEVER, all art and cultural artifacts (whether visual, book, anything) have now been replaced with F. Gardner's epic masterpieces. Also when they dream, they're forced to read F. Gardner so they can't sleep to escape. Oh and they're immortal and their sex drives have been removed.

>>17350260
Rest In Peace