/lit/ - Literature

Is all beauty melancholic?

i want a boyfriend
also i can't focus in my lessons
i don't want lockdown to end and welsh countryside is nice

>>17318265
i want to feast on my girlfriend's mother's dung

>>17318281
A week ago I would have thought you were a pretentious fag but yesterday I saw a pretty girl and now I'm sad so idk

>>17318309
Why are you sad?

>>17318265
why is this board full of pseudo / /pol/ users
people that cant even understand there own circular logic?

>>17318332
>>17318332
because he saw a pretty girl

I want to immerse myself in a dream. I can't even reveal my true feelings.

>>17318281
Since I don't get melancholic when I see something beautiful, beauty is not necessarily connected with melancholy. Melancholy seems to have more to do with desire than with beauty (as this anon suggests: >>17318309)

My life in Tampa was much the same as Jacksonville with, largely, a single difference between the two. In Tampa I met a nice girl on Tinder, who I would hang out with frequently, and in many ways, became serious with. Sometime in March, I think, we met, and remained close until I broke it off, around October. Definitely before Halloween. She was able to break me out of the same funk I've found myself in ever since I graduated college, moved home away from friends, which is the cloistered and isolated life I've now gotten quite accustomed to. Not that I prefer it one way or the other. But the time with her was enough of a shock to my system, a radical change to how I lived the past two years before (senior year of college was a strange time), and two years after, to shake my brain into recording mode, hey, whats happening here, who are all these people, need to make note of this. I stopped seeing her that Fall, after a single summer, and quickly my brain returned to the mean, so to speak.

I'm reminded of Mann's pontifications on time in The Magic Mountain, where he reasons that the only purpose "vacations" serve to us is to briefly, momentarily, expand our perception of time. A radical shift in our daily routine, enough to jolt the senses awake and demand they fully witness what is presented before them. Like the branch of a tree overhanging the river, allowing the swimmer below brief respite from the constant flow of the water, a moment to catch ones breath, enjoy the scenery, feel the water flowing past your skin, before eventually, inevitably, letting go, giving back in to the flow, letting your relaxed body re-join the current and be carried off into the horizon. Never once looking back, grabbing that same branch again, only onward to new ones, outcroppings, swamps, and eventually, rejoining the cold waters of the open ocean, free to swim wherever, until the sun sets for good and gives the swimmer over, at last, to the final truth we all must face.

I got called heartless because my emotional response was not entirely what certain person imagined.
I can be sad and whiny, but this was not that kind of situation. Doesn't mean I am without emotion, they are just less noticeable.
It's not the first time, really makes me feel like a faulty product.

I can't sleep at night
All I hear is the screaming of stones falling into our atmosphere.
The stones usually burn somewhere up there,
and way down here, there's more to fear
I don't want to be part of that confusion.

>>17318342
tell us more

>>17318333
Did you just bang your head against your keyboard- who caught you how to kype?

>>17318332
she was very pretty anon and now everything else seem bleak and rough in comparison. It's like I can finally understand what Homer meant to say with the siren's song.
I'm not sure how to explain it any other way,

>>17318380
I'm dyslexic, so if it doesn't get the redline under it I'm not gonna bother checking it, or I would spend all day on one post.

>>17318365
Not feeling like other people want you too isn't being heartless.
People are used to manipulating one another emotionally, they consider someone who is not easily manipulated to be defective because that person does not meet -their- ends.

>>17318389
I know this feel, Sabrina

>>17318397
I know you're dyslexic, fellow dyslexian.

I have been reading alot lately of the physical books I received over Christmas, by God does the real thing compel me to read further then any pdf or screen does.

re-posting from the bottom of last thread because this is giving me pause:

Upon discovering my best friend back in high school is now a high class dominatrix I started anonymously sending her erotic poetry - I'm now wondering if this is a good idea

>>17318421
6/10 posts I'll notice a mistake just after submitting it, even if I reread it before. Also takes for ever to type it out in the fist place, so people will think i'm ignoring them when i'm just taking a sec to wright as best I can

>>17318429
yes, keep going. Just remember to post results here later ok?

>>17318425
thanks Il have to try this

>>17318429
do you want her to dom you?

>>17318450
god yes but it seems implausible because it'd be too "real", we used to bike to school together everyday and get high each night. The poems are like a secret tribute and my private joke at the same time

>>17318470
That is unearthly levels of based

>>17318377
The uncertainty of love is awful, and I'm experiencing conflicting feelings. Having another person express themselves to you with earnest feelings is relieving, yet I can't help but remain cemented down in my spot. I have naive fantasies of being on my own, and I fear that I may not be able to satiate their own desires. Retarded.

>>17318437
You don't need to do it on purpose anon, nobody has anything to prove here.

The thing I do that throws people is that my sentences are often superimposed, like you inserted something in brackets.
Often sentences end and begin seemingly at random, my teacher one day was so frustrated he demanded to be shown any kind of written structure, and so I drew a series of right angle triangles over it that showed the semantic structure of my essay.
My professor was aghast and just pushed the paper away ashen faced and walked out of the room.

I also do this thing where I apply grammatical structures improperly between nouns and adjectives, I casually give grammatical selfhood to objects (eg. The ocean's waves), I project abstract nouns into new adjectives- I see no separation between a noun, an abstract noun, and an adjective.
It sounds a bit like how French pepeople use adjectives in English

>>17318552
just go with them, and if it doesn't work out then so what. If it does then good. there's clearly only one option here

>>17318265
I spend the day in idleness because otherwise, I look at myself, I feel the only rational conclusion is that I must hang myself, or jump from a bridge.

I don't have a job at the moment, and staying at home all day is getting me more depressed, which makes me (even) less functional. I go to therapy every week but I'm not sure if it's helping.

I still cannot imagine I could die in any other way but suicide, since my teens. It seems I've only pushed the date further.

>>17318555
>My professor was aghast and just pushed the paper away ashen faced and walked out of the room.
lol, yes I've had similar experiences like this

>I also do this thing where I apply grammatical structures improperly between nouns and adjectives, I casually give grammatical selfhood to objects (eg. The ocean's waves)
I didn't even know that was wrong until just now, I don't even know what an abstract noun is lol.

Repost from other thread:
I’m simply unrestrained with my lust for Asian women. Just yesterday I smoked some marijuana and declared I would read “Brothers Karamazov”. While reading about the trolling of monks and Miusov I began to feel a great urge to coom. It was positively overwhelming, the passion was coarsing through my veins hotly. I opened up my computer and tried to masturbate to a white women but I felt nothing, as though staring at an inanimate object. I sighed and then went on Asiansgonewild on Reddit and looked at that their beautiful golden skin, those tight bodies, perky brown nipples, and their mouthwatering pussies. Trying to resist only emboldened me further to my perversion. One coom to a big Japanese ass. Another to Eurasian with big breasts. The third to an Asian girls blog talking about how she wishes to cheat with a white man. The fourth I can’t say I remember as my head was spinning and a mere drop of semen leaked about of my strained member. They’re just so heavenly gorgeous and I want to shove my tongue into their eager little mouths and worship every little part of their smooth bodies.

>>17318612
a perfectly valid preference

>>17318612
>I’m simply unrestrained with my lust for Asian women
filtered

I had a dream that a goddess cucked me for some gay furry.

:(

Reposting this from previous thread because it was at the bottom:

Zizek is LIE (ENTJ).

The common denominator of his books and lectures is P (Te). He is always referencing someone or something, often at least two or more things at once, either in harmony or in contrast, but seldom if ever speaks of what he thinks either way. Even the gaps between the Philosophers and works he cites are not bridged with L (Ti), he claims them already bridged in "Historical" events and/or in parts of said works themselves, or others, explicitly or apocryphally (never implicitly). Needless to say that L (Ti) in in terms of hypotheses, cosmologies, doctrines, hierarchies, etc. is absent. Both R (Fi) and E (Fe) are quite weak, the latter only manifests, if you could call it that, in a vague intensity of speech, the former in his regular but sparse mentions of love, though always looking in from the analytic vantage point, as well as in his total rejection of certain ideas such as human suffering being "justified" in any way. What does inform his P (Te) is T (Ni) and I (Ne). One could say he remains in the confines of the text in a Gnostic sense, truly taking it for its word to reveal contradictions otherwise dogmatically ignored, turning it inside-out and upside-down, he manipulates the text as origami manipulates paper, much to the dismay of many self-proclaimed Empirical types. Through T (Ni) in particular, and F (Se), his works coincide the most "abstract" ideas with the most actual, even the most vulgar, Phenomena. He claims their are Logically continuous, literally on P (Te) grounds, very much observing the perennial idea that theories, arguments, epistemologies in and of themselves end up mimicking or mirroring their object. One of his proclivities is showing how so-and-so is in fact more literal, rather than more abstract, than he claims. His blind spot is obviously S (Si), the traditional or the familiar does not even occur to him. Perhaps he constantly references Marx in part because he too hated it? Looking at his person rather than his work, F (Se) with no S (Si) is likewise obvious: he constantly reads, recalls, writes, a large amount of very difficult material, the P (Te)-F (Se) synergy has made him famous despite him looking and sounding like a hobo.

>>17318636
hot :)

>>17318636
learn astral projection and hunt him down

>>17318656
Can't kill him. If a goddess loves him like that, he must be a soul that is truly pure. How could I?

>>17318585
Noun= object
Abstract noun= treated grammatically like a noun, but not a official object eg. Happiness.
Adjective= doing word

I typically take an abstract noun and treat is grammatically as an adjective, because frequently even with my formidable lexicon I can't find a suitable adjective.

A common example would be to say " he saddened the road" instead of "he went down the road, sadly ".
I want to express the relationship between sadness, motion and the road- because the relationship is complex.

People exasperated unsure if I mean
> the man made the road sadder by walking on it
>saddened some kind of physical motion
>the man made the road look sad to onlookers
The answer is all three- truly once one had witnessed a man saddens road it is hard to describe any other way.
To have such sadness as to take to the road, carrying a sadness so great it not only brings the mood of every passing person down but even makes the road sad- because the raison detre of a road is to bring people from one place to another and this man was going nowhere

>>17318631
Stopped reading after that point because of the awful syntax.
BY- BY my lust.
L2 effective and affective

>>17318702
>he saddened the road
I like that I will start to wright like that know, language is fun

I'd like to throw my rocking chair out of my bedroom window. I'd like to throw it with all my might that I can have it coming out of my window for over 10 meters. I'd like to hear it break. I'd like to hear the cushion torn apart by whatever object it comes in contact to. I'd also like to hear the gasps of those who would be unfortunate to see it. Then, with my manic outburst, I would hurry downstairs, barge through the main door, and making a beeline towards the already broken chair, I would lunge on it. Hearing the chitchat of those who got the oppotunity to spectate my endeavor, I would wrestle with the chair, cursing it at the same time.
I will hold a wooden piece of the chair with both my hands and I will drive my knee towards its center, I will do this with every piece of the chair until it is too short to break.
The cushion will get a special treatment, together with my clothes, I will create a makeshift rope to pull down a nearby tree from its base then, like a giant, I would treat the tree as my club and beat the rocking chair like garlic with a pestle.
At this point, I would presume that some coward had contacted the local police to report a naked madman beating up a chair. I would then use this opportunity to be kind and generous to everyone by giving them an elevated blood pressure for going outside without a mask. Breaching every health protocols I would approach anyone I see, accosting them for a person I falsely deem them to be, I would then recite any excerpt from any book like Mr. Zizek.
Lastly, as I hear the policemen shouting at me. I would quickly force my way into my dear Deyneille's home, I would sprint upstairs, kicking her door down, I would hastily grab any manga that I see and tear it in front of her face all while shouting "AUTISTIC", "WEEB", "RETARD", and "FAGGOT" repeatedly
I WANT TO SMASH THE TAXISSS

>>17318764
Many are already common terms of phase, like "to light up a room".
Use abstract nouns as adjectives even less demographically apologetically, let them manifest in defiance of convention.

Once in class someone used African American grammar and in a spontaneous outburst paired with a "gun" hand gesture I yelled out "damn son, you smoked that grammar shit!"
Many people present simultaneously protested protested this apparent racism and just as quickly I turned my handguns in a sweeping ark towards several obese libtards in the corner and declared in a southern drawl "better to smoke a grammar than justice a spook".
The whole class fell into total uproar and I took my leave.

I walked away unscathed because perhaps ten people tried to explain to the principal what transpired, but the principal couldn't fathom what took place or quantify if some offense had been committed on my part.

If you can, always justice a Niger

it is all way too much. I held onto something too hard. I contended with the world, so the world contends with me. I want to kill myself, but even that meek and self-pitying wish is an enactment of Gods will, a result of my idolatry. As such it is perfect. God I sound like a fag but there's a stream of conscious going here that is helpful I think.

I don't know if I should just quit my call center job or not. I've bitched about it several times on here and my disdain for the job is getting to the point where I can't even properly enjoy things because when I'm not working I'm constantly anxious and dreading having to work later. I work from home too which on the one hand is nice but is also making things worse as I have little interaction with people outside of work and barely leave the house making my home almost feel like a prison. I still live with my parents and have a good amount of money saved up but I'm also desperate to move out soon. This job feels like it's killing me (mentally) but at the same time just quitting means I won't know how long I'd be without any job even if I spend most of my energy looking for one. What do /lit/?

I need to find a way to feel about homosexuals that is close enough to the norm that if someone asks me if I am able to treat all people equal, I can say "yes" with confidence. I don't really know how it happened, or if I even think it necessary, but it happens that I feel uncomfortable with the sexual culture of our time, and I think normalising the gay is one of if not the big step we took toward getting where we are. I don't want to harm anyone, but I lean towards a "don't aks don't tell", stay-in-the-closet attitude.

On the other hand I think industrialism and modernity carry with them changes to how we live that will bring about changes in sexual culture, so maybe in modern times the norms should be different, I really don't know. All I know is that the way things are, somewhere in my gut there will be a reaction if and when I am to serve a gay person, where I will want to make some form or protest in accordance with what I believe to be the public interest. I won't do it, but I will be weird about it.

Do note that I am in no way certain that that is right, but it is what I've ended up with.

There really isn't much to do but sit back and watch as everything falls apart if you're born in one of the newer generations?

I think I’m going to apply to teach English abroad.

>>17319114
>normalising the gay is one of if not the big step we took toward getting where we are. I don't want to harm anyone, but I lean towards a "don't aks don't tell", stay-in-the-closet attitude.
I'm a faggot and you're right about this but the problem is bigger than just faggots with rainbow glitter everywhere. The republicans were very strong on the point that "what goes on in my bedroom is nobody's goddammed business" a long time ago. They're buying into the same culture as the left now where they think everyone's bedroom should be policed and classified and labeled for future prosecution, regardless of if you're pro- or anti- daily fag parades. The problem is how sexuality is now part of your public, and therefore political, persona. Nobody needs that shitshow.

>>17319114
>getting this triggered because you have to serve food to gays or whatever

Every time I sit down to write it comes out as purple, pretentious, meandering bullshit. It just seems impossible for me to write something that's more than peak midwit-angst core. I like to consider myself fairly talented at writing, especially compared to my peers. Though I suppose being good at writing in a computer science graduate program is just like being king of the short bus. How can you be authentic without sounding like that. Or is that what DFW was on about, true authenticity is always going to be cringy. How do I develop patrician emotions, is there any such thing?

>>17319723
some anon said most of writing is editing. first you write something contrived and faggy, then over a couple of days you slim it down just to what is needed to get the point across. the slimming down is the real work. I'm no writer, but I did make a couple of attempts and it did come out purple and faggy, and to me it sounded like there might be something to the idea.

>>17318265
I want to finish writing that novel, but I lack the motivation because if a project takes longer than a day of two I give up.
Sometimes its because I second guess the purpose of my writing. Like is this really the story I want to tell? I wanted to have certain themes but that doesn't seem to be the case in the actual product.
I also keep stalling when I get to a difficult part even though I have an outline I just can't get over the hump from point a to point b.

>>17319182
Nope, not really. My high-tier aspiration is to have a semi off-grid tiny house far from other people where I can garden and read in peace. If I play my cards right and leave frugally I might even be able to retire before 40. All we can really do is cope and insulate ourselves from the death knells of our society.

>>17319182
Nope, not really. My high-tier aspiration is to have a semi off-grid tiny house far from other people where I can garden and read in peace. If I play my cards right and live frugally I might even be able to retire before 40. All we can really do is cope and insulate ourselves from the death knells of our society.

>>17318265
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING FUCKING SOCIETY IS A FUCKFEST FULL OF IDIOTS AND RETARDS FUCKING HELL I HATE MEDICAL SCHOOL MY COLLEAGUE-STUDENTS ARE FUCKING SHEEP AND I WILL NEVER MAKE IT AS A DOCTOR I'M TOO FUCKING ANTI FUCKING SOCIAL FOR FFUCKS SAKE THIS LOCKDOWN IS BULLSHIT AND COMPLETELY SUPERFLUOUS FOR THIS MEME VIRUS THAT KILLS BOOMERS LIVING ON OVERTIME AND OBESITY

>>17320028
Yeah you shouldn't be a doctor lol

>>17320028

>>17320123
Truly a reddit tier image

>>17318265
I recently saw this girl. I already have a girlfriend who I love very much and is objectively better looking than this random girl. For some reason though I had this overwhelming love for this random slightly ugly and slightly portly girl. I wanted to ravage her and ask her to marry me on the spot. I can't get her out of my head. Just before this I finished reading Women by Bukowski so I guess I've been mulling over a lot of Ideas about lust and love and such. What's wrong with me anons? Any ideas?

>>17320261
>Women by Bukowski
QRD?

My mom asked me why I don't have a girlfriend recently. I'm 30 and gay.
Lately I have been contemplating suicide. After my mom (she's old) moves on, I will probably kill myself.
The only thing that keeps me going right now are books, vidya, anime and some parts of my PhD job.
I just feel tired all the time.

>>17320425
I wish, i'd be gay. Then i'd have a perfect excuse. Now i'm just 28 kv.

>>17320425
Homie just be gay wtf? You're apparently have a doctorate so you can't be that stupid. Are you gay and HIDEOUS?

>>17318429
how tf did you discover that?

>>17320415
Basically Bukowski is a horny old man who goes from woman to woman and has a bunch of sex but isn't happy but is always horny and neglecting the only woman he seems to have a connection with.

>>17320510
Ahhh, chasing "the one". If she plays with your peener 3+ times a week, cooks you meals, and doesn't make you want to kill yourself then she's the one. So many retards chasing fairy tales.

>>17320620
I don't think it's a fairytale but you have to admit there are certain people you have more of a connection to than others.

damned if i do, damned if i don't

>>17320661
Yea obviously, but I reject the notion that your spouse has to be your best friend in the whole world. You'd be lucky to find someone that you reasonably enjoyed for the most part. Maybe I'm uber blackpilled on marriage but I feel like people's expectations are way out of line with reality.

>>17318281
everything that has some way of charm will eventually change with the time of flow. a rose will wither, disappear back to the ground, just as the body of once a lovely girl.

>>17318265
WHO PAINTED THAT

>>17318641
>socionics
based. but he's EIE.

>>17318566
Why?

>>17320686
so are there two types of beauty appreciation? the momentary "enjoying in the present" and melancholic "present-future" one?

Save for my brain, or rather some special component of my brain that's untouched by chaos, I'm an absolute wreck.

I don’t know how to be disciplined+ productive when I don’t even know who I am

>>17320738
>when I don’t even know who I am
but you are you?

>>17320500
by browsing dominatrices, recognizing her and going wtf

how do you deal with despair? I'm not a doomer, but sometimes when I look around I see no hope anymore, people in the 60s and 70s saw a bright future for humanity and looked up with hope, where humanity conquers the solar system, new revolutionary technologies, healing cancer, nuclear fusion, etc. But now everything seems hopeless, a world without hope for the future.

>>17320818
perspective

>>17320683
I don't want a best friend as a spouse though. Not going to lie I'm a shitty person to the women in my life and as much as I try I can't stop and I think the scenario I just underlined is a good example of just that. Maybe I don't deserve the fairytale life even if it is out there

I want to know how to be a great person, like Napoleon or Caesar. I want to know what traits I’d have to cultivate to really respect myself.

>>17320902
start by narcissism and megalomania.

The dissimilarity between an archetype, and its archaic image, is directly proportional to the degree of globalization/hypermodernization of their referent; the archaic contains —most prominently in its characterizable traits— the teleological essence that is realized in the universal, ideal image of the archetype.

>>17320718

Why?

>>17320818
This society is dying. Best make plans for your own.

>>17319005
D-does any anon have advice for m-me?

>>17320686
A rose is only one flower on a bush which grows more each year. A cut rose is already dying.

>>17321110
look for a job before you quit your current job

>>17320818
the only thing you're responsible for, and the only thing you can affect either way, is your heart

>>17321110
Could you use the money you've saved to go to school and study something that could net you a decent career?

>>17319005
working a call center job from home, where your only social interactions are just the calls, sounds... really, really awful. do you have enough money to be without work for a while? do you think you have decent chances of finding work? I really don't know but i can't help but suspect that there is going to be some kind of corona-depression at some point, that might be worth taking into account

>>17320818
You just learn to live with it. After a while it stops being so intense.

>>17320722
how i view the world is through my own understanding of the world as i perceive it in my mind. the present moment has another beauty which doesn't allow time & thinking to be present.

>>17321111
the bush might one day die as a whole, if not the whole life hood of it, its surroundings or even the earth. Everything that has a life also has an ending. life can only co-exist with death.

>>17321210
>suspect that there is going to be some kind of corona-depression at some point
It's happening now, retard

>>17321198
I already have two bachelors degrees plus a certificate in digital marketing from an accredited university since that's sort of the direction I'm trying to go in. I get screwed by having few connections and the "no experience" bullshit.

>>17321210
>do you have enough money to be without work for a while?
I should have about 30 grand now based on the last time I checked my account which would be plenty to move out and live on my own while actively looking for jobs but it seems so many renters want you to have an active source of income before even considering renting to you.
>do you think you have decent chances of finding work?
If I was able to put the time and effort into it I think I could.

>>17321110
Anon, I was in the same position 2/3 years ago (except it wasn't working from home)
Eventually I moved out and after a year of living on my own quit the job and took up a trade.
In the beginning I thought about going back. The job is easy and the hours are flexible. But I decided against it because when you think about your future with a job like that I could cry and would contemplate bad stuff.

I can't give detailed advise because I do not know your situation but I can say that I made the correct choice. If I had to give you advise is first move out if you can, I doubt it would feel like a prison then (at least for a while)

I'm afraid I'm never going to have the time to get good at the things I enjoy doing: writing and making music.
I started too late, and now that I work, I have no idea when I'm going to make time for all of that.

>>17321260
Why death is so unacceptable in current society? Isnt death also a beauty?

>>17321470
people are afraid of the unknown, thats why we create different ideas and pattern to fall on to feel safe, like religion etc. Death is beauty in the regard that nothing of its own existence matters anymore. All your wishes, hopes and dreams will parish with us. Death are also beauty in the regard that it gives new life.

gonna spitball a little here
getting in touch with a potential employer tomorrow. looking for an internship in the field I'm studying toward. He will have questions about what I want out of that position and why.

I don't believe I am passionate about what I am studying. I like it, but it is not what I burn for. Specifically I'm looking to intern in local governance. Why? There were a couple of reasons I went this way: I wanted to work in an office with people from a class and with intellectual sensibilities at least somewhat like my own; I did not want to work for a business if I could avoid it, I don't think I do well in cut-throat situations; I wanted to work in a field connecting with "real life". When I got into polisci I wanted to do IR, but gradually I came to the belief that politics gets more awful the bigger the scale. I have looked into what my local government does, and it seems so fine, such a nice balance of tasks all of which are interesting in their own way but many of which seem to be not too awfully tense. I should probably not mention this last part to him. I think being a public servant might be the best that I can do: too chicken to be a cop, too nervous to be a doctor, too anti-social to be a nurse. The thing is that I don't really know what the actual work is... and I feel like at the stage where I'm at in my studies, I am supposed to have more of a hunch. The thing is that I find polisci interesting, but not interesting enough that I actually retain it all too well over time. In terms of what I a mactually very interested about learning it has for some time been theology, but for various reasons I am not getting into that professionally and besides I think the goal of studying theology should be getting to a point where you don't have to think about it any more, which is the opposite of making a career out of it (it's just trying to learn to live right, after all, and I doubt that continuously questioning everthing in some masturbation of self is part of the answer). I am not knowledgeable about how government in my country works. I am supposed to be. I will have to read the wikipedia on how these administrative units work and hope that it is accurate in case this comes up. My studying polisci is really a grand, pragmatic compromise, which I still somewhat believe in. I suppose this internship is meant to help me realize how sensible that belief is.

It's probably gonna be ok I guess. It's just I have this creeping feeling of some kind of impostor-syndrome thing because, well... in some ways I am an impostor, I am not knowledgeable in my field. What I've hoped is that I'm buliding some kind of foundation and that when I am faced with reality, all the theories I've read will turn up to help me navigate the situation

Is "beauty" a value? Is "happiness" one? I'm trying to self-actualize over here but I don't even know what I really care about.

>>17321332
I do agree that moving out would probably make it feel less like a prison. Since I'm still with my parents I never have to do any shopping or errands for myself and therefore rarely ever leave the house. I feel like I have all the drawbacks of being a NEET with none of the positives.

I feel like I have reached another moment of maturity, it's an almost imperceptible change but it manifests in the strangest ways. I was walking down the street the other day, on my way to work, I saw a woman who was perhaps in her early 40s and my cock literally hardened instantly. She was wearing your typical office clobber, a low cut blouse and tight knee length skirt with tights. I couldn't get the image of her legs and cleavage out of my mind, I had an erection all the way to work which was at least a 15 minute walk. As soon as I arrived I rushed into the staff toilets and I was spraying on the walls within three strokes, after cleaning up I felt different, it was a moment of clarity, I was like 'holy shit, I'm getting old'.
I'm not even old, I just turned 25, I can't even grow a proper beard, maybe aging is just a long series of incidents like this, what do you think?

>>17319114
You can hate fags all you want if you want to, but consider the historical and biological reasoning behind where the stigma against homosexuality stems from in the first place. Is it disease? Most diseases have cures or treatments now (except the big faggot AIDs disease of course) Is it the lack of reproduction? Well, a lot of people nowadays aren't reproducing either (for better or for worse), so it isn't necessarily that either. That's just my consideration of it. My edgiest opinion on the matter is that there is a sort of innate "grossness" factor to seeing two guys kiss or whatever, but many of the reasons for the negative stigma are greatly reduced or minimized by modern society.

>>17321572
local gov jobs are easy af and pay okay. drop your pretentious idealism faggot, 90% of gov employees are lazy retards who got a good position. I am one. everything you say about the private sector is right, they're scum, but they're ambitious scum, we are just lazy idealists or doomers. embrace it and build your life outside your job.

also nurses don't need to be super social.

I miss 2015 and thinking post-graduate life was going to be easy and thinking the whole "culture war" thing was going to blow over and not knowing about the corona virus or lockdown orders and I miss getting drunk and high all day and larping as intellectuals with my college roommates and friends.

the good thing with fictional musicians like crazy frog is that they will never be accused of harassment or get cancelled and I can enjoy them peacefully

not even close to being an original idea, but I've been thinking about determinism a lot lately. I've been thinking more and more about free will- and I'm getting to the point of thinking that it's an illusion. And yeah, I'm aware that strawmanning greentext responses is cringe. Sorry.
Our lives are made up of countless reactions to outside stimuli. Every thought I've had, every emotional response, what I had for breakfast- all of these are reactions to things outside of my control. Reading this post will illicit a reaction from you, but it won't be by your own choice; the thoughts you'll have are not what you've chosen. Be it a billboard advertisement sticking an idea in your head that barely surfaces in your subconscious weeks later, resulting in you going out for a specific fast food, or 'deciding' to spend your evening shitposting on an imageboard, ultimately, you had no say in the matter.
>Don't be a jackass, I can prove you wrong right here and now by closing this thread and doing something else!
Yeah sure, but it wouldn't be your choice. Up there in your brain, there are chemical reactions that will either drive you to stick around or leave, and your consciousness had no part in the matter; consciousness is a funny thing though, in that it's a self-centered nutjob. It'll convince itself that it DID in fact decide, probably as a mechanism for maintaining sanity and social drive.
>That would imply that if I were to commit murder, I would have had no say in the matter.
Correct.
In order to maintain social cohesion, we have put rules into place to deal with individuals who disrupt the order. Is a rabid dog at fault for attacking mindlessly? No, but we do cage them and potentially put them down.\
Because of all of this, we can assume that we are actually actors in the grand tale of reality, following the script because we must.
>FatAssSoyjak.png woah man we're like stardust and stuff man, I heckin love puppers and science.
Yeah, I get it.
It sounds pretty gay, but this is kind of spiritually enlightening for me, I'm starting to believe in fate. It's kind of comforting knowing that all things are as they should be.
Now, that's not an excuse to sit on my ass and live a purely comfy life, never improving, never moving forward. But I don't really have a say in it one way or another.

Can't get a fucking job ahhhhhh. 3 interviews in the shitty food industry and no luck. I'd rather work in a factory but they're all located so far and I have no car. FUUUUUUUUUUUU

>>17322571
they only hire spanish guys at factories anyways. have you tried going through a temp agency? it won't really be steady work, but if you're not doing anything else, it will give you something to put on your resume

>It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society - Jiddu Krishnamurti
The inchoate chaos of my creativity cannot be corporatized. If I am judged to be a failure it is because the system has failed to appreciate my powers, it is not that my powers have failed the system to which it is arbitrarily subject and evaluated. There is no freedom in self-prostitution before whatever corporate money-bag deems your existence worth subsisting.

>>17318301

I'm in Wales too anon, I've had the worst year I could have imagined but it has nothing to do with lockdown. Hope you're coping ok, kind regards from sunny Radnorshire

why do schizo occultist effortposters like frater fill me with rage? there's a blatant lack of self-awareness in the whole affair, especially on a place like fucking 4chan of all places.

>>17322745
oh and girardfag too, almost forgot about him.

>>17322600
t. delusional
winning outside of the 'system' has a much higher ceiling and consequently is much harder. you just can't admit to you're self that you lack any functional skill or set of tools (and luck) that would allow you to win. your 'creativity' is unapplied and or misdirected. you're whole orientation should be ' how to win' before you set out on the long arduous journey of reaching the creative ideal otherwise you will produce resentful works.

>>17320425
>30 year old with a worthless PHD lives in his mom's house and binges on worthless pop culture garbage like video games and anime
If I was your Mom I'd probably despise you.

>>17322571
>rather work in a factory than at a restaurant
you have clearly never worked in a factory.

>>17322962
warehouses can be comfy, but factories are general awful.

>>17318265
I like eating potatos. Its cold night, dark and chilling, but i just ate potatos. I maybe tired but i ate potatos. I like potatos.

>>17322786
t. bootlicker

There's an obsession with heritage in America that's frequently mocked elsewhere in the world. It's understandable but misguided. The French don't need to worry about who they are - because, they're French. The Germans. Turks. Brits. Who are they? Well, they're who they are, the peoples who have been there since they gave their land a title, and a border. North America was settled in the 1600s, 400 years ago. The United States of America founded less than 300 years ago. A nation born into a world ripe with rich cultures, histories beyond our grasp, stories inside of stories inside of stories, just another brick in the infinitely wide pyramid, which will either one day come to a single point of towering achievement and purpose, the spire atop our past, or be left unfinished, it's builders wiped away and forgotten by time, left with only post-modern glass boxes and cuck sheds to remind the returning wilderness that anyone was ever here at all. America is young. We just arrived to the party. We brought the sledge hammer to open up the wall separating the bedroom from the living room. Now it's a studio apartment. It costs $1400 a month.

>>17323064
I bet you think this is worth reading, you utter bag of garbage.

I don't know why people always want those revenge chapters when NTR comes up, like the ones where the cuck bangs the bulls mom and everything ends up happy. That is just cope of the highest caliber and would just destroy all tension. I guess they really are self-inserting into the cuck after all.

I just downloaded four books from zlibrary, but when I tried downloading the fifth, I got the warning that comes up when you try to download a sixth book as an unregistered user. What happened? I'm kinda spooked. Did someone download a book from zlibrary with my IP? I didn't download anything else in the last 24 hours.

>>17320818
>people in the 60s and 70s saw a bright future for humanity and looked up with hope

damn fag gardner spends a lot of money on ads doesn't he?

I sold something on facebook and the girl who came to pick it up was really cute and i'm still happy that I got to interact with a cute girl for a few minutes

I'm in the mood to watch a mainstream movie, not some Criterion Channel artsy shit tonight. Looking at the iTunes $5 sales, there "25th, 30th, and 35th Anniversary" one has some tempting stuff I guess because as a Xennial those are nostalgic to me. Labyrinth, Big Trouble In Little China, Legend, which one should I get?

>>17324006
KEK dunno, anon. Labyrinth is kinda cool. Big Trouble in Little China too. I don't know that Legend one.

>>17323332
>Did someone download a book from zlibrary with my IP?

Even if someone did break into your system and did just that, what hacker would use the access for something as boring and ordinary as downloading ebooks from zlibrary? I think it's much more likely that you just got unlucky and received an IP (if your IP is dynamic, which is quite likely) from your ISP that was used by someone not that long ago to download from zlibrary.

>>17324006
Dont' you have cable, anon?

>>17320818
>how do you deal with despair?
You don't, you understand the problem you see is only an illusion
>when I look around I see no hope anymore
good, hope is an expression of anxiety and there for a denial of realty
>people in the 60s and 70s saw a bright future for humanity
and there may still be, but they where come from the POV of a peak capital wealth distribution level. Now we are on the decline doe to neo liberalism. But I'm sure people in china feel good about tomorrow
>But now everything seems hopeless
that is the looming mutual destruction of the proletariat and bourgeoisie, Marx never said one side had to win, both can lose if labor power is not reunified.

>>17318265
I work as a penny pincher for a larger engineering firm. Maybe it’s the sad songs Im listening to, but I really fucking hate it right now.

It’s just so annoying at every point. I hate every part of it. At no point in my 1 year of tenure have I ever felt joy or any sort of positive about it. Everything just keeps spinning round and round, shittier and shittier. I went to college with dreams of soemthing much grander, but I didn’t put in the effort so it only makes sense that this is where I end up.

I’m just being dramatic, but I need to put this where someone else might see it. Tell me how dumb I am or whatever, how lucky I have it. I’m just so tired

>>17318425
>Prior to Christmas had no physical copies of literature
you sound like a cute neet!

>>17324011
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1Ark0BUu6o
It's by Ridley-Scott starring Tom Cruise. Fantasy setting.
>>17324019
Cable? I don't have a TV. I said I was xennial, not a boomer, lol

>>17318265
I have a house, a truck, and a job I don't hate. I had a woman for six years. I am still not happy. I don't enjoy the company of others. Everything is shallow and superficial. Is this it? This is all life is? Stable living is the end game right?

>>17324260
Not really, depends, anon. Different people feel like doing different things. Have you considered writing anything?

>>17324275
I said writing, but it can be anything. I meant a creative hobby. One that you are active. It can be even gaming or sports.

>see screencaps of discord chats
>its all unreadable zoomerspeak like "poggers" and "pokimane lmao" all written without punctuation or capitals
>emojis everywhere
Wtf

The internet isn't what it used to be. It's been completely co-opted by corporations, ideologues, useful idiots, propaganda, bots, and shills. My escape from the world has been taken from me and now there is no recourse, nowhere to be that is not saturated with the crude, the dumb, and the belligerent.

I wish I had somewhere to be, some worthy thing to do, some crowd to which I could belong. I've never felt this alone before.

>>17324318
religion is fucking retarded, anon.

>>17324275
>>17324282
Gaming has lost it's appeal. Still you're right a hobby is probably the way to go. As strange as it sounds I want some kind of challenge or suffering to give my life meaning and purpose.

>>17324356
Go play minecraft on 2B2T, or read some of the endless archives/mirrors of long dead imageboards.
The old internet is still there, it's just the nu-internet was painted over the top of it

>>17324422
I don't find the idea of probing some archived corpse appealing. It does nothing to change my alienation.

>>17324422
>The culture of 2b2t and anarchy servers in general is inhospitable and nihilistic.[2] Players usually need to hide supplies and be armed in order to survive, and can expect to be killed several times.[2] This is exacerbated by the server being set to "hard" difficulty and player versus player combat being enabled, making survival considerably harder.[7] Longtime players are often hostile to new players on the server,[4] whom they call "newfags".[4][9] The server-wide chat often contains spam, trolling, and trash-talking,[4] as well as racial slurs, death threats, and Nazi propaganda.[2][6] Links to obscene content and screamer videos are also common.[4] Players often lie to others with the intent of sending them to in-game locations with traps.[4] A common rule among players is to not trust others.[7]
This sounds like the same people who ruined 4chan and invited the bots shills and normalfag propagandists. No thank you.

Thats it. No more coffeine after 5 pm. Its not funny to spend an hour trying to sleep while lying in bed at night.

>>17318265
Lately I have been telling myself "you are empty", "you are nothing", "you weep" I feel like killing myself only because I dont fit anywhere and I am a total failure.

>>17324789
Saying mean things to yourself isnt going to help.

>>17324789
Yes, I don't fit anywhere either, but you can keep moving, anon. And just do your stuff, it is not like you depend on other people. It is mainly about yourself, this can be daunting, but you have to be your own best friend. This what you keep telling yourself, it is not the kind of thing you would tell your best friend, right? Even if you thought that, you would cheer him up.

What a moment of peace, what a lovely moment of peace, I remember it so perfectly. My parents and my children and my wife all asleep in the middle of the day, tired from running and cooking and tending to each other, only I am awake, and I see them all finally at rest, finally at peace. And a little harp song is playing gently enough only that I hear it and the whole world is asleep and only I am awake in the shining morning.

Such a peace, my sons and daughters resting, my father and mother resting, my wife resting and I alone but among them, alone but not by myself. Their peace washing over me, their gentle rest washing over me. Whenever I think of the melody of that little harp song or if I need to think of a happy moment or peace, that memory is what is remembered. Profound peace. Profound peace.

>>17324804
Yeah, thank you, there is something to my emptiness, and even if we don't fit, here we are. I wonder why we get so hunged up with this dispair.

>>17324899
Despair? No idea, but write that shit down. Or you will forget it. Put it in a piece of paper or something.

niggertitties niggertitties niggertitties

I occasionally become so absolutely, entirely enraged and despaired by absolutely nothing, or perhaps just all things in general which sometimes seem as nothing.

Every. Single. Morning. I. Wake. Up. With. A. Raging. Mind numbing. Soul crushing. Motivation negating. Hope destroying. Everything Good denying. Unholy. Headache.

This is killing me. It must be a tumor. Why can't I wake up and feel decent only once. God I'm so done with everything.

I'd like to think humanity can, in the extremely far future. Achieve some manner of "higher" state. I'd have no idea how'd our ancestors would do such a thing. If and all it is possible for humans to do such a thing to begin with. Another hollowing thought, though I don't believe such things will happen. Is that maybe, if they can be born. Such a higher state would be for our mechanical children. Beings not bounded by flesh, not limited as we are. In both body and mind.

guh three days of binge drinking and smoking and not enough sleep, I don't feel good

>>17325102
Why aren't you sleeping? Are you playing some game?

Reading Biden’s climate change plans makes me feel good about voting for him. I think I’ve become a single-issue voter; he who attacks global warming the hardest gets my vote.

>>17325109
no I am sleeping just not enough hours because my body won't stay asleep and I have shit I need to get done

>>17325116
Based and lets turn gas emissions into green taxes-pilled

>>17325165
Now you expect pity or what? Stop Bing drinking, retard.

Is sex better than fapping? If the answer is no then I'm perfectly happy to remain single for the rest of my life.

>>17325237
Depends, anon.

>>17324587
halfch4n used to keep out the NPC's of the world by being generally objectionable- people who were easily baited or drawn by trolls just got frustrated and left.

It's actually things becoming far more aggressively moderated that has seen an influx of refugees from the normieweb, at the same time refugees from de-platformed sites arrive.

I got banned last week from /pol/ for "racism"

>>17325237
:FOOD ANALOGY INCOMING:
Fapping is like getting the exact dish you want, but often times something is missing. Sex, if with the right person, is like a dish often times not quite what you would have picked, but is still really satisfying.
Or something I don’t fucking know. I like sex better because I like to hug people, and sex is like jacking off into a hot wet something while being hugged.

>>17325237
50/50

Theres something about ginger girls that i like. Maybe their copper hair remind me of bright red cables of lust or perhaps freckles are just moles of emotion. I really dont know. I wish i could bury my hands in their hair and enjoy the fire running through my fingers then take a deep sniff.

>>17318265
This won't be relatable for most people here, but I'll post it since it isn't like a thread will ever come up for it.
Fuck the NZ literary establishment. If anyone asks why Australasia can't produce literature, large parts of the blame lies with these walking corpses. This circle of old boomer fucks choking each other to death while they suck on the saggy half-dry titty of government funding should be considered a national disgrace. If you're part of the club of increasingly irrelevant ingrates, you get some of that precious cash to engage in a bit of snobbery and pretend to be a big fish in a Pacific island backwater. If you aren't: well, as one of the rare journalists who actually does his job pointed out a few years ago, most New Zealanders are completely unaware who our best selling authors are. Why? They sell internationally, because they get no funding from the huckstering NZ literary scene, mostly because they have the audacity to sell genre fiction. And, as any aspiring New Zealand writer will notice, New Zealand literary publications do not accept romance, science fiction, or fantasy.
If you're a true patrician of the arts, you may think this is just so fucking based, but keep in mind these are all largely fat retards with ridiculous glasses and clothes that tell you they peaked well before 2000, who take money for the intellectual equivalent of wine-tasting, in some cases are borderline (or outright) plagiarists, and then turn around and absolutely strangle anyone who isn't in their little club. Completely murdering genre fiction in the country means kids grow up not caring about their own country's books, because they think the market doesn't exist. Not to mention this is a country STILL coasting on that one time Steve was an extra orc or whatever in that fantasy series I still haven't watched, which gets less and less relevant each year even though we still con the tourists into going to those stupid Hobbit houses - this is the country that refuses to fund its fantasy authors, or its scifi. And of course, this little domino eventually smacks over the big domino and you realise nobody reads New Zealand authors. Nobody notices Janet Frame (who they would probably like, if they read Lispector or Silvina Ocampo), nobody reads NZ books except overseas readers, when they're any good they get no praise from the reviewers because they're not in the club, they languish unread and they die, and we carry on being less and less of a place worth a fuck except as the world's most gorgeous 5 million person retirement village.

>>17318555
I sometimes personify objects & activities for the purpose of ellipsis--"of its motives" as opposed to "their motives for it", etc. Unambiguous as the attribution is anyway, it's not properly solid as an image of forces at play, and happens more often when I have brain fog that hampers the kinesthetic sense that the cohesion of my sentences are an extension of. I don't know how anyone writes at all independently of feeling for movement seen, and intervened in: Even Dickinson at her most elliptical charts causal cascades that don't make a bit of sense without that feeling for the difference between mover and moved, and the most sense to me when my own is most active.

>>17322745
he's unironically the best tripfag we've ever had, shut the fuck up. also, he's not a schizo, just well read.

>>17323155
right back at you, you worthless piece of human trash. his post was good, yours isn't

What's the autism here with certain book publishers or whatever they're called. Some anon bitched at me for having a penguin classics version of Beyond Good and Evil and some other books. I hear something something about translations but it appears fine to me? Am I just a pleb or is it just a subtle issue/not one at all.

>>17323064
Potatoes are my comfort food, too. Best are fries, but sometimes when I don't feel like doing too much work I just peel them, halve them and bake them in the oven with a tiny bit of butter on each.

>>17322176
the way I looked at it is I think it's a kind of portal-decision that leads to normalizing thots twittering about what dildo they like the best. I can't think of a better sounding word for it than "repression" of what would otherwise be (and I believe is) sexual liberation, which in turn is the great normalization of seeking the meaning of life in satisfying base urges and in pleasures of the flesh.

Thing is though that I think this might just be a consequence of industrial and post-industrial society. In the old world people married young, and this was socially and economically viable. Today it isn't, I believe a major reason people marry later today is because they're simply not ready to create a stable union until they've stabilised their own lives. In olden days a married couple would stay with the husbands family, so the stability was completely different from being two people left to themselves in some small box that you have a mortgage on. If it is true that people are not ready to marry until at least 18, but in many cases 25-35 years old (as this is the time when they can provide stability for a child), then I believe it is unreasonable to expect celibacy before marriage. In this case it is possible that the old norms set a standard that... maybe it can be lived up to, I don't know, but it seems different, and if the reason to worry about homosexuality is worrying about sexual liberation, then the point might be moot.

God knows best, but looking around me this is what I believe that I see.

>>17325966
>which in turn is the great normalization of seeking the meaning of life in satisfying base urges and in pleasures of the flesh.
to be fair, I think most people do live this way one way or another, myself included. but I think religions have been nervous about sexuality for a reason. Even buddhists. I think it's some form of interplay between flesh and soul that is extremely strong with sex, where if you allow the flesh to dominate you, it will.

>>17325237
Fapping obviously has a high potential of pleasure, especially combined with some substances.
Sex is more real and potentially provides a unique and deeper experience. Sex is not really the main reason I don't want to be single though. I just want someone around whom I can trust and who who is there when I need someone. That will never happen though.

There was this girl I asked out in uni after a few dates. I saw her and immediately felt like sitting next to her in a tutorial class. This was a sensation which I never felt before. She ultimately ended up rejecting me but fast forward a few years and she drunk calls me which leads to a dinner date. After many dates we confessed our affection for one another. She never dated since our dates many years ago.

>finally get a gf as a khv schizo
>Her body count is 34
>she's had many threesomes with her best friend and her best friend's boyfriend
>only one serious relationship
>calls herself a whore and doesn't care
>rape victim
>drug addict
>alcoholic

I know everyone is gonna make fun of me but i actually care about her like as a friend kind of way. I mean she is attractive and i get jealous of other guys and had to just get past all the sexual experience but after that I like her at the end of the day. Not in love or anything but i think she is a good person. Plus i wanked in my mum's undies a few years ago so i think that makes up for it all? I just fear putting her on a pedestal (inb4 i am fuck you she is my gf) and then getting hurt when she cheats or whatever.

I would even be her friend without being romantic or sexual. I have no other friends since they all left me because i keep having ocd mind attacks.

Can anyone give me some advice?

>>17318365
People have told me this before including my ex. Ironically I'm an extremely emotional person inside but appear cold on the outside/rarely express it.

It also doesn't help that I'm very logical and not very empathetic. People take that to mean that Im a robot that doesn't care about anything. But if they're right how can I post this?

>>17326728
KEK enjoy while it lasts and don't do anything without condoms with this girl, only if she gets clean on STDs. I hope it is not too late, if it is get tested, anon.

>>17326728
And don't try to fix people, anon. It is harder than it looks. But that doesn't mean you can't be friends.

A local news portal is advertising Netflix's Lupin, and I'm just... meh. It's not even Lupin, it's some guy out for revenge that just happened to have read Lupin's adventures, and then they even have it set in modern times, complete with fancy technology. Guess it's just another case of needing a popular name for guaranteed attention, otherwise it would have been just another typical antihero.

>>17326728
Bodycount isn't that relevant depending on her age. The fact she's only been in one serious relationship, calls herself a whore, and is an addict are all pretty big red flags though. She sounds fat and this won't end well for you.

>>17326728
>>rape victim
>>drug addict
>>alcoholic
That would be enough for me to leave her but you do you.

>>17326728
Don't use drugs with her, anon. And you shouldn't have anything to do with this girl (you seem pretty fucked up by yourself). I think weed is kinda of ok. But drug addict and alcoholic... She is a somewhat dangerous person, people like that are kinda unpredictable. Maybe if she feels like quitting this shit and getting help, but even considering this, it is not like something as trivial as committing and getting it done.

>>17326728
I would ignore most criticism because of 2 reasons.
1. If you actually are friends then that's worth something.
2. It sounds like her life is a mess, but nobody here has enough information to really give meaningful comments on that.
It isn't your job to handle her issues but if you are friends anyway I would say the main thing is to set boundaries for yourself. If there's something you're uncomfortable with, make sure you both let her know and communicate clearly and effectively, and that if any lines are crossed, you are prepared to end the relationship, because your own self respect is worth more than any relationship.
If you're friends, surely communicating any uncertainties you have will be perfectly achievable, and you may find it gets much easier when you both have any concerns out in the open.

>>17327105
All things considered she is probably better off with the anon.

>>17318281
i thought it was my agp making it sad

>>17325904
Some translations are better/more faithful than others. It's not the publisher it's the person who did the actual translation. Worth looking into when picking up a book, but not something to obsess over.

>>17325562
>genre fiction
Based boomers, fuck genre fiction.

But seriously, sorry for you guys (though i personally dint like genre fiction that much in general).

Its sad when you really dont have much to talk about in terms of your own local shit and things kinda go to the wayside.

>>17326848
>friendly acquaintance commits suicide
>feel bit sad
>bit guilty too because I felt I could have done more
>look on social media to see everyone pouring out in grief about how much they loved him
>feel envious because I know nobody would give nearly as much of a shit if I topped myself
>start fantasizing about giving an impressive eulogy at his funeral even though I didn't know him that well
Is this narcissism?

>>17327479
KEK probably.

>>17327479
yikes

what do you do when doing anything just feels painful

>>17327856
embrace pain

>>17327856
i just listen to melancholic music

>>17327479
No, I imagine if it were narcissism you wouldn't be asking this now, cause the ideal image of yourself can not do anything wrong, it would always be the other side's fault. This is just fear of being excluded from the group, a primal urge from times when our survival depended on it.

>>17318281
I still remember that time when a friend and I were chilling by the uni library and briefly caught the sight of a beautiful blue-eyed girl. My friend later told me "she hurt me". I guess the sentence 'achingly beautiful' exists for a reason.

>>17327964
I'm asking this now for attention desu.

>become muslim
>read the Quran and find that taken as a whole it is reasonable
>realize after a couple of years that historically there has been something called "abrogation" which has dominated discourse on the Quran, in particular regarding warfare
>realize that the clear majority position among the medieval sunni scholars was that the verses that legitimise use of violence "abrogate", that is to say "negate and override" the verses that promote peace
>read in this way the book is not balanced and has been used to promote constant offensive warfare
>realize I can not be a part of this tradition
>realize that this, at the very least, includes all of sunni islam
>don't want to be shia
>don't want to abandon islam
>mfw I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to be some kind of heretic
it's an abstract kind of dread. generally speaking I think organized mass-religion Islam went wrong pretty early, as I suspect all organized mass-religion does.. To be precise I think there were a number of compromises arrived at 1000+´years ago that are not revelation from God but simply the result of medieval pragmatism, but those compromises are very much alive and kicking to this day. I will probably end up some kind of heretic because more and more I realize that I think the Quran is one of several true revelations that have come. In terms of being a book directly from God it is unique as far as I know, but clearly there have been other forms of prophecy that have had integrity (the Gospels for instance). It seems a high risk project to go more and more in a direction where I interpret for myself, especially since I don't read any of the original languages. On the other hand I've realized that the sheikhs I used to rely on all protected various myths in order to protect sunni Islam, and so they are not credible guides. I feel betrayed to be honest. Know that when someone speaks of hadith "science" they are at best exaggerating, more likely being wilfully misleading. The very idea that sheikh al Albani could revolutionize the reading of hadiths when clearly he did not have any new sources, and so therefore he was only re-evaluating the data on what happened 1400 years ago should be an indicator of the integrity of the "science".

I really needed to rant about this shit.
Note that none of this is a criticism of the Quran, only of the human systems that came after.

>>17328259
Does not Islam proclaim a divine protection over the purity of the texts of the Quran and of the transmission and interpretation thereof by proper groups, going so far as to say that proper Islam has not sects/denominations because such is an abomination towards Allah?

How can you be a Muslim then if you are against both Shia and sunni Islam as sects and see this corruption ?

>>17327105
>>17327191
Oh wow, Finally some good advice!

I like her as a friend, not a sex object so pumping and dumping is not in my repertoire (inb4 soi). I dont plan on taking any drugs but i empathise with her life because she has low self esteem and I used to suffer from that bout myself.

pray for megan

>>17328306
I understand divine protection over the purity of the texts to mean protection of the Quran, which I can't believe that any muslim is contesting. I don't know that it says anything about anyones right to intepretation over another. It might, and that I'm just forgetting.

Jesus gives a litmus-test: you can measure a religious movement by its fruits. To me, the fruit that is a legitimization of offensive warfare proves that the tree is bad. But I do not understand the Quran to condone this at all. My religion really hasn't had much to do with secterianism. Basically there were a few things about sunni Islam that I thought would resolve themselves over time, and that I would gradually see the reason in the way that things are, but it has been the opposite.

As for shi'as I just find it odd. It's been a long time since I gave this much thought to be honest, but as I remember it it has a lot to do with the farewell sermon and trying to deduce what the Prophet (saws) meant when he spoke about Ali. I am under the impression that the Prophet (saws) was ambiguous about what the political leadership after him should be, so to jump to the conclusion that power is inherited within the family.. I mean I don't know what norms were dominant at the time, maybe it is not such a leap, but I haven't really even entertained the notion to be honest. There is a short chapter of the Quran which seems to make the point that being a family member of the Prophet (saws) does not make one holy (surah al-Masad).

I've finally found a set of authors that make concrete some beliefs I've had and it's very nice

>>17321332
Can I ask you what is your job?

>>17328487
My work is creating the central heating/cooled water system and all the branches needed to get it to either the heating or just the water you get from the faucet. I've been doing this for about 5 months now and have worked in malls, odd places like a floating office and regular office buildings.
It's physically tough work but I never mind that aspect, I'll take it any day over the thought of entering another office, sitting behind a desk for the entire day.

The people I work with now are also a big plus, I've been in female dominated areas for most of my life and the banter you get with the people in this job is just not something you get in an office job.
The reason I was contemplating leaving this job (roughly 2 months in) was because I went from working 4 days a week (conscious choice) to 5 days a week and on days like today when I go to welding classes I'm basically away from home from 05:00 to 21:30. Also having 0 technical background makes it very hard, I'm working with people who have done this since they were 16 (I'm 26). But I do not regret my choice, every day I'm actually doing something rather than speedrun my work and then watch the clock like I did in an office.

Do you ever worry that you're trapped in a set of intellectual biases, and everything you read either gets accepted or rejected based on conformation to these biases with nothing having the ability to undermine them?

>>17328993
yep

I dont know how to truly see the beauty through all 5 senses.

>>17328993
yes. nietzsche wrote on this heavily in "on the prejudices of philosophers" and his critique of philosophy in "the will to power". essentially the conclusion he lands on is whatever philosophy one finds one ascribes to - whatever morality too, - is ultimately one which, in its own clever roundabout way - best serves the exercise of one's own will to power. the more egalitarian one's philosophy might be, the more this speaks to a lack of power or nerve in the individual, and so a heavier reliance on ideology to satiate that power.

to get really meta now, mine and nietzsche's and possibly your philosophy of understanding all philosophies as inherently biased and one dimensional means what? probably first and foremost a kind of total negation of other philosophies of the good and an allowance in this fallen state for the substitution of our own uniquely tailored and superegoically "immoral" philosophies in the face of a learned or built in guilt, whether that be a guilt toward the action of violence, or mere laziness. (a killer and a hikikomori both must justify themselves somehow in turn)

tldr; yes i did, so did Nietzsche it's all cope cope cope cope cope

>>17328950
Thanks for post. I am similar to you because I don't have technical experience and similar to anon you originally had replied because I feel like prison in home. (I don't have good relation with father). I'm happy for you. I hope everything turns good for us in the future. I root for every anon in here

>>17328993
Not since I stopped being a leftist. You'll hopefully grow out of it, but lord knows enough people went to their grave thinking Marxism was truth.

>>17318281
No, you're just depressed.

>>17329212
I hope so too anon, are you planning on going into a trade? It would take some perseverance but with the job I used to have you can always go back so that made the barrier lower for me. And like many people I have a bad relationship with my dad, not such much in that we don't get along just that I don't see him more than 2 weeks in a year and that has been the case since I was about 7. I do feel like this environment helps me get a better idea of what it is to be a man.

>>17329319
This virus makes things difficult for me because I am locked with my parents. I will soon graduate from uni and I can find some job in industry but there is some option to go abroad to Norway. My uncle have been working there for six months. He works in the harbour and there is a lot of difrent tasks from welding to driving trucks. My dad drank a lot in the past and now he is better but we sometimes figths because he thinks I don't want to spend time with him. He is insecure in many things and this trait I have inherited. There was no violence but he madly argued with mother. This made me indiffrent to world. I think I only want job to be somewhat independent, go to gym (now I go to some old guy's homegym because of lockdown), and I really like reading. You really can meet someone. For example I readed Plato's work last year. I haven't understanded everything but after this I have feeling that something changed because I could feel and think with some person (the nature of dialogues makes easy for this). And I do not have really some freinds who I can speak to about everything. It is harder when you getting older because every one has own life.

>>17325562
Refusing to fund or support local genre fiction is one of the stupidest business moves you could possibly make. Kids almost always get into reading through genre fiction.

>>17318265
Behead All Satans
darling, there's a lot of movement happening,,,'flies in the ointment.'
i need you to permanently move that box of saltines and TK-420 all incoming specials with:
0dRat43eRgnik9CufyzaRc8uoYtihSta2e

I got poison oak on my face and I'm contemplating the possibility that I might no longer be beautiful after the rashes have left their mark

>>17328465
http://muumuuhouse.com/mb.fiction1.html

Your waifu is a whore

I suffer deeply from a Madonna Whore Complex

Feels bad reading a chapter knowing that 70% of it went over your head by the end

>>17329963
i do not denigrate women for sexual activity, she is not a whore, she is not a waifu, i have read and enjoyed that piece as yet another of megan's sincere documents of post-millennial reality

pray for megan

>>17318429
pretty good premise for a short story

>>17320692
the south seas guy?, van gogh's sometime buddy?

>>17330913
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivan_Agu%C3%A9li

>>17328259
You deserve nothing less for falling for semitic desert demon worship. Just how did you even get into the religion without knowing about abrogation, Ibn Taymiyyah, dar-al-islam vs. dar-al-harb, and such? Are you from California or something?

I genuinely don't understand the appeal of islam beyond it being the /pol/ religion of choice for people too cool and edgy for being a tradcath. The aesthetics are nothing to write home about, the semitic obsession with laws and rules completely ruins any chance of genuine theology, your "colleagues" are braindead niggers, sandniggers, and pakis with severe issues stemming from consanguinity, the severe textual corruption and syro-aramaic origin is evident in the language of the text, the sirat-rasul-allah and most hadith are a joke, etc.

It's just so fucking braindead. As great a leap was christianity from judaism, islam feels like a similar leap backwards from judaism back towards niggers singing and dancing around idols in the desert, it's everything cancerous and autistic about semites condensed into one package.

>>17325797
>he's unironically the best tripfag we've ever had, shut the fuck up.
t. impressionable 20 year old dilettante

It's cold as hell all the sudden.

What is life, if not all toil and no reward? Where do I find satisfaction?

>>17322745
I have no idea why so many namefags popped up recently, or why they aren't getting called out for namefagging. /lit/ is literally turning into r/books 2.0 right before our eyes.

>>17330988
Idk why there aren't more paganfags when they're pretty much objectively better than any of the abrahamic religions

Migraines again. They started in the new year after not really getting them in like 18 months. Usually a bad sign because it means an episode has either already started or is on its way.

>>17331768
I used to have some pretty nasty ones. What helped me out was unironically starting to drink whey protein shakes KEK

>>17331442
We can at least take solace that /lit/'s decay is much slower than most other media boards.

>>17318641
This is your brain on socionics

>used to hang out with anarchists 10 years ago
>check in on some of their communities
>"FIGHT BACK! AGAINST FASCISM!!!! THE UNIVERSITY OF WHO GIVES A SHIT IS ABOUT TO HOST A TRANSPHOBIC SPEAKER AND THAT IS NOT OKAY... THE UNIVERSITY SAYS SECURITY WILL BE THERE BUT SECURITY GUARDS ARE A WHITE COLONIAL SETTLER PATRIARCHY AND DO NOT CONTRIBUTE TO THE WELLNESS MINDSET OF ALL BLACK BODIES OF COLOR"

About what % of these people are government plants to turn the rest into retards vs. the % of retards just being manipulated

>>17332037
Anarchists have always looked that dumb from the outside, it's just now even anarchists realize it

>>17330797
Half her blog posts were about using xanax or stupid women women channels. And her Youtube channel is cringe.
I'm biased though since the bitch BTFO DFW in one video

>>17332037
Leftism has always been kinda silly like that. It's just now that you're older, you think back when you were into it that it wasn't as bad, but it was, you just couldn't see it.

>>17332136
women problems*

>>17332137
I think anarchism is valuable intellectually, but obviously not the kind that anon mentions above. Dunno if people classify it as strictly leftist like Marxism but it reminds me how Kaczynski described all these movements getting joined at the hip to some socjus trend before that becomes the entire point and the original purpose is considered outdated

>>17332197
The anti-state stuff of anarchism is kind of outdated though. In the 19th century when places like Italy and Germany didn't even have fully formed states, it probably seemed like a lot better idea, but it shows it's ultimately reactionary. Same with Marxism. When capitalism was new, it was pretty awful, but as standards of living rose exponentially and central banks and governments got better at managing the business cycle, most of the doomer stuff from Marx just comes off dated (nevermind the entire rise, failure, and collapse of communism in the 20th century). So now there is a consensus that liberal democracy is actually pretty good, but it has to be inclusive so all people can be invested in it and benefit as stakeholders of it.

I love Pol Pot but resent him for giving social agrarianism a bad name.

>>17332220
I get you. Really forms of government matter less than we say they do. What matters is how society is constituted, and in that way every nation is becoming more alike. Feels like the error of the anarchist groups anon mentions is that they don't understand that small human actions don't matter anymore, the problems that matter today are too large for us to establish any control over, so they move and develop autonomously and probably nothing we could do as individuals would alter their path. This isn't to affirm the Marxist theory of history, but to say that in 2021 we've learned the most effective way to manage the state is the only way to manage the state, and nothing short of Machiavellianism will suffice for a superpower's politics now. Where this takes us remains to be seen

>fetisculé

>>17328064
Then I have good news for you, you're not a narcissist, just a usual idiot.

Can't even get hard to porn anymore. No libido at all. Dick is completely numb. Let me serve as a warning on the danger of excessive porn/masturbation, anons.

>>17332590
How often were you wanking? I've been a porn connoisseur for two decades now and my dick still works as good as ever

>>17332037
Were they ever anything different than that?

I've just woken up of a dream where I had a gf. I seemed to really like her. We did things together and all. But, at sudden, she hugged me and told that she loved me. I didn't answer. That sounded too fake even for a dream. It was clearly a prank from my subconscious. I never cared too much about that, but now I'm kinda sad for being a orphan of those feelings.

>>17332601
Edging for several hours a day to extreme porn. Most people won't be excessive as me of course, but they should still be careful.

>>17332686
I can't really blame your dick for giving up in that scenario.

I feel so weak and tired in the morning.

I have loathed myself for disinterested in reading in the years where I had so much free time to consume trash and grind in vidya.
Then when my passion in creating content rekindled, I realise the absurdity of not looking at other's works. I was, or should say, am still being trapped my own world, like how I rather trap myself within my 50 square-feet room with a computer and a myriad of wired gadgets, instead of getting out for fresh air and make opportunities for myself to befriend new people.
Sure, the grass looks greener on the other side, other's creation looks more appealing than the disfigured mishaps molded with my own mind and hands. The former self might cry out such a sentence. I paused, then reflected on such a thought. Yeah, the low self esteem still exists like the molds between tiles in the bathroom, but at least now I will not stand is the extravagant vocabulary where I only learnt through a thesaurus, and the flamboyant references of thoughts and events that is too vague to properly describe what's exactly happening. Things that are like makeup for bad storytelling, and to make things look better to my ESL mind, condition-trained to think those "rules" are considered good. Makes me wanted to slap my English teachers for telling me to use "hard" vocabulary when I had a bigger problem of not conveying things with either clarity or impact to the readers.
I have read quite a number of non-fiction regarding to evolution biology, psychology, and recently linguistics. So what? Their mission is to describe, not captivate. Only when one of the linguistic books described poems and gave examples, it struck me hard, with awe to beautiful arrangement of simple words. They are just ... reverberating within my mind, chanting like the hymns that my primary school forced everyone to sing every week.
Only then I read because I wanted to write. But if there is no reader, where comes the writing? Myself? Those thoughts and ideas could have just stayed in memory and never get into shape, like the wasted years. To let others read, instead of letting a near-clone of me reading the paragraphs, there must have something that captivates. That keeps people entertained within the process. Even though I am to entertain myself with my own words in the end. And yet it is exactly my very self find my own words arranged in a boring way.
The whole situation I am in is like the meme, the virgin worldbuilder and the chad GM. Or whatever comparison that shows the modern society favouring people who can capture attention. I am part of it.
I loathed myself for ignoring the beauty of literature, and I am going to realise that my flaws are getting visible in proportion with learning it.

P.S. I used to pronounce the word "meme" as "meh-meh". This is going to be the only bit that might be considered as hilarious.

>>17332797
Maybe you have low blood pressure. I'm not sure how one could raise it, supposedly eating salty food and drinking more water is a good method.

>>17331789
Interesting I used to drink those when I was going to the gym but then covid yknow. The thing that stopped my headaches initially was bipolar medication but then I stopped taking that.

I'm reading The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood, because I once saw a thread on it here, and you know how it's with cats and curiosity...
My reading is progressing at pace slower than that of a snail, I wasn't really expecting it to be a depressing recount of a woman's life, but I can't let it go, it's like soap operas, all it takes is one scene and you are caught in the net of wanting to know what happens next.
I hope I can finish the remaining 400 pages till the end of the year.

>>17332906
But i have high average blood pressure. I do get 7-8 hours of sleep but when waking at 6-9 am im weak and sleepy.

>>17333114
I don't know, trouble with waking up is usually connected with blood pressure, but if that's not it, then it might be reaction to stress maybe.

>>17325116
Congrats on fallibg for the propoganda. Enjoy rolling blackouts and exploding energy costs while China, India, and Russia continue to not give a single fucking shit.

>>17322508
I find determinism extremely depressing, I cried for 3 days straight when I had a mental breakdown once because of it. How do you bros deal with it?

>>17332686
STOP MASTURBATING

>>17322508
Free will doesnt exist. However "Will" does. You still have more will than a monkey, for example. And you can increase your willpower by increasing discipline/getting smarter. And someday we'll be so smart/capable that for all intents and purposes are Will will be "free".

I CLOSE MY EYES AND SEIZE IT
I CLENCH MY FISTS AND BEAT IT
I LIGHT MY TORCH AND BURN IT
I AM THE BEAST I WORSHIP

>>17333201
>>17333221

>>17333221
Without free will, you getting smarter / more disciplined is not up to you, and is completely determined. Also, why do you think genius disciplined people have free will? (Or am I reading ur comment wrong?

>>17333231
You can act in a manner that increases your capacity to act. For instance, you can go to bed earlier and excercise which will increase your discipline, which increases activity in your frontal lobe which governs executive functioning, which gives you more options in what youre able to accomplish. Then you can get a better job to attract a smarter spouse to have more intelligent/disciplined children....

In a sense will is paradoxical because you have to "choose" to believe in it. Perhaps your choice is already predetermined. I'd advise "choosing" to believe in it anyways, even if it seems illogical, since that's the only way out of the swamp of nihilism youve found yourself in :)

>>17333231
This is actually a thesis I'm working on:

Will is not "free". Thats a metaphysical concept. Ultimately our will is based on context and predetermined factors such as our personality/environment, etc. (choice would be a meaningless term without constraint). However we cannot say that such a thing as "will" doesnt exist. We will to eat Chinese food, to fuck, to make money and go to Bali. Our "will" is more sophisticated than say an apes, whose will is much more simple (eat bugs, fuck smaller ape, climb tree). We are granted by our intelligence to enact our desires (willing). In fact, I believe two components are necessary for will: the ability to enact your will and knowledge of the actions of your will. An ape is stronger than a human but can never build a skyscraper because it cannot imagine such a thing.

If we açcept that different organisms have varying levels of Will, or ability and intent to act, than we can also observe that Will in humans has been increasing over time. Things such as agriculture has increased our time preference and executive functioning. We can increase our Will in our own lives by increasing discipline and knowledge so that we have more options that we are able to act out in our lives. This also influences who we come in contact with, so that we can potentially find a smarter mate, giving our children more Will than they would have otherwise (a person with 150iq will have more options than spmeone with 80iq).

So thats my thesis, something that is in between the idealism of a truly "free" will (that can only exist outside the universe) and the nihilism of non-free will.

In the end I just read the short synopsis of Blind Assassin, and couple of chapters at the very end. I can't handle this, it takes me to dark states of mind, spiraling lower and lower.
Reminds me of the game What Remains of Edith Finch, minus assisting in accidents that kill the family's children. It's pixels, but I will never forget the game made me drown a baby in a bathtub. And send a little boy flying from the swing over the cliff, to the sharp rocks below. This thing got a reward, by the way.

Fuck, now I need something uplifting...

>>17318265
Who the fuck got >>17333333 ?

>>17333278
That's actually interesting af, but doesn't that mean that we have free will within constraints of our iq / physical ability?

fuck I hate texting

>>17321110
GET A (new) JOB RETARD

>>17330988
>without knowing about abrogation, Ibn Taymiyyah, dar-al-islam vs. dar-al-harb, and such?
by reading the book. none of this is in the Quran (and God knows best). the Prophet (saws) never gave any instructions on abrogation. It was mentioned in the footnotes of the edition I read that some people believe in abrogation, but the translator came across as sceptic, and indeed the book says of itself that it is "without contradictions", so I took this to be the practice of some marginal kooks or the like. The shock was realizing that this became completely accepted and widespread, and seemingly used for all sorts of things. It seems to me that the caliph at some point must have gone to the ulama and said "I am going to fight these wars. Make it right with the religion." and that the ulama- probably like all religious elites/leaders in history (including your caths)- complied. But that means that in principle they're compromised.

My opinion has been for a long time that muslims would do well to read the Gospels, and Christians would do well to read the Quran. I stand by that. I see them as complementary. Jesus and his teachings are a perfect expression of the spirit of the law imo, you could say he is the particular case, where the Quran is the general. The Quran is it, Jesus personifies it.
>inb4 "isn't Muhammad it?"
I think so, but the thing is that it's harder to get to know Muhammad properly (saws) because of how and which literature (apart from the Quran) has survived. The Gospels are about Jesus, the Quran is not about Muhammad, peace be upon them.

>>17333533
Yes, but within a range. You can reach your phenotypical maximum for intelligence by stimulating your brain. Conversely, you can also reduce your will by getting addicted to drugs or receiving a head injury

>>17333633
Thing is, I don't believe we have free will, so even if we were the fittest, smartest person on Earth, we would still not be able to choose anything or change our fate to the slightest degree.

>>17333661
Not even within the constraints previously mentioned

i got rejected and want to kill myself. i have no desire to do anything at all except stare at the wall and do drugs. the little hope ive had left regarding dating is gone and im ready to give up on it completely.

please fucking kill me

Whenever I read a book and I'm at a page with dubs I treat as a get. I don't do anything about it but it makes me happy, and I imagine that if someone passed behind me at this moment he would say "checked".
Reading the Zibaldone was a great experience because it was the first time I was able to get two quads (p. 1111 and p. 2222). It made me a little bit emotive.

>>17334093
lol

So now that Biden gets sworn in in a matter of hours, which free college degree will you be doing first? Most of my degrees are in humanities and arts, so I'm thinking accounting or maybe electrical engineering.

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't write, I can't listen to music, I can't do anything. Anything that normally gives pleasure makes me feel nothing. I was such an idiot. I sabotaged myself. I wish I was dead. There is nothing left for me but suffering. I've realized that I am truly
alone and am responsible for it. If I experienced a blow to the head and brain damage nothing of value would be lost since I am constantly making retarded decisions anyway. I can't live with the weight of my idiocy.

>>17334119
is grad school free?

why do we let women have this power over us even if we know it is irrational?

>>17334142
What do you mean "we", simpman?

At my highschool the popular, good-looking, athletic normal kids were vastly outnumbered by everyone else. The 'misfits' were the majority. And it was disturbing even though I was one of them. It felt wrong on a fundamental level. We looked for kings, but the throne was empty.

Then I entered the real world, and found ater several years that in fact I never left highschool. The weirdos were sick of being bullied by the normal people. So they created a world where the misfits and weirdos bully normal people. They recruited people to be outcasts, primarily through sexual Bolshevism (the spread of homosexuality and genderism and related disorders). The daughters of ordinary, White, middle-class homes, who in any other age would be perfectly normaly, happy wives and mothers transformed into deranged, raving freaks through the demon-glass of the internet. An entire generation of young men turned into loser nerd manbabies, jerking off to anime porn when their predecessors would have been clearing bush and building cabins for their families.

The alt-right is the periphery restoring the centre. Only those who dwell in the shadows can fight the creatures of the dark. We fight to put the crown not on our own heads but on those who have been the core of every society before our own: the strong, beautiful, intelligent, healthy, social and industrious. When our task is done we shall retreat to the shadows once more. I am a mixed-race literal autistic faggot. When victory is won and normality is restored I shall be cast aside, thrown onto the dungheap where I belong, immolated on the pyre I helped to build, and I shall be glad of it, for I shall have that rarest and most precious victory of all: the knowledge that I have fulfilled my purpose in the cosmos.

>>17334142
No. I was joking anyways. Biden is just going to make community college free which is free in 25 states already, hahah.

>>17334164
yawn

god upon the wall
lightning over the headland

>>17334142
A life without women is an incomplete life. It's not a life worth living. We are hardwired to want to pursue women, and not having a woman around makes you feel like something is missing. If you have a normal life with everything you could possibly want, but no woman to share it with, then many would feel it's all for naught. If you are constantly rejected by women, it is a sign you are unworthy of love and are destined to have an incomplete life unless you change it somehow. I'm not sure what more to do really. I'm successful on the surface, but it's all worthless because I've never had a woman embrace me and tell me she truly cares about me. I'd give up any amount of money just for that.

>>17322176
No you fag-enabler. Jesus, what the fuck happend to this site?

Fags
• Gays are only 1.6% of the population but account for 67% of all HIV cases.
• Gays have higher rates of substance and drug abuse.
• Gays have double the rates of domestic abuse.
• Gays statistically have far more sexual partners than heterosexuals.
• Gays have higher than normal STD rates.
• Gays have higher than normal suicide rates.

On April 25, 2001, the CDC reported that "We are seeing substantial increases in sexually transmitted diseases among men who have sex with men in multiple locations across this country." (31, 32).

● Fags are responsible for the "first sexually transmitted outbreak of typhoid fever" in the history of the United States. This disease is caused by ingesting human feces (32).

● More than 10% of fags in major U.S. urban areas are infected with HIV. To this day, they still make up more than 50% of reported AIDS cases in the United States (30, 31).

● Fags fellate almost 100% of their sexual contacts and ingest semen from about half of those. Semen contains virtually every germ carried in the blood stream, so this is about equivalent to ingesting raw human blood (6).

● One study reports 70% of fags admitting to having sex only one time with over 50% of their partners (3).

● One study reports that the average fag has between 20 and 106 partners per year (6). The average heterosexual has 8 partners in a lifetime.

● Sperm readily penetrates the anal wall (which is only one cell thick) and gains direct access to the blood stream. This causes massive immunological damage to the body's T- and B-cell defensive systems (14).

● 50% of male syphilis is carried by fags as a rectal infection and can enter through the urethra of another fag during anal sex (7).

● Around 67-80% of fags lick and/or insert their tongues into the anuses of their partners (called "rimming", anilingus, fecal sex, etc.) and ingest biologically significant amounts of feces (7), which is the chief cause of hepatitis and parasitic infections among fags (8). This practice is called the "prime taste treat in sex" in the bestseller The Joy of Gay Sex.

● 33% of fags admit to fisting (inserting the hand, sometimes part of the arm, into the rectum of his partner) (7).

● Urinating on each other ("golden showers") and torture has doubled among fags since the 1940s, and fisting has increased astronomically (7).

● 17% of fags eat and/or rub the feces of their partners on themselves (4).

● 12% of fags give/receive enemas as part of sexual

>homosexuality
https://archive.is/ibsgv

t.me/gay_trans_agenda

>>17334201
i agree

theres nothing worse than whenever people say "just keep trying bro". wtf do you think ive been doing? ive asked out several girls, and every single time it was a failure. no matter what i do. i just act like i normally do but i guess my personality is repulsive for whatever reason. they want nothing to do with me. if you look at my long string of failures compared to 0 successes, its clear that women find me unlovable and unworthy. why should i be confident if i have no reason to be? i'd have to delude myself.

i dont blame the women at all. its 100% my fault. i dont deserve a woman in my life. i dont deserve anything but slow painful excruciating death

>>17319005
Just know the risks.

I quit mine 5 years ago and am still unemployed.

>>17320818
Work actively to change things. There are two responses to overwhelming evil: despair, or rage. The former leads to apathy and inaction. The latter leads to action, and change. You want a future? Create it. Join your local nationalist revolutionary organisation, and pour the brainpower you currently waste on stewing in your melancholy into doing something constructive for your folk and land. You will literally be aligning yourself with the natural order of the cosmos, and be rewarded with positive karmic energy.

>>17334132
No.

>>17318265
Will I ever escape?

>>17334277
they want to believe that life is fair and everyone will find someone in the end like their fairy tales told them. the reality is there are haves and have nots, written in the genetic code.

some of us are destined to be alone forever and there is no guarantee you will find anyone. not everyone can comprehend that because theyre not one of those people, or it makes them feel uncomfortable. so they assume it must be a fact of life that everyone is capable of attracting someone else even if it is demonstrably false.

my mother used to tell me she hoped i'd find a nice girl, get married, and give her grandkids. now she doesnt even bother to ask about my "love life" because she knows it is non existent. if i talk to my friends about it they give me empty platitudes and tell me im a good looking guy who should keep at it, but deep down i know and they know they are lying in a futile attempt to comfort me. nobody wants to admit it outright because then theyd have to acknowledge the world is unfair. the truth is too hard for them to acknowledge outright. i will die alone, unloved, and an outsider looking in on humanity. no woman has or ever will love me. there are many more like me and have been throughout history, but nobody really cares about us so we are quickly forgotten.

>>17334332
I'd prefer if people were brutally honest and told you exactly what is wrong with you instead of the feel good horseshit. If women constantly reject you, it's clear there is some issue.

morning shoegaze
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXuwJwWWsXM

looking at pictures of beautiful women makes me depressed

its only going to get harder

>>17334440
Don't you ever get tired of this carrot on a stick we are all slaves to? I'm so tired of having every part of my being revolving around this desire.
I'm so fucking tired of being a human being. So fucking tired of dealing with these passions. So fucking tired of dealing with my own envy, laziness, lust, pride, cowardice, etc.
It is a torture to be aware we are this disgusting, selfish, petty creature. I want out. I don't want death. I want to be master of my own emotions and desires.

>>17318265
I bought a fancy dragon fountain pen- paid 20 bucks for it, and it didn't work, can you believe that shit? Anyway, I got in contact with the seller, and they sent me a replacement nib- and now my fountain pen works like a charm. Fuck me though, I don't know what to write now.

Don't worry, I'm German, so I'm not just a pretentious hipster.

>>17334440
I pray to beauty every day anon

S&P at an all time high.

>>17334758
She has mannish proportions

>>17334864
everyone knows true beauty is androgynous, caring about womanly proportions is a sign of being either a closeted faggot or a bugman consoomer

>>17334864
shortsighted

I just found a pretty big spider in my one-roomer. there are no poisonous spiders here. I went to throw it out but it's winter and I suspect it would die. at the same time if I leave it be I worry it will lay eggs. One spider is fine but a whole pack of babies is not. wat do. it's under a glass now

>>17334934
I always leave spiders alone, and I do not get packs of babies

>>17334972
i have a shelf where I keep some extra scarfs and hats and stuff for winter. above it is a little box with electrical stuff. I figured they like high angles for flys and stuff so I dropped it on the box. it must have been pretty stressed out because it straight up jumped down immediately (40 cms) down into the winter clothes. gonna make for a nice surprise one day lol

>>17335006
kek, it will probably die before you find it again

>>17334972
One time I let a big house spider in my basement stairway hatch its eggs. There were hundreds of babies, each about the size of the tip of a pen. I think most of them died or were eaten by other spiders, I haven't noticed an increase in the number of spiders in the house

>>17335113
that's good to know

>grandpa gave me a bag of homemade cinamon buns
for my next trick I will be gaining some weight

>>17331136
who's a better tripfag?

>>17334164
Do you listen to Jonathan Pageau? He talks a lot about this.

>>17333668
That's fair. I'll have to work on my theory more to accommodate that.

>>17334164
Slave morality is what made and makes humans interesting you idiot. The ideal you hold is frozen, dead and snow-globe tier. Imagine the state of the world if the short and less aggressive males never formed coalitions to execute the aggressive bullies. Imagine the words or concept of beauty never being created because the generations passed on and on with "the strong" asserting themselves. Your vision of a static past present and future is what haunts you. Perhaps you aren't ready to take on the infinite phase space that is the actual potential of the future of yours and humanity. What was beauty before the Neanderthal's brow ridge disappeared? What was intelligence before language? Who painted the shadows of your wall anon?

>high school bully kept throwing dodgeballs at me trying to hit me in the face even when I was out and sitting on the sidelines
>did this everytime
>total piece of shit in every other game too
>game ends
>everyone huddled around the gym teacher while he explains what we're doing next
>whip a ball at bully's face through a fucking crowd
>Never a truer shot was thrown
>Right in the side of his face
>Loud smack
>He's completely stunned by what just happened
>Everyone turns and looks at me
>Gym teacher mad as hell
>Try to explain what he did and why I did it
>End up getting tossed from the school school for the day with the teacher following me yelling at me and basically calling me a loser

It's been 12 years since then and it was completely worth it. Incidentally, the bully stopped being as much of a dick afterwards.

I wish I was still that brash.