/lit/ - Literature

It’s all a doomed effort from the get go.

I need a new subject to paint.
Right now i only paint imaginary girls and still lifes of silly objects.
Ive seen the most violent and bizarre shit on chans but i feel i cant do anhthing with it because its so far removed from my own experience in life.

Can't you wait until the old one's dead?

>Would you jump into my grave as quick?
>my granny would ask when one of us took
>her chair by the fire. You, woman,
>done up to the nines, red lips a come on,
>your breath reeking of drink
>and your black eye on my man tonight
>in a Dublin bar, think
>first of the steep drop, the six dark feet.
>[Paula Meehan]

>>17037978
I use Evernote as my diary. Is that a bad thing? Like, am I making it so they could potentially know everything I think and feel and use it against me? And what should I use if the privacy is shit? What do you guys use for a diary?

>>17037997
This is a real problem for art. All of our experience comes from a place that is so unique and abstract. How are we ever meant to communicate with another human being?

I’m applying to be a Fire Lookout this summer: three months of living in a tower in the woods with just the bare essentials, a guitar, some writing materials and my cat if I can bring him - pocketing almost all of the money because I’ll only have to buy food and I’ll have nothing but time to write and record while just having to clock in on the radio each day and look for fires on the horizon

>>17038014
Idk man

>see a cute girl livestreaming on Tiktok
>join in and say that she'd be perfect for Blacked
>she says that she gets that compliment really often for some reason
Jesus Christ.

>>17038173
Lol that random anon sperging out about blacked in the other thread was right.

cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum

>>17038216
What happened and what is he right about?

>>17038039
What are the requirements for a job like that? Is it competitive? I'd imagine there's more to it than just sitting in a tower all day and that the park service takes measures to make sure they're not hiring slackers.
It sounds kind of like being a lighthouse keeper, which is another job I fantasize about but which also probably isn't as comfy as it sounds. I just want to make money doing something that will take me the hell out of this city and away from other people.

I change my mind about 50 times a day on whether or not I should dump my girlfriend. That's no exaggeration, I'll fully convince myself to stay in one moment and then fully convince myself to leave about 5 minutes later. Each time I'm fully convinced of the rightness of my decision and the whirlwind is making me feel almost sick. Something tells me that if there is this much uncertainty then its my gut telling me to quit but at the same time there is no real 'reason' to leave, and things could probably keep going on OK without much of a hitch. I don't dislike, but I don't love her. When I think of things I like about her I really can't think of anything, which sounds horrible. But I don't dislike her and I feel very comfortable around her. I usually hate reading about people's girlfriend problems in these threads so I don't expect advice or sympathy or anything, my head is just a mess at the moment and I needed to get this down.

still in religious crisis
great confusion
am gonna go see congregation on thursday
don't know if I should tell them what I'm going through. Might just stir up shit in them. I might be viewed as a rogue element. I am, in a way. They operate on assumptions that I am seriously re-assessing how to relate to.
In the meantime I read a lot, I have to use the time I have right now to learn as much as I can in order to help me move forward.

What do you think anon- does masturbation reduce the chances of communion in the spirit? I really can't tell, sometimes I'm sure one way, sometimes the other. What I can say is that I tried quitting cold turkey and couldn't do it.

>>17038310
it's competitive in the sense that there aren't many of these jobs and they're disappearing rather quickly with technology, but the requirements really aren't strict for the most part - some of them require some fire experience or knowledge of a forestry-adjacent field, but many don't. As far as I can tell, the job really isn't that much more than that; I hate to link leddit, but here's an ama with someone who did that job - seems fucking cool from what I've been able to discern:
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9gnom2/ive_been_living_on_top_of_a_mountain_all_summer/

>>17038326
Well, you're no Crowley, so I would recommend Christ, pal.

>>17037978
I really, really, hate women

>>17038370

>>17038350
I hope you get the job, the reddit guy makes it sound pretty nice.

why is all trap porn so fucking bad
where are the cute anime femboys in thigh highs
i just want to watch Sneaky get pegged

I have a hard time figuring out the stories of people who convert from Christianity (say non-Protestant) to Islam.

I don't know what's different between the two. I mean sure in some Christian variants you have and emphasis on Trinity and some in Islam think the scriptute/bible was distorted, but all of this seems to be restricted to the "woo" and not influence morals and culture derived from those faiths. So what's the difference, other than where it's practiced and to what level of scruteny.

>>17038494
A lot of Catholics switch because it's more open about being authoritarian, and has more structure. Same reason why protestants happened in the first place.

This google trend data is an interesting snapshot of society. What people search in the highest volumes is a proxy for what people are thinking about. It's revealing that much of the stuff that the media pushes (George Floyd, BLM) is of little public interest beyond the momentary spike in which it shot into public awareness. And both Trump and Biden have hardly any interest above baseline. People have stopped caring finding out updates about coronavirus, although they are mighty concerned about unemployment, stimulus checks and other issues pertinent to their day to day lives that the mainstream media hardly attends to. Death and Tiktok have enjoyed steady and robust interest yearlong.

>>17038560
tiktok is inescapable but seeing it on that chart is just mind numbing
good lord

>>17038494
Hahaha wtf that dude is beyond a meme.

>>17038596
I know. People are fucking stupid.

>>17038560
Interesting results to think about for sure, but keep this in mind:
1: people probably rarely Google what is actually important and present in their lives day to day or in the long term. Who Googles "my mom died" or "why am I here?" It's patently absurd.
2: Googling creates a loop where people Google what they know will produce Googleable results, and people deliberately push things that can be or demand to be Googled. The very system of Googling rigs the game from the start.
3: people typically Google what they are unfamiliar with and are currently hearing about, leading to an intrinsic overrepresentation of recent and new trends.

Basically, I think what people Google does not correlate at all to what they are thinking and experiencing. There is some overlap, but an overlap that Google creates more than it unearths.

>>17038560
Am I really to believe that “google classroom” has that amount of interest?

>>17038657
This

>>17038668
why wouldn't it? isn't it a tool for learning at home, which a ton of kids have been forced into this year?

>>17038683
It’s hard to believe it has more interest than most of the other topics - seems like that’s just google advertising it’s own product. Also I think what this anon says is probably true >>17038657

>>17038008
I work for Evernote, you're fucked. I'm going to pull your data tomorrow as part of a User Experience Review™, and then probably post it somewhere on a Tor website.

>>17037978

My life is a farce and I spend much of my day wishing I were doing something else. Uni is a boring mess. I hope my book will save me, though I know the statement itself is idiotic.

>>17037978
OPs video was uploaded in 2014. What the fuck.

White people won't say this, but every time a white woman f**ks a Tyrone and its well known, she is officially abandoned by white men. She won't go back to white men because she knows white men don't want her no more. This is why white women always come up with excuses about past partners not mattering. They need to cover their past because they know they'll be abandoned...And that's the greatest fear of white women. They need security. (All that blustering and rhetoric with Feminism and being "strong and independent" is nothing more than a mask. Tear that away, and you'll see a spoiled, directionless, frightened child.)

I used to think that Trump was America's Sulla, but I think I have fucked that up. I think I was just a little bit inexact in my comparison of our current times to the Late Republic.

It now makes more sense to me that Trump is our Tiberius Gracchus or our Marius: two men who attempted to launch extreme versions of the aristocratic Roman political system, and who were both put down by the Senatorial class.

In this regard, what makes more sense is that BIDEN is our Sulla. Sulla, after all, wanted to "restore normalcy," which is exactly what Biden has promised. But Sulla resorted to extreme measures to put down the threat of social change, including marching on Rome and initiating the proscriptions.

By the time Sulla was finished, Rome was, on the surface, restored to normal. But beneath the surface, there had been so much wreckage and destruction that the Republic had been severely weakened. And within a few decades of Sulla's death, Pompey emerged and seized total control of Rome, destroying the Senate's power, ironically using methods pioneered by Sulla.

So Biden as Sulla makes a fair amount of sense. The only question, now, is who America's Pompey will be.

>>17038602
>>17038596
I use tiktok and I bet you use youtube you fucking hypocrite.

>>17038898
*two men who attempted to launch extreme SUBVERSIONS of the aristocratic Roman political system, I meant

Darn typos.

I indulge in constant 24/7 escapism self-inserting into whatever anime I'm currently obsessed with. I write myself into the story as an OC (my OC character is as similar as possible across series), either as an addition or completely replacing one of the characters. Then I engage in mentally writing out long, arching, detailed storylines that are angsty, depressing, and inevitably result in fucking one or more of the characters. When laying in bed at night I'll go through several of the scenes depending on my mood, reliving and modifying and improving them as I go, with such emotional intensity that I can make myself cry or laugh in bed as I please. And then when the sex scenes come and I'm as aroused as possible I begin to masturbate, imagining making love to or being fucked by that character at that moment, until I climax. Laying sweaty and panting in bed I right the covers and fall asleep that way.

I've done this for years. I remember every detail of every storyline I've ever mentally crafted.

>>17038887
>White people won't say this, but every time a white woman f**ks a Tyrone and its well known, she is officially abandoned by white men.
I like to fuck black women, are my friends thinking less of me too?

>>17038313
I feel you dude. I'm not going to write out why simply because it's too much to explain, and also too trivial to bitch about anyway, but similar enough that I'll just say I feel you.

>>17038905
were you trying to make a point here or just stating inanities

>>17038940
tiktok is just the new 4chan boomer

>>17038898
No dumbass the question is if you're even right. We have no idea if Biden is going to resort to "extreme measures", and there doesn't seem to be any indication that he will desu.

>>17038956
stop schizoposting retard

>>17038988
Extreme measures have already been resorted to; you’re living with their effects

>>17038988
He is going to attempt to "restore normalcy" which is exactly what Sulla was aiming at. That's the main point of comparison.

>>17038898
Trump is obviously a bit of a Gracchi but you're being a bit too generous giving Biden an actual role.

Harris is the only one even worthy of a comparison - and that's the archetypal snake-eunuch looking to kill the King so that they may rule.

I have developed tinnitus and it's strange thinking it might never go away

Does anyone here have any experience with book reviews for actual websites with editors? How does it work? Some main things I don't get:
>Are reviews mostly only for when books are about to come out or just came out? Do no-name reviewers ever do reviews of books that have already been out a few months?
>Does that mean I have to convince the publisher that they should send me the book to review when I have no record of ever doing such a thing before?
>Do I get a site to agree to let me review a specific book for them in advance? Does this happen before I ask the publisher for the book? How far out do I sort this out?

Also, to be clear: I have no expectations of this as a reasonable financial path. I'd just like to some experience successfully putting out a few reviews on non-blogs.

Godamn I'm bored

Killing degenerates

>>17038898
>>17039118
I've been saying Trump is a Gracchi since at least 2018, after seeing that he couldn't accomplish too much thanks to the swamp and elites.
As much as I'd like to see Trump cross the Rubicon in January for keks, I really don't think he is a Caesar. I have my doubts whether Biden is truly a Sulla. Perhaps it'd be better to say his administration will be an embodiment of Sulla's attempt to return to normalcy.

>>17038956
It's not the app itself at issue per se, but I see that your critical thinking and reading comprehension abilities has already been fried by it. It's the fact that people are so obsessed with it.

>>17039127
at a certain point you forget it even exists until someone brings it up, now it seems weird to imagine life without constant ringing in my ears. although, now that you mention it, tinnitus is really damn annoying

I've been feeling stuck the past few months, moreso than usual. I've tried different jobs, I've tried moving cities, I've tried different hobbies. I try to create art, but I rarely have ideas, and just end up doodling. Nothing feels fulfilling; it's all just wasted time. I haven't worked since May. I'm not interested in working in the field I was in anymore, but I also have no idea what I want to do. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. I can't see it ever getting better.

>>17038657
That said there is a noticeable spike in search interest whenever some current event sparks the collective interest. Usually when some event is trending. And there relationships between the topics also tells you something : zoom, death, coronavirus, vaccine, the dovetailing of George Floyd and Black Lives Matter. If you lived under a rock and had only these correlations to guess what is going on in the outside world, you could probably put some of the pieces together.

What you lose in specificity you gain in generality. These top trends don't tell us what any one person's priorities were but they show some degree of what's on the collective mind like a school of fish all swimming in one direction. To use a search engine is to seek information which implies you are thinking about something definite in that moment which relates to that information.

I miss going out with friends from uni, drinking, talking about the most dull stuff and just acting like a normie in general. I didn't feel like myself, but I enjoyed it

I hate living. What's the point of living? It's an endless string of disappointments, heartbreak, and compromising down further and further until you've lost your grasp of everything you ever desired. Even things like "common human decency" and "bare minimum" become compromised. By the end of life you're trapped into the medical horror of a meatsack that is decaying with your consciousness trapped inside and you feel smell and see every detail of the process. And that disgusting flesh impression itself becomes not only your avatar but itself impresses upon the shape of your soul, deforming your spirit even from within the presumed sanctity of your mind, twisting and crippling and distorting until your character matches the wasted pile of misery that is your body at the end of life's process.

Any action other than suicide is insanity.

>>17039446
But we're in agreement that Pompey is coming.

I am curious about who, exactly, it will be. Somebody we already know about? Or somebody who we don't know about, but who will rise to prominence in the next few months and years?

>>17037978
...It was about 6 in the morning when Sarah woke me up by crawling across my bed and saying "Wake up sleepy head." "But I was having a great dream." I replied. "What were you dreaming about?" "I dreamed it was 8 and I was still sleeping." I said with a smile. "Fine, I'll leave" she said. I quickly reached out and grabbed her hand. "I was joking, you can stay, I'm just tired is all." "Would it help if I made coffee?" I nodded. "alright, I'll be right back, lazy bones." I tried to stay awake and wait for her but I fell back asleep anyway. "Asleep again?" she said to wake me up. "No, I was just resting my eyes." I sat up and she handed me a cup of coffee. I sipped it, it was exactly how I liked it, one cream two sugar. I wondered briefly how she knew what I liked, as I don't recall a time when I told her. I set it down on my bedside table and Sarah climbed onto my lap, straddling me so I had to look up into her eyes. "Sarah, you are the love of my life." I said as I put my arms around her. "Do you know why I come to see you in the mornings?" Her question surprised me. Obviously I just figured she wanted to spend time with me. She continued "It's because you make me feel loved, beautiful, wanted... You make me feel happy. The days I start by spending time with you end up being my happiest days. I love you too." She put her hands on either side of my cheeks as she leaned down and kissed me. It was the perfect combination of passion and compassion, she was gentle and energetic at the same time. Everything about her seemed perfect to me, and I realized I hadn't been this happy since the first time she had said she loved me and kissed me. After a while she pulled away and said, "Your coffee is probably getting cold." To be honest, at that moment I couldn't have cared less about the coffee, but she had made it for me so I reached out and drank some more. I was shocked by how cold it had become, it didn't feel like that long since she had brought it in. As I set it back down Sarah started to nuzzle and kiss my neck. I whispered in her ear, "I wish things could stay exactly like this forever." "Me too" she whispered back. we stayed together like that for a while, until she said we should probably go and have breakfast, and we got on with our day...

The extreme cheesiness of this section is matched only by the crushing loneliness I was experiencing at the time of writing.

>>17038494
>>17038526
I've seen someone who identified himself as a Traditional Catholic Monarchist convert to Islam within a span of a week

I've won over 300 debates and shattered countless world views in my lifetime, it's funny, I'm guessing I have to lose one day, but that day has not yet come.....

I sometimes stress about what a pervert I am, contrasted with my very intense love of Christ and the devotion I have to my Catholic faith.

The biggest issue I have is that I am a pretty hardcore fatfag and yet I worry I'm doomed never to actually enjoy this in a long-term relationship or marriage. Gluttony is a sin, right? It's one of the seven capital vices. Aquinas talks about it in the De Malo. And you don't get to be a big fat girl without a fair amount of gluttony.

Yet I worry I cannot banish this particular fetish from my desire for a gf/wife because it's so incredibly strong. I have a ton of fetishes, because, as mentioned, I'm a pervert. But being a fatfag is the big one. I've fallen in love with and dated thin girls because I love their personality and we have great chemistry. But if I date thin girls, I always, inevitably, imagine them getting fatter. I imagine them getting fatter because that's what I want more than anything. There's always the creeping desire in the back of my mind to see them gain weight. Not because I don't love them but because I DO, and because I envision them as long-term partners, and so I keep envisioning them as better reflecting what I truly find attractive and erotic in a girl.

So I have a tension here that I am going to somehow have to resolve. I'm certainly not going to stop being Catholic. That's out of the question. But I can't get rid of my intense fondness for fat girls. I already know I can't. So, there's got to be some way forward that I have to find. Some way to square the circle.

>>17039127
1. lightly cup ears with palms
2. tap back of head/neck with middle fingers

>>17040037
Just get a fat gf and call it a day

E

I'm here to eat every crisp in this hoose

>>17038220
Well said

>>17040059
I've had one before and I'll have one again. I dream of a fat wife who loves me very much.

But I do worry about the religious implications of it, considering I belong to a religion that calls gluttony a sin.

>>17037997
Any suggestion s?

>>17040511
Look up Odilon Redon for inspiration - my favorite painter by far

>>17039906
The day you’ll lose is the day you look up the term “gamma male” as described by vox day and you realize what you are. But it will be a superb opportunity to begin modifying your behavior and learning about yourself. Best of luck

Is it possible to believe in Hard Determinism and the the Great Man Theory at the same time?

>>17037978
If it is in fact destiny that determines that I'm not supposed to find the meaning of my life, and if it is that same destiny which led me to find you, then to its whims, I'll gladly comply.

>>17039446
Why would Biden be a Sulla? Sulla was sort of a proto-Caesar who provided the blueprint for Caesar's rise to power. His domestic reforms weren't groundbreaking but he wasn't a placeholder like Biden.

I have been beaten, bludgeoned, and spat on by the cruel mistress called "love". I fell in love when I should not have, and paid the price.

Ontology scares the shit out of me. My self-perception seems to be axiomatic, as far as I can tell, but the juxtaposition of this irreducibility with a sense of complexity is something that sends me hurdling down the rabbit hole at a breakneck pace. I think I might be having an existential crisis. Like, what the actual fuck am I?

pondering about what might be the first cause of my crippling being-humiliated-by-women fetish

>>17041436
>pondering about
You don't ponder "about" something. You ponder on it, or you just ponder it.

I am no man. I am dynamite.

>>17038246
this thread:
>>17014966
his are the long posts, it's 404 now.

I think I might know what tinnitus feels like now. I woke up last night with a more powerful ringing in my left ear than I'd ever felt before. I thought I was fucked because it wasn't going away but then I eventually fell asleep, and when I woke up again it was gone. Any ideas? Is it a warning, am I using headphones too much or something? I do use them a lot.

>>17039127
you might've posted this around the time when I felt it

i would i like to sniff a womans hairy armpits idk why wtf

A roommate of mine is an extremely elderly man. A former professor of physics at the local university. Wife long dead. Middle-aged son who stops by to visit him once every two weeks or so, and their meetings usually end with them yelling at each other in Polish.
He's a walking corpse. Wasn't mentioned by the landlord that I'd be living with a nearly-infirm man.
It's just endlessly frustrating. I feel as if I'm the only one who has any semblance of care for the guy, and even that is at an all-time low. He fucked up the plumbing of this house back in August, because he was flushing torn-up pieces of newspaper that he used to wipe his ass. He just drops his food containers and boxes onto the kitchen floor. He eats all over himself. He's just waiting around to die.
He can't clean himself. He can't do laundry.
I offered, but what can you do with a man who is holding onto, pathetically, a semblance of independence? I'm in my fucking twenties, and I'm thrust into this position of being this old fucker's maid. I often get the feeling he's fucking with me, that he's expressing some deep-seated academic resentment over being forgotten, of his publishing track record and legacy not living up to his lofty ideals, so he delivers these little feeble salvos in an attempt to fuck with the twenty-something who is forced to live with him. And God, the stench this man gives off... he smells like smegma mixed with an outhouse. He's unable to close the door when he goes on his little morning walks, struggling to get his footing in this midwest winter, using his walker to trudge through the foot-high snow. The novelty of seeing an old man overcome his failing body has worn-off; he's just pathetic to me now.
He's making me resent the elderly. I can't go anywhere without the fear of coming back to a house with the door wide-open, and all my valuables stolen by the many drug fiends who walk around in this neighbourhood. I often find myself fantasizing about him slipping on some ice, being forced into the hospital, and me finally being free of this smelly, obsolete ballsack. I don't like that I feel this way. But fuck, if the frustration doesn't warrant it. I have no love for him. None at all. I'm not related to him. Never will be.

This board shapes a lot of my thinking and personal development, unironically.

>>17041976
anything you spend time with is bound to shape you to a greater or lesser degree.

>>17041971
That really sucks, man.
Also,
>I'm the only one who has any semblance of care for the guy
>I have no love for him. None at all.

>>17041971
But why doesn't he have his own place? Why isn't he in a middle class retirement home with his tenured retirement package? Because the fucker blew most of it on traveling, fucking over any change of his son inheriting anything from him.
God, feeble men who have been coddled by the ivory tower of academia truly make my skin crawl.

>>17041984
Well I did say a semblance, and it's not much at all. I think I just admitted to myself that I hate the guy halfway through writing that.
I mostly just feel like I'm complacent in some cruel joke being played on the fucker. He's been talked to multiple times by the landlord. Even he's frustrated. I can imagine, him having to shell out four grand to fix the clog he made, always having to worry about whether this guy will leave an element on, or tip over a candle in his room.

>>17041991
chance*

>>17042005
I say if you have a chance to move out, do asap.

>>17042017
The location I'm in the mostly why I've been holding onto this place. Hard to find an opening somewhere near the downtown core like this for a reasonable price, near all the amenities.
As soon as something comes up I'll jump on it.

>>17041971
He might have dementia, in which case it will only get worse. I advise you to run from there, since it's clear his son has no motivation to get his father a proper care.

>>17042048
Yeah, he's definitely losing it. Mumbles to himself often. Has conversations with people who aren't there as he drifts off to sleep at the kitchen table, smelling up the whole main floor with his terrible ball-odor.
Gonna write the landlord a lengthy email about all this. What the hell is it gonna take for someone to intervene? Is he gonna have to tumble down the stairs he so struggles to walk down every day? That'd probably be a wrap for him at this point.
GAH, I'M SO FRUSTRATED.

>>17042064
geront smell is the worst

>>17042076
It truly is. Lesson for any would-be landlords out there: don't rent to old people.

>>17041971
Convince him to start steroids.

>>17042109
What the hell would that accomplish?

>>17042122
Faster death, better mood and more independence but at the small risk of more dementia.

t. physician

>>17040560

Vox is himself a gamma

>>17041971
I don't want this to be my future.

>>17040547
i know him but doesnt seem very suitable for this day and age

i am going to be a virgin until i’m married, and that might as well be death.

i am a homosexual who is completely ashamed of my behavior, and what I am doing.

my behavior as a homosexual is shameful. they told me always. imperial conquest of my libido

it will become a thing of the past, as soon as i get married, but there are still people i’d rather be with.

i am going to be such a coward

i’m going to back down to heteronormative ideals

i am a masturbator in case you were not aware and the porn will calme the urge

but i must procreate and make my christian white patriarchal european family proud or i wont get inheritance

but i am not interested in the women or parents political societal beliefs i find them repulsive frankly. they are neo nazi

i want the money though i need the security to get away and be free

i love sex.

if you want to do stuff, come out and do stuff. i think. i cant do it as much now with covid. ohhhh.

one guy actually came out, started pulling his pants down. in the club. berlin.

i did some oral on him, then went down on him, and did some rimming, which was a first for me.

it was great.

It feels like Peanuts are underutilized in memes.

>>17042064
He'll probably catch the coof and croak eventually. Then the landlord will rent that room to some local dropout who will smoke tons of weed and have loud sex every night.

>>17042335
Follow into the footstep of great men. Politically marry a woman and have a male lover on the side. Hadrian did it and he was the destroyer of Judea causing the death of 580 thousand jews. Thanks to him we didn't have to worry about a jewish state for two thousand years.

>>17042335
>>17042400

>>>/wsg/3722515

>>17042335
>i am going to be a virgin until i’m married
>i did some oral on him, then went down on him, and did some rimming

>>17039641
Y haven’t u offed urself then

>>17042335
>my behavior as a homosexual is shameful
>rimming
That's just shameful as a human being dude. You wanna suck dick, fine, whatever. Don't eat the poo poo though.

>>17039881
Don't be surprised if they join the army or any other control group. Probably daddy issues.

>>17042547
its a story progression. i thought i was going to be a virgin forever and had guilt about gay sex but then did it in a club public bathroom .

>>17038657
>1: people probably rarely Google what is actually important and present in their lives day to day or in the long term. Who Googles "my mom died" or "why am I here?" It's patently absurd.
Yes they do. Play "Google Feud" with normies and you will discover all kinds of inane things that normies Google and consider perfectly normal to Google. I think the type of person who enjoys speaking about nothing in particular, filling silence with background noise from their psyche, will sometimes use the Google input box for this purpose when they're alone at their computer.

making love by the fire place on a leopard skin rug with a glass of red wine and a red house painters vinyl. log cabin esque wooden floors. her curly brunette locks flowing down her aqua green blouse, seductive glare of her brown eyes, and the pouty red lips of sass.

i wanted to devour her like an animal. her lips and body.. those lips! so kissable and her curves were perfection. i couldn't help but stare. i wanted to touch her everywhere. i was transfixed. she was gorgeous. yet I knew it was impossible. there was only one way that could happen and i didn't want to do it. really any romantic gesture i could think of. didnt want to, could not, paralysis

forgetting myself, forgetting where i was.

we'd been talking for weeks online before i had the guts to approach her at the cafe house i worked and tell her i loved her. platonically of course. did i love her? im not so sure. it felt like it, if i could say for sure what it felt like.

i asked her to my place. never got that far before with her. but she said yes.

her face lit up like the fourth of july, as if i had just lit a fuse in her that blasted fireworks.

i found it funny, but in that moment i could feel how badly she wanted me.

her eyes captured mine and i could see the desire growing in them, stronger than ever before.

we talked for hours and watched some awful british comedy on netflix. debated the merits of joy division vs new order. she took her circular glasses off and loosened a button. i was back in the moment. who am i? what is she? i lost my mind again. what a time to lose it. uh

How do I impede women's rights in my everyday life?

Can you just piss off?

You strike fear in me. Leave the premises. You are a filthy ghoul sapping the little spirit that remains in our black hearts. Piss off, you disgusting fuck. Rot in the cellar where your spirit lies. Go keep that wretched creature company. It needs it, and so do you. But not mine. Get the fuck out. You are a foul beast. I cannot embrace you. You are the poison that has ravaged the soul and caused necrosis of the organs within. Your presence causes sickness within me. Turmoil and terror. Discord and fear. I cannot embrace this vile and rotten thing.

>>17042875
Yikes telling a girl you just met you love her. Leopard skin while working at a café. Anon we are doing homosexual stuff now keep up. Stop with your weird borderline schizoid fantasy and get with the time. Install Grindr and start rimming German clubbers.
>>17042905
That's the spirit you discourage them from voting and play down their achievements. Use every opportunity to tell them they are worthless.

gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang

I'm considering telling my friend at university about my disease. He's the only person like a friend I still have, sort of like Raskolnikov and Razumikhin. And like the former, I am very sick. There's something wrong with my mind at a basic level. I don't expect he can do anything about it, but to explain all the erratic behavior he's witnessed it's only fair.

>>17042960
What's wrong with your mind anon?

>>17042335
hot

My father told me this today:
>If you have hold any resentment or grudge against me, you will one day have to pour it out to me. Because I won't be here long and when I'm gone the only who'll be hurt will be you. You need to free yourself from those feelings or you'll never get where you wish or deserve to be.
Do you agree?

never had a single original thought, not once; my actions, neither. i'm a mirror. i meditate in quotations, greater minds poured into me.

>>17043135
Your father is tough. Bad experience with his own dad?

>>17043166
This, but I also don't understand many of the quotations.

>>17043135
Eh, you can overcome the misgivings of others on your own, anon.
You don't need to say things that can't be unsaid after stewing on all the bad things that have happened to you.

>>17043179
Bad experience with his siblings actually. Out of the 7, being the eldest, he's the only who ever got a job for himself, have a family and had to take care of my deadbeat uncles and aunts. They are or were practically dependent on him and yet showed resentment towards him indirectly. Unfortunately, his mom and dad defended them instead of my dad.

>>17043194
same, the process is both humbling and exhausting

>>17043214
>Out of the 7, being the eldest, he's the only who ever got a job for himself
wtf

>>17042905
>>17042951
A good 40% of women are great people.
Fags should hang.

>>17043135
Not at all, you can overcome them yourself. I would tell my father I appreciate him and what he has thought you by being a good role model unlike your aunts and uncles.

I love 4chan. It feels natural to exercise absolute free speech on the internet. I thought that was the purpose of the internet. I'm drunk and high schizoposting across boards and it feels right. It feel right that other anons can do the same.
Why do normies want to create online communities that censor and create power structures like those in everyday lives? They're mostly liberals but liberals still follow the j*ws. Oh well.

I've been changing habits and practices in my life to increase my baseline level of happiness, but I still don't particularly consider myself happy. I guess I'm content, but contentment seems like something that can only be appreciated when the waters are still--when there's no ongoing matters that are bothering me or stuff weighing on my heart. If that's the case, then contentment is the same as happiness, as both can generally be established by conscious effort, but the enjoyment of it can be diminished or amplified by the vicissitudes of life.

I'm not sure I should try and strive for a higher baseline level of happiness at this point. I'm working towards my goals and processing my problems in as healthy a way as I can. I don't find too many things in life enjoyable. I just wish I could find that little extra oomph to get me out of feeling like I'm constantly wrestling against the tide and instead experience a steady measure of joi de vivre.

>>17043298
I say all good until it hits 4c

how many consider themself 'happy'?

>>17043298
I love you too anon. <3
>>17043252
Fuck you kike. There is literally nothing wrong with wanting some boy pussy. If Hadrian the most Based emperor of Rome did so can everyone else.
>>17043345
Happiness isn't something you can set as a goal or constantly experience. It's something you make room for and might experience. You can do everything right, set the correct goals, achieve the greatest feats and never experience happiness. What you can do is experience contentment or stoic eudaimonia like>>17043312 is describing. I'm generally contempt with life and experience happiness here and there.

>>17043298
they take discussion and argument way too seriously. They think that posting some bullshit on 4chan is like a serious political act, rather than pretty much meaningless in terms of effect. They are also generally people who don't like having discussions in real life, they get upset when people disagree with them, they take it personally,
they think merely considering certain ideas is morally wrong.

I understand that they're like that and I never engage these people in real life, but for the life of me I don't get why they come here when everywhere else practically online is tailored to their restricted discourse.

>>17042971
In the past, I've entirely failed at conveying the problem to people judging by their reactions. But this is a good opportunity to practice, I suppose, and see if I get lucky.

I am assuming you know the philosopher Wittgenstein. "If a lion could speak, we wouldn't understand him." This idea is a just one, but completely unintuitive your first time around. Humans eat and lions eat, so why not talk of food? The difficulty is couched in the lion's interpretation of his environment. His understanding of "eating" is so fundamentally different that there is no common ground in communication. Not only do his senses work differently - his mind works differently. Eating is a different thing to him.

So we come to my problem, which encompasses all human experiences. The issue is that nothing affects me emotionally, nothing affords me true pleasure or pain. To a healthy human, this sounds like nonsense. Your concept of the world is intimately bound to viewing things as -intrinsically pleasant-, -undeniably painful-, -categorically heartrending-, etc. because there is no delay between the senses interpreting some phenomena and producing an appropriate reaction. In my lion's eye of the world, the bucks stops halfway. There is always the interpretation, and hardly ever the reaction.

For a long time I have sought cures. It wasn't always this way. 6 years ago it wasn't. But now this is how things are. My mother sometimes asks why I am irritated, and I tell her I'm not. She tries to find a reason, yet even if I probe, I realize there is none. Something has gone terribly wrong inside me. Do you get the picture?

>>17043393
do you feel like there is a void inside you?

>>17043416
Nah, I can tell you what it feels like. It's as if the part of my brain around the temple has hardened into a slab, or iced over. Observe yourself closely, and you'll realize how many 'emotions' you sense in that part of the mind, how it feels like something is flowing. When I try hard to force some kind of emotion, that area of my head gets agitated and may throb a bit, but nothing else changes.

I could not call it a "void" because that would be relying on an emotional reaction that doesn't happen now. There are all kinds of feelings of emptiness and sadness and yadda yadda I remember from childhood, but this is a departure from them. There's nothing deep or substantial in the present state. It's just a lack of everything else.

I only now realized I don't like people. I think I have been this way for a few years, but I tried escaping this attitude with cynicism, but it was toxic and self-damaging, I did not like it. Now I am without any cope with my almost misanthropic nature. Maybe I am just not cut for this era of humanity. The way I see relations, I don't care about you if it's half friendship, half family, half soulmate. It's all so superficial now that I cannot sense any form of intimacy with any person I interact with except a couple people I met online, and I don't even know their real names, but it doesn't matter and the virtual world is secondary anyway, there is a real life to live, and I don't mind being so cold towards people, because I would be lying to myself if I said to myself that the family, the "friends", the relatives are my tribe, that I reflect them. I tried that but I am clearly distinct from them and alone. Only thing comforting me is that I know I am more sincere than any person I have met. I just feel bad when the people, uncles, aunts and cousins who spend some time raising me when I was a kid try to show some warmth towards me, smile at me, but I don't feel the same warmth for them, I only have a tiny candle that desperately tries to turn into a bigger fire just to make the people not feel like I abandoned them when they protected me during my most vulnerable stage of life, I don't want to be ungrateful, but I also don't want to be insincere, I am stuck between comitting these 2 sins, both of which I consider very grave.

>>17043135
your dad sounds based as hell

>>17043393
I am the exact same way.

>>17043487
Hmm, I'm not sure I get it. maybe emotional detachment and anhedonia? Did you experience any trauma that caused this?

>>17043536
That's a tricky one. I grew up in a broken home, and stopped feeling emotions for my inner family before all else. At times I have bizarre nightmares about my father. Yet none of it hurts to remember. There's nothing to poke or prod at, I remember it all and it doesn't affect me. That sounds very different from post-traumatic stress.

>>17043370
Fag is not the same as homosexual. Hadrian was homosexual, if you bash women in general, you are a fag no matter your orientation. And you should hang.

>>17043579
There is a disorder called Complex post-traumatic stress disorder that manifests in the way you describe. It's often caused a series of minor stressors in childhood instead of a large trigger. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking you have Borderline Personality Disorder. Psychologists love misdiagnosing CPTSD as BPD, honestly the most shit tier work force in the mental health field. The standard treatment is psychotherapy coupled with SSRI like Sertraline brand name Zoloft. It's a lengthy process but worth it. If you're a poor fag just go to your primary care physisian and get the SSRI and pick up a Cognitive Behavior Therapy workbook or Dialectic Behavior Therapy workbook(I know it was designed for BPD, but it works nicely for CPTSD).

>>17043579
>>17043633
Oh anon if you want to ask me something shoot, I'm a psychiatrist so I can answer your questions.
>>17043528
Probably not, You'r

too much stuff happening
life is alright

>>17043640
>Probably not, You'r
What the fuck is this supposed to mean

Also, your profession is one of the most retarded memes. Best you can do is shove drugs down people's throats and lock down the crazier ones in more "humane" ways.

>>17038313
I'm on the same boat my friend. This time of the year is terrible for breaking up with someone, specially in my case where she's away from her parents and will not be able to spend xmas with them. So what I'm suposed to do? Break up with her and make her spend xmas and new year alone? Of course not... I'm not that much of asshole, but jesus, I wish I had break up with her when I had the chance...

Lately I've been obsessing about this girl, because she's probabily the first one I felt for something more about a simple attraction,I wouldn't call it "love", but for sure something deep. All the times we spent together showed an incredible affinity, we have similar interests, passions, insecurities. But since the beginning of thismonth she got colder and distant, and it's been a while since the last time I saw her. Also, I should have wrote this before, but yeah, she's one of "those" arthoe/goth girls, damaged with a lot of issues. Pretty a ridicule move to get interested in one of them, but I can't form a bond with the average girls, I don't know how you do it bros

>>17043633
I tried Sertraline, among many others. Not one did a single thing except give me dry mouth or poor sleep. I am drawn now toward transcendent meditation, electroshock therapy, or hard drugs, because nothing else seems even to affect it.

>>17044289
What medications are you on, what have you tried and what psychotherapy have you tried?

Everyone is stealing my ideas. That's two or three this past week. https://fortune.com/2020/12/15/crypto-country-coin-brian-brooks-comptroller-of-currency-learning-student-incentives/

http://sjruruchunchun.com/blog/on-economics-or-on-opportunity

I get tortured and my ideas stolen from me?

>>17044353
They say it's Nobel Prize worthy. Why did I have to be born human. I want a different species.

I've had so many ideas stolen from me and everyone tortures me and laughs at me and my ideas are apparently all nobel-worthy.

>>17043135
Don't know why he told you that, or what it means that he told you that, or what it might imply. It might imply that he feels guilt and resentment towards you, rather than the other way around. But generally speaking, he is absolutely right: unresolved issues and ambivalent feelings become stronger and redirect themselves inwards after the person passes. Normal grieving then can become pathological grieving and depression. Never being able to tell the person you love how angry they made you is just as bad as never being able to tell them how much you cared for them.

im looking for some short anglo literature to read this wintervacation
right now only Frankenstein is on my list
any recommendations?

>accidentally invite escort to the family group chat
how do I explain this one, boys?

>>17044347
Last one I was on was, well, I can't really remember. I've tried every major class of drug except for an anti-psychotic. None of it is worth a rat's ass to me.

>>17044868
With these symptoms medication is supposed to act as an adjunct to psychotherapy, social- and lifestyle change. Not as a cure. do you practice good sleep hygiene, nutrition, exercise, self care? Electroconvulsive therapy works very well but it's weird to try it before you attempt the recommended route.

i want to cut my dick off, i don't want to be sidetracked by sexual thoughts anymore; pure aesthetic appreciation, pure intellectual perusing. why do my blood have to redirect its flow down there

>>17044987
Was my explanation above inadequate? What I'm trying to convey is that conventional forms of self-improvement totally fail when the body is not prepared to benefit from them. It should go without saying that I have already tried the improvements you mentioned, and they didn't work either. Nor did making friends, joining a club, or reading. I don't want to be rude, but this should have been obvious from my initial explanation. The physiological reaction all of the above is supposed to trigger never happens, nothing comes of it.

>>17038008
Notepad, F5 will put a time stamp.

If you're on a phone, everything you type is recorded anyways, along with your location, nearby devices, and any noise in 30' or so (if LSNR capable), and an online service is filling the auto-complete dictionary, so not much point worrying about that one app. Though, to avoid it going up in smoke when the app dies, find one that will let you save locally.

As tends to happen when I do nofap, I'm on the cusp of becoming a new person with twice as much motivation and productivity, not to mention an exponentially closer connection to God. But WOW it's not easy to maintain it. I don't know why, it's not like my hand is compelled to stoke my dick, it's a conscious decision every time I relapse. Somehow my mind rationalizes that, because I've already done it so many times in the past, I can get away with rewarding myself once. That's what it is for me, not something I do when I feel depressed, but a reward system. Maybe that's what's so difficult about it deep down -- the thought that, if I'm to commit to nofap, I'm going to need to become so hard on myself that I never think I deserve a single reward.

>>17044353
I had a similar thing happen to me. I've been working on a book and found that another guy published one recently with similar ideas, sometimes down even to the same terminology. My book goes farther however. Sometimes I think some ideas are just "in the air" and subtle cues and forces operate in the cultural environment for the convergent evolution of them.

>>17045041
I might not have been clear enough, you may try as much self help and medication with little success, but I wanted to check the basic just in case. What I was asking is what psychotherapies or talk-therapies you have had?

My best friend/romantic interest stood me up the other night and has been ghosting me since. I know that she's probably just stressing out over finals this week since she had procrastinated a lot on her assignments, but it has still been stressing me out and making me very anxious. I always get it in my head that I did something wrong, even though this is just the kinda thing she does every now and then. I guess it hurts a little more this time since we had just had a discussion a couple weeks ago about her communicating better, and she was really making an effort until the other night. She even handmade me some amazing gifts for Christmas, so I'm not sure why I'm worried so much, but I'm just kinda scared that I'll never hear from her again, as irrational as that may be. I hope you guys are having a better holiday

>>17045192
It's at least 8, but I've forgotten some. Sertraline, Bupropion, Tranylcypromine, Nortriptyline, a couple other kinds I can't remember, NSI-189, Sarcosine with NAC, vitamins, other supplements
My doctor still tells me to try more, but if all of this hasn't produced a single substantial effect, why would generic pill #12 do the trick? I won't pretend that this medicine doesn't help some people, but it seems clear that when a patient is not even reacting to what you give him, a different kind of treatment is necessary. It seems like all they teach psychiatrists now is the set of the 2-3 dozen pills they can prescribe and which ones to pick first. Perhaps I should ask for a stimulant next time just to see if it does anything.

what can high art say that memes cant say?

>>17045303
I don't mean medications anon you need to talk to someone.

>>17045327
Memes are the greatest art

>>17039127
Got it when I started taking anti-depressants :)

>>17045303
>>17045331
What I just realized is you probably haven't done talk therapy. Is the psychiatrist your sole care taker? What came out of your blood tests?

>>17039127
I like my tinnitus, most of the time I don't notice it but when I need it I can focus on it and it calms me. Helps me get to sleep at night. :-)

>>17045391
My blood tests were all good. Others have suggested therapy, but I don't see why they mention it here given the details. Therapy is for people to work out emotional issues with minimal risk. I can't summon up emotions even if I try. At some informal private counseling sessions I did, it proved as much. The routine psychiatric methods have routinely failed, so it is a mystery to myself why everyone sees them as a universal solution. Even if I am an exception, surely I'm not the only one.

>>17044087
I hope it works out for you.

>>17037978
Sometimes I have dreams where I find bookshelves full of tattered old paperbacks. I'm overwhelmed by the sheer excitement and delight of the endless potential of new books. Last time I found some old fantasy books, but not the edgy grimdark shit, but the bracing Arthurian fantasy of the 80s, with painted covers of a knight-king on horseback. In my dream, I pawed through the shelves, barely able to contain myself as I found another book that looked like I'd enjoy. I was like a child again, and when I woke up, I realized that it was all a dream, and I haven't felt that since I was a teenager. It feels like the more I read, the less books I like.
I miss it bros. I miss it so much.

>>17045454
> Therapy is for people to work out emotional issues with minimal risk

That's not what therapy is for at all, you have distortions about it's merit. In therapy you learn scientifically based cognitive skills to change your behavior and experience in the way you want it.

You are not the exception, the psychiatrist you are going to is enabling your defeatist thinking by promises of cure by medications. Medications that should be secondary to talk therapy. You are experiencing derealization and depersonalization. Others have suggested therapy because they can see what you don't experience. Seek a second opinion go to another physician.

>>17045579
It is a pretty huge assertion to say that a defeatist mindset can deprive a person of the ability to feel emotions. Do you have any kind of source? It just sounds unbelievable.

How to not be a chicken shit while not being a douche?

>>17045475
I wish I was happy for the other people like you

>>17045673
>It is a pretty huge assertion to say that a defeatist mindset can deprive a person of the ability to feel emotions. Do you have any kind of source? It just sounds unbelievable.
Nothing's working because he's not applying effort in the right direction was what I meant to say. But yes defeatist mindset alone can cause Anhedonia, a symptom but not an illness.

>>17045287
>best friend/romantic interest
oh no no no no

boring night on /lit/ my friends, I'm going to retire to bed and read a history book until i fall asleep; good night fellas.

>>17045673
>>17045769
To add on, at this point the symptoms he is describing medications would be almost unavoidable. Seeing what he has tried and failed I would most likely next try Duloxetine(brand name Cymbalta(titrated up to 90mg if needed) with adjunct Quetiapine(brand name Seroquel(50mg)). But that's just a bandage compared to talk therapy.

>>17045794
What's wrong with that? We're really close, but I'm holding off on a relationship because of a couple things that happened between us in the past

>>17045895
Hey, that sounds pretty comfy to me. Enjoy your history book, anon

There's a medication I've taken for years that works extremely well for me. However, I recently Googled it, just on a whim, and it turns out that for other people there have been some pretty severe side effects. There have been lawsuits against pharmaceutical companies and everything. I find that interesting, in a detached way.

The night has overtaken the snow,
it can no longer be seen,
I cannot bury my thoughts any longer
in the soft mausoleum.

I'm finding the holiday season very stressful this year

>it's raining outside
>mfw snugly tucked into warm pajamas
>reading in bed
Set comfy levels to maximum boys

>>17046029
why?

>>17046029
why anon?

>>17037978
that day I felt the arcing curls of icy flames
an airborne Lethe upon my lugs
a flow of memories, laughter and forgetting
could an event stream in the æther ready for plucking?
could the foetal histories of events pre-exist; awaiting their beckoning call?

I can't take this person out of my mind. I'm love sick. I don't know why. It makes no sense. We don't even get along all that well. I've avoided her for a while and I still want her. I'm paranoid she's fucking someone else when she's not mine. I feel like a beta to this guy. Why? It's just a workplace. Why do I feel like I want her or need her? It's just a crush. Help anons

>>17039779
These 2 lines are real nice man:

"I wondered briefly how she knew what I liked, as I don't recall a time when I told her."

"To be honest, at that moment I couldn't have cared less about the coffee, but she had made it for me so I reached out and drank some more. I was shocked by how cold it had become, it didn't feel like that long since she had brought it in."

>>17046496
Meet more women. Why be obsessed with somebody who you don't even get along with? Seems kinda pointless

>>17046554
Thus the anguish. The absurd ocd taking control. I try not to look into things but yesterday at the gym she was working precisely where I would see her ass bouncing up and down. We have a particular schedule where it's just me and her. The gym floor is huge but she was where I would have to inch through to get by her. Maybe she just likes the attention. She's an older lady. I'm not looking for anything at the moment. It's just infatuations I get. I think she may know this and may just want attention. She always looks at my body, dick area. I know it's more mental than anything. I just want it to stop.

I'm taking my driver's test tomorrow after not driving for all of 3 days, should I blast initial D during the drive for good luck?

reading a good book about the first acid freaks. "Be Not Content". it's autobiographical. I'm in the middle and they are starting to get disillusioned, starting to move from starry eyed dreamers into people who just like to be high, and live toward that end. It seems they did affect the anti-Vietnam protest scene, and that is holy imo, but other than that for all their (I believe more or less true) insight on cosmic love they really don't seem to do a lot of loving, except with the teenage hangarounds rebelling against their parents

>>17046920
or through the fire and the flames

>>17037978
>tfw no rainy ana joi gf

life is suffering

>>17038039
that sounds comfy as fuck anon, good luck. Maybe ill do that one day too

>>17046937
Have you done LSD? Going from "starry eyed dreamers" to people who "just like to be high" doesn't seem like a very LSD progression. I love psychedelic shit, so I'll check it out, but based on that description I wonder how authentic it is.

>>17047026
I haven't. I might just be biased, but I keep looking for their "works". Like what does all this love do? I think it is fair to say they are getting disillusioned though. Years in. People who'd trip several times a week for what seems to be years. Reoccuring quesitons of "what are we even doing". The guy who wrote it must have done so close in time to the experiences, he finished it when he was 21-23 (I forget).

>>17047037
and they seem to be getting stuck in a loop of deconstruction. everything is a "game". zen buddhism is a "thought game", for instance. They don't seem to find anything to do that is not just a personality-game

>>17046626
I'd just try to avoid her if you can. Obsessing over a girl that you actually get along with is a storied and timeless tradition, but chasing some indifferent girl (who's also an older woman) is just a little weird and only serves to hurt your soul

>>17047037
>>17047045
and stuck in going deeper, getting higher games. it is surprising that they do not consider themselves enlightened, and that they think this is still the goal of it all, given that they know about love

>>17037978
I want to know what you're thinking is it something on your mind. I want to know what you're feeling tell me what's on your mind.

>>17047037
I just skimmed some of it. Looks like a comfy read for anyone into 60s shit. So he's a biker that turned onto LSD? Interesting. I feel like the biker culture of the 60s is something underrepresented in both literature and nostalgia, since they are just bit player "bad guys" in most 60s narratives.

>>17047115
yea it's good, I like it.

>>17047045
I think the context of where you do acid heavily affects your experience. I did LSD rather intensely for a couple summers in the 90s before I went to college and got educated. I had no idea about philosophy, or any religion, eastern or otherwise, yet I still felt the unifying oneness. Also felt the ego destruction when you feel compelled to shed every last layer of cope and just confront your naked mind. So there are some fundamental things that happen to humans when they take LSD, but a lot of the stuff in the 60s that gets commingled with it is just context dependent.

>>17047136
if I was not deemed mentally unstable (or if I did believe that the designation was incorrect), I would surely try it out. it seems to have played a significant part in saving a depressed friend of mine. he had an old raver-sage to guide him through tho, so if you are reading this and seeing a miracle cure, random anon out there, then do not get ahead of yourself. He got pretty deep into it but ended up becoming religious and meditating a lot

I have to stop procrastinating and study.

I went for a drink at some local dive bar the other nigh and ran into the mother of a former friend. She looked rough, man.
Then I got curious about what her daughter was up to, so I did some social media stalking. Man, she's a fucking mess. Good God, what the hell happened? She started an OnlyFans. She posts about her sexual trauma and her lack of self-respect, bemoaning the fact that she doesn't deserve love. You Google her name and city, and you find her face plastered on these gossip sites on the first page. Like shit, yeah, if you give yourself to a bunch of horny Twitter denizens with anime profile pictures who stream on Twitch, then you're gonna have a bad time in your life. It's like she gets off on complaining about the pain every time she touches a hot stove-element.
The existential horror that exists in the heart of women is truly horrifying. Just depressed the absolute shit out of me. I think she made "friends" with some overweight, bitter, fat cunt on Twitch, who told her about all the extra money she could get on OnlyFans. I wonder if it ever occurred to her that these people aren't her friends, that they probably hold onto malignant envy, and wanted to simply drag her down to their level.
Peak fucking clown world.

>>17047372
>tfw i use studying to procrastinate on doing actual work

>>17045287
I can relate to this

I was talking to a girl I hadn't seen in a while who messaged me one day and we had a nice conversation about books and life in general. We talked for a few days then I got distracted by school and waited a week to get back to her, and I think she ghosted me. Its whatever, maybe she's just doing the same thing I did and not replying for a week, but the uncertainty does get to you. Maybe she felt bad when I did that to her? I dunno. I did the same thing, so I'm not mad or anything, I just am not sure if I screwed up or not. She is very intelligent, kind, and attractive and I had a crush on her years ago so it would bum me out but I'll accept it if it doesnt work out. I should have done better but you cant change whats done.

I'm so bored. I should really do something productive or at least fun. I just don't feel like doing anything at all. I'll probably just lay in bed and listen to audiobooks.

Listen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPfO97EpLRk

>>17047494
Being on the other end of it, it does feel pretty bad. If she just told me she was going to be really busy and that she wouldn't be able to talk this week, I wouldn't mind it, but not knowing whether or not something I said or did upset her feels pretty bad mentally. Especially since we were going to watch a movie the other night and she just didn't show up or say anything, after confirming she would be there a couple hours beforehand

>>17047494
I have a chick friend who does that all the time. Some times she'll text the hell out of me days in a row, then I won't hear from her for like six weeks. I also know another chick that will randomly text me something every four months or so. They're cool, I like them, but if they ghosted me and I never heard from them again I wouldn't mind. An asymmetrical relationship where they can contact me whenever they're in the mood, but if I contact them they won't reply for weeks isn't worth much in the grand scheme of life. I should get some new friends if the pandemic ever ends.

>>17047516
Ouch, bud. Just detach and save yourself some trouble. Like really, I mean, what do you think will happen when you date a "literary" type chick? I'm sure once another guy who's published, whose writing she likes, comes along, she'll drop you like a shit-covered dollar bill.

>>17047692
Was probably meant for >>17047494
lmao

>>17047692
In this life, we must learn to make sacrifices sometimes, and if you manage to find a beautiful woman who can discuss philosophy in depth, you do what it takes to keep her.

>>17047708
join a book club lol

>>17047708
She's probably lusting after some pretty boi who fancies himself a Rimbaud-type desu.

>>17047738
Pretty boi who wears overcoats with curtained hair here, can confirm. I do good with the 25-30 year old turtleneck chicks who wish they lived in Europe.

>>17046528
Thanks, rereading my older stuff I find that the slightly more subtle sentimentality has more impact than the more overt overtures. I think I need someone to bounce pieces off of as I find it difficult to separate the two sometimes.

Living in Syria, one of the most gut-wrenching manifestations of economic decline is the emergence of beggars who look like they were members of the middle class just recently. They're usually well-dressed, and plead gently for money. It's indescribably sad.

Is punching a woman who's a self-confessed Nazi something that would warrant being cancelled?

>>17047838
I feel like the emotional impact of that would be overshadowed by the realization of living in Syria

>>17047838
That's coming to America soon judging by the lack of decent covid relief

Hey, so, I thought I'd let you know exactly how things went with me and Ashley (my sister). Alright, so, our parents left for a weekend trip on Saturday and weren't back until Monday, so I thought Sunday night would be a perfect time to find out if she feels the same way for me as I do for her. I spent basically all Sunday (today) going through all the things I could say and things she might say and what I should say in response that at one point I kind of started having a panic attack. Anyway, I got a hold of myself and realized all I should do is stay calm and everything will work out one way or the other. So evening rolls around and Ashley comes over to my room and asks if I want to watch something and I say sure. We go out to the kitchen and make popcorn and ice tea and settle in to watch the tv series we are currently working our way through (star trek voyager). Basically as soon as we sit down shes leaning up against me with the popcorn bowl between us, alright, everything seemed to be going good so far. We end up watching for quite a while, 4 episodes and its starting to get pretty late. She starts to sit up and stretch and thats when I decide the time has come. I start out by saying "Ash, there's something I want to talk to you about." "Okay" she replies. Of course my brain decides this is a perfect time to completely forget everything I had prepared to say, so I just go with what I was thinking at the time. I say, "You are more important to me that anything else in the world." She smiles and says "okay...." at this point I'm starting to kind of freak out in my mind, but I've already started so I can't go back now, so I continue with "and I would never do anything to hurt you, but I think I owe you the truth." Her face becomes a bit more serious and she asks "what is it?" My heart is pounding in my chest and a huge part of me wants to baulk and run, but I force myself to be honest and tell her as clearly and in as few words as possible "I am in love with you". Shes looking straight into my eyes and I feel myself start to sweat as the silence that follows my words starts to become noticeably drawn out. She finally says slowly "I... I need some time to think about this." Just glad that the silence has finally ended I quickly say "of course, I didn't mean to spring this on you or pressure you into any kind of decision, I just wanted to be honest and open with you." After that she went back into her room and I cleaned up our snack and went to bed. Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what just happened. I hadn't meant to be that direct at all. Its just, sometimes I kind of get lost in her eyes. She has beautiful deep blue eyes. I still can't believe I actually told her how I feel for her. Like, obviously it could have gone way worse, but she didn't exactly reciprocate either. I have no idea what to do now, how do I act around her? Like nothing happened? Should I give her extra space while she thinks about it?

I'm 23 and hate college

>>17047906
why are you even in college if you hate it lol fucking retard and youre paying for it too hahaha

>>17047901
Somebody read too many doujins lmao

>>17047973
No bully, this is an excerpt from the night when we watched Spartacus together

Basically she was leaning against me during the sex scene and felt my boner so she said "uhh, maybe I should sit over there..." and I kinda awkwardly laughed and apologized, to which she said "it's nothing to be embarrassed about, I just assumed having your sister right in front of you would be a deterrent" and without thinking at all I said "not as much as you'd think"

That moment of silence that followed seemed to stretch on for eons as my mind attempted to wrap itself around all the implications of what I'd just said. How would she take it? What exactly would she read into it? Time as a concept no longer existed as I could feel sweat beginning to form on my neck. It was in that moment I remember every intimate moment we had shared growing up, when we were in elementary school and she was crying in her room because the girls at school had been mean to her, and I had wiped away her tears and held her. Those nights of thunderstorms where she would run into my room to hide with me under the covers. I believe at least 30 seconds passed without a word until she finally said one word. My name, and simply trailed off. She abruptly turned around to face me.

I looked into her deep blue eyes, and for a split second, I thought I could read some kind of signal, so, without the intrusion of my conscious mind, I kissed her, and for the briefest instant, I could have sworn she kissed me back. Then, as quickly as it has happened, it was over and without saying another word she got up and swept out of the room. I heard the door of her room close quickly. I lay there for a good long time, processing. I finished the bowl of popcorn we had made earlier before retreating to my own room. I glanced at her door as I passed, and saw from the handle that she had locked it from her side. Nothing else happened the rest of that night

>>17037978
I'm thinking of reading Swann's Way later this month to gain some insight into how Proust writes and how he conducts involuntary memory into the text. (Learning about gratitude would be pretty great too, I think: see Kurzgesagt's "An Antidote to Dissatisfaction" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPPPFqsECz0)) Apparently it can be read standalone, but if I do become insane enough to tackle the other 1.1 million words somehow, I wouldn't be surprised.

Has anybody else noticed that the vast majority of modern Christians are either really stupid or really smart?

They're either illiterate peasants in poor, third-world countries, or they're absolute geniuses who become philosophers and theologians and artists.

On the other hand, it seems like the vast majority of atheists are midwits.

>>17048225
that's because all the midwits became atheists. it's not a quality of christianity itself. it's a quality of the new trend having become another ideology.

you fucking midwit

The most retarded thing one could do on the internet is to tell the truth. If you lie all the time you are untouchable.

Why are open mic poetry readings so fucking awful? Even the poets they advertise before the open mics are awful.
Fuck, at least make your poem memorable, even if it is shit. All the poetry is legit terrible. Some dumb 30 year old failson tried to do some 4'33-type shit by playing static for three minutes. It's fucking terrible. And God, they have "rappers" in their poetry readings now. These fucking ridiculous-looking idiots in their Jordans, awful tattoos, and signet rings reciting their shitty bars about how shitty their lives are. It's not poetry. None of it was. None of it validated the beauty within life. It was just them complaining about their lives, about the system, about how shit everything is. That's not fucking poetry. IT'S SHIT!
FUCKING ENVIOUS NORMIES RUIN EVERYTHING THAT WAS ONCE PURE

We slept together in her bed that night. I remember feeling her small body against mine, feeling each breath she took. The sense of supreme satisfaction I felt in that moment defies description. Everything in the world was perfect, as if all pieces of a puzzle had fallen into place, like everything was going to turn out well. I think about that night a lot, not just to jerk off to, but after that stuff, to the quiet night of snuggling into each other, the safeness and security I felt with her, the kind of bond that is unspoken, that would only be lessened if you tried to fully express it. I guess a lot of the time the sexual stuff is the main highlight that people focus on, but to me, despite how amazing those experiences can be, it's the subtle moments of closeness that pass by unremarked that are the most substantial in the end.

Man, I miss her. I can't believe the depths of feeling we explored with each other, and the equally cold hollowness after it was all over. The worst part is I can't decide if I would do it all over again. I don't think I could have gone on without expressing those feelings I had, but it's been years now and it still feels so empty without her love. Tell me anons, how can a woman look into your eyes, connect with you in a way that fulfills your deepest desires, your wish for security, safety, acceptance, and then turn around and destroy you? How can a person be so ludicrous as to open up to such a woman, expose vulnerabilities so tender that even the thought of confessing them rends your soul in half? And most importantly, anons, answer me this: does it ever get any better?

>>17048289
Shit and uninspired prose, fatty.

>>17048298
Thank you for the criticism, however, without the constructive part, it isn't particularly useful.

Is America really a true nation or is it just a glorified shopping mall and economic zone? Any notion of "culture" in this country is all vapid pop culture or something appropriated from another source then packaged into a commodity to sell back to the ignorant docile American consumer. The roots of any sort of hypothetical authentic America have been torn out and thrown away long ago. For the best. I am not attached to any American mysticism or exceptionalism. I think America and the consequences of it are disease on this planet that should be eradicated. Viscerally disgusting place. Everything it represents. The 7 deadly sins embodied in one.

>>17048225
Yeah I have realized that. Christianity has people who were unfathomably intelligent like Aquinas, while Atheism has...Richard Dawkins. I think that genuinely intelligent people tend to realize that the universe simply existing doesn't make too much sense, and that biological life is very clearly intelligently designed. And also that our capability to understand the cosmos is rather limited, while Atheists believe that humans are capable of understanding everything (midwitism)

>>17048225
>>17048408
>biological life is very clearly intelligently designed
>the intelligence which designed it wasn't designed though
At this point, midwittery would be an upgrade for you

>>17048604
>>the intelligence which designed it wasn't designed though

First Cause, Anon. The Unmoved Mover.

>>17048611
That gets you no where. Plus, to attempt to apply causality (one event leading to another) to the beginning of time is nonsensical on it's face since time is required for causality.

Trying to figure out if getting a girlfriend will give me enough purpose to continue. Like can she be a springboard to newness? Or could she just be an addition of one nice thing into a still void existence? I still have to find the primary thing : I dont think it can be a person

>>17038173
what the fuck is wrong with zoomers?

I just realized no one uses smileys here :) you'd think they would pop up occasionally

>>17048665
:)

>>17048648
she's just there to be around you all the time so you have to hold in farts

>>17048661
Its the internet. They were raised with the internet. That vile machine with its infinite archive of all of humanities collective knowledge including the depraved. Social media creates an infinite high school like environment of lies, narcissism, gossip, and toxicity that permeates in the day to day due to the line blurring between the real and digital. This has manifested in our political discourse among other things. The smartphone has made the internet ubiquitous and everyone infinitely plugged into the matrix at all times. It is difficult to break the spell. Zoomers were the first generation to not know a world before this and treating it as the normal. Even millennials in their childhood had primitive Web 1.0 tech and pre smartphones at best. TV wasnt as interactive and immersing, radio and news were tightly controlled and it was hard to find alternatives, games werent as advanced with open world immersion/HD graphics. Now everything is there in seconds. Always. Media in the web 2.0 age is more lifelike and participatory. The real and unreal are breaking. For zoomers, its always been this way so theyre fucked. Boomers have difficulty adjusting to this for understandable reasons. You can spend your whole life plugged in the virtual world.

God Wikipedia is getting obnoxious with its "please donate" popups. I read an article one explaining that they don't even need money as much as they claim.

>>17048712
Based and redpilled. But why are they so cucked out, trannied, and gay?

>>17048718
There's little for them to cling to community wise other than internet subcultures or built around shallow pop culture items. They're depressed and lack genuine interaction because they're constantly online rather than engaging with the world.

LGBT is a result of the political climate increasing rights partially but also changing attitudes towards gender roles and religious mores post WWII making people more open to expressing alternative sexuality.

Perhaps the increase in transgenderism in particular could be there is an influence in lonely men engaging in gay/trans behavior from porn addiction, access to niche porn like hentai/trap/sissy/femboy/etc, feminine anime (transgender people often use anime iconography, symbolism, and aesthetics. they seem to idealize the cute slice of life anime girl as a standard of beauty/feminine archetype), less stigma around LGBT sexuality culturally/politically, and maybe even lack of success in the dating market with women creating a prison gay sort of effect (not the case for all trans people, but the r9k type perhaps) .

Someone going as far as HRT probably has more going on than fetishism though but I think there is some connection there when you look at how often trans people are into anime/video games/channer culture type stuff and some may have been perceived as too feminine looking to get with women, too short, or whatever (or repressed their sexuality maybe) and lacked success in the past so they were more open to the idea of crossdressing, trans or gay shit.

Mao Zedong had the right idea. Genius leader, tactician, strategist, thinker, and revolutionary spirit guiding us towards a better safer brighter world. The Third World is the true revolutionary vanguard and Maoism is the praxis.

>>17049095
I fucking despise chapo faggots. What could be easier than praising the merits of a communist system when you’re so far away from the sorrow of its inhabitants, tucked away in some cozy and privileged existence where the horrors of such systems are mere abstractions and utterly removed from the real breathing people who had to endure them?
I despise leftist semi ironic flippancy towards historical tragedy and suffering

>>17049332
Let the revolution happen ,they'll be the first against the wall.

>plight of thee, monkey

>>17049363
This.

All the left-wing intellectuals are always the first to get shot. They're the first ones the hardcore tyrants kill.

>>17049332
you write suspiciously similarly to how I write, though I wouldn't make quite this gay a post, commies are retards yes, but moralizing about commies betrays a lack of realizing your own ethical turpitude that prevents you from ever really doing that whining again apart from when you feel a sadistic impulse to make some person feel bad for the contradictions between their behavior and professed ideals, which is not even to mention that the best way to insult commies is to bring up how the slavishly adhere to everything liberal progressives tell them to believe, they can't stand that.

My point basically is that you don't give a shit about historical tragedy and suffering, you are just ineptly performing a routine, a routine sure informed by a genuine emotion of empathy, but that empathy was only incurred after your ire was set on some target judged wrong, and therefore needing to be seen as unethical, and therefore arousing your moral impulse to create a garment of pretension towards prettifying whatever bullshit you have just produced.

you are not thinking about the victims of the Holodomor shivering and shitting themselves and starving and eating their children, so don't pretend you are and use them as a political cudgel

Notre Père, qui es aux cieux,
que ton nom soit sanctifié,
que ton règne vienne,
que ta volonté soit faite sur la terre comme au ciel.
Donne-nous aujourd’hui notre pain de ce jour.
Pardonne-nous nos offenses,
comme nous pardonnons aussi à ceux qui nous ont offensés.
Et ne nous laisse pas entrer en tentation
mais délivre-nous du Mal.

Amen

Stream of conscious

What’s it mean to be a man? To be manly? Masculine? The core of a man is the Hero, the carrier of the light, the Pure one who’s purity isn’t the Purity of untouched virginity, no his purity is one that his light when it touches the darkness, destroys the darkness. True masculinity is penetrative, both of the interior, trying to find the depth and bottom of ones self but also trying to assert the will and meaning of ones self upon the world, real masculinity isn’t corrupted, isn’t taken, it wants to look into the darkness, but not to be overwhelmed or taken by it, but to slay it, conquer it, the filth doesn’t stain it, rather it is like bleach, like acid, this world devours the hero because it is built on the hero but it is equally built on the suppression of the hero.

It doesn’t want you not to be a man, nor does it want you to be a man. It wants you to be its man, its hero, but not to correct it but to correct-for-it.

Being a man is being protective, saying “my Will and my care has made these things not separate from me” whether it be friend, family, country, religion or any idea, and because he has invested it with Will he has invested it with his identity, and if his Will is destroyed his masculinity, his identity is destroyed.

The core of the man is Will, Will to see himself in others, the impure is when he sees himself as lost, not reflected, the man’s soul is shattered when he sees impurity in himself because he can no longer see himself.

How then in this world can man see himself not just in himself but in the world? Where is my “I” in the other, except in negation and annihilation, except in visceral violence and in conflict, except in duality and dichotomy. Where is the mirror of my soul in the other?

I can only draw three options.

God

Children

Transference of identity.

If you pick God, you decide the most alien otherness whom your will can unite with, is perfectly in line with your will and yours with his, is the divine, the creative force which annihilates the division between this world of otherness and yourself, as both stem from his masculine will and power. And this is the most Kingly, the most masculine, the Lord is the ultimate man of man. This however is not the most common choice nor the most likely picked. And if one believes not in god they will see this as fantastic idolatry plain and simple.

The second option is children, making something outside of yourself which is you in the world, and this is the fighting for your children’s sake, living for their sake, doing all things in life for them.

The third option is to replace your identity with the state and to see yourself as a kind of otherness, to see yourself as that which must fit in, to serve, to perform the will of a greater idea. This is the soldier, the true statesman, the undying nationalist and the most fiery believer of any ideology.

Cont

>>17049393
>you are not thinking about the victims of the Holodomor shivering and shitting themselves and starving and eating their children, so don't pretend you are

I am in fact thinking precisely about those people, and it is indeed the Sandalista’s inability to see history as something which happened to real people that annoys me greatly. It’s not the discrepancy between his ideals and his practices that angers me, considering I don’t don’t even really know what those values are - they appear to be almost entirely fashion-driven from what I can tell, so I am not criticizing these people on the basis of hypocrisy.

What angers me is anyone using history as a battering ram, without ever experiencing the very specific sensation of history being alive and filled with actual people like you and me.

You’re analysis was eloquent, but you don’t know how I think

>>17049443

These are the three types of heroism possible and these are the three types of masculinity that I can conceive of,

The third is the traditional national hero, he dies the hero’s death, he dies for his people and his nation, he is their will, their force, their phallic power, this hero of people/others is the most reflective of the oldest types of heroism which no longer can exist.

As time and power changes, as society, technology, capital, social interactions changes, this heroism, this broader category of masculinity is shunned due to its necessarily disruptive nature, though it seeks to stabilize what it fights for, it naturally must be public, it must be active, outside, engaged, questioning and willing to perform physically strong actions. This form of masculinity is antithetical to the modern comfort and pleasure fixated state, but the most dominant quality of the current cultural zeitgeist is the fantasy ideal of the modern-futuristic comfortable life, itself being an outgrowth of the morphed 1950s era future obsession and the individuality and pleasure seeking of the 60-80s modified by the angst of the 90s.

This society seeks to see itself as “there” “complete” “detached” and even will lament this fantasy of detachment crying that nature is so abandoned, when not much has changed in truth in basic reality.

This type of society is purely acidic to the third form of masculinity and at times can attack the texture of the second. This produces feelings of loneliness, lack of meaning, weakness of Will and so forth.

The third level is the national hero,

The second is the family hero, the family man, who is often not praised though he be the primary masculine form of most of society historically. He seeks the good of his family and relatives as extensions of himself.

The final hero is the Saint, the martyr, the divine hero, who’s will extends solely to heaven and will only move in the material world in accordance with the man’s conception of the will of heaven which is his own deified and harmonized Will.

The third level of masculinity perishes most swiftly, the second level of masculinity shall never truly perish but shall be harmed again and again, the most stable form of masculinity must be the divine masculinity. Only in the divine masculinity when ones own Will and self are made transparent, is the will made complete and unbreakable.

I can think of nothing superior to the absolute direction of Will towards heaven.

last two digits are the amount of pages i read today

Sexual addiction is the greatest blight of our time. This time I won't waver.

talking to a woman feels like walking on shards of broken glass that are on fire

I spend hour ruminating over whether the art I create is for myself or others. It hurts to feel so dependent on everyone else's reception. I want to do something for myself but I don't know how. I am a fiend for attention.

Anyone works at night and sleeps during the day? Currently I'm surrounded by office people working from home and constantly hearing someones fucking voice in the fucking background from 3 sides is about to make me lose my sanity. Give me some fucking tips.

>>17050422
External validation is the best validation, you may continue creating memes for our pleasure.

I asked her out. She turned me down. Again. This has happened 4 times now. Yet she does not avoid me, still talks to me and remains friends with me. What am i supposed to make of her behaviour?

>>17050995
She's probably collecting evidence for when she complains to HR about the hostile work environment you've created.

Seeing the thread yesterday I thought I might share another story.
>Be me 2 months ago.
>New patient
>Trauma, depressed
>Oh no poor soul I help
>give CBT hand out see you next month

>last month
>hmm she seem different.
>note down how she look in notes
>blond glasses straight hair.
>traditional
>she's talking about a guy she just met and is very happy, suddenly half handily mentions self harm.
> okey strange but not necessarily jew disorder. But a lot points to that direction.
> review notes

> be today
> see patient
> red hair
> alt style
> starts talking about how she hates guy now
> ohnonononspanishguy.webm
> clear Borderline Personality Disorder
> you can't fool frog M.D.
> 14 years of school phd thesis: begone thot.
> quick think
I'm afraid I don't have expertise in the area relating to your disorder and would be unable to give you adequate care.
>complete lie
>tfw saved my staff and self from needless suffering
>feels good


Anyhow I have been reading Kant recently, you guys were not lying he's a huge sperg. He's almost impossible to understand.

>>17050995
She does not want you. You're an endless source of free attention and validation. Women thrive on it.

>>17051072
Wow bro you're a piece of shit

>>17050995
At the very least stop asking her out, you're only causing yourself more pain

>>17051119
Yet she also validates me in a way. Actually pays attention to what i say, looks out for me, even has cooked for me. She does everything a gf is supposed to do, yet she doesn't want to be my gf.

>>17051163
There is no pain. I just do ask her out like a seasonal ritual now.

>>17051197
>Yet she also validates me in a way. Actually pays attention to what i say, looks out for me, even has cooked for me. She does everything a gf is supposed to do, yet she doesn't want to be my gf.
she isn't sexually attracted to you.

>>17051197
>Actually pays attention to what i say, looks out for me, even has cooked for me
You're describing a friend

>>17051217
we do it occassionaly. As the other anon said i think i am her backup and looking for someone better.

>>17051072
Are you an actual psychopath? And retard on top for not getting Kant? Holy shit.

>>17047999
You shouldnt have been taught how to write or read,honestly what a waste

>>17049443
>>17049494
very nice

I don’t know how to write. I can put words on a page, but I don’t know how to write a story. All I can do is world build. I can spend hours cooking up a vaguely plausible sounding ecology based on iron consuming bacteria instead of photosynthesizers for a hypothetical partially terraformed Mars, and I can imagine societies based on semi-nomadic steppe tribes and early agrarians based on the altitude they live and thus soil moisture levels. But I don’t know how to tell a story about them. It seems like once you zoom in to the scale of the individual every story ever told becomes “PERSON wants THING and can’t get it because REASON so he goes off to CIRCUMVENT REASON and get THING.” It feels like the setting is so exotic I ought to have an equally exotic plot to go with it, but at the end of the day I’m just rehashing human desires in a different location. And that doesn’t seem interesting at all. It seems pedestrian, because everyone wants things, who gives a fuck about fictional people wanting fictional things?

The snow is criss-crossing over backyards and branches. I am warm in bed with tea and a onesie I got a few Christmases ago. I have a good amount of work ahead of me today but nothing too stressful. My room is overgrown with books, laundry, mugs and glasses; I’ve adjusted to it but that’s not okay. I need to re-organize it soon. I hear snow blowers and children outside, large vehicles lumbering down the frost caked streets. My mother is conversing with clients downstairs about something dull and necessary. The wind kicks up or gently falls, the sun lightens the air or the clouds grey. It’s reassuring to see winter still looking like her old usual self, who knows how ephemeral it will be?

>>17051072
This is awful--did you at least refer her to a doctor who is able to do his fucking job?

I cant decide if I should read theology or study trivium

1-5 Theology
6-0 Trivium

I SCREAM INTO THE VOID
BUT GOD DOES NOT ANSWER

So much time has passed since I last wrapped my hands for boxing that I couldnt remember how to do it today.The only things that are habits for me are the ones that make me a worse person,vices.
On an unrelated note,I killed four mosquitoes since last night,they are a plague,they dont stand still,make noise and annoy me,disturb my sleep and when you kill one,two other take its place.Theyre a plague like pidgeons and rats and addicts and beggars in this city

>>17040037
this is what religion does to you

I saw not one, not two, but THREE big spiders on the roof of my apartment building. I'm never going back there again.

All my group projects are done.
I've been partnered up with a woman that did more harm than good in every one of the works and kept saying obnoxious shit every time I had to modify one of her mistakes, which was a lot, of course.
I hate people's ego problems so much. I had to work triple, four times the work of a single person in every project and didn't even complain, I'm returning the work late ONCE in my life and almost get insulted by someone that had less than 10% of the skills required to get the job done.

God helped me go through this shit on my own and I can't thank him enough. I want to say I hate to work with women, but that's my fault for misjudging her character when I warned her about doing nothing and she said she was motivated. Motivated to do jack shit as she kept copy-pasting stuff when she was too busy complaining about me doing all the work on my own.

>>17053072
When she wasn't busy*
Unironically, next time I'll listen to 4chan and just get partnered up with a man, a woman that doesn't just look competent or simply refuse and work on my own.

I am an energy void and a black hole to avoid. I am a waste of space and a disgrace.

>>17053207
Welcome to the club.

YOU'VE GOT TO FUCKING DIE TO GET THREE POINTD

>>17053207
No style, no heart, you don't even start

>>17051311
>Are you an actual psychopath?
I just care about my staff and myself enough to avoid them. My time is limited I could be treating someone who will actually get better with treatment and wants treatment. Besides I'm tired of their shit.
>And retard on top for not getting Kant?
probably I feel like a brainlet here.
>>17052132
>This is awful--did you at least refer her to a doctor who is able to do his fucking job?
Half of them don't get better even with treatment. They resist improvement. I referred her to a group therapy but I doubt it will do anything.

The idea that the overall, irrefutable point of life is to die is becoming very “appealing” to me. Like an itch at the back of my brain or like a person walking behind me, that I’m not sure is really there or not.

>>17053970
that felt nice to read even though I don't get how not being sure someone is walking behind you is appealing

Have you ever looked at a species so hypnotized by their secret classes that you pity them for being failures in understanding proper order and social relations, driving themselves into further fruitless self domestication that serves no higher idealized state of being, so nobody wins and the true governance of this creation is a selfish hateful bug-like crowd of greedy opportunists?

Does this mean anything to you?

Sorry no, I forgot. Garbage slave world LOVES, like pigs, to roll in their own shit.

Sorry, forgot you guys wear your vices and xenophobia of all others like jewelry.

>>17049095
Mao:
>retard
>war of 4 pests
>melt all pots and tools to produce useless pig iron
>tens of millions starved to death

what he got right:
>kill all the landlords
>kill all the intellectuals

>nice things happen
Okay! Just don't rape, molest, or kill anyon-

Wowza. You guys truly are genius nobles of a backwater slave world. Make more poems and songs to justify it LOL.

>>17054761
Forgot my pic.

sneed

>>17054749
Take the Pol pot pill anon

>>17054795
He said on 4chan.

do you have any interesting lectures or whatever on youtube to have something to listen to while lying in bed? i realized that i overuse my eyes; thank you brothers

Thinking about starting reading some of Jorge Luis Borges. Is he worth the time ?

>>17054795
>tfw i have glasses and daddy pol pot would have killed me

I'm a proud faggot. not a faggot who is proud of the fact, but a person whos pride is such that he is become faggot

orange you glad i didn’t say banana

>>17055348
orangena whom?

>>17054761
>>17054768
Cope, nigger.

>>17048645
>Plus, to attempt to apply causality (one event leading to another) to the beginning of time is nonsensical on it's face since time is required for causality.
Pointless semantics. God IS the beginning of time.

>>17048347
America is a "true nation" in the sense the entire World does in fact revolve around their brand of pop culture consumerism. Modern Japan is essentially America for example.

>>17055583
Cope? I'm fine, but when others are easily persuaded by societal forces and influences that encourage human castration and other horrid mental patterns that disfigure, demoralize, and destroy societal collaboration, that is what I'm against.

It makes me wonder what little strands of purpose and interest that you personally fight for, or even care about. I would absolutely love to defile all of your offspring and related blood so maybe, just maybe, you'll someday recognize the tiny little spasms in your brain that actually resemble the idea of fighting for something in a complex survivalistic environment.

>>17056110
>eugenics
>infanticide
>deabrahaminization
That’s supposed to be the good side?

>>17056189
>eugenics
literally never mentioned this. Actually respecting racial homogeneous societies and groups instead of hatefully destroying them and seeding poisonous self-hating concepts into their social programming is a good thing. Try to practice empathy you weird idiot.
>infanticide
who are you are quoting? Who said this?
>deabrahaminization
not biting kids dicks off for rabbi shecklestein and getting rid of a mind virus that destroyed rome, and getting rid of useless puritans is genuinely a step in the right direction.

You legitimately are a child-like abuser and exploiter of human consciousness and have very little respect of creation itself. You are nothing compared to your masters, who truly understand that cold ruthless hatred is their philosophical guiding force that provides them full control of consciousness and drive to control earth.

These disgusting cretins too, are byproducts of their external environment and I know you will never break out and create a better world. You cherish being a predatorial parasitic worm.

and so, you should, with such grace and elegance of worm, weave your silky, wormy poems for me.