/lit/ - Literature

I need to get so busy that I don't have time to drink.

>>16655167
My current girlfriend who I am finally seeing irl after months has suddenly decided to curl up, not talk, get moody, and sulk because "some of her expectations weren't met for the trip". She still won't tell me what that means. And we only have a week together. God, what a dumb bitch. Fuck it. Ima drink beer and play vidya. She needs to understand that her actions have consequences, lmao

Women really are like children. The only women worth being with are those who have gone through great personal struggle and hardship and, yet, have somehow ended up stronger and kinder.

Every other woman, at some point or another, comes to infantilize herself given enough pain and will break.

>>16655167

is it weird to date someone that you dont admire? she's sweet but rather uninspiring. no real ambition or desire to do anything really fun

>>16655167

There is a stanza that I say constantly over to myself. It is my own invention. I love it:

BREJEMEBEGO!
kejemekego
and I cannot do a Do, because I cannot be a Lego
A Lego, A Lego, A Lego Aleppo A Lego
And I cannot be a KEKO, for I cannot be a KEGO.

>>16655280
Shes sounds like a child. But you sound like a child too.

>>16655281
You're the one Nature intended to lead and be ambitious

>>16655294
How can I deal with things in an adult manner?

>>16655298
What do you mean by that?

>>16655300
Listen to Bill Burrs relationship advice.

>>16655302
Just that ambition and taking the lead or being inspirational are masculine characteristics, not feminine

>>16655311
So then what qualities am I to look for in a good woman?

Finished “Atomised” and I find it incredibly sorrowful. Actually motivated me try to working so as to accomplish something and cherish the people around me instead of wasting my energy on negative things.

>>16655167
Think I've lost my gym bro lads. He's one of my only mates I have left, and I'm pretty sure he's the one I've known the longest, started going to the gym with him at the start of September, he'd never set foot in a gym before so I had to teach him everything which was alright, everything seemed to be going good, he said he was loving it, then yesterday he messages me saying he's not enjoying it anymore, I was like why, and he's just kept saying he doesn't enjoy it. I started asking if it's summat to do with me, if I've been to hard on him in training, although I've really not, and he's not replied to me since. Feels bad lads, and now I've got to find a way to get to the gym on my own since I can't get a lift off him anymore.

I have managed however, to finish my first book in fucking ages, the first I've managed in over a month, I've been in a really bad slump recently, don't know why. Anyways, it was Borowski's This Way for the Gas, Ladies and Gentlemen. Feel like an absolute fool and the biggest fraud going for not reading it in Polish even though I fucking can, but it was a gift from someone else and I didn't want to be a cunt. Still pretty good, nice little short story collection about life in the concentration camps and that, pretty dismal although that should probably be expected, and hopefully I'll one day redeem myself and read the stories in their original language. I'm gonna shoot off now because I've got to try and find a route that doesn't put me on the fucking motorway, so that I can start cycling to the gym, because then it's still only like a 15 minute ride, which is a nice little warm-up anyways. Also need to try and get a job bandly, but that for tomorrow. Think I'll watch some 1950s Wajda to make up for my sins to the Polish nation.

>>16655347
What's your relationship to Polish and Poland?

>>16655360
I am Polish

>>16655167
Anyone else find it a little difficult to see Siegfried as a believable character? And I most certainly can't see him as an accurate image of youth as Nietzsche did when he called him:

>The marvellously accurate archetypal youth

>>16655365
Polish-origin American?

>>16655280
>The only women worth being with are those who have gone through great personal struggle and hardship and, yet, have somehow ended up stronger and kinder.
I met such a women a few years ago...she fell while climbing I think and broke her back. Doctors told her she probably wouldn't walk again but she fought hard and made it.
She was an impressive woman, tall and good-looking. There was a great chemistry between us, should have asked for her number.

25 and haven't had a job in 3 and a half years.
Just fuck my shit up, senpai.

>>16655167
I posted this in the last thread, but, a while ago I was drinking a lot and in one of these threads there were a couple really supportive anons.

I just wanted to say I'm doing a lot better now. Thanks guys; you're good people.

>>16655409
What have you been doing in that time, anon?

If we decided to live like Benjamin Franklin humanity just may be redeemed.

>>16655315
big titty

>>16655409

28 years old here not had a job in ten years. Arguably in some sense I've done great damage to my prospective future but have you seen the state of the world? I'm thinking learning a trade might be the best option if at least to have a skill to point to that is applicable regardless of the world at large.

>>16655447
wrote a lot, read a lot, had a relationship end, developed a drinking problem, then underwent treatment for said drinking problem. now i'm about a month sober... and now I'm at the point where I need to make a plan to get me out of this NEETdom, and live an actual exciting life. I need to learn to code or something, but a simple retail job would suffice at the moment.

>>16655389
Nie, Polak z Polski

>>16655167
I think I love her. I've never met someone I've connected with so fast before. She's perfect. She emits this aura of radiance, like she is the sun itself.

I think there is complete truth to the idea of a "soul mate". No one can deny it. It is irrefutable. Her smile has infected my soul, what else could it be?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6K48eY5Zs3o

>>16655844

I met mine and let her go due to deficiency in my own character at the time. Hold on tight to something that precious anon it's a beautiful thing.

>be
>up and at em
>something in the stratosphere catches my eye
>call it in
>archangel tells me to get a closer look
>cut a wide semicircle back
>pulling way too many G's
>apparition remains the same size no matter how close I get
>can't go any faster
>notify archangel that I'm stepping off
>tells me to shut the fuck down anyway
>suggest to my copilot that this might be a dream
>he says:
"I know for sure you aren't dreaming because I'm wide awake!"
>apparition disappears


>be me
>cruisin the vista
>keeping my panel clear in case i run into trouble
>sure enough i get a ping
>setup.exe
>pull up and offer my assistance
>guy says he's only playing for fun
>tell him its against the law to fly that low
>gives me the international sign for "who cares"
>equip my panel
>drop the first executable i find into his console
>its fucking LOUD
>archangel asks me what just happened
>tell him there's one less mouth to feed
>puts me in disciplinary suspension
>mfw
>be on the lookout
>flesh and blood
>forbidden fruit
>give up the ghost
>customizing my panel
>going the extra mile
>the ends of the earth
>the fat of the land
>stack overflow
>can't seem to get my code to run
>many are called but few are chosen
>tell archangel i've dying for some action
>tells me patience is a virtue
>be outside
>rolling in the deep
>searching for one ups
>find one but its obscured by clouds
>request backup
>archangel tells me it'll be a wait
>decide to try for it on my own
>pull the grip loose
>drive it home
>reach for the stars
>one up is too high, can't get to it
>activate map editor
>disable the area between me and my baby
>hits my panel nice and soft
>fruit of my loins
>archangel tells me support will be here any minute
>try to clear off before they show up
>can't because map editor takes forever to close
>have to share my one up with all of them
>be on time
>absolutely gunning
>never gone this fast before
>wrenching on her to keep up the speed
>hit the next level
>start splitting chroma
>gravity fades
>entropy starts pouring into my console
>desperately trying to steer my way back into the universe
>matter becoming energy
>need a hotfix
>set my clock to before i passed the membrane
>pulse the grip and take her down
>snap back to reality
>archangel asks me why the hell i went back in time, NOT impressed
"Just dippin my toes!"
>banned for three months

I will grow up just like my father. I swear it. I can say now that I feel love for him. I never really understood what it was like for him. You live in your head. I feel that he's here now, even though he's dead. I am so grateful. I've tried to make it work for my situation and enjoy what I had. I knew true love, and I knew passion and what the difference is. And I regret it sometimes. But if I had to do it all over again, that's what I want to do.

I feel every day like I'm a phony, that everything I have ever said is trite, and that nothing I ever think will ever be a truly original thought. Haven't I proven yet that there's nothing noteworthy inside of me? There's no universal truth about me which sets me apart from anyone else, only the same truth which runs through everyone -- little encasements made of world-stuff which lies to everyone in the same way, telling us what we are in essence is different from encasement to encasement. We believe the lie because we are built to. We are what's imprisoned, not the gaoler, little noumental slices of the furthest reduced, axiomatic unit of Real existence. I want to understand it, but I can't work with it intuitively enough. I'm just so tired of everything. Bone deep fatigue

I browse /cgl/ ita threads looking for tiny, prey looking men in lolita fashion. I then imagine beating them, killing them, and then leaving them in a dumpster.

>>16655794
Then why'd you read the English translation and feel bad for not reading the Polish version?

>>16655167
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I feel madly in love about two years ago with a woman I met travelling. Now we've been talking and she wants to meet, though we live on opposite sides of the globe.

This might sound ridiculous but I have become pretty firmly religious in that time. For me my wife would have to be the same religion as me. I have told her this. She is not religious afaik but we have talked a lot about God. And now she wants to meet. If all of this is a good thing then it is extremel good, but I worry that I will not be able to say no, even if she does not find faith. This would go against my religion. But if it's good it is extremely good. So there's a lot going on, and I basically need to decide on how to respond. I have meekly marked as unread to give me time

>>16656145
Come on lad, can we not read or something
>it was a gift from someone else and I didn't want to be a cunt
I suppose at least now I know I like Borowski's stuff so I'm maybe more likely to re-read him in the original than I was to pick him out to read on my own.

>>16656145
This chick puked on my dick today. I think I should dump her already

>>16655167
Ah yes, the /soc/ thread.

>>16655281
buy a gaming pc bro you're fucking retarded

>>16656385
>my religion my religion
You've been cucked by a bunch of old men in robes

>>16656385
you know what? my last message to her was a really, really long message about why I believe in God and what God means to me, and then she says nothing for many days, and then she says she wants to meet. I think things are good, God is not this devious that he would trick me in this. So I wrote her and said "yes, but there is corona, so what shall we do." May God bless our meeting.

>>16656431
Haha mate, it's totally fine. You ofc can read and enjoy whatever you'd like.

I was just wondering why the anguish over not reading the og Polish cuz your initial post made me think there was some guilt or anguish or something like that

>>16656451
not him but you will die sad and alone if you put barriers up like this

ie

>>16656461
Well yeh there's definitely some guilt there, is like I've got one of the best Polish short story writers out there, and I'm reading some dusty old American womans translation where all the places are spelt wrong and everyone is on a soccer field playing soccer. Just makes me feel like a little bit of a fat fuckin fraud, but anyways I'm sort of over this betrayal of mine now. I think I'll read an actual book in Polish next to try and absolve my sins, maybe finally read some Sienkiewicz, I've got a really nice looking copy of Krzyżacy that's been just sat in my room gathering dust and getting a tan in my windowsill for far too long now.

A girl I'm talking to for the past couple days constantly leaves me on read for hours if not days. She always apologizes afterwards, saying how she is sorry for being unreliable and she just had stressful days, which makes me believe she still gives a fuck, but it's driving me fucking crazy. She got me checking my messages every 30 minutes, thinking to myself "Man, what takes you so long" or "Reply please", pathetic shit like that. I'll keep this up maybe a day or two more but if it doesn't change I need to cut her off, for mental healths sake.

I wonder what it was like living in the Soviet Union.

>>16656898
Well have you asked her whats stressing her out? Maybe she needs you to make a bold sorta move and try helping her alleviate the stress somehow, either talking or taking her out for something fun or taking her mind off it somehow? Girls kinda need a push sometimes, especially modern ones, lot of em are kinda childish in that sense, they'll reach out without really reaching out, kinda halfass it and "resist" or hesitate a bit when you do respond

>>16656931
My dad did, on the outskirts of Moscow. Poor bastard had to carry potato sacks for a local farmer after school when he was a kid, so that he would be given some to eat. He said anybody who actually promotes communism never lived under it.

Do you ever have those depressive episodes where your eyes just *feel* heavy?

Barefoot civilisations: Egyptians, Greeks, South Americans (soul)

Shod civilisations: Romans, Anglos, Germans (soleless)

>>16656939
Well I know for a fact, she is a depressed NEET, since we both met on a forum or people like that. But fucking hell, I work full time and still manage to check my messages, even during work hours. It makes me happy when I get a new one and I reply right away, but checking your profile every 30 minutes and seeing no message for hours, if not days is soul crushing for someone like me. What am I supposed to say? "Please respond" is so pathetic and corny. I already try to cheer her up. We wanted to play video games together and discussed what we were in the mood for, what interested us etc. but my patience is growing thin. I have been trying for 6 days to make it happen. She reads my message, doesn't respond for a day or two which signals disinterest, then replies how sorry she is and hopes she didn't make me sad and talk extensively "Okay, let's do X and Y and Z!" and then just disappears again. I want to play video games with her, not fucking mind games.

I wish our apartment was just a tiny bit bigger, so I can create a reading/writing corner for myself. Just some place for bookshelves, an old-fashioned desk to spread my papers on and a bit of free floor to throw some of those big cushions on it.

>>16655280
hi anon, i'm a girl so i can provide you insight
she's probably upset that you didn't go out to dinner enough or you didn't have enough sex or you weren't as charming or whatever
if she really likes you she'll get over it


also i'm not really a girl i'm just a femboy but same thing right? all my friends are girls and everyone i date bullies me for being "female brained"

>>16657181
you had me in the first half not gonna lie

>>16657181
Shut the fuck up, tranny.

As life proceeds with all its vicious and interminable setbacks, and problems pile up like dead leaves in the fall, and losses compound and never grow smaller with time, more and more the only feeling I have for the world is rage. Dreams degenerate into hopes and then into vague notions before withering and dying completely. Love, so invigorating in its early phases, turns bitter and cold without fail, and fate rips it away and then taunts you with it. Your memories become a world you’d rather live in than reality, because they encompass the times when your knowledge of suffering was less complete than it is now. No good will given will ever come back to you. No good thing in your grasp will remain there. Whatever joy you feel is a fleeting intoxication before withdrawal. The only thing promised to anyone is misery.

>>16655167
Lots of anons talking about their relationships today. That's nice.
I fell in love with someone too. We're quite different when it comes to our backgrounds and our personalities, yet there's a genuine, deep mutual care and investment between us which makes me hope that maybe this will work out after all. Poor girl has a ton of issues currently, some acknowledged, others not yet, but i really believe in the goodness within her, and all i want is to help her come to terms with it and make a true breakthrough towards the light. It would be such a massive shame to see her waste her life so pointlessly. It's all up to whether or not she wants to make a change.
Good luck everyone.

>>16655167
Every harvest, successful or not, was an excuse for father's indulgence in liquor. From the barn – my bedroom of choice on that and many other nights – one could hear laughter, soon followed by shouting and commotion as glasses became empty. What was I to do? It's not like I could stop it. As a malnourished youth aged 10, whose scrawny frame was that of a child seemingly two years younger, it felt pointless to intervene. It wasn't fear of death that stiffened me, but an overwhelming sense of powerlessness as the racket of knuckles bashing against walls turned into pounding of flesh. As I laid over a makeshift straw bed, deafening quietness finally ensued, allowing for a dreamless sleep.
The rooster's call announced first light on that creepily calm dawn. Father wasn't out to wake me as he usually did by slamming the barn door, rattling the chains that I wounded around the handles in an attempt to avoid his drunken presence. Oftentimes he would have to bash it open to wake me from a stupor, whenever I looted his stash a night prior craving abashedly for approval and serene slumber. After getting up and dressed, I loosened the chains, opening the barn door and letting in a gust of morning wind and the first embers of sunlight. As I walked down the beaten path and felt cold earth beneath my feet, I saw that both the porch and kitchen lights were on, yet the animals still weren't tended to. In my approach towards the house, when all I could hear was the wooden porch creaking from my light first step, I realized that it has never been this quiet, holding my breath in response. It seemed like it took aeons between that first step and pushing open the agape front door. A scent of rusted iron filled my nostrils, and two figures were made clear: mother, limp on the ground beside the dining table, laying in a mixture of dried dark and fresh scarlet blood; and father, sitting on his rocking chair, empty bottle in hand, his resolute eyes piercing through mine.
Father still drew breath, but his desolate stance indicated that he was in even worse shape than Mother – who at least seemed serene under sweet oblivion. His bloodied hands shook, and the thudding of his wedding ring against the hollow liquor bottle resonated across our kitchen. Still struck by his gaze, comprised of guilt, wrath and shame, shadowed only by a quivering, drooling mouth, I heard a faint utter – "Look at what you did. Look at her." – as he pointed at her lifeless shape still grasping his empty medicine, as if it was an extension of his limb. "You're not mine. She knew that would anger me. I struck her too hard". Breaking contact as his eyes watered while clutching the chair arm, he cried – "But when her knees shook I could only think of you. ".

Like a cub whose mother never taught how to avert danger, I remained motionless when he lunged towards me.

I don't see why people can't vote online and have to stand in lines for 4 hours. Perhaps there is some kind of ritual and symbolic importance. Or there are fears that voting programs could be hacked but all forms of voting are potentially exploitable.

The implementation would not be so difficult either. Issue a one time use token to every American of voting age by mail. And require the same self-identification standards that are needed for mail in voting. And there would be no issue counting the votes. The security and integrity of the database could be independently verified by both governmental and 3rd party sources.

One argument I've heard against it is vote selling. People who don't want to vote can sell it, probably for a good price. But that is preempted if you have two factor authentication and need you SSN or something. You can't give that away too.

>>16657749
I know this is going to make me sound like a "social justice warrior," but voting in the US is made to be difficult on purpose. The US bills itself as the greatest democracy in the world but makes you jump through more hoops than many other developed democracies just to participate. A lot of these issues are rooted in really, really old legal documentation that was written as a way to keep minorities from voting after it was made federally legal to allow them to vote, but obviously that's not the only root cause of these challenges.

>>16657749
I'm gonna keep nerding out about this a bit more.
I suppose another issue is that voting is supposed to be absolutely private and anonymize, and so tying personally identifying information to the online voting validation process would destroy that. But there are methods of data obfuscation, such as irreversible one-way cryptographic hashes, that could leave no such fingerprints. And the government could open source the code so that how it works is completely transparent. There are also ways to freeze data objects, so they are strictly read only and any attempt to modify or doctor them would be rejected.

>>16657749
https://youtu.be/LkH2r-sNjQs
Good video on the subject. Like many of these sorts of things, there are so many implicit problems that aren't terribly obvious unless you've got a lot of background knowledge.

>>16657859
It's true. Voter disenfranchisement is a documented fact. I heard somewhere one of the main reasons young people don't vote is because it's not simple to do so. For instance, the government could easily automatically register people to vote.

>According to one explanation, old restrictions on voting were seen by some as undemocratic, but the growing population and expanding suffrage meant that it was no longer possible for polling officials to just recognize the voters by sight. And early voter registration got the legal O.K. in Massachusetts too, in the 1832 case of Capen v. Foster, after a man who was qualified to vote turned up to cast his ballot and was denied the right because his name was not on the list of voters that, according to an 1821 Boston law, the city had drawn up. The court ruled that the existence of a voter registration system did not interfere with the right to vote, as long as the voter was given the appropriate opportunity to make sure he was registered.

>From the start, the question about voter registration that endures to this day was immediately an issue: Were these laws designed to cut down on fraud, or was the idea to keep certain types of people from voting?

https://time.com/4502154/voter-registration-history/

>>16656981
Wtf im a depressed neet, what forum bruh

>>16657896
But lot the current voting system requires background knowlege too. For all I know the votes all go to one big room where middle aged women count them all day. Nobody knows what happens to their vote once they drop it into the box other than the organizers of the voting process.

Either way you have to trust in others to do the right thing with your votes, whether it is mailmen and "election workers" or software engineers and cryptographers.

I live in a slavic village Gogol would adore. We have quite few older people on the brink of death and who are embracing lunacy to the fullest.

Today I heared that an older gentleman came out of his house with an open shirt, butt naked his genital hanging. He started talking to a women who was just passing by about the weather.

2 doctors at an office I'm applying to want to talk to me. I already interviewed with the office manager. Not knowing what they're going to ask me is making me nervous. Its just to be an office assistant so I don't know what they have in mind or how much is riding on it.

>>16657920
There's a term for this. It's when you use a technologically outdated method for the precise reason to avoid all the complications that come with a more high tech solution.

Japanese business firms often still use fax machines to transmit sensitive documents. Despite there being much more convenient options, doing so is smart for security reasons. Fax machines transmit over the telephone lines using audio frequencies. As such it can't be hacked because it is closed off from the internet and there are no turing complete computers involved in the transmission (meaning you can't do anything fancy) It is useful because it is so limited.

I am miserable as fuck

>>16658100
thou need more aeshtetics in thou lyfe

>>16658111
what do you mean? I am diagnosed with psychosis and (Pure) OCD, no one wants to touch me with a ten foot pole, and I am a fucking shut in who cant socialise for shit without becoming deluded, and thus perceptually dangerous. All I am fucking good at is writing and reading.

>>16655167
[...]
I don't remember what he had said verbatim. Even then, in that colourless void, the words the figure had uttered from his mouthless self and into my mind were hard to exactly grasp. But I knew, and still know, what he had wanted to say.
>Power and greatness
He had 'said'.
>I see ambition and desire within you, as you also show great promise and intelligence.
>I can offer you lordship over Man and as much power you desire and more.
>You would be a sire over those who are beneath you, in their ignorant existence.
>I will do this, for you.
I had 'heard' his 'words' with two distinct voices. One was as sweet as honey and smooth as silk. Anyone might willingly risk themselves getting entranced in it. Another resonated with growls and roars. It was the sound of lightning and of beasts; assertion and dominance. Both tones were somehow 'said' in harmonious synchronisation.
As I 'heard' his promises, I knew that they held great meaning and importance. My current state amd placing, a mere soul shining nowhere, only confirmed my thoyghts. I suspected, even then that nothing is offered without a secondary intention or a price. Those gifts were grand, and so and exchange of equal value or near it would have been demanded.
>What do I have to offer in return, for nothing is given freely.
I had asked. His next reply shook my very essence.
>Fidelity. In return, I desire your loyalty. Loyalty to me and to my lord.
[Submission] is what he truly meant. And then, the very nature of the creature was finally realised.
He was a demon.
Then, I also understood the danger I was in. I was not protected by shackles of my mortal self; my own body. I was a soul adrift. An easy prey to dark things, if I was not careful.
I looked at the demon and responded with conviction:
>I refuse you...demon.
>I deny you.
>I defy you, creature!
Those simple words had come me, inspired by book, Horus Rising, on its first chapter. Words shouted with all my will.
He roared, and as he did, I felt pain.
The only reason I was not consumed by the pain and my own fear was thanks to my defiance. Stubbornness was in my nation, as was in my family, and so I would use it as armour, as a shield, as a sword. But it was not enough. Not enough to push back and the monster, but at least had kept him barely at bay.
I felt like an eternity...
Then suddenly-

I awoke.

[...]

(this was a dream I had, back in early February. There's more, but I don't want to write)

I used to write a-lot, would get my work into "small" outlets, but it made me happy and hopeful for the future. I then had a traumatic experience, and now all of my creativity is gone, I am a former shell of myself, there are no "I think's" it is "I know". Life doesn't feel worth living, writing was the only way I could live, now whatever magic was there, is gone.

>>16655287
Very important, but the time for this stanza in not here yet

Everything I write is in extremely short fragments

>>16655281
If you feel like she isn't giving enough back to the relationship, then tell her. If to you, being an equal in the search for success and action is an important aspect, then its an important aspect. Don't try and hide it.
If she doesn't change then you have to come to a decision about whether you can tolerate that for the rest of your life.

>>16656089
Realize that for a lot of people they never reach that point of self-awareness. That they live their lives in a state of never being able to realize they're idiots too.
From here you're left with raw materials for you to shape as you want.

>>16655294
this

>>16658145
To add to this, I am a coward; I have always been a coward.

Can any of Kierkegaard works be read with understanding without a rigorous background in western philosophy? I wanna to buy it for my mom who knows the Bible pretty well and know some philosophical concepts like Plato's cave but the knowledge about the latter is not systematically rigorous.

>>16655167
I just had the most mind numbingly infuriating argument about Existence and how it isn't a predicate and I'm irritated. He kept saying it was a predicate and claiming otherwise was illogical and he posted a truth table that didn't prove anything, it was really annoying. He kept claiming Existence added information to an object even though having any properties already implies existence. He didn't seem to understand that. Anyways it was really annoying.

Everyone who uses 'decimated' to sound cool when they mean 'destroyed' or 'annihilated' really need to be flogged.

>>16659003
This but with "abyss".

>>16659009
I'm going to abyss you because you're decimating my annihilation.

>>16655280
>who I finally met irl

Bro she was your current girlfriend starting on that day

>>16655167
God I want to climb into a hole and get stretched like spaghetti

Leave me alone and stop stalking me already you dumb beetch

>>16655287
very nice

The new self-serve ads are a delight. We need more ways to unleash the profound creativity of this wonderful community

>>16655280
You sound like a petulant child.

>>16655167
A lot of people unhappy tonight because justice Amy Coney Barrett got confirmed.

>>16655302
means you're a closeted homosexual projecting your masculine desire for greatness onto the fairer sex when such qualities are not (and should not) be found in women.

>>16657686
You again? Like I told you last thread, you are not Cormac McCarthy so stop trying to emulate his writing style. Either develop your own or do it right, for Christ's sake.

>>16655378
>Anyone else find it a little difficult to see Siegfried as a believable character?
That's because you were born in the modern era and your reference to youth is through irony and apathy.

>>16657937
What a chadski

>>16659003
What about 'we were decimated, but they were annihilated' when referring to a decisive but not flawless victory

>>16659635
Mine has 0 impressions. What do I need to bid?

>>16659827
i think he's referring to the specific 10% losses meaning

>>16659681
I don't think there's anything particularly wrong for him to emulate somebody else's style if he wanted to. I think it's putting too much on someone to come up with a new writing style that differs from billions of other up-and-coming writers, which would discourage them, I think.

>>16659890
My issue with it is the fact that he wasn't doing it properly.

My glasses lens rotated in the frame and now I can't tell if I have rotated it back to its original orientation or if it's slightly askew and messing with my eyes because whenever I take them off after wearing them for a long while pic related happens

When I was younger, I didn't understand that "escapism" was a thing. I just liked fantasy books and shit.

Now that I'm older, sometimes I feel like its all I have.

>>16655328
That's a great 'moral' to get out of the story!

Why do I like the ppcocaine ddlg song

Why? Why

None of her other shit is good. She's a mutant. I hate degeneracy. Why do I like it

I am out of alcohol which makes me scowl
From my jowl to my brow
Rather than to prowl the night streets in search for it now i'll
rather howl in objection to a fate so foul

I often have acute feelings of horror when I'm pulled into the awareness for a split second of my utmost inability to judge for others. At once the the veil of those whom I'm surrounded by is punctured by a glance or an expression or a word and I'm drawn into the functional world of resources and allocation. This may all be nonsense but it quite real to me.

Completely got over women recently. Finally realized, after 3 relationships, one of which was 3 years long, that women just hold men down. I've never seen a man happier with a woman than he would be with his boys.

That being said, I also texted a cute boy. Not sure if I'm entirely gay or not, but I was entranced. Even if I am, I don't care, but I just don't know.

I WASTED FORTY MINUTES COOMING AND CAREFULLY AND LOVINGLY CRAFTING A SCENARIO IN MY BRAIN TO COOM TO

WHY CAN’T I STOP COOMING BROS

>>16660698
you're gay

>>16655167
If Lovecraft's cat is Niggerman, that makes Lovecraft Crackercat.

I have always viewed expansive plains as Aryan areas for play, and for adventure, rather than as Turanyan areas for pasture.

>>16655167
there's not enough internet for that

>>16660872
very good

>>16659686
But I can't think of a traditional story of youth as ridiculous as in Wagner's Siegfried. Hercules was a much more complex character yet a fool.

Why did I wait so long to get a drivers license
I could have done it 5 years ago
Am I retarded?

I am trading messages with this bi couple that want to suck me off.
I am not into men, but I guess if he is feminine enough I don't really care. The girl is kinda cute thought.

I have this fear of getting some std or something, on the other hand I want to experience a couple kissing each other with my dick in the middle.

Should I go? Lately I have become more aware of my monkey desires, and I think if I fail to control it I will spiral down a hole that I won't be able to get out.

>>16661179
Stop being a degenerate faggot

>>16661179
I think there's a great risk you will walk out of it feeling weird, since you won't be there as equal, but in function of a toy for the couple.

>>16658606
You could buy her:
Edifying Discourses in Diverse Spirits

I would not get her fear and trembling or philosophically heavier writing.

I want a bf like patrick bateman. I used to know a guy that basically stole his personality from bateman and I miss his dearly. I think of him often. And yes, I want my bf to kill me.

>>16661223
It shouldn't be that difficult to find that. I'm a pretty normal dude and I regularly threatened to beat and kill my ex girlfriend during the relationship.

You can read about many things in books - and some of them may still be useful to you (I am thinking of philosophy and religion); but all this book knowledge, as beautiful and useful as it is to you - what does it count against the man who kinly puts his hand on your shoulder, shoots his glance at the obstacle (not to say the enemy) and says to you: "Courage, my friend."

>>16661371
>what does it count against the man who kinly puts his hand on your shoulder, shoots his glance at the obstacle (not to say the enemy) and says to you: "Courage, my friend."

>>16661461

living at college as a recluse is like sleeping in a minefield
I can enter a communal room in which I have slept with 3 girls present and I'm not sure if they know about the others or not. There are many rumors about me but I am too isolated to know exactly what they are. The fat girls are the worst and cruelest gossips, I don't even talk to them and they probably talk more about my life than I do. Den of snakes

I'm 19 years old.

I am handsome, smart, athletic and virile.

I have a novel that is in it's final editing stage, and a creative writing professor at my college has read the first draft and thinks it's saleable.

I have a girlfriend who is confident, articulate, playful and spontaneous.

I have a small group of interesting friends from different social and academic backgrounds, and I also have many other acquaintances who see me as a reliable source of humour and good company.

Both my parents are alive and in good health.

I have no regrets.

I have already experienced three existential crises, the latter of which was described as having the depth and profundity of a man twice my age.

I am a passionate lover, a sharp thinker, and a trader of witty repartee.

I am not self-pitying, meek or needlessly humble.

I will live a good life at your expense.

I need to be up in 6 hours and still haven't gone to bed. Why, oh why won't I just go to bed?

Smoking alone and pissing in the breeze are the two greatest pleasures of an idle life.

Need more narcissistic asshole protagonists book recommendations.

>>16661718
salvador dali - confessions
knut hamsun - mysteries, pan
egon schiele - aphorisms

give me suggestions of questions you should definitely have asked a woman before considering marrying them

https://voca.ro/1o1PKn42gkui

>>16661744
>Do you want children?
Is the only I can think of, everything else that might make life together a wrong choice can be guessed from observing her behavior. It's why it is best to do a test run by living together for some time before sealing the deal.
Another thing I do have to mention is that you need to look at both her and yourself with rose-tinted glasses off. Humans are imperfect, sometimes you just have to learn to live with some things or live alone.

>>16655167
Sometimes I wonder if doing all this shit is worth it in the end.. I want to be useful to society but I also want to do what I love; it feels like there's no in between.

>>16661744
I would put them into a situation where they would have to be there for me emotionally; I hear horror stories of guys who cried and the girl would up and leave because the guy they were dating suddenly wasn't good enough to take care of himself.

>>16655167
i remembered that time i tried to imitate the writing style of hunter s. thompson for a few weeks
i want to die.
but not enough to open up the fiction i wrote at the time, which would leave me no option but to commit seppuku out of shame.

>>16661713
For me it's good health and mutual love.

The media is barely covering the massive BLM riots in Philly. I saw video on Twitter of a column of about 30 cops getting forced back and actually running away from a mob throwing rocks and debris at them. They can try not reporting it, but the voters in Pennsylvania know what happened.

>>16662262
does a voter in pensylvania then come to the conclusion that Trump is the problem or the solution here

>>16662271
I guess it depends if you're the kind of person who thinks arson, looting, and general mayhem should be encouraged or discouraged. Trump is for law and order, Biden is for defunding the police. The beauty of our democracy is you get to decide which you prefer next week.

I want to study the humanities: literature or philosophy, foreign language or history, any of these would be fine. But I want an actual career afterward, even if I have to work a shit job for a while it's fine so long as it can become decent. My school's ranked around 100-150 in the US, and 400-500 globally. Surely it can't be impossible, yeah?

>report 8 off topic threads
>jannie cleans up 6/8 within 30 minutes

i feel very powerful

>>16655844
I've thought that before.
I messed it up.
I don't think I've gotten over it.

>>16656975
NO IT'S PRONOUNCED SOVL

>>16655167
in another thread two days ago, some anon urged me to write my short story. i started today and quickly realized that i'm a shit writer and this isn't fun at all. how to cope with this feel?

>>16662941
You make yourself some coffee or hot chocolate, put on your favorite music and go through what you've written to identify which parts bother you in particular and how you could make them better.
That's also part of being a writer.

Hey anon,have a nice day
Even if you've done bad things in the past or not achieved as much as you have wanted to or whatever,I like you.I hope you find love and hope and become the greatest person you can become.Even if you feel powerless,the power is within.
You're great,anon.

In the future you, you personally, will have to decide between a new religious fanaticism and a silicon valley astroturfed transhumanist (for the rich, mutated tranny slime cults for the poor) post-nationalist "rule of experts"

There is no in between, you will have to choose

>>16663263
why not both?

>>16663263
This man will control your mandatory chemical cocktail administration. You are not allowed to feel sad. The system knows better than you do, and he is the willing appendage of the system. How is he so sure? Because he's on the chems too.

The stalinist apparatchiks of the future will be twitter trannies chemically lobotomizing children to tailor them into perfect slaves, while the rich live in babylonian hedonism enclaves.

>>16659036
He said "finally seeing irl after months," implying they already knew each other in person and had been doing things long distance

>>16663142
thanks
(´;ω;｀)

I'm not sure how Americans think they're going to leave their country if Trump wins again when you can't leave your country due to your absolutely abysmal responce to COVID? Really must not be a good time to be an American.

No sympathy. Burgers deserve it.

Feeling like absolute garbage to be honest. I'm 20 and I spent most of my teenage years deeply addicted to pornography, sexting, videogames and later drugs and alcohol. About a year or so ago I woke up and realized I had a big problem. My social anxiety was so bad that I dropped out of school at age 18 and since then I'd become a socially anxious shut-in and I'd go days without saying a word all the while battling against my addictions and against my own mind. Fast forward a year and I'm still trying my hardest to stay sober but the withdrawal is unbearable, there are days I don't leave my bed. My entire body hurts, my dick feels like it's gonna fall off and I can't even read or focus on anything. I constantly feel like I'm about to cry. I swear to God guys, don't get involved in pornography, it will fuck you up more than drugs. It could take up to a year before I feel normal again and quite frankly I don't see much light at the end of this, the past few days I've seriously considered killing myself. Also going through a bit of a religious crisis and getting into Kierkegaard.

I'm debating if I should put more money into Chinese stocks before the election. Now that it's been revealed that the Biden family has deep links to Chinese oligarchs and a CCP security chief, it could be really beneficial to take a large position in the Chinese economy.

>>16663675
If you haven’t already been investing in China then you’re clueless. China is the new world power, and it is far more capable than the US.

>>16663687

The Chinese government is far more capable than the American one, but I’m the American people are leagues ahead of the Chinese in every imaginable way.

>>16663687
Oh, I already have some, but I'm debating if it's worth going all in. The Chinese play to use their control of the WHO to force economy destroying lockdowns on Europe and United States was absolutely brilliant Machiavellianism. And of course having the presumed president elect already in the bag just shows they are going for total domination. I think the problem with Chinese stocks is so many that are easily available to western investors are state owned enterprises which usually are designed to achieve development goals rather than high profits or growth. Now more interest companies are opening up, and I've bought some, but with the Bidens in the White House China is taking it to the next level. China is even making strong moves to pry away Israel from the United States! The fact that Pompeo had to go to Israel and try to persuade them to not let a Chinese company acquire control of their ports blew my mind. The United States is toast!

Why was my post about burgers not being able to leave their country deleted? It was on my mind.

>>16663760
Try to keep political shit out of here please

>>16663760
Repost please.
currently on my mind: FUCK JANNIES, FUCK MODS AND FUCK NIGGERS

>>16663907
Rude.

>feeling horny
>look at porn
>suddenly feel empty and melancholic
>lose boner
>don't feel like fapping anymore
Welp.

>>16656385
>>16656456
Godspeed frend, also remember these things take work and obsticles such as these are there to test us.

Snooping through political themed online communities is a little demoralizing. It doesn't matter on which part of the political specturm they reside, one side is accusing the other of the exact same thing they tehmselves guilty of. For example, being an echo chamber, close-minded, that they see the truth and the other party don't etc. That's hardly a critique when it applies to all sides.

Politics is a cheering contest running under the disguse of fighting for the "right things" or our "future" or whatever abstract concept one can come up with. There's a theory about how public discourse transformed and politicians ended up becoming just actros. It's not that they're simple actors and someone is pulling the strings in the background. They're actors and whatever is happening is right there for you to see.

>>16664084
Politics is mental quicksand. The amount of effort people into it has absolutely no relationship to what actually happens with regard to it. And the people that do affect what happens are not reading this post that I'm making.

>>16663142
thank you, that's very sweet of you

>>16664093
the paradoxical thing is, I actually enjoy reading political theory, after reading a few pages of Leviathan I immediately put it on my backlog, some other authors were nothing less than exceptional, but what's happening in the real world is headache-inducing

>>16663892
Everything is political. The only problem people have with things is when it's politically what they dislike.

>>16656975
Why southamericans?

I realized i have a legitimate phobia of doing homework. I've realized the trauma that started it, and the subsequent traumas that enforced it, and I've never realized it until just now at 19, when its been affecting me ever since 7th grade. It really sucks that I'm just getting a grasp of what it is thats affecting me because im on the edge of failing 2 of my 4 college classes just because I've been avoid my schoolwork so much, and it being easy to because of online classes. I'm confident I'll be fine even if I fail college I can get a webdev job whenever I need to but I really don't want to disappoint my father, which may be bound to happen.

>>16664140
the problem arises when people try to solve things with politics that can't be solved using such means,

then you'll end up listening to people ramble about sjw's, sexuality, trannies and nannies or whatever pronoun they can come up with because they're bored to death in their life from living in the most secure place and timeline imaginable, and at fault are the people who say that everything is political while they're unable to form a coherent sentence after that,

there are definitions of freedom that are completely apolitical, you can try to discover them or you can be stuck with negative and positive freedom until you're six feet under

>>16664084
My political stance is just to be a thinking person. That's it. The far left is just as irrational and unhinged as the far right, and moderates are effete weaklings with no plan and no force. I would never surrender my agency to the despicable farce that is current politics.

>>16664220
I'm just talking about burgers wanting to leave the USA due to Trump winning (maybe) but being stuck in the USA because of their handling of COVID.

>>16663432
Our generation is super unlucky, being given such easy access to pornography and no information on what it could do to us besides scaremongering that no smart person would regard seriously. When my kids get to puberty im giving them a full debriefing on the dangers of pornography

>>16664067
for sure. there seems to me to be many practical reasons speaking against it. when we met she said some things that I thought were so beautiful that the words passed through my head "I can marry this woman". Now, more than a year later, she contacted me. She is older, 33, and my finances aren't that good. If we are going to have children then the preassure is very much on I fear, and I'm not sure I can support a family. On the other hand, I am not sure I will ever be able to support a family, and if I am not going to have children I think maybe I would still like to have her for company. But one thing at a time, she has not responded, I don't know what is happening or could happen.

>>16664245
>When my kids get to puberty im giving them a full debriefing on the dangers of pornography
what will you tell them? sincerely asking because it sound like a good idea but I haven't really articulated what i would want to say

>>16663432
Join us on Nofap november in 5 days on /fit/.

>>16662429
Take the Dilbertpill and focus on developing a talent stack. If your only talent is humanities knowledge, your career opportunities depend on how well you can convince a company they're going to get sued into oblivion if they don't make up some bullshit job for you like Associate Developer of Queer Product Delivery or Chief Latinx Operations Manager.

>>16664829
Not that guy but I'm participating this year too. I'm saving up a nut to bust my last one this month on the 30th or 31rst before NoNut November starts.

She smuggled in from outside the landmine that threatened to blow us apart, carelessly hiding it in our little room amongst her possessions, daring me to take a wrong step. Without a sound, its ruinous blast sent us each flying against opposite walls - the door already locked. I pray the one who locked us in will show us once again how to embrace, lest one of us find the key.

I've tried nofaping some times but in the end I always feel like I tense up and that it affects my sleep. so for the sake of my sleep I go back. not to porn though, been porn-free since february

I haven't been doing anything with any of my college classes for 2 weeks now. It doesn't do anything for me anyway. Id rather work full time like I had before, satisfy my hobbies and personal studies on my own, do and make things day by day, buy a better car, amoung many other things. I understand the value of college and what its supposed to be doing for students, Id rather place my efforts elsewhere at this time.

>>16664829
Of course, I'm already 17 days in. My goal is to never fap again desu.

NoFap is my natural state now, my drive is so low I usually go about 5-7 days between fapping if not more

>>16665187
holy moly, anon! you must have a big load stored up... i can imagine the volume would be unbearable if you edged for an hour or two.

>>16665252
(・_・;)

whenever I visit my mother we have nothing to talk about. I tense up because I think "this is my mom, how can this be so difficult, something must be wrong with us". I fall into it every time. I need to come up with a way for us to socialise other than just having tea or dinner or whatever, because it's not working. I can't think of any reason why things should be so cold between us. Sometimes I think maybe we didn't socialise so much when I was growing up, and now we don't share things the way parents and children should. We have no common interests. All she does is work and all she talks about is work. With my father it isn't like this at all. There have been unfortunate things between us, but I still really enjoy his company. I can think of no reason why it should be so difficult with mom. I think what I need to do is come up with some other way to socialise. Maybe some other way of thinking about socialising with her so I can get out of my head. But I have been thinking about that for years. I almost dread seeing her. I am terrified that she will figure out that I don't enjoy spending time with her. I suspect that she has begun to realize it lately. I just get the feeling she can tell that something's off. We need something else to do, but all she does is work, she works so hard she has no energy for anything else. I really don't know why, I think her finances are fine. I think she enjoys it. Maybe she works so much because she worries about me. I am a case to worry about. But I don't really think that's it. I have prayed, but I can not put the Lord to a test. He will remember those who remember Him, so I let Him know: I remember You. Something fundamental has to change. I await an answer.

>>16665187
>NoFap is my natural state now
>I usually go about 5-7 days between fapping
Kek

>>16665252
>>16665316
Your testosterone peaks and then drops like a rock after 7 days. Might as well fap if it's gonna drop anyways.

>>16665313
>I have prayed, but I can not put the Lord to a test. He will remember those who remember Him, so I let Him know: I remember You. Something fundamental has to change. I await an answer.
cringe

What books can teach me how to be a real narcissist

>>16661916
>I hear horror stories of guys who cried and the girl would up and leave because the guy they were dating suddenly wasn't good enough to take care of himself.

This isn't a problem if you're not a pussy and don't cry

>>16664154
I mean Aztecs Incas Mayans Olmecs

Being surrounded by unstable people is quite tiresome. I feel ready to leave them behind and hang out with someone with discipline. I'm now really seeing the value in discipline. It feels great to look back and see the progress I've made. 2 years ago I had nothing. No job, no social skills and debt. Now I've got a place to live and some friends. Even though they're kind of crazy people they're a step up from complete isolation.

>>16665863
oh no wahhh my friends aren't on the same level as me wahhh they're holding me back wahhhhhh i need to get up at 4am to suck my own dick wahhhhhh

get a grip, man... baka

>>16665874
I'm doing fine man, that's some nice projection tho

>>16665944
suck my dick, homo

>>16665964
Seek professional help

>https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/27/books/daniel-menaker-dead.html

wow the father of one of the chapo chud house guys died and he got a full obituary in the nytimes! yeah, cth are just slacker gamers like you! donate to their patreon today to help a fellow plebeian out!

>>16666066
>Robert Daniel Menaker was born on Sept. 17, 1941, in Manhattan to decidedly mixed lineage. His father, Robert Owen Menaker, who designed, sold and exported furniture to Mexico and South America, was the son of a Jewish immigrant from Russia whose rabbinical ancestry could supposedly be traced to King Solomon and who had been jailed in czarist Russia as a revolutionary. Mr. Menaker’s mother, Mary R. Grace, the chief copy editor at Fortune magazine, was said to be a descendant of William the Conqueror.

>A red-diaper baby, Mr. Menaker attended what he described as the “aptronymic” Little Red School House in Greenwich Village in the 1940s. His father was a Communist Party member who, on his travels to Mexico, spied on Leon Trotsky, the Bolshevik revolutionary exiled by Stalin. (Daniel Menaker described his own politics as “anarcho-syndicalist.”)

Yeah, totally proletarian!

I was a child

I had it all, I wanted nothing

Time went by, oh how it flew

I was happy, what else could I be?
What did I do to deserve this?
Well now I'm a man and time has passed again

Once more I have what I need but nothing more than that

So I pray for death as my reward and the end of this story
Is there no justice?

To flagellate or to flatulate, that is the question

>>16666210
>>16666320

The duality of man.

Wow, protestors in Philly are looting the Five Below store. For people who don't know what that is, it's like an inflation adjusted dollar store where everything is five bucks or less. Things must be bad in Philly.

>>16666919
Why are they protesting?

>>16666971
A crazy guy with a knife ran towards the cops and got shot to death. It was pretty brutal because his mom was there trying to calm him down, so she witnessed everything right in front of her. That said, the dude had ample chances to just put the knife down, or run away from the cops instead of towards them. Really he should have just been tased at the beginning before it escalated. He might have fell and hit his head on the pavement, but he'd be alive.

omg watching riot streams and videos is like the ultimate dopamine drip, you never know when the next crazy shit is going to happen

>>16666988
American cops really need better training for stuff like this and America really needs better mental health services.

>>16667395
Not that guy, but the problem is blacks have shit culture. "We need better mental health services" is one of buzzwords things that the busted-ass technocratic welfare state sells you and that does the rounds for a generation or two before being replaced by something even more nebulous and dystopian. It's like "put more money into education." Education would be fine if it weren't filled with psychotic retards who can't be punished or flunked or expelled because the system is perpetually lying to itself that all pupils are the same. It's similar to gun crime, or "overcrowded prisons," another meaningless buzzword phrase, where if you remove blacks (and Mexicans) from the equation, America suddenly has relatively normal issues by the standards of a modern western country.

When one group of people is disproportionately violent and nihilistic the solution should be cultural. Culture grows from consequences, which no longer exist, especially for blacks. We've been trained to have so little fucking faith in human beings and to view people as mysterious jiggling atoms to be manipulated by vague economic policies over huge spans of time.

If you just reintroduce actual consequences for failure, like say stop releasing violent irredeemable psycho criminals with IQs of 80 back into the population on parole after 12 years of "rehabilitation" so they can commit their third offense, the problem would sort itself out. Hold blacks accountable for their welfare benefits from the state. Punish exploitation of the system.

Instead liberals will just keep piling up more buzzwords while never mentioning the elephant in the room. It's like they are willing to impose a world government and tap the infinite power of the sun to create a dyson sphere and channel all its energy into raising black graduation rates by 1.4% but they aren't willing to even consider tentatively that feeding blacks another decade of demented nihilistic torture porn rap music might not be a good idea.

Whenever I write I really dislike going into the characters' specific thoughts such as:

"The carpet was gray. It reminded Thomas of the grayness of the sky on the morning of his first day of school at Wurstham Preparatory School"

It always feels awkward and overexplanatory to me, so I don't do it. I think that's part of the reason my friends have told me that my writing reminds them of a movie script (not necessarily in a bad way). Is it bad writing to not write out what the characters' thoughts are like this? Who are some writers that mostly focus on setting, description, and dialogue to communicate themes over stating them directly to the audience through the text?

>tried to start planning my sequel
>draw a complete fucking blank for three days
>finally come up with an idea
>realize it makes no sense because of the ending of the first book
>realize the ending doesn't make sense
>change the ending
>scramble to find a way to repurpose that ending
>accidentally turn it into a shitty romantic conflict
>realize that that doesn't make sense because of the new ending
>realize the new ending doesn't make sense
>change it again
>realize the old idea still doesn't work
>decide to clean up the setting's lore thinking it will lead to a plot
>realize that the cleaned up lore means the middle of my first book no longer makes sense
>decide to edit that
>now I need to change the ending a third time
>still don't have a plot for my sequel
>haven't been writing this whole time
>tfw i lost momentum

I need to read philosophy. I find no meaning in life.

>>16668160
sounds like you're gay or something

>>16655280
I hope the two of you stay together until death as both of you sound awful for lacking in communication skills and should keep each other out of the dating pool.

>>16661179
Take the leap, embrace without fear Man's status as the wildest beat to roam the Earth.

This covid situation has infiltrated my dreams last night. I dreamed I was riding in a tram, and halfway through the ride realized I didn't have my mask on. Funny, I wasn't afraid of the virus, but the idea of being caught and judged by people sent me into panic.

>>16668121
Study how Jane Austen incorporates thoughts.

>>16661538
>recluse
>enter a communal room in which I have slept with 3 girls present

???????????????

Am I in love, or is this just another manic episode?

>>16668846
Which pop punk band do you belong to?

>>16668849
Machine Gun Kelly and his Smelly Bellies

It's been months since I've talked to this girl because of covid but I'm going to call her when it's all done, I would hate to never see her again

>>16668754
even frankenstein got horny sometimes

>>16665313
What's her job?
Do you have siblings?

a guy called me "sippy sippy tipsy boy" because I was drinking scotch, what the fuck is wrong with zoomers

If men of few words are the best men, I feel like I deserve more recognition.

>>16669207
I think that's Zoomer speak for "I want to fuck you"

>>16669207
Underdeveloped brains. Just avoid eye contact.

>>16669226
>>16669230
I should probably mention that I'm younger than him

>>16669207
I sympathize. In all honesty though, I've found it's generally a bad idea to drink scotch in anything but exceedingly private settings, for many reasons.

>>16669207
That's pretty funny, did you get his number?

>>16669207
lmao sippy sippy tipsy boy you got rekt

>>16668162
I had a gay phase, yes.

>>16669359
Why?

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I thought I'd learn German, practice writing and fix my handwriting but I did nothing but waste my days. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to be happy.
I am afraid of dating, settling down and having children, though I half look forward to it. I am afraid I'll be a worse father than mine. I don't want to ruin another kid's childhood and personality like my father ruined mine.
Joy becomes more and more elusive as the days pass me by. I sit with folded hands, unable to do anything.

>>16669479
I'm at a decent level in Spanish and Japanese but getting better at them feels kinda boring. Whenever I start again, I just think, "This learning material is boring" and do something else. Eventually I want to get fluent at both, and learn German or French too, or Russian, but that path from decent skill-level to competent takes so long.

Anyways I can relate to being lost, I'm in the middle of switching degrees now and I don't even know what I'm switching to. Well, I've started feeling more decent after waking up earlier lately, so maybe try that.

>>16655167
never ponder on the mistakes of men. Embrace the melancholia of life and smile instead to the sun.

>>16655280
I had a friend who went through the same thing it turns out she was seeing someone else. She’ll probably ask you to remain friends for emotional support at some point

>>16655167
sleep insomnia for 1 month and a week.
3 hrs of sleep for 2 weeks then slep schefule is fucked and now 6am-3pm. Trying to do an all nighter for the third time to try and fix this fuck, last three have led me to staying up for 40 hours fixing nothing.

>>16669891
How old are you?

>>16669919
21 years old. I don’t know what the root cause of it is, didn’t leave the house for 30 days and no light and was probably what messed up my circadian rhythm.

Tried everything from chugging melatonin pills before bed, laying in bed with my eyes closed for 4 hours but my mind won’t shut off.

>>16669934
diet, sun, excercise
you are probably doing all of them wrong

>>16669520
I tried waking up earlier. I just waste the time.

I have autism so bare with me on this. Is the way Hunter Biden seems to fuck basically every woman he meets normal? The photos that keeping coming out shows that dude tapped everything in sight.

God, republicans are such fucking Jews. Why are they getting in the way of replacing lead pipes in their own communities. These "people" need to be gassed

>>16655476
based

>>16668146
I think I'm in the same boat. I don't feel so good about how the original work is creating some constraints in my creating a sequel for it. But I've already made my bed, so this is all on me

>>16669520
Did you learn both at once? I'm learning Japanese right now and want to do Spanish as well. I've heard mixed views on learning languages one at a time or multiple at once.

>>16669934
Stop seeing it as a problem. Not being able to sleep is one thing, but trying to try not to not sleep is worse. But making no effort against is you’ll peel back the first layer of insomnia. The next step is accepting the condition of your insomnia as a fact you can’t change, because any hope of getting better will only trap you back in the first pattern. Then, maybe, one day your insomnia will cease, but maybe not. But your attitude towards it will be better.

That guy who got shot in Philly had 8 kids. How does it feel to know a mentally ill criminal is vastly more successful at sexual reproduction that you will ever be?

>>16670416
I live in a blue state with a lot of lead pipes. It's mostly in cities that have been Democratic for generations. After the riots in the 60s destroyed all the property value, there just isn't enough tax revenue to make tearing up the whole city feasible. They are trying to at least replace the lead pipes in some public schools by sucking up to rich guys.

Girls only talk to me because some chemicals in their brain make them feel good. If I entertain them like a clown they like me more. If I go outside the small range of mundane subjects, they get bored (although they may pretend otherwise). All my gfs have been like this, so I can’t figure out if all females are the same or not

>>16655167
work from 7:30AM to 5:00PM

> bar/caffè closed after 5PM
> gym closed
> study rooms in public libraries closed
> theaters closed

At 32yo my life is just work (for money that i barely spend) and browsing 4chan from my mum basement. Btw reading/lifting at home is not the same as in a public library/gym.

Now that all my escape routes are cut It's hard to face the emptiness.

The world's just going to keep getting worse in my lifetime. I don't think I'm going to be able to cope with the prospect of 40-60 more years of abject misery and poverty and feeling like most people are utterly alien to me and wageslaving and fear of losing everything and people being cruel to each other totally unnecessarily and bad shit happening while people tell me it's a good thing actually and hypocrisy and lack of choice and pain and loathing and anger and bullshit for much longer. Fucking sick of it already. I've avoided gaining any new dependants which is good but somehow I've got to outlive my family. Easy in the case of my parents but not the others, but I can't leave them all alone. I don't want to hang on for that long but I don't want to hurt anybody close to me either. It's all too fucking hard. I don't understand how anybody can enjoy this shit. I don't remember the last time I was happy or if I ever have been. Do other people feel happy or is it all a 'cope'?

>>16668846
are you sleeping right?

Originally I bought a notebook to write my dreams, but I only wrote one so far.
I write poems, what I feel, short stories, anything I want to write. Payers, my messages to God. I usually write when I'm drunk and miserable, which is happening oddly often these last few months.

>>16655167
discord.gg/M2k4WbG

Online school has been destroying my reading time that I usually set out everyday, I haven't slept correctly in at least a month, and I really just want to have time to fucking free write again.

>>16670800
Nah I learned Spanish first then Japanese. It's not a good idea to learn two at once I think, you're better off getting to a point you're comfortable with in Japanese and then taking a break to learn some Spanish. On the bright side, you'll progress very quickly since Spanish is so much easier it's a completely different experience. So don't worry about it for now.

Choosing the languages I'd like to learn after these two is the hardest for me. German, French, Italian, Russian, Chinese, Latin, all have appealing things about them, but it's ridiculous to try and learn them all, so narrowing it down might be hard.

I'm caught in a dilemma. A superfluous one but one nonetheless.
I have a whole month of November to finish my assignments and my research paper. But at the same time I'm almost done with my backlog of games, with 5 being the precise number left. At least 3 of them will take me 30 hours minimum to complete and considering I usually play 3-4 hours a day, that's a week per game.
I'm wondering if I should just take a break and not play for a month and finish my shit fast or still go for it, try to hit two birds with one stone.

>>16671771
if one of the games is deus ex then you should play that. otherwise do your work

>>16671804
Already beat deus ex 4 times. Its XCOM and Fallout NV.

>>16671827
both strong contenders, especially Fallout NV. XCOM is more absorbing imo, it's a phenomenal game, especially as you are learning it, and Very intense. But i think I prefer NV, I really got into the world-building. You are right that both games are 30 hours + easy, either could run 100+ I think.

>>16671771
I wish I had the urge to play my backlog of games or play new games. All I can play is Grim Dawn. The min-maxing is just too addictive. I played Torchlight 2 for a while on hardcore, but eventually I got bored and died when I wasn't paying attention. Maybe I can switch to Diablo 4 when that drops, but the classes and skills in Diablo just don't stimulate the min-maxing circuits in your brain as hard.

Attractive females are the ones who gravitate towarda degeneracy, porn and promiscuity.
Unnatractive ones are relatively pure but, unnatractive.
The attractive ones who aren't degenerate are so saught after, they will ride that high until they fall into degeneracy.
Is there a solution to this? Can I rewire my brain to not see physical attraction? I can't be happy like this.

>>16672007
You just have to get older. As you age, you're going to be less influenced by attractiveness. At some point you're going to view the judgement of men married to fake titty hooker wives with suspicion rather than envy. Just look at Brad Parscale. What the hell was that guy thinking?

>>16661179
I have done this. It was a lot of fun. The double-dick sucking was interesting and screwing her was amazing, so overall well worth it. Would recommend. We even met up multiple times after.

>>16655167
Trying to be productive from a lot of times but in someway i stil fail.
Today i drinked, eated bad, not worked out, i don'twrote a thing from 8 months nowadays and after i smoked just one cigarette i fel really bad for 30+ minutes. I feel the most shittiest person on earth and then i remeber people that got something even worse than me and i don't have neither the feeling of being the most flawed.
At the end of the day i am just another human being full of pain and fears that don't know how to love himself and without a way to get better despite how much i try.
Life just seem hopeless and i don't know what to do anymore. I would like to just suffer more but my i cannot let my family know how i feel.
Life seems only and loop hole of pain.

I get genuinely passed off when I think about us (Americans) not having universal healthcare and how other countries do, but the ones who make money off private insurance and things like that say it couldn't work here.

Fuck America. Does healthcare not factor into "life" which we have a "right" to?

Yap rag raf maniptyify heptues netricon. Nitrubice indastras nevtemb um bawerted tifricord.

>>16667969
goddamn americans really are something else if you really think this way

>>16672253
Yeah. We're fucking better then you

>>16671448
Never worked a day in my life.
Spend all day studying, reading, gaming and working out. Money is a problem, but it's a small price to pay for not having to work.

Why don't you switch jobs if don't like working all day? There are 2-3 day/week jobs or jobs that are only 3-4 hours a day.

>trump as adam, the peak of the hierarchy of humanity. god as spider, the spinner of word webs.

I've lost my sex drive and I know it's because I'm stressed. Only problem is that I'm not sure how to destress. It's not a big overwhelming stress either, just a low mental and physical hum - like going at a slow speed on a treadmill, it's not killing you but you also know you can't stop and you can sense that eventually somewhere along the line your legs will give way. Sleeping in does not help, it just makes me feel more tired and shitty. The things people usually do like binge netflix do not interest or relax me. I need to get back in the gym but I suffered an injury that's keeping me out at the moment. I know what needs to happen, really, just thinking out loud.

>>16671448
I feel you brother. Why the hell do public libraries close so early? When I was living away there was this late night pizza cafe that played classical music and was always empty, I used to go there to read and escape my roommates. I don't know where you live but maybe there's at least one place like that you could find if you look hard enough?

>https://www.dailywire.com/news/aoc-suggests-she-may-seek-higher-office

Corporate dems about to neutralize AOC. Either they will gerrymander her district out of existence after the census, or give her some meaningless appointment in a Biden administration. No way someone that far left gets elected to the senate in NY.

I feel like reading only news about Africa/Asia/Sotuh-Central America. It seems like there's a lot going on in the western world, but all in alll it's a big nothing. Overprivileged people inventing problems and whining about them. All I can remember from reading western news is the constant whining. Holy fuck.

There's been a school bombing in Pakistan.

I've been told there's no war in Pakistan by the anti-imigrants mob.

Also, respect to BBC for having proper segments about those places. Keeping the colonial spirit alive.

I fell out with a good friend last year. We were really close but it all went wrong. This year I've missed her deeply, and have made some small attempts to talk to her but all have fallen on deaf ears.

So i'm trying to write a letter to her, one full of warmth, as a last ditch attempt to regain her affection. I've written most of it now but I'm still struggling to get it "just right".

May seem like overkill I know, but she's a literary type too.

>>16673047
Are you Ignatius J. Reilly?

>>16673038
Yeah that's just how it is. Always find it interesting how good-spirited Africans seem to be when they're on the internet, like they're just glad to have the free time and ability to enjoy modern technology. Wish I knew what caused Westerners to be so pessimistic despite living on objectively better terms, maybe it's just a combination of many different things.

>>16668163
woman detected
go suck a smelly dick

I feel like I should break things off with my girlfriend.

She's kinda boring (she's literally been doing nothing at her home for two years), she seemingly has the emotional strength of a piece of wet tissue, she cries too much. I kinda cringe when she kisses me and tells me she loves me. Plus I think her future might bog my future down. I wanna do great things, and she does not.

>>16673086
I used to have worries about my spine. It's all clear now, but while I searched about the topic, I stumbled upon a forum where a guy from Africa talked about his scoliosis. He was talking with his doctor and he pretty much told him there's not a single surgeon on the whole continent who could perform the surgery. Next best was in Europe.

He probably needed a spinal osteotomy. If he didn't get it fixed via a fly in surgeon through a humanitarian program, he's gonna be on pain meds for the rest of his life.

I still feel bad for him when I remember.

This is a statement that has no meaning, whos only purpose it is to be a statement. It is like staking a stick in the mud with the intention of it being your flag, showing all that you have been here, except who it was that claimed what in the name of whom is unknown. It is just a statement. An establishment. More than a silence.

>>16673156
Life outside the developed world is like that. You need a certain level of toughness to make it, so a lot of the weaker population just suffers and dies. Sometimes people say "no one in Africa complains about mental illness" as proof it doesn't exist, but really they're so busy working on basic healthcare that it's just forgotten. Tribesmen in Africa get schizophrenia too, but a lot of them become outcasts and can't be helped. Not to say they deserve our pity. It's just something to remember, I suppose - life has always been a struggle in some ways

>>16673086
In Heller's Something Happened there's a beautiful part where the protagonist describes the time he had with his wife. Before that part and after it, he doesn't even care about it. It's mostly about anxieties about his job, his children, his family, his past, his present, his future.

This quote describes it perfectly, "I've exchanged the position of the fetus with the position of the corpse."

When one goes through the post-WW2 American writers and consider the economic success America had during that time, the literature they produced is one depressing thing after another.

>>16655167
... and lo was the sight, the master flushed all colour, and on his once fleshy pink complexion the sickness of mortality held steadfast.

Outside the shack, the negro walked out with scythe in hand, his shirt crimson, his head an onyx red.

He knew it, he felt it. His wife should be at the front hanging the laundry to dry. Yet she's nowhere to be seen.
Half mindedly, he tosses the raw piece of work down into the dried stream, then whistles for his dog. Instead, the negro drops on all fours, and rushes towards the scent of fat.
He climbs the stairs, his legs now weak; does he truly want to go inside?
The negro's sound from below alerts him, the pork is almost gone. Time is of the essence.
He walks in. The ancestral portraits covering the walls - now covered in feces, semen, hair, and water melon seeds - witness him break into tears. He slowly pushes himself towards the kitchen.
On the floor lay his once vibrant daughter who he had left covered in custard like finery and a smile so innocent it conjured sedation.
Her arms, half eaten. Her legs, spread until destruction. Her aryan hair, covered in negro feces, with no remaining blonde but half disgested corn.

He falls to his knees, whimpering like a child who had failed to pull his hand away from the stove, and instead had his flesh glued onto the fire.
For indeed. The stove was on this entire time, except it was not granted life through lumber, 'twas instead granted its wretched existence with both watermelon and chicken.

Behind him he hears a queer walk, the negro has come back for more.

Move aside old man, and I'll grant you a quick death (English Translation).

Thou monster! Thou foul image of man! What sin hath this child committed to deserve such a fate?

Nothing. Says the negro as he strokes his now erect cock.

I curse thee, o wretched monster! I ask the lord to strike ye down were ye stand! O foul creation! O son of cain!

The master stops. A piercing sensation empties his lungs. The negro had stabbed him from behind, and 'twas only the beginning; for whenever the negro pulled out his weapon, he'd reinsert it with more force.

Mine arse! Mine arse! God take me now I cannot bear this! Screams the former man as he receives his chaotic tax.

>>16673202
I wasn't trying to draw the contrast that third worldlers aren't whining, when I complained about the western attitude. The post was somewhat badly communicated. I feel more like in the whirlwind of the American election, the "muh freedom" complaints about covid, brexit or insert any meme headline in this list, the third world is something that fell off my perspective completely.

Oh, here a thematically fitting article:

https://www.theatlantic.com/past/docs/unbound/langew/extreme.htm

>>16673143
Then break up with her. Seems pretty cut and dry.

>>16673280
What the fuck anon?

>>16672957
>Only problem is that I'm not sure how to destress

Alright anon, I'd like you to try doing something that I do. It's simple and it works for me, it's called TRE exercise (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises). Basically you lie down on your floor to try and make your body involuntarily tremor, which is safe and natural, and would help relax and destresses you body off of years of trauma. Start with 'tre exercises' on youtube.

https://youtu.be/FeUioDuJjFI?t=636

You had to go through steps of warm-ups exercises first in an effort to tire out your legs to start tremoring, or else it wouldn't work. The guy behind TRE David bercelli figured out two things. One was, wild animals never have long lasting effects of stress and anxiety after getting attacked by predators because they instantly tremor out the stress and trauma. So a croc snaps at a zebra, zebra freaks and gets away, tremors, then goes back to grazing 1 min later like nothing ever happened. He also noticed that in 3rd world countries when in bomb shelters that after a bomb went off the kids would naturally shake, but the adults wouldn’t. Because we have all been conditioned to think shaking is weakness. So the kids would shake and end up fine and the adults wouldn’t and would go on to develop PTSD.

But we have a built in mechanism to tremor and shake to release all this pent up stress and trauma and reset our nervous systems. So all these cops, vets, and tendie eating anime jerking off NEETS who want to kill themselves just need to tremor and they’ll be fine.

Start it out slow at first, like 5-10 mins, then 30 minutes if you're comfortable. I tried it personally and I noticed a less general-shakiness with my body. Now I feel less shaky so I do it as an on-and-off thing, like once a month

It seems my 11 years old dog just went blind. Goes around in circles all the time until gets tired and then just sleeps. When I call her she doesn't even want to wake up.
I didn't think it would sadden me this much.

>>16673365
you could livestream el doggo for cash and advice

>>16673365
My aunt's cat went blind at 3 years old. She's now 10 years old, blind and deaf.
Her blindess was the result of a vet fucking up a shot. Her deafness was the result of her breed (Turkish Angora).

She has given birth a total of like 17 times. She actually has no say in it, she just gets grabbed from behind and gets raped.
At night she sneaks into the bathtub and pisses down the drain.
And yet, when the time comes, she sleeps on my aunt's lap and purs.

Animals aren't humans anon. They don't give a shit.

It gives me wonder great as my content
To see you here before me.O my soul’s joy.
If after every tempest come such calms,
May the winds blow till they have wakened death,

this is nice, wish I could come up with something like it

In Charles Bowden's Blue Desert there's a part where he writes about his ex-wife's breast cancer and how it destroyed their marriage, using words like "they cut off a part of my sexuality" (from his wife's perspective) and "the desert is blue, the scar running down her breast is blue" and so on.

It's heart-wrenching. The book started with wildlife conservation and bats holocaust, and ended like that.

Was I supposed to be happy about you justifying my paranoia? What outcome were you expecting or aiming for?

>>16655280
>finally seeing irl after months
shes fucking someone else anon

>>16668739
I have a copy of Pride and Prejudice around here somewhere, I'll look for it

I think I've got the general idea of my sequel figured out but it feels kind of dry and soulless. I'm wondering if maybe I made a mistake

I don't understand why there is such a war against truth. The war against drugs and the war against terror has somehow metamophized into the war against truth. This is bound to the political strategy that holds if you can destroy a person's ability to tell truth from fiction you obtain absolute mental dominance over them.
"Sheeple" is such a cringeworthy term and I can't imagine unironically using it past the age of 14 but that is precisely the problem: people whose follow response and need for comfort has enslaved them to authority. Even if it isn't the authority they think is influencing them.

Vaping might be mathematically worse than smoking. I have smoked on and off for probably 10 years, and only started vaping recently because my level of smoking was making me out to be a crusted disgusting creature. The jury is still out about whether vaping is less damaging than smoking, and on some level it probably is, for the sole reason that vape juice contains less particulate matter carcinogens than leaf tobacco. It still contains nicotine, which is all you need for serious health problems: blood pressure, heart rate issues, vasoconstriction. It shits you up just the same, but maybe it doesn't add extra shit to it. In any case, I'm ashamed that I have such a propensity for addictiveness in the first place.

>>16675102
I didn't even get to my point. The problem with vaping is that you are not restricted by noxious stimulus of cigarettes. You can keep sucking down nicotine in increasing amounts without getting nauseous from the secondary toxins of cigarette smokes. So vaping provides a stronger mainline addiction to nicotine. You can easily vape a pack of cigarettes worth of nicotine in a day or two without vomiting but if you smoked the same you'd be sick.

>>16673361
This seems kooky but I guess I'll give it a shot lmao

>>16673365
Dogs and cats can actually cope surprisingly well with being blind. Even blind and deaf like the other anon says. Give her time to adjust and make things easy for her. Lots of fun smells and easy to navigate environments.

Most of an animal's psychic life is internal I think. I read recently they that they can sense magnetic fields. Who knows what it's like for them? Also remember, most of their time is spent dreaming.

She'll be okay. Be with her and let her know she's safe even as she adjusts. Take care of her and keep an eye out for real problems adjusting or if she's distressed.

I secretly think animals are tapped into another realm to a greater degree than we are. I have a feeling they have some kind of protection from the arbitrariness of this world. Maybe they are more aware of their cycles of reincarnation and so they don't view their current one so seriously.

>>16673047
>We were really close but it all went wrong
Did you try to fug her?

One gets the sense he has done terrible evil during the day, though he cannot discern what.

covid sucks quarantine sucks the modern age sucks my life is better than most peoples' maybe but still fucking sucks
i want pussy but last time i was with a girl my penis couldnt get hard
i hate that every single fucking day i have to wake up and eat 1-3 meals, drink water, use the toilet, and sleep
i hate that it's just going to be this here on out
i used to have ambitions but i no longer feel i have the ego or energy to pull them off
i wish i had something i knew to fight for
i wish i knew what was right
i i i i i i i!!!!! i am sick of myself of all this ego of all this i i i i i

'Buy land form who inherited it, not from who bought it.'

I will not be one of the smart people.
I will not be sharp.
I will not be called upon for expertise.
I will not undress my opponent with my wit.
In truth this was all I ever wanted to be.
It will not come to pass.
I will be simple.
My joys will not be that I find myself on a forefront.
I will not lead.
I will not impress with my feats.
The meaning of my life can not be derived from these things.
In truth this is probably a mercy. Look at who I describe. Will he die at peace?

it is unbelievably majestic that that which turns into a plant, into a flower, is dirt and water.

>>16676556
they stretch like fingers of structure, mixed forth by the sun. Out of the very stuff they are made of, suddenly there is structure. Suddenly the dirt ceases and there is structure.

>>16676556
majestic perhaps, but also terrible erroneous

It's the 29th of October, 2020. Approximately 17 minutes ago i combed my hair the way I always do, combing downwards from the top of my scalp to where my hair curles millimeters away from my forehead. I now feel a slight itching at the top right corner of my forehead. I'm incredibly worried, for past experiences in which contact with a long time unwashed-a month and a half at least-hair comb and my forehead, have brought about the appearances of gravely large, disgustingly pus filled abscesses, among them the highy noted Cerberus zit,which took me a week and a half to finally rid of. This itching has been bugging me for 5 minutes and I suspect it's only the beginning. I was sure i didn't touch my forehead and the comb was cleaned attentively using sls filled body soap a fortnight ago, perhaps it's nothing and I'm just anxious at the mere thought of (z)it happening again. For the next few days i shall be exceedingly watchful of any incidents on me forehead. Im writing this down to laugh at it later if nothing happens(please let it be so!) or to sadly ponder about my newest accident, sitting on my chair in front of my pc, miserable than usual, browsing this site.

Out there
The world is in flames, or so we are told,
Will the truth be found in dusty settled ashes,
Or will it be found, still out there, lurking,
Creeping anxiously on its soft belly,
Screeching at the light.

I wonder what kind of animal it is,
Hidden and waiting,
Wings held tightly against its body,
In a tight hemmed in space,
The prospector finds the crack,
And when opened, in an instant,
Black wings unfold,
Stretch out,
And the figure disappears into the air.

Through fingers, pages and eyes,
It leaves its trail,
Glimmering scales flutter in its wake
For eager seekers to chase.

>>16655167
Apparently Guillermo del Toro once saw a ufo, and all he could think was "it's so poorly designed". Just had a good chuckle about that.

I feel alive

>>16676978
>poorly designed

Wtf does that fat beaner know about anything?

>>16676982
aesthetic design. not scientific design

I write and post my stuff online. I made a patreon with moderate success.
I fucking love writing. It fills me more than anything I've ever done. I want to be able to do it for a living.
In just a day I lost all progress I had in a month and in the patreon. Watching the numbers go down by even 1 is killing me. It's like they're telling me I'm not good enough and that I'll never be able to make it as a writer.
I know feeling so down because of it is stupid. I know that. But I can't help it. It's devastating to watch the slow growth I had managed go in a few hours.
It's probably because the story I was writing is ending soon and while I already started posting a second project, it's very different and not many seem to like it.
And people wonder why patreon projects never actually release
I feel like shit. There's a huge pressure in mu chest. I want to cry. I'm scared I'll have to quit writing and go back to a job that makes me miserable. I've never felt worse than wrking as a teacher and ver happier than writing what I love. I want to keep getting better and giving people stories to enjoy. But if I can't get money out of it, I won't be able to.

I want to drink the pee of the qt3.14 sitting in front of me at the library

You really have some seriously weird dreams after going back to sleep following a full night's sleep.

>>16676556
Well, you also needed seeds

>>16677747
You either learn from the errors that caused this drop in audience and adjust to pleasing them (corrupting your work) or make a living totally outside of writing or literature and be uncompromising in your work with the hope that it can gain an audience. You've probably already heard this but there is no way out of this tradeoff.

>>16655174
I want to get so busy I don't have time to watch porn.

I've skipped classes just so I could commemorate the 1st and 2nd of November.