/lit/ - Literature

>>16583426
the penis pump in the drawer is hilarious

He tried. He really did. But his belly didn't play along.

>>16583426
CRACK could be here, he said aloud to himself. He’d never smoked crack here. With a vice president dad, you can do anything.

>>16583843
Why are penis pumps a thing? what do they even do? I've only seen them in Austin Powers and never really understood.

>>16583426

I just divorced my wife, and deluded myself I could just had back into the party life to fuck some twenty-something year old on a toilet in a club. There I stood, looking in the mirror with my belly hanging out, blue jeans jacket and cheap sun glasses. A sudden thought of my two girls, 6 and 9, hit me, but I quickly swallowed it down again. "You are the sexiest motherfucker there is.", I said out loud. Nobody heard me. Time to head out to the club.

>>16583843
Do Penis pump's actually work?

"Sunuvamuthafuckinbitch," Roy said, unzipping his jacket. Shelley shuffled out of the room. He felt nothing significant between his legs. "Son of a bitch."

Shelley would tell her fat whore friends. The fucking whore. He thought about punching his head like he used to see the retard do in middle school, but then he saw himself in the mirror. His thighs looked like car antennaes, his stomach bulged a little bit. He slid the sunglasses from his jacket pocket and put them on. He stared into the two black voids, reflecting a reflection. He pivoted slightly.

Roy shaped his fingers into a gun and pointed it lazily at his groin. "You talking to me?" he asked himself. No one responded.

>you will never be a failson

Well, time to get ready for work!

>>16584203
>>16584230

They can potentially increase blood flow allowing for a fleeting greater engorgement. That's the important part. There's no lasting change.

>>16583426
he looks like lobsterman here

>>16584267
>Roy shaped his fingers into a gun and pointed it lazily at his groin. "You talking to me?" he asked himself. No one responded
Fucking hilarious

>>16583426
"Johnny's late, where's Johnny" he said to himself loudly while tripping on empty bottles of bud light platinum. "That retard better not be drunk on cheap wine and getting milk at the gas station while ranting about niggers again". "He's my ride to the casino, gonna hit it big at Silver Sevens tonight, maybe make $50 on the tables and spend it on a whore" he rambled to himself. "With a VP dad you can do anything".

>>16583426
the will is a funny thing, how did i get here? how did i sabotage this? i doubt it was purely unconscious. one things for sure...i'm gonna send this to Hillary and nothing's gonna stop me.

>>16583426
You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who do the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh, yeah? Ok, my father is going to be the President of the United States.

>>16584230
From personal experience yes it works but you have to use it a lot to notice a difference. It's like when you buy a shirt too small and you stretch it, same concept here but with your dick. I have gained probably 2 inches due to the pump

>>16584444
Abbie quads!

>>16583426
I didn’t care anymore. These whores would give it to me all. When you come from power, no one understands how much of the same it is. I have the same life as you, but women fawn over me. Men try to get my favors. They don’t know I’m insecure of my dick size or addicted to drugs.

>>16584203
For pornos lol
You really think their dicks are that big? They use a penis pump on them whenever they need to shoot exposed penis shots.

>>16583426
God I miss the 90s, it was easier then. Dad was just powerful enough that I could get away with anything, not that anyone cared anyways. Now I just feel like shit, fuck Im a dad. Beau's dead, mom's dead, dad's brain dead, and I'm currently dying. I remember the crash everyday something dad will never know, though he claims to know in his rambling interviews. The only thing good he's given me is his name.

>>16584444
Your comment was nice and I appreciate it, but your quads, its your quads that feel good

>>16586346
>>16585311
>>16584451
>>16584225
Yall are ok, practice more

>>16583426
Who is this Chad?

"This is the one." Hunter approvingly thought to himself, as he viewed the 87th selfie in the set that he started taking around 6PM. Taking selfies was a necessary evil, a feminine pursuit for a masculine reward. Normally, he would let the traveling Mexican cleaning lady do the deed for him, but she had not been seen since she tasted his caustic semen and ran out of the hotel room. It was now 9PM, and although he knew his on-delivery-whore would be pleased by his photo, he still had to masturbate twice between rounds of photos, and he wondered if he would be able to generate enough sexual desire to keep her around for the night. His iPhone buzzed with a notification from 'Poroschenko @ Burisma' requesting documents on a sale, and he was forced to put his phone down in disgust. "Who the fuck do these guys think they are, making me work at this hour? Don't they know it's party time?" He turned his gaze to the dresser, and his stack of RHINO pills and Viagra reassured his penis, while reminding his feeble heart of a previous failure. A wave of fear regarding his cardiac health washed over him, and he swiftly reminded himself that he was in good shape. He recently got a clean bill of health from Boris at the local clinic, and he knew that he could still run a 13 minute mile if he was in pursuit. He took a full breath, lungs filled with the stale smoke of Newports and Chili P. The night was on.

>>16583426
'My father is going to be the president of the United States' Hunter said to himself, as if waiting for an emotion to arise. His voice sounded coarse and jaded. He had a pungent and sour scent.
Hunter took a pair of sunglasses that were inside his drawer, wore them, and opened his jacket, showing his hairy chest and protruding gut to the mirror. He strutted for a while, flexing his muscles in a clownish manner, balancing his weak body from side to side.
'I am the son of the president of the United States'.
Hunter cracked a smile, displaying two lines of worn out teeth.

>>16583426
>fuck you dad u cant tell me what to do

>>16583426
Hunter felt good. He hadn't felt this good for some time, in fact. Hell, he felt damn good. Burisma was sucking his cock to a fine polish, a real mirror sheen, and all he had to do was get Dad to talk to one of them on the phone? Have a little lunch? Too easy, he thought as he stood flexing before the mirror, the flab of his chest rippling like a cup of cherry-flavored Jell-O. Svetlana was on her way with some hard rock and he felt damn fine. He turned around, saw the dick pump, pocketed it and closed the drawer. She'll like that, he thought. Usually she brought some young girl off the street over and let him do his thing as she sat in his suite watching softcore porn on television and smoking weed--Just her tonight, he thought with a yellow grin, and struck a Macho Man Randy Savage pose as he made his way to the laptop. Damn thing's webcam had shit the bed four days earlier and he really needed to get it looked at. Probably back in the states, he thought. He went back to taking selfies in the mirror.

>>16583426
Haha life is good
After my bro died, I fucked his widow bitch, snorted coke off of escorts asses, smoked crack, got caught by cops but I got connections haha
Can you believe some Ukrainian company was paying me 80k a month plus gave me a spot on the board although I have zero experience in the field? Unreal haha
Only annoying thing about is that pops expects me to kick back some dough for hooking me up but fuck him man and to avoid corruption charges
Dads are so lame frfr

>>16583426
for sale, crack pipe, heavily used.

>>16583426
Already been debunked by snopes chud