/lit/ - Literature

>>16501457
I just reread section 22 of the pale king and it helped me feel better.

contact that old friend you haven't talked to in years

>>16501457
http://www.newthoughtlibrary.com/archives.htm

OP, as someone about to turn thirty and in a much worse position (trust me) believe me when I say that you are still young and that you can achieve anything you want to if you try.

The first thing is to cut out things in your life which are draining you of your energy and goodness. This includes pornography, excessive fast food, wallowing in despair (this is useful in small doses, but a good author can turn two months of wallowing into a work of art, whereas someone else can spend a decade in this position and fail to produce anything).

You have missed you and you are suffering. These are GOOD THINGS if your intention is to create art. I tried LARPing as a normalfag for years and it ruined my self-esteem, precisely because that life was not meant for me.

Questions:

1. What are you hoping to achieve? E.g., a literary career, becoming a husband / father, or just having a secure lifestyle.

2. Are you actively trying to improve your position? E.g., by becoming more sociable, by trying to find a job, by working on your passion

3. What routine behaviour are you engaging in which is making you depressed?

Please trust me when I say that a clean conscience means you can make it at any age. That is the only thing which you need in order to have the world on your side.

>>16501582
Hi anon, thanks for replying. I'll get straight to the questions, albeit with a short precursory note.

What I deem to be the root of my despair is exactly that I do not know what I want, and not only do I not know what I want, but I barely want anything, or rather, I want nothing. My most sincere wish is to simply want something again, just like I wanted to participate in various activities as a child. For example, I played football not because I had any reason for it, reason in terms of, broadly speaking, rational motivation of any kind, but simply because I wanted to.

Whenever I try to break the depressive episodes of the aforementioned vicious cycle, my strategy consists of a stubborn attempt at creating a strict daily routine and dedicating a significant portion of my time to meaningful activities, while decreasing, or ideally completely removing, the harmful, auto-destructive habits, such as video games.

During the "good episodes" I can vividly see an entire life ahead of me, and in spite of being well-aware that there is no rational foundation to any of my endeavors, I simply feel good and look at the "negative episodes" with utmost disdain, wondering how it is even possible to embrace such a pessimistic worldview, only to have the "negative episode" assume full control and force me back into my bed or in front of the computer screen.

Now, the questions:

1. I enjoy reading and a future where I hold a stable job that allows me substantial free time seems bearable.

2. I try to improve my position in cycles, as stated above. It is difficult to explain, when the dark outlook takes control of me I am drained of even the last modicum of energy. Such episodes come to an end almost effortlessly, I wake up feeling better, feeling motivated and I proceed to partake in various meaningful activities, knowing that I have been missing out, almost obliged to put in as much effort as I can in order to reverse the damage that had been done by months upon months of inactivity.

3. Same as above, I do not have anything to add.

>>16501457
Join the military. Actually one of the best things you can do to restart your life.

>>16501457
There's no book for this, unless you wanna dive into the lifecoach self-help rabbit hole.

First: hitting the bottom made you rightly realize what matters to you, what you want to get. That is purpose, so cherish it, most people don't have it.

Second: facebook posts, as you probably know deep inside, do not reflect one's life or one's level of happiness and fulfillment, so ignore that shit. You don't have to build yourself by comparison to other people anyway, just focus on what you want.

Third: mid twenties is a good moment in life to start over, it is not by any means too late. I would suggest joining a short/medium school of whatever you want that will make you feel useful and relevant. Just make sure it's something that will land you a job easily. I did this when I was 25 and it worked for me, even though our situations are not completely similar from what you write here.

>>16501457
You can go two routes.
1. Learn from your failure and improve through various self help books.
2. Read some daoist philosophy and learn to accept your current state

Also stop comparing yourself to your classmates, you're not them, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

>>16501810
Don't take this advice. I did this and joined the royal navy and now legitimately want to hang myself.

exercise - it's a meme but running and then later lifting genuinely saved my life

Move and start a new job

>>16501916
May I ask how it did that?

>>16501971
Not him, but I guess, the normal way? It physically gets you out away from apathy, and it provides brain satisfaction that washes away the circle of dark thoughts. Then after a while doing it, you get to see yourself looking better, feeling healthier, and get a sense of accomplishment.

>>16501457
Onani Master Kurosawa

Don't give up, OP. Help us fight the wretched caveniggers.

Literature won't help you, OP.
You need exercise. You need healthy food.
Look at the filth around you and realize you're better than them. You're living in a hell. It is a test of your soul's durability. Don't let the caveniggers win. Fight.

>>16501688
>My most sincere wish is to simply want something again
If there is nothing that you clearly desire, is there anything in your life you would like to avoid? An example being dependence on your parents. Finding a way to avoid those things may allow the breathing space necessary to then go ahead on desire something positive.

>see an entire life ahead of me
I would advise against this even during good episodes, as it is essentially daydreaming and wishful thinking. Life will continue to degrade you, frustrated you, tempt you along paths you will regret later on, and so on. Very few people consummate the future they anticipated.

>Reading, substantial free time, emotional turbulence
You mention "meaningful activities", which at least suggests you can discern what is meaningful and beneficial to your life and what is not. In terms of depressive lows, most people experience these, however that does not negate your own experience: all I would suggest is to have enough stability in your life (e.g., a job, a romantic partner, some hopes for the future, an ongoing project, etc) which provides enough for you to fall back on whenever the cold winds blow your way. It is tempting (and trust me, I have done this for far too long) to simply allow them to push you over and then to stay as low as possible to the ground until they pass, but having to keep rebuilding your life that way is not conducive to long-term fulfilment.

Finally, I would add that attempting to benefit other people, as cringeworthy as it may sound, is a good way in my opinion of adding meaning to your life and also, in a selfish sense, provides the kind of emotional and esteem-related ballast necessary to keep you afloat and steady during tough times. If you live a life of increasing introversion, hoping to flee society at every turn, longing for further isolation all the time, you will only find yourself more prey to the kind of negative episodes you are experiencing. The Desert Fathers, for example, discouraged anyone from leaving society and becoming a hermit if their only motivation was to flee the company of others.

>>16501457
pray to jesus, take meds, wear muzzle.

>>16502050
Jesus, why do niggers exist? Are they here to punish us?

>>16502001
>>16502037
>>16502059
What is this retarded propaganda bullshit? Fuck off to /pol/ with your race wars bullshit you faggot.

>>16501896
Elaborate.

>>16501985
My biggest problem with exercise when I'm in apathy mode is the thought that it all won't matter once I'm old with arthritis and miserable. It's a stupid train of thought but for some reason that's how my feelz go.

>>16502059
why? why! why why why? why why why!

>>16502077
Well, it will actually matter. Pretty much all the diseases that can make your life as an old person more miserable or straight up kill you earlier than you'd like include a sedentary lifestyle as a prominent risk factor.

I know it's hard to get started and make it a regular habit, though. I only started once fat visually started to accumulate on my body, and only managed to keep with it because I finally found a gf to live with who happens to train a lot and motivates me to do it on a regular basis.

>>16502077
stop thinking in terms of linear time. nothing matters in the long run. longevitiy doesnt matter. only the moment does. you can only gave empathy toward the future you. but everything is now and now only

>>16501457
The Myth of Sisyphus, unironically

>>16501467
He appears constantly in my dreams, maybe I should

>>16502102
>found a gf
Well it's over for me then! Jokes aside I know you and >>16502109 are right but it's hard to get past the apathy. Still Ill keep trying because it's nice to hear how much it has helped others.

>>16502068
>>16502099
Here's a good one.
>He raped her and stabbed her to death. He had sex with her corpse, then attempted to cut off her leg so he could stuff her body in a clothes bin.

>>16502059
>>16502037
>>16502001
>>16502137
Fuck off illiterate /pol/tard. At least read a book before posting here.

Does the anhedonia ever go away? I feel it’s caused by constant high stimulus activities and my emotions become blunted as a result

>>16502112
Or go to the club Sisyphos in Berlin ;)

>>16502137
Every race has done terrible things to other races.

>>16502154
I'm reading The Odyssey, and also Simulation and Simulacra

Here's another good one.

>Templeton went on a stabbing rampage at the hostpital

>>16501457
The Bible. Be reborn in Christ.

>>16502172
>doesn't understand rates of occurance

>>16502172
>Doesn't understand rates of occurrence

It’s pretty much impossible. Our educational system and the economic system which it serves are more or less designed to put you on a set path by the time you’re twenty. The only way to really change your life past that point is to ruin it entirely.

>>16502206
Cherrypicking examples of crime without analysing the pre-existing conditions that created that crime in order to justify racism isn't a valid argument. You'd know this if you had even a basic grasp on logic or critical thinking.

>>16502224
Don’t listen to this faggot

/pol/ is invading the thread. Abandon ship everyone

>>16502224
This
>>16502232
Cope

>>16502234
>Cope
Cope

>>16502224
Nonsense, the strong prevail
>forced to withdraw $100, raped, beaten with a tire iron. her infant was left in the hot sun to die
>>16502228
>he thinks I'm cherry-picking
In Canada, in 2001, niggers were 8% of the population and committed 70% of the violent crime.

>>16502133
Yeah I know, I had a bad time with it when I was younger, let it grow, let it become a habit, and then one day you start feeling older, start feeling irrelevant, pointless, like life is behind because you're not on par with the "normal" curve of things.

On the moment, reading some buddhism (Dalaï-Lama writings) helped me to put things back in a healthier perspective. Then, I forced myself to find a job I considered respectable but was way out of my comfort zone, something accessible, though, and that would land me a job easily. Doing that progressively helped me to feel better with myself, and nowadays I just don't let myself go back to apathy when it calls. It's not even an effort anymore, just a muscle reaction.

More lit-related, if you want to scare yourself away from apathy, look up Heni-Frédéric Amiel. Dude was so terrified to live his life that he basically never did, never dared anything. He did however write about this non-ending plight in a 17000 pages long memoire that lists all the missed opportunities of his life.

>>16502241
>niggers were 8% of the population and committed 70% of the violent crime.
And why do you think that is? Does your analysis go any deeper than "black people did it so black people inherently bad"

>>16502245
>More lit-related, if you want to scare yourself away from apathy, look up Heni-Frédéric Amiel. Dude was so terrified to live his life that he basically never did, never dared anything. He did however write about this non-ending plight in a 17000 pages long memoire that lists all the missed opportunities of his life.
Can’t relate haha

>>16502258
I certainly related to it when I read about him 10 years ago in some psychology paper about shyness, but it's a good, useful scare: it shows that, yes, this can and will go on forever, if you don't force yourself out of the self-harming patterns that keep you down.

>>16502257
>Why do you think that is?

Because they are 20 points lower in IQ, on average, and have much more testosterone than members of other racial groups.

<<<<<<6 years old, stabbed multiple times in the head

>>16502257
>And why do you think that is?

Well clearly someone said the N word once, and that explains everything.

>>16502293
Honest question anon, I'm trying to reach the flesh behind the screen. Inside the shell of auto-ironic performativity, why are you doing this?

I ask this as a fellow racist.

>>16502293
>>16502276
Just do a bit of reading around criminology and systemic racism. If you're generally interested or just want to make your arguments stronger it's not difficult to find plenty of thorough work on these topics.

>>16502306
>69 years old
>raped and stabbed to death
If someone said the N word around me, I'd probably rape an old woman, too.
Do they have systemic racism in Sudan?

>>16502396
Sudan is a poverty-stricken country, hence the high crime rate. And saying 'the n word' isn't systemic racism.

>>16502300
He’s trying to get this thread deleted

>>16502245
This actually makes me feel more hopeful. I started exercising again today in an attempt to get away from the apathy. Adderall helps if you're actually ADD like myself which I got my hands on recently. The apathy and hopelessness hasn't gone away though and I'm not about to be dependent on that shit to get out of it. I'm going to keep pushing myself to exercise.

Do you mind directing me to what you read? I've always been interested in buddhism considering my problems but don't know where to delve in.

>how to read a book
>atomic habits
>deep work
>make it stick

Read these to get the tools to change you life around, anon.

>>16502682
+1 for how to read a book and atomic habits
havent read the others tho, but I'm sure theyre good

Henry Kissinger didn't go to college until he was 24.
I'm in much the same boat as you, and honestly if I were you I'd just lie. The world doesn't give a shit about you, so you shouldn't give a shit about its rules.
Ran into one of my old highschool friends today. She's become a prostitute to pay for her heroin addiction, is living in public housing. I gave her $30 for some food and she gave me a kiss. Most of my other friends are dead or in prison. My job just told me they're going to have to cut my hours because they are running a deficit and may have to close down soon. I was harassed out of college by a bunch of faggots and my grades are too crappy now to get back into academia. I've watched multiple people die. Was engaged and almost married to a girl but she was just using me as an accessory, I broke up with her and she found a new bf in two weeks, like it was all nothing. Life used to seem so full of promise but now everywhere I look is just a black pit.
If something doesn't change within the next two weeks I'm buying a plane ticket to France and joining the FFL. I'm so tired of life going nowhere.

>>16501810
>>16501896
>>16502074
The military is not for everyone. It worked for me, but truth be told I always wanted this type of lifestyle and actively enjoy it. Others may feel very different but they only realize it when it's too late, then they build lots of resentment.

IMO figure out what you want before you join the gun club, there's already too many unmotivated moochers clogging the system.

>>16502306
>systemic racism

>>16502306
You’re a retard if you actually think lecturing people on “systematic racism” actually reduces racism

>>16501457
There's no book you can read that's going to cure you of the dragging pain of being alone for decades and having no place in the world. There's no book that can replace having a normal set of formative experiences.

This thread is going to be full of two bit self-help authors, empathyless boomers like jordan petersen who will just tell you you deserve to suffer, and the odd religious nut.

You don't need a book, you need therapy, assuming of course that the mental health profession isn't the reason you were deprived of normalcy and security to begin with.

How much money do you have? Come to France at the end of the month with me, I'll help you spend all of it on whores and when we run out we can join the FFL or if that doesn't work out start robbing banks or join ISIS or something.

>>16501582
>you're depressed because you're making yourself depressed on purpose, just stop deliberately misbehaving!

empathyless boomer, you have never faced a problem in your life that was bigger than you could handle, and have never experienced mental illness. To be honest, 99% of your motivation for posting was probably just to say PORN BAD, lots of you dick-obsessed christfags lurking on 4chan looking for vulnerable young men to manipulate into obeying your religious feefees

>>16502068
>>16502154
there are millions of young men like OP who feel like they have nothing to live for because of systematic campaigns of demonization, disenfranchisement, and social/economic devastation by communists. Knowing what is going on and the source of it is necessary to purge its influence from your life.

>>16502300
>anything I disagree with is ironic/edgy!!!

>>16502442
Systemic racism does not exist. It's a grisgris for people who hate and envy whites.

>>16502850
Deep work is good for basically how to "set aside time" to "work deeply" it sounds dumb, but it's more nuanced than that. Make it stick is a great pop sci dive into how memory works and the different methods of how the brain stores and retrieves things with a bunch of great tips on how to retain things.

Of course all those books could be explained in a chart, but part of why I like them so much is that when people new to learning read them they get to feel the thrill of finishing something and being able to practice recalling and implementing the principals. There's something about interacting with long form text that just doesn't work the same when you just see the bullet points. I highly suggests any anons going to school or wanting to get their shit together read them all.

>>16501916
wtf you posting on this board now senpai?

Read The Power of Habit. Being able to identify the first steps that tumble you into a familiar bad habit is important

>>16503240
>a problem in your life that was bigger than you could handle
Tbh if you’re problem is an existential crisis triggered by not knowing what you want to do for a living or what you want to go to school for, that’s pretty easily surmountable.
It doesn’t sound like it’s tied to any kind of social change or marginalization at all, he just needs a goal.

>>16503251
thanks friend, i think ill pick it up

>>16502074
You get treated like shit, you don't get paid anywhere near what you would on the outside world. You work ridiculous hours and any complaints about it is "you dipped out mate" which basically means you got unlucky today, deal with it.

This was one of my days last week.

>Worked 0800-1700
>Dinner at 1700-1730
>1800-2200 was a fire exercise. As I was duty this meant fulfilling one of the fire fighting roles and larping for 4 hours in full gear.
>Debrief for exercise 2200-2215
>Pack away gear for the exercise and charge EDBA's (extended duration breathing apparatus) 2215-2245
>Shower and bed by 2315

I was duty that night so I had to be up for work again at 1am. So barely one hour or so of sleep.

0130-0745 Duty. Then straight back into the normal day. That day doesn't exactly happen often but the fact it happens at all is enough to make me want to hang myself or float test myself. Living the dream, serving the queen.

>>16501457
>>16501464
Unironically The Pale King.

Also try and spend some time off the internet/screens. It will help you think more clearly.

>>16501457

Lift some weights. Stop playing video games. Go to uni again, it's never too late to learn.

I did this after being out of the game for 4 years due to drugs and psychosis, it worked out well up until now. Having to focus on my studies and having something (a career, or at least a job) to look forward to is good.

The answer is in the question.

>>16501457

I've some words on your predicament (another 30 yeard old boomer here).

First, that void as you call it never truly goes away. It will always be there, so you have to take active measures to not get into situation where it may have power over you. This is self-discipline and creating habits, check the "Tiny habits" book and other related self-help crap.

Second, comparing yourself with others at this point will simply make you feel worse and sink you more towards the abyss You're in another lane now, stick to it.

Third, try to maintain your feelings of hope for a while in order to kckstart your rise from the ashes. That means avoiding all kinds of demoralization stuff that's pervasive EVERYWHERE in the world at this time. This is your fuel to start changing things. In alternative... do as I do and reach a point where you simply do shit out of fucking spite (but really, avoid reaching this state).

Fourth, don't dwell too much on productivity/self-help porn. It might help to get some ideas at the beginning but at a certain point there's almost nothing new. Read up in a focused way during a week or so about this crap and then get to other things.

Best of luck anon!

>>16501457
https://youtube.com/watch?v=LgOcy0jr4wQ

Stoner by J.Williams might bring you something.

OP here. I didn't expect so many replies, thanks frens. I do have one question for the reformed or attempting to be reformed anons. What kind of a job can I get in my mid 20s that doesn't demand any education and prior experience, while paying enough for a modest lifestyle. I was thinking about trades, construction... It would be very helpful if someone could be very specific about potential career.

>>16501457
Mangle your sex organs, take a blender to your face, kill your family, sexual partners, the antagonists in your life and fake your death

>>16501457
Elsewhere in the thread you mentioned good and bad periods. Your description brought to mind one of the two types of bipolar disorder, but I don't want to armchair you. I do want to recommend talking to a therapist as this could help discover some obvious problems that are hard to see from your own POV

I was in a similar situation myself at your age and the way I got out of it was by following broad principles

- Keeping visual and regular reminders of why you want to change and that being happy is possible. To some extent the lethargy comes from deciding that the effort for a good life isn't worth it. If this fundamental belief isn't addressed, any improvement will only be temporary
- instead of trying to tackle addictions and guilt tripping yourself, focusing on doing other things
- engineering your environment so that maintaining a good life hygiene is as easy as possible in your situation
- accepting that the decisions you make each day affect the whole. that's both annoying and liberating in the sense that even small efforts do matter. Almost all of the self-help nonsense can be distilled to forming a habit to do something effective each day
- reading more stuff is a red herring. Philosophy and lit won't address your problems. Having insights won't address your problem, since it's action you need. Research is a form of procrastination
- as a corollary to that, your view of life is often related to completely prosaic elements such as what you eat or how much exercise you're getting. In a sense, it's basic human processes and emotions that move people to philosophize instead of rational thought. Know your own body and note how it reacts to things
- there's no shame in therapy. You wouldn't try to walk with a broken leg, would you?

>>16503240
>because of systematic campaigns of demonization, disenfranchisement, and social/economic devastation by communists. Knowing what is going on and the source of it is necessary to purge its influence from your life.
Here we go, the redpill. You clearly don't know anything about the source of mentall illness and the feeling of contemporary hopelessness, you're just regurgitating ideological slogans that point to "the red devil, the communists, resposible of all the bads in our world".
Now explain, how are "the communists", whatever that means, destroying our possibility to live a fullfilling life?

>>16503240
>>16505818
Oh, okay, it's a bait, i fell for it. Ignore my post.

>>16503240
>there are millions of young men like OP who feel like they have nothing to live for because of systematic campaigns of demonization, disenfranchisement, and social/economic devastation by communists.
The goal of communism is to end disenfranchisement, alienation, and allow people to fulfil their passions without becoming impoverished or having to work a gruelling 50 hour work for the rest of their lives

>>16501457

just smoke dmt literature is gay

>>16507230
>HURR DURR, JUST GO TO YOUR LOCAL SUPERMARKET AND GET SOME DMT BRO
dmt ain't that easy to find if you are some autismo neet with no friends. Even if you manage to find the local dealer hells sell you some garbage like wees/heroine/ amphetamines/cocke(at best) etc. You need to be "in the know" to get decent DMT, at least here

>>16507462
Nigger

>>16502179
You ever hear of Sandy Hook?

>>16504617
Very based post, bless your soul boomer