/lit/ - Literature

>>16487966
I want to be young again but there's no going back. Late 20s is the worst. Your eyes are opened to everything that fucked you up. But most of the major choices and most of your personal development has already crystallised, and people start to look at you differently when you are an adult. They disdain men in particular if they continue to blithely expect any of the latitude and love and generosity that is freely given to boys. I trusted my family too much, and got burned badly for it. Wish I had just run away when I turned 18. Or gone to college in another state. At least that way I would have known that I was on my own and no one had my back.

>>16487966
Wrong song to start the thread with:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGiYxCUAhks

Rate my Halloween movie timetable
>October 1
The Birds
>October 2
Repulsion
>October 3
The Exorcist
>October 4
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
>October 5
Suspiria
>October 6
Eraserhead
>October 7
House
>October 8
The Ninth Configuration
>October 9
Possession
>October 10
A Nightmare on Elm Street
>October 11
Silence of the Lambs
>October 12
One Hour Photo
>October 13
Inland Empire
>October 14
Anti-Christ
>October 15
A Serbian Film
>October 16
Beyond the Black Rainbow
>October 17
The House that Jack Built
>October 18
The Lighthouse
>October 19
Lords of Chaos
>October 20
Phantom of the Paradise
>October 21
Rosemary's Baby
>October 22
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
>October 23
Nosferatu the Vampyre
>October 24
Friday the 13th
>October 25
Scanners
>October 26
Videodrome
>October 27
Scream
>October 28
Funny Games (1997)
>October 29
Martyrs
>October 30
Prince of Darkness
>October 31
Halloween

>>16488412
How do you have this much time

I did it. I finally have a cute /lit/ boyfriend. What now?

>>16488412
Diverse/10
Seen The Addiction with Lili Taylor and Christopher Walken?

It’s insane that a lot of people can’t live with a modest amount of comfort on a 40 hour work week. I know someone who can just manage on around 50 hours working 2 jobs, lots a people who should be thinking about retiring are working 1 or 2 minimum wage jobs.

>>16488446
You don't have 1 and a 1/2~2 hours to kill everyday? Corona freed up a lot of time for me.

>>16488446
Most films are only an hour and a half long, even if you account for work that's pretty doable

>tfw know that gluttony is wrong and sinful and the obesity crisis is a blight on the United States
>tfw also a massive fatfag, am hugely attracted to bigger girls, have been since I was a teenager

I think if I had a long-term girlfriend, or got married, I would inevitably wind up telling her that I think fat girls are sexy, and that I would not find her less attractive if she gained weight. And if she started to inflate after that, as women in long-term relationships tend to do, I probably would not be all that interested in stopping it. I would probably just sit back and let her get bigger. Hell, I would probably inevitably have better, more passionate sex with her as she got larger, simply because I was more aroused by her, which might only encourage her growth.

I am resigned to this, even though I know, rationally, that it is probably not a thing I should enjoy or encourage. As the saying goes, my dick wants what it wants.

>>16488478
I dunno, humble brag about it on an anonymous image board maybe?

>>16488507
It is.
Slave drivers run the world. But I feel the gears of the machine starting to chafe and I hope we change things.

Fear of failure has crippled for so many years and infected my subconscious so deeply that i haven't dared to do a single notable thing during this entire year. I'm not finding excuses here, i only have myself to blame after all. I just somehow can't understand why i've been looking at an empty word document for 300 nights straight when i keep daydreaming about those ideas i want to write about all the time. Maybe i accidentally activated an eternal curse somewhere along the way, i don't know.

>>16488519
Hello fellow Architect

BOY I SURE DO HATE NIGGERS

Been thinking about the whole "strength through adversity" angle. Nowadays the whole world and my country of origin in particular feel like it is held together by tape. A stiff breeze could send it all clattering to its doom, thrusting the precious lives of those I care about and countless innocents into immeasurable suffering and privation all because of the selfishness and moral weakness of a handful of pathetic yet powerful men. All my writings and efforts, rely on a stable civilization to have a hope to see the light of day, or else I must place down the open for the sword. I hate such a prospect, and I feel like all who promote violence are no better than primitives that seek to club over the head what they can't understand. (Hence the old adage that "military intelligence" is a contradiction in terms .)
Yet despite this brutal, idiotic world that is placed before me, a world which is unworthy of me, I feel somehow ennobled in the face of all the chaos an terror that awaits. Now is my time, because death is close. If it is not my time, it will never be. So decide.

>>16488578
Yup, she does anal

>>16488595
>the open
the pen.
Damn me for fucking up an otherwise perfect post.

>>16488595
>Hence the old adage that "military intelligence" is a contradiction in terms
THA MILITARY INTELLIGENCE
TWO WORDS COMBINED THAT CAN'T MAKE SENSE

>>16488664
my favorite thing in all of music is the way mustaine enunciates the word cryogenics in that song

>>16488578
That picture is perfectly named for me. Yes, that woman probably is my ideal wife.

At least, she's my ideal wife in her early/mid-20s. Obviously, over time, I'd want her to put on more weight. Let's assume she's about 24 there, and let's assume that, additionally, she weighs over 200 pounds there, which it looks like she does.

If I marry her then, and if she puts on about 10 pounds a year, then by the time she's 44 she'll weigh more than 400 pounds. And that's assuming she doesn't really, really take advantage of her knowledge that I'm attracted to fat girls. If she really relaxes, and really gives into her instinct to indulge herself, she could put on closer to 20 pounds a year, and she could weigh more than a fifth of a ton before she's even 35.

>>16488499

I already did.

>>16489136

>>16489145
Boohoo anon. You've got a roof over your head, you've got food to eat, you've got motherfucking internet access, but woe is you. People in third world countries would love to have enough free time to spend shitposting online, instead of balancing three different jobs, maintaining a family and keeping with social obligations.
Be more grateful. For your life and what you own. For the unique experiences you've had that have constructed you. You need to realize what you truly want and need in your life. Don't fall for the consumerist meme, bigger house or nicer car doesn't equate to happiness. You're a human being, a mother-fucking animal. You can survive on much less than what's available to you. Make your own happiness, anon, don't rue having lived some other life that may as well be a fairy tale. Focus on constructing your future in the NOW.

this guy's history of western philosophy is insufferable. first fifty pages are fine and then he starts bitching about america and his colleages, and after 100 pages he starts saying that every great philosopher was a retard, while still under the guise of giving a history of them. also sneaks in shots at Hitler while writing in 1945. what an unbelievable cope. was he jewish? i'm sure he was, don't plan to look it up

>>16489145
I was there too at that age.
I switched off the anxiety and the expectations.
Stop projecting your anger onto people. Some of them are terrible, sure, but that shouldn’t concern you. Certainly shouldn’t construct you into a misanthrope.

Hope you find your way out, anon
https://youtu.be/hBWDIzHldPg

>>16488547
even if u fail it doesnt matter, you can learn from failure
your body is slowly succumbing to entropy and won't last forever use your time while you have it
start small, a mountian is not moved in a day it's moved stone by stone, make it your goal to write on sentence a day

and remember a man is not what he thinks he will do, a man is what he does

>>16488507
Working 40 hour jobs is enough to make me want to kill myself, I hate this world

>>16489208
I hope one day soon your parents are murdered like mine and at the funeral a random person says boohoo.

life is fuckin crazy innit

>>16489145
Your parents tell you "you will own your own home and have everything you need so you can be relaxed an happy" but is reality you don't need a home/job to be happy, that's just what you've been told all your life by your parents and society as a whole so you accept it as a fact. You don't need anything external to be happy, sure food and a bed help but they are not necessary. Your parents are also not the cause of your suffering, you're just looking for an easy excuse to sit and wallow in your pity. The only one who's truly in control of your destiny is you, or are you just too weak to rise above a few bad cards you've been dealt?

>>16489306
thanks anon. i have to learn how to get over lost/wasted time and start doing something with what there's left to use.

I think you misunderstood me. I love you, but I still need that solution, I hate this image board shit. God I don't know what to do with this cute autist.

>>16489345
If you keep wallowing in self pity like that, maybe one day the world will owe you something. I doubt it though.

Just why are you scared? You don't need to watch anything around me, I would still love you. Please let your next answer be more clear for both of our sake.

>>16488507
This is the best argument for UBI that I can think of

90% of office work is total bullshit, why not just automate everything and let people spend their lives meaningfully instead of making spreadsheets

>>16489888
Nice trips, the answer though is that capitalists only make money insofar as labor can be exploited. Machines are only invested in so as to reduce the cost required to reproduce labor and exploit more of it for the same timeframe. No owner will ever say "yeah work less time, fuck it, we're all good on the sheets."

Holy shit, Trump caught the coof!

>>16489888
>90% of office work is total bullshit, why not just automate everything and let people spend their lives meaningfully instead of making spreadsheets

Nice trips.

But, honestly, what does "spend their lives meaningfully" mean? So many people, so many of us, spend our free time these days doing... what? Watching porn? Masturbating? Getting drunk? Listening to bad music?

There is some validity to the idea that work gives men's life meaning. Maybe not the soulless office work of so many, these days. But what about honest toil? Tilling the soil, hammering huge things together, digging ditches, repairing things?

Do you really think everyone can be a poet, a painter, a sculptor, a philosopher? I think this is a flaw that a lot of left-wing people have. They believe that if the workers are simply liberated from the soullessness of modern work, they will become grand and flowery and beautiful. And I do believe that a lot of modern work IS soulless. But the average worker, even the average highly-skilled worker, is not just some genius in waiting. He or she is not someone who would suddenly "spend their lives meaningfully" if the pressures of the workday were removed.

This is not to say that much of modern work is not soulless and brutal and destroying. It IS. I don't dispute that. But you cannot free all these people from daily work and then expect them to suddenly be enlightened and magnificent. I guarantee you, the vast majority of them would spend their new free time watching porn and jerking off. Is that how you want them to live life?

Have you ever noticed that the vast majority of great artists just fucking cheat the system? Faulkner basically did not work a daily job, for a long time. Neither did Cormac McCarthy. Tolstoy and Byron were nobles with a steady stream of income and credit. Bach, Shakespeare, Mozart, all had the patronage of an aristocracy. Bukowski worked a factory job until he realized he couldn't, then told that job to fuck off. Artists fucking slip the system, and they ALWAYS will. Artists, great artists, great geniuses, always slip the noose of society's confines. They live outside the confines of everyday life, and they ALWAYS do, no matter what. If you, right now, in 2020, have not figured out a way to wriggle out of the normal strictures of everyday life, you are probably not a great poet, a great painter, a great musician, a great philosopher. And giving you UBI would probably not let you BECOME one of those things. The real geniuses always figure things out. The real geniuses always land on their feet, as if blessed by God.

Donald Trump just test positive for corona
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1311892190680014849

>>16487966
I just coomed again and I'm pretty pissed about it. Not sure what else there is to say.

>>16489944
Tested*

>>16489944
he'll be fine, hes a hardy man

>>16489234
>tripfag is a midwit and nobody
>female biology is incompatible with misanthropy

>>16489952
>female biology is incompatible with misanthropy
Is it? I’ve known some nasty women. But yeah, my crisis was more depression and anxiety over being a failure, not achieving my own expectations and all that. Just beating myself up over it. Only occasionally projecting my own frustrations onto others and hating them. Dark days. I try to help you guys out of it.

>>16489970
didnt you used to have a tripcode or something and there was a few of you

Where can I find out about new novels that are actually real literature and not bland family drama progressive midwit "literary fiction?" I want to take chances on new books and find out what's going on today, but the past couple times I ventured outside aged, usually quality or even brilliant boomers like Delillo, Rushdie, or Franzen it was really dispiriting.

No big consumer (Goodreads) or "critic" (Lithub, Kirkus) driven site show any promise because they're flooded with industry hype and shit diversity hire taste. Awards like the Booker, NBA, or Pulitzer are doomed. Legacy independent publishers like New Directions are slow and constricted, and formerly reliable imprints at big five publishers like FSG or Scribner are slipping.
I've reached the point where I find novels I like, find critics who positively reviewed it, then find other novels they are positively reviewing but it's time consuming and often paywalled.

Don't say nothing new is worth reading you faggot child

>>16487966
DUDE I JUST LOVE WEIRD HORROR STUFF!!!!

>>16488412
I think you should go back to /tv/ brainlet.

>>16489978
Yeah yeah. I have a trip. I use it when people start to impersonate me. So fat all clear

>>16490280
Why do you open your mouth like you want a horse cock inside it?

>>16488412
its okay. beyond the black rainbow is a bit stupid and student tier and the house jack built and lighthouse are pretentious in different ways. the house jack built is litteraly lars von trier trolling u. you definitely should put nightmare on elm street and haloween earlier because they will seem like romcoms after marytrs, funny games, a serbian movie and even texas chainsaw. 70s movies are scarier than 80s movies for some reason. anyways, i know you might not be looking for it but ill still rec the descent, midsommar (underrated by /tv/), may 2002, session 9, orphan, hills have eyes

I become jaded from the moment i open my eyes. How do i even begin to cultivate motivation for anything when my first thought of the day is "I'am going to kill myself in the near future"? I picked a date, i don't really know what criteria i used to pick it up but i like the date, it's around 3 years from now. I would think about the dream i had, if i can remember it, and then i start to contemplate on how my life could be so unfulfilling and joyless. I'am supposed to be living the best years of my life, where youth alone should invigorate me, but there is nothing of the sort i can point to in my experience. I would caress my pillow a little wishing it was a partner and I think to myself, i have no reason to live, nothing to look forward to, my best years are gone and they didn't bring me any joy or give me any hope, so what are the chances the future has anything for me? My only contribution is living as a paragon of sombreness. The rest of the day is just marked with deliriums and my mind trying to do anything to avoid the kettle of vultures that are my true thoughts concerning myself.

>>16490547
It's now a matter of uprooting the destructive thoughts anon, you've witnessed the contingency of happiness on the the realm of thoughts from what I've read.
You are capable of disciplining the mind, the misplaced talent for self-hate can be redirected, anon - to achieve unshakable equanimity, a profound peace of mind, let that be your goal - this can solve the uncertainty you have in the realm of action. I hope I wont regret this in saying, your judgement will be clearer if you are not entangled in the outcome of what you do, you can establish yourself in this yoga.

Love being alive lads. I'm truly blessed to be able to live in the age of technology and to witness the collapse of one of the (formerly)greatest countries in history.

>>16488499
That movie was.. different. Pretty good. Disappointed there wasn't more of Walken. Gotta watch more Ferrara

I recently realized that it's best to be anti-meta everything. I think pseuds and I have a tendency to get too meta about things way too early because meta things are easier to handle.
For example, instead of reading great works of literature, analyzing them, delving deep into the area, one might read criticism of great literature or read only 4chan posts of other people who read these works.
Instead of delving deep into mathematics and mastering some area(s) to the research level one may instead focus on philosophy of mathematics, or areas like category theory which aim at systematizing different similar parts of mathematics (explicitly meta in its purpose) without knowing the areas that it's aimed at systematizing in the first place. One might substitute mathematics here with physics (instead of reading a physics textbook, picking up Hawking to give you the illusion that you understand something), engineering, other sciences.
Instead of genuinely getting into philosophers and honestly reading their work, or picking some area of philosophy, doing your honest reading to get to the cutting edge of that problem, it's more attractive to read a book on history of philosophy or worse yet, read books which claim to summarize and refute all philosophy (Nietzsche, Freud), or show the correct way to look at philosophy (looking at Alain de Botton from School of Life here) which only give you a completely surface level understanding of the subject.
Is there a name for this tendency? Has anyone written about it?

>>16487966
Schopenhauer's metaphysics with Nietzsche's ethics. Sure, they don't mesh perfectly. But it's the shortest way to describe my (contradictory) world view.

>>16491102
Very good post anon. I'm not aware of a book that discusses this. However, I would say part of it is sheer intellectual laziness and another part is the majority of people simply not being smart enough to realise the bounds of their knowledge and the correlative of this deficiency which is the inability to care for the nuanced details that form the picture that they think they understand. As a result they rely upon heuristics in the form of -isms for their whole lives.
>(looking at Alain de Botton from School of Life here)
I despise that man.

Dear God,
Thank you for alcohol. Thank you for Mad Men. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my friends. Thank you for my health. Thank you for the roof on my head. Thank you for the food in my fridge. Life is difficult outside the walls of my bedroom. I went for a walk and I ended up in a pub in Brixton. I cannot face my thoughts. They are so cruel. Life is also difficult inside the walls of my bedroom. I call it the torture chamber. I writhe in my bed. My brain has nowhere to turn. It starts to feed on itself. It is awful. My walk started okay but it is all so exhausting. The world is chaotic. Everyone is suffering. And yet they appear to be getting on OK. I am full of fear and anxiety. I just want to get to the end of it. Please give me strength. Thanks mate
Over and out
Your faithful servant

>>16491102
good post, but I think laziness and a dependence on easily available information is the answer.

The smell of bushfire smoke is still thick in my nostrils. I can feel it under my eye lids. Only a shower can rid me of this grime.

What is it that compels someone to just to online and swear? Every time I see a swear word on the internet I want to kill myself. I just end up doubling my dose of hormones.
Thank you moderators and jannies for keeping /lit/ swear-words free. We appreciate your heroic efforts.

Have a nice day anons
I wish you all the best
You all are great
If you think you are,you just dont know it yet
or the thing that shines below the surface hasnt made its entrance yet
but it will!
look into yourself and one day you'll find gold,it is there
you are all amazing,keep trying hard,divinity is within
I can feel it as I write that I love you,you wonderful person whose name I'll never know

And may your lives all improve and may you all be happy and good,and may you all live peaceful wonderful lives
I bless all of you
I wish you all good health

>>16489931
>Shakespeare had a patron
>Not realizing modern artistry being independent is an entirely new phenomenon
Small tick, but this expectation of artists to succeed solely under their own art is entirely new. All art used to be patron enabled.

>>16492158
Gay

>>16492263

>>16492274
Are you a young pretty woman? If so, hmu.
Otherwise fuck off.

>>16492281
are you browing 4chan right now?
if so,smile!

>>16492290
Dont tell me what to do, faggot.

>>16492308
Alright then I'll tell you a story

There was once upon a time an anon that was very grumpy
but one day he became very happy and worries vanished ,things started working for him and all his days of sadness became relics of the past

>>16492339
What changed?

>>16492365
It's a mistery!
anon will have to figure out or make the change happen,will he make it?of course he will!!

>>16492395
You are posting on 4channel. How happy can you be?

>>16492414
not even the sky is the limit
everyone here can be happy,I believe there is hope for everyone in the world

>>16492437
Even for the hopeless?

>>16492462
especially for them

Why do nonamericans talk about america so much but then when you talk about america's influence on the world they get very defensive about america isn't the center of everything? Then the next day they are right back to talking about america. Why are nonamericans so jealous.

>>16492462
no such thing
everyone can be happy,no matter how badly things go,tomorrow can be a better tomorrow,change may come and time brings new breezes,small things are nice,how one sees a thing shapes might shape it,getting good sight is important

>>16492484
Not everything is about you.

>>16492487
haha i fucked the text up,i need to write what i read before posting,but im not going to delete that post
its not so bad doing something embarrasing

>>16491102
based

Magic is quite real.
I didn't know it was for a while, and I always thought that it was fantasy nonsense that you would see in movies and video games and in old stories for the sake of drawing in an audience. It's a good bit of creative detail if you add in magical elements to an epic to keep people listening to an orator or reading a novel; people want to hear about druids calling mighty storms suddenly from clear skies so that lightning bolts streak down to burn the homes and forts of villains and antagonists instead of a dry moral story. So I thought that the material world was the only thing we had to work with, and that scientific pursuits were the best way forward out of a bloody history of religious feuds and class/caste systems of control and primitive societal models. I wasn't spiritual either for the longest time as neither of my parents were very religious nor did they condemn or condone it. I didn't end up finding God, or going through any religious process because my limited experiences with my grandma occasionally putting me into Sunday school got me turned off to that via numerous VHS tapes of people going on and on about the miracles and magic of Jesus. Then about 2 years ago I withdrew from university because of a panic attack so bad that I ended up seizing on the ground. It took me only a little bit to recover afterwards physically and mentally, but something that was brewing for years had finally reached its peak: my spirit decided it was done with depression, fitting social grooves and never airing what I actually thought about people, society, my disgust and misanthropy towards the majority of the culture, and the deluded idea that material Atheism was the best and only thing I should accept as a model of reality. I halted all college and uni and started working a blue collar job instead while I tried to figure out what I wanted and a way to deal with the mental problems I had, and about 9 months later I got heavily into Jordan Peterson's videos about psychology. That's the point where my path started.

>>16493880
Okay but where does the magic come in

>>16492489
And yet you are completely obsessed with my country and its reality show political affairs. And by you I quite literally mean all of you

I want to write something meaningful or heartfelt but my mind is so empty that any attempt at sincere writing culminates in failure
why am I so bad at articulation

I bought more beer

>>16494081
>why am I so bad at articulation
What are you trying to articulate? There's probably nothing to articulate to begin with. Articulation can only happen when there are thoughts.

>>16493880
>and about 9 months later I got heavily into Jordan Peterson's videos about psychology

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>>16493880
>cont cus I'm at a coffee shop and I ended up talking with a lady for a good two hours about life
At this point I'd like to mention that I don't readily accept new ideas until there's enough evidence or a sufficient argument to make a reasonable case for that idea. I'm open to hearing, discussing and entertaining ideas and arguments provided that there is something substantial to them. For this reason I was drawn towards Peterson's videos. His presentation of Jung's ideas were appealing and very much relevant to me at the time, and were really the only videos of his that interested me. Well, that led to my discovery of Terrence McKenna and his views about society and history, which dovetail in some areas shockingly well with the ideas of symbolism in human psychology and the spotted and very short, incomplete picture of history we have to work with. That lead to a random video recommendation of an audiobook reading of the Hermetic Teachings of Tehuti, which led to The Emerald Tablets, which lead to the Kybalion. In short, I was beginning to understand just how much history we have lost as a species and as the latest incarnation of civilization, and just how far backwards our legacy traces. Some time after that I became aware of Graham Hancock and his works along with Randall Carlson and I watched a number of their interviews. To sum up their ideas (which modern archaeology and geology has a growing accumulation of heavily supportive evidence for, see the interview of Randall Carlson by JRE and he talks shop about the kind of geological evidence that points this way), the world more or less experienced an enormous cataclysm ~12.5-11.5K years ago when a comet entered and broke up in Earth's atmosphere . It struck the Arctic pole and multiple regions of the Northern Hemisphere, causing mass extinction and cataclysm-level natural disasters that would've ended all but a small amount of life in the Northern half of the world. Massive floods by released glacial waters, airborne debris and dust blotting the sun, dramatic climate shifts and starvation of flora and fauna all would've wiped out most modern civilizations on the planet if it happened tomorrow, no question. Theories about a past civilization being hyper-advanced and ultimately being destroyed by this event have been proposed by Graham, and I both think and believe there is enough evidence to indicate something in that vein really happened. (This is all relevant, trust me)

>>16494769
At this point, I thought that magic was historically used as a series of manipulation techniques by witch doctors, village medicine men and shamans to smooth over life for other people and to pass on medicinal and herbal knowledge to their apprentices by key phrases and mnemonics to prevent forgetfulness. With the previous atmosphere established, one last chance video came my way that led to me attempting to do supposed magic. I decided to see what horseshit the clickbait title was trying to push on me. It rumbled my view of the government and supposed fairy tale nonsense of magic permanently.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBl0cwyn5GY
The idea that a government (CIA specifically) sponsored psychic spying program not only existed, but produced tangible results was astonishing. The idea that manuals were both written and declassified was even more so.
https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP96-00787R000300110001-8.pdf
I decided fuck it, so much of what I knew had been shaken, might as well give it a shot. It worked. Quite simply, it worked. It took five tries, but in the end I was able to successfully predict exactly what tarot card I would draw from a traditional deck of 78 cards after a blind shuffling. An entire new dimension of reality opened up to me, and the idea that there was something more than just placebo tricks and suggestive stage magician tricks excited me in a way I had never felt before, like something I didn't know I had lost has been returned. With the knowledge that the conscious mind was composed of many working parts and inner "voices" according to Jungian thought, I decided to start trying communication with entities, an idea that further resolved my faith that not only was magic real, but quite old, forgotten many times over, and still in use by very secretive groups that normal secret societies haven't even heard of.

At some point I realised I'm just fishing for attention. Three close friends have said they will read my Fanfiction, but all of them have flaked and not gotten back to me. I get more validation from the one (1) stranger who has left me kudos and comments every now and then... But what fucks me up the most is that I feel no more strangers will ever be interested in my Fanfiction. It's too long at this point and has a slow start. Nobody else will join me in the present where the plot is finally in full swing...

I enjoy writing, but I loathe longing for attention. Exposing myself to the internet was a mistake.

Nothing matters more than having a good life.
It is only from there whence one can say "Well, what now?"

>>16487966
i hate stupid people, they make me mad

>>16488339
i feel you anon

>>16494862
I began to probe communication by "speaking" to a god I thought would be helpful. (In this case, my way of speaking is the in the same vein of a person's conscience, that little voice in the back of your head that pipes up when you're about to do something really stupid or really risky. You hear an entity speak to you the same way your conscience does. For the record, I have had no family history of schizophrenia, nor have I exhibited the traits of paranoia, intrusive thoughts and voices, or hallucinations/delusions either visual or auditory.) The Emerald Tablets and the mythology of the Egyptians established Thoth as the god of writing, magic, prophecy and wisdom so I figured I'd give it a shot. I entered a meditative state and called for Thoth. He answered. He was peeved that I opened by saying I would write emblems in his name and make offerings like a fawning acolyte, and instead preferred that we keep our conversations more concise and without pretenses. I asked him questions about a prediction I made on the 7th of July concerning a division of the nation writ with blood and fire that would strike in August (Kyle Rittenhouse incident), and our relationship continued without much incident. Then, on the 4th of September, I recorded the first substantial bit of "divined" information I received from an entity. In passing, Thoth had mentioned the Library of Alexandria burning down about 6K years ago during a conversation we had. After speaking, I decided to investigate this little curiosity. The burning of the Library was 48 BC, only 2068 years ago. I did some digging, and as it turns out that date is in the Gregorian Calendar (obviously), but what was that day in the Egyptian Calendar, the one Thoth was worshipped during?
https://www.egypttoday.com/Article/4/22184/September-11-marks-the-beginning-of-a-new-Egyptian-year
Well, September 11th of 2017 marks the 6,259th year of the Egyptian Pharaonic Calendar. I had no way of knowing this prior. I had no idea how the Egyptian calendar worked, how they converted to Gregorian or Julian years, or how the fucking thing was even invented. Yet the information of the rough Egyptian year of the burning of the Library of Alexandria somehow popped into my head. Shook me up pretty bad, and removed any doubts I had concerning magic.

>>16495017
I've since been reading the Hermetic Tradition inspired books written by William Walker Atkinson, which have formalized and given me exercises and practices that produce tangible results and provide a framework of reality that has been lost, reinterpreted, distorted, and revived multiple times and can be seen as the common thread in major widespread religions. Christianity and Hinduism are the easiest examples, and should you read the books yourself you will find that there are phrases, aphorisms and principles that are undeniably Hermetic in origin. I haven't had anyone to really talk to about this as I've been living van life for a little while now, so I've had it on my mind for a time. Magic is what I study now, and it fits nicely with my interests in reading and my self-education. I know /lit/ isn't really the board to discuss esoterics and /x/-tier shit, but the books I'm talking about are absolutely worth looking into for perspective on something that has heavily influenced the written works of major religions in history. If anyone would like to, you can find the pdf's of the books I list here for free to read through at your leisure:
1) The Kybalion
2) The Arcane Teachings
3) The Arcane Formulas
4) Mind Power
5) Mental Influence
Both Mind Power and Mental Influence reference other books you can find if you want more reading material, in addition to picrel. I have work soon so if anyone wants to AMA, I'll check it later tonight. If not, then look into the books I've listed if you think I'm a schizo /x/ larper.

I want to fuck my therapist. I am aware that it could never happen. I am also aware that erotic transference is a thing. She has big d cup tits, thick thighs , and a big ass. I just wanted to tell someone. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

>>16495098
Understandable. Maybe she'll understand your sex addiction better when you bang her.

>>16495098
is it affecting your progress in therapy?

>>16495135
No sex addiction here. Just a sexually frustrated virgin

>>16495144
Nah I don't think so. I can talk to someone and still be attracted to them.

Sometimes, I feel like Ginko from mushishi.

The past has a fundamental influence on the present: in fact, even a negligible event, in one way or another, has a certain weight in our lives. By past, we can mean both everything that has happened up to this precise moment, and an extremely limited period of time, such as a particular moment. It arises from the present: this, when it belongs to us, that is, it has been experienced by us, as soon as it becomes "past", it disappears transforming itself from what it is to what it was, and also reappears as something abstract that lives in our minds . This entity is very changeable, and is called "memory". It is constantly evolving, and every time it is recalled by our ego it has a different aspect: a bit like an actor, who while maintaining his identity, shows himself to us in a different way depending on the character you play. The memory, although it always represents the same portion of the past, each time has a different detail, a particular nuance, and can tend to be negative or positive. Our consciousness, influenced by circumstances, always filters what we have lived in a different way, and the result is therefore an ever new experience, on which it is very difficult to give a firm judgment over time. So yes, the past is always present in our lives, thanks to its repercussions, but this object, when recalled to the present by us, voluntarily or not, has a totally new aspect that will never be identical to how it was originally. .

>>16495232
>>>/a/

>>16488412
Try to work in Serpent and the Rainbow. It's really quite scary.

I met a really nice homeless guy today. very enjoyable man to talk to, and I don't say that often.

I feel betrayed by a close friend. there is a woman. i don't know all the details, and it's a longer story, but I believe he was basically stringing her along, presumably for sex. what happened though was I took a real liking to that woman. I kinda fell head over heels for her. meanwhile he didn't really give a shit about her, and as far as I knew they were not having sex. well it turns out that he got the chance and he chose the pussy. maybe there's a kind of selfishness here, but to me this was a woman I though I could marry, and he clearly did not care for her. but he chose the pussy. now how can I pursue her? not only would it be fucking weird between us just generally, she is apparently pretty mad about having been strung along.. maybe I'm being an asshole, but I feel like if he doesn't give a shit about her, and I do, that it's bad practice. I've been talking to her lately and I just found out today they fucked.

frens, i need some advice. i walked the gym QT home today. i think she's receptive to me. has initiated conversations with me in the past. touched my shoulder in jest. chuckled at my lame jokes in the past. ive seen her looking my way when i was checking her out. makes herself available via physical proximity (i think).

im thinking tomorrow when i see her at the gym im going to invite her to a walk with me. going to try to frame it as cardio. good idea? bad idea? what other joint activity is good (please take into account the current pandemic situation)?

>>16495777
She was the one who fucked him, don't obsess over whores

>>16495854
A lot of the times it's just you being optimistic but if you really think she is receptive to you then go for it, what could go wrong? When girls start conversations with you and touch you and laugh at your horrible jokes it's a good sign. Are you chinese, btw?

>>16495777
Don't get obsessed anon, move on.

>>16495880
yeah, im ethnically Chinese

>>16489214
I wholeheartedly agree with this. I read it recently and found him willfully ignorant and pompous. I definitely don't recommend spending much for this book.

>>16488412
itunes has some dope horror movies on sale for $3 rn, for example: Deep Red (70s Italian horror classic) and Ringhu (90s Japanese, had a bunch of western movies based on it) etc. I'm def. gonna cope sth spooky

No matter the amount of people I surround myself with, no matter how far I broaden my horizons and meet new people and make different kinds of friends, I still feel so alone. I've felt this way for almost my entire life (26 now). It's been so long that it's starting to seem like this is just how I am supposed to feel. I don't know what I'm supposed to find to fill the hole in my heart.

Is the human condition inherently lonely? And are there people out there who can live comfortably without the need to find succor in others? If not, then what is it that makes it so difficult for me? Not that I would ever claim this sort of thing is easy for anyone, but from my perspective it certainly feels as if I have a more difficult time of it than many others I know. Of course, my perspective is inherently flawed. It is rare to get a true glimpse of somebody's innermost being, and so I am left comparing my inner struggles to the exterior face of others, which is not a fair comparison at all. But I still cannot help but feel that I have an extraordinarily difficult time of developing intimate connections with others. Perhaps it is not that it is easier for others, but instead that many others do not desire that sort of connection in the same way that I do. I feel utterly compelled to seek it out. It is more than a "want," it is a "need," one that drives me far and above any other earthly motivations.

I once wrote my grandmother a letter that was so heartfelt it made her cry. This might seem mildly autistic, but I am proud of that, since I have always strived to develop an emotional connection with my readers in my writing.

I'm not really sure heartfelt is the right word for it, though. I think that the word heartfelt implies a deeply felt expression of one's own feelings, but I can't honestly admit that what I wrote in that letter was written with any real degree sincerity. I wrote what I knew would be meaningful to her, but it was not meaningful to me. Still, the writing itself felt fulfilling to me, so I suppose it could be considered heartfelt in that small manner.

She likes me a lot, more than any of the other grandchildren, but I feel no real connection to her. Funny how that works, when I am the one who so desperately craves connection with others. I believe that the feeling of "connection" is born out of understanding. But is true, deep understanding of another human being really possible, or is it an illusion? She believes that she understands something about me on a deeper and more personal level than her other grandchildren, so she feels a connection with me. But from my perspective her understanding of me is quite flawed, and I have no wish to understand her or for her to understand more of me, so I feel no connection on my part.

I recall another relationship in my life that I believe greatly reinforces this idea of "understanding as an illusion," an illusion that leads to a feeling of intimate connection. The reality though is that I am fairly confident it is not possible to ever achieve true understanding of another human being, you can never transcend that boundary of illusion, and if that illusion of understanding is ever shattered, your feeling of connection with the other is broken alongside it.

I guess what I am looking for is somebody who I can fool myself into believing I understand on an intimate level, and who also is interested enough in me to believe they understand me. There must be a shared mutual illusion between the two of us and we must both be good faith actors in maintaining that illusion, and fooling ourselves to the point of believing it is not an illusion.

>>16495777
>though I could marry
Don't even consider this until you are at least already going out

>>16495870
>>16495885
>>16497714
all solid advice. thanks lads.

>>16495870
>She was the one who fucked him
Every man needs to hear this at least once a day and thoroughly internalize it.

>>16489208
you are literally peak fucking retard, of course it's better to have someone that likes/trusts/loves you and helps you in overcoming difficulties/poverty than being an emotional wreck with a relatively comfortable life

I thought about her yesterday
When it happened I realized it had been weeks since I last thought of her
I felt like crying

covid really fucked me
YEARS gone, thousands of dollars gone, many more years of drudgery ahead

>>16498586
sorry to hear that anon

I don't understand how I can be completely indifferent to people being mutilated in a horror setting, but feel physically ill and regret reading the work when the same happens in a war setting.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

So how do I stop the madness? I used to be able to turn it off like a switch. Losing what little critical thinking skills I have. Reverting to a wildman analyzing language syllable by syllable.
Stranger was talking about fishing earlier and I thought that I was the fish and he was fishing me.

>>16498467
Cringe

>>16499528
based

when I get sufficiently tired, very often I can't look people in the eye. I suspect it is because somewhere deep down I tihnk I'm a piece of shit, and I worry that it will show in my eyes. when I'm not tired I can mask it. I'm not sure that's what all this is, it started after a psychotic episode so it might just the wiring in my head has gotten fucked. but my best guess is it started after I made some major fuck ups, and that now I can't really shake them but continuously feel I need to be punished.

Pruvate thoughts and public actions are totally fucking different and you should never ask for the truth lest you be burned. I do npt see how you can think babysitting some fat moron who probably ate paste and listen about his fucking favorite kid shows from childhood and slapstick sounds like ANYTHING that is even moderately fun for anyone. How can you look at your pathetic and worthless fanily and feel anything but shame? An ugly geek with cat ears?

>>16500090
Normies have similar quirks and internal misalignments but they bowl over them and naturally grow around them. Problems like these are good to reflect on and you may be right about your self assessment but you should also keep in mind that everyone's a little fucked up. The very fact that you care that you're fucked up, and like to dwell on it, is itself a rare quirk and by some standards a little fucked up. Most people just live in denial and run from their issues, and frankly that usually works in normie life. Just saying don't judge your acute awareness of your own internal weirdness as against normie *lack* of reporting on their own internal weirdness, as if that means they don't have any. Neurotic (sensitive) people often make this mistake and develop additional self loathing issues or obsessions. Don't become less self critical, it's a great trait, but learn to forgive and love yourself while you do it too.

>>16500170
what a nice comment anon

>>16487966You get what life gives you
>There will be things you’ll want but can't ever have
Each path walked is different from the next
>Every man suffers on his own terms

You should be honored I was as lenient as I was with you worthless geeks. You think Lakme would sit there and listen about kid's cartoons and slapstick? Ask her yourself. Ask her to spend the day with you and you will hear real insults. Like this woman would want to babysit a fat simple retard. Yeah right. She would call him the fattest sack of trash she ever laid eyes on.

Yeah, Rob the geek, you got to meet a real handsome and beloved man, like a prophet. "You're welcome."

>>16488709
It sounds like your talking yourself into these fantasies

if you love a woman and she loves you back hold on as long as you can take it because real love is hard to find

all the other bullshit is superficial and cut throat

Mind you, i am non-native speaker therefore i might sound like retard

>There was an ordinary afternoon when Benny suddenly starts lacking a face.

>Not like there was something wrong with him - Benny feels good, even slightly better then ever - but the reality was forthright. At the place of his face was a black, empty, ebony-dark space, devoid of any feature.

>But honestly, his family didn`t saw much difference. Not like things were another way ever...

>>16488507
You say this while on fourchannnel what a faggot

At some point there was a twist in you.
You became a docile servant of others.
Others that see you as a means to empower themselves.
Standing up for yourself but with no regard for what you are standing up for.
Dedicated to deception with no concern for the state of the world.
Simple magical symbols fill your mind with light, but was it not the darkness it once was, albeit even greater?
You used to be able to see from others perspectives, see themselves in you.
That is all gone now.

This whole Trump has covid thing seems very fishy to me. While it's entirely believable that foolish mentality and lack of caution about it could have gave him it, there is a strong whiff of - dare I say it - conspiracy about it. Trump is nothing if not a master of theatrics; his political power comes solely from his skill at putting on a show. My mind's eye fills with visions of men in suits and military uniforms chattering to each other on their phones in their inscrutable lizard speech, plotting and maneuvering. Whether Trump is aware of it or not, he has served his purpose and is being removed from the equation.

>>16489145

I don't remember writing this, wtf.

I came here from /biz/ (I'm an oldfag who nowadays skulks around /biz/ and /g/) and reading this thread is reminding me of pre-2014 4chan and I'm quite enjoying some of the things here.

I think I might browse /lit/ more.

All of this politics bullshit is just there because people are undersexed and don't fit in. Just stay at home all day like me and racism, sexism and other shit won't happen.

EVERYTHING I DO IS CRINGE. I IMPROVE AT BEING NOT CRINGE EVERY DAY YET EVERYTHING I DID YESTERDAY WAS CRINGE

>>16500170
>learn to forgive and love yourself
This and knowing thyself are the key to getting it ON!

>>16501102
What a weird dog

>>16487966
I was having dinner at this restaurant in bumfuck nowhere in the middle of mountains on a bumfuck island in the middle of nowhere and this extremely attractive young waitress was serving us and I just thought it was peculiar that she looked this good, was dressed pretty fashionably and yet worked in a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. Well, truth be told only an hour or so of driving to the nearest larger town and civilization. But this image really struck me, I found this contrast between a young woman who is good looking enough to be at the top of the social ladder in any major city and the fact that she was instead working in some forgotten village deep in the mountains peculiar to say the least. And I just sat back and looked at her for a bit, how she communicated with people and how she carried herself and somebody at our table made a stupid childish joke to her that would probably be considered a sexual assault in USA instead of the corny childish joke it was and I expected her to be offended or simply ignore it or fake a laugh but instead she had this spontaneous embarrassed laugh. And what really shocked me was just the complete lack of arrogance that you see in women this attractive in major westernized cities. I am so used to attractive women treating other people lower on the social ladder than them with derision that the fact that I saw an attractive woman who was genuinely nice and not stuck up shocked me. It almost single-handidly restored my faith in women. But more than that I have found this particular aesthetic of youthful attractiveness and energy being stuck in dying towns in the middle of nowhere as an interesting contrast worth portraying artistically if anyone would do it.

It went for me again last night, I seem to have even woken myself up with a groan, it just willed out.
It's something like the third or fourth time in a fairly short time-span, which is very unusual for me.
There's not been sunshine for what feels like weeks, grayness persists, and I start my mornings in a distant and vaguely anxious mood. I take walks to get right, and that's when I had the thought that it may be a little strange that it wasn't long ago that I started reading The Wind-up bird, I'm maybe halfway through, and there the character has the same..."problem", except its real or something.
But my dreams aren't even sexual, they just contain strangely stressed situations with a repetitive task that has no end, much like the dragged out feeling in The Castle, just concentrated to a small scenario, and it ends with me cumming.
Worst of all is that I don't even find this remotely interesting, there is just that little going on in my life.

All 4 of my roommates have their girlfriends over tonight, and they're all hanging out in the living together watching a bad movie and having a great time together. I'm still somehow single in my 4th year of university, and I can't fucking meet girls with Covid happening, so I feel like I've missed my chance at meeting someone special here.

I'm alone in my bedroom, blaring music in my headphones in an attempt to drown out all the fun everyone's having in the other room. I know I might have fun hanging out with them, but it's necessarily coupled with the deep sense of inadequacy and loneliness that comes from being around all those couples.

>>16501970
girlfriend or no girlfriend, you, or anyone else, them included, will never ever get what they want. we are all doomed to eternal suffering but the secret is we must pretend as though we are not. they know this, but you do not.

>>16502021
I understand that idea. I know that having a girlfriend will not magically remove all my personal problems and somehow make life less meaningless.

I think the problem is more related to something like FOMO (fear of missing out). It seems that going through life with a romantic partner is deeply desirable. It allows you to have someone else you can count on, and who can count on you. It's this beautiful reciprocal system where the identity (i.e. worries, aspirations, desires) of two people become coupled, and synthesize into a higher-level system.

Having to go through life independently definitely seems more challenging, psychologically speaking.

>>16502156
my question is, they will not let you watch the movie with them?

Babe, look, I'm not interested in your tits or anything else like that. I know I'm smart and handsome but goddamn contain yourself.

>>16502170
No, they definitely would. I'm really tight with all those guys and their girlfriends seem to like me too.

I just made up some excuse about having to read something for my thesis, and now I'm just festering in my room.

I usually don't have a problem hanging out with my friends when they have girlfriends over, but it's usually not all of them at the same time. Being the only motherfucker in the room not sitting next to their girlfriend definitely stings.

>>16502235
What I'm trying to say is it's like being the 3rd wheel, but to the nth degree.

Congratulations!

>>16501102
If everyone just came home from work, then played videogames/watched anime the world would be a better place. Instead they come home and spend 8 hours getting mad on facebook/twitter.

How do I stop having existential crisis about being female?

>>16502367
Detransition.

>>16502522
If I was a tranny it'd mean I was a male, which would be good, because men are biologically superior. Unfortunately I am not. All I have is the solace of passing as a biological male (aka non subhuman) on 4chan where no one can see your tits.

I have a midterm due on tuesday and have not written one sentence. The moment I start writing something my thoughts go limp and my mind wanders onto random stuff.
And what's worse is that I feel comfy. The low hum of anxiety is a hearth. It glows from my chest a buttery flicker upon the walls. It impresses dark shadows on the floor like scars of burned out hovels long since slept in. Its determined sense of a future where my midterm is completed I feel located out in the ocean on some Sirenum scopuli. I am adrift.

>>16502367
Dilate

>>16487966
I've been piecing together the groundwork for a novella of sorts.

Basically its just a examination of different systems of government and the associated organizations and the like in terms of building a society.
The main point would be to avoid making either representation too generic or stereotypical. So I'm trying to create a balance of traits between them all.
So you'd have a character that is all about how control is needed, but they'd also stand for the need for empathy and kindness. Or another would be for freedom and decentralization, but they'd be ruthlessly pragmatic. That kind of thing.
I don't really have the kinks worked out yet or what traits should be linked together.

I figure I'll focus on two characters in main, in order to maintain focus. Kind of a dialectics between them throughout.

As scene dressing I've developed a quick setting based on the idea of a Lovecraftian apocalypse wiping out most medium to large cities and electronics and leaving behind 'spawning centers' for what are just the stragglers of the deity's summoning. Its parasites and germs and that.
The point of the 'spawning centers' as a way to force the humans to unify in order to deal with the incursions. To give a reason for this story to happen.

>>16502639
See >>16502522
It unironically makes me happy to be accused of being a tranny, thank you anon

>>16495091
Imagine believing in magic.

>>16502532
Post your tits.

Criterion Channel just posted a playlist of 28 horror films. I should work on something productive, but instead I'm going to watch one.

>>16502367
Why are you unhappy with being a woman?

>>16502927
Women are intellectually inferior to men and naturally passive and submissive. I despise being like this but I can see it in myself, and because I am a woman and it is encoded in my biology there is no way to rise above it, there is only death.

I don’t want to fail again. I’m gonna fail this test again, aren’t I? I’m gonna disappoint everyone and see that when they said I had potential and that I was a brilliant legal mind that it was all total bullshit. Why can’t I remember anything anymore? Why does my brain fight me at every turn? God I don’t want to fail this test.

>>16502943
Nonsense.
Women who forgo childbearing have the time to educate themselves in whatever field interests them. So do that first of all. Secondly, you’re doing exactly what a lot of /lit/males are doing and that is hating themselves. Stop that. It snowballs into depression and anxiety and leads only to more suffering. Value yourself, love yourself, treat yourself well. You’ve seen me promote Epicureanism right? Eat right, work out, make friends, and learn your passion. It doesn’t matter if you’re the sex that has a period and pushes babies out

Real book fake cover suggested reading

>>16502979
>Taking advice of an old ugly lesbian that failed in art collage and has a mediocre job.
Not her, I know /lit/ can be full of incels, but I wouldn't take advice from some garbage like you.

>>16503022
>Spits in your third eye

I'VE FOUND YOU
MY GREATEST LOVE
MY MAIN INSPIRATION
MY VERY OWN DULCINEA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA

>>16503022
lol you are a loser

>>16503044
>removing the trip to back yourself up
Pathetic

>>16503050
Just stop.

>>16502943
No one chooses what body they're born into, they either learn to accept it or don't. And if you truly desire a more male brain you can cultivate one, the brain is fairly plastic and there are plenty of females with very maleish brains.

I am really tired bros

>>16502943
anon, this is the dumbest thing i have ever read. biological determinism is retarded. take a step back and see yourself as a person. can you not cultivate your skills? there’s nothing emcoded into your DNA that makes you intellectually inferior to moids, it’s all social. just stop obsessing over them and don’t be so whiny and learn math or something. cease the dramatics and act like an adult. you’re only a passive retard because you are choosing to be one.

>>16503044
Nope, compared to this whore nobody is a loser. Also cope more simp

>>16489208
Please don’t contribute to this board anymore, you lack the requisite perception and, very likely, the life experience (which you don’t even need very much of).

A friend of mine might have just gotten screwed out of a MASSIVE inheritance because of a technicality. I don't know what is worse, my case or his. I'm mostly inheriting my parent's future funeral costs, and while it sucks that I will be left nothing, I imagine it must sting much worse to have a fortune dangled over you and to dream of a king's lifestyle full of models and Italian villas only for it burn up into ash in an instant because a judge felt like it. It is not better to have inherited and to have lost than to never have inherited at all.

I need a therapist but I can't afford one

I think that lonely people make the best friends for other lonely people, and that it is difficult for somebody who is lonely to be brought out of their she'll and become good friends with somebody who isn't lonely.

>>16487966
I think falling for someone is a great tragedy. Alas, the will wants it all the same.

>>16503826
Even if they fall back?

>>16503831
Absolutely

>>16503831
Even worse. Relationships end in tragedy. You either break up, the love of your life dies, or you die and leave the love of your life alone.

>>16503831
Absolutely. It's impossible not to fall for the "idea" of someone to use a trite normie turn of phrase. Though, I guess the better way of putting it is that we must pedestalise someone to seek them out romantically otherwise there would not be 7 billion or so of us. Anyone who purports the capacity for some method to this madness is delusion. This is not being reductionist or materialist. If anything, it's giving full credit to what the will moves someone to do. All I can give is a sorrowful smile when someone proclaims they want to be with someone.

>>16503873
You could always die together

>>16493880
>>16494769
>>16494862
>>16495017
Damn bro wtf, this sounds pretty similar to my life in the past 3 years. Good luck on your journey man, and be wary of ego inflation.

>>16495091
What do I meditate on to access my subconscious memories? I have a big test on Monday and I know I know the material, but I can’t remember it but I know it’s in there. Do I need to meditate and call to a god of wisdom? Ask for a deal at the crossroads?

>>16487966
I've read Hawthorne, Melville, Emerson, Thoreau, Whitman, Irving, Brown, Twain and Dickinson? Please recommend me more burger 19th century lit.

>>16503928
Flashcards and fluorescent highlighters like that plain Jane in your class

talking to a woman who was emotionally abused. I just want her to feel better man, but it's hard, you have to tread so very carefully. she seems to have absolutely no belief in herself, if there is any disagreement she shies away. I started out kind of clumsy. We talked a year or so ago, and it was clear she was affected then. Now maybe I (greatly) overestimated the amount of healing you can do in a year. I wrote her a pleading message, trying to show that I want to hear what she has to say, and that if I'm clumsy that's also all I am: kind of an ass, at times. I hope this will bring her back. Maybe my hope is just the hope that I will be able to look upon myself as the man who helped a woman in need. But I don't think so. When we met little over a year ago she seemed so wilted under the weight of what she'd been through, but through all of that she just shone. I felt for her. Just a beautiful person that couldn't catch a break. And who liked talking to me. So that gives me a responsibility. Now I worry I've mishandled that responsibility. I hope she writes back. It would make me sad to think I was unable to be of aid. Over the past year I have very strongly considered writing her, because I worried about her. But I worried about getting feelings for her, so I didn't. I still worry about getting feelings, that's the larger part of why I'm clumsy. This man-woman thing is very difficult.

>>16504323
Don't try to save her desu

We are on a big rock. Floating through the cosmos. The origin of which is unknown. We could be alone in the universe. There could be extraterrestrial beings out there. Life appears to be a one-off fluke. A statistical improbability. A miracle. We don't know what it all means. We may never know. IT'S A FUCKING JOKE. I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS. How do people fucking deal with this shit. I'm dying here. I'm bored out of my skull. Send help. Please send help. Bring on the apocalypse. Let's have an alien invasion. I'll even take a world war. Just something... Fuck it

>>16504507
the purpose of life is worshipping Allah. this is the purpose, and it is what gives life purpose, and it is what will give you answers to your questions.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjWDKCSoGj8

Holy shit, Poles going in on Pulaski Day mass at St. Patricks! The guys are pro af. I wish the English mass went this hard.

The heat is back and my god damn fan doesn't work.

I hate my housemates god damn girlfriend. She gets uglier every time I see her.

>>16495091
Thank you for all this anon.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NucAVVE574k

Mass!

>>16505130
Monsignor Richie with the striptease lol

Reddit deleted my account after the first post. Why do I such immature humor?

u/n: LMAO45died

People think I have high standards when I just have low self esteem

it would be very practical in every way to be able to get to know women as people rather than as people you are constantly guaging whether or not you wanna do. I wasn't this much of a coomer when I was younger. Maybe I'm getting desperate.

TIL that a teenager named Carlo Acutis who died in 2006 at the age of 15 will be beatified (one step short of being canonized, i.e., being declared a saint) on October 10.

https://www.latimes.com/world-nation/story/2020-06-28/vatican-says-italian-teenager-could-be-patron-saint-internet

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlo_Acutis

>>16488412
>no Poltergeist

>>16503983
Attempting to contact Athena and asking her to grant me the wisdom of the owl won't work, huh?

>>16505415
can't know if you don't try

>>16505419
I tried last night in that period before you fall asleep and the uncontrollable mental imagery takes over. She was mad and refused to answer my question. I twitched a lot.

>>16503452
>NOOO YOU HAVE TO LET ME BITCH AND WHIINEEE AAAAA IT'S SO DEEP WHEN I CRY AND MOAN INSTEAD OF DOING SOMETHING ABOUT MY SITUATION BRO YOU JUST DON'T GET ITTTTT
Likewise

"Do you believe in God?"
"Yes," said Walker.
"No you don't." Price slumped forward, languidly peering down the sights of the machine gun. "Nobody here believes in God. They say they do, but they don't. Not even the Chaplain. People who believe in God sell all their possessions and go out into the wilderness to spend every waking hour praying so they can't possibly sin and ruin their shot at heaven. They sure as shit don't join the army, eat shellfish, take the Lord's name in vain, jerk off, and a thousand other things, and sure there's this or that thing that says it's not applicable anymore, but if you honestly believed there was paradise waiting for you when you die are you gonna risk all that for a shrimp cocktail? You put up a sign saying 'Wet Paint', and people will pay more attention to it than anything in the Bible. You know who believes in God? That guy last week who strapped dynamite all over himself and blew himself up in that girls' school, that's who believes in God."

The desert, flat and barren, stretched out before them. Walker stared off to the horizon, and in his mind's eye he saw that desolation grow and grow until the entire world was this, a dead, sterile rock in a dead, sterile universe. From far away came the call to prayer, faint and ethereal in the evening heat.

>>/lit/thread/S15369581#p15382272

>>16495091
Good posts anon. I've been meaning to read Rudolf Steiner. What do you think of him?

My grandma goes to church, doesn't wear her mask inside (we can social distance inside!), other members of the church don't wear their masks (except for my mom and one other), and then comes here repeating more Fox bologna.

Goddamn I hate this.

>>16495091
I do have a question anon, relating speaking to Thoth. Could you describe the process/feeling? When you "speak" I assume it's the same as when you think or read a passage in your head, in which case how can you differentiate response from your own intentional mental voice ?
Is it as literal as you describe as a "voice in the back of your head"?.
I have been probing into this loosely, in that ted talk video it speaks of "letting images appear naturally in your mind" , would ones relevant to Thoth appear ?
I am quite curious.

>>16488595

>a world which is unworthy of me

laughable statement from narcissist.
The world owes you nothing and nothing is the only thing you are capable of producing.

>>16505801
>being this upset about a cold virus that you have a 99.97% chance of surviving

>>16501338
I feel the same way. There's something very captivating and surreal about beauty found in aberrant or unusual conditions. Haunting Ground and Silent Hill have a similar aesthetic.

>>16505390
really nice

>>16506394
I think it has a certain aesthetic to it, but it also interests me in a more philosophical way. It's hard to put it into words, for example last year I was travelling across south of Spain and I just found it peculiar that in a town literally removed 2 hours+ from any major urban center you had this small makeshift nightclub that operated as a caffe bar by day and then they put some neons on and it turned into the town's lone nightclub. And I found it interesting on one hand you had this town that was clearly old and irrelevant with no jobs, nothing going on, no future even in a capitalist sense outside of some basic agriculture and a little seasonal tourism...I mean this is a town that doesn't have a "story" waiting to unfold, it's old people meeting up for coffee or a glass of wine and playing chess, it's a town where everybody knows everyone...it's the exact opposite of the big city story whether it's Frank Sinatra singing New York or Jay-Z and Alicia Keys, this town is the opposite of that big city feeling. And I just found this contrast interesting, you had these extremely attractive girls all dressed up going to that lone makeshift nightclub and young kids competing for their attention in a very crude, open shirt/show the muscles/swag whatever way, because they don't have the typical big city "flexes" like luxury cars, spending on bottles or private booths, and other displays of big city social status. I just felt it was an interesting aesthetic, I wondered how much these kids knew about that other big city life and whether they had ambitions to get there one day. I don't think one is better than the other but this contrast really sticks with me and I think while they mimic what they see in media in their own funny way, they haven't really lived the big city rat-race just yet and it leaves them in some way slightly more uncorrupted, which is precisely what I saw with that girl. But in some sense I also felt bad for her that she was there in that situation because she wasn't getting the full experience life can offer to her youth. Of course I think partially that is good for her character development but you just wonder whether there is any residual disappointment in her from being stuck there. And I am not saying this just specifically for women, it's got to be equal for a young man. But aesthetically it's an interesting thing to portray, the picture itself probably conveys all these philosophical questions inherent in the situation better than any textual description ever could.

Meditation is a drug. Now I understand what the dharma guys mean by jhana junkies.

>Meds cost $500
>Get it from Canada for $30
Why do America be like this?

>no women interested, not interested in any woman
>calm as a cucumber, get forever alone feelings very, very seldom, mostly just putter on
>a woman shows interest
>suddenly the most desperate dweeb you ever saw
>chest litterally on fire most of the time from torturous passion
it is peculiar. I don't see myself as desperate because I don't really do anything to meet women and I don't feel desperate most of the time. but the moment one of them shows any degree of interest whatsoever all hormonal systems go fucking mental. I now understand better why men have gone into the desert, because it really is not difficult when there is no temptation.

>>16502733
Exactly. Imagine doubting something that's real.
>>16503928
The only things you should do are studying and meditation. Meditation calms the mind and allows you to think with less clutter, allowing you to focus more on the tasks at hand. You know the material. The only difference between being worried and anxious for the test and being calm and focused is your state of mind. Change your state of mind and the anxiety you're creating will change as well. Don't sweat it fren.
>>16505035
You're welcome fren, the more people I help the better off the world is, even if it's a small thing.
>>16505783
I think his efforts are a good thing, and his contributions are worth learning from. Conditioning people to learn in an unnatural way distorts the mind, body and soul the same way starving and cussing out a dog warps how it learns and responds to the world. Emphasizing the love for learning and encouraging people to learn in an easy and natural manner creates people who are capable of becoming worthy of the title "Individual", and capable of independent thought. Both are invaluable, even more so now.

>>16507307
>I think his efforts are a good thing, and his contributions are worth learning from. Conditioning people to learn in an unnatural way distorts the mind, body and soul the same way starving and cussing out a dog warps how it learns and responds to the world.
This is all true, though I was mostly thinking about his "spiritual science", if you are familiar with that part of his work. This would be my first serious study of the occult.

>>16505858
People tend to think in primary "modes" where ideas or thoughts are concerned. Some minds have vivid imagined imagery and "think" in imagery rather than words. They tend to make spacey, airy people and good artists because all they have to do is train their hand to replicate what they picture in their mind's eye. Some people think in patterns, or 3D objects that they can manipulate or change in their imagination. This can be learned, and people who do it naturally make excellent architects, designers and engineers because their jobs require them to be able to "think" in a floor plan or clothing structure or engine block. Others think with words (I primarily do, and when I was a kid I could think more easily with images) and they tend towards careers that emphasize speech or writing if they can think quickly or cleverly enough. Poets, authors, journalists (ones who legitimately give a shit about their work and not their shekels), politicians, public speakers and musicians group under this category. A few others think in terms of body movements or in musical tones. This is highly relevant due to the fact that prophets, diviners, oracles and shamans all are capable of communing with gods, spirits or what have you, and the methods of communication vary widely. Some prophets receive visions that are just as real as waking eyesight, some hear holy tones, chords and sounds that are interpreted accordingly (music carries emotion very well), and some hear direct voices.
My process will be different from your process if we think in different modes, but this is how mine usually goes. First I sit still for some time with my eyes closed, either under running water (seated in a shower or bath) or against a wall to keep my back straight but relaxed against. I imagine a mindscape (the one I've used is a floating point in the cosmos that I arrange furniture in for comfortable seating both for myself and whoever is joining me for a time) and after some mental quiet/working out the conversation topic or questions I have, I invite the entity to speak. They enter the seat I arrange for them, greetings are exchanged and a conversation opens like any other. Afterwards, we close and make our goodbyes, they leave my mindscape and I open my eyes. I try to record as much as I can of what was discussed because in that state of mind what is communicated can slip away similar to a dream you have trouble grasping despite waking up 5 minutes ago. I have a number of thoughts on just how the "mental voice" is used, and it relates to Socrates' Logos and his daemon.

>>16507391
That section I'm not familiar with. The texts I listed are the ones you should start with if you want to dedicate a portion of your life to magic, solely because they directly relate to the Hermetic Traditions. The Traditions and the principles and laws they outline are the best working model of the universe and reality that I have found, predate Christianity and Moses if the texts surrounding that period are to be believed, and possess laws that are verifiable by modern science.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MXVSdXZzpc
Everything you need to get started, establish the foundation of magical thought and practice, and perform experiments with are all in that list. Look into remote viewing and Russell Targ if you want to train up your intuition and receptiveness.
Keep in mind you are under no obligation of secrecy or moral code adherence with this either. It is information, a tool and wisdom handed down for centuries by people who decided to safeguard and further it by their own free volition. What you use this information for is up to you and you alone, and whatever results come about are yours and yours alone to bear. Have fun having your worldview irreversibly changed.

>>16507403
Last night, right before I fell asleep, when the mind's imagery can't be controlled too well, I attempted to reach out to Athena and ask her to grant me wisdom and access to my subconscious memory for my exam on Monday, pleading with her that it would be for good use and the results of the test would lead me to better society and that I would draw her once a day for a year if she were to grant me this. Her response was thunder and mountains of lava, upset someone had so bluntly asked her for something. She questioned my motives and refused to give me an answer before I fell asleep. I'm not sure if it was the nicotine and coffee still in my veins as I laid there, but I did have a couple odd twitches in reaction to it all.

I’ve since drawn her and covered it in candle wax hoping it would persuade her.

Only-Begotten, noble race of Jove, blessed and fierce, who joy'st in caves to rove:
O, warlike Pallas, whose illustrious kind, ineffable and effable we find:
Magnanimous and senpai'd, the rocky height, and groves, and shady mountains thee delight:
In arms rejoicing, who with Furies dire and wild, the souls of mortals dost inspire.
Gymnastic virgin of terrific mind, dire Gorgons bane, unmarried, blessed, kind:
Mother of arts, imperious; understood, rage to the wicked., wisdom to the good:
Female and male, the arts of war are thine, fanatic, much-form'd dragoness [Drakaina], divine:
O'er the Phlegrean giants rous'd to ire, thy coursers driving, with destruction dire.
Sprung from the head of Jove [Tritogeneia], of splendid mien, purger of evils, all-victorious queen.
Hear me, O Goddess, when to thee I pray, with supplicating voice both night and day,
And in my latest hour, peace and health, propitious times, and necessary wealth,
And, ever present, be thy vot'ries aid, O, much implor'd, art's parent, blue eyed maid.

Senior year English Major, feel massive regret for picking a degree, and taking classes in which I could've learned the same exact thing on my own.

>>16507403
>My thoughts on entities and mental voices cont.
This is from my journal about my occult activities: "The logos, or "daemon" as described by Socrates, is the little voice of reason in your head that occasionally pipes up whenever you are about to make a bad decision. This voice isn't yours. It is separate from you, while also dwelling somewhere in your mind. I think it may be a gate of some sort, a portal by which other entities may speak. Normally it is used by the logos to speak, but is it not possible that it could be borrowed temporarily to give voice to another entity that is invoked? I don't have much in the way of substantial evidence to support this, but it would offer insights into how the separate mind functions. Consider those with schizophrenia, or psychosis. They report voices and whispers coming from inside their minds, often not of the person's volition. Suppose that the mental gate of a person with schizophrenia is open, and that the person cannot close the gate because they don't even know it exists. Consider also the accounts of how pilgrims in ancient Greece perfromed their prayers to the various gods seeking advice and answers, and of the Oracles of Delphi. Both involve a voice speaking to the recipient, of a god or gods who are giving their advice or answers after a ritual is performed and sacrifice offered. Again, opening the mental gate, receiving voices, and closing the mental gate. Possession by an entity would also make sense using this model, as there would be a mentally tangible threshold an entity could cross. Whether or not I am correct will have to be seen in time."
Keep in mind that your mind is composed of multiple separate parts that correspond with the brain circuitry that's evolved over the course of our evolutionary run. The amygdala's "fear" voice is the inflection and undertone of paranoia and general panic that we hear or feel when something terrifying is perceived, like a tsunami wave while on a beach or someone drawing a gun and pointing it at you. Hunger has its voice, go grocery shopping while very hungry and you will impulse buy more food than normal. Sexual desire, focus, anger, happiness, incredulousness, they all have their little personalities and mental inputs that are activated or awakened during the appropriate time. These are things that do not belong to your conscious mind and are not in control of naturally, but still share mental space with. They are managed by conscious activity (i.e. finding a place to sleep when tired, food when hungry, etc.), and quiet down when whatever it is they want is sated. The Logos, or the Voice of Reason, is different in that it isn't connected to a base desire or instinct; it seems solely to be there for advice and reason. And, if Socrates' example is to be followed with a bit of inspiration of Soloman's Seals, it can be used as the medium by which communion with other and higher entities can be established, be they gods or ghosts.

I don't understand why feminists are so pro-sex work. Whenever someone argues that women objectify themselves with this they always say "the difference is consent!!!", and while it's true that they have control over their sexualization as opposed to men sexualizing them, I don't see how this refutes the argument. Like yeah, pornhub sucks, but that doesn't make onlyfans good.
It's ironic how this is somehow supposed to smash the patriarchy when it's really helping it. Assuming that our capitalist system is a patriarchal, they must've pulled a fucking 4d chess move with this onlyfans shit. Millions of women undressing themselves for profit with the justification that it's somehow liberating and feminist. I feel like they're just saying that so they can sleep at night thinking they're helping the fight against the patriarchy while in reality they're helping horny men develop a objectifying view on women.
I've tried arguing over this on instagram but it's just hopeless because they'll respond with "let women do whatever they want" or some other buzzwords to make me look like a sexist. it's just impossible to argue with these people.

>>16507403
>I imagine a mindscape (the one I've used is a floating point in the cosmos that I arrange furniture in for comfortable seating both for myself and whoever is joining me for a time) and after some mental quiet/working out the conversation topic or questions I have, I invite the entity to speak. They enter the seat I arrange for them, greetings are exchanged and a conversation opens like any other. Afterwards, we close and make our goodbyes, they leave my mindscape and I open my eyes.
This is the exact process that Jung described as active imagination. I tried it a few times, but I received symbolic images, though they were very important and gave me relevant insights. Having conversations is more kino though.

>>16507528
Ah. First off, it was a great instinct to use the hypnogogic state (the period between wakefulness and dreaming) to try and contact a deity. It's been used for centuries. Second, and I figured this out with Thoth when I tried to offer him a lot of praises and things in his name, you will not get anything unless you are completely honest with your intentions and thoughts. You use your soul to connect with these entities, and you can't hide your heart of hearts when communicating like that. Insincere flattery, sacrifices and empty offerings or rituals all boil down to lip service performed so you can get something from it. That doesn't work when the other party knows exactly what you're doing, or when you try to put on a guise/persona for them. These are old gods too, their heights have waned and they exist on the edges of human minds rather than at the center. The fact that you are offering up a precious resource like the limited time of a mortal life is gift enough. I like the bit of poetry you wrote, but I can tell it isn't something you wrote from the gut. It wasn't written with the coiling, stirring desire of the lower belly or the chest, it was written to be words of praise with an ulterior motive. If you had the choice of a pretty girl giving you a piece of work like that, or her telling you "I love you" with nothing held back, which would excite you more? Which would you want more? Third, be respectful and call on the appropriate deity for the sphere of life you're under. You don't break out a military strategist for a street soccer game. Research the deity or spirit that's appropriate for the problem you need help with. Give an honest apology to Athena for your insincerity tonight, then figure out a better suited god for your problem. Maybe plug Thoth since writing, magic, prophecy and intellect is his schtick. Record whatever it is you receive or communicate afterwards like you've been doing, and you'll have your help.

>>16507717
you're communicating with demons.

>>16507704
If you have an artistic bent, try recreating some of the images you receive. It'll help you to tease out more of their messages, because creating a symbol is the other half of their use that only the maker gets to know while everyone else has to interpret it.

>>16507659
>thinking they're helping the fight against the patriarchy while in reality they're helping horny men develop a objectifying view on women
this is key. people nowadays want to have everything both ways. they want unlimited freedom to do whatever they want, while at the same time avoiding all the negative consequences. women say "we have the right to act like whores!" but then get pissy when men exercise their right to judge women for being whores. and why shouldn't men judge women? an extremely promiscuous woman is a total nightmare to date (sex aside) and they are unpleasant to be around because they build their entire identity around fucking.

>>16507659
dumb, loser lefty arguing on instagram instead of doing literally anything else

>>16507717
That wasn’t me, that was one of the Orphic Hymns.


Hmm. Perhaps Eunomia or Themis would be better suited, but my gut tells me Athena and her owl are right. I will do my best, anon. Thanks for the inspiration and thoughtful response.

>>16507786
you're right but I stopped with this. I was naive okay? fuck

>>16507747
I've heard that before, multiple times, and to a degree you're correct if you mean "demon" as the Greek "daemon", which is a divinity or supernatural being of a nature between gods and humans. You probably mean that I communicate with the Devil and his evil little minions though. For the record, I have spoken with Jesus several times and he was a graceful, chill, all around pleasant entity to speak with. He's given me advice a few times. I haven't tried speaking to Lucifer, Beelzebub or Satan/The Devil yet, but thanks for reminding me. Once I establish the proper boundaries and protections I'll have to give them a listen, because multiple points of view are always needed to see the whole picture. If you're really concerned about Devil worship and "the evils of the path of Lucifer" then pick up a gun and go be tomorrow's headline as you try to kill as many CEO's and deep state heads as you can. They have a body count and a rape count or adults and children that would make Marquis de Sade vomit. If you don't have the will to do that, then shut the fuck up, go outside and sit under a tree to enjoy the gift of God's nature. Maybe it'll remove the clench from your asshole without you having to pray for a miracle first.

>>16507792
My mistake. Whatever it is you do, make sure it comes from the gut and soul and you'll never have to worry over it. Good luck, anon.

>>16507760
Unfortunately I'm not trained in any medium of art. I relate my vision to you so maybe you could also interpret them. One of my visions was a half open gate, through which you could see an empty dark room and figure on fire (a man or deity?) sitting on a throne. Another one was a set of arrows moving in disharmony, then a figure appeared and directed them all upwards and then they all assembled together into a great tower. Honestly after these visions I'm almost afraid of meditating.

>>16507836
The fear is natural, but it passes. Nothing lasts, and all flows, as Heraclitus put it. Meditate more, and record each vision to the best of your ability. Often times when we look into ourselves we get shaken by what we see and ask, "THAT'S somewhere inside me?" I had a dream not too long ago that shook me up pretty hard after it brought to light my fears and hates towards academia and my negative associations as a kid. As far as your vision goes, this is my take. Don't treat it as gospel, and do some additional research on dream symbology.
The half-open gate is a doorway you've opened partially, or has been opened to you partially. This could mean a new way of thinking or a budding skill/idea that you're not completely ready for. The burning figure could represent creative potential, vitality, and change as fire is an old symbol for energy. The arrows could be ideas, efforts or people working apart from one another and conflicting without the energy needed to make them fly straight. The figure is the force needed to direct and send off those arrows to build up a great work or idea possible when they are all unified in their path. Arrows are symbols of action and direction, towers are structures that we build to provide protection and stability. Perhaps you need to do something to fully step past the gate and address the man of fire before you can accomplish what it is you want to achieve. Look into the symbology of the tarot cards as well for ideas.

>>16507659
Onlyfans is social media, not just a content platform. It’s definitely more likely to teach men to act like spineless, worshipping simps than like people who objectify women.
When feminists say they don’t think women should be objectified, they don’t mean idol worship

>>16507954
Thank you for the response anon. Very rarely one comes across someone as knowledge as yourself. So these meditative visions are of the same nature as dreams? On that topic, I also had a dream a few months ago that I'm not sure what to make of. I saw Ahura Mazda (the deity of Zoroastrianism) very directly tell me that I must compose poetry. Did he mean it literally (that I should learn form and meter and start writing poetry), or did he mean poetry as a symbol for acts of creative expressions?

>>16507536
I could have posted this. I think it was the only degree I could stand though, I really shouldn't have gone to college at all but it's too late now

>>16508063
>spineless, worshipping simps than like people who objectify women
You're saying that like simps don't objectify women, they very much do they're just pathetic about it

>>16488478
Love you hun

>>16507307
What books to you recommend that have some good practice exercises?

>>16487966
I have recently turned 18 and the fact has slowly crept on me that soon I will have to subject myself as a cog in the ever turning machine of capitalism, even though I know it will bring me no happiness.

I have lived until now never spending more than 60 dollars a month. I didn't need it: With the right resources all games, books, and music are free. I just read, wrote, and talked with friends. The sad thing is, i'm happy. I don't need more, I have come to my own personal conclusions about life and the privilege of having the Internets Library of Babel at my finger tips and being able to exercise is enough for me personally.

But still, I will need to maintain a bare minimum to have somewhere to live and an internet connection. My greatest hope is that I can find some obscure quiet job like a library to work at to live my days out and slowly work towards things I actually care about

>>16508758
Don't go to college unless you have a solid plan and/or won't take on any debt doing so (scholarships/rich parents/being a eurofag). 21 year old senior who went to college just to delay being forced into real life for a few more years, and I'm immensely regretting it and terrified of my upcoming fate as a debtslave.

I was laid off two weeks ago and I haven't been this happy in a very long time. I think I read like six books since then. Life is good bros.

>>16508931
I shudder at the thought of debt so I've had that in mind, sorry about your situation anon. I'm poor enough to get everything up until grad school free, so Ill prob fuck around and grab a bachelors degree for something if an idea comes to mind, I just have no idea what sort of job I would want to undertake other than it requiring minimum effort

>>16508758
I had the realization when I turned 16, and spent 8 years in NEEdom. It was amazing, playing videogames doing what I wanted all day, being free, I realized all I needed in life was a PC and food. I've moved on now as I don't enjoy playing videogames all day, and might as well be in school if I'm going to spend all day studying.

However I highly advise you to get on some form of NEETbucks. If you're good with your spending you can easily live off 1k usd a month while saving up to buy your own apartment (which you can then rent out to get more money). If NEETbucks aren't an option then do an apprenticeship, in 1-2 years you'll be making enough money to only work 3-4 days a week and with proper savings/investment you'll be able to retire around 35.

>grades are simultaneously utterly meaningless due to absurd grade inflation and a confluence of a dozen other factors, but at the same time graduating with anything less than magna cum laude completely torpedoes your chances of any sort of esteemed graduate school accepting you
>have absolutely nothing other than my grades because lolcommunitycollege offered no actual connections or opportunities, and now with corona it's impossible to have any sort of relationship with a professor
>constantly an absolute neurotic mess in which absolute perfection is required, but also expected, so no sense of pride is obtained
>now my own home has turned into a place constantly associated with stress and anxiety because of garbage distance learning horseshit
>not even any social interaction to mitigate this suffering because, again, garbage distance learning
>can't take a gap year due to financial aid reasons (it's close to free and a t10 university) as well as already being an indolent piece of shit who took four years to do what was supposed to take 2.5 at community college
I fucking hate university so goddamn much.

>>16488709
In those times, quantity over quality. Reasonable choice.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1TIueyF8Ok

Capitalist innovation vs. Los Angeles chuds, you love to see it!

>>16509058
I can relate to nearly everything there, anon.

>>now my own home has turned into a place constantly associated with stress and anxiety because of garbage distance learning horseshit
Almost all my friends at uni are going through this exact experience. This shit sucks so much.

We'll make it through it though. The destination probably isn't worth it, but we'll make it.

it's going to be a sleepless night tonight... the fear of death overcomes me. my cold feet are a sure sign of a bad heart, not because it's 66F and I'm wearing no socks. the dull pain in my left bicep is a sure sign i'll have a heart attack today. i shouldn't sit at a desk so much, it's killing me, but it's the only way i can make money. my face is flush not because of that glass of wine, or because i turned the heat on...it probably has something to do with my heart.

>>16509545
Those actually sound like the symptoms of ligma

>>16509545
refine that prose a bit more, anon, and you'll have a sick and spiteful man in your hands.

>>16509567
Ligma? What's that?

>>16509567
??

>>16489208
>you should feel good because you have more material wellbeing than people in third world countries
>don't fall for the consumerist meme! bigger house or nicer car doesn't equate to happiness!
perhaps you should consume some draino, friend.

>>16489339
Fucking same brother, I can’t do this shit for another 40 years

>>16487966
Dear friend, before we meet, I would like to make one thing clear: whatever you are, I am not and I despise whatever you are with every fiber of my being. One might ask, why say such a frightening and cruel thing? Why make an enemy before you even have had the chance to see their face and everything it hides? Because I deserve no benefits of a first impression. I am nothing if I cannot make a man grow to love me from a previous state of hatred. I want you to hate me so I can overcome it.

>>16509575
>>16509639
LIGMA BALLS

honestly,...dont know where to post this... i took the sloan test today. i think thats what its called. i was shook as i read the results...

Got drunk and was cutting my wrists before I decided to lay down and listen to music while writing this. Extremely cringe, I know.

Part 1

>>16510025
Part 2

>>16510031
Part 3 of cringefest

>>16490023
Ultimately, you just have to dig, and you're right that it is time-consuming. Yes, those critic sites are terrible, full of paid ads and useless criteria (The 70 BEST LGBTIQ Novels Coming Out October 2020). Ultimately, the more they can link to, the more affiliate clicks they can potentially get, so they have no incentive to actually curate a concise, high quality recommendation. I like, at least in theory, Five Books, which is always strictly limited to five books per list, with personal comments for each. The guest recommenders they bring in won't always be to your taste, but at least it's something.

I recently started sending out a monthly newsletter with at least one relatively new literature recommendation, but it's not strictly novels. It might just be a poem from a recent magazine issue or something. I really need to read more, though.

>>16490023
>bland family drama progressive midwit "literary fiction?"
Fuck I hate this type of shit, is there a word for it? It's always so thoroughly banal but sucked off as /lit/ for being "real"

>>16510025
>>16510031
>>16510037
it's not that cringe

>>16509006
How the hell were you a neet for 8 years at 16 years old? What are you doing now?

>>16487966
I talk and no one answers me.
On whatsapp my "friend" ignores me.
On discord I talk and no one answers.
I talk to my dad and he dosent give a shit.
I talk to my mom she wants me to apologise for something I did a month ago.
I talk to my brother, he is an arrogant asshole.
I talk to my dog. He just looks at me and moves his tail.
The only one that was really genuine and wanted to talk to me was my qt drawing teacher on zoom. I stayed up until the end in the zoom-class. She asked me to talk to her to tell how I was going, I chit-chat about my life and she gave me advice. I really felt good and special while talking to her. I really like her. She is very sweet and kind. I appreciated what she did to me.
Is it much to just feel alive with somebody else?

>>16510053
Mark McGurl called it "programme writing" https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v32/n18/elif-batuman/get-a-real-degree

I have a special hole that makes me important :)

>>16510267
Don't forget to dilate or you might lose it

Why do I not have a right to do what I feel is meaningful?

>>16510286
no it hurts to do that :(

>>16510267
It's not often /lit/ is visited by the collective groupmind of all women, welcome milady, would you like to cry about something ephemeral?

>>16510302
yes /: i made a lot of hamburgers and my house is full of smoke now and i’m cramping and i am deeply insecure about my appearance /:

>>16510302
I don't feel like crying about you so nah

>>16510310
go away tranny! you’re not me!

>>16510025
>>16510031
>>16510037
Stop hurting yourself or I'll fuck you. I dont want to see any more gay self harm bullshit like this again or I'll get you.

>>16509902
Why are you letting some gay test bully you ?

I'm afraid of balding but mainly I'm afraid of getting a job and being terrible at it and getting blamed on it because of my mistakes. Also I'm terribly afraid of working AND being poor nonetheless, I'm not asking for riches, I just want a normal comfy life.. I want peace.

>>16510147
To clarify I started being NEET at 16, until 25.

>What are you doing now?
Studying biology and psychology 8 hours a day, then spending the rest as I please. I make enough money off renting half my apartment out to pay for school and neetbucks covers everything else.

>>16510437
Are you studying biology and psychology at college or uni or by yourself? I became a neet at 15 but I'm not nearly as productive as you.

>>16510468
I started just psychology at uni and ended up adding in a double major as I realize I couldn't fully understand psychology without bio.

It's funny how feminism is all about respect for female bodies AND equality but it has no qualms about shaming male bodies.

The most universal example of this is penis size. It's a sin to comment about a woman's inadequacy because her boobs are pathetic or her ass is too small, but if a man's penis is too small, that means he deserves to be a laughing stock. Penis-shaming is an actual thing: and it's an indictment of our wrongheaded norms that it's still considered fair game. The male body, despite being vilified by radical feminism, is still openly subject to the abuses it claims are injustices. (this applies also to muscularity, height, etc).
No wonder there is an adverse reaction against feminism by "incels" (misunderstood young men). Feminism sees them as prey.

Why should I not be allowed to sleep and arise as I please?

Nothing

>>16510913
Simply because you aren't powerful enough. Amass enough power and you will be able to do as you please.

>>16487966
Is this place more of a blog about what retards think about all sorts of topics in philosophy, culture and whatnot, but not literature?

>>16510913
Because it would upset your mother

There is nothing new under the sun, no thing that has not already been thought of by someone. Year after year the same ideas are presented to me, clad in new clothing, maybe a little different manner to avoid calling it plagiarism, but ultimately, there is nothing new under the sun.

The same product is sold again with different packaging, the same points argued again by a different mouth, with different words. Nothing which was not already said will, and can be said, and no counter to it can be presented without it having been presented times innumerable before.

But still I should not succumb to despair at this unchangeable unoriginality of all: I should still think, even though many people wiser than me and dumber than me have though of the same thing and reached the same conclusions. For a person's life is limited and he can't ever see all of those thoughts. Inevitably, some texts get lost in time and some thoughts are not even written down for others to see.

A person's wisdom is also limited; he cannot even begin to see the numerous connections between things and how ultimately as there is no new thing, everything is the same, but different.

Still, one should not stop striving for the impossible; for to stop is to stagnate, and time does not stop, but leaves you behind. One should not stop striving to be better, even though he knows he can never be perfect. Likewise, one should not stop doing good deeds even though he can never be perfectly good.

When I was 6, I looked back at my past thoughts and past experiences, and thought: "How foolish I was. Now I know better." Now that I'm an adult I look back at when I was six, and think: "How foolish I was. Now I know better." And ultimately, the only thing I know better, is the fact that every passing year I will look back at myself and think the same.

There is nothing new under the sun.

>>16510886
it all makes sense that although it began with earnest origins it has become a tool to exaggerate the female asymmetry in (short-term) selection. To comment on a women's inadequacies is to strike at the core of their power over men (In the short-term). Truthfully although women clearly care about those aspects when it comes to a partner, their real mission is to get a man with power and money so in a sense they're more sensitive to the short-term since it is in this domain that they're more powerful in as well as being subject to a overall shorter reproductive window. To summarize, commenting on a mans body and pointing out its shortcomings are only marginal to the mans possible reproductive success (since he can gain money and power) while pointing out shortcomings on a women's body is harmful since it is the tool which contains all the women's power in the short-term domain.

Fuck me, looking at job sites and just want to die. How do wagies put up with this shit?

The leaves are purpling above my window, cold enters through the mesh, a blanket hangs on my right shoulder and I think about food. Two unfinished books lay on the floor, my prayer mat across them, a moneyless wallet in front of me. I can do something every day, it feels like a threat. My cat lounges like a sleepy cloud while I worry about the future. My dreams echo from the future at an undisclosed location. I am alone in bed, I need to change the sheets. An aloe plant lowers its green finger into noon light, its clay pot remains atop the dresser. I’ll remember that.

>>16502235
>Being the only motherfucker in the room not sitting next to their girlfriend definitely stings.
iktf

>>16503956

>>16512445
I feel you bro. Job searching is the most undignified, shittiest thing in the world.

does this constitute a personality disorder?

>>16489422
incredibly based

>>16512445
>job searching is already painful enough for what it is and how bad the market is
>on top of that, the process is made 90% less efficient by having to wade through all the redundant/fluff jargon in every job posting
>every job posting has an entire essay worth of text with a hundred bullet points like "Exceptional interpersonal and synergistic abilities at managing and coproducing a benefactory environment for the sustainment of work efficiency and task completion in the zone of you flip burgers"

>>16513118
>>16513939
Fuck it, i'm just going to follow the example of that one anon and go innawoods

>>16489422
>The only one who's truly in control of your destiny is you, or are you just too weak to rise above a few bad cards you've been dealt?

i can't imagine being this narcissistic and deluded. the truth is most things are beyond your control including, for example, childhood circumstances which can be traumatic and have a lasting impact on your life.

>>16513374
personality disorders are pseudo-psychology.

>>16514094
You have the control to overcome past trauma and be free it of. There are people with absolutely horrible childhoods, yet still persist and rise to the top. Then there are those who have one bad event in childhood and use it as an excuse to wallow in pity the rest of their life.

Dear friend, I look forward to it.

>>16492146
back at you anon :)

>>16495322
aren't our memories altered everytime they're brought back into consciousness? It's scary to think about how reminiscing actually deteriorates our recollection of the past

>>16497629
>but instead that many others do not desire that sort of connection in the same way that I do
what would you want that's different?

>>16513115
Gae

>>16502943
you're not retarded because you're a woman, you're retarded because you have this outlook

I'm so tired I can't think but I can't fall asleep and I have to do stuff in a few hours.

>>16509902
aye we got the same results

This is your last chance babe

Don't waste it.

>>16510156
hi anon

>>16510973
yes

>>16510156
Talk to your mom faggot and set things right. she loves you. She carried you for 9 months and was your first teacher. she may seem like she has made something of what happenned between you two becuase you matter to her a great deal. Swallow your pride and show her you love her, while you still can.
I lost my mom year ago, I would do anything to make things right.


>>16511992
Well written anon, I could relate to allot of this and some of it I have gotten past it. You said.

>"How foolish I was. Now I know better." And ultimately, the only thing I know better, is the fact that every passing year I will look back at myself and think the same.
Surely that recuring thought and self growth, is proof that indeed there is something new under this sun? Each time you learn something new and conclude that you infact did not have it all sussed out. If there is one thing life, promises, its change.

I think you are correct in not resigning yourself to your troubles and concerns. Maybe things are constantly being recycled, someday, some how, something is gonna steal the carbon of our dead bodies but it wont take the form of the same creature but a diffrent form, even just a small incremental diffrence.

We are cabable of being creative and original, it comes hand in hand with the destruction of something that exists now, that may even seem dull and boring.

Get some sunshine in your lungs.

>>16510322
Ur the gay one