/lit/ - Literature

smart, handsome, fit, nice...it doesn’t mean anything when you’re a weirdo. If only I believed I was unattractive in every possible way, then I might not feel so much regret and suffering. I’m tired of girls looking at me or complimenting me when I can’t do anything about it. Surely this will somehow go away in a few years, and I’ll find a girl to marry, and it won’t be awkward at all, and I won’t have to pretend to be what I’m not.

I will never be able to atone for all of my sins. Thank God and his infinite mercy. May the saints pray for me and may God have mercy on me.

The time reads 23.25, I finished watching Kaufmans new film on netflix ten or so minutes ago, it didn't stir me to write anything about what I thought of it. I'm thirsty, I'm going to get some water and then I'm going to drink it.
I have something of a headache, it's more like prickling on my, or behind, my forehead, I'm tense, I'm bad at taking days off working-out.
And then it just stops, nothing more. That was the length of my continuous thought. Sad.

>grow up in bourgeois enclave but don’t realize it
>go off to school, see the real world
>wtf this sucks
>move back to bourgeois enclave

>>16287163
just wrote this now

It’s only going downhill from here. The only way out is down, and sink as low as you can, you still will not escape, it was never about escaping anyway, but about securing a feeling that one day, we might do just that. Escape the hell that we've built for ourselves, if only we know the walls of the cave we’ve built, after all it’s ours alone. We would’ve gone a different way, we could’ve committed suicide at 17, or died of a drug overdoes at 21, anyway, the wall of pain we build, into a box of torture our minds live in. The best part, our hearts run this prisoners asylum, we are only temporarily granted residency, just us, and me myself and I. Could it be any other way, I’m not sure, I’ve never been able to see outside, any glimpse of light is overshadowed immediately by overwhelming darkness. My out view is bleak and sullen, but it does end. That I can be eternally thankful for. This nightmare will last 100 years at most, definitely less, considering the cigarettes and beer, always with the cigarettes, it’s a suicide mechanism, not yet understood, suicide by the pack, sold legally and delivered straight to you. Pleasurable suicide, not like pills, or gunshots, but direct slow death and I love every inhale. My life gets shorter with each cigarette and I can be thankful for that, thankful for every single one. I haven’t taken too kindly to this life, almost as if I know there’s something else out there for me, a home I know exists, but can’t quite get to. I can feel it, but can’t see, taste, or touch. The closest I get is sound, sounds are the signal of what comes after, an affirmation in this present life of what comes after. Not just any sounds, birds chirping, drums beating, the soothing sound of voice, a bass line in the background. All signs of the other side bleeding through, nothing to worry though. It all ends in a flash, all pain is extinguished and you are soon forgotten. Ask anyone if they know their great-great-grandparents. They don’t, and are lying if they do. Rare exceptions of course, teenage pregnancy after teenage pregnancy, yes you will know your great great, but rare. I was going to cry, but decided to write this instead, I felt the tears welling up, thinking of past regrets and unfortunate circumstances, drinking my beer, made this little thing up. Let it flow straight from the beating heart. Not that it will matter in the end. We all won’t matter in the end. All is forgotten. I already said that, but what hurts being said twice, except a painful insult, or the truth, it only needs to be said once. Understand or not, you will be understood.

overwhelmed
cornflakes are nice

>>16287254
when darkness cover my eyes, and after that, the firmament of Creation is removed revealing the unseen world in all its immense dimension and colour, I will cry of relief that truly He is great this God of mine, and then I will cry in anger, wishing to tear my hair from my head, throw ashes on myself, for all the times I denied Him, for all the times I didn't thank Him and for all the times I did not give praise. I would wish to praise Him eternally if I were to see His infinite glory "how is it possible" I'd ask "how can such love as Yours be possible". "If I could love you back so much as a 1% of a 1% of the love you give me, and yet even that is far beyond my reach."

Truly I am nothing, I am a bum with a hole in my shoe, lid of my top hat open like a can of soup, I'm a toothless lowlife, I am a worm

>>16287218
What do you mean when you say weirdo?

>>16287254
>>16287812
What did you guys do that filled you with such guilt?

An animal which is self-conscious... who could have created such a pitiful thing?

>>16287856
socially awkward, can’t talk to new people, rarely relating to the average person. Some of the comments I remember were “sad boi hours” and “you look like you don’t want to be here” and “keep your head up.” I’m not depressed but I look like it, I’ve always looked like it. A few years ago I was with my mom at the grocery store and the lady at the register who knows my mom said “what’s wrong with him?” even though I was normal. My facial expressions, my words, my quirky habits, everything I do is weird. Still, I can be funny and nice, but this sort of requires that I’m already familiar with someone and comfortable around them, so it seems as though my best chance of being with a girl is under the condition that we know each other well before any sort of romantic tension is lingering in the air. If I tried to meet a new girl and ask her out, I would just bore her to death. Though even if she knew me well and were obligated to spend a lot of time with me in a relationship, the same thing might still happen.

>>16287163
Jews, gays, trandgenders, feminists, BLM supporters, black and white niggers that accept the idea of gender fluidity and the loser incel comunist niggers that want to give someone something that didn't earn or attain by working his ass of to get which will be the main reason for the collapse of society should be all executed. Anyone can add to this list.

>>16287918
>socially awkward, can’t talk to new people, rarely relating to the average person.
I am much the same. As much as possible, don't bother with the "average person." Have you ever met a kindred spirit?

>>16287923
What useful contributions have you made to society? What stupid faggot job do you have?

>>16287918
basically I’m boring and expressionless and I don’t get out much, especially around people I don’t know well

>Friday evening (Yuropoor)
>I do not feel like going out
>Decide to play Factorio with one of my best friend, that gifted me with that game yesterday
>We spent two and half hours gaming online together, much fun as usual
>Finished to play, he disconnects
>Remorse kicks in
>"I should have read, I'm almost done with the Recherche by Proust"
>"I should have wrote something, lately I'm being unproductive
>"I should have studied, I've an upcoming exam"
>"I should have gone out with my friends, so that maybe I could had the 1% of probabilty to interact with females because I'm desperate and I'm almost like him >>16287218

Man, how can I cope with the fact that often, when I do something, I've the remorse for not doing the opposite, when I have the choice?

>>16288000
It pains me to see someone who will not allow themselves enjoyment without guilt

>>16287950
>What useful contributions have you made to society?
One time I broke a black lives matter supporter nose and nearly made him blind for nearly hitting me and calling me a stupid racist and sexist.
What stupid faggot job do you have?
Building houses and fixing cars.
Now get back to plebbit.

>>16288025
The problems are two:
-I always feel the need to be productive
-I have the phobia of missing chances with girls

This thread is shit. Everything I like is now shit. Every small joy is ruined. You people are fucking horrible. And you know it and you can't help it. Goddamn wretched bastards.

The greatest moral injury which capitalism has inflicted onto us, is the revelation of our immense and immediate inadequacies.

>>16288034
>working class guy falls for transparent divide and conquer tactics
Sad

I mean you are fucking useless. Absolutely useless. I marvel at what a shitshow it all is and will become. You are what humbles an ambitious God.

People are easily led by the false belief that, after having witnessed failure, their awareness of the mistake enables them to avoid it. When I say people I am really thinking about myself, but also the users of this site. 20 year old internet users stumble across pictures of fat, ugly 30-40 year old men with zero glamorous prospects in life, who are bound to a wage-slave job, who lack self-awareness, who have no friends or little family to speak of and who have burnt the remnants of passion or hope so they do not feel anymore - and to think that this person could have once been a youth with slight potential is both sad and funny. You see examples of romantic failures, of orbiters pining over average women, and you wonder how could someone be so delusional? All my life I thought that I was above what seemed like nonsense. I had seen so many people waste time over nothing, spend energy thinking about a single person who was not a genius or particularly beautiful. Clearly I would never allow another human being to have so much influence over my own person. And then it happened to me. I went on a few dates with someone- during which I didn't even realize how much of my daily life had been totally overshadowed by my romantic imaginations, how much I would think about this person, how everything was ultimately connected to them- and then at some point in time the adventure was cut short. I was left on an island and the boat set sail for another journey, and in my mind I had built up the idea with all its foundations that we were destined for each other (this I did not think, but felt instinctively). You'll find all sorts of ways to connect your history, your interests, and your flaws so that every piece of information becomes precious. And all their faults and blemishes are in fact, perfections, like the curves in a river or the veins in a leaf. They are simply natural and irreplaceable and you will forgive all of it. Even for lying.

Anyway, I don't know why I wrote this. I am retarded.

Perhaps if Christ had lived, he knew he would have to look at you, and know you.

Should I unleash you upon the stars? They are divine and you are so ugly.

>>16287938
>Have you ever met a kindred spirit?
yeah, 12 year old girls

Perhaps if I fix everything and design some perfect system, I can hide your limitations from myself.

I hate work. Thank god for this three day weekend. I dont wanna go back.

>>16287722
This but with one addition at the end
>bourgeois enclave no longer exists
Fuck

I just don't know anymore guys.

>>16288922
that's ok !

I really don't know what's going on in politics anymore, whose good and whose bad. It's hard.

i really like qawwali:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V1vwK8tC9c

>>16287951
You describe yourself as smart, but you're too self absorb to realize that socializing is a skill. There's a reason they call it social skills. Good parents push their kids to do sports or extracurricular activities not because playing sports or doing theater or whatever by itself is beneficial, but because it allows teenagers to get all their awkardness and social missteps out of the way at a time when these mistakes are common and inconsequential. People who don't train their social skills at a young age end up making teenager tier faux pas well into their 20s and beyond.
If you don't want to be a weirdo, then unlearn it. Force yourself to socialize. Force yourself to be expressive. Intentionally develop the skill.

>>16288984
That pic is a testament to how well written New Vegas was

I've spent the last half hour fascinated by a series of etchings by French artist Jacques Callot called Les Grandes Misères de la guerre (The Great Miseries of War). It's about the brutal 30 Years War that ravaged Germany during the 1600s.
It depicts a relentless sequence of events, from enrolling the eager troops, to pitched smoky battle, to cruor-caked pillaging and raiding villages, houses, and monasteries, to cruel highway robbery, grinning retributive justice, happy torture, and a particularly gruesome image of a tree absolutely decked with thin hanging corpses like some macabre nightmare willow. Then comes more hanging, torture, execution, and, breaking with the trend, one sad and lonely etching of a hospital tending to the sick and dying. Then more beggars and the mortally wounded, cast about like detritus and littering their wasted towns. At last the people fight back and there is one scene of enraged peasants clubbing, stabbing, and trashing surprised soldiers.

But the most truly haunting image of them all comes last. It's called Distribution des récompenses (Distribution of rewards). It displays a crisp and stately affair of court, where the king, unblemished and unperturbed and obscenely ignorant, meets with his composed and calm generals and doles out titles and other gifts of state as the din of laughter and clink of wine glasses resound.

My life entered stage three. First stage I was a naive child unaware of his surroundings and himself. It's bliss but also without substance or meaningful memories. Second stage I tried to make something of myself, moved out, went to uni, tried to make new friends, had a job and so on. This stage was psychologically painful to a point of near psychosis and acute depersonalization. Yet in that phase I gained life experience and had some good memories because at least I tried and I did some good things. Now at stage three I have given up, am back with my parents, have nothing to do all day. Psychological pain has been replaced with physical pain, my hemorrhoids are killing me, I am glad if I have day that is not full of pain, and I have to lye in bed most of the day. Going outside makes me realize how much my body is rotting, after a few minutes I start to feel exhausted and then several parts of my body start to hurt. I'm not derealized anymore but I can't stand even the slightest level of stress, I'm simply shutting down and just somewhat try to make it in my room to lay down and rest my head. I don't have the energy to be anxious. Despite everything I am still glad that my mental suffering is not as bad as it used to be. The physical pain feels more real and although it can be horrible at least I know what's going on. Will there be a stage four? Or am I just going to die slowly from this point on? It does seem logical to me. I tried to love a good life and I felt. Normal life is not for me. Laying down feels much more Natur to me. Seems like this is what my psyche was made for from the beginning. And if the physical pain becomes too overwhelming I can put an end to it quickly rather than waiting for death to arrive on it's own. I think I found my path. That's the true wizard path maybe.

>>16289546
have you seen a doctor?

>>16289050
No, you're too self-absorbed to understand when someone is declining your companionship. Or wanting to maintain a polite, professional distance. They may even be rude if they can't get away from you, because you have somehow blocked the exits. They don't want to befriend you. They think your overly-affable demeanor hides something far more sinister. They think you're either an idiot or a psychopath.

>>16289768
>They think you're either an idiot or a psychopath.
oh shit I forgot when a girl on video chat literally said “oh you look evil” the second she saw me. Wtf

thanks to anon who posted the zizek vid in the thread that got deleted.

>>16289768
>>16289786
You replied to your own post, which is pretty self-absorbed. Anways, it's not productive to hammer on that point. You might be an actual psychopath, which doesn't mean you're a bad person. It just means you're 1% of the people whose brain is constituted that way. Rather than clinging to this defeatist mentality, you should learn how to harness your powers. Many psychopaths are highly effective people, charismatic leaders, and the like.

Have you ever thought about getting your head checked? Therapy is not a sliver bullet but it may unravel whatever the root of your problem is. My advice would be, learn how to turn your lemons into lemonade and take on a more assertive, applied persona.

>>16289768
Also, don't let stupid normies rule your world. If there is anything exceptional about you, you will seem like an alien to ordinary people.

“To be alone is the fate of all great minds—a fate deplored at times, but still always chosen as the less grievous of two evils.”

>>16289848

>>16289848
>>16289862
yes I see what you mean. The hard part is balancing your own personality with what people expect from you. Maybe I should go to the extreme and just be myself at all times. I might be less awkward that way

>>16289873
What are you trying to say?

You can't fall silent in times of crisis and then threaten hellfire when you don't get your way. I've heard your silence from a very young age. I've watched you melt into the shadows only to burst into the limelight once the trouble has passed. I know how completely useless you are in a way others don't. I've heard your silence.

When I was very young, I was given a crushing decision to make. I wanted to hand this responsibility to someone else, but no one would take it from me. I knew even then that it was shameful to give something like that to someone so young, but I made the decision anyway.

>>16289848
You are an overzealous gaslighter and a fool. That's probably for the best. If I were to lead anyone, I wouldn't want you to be among them.

>>16289885
It's hard not to view yourself in terms of what others think of you, but it's ultimately a bad habit. It cages you in. It could easily be that the problem is with them and not you, and you just haven't found "your people" because you're forced to interact with shit-for-brains chaff.

>>16289907
>>16289885
I feel like I'm talking to two people now and am very confused.

>>16289915
new to 4channel?

>>16289928
I've got some news for you. I don't give a fuck about you. I thought I'd do something nice for a stranger and give you some constructive input, but you're clearly oblivious to your shitty attitude and I wouldn't be surprised if this lack of self-awareness continues to haunt your time on earth.

>>16289908
>It cages you in.

One of the easiest intellectual pitfalls to be caught in is the idea that any sort of ultimate truth must be a simple idea at its core. There is a quote I learned from the Civilization games where it states that if the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. There is no reason this logic can't apply to philosophy as well.

Im going to visit the psych and ask for meds which would make more a better person even if its temporary. The current me is pathetic, cowardly and talentless maggot.

>>16290204
There is a line from Blood Meridian that I like enough to have memorized, "A man's at odds to know his mind cause his mind is aught he has to know it with."

there is no second america. there will never be a 2nd chance at the constitution, damn it

ive forgotten how to read devnagari and i feel fucking retarded

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4z2qPZS0K8&t=2361s

>>16288062
Reading books is not productive

This anglo babbling about birds is the best thing I've read in months. Cheers to the various anons who shilled it into my queue.

>>16287163
I really, truly miss old /lit/.
/lit/ doesn't actually do anything anymore. It's just two dozen threads of "women suck"/"I'm depressed"/">your philosophy is wrong"
no one works together to write a book,
no one re-arranges covers to make dick jokes, no more "what I expected/what I got"
no more cringe threads that aren't /pol/shit
and the last time I made a roll thread, it got deleted.
what a miserable shithole this place has become. it's a cesspit of absolutely nothing.
I hate that I'm so desperate for human interaction that I can't leave this fucking place. I miss it so much, anons

>>16287163
They're over me and it's my fault

>>16290354
I highly disagree

the thing about being an overthinker is first it feels pretty good because you feel real smart-like and like you got things figured in realms the normies will never reach. you constantly feel like you're one or two good thoughts away from solving it man, from finding that perspective, that thought, that will give you peace of mind. Well it's been a number of years and the time has not come. What I do have to show for it is a head full of a mish-mash of ossified shit that now, rather than frees my thoughts, control them by forcing me down trodden, and proven to be meaningless, often by now quite painful paths. Really it is the prize of arrogance to rot away in a prison of your own mediocrity.

>>16291147
This

i just wanted to share a song ive been listening to. anyone else a fan of jazz? what are some books that are tangentially related to jazz? not looking for a jazz history or jazz dissection book. just looking for some cheeky author that name drops jazz or has jazz somehow interplay into the plot/character/whatever.

also, dixieland jazz is not a racist term. FIGHT ME ON THIS.

https://youtu.be/7x83ffKWldY

I wanted to read like 200 pages and finish the second part of The Karamazov Brothers today, but my fucking neighbour has been mowing his cunting lawn for the past two hours and I can't fucking concentrate. I fuckin hate this prick he's always making noise all the time, it's like I'm living next to a fucking mechanics.

>>16291175
You should stop being a Mitya and be an Alyosha, anon

>>16291162
I appreciate the song, thank you

>>16291188
I think even Alyosha would start getting a bit annoyed if for four years straight all he could hear all day long was lawnmowers, power drills, electric saws and whatever the fuck else this cunt's got in his shed that makes far too much noise.

>>16291147
Good post. On a related note, being an overthinker makes you realise how little other people reflect and ponder, or at least the extent to which they push away thoughts that they find uneasy. Thus, when you speak your conclusions, they come across as alien - as if you're the one removed from how the world works. Idk, this probably sounds a tfwtoosmart post but surely other anons can relate in a way.

>>16291225
for sure. you realize at some point that you are now your own culture, which is pretty damn lonely

>>16291239
I feel lonely pretty much all the time. Only a little less so when I'm with close friends. Fucking hell. I can't speak my full mind even then.

>>16291225
While it's fun to shit on the normies, I sometimes think freethinking is kind of overrated and not in anyway necessary for the majority of people, even harmful if let run wild.

>>16291266
Who cares for the majority of people though. Thought never developed on the back of them. The "majority" didn't write the better texts discussed on here. I don't disagree that thinking can fuck you up. But for the minority of people, it is hardwired for them to be investigative. It's not an on/off switch either. With being wired this way comes a dissatisfaction with conventional wisdom.

>>16291193
anytime frendo
https://youtu.be/Wql_0fO25hI

>>16291253
we'll always have shitposting anon

>>16291324
You guys are my real frens

I feel bad any time I get drunk because it means I can't read that night

>>16291398
why are those two things mutually exclusive?

>>16291400
I don't retain as much when I read drunk so it feels like a waste of time

>>16291442
then read easy stuff? everything you read doesn't have to be a learning experiance. and, you know what they say: The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time

shaking my dick muhfuggah bitch

id like to be normal for once

>>16291465
define normal

>>16291469
healthy mind and body, functional and productive in society

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrhUyxWa4GE

>>16291496
yeah, okay, fair.

>>16291496
>>16291522
but I think maslow's pyramid is a much more productive metric to strive for

>>16291532
>intimate relationships
heheheh

>>16287741
you probably have some really interesting ideas, but this is just so poorly written that i can't be bothered reading it

>>16291532
>intimate relationships

I woke up this morning not with a hangover but with perfect clarity of mind. Suddenly I know what to do. It's a Christmas miracle.

>>16292149
>Suddenly I know what to do
what ?

I don't understand most of the metaphors I read I just pretend I do and carry on reading. "are the sun and moon at war with eachother?" what the fuck does that mean? Am I meant to get some form of understanding from it? Enter some emotional state? "help the fly out of the fly bottle" What the fuck does it mean? Is there meant to be some universal truth it's hinting towards? Think I might be autistic.

Meditation is the path towards happiness.
I am trying to stop myself from the social media crack age which brings me no happiness or fullfillment.
I am not calling the internet a bad tool or anything like that, people just gotta learn to use technology in a constructive way. Sometimes my relationship with the internet is that of a consumer who gets consumes irrelevant bullshit like a heroin addict.

>>16292379
i also want to quit social media but its very hard, i tried switching my instagram feed to food and pictures of animals but id still catch myself looking at thots for some hours. For any anons out there discord is also social media but more like one big group chat. Id argue worse because you will develop a habbit to check it more often than other apps. Theres still people to impress, excpectations and pressure on you, people will be asking whats going on in your life then shame you for going against the grain in decisions assuming you in some kind of online friend group.

Theres a solution though, you can use discord for language learning and to discuss your favorite hobbies, to discuss books in a book club or learn new skills. Instagram for nice pictures of animals and inspiration to cook, to keep up with friends you havent talked to in a while.

This shit needs to be used with extreme caution if you do insist on participating in the spectacle

Why do women shave their eyebrows? I like thick eyebrows so this pisses me off.

I went to a bakery and the cashier had pretty eyebrows but she shaved it and drew one and this made me angry.

Why does synthwave feel like the music my soul prefers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQ6m9w6mcjU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OXc6dbaL08
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4IIO0pOL7M

>>16291496
This is neat

>>16292473
>looking at thots for hours
What in tarnation

Things are torelable right now but i'am still sure i will blow my brains one day.

>>16287163
I have learned to embrace my hatred instead of hiding from it. Hatred is pure energy, more powerful and more human than any other emotion. Love can give you purpose but hatred gives you the power to achieve it. The more you love something, the more you will hate its enemies. Hatred is the corollary expression of love, whether it be of oneself or another. Love as a weapon is like bribery while hatred is a sword: there is no substitute for real force. Hatred overcomes fear and cowardice, lust and temptation, apathy and complacency. It can be transmitted and passed on between people over generations. It can be directed at almost anything: people, ideas, institutions, etc. We have been castrated by our fear of hatred. There is no will to act because as long as we can remain comfortable, we can pretend to live in love. But love cannot exist without hate. All that is hated is that which threatens our ability to do nothing.

>>16292347
Don't look at them as stand-alone statements. You're supposed to take the meaning from context and let the metaphors make it more vivid.

>>16292306

>>16288089
that comma is bugging the shit out of me.

>>16293018

No meme answers please.
Anyone here tried cutting down on meat or going straight up vegetarian/vegan?
I think I'm eating more meat than is healthy + exploiting animals bad + environment and shit. Anyway, it seems like the only option is to cook at home. Anyone got comfy tasty recipes or reccs how to build ones diet to be healthy and cut down on meat (like, once a week could be fine, right?)
If the organizations supporting veganism are so ethical and altruistic, why is vegan lifestyle such a business? If I imagine being a vegan while not cooking for myself, it just seems like a very expensive and untasty experience.

>>16292018
>>16292075
What are you doing to build those? Posting about hating women?
Honestly if you >tfwnogf while not doing anything to get one, you should think.

>>16293035
Blame, capialism

>>16291175
I think I'm going to manage anyways lads. Been reading all day in spite of the incessant noise, and I've only got the last little 20 page chapter about Zossima to go before I'm done with the sixth book, and with that the second part.

>>16293093
You do realize that relationships are built on two people. You can try as much as you want but if other people are not interested in you - nothing will happen.

man it's just one of those days when you're sure none of it is gonna work out, when it seems like the most likely outcome is you're gonna die in a ditch somewhere. Maybe you don't explicitly think so but it's clearly the implication of where everything is headed. It's one of those days when you feel you desperately need to do something- something, desperately needs to be done- but you really don't have it in you even to just sit up, much less read or do taxes or go for a walk or whatever it may be. it's a day of not too terribly profound helplessness, a despair that all things considered is not quite crushing. I absolutely feel like everything is going to go wrong, and at the same time I sort of feel like this feeling will have gone away by tomorrow, and that come monday I'll be back in the saddle, burning myself again for whatever it is I am making of this life. I just wish I could read something profound... The idea that "doing nothing" might actually be the best course of action, that it might, perhaps, be what the old cognitive machinery wishes for the most... Well, it feel wrong, but to be honest it seems right. And so I shall stay in bed watching esports for the rest of the day. I shall eat sandwiches and water for dinner even though I have food I could cook. I shall practice patience and feel content that there is nothing else to do, and that maybe there is some wisdom in this too.

>>16287163
I'm getting drunk again tonight. I know I drink too much. I've been drinking too much since I was seventeen years old. I'm not an alcoholic, I know what it sounds like, that cliché but I can stop whenever I want to. I've done it before, with a dozen different things, a dozen different times. But the thing is, I don't want to. I want to burn my brains out. I think, "I'm drinking too much. This is too much, I gotta stop" and then I put down the bottle and I think "Yeah, but why?" You live alone, who cares? It's the same reason I used to smoke: I just want to kill myself in pieces. Just a little bit off the top here. A bit off there. Who isn't afraid to die? But I believe god is a slime mold, and one day, when I die, I'll become a mindless single cell of that divine, metaphysical organism, and sometimes I can't wait.

>>16293599
you deserve to be loved anon

>>16293279
>if other people are not interested in you - nothing will happen
Correct.
if you are an uninteresting whining bitch, other people are not interested in you.
But you can change that! I'm not saying becoming an improover is the way, but educating oneself and perhaps training the physique (which has many other benefits) will get you interesting enough to get friends. Getting friends will make you meet with people and meeting enough people eventually leads to a relationship for *anyone* willing.
Saying that, if you are a supreme gentleman narcissist incel (which can also be worked on!) and only are interested in super hot models, this doesn't yet apply to you (because you simply aren't willing).

>>16293599
when it's 1am and you're about to get your nth drink, think of this post and don't
chug a water and go to bed then tomorrow you can read or write and make something of the day
or don't and spite me, but i'll be thinking about you

>realize idea I have is idea I had a long while ago
I'm both impressed and disappointed

>>16292065
yea it's not great at all, wrote it in less than 5 minutes, no editing, gonna keep writing and trying to improve

>>16290655
>I really, truly miss old /lit/.
Sure. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDrz2LGMVwA
>/lit/ doesn't actually do anything anymore. It's just two dozen threads of "women suck"/"I'm depressed"/">your philosophy is wrong"
That sums it up pretty well.
>no one works together to write a book,
Just start a thread, what is there to loose?
>no more "what I expected/what I got"
Oh no, what a waste.
>I hate that I'm so desperate for human interaction that I can't leave this fucking place. I miss it so much, anons
Currently there are few people around me that are good for discussions. Even with their academic titles most I know are bores and can only talk about what they watched on Netflix. It's easier to have that a good discussion 4chan.

>>16293638
>>16293663
You're both good people, anon. Thank you.

>>16293783
>>no more "what I expected/what I got"
>Oh no, what a waste.
yeah, it was annoying, but at least is was fucking something. at least it was more than this shit.

>>16293069
>I think I'm eating more meat than is healthy
Stupid meme. How much meat do you eat? Unless you are getting fat by eating too much but I doubt that. People get fat by sweets, not by lean chicken breast. Read some academic papers. Tandfonline has free ones, Springer as well. Come one, show me what the academics say if you don't trust me. Don't just go to the conclusion, read all of it to see how they created they study. Or ask your doctors. Not a single doctor told me to eat less meat (600-1200 gram/day). Full hair, no pain, healthy body at 27.
Youtube blogs, Instagram and what your friends tell you is usually bullshit and broscience.
>exploiting animals bad + environment
Are you going to stop flying as well?
Work at national parks/ environmental foundations or plan on switching to these organisations?
No? Then it's just lifestyle for unhappy westerners that cannot bear their existance.
My advice: read On the Genealogy of Morality

>>16293599
>tfw drinking doesnt help

>>16292572
because its epic

>>16292890
Make sure guns are out of reach forever then.

>>16293863
>My advice: read On the Genealogy of Morality
Yeah I may wanna do that.
I'm not led to it by my friends, also not planning on telling anyone about it. Honestly the biggest reason is knowing in what vile conditions many million animals live.. I don't care about chicken and fish (although those die painfully) because I honestly think they are just dumb and don't have empathy for them.. but pork and beef give me some guilt.
I can totally see slaughterhouses being once seen similarly as how we see the holocaust today.

>>16293069
Find small, local farmers.
Those with small flocks don't fuck up the environments, some small beef/pork farms even has a negative carbon print.

Every fall, I buy half a pork and a quarter of a beef to small farmers in the villagers nearby. The pork guy has like 20 porks every year. They live in meadows and woods. Same for the beef, they live in grasslands and graze and all. Those farms don't fuck up the environment and I think it's more important to encourage these kind of businesses than just completely remove meat from your life.

Because, you know, I'm not saying that nobody eating meat anymore would be bad. It would actually be pretty good in general. But it's NEVER EVER going to happen.

What could happen is the empowering of small, environmental/animal friendly farms comparatively to those horrible, large industrial ones.

>>16293871
DELET

>>16293926
I see it the same way btw, I don't like slaughterhouses and I do feel sorry for the chicken but I still eat them. My goal is to fish and hunt, so that the animals may have had at least some freedom in their life. However currently I cannot do that, hopefully in the future.

Has anyone here ever transitioned from post-by-post roleplaying to actually writing something by themselves? Was it hard to do?

>>16294043
I haven't yet.

People can never truly understand one another. By 'truly', I mean perfectly. For people to perfectly understand each other they would have to have same experiences that the other has had, and no more than that.
Imagine two humans, who are twins they stand side by side. Then a spherical object appears before them, exactly the same distance from both. Even if they are similar in their looks their experience is not the same because the one who is on the right sees the ball in his left side and the one who is on the left sees it on his right side. For them to see it on exactly the same angle, and in exactly the same point in their field pf vision. If they are at the exact same location, is there any difference between, are they the same person?
What if the twins are standing opposite each other and the ball is between them? This fails because it would require that the ball was the same from every side. If the ball has a small dent on the other side, only of the twins sees it, and their experiences differ. This would also require perfect symmetry from their environment.
What if the twins are both raised in an identical environment, without meeting each other? They would have to be raised in exactly the same environment, and this is impossible. All things they encounter would have exist in two locations at a time.
And the human can not simulate universe to such degree that one could simply imagine the same experiences.
Therefore, for two people to perfectly understand each other they would have to be the same person, the same individual. And if people were one, there would not be 'other' to understand.

please answer, you know that I get paranoid about being ignored

>>16294426
yes?

I wish I knew about the liberal arts meme degree before I entered college. I would've chosen a more useful path. Now I'm stuck making $16/hr. All that hard work and I imagined I'd be rewarded for it but turned out it was all for nothing. Still, I have nobody but myself to blame.

Maybe I'll go to law school. Can't handle the real world wagie lifestyle.

>>16294426
What's on your mind fren? Are you referring to another one of your posts?

>>16294609
nah, I'm trying to fulfill the human need of interpersonal relationships before even attempting to touch on romantic ones(some personal reasons make these particularly difficult)
It feels as though the world is in a state where you can't hold someone on the opposite sex in high regard without the accusation of searching for sexual intimacy
I thought my list of good friends was at 2, but it feels closer to 1 with each passing day

>>16292149
I've gotten that before. It's weird but sometimes after a night of drinking I think super well.

>>16287163
no

FUCKING hell, the FAGGOT jannies just deleted a thread of actual good quality about the Iliad that had great posts and real discussion. What the fuck is their problem?

how to deal with being 5’4 and having a 3 inch dick with phimosis?

My "friends" who I have known since grade school are the biggest little bitches I know. Fucked an absolute porker of a girl last year that Dim was positively enamored with. Turned him into a blubbering mess incoherently going on and on about I'm selfish and handsome and he's ugly and fat and stupid and I betrayed him and so on even though Miss Piggy friendzoned him hard and he continued to simp for her. Georgie saw his opportunity for mutiny and encouraged Dim in his childish grudge. What a snake but he's always been a wishy washy two faced snake. Have the least respect for them I've ever had, but still I miss my droogs.

I wish I had a time machine, so I could go back and not read this
>>16295049

>>16294991
>5'4"
Get muscular, all you can do.
>3 inch dick
Just get over it. Nobody should be seeing your dick until they already like you.
>phimosis
Stretch it back each day, eventually you'll get through.

>>16295090
good advice

>pull up to the gas station on my bike
>splash attendant with water
>start laughing and he gets upset
>speak through my laughter
>"sorry kid, it's funny in picture sisyphyllis happy kind of way"
>his face reminds me of a confused emotion from my cheat sheets
>take a drag from my cig
>bike away
>mfw

i hate maladaptive daydreaming, had it since I was 8 and used it for escapism and now it’s a coping mechanism

wish I didn't bother with the other leg, they aren't even symmetrical fuarck

Friday before the store opened up and out come the dragon with twelve teeth ate a monkey screaming eating a lion like a lion party people crying wow smell my feet jews come from a very far place like opera moine craft bricks yeeehaw baby smell like a fish eat Trisha the black woman from outer space who lived in a bubble of steel and ate red heerrings for lunch and breakfast for free smell my feet little monkey black man senpai yellow yellow sun come from onion son help me little deer fear me like a crazy hobo from outer space eat the weapon second heard you like music do you or not lol but from where does the oscilating fan come from you are no fun for me crayon sam suck a twig and eat it so like a frog on a diet log epsilon vertibrae yay woohoo yippe hahahahaha i love you jesus come to me old boy young man from the plaqce the space with no windows or doors or anything thang or thing woooohoooo YES YES!!!!! crave the dinner goodbye goodnight right

>>16287163
Everywhere i look - niggers, niggers, and more niggers. Nigger music composed by niggers for niggers. Niggers fighting other niggers for things only a nigger would care about. Niggers producing a product for niggers, niggers will endlessly consume these products because they are niggers. Niggers are so far removed from the very concept of civil society that they are better off where the nigger came - the jungle. No where else is the nigger home, for the law of the jungle is the law of niggers. Outside of civil society there is no morality, no higher beliefs, no semblance of sacrifice for ones kin or community. Outside of civil society exists only war, decadence, and brutality - the very things that a nigger revels in. Niggers must be removed from non-nigger societies, for niggers will inevitability copulate faster than non-niggers, will become the ethnic majority, and destroy non-nigger civil society.

>>16295416
Very well said and I agree

How do I stop Solipsistic thought? Being schizo is a bitch. Don't even believe it just a mental reflex at this point.

>>16295416
i can't wait for the day when we all kill each other

>>16295435
I have the opposite thinking. I'm the only one who isn't really here.

>>16295455
same

Cheese on bread

>>16295459
are you a fan of the invisible man?

>>16295625
No

>>16292572
reminded me of those fashwave videos lol
here check this out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9EBiV0VkrA

I just noticed I've no talents for anything and I feel incredibly sad.

>>16295835
That's ok. Human brain very plastic. Pick something to learn and start sinking in time every day.

>>16295835
atleast you know yourself!
imagine going through your entire life being delusional about yourself

>>16295856
Pretty true actually

>>16289767
I will next week. I have high hopes but other than that I don't know what to expect.

Party time, Portland PD just declared a riot!

Dude, did you see that protestor get lit on fire by an antifa molotov? The way he runs kicking his feet up with the fire blazing is like something out of a comedy movie, check it out.

>>16295835
I wish i could feel wheres my natural affinity

I wish I could just wrap my head around the overbearing abundance of contradictions engulfing my perception of the world, I cannot find an absolute dogma to save me, and I'm not sure if I even desire one. I awake every morning having to face the comfortable hell of monotony, and I loathe it beyond the grasp of my mind. I have all I can ever dream of wanting, and I want nothing more, but something deep down, perhaps my soul? Is screaming with a gag, warning me something is wrong.

I can't finish anything I write. I have years of unfinished stories and novels. I only ever published one story, years ago, in a college paper that would have accepted anything. I write every day. I want to be a writer. I am a writer. But I will never see anything through. Once I get into anything it loses its value. I have this beautiful image of it at a glance which is of course ideal and of course disappears when I get in the thick of it. But how to stay motivated and go on and see it through to the end? There is a discipline here I lack and can hardly imagine ever learning.

Just finished watching this video by Contrapoints after plenty of badgering from the algorithm:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smQsfNw_7V4
It's honestly not what I expected, I expected philosophical analysis of the punisher or at least a mild foray into what justice is but its just pandering for 40 fucking minutes and all the takes are horrendous, especially the one about the Book of Job and Jesus's sarcasm

>>16295416
kinda your fault for bringing them over here

im back bitches
the book i placed on hold at my library is ready for pick up. however
>1) only open during the work week
>2) have limited hours
im really hoping when i call in to let them know i can pick it up that we can work out a way for me to pick up the book. i work during the week and i dont get off early enough or start late enough to swing by the library.
FUCK THIS VIRUS (at least the gyms re-opened)
>PS: thanks to that random anon a few weeks ago that introduced me to Édouard Cortès

A=A
B=

A=A is a logical statement between two people.
B= is a statement between two people. The speaker knows what he meant but the other person didn't understand. Ergo, the listener doesn't posses the B. The listener is lost and thinks that the speaker is absurd, speaking nonsense, an idiot, etc.
When in Rome, do as the Romans. When you're in Rome and some presents "A=", you are expected to complete the ritual by saying "A".
When you're honestly at a lost at the other, how do you reply?
Here I bring your eyes to the true consideration. Does our society function better with a possible "B=" even if none of the citizens understand it? Should the "B=" be commandeered by society and eradicated? Does the mysterious "B=" someone fortify society even if we don't know how?
This whole time I was talking about faggots. Now think about it and reconsider your homophobia. Maybe faggots make our society better somehow.

Yesterday I was riding on a tram and there was young and beautiful girl selling tickets(I live in a shithole eastern europe), she had outstandingly gorgeous lips I couldn't stop gazing at. She noticed me staring at her and she started to give
attention to me too. She sat in front of me, then she turned her body in profile and her face more into my direction, then couple of times she looked into my eyes, I looked at her. I wanted to say to her "Hi, how is selling going?" or compliment her passionate lips or ask her if it ok to take picture of her. But I did nothing. I walked out on my station, while she stood looking in the open window with her palm resting on the edge of it, she actually made a move to that open window as I was passing by. I have plenty of this kind of interaction with stranger woman. It's like
I'm dead and buried and only my mute ghost wandering around.

>>16297885
will to power causes people to create B= situations, because they can get you laid and/or make you feel like a god

>>16297885
What? I understand what gay say they want to fuck me, I just don't have to comply lol

>>16297885
>csfags

>>16287163
I’m feeling kind of isolated. Which is stupid because I have a partner and child. I mean I function normally, carry out my duties and responsibilities like an adult but feel a growing detachment to my life, my self and society generally. All the things I see and read on news and world events makes me feel loathsome and I feel like I relate to groups that I don’t like (racist/anarchist) maybe I just want to feel comraderie or like I’m taking positive actions for a cause. Also I cannot sleep or silence the critical voices in my mind. Plus I’m really trying to write and publish things as an alternative outlet but I don’t think I’m very good and keep getting publisher rejections. That is all.

I like wind the most out of all nature forces.

>>16298140
>I’m feeling kind of isolated. Which is stupid because I have a partner and child.
It's not stupid; it's how you feel. It's also completely normal to want to feel like you're a part of something. I'd suggest trying to join a hobby group, but because of the virus, that's sort of off the table.

I think you should sit down with your partner and explain to them how you feel. Your partner can't help you if they don't know there's an issue. Maybe you can both work together to fix it. I can't get you any advice that I'm sure that'll help, but personally, I'd suggest starting a new hobby that you've never done before. The entire process of learning about it, working at it, looking up information, maybe even joining a forum, talking to your partner about the new things you're doing and learning might, at least, give you something positive to focus on.

It is possible to subject the Buddha to a brain operation that deprives him of his enlightenment. The same is true for the stoic peace of mind and any other kind of cerebral insight. Just as a strong athlete is robbed of his skills by a fall, so is our brain in constant danger of falling and being robbed. Enlightenment is a fragile matter. That doesn't speak against it; though, not only is it no unshakeable solution, but easy to break. There is no safe haven in this life.

>>16299421
it would be very interesting to ask a spiritual master what they think. I think you're right but I really don't know

>>16293849
how'd your night go bro

>>16294928
not paid enough

I JUST WANT A GF GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK BOOKS!
FUCK READING!
FUCK PHILOSOPHY!
NONE OF THAT MATTERS IF YOU DONT HAVE A QT GF WITH CUTE FACE AND BIG BUTT
I FUCKING HATE LIFE AND MYSELF I WASTED IT ALL STARING AT FUCKING LETTERS
WHO CARES ABOUT THAT SHIT? SOME FUCKING FAGGOT WROTE SOME FAGGOT NOVEL ABOUT HIS FAGGOT FEELS 500 YEARS AGO WHO IN THE FUCKING ETERNITY GIVES A SINGULAR PIECE OF FUCK ABOUT THAT?????????
I WANT TO TOUCH SOFT FEMALE SKIN TRACE FEMALE HAIR AND KISS FEMALE LIPS FUCK BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKS

I cannot express how gay it is to have a wife and kids purely because of political reasons

buttercunt, why did you report the feminism thread

>>16287163
Becoming pretty disgusted with pointless sex and hedonistic endavours. I just want a wholesome cute gf and a nice place somewhere quiet close to nature.

There's a massive fucking spider that's running around my room, and I don't want to kill it, but it's scaring me to death and I'm too much of a pussy to get it in a glass and chuck it out my window.

He who would live must fight. He who doesn't wish to fight in this world, where permanent struggle is the law of life, has not the right to exist.

>>16301017
>implying that the law is not Love

>>16301017
ok raping your mom with a knife next week

>>16300924
How big are we talking here?

>>16301038
Sounds a bit Platonic/Christian to me, you need to go deeper

>>16301112
This. The 'might is right' thing is one of the most pathetic larps that has happened here in at least the past year. It's basically the equivalent of soi cucked libfags talking about "punching nazis." I'm sure if a black man mugged you and took your money on the street tomorrow you would dust off your shoulders and stoically proclaim that you deserved it because "might makes right!" None of you faggots believe this, you are 100% larping gamma male faggots. Complete cope.

I think it's time for magicians
for the age-old dilemma of youth

tearing down or fixing? reinventing
or invading the delta of truth?

>>16287163
These fucking californians are locusts

I've been more bothered recently on how the internet is these days, how uncommon community forums are. Most that I used to browse are either dead or dried husks. I guess it's just the dynamics of what the internet became. I have found a few interesting blogs over the years on /lit/, half of which have died. 8ch's smaller, more obscure boards were alright (/cyber/, for example), and the rest were garbage. At least it was something.
Are there any interesting internet forums left? Part of me yearns for the old, but the cynical side knows that internet forums will always corrode into a circlejerk to some degree.

>>16301243
Fucking big alright. However, it's now almost five in the morning and I can't see him anywhere, so he's either crawled into my throat while I was asleep or fucked off out my room.

>>16289801
what video pls?

I'm really scared that I don't have a soul. I watched some youtube video about making your life meaningful by doing something you love (like a job). But I don't 'love' anything. I'm not passionate about anything. I don't feel JOY and the DRIVE to do anything specific. How do people latch on to something and make it their life mission? I feel virtually no happiness doing any activity. I am sort of happy but not really when spending time with my family, but that's not a job.

I'm really jealous of people that have found some reason to be.

>>16303584
There are still plenty of chans. The age of creativity on the internet is dead though, most people online have become followers, repeaters and copy-cats instead of creators.

>>16303723

To your second point, it really is. I sincerely thought the internet was going to be used as absolute free, abstract, experimental medium. Like the book as a medium allowed us to write fiction based on what it takes to write a book. To participate in the internet is a lot easier but people default to their "real world" structuring. But it was neutered by fascists/Russians/chinese/Israel/western hegemony

>>16303723

To your first point, don't be afraid to not be validated or reaffirmed. You're experiencing unique, never before experiencied faucets of knowledge and understanding. You're exposed to a diversed group of people. When you write, who do your picture your audience to be? Who you picture your audience to be relates to your field of empathy. Most people have a tiny xenophobic field. We're lonely because our field is so wide but at the same time we're experiencing so many different lives at the same time when we try to condense our words to an audience we synthesize with our empathy and will.

Oh my goodness there he goes twirling around and around and around and giggling to himself like a madman right there in the middle of water. You know that salty bitch is begging you challenge her and drown and you might be right happy to oblige when you feel hundreds of years of nautical literature and man's great fascination with the sea all of it comes crashing down right atop your head. Oh that's right you took a drug you silly goat that's why everything looks so dang breathtaking and here you are insufferably narrating this happy drama that is your life in what you thought Jack Kerouac might sound like on and on and on and on. Yes we're all aware that you're all aware that we're all aware that you're all aware that we're all aware that you're all aware that we're all aware that you're all aware -- yeah, yeah we get it it's turtles all the way down and the big secret is to not get caught up in the recursive nature of things because it's all a game and you took a drug.

>>16303723
Other chans are alright, but there isn't really a specific /lit/-type chan. Most of the literature/political stuff I get from blogs. But I agree, the age of creativity ended. The early internet was just a blip in history that all of us caught by pure chance, it was destined to be reigned in by governments. But I think that it also speaks to what the world is, obsessed with replicating images, and no longer creative.

>>16303749
I agree. I do see a sliver of hope with the internet, of people ducking into the obscure corners of the internet the same way the desert fathers hid and created something substantial. The only hope for the internet is this "counterculture", which really has the capacity to nurture an intellectual community. Academia stay on twitter and either seethe or cry over whatever shit is being cycled through the news today. Academia is effectively dead. The future is truly grass roots.

I'm writing about writing what's on my mind which is "write what's on your mind."

>>16303749
>>16304009
im sorry but what do you even mean when you say this?
>the internet was going to be used as absolute free, abstract, experimental medium.
not trying to be an asshole but i cant even imagine anything so wildly different than what we have now, can you give me some examples or at least elaborate on what you were expecting would happen online?

I'm thinking of selling and donating my wardrobe to buy two suits to wear on all occasions, so as to start looking the part.

I'm pretty convinced that life on earth has never been worse. imagine being a boy and being socialised into the mysteries and traditions this way. Look at what we're missing, at what died.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvjdBelNFZM

>>16303675
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtIckkHsUQ4

>>16301857
What an insane level of projection. If a nigger mugs me, which won't even happen cause there are no niggers here, and if I shoot him when he turns his back, might made it right in the end. If I was dumb enough not to have a weapon on me, then might made right when I ended up on the losing side. It almost physically hurts me to witness what a dumb low IQ cowardly son of a bitch you are.

unfortunately this is a two step translation, I can't find a version of the Mesnavi in english online that has the relevant lines (book VI, v. 2369-2375)

How oft has not sharp wit, intelligence, learning,
For the wanderers of the Road, become brigands and hungry were-wolves!
Most of The Fortunate, who, for the Gardens of Paradise, are destined,
They are simple people, WITHOUT learning, so that they run, from the devils/idols of the "philosopher", away.
Strip naked! Rid yourself of book-learning and lies!
That the mercy of God may decend upon you, in every moment.
Brilliance is, to a broken and crushed heart, the Opposite;
Drive brilliance out. With foolishness make company.
Know: brilliance is a snare. It is a snare for snatching victory and triumf and superiority. It is a snare for snatching satsifaction of the want of gain, and of pleasure, and of fame. It is a scissor, with which to cut gold, by the sweat and blood of another.
Why should he, who deals honestly, wish for brilliance?
The brilliant, with clever arts, are satisfied;
The simple have gone, from creation, to Creator.
When Light of Day comes, God, our Mother,
Will take the little babe to Herself, and place hands of the little babe, and feet of the little babe in Her Bosom.

>>16287163
fuck off

>>16303584
All the good old forums have been outsourced to Facebook. I recently bought an old tractor though and found some pretty active forums. It feels like every poster is a 50 years old man (which they very well could be) but they're very helpful.

>>16303645
That's subjective.
I'm in Canada and a fucking big spider here is like 3 cm across.

ABOUT TO HIT THE GYM FRENS
i need to use this site less.
TOO MUCH SHITPOSTING. TOO MUCH GAHHHBAGE.

>>16303810
source on that image

I hate every single poster on this board with a passion.

>>16305702
even the queen of lit?

>>16287163
My friend who is literally chad thundercock has a new GF and she told him that she is jealous of our relationship. It's more like a bromance. She's really nice and kind, and she is also my friend, but in the back of my head I'm worried she will try to ruin our friendship.

>>16305716
give them some space for a while...

i hate christians so fucking much it's unreal
muslims too
i fucking hate overly religious people so fucking much

>>16305700

Nejikemono

>>16306018
thank you!
I love me a little role-reversal

>>16305702
well, yeah

>>16304489
What part?

>>16305716
women are utterly bamboozled by the concept of platonic friendship, entirely unlike the passive aggressive relationship they have with their besties. they ask you: what do you and ____ talk about? what is it you guys actually do? eventually they just accuse you being gay

what does it feel to be loved?

>>16305875
cringe

If you mess with reality a little too much by taking drugs or performing the black arts,Metamonad Guardians(demons) materialize from the fabric of space and give you your deserved punishment(usually rape).

Always be alert while you go reality hiking,stop instantly when you stop things out of ordinary like wacky clocks or inverted physics.

Don't overdo drugs.

>>16287163
this
>>16306772

>friend from college wants to talk with me
>conversations bring on the psychosis delusions
>scared I might say something mad during the conversation
>too scared to talk to friend on phone
Struggling to accept I'm crazy and might come across as such. Easy to appear normal during text conversation since I can think about the response. Might as well give up and if I appear schizophrenic then I appear schizophrenic, can't live in fear of talking to people. I want to be authentic but it's hard when your true self is mad.

>tfw tomorrow I'll have my first lecture on Ancient Greek

The future is coming
The future is near
Whether you like it or not,
It'll be here
Will your past be the present?
Or will you strive ahead?

>>16304333
Not that guy, but it really was an interesting place pre-2007. Nostalgia does play into it too, we were all young, I guess. It felt more like a labyrinth to me. I guess the idea was that it could have been the next medium for philosophy, literature, and the arts to flourish. Instead it's just a regulated extension of real life, another medium to shove advertisements into.

>>16307130
you getting any help anon?

Do you know some book like this?
I've been reading Shalvation's translation of Dungeon Defense and damn, it's good. Do you know some other book with a cunning, manipulative character's POV? Don't mind genre.

>>16307498
Yeah. Regret writing that out now. I'm not actually that psychotic atm just socially anxious.

>>16307569
glad to hear it. don't worry, this thread is for screaming into the void.

how the fuck do I motivate myself to study when I'd rather just die

>>16307759
soundds like castlevanyia

>>16307800
it is a bit like castlevania, yea
>>16307784
why do you want to die anon?

>>16307814
cuz I don't want to study and I don't want to work, but I'm forced to do one or the other

>>16307827
you should take the rest of the day off and do something you enjoy

i bought a worry eater recently and i love my worry eater. i sleep with it every night.

>>16307854
that's what I've done for a week now

Girl I've been seeing has gotten fat, just fat enough o where she's not attractive to me. I was wondering what it was, then I finally realized it. I have to leave her in like a week or so anyway so there's nothing more that can be said, but I'm debating whether to tell her for her own good that she didn't deserve neglect from me, she just happened to step on my very finicky boundaries for what I find is attractive. lol.

>>16307877
shit. well what are you studying then? I mean surely some reading can be somewhat interesting? I'm studying polisci and reading articles about beaurocratic institutions and I think it's kind of fun.

I spent most of the day fantasising about what my perfect life would be.

>>16307893
I was just trying to air my general malaise and sense of despondency. We're still early in the semester and I feel like I know the material better than the others, but still, if I don't eventually get my shit together this might be the second time I fail out of college and if that happens I just won't know what I'd do with myself. In theory it's all interesting, and I'm very glad to not be a wage slave anymore, but I didn't choose this path because I'm interested in the college life or even having a formal education. I'm here because it's what's expected of someone like me, and because I get to postpone having to be a wage slave for the rest of my days. I don't feel like I have any agency, it's like being back in high school, but I could coast through that shit in a way I can't now.

>>16307928
make sure you're smart about your money, maybe you can figure out what move to make later

>>16305544
Alright, I'd say it was about the size of my palm from leg to leg.

>>16307946
money is the last thing I have to worry about, parents are well off and I've hoarded quite a bit myself. In theory I could take the next few years off and just travel or something, but I don't want to do that either.

>>16307956
well what, if anything, do you think is worth doing at all?

>>16307995
can't think of anything besides chilling

>>16308009
you need to believe in an afterlife anon. your life would have meaning.

>>16308039
I'm sure it would. I'd be fine with wasting this life because eternity awaits.

>>16287163
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y07xArvIvjw&ab_channel=TheCraneWives-Topic

>>16308087
Comfy music. Wish time could've stopped in 2015.

>>16307784
study something that actually interests you so you dont need to "motivate yourself"

>>16308527
even with things that interest you you need self discipline, and sometimes nothing in life seems interest you

i dont know what to do with my life. i know that i should move out of parents place but what then.

Having a small dick sucks. I don't like things that suck.

California is a failed state. I can't wait to get out of this burning shithole. I see videos of people in other parts of their lives normally while here I am, shuttered in my apartment for the nth month of lockdown, breathing in toxic air. Fuck this dump

>>16308677
>I don't like things that suck.
not even... women?

eeeyooooo!

Alternatively, you can write what's on your mind in this other thread that is much cooler than this one

>>16308837
>>16308837
>>16308837

I feel uncomfortable studying with kids 3-4 years younger than me. I can't identify with them.

>>16309174
Do you want to elaborate on that? I'm a similar situation

>>16308677
i feel you, but dont dwell on it too much, itll only harm you
>>16308665
make money and build a comfy house and library and get a good partner to do stuff with

>>16309216
Took a break from college

>>16287163
I've finally confirmed beyond doubt that my friends actually enjoy my company and aren't just hanging out with me out of pity.

I feel terrible, because I don't actually like them and am just hanging out with them for status.

>>16309303
Ok, but I was asking about the fact that you can't identify with them

This one time in college I met a vet who had toured Iraq. I gleefully, giddily asked her if she had PTSD. The look on her face confirmed that she had. I think about that a lot these days. Just the absolutely spoiled, sheltered little shit I was. I think my life was so boring and she was interesting so I stuck my finger in a wound to see what would happen.

I have been extremely tired for the last 2 weeks or so, I wonder what this is, maybe some sort of burnout or depression or something, really sucks. My brain is not really working either, I read the simplest things and I don't understand them. This is not only true for philosophy and so on, which is only a hobby for me, but even for my actual job which is CS and which I should be at least decent at. I feel like a brainlet and it makes me feel extremely worthless, I am afraid this state will not end soon.

Just wrote this after reading my old poems from a year ago while at the bar
Im done with big words and linguistic melody
Give it to me raw, give it to me straight.
I want life unfiltered and unassuming.
I want life as it comes.
No more lies, no more games.
Just give it to me raw, give it to me straight.

One of the protest streams from Seattle just went blurry. Did something violent happen up there?

>>16309573
>female veteran
>seeing action
lmao

>>16307952
good lord

>>16307920
What would your perfect life be like, Anon?

>>16287163
Drab day today. I made some money from my business which is nice, ate some food with a friend of mine. It's a holiday so the streets were more empty, added along with the COVID 19 restrictions it felt uneasy. Listening to some normie tier classical, I guess its ok, it's just that creeping consistent unfulfillment from school is creeping back in. I guess i'll keep moving.

>>16308686
Heheh, i'll sip to that anon.

I was about to loose my virginity A month ago but didn’t get hard. I’m left with a feeling of anxiety/frustration. How do I get past this feeling? I’m unsure if the reason I didn’t get hard is because I just didn’t find the girl attractive or I have some porn induced ED. But I hadn’t watched porn or masturbated for 2 months.

I feel myself having sparks of rage when I see or read something dumb online. Like when I see the protestors trying to blind people with lasers. At the same time I also have the urge to kill myself. I keep trying to come up with projects to do around the house because whenever I have a moment of rest, I get these thoughts. If I'm working, either at my job or on a project at home, they mostly stay away. But at the same time, I have this paralysis where I can't get motivated to take on a new project easily, even though I have a list of them to do in my head. I vacillate between wanting to occupy myself and seeing the futility of it all.

>>16310157
see a sexologist

>>16310157
First time can be stressing, making hard to get a hard on. Maybe you need to be more comfortable around the girl.

>>16310157
Do you get morning wood? If you wake up with a boner that proves it isn't physiological.

How lovely a guardian angel must feel in his knowledge that his purpose is to help a struggling soul! I wish I could have such a noble and unadultered purpose clearly before my eyes.

With university closed, which was my only social interaction (besides family, but it's not the same) I been feeling empty/lonely.

Since the quarantine I been trying to improve myself. Brushing up on some math/physics topics, some computer related stuff like shell script, LaTeX and C++. Been reading a lot more, I am 1/3 through Crime anf Punishment. Started to learn french using the FSI books, I am really enjoying that.

But, sometimes I feel that I am just trying to cover a hole. Like all that activities are some kind of escapism.

I think I'm finally over something that I know I should have been for a long time. A consistent reminder on social media (ugh) of something that once represented hope and comfort. The only loose end never really tied up neatly. I'll still remember fondly, but now it becomes pure memory-- something past that can never be regained. Not every end is satisfying,

>>16287163
just coomed twice yesterday. I feel like shit and I lost my streak in reading as well.

>>16310157
Probably just nerves. Try not to stress out about it too much

>>16310375
I don’t think I do get morning wood often
>>16310372
Yea I didn’t fell comfortable. I had recently met her and she came onto me very hard and it was clear she wanted to fuck. I was like ok this is my chance even tho I wasn’t super attracted to her nor did I know her. It was all very rushed

All I've wanted for a long time is to come up with a /lit/ post that tops "Bugs.... easy on the carrots". I want to write a pithy line so witty I can bask in the afterglow of (yous) and screencaps with a smirk on my face knowing it was me who came up with the best post ever. I've tried so hard at times - composed greentexts, written whole paragraphs planned out ahead of time. I also tried the opposite approach - many, many impromptu curt remarks. I've gotten a few (yous) before. Sometimes "kek" sometimes "autism", but what I seek eludes me. "Bugs... easy on the carrots". It haunts me, the perfect insurmountability of it. Always out of my reach. Topping it? I've stopped trying. I'm starting to think it can't be done.

>>16310762
I noble endeavor. You have my blessing anon

>>16287163
I feel happy

>>16310439
Yes. For me its because my music career is basically a non-existent pile of missing airplanes. I'd love to study DSP and math generally without the constant barking to make a new song or copy some new trend so I can get popular and fuck off. Pursuing these interests feels rewarding but after some time I get the gnaw to go back to my only viable avenue for future revenue and the only way I've ever built relationships with people.

>>16287163
I just wish I could do anything but see through a glass darkly. I'm stressed and anxious about not having a girlfriend. My friends would describe me as a personable, popular guy, but I think that only makes it worse for me personally. I can see the Divine Providence at work in my life - I see firsthand how most aspects of my life have turned out better than my wildest dreams, if only I were patient and leaned not on my own understanding. But I can't help but still feel as if, when it comes to love, I've somehow taken a wrong turn somewhere and am missing out. And this dichotomy kills me to no end.

>>16310762
The funniest thing about bugs is how quickly a bizarre shitpost on /lit/ of all places morphed into a mainstream meme for tiktok kids. If you look at the knowyourmeme page for "Big Chungus" the first image is a screenshot of a /lit/ effortpost about Nick Land, but by the time your reach the bottom it's all Fortnite screenshots, images from the US Army's PR instagram, and an interview with some redditor who claims to have invented the joke.
It's like seeing the butterfly effect play out in real time - one anon attaches the wrong reaction image to his post, and all of a sudden hundreds of children have a new in-joke to annoy their parents with. One of the risks (or benefits) of posting on this website is that there's always a chance someone will take what you say and turn it into a world-wide fad. I've seen it happen multiple times, and it never gets any less bizarre.

im scared of crime and criminals
love and peace for everyone everywhere

>>16310118
Yeh it kept me up almost all night because I thought it would try and crawl down my throat or summat. I gave up trying to sleep at around three in the morning and watched Once Upon a Time in the West instead, even though I think he'd left at that point.

>>16305167
enjoy getting gangraped and then dont mind it because it was right

>>16305167
so if a child is murdered it was okay because the person who killed it was stronger?

>>16308546
not really, if you are driven by something discipline should follow, and when nothing seems to interest you then how would you be able to discipline yourself anyways

>>16310172
very relatable anon, same here. except i rarely work on anything, but i would want to.

I'm sorry but if hearing my 80 IQ aunt talk about her favourite Bugs Bunny cartoons sounds like a good time to you then you must be retarded. I hope you see me mocking your brother. I think it's funny that he's dead and sucking dick in Hell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipum8G_2fdE

What was his first name? I want to pay it a visit and draw swastikas on it. Kek

can we create a new thread pls

>>16309174
The average /lit/ poster is 23 years old.
What are you doing here?

>>16310762
based

>>16311142
>even though I think he'd left at that point
that's exactly the kind of thing a giant, horrifying spider hell bent on entering your throat would want you to believe, lull you in a false sense of calm.

>>16312489
why?

Female anus too close to the vagina

Hi,

I've been with a few women in my life and one thing I've noticed is that the female anus is incredibly close to the vagina, in fact they're barely an inch apart.

I'm not sure about other guys - but doesn't this disturb you? It feels like a design flaw in women actually -- like they're supposed to be so feminine and beautiful yet this ghastly little oversight is ruining everything.

Somehow it feels to me that women should be more aware of this flaw and it should affect their confidence. Whenever I see a so-called beautiful woman walking down the street so care-free thinking she's all that I just remember her anus is only 1 inch away from her pussy and laugh her into oblivion.

Women: Please accept that they're too close together, let it negatively affect your confidence and so make yourselves more readily available sexually as a result. After all, we're having to sleep with a creature whose ANUS is only 1 inch away from the vagina --- you should not make this difficult. It's unappetizing enough as it is. We're doing you a favour.

Men: Do not let women forget this flaw, and do not forgive them for it. Remind them of it constantly less they get inflated egos and think they're all that

They're just too close together, sorry, but its true.

>>16312868
Post this on /adv/

>>16312868
this is one of my favorite copypastas

watched the tiktok suicide
thought I was immune, and it isn't bad, but I'm jittery now. it's not worse than a saw movie, but still. weird. kinda don't like it.

Everyone just talks about stuff. "Things" are basically entity, action or quality. In the realm of physical entities, there are astronomical, macroscopic, and microscopic. There is also organism, animals and humans. In the realm of humans there is material goods, technology and art. That's the gist of it all.
The canvas is rather plain, but there is so much story telling to be had. Life has drama. It creates struggles and victory. Pain and pleasures. Creation and destruction. Harmony and dissonance. Chaos, Order and Balance.
Well, you could just sit there in mindfulness all day, but the real world always comes knocking on your door.

>>16313511
link me

>>16313781
it's on /b/
just search tiktok in the catalog