/lit/ - Literature

>>16214810
>>>/r9k/

>>16214810
>asks how to know the unknowable
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

I never understood how someone could walk this path.
I’m not being condescending, I’m genuinely curious and intrigued.
I knows there’s standard excuses, looks weight, Etc. But why, for you specifically? Brutal honesty, please. Even if it’s as mundane as lack of self esteem. I’m genuinely curious

>>16217082
not him but autism and anxiety
simple as
even had girls into me but was too spergy to act on it

>>16214810
what about the opposite? i've had one gf who loved me a lot but I could never love her. in fact, i'm not sure i've ever loved anyone, even my parents

>>16214810
yeah that takes two ppl and it's cringy until you're halfway into it. I'm just having surrogate kids

>>16217082
Ugliness, autism, and all around subhuman genetics.

>>16214810
Yes, but another necessary step is the loss of love and intimacy (not entirely but in a romantic sense). Joyce's writings are a lot better once you've lost something important.

>>16217082
There's something wrong with my personality that I haven't pinned down. I have friends, and I've had many women, and I don't have a huge problem getting dates. But I have enormous trouble keeping a girl around past the 8-12 date mark. They just never fall for me, and then it ends. I've had a couple gfs but for the amount of women I've been on dates with it's miniscule.

>>16217082
I've been completely alone all through high school and college and I can't picture myself ever making a friend let alone experiencing a romantic relationship.
When you've never had friends you never learn how to make them ... pretty simple. Also over time to cope you justify your solitude as a chosen way of life, even though it's really cause you know no other.

>>16217082
I’ve never desired it or really even seen the point of it. I have plenty to do on my own and I try to get involved with people as little as possible, especially romantically. Perhaps it will change sometime, but as of now it simply means less than nothing to me. I’ve actually had to friend zone two girls who were into me.

>>16217082
Perhaps bad luck and lack of opportunities. I spend my time working on solitary pursuits and feel completely satisfied for the most part. I enjoy talking and hanging out with people but only for a short time and for some people only in highly chaotic environments like parties. To be honest I've only ever wanted and have been for short bouts romantically involved for the pleasure. I certainly haven't met anyone who is content with my want to spend so much time alone and simultaneously doesn't bore me after spending enough time.

>>16217082
abandoned by mother during formative years. constant fear of rejection.

I had a fiance who I deeply loved and told me would be with me no matter what that left me when I was arrested for getting into a fight. She told me over the phone and told the jail that I would try to kill myself. So I was denied even the solace of talking to someone because I was stuck in a room naked on suicide watch. Something inside me died and I havent been able to love someone or even be intimate with a woman the same way ever since

>>16214810
Go back, please go back, go back right now and don't come back.

>>16214810
>Has anyone else here never experienced romantic intimacy and affection?
No, never. I feel stuck in an eternal adolescence.

>>16214810
I've had sex but I still don't feel like I've experienced true love and intimacy in my life. They aren't the same thing, however much incels have convinced themselves otherwise.

Holy shit can you guys please go to /r9k/

>>16218778
Gonna cry?

>>16214810
All romantic love is but a shadow compared to the eternal love of our lord Jesus Christ. Open your heart OP.

>>16217082

Sometimes it can be a defect that you don't know about. I've been masturbating prone on a daily basis since age 5 and I have no desire to change. I've tried using my hand a few times in life (more akin to the actual sexual experience) but I honestly hate it the few times I've tried it and again, I don't want to change.

>>16217082
Child abuse.

Women honestly don't accept inexperience at an older age and just write you off so you can't get past it as well but normally when I point this out it's hurr durr incel. They think men have it as easy as them.

>>16217082
I do not feel worthy of anybody.

>>16214810
Romantic intimacy is a meme anon.

I was celibate (not actually incel, didn't bother me) despite being above-average looking and having my shit together in general until I was 25 years old. I was just awkward around women and had many hobbies I was content with.

Then I met my current GF/Fiancee and fell in love. Fast forward 10 years and while she's theoretically great and I truly love her I'm miserable because I enjoy being alone more and she wants to marry have kids etc.

It's just breaking my heart and her's in the process.

Don't fall for the meme OP. There's nothing wrong with living your life alone if you don't feel the need for connection.

>>16217082
Couldn't figure it out. Highschool gf dumped me for being too anxious about public intimacy. We had been friends for years. Every time I saw her at school after that she had her tongue down some dude's throat. Got laid a few times in uni on account of being physically attractive, but after the glow wears off it all still felt pretty empty and none of the women had attractive personalities beyond a seemingly irrational thirst for my cock. I am content to just forego women, they're too bitchy and don't make sense. I can't be bothered trying to trust one again.
That said, not a kissless handholdless virgin, but I walk the same path.

>>16217082
Parents didn't arrange a marriage. I don't see any other way I could possibly experience intimacy and love.

>>16214810
>In one sense I am quite content and feel it is natural for me to be without romantic intimacy

>I fear that it is weakness, cowardice, laziness or some other negative trait which is simply preventing me from experiencing something most people experience

Op, if you don't feel any compulsion to experience a certain thing, then it's not something you should feel bad about. Despite what 4chan might tell you, things like Asexuality and aromanticism is a thing. You shouldn't feel bad about that. If you don't feel a drive, why should you worry about it?

Why is it important to you to adhere to a "normal" mould?

>>16220752
What if you do yearn for romantic intimacy, but can't force yourself to make any actions to actually experience it?

What if you dwell behind a rather cold facade of contented isolation and self-sufficiency but yearn more than anything to love someone and be loved by them, to experience love between you, and to look after one another, encourage one another, and so on?

>>16220771
Then we'd be having a different conversation.

>>16214810
If it makes you feel any better, all the people who give and receive love will all die.

>>16220771
>What if you do yearn for romantic intimacy, but can't force yourself to make any actions to actually experience it?
Then that means that you suffer from a mental issue that is more powerful than your desire for romantic intimacy (which is completely normal). Before you focus on the external, you have to focus on the internal. There are a million reasons for it, and since I don't know you, I can't give you any decent explanations, or solutions.

I can only say that personally, I also yearn, but "yearning" is different from "need". It's easy to yearn for something, when everyone around you talks about it, but that isn't the same as "needing" something.

Have you ever talked to a therapist? Have you ever sat down and considered your feelings? Going off of your posts, I don't get the feeling that you're particularly desperate, but that you feel like you should be desperate. Am I wrong?

Don't worry about it, at the very least, and explore your feelings.

>>16219431
>Women honestly don't accept inexperience at an older age and just write you off so you can't get past it as well but normally when I point this out it's hurr durr incel.
You should get a hooker every second week and learn from them, over time you will be able to fuck regular chicks well and you can lie about your inexperience.
Also spot on analysis brother.

>>16220814
Good post, thank you friend.

>>16220771
You sound like you have Avoidant Personality Disorder (I do as well)

>>16220832
no prob. I hope it helped.

>>16214810
I haven't really experienced much romantic intimacy or affection but I got a little taste of it. I've cuddled, held hands, kissed and almost had sex (it always turned bad during this part) but nonetheless it was an amazing feeling. what I noticed though is not that I wanted to feel loved, but to give love. I wanted to care for someone, not be cared for.
I sometimes have these weird dreams which start with me meeting a woman who wants to have sex with me, but for some reason throughout the dream this woman turns to my daugther. not in an incestuous way, I mean an ACTUAL father daughter relationship. it's crazy how much love I feel during and after such a dream

maybe I just wasn't made for relationships. maybe I should seek psychotherapy

>>16220902
It seems to me that you're more interested in emotional intimacy, and not sexual intimacy. There are a lot more variations of "love" than we generally get taught.

Psychotherapy is probably a good idea (it's always a good idea, regardless) but it's not something you should be ashamed of.

>>16214810
your fundamental OP question is not literature related
go back

You'll never know. It's like most of us will never travel in space. What you can't have is irrelevant to you. The wants of the monkey mind are stupid ones anyway.

>>16217082
my main causes for this would be, if i think about it:
>focus on inner world and personal interests instead of people and outer reality
>physically unkempt, unfashionable and unattractive as a result of external negligence
>lack of social graces as a result of said focus on inner world

>>16220966
So...are you going to cry?

>>16220921
you might be right, but I'm scared that this will be just an issue for me. I'm scared that I won't be able to find a partner exactly for this reason, especially in current times where it seems like everyone is hypersexual.

before I get psychotherapy I might get my libido and testosterone levels checked, since those issues seem very closely connected to my "manhood"

>>16220818
Yeah, i've thought about hiring one, finding a woman who specializes in that sort of thing and then hiring a few different ones. We'll see.

At least you seem to know that women find inexperience highly unappealing after like 21.

>>16218149
you are probably just boring them. though, it is odd that you can't tell you are boring them. do you notice a change in your relationship with women the longer it goes on? does it seem more exciting at first?